Sliver's life - Interesting Questions

Well, that didn't work out

2012-01-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

So my relationship with my girlfriend lasted for all of 9 days. It's wasn't working too well because she lived over an hour away and was working constantly. I could tell that it was coming before that. She didn't seem as enthused as I did about being together. Every time I would make an attempt to arrange a time for us to see each other, something else would come up. Which to a point is understandable; we both have very full schedules, but after a while one has to start to wonder...

So I did, I began where I was on her priorities list as compared to where I placed her on mine. And I made the prediction that she didn't really want to be with me. We had made a few plans to see each other, all of which she would cancel so that I wouldn't be able to make any alternative plans. Several times I was left at home sitting doing nothing particular.

I've seen this type of attitude before and it indicates that that person doesn't want to see you. Regardless of the rigidness of one's schedule, you can always find time to do something you want to do. If that weren't the case, procrastination or hobbies wouldn't exist for those who have a, "full" schedule.

Anyway I caught on quick. It worked like this: we would make plans, and I would let her know when exactly I would be coming (or ask her what time she would be coming) the day of, and she would (this is via text) take a long time to respond, so long at times that I would have to ask again, and then I'd hear an excuse.

I broke up with her saying like, if you aren't sure about this then it probably isn't right to be together (via text, she was at work). The next day, she called and told me that it wasn't working for her. I guess I was too subtle the night before.

We talked for a little while. I told her the truth, how I felt about her. That she was an awesome girlfriend the first time around. I wasn't audibly upset because I saw it coming, but I was still bummed out. I had already associated the song Cinema (Skrillex remix) with her and that sucked because it is an amazing song and now I think about her when I hear it.

Later that night she called me back telling me she made a mistake and that she wanted me back. Normally my pride wouldn't allow that to happen, to be at the whim of another's feelings, but I could tell that she wasn't being genuine. So I took her back. I did, not because I was hoping for it to work, but because I think that she was trying to get rid of the guilt of ending the relationship. I detest people doing stuff like that, so I decided to play her game. On the other hand, if I'm wrong, maybe things would work out.

So right now we are together technically. We don't talk much, we haven't seen each other. And she does the same thing where we make plans and she breaks them so close to the time that I can't do anything instead. Basically, I'm hoping that she learns not to use other people to get rid of her guilt.

The reason that I think she's motivated by selfish interests (getting rid of her guilt) is because it's normal to feel guilty after breaking up with someone, and the easiest way to get rid of guilt is to make the reason why the couple isn't together the other persons fault. So if I were to say, "no, we cannot be together, live with your choice" I would essentially be saying, "we are not together by my choice now". All the responsibility is shifted from one party to the other.

On Cheating

2012-01-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't made a post in a while. I found a time sapping website that, I won't name to save you all. Thank me later.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night. You've probably have had this happen on occasion, where your brain decides to think about and contemplate everything about everything. Anyway I got to thinking about cheating and what one should do after one cheats.

I'm not going to color anyone's opinion and say whether I have or haven't cheated. If I haven't it's implied that I believe I'm better than that, if I haven't then some may see me as morally despicable. That being said, I don't believe anyone is above cheating because circumstances play heavily into whether one cheats or not. I do believe that individuals have control over what circumstances they get themselves in (you chose to go to the lingerie party, take a few more shots of tequila, etc).

I believe that everyone has their tipping point where they will cheat. I don't believe when someone says that they will never cheat. I perceive that statement as naive because it implies that you have complete control over your actions and can make informed decisions no matter what. That means those who claim that they wound never cheat should be able to drunk drive without any increased risk. I'm not saying everyone is equally prone to cheating, but everyone has the capacity to, and given the right circumstances will cheat, regardless of .

That being said, what I really am curious about is what should one do after one cheats?

This question is not as black and white as, "tell her/him" or, "don't tell her/him". There is extensive interplay of factors, three of which I identify as: intent has to be considered the significant other's feelings, and your guilt.

