Small Things, Great Love

[quote of the day]

2011-06-11T18:38:00.000-07:00

"At present, we are stealing the future, selling it to the present, and calling it gross domestic product."

- Paul Hawken

reading list

2011-06-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

I, probably like many of you, am guilty of creating massive reading lists including some works that interest me greatly and others that would be 'good' for me.

Below is the current version of my topic-specific reading list. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comment box, or email them to smthgrlo@gmail.com!

Rediscovering Palestine
The Economics of Women & Work in the Middle East
The Political Economy of Regional Cooperation in the Middle East
Economic & Political Liberalization in the Middle East
Rebuilding Devastated Economies in the Middle East
The Economics of Middle East Peace
The Arab Minority in Israel's Economy
State Practices and Zionist Images
Islam & the Political Economy of Meaning
Desiring Arabs
In Quest of an Islamic Humanism
The Dynamics of Neutralism in the Arab World
Overstating the Arab State
Belated Travelers
Nationalism in a Non-National State
A Compassionate Peace: A Future for the Middle East
Conflict Management in the Middle East
The Politics of Sacred Space: The Old City of Jerusalem
Negotiating Jerusalem
The West Bank Handbook
Crossing the Green Line Between the West Bank and Israel
The Yellow Wind
The Third Way
The Others Within Us
Strengthening Palestinian Public Institutions
Displaced at Home: Ethnicity & Gender Among Palestinians in Israel
A Voice of Reason
Genealogies of Conflict: Class, Identity, & State in Palestine/Israel and South Africa
Arab-Israeli Conflict: Psychological Obstacles to Peace
Israeli and Palestinian Narratives of Conflict
Practical Peacemaking in the Middle East
From Confrontation to Cooperation
The One-State Solution
Occupied by Memory: The Intifada Generation & the Palestinian State of Emergency
Bridging the Divide: Peacebuilding n the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
Holy War, Holy Peace
Israel & the Palestinians: Israeli Policy Options
Palestine Inside Out
The End of the Peace Process
Disenthralling Ourselves
Nakba

In the last few weeks, I finished I Saw Ramallah, Victory for Us is to See You Suffer, and Sharon and My Mother-in-Law.

Looking forward to lots of library time this summer! What books are you reading?

[the vernacular of the visionless]

2011-06-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

My alma mater, Smith College, is currently hosting a small group of current students in Israel for a summer of participation in one of several Global Engagement Seminars. Students are invited to contribute to an official Smith blog as they travel, expand their horizons, complete internships, and talk with the locals.

A few weeks ago, an entry was posted titled "Words Matter," by Katy Swartz, '13. The piece discusses the use of the word 'apartheid' in describing contemporary Israel, and the author believes that 'apartheid' is an inaccurate and damaging characterization of Israel's policies. She cites a letter from the Vanguard Leadership Group that states,

"The use of the word 'apartheid' by Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) in its characterization of Israel is patently false and deeply offensive to all who feel a connection to the state of Israel. Your organization's campaign against Israel is spreading misinformation about its policies, fostering bias in the media, and jeopardizing prospects for a timely resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict."

I'm going to re-state her main points, and show where Katy has gone wrong.

The main points, as I understood them, were that 'apartheid' cannot be applied to Israel because of the following reasons:

'Apartheid' refers to race, and "Judaism is not a race"
20% of Israel's citizens are Arab, and they have "full and equal rights under Israeli law"
If Israel were racist against Arabs, it would not act justly toward its own Arab-Israeli citizens on the one hand, but unjustly toward Arabs and Palestinians elsewhere
Self-governance, as the author defines the presence of the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank and Gaza, would not occur under apartheid
"An apartheid regime would...[wish] to remain sovereign over the group it were oppressing because it would likely be benefiting from the forced labor of the citizens"

The author also makes the following (I think, problematic) statements:

Palestinians were offered a two-state solution and rejected it; as such, they are implicitly to blame
Palestinians were offered citizenship in East Jerusalem and "refuse[d] to participate in the city government"
"Israel is still committed to the establishment of the state of Palestine in the Palestinian territories"
Israel's recent 'control' policies are "a result of Palestinians blowing up innocent Israeli civilians (which of course did not happen in South Africa)"
"Israel remains dedicated to finding a solution within the parameters that allow for the Jewish state to remain in existence alongside a future Palestinian state"

Well. Let's unpack some of this, shall we?

