Slightly Dramatic

Say No to Pinot

2010-06-07T10:23:00.002-04:00

This past weekend was thankfully the last of the weddings of FL's (first love) family. This one was his sister's wedding. It was very beautiful, and I had a great time...at least the parts I remember.
After the ceremony, someone went past our table and whispered that the bar was open. Whooo! So, another girl and I left our significant others and practically ran up to the bar. I began with Pinot Grigio.
R came up and we said hi to a few people and then went over to say hi to FL. FL said that he needed to get in line for a drink, and R told him that I was first in line. To which FL replied, "That's the girl I know!"

I talked to some other friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and continued drinking my pinot...fast. At one point I actutally got R to dance with me, and I could see out of the corner of my eye FL watching. It actually felt good knowing he was watching R and I having a good time together. I'm tired of him thinking that he still has a strong hold over me.

When the reception was over, the wedding party had a spot at a bar in the city for us to all go party some more. This is where the fuzziness started. I remember buying shots, taking shots...and the pinot made me a complete mess. Yesterday R told me that I was obliterated and that I began sobbing uncontrollably. Then, when he told me it was time to go home, I put up a fight (that's not unusual...unfortunately....lol). I vaguely remember crying and even thinking to myself, "I can't stop!" It was just pouring out of me. I am so embarassed, especially because R told me that FL's parents were pretty much looking at me like I was an alien or something. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone. R said that at first I loved everyone...then I hated everyone...I didn't want to say bye to anyone, but he finally convinced me to.

I also vaguely remember FL looking at me in a concerned way when we were saying our goodbyes to everyone. What a freaking trainwreck. Thank goodness that was the last of the weddings, and I don't have to see FL or his family in awhile...if ever.

Yesterday my head hurt so bad, and some of the details from the night washed over me, but mostly I was blacked out. So, once again I chugged pinot grigio when I definitely should know better. Out of all wines, that is the one that really gets me gone. Ugh.

And this week I get to deal with PMS and more roller coaster emotions. Yay! Looks like I'll be sitting on my couch a lot watching romantic comedies.

My Memorable Memorial Day Weekend

2010-06-03T11:44:00.005-04:00

So the bf (R) and I went away this past weekend. We drove about 5 hours to visit our friends LS and C (who also happen to be his cousin and her husband). OMG - I had a freaking blast!
We arrived Friday night and had some wine and ate some appetizer type foods.
Then Saturday we got up early and got ready to go watch a sporting event. It was fun, we tailgated for awhile, I drank beers with a higher alcohol content than what I'm used to...so I ended up being pretty drunk out in 85 degree heat.
Afterwards, we were off to a BBQ party at their friends house. I made R drink an assload of water before we got there, because he was waaaasted and we had a ways to go before he could just pass out and be done.
But, somehow I started to feel sick. Well, not somehow I guess...it's because of the beer AND the heat. We parked about a block or so away and on the walk to the party, I told R I didn't feel good. All four of us stopped and they told me just to stick my fingers down my throat. I decided I'd better, because I wasn't going to feel better until I threw up...I knew that.
So, after a few minutes of gagging and almost spitting up, I finally spewed. They all laughed at me, it was pretty funny. Thankfully, I felt better and on our way we went.
When we got to the party the main mission was to get me some food in my belly. So I downed about 2 cheeseburgers (mmmm!!!) and tried to drink another beer. It just wasn't sitting right.
So, as I sat there pitying myself and being bored, LS comes over with 3 brownies. Special brownies! We split them between the both of us.

THEN...

I noticed this one guy JD that just showed up.
I'd seen him before on another visit out there -- and instantly I was just as infatuated with him as I had been the last time! I'd actually forgotten about him until BAM! there he was!
And then our friend C said to him, "Hey, next time you go to smoke, take H with you." JD looked at me and said, "Oh, perfect timing, we're going now." Nice. I just smiled and nodded. C decided he wanted to come, too. So it was me, JD, C, and some other guy. We all walked down the street and smoked a blunt. He lit it, and passed it to me second. How sweet, right?! lol.
Then, after we all passed it a few times, I told him I was good because I'd literally just eaten the brownies and in about 20 minutes I'd be a wreck. He said, "I know...I did the same thing!"
So we all walked back to the party --- C and the other guy were behind us talking about something very stupid...like boring stupid, not fun stupid. And I guess I was completely spacing because JD goes, "You alright over there dear?" I said, "Oh yeah! Just enjoying life, thanks!"
Then, everyone sat around for awhile. LS and I laughed a lot. R was waaaaasted, again...or still?
I heard JD say, "I can guarantee I am the highest person here." Wonder how many brownies he ate? Anyways, I saw him sitting off to the side by himself with his knees held into his chest and avoiding everyone. It was kind of funny...should've made conversation with him...but hell, I was in the same boat.

The next day, LS and C decided to have everyone over their house to hang out on their new deck. I was inside the house making up a plate of food when JD and another friend of theirs walked in. I didn't even know he was coming, I hadn't really thought about it...but I was excited!
(As usual, yes, I know I have R...but my mini-crushes break up the monotony-don't judge me!)
I said hi to them and JD said, "Hey! Good to see you again!" Indeed.

LS and I rounded almost everyone up for a game of flip cup. At first there were only 4 of us though, waiting for the rest to come around. R went inside to play some video game with another friend (he was extremely sunburnt from Saturday, so he didn't have much of a game face on at all on Sunday). But, that was okay, because now I was playing flip cup standing right across from JD!

We all laughed and joked until everyone else was finally ready to play. I totally kicked ass. I tried to tell them all I was good at the game, but no one really believed me. I'm sure JD wished we'd been on the same team...lol.
Afterwards, we all sat back down on the deck. One of the guys (yay!) packed up some green in a bowl and passed it all around.
Once that was done, I saw JD behind me. He reached over and grabbed the bowl while saying, "I'll pack one up" and after he does, he sets it down on the table.
R was sitting next to me and said, "He just filled that up for you guys...you see?" and points at it. "Yeah, but I'm not just gonna grab it first, I figured he would take the first hit." After a few minutes JD comes back over and grabs it. So there went another round.

