Slay, Monstrobot of the Deep!!

We Interrupt This Broadcast

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:42:00 +0000

No post today--

Too busy playing!!

In Which snell Gets Ridiculously Hyper-Nitpicky About A Comic Book Depiction Of A Baseball Game

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:04:00 +0000

Let's get this out of the way up front--I loved Strange #1, it was great execution of a great story, a fine set-up for what looks to be an awesome mini-series (and nothing against Doctor Voodoo, but I would much rather see a Stephen Strange ongoing than a Jericho Drumm ongoing).

But, man, do I get anal at poor depictions of baseball in media. Seriously, nothing raises my blood pressure faster than seeing every goddamn baseball move of the past 20 years incorrectly use the "hidden ball trick"--the way they show it is illegal, and would award the runner a free base!! And don't get me started on Anthony Perkins portraying a major leaguer....shudder...

So I'm about to get hyper-nitpicky here, because I loves me my baseball...so if you really don't care, you might want to skip to the next post. Sorry.

Because, as much as I loved the Emma Rios art in this issue--and I did indeed love it--there's little evidence that she or anyone else involved in the production of the art has actually seen a baseball diamond, let alone an actual baseball game.

By the way, let me mention that not only did this issue feature Rios as "artist," it had Christina Strain as "color artist," Irene Y. Lee as "production," and Alan Fine as "executive producer." (What, is Marvel becoming like Fringe??!?) Along with an associate editor (Lauren Sankovitch) and an editor (Tom Brevoort), enough people were in charge that somebody should have been more on top of this...

And, yes, since demon-cast illusions are part of the story, you could argue that the following problems are actually supposed to be there. But then again, since these illusions are supposed to make it look like an actual baseball game, and none of the thousands of fans in attendance noticed anything askew, that answer doesn't hold any water for hyper-picky baseball lovin' snell.

Exhibit the first:

The Larks' field. Mostly a good portrayal, except for

A) Where, exactly, does the runner on first base think he's going?? Why is he standing a kajillion feet out of the basepath? Apparently the shortest route between two bases isn't a straight line...Plus, it's a surefire recipe for getting picked off.

B) What, exactly, are those white things at the edge of the infield grass?? Slip 'N' Slides? Some kind of odd basepath markers? I've never seen anything like them on any baseball diamond anywhere...

I show you this next picture because everything is (pretty much) right in it...

...and as a contrast to the very next panel:

Exhibit the second.

This is one panel later...our perspective hasn't shifted much...but suddenly we have chalk lines all over the danged place??

A) What the hell is this line? It seems to be running parallel to the line between first base and second, but across the outfield. WTF?? Is it the right field foul line, just horribly out of position? It wasn't there in either of our other two views of the field...

B) There's a line between first and second? Granted, in the days of crappy astroturf fields, they sometimes had one on the "grass" to illustrate the "basepath." But this ain't no astroturf field, and it wasn't there in the other shots. Still, at least this time, the baserunner is actually on the basepath...

C) Well, technically, there's nothing wrong with this line...(although you'll notice in the second picture, there it was a double line, which is inaccuurate...). But I just wanted to note that, based on the perspectives in this drawing, the distance between second base and third base is about 12 feet, and the baseball "diamond" portrayed is more of a rectangular, football field shaped affair.

I know, I know, like I said, hyper nit-picky. But that's all in just the first two pages of the story!! And with artists and producers and executive producers and associate editors and editors, you'd think somebody at some point might have actually looked to see what an actually baseball diamond actually looks like. I'm just sayin'...

(And no, Mark Waid doesn't get off the hook completely...the manager "not coming out of his office for the game" is unprecedented, and surely would not have gone unnoticed by the team, fans, press, etc. And if this demon team is so all-powerful, so Bugs Bunny funny-pitch making, so successfully cheating, why are they up by only 1 run in the bottom of the ninth, with the tying run on third? Really, with all the spells and demon-stuff, they're no better than a normal human team?!?!?!)

Again, let me assure you, I'm being ridiculously hyper-nitpicky. And I really did love the story a lot. Best part:

Someone calling Stephen Strange an asshat. Never thought I'd see that...

Friday Night Fights--Freelance Style!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:28:00 +0000

If you're going to break into a guy's luxury condo in his very first issue...

...you might want to spend less time warning your flunkies not to get cocky...

...and spend a little more time preparing to get your face caved in...

(Please, please, please click on the image to embiggen it to full double-page spread ultra-violence format!)

Spacebooger says: next time, use the doorbell!!

Mike Grell, Mike Grell and Mike Grell brings you his face-kicking children's author/freelance mercenary in Jon Sable, Freelance #1 (1983), wherein Ronald Reagan hires Sable to protect him from a hired assassin, and in payment allows Sable to sneak into CIA headquarters and erase all the files that prove Sable is the author of a series of children's books about leprechauns who live in Central Park. Seriously.

