slow motion

Ive been up for three days.

2012-03-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

im not gonna leave.

2012-03-05T19:06:00.002-08:00

What Do i stil have to do? Have I settle for less than what what I was expexcting? Whta about my dignity? I try to change thing in order to make it work and reverse the situation, and by the same fact having him on his knees. But I cant tell if all this gonna work. There s always the hopeful romantic in me wishing for the best, but the reason is the little light in my head saying its pointless and you ll only get even more hurt. I have to admit, I try my best to be realistic and to face all that as strong as I can be in order to not be demolished.

2012-03-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfLmj84DM2g

the white/blank morning.

2012-03-01T08:05:00.002-08:00

ugh. Terrible. Not only is it the first day of march and white shit is falling, my sleep taught me alot about perception and understanding. It is not unusual for me (and for people in general) and feel fresh and to have a better vision in the morning. However, today what was on my mind was worse than any usual morning. The whole situation where I tought I was in control just got reversed, and it is not going my way. I putted my cards on the table, whishing by being totally honest it would save it. I have been told it was actually beautiful for my part what I've done. but unfortunatelly it was too late. Nothing would go back to what it was. I should really give up. I know time will pass and it will be better, but for now the only thing I can do, andI have to do, is to actually stop everything, get calm and carry on. That s it.

the letter I tought would save it all

2012-02-29T18:59:00.002-08:00

I’m going to be totally honest with you. What we went through in the last month was quit intense for both of us. On my side, I left you with the idea that it was enough. I was only unhappy because I decided to focus my energy on something that was in fact pointless and stupid. To stick to little details that have no meaning. In my head it was clear, I had to stop seeing you. As the time pass by, I had a better vision, and I think it was a good thing to stay a bit away from you. I fell I had a brighter vision of everything. You know in the morning when you wake up. That’s how I fell. I am sensitive, but I have learnt I should see things from another point of view before saying it hurts me. However, even after I fell that things were different, I still needed you to say you were sorry, and you did. It might look not very important, but it is. To know you realise what you did, and from the inside of you, you feel sorry. From that morning I decided to move on, I had everything to do so, I only needed time. After all, we only have one life to live, why spending it being sad.

As for your side, I know you went through hard time, and I m sorry.

In the last month, I have seen different people. I knew I didn’t need to kiss someone else to realize how strong my feelings for you, they were. The last Sunday only confirms it all. I do love you. Being with you, hanging out with you; it makes me happy. I know we still more time for things to settle, it still very fresh, but I think it worth fighting for this love (it sounds really cheesy, I’m sorry).

Sunday, when I made you laugh at Voro, I realised it does actually make me really happy. I want to take care of you and make you feel good. I want to share more amazing moments with you, like we did in the last year.

I honestly think that being apart is not our solution. I think we have not reached that extreme. Growing up and learning from eachother, those are ours allies.

__________________________________________________

This letter means alot to me, and it comes from the bottom of my being.

xx

2012-02-22T19:35:00.001-08:00

let dust setlle.

2012-02-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

Relationship, emotional problems are something really exhausting for my part. I think i need to learn to stop overthinking, stop taking everything personal and being more objective. this last year i though my partner was thereason of my sorrow. in fact, I do have a tendency of thinking tuff over and over, oh and over agin. Thats nut! like taking conclusion from stuff you only see from one point of view. like come fucking down buddy. UGH i feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Main Goal.

2012-02-22T19:06:00.000-08:00

What i wish could be my moto.

''i dont have a plan B. When you've got 2 course meals and your favorite falls on the floor, you resort to the 2nd one! I cant let it happen.i've got ONE main dish, if it falls, best believe I'll eat it from the floor! #FOCUS #MANYWAYSTOSUCCESS ''