Then, we were all chilling out and laughing, talking...he was sitting nearby. When I asked to use his lighter, he lit my cigarette for me (I know, whoa, right?! hahaha).
And when he left at the end of the night, he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. I don't have a clue why I am so into him. He's good looking and has a cool personality from what I can tell...but other than that, I know nothing about him! lol. Oh, and I know one of our friends that lives out there and is close with LS and C slept with JD's gf some time ago. I think maybe a few months or weeks ago...and I don't think that girl is JD's gf anymore. Yikes!

I DID try -- hard -- to find him on Facebook, but nope...not there. You know how that goes, you go on to your friends facebook page(s) and look at all of their friends to see if that special person is in there for you to friend request?! HA!
I even went as far as to try and find pictures of him in all of said friends' photo albums. *sigh*

Fun weekend, though!

Pandas!

2010-05-06T13:22:00.001-04:00

I like this commercial...

"Uh...cuz we're bears.." :)

Roses r Red Giveaway!!!

2010-05-03T10:17:00.005-04:00

I found a super cute site today AND she is hosting a giveaway!
Click the image to go check it out!!!

Best Commercial!

2010-03-30T09:24:00.004-04:00

I love this freakin' commercial, it cracks me up every time!!! They definitely picked the perfect person to do the acting. There's another one now with a woman wearing all white, but it's not as good.

Creepy to the Max!

2010-03-24T13:04:00.008-04:00

I've come across some really creepy pictures and thought I'd share them!

I mean, WHAT is up with this kid eating pork n' beans?!?!

Oh, and this poor girl...having this in the family album that her creepy uncle probably looks at every Christmas...

Haaaaave fun and sweeeet dreams!

If Today Was Your Last Day, Could You Say Bye To Yesterday?

2010-03-05T09:19:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to post an entry for some time now, but...whatever. I'm sure I have tons to catch up on too, but the reason for my posting today is because I found some VERY old emails that I had saved in a file called "things worth saving." These emails are from guys that I loved or liked very intensely through my life. I wanted to share a couple with you! They really brought me back to my past...like this first one -- it's from TEN years ago! I sat here for a little while and thought back to my life TEN years ago. Wow, so much has changed. Isn't it funny how this stuff was the most important thing going on in your life at that time?

Anyways, the email you'll read is from a guy who is the first guy I had deep feelings for, he's not FL (first love), but we had a strong on and off connection for awhile. He's the first guy I really cried about and remember listening to those sappy cds while in seclusion in my bedroom. I remember a few months after we had stopped "talking/dating", we kept getting matched up for everything. Like our school had a prom show and we were matched up together. We both were voted "class clown"...etc. Can you imagine what goes through a 17 year olds mind when crazy ass coincidences like that happen?

Okay, here's an email from him:

"Hey,
I am sorry about a lot of things that I have done and I'm sorry for things that perhaps I shoulda said...either way...I quit my job today...so me seeing Sarah is probably going to end...but I don't know...I'm sorry that I have led you on...or I'm sorry that I didn't go through with it...I truly honestly don't know...I'm so confused right now, and I feel like you got caught in the middle of it...please forgive me."

I'll wait to share the others...there's only a few, but to put them all in one post would be tiresome.

Hope everyone is doing well!

First Blog of the Year Update

2010-01-05T17:14:00.003-05:00

Well hello there!!! I am finally taking a short period of time out to write something in this old darn blog! Which made me automatically think of something...the other day I was out with some friends and one of the girls was talking about her old job. I guess she had a blog on LiveJournal (whooaaaa...what? Someone else I know and am friends with in real life blogs???!!! (I kept my mouth shut...no one knows about this baby you're reading...BUT then again, no one would be surprised that I have a secret blog because I write!)) That's actually the whole point of the story. I was just shocked to hear her say she had a LiveJournal...she never went into any details about it except that she was a dummy and put some stuff in it about work and got in trouble. She must have missed Blogging 101.

Anyways...let's delve into what else has been going on. FL (first love) is now officially married. Blah. Over it. Moving along...I have his brother's wedding at the end of the month...must find a hot dress to wear.

R did wonderfully with my Christmas presents this year. I got a book that I wanted, 2 pairs of boots that I wanted, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4 on DVD, Michael Kors 'Very Hollywood' perfume, AND a 160 GB iPod! Finally! Someplace to put ALL of my music! I'm so tired of looking at the stacks of cds (with out cases, mind you) that I have ALL over the place and don't even know what's on most of them.

Here's a funny little story. A couple weeks ago, it was a Monday...I was just about to get off work when my phone rang. It was one of my best guy buds P. I figured I'd call him back, I had to finish up a few things, but noted that it was odd for him to call at that time of day. So, when I called him he's like, "I NEEEEEEED your help." We both laughed and I'm like, "Okay...well hopefully I can help ya, what is it?"
"I'm down the street from my house, and I'm tripping. I thought I'd be cool, but I can't drive and we're stuck." I could hear a girl in the background laughing and another one of my guy friends that was in from outta town.
He asked if I could come and pick them up at his house, he didn't want to stay at home because he still lives with parentals. So, off I went straight from the office to go pick them up. They all thanked me profusely, it was hilarious! Good thing I didn't have anything important to do, because when we got back to my apartment, we all just hung out, and I had a few beers while they tripped. I'd met the girl before, but couldn't remember her name. Apparently, (we later found out) she was so wigged out she thought we were all talking and making fun of her! It hadn't even been an hour and she was on the phone giving her friend directions to come and pick her up. P was just like, "whatever," and we continued our hanging out by listening to music and eventually I decided it would be super fun to make sock puppets!

Hahaha...Luke

2009-11-09T14:39:00.003-05:00

Don't ask me why, but I think up some of the weirdest stuff when I'm trying to fall asleep. So, last night I thought up a crazy scenario.

If you slept with a guy named Luke, how funny would that be because while in the act, he might say something like, "How does that feel?" and you could answer with "Luke warm!" HA!

Then I tried to think of anyone I know that's named Luke (nope) or anyone my friend's know named Luke that they could sleep with in order to follow through with this plan. Negative on all ends.

If you know a Luke, do it! If you ARE a Luke, has this happened to you?!

