Slippery Handles

To My "Not Just a Guy" Guy

2012-01-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

12 years ago, I sat in front of a guy at the Red Lion Pub on Lincoln Avenue on a "school night" at 1:00am, drinking pints of Guinness. He wasn't just a regular guy. He wasn't my "usual" sort of guy with a big mouth, a high tolerance for booze and a short fuse for life - dangerous & unpredictable. He wasn't a button-pusher. He didn't say things to purposely try to get me to flip my switch,

Lets Face It...

2011-12-13T11:22:00.000-08:00

It seems like an eternity that I have been writing about my "slippery" days with cancer. Before, during and after... all the while, learning and changing and growing. Meeting new friends and transitioning as a person. Kicking it's ever-loving ass and then having it kick mine a little and then rallying once again. I am a new person after cancer, as I have said so many times. I am a better

Finding the Gifts in it All: A Thanksgiving Manifesto - Part 1

2011-11-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

Waking up again in the middle of the night in excruciating pain, I realized that I have spent little time this year focused on all of my blessings and so much time focused on the bullshit. I decided to refocus my thoughts on all of the gifts that life has given me EVEN the ones that were given to me through struggles. Sometimes, as it turns out, those are the best ones. Spending last night

Despite Lupus: Lupus Lessons

2011-11-19T18:51:00.000-08:00

Make a "To Do" List Make a list of the things that Lupus is keeping you from doing, including everything that you want to be able to do, say and feel once you get Lupus under control. Jot down everything you’re thinking, no matter how crazy it might sound. Be as open and honest with yourself as possible. Don’t be shy or reluctant about listing things of little consequence or things that you’ve

Fire Ant Sick Day

2011-11-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

My posts have been such "Debbie Downers" lately. I will try to lighten this one up as much as I can, even though it comes from a place of no fun. I have been having my up and down days with this Lupus business. Still refusing to read the stories that do not end well, but trying to focus on the positives where I can find them... researching the latest drug trials and all the new advancements in

Peeling the Layer of an Onion? That Stinks.

2011-11-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

What? That's right. Fucking Lupus. Autoimmune Syndrome has become Lupus. Son of a... What a year it has been. Really. I mean the last five years have been rough, but this year - damn! I am sure my friend, Scott, did not intend for his songs to be my "go-to when I hit rock bottom songs," but - 'tis the case. Who'd a thunk it back when we were hiding near the iced tea maker singing Mariah

No One Said Healing Would Be Easy

2011-10-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are." ~Rachel Naomi Remen Throughout the past few years, I found that I don't relate love/heartbreak songs to actual people relationships, but rather, my relationship with my body or illness. It works to give

Oh, The Places I Will Go...

2011-10-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the one who'll decide where to go.” ~Dr. Seuss Again, far too long since my last post. Well, maybe not for you, but for me and my brain. My mind chatter that doesn't find it's way to the page just finds itself spiraling out of

Another Day...Another Biopsy

2011-07-27T08:39:00.001-07:00

Ohhhh, another day... Another biopsy. It's weird when you've had so many that you stop praying that they don't hit some nerve in your neck that takes out your voice box & start praying they can do it quick enough for you to make it to your callback before the pain & swelling set in. No one wants to hire a girl with a bruised & swollen neck. Fact. They also, typically, do not like to hear about

Small Blips On a Big Screen

2011-06-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

I really work hard at trying to stay positive, give people the benefit of the doubt & practice patience - now, more than ever. This has not always come easy for me, in fact, it has been a downright character flaw. Until I was diagnosed with cancer, I was a raging hypochondriac. As a little kid, I was convinced that things like roller coasters flying off tracks & raging fires would take me out.

You Fucking Bitch & Other Early Morning Adventures

2011-06-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

Sigh... this is one of those pieces that I probably won't be too proud of, but this is supposed to be a place of truth - good, bad and ugly. Life is slippery and I wouldn't be holding true to the purpose of this blog if I pretended I was not capable of loosing it. So, anyone who has been reading this blog lately, knows that it has been a trying few months, to say the least. I am gearing up to

CAUTION: Being Forced to Sit Still May Cause Unexpected Effects

2011-06-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

I think it is pretty clear to most people who know me and those of you who have been reading my blog who may not know me, personally, that I am not really built to sit still for long periods of time. Perhaps that is one of the lessons to learn from the last few months of being forced to take it easy and, on many days, just sit still. On one of those particular days, I experienced the following

Sometimes You Just Gotta Hold On Tighter

2011-06-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

I have not written in a bit, because, well, I couldn't do much of anything for the last week or so. Torture for someone who needs to be on the move at all times. Someone who seems to only feel whole when juggling a portfolio of projects that include auditions, acting work, working as a consultant for a nonprofit with a major event coming up in 9 days, pre-production on a feature film, including