First of all, some background on the author:

Katy Swartz will be a junior at Smith next year, self-identifies as an orthodox Jew, and is a Jewish Studies major at Smith. By no means am I claiming that Jews are innately unable to make valid contributions to this conversations (and, as Lucas Koerner proved, Jewish ethics can be a large motivating factor to stand with the Palestinians), but I believe that knowing an author's background is an essential part of understanding their belief system and teasing apart their biases.

She is on this summer program with other Smith students of varying opinions and identities surrounding the conflict. I'm sure the experience may at times feel threatening to her beliefs and her identity. I applaud Katy for attempting to engage in these difficult conversations, and for making public her opinions and her frustrations.

Katy was raised in a Jewish household (see above interview) and I have seen her, along with other student members of the Smith Israel Alliance, at many related events on campus. I particularly remember her presence at a presentation by scholar and author Norman Finkelstein on campus in Spring 2011. She and her peers put up posters from CAMERA on the doors to the venue where Finkelstein was speaking, and handed them out to folks as they entered the building.

These fliers are despicable, shabby, inaccurate, discriminatory pieces of literature with a Zionist agenda and absolutely no constructive or intellectual value, in my opinion, and in the opinion of others, including Uri Strauss with the Palestine Action Coalition (see his piece on apartheid and Israel here and note his comment on Katy's post here).

Here's the flier (from CAMERA)... And here's Finkelstein (from his website)

The flier from CAMERA purposefully utilizes a photograph of a gun-toting, turban-wearing, bearded Arab man for shock value, and coercively manipulates the viewer into associating Finkelstein with the fear and hatred of 'the Arab'. It utilizes the color pink in a way that suggests that Finkelstein is effeminate or gay, and subversively uses homosexuality as a reason to discredit Finkelstein's academic and intellectual value (indeed, when typing 'Norman Finkelstein' into Google, 'Norman Finkelstein gay' pops up). More crucially, the flier contains biased sources and surface-level answers that are absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful to the event and to the speaker and the hosting organizations. I hold anyone who hands out these fliers responsible for their message.

Uri Strauss, currently the Law Fellow with Western Mass. American Friends Service Committee, published an article in 2002 titled "Defining Apartheid: Israel's Record." Strauss points out that 'race' is widely interpreted under UN Conventions, and would include Jews as a race. We cannot use the technicality of language to allow occupiers and human rights abusers to escape responsibility. I would suggest that perhaps genocide is a more accurate description, as defined by the 1948 UN Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, Article 2:

"any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial, or religious group, as such: killing members of the group; causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group; deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life, calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part; imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group; [and] forcibly transferring children of the group to another group."

Whether or not Judaism is considered a race, Israel is still upholding blatantly discriminatory and abusive policies.

Katy's second point about the "full and equal rights under Israeli law" for Arab citizens of Israel is simply incorrect. The Arab citizens of Israel have been subject to consistent and repressive policies since the founding of the state of Israel, including land grabs, racist laws, home demolitions, forced migration (see this article from Middle East Monitor). Even if Arab citizens of Israel were treated like royalty, this has no bearing whatsoever on the treatment of other Palestinians within the borders that Israel currently claims.

Her next point (that a racist regime does not pick and choose where it practices racism) is ridiculous. Any racist act by a regime means it is a racist regime, in the same way that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice anywhere" (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.). Sure, everyone's a little bit racist sometimes from a sociological perspective, but we're not all committing systemic genocide on a societal level.