Guess I should stop eating jalepenos so late at night.

November...Really?

2009-11-04T18:50:00.002-05:00

So, as usual...time flies. It's seriously November already? I guess so, because it's freeeeeezing in here (my apartment). I do NOT want a huge gas bill, nooooo sir.

So, since my last post, I've had plenty of ideas...moments of "Oh, that's perfect to talk about on the ole' blog," but...those moments have been long forgotten.

But, gimme a few minutes...I'm sure I'll come up with something. Like a blanket (BRRRRR!!!).

D has still been texting me randomly here and there. He is going through "withdrawal" of me, and wants me to come and visit. He knows I have a bf, how can he expect me to drop everything and make a trip to see him? His last few messages have been kind of needy, which is off-putting. I've chosen to not think about it too much because I am in a good spot right now (again) with R, and I don't want to start being "weird".

How was Halloween? I had this grand plan to be a hot dog. Yes, it was going to be super. Unfortunately, R and I had too much fun Friday night and ruined ourselves for the rest of the weekend. Booooooo (no pun intended)....there's always next year.

One of my best gals is set to get married next year. Her destination pick...CABO baby!!! Whooo!!! So guess where all my tax return money is going to go? Ha.

I've become good friends with E's gay roommate. We're going out for his birthday on Friday...to the gay bar! I'm so excited. I haven't been in a few years and I love an excuse to go and dance my face off.

Other than that, I've been working on some music reviews and laying on my couch watching "guilty pleasure" TV, which includes almost every show on the CW. (lol.)

I'll think of more, hopefully soon. But this update is pretty good for now. Discuss.

Updates

2009-09-01T13:54:00.003-04:00

So...last time I wrote it was about D. I do have a few updates on that subject, among others.
Since I've last posted, R received the cell phone bill. The cell phone plan is shared between me, R, and his brother. R said he was looking over the bill and who was I talking to at 2 in the morning with a different area code while he was gone?

What?! Omg, he checks the cell phone bills?! WTF!

I told him it was my friend from college who I thought would be at the guys' party that I was at that night. It was so weird. He then said, "Okay, are you sure?" Again...OMG! WTF! I felt like I was 16 again and my mom was asking me if I was lying about going to the movies and sleeping over a friend's house. Anyways, everything's been good since then.

We went to the beach on the 15th for a week, and it was great to be away from everything for a couple days. (Of course, when I got back to work, everything was a mess and I'm still super stressed out about the going-ons of the office.)

When I got back, I checked up on some stuff on Facebook since I hadn't been on it, etc. I looked at D's profile. There was a comment on there from a girl that I sort of know through mutual friends. She's a little bit crazy and is going through a divorce...well, because she's a sex addict. Yeah.

Anyhow, she'd posted "It was great seeing you the other night." -- something like that. I was thinking, "How the hell does she know D?" To find the answer, I sent him a message asking how he knew her, since she lives by me, and blah blah blah...
He said he knew her from high school and hadn't seen her since then, so it was crazy that they ran into each other at the guys' party.

The guys' party?

My guy friends that had the party before had another one while I was away at the beach. I was really bummed that I was going to miss it, but I never ever thought that D would actually show up for it! When I found out they were having another party, D had RSVP'd 'maybe' and I chose not to RSVP even though I knew I couldn't make it. So, I'm thinking he likely thought I'd be there. I mean, he hasn't driven up here in years, and never comes up for those parties. WTF?!
And that's where he ran into this girl I know from his high school...which btw, how does she even know these guy buddies of mine?! I still don't know the answer to that question. And I don't know what D did while he was up here for that party. It is probably a good thing that I was away though, because R would have gone with me had we been in town. And I would have had a freakin' heart attack.

So, now --- I still don't know what to think about D. I was okay after he pulled the "cold shoulder" act...at least I knew my answer...or thought I did. But, with him coming up to the party AND drunk texting me "Heeeeyyyyyyy!" late Friday night...I'm back at square one. Not sure if I want to try to talk to him about it or just leave it go. But, it's not really high on the priority list right now because work has been hell, and I've got R's birthday coming up AND my mom's. Lots of busy distractions.

Have a fun and safe Labor Day this weekend!

The Decision Was Made

2009-07-29T15:01:00.004-04:00

And so I left the party. Everything was clear in my head. I would call R when I was about home, talk to him for a few minutes and tell him I got home and was going to bed. When we got off the phone, I rushed around grabbing my essentials to take along. I text D and asked him what his address was. When I got in the car, I began to get myself situated. Was going to plug the address into R's GPS when I realized that I didn't know how to delete it later with out deleting all of the history. Not a good plan. So, instead I plugged it into my Google Maps on my BlackBerry. It doesn't tell you when to turn but it gives you step by step driving directions, so I was pretty good to go.

On my drive, one of my best girl friends, M (the one I had the plan to hang out with on Saturday at her new house), called. She's 1 out of 2 or 3 of my friends that I'd actually tell what I was doing. She didn't even know if D had decided to come up or not. She asked if I had company. I said, "No," with an add of mischief. She of course noticed my tone and asked what I was doing. I told her I was actually on my way down to see D, and that I'd call her tomorrow (both of us were laughing).

When I was about 20 minutes away, D text me and made sure I was still on my way and everything was going good. I called when I was close, turned out I'd went on a road with a name very similar to his, but wasn't the road at which he lived. Finally, when I was on his road, he could see my headlights and told me where to turn into his driveway. He was waiting out on the porch. I knew I was nervous, but luckily I wasn't shaking like I'd thought I'd be. I ran up the stairs and he escorted me instantly upstairs. His roommate had a few people over, and I was reluctant for them to see me. I mean, "Who is that girl showing up at all hours of the night?"

We went upstairs and had wine and talked. Talked and laughed. I was happy.

I couldn't believe I was finally there. We were in each other's presence! After awhile, we got tired and were laying together being cuddly. Which was nice. Then, his light grazing of my skin got the best of me and I couldn't handle myself or refrain.