The Rising And Advancing Of A van

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:01:00 +0000

OK, I know this is already all over the infraweb.

But given the origin and well-known obsessions of Slay Monstrobot, I could hardly let this pass by unnoticed.

Maxim has a new article on-line, 12 Superheroes Who Should Be On '70s Vans.

And the best one, is, clearly:

Master of Van Fu.

But seriously, Maxim...5th?? As if...

Oh, Mark Waid, How You've Let Us Down

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:39:00 +0000

Actually, that should be "Oh, Mark Waid and Landry Walker, how you've let us down." But, there's only so much room in a post headline, and Mark Waid is the more famous one, so, there you go.

You may recall, a couple of months ago I was raving about how freakin' cool the character of Cap'n Mummy was in Incredibles #0. You may also recall that I was astonished by the appearance of this fellow:

No name, no powers, just hangin' in the background of the Confederacy Of Crime.

Well, this week, in Incredibles #2, he's back...and this time, Waid and Walker give him a name:

What??

Oh, no, indeed. What a bitter disappointment. Centsus? Really? Is that the best you can come up with??

Because A) Centsus isn't even a particularly good pun, and B) is in no way particularly evil or frightening or threatening or cool or a good villain name in any sense of the word. Because who's scared of the census?

Especially in comparison to a bitchin' name like Tronasaurus. Sigh...

I mean, you could have called him Bad Penny ("He always turns up!!"). You could have called him Coppertop, or Copperhead. You could have called him Dishonest Abe. He could be a commie, and you could call him Red Cent.

But Centsus?? Man, that's beyond lame.

So, Mr. Waid and Mr. Walker, I refuse to refer to him by that name. Until you come up with a more fitting moniker for our copper-plated Lincoln-headed villain, I'm just going to always refer to him as "Evil Penny Guy." Because I'm embarrassed to tell my friends about this rad new character called...Centsus.

Fix this. Thank you.

Say Cheese!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:29:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago we were discussing how Gary Frank simply cannot draw the human face smiling. I generally like his artwork, but it can be downright painful to watch him draw someone not in pain.

Well, it turns out that it's not just that he's required to draw Superman with Christopher Reeve's head that causes this quirk in his art. Let's travel back to Avengers #61, because even in 2003, Frank's smiles were deadly.

Because when the Vision says something nice to the Scarlet Witch...

...you had better brace yourself.

AAAIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!

Good lord, that rictus of agony is supposed to depict happiness?!?

Why hasn't Gary Frank ever drawn a Batman/Joker story? His Joker venom victims would be the best ever...

A Promise Or A Threat?

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:57:00 +0000

During his recent Twitterfest, Bendis declared that the post-Siege Avengers and their lineup will see "the biggest change in over a decade."

Really?

Obviously, the limitations of Twitter sometimes make precision of statements difficult, and doubtless there's some amount of hyperbole involved here. So we shouldn't be too picky in evaluating Bendis' declaration.

But the biggest change in over a decade??

Marvel has said that the Big Three (Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America) will be together during the Siege, and has been dropping many hints that they will stay together in whatever the post-Siege incarnation of the Avengers might be.

Well, that would hardly be the "biggest change in over a decade", since the three were together as Avengers as recently in 2003. So bringing them back together wouldn't really be the biggest change in a decade...unless they're all coming back in drag or something.

Let's see, what else has happened in the last decade?

The United Nations put the Avengers in charge of the entire world...

One of their own members went crazy and killed several Avengers (although some of those got better), and the entire team dissolved...

Three separate and competing teams of Avengers formed, including one formed entirely of villains...and that's not even discussing the Young Avengers, or the Initiative...

One of the Avengers (who was on two different teams!!) turned out to be the Skrull Queen...

Many, many (MANY!!) "non-traditional" Avengers have joined the teams, including Spider-Man, Wolverine, Luke Cage, Doctor Strange, Iron Fist, Spider-Woman, the Sentry, Ronin...(not to mention Bullseye, Venom, Norman Osborn, etc from the Dork Avengers)...

So what, exactly, could be done to result in "the biggest change in over a decade?"

A restoration of the Big Three wouldn't come anywhere near that, either in terms of "over a decade" or "biggest change." And given the eclectic mix of characters Bendis has brought in over the last 4 years, it's hard to think whom could be brought on that would justify the "biggest change" description. He'd have to work pretty hard to come up with an odder line-up than this one, anyway.

Maybe he's reviving the West Coast Avengers??

Anyway, you're on the clock now, Bendis--you've made one hell of a big promise, and set the bar pretty high for yourself. Here at Slay Monstrobot we'll be watching to make sure you really do give us the biggest change in a decade. So this had better be bigger than the Avengers becoming the de facto world government and a sovereign entity, bigger than the dissolution of the entire team, bigger than the death of several long-time Avengers, bigger than one of the team being an alien traitor, and bigger than filling 2 of the 3 teams with people who have never been Avengers before.