Katy also states that self-governance would not occur under apartheid. Firstly, self-governance can absolutely occur under apartheid (Bantustan, anyone?). In addition, the Palestinian Authority has been perceived by Palestinians to be corrupt, unrepresentative, and unsupported and disrespected by the majority of the outside world. The PA may wear the mask of self-governance, but it does NOT represent genuine self-governance.

She also makes the point that an apartheid regime would wish to remain sovereign over the oppressed group to benefit from its forced labor. Israel either DOES implicitly benefit from cheap Palestinian labor, with crowds of men sitting near roads hoping to land a temporary menial labor job with a passing Israeli, OR the ridiculous permit system in combination with checkpoints prohibit Palestinians from having good jobs within Israel or within the Occupied Palestinian Territories.

For me, Katy's analysis relies on a lack of historical understanding of what power dynamics, collective memory, cultural narratives, and 'resistance' mean, and more specifically what these terms mean to Palestinians. Decades of mistreatment and neglect from the majority of the international community have created generations of Palestinians that are struggling with notions of identity and homeland. Many Palestinians still hold the deeds to land inside Israel. Millions of Palestinians have been born outside the holy land, but still identify with the history, the myth, and the physical place of Palestine. Without a fully functioning, recognized, supported government, and subject to all forms of economic sanctions, physical and mental abuse, I wonder how Katy recommends that Palestinians reconcile their past, their present and their abusers, and their dreams for a future.

Arundhati Roy describes it well, saying

"Can the hungry go on a hunger strike? Non-violence is a piece of theatre. You need an audience. What can you do when you have no audience? People have the right to resist annihilation."

Palestinian suicide bombers are resisting occupation and humiliation. I do not condone violence against anyone or anything, but I understand why certain parties are behaving and reacting in the ways that they do; as Arundhati Roy says, they are 'resisting annihilation'.

Katy also explains that Israel is not committing the crime of apartheid, but rather utilizing 'control' strategies as a result of "Palestinians blowing up innocent Israeli civilians." The destruction of human life (or animal life, or natural forms of life, in my opinion) is never desirable. But we must call a spade a spade. Or it's not quite a spade, let's call it 'frustrating' and 'harmful' if we don't have the right words to describe it.

In the end, we can all agree that something is clearly wrong in the holy land, and we are all responsible for what has happened in the past and for what will happen in the future. We are all complicit parties to this conflict, until it is resolved. No one -- neither Israelis nor Palestinians nor aid workers nor tourists nor Druze, etc. -- feels secure, and everyone deserves that right.

I believe it is possible to achieve a satisfying, secure outcome for all parties, and that the first step is to watch our language and listen to each others' stories. But as long as the vernacular of the visionless presides, there will be neither peace nor justice in the Holy Land.

To Katy (and others reading this), this is not meant to be a personal attack, and I do apologize if it feels that way. If you're reading this, I'm interested in hearing back from you. You can post a comment or email me at smthgrlo@gmail.com, and I promise to respond respectfully and promptly.

[the profane in the holy land]

2011-06-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few weeks trying to gain a better understanding of what daily life in Palestine is like. From everything I've read thus far, it seems to me that the Palestinian experience and identity is shaped not only by a shared narrative and intense collective memory, but also by interactions with the 'Other'. In this way, Palestinians define themselves, but Israel, or opposition to Israel, also defines Palestine.

Israel claims a monopoly on legitimacy, politics, resources, morality, and international support. I recently stumbled upon an article with an accompanying video that I'd like to share: http://ht.ly/5eyth ("Israeli police wrestle US citizen to ground, put knee on his neck," from electronicintifada.net).

The video includes 19 year-old Lucas Koerner's explanation for his presence at the rally, and shows footage of at least three Israeli police roughly pushing Koerner to the ground and pinning him down beneath their knees as they handcuff and carry him to their vehicle.