When I woke up in the morning, he still wanted to sleep. That's something that's not changed, he's always wanted to stay in bed longer than me. We played little games with each other for an hour or so...just poking each other in our faces, kind of cute stuff. I would have loved to have stayed there until later in the afternoon, but I felt weird about it. I needed to get back into my turf...my area, where I wouldn't have to lie. My phone was on silent, and I dreaded even looking at it and refused to until I left. I didn't want to ruin this...whatever this was...by seeing my phone and then worrying.

I can't tell if he'd really wanted me to stay or not. But, I told him he needed to get up so we could hang out a tiny bit and I could see his dog before I had to go. He asked me what I was doing that day, which made it seem like maybe he wasn't expecting me to leave so soon. I told him I had plans to hang out with my mom. Then, I asked him what he was going to do. He said mow the grass, etc. "Well," I thought, "he's got stuff he has to get done anyways..."

We went downstairs where I met his dog and his roommate. I played with his golden retriever for a little while, and then decided it was time to go. When I got in the car and drove off, I still wouldn't look at my phone. Once I was on the highway, I looked. Three texts and a missed call. This wouldn't be too hard to explain; I have a habit of waking up pretty early, sitting up for about an hour and then falling back asleep for a few hours. I called R back and told him I was on my way over my mom's. He said he'd call me later after golf (him being preoccupied with golf was another plus). I went home and died on my couch...I really was going to go to my mom's, but I got really tired again all of a sudden.

I'd called M and talked briefly about my excursion. I figured we'd talk more when I went over her house later. She said we might go to this arts festival, which would have been awesome any other time except now. I totally didn't feel like having to get fixed up to go out somewhere. Luckily, later she texted me and said she didn't have any motivation to go out, did I? I said nope, and felt much better. Finally, I got over to her place at about 8:00 where she had made pasta for us and I brought over wine. We had a really fun girl night chatting, drinking, and dancing. I told her some stuff about D...and I'd felt really normal about all of it.

Then, a few days later, I feel like I'm in some sort of slump. It's not because of what I did. I know it was very wrong, and if it had been anyone else I'd feel terrible or I wouldn't have even gone there. But D is special.

But now, when I sign into chat online...he says nothing. For the last few months, anytime I'd be online and he'd come on, he would instantly say "hi" and we'd chat for a few minutes. Now I get nothing? I don't know if it's because he feels weird and doesn't want to add fuel to the fire? Or, if it's because he really does still have feelings for me, but feels like he shouldn't do anything for various reasons? Or, if it's because he got all he needed?

I don't know how to describe my emotions; or what emotions I want him to have...

Down in the Dumps

2009-07-28T15:32:00.005-04:00

Ya know, I feel like the only times I end up writing here are the times when I'm feeling down and out, confused, distraught, and too caught up in my own head.

Usually the stuff that's been stuck in my head and causing me to feel this way, I write here because it's my only outlet that can actually be some sort of an outlet. I can only tell maybe 2 or 3 friends (that may or may not include my mom), if I can even tell them, because it's usually very secret stuff.

I wrote around 2 months ago about a great guy, D. Well, an opportunity (the one and only) came up for me to finally go and see him. I knew this opportunity was there when I wrote about this last time, too. But at the beginning of last week, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. R was going out of town from Thursday until Sunday morning. R doesn't ever go away, or...let's rephrase that; R doesn't ever go away WITH OUT me. And this would have been no different if it wasn't a bachelor party extravaganza. I was looking forward to it as soon as the groom-to-be came up with the idea. I mean, "Wow, I can do whatever I want for a couple days!!!!! Yahhh Hooo!!!"

So I stay over R's Wednesday night, get up and take him to the airport at about 4:30 AM. Went back to his place to sleep for a few more hours, then got up for work. I'd already made plans to head to the local bar that some of my friends are bound to go on Thursday nights. AND, my guy buddies from HS that I hang with were having a party on Friday! Good...good. Saturday I figured I'd kind of chill, probably go over one of my best girl friend's new house and hang since I had to pick R up around 9:00 on Sunday. Awesome.

Well, when I found out the guys were having a party, I sent a message to D saying he should come up (he's friends with them, too). He said he couldn't, if he'd known a little earlier he would have but he's got meetings all day and evening, is doing a lot of driving, and is having a small get-to-gether at his house that night. But, that I should come down there.

Yes, yes, I had thought of that. But, I'd decided against it. I'd feel really weird driving almost an hour to go see him...even though I knew it was kinda like 'now or never'. Buttttttt, I also wanted to go to the guys' party. R is cool with them, too, so I wouldn't have to make anything up about going, but I was also excited to get to hang with them like old times with out R clinging to my side.

Later, I talked to D online and told him I was disappointed he wasn't coming. Then, somehow, I convinced him to try to come up. He said he could ditch the get-together, and if he could get done with work at a decent time he'd make the drive. Of course, once he knew that he'd be able to stay over my place, that's when his demeanor about making it up here changed with the words, "Well shit, that changes everything."

Yes, it did. Why did I not even see it clearly?

Maybe I let emotions get in the way...like usual.

D didn't let me know what his decision was on Friday, and I'd made mine to go to the party. At 12:30 am I text him. Ughhhh!!! I know, I know!

After a series of texts and him trying to get me to come down the next night, I told him "we'll see". He said I could leave in plenty of time to get R at the airport after I told him that the plan was supposed to be to hang out tonight (Friday) because of having to make it to the airport. It was the first time either of us had mentioned R. I assume he knew through either mutual friends or...more likely my Facebook page. Anyways...

the decision was made that I'd drive down to see him...then and there.

Classic Me

2009-07-06T14:06:00.002-04:00

How was everyone's holiday weekend? Mine was pretty good...
Friday, one of my friends brought over her dog for me to watch for her while she's on vacay at the beach for a week. So, I stayed home with her to get her acquainted with my apartment, and to rest up for the festivities on Saturday.

So, I woke up in the morning, got ready and headed over to my mom's. She lives right in the center of town where it's easy to get to the parade and all the other hoopla. My friend E and I every year start pre-gaming prior to the parade. Her apartment used to be very close, too, but she moved, so we borrowed mom's downstairs that's complete with a bar. I had cheese and crackers set out, a case of beer, and E brought the traditional morning margaritas.