Good luck...

Golden Age idol--Rang A Tang The Wonder Dog

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:51:00 +0000

I'll just put this as simply as I can:

YOU DO NOT @#$% WITH RANG A TANG THE WONDER DOG!!

That is all.

From Blue Ribbon Comics #3 (1940), by Will Harr and Jack Binder.

Manic Monday Bonus--Best Movie Poster EVER

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:48:00 +0000

Well, maybe not EVER, but still pretty good. And a pretty funny movie, to boot.

What is it with me and animal movies today??

Manic Monday--I'd Pay To See That

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:43:00 +0000

Coming soon to a theater near you:

I know what you're saying...but remember, the even-numbered ones are the good ones in the "Smell That Pig" series...

Still, with that cloud, I wonder if the pig is related to Bob Phantom...

Poster from last week's Batman: The Brave And The Bold episode, "Inside The Outsiders."

Golden Age Idol--Bob Phantom!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:23:00 +0000

As we continue our quest to find Golden Age characters who need to be revived, sometimes we here at Slay Monstrobot stumble across a gold mine, so to speak. Some characters were so mysterious, so unexplained, such a blank slate that they are begging for a revival.

Whom am I rambling about this time??

Of course, I refer to Bob Phantom, Scourge Of The Underworld.

Who?

So who, exactly, is this "Bob Phantom?" Why the odd name? What is his origin? What powers does he have? What's the story with that goofy costume??

That's the beauty part, we just don't know.

Bob Phantom first appeared in MLJ's Blue Ribbon Comics #2 (1939), created by Harry Shorten and Irv Novick(!). He was the first of the costumed "Archie heroes" (or second, depending upon how you count The Wizard, who just wore a tux and a domino mask in his initial appearances).

Now, in 1939, the rules were hardly set in stone...and things like origins, and explanations, and motivation weren't considered mandatory for your mystery men. So when we first meet Bob Phantom, well, we already know as much as we're ever going to.

Apparently (because there's never any explanation) his powers include teleportation, as he just bamfs in front of a truck carrying a guy about to be offed by the mob (said victim literally wearing cement shoes!!)

And Bob Phantom keeps popping up...

...eventually saving the victim...

...and then vanishing.

He confronts the gang, but bullets don't seem to hurt him:

The mob boss decides to hide in a locked room...

...which doesn't really help against a teleporter:

And that is it. We never really get his powers spelled out--not for the entirety of his nearly three year run. Obviously he's an early version of Nightcrawler. But can Bob Phantom do anything else? Sometimes he seems like he can walk through walls...but that's probably just his bamfing. Sometimes he seems super strong...but that could just be the Golden Age at work, where heroes are always much stronger than thugs. He always seems to be aware of what the bad guys plans are, where their hideout is, etc. Telepathy? Lazy writing? He's always followed around by this dense yellow cloud--like Nightcrawler's "brimstone?" Or digestive problems?

We do learn Bob Phantom's secret identity. He's Walt Whitney, who write a gossip column about Broadway for an unnamed newspaper:

Now, maybe it's just me, or maybe it's 1939, but you don't really expect to see a Broadway gossip column passing along crime stories, or mocking the police for not being able to catch crooks:

Anyway, lest you think I'm editing away useful information here, this is literally all we ever know about our hero. We never find out how or why Walt Whitney gets his power(s). We never learn why he chooses the odd name of "Bob Phantom" (as opposed to Joe Phantom, or Ernst Phantom, or Horatio Phantom, or...). We never learn the story of his goofy, hodgepodge costume...which seems mainly designed to constantly display Bob's...uh..."little phantom."

What a complete cipher of a character!!

Mark Waid and Alan Kupperberg did sort of bring back Bob Phantom in DC's Impact line back in the early 1990s: Bob Brooks was a reporter who adopted a fake superhero identity in order to get close to the Comet for an interview:

He had no powers, was a real klutz, and kept getting into trouble and/or capturing low level bad guys by accident.

Now, you might say, that is nothing like the original Bob Phantom, and I would say: you're exactly right. That's the beauty part: Bob was an empty vessel, into which a creative team can pour anything they want. The guy had no origin, no explanation of his power set, nothing. You don't need a retcon to bring him back, because there's nothing to retcon away!!!

So, as DC continues to run out the clock on the "Red Circle" characters before cancellation (what's the over/under? 6 months??), somebody there please revive the original Bob Phantom, and do something with him. Because you can do anything with him!! No limits!! Infinite potential!!

Simon approved:

All panels from Blue Ribbon Comics #2 (1939) or #3 (1940), except the "modern" Bob Phantom from Comet #7 (1992).

