Sleaze Diary

Bad Press

2009-11-11T23:44:00.003Z

The Tory party's leadership has been left reeling following the publication of photographs purportedly showing the entire shadow cabinet dressed in Nazi uniforms whilst attending bilateral talks with their new European allies, the National Purity Party of Latvia. "The bastards are all there - Cameron, Osborne, Hague, even the bloody Mayor of London, that buffoon Boris Johnson - jackbooted and

The Real Naked Chef

2009-11-10T22:35:00.003Z

Whilst cookery programmes presented by celebrity chefs are currently riding high in the TV ratings, one of Britain’s top cooks has launched a scathing attack on them. Speaking from the kitchen of his restaurant 'Hootchie Cootchie’s' in Mill Hill, Percy Lingham told us that he thought the current generation of TV chefs were 'pretentious pillocks' who have totally lost touch with real life. “

Adolf and Me

2009-11-09T20:05:00.003Z

Another gem from my private DVD collection - 'hilarious' Hitler 'comedy' Adolf and Me:A frantic madcap comedy in which a Nazi war criminal’s desperate attempts to avoid detection by, amongst others, US and Israeli agents, are continually hampered by a zombified Adolf Hitler, Hermann Goering’s flatulent corpse and a deep freeze full of dead Nazis, this proved a massive hit in its native Mexico,

A Match Made in Heaven?

2009-11-05T20:24:00.002Z

Gable and Lombard, Bogart and Bacall, Sid James and Barbara Windsor - the list of celebrity couples is endless. Loved by the press, adored by the public,; there’s nothing like a celebrity romance to set the pulses racing. However, as Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant found, it can all so easily go wrong and turn into a nightmare. Whilst it took Hugh and Liz more than ten years to decide that their

The Ignorance of the Crowd

2009-11-03T20:07:00.003Z

When I first started using the web, when I was young and naive, I foolishly thought that one of the wonderful things about it was the opportunity it afforded everyone to freely express their opinions. The days of being shouted down by morons who didn't like what you were saying, and weren't prepared to even give you a fair hearing, were a thing of the past. Sadly, the opposite seems to have

Child's Play (Part Two)

2009-11-02T20:27:00.003Z

Following his sacking by the BBC, for sexual misdemeanours whilst dressed as Mr Blobby, children's entertainer Bobby Wexler found himself forced to make a living playing bit parts in pantomimes. Still, his bizarre erotic fixations managed to threaten his career prospects. During a 1995 production of Jack and the Beanstalk in Scunthorpe, star Rod Hull caught Wexler in his dressing room, naked,

Mad, Bad and Undercover

2009-10-29T20:24:00.005Z

Britain's intelligence community has been rocked by a new scandal, after an inside source - known only as Deep Stomach - revealed that at least two senior members of the Ministry of Defence's Defence Intelligence Staff (DIS) were certifiably insane, their bizarre antics threatening the nation's security. White bearded Adam Shaw joined the DIS after an illustrious career in the Royal Navy, during

Child's Play

2009-10-28T20:45:00.002Z

A group of young children have been left traumatised following an extraordinary incident at a birthday party. When the mother of nine year old Jimmy Cole engaged thirty one year old Bobby Wexler as a children’s entertainer, little could she have imagined that the “entertainment” would involve a sexually explicit version of 'Punch and Judy'. Instead of simply beating his wife, in Wexler’s version

You've Not Got Mail

2009-10-28T14:28:00.002Z

My apologies for not bringing you yesterday's planned post. Or any post for that matter. This was due to circumstances beyond my control. Take my advice, no matter how crappy you think your broadband provider is, don't try switching to another one. It really is far too much hassle. This new provider uses a dedicated modem/router and, despite promising that it would be dispatched days before

Bigots That go Bump in the Night

2009-10-26T20:05:00.002Z

Well, the dust has settled on Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time, leaving most of us wondering what the point of it all was. What did we learn, other than what we already knew, that Griffin is a bigot who can't put together a coherent argument and tries instead to crudely play the patriotism card, invoking images of Spitfires, plucky British Tommys fighting for freedom against those

Abbott and Costello Meet Sherlock Holmes

2009-10-22T19:39:00.003+01:00

Another gem from my DVD collection - this time it's Abbott and Costello's little seen 1956 movie in which they meet the world's greatest detective:Having finally laid to rest their classic horror monsters by pitching them against Abbott and Costello in a series of cheap B-movies between 1948 and 1955, Universal Pictures, desperate to prop up the dire duo’s film career, turned their attention to

Halloween 2009 at The Sleaze

2009-10-21T19:59:00.001+01:00

As you might have noticed, The Sleaze's Halloween tradition of running vaguely supernatural/horror related stories throughout October is well underway this year. We kicked the month off with Ban the Mind Reader, of course, and most recently The Monster Makers made its long delayed appearance. I originally announced this latter story last Halloween, but it was replaced at the last minute by The

Lies, Damned Lies and Internet Satire

2009-10-20T20:44:00.002+01:00

Much has been made lately of the fact that a group of film makers were able to persuade several British tabloids to publish a number of fake stories about celebrities. Over a two week period The Mirror, The Sun, The Daily Star and Daily Express had all run completely fabricated stories about the likes of Avril Lavigne, Russell Brand and Amy Winehouse, pitched to them by the makers of the film

The Nation's Sweethearts?