After we had made our drinks, had a few bites, etc., we all headed down to the parade. There was about 6 or 7 of us. We did our usual walking down the streets and saying hi to everyone we know and stopping for a chat. We found all our other friends, too. Now, I started to get my buzz pretty early...and E had made the morning margaritas quite tangy and strong. So...when we went down the street to her cousin's house, I said hi to her aunt. She went in for a hug and when we both pulled away, somehow...I just dropped my entire drink all over her.

OMG.

I felt soo soo bad. I mean, it doesn't help knowing that the WHOLE family is going to know, since I'm E's brother's ex girlfriend. Yay.
I felt like such an a-hole. I was like, "I gotta go, I gotta get outta here!" It was mortifying, and E couldn't believe what I'd done! Thank god that R wasn't around either, because he would've made the situation go from bad to worse by making me feel like even more of an idiot. I went down the street a little further to get away, and when R and our other friend came back, they both immediately started cracking jokes at me.

I mean, the Aunt was understanding, "Accidents happen", and such...but...it wouldn't have been so bad had I been a bit more sober.
Whatever, I guess. But, yeah, it's a pretty classic move on my part.

Harper's Island

2009-06-23T13:57:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that I haven't posted about this show yet, and the series is about over! Harper's Island airs on Saturday nights at 9:00 pm on CBS. Which, isn't really the greatest time slot, but that's why they have DVRs and Tivos now!

There were previews for the series for about 2 months before it started, and I actually had it slotted in my BlackBerry so I'd remember to watch it! It is a fantastic effing show, I'm going to be sad when all 13 episodes are done with (on July 2nd). It's one of the best things on TV right now...a hell of a lot better than those damn Gosselin's and dancing stars with bachelors or whatever.

It's a modern day whodunnit, and it seems there's no boundaries! Anyone can die in any episode, so it truly is unpredictable. I really like the characters, too. I read somewhere that the creators were planning to do a series if Harpers did well enough. It would have all new people each series, at a different location, etc. That would be awesome, but I'd miss the original characters...unless they all end up dying off.

If your TV has the whole "on demand" thing, you should check and see if the episodes are on there for you to watch...if you haven't gotten a chance to see. Oh, you can also go onto http://www.harpersglobe.com/ and watch them from there and read up.

Friday Night Movie!

2009-06-05T15:08:00.002-04:00

Guess what I'm going to see tonight?

Yay! Me and like millions of other people. I know I'm going to want to kill someone at the theater! haha

Put It All Together into a Big Mess

2009-06-01T10:26:00.003-04:00

I'm in another one of my low state of minds. A "funk", if you will. This past Friday, my ex got married...(the ex is in this blog, 'round 2005-2006 entries). And my mom and stepdad went to the reception, too. Weird.

I know that he and my stepdad are still friends, and I don't mind at all. Just a little bit odd, that's all. My mom didn't even want to go....haha.

So, I was thinking about that...him getting married. Then, I thought about how FL is getting married later this year, too. Ugh!

Then, on Saturday, I went to a paranormal conference. It was awesome...and I met some cool people. This one woman did a free 4 card reading with tarot for me. It was freaky because my main card that came up was the devil (yikes!)! But, she said that it means there's some sort of negativity in my life that I could do with out. My mom and I both immediately thought of R. He's just been so pessimistic about things, almost down right mean. It's bringing me down, but I don't know what to do because I love him. But, I've been feeling like I might be a lot happier with out him. *sigh* And then of course, I think that if we did part ways, what if it turns out to be a big mistake. There's just so many pros and cons to the whole thing, how does anyone ever do it? It hurts to think about, so I'm choosing not to dwell. "So come on over, just be patient and don't worry" is my latest motto...from a Coldplay song (WHICH I went and saw on Saturday night and it was AWESOME!).

Hmmm, what else? I have to figure out what to get the dad for father's day.

I bought 3 new tanks at Forever 21 on Friday and I LOVE them!

Bound to Come Back

2009-05-26T18:48:00.003-04:00

I have this dear guy friend from college. He's amazing, really. We became really close a few months before my departure from school. I mean, we hung out a ton...and were almost close to becoming more. Had I not left, who is to say what would've happened.

For instance, when I did come back home and was dating this guy, he instant messaged me that he'd been thinking about me a lot, and was upset I was gone. Kind of just putting himself out there. Unfortunately, I was already dating someone...and it was new, so I didn't think too much about it, though I definitely reciprocated those feelings. There was just nothing I could do.

A couple years have gone by since all of this, and we've hung out a couple of times since. Those times were always fantastic and when I'd leave, I'd feel the same sadness that I felt before. D always made me laugh, and I never got tired of hanging out with him. I think about him often. We talk every few months and say how bad we need to get together, etc.

This most recent conversation just happened. I've been thinking about him for a couple days, now...*sigh*. I'm pretty sure he still feels the same, and I've never stopped caring about him. I have R, but don't you ever just wonder sometimes if there's something higher than us that causes us to wonder about "those who got away" (for lack of a better phrase). I was telling the BFF today that I feel like it's something I need to see about before I can move along any further in my current or future relationships. I feel like I'll regret it if I don't...but I don't know how to go about any of it!!!

I know that things are totally different than they were a few years ago...but it's just something I can't explain. It's like there's some gravitational pull that pulls me back into thinking about him and keeping in touch. What if? Ya know what I mean? What if's are such pains in the ass. Grr.

Giddy Like a School Gal

2009-05-19T10:30:00.003-04:00

I go to the convenient mart every morning for my cup of joe. For around a year or so now, I sometimes see this guy on my morning trip. You get used to seeing some of the same people around the same time at the store, ya know? I only see him once every few weeks though.
He drives a truck, has a Texas license plate, and is pretty hot.

One time he was on his cell while getting his coffee, and talking to what I assume is his girlfriend. He said "I love you, too" when ending the call, and he didn't have a wedding ring on. He also is fond of wearing cowboy boots....that's not usually my thing, but whatever, still hot. Though, one morning I saw him and he didn't look so hot. My little crush wavered, but it didn't matter since it's only a baby crush and just something to make my mornings a little better.