Bold Fashion Choices--Hot Scientists!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:35:00 +0000

One important detail from the Ruby-Spears animated Superman series (just out on DVD):

S.T.A.R. Labs scientists wear shorter mini-skirts than Lois Lane.

I'm just sayin'...

From the 1988 episode "Fugitive From Space," written by Martin Pasko(!).

Friday Night Fights--Cold War Style!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:59:00 +0000

Ah, detente was a beautiful era, was it not, comrades?

Still, as capitalist bourgeoisie puppet Spacebooger has declared that we must distract the opiated masses with decadent displays of violence, presenting to you I must be a most glorious battle against the forces of running dog oppression.

Brave Soviet warrior Titanium Man was attempting to regain favor with the people's high council in Moscow by decimating the capitalist Mecca of New York City. But the puppet dupe of warmonger Tony Stark, Iron Man, vainly attempted to prevent this most audacious of plans.

My friends, while this may not be technically a kick, only a true opponent of the proletariat revolution could deny that the noble Titanium Man's action consisted of "Feet Of Fury." (And certainly, any who still denied that might face an investigation into their loyalty from our protectors, the KGB...think carefully before you vote, comrades)

And while some may claim the glorious Soviet Union is unable to provide for the needs of its people, does not the fact that the Politburo has authorized a bonus panel for the masses disprove this propagandistic calumny? Observe the fate of the tool of the "free market" for daring to oppose dialectic materialism:

Ho, ho, ho...is good, no?

David Michelinie, Jerry Bingham and Bob Layton threw off the chains of their capitalist oppressors in Iron Man #135 (1980).

You've Come A Long Way, Baby?!?

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:31:00 +0000

Reading Silver Age Supergirl can tell you a lot about the era.

I know it's only a comic story...but sometimes these things can provides us a snapshot of the state of society (or, more accurately, the views of middle class white collar white males on the state of society...).

It's mid-1970, and Linda Danvers is taking an obviously important class at Stanhope College:

You've got to wonder--what kind of class is this, exactly? Computer science? Sociology? Basket weaving? I'm paying how much per credit hour to take silly Entertainment Weekly polls?

You've also got to wonder how many students are in the class, that you need a computer to tally the results?

Anyway, the results of the tally are:

Interesting...given the DC universe, you'd figure at least one other superhero would have gotten some support (if Geoff Johns were in the class, you know Green Lantern would have gotten his vote as the person he'd most want to be like). And Jimmy Olsen? Seriously? Some college males seriously wanted to be like Jimmy Olsen?!?

After several more panels of silently complaining to herself about why the ladies didn't get to vote--and running a ridiculous interplanetary errand for Professor Hanson--Supergirl learns a very important lesson:

The lesson: don't question men folk about perceived sexism, because you're just being foolish!! Men are really looking out for you, even if they don't seem to be!!

So, again using a computer roughly the size of an entire room to calculate a popularity contest...

Now this is an interesting list, especially as compared to the mens list. First of all, whereas the men didn't choose any fictional characters to admire, the top two choices for the females are fictional. And three actresses? Does this indicate a dearth of role models for women, or does Bob Kanigher think ladies are just too frivolous to pick real people?

Plus, Juliet? Did you ladies actually read the play? Because that didn't work out to well...

Still, the ladies chose a civil rights figure, whereas the men kind of ignore Martin Luther King. On the flip side, though, you'd have to think that a lecture hall full of 1970 college age women would have at least a few who might pick Gloria Steinem, or Susan B. Anthony. But nope, apparently Scarlett O'Hara represents all the female empowerment Stanhope girls care about...

Now, I've really got to pick on artist Win Mortimer here. The result of the ladies vote is represented on the splash page of this story (please click to embiggen):

Really, Win? Is that the best you can do? Let's blow this up a little...

Come on, now...does that look even vaguely like Sophia Loren? That's Barbra Streisand?? Win, have you ever even seen Greta Garbo?? Geez, I know it's just a little splash page of a silly comic book story, but could you have at least put a little effort into your "likenesses"??

Back to our plot. Poor Supergirl finished ninth in our poll. Which really isn't too bad, when you consider that she's competing against every single woman ever, living and dead, real and fictional. So what's Kara's response to not winning?

That's right, she cries.

Not only does the Maid Of Might tear up at not being the most popular...she goes on an all night crying jag, and decides that this means she should give up being Supergirl!!

Yup, that's right...8 people are more popular than you, so stop being a hero!! It's not about helping people and doing right, but being the most well-liked by everyone!!

Sigh.

