Smile please!

இந்தியா மிகவும் நல்ல நாடு டா.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 03:06:00 +0000

இரண்டு பாகிஸ்தானியர்கள் பேசிக்கொள்கிறார்கள்; சற்று காது கொடுத்து கேட்போம்.

"இந்தியா மிகவும் நல்ல நாடு டா "

"என்னடா, யாராவது நம் தேசத்தில் இதை கேட்டால் என்ன ஆகும் தெரியுமில்லே ?"

"பின்ன என்னடா , இந்தியா எவ்வளவு அடித்தாலும் தாங்கிக்கொள்கிறது , மேலும் திருப்பியே அடிக்க மாட்டேங்கிறது. அது நல்ல நாடா இல்லையா ?"

How Google translation created a laugh riot?

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 01:51:00 +0000

There was an article in Tamil posted by my Facebook friend Vikanasa Ram. (https://www.facebook.com/vikanasa.raam.5/posts/389730914491960) It was about the benefits of Beetroot. Since it contained very useful information, I thought I would share it by getting it translated by Google.

I reproduce here some of the sentences both in Tamil and its translation. I am not responsible if you complain of pain in the rib due to laugh riot.

Tamil                                                                                       English
மலச்சிக்கலைப் போக்கும்                                 Go to constipation
அரிப்பு - எரிச்சலைத் தவிர்க்கும்.    Reducing erosion - to avoid annoyance
கிட்னியில் சேர்ந்துள்ள தேவையற்றவைகளைப் போக்கிவிடும் Kidney joined rid of the noise

Maybe you can have fun by asking Google to translate a humorous story of your favourite author (I would suggest Sujatha whose subtle humour is always enjoyable) into English.

An American to Tamil girl.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 02:37:00 +0000

AMERICAN: yesterday i told 'I LOVE YOU' to one Tamil girl.

INDIAN: what she say?

AMERCAN(happily); she said "COME NAUGHTY WELCOME OUR PINCH ROOM"

INDIAN: ada loosu payale! apdiyilla...
Ava sonnathu " கம்மனாட்டி வெளக்குமாறு பிஞ்சிரும்".

What is your ultimate courage?

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 02:44:00 +0000

This picture requires no further words.

Source:

Smile please.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 10:24:00 +0000

A typical programmer's intelligence(?).

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Tue, 29 May 2012 04:30:00 +0000

This is from my son's Facebook. A typical programmer's intelligence(?).

All Rajni fans-watch this hilarious video.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Fri, 25 May 2012 02:43:00 +0000

Are you a Rajnikanth fan? Oh, of course you are-why else you are reading this? Here is something you would enjoy.

If you are a film maker, then, this video clip should give you some ideas.
Got it?

Source: http://youtu.be/T-DKx28Y07U

Are you a Ganguly fan?

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Fri, 25 May 2012 02:21:00 +0000

As Ganguly said, enjoy this conversation from outside. Don't miss one of Ryder's replies. Sreesanth's application shout is amusing.

I know it is difficult to read the image clearly. Pl visit the source for a clearer view.

Call Center in the year 2020.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:49:00 +0000

Operator: Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi-purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah! Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr. Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astronished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: " ????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) ***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))
Operator: Better watch your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer: Faints..

Husbands for sale!

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 01:32:00 +0000

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
* You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
* There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
* There is, however, a catch.. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

After reading this amusing piece sent to me by my friend Rajagopalan N, I stumbled to a sequence to this on David's Google +.

"To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
* The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
* The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.

I thank both of you for giving me a few laughs.

What is a BANANA?

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sun, 29 May 2011 02:42:00 +0000

Prof.: Chemical symbol of Barium?
Student:BA
Prof.: For Sodium?
Student:NA
Prof.: What will we get if 1 atom of Barium & 2 atoms of Sodium combines?
Student:"BANANA"

Laugh out loud.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Wed, 11 May 2011 01:38:00 +0000

டேய் என் ஜாதகப்படி எனக்கு அறிவு ரொம்ப ஜாஸ்தியாம்.
இப்பவாவது தெரியுதா நான் ஏன் ஜாதகத்தை நம்புறதில்லைன்னு???????

