Smart People in a Stupid World

Where the hell is he?

2007-08-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

Well, my apologies for leaving this so long but I've been rather busy. The weird and wonderful world of fatherhood is one that does take up time. Also, I've been involved in a number of different things:-

Getting some copywriting work done, and building up a client list
Finishing the first draft of a novel "Edison Blake's First Great Adventure--In Which the Lord of Oblivion is Loosed from his Eternal Banishment and Wreaks Havoc and Destruction Upon the World Entire, but Centred Mainly on London, and Specifically Primrose Hill, Camden Town, Hampstead and other surrounding areas, Until Such Time As Edison, with the Help of his Dream Mentors and Associates Finds Within Himself the Key to Saving Mankind from Living an Eternal Nightmare." It's a short, snappy title which should go down well with publishers...
Now working on a stage play "The Knocknameen Belter"
Also started a new musical project, "Sweet Home Productions" with a good friend Carlos Santos--he's doing all the production and arrangements so it's mainly his baby. You can listen at- www.myspace.com/sweethomeproductions
Teaching English

So, I hope you all understand that my blog entries will be very intermittent for the near future....

Hope you're all having a great summer!

Richard

Smart Kids -- Everyone Else is Wrong

2007-06-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting essay I found about the problems that smart children have in school.

The author, a self-proclaimed ex-teenage nerd, says that he had no problems in junior school, nor in adult life, but in secondary school his life became a misery.

This is close to my experience, and maybe to yours too.

Have a read and please leave a comment.

Nerds

Smart Music

2007-05-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, because you demanded it, here's a link to my band's webpage where you can preview and buy some of our songs:-

Visit Junkfood at Arkade

Let me know what you think...

No, honestly...

Okay, just tell me good stuff! (After all, no artist really wants to hear constructive criticism--only total flattery.)

Holy Cow!

2007-05-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

You may think that if God had wanted us to drink skimmed milk, he would have made cows that produced it.

Well, he does and he did.

Moo!

Richie's thoughts: Pull the udder one--it's for the lactose intolerant.

Stupid World Live

2007-05-19T09:04:00.001-07:00

Continuing my mission to update you with the latest in stupidity, you'll find a new addition to my already-crowded left-hand bar: Stupid World Live.

This will feature well... stupid things that you shouldn't try to attempt at home.

Apart from clogging up your internet connection, I hope this is a welcome addition to my blog.

This "video bar" is something that you can have too--Blogger now offers you the chance to add one to your blog, and you can filter the content by adding keywords. Unsurprisingly, mine was "stupid accidents"--but I'll probably change that from time to time.

Have to go: smart things to do...

Smart Blogs

2007-05-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

Without doubt, the burning question on every blogger's mind is, "How do I get a plug from Richie?"

Well, you should have a blog that is intelligent, witty, informative, entertaining and written in a style that would have Hemingway fuming with envy*.

Washed and Ready to Eat is just such a blog! It's hosted by an old friend and colleague of mine, Phil Woodford, who works in the advertising industry as a copywriter. His observations on the pangs and quirks of modern life will have you smiling at the recognition of things you'd thought but never put into words... Enjoy!

* Failing that, just give me a plug and I'll do the same... ;)

Pot Cop Cops Bad Trip, Calls 911

2007-05-14T02:21:00.000-07:00

A simple evening treat turns into a metaphysical nightmare...

Space Cookie Stops Time!

Stupid Coruña (3)

2007-05-03T01:45:00.000-07:00

I Steal, You Steal, He/She It Steals...

You may think that criminals are uncultured, stupid people. Normally, you'd be right. But here in Coruña the criminals are a cut above the usual...

Yesterday, two individuals broke into a book shop and, in addition to 300 euros in cash, they stole various copies of a language course on CD.

Now, I don't know what language they wanted to learn, presumably it was English. But doesn't it warm your heart to see that even members of the criminal underclass are keen to maintain their studies? After all, I'm sure most robbers could benefit from being able to speak a foreign language. It must be terribly frustrating for them trying to mug English or American tourists and not being able to get past the language barrier.:-

"¡Dame el dinero!"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"¡Dame todo tu dinero ya! Y ese Rolex que tienes alli."

"Excuse me? Ah, you want to know the time? It's four O' clock--nearly tea-time."

"Joder, olvidalo hombre..."

You can read the story (in Spanish, courtesy of La Voz de Galicia) in the link below:-

Criminals Steal Language Course

Shiny Happy People

2007-04-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

My mum was visiting me here in Spain recently and she commented that people here don't smile. I looked around and realised that she was right! Here in La Coruña people don't walk around with happy looks on their faces. In fact, they usually have pretty grim expressions... I think it's a combination of lack of employment prospects and bad weather.

What about you? Do people smile where you live? Why? Why not?

Maybe we could put together a map of happy/unhappy places...

Rational Fear

2007-04-23T03:29:00.000-07:00

What are you most likely to die of in South Africa? What should you avoid doing in Japan? Are car drivers as dangerous as you imagine in Spain?