After a pointless series of super-stunts to help out classmates, Kara found out that most of her classmates actually had voted for her...and discovers that, while on her interplanetary mission, she had gotten a bunch of "mysterious metallic dust" in her hair on Pluto, and that had somehow upset the computer's "delicate circuits." So, set gets Professor Hanson to re-run the test (and waste yet another day class...Stanhope is clearly not a "grind" school...). And:

Hurray!! But get ready...this part is going to blow your minds:

Really.

Uhhh...Professor...you realize that computers don't work that way? And your little "acrostic" only works if you use "F. Nightingale" instead of "Florence Nightingale?" And only if she's the only one you abbreviate?? Seriously, Kanigher, how long did you spend working on this little puzzle to make it come out right, how many hours to find the womens names that would exactly fit your cunning acrostic??

And Supergirl's reaction to finally having computer confirmation that people like her, right now they like her?

Yup, more tears. Sigh....

So, lessons learned? In 1970, women are more likely to choose fictional characters or actresses as the heroes than men are. Women should never assume that unequal treatment means sexism. Female heroes should only be heroes if they can maintain a sufficient popularity. And female superheroes cry when people like them, and cry when people don't like them (enough). And a girl's sense of self-worth is entirely decided by acclaim from her peers.

Oh, and apparently, if Supergirl won an Oscar, it would go a little something like this:

snell takes yet more from Adventure Comics #395 (1970), the gift that keeps on giving...

A Comic Book About Nouns?!?

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:25:00 +0000

From the pages of Adventure Comics #395 (and presumably a number of their other cover date July 1970 comics), DC promotes a comic book about hockey:

Gretzky?

Seriously, and in hindsight, this is obviously an early promo for Jack Kirby coming to DC and kicking off the Fourth World, which would get underway in just three months in the pages of Jimmy Olsen.

But if you can put yourself in the frame of mind of a DC fan of early 1970, this might be the worst house ad ever!! In the pre-internet, pre-all but the most limited fanzines, pre-Diamond solicitations days, these house ads were the companies only real way (along with letters pages and Bullpen Bulletins) of communicating future plans to the fans.

But this ad? It says just about nothing if you don't already know who the New Gods were. A whole generation of DC fans must have been scratching their heads in puzzlement. Let's break it down:

Great One? Who dat?

Since at the time DC was not in the habit of even printing the creators credits in the comics, this sudden break from from artist anonymity to artist as attraction must have come as a total surprise to DC readers. And maybe DC really had no clue how to pitch it. But since DC house ads at the time were used exclusively to pitch stories, not creators, I'd be willing to bet that a great number of readers must have assumed that "the Great One" was a new character, rather than a comic creator coming over from Marvel.

I can only assume that there was some reason they didn't mention Jack Kirby at all. Perhaps because he was still being published at Marvel for the next couple of months, DC was contractually obligated not to pimp his forthcoming arrival...or perhaps they feared some sort of "poaching" or "tampering" legal difficulties with Marvel if they publicly announced it too early. Hell, maybe he hadn't told Stan yet, and didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Still, you'd think DC could have come up with a better way to tip readers that Kirby was coming on board. I've never heard him referred to as "the Great One" before, although I wasn't around back then, so maybe that was a nickname he was known by. But everyone knew him as "King," so why not that, instead of ~~Gretzky~~ the Great One?

OK, so someone at DC was trying to write like Stan...and failing. Anyway, I've always heard the phrase as "from ON high," not "from high," although there might be regional variations of this one. Unless, of course, marijuana use was responsible for bringing Kirby to DC...But again, why the obscurity?

OK...that's not terribly helpful, is it? We're more than halfway down the full page ad, and don't have the vaguest clue about what it's trying to sell us. Plus, it sounds like a rip-off of the Thunderball movie poster:

Can we please get down to content now?

No, we can't. Still hung up on directions (and sounding a lot like Aliens..."they're everywhere!") Seriously, "all around" me?" That drug use joke is starting to sound more and more real...

Finally, some actual content. But seriously...with everything Kirby had coming for the Fourth World, the Boom Tube is the only thing you mention in the ad? That's it? Gods? Anti-life? Mother Box? Forever People? Mister Miracle?? With all of that, all you see fit to mention is a teleportation device that makes a loud bang??

So, DC's going to publish a comic about nouns?

That's the best you've got?!? Can you get any less specific?? Is this an ad to promote comics, or the final round of $20,000 Pyramid: "People, places, things..." "What are nouns?"

Hmm, that might be true...if only you would tell us what the bloody concept was!!

So, we have an ad that wants to trumpet a famous comic creator coming to National, and the exciting things he's going to do...and yet it doesn't actually tell us that a famous comic creator is coming, and doesn't actually tell us any of the exciting things he is going to do, except it involves "People! Places! Things!" It doesn't tell us what comic book(s) this will be taking place in. It doesn't tell us what characters will be involved.