நீங்க உடனடியா மீன், ஆடு, கோழி சாப்பிடுவதை நிறுத்த வேண்டும்.
அதுக சாப்பிடுவதை நான் எப்படி நிறுத்த முடியும் டாக்டர்.

டாக்டர் என் மனைவி ஓவரா டி.வி. பாக்குறா''

எந்த அளவுக்கு பாக்குறாங்க?''

கரண்ட் கட்டானாலும், டார்ச் அடிச்சி பாக்குற அளவுக்கு!!!

வக்கீல்: உனக்கு திருமணமாகிவிட்டதா?
சர்தார்: ஆகிவிட்டது.
வக்கீல்: யாரைத் திருமணம் செய்து கொண்டிருக்கிறாய்?
சர்தார்: ஒர் பெண்ணை.
வக்கீல்: பெண்ணைத் திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளாமல் ஆணையா திருமணம் செய்து கொள்வார்கள்?
சர்தார்: ஆம் என் தங்கை செய்து கொண்டிருக்கிறாளே!!!..

ஒரு காப்பி எவ்வளவு சார் ?
5 ரூபாய்.
எதிர்த்த கடையில 50 காசுன்னு எழுதியிருக்கே ?
டேய். சாவுகிராக்கி அது XEROX காப்பிடா!

இன்னிக்கி 8 மணிக்கு கடுமையான மழையும் காற்றும் வரும்னு டி.வி யில சொன்னாங்க. நீங்க கேட்டீங்களா?
இல்லை அவங்களே சொன்னங்க...

Automatic vadai cooking machine--video clip

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 02:40:00 +0000

After watching this wonderful video that shows how Vadai (vada), the pride of Tamilnadu can be cooked fully automatically, I wonder whether some smart entrepreneur will set up an exclusive Vadai outlet in Madras.

If Muguran from Madurai can set up idly shops in Madras, I am sure a Madavan or Mahadevan (fill up as many names as you like) can be become a highly successful and over crowded Vadai kadai.

Marvel at the way perfectly rounded, even sized vadai mavu is being dropped gently on the boiling oil through the cylinder and enjoy the flipping of vadai for the other side to be cooked!

Medhu vadai......hmmm fluffy and juicy!

A subtle humor.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 07:30:00 +0000

A villager went to a dentist to complain about swollen gum.

The doctor examined him and asked him why he had not come earlier.

The patient replied that he was being treated by another doctor called Setam.

The dentist nodded and said," Oh, he is an idiot. What he has advised regarding your swollen gum".

The patient from the village replied, "he asked me to see you".

Wise Indian guide!

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 03:26:00 +0000

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort in Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build.

Twenty years, replied the guide.

You Indians are a lazy lot, the tourist said. In my country, this could have been built in five.

At Agra he admired the Taj Mahal's beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.

Only ten years, said the guide.

The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.

In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutub Minar the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: I don't
know. It wasn't there yesterday evening.

Source: Reader's Digest

Want to drive away elephants?

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 03:20:00 +0000

A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny
pieces and throwing them out the window.

Excuse me, said the woman sitting next to him. But, would you mind accidents could be reduced, the computer answered: Remove the top and explaining why you re doing this?

It scares away the elephants, replied the drunk. But I don t see any elephants around here, said the woman.

Effective, isn't it? said the drunk

Very clever lawyer, judge and the accused.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 03:03:00 +0000

"Your honour," said the said the smartest lawyer in the in the world,

" my client is not guilty. He merely inserted his arm into a window
and stole some jewelry.His arm is not himself. I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by one arm."

"I agree"nodded the judge. " I hereby sentence the defendant's arm to one year in prison. He may accompany the arm or not."

"Thank you, Your Honour," said the defendant as he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Source: Geetham.net

Water representative and the rancher.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 01:20:00 +0000

A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.

See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.

The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....