When I first started talking about this with one of my friends months ago and subsequently thought about it last night I assumed that guilt of the act would be universal meaning everyone would feel bad about what they did to some varying extent. I no that this is not true in all cases, but in most it is and it's the case that is most interesting.

Assuming one feels guilt after the act, our culture has taught us that the best thing to do is to tell the truth, to be morally sound. It's assumed that, in doing this, the guilt will be relieved, and the relationship hurt (at least the perception of the relationship on your partner's end will be hurt, you coming clean is an attempt to restore honesty to the relationship, even if your intent is to end the relationship by revealing your transgressions). I see this act as selfish.

The main reasons for telling your partner that you cheated is to relieve your own guilt and restore the honesty in the relationship. That's just your perspective. In your partner's perspective, there is nothing wrong assuming your guilt hasn't manifested in other ways and your transgression isn't symptom of some larger problem with the relationship. In any case, you being honest only helps yourself and not your partner.

This is the hypothetical I think about when making my assertion that coming clean isn't a good idea:

You love your partner, but you drink too much one night and some girl is all over you and with your reduced ability to make sound decisions, you cheat. You wake up the next morning with deep regret and guilt. Your partner who thinks everything is fine and trusts you wakes up wherever she lives thinking everything is hunky dory. You could:

A) Tell your partner, making yourself feel better because our culture taught us that the right thing to do is to tell the truth. This cultivates insecurities and questions of self worth in your partner that maybe lasting, damages an otherwise great relationship (usually permanently).
In this scenario, 3 things are damaged (hurt) you, your partner, and the relationship.

B) Assuming that what you did was truly unintentional and you are going to not put yourself in the same circumstances, you keep it to yourself, preserving your partners happiness and the relationship, while shouldering the guilt yourself. If you can do it and not act guilty than this is clearly better than option, "A" since only one person is hurt.

C) You can continue cheating or putting yourself in the same circumstances that caused the mess while not telling your partner to preserve their feelings and the relationship. (Asshole)

Society's expectations a side, I believe, "B" is the best option. If you feel guilty the punishment should be the guilt you feel. Your partner shouldn't have to bear the pain of your mistake. That being said, I would hate if my partner cheated on me and didn't tell me. But if I never learned it would be as if it didn't happen. It's that whole, "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" question. If you cheat on your partner and they don't know, relative to their knowledge, did you cheat? I think not. (relative to you, you did of course).

I'd love to hear your opinions. This is something that is highly debatable.

*I also assume and believe that cheating is never morally right, regardless of partner's actions. Unless you posit some outlandish hypothetical.*

Personality Disorder Test

2012-01-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

So I took this personality disorder test and, well... Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Disorder:	Very High
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

The results, to put it nicely, are a little concerning. Luckily, I don't put much faith in online personality tests. The idea that someone's personality can be accurately defined if they answer 50 or so yes or no questions is highly unlikely. I mean, if that is true why do psychologists need to go to college and obtain degrees? If diagnosing problems were so black and white that they can be made with a level of certainty based off of some general questions, a good portion of the reason why psychologists go to college would be made obsolete. The only thing left to do is to prescribe the medication. That task could be easily absorbed by a regular physician.

I think the only legitimate concern that this test is strong enough to instill in me is that all of my diagnoses are negative which makes it seem likely that there is something psychologically wrong, not necessarily as much as the test results indicate, but something nonetheless.

Book Ideas

2012-01-02T16:46:00.000-08:00

I want to write a book as I made known in my New Years Resolution post. Somehow I came across some reading material about the super villain, Mister Mxyzptlk. I think I actually searched for him, I forget my motivations now. Anyway, the best way that I can describe Mister Mxyptlk (wiki link) is a 5th dimensional trickster. I don't claim to know much about comic books, I haven't read more than a handful in my lifetime, but this villain interests me.

That eventually got me reading IGN's top 100 Villains, I'm at #58 right now. For the most part these villains have pretty similar powers, where they become intriguing is their back story. I found myself liking villains that had more of a plausible (I use plausible in a very loose sense, since I am talking about super villains) back story that gave motivation for their actions.