In fact, unless a fan was really keen on the phrase "Boom Tube," the ad gives her no particular reason to look forward to anything whatsoever. What a terrible ad...which was a bit of foreshadowing of how DC wouldn't have the vaguest clue about how to market Kirby's Fourth World to its readers.

Seriously: "People! Places! Things!" What, DC was going to publish a Grammar Rock comic??

The Fourth Member--We Don't Need No Stinkin' Fourth Member!!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:34:00 +0000

Well, at least they can learn...sort of...from their mistakes.

After nearly a decade of recruiting someone for the Frightful Four who would eventually turn on them...and then doing it again...and yet again...the Wizard has finally figured out an alternate strategy--go without a fourth member!!

Sigh. Aside from the plethora of villains who would line up to join the Frightful Four (see the next Fourth Member entry), aside from the stupidity of of continuing to call yourself the Frightful Four when there are only 3 members, the sad fact is, these mooks couldn't beat the Fantastic Four with four members of their own. So how are they going to fare with only 3?

About as well as you might think.

Ah, but they have sort of a plan. The FF are at a pretty low point right now, as Sue has just announced she's divorcing Reed to marry Namor (SPOILER ALERT--this is actually part of Namor's Melrose Place-like plan--along with launching a massive invasion of the surface world--to convince Sue that she really loves Reed and get them back together. Whatever you say, Gerry Conway). They're physically and emotionally at low ebb, and maybe, just maybe, an ambush might work.

So when the distraught FF return home:

Isn't it about time Reed got some anti-Frightful Four security? How many times are they going to invade the Baxter Building with ease?

And the whole point of Sandman's surprise attack? To trap them in the elevator. Which might be a good plan, if the elevator wasn't full of people who can slither out...

...or rip their way out...

Reed and Sandy have a bit of a slugfest...

...including the cosmic ray-enhanced version of the reach-around:

But once the others arrive, Sandman beats a quick retreat...

...making you wonder what the point of the whole exercise was in the first place. Hey, Wizard, what's up??

Wizard, you're zero for 172 against all heroes. You're "without peer" in strategy all right...

Good question, Sandman. Wizard?

Wizard, Wizard, Wizard...

Anyway, a game of cat and mouse commences throughout the building. First up:

Man, everyone just loooves to remind us about the Paste-Pot Pete name, don't they?

Well, OK, chalk one up for the Frightful Four. Hey, this just might work out!!

Next, the Wizard encounters Medusa and Reed:

Wow...for someone Wizard thought was their "most powerful member," Medusa sure went down easy. Surely, Reed will put up a better fight, right?

One punch? One punch?!?! Man, this divorce business really has Reed off his game. And Wizard--you took two of them down solo?!? Holy crap, they're going to win this time, aren't they?

Not quite yet--Ben and Sandman are going to have a knock-down, drag-out, Kirby-fest:

But before we can get a winner:

OK, I call cheat here. First of all, Thundra never said that back in FF #133, no matter what Roy's editor's note tells us. She left the Frightful Four offscreen!! And the audience never had any hint of any warning to never attack the FF again...so this comes completely out of nowhere.

Secondly, Gerry Conway is ripping off himself & Roy here...back in FF #129, a former member of the Frightful Four turns up out of nowhere to interfere with their attack...and we never get any explanation (at least for several issues) as to why she was even there. And now, a mere 18 months later...a former member of the Frightful Four turns up out of nowhere to interfere with their attack...and we never get any explanation (at least for several issues) as to why she was even there. Re-run much, Gerry?

Plus, now he's made the battle 5 on 3, which throws off the Wizard's genius plan. Ah, well it was doomed to failure, anyway...in part because the Trapster is an idjit:

What, he's never dealt with a flaming opponent before? Sigh...So now Johnny turns the tables and takes out two by himself.

For those keeping score, this is now officially a Frightful Four story, as it has met the minimum requirement of having one or more members caught by the Trapster's own paste.

And Ben and Marko?

Sigh...so close, guys. Maybe going with only three members wasn't the best approach, after all...

You know these guys have attacked too much when Reed has a special prison i the building designed just for the Frightful Four!

As a final note, when Ben questions whether Thundra might still be a covert member of the Frightful Four, Reed proves to be a total idiot:

Uh, Reed, perhaps you want to look up the definition of "traitor" in the dictionary or something, because the fact that she's helping you against the Frightful Four pretty much fits the bill...

The fearsome threesome would take the next couple of years off, but finally (finally!!) come up with a better strategy when they return: they invent American Idol?!?!?

Gerry Conway, Rich Buckler, and Joe Sinnott bring us the Wizard's excellent math skills in Fantastic Four #148 (1974).

Manic Monday--A Long Time Ago, In A Justice League Far, Far Away

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:03:00 +0000

The single greatest comic book story title of ALL TIME:

Thank you, Denny O'Neill and Justice League Of America #73 (1969).