"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"

Source: http://www.amusingfacts.com/humour

What a dog can teach us.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 09:38:00 +0000

a.. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

b.. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

c.. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy.

d.. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

e.. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

f.. Take naps.

g.. Stretch before rising.

h.. Run, romp, and play daily.

i.. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

j.. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

k.. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

l.. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

m.. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

n.. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt
thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

o.. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

p.. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had
enough.

q.. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

r.. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

s.. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by
and nuzzle.

Author unkown. I got this in an email sometime back. It only contained the following lines:
"This was sent to me by Dr. Anandalakshmy a few years ago. Greetings and all good wishes to you, Ma'am, on this special day. Happy Teachers' Day.

Thank you whoever it is.

What a wit!

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 08:44:00 +0000

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.

The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes.

The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.

Source: dumb.com

நித்யாவுக்கு கல்யாணம். சாப்ட்வேர் மாப்பிள்ளை.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 00:53:00 +0000

வித்யா : என்னடி திடீர்னு ஃபோன் பண்ணியிருக்க என்ன விஷயம்?நித்யா: வீட்ல மாப்பிளை பார்க்கலாம்னு நிறைய இடத்துல ரிஜிஸ்டர் பண்ணாங்க இல்லை? நிறைய ஜாதகமா வந்திருக்கு. அதுல 4-5 ஒத்து வர மாதிரி இருக்கு. எதை செலக்ட் பண்ணலாம்னு தெரியலை. அதான் குழம்பி போய் இருக்கேன்.

வித்யா : என்ன குழப்பம்?

நித்யா : நிறைய சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியருங்க ஜாதகம் வந்திருக்கு. இப்ப எல்லாம் சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியருங்க வேற ஃபீல்ட்ல இருக்கற பொண்ணுங்களை தான் கல்யாணம் பண்ணிக்கனும் யோசிக்கறாங்களாம். அதான் இதுல யாரை செலக்ட் பண்றதுனு தெரியல. நீதான் சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியராச்சே. எனக்கு கொஞ்சம் சஜஷன் சொல்லு.

வித்யா : சொல்லிட்டா போகுது. ஒவ்வொருத்தரும் என்ன பொசிஷனு சொல்லு.

நித்யா: முதல் மாப்பிள்ளை மேனஜரா இருக்காரு.

வித்யா : மேனஜரா? அப்படினா எப்பவுமே எதோ பிஸியா இருக்கற மாதிரி ஒரு பில்ட் அப் கொடுப்பாரு. ஆனா உருப்படியா ஒண்ணும் செய்ய மாட்டாரு. ஒரு கிலோ அரிசில ஊருக்கே சாப்பாடு செய்ய சொல்லுவாரு. ஆட்டுக்கறி வாங்கிட்டு வந்து கொடுத்துட்டு சிக்கன் 65 செய்ய சொல்லுவாரு. அது முடியாதுனு சொன்னாலும், ஒத்துக்க மாட்டாரு. எப்படியாவது ராத்திரி பகலா கஷ்டப்பட்டு உழைச்சாவது அதை செஞ்சி முடிக்கனும்னு சொல்லுவாரு. வேணும்னா நைட் கேப் (cab) அரெஞ்ச் பண்றனு சொல்லுவாரு. டேய் ராத்திரி பகல் முழிச்சா மட்டும் எப்படிடா செய்ய முடியும் கேட்டாலும் ஒத்துக்க மாட்டாரு.

வித்யா: ஆஹா. அவ்வளவு ஆபாத்தானவரா? அப்ப நம்ம எஸ்கேப்.
அடுத்து இருக்கறவரு டெஸ்ட் இஞ்சினியரு.

நித்யா: இவரு அவரை விட ஆபத்தானவரு. எது செஞ்சாலும் அதுல இருக்கற குறையை மட்டும் கரெக்டா சொல்லுவாரு. நீ பத்து வெரைட்டி சமைச்சு அவரை அசத்தனும்னு நினைச்சாலும் அதுல எதுல உப்பு கம்மியா இருக்குனு மட்டும் சொல்லுவாரு. நல்லா இருக்குனு எதுவுமே சொல்ல மாட்டீங்களானு கேட்டா, நல்லா செய்ய வேண்டியது தான் உன் வேலை. அதனால அதை எதுக்கு சொல்லனும்னு கேட்பாரு. ரொம்ப நல்லவரு.
வித்யா: அப்ப இவருக்கும் நோ சொல்லிடலாம்.