With the idea that what makes a villain attractive isn't their powers but their motivations. I think writing a story of how a super villain came into being with special care spent on developing an ethos that is highly believable could make for a good story. I'm really in the beginning stages, but take any villain you are familiar with and think back to when they were a child. How did this child grow up into the evil that s/he is as an adult? The same can be done for superheros, but since they are lasting characters (as opposed to how villains are slain or banished) they have a better developed back story.

Maybe just a story about a modern day villain. Someone who doesn't have as much destructive power as the comic book ones, but a villain that is locally feared, whatever the locale may be. I guess my goal would be to create a back story that justifies why the villain is the way s/he is so that the reader is completely sympathetic with the villain despite disapproving the actions.

Think, Kick-Ass, except it never gets outrageous. What I mean is that I thought that the events were relatively plausible until the jet packs and rocket launchers made their appearances.

I have only a very tenuous idea of my goal, and have no idea how to start the story or how to advance it in a believable manner. I would love to hear your suggestions! As always, thanks for your input.

New Years Resolutions

2011-12-31T17:09:00.000-08:00

Since I'm staying in tonight I think I'll write a list of my NY Resolutions. I'd appreciate any suggestions as well:

1. Be more open to learning.
2. Don't be in such a rush, take some time to listen to others.
3. Be a better friend.
4. Say, "Yes" to things you'd usually say, "no" to.
5. Be able to do and hold a handstand.
6. Run in a marathon.
7. Get a job.
8. Learn an instrument.
9. Learn a language.
10. Learn a craft skill.
11. Sell all my unwanted belongings
12. Travel
13. Get a 4.0 for my last 2 terms
14. Get a Mohawk haircut
15. Read more on a greater variety of topics
16. Become more disciplined
17. Write a book
18. Attend a few yoga classes to see what it's like

As I write these, I realize that I'm setting some pretty big goals

19. Spend at least 2 hours outside a day. (1 hour chunks at least)
20. Be able to run a 5:30 mile.
21. Participate in a rock climbing competition.
22. Follow through with plans
23. Learn to do some computer coding, enough to make a good looking website.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll probably be adding to it as time goes by, well into the new year.

The New Religion

2011-12-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

Let me preface by saying that I'm assuming a lot in constructing this theory, and I'm betting my background and education influences me greatly.

It feels to me that religion has been continually losing sway over the public over time. Centuries ago, a religion reigned supreme and kings of various sovereigns would look to the Vatican for approval of their reign, rules, and decisions. With the rise of science the sway of religion has seen a precipitous drop. I mean, science makes so much sense...

For a time, the transition from allegiance to religion to allegiance to science caused the enlightenment. The enlightenment was characterized by the shifting of explanation of phenomena from, "because God wills it" to, "I don't know, but will find out". To distill it down, the enlightenment was characterized by curiosity and skepticism which we've since lost.

Every once in a while I find myself thinking, "[insert company X] should invent [insert product]." This implies the idea that I'm incapable of making any headway of creating the thought of product, and put my faith into the new god,, in this example the corporation. Thinking that I am unable, or that I do not have the resources to achieve what I've thought up is similiar to the, "because god wills it mentality."

The new gods are corporations, government, economies, and celebrities. Anything or one we can look to for guidance or blame for our condition and circumstances. People used to say, "God, why have you forsaken me?" and although the same language hasn't held through time, people still feel that way toward our new gods.

I see it everywhere, and I'm a victim of it too. The idea that one cannot change anything materially. Usually this is debated on the level of being able to change one's circumstances. Can individuals change their circumstances? Personally I think so, but I've seen my train of thought regarding my own capabilities stray from my said beliefs. I've felt predestined to a certain grade in a class, regardless of how much effort I put into it. When I feel this way, I don't put in any effort and learn nothing.