But then...yesterday morning...I pulled into the parking spot and looked to my left and saw him! It had been awhile since I'd last seen him. Looked like he shaved and got a haircut. He was in the process of getting out of his truck. He looked at me. I'd always wondered if he noticed me at all, and at least on this morning I looked a little more presentable than usual.

I didn't pay very much attention, just went inside to get my coffee. As I was pouring, he comes in and is standing next to me to get his coffee, too. And then...HE SPOKE! He said, "Man, the way some people drive just makes me crazy!" I let out a little laugh and said, "Yeah, I know." Then, he continued on to say...actually, I'm not really sure what all he said as I was in shock...something about "just go around me, ya know?" "Yeah," I said, with another giggle. Awkward.

He goes up to the register to pay for his coffee and is chatting for a quick second with the lady at the cashier (she knows most of us morning regulars). He said who knows what while laughing and looked at the both of us, so I laughed too and pretended I knew what he was talking about. Really, I was just checking him out and trying to read his shirt to see where it said he works! hahaha

AND that's my story! Pretty good for a Monday morning, right?

Holy Moly!

2009-05-04T14:48:00.002-04:00

Yikes! I haven't posted anything in quite some time, eh? (Sorry!)

As usual, I've been super busy, and everytime I mean to come on here for an update, some more stuff gets thrown in my face and keeps me from here.

Anyways, hmmm...I'm thinking I'm just going to do a little run down of life lately:

1. I have an abundance of house centipedes -- I've been seeing/killing about 2-3 per week. They are gross, but at least they eat spiders while inhabiting my home, right?

2. I am getting a king sized bed TOMORROW! Yay! Finally...I've been wanting one for years.

3. This past Friday one of my favorite girlfriends was in from Chi-Town, so we all went out and had great fun!

4. Then on Saturday I was really hungover for my other girlfriend's brief, small wedding and then OUT again to celebrate a birthday!

5. AND another of my favorite girlfriends surprised us all by flying in on Saturday morning for the night, so she got to come to the wedding and out that night! (Awesome!)

6. I wore heels which I rarely do...and I learned my lesson. My right foot was BLEEDING by the time I got home and took the shoes off AND I've got blisters on both feet.

7. Everyone wants me to come and visit them. It sucks that it's way too hard to make it to see everyone....with work and not alotta money, who can do it?!

8. I've decided that I would really love to have a coton de tulear puppy. Please?!

I'll be back soon!

Uhm...My Bad, How Do I Fix it?

2009-03-24T14:34:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I got to take a half day (sounds better than it really is...the day FLEW!) so that the satellite tv guy could come and hook it up. The window was from noon to five. So, when I got home, I had a bagel and went on the computer to do a couple things. Then, I sat on the couch and started to read a new magazine. Then, my eyes didn't want to stay shut.

Of course, that's when there's a knock at the door. It was around 2:30 maybe closer to 3:00 when he got there. He looked around, I told him what is where, etc. and I sat back down on the couch and let him go to work. Then, I went back on the computer, and then again back to my magazine. After almost 2 hours, he brought the receiver in and was hooking it up. Things looked like they were going to go really smoothly and he'd be outta there. He said he'd wait to make sure the HD channels come in, and he could show me a couple things about the remote and system.

I knew I'd be able to easily figure it all out but I figured since he was going to stick around a few more minutes, why not? I kept sounding surprised and saying, "Oh wow! Cool!" when he showed me things like how to look on the guide to see what's on 3 days from now. Then, he said my HD channels still didn't come in, so he sat himself down. I put on Comedy Central and "Supertroopers" was on. "Ah, I love this movie!" he said. "Yeah, it's hilarious," I laughed. So, to keep from an awkward silence, we started talking about all kinds of hilarious movies. Like "Superbad", "Borat", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", "Zack & Miri Make a Porno", "Beerfest", etc.
Figuring between that, and just his general demeanor, I asked him if he smoked the green. Sho 'nuff, he does. So, we talked a little bit 'bout that, and he told me stories of some of the houses he shows up at to do jobs. I offered him a beer since it was his last job of the day and I didn't have any pot to offer. lol. We both had a beer, and realized that my HD channels STILL weren't there.

He called one of his handy dandy numbers to see what was up. It wasn't until I heard him say, "She's only got the local HD channels" that I realized that's all I was supposed to have!!! I started laughing, and told him, "Woops! I think that's all I ordered!" He thought it was pretty funny, and so he just hung up the phone. I hope he didn't think I did that on purpose to keep him there longer...really, it was just a case of 'I'm a dumbass'!

THEN, he totally catches me off guard. He asked what I was doing later. I blurted out, "nothing". He was like, "Well, maybe I could come back with some of my herb and we can smoke and watch one of the funny movies we were talking about."

Ummm.
Ummmmmmmm....(I never know how to say no)
Ummm.
"Okay, yeah."

I think for a couple seconds...while he's blabbering away, "Any requests on movies?"
"Um...no, don't think so. Make sure you call me first...especially since I'm going with my mom for a bit."
(Luckily, he'd heard the convo with my mom where she was asking me to go to the craft store with her!)
"Okay, yeah." It seemed like he'd never leave!!! It was already past 5:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R had already called when he was done with work, but I didn't answer because this guy was chatting and I didn't want to be rude right in the middle of it!

He finally left, saying he'd give me a call. "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!!" I called my mom back, "What do I do? I'm screwed!" I told her the story; she goes, "Well, what do you want to do?" and I said, "I don't want to hang out with him." I also explained all the reasons why:

1. He lives like 45 minutes away. Why would he even want to come all the way back? And what if I couldn't get him to leave again, and he'd stay extra long since he lives far!?!?
2. I think he was just being cool, making a new friend...but again...refer to #1. And I just met him...already he just wants to come right back over and watch movies at my place? Maybe he had the wrong idea...
3. He was okay looking, but nothing worth writing home. I'd only like him as a friend anyways.
4. Not really worth me fighting with R about it, and I knew that I'd be unable to lie about it.
5. Um...what if he turns out to be a nutjob?! What if he tried to put on the moves?! Yikes, no!