Never Ever

2011-07-31T11:54:00.001-07:00

the storm behind, the light go through my mind

2011-07-31T11:49:00.000-07:00

i cried, with this huge problem; when i was thinking about why i was crying it seemed that it doesnt make sense. i told the whole story to my mum and she brought something i ve never seen since the beggining; i was part of the problem. i was the one who couldnt trust him, i am the one who slept with someone else, i went through his phone and invade his privacy. things that i shouldnt have done. now that we are apart i realised that he was there for me as a friend and a lover, and ya maybe we hadnt the kind of relation i wanted, but we had something strong and i destroyed it. when i think about it, he was mature and kind and he never wanted to hurt me, i did it myself. i am the one who has to apologize and to be forgiven.

rise up

2011-07-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

AAHH, am i mentally ill? again, it doesnt take a lot to change my mind, but i mean this time i feel this is for good and its gonna last. i follow his advice (and i should do so more often), i spoke with my mum. one of the best thing i could ever done. why i never think about her when it comes to advices or point of view; 50 years old lady, went through life and she knows and has a lot to say about it. of course my friends may help me in the future, but i shouldnt base my opinions on what they have to say, since we all think the same way and we are nearly all at the same place in life. she is great and she is right, once more, she gave me the best lessons in a long time.

on repare les coeurs brisés ce soir

2011-07-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

24hours later: DYING! can barely breath ....................not really. I feel dizzy, not fully counscious of what is going on. i cried a lot and i still cry but only because of the breakup, only because what we had is done. i start to think about what might be even harder to deal with. For sure i ll still see him, but everything will be different. i miss his presence next to me, always listening about the crazy shits i had to say, random stuff, stupid and pointless. But he was there listening to me. i had someone i could count on, and i still do. 24 hours later i ve think about so much stuff that i feel that i could talk with him forever. i know i still very young and i have a lot to learn, but everyones different. when i think about it he wasnt my first crush; i had many crushes before him and either they were disapointing or i was the one who left the other disapointed. i already had my first love story, but this one was the first real love story. the kind of story with so many emotions from to people wit differents background, pointof views, passions, but with the same attachment for eachothers. for all of my stories i ve something i would have done differently. sometime i regret things because i didnt show my feeling to the other person or i dont seem interested because they never take the time to figure me out ( oh na na WHATS MY NAME?). but in this story i have been honest and i opened my heart and i told him. serioulsy i woulnd change anything of what happened. i think both of us grow up so much from that story, and one thing is for sure im gonna make sure he s stay on my way and that i walk by his side, i might hold his hand again maybe not, but from now on he has one more from he may certainly count on, anytime. xxxx

bello

2011-07-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

thank you so much for everything, you ve been amazing to me. i couldnt ask for a better friend/life partner. i changed in many ways, and i changed for the better. you deeply influenced me and i am so glad you crossed my way. laugh smile love - thanks again corazon

you ll always have a special place xxxx

smashed heart

2011-07-24T16:20:00.000-07:00

Oh God! I knew it would come, i always had hope to make it works but i guess it was just not meant to be. at this point i just do not know to think about all that. i can thank god for all the lessons this adventures taught me and i guess thta i am a better person, or a more educated person, ready to face once more this crazy world.

coeur de porcelaine

2011-05-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

ok, lets face it: i hate how you behave, what we have ( well what i think we have, but in fact doesnt exist, but whatever), and your perspective of the wolrd and its all work. however, i am not gonna lie, i feel this is attractive, well i am attractd to that, somehow. but, i think i will need a little more time to understand.

Just in case you were wondering: yup i am hurted.

few strings attached

2011-05-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

–noun, plural -ties.

the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine.

a power or right delegated or given; authorization: Who has the authority to grant permission?

Who are you? Who are you to feel better than me, than us. Having that control over me. I am talking here about many different ways . I am sick of all of you, you can all go get fucked bande d'enculé à la con. JE VOUS EMMERDE. LES CONS MOI JE LES BRULE. You are so cool, OMG SERIOUSLY WOW. no. in fact you are pathetic, miserable. You me be greater here, but trust me out of this place i would slap you so bad, i would spit on you. you would feel so small for a second, a second i would enjoy watching you moped in your corner. and you, ok you might be really sweet sometime, but for the rest you are just an asshole. you treat me like shit, well fine i ll go away and go find some other bitch to take my place, just leave me fucking alone. I DONT EVEN DREAM ABOUT THE DAY ALL BE BIGGER, BOLDER, MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU. YOU KNOW WHY?? I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! WASTE OF TIME TO HAVE YOU IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW!!!! GO GET A LIFE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP PELEASEEE. thanks.