Come on, somebody sue George Lucas over this...

[Editor's Note: Due a necessary impurity in snell's brain, he think that pretty much ANY comic book story title is the greatest one of all time, so take this latest declaration with a grain of salt. Besides, we all know that "To Dream--Perchance to DIE!!" is the greatest comic book story title ever...]

Weirdest Creature Ever??

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:31:00 +0000

It was always...interesting...to see some of the odd interstellar beasts DC would come up with in the Silver Age. It's like they had a pre-pre-pre-pre-release version of the game Spore, and would use the creature generator to just go nuts.

But perhaps no creature was odder than--the Kryptonian Thought-Beast!!

Now, just looking at this guy might have made Darwin's head explode. Aside from wondering just exactly how a creature might evolve with a giant TV screen on its head (let alone one that projects the creatures "thoughts" up there), you have to wonder--since apparently the creature broadcasts its every intention, wouldn't that be kind of a disadvantage, evolutionarily speaking? No sneaking up on prey, so its hunting must be kind of obvious...unless, of course, its main prey is Kryptonian Blind Wildavoles...And don't get me started over what images appear on the thought screen during mating season...

(Technical note--the cover is wrong, that's not Superbaby...that's baby Kal-El before getting rocketed to Earth, therefore not super at all)

Anyway, somebody at DC must have been really thrilled with Thinky the Thought-Beast, because it wasn't too long until they brought him back:

Damn, it sure seems as if the Thought-Beast has a one track mind, doesn't it? Do you want to know how Superboy beat him? Please ask!! Please!!!

Yes, Superboy wore a TV monitor with a picture painted on it, to lure the beast with his...thoughts. God, I love comic books.

But DC thought we needed still more Thought-Beast. How in heaven's name could they top the first two appearances of Thinky??

Yup...a ghost Thought-Beast. Man, did I mention how much I love comic books?? And yes, Thinky still has a very one track mind. You'd think that if you're going to make up a creature that projects its thoughts on a giant TV screen on its head, you'd at least come up with something new or interesting for it to think...

Well, since DC and Geoff Johns are in the process of redoing Superman's continuity, is it too much to hope for a return of Thinky? Please??

Look, Kids--Comics!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Too many punchlines for this image, so I'll let you come up with your own:

Oh, all right, here's one: "Celebrate the Silver Age!! Coming soon to a JMS-written Brave & the Bold near you."

Happy Halloween.

Friday Night Fights--Machine Vs. Monster Style!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:27:00 +0000

The Hulk has been manipulated into beating the living crap out of Machine Man...and frankly, Machine Man is getting a little bit tired of it.

FACT: Sal Buscema always drew his heroes kicking so hard, the kickee's face disappeared. Even Hulk's.

FACT 2: Spacebooger can kick even harder.

FACT 3: This kickage was brought to you by Roger Stern, Sal Buscema and Mike Esposito in Incredible Hulk #236 (1979).

Why Wendell Vaughn Changed His Name To Quasar

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:54:00 +0000

Back in the day, rookie S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Wendell Vaughn was given the quantum bands and uniform of the person everybody thought was the deceased 1950's hero Marvel Boy (it wasn't, he was The Crusader, an insane and surgically altered Uranian Eternal...sigh, retcons make everything so confusing...). He took the name Marvel Boy, and, since he was an actual grown-up, soon changed it to Marvel Man.

So why did he change it? Well, it started when the Hulk knocked him for a loop...

And he landed on his hinder several miles away...

...and the reception he got was...somewhat lacking:

That's right...people loitering in front of a comic book shop thought Marvel Man was a dopey name...even the hot chicks laughed at him. And if you're dissed by comics fans AND hot chicks, well, a new nom de guerre is called for.

So he promptly changed his name to Quasar. And that's why, to this day, even copyright conscious Marvel never has and never will publish a character with a dopey name like Marvel Man. It would just be too silly!!

Uhh...never mind.

Roger Stern, Sal Buscema and Chic Stone editorialize on superhero names in Incredible Hulk #233 (1979).

Saw VII??

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:54:00 +0000

Get ready to recoil in fear...never have you seen such out and out terrifying images. Hide the children and brace yourself for this Halloween week shocker:

Aaaghhh....look at the unbridled fear on those faces!! The rigid bodies, obviously in pain!! What insane torture these poor youngsters must be going through!! Prepare to be scarified even further as we zoom in:

AAAIIIEEEEE!!! What pain!! What agony....

Oh, wait...they're supposed to be smiling? And happy??

Really?? And Joker venom's not involved?!?

You know, I was tempted to blame the ~~grimaces of agony~~ really uncomfortable looking smiles on the fact that Gary Frank is trying to (being made to?) draw Christopher Reeve's face on a teenager's body. But if that's true...