And generally, when people think that they cannot change their circumstances, they will do what I do when I think that studying or not studying will yield the same results, they give up. If individuals are predestined or stuck in their circumstances, then is there a point to trying at anything? Is this train of thought creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Should there be something done to instill a sense of individualism in people so that they at least try? Because whether or not you're stuck with the hand you're dealt, if you don't try, you'll never know.

Anyway, I would like to hear your thoughts. This is very debatable.

I feel this post is a little unorganized. For some reason I woke up feeling like my consciousnesses is clouded.

Sister's Christmas Present

2011-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

I picked up my grandmother for Christmas dinner tonight (I know it's Dec 28, but that's how we do it here). She told me that she got my sister $ for Christmas. My sister didn't visit at all over the holidays not to my or anyone else's surprise.

Anyway, I advised to my grandmother that that wasn't a good idea for the obvious reason that the money would fuel the lifestyle that we all disagree with. Anyway this got me thinking about alternative gifts. It proved challenging since anything given could possibly be sold. I suggested that she pay off some of her college debt.

*Digression*
Since my sister dropped out of college my parent told her that the debt that was assumed by our parents was her responsibility. Legally speaking, my mother cosigned with her so my mom and my sister are responsible. The deal had been, you go to college, graduate, and it would be paid for by our parents (I don't know how likely this was to begin with. I think that I will end up paying my own debt considering my parent's financial condition). She didn't do it so the debt is hers.

*We're back*
My Grandmother didn't think that would be a good gift. I couldn't think of what would be an alternative that would not be transformed someway into fueling her drug habit, but I did think of another gift:

(The Name is blacked out for obvious reasons)

This is a parody from Seinfeld where George, instead of giving his coworkers actual Christmas gifts, created a fake charity called, "The Human Fund." It took me all of five minutes to make. My parents didn't like it very much, but I think it's funny.

What do you think?

New Girlfriend, Old Girlfriend

2011-12-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

My blog was disabled for a few days because my previous post was labeled as a terms of service violation for spam. I appealed it after reading how spam is described realizing that I wasn't in violation and now I'm back!!

Anyway the reason for this post is to let you all know that I have a new girlfriend who used to be my girlfriend a little over a year ago. She came over and we went mini golfing and to eat. I had a lot of fun and I was planning to ask her out again. Eventually when she was talking about leaving to go home soon I asked her. She took a long time in answering. Our original break up was traumatic and sudden for her. I was depressed and I thought that if I ended the relationship things would get better. Ever since I broke up with her I realized how awesome she was.

Anyway after I asked her she didn't answer immediately. Honestly, after I asked I was happy to have just gotten it off of my chest. I have (I guess it would be had now) a few other opportunities. Getting rid of that wondering feeling was a load off. We talked over her concerns, "How can I trust you won't do the same thing again?" and, "Will we be able to do it long distance?" I felt a little grimy trying to convince her, and I told her. As for the distance issue I told her it would be tough, living 90 minutes apart, but I know it's worth trying.

She seemed to be looking into the future, at the eventual break up (assuming we break up). Citing all different paths that our lives may take and how our relationship may not last.

It feels like I should have been discouraged by the indecision, but I wasn't and I think it's because I had options. Her saying no wouldn't have been the end of the world.

I think that's important, having options. Dating should be like managing a stock portfolio. It's way risky to be invested entirely in one stock. Smart individuals diversify. Multiple times my world fell apart because I've shunned all other women because of my interest in one, and when it didn't work out I was devastated.

Cashtexts: Scam or Not? I say not.

2011-12-26T15:07:00.000-08:00

So I came across this little scheme called cashtexts:

Basically, I believe it is legitimate. so I signed up. There is no real reason not to, they pay you a little bit every time they send you an Ad or a coupon to your phone. There is real potential, after getting a base of people you referred to sign up to make some money. Doing the math in the graphic proves this.

The site is still beta testing so they aren't sending out texts now. But once they do, the referrals should really start taking off. I started a few days ago and I have had 15 people sign up so once the texts start I'll be making 5(.05)(15)= 3.75$ a day doing nothing. I plan to keep at it so that I make about 10$ a day.