bling bling

2011-05-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

Here i am, i ve been thinking about that for a while now. I feel so attracted to this way of life, to these behaviours, i mean i wish i could be such a badass, but in fact im not. And i am pissed to see you doing those thing that i wish i could do. Jealous? maybe not, i mean pretty hard to describe how i feel inside. but i would say i am somehow envious, envious of something that seem not out of reach but, not allowed with my entourage and the way i live.

on the edge

2011-05-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

on the edge, that how i feel right now. feel asleep all the time, not even counscious of what is going on around me. feel dizzy, totally. i dont even know if what i am doing makes sense, does it? every interactions, every moves, every reflection, that s all bull shit!! i even have physical marks! just so tired of all this cant do it anymore.

FUCK IT

good one

2011-04-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

OMG, somethime im just obnubilate about some part of my life where, there was so much going on arounfd me and i didnt not event notice it. im talkin here about the 90's, what an amazing decade seriously. on so much aspects, music, fashion, design, trends, everything seem to have some much attitude. By that i mean, everyhting is bright, fresh, pop out, you cant miss it you know. I wish i could still have these supper high waist pants, wit a blue cap reversed-set and a calvin klein tshirt. the spice girls , kate moss,tyra bank, madonna and her gypsy style, some aaliyah and old school janet. what a good time.

fuck you

2011-04-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

Many people i hated in my life, but i always come back to the same person:me. UGGH what an annoying person i can be, seriously. i get attached to people so easily, after only 2 weeks i feel so close to someone , that in fact , doesnt. and the moment he/she is away from me, i think about the worst that could possibly happen, and then this hate comes and i just want to get rid of this person. GO FUCKIN AWAY FROM ME BASTARD. i dont know why, i want to cut off all connections between this person and i. I feel stupid and for a second i thought the flow between us was good, we hadpoints in common, and we do, but i feel betrayed. AND THAT IS JUST SO STUPID, i shouldnt feel this way, i mean he/she just dont want to see you tonight, i had something else planned, what do you want?? you hav to deal with it. just relax tak it easy, life is not all about drama and mistakes( there is drama and mistakes), but not all the time. Take time to step out of the situation and think about it with a more general point of view.

bleh

2011-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

never thought i would write again on this thing, nywayzz, one week later i am such a different person........not.

2k10

2011-04-16T21:22:00.001-07:00

2010, what year!!!Amazing memories, lots of lessons. I thought 2009 would be hard to beat, but in fact 2010 is much more memorable!! God puts on my way amazing people this year which brought me inspiration. I started the year / sadness, when you have chance just take it and make the most of it. By the spring I grew up, and I was ready to work harder than ever. I knew the road would be hard charged with many obstacles, but i made my way through it. Not only I thought that all I had was there to stay, but i lose nearly everything for a second time. From that I learned I had to be cautious.

Just make sure to check everything twice and give the best of you in everything you are doing. Work hard, hard, hard and harder. Do not give up, stay focused and keep in mind what you want, c’est en perseverant dans les moments dures que l’on en retire le plus. Do not take anything for granted and be grateful. Be clever, and give a chance to people whom might cross your way. Do not expect everyone to be sweet. Keep faith, God is fair and will give you opportunities, make sure to take them. God is good.

Keep that in mind and keep up with the good work.

2011-04-16T21:20:00.001-07:00

moto

2011-04-16T21:12:00.001-07:00

Live with intention; Walk to the edge; Listen hard; Practice wellness; Play with abandon; Laugh; Choose with no regret; Continue to learn; Appreciate your friends; Do what you love; Live as if this is all there is......"

no caption needed

2011-04-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

yo,
i decided to start a blog to explore the many posibilities this shit could do for me. i ll put here most of my thoughts and my opinions on what s going on in this world, from music to reading,writing,fashion,influences,
i ll try to develop a much deeper understanding of these important aspects and crazy things i have in my headd.