(Lucas Koerner, from electronicintifada's article)

From what I can tell, the young man (American-Jewish) was being a nonviolent presence and standing in solidarity with the Palestinians at an Israeli settler rally on Jerusalem Day earlier this month. He had affixed a Palestinian flag to his kippah and another to his keffiyeh. The video showed the clear transition from surprise to confusion to anger at this seeming clash of symbols. As the young man stated on his blog,

"For them, Judaism and its physical symbol, the kippah, were inseparably bound up with the particular strain of ethno-religious nationalism associated with the state of Israel. It simply never occurred to them that a Jewish person would, in the name of Jewish ethics, stand in solidarity with the oppressed Palestinian people in their struggle for freedom. I feel that it was precisely this cognitive dissonance on a societal level that formed the motivation for my arrest."

I am interested in identity formation at the societal/communal level and how such an identity can aggravate conflict or set the stage for peace. Koerner mentions the conflation between national and religious symbols in mainstream Israeli identity. Israel is guilty of portraying Palestinians as hopelessly fused with Islam, fundamentalism, and terrorism. And it's not alone.

Not all Jews are Israelis, and not all Israelis are Jewish. Not all Palestinians are Muslim, and not all Muslims are Palestinian. It may sound ridiculous to state such obvious facts, but the way that we characterize, conceptualize, and use our language to frame a situation have great impact on how we perceive the participants, behavior, and possible solutions.

It's not about anti-Semitism. It's not about Arab terrorism. It's not as simple as Israelis versus Palestinians. Those categories are so much bigger and more complex than a single person, a community, a religion, or a state.

Next: Hamas and Fatah meet in Cairo.

[the beginning in the end]

2011-05-29T18:20:00.001-07:00

Hello friends,

Apologies for the ridiculously long absence from manysunsets. My life has been quite a story since I last wrote -- I had a fantastic senior year at Smith College. I spent Christmas in Strasbourg with my dad and his girlfriend and her family, and then spent my 21st birthday in Seattle with my most wonderful friends.

I have been an alum of Smith College for two weeks now. I am surprised at how much better it feels to be graduated than I anticipated. I feel very free. I feel less guilty about how I spend my time. I permit myself to dream, to read t ravel blo g s, to start my never-ending reading list, to drink iced tea and grilled cheese sandwiches on gluten-free bread all day. And I can now submit applications for jobs and positions for which I was previously ineligible or 'unqualified'.

One of those applications was for a three-month position teaching music with an organization in Nablus (in the West Bank in Palestine -- see map below) called Music Harvest. I was confident that I'd submitted a strong application, and was pretty happy with how my Skype interview went. Lo and behold, last week...

I got an acceptance email!

So. Though I have not officially accepted (I will most likely do so next week), my heart is set on accepting the post. I will be teaching voice and piano to Palestinian students between ages 5 and 15 in the city of Nablus, إن شاء الله.

Nablus is a fairly conservative Islamic city -- not as conservative as Saudi Arabia -- and has been a center of Palestinian resistance to the Israeli occupation. There are several refugee camps in the West Bank, and many landmarks of religious importance to multiple faiths.

Nablus is home to Jacob's Well and is well-known for soap-manufacturing, kanafeh (a sort of pastry), olive oil, furniture, and other handicrafts. It is also home to the Palestine Securities Exchange (the only one in the Palestinian territories).

Wikipedia informs me that one of Nablus's sister cities is Dublin, Ireland -- many folks, including myself, have drawn comparisons between the way that the Ireland/Northern Ireland and the Palestine/Israel conflicts have been framed, both by outsiders and by parties to the conflicts. Obviously, the two conflicts are multifaceted and incomparable on many levels, but the discussions of national identity, occupation, statehood, armed resistance and terrorism, religion, and economic status have sometimes echoed each other. Not only is Dublin a sister city to Nablus, but many Palestinian flags have been flown in r epublican areas of Ireland in contrast to Israeli flags in the unionist areas of Northern Ireland.

Anyhow, I am now beginning the mental, physical, and material preparations for going to the West Bank in September.

Now, I bet some of you are thinking something along the lines of, "why would a nice, young, blonde girl like yourself want to go live in a war zone?" And indeed, my father's first question was, "is it safe?"