It's only US and Canada right now, but if you live outside that area, you can still refer people to make money.

If you think this is a worthwhile idea, use my referral link:

www.cashtexts.com/by/new_member

Let me know what you all think as always I appreciate your feedback.

Mortal Kombat, X-men, DBZ

2011-12-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

They need to remake this movie or make a sequel. The Mortal Kombat movie tried to put too much in too little time. There is so much potential for an amazing movie now considering all of the CGI advancements that happened in the last Decade. Any way, if you have comcast, Mortal Kombat is in the free movie section.

Also the video game for Sega Saturn was one of the best games ever. It was challenging but not so much so that you got discouraged playing it. I wish I still had a Sega.

There is so much unexplored potential. Every character has unexplained origination stories that could be exploited. I'm surprised that Hollywood hasn't thought of this yet. I think the characters are as interesting as the X-men characters if not more so because of the whole dynamic of parallel worlds and that those with special powers are much rarer than x-men and more believable than DBZ.

I don't know if I'm stirring the pot, but I think overall, Mortal Kombat > DBZ > X- Men.

For the aformentioned mix of the premise, back story of characters, and their powers I believe that Mortal Kombat is the best of the three.

DBZ second because although it is awesome, there is no pretending that with enough will power and training one could be on their level. Although bringing believably into consideration, seems irrational since all of these are hardly believable, I think relative to each other, DBZ is the least believable. (Individual beings destroying planets with their un-augmented powers?)

Although the X-Men movies made me like the concept of mutant super powers more, the lack of rarity and the involvement of political struggle detracts from the potential of this franchise. X-men is a struggle of a transitional species for survival. There is also an indication that the Human race is evolving toward consisting entirely of mutants since mutants are relatively new in the history of the Homo sapien specie. Considering this one can see the allegory that the human race is headed toward self-destruction since we are rejecting our future.

Generally X-men is a story that points out the flaws of Society while Mortal Kombat and DBZ show the ability that society has to overcome adversity.

Christmas Blues

2011-12-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't opened my Christmas gifts yet. My family minus my sister visited my aunts and I got depressed. I'm not sure why but I started missing my ex-girlfriend I think. What I think it is though is that I'm just lonely and I'm worried that her life will turn out better than mine in the long run.

That's a weird yet real fear of mine that my ex's end up better off than me in the future. Am I alone in this fear? Am I the only one driven to try for fear of not being as successful as someone that I was intimate with?

I'd appreciate everyone's insight

My Sister

2011-12-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

Up until now I don't think I've mentioned that I have a sister. I'm sorry for misleading, but I do. She is 2 years younger than me. Right now she works at Walmart. She dropped out of school for the career move. She also quit her job as a nursing assistant to move 3 hours away for her Walmart check out girl job.

You're probably wondering why she's making so many bad decisions. She's an addict. About a year ago she told my mom. She was failing out of school, had tons of credit card debt. She had also borrowed 700$ from me. When I think back on it now, I realize that she was conning me. Addicts are very manipulative.

I just realized the extent of how she tried to con me. She had been in multiple car accidents, most likely because she was driving under the influence. She got her boyfriend at the time who knew how to work on cars, or worked at an auto-body to fix it. (All of this information I've gotten from her, so it has to be taken with a grain of salt). He said that she wouldn't have to pay. Eventually she broke up with him and he changed his mind. She did have to pay.

That's when she asked me to borrow some money to pay him back. I told her that she didn't have to. She told me that he was threatening her, and that he was going to wait at the house. I was at school, so I sped home to take care of the situation. When I got home, the ex wasn't there, neither was my sister. She texted me that he left. Now that I have the veil pulled from my eyes, I wonder how true this story is or if it was fabricated to con me.

Eventually, she told me that she needed to pay her credit card, and need 700$ to do so. I told her I would lend it to her but she would have to pay me back with interest. She had a job, and I didn't know she was an addict. Given that this was the second time she tried to get money from me for another reason, I suspect that her reason wasn't true. She just wanted money to fuel her habits.