2009-10-19T20:01:00.003+01:00

More proof, as if it was needed, that I'm completely out of touch, is the fact that Britain's most loved celebrities are apparently Cheryl Cole and Nick Knowles. Personally, I can't stand either of them. Indeed, I've made my feelings about Nick Knowles clear in these pages before. If I could have been certain it was him I saw walking down my street a couple of years ago, I would have lumped

Jesus Saves - With Our Two for One Deals...

2009-10-16T22:45:00.005+01:00

So the Church of England is worried that it won't be able to afford to maintain many of its magnificent cathedrals. You'd think the Almighty would provide for them, wouldn't you? But no, they instead have to resort to those bloody collections for the church roof fund and organise endless bring and buy sales. Now, it seems, they are looking for handouts of public money - who do they think they

Upstanding Member for Cockshire...

2009-10-15T19:36:00.003+01:00

According to the latest Westminster rumours, Tory leader David Cameron is seeking to cement his lead in the opinion polls by further enhancing his public image. "He's already succeeded in convincing people that he's caring and pro-environment, now he wants to be seen as virile, as well," claims top political columnist Sean Cockall. "With Prime Minister Brown looking ever more weary and

Comedy From Hell

2009-10-13T21:25:00.003+01:00

Another item from my personal DVD collection for your delectation. This time we look at a favourite box set from 2002:Yes it had to happen; the comedy programmes that looked good on paper, but were actually ill advised or, in some cases, in such poor taste that they were either never shown in the first place, or never repeated due to popular demand. The first part of this compilation tape looks

Prince Philip's Sexy TV

2009-10-12T20:07:00.003+01:00

I was confused by one of those poorly-worded headlines again over the weekend. This time it was along the lines of 'Prince criticises complicated TV sets'. Naturally, I assumed that it was about Prince Charles, who had finally flipped completely and had extended his criticism of modern architecture to the sets used in TV dramas. Doubtless, I thought, he's complaining that they are all hideous

Ban the Mind Reader Revisited

2009-10-09T23:40:00.002+01:00

A popular mind reader and stage magician who was recently attacked by a mob in Rugby (see Ban the Mind Reader!), has finally spoken out regarding his ordeal. Rejecting police allegations that he had triggered the riot by using his 'powers' to sexually harrassg female members of his audience, The Mysterious Ned claims that the attack ws completely unprovoked. “I was bloody terrified! I was barely

Royal Doping Scandal (Part Three)

2009-10-07T19:55:00.001+01:00

Top Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley Tossington has sensationally claimed in his latest book that various members of the Royal family have been drugged to avoid them causing embarrassment at official functions with their outrageous behaviour:Despite the flamboyant antics of Princess Margaret and the Duke of Edinburgh, it is the Queen Mother who emerges from Ropley-Tossington’s unfounded speculations as

Royal Doping Scandal (Part Two)

2009-10-06T23:11:00.003+01:00

Top Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley-Tossington's new book, Muck House: Inside the Fun Palace, continues to cause consternation in the upper echelons of British society, with its outlandish claims that various members of the Royal Family have had to be doped in order to curb their bizarre antics:The Duke of Edinburgh is also fond of a wager, according to Ropley-Tossington’s new book, and relates an

Royal Doping Scandal

2009-10-05T19:57:00.003+01:00

I recently recovered this - the very first story I ever wrote for the online incarnation of The Sleaze (it was the lead story in Issue 1 back in April 2000) - from my ancient and highly irascible old PC. I've decided to run it here, unedited, over the next few days, before, maybe, archiving it over at The Sleaze. So, without further ado, here's part one of Royal Doping Scandal:Veteran

Cameron's Follies of 2009

2009-10-02T22:34:00.003+01:00

Tory leader David Cameron has been accused of premature triumphalism after plans for the staging of the forthcoming Conservative Party conference were leaked to the press. According to top tabloid The Shite, Cameron will arrive at the conference venue on a chariot accompanied by standard bearers, having travelled down streets lined with party workers dressed as Roman legionaries, whilst

Ban the Mind Reader

2009-10-01T19:52:00.002+01:00

Sometimes you come across a website which has a premise just so off-kilter and bizarre that reading it makes you suspect that you have fallen through the space-time continuum into some strange parallel universe. Ban the Mind Reader is one such site. I was first introduced to it when its webmaster requested a link exchange. Now, I get many such requests, which are often turned down because when

"Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been, Bonkers, Mr Brown?"

2009-09-29T23:40:00.003+01:00

"So, Prime Minister, is it true that you are completely bonkers?" Which,of course, is what the BBC's Andrew Marr didn't ask Gordon Brown in an interview the other day. Although he might as well have. As soon as you start asking anybody in the public eye if they take prescription drugs, then the clear implication is that you think that they are either an addict or mentally ill. Or both. The