While there are so many politically charged, rambling, ranting answers I could give to the assumptions and power dynamics behind that question... Fair enough. I expect to encounter, directly and indirectly, armed and nonviolent Palestinian resistance to the Israeli occupation. I also expect to encounter informal and systemic violence against the Palestinian community coming from some of the Israeli community.

I've done quite a bit of traveling -- granted, none of it in a place quite like Palestine -- and I have a great deal of common sense, highly attuned instincts for when to trust someone, when to back away with a smile, and when to throw an upper-cut. From all the research I've done thus far (including blogs, chats with trusted friends/professors, news articles), it seems that violence in Nablus and in the West Bank has been changing its face in the last year or so. Though violence and public opinion are unpredictable (especially because public opinion is not homogenous nor representative of the entire Palestinian community), it also appears that foreigners are generally welcomed and respected, or at least left untouched, particularly if they have connections within the community. I plan on using my identity as a sweet young female self to my advantage while I'm there -- accepting dinner invitations from families of students and asking for help from trusted sources when I need it.

This org will house me with the other volunteers, and I'll pay for my own living expenses (like food and local transportation), which they estimate to be about $50 per week. I'm also hoping to do some traveling when I'm not working. I'm especially looking forward to Lebanon, and hopefully Syria if shit doesn't seriously hit the fan.

Mainly, I want to go because I need to see Palestine with my own two eyes. There is something inside me that feels an affinity with the Arab world: the misinterpretation and subjugation by colonial powers and neo-colonialism; the struggle to define a national identity after a history of occupation; the collective memory of war and peace, family and foreigner, music and art, home and displacement; and the pride, patriotism, pacifism, and perspicacity of the majority of the Arab world.

I also feel an obligation to defend human rights, including basic security of self and property, the right to self-determination, and a genuine voice in the governing political body. Much has been said about Palestine by all kinds of people. I hope to find a balance between the learning I will do with my eyes and heart and ears, and the learning I have already acquired through my coursework, newspaper articles, speakers, and conversations.

I am mostly going to learn -- to hear stories. This is something I learned during my training two weeks ago to be a social justice mediator. The technique I was trained in asks mediators to gather stories from each party, and then to simply transmit the stories to the other parties. No seeking of common ground, no editing, no bargaining chips. I hope to practice this method in Palestine.

I am also going because I love music and I love working with children. I have experienced the transformative power of music, and I know how empowering it can be to acquire proficiency on an instrument and to be able to learn songs that the student is actually interested in, and to have the ability to perform together with my friends or with strangers. I hope to provide a safe, engaging, challenging, creative space for my students in which no questions are off-limits and in which the student is not only a music student but also a human being with a unique story and unique needs and dreams.

End the sappiness.

Here are the practicalities of preparing:

-Applying for a second passport so that my Israeli visa doesn't prohibit regional travel

-Reviewing my Arabic notecards and making specific vocabulary lists for teaching music, daily usage, and Palestinian Arabic in particular

-Finding a language partner (in person or on Skype) to practice speaking Arabic

-Finessing my packing list (including lots of long skirts, ear plugs, gifts)

-Reading (currently on "I Saw Ramallah" and the Holy Qur'an -- yes, it's online, just like the Bible)

-Preparing to teach:

-Reviewing my music theory

-Learning some Smithereens arrangements (Peace Pipes ?!)

-Chatting with mom about teaching techniques and strategies

-Practicing the piano

-Making a list of artists, genres, arrangements, songs that a) I want to introduce to my students, and b) are well-known in the region with which I want to be familiar

-Earning some money to pay for this exciting adventure!

-Planning my summer and the visits I want to make before leaving

-(sounds morbid, but...) Making a plan in case something does happen to me while I'm there.

How would you prepare for a trip like this? Are there any books or websites you'd recommend for me?

Amsterdam #2

2010-08-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

So, Amsterdam just blew my mind. Let me start at the beginning.