...than who's making him draw Saturn Girl with the face of Number 6 from Battlestar Galactica? Imra is a skin job??

Gary Frank, you really need to learn how to draw happy people...

(P.S. Dear Geoff Johns, if you're going to jump through ridiculous hoops to restore Superboy's original backstory AND restore the original Legion of Super-Heroes, than why in Rao's name do you dump the "fake initiation test" plot?? Why go to such lengths to restore the pre-Crisis status quo if you're just going to ignore what actually happened in the pre-Crisis status quo???)

The Ant, Or The Grasshopper??

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 23:04:00 +0000

A modest proposal:

Many of you out there aren't old enough to remember the concept of a "skip week."

You see, with 12 months--but 52 weeks--in a year, you've got 4 "extra" weeks in the year. And back in the day, when the Big Two were all there was, and they published fewer titles, and they cared about maintaining their schedules, they basically took those weeks off--"skip weeks"--in order to put out only 12 monthly issues per year, rather than 13. Nothing (well, virtually nothing) came out during those skip weeks. So, 4 times a year, no comics (although Marvel & DC didn't always use the same weeks as skip weeks...so the blow was lessened).

In more recent times, though, "skip weeks" have become extinct, obsolete. More companies releasing stuff, the Big Two publishing far more titles and mini-series and specials, more and more books being late...there seems to be always enough to publish, eliminating the need for the dreaded skip weeks.

Ah, but this year, it's back. Due to the way the holidays fall, Diamond will not be shipping any books for December 30, the week between Xmas and New Years. No books. Nada.

Which is quite a pain in the hinder.. it's a week many people have off from work and pockets full of gift certificates, so it would seem to be a prime week for people to hit their local comic shoppes for new goodies. Sorry, not this year. No new books for you!!

(There have been rumors online that Diamond will ship Blackest Night #6 the week of 12/23, but "ask" retailers not to put it out for sale until 12/30, so there would be a "big" new title to draw people into the stores. A noble idea, if true, but it seems destined for failure, as once one store breaks the embargo--even accidentally--the floodgates will be open.)

So here is my modest proposal: Save one comic a week.

Counting tomorrow, there are 9 Wednesdays before the dreaded skip week. So, if you set aside just one of your purchased new comics each week between now and then, you'll have a stack of 9 new, unread comics to read that holiday week. A little nest egg to soften the blow from the dreaded skip week. Delay the self-gratification, and set aside a little Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa present for yourself.

Of course, every person will doubtless choose a different comic to save for themselves each week...which means that any and every comic over the next 9 weeks will be unread by someone out there. So, in order to avoid spoilers, no one should comment on any new comics, or write any reviews, or kvetch about anything Bendis has done, until December 30th. Total new comic blackout in the blogosphere...just write about old comics, or Smallville, or Rickroll folks for the next nine weeks. Anything except new comics, because if we do write about new comics, we'll be spoiling someone's Christmas!!

Remember...one new comic per week, set it aside. Together, we can take the skip out of skip week!!

[Editor's note: Due to a necessary impurity in his brain, snell has no intention of going along with this mad scheme. He talks ant, but man, he's 100% grasshopper...]

Manic Monday--The Savage Curtain

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:15:00 +0000

Gentleman and ladies--presenting the world's first ever comic book adaptation of the classic Star Trek episode, The Savage Curtain:

Oh. No it's not. Sorry.

But you can see my confusion, as the splash page seems to promise us Abraham Lincoln vs. Genghis Khan, as we have rival armies of famous dead people in a zombie battle of good versus evil.

Sadly, this is just one of those darned symbolic splash pages, and a number of those pictured heroes and villains never actually appear in the story. Fortunately, we get one of those panels that can only appear in a Kid Eternity story: Will Rogers vs. Torquemada:

The Spanish Inquisition never expected Will Rogers!!

You know what's especially cool? Master Man works for Satan, and can summon evil dead dudes from Hell, and wears a skull on his chest...but just in case we weren't sure that he was evil...

...they had to show him smoking a cigarette. Evil bastard!!

Oh, and Master Man's magic word to summon people is "Stygia."

Originally from Kid Eternity #15 (1949), as reprinted in Wanted, The World's Most Dangerous Villains #4 (1972).

Play Ball!!

noreply@blogger.com (snell) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:58:00 +0000

As the World Series approaches, we should probably remind ourselves why Two-Face should never be allowed to play center field:

Similarly, we should acknowledge that Poison Ivy definitely should be allowed to play second base:

OK, so whom are the Arkhamites playing in softball?

You see, after Bane destroyed Arkham Asylum, they had to keep the inmates in Blackgate prison, and the two populations weren't getting along, and...oh, it made a lot more sense back in Showcase '94 #4, by Alan Grant and Tim Sale. And they really should have used that in the video game...