Find the answers below:-

Rational Fear

Definitely makes you think...

Virginia

2007-04-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

My thoughts go out to all those affected by the terrible events in Virginia.

I've just been watching a short TV report showing citizens of the area offering free hugs and the opportunity to talk, and ministers providing spiritual guidance in the street.

I'm always impressed at the optimism and decent nature of the American people as a whole.

Even in times of dark tragedy there are good souls providing light and hope.

Funny Peculiar

2007-04-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

I've always been the sort of person who likes to make jokes and laugh at the absurdities of life. Recently, though I've found that this sort of attitude encourages people to think of me as somebody who is not "serious"--as though my opinions are of less importance than others.

To me, humour is the highest art of which Humanity is capable. It's a poor kind of person who can't make a joke. And I'm not referring to mindlessly repeating some gag you heard in a bar. I mean actually inventing something yourself.

What do you think? Are funny people smart? Or stupid? Does being funny make you less "serious"?

Killed by Cheese!!!

2007-03-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

A robber known as "El Christian" met an ignominious end when he tried to rob from a butcher's shop in Caracas, Venezuela.

A security guard, who was looking after cheese, ham and sausages, managed to grab a frozen cheese of 5 kilos, and batter the head of the assailant who was armed with a knife.

The robber's skull was fractured and he died as a result of the repeated blows from the cheese-wielding guard.

Full story (in Spanish) here!

Richie's thoughts: A man's gouda do what a man's gouda do...

Stupid Lawyers

2007-03-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

Stupid? I'm sorry but you must have misread me; I would never cast such a slur upon the good sharks, sorry, people who make their humble living in courts throughout the land.

And I would be a fool and a scoundrel to even suggest that these quotations from rinkworks.com are anything other than groundless fiction.

So if any lawyers are reading this, let me say that I for one believe you do a wonderful job, and you don't receive half the money you deserve.

Now, if I could just ask a favour--I have some outstanding parking fines...

Stupid Things We Say

2007-03-19T04:15:00.000-07:00

Even the smartest people say stupid things. Now why is that? I guess that circumstances take us by surprise, our minds are distracted, and we end up saying something which fails to communicate our original intention.

I can't help but cringe over some of the stupid things I've said in the past. One particularly painful memory is of the time I was in London and having a browse in Borders--a favourite shop selling books and CD's. Because it's difficult and expensive to get English books in Spain, I was loading up my basket with glee. In fact, I was so elated I even decided to buy the Greatest Hits of the Bee-Gees (one of my guilty pleasures). J-j-j-jive talking...

By chance I got into conversation with one of the shop assistants and he asked me what it was like to live in Spain. I told him it was wonderful and very different to England for numerous reasons, and then I said, "I don't usually talk to shop people."

Now, what I meant was that in Spain the shop assistants are not generally interested in a conversation which doesn't result in an immediate sale. Therefore I don't have the pleasure of engaging them in chit-chat. However, by the look on his face he obviously took it to mean that I was a stuck-up snob who had better things to do than chat with lower-class people. I wanted to explain myself but it was too late, the mistake had been made and before I'd even realised what had happened he'd excused himself to help another shopper.

So now whenever I'm in London I make a real effort to be nice to shop staff and show them that I'm not an elitist tosser. If anything I'm too nice and I will buy anything they try to sell just so they don't think badly of me.

Of course, I still fear that this particular shop guy has told all his friends about the arrogant so-and-so who thought he was above mere mortals, and that there is a whole cult devoted to seeking me out and terminating me with extreme prejudice...

I can only hope that if I am killed by a vengeful retailer, the police won't find a copy of some embarrasing CD in my shopping basket. It would provide the killer with justifiable cause--"Officer, he was going to buy a Bee Gees album! I thought it best to just put him out of his misery."

Tragedy!

stupid criminals

2007-03-17T04:19:00.000-07:00

Been a little busy with the new household member, as I'm sure you can all understand. But there is still time to shake my head in disbelief at the following stupid criminals.

http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/funny_news.html

How come in films criminals are always geniuses? In real life they are just so stupid, stupid, stupid...

Little Sam !!!

2007-02-17T15:01:00.000-08:00

He's safe and sound and his mum is very tired but very happy!

Love,

Richard

Pardon My Absence...

2007-02-10T06:30:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

I'm going to be less active in this blog for a while, and I probably won't be making any terrible jokes on people's blogs in the near future... The sprained ankle, plus the imminent arrival of my baby, complicates things a little for me.

Hope you all understand. I will try to post from time to time, but the next couple of weeks are going to be quite difficult.

Stay smart,

Stupid Karma

2007-02-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I sprained my ankle. No, I wasn't doing anything heroic, or even interesting. I was just crossing the road at a normal pace and CRACK!!! (in Spanish ¡¡PLAFF!!).

So, after spending last night with an ice pack on the injured part, today I hobbled over to the hospital. They kindly bandaged the thing up and sent me home on a pair of muletas (crutches).

I thought walking on crutches would be easy. Old people do it all the time, right? Man, was I wrong. For the first few minutes I must have looked like an angry Dr. Octopus as my arms flailed around in an attempt to find balance.