4:30 pm yesterday, at a pizzeria near the Rijksmuseum. Eating my first real meal of the day. We invite the solo gentleman sitting a few tables down to join us. He is a charmingly funny Irishman named Martin -- and I don't care what your gender or how you identify, I simply love accents. So. After we eat, I head back to the hostel to take a quick nap and get some work done on my Fulbright application, leaving my friend Tina and our new friend Martin alone for a few hours. We meet up later, around 7, and they've already got a few drinks in them and have a few cans of Heineken to offer me. We wait for Martin's friends to show up right by the entrance of Vondelpark, all the while getting sprinkled with the lazy Amsterdam evening rain and enjoying the people watching. Then we're a five-some: I, Tina, Martin, Sean and Mark all head out toward the Red Light District, tramming it to get out of the rain and stopping off at the Euro Bar to have another drink and some fries.

Now, friends, try to picture this. Me with three charming, witty, very very straight Irish men. Drunk. Wandering through the Red Light District, with barely clothed women shimmying and beckoning in red backlit windows right on the street front. Now, I thought that I had made it fairly clear that I prefer WOMEN, but these three took my comments as a way to amuse themselves all night. Let me make myself clear: they were very nice men, and once they realized that I actually do date women, they were adorably curious and sweet. But the running commentary was a tad obnoxious.

So, we enter the Red Light District. And a few drinks down the hatch, we decide that we should go see a sex show. I figure, when in Rome... Before you judge me, you should know that I'm a complete feminist, and that prostitution is legal in Amsterdam, that I was not partaking, and that the situation is compelx, and of course all I'm thinking the entire time is ughh, umm, okay? I needed to see it for myself. It was so funny -- the boys kept turning to me and asking, genuinely, does that turn you on? what do you think about that? is she your type? Meanwhile, I'm sitting toward the back, slightly uncomfortable, mostly bemused, Heineken # something-or-other in hand, looking into all of the performers' faces and trying to understand their stories, get any hint of their emotions, and also monitoring the audience, slightly sickened at the whooping older men, surprised at the number of women in the audience, and the different personalities of the performs. I turn to the poor blokes and explain that I like REAL women. I can tell I'm totally bursting their bubble, but I forge on. These women are most likely straight. And there's no emotion or, well, reality! There is absolutely nothing that turns me on about a performance like that -- it's the lover that gives the pleasure, not the sex, as Marge Piercy says.

Sufficiently non-shocked and non-turned on but still sufficiently floaty, we do a bit more wandering and head to an Irish pub where I'm no longer buying my own drinks. There the conversation splits into two, with Kristine (Tina) and Martin chatting animatedly next to me (he had lots of good tips about which places to visit) while Sean, Mark and I delve into conversation about me, my relationships, my history. It was incredibly cute, and flattering, and unusual for me as a gay girl having these two incredibly hetero guys just genuinly stone-cold fascinating in my life. And no, I wasn't so out of it that I THOUGHT they were genuinely interested. Those of you who know me will know that I don't take any shit or any interest from people I'm not interested in.

Anyhow, then it was time for the night to end. Lots of hugs, invitations to come visit in Dublin, and voila! our exciting, cliche adventure in Amsterdam (sans the hash) is over. Tina and I departed for our respective hostels -- hers was very close to the District but mine was too far -- and I cab it home after three nice Dutch boys on bikes tell me it's too long to walk. I crawl into bed, whip off my jeans and reach up to take out my earrings and -- wait! -- there's only one there! Fucksicle. Oh well. A good night out. I love this city.