It's so infuriating. I don't believe in much of anything, but I used to expect that family members wouldn't try to hurt each other for their personal gain.

Anyway, fast forward. She's with another boyfriend that she met in NA. They are doing drugs again. He's still legal married. He also stole about 2000$ worth of tools from my father from two of our houses. My sister sides with him because we have no hard proof. But the probability that tools go missing from two houses in a relatively small time window at it being two different people that did it (two different thieves stole from our houses) is ridiculously unlikely. The only person that is new to the household and had access to do it, and whose whereabouts match to the time line is the boyfriend.

This boyfriend also has a history of stealing and pawning stuff according to his family. His dad kicked him out because he noticed that he was using again. They are living with his grandparents now.

They lie so much. I had a chance to talk to him and saw all these holes in the story. Even when I point out the inconsistencies, they'll be quick to explain how they are right, or how what seems like an inconsistency is just a misinterpretation. Foggy eyes don't lie.

Writing about this is starting to bother me. The end for now

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's 12:09 and I haven't yet looked at what I got. There is no special reason why I haven't gone and unwrapped my presents. I'm usually unenthusiastic about holidays, so I generally avoid all the traditions. The only tradition I like which we didn't celebrate correctly this year is getting the tree.

The two previous Christmases we scrambled to get the tree. We'd put it off until Christmas Eve, at night and drive from tree place to tree place hoping to find one open. My dad gets angry and we all poke fun at him (my dad is always angry). This year we got the tree with little difficulty early... Oh Well.

Anyway I asked for 2 pairs of shoes, one for running one for, "walking around" as I described it, and a belt. Other than those things I have no idea what to expect. I would be content with just receiving them since I am an aspiring minimalist. I'm too lazy to put in the effort to sell off my stuff, therefore I can only claim to be an aspiring minimalist.

I think life is easier when you own less things. There is less to worry about. And everything looks cleaner. Your room cannot be messy if you don't have anything in it.

Last night we went to a Christmas party my mom and dad and I. It about 5-10 old people (50s-60s) and me. I drank a little and participated a bit in the conversation which is unusual for me, I guess I have some Christmas spirit after all.

The People of Walmart

2011-12-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

So, this happened in front of me a few month ago. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. As you can see, I was trying to be stealthy with the camera. A few other people followed my lead and started filming. They weren't hiding it though. One of them jumped into the shot (of their film) and said something along the lines of, "look at these crazy women." Fun times. Caution, there are some curses said:

It's really amazing how people can get. We were in the express lane and it was moving so slow. Everyone was miserable, but these two were especially so. I guess they needed to vent.

Justin Bieber

2011-12-24T17:24:00.000-08:00

Why is everyone obsessed with Justin Bieber? It seems like people either love him or hate him. Personally I'm indifferent. I don't understand why everyone feels so strongly about him. It's strange

Personally I liked the song he did with Ludacris, "Baby"

Admittedly I liked it until someone pointed out that I shouldn't then I stopped to save my social status. Here is the song:

Some dubstep.. It's the future.

2011-12-24T17:14:00.001-08:00

This is definitely a song everyone needs to hear. I love the brass!

Stock Trading, Options trading

2011-12-24T15:23:00.000-08:00

So like I said I am broke (still am by most standards). But I have a stock trading account with Optionshouse. This is also a site I endorse. The trades are really cheap, and the site has a lot of helpful tools. Anyway, I was trading, or really interested in it for a while, but for some reason I forgot about the account.

A few days ago I checked the account and, much to my delight, found that one of the options trade that I made made me about 600$. I made the trade on a guess. A Christmas miracle!

Options trading is really interesting as soon as I have some more money (since I have the time already) I'll start getting more involved in it.

Another thing that is fun, but harder is Forex. More on that later. Now it's time for dinner.

A little on Penny Auctions

2011-12-24T15:17:00.000-08:00

These sites are like gambling. It seems too good to be true, and that suspicion is well founded.