அடுத்து இருக்கறவரு பெர்ஃபார்மன்ஸ் டெஸ்ட் இஞ்சினியராம்.

நித்யா : இது அதுக்கும் மேல. எல்லாமே நல்லா இருந்தாலும், இதை செய்ய இவ்வளவு நேரமானு கேட்பாரு. காபி போட 10 நிமிஷமாச்சுனா, காபி நல்லா இருக்கானு பார்க்க மாட்டாரு. 5 நிமிஷத்துல போட வேண்டிய காப்பியை 10 நிமிஷமா போட்டிருக்கனு சத்தம் போடுவாரு. நீங்க சொல்றது இன்ஸ்டண்ட் காபி, நான் செஞ்சது பில்டர் காபினு சொன்னாலும் கேட்க மாட்டாரு. அதே மாதிரி தான் எல்லா வேலைக்கும். அப்ப நீ மேக் அப் பண்ற நேரத்துக்கு நீ எல்லாம் இவரை யோசிக்கவே கூடாது.

வித்யா: அப்ப சாப்ட்வேர் மாப்பிளையே வேண்டாம்னு சொல்றியா?

நித்யா: யார் அப்படி சொன்னா? சாப்ட்வேர்லயே இளிச்ச வாய் கூட்டம் ஒண்ணு இருக்கு. அது தான் டெவலப்பர் கூட்டம். எவ்வளவு அடிச்சாலும் தாங்கிக்கும்.

வித்யா: அவுங்களை பத்தி சொல்லேன்.

நித்யா: நீ எதுவுமே செய்ய வேண்டாம். எல்லாமே இவுங்களே செஞ்சிடுவாங்க. நாம பின்னாடி இருந்து உற்சாகப்படுத்தினா போதும். ஆனா இவுங்க கிட்ட இருக்கற பிரச்சனை என்னனா எது கேட்டாலும் தெரியும்னு சொல்லிடுவாங்க. "அறிவாளி" படம் தங்கவேல் பூரி சுட்ட கதை மாதிரி. அப்படினாலும் ஓ.கே தான். எவ்வளவு அடிச்சாலும் தாங்கிக்குவாங்க. ஆனா அடிச்சிட்டு அடிச்சிட்டு "நீ ரொம்ப நல்லவனு" சொல்லனும்.

சரக்கு எந்து இல்ல. எங்கயோ சுட்டது.

Good joke.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 02:53:00 +0000

An elderly couple (in their eighties) go to church, in the middle of the sermon, the wife leans over to her husband and tells him that she passed a silent fart, and asks what she
should do about it.

He replies: "It is time you change the batteries of your hearing aid."

Unnecessary advice is injurious to health.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 01:42:00 +0000

A well dressed gentle man was smoking at the airport.

Another gentleman came & asked him, “How much do you smoke a day?”

Smoker: Why are you asking such question?
Gentleman replied: If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.
Smoker asked that gentleman: Do you smoke?
Gentleman: No.
Smoker asked: Does that plane belong to you?
Gentleman replied: No.
Smoker: Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine.

Moral of the Story:- Unnecessary advice is injurious to health

The smoker was Vijay Mallya

Admire this ladys' business acumen.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 02:03:00 +0000

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags and every
once in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag" "Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can
collect them. Thanks for the warning!" Here's one for you.

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium.. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time someone sticks his thingy through the bushes, I say, "$20 or off it comes."

"Well that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Okay, good luck!" "By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

This is what I call confidence.

noreply@blogger.com (Rangan Badri) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 01:48:00 +0000

What is Confidence???
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless Technology: “It is an unmanned Aircraft.”

Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their Company's Software is running the Aircraft's Automatic Pilot System.

Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the Aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse!!

One CEO alone remains on board the Jet, seeming very calm indeed....!

Asked why he is so Confident in this first unmanned flight, he replies: "If it is the same Software that's developed by my Company's IT systems department, this Plane won't even Take Off!!!"

That is called Confidence!!!