Okay, Amsterdam for reals, #1

2010-08-28T00:35:00.001-07:00

SO, back to craziness/wonderfulness of my life. I just spent five days in Hawaii visiting two dear friends of mine from Smith, where I enjoyed the beach, muddy hiking, and SCUBA diving (I got certified in Thailand in March). Needless to say, it was epic and fun and lovely and enjoyable (though everything is much more expensive there than on the mainland -- which didn't stop me from indulging in a vegetarian mondo burrito on spinach with sour cream and guacamole from Taco Del Mar). Then, after barely getting on my flight from Honolulu to Seattle (it was literally three minutes before the plane was supposed to take off and the Delta agent hands me a first class boarding pass to replace my seat request card), I spent about 24 hours in Seattle with my mother. I quizzed her on questions for her massage school exams (spinous processes of the last six thoracic vertebrae, the last 3-4 ribs, the thoracolumbar aponeurosis, and the posterior iliac crest!) and we cooked a delicious meal inspired by Cafe Flora's vegetarian menu. Then early the next morning, after a slight scare where my fingers turned blue and was in lots of pain and I thought I had some sort of weird form of decompression sickness, I headed to Salt Lake City to see my dad for 48 hours. And Anna spent the night there with me last night, a weigh station on her drive across the country back to Smith! Side note: I love it when I get to show my home(s) to people who are important to me. It's even nice when people get to see my Utah house now, because even though it's not my home-home (Kirkland is), it's where I go now. If that makes any sense. And Utah is freaking beautiful - mountains, a huge sky, canyons, parks, dogs, outdoor music venues, Saturday markets... And then I hopped on a plane to Minneapolis, and then another to Amsterdam.

So, here I am, sitting in a McDonald's in Amsterdam, by Central Station. Have yet to meet up with my friend, did a bit of wandering earlier this morning, but I'm a little tired and would rather not get stuck in the rain. So I think I'll hang out here and get some writing done until Tina and I rendez-vous. I'm so exhausted! So much travel in the last three weeks. Not that I'm complaining. I should add that I do understanding I am more than incredibly lucky to have a father who is a pilot. I do not take these flight privileges lightly. I know how lucky I am, and I spent years feeling guilty because of it. But I'm going to use them for good and not for evil, and they also won't last forever -- just 1-2 more years (we're not exactly clear on the rules) and then -- POOF! -- gone.

I should also add that I am incredibly broke right now. But it's because I've finally convinced myself that it's okay to spend money on things that I need and want and enjoy. Being a little selfish about some things is okay -- I know that Ayn Rand would probably agree (thanks, Erin M.!). I spent two years in a state of constant penny-pinching, saving for my three-month trip this spring. And I spent nearly all of the money I had saved (I don't regret a thing!). Then I came back and worked in Washington, DC for the summer, but the very small stipend I was offered went right back out the door to pay for rent and food. And here I am now, with friends to see, textbooks to buy, a body to feed, yadda yadda... I am so excited to be earnign money again, and saving and spending it. Don't get me wrong, I'm a financially smart girl. I'm not a math girl, but I understand finances. I intend on saving what I can this year so that I can graduate with a few months' worth of income to start me off wherever I choose to go when I leave Smith (and so that I can start paying off my student loans), but I also intend to spend more. I am sick of feeling miserable and poor when I really do have enough money to maybe go have a chai tea latte once a week, or bring home a bouquet of flowers from the market for my dorm room, or buying a book on a whim. Work hard and play hard, my friends -- that's my motto for this last year of my Smith experience. I will turn in a Fulbright application in September, do some more hardcore traveling in October, perhaps run a marathon around Thanksgivign in November, and turn 21 in December. And I think that Amsterdam is as good a place as any to start the 'playing hard'!

Here goes!

Amsterdam 2010!

2010-08-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

Alright folks, so if you weren't already aware, my life is entirely unreal.

I'm in Amsterdam right now, for a four day jaunt with my friend Kristine. I have no idea where I am sleeping tonight and only have a backpack with me. It feels great!

More updates to come when I have more internet/time. On to pils and stroopwafel!

Preparations. . .