If you don't know how these sites work this is how:
It's an auction set up with no hard ending (as long as people are bidding, the auction won't end)
Each time you bid the price of the item goes up by .01$; but you have to pay to bid. The amount you pay to bid ranges, but let's say it is .50$. It sounds inexpensive, but let's examine a hypothetical. A TV that sells for 25$, how much did the TV actually sell for? The 25$ indicate that here were 2500 bids @ .50$ a piece is a total cost of 1250 + 25 = 1275$ Definitely not a deal.

I say it's gambling because each time you bid it adds time to the auction. And you're betting your money that you will end up with the item. What this system does is spreads around the cost of the item among all those gambling to win it. Personally I would make one of these sites if I had the money it's seems amazingly profitable.

Last night 12/23

2011-12-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

Last night I went out to a bar by my house. It was the first time I went there and it was pretty fun. There was a great band, a few friends showed up. One I hadn't seen in a while just finished school. He's been in trouble with the law and he told me a little about that. I don't want to go into much detail but it sucks and is scary. I think that he'll be alright. His court date is in a few months I think. I hope everything works out alright.

Anyway later when I got home, another friend called me. Truthfully I'm hoping for something more. It was about 2:30AM and we talked to about 4:50AM. I forget what we talked about but it must have been good. I remember that I really talked up a Christmas gift I got her. It's some antique wind up duck toy that was a great value on Etsy. It looks really cool, I hope I'm not disappointed. She told me something about dancing with a panda while she was out. She lives pretty far away so we can't see each other too often.

Etsy is a great place. If you haven't gone there you should. People who love arts and crafts make awesome things (there are so many different things the site is well established). Every time I visit the site I end up perusing for at least an hour. The site is Etsy.com I don't work there or anything, but I really like the quality I don't see much junk. And the prices are reasonable (some can be unreasonable), but you can always find awesome treasures for cheap.

I need a new hobby or some money

2011-12-24T14:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm a poor college kid who doesn't like working. I don't really know what I like... I like women and that's why I try to exercise everyday, but other than that very common "like" I don't really care about anything.

Well that is a dry vein of thought.

A big problem for me is that I sometimes want to do something, like sky diving for instance, but if I have the money I think that it is more important to save it and avoid the experience. I end up nickel and dimeing myself until all the money is spent anyway on food and drink.

This is something I've begun to work on. Anyway. I think this will be the last introspective post for a while. I doubt many people would like to read about how conflicted I am about everything. It would be nice to know if there are others like me out there.

The Big Question

2011-12-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

I don't know what this blog will be about but I think that it is a nice transition from my hard journal I was keeping. Besides I can type faster than I can write. I've never read or looked a blog, so I'm not sure how they are supposed to be structured. Am I supposed to vary the font size and type at various points to make it aesthetically pleasing?

I guess that this is characteristic of me. I have a lot of questions and am unsure about most things. Needless to say I have confidence issues if I have trouble making even trivial assertions. I'm a smart guy, at least that is what people say, though they wouldn't point it out if I was stupid, so I'm unsure.

I envy people that are able to be decisive. People that can not no the truth but be sure about their beliefs have a quality that I envy. Even when I'm 99% about being right, I won't push my stance if someone disagrees. There are very rare instances where I do push my points, but most of the time I just give up.

Maybe I just don't care enough about anything to take any real stance. That's probably true. I don't trust my judgement to believe anything or have faith in anything or anyone. Recently I've had this internal mantra of, "I don't trust [person] anymore". I don't know why or when it started (it's relatively new), but I've noticed that I don't trust anyone.

That's misleading. I trust people, but I have no faith in them. I don't expect them to be there for me if I need them. This prevents me from getting really close to people. I've worked on this a lot this year, but still feel I have a far way to go.

I guess my big questions are:
What is the point of life?
What should I believe in?
How can I trust people?
What should I do with my life?
What is real and lasting?

There are a lot more and I should, can, and probably will write a lot on each of those questions.

Others' advice is welcomed.