So, mom helped a lot and said, "Oh, well, just blow him off then." I said, "Yeah, I know, but I don't want to not answer the phone if he calls and be that bitch...so I have to think up what I can say." Mom told me that we'd have to throw in the boyfriend card. She said to say that we live together. I told her that he probably didn't get that vibe of a live-in boyfriend, he may not believe it. But then I thought, well, if he doesn't -- he should take the hint.

Mom and I went to the craft store, and while there, my phone rings. "Oh my gosh, a restricted number? Are you serious?" I yelled. That's a little creepy. "Eh, just answer and get it done with," mom said. Knowing it'd be him anyways, I said, "Yeah, I know" and answered the phone. "I was seeing if you were gonna be around in a little bit and I'd come stop over," he said.
"Um...well, I just got to the store with my mom, so I'm not going to be able to hang out tonight," I said. Oh nooo!!! It was happening again! I had to quit beating around the bush with this guy just to be super nice. "....and....um, sorry but...I thought it'd be okay and cool to hang out, but the boyfriend doesn't agree...(*awkward laugh*)."
"Ohhhh..okay," he said.
"So...yeah, thanks for calling though, I guess I'll...." my voice wavered off, I couldn't be like 'Okay! See ya later!'
"I just thought you were a pretty cool chick," he said.
"Oh yeah, I think you're a pretty cool dude, too," I said.
(laughs)
"Well, thanks.." he said.
"Yup, no problem...sorry" and I think we both kind of were just like, 'yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...k....byyyeeeeeeeee.'

and that was that. Now, it's done. Phew. I felt really bad about it, but there was no way I could hang out with him in that kind of situation. Poor guy. But then again...restricted number? Really?

I also will admit that when I did get home later on, I checked everywhere to make sure he didn't somehow get in and was hiding somewhere.
Yes, that might sound crazy, or you might think I watch too much tv...but that shit can happen! Better safe than sorry, right?!

Sweet dreams!

WWWWWTF

2009-03-20T14:50:00.002-04:00

WHERE have all of the blogs I follow gone??!! AGGHHH!!!! Okay, hopefully they'll come back...maybe this is just a fluke.
If it's not...don't get upset if I don't visit your blog for awhile. OR, if you comment I will see and say, "Hey! There you are!" and be back on track. lol.

Did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy last night? I did not...and would like to know if I missed anything big. I hate when 2 shows I love have new episodes on on the same night. Why can't they alternate and the weeks that one show is repeats, the other can have new eps, or vice versa. Although.........NEXT week........I'll be able to be like everyone else who doesn't care about this dilemma because I'll finally have a DVR again.
Yes, I'm really excited about it.

Get Out of my Head

2009-03-16T11:28:00.004-04:00

Normally, I'm the kind of girl that isn't sappy and doesn't really like to talk about lovey-dovey stuff. FL is the only guy that didn't apply to.

Saturday was St. Patty's Day celebration. My friends and I had been looking forward to it. It started off with 4 of us, and grew as the day went on. One of the first few to join us included FL. It was nice. But, later, we were all at a bar and of course, being drunk, FL and I bring up the past again. He'd asked me when R and I were going to get married. I freaked, because his brother L had asked me the same thing earlier that day! WTF. I know their family is all about the American Dream and getting married, etc., but I explained to FL that I wasn't like that and R knows that. And I went on to explain to FL that I've never thought about marriage...that I always thought in the back of my head that if I were to ever get married, it would be to him. Wow. It sounded like such a great thing to say at the time, but now, looking back...I'm freaking crazy! He understood, but gosh...I'm embarrassed.

I need to get it through my head that my life is NOT LIKE IN THE MOVIES. Well, okay, sometimes it really is...but in this case...it's not going to be like the cliche movies where the true love comes at the last minute to whisk you off your feet. So, I've got to quit acting like that's how it is.

Later, after hours more of drinking (St. Patty's is at least a 12 hour drink fest), we talked some more. I'm not sure exactly what we said, I know it was said that we miss each other. We hugged and it was bittersweet. Nice to be hugging him again, but heartbreaking at the same time. I wish that I could still have him in my life as a friend, but I know that it's too hard because every time I see him, I get upset. I thought it would get easier, but I guess it's not ever going to.

He told me he and his fiance will be moving to Portland, probably within the year. I've ironically been wanting to go there for quite some time, and actually did look into moving there for a very short time. In a way, I can't wait until he moves. When he's home my life is a mess. E was trying to comfort me Saturday and was really mad that he knowingly messes with my head. I know he doesn't intentionally hurt me, but...I don't know...it's like he eggs me on or something. Gahhh!!!

Doggies

2009-03-05T10:49:00.001-05:00

I saw this today on PostSecret and I totally agree!

Yay!

Shitty* Situations

2009-03-03T10:12:00.005-05:00

The last few days have been quite hellish. It all started on Thursday. A friend of mine called, wanting to go have a couple drinks. The night started off slow but then more friends of mine showed up. Shots were taken, laughs were had, and karaoke was sung.
One of my friends and I decided to leave and go somewhere else. Not sure why, but I called R and told him I was going home. I know why I said it, because he would have gotten mad that I was going somewhere else and was STILL out, instead of going home and to bed. Well, unfortunately, I was caught in my lie when my friend's loud voice made it through the phone waves.
The next hour was spent arguing on the phone, and me --- well, I was pretty drunk, I don't think I really knew what the hell was going on. I ended up just going home, and leaving my friend (I text her after to say sorry, and to tell her that she was 'at my house, and then just left'.)
So, Friday, I wake up --- unable to move. I actually called off work! I never do that. But, it was probably a good thing because I hate working when R is mad at me. lol. I'd rather just sleep.
I didn't tell R that I didn't make it to work, though (ha!). He was already still mad at me --- saying things like, "It's really bothering me and now I'm going to think twice. I thought we were better than that." I felt bad, but I really didn't even do anything wrong. He thought there were people at my apartment, and I was hiding it from him. Nope, no one was there. He called me NINE times in the 3 minutes it took for me to get home from where I was.
So, Friday, we had plans that he was coming over and I had to dog sit for my mom and stepdad.
He said he wasn't sure what he was going to do (come over or not), and he'd let me know when he was done with work. So, when he's done, he calls me and after like 2 minutes of attitude he's like, "So, are you not going to even ask me if I'm coming over?"
I said, "You told me you weren't sure and you'd let me know!"
"Yeah, but you're not even going to ask me?"
"We've only been on the phone for 2 minutes!.....Okay, um, so are you coming over?"
"I don't know, do you want me to?"
"Well, yeah, but I don't want you to be in this bad mood and us fight, and you don't even like the dog so that's going to put you in a worse mood."