The thing was, after I got the hang of it (the secret is that you have to put both crutches forward in time with your injured foot, that way your weight is carried by the crutch) I was motoring down the pavement like a kid with a new toy. And then I remembered, "Hold on, Richie, you're supposed to be injured--if you make it look too easy people will think you're faking!"

So, I slowed down a little and grimaced to let people know that I was for real. I got some compassionate looks from other pedestrians, so I felt a lot better. Had a lot of problems climbing stairs though...

Anyway, I started thinking the whole incident over and I realised that it was only recently I had posted on the subject of stupid pedestrians, and of how much I valued my legs. Was it coincidence that I then injured myself?

I also remembered that I had posted on the subject of stupid car drivers, just before having a car accident...

So now I am very worried about the post I made concerning the man who mistook his cousin for his wife...

Stupid Computer Owners

2007-02-07T02:44:00.000-08:00

Computers have been with us now for a long time. But idiots have been with us for a lot longer, and it seems they are getting no better at adapting to the latest technology: Stupid Computer Owners

What I want to know is, did these morons exist back when they invented the wheel?

Stupid Customer: Okay, I made my wheel but it won't move.
Advisor: What shape is it?
Stupid Customer: Square. Does that make a difference?

Or fire?

Stupid Customer: I've got a fire going but it won't cook my dinner.
Advisor: What meat are you trying to cook?
Stupid Customer: Meat? I have to supply my own meat? I'm taking this back to the shop.

2000 Bloggers - update

2007-02-06T01:40:00.000-08:00

Talk about bad timing. Seems like the 2000 bloggers project has been pulled because of an objection from Technorati. I seem to have an inverse Midas touch--everything I touch turns to mierda.

2000 Bloggers -- One Richie

2007-02-05T09:30:00.000-08:00

Tino Buntic (yes, that's his real name!) is compiling a list of 2000 blogs with links to images of the owners. I think there's still room for more of you to join--the only requirement is that you have a photo of yourself on your blog. It's good for creating links to your blog and maybe getting some extra traffic. Tino's Site.

You'll find me somewhere near the bottom...

Taking the Piss (2)

2007-02-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

After the previous post on this subject , imaginatively titled Taking the Piss, I was surprised to read this article: Some Meth Addicts Turn to Urine to Get High

Surely there comes a point in a man's life when he thinks, "No, there are some things I will not do. I will not stoop to this."

Obviously not...

Bill Hicks -- Smart People (2)

2007-02-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

Bill Hicks died of pancreatic cancer in 1994 at the age of 32. His life was short, but his influence continues to grow with every passing year.

I first saw him in the UK on an hour-long special on Channel 4. Like all great comedy it had my mind reeling from the very start—can you say those things? He laid into morons like Vanilla Ice with such a vengeance that it literally left me speechless. Plus he did it with such comic delivery and timing that he instantly became my favourite comedian.

But he wasn't just a funny guy, he was somebody who made me think. And judging by the sales of his CDs and DVDs, he's still doing the same for a lot of people around the world.

Some quick quotes:-

You know what's bugging me these days? The pro-lifers… if you're so pro-life do me a favour-don't lock arms and block medical clinics. Lock arms and block cemetaries

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons." "How do you know that?" "Uh, well … we looked at the receipts."

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs." "I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking." "Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"

To find out more about Bill Hicks see Bill's Entry in Wikipedia

Stupid World (1) Man Enters Wrong Hole, Digs Himself Deeper

2007-02-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

Do you know your family? I mean do you really know your family?

In Malaga, Spain, a man was arrested for sodomising his male cousin--without consent, obviously. How did it happen? Well, according to La Voz de Galicia (article in Spanish) it seems that there was a family get-together and el vino did flow. The victim went to a spare room to sleep things off. When he woke up his trousers were around his ankles and he had a stinging pain in his anus. The accused was on top of him...

Now, to me and you this seems like a clear cut case.

But to make matters worse, the perpetrator's excuse was that he'd got up during the night to go to the toilet, went into the wrong room when he came back and confused his cousin with his wife.

I don't know about you, but I think no matter how drunk I was, I would be able to tell the difference between my MALE cousin and my FEMALE wife.

Surely, the fact that the victim was wearing trousers would have been a bit of a giveaway. Or that his legs were hairy? Or that he had a penis?

Does this idiot think that all gay people are just suffering from a similar momentary confusion of orifice? "Oh, Peter! I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were a man! I thought you were my girlfriend!" Come on, amigo, admit it--you saw your cousin's tasty ass and you wanted some of that backdoor action.

Understandably, the victim had to be restrained from trying to kill his cousin with a kitchen knife. (No information is currently available about the wife's opinion of this sordid affair, nor indeed of whether she bears a close physcial resemblance to her husband's cousin.)

What is clear from this, though, is that family get-togethers can be a real pain in the... Er, sorry, I don't know whether to say "arse" or "vagina". *Scratches chin* Well, what do you know--they are easily confused!