Sometimes You Find it in a Song

2011-05-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

I often do. Find messages in music, that is. I always have. I know this isn't a rare thing. In fact, I am sure everyone, in their own way, uses music to inspire them, soothe them, make them happy, etc. For me, there are songs that speak to me in such profound ways that I tuck them away and categorize them for the times in my life that I really, truly need them. I used to say things like "

Living In Between Shades of Gray ~ Inspired by Jennifer Goodman Linn

2011-05-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have struggled with this very thing since my diagnosis with an "easy" cancer in '07. The cancer that "you want" if you are going to get cancer. The one everyone started saying was "lucky." Being the one diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I didn't feel lucky and I had a feeling based on the year it took to be diagnosed and what I had to go through up to that point, well, it couldn't be "easy."

Colleen's Version of the Bucket List... "Colleen's Fuck It List"

2011-05-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

So, I have been talking to a lot of my friends about their "bucket lists." Some think this is weird being a young woman, but if you asked, I bet you would find that many people have their own versions of a "bucket list." I've read them and I love them all. They have reminded me of things that I always dreamt of doing that I actually DID and things that I have always wanted to do that I may have

What Happens When the "Janet's" of The World Fail... An Update

2011-04-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about my journey over these last few years. Forced to think of it a bit more with all of this new weirdness I have been dealing with with my body. For those of you lucky enough to have no idea how it goes when you have had to navigate through the complexities of a healthcare system that goes beyond regular check-ups or the random bout of strep throat (ahem,

What Happens When Colleen Has to Make an Appointment With Yet Another "Specialist?"

2011-04-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

Me: Hi Janet. (docs have personal schedulers when they are really special) I was referred to Dr. Lewis by my primary doc. I say "primary" b/c I have about 400 doctors. Dr. Lewis would be 401 should he choose to except the challenge - just added 399 & 400 last month. ha ha ha Janet: *stoic* Okayyyy. Well, your doctors sent over your file. Dr. Lewis' first appointment isn't until July 3rd, but I

Slipping in to the New Year ~ For Once, not Literally

2011-01-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

Yep. Here I sit the morning of 1-1-11. Writing. No hangover. Instead of nursing a throbbing headache, post-binge drinking debauchery leading to intermittent waves of nausea and the sweats, which I have come to learn over the years is actually a mild version of the good old fashioned DT's. The need for something, anything loaded with grease that will temporarily take away the pain, but lead me

Your True Soulmate Will Find You... One Way or Another

2010-10-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

Here I go again. Midway through my flight to LA with my trusty, mini-sidekick who has kept me laughing with her "Family Guy" impersonations since 5:30am. She is now engrossed in her 120th viewing of Toy Story 2 (taking a break every few minutes to remind me how she "wishes it was Toy Story 3, actually, but this will be fine"). So, I finally stop pretending to read my gossip magazines.

Repost: The Awakening

2010-10-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

I posted this bit a back in February of '09 and I think it is one that is so fitting right now - once again - during another new awakening. I also wanted to include a song written by my amazingly talented, adorable funny friend, Scott Alan (sung by the super talented, Natalie Weiss). I listen this song everyday - everyday - to keep me focused.February '09 ~ As I finally muster up the strength,

"Tomorrow's Another Day & I'm Thirsty Anyway, So Bring on The Rain"

2010-09-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

What kind of "blogger" of all things "slippery" in my world would I be if I didn't write about where I sit right this very moment? Not a very good one, I decided. I tried to sit down and write so many times over the course of the last few weeks and I should have, but instead I did something I often do when wracked with crippling emotion, stress and far too much for one person to juggle - I

High-maintenance Much?

2010-07-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

OK, so I am usually a very patient flyer. I have things down to a science, including how to travel with a well-behaved infant. It is a science that apparently some people do not value. One that requires research & preparation & manners. Selfish travelers do not realize that their obnoxious behavior is magnified in tight quarters. This is where my patience gets slippery.I prefer my window seat

Born to be a Malibu Hippie

2010-06-27T10:31:00.001-07:00

There is not much better for me than a regular early morning walk along most any beach, but Malibu is my favorite for so many reasons. The scenery, the vibe, the mix of success meets "It's whatever" attitude. Surfers, dogs, kids in pajamas with perfectly untrimmed, suneached hair, dolphins, celebrities taking an uninterrupted morning run attempting a moment of unguarded freedom, smiles with a

Every "Road" Has Its Thorns

2010-06-27T10:29:00.001-07:00

It has been far too long since I have spent time really focused on thinking, shoot...breathing, let alone writing. That is never good for anyone, in my opinion, especially me. I am a thinker. An analyzer. A think it through, write it down, work it out & move along kind of gal. When there are moments when I let life interfere with my "process," I usually end up sliding slowly down a very slippery