2009-12-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

So, it's begun. The countdown, the preparations, the anxiety, anticipation, sadness, excitement. Oh, let's not lie -- the countdown began the moment the departure date was set: January 11th. Fifteen days from now, I will be flying from JFK airport in New York to Cairo. The last 12 months of my life have been spent in preparation for this trip -- financially, mentally, emotionally, academically -- and I feel as ready as I'm ever going to be. Last spring was spent delving into travel books and travel websites, collecting little bits and pieces of information in the desperate hope that it would come in handy, plotting the multiple jobs I would try to procure to earn enough money for this epic world trip. And, of course, the plan changed many, many times over the past year. At first, the destinations included South America, south and west Africa, Asia proper, and Australia and New Zealand. Alas, those will have to wait until later trips. The itinerary (as of today!) is as follows: Egypt (2 weeks), India (6-8 weeks), Nepal (?), Thailand (3 weeks), Cambodia (3 weeks), with several weeks of cushion time to go for travel time, being lost, other interests I discover (Vietnam? Israel?), or just staying a little longer in a place I connect with. I feel like I've planned ahead just enough -- I have noted the flights I'll need, names of places to stay in each locale, approximate conversions and prices for essentials, transportation in each place, and things I want to see/do/experience in each place. Why plan more?!

It's feeling so real now. Here I am, sitting alone in Salt Lake City at my father's house, drinking a glass of white wine late at night, and feeling as if this is the right time to write my first entry. I spent a lovely Christmas alone, enjoying having the house to myself, sleeping late, cooking for myself, doing travel research in my pajamas, watching movies, cleaning, taking long baths, etc., and I am really proud of how I am setting myself up for this trip. I am taking this personal, alone time to ground myself and reconnect before I leave. I think it's very fitting that I will turn 20, then it will be a New Year, then I will leave for this trip. It feels like all sorts of new beginnings and continuations and commitments :)

I am sad to leave the familiar behind -- but because of my history, pretty much anywhere can be home for me. All I need is a shirt on my back, some food in my tummy, somewhere to lay my head, and a notebook. Oh, and music, too. I've been told that this trip will change my life, broaden my horizons, shift my perspectives, etc. etc. The funny thing is that I don't believe them. I mean, I know I will grow and learn and change, but my core will not. I will only come closer to my core, if that makes any sense. I know who I am, and this trip will help me actualize it. It won't suddenly change the way I see the world -- I will learn new things and have epiphanies and meet new people, sure, but I am already myself. The world will change upon meeting me! Four months isn't really that long, right? Though these last few days have felt like forever. GOALS for this trip

I still have a pretty epic to do list before I leave. Including picking up my passport from Smith (where it should be waiting for me!), finding a bag for the trip (either using one of my dad's old bags in the basement or going to REI or somewhere and purchasing a cheap, durable new one), making a final packing list, buying new socks, buying a camera, finishing compiling my list of addresses for letters and postcards (send me yours if you want one!), picking up tickets for other airlines from dad, fasting (I plan to fast for at least three days at some point before I leave -- maybe during my time at 'home' in Kirkland), and final errands at Smith. Hoo boy. It'll all work out, I suppose.

Hmm...goals for the trip should be in this post too, probably. Though I can't say I've really thought about that -- I feel that solid goals wouldn't be conducive to the purpose of this trip, which is aimless, thoughtful, deep travel, and really getting to know the places I visit. However, that being said, my goals are sort of the following: to be healthy (including staying hydrated, not getting sick, eating balanced meals and staying vegetarian, plenty of exercise and yoga, stretching and meditating every morning/every night), connection (including being nonjudgmental, being honest about myself and others, looking past what I see and connecting with the truth), art (looking for all kinds of art and goodness wherever I go, seeing opportunities and inspiration for my own creativity in everything), and peace (looking creatively, thoughtfully, and deeply about opportunities for nonviolence and peaceful solutions -- this is kind of a precursor for my future career, planning peace and actualizing it, and seeing myself in the capacity as a peacemaker or mediator of sorts). Hmph. This all sounds like a bunch of unintelligible rubbish, but rereading later will probably help clarify. I suppose that's what most of these posts will be like -- the lovely ramblings in my head just plain laid out in text! Get used to it :)

Heading to bed now. Tomorrow will be a day of plotting my birthday, doing some post-Christmas shopping to hit up the sales (for others and for myself), cooking, getting some fresh air and exercise, and creating something. Those are my goals for tomorrow. And a hot shower, of course. Who knows how many of those I have left :)

Good night, all. NMW.