Well, he said he still would come over. Okay.
He came over, was in a bad mood for a little bit until I said I wouldn't do what I did the night before anymore, and I wasn't even sure why I did it in the first place.

Saturday comes, I get up earlier than him and go in the kitchen to have a cigarette. Then, I go and lay on my couch when he yells out, "Did you just smoke a cigarette?"
"Yeah"
"It woke me up...can you close the door to the bedroom?"
So, I get up, and close the door. Two seconds later, he comes out and goes to sit on the couch.
"I can't believe you smoked a cigarette while I was sleeping."
I think to myself, "WTF! I can't have one in my own apartment?" I'm like, "Well, geez, sorry, it's not like I was smoking it right outside the bedroom on purpose or anything."
So we get up and go have breakfast. When we get home, he's on the couch and I was going into the kitchen to have a cigarette.
He says, "Now, why wouldn't you have just had one in the car on the way home?"
"Um, I don't know, because I didn't think about it."
A few minutes later, he yells, "Can you come and light this candle?"
I go in to light the candle. "Oh, so you're mad at me now because I hate cigarette smoke?"
"No, I just don't appreciate being yelled at for having a cigarette in my own apartment. I already smoke in the kitchen while you're here out of courtesy."
"Whatever...you just don't get it."
(Ok...guess he's right. I don't get why I can't enjoy a cancer stick in my own place.) So, it seemed like he was just trying to milk the whole situation of me being in the wrong Thursday night. I was getting annoyed.
Then, after awhile, I wanted to take a nap. We had plans to go out that night for E's birthday.
Well, lately, he now has a problem with my napping as well! "Ugh, how long are you going to sleep for?"
"I don't know, not that long." I mean really, I'm not putting a time frame on my nap when I don't have anything to do until later on. I work all week, I LOVE my naps. Why do I feel like he's trying to change or take away everything I enjoy?!?

He leaves that afternoon to go meet his cousin and then go back to his apartment. My plan was to get up after awhile and start getting ready. There's been some plumbing issues in my bathroom where the sewage starts backing up. So, I hear the toilet and tub gurgling. "Great." Well, as I'm getting ready, the toilet just starts gushing out water along with sewage. I start screaming, grabbing every towel I have to lay on the floor and create a dam for the mess. I run upstairs (my mom and stepdad live in the apartment upstairs, but only for another two weeks). I'm hysterical crying. They help me, my stepdad gets the ShopVac out and says he'll clean it up --- and for me to just go upstairs to finish getting ready.

Once I get to R's apartment, he gets cranky with me because I'm in kind of a bad mood (understandably) about my bathroom. "Well, there's nothing you can do about it right now," he says. "Yeah, but don't get mad at me for being upset about it, my gosh!" We were stopping over his friend L's for a few beers before meeting up with everyone else. On the way, in the car, I'm trying to make everything better with small conversation so neither of us will be in a bad mood, but it's too late. He says he's in a shitty mood. I tell him let's just turn around then and go home.

I think he almost did (and if he had, I probably would've had the conversation that I ended up having with him later, then). Somehow, we both get in a moderately better mood. We get to where E's having her birthday bash, and I'm downing wine. After awhile, we all go to this dance club next door so us girls could do a little dancing.

I don't know what set it off, but we start arguing and I mention maybe breaking up. We end up going outside and walking down the street while talking. He said, "Are you breaking up with me? Oh my god, I can't believe this!" and starts crying.
I start crying, and I'm like, "I don't know."
We end up talking about some things that have been bothering me...one of which is how he always talks shit on our friends. It seems like more than ever, he's finding little stupid reasons to not like anybody!
He says he'll try to be nicer.
Unfortunately, the wine I chugged doesn't help my memory of the whole situation. I do know, that in the midst of our possible breakup, he tells me, "I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but I bought a ring. I had the money, and just thought I'd buy it," while he's crying.
Of course, I freak, "Oh my god! Why would you tell me that right now?"
We talk about the possibility of a future but how I'm not going to be ready for a good amount of time. That I'm not sure what I'll ever be ready for. He must've said that he's willing to keep trying and see.

So, we're okay for now. We've never had a 'breakup' talk or anything, so I feel oddly kind of good that we did. Because now, if things do start going poorly again, it's not like he didn't know that I have problems with some of the things he does and ways he acts. Just remembering the whole night is not enjoyable what-so-ever. The look on his face, and his sadness, was unbearable. I just hope that maybe now he'll listen to what I've been saying and try to change. I feel like I've given a lot to compromise with him, and he was just trying to get more and more from me.

Last night I had one of my good guy friend's over. I've been close with him for years, and he's also best friends with R's brother, who is my best guy friend. R usually gets a little upset (he does this with almost anyone though, it's like he's jealous of anyone that gets to spend time with me), but last night he didn't get as bad as usual. Though, at the end of the night, when we were on the phone saying goodnight, he was asking me a million questions (which is something he knows I don't like...but if I bring it up he gets defensive and says he's only making conversation --- conversation my ass...you just need to know every detail possible of what I'm doing when you're not around). He asked what time he came over and when he left. E had also came over to hang out. So, he asked what we did the whole time, "wow, they were there for awhile then," he said. (So?!) "You guys just watched Family Guy the whole time?"
Really? No, R, we were freaking gang banging each other. What does he think I'm going to say?! I told him, "Well, no, we were listening to music, talking, and watching videos on YouTube, too."
"Oh...well, that's cool."
And that was that.
Welcome to my life.

Sorry this was so long. Really needed to vent, and I'm not really wanting to go into any details with any personal real life friends or anyone. Kind of don't like thinking about this stuff.

Guess we'll see how goes it.

*refers to the shit coming up out of my toilet and tub. Ha!