Smile Indulgence

Time bomb

2013-05-15T17:23:00.001+08:00

Needs to grow up, be a lady and move on to another stage of life. I'm not good at this but there's this persuasive reaction hitting me telling me not to be a paranoid. Probably I hide all sorts of things to myself, like everything. Then I become a time bomb just waiting for that trigger. Bloody hell I'm like 21 going 22 in December. Lets say we're all getting on another level of puberty. I wonder how do I look in the next 10 years. Would I be abandoned because of my aged face or be more attractive because of what people say women's highest attractive level as they age. Teeheee anyhoos shit everyone is entering the working arena now and I realize I would as well in just a bit, not too late I suppose for living under my parent's shell for whole 22 years gahh. Thanks mommie daddy. Looking at the related jobs of my seniors, I presume I won't be having a decent 8 hours but 23 hours job. Life, accept it.

* I won't be emotional anymore unless you push the limits because I want to trust you.

Breakdown

2013-05-07T20:25:00.001+08:00

Somethings are meant not to be told because it has already been spoken at the very beginning. I can't be telling again, it will only remain in my heart of what has happened, maybe because I wasn't actually allowed to know it but fate just let me came upon this shit. I am trying hard, hard that I prefer just to shut up before being too impulsive and blow my mind off. When I don't ask, its because I don't want to know the truth because truth hurts. So don't ask. There's nothing much to be done unless only you realize what is causing the breakdown and then change. however, my assumption is you won't realize because you care less and so ignorant in every single thing. I'll just be okay until I can overcome this. I do not know when will I get tired of this but you will know when I really do.

Dear blog, what else can be done? Things aren't getting any better and there are just more & more things coming. Life sucks.

Game is on

2013-05-06T00:16:00.001+08:00

What is the point of a relationship when there is no trust & words just were not kept to at least sustain the relationship. Really, cracking up my brains to figure this out in the middle of the night without a proper answer. One thing I figured, let's just play this game.

Yeap thats right

2013-05-05T20:13:00.001+08:00

Its the day where the country's destiny will be determined.
Its also the day I realize my instincts were right.

Good year hopefully

2013-04-20T02:38:00.001+08:00

The reason I am still upkeeping this almost dead and unattended blog is because someday I believe when I read all these past posts, I can tell the difference of who I used to be and how am I now or in future. All these are memories we sometimes leave out so we start taking everything for granted. We have to change only to be better.

Oh yah I am eligible to participate in the election this year! 2013! Hah seems exciting but honestly its really different this year. There is this massive mess about all these parties fight and all that I shouldn't disclose here because I believe humans now are much more educated on their rights to make the best decisions to enable the country to serve us well.

2013 will be an exciting year for myself because its a travelling year and having to finish this stressed up degree hopefully by August provided I do not fail any subjects which I highly think I would right now gahhh. Still waiting for the results for January semester.

And I haven't really introduce this person in my blog which is unfair because only people closest to me deserves an acknowledgement here. Haha bimbo talk! So here's Kelvin, the one who never ever will visit my blog. Maybe someday. Lol

Trends

2013-04-20T02:23:00.001+08:00

Heiiii

I just realized many of us blogged in our teenage years whereby it used to be a trend and you start playing with layouts and posting pictures like mad just to make our blog more lively and pleasing to our reader's eyes. Plus, we used to blog about our first love and when they became history we stopped blogging because you stop wanting attention from them. Welllllll, all that stopped also because of the existence of Facebook and of course Instagram!

That is why I feel much privileged blogging now when everyone else isn't doing it.

Him.

2013-03-19T16:48:00.001+08:00

Another month has passed. Crap this semester have been sucha mess. Having to sit for a really difficult financial accounting paper in a few weeks time really traumatizes me. Sometimes I wonder why would I end up in this course that I truly haven't understood. Yet I am ambitious enough to tell myself to take up ACCA believing I can. Truth is, I just really want to make it far in life so I don't need to face unnecessary people and be obviously fake in front of them. Its going to be my last semester in May so I hope to see a good outcome in my life besides facing shits.

At some point, we are finally in different worlds now. Stories and lifestyles have changed tremendously, I mean I don't even get what are you saying to me. Alien talks are so annoying. I wish I could catch up but temporarily this feeling is too heavy on me. The fact is we can't accept the different ways in each others' lives. Talk about adaptation, its just a saying to keep our relationship together, not even strong but weaker by the days passed.

Is it just me having the hormonal change that I do not want but it just automatically switched on and I can't control it? I tell myself to control but my actions can't stop. I apologise for the unwanted emotions thrown on you.

The question is, do you really know what I need? You don't seem to get things right at most times because you think you can solve anything. I don't want you to fall to learn your lesson but if you want to learn it the hard way, I'll just have to wish you luck. Hoping you won't affect other people's lives with your immature behaviour. All you have is a standing block who can only help you at this stage but what is your standing block when you get older? Will you have to fall really hard after all the success you've gained from your strong standing block?

Looks like I will have to be in your world to understand whats out there.

Changes in lifestyle

2013-03-01T01:54:00.001+08:00

Its a time where chinese new year just ended. How time flies a year by a year. They say people change as they age in what they used to want and how they used to be. Its true because as we go on in life we keep adapting to the different cultures of other people because you want to be apart of them. As we meet other people, you realize some things they say actually sound better and realistic. No more talking bullshits like old days.

One thing that didn't change, a good talk can last pretty long and cool still when we do it at the 'Mamak'. However, lifestyle still changes because now coffee is the new black. Sipping coffee whenever you have time makes you cooler than others. Thats 2013 style.

Forget

2013-02-01T23:25:00.001+08:00

Its time to forget about shits but turn them into ashes. No matter how much you fret but there are no changes so why not just let it be and believe that something different and better will happen instead. I learnt something new everyday, forgive and forget. Really helps.

Time machine

2013-01-30T17:49:00.001+08:00

The moment is lost when every good thoughts start to pop out but thats when you realize you can't turn back time anymore. All that you see is just the bad that haunts each time you close your eyes.

Work out

2013-01-25T18:51:00.001+08:00

No matter how many of the countless times you say something, there will only be one time that you will truly mean it. So think properly before speaking because there is no meaning in multiple repetitions.

What does action speaks louder than words mean? It means never let your guard down for every promises you made to let the person down with your broken promises.

I hate it when I can't speak out because I believe in human rights. You have a right to do every hurtful things because I don't deserve anyone's love, especially yours.

Karma

2013-01-24T01:55:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt like you sacrificed so much to win this race, you spent all our time and effort, put away your dignity, ignore what others say, but because of one lack in your life, you still lost in the end.

I have no say whether I have done much or little, but I feel I am at this stage where I have never stood like how I am supposed to in my past experience.

All these bullshits I hear, all that I thought you were are just merely my opinions. Getting emotional every night is just pushing me to an edge where there's no u-turn or another path out.

Who am I? What am I seeing or listening? Do you not know what is happening?
Maybe you're just too naive or I'm just way too skillful in my dramas that you can just let it happen again and again.

My life was dull, you brought colors in but now they're slowly fading into black and whites.

Be productive

2012-11-14T15:07:00.001+08:00

Ohai

I feel terrible for not keeping this blog updated. I have so much to say yet too little time to post.

Holidays have begun. It has always been what I hoped for but after one week since my siesta moment started I feel pretty unproductive. I think my life has always revolve being busy and limited time to complete everything. Or maybe its me procastinating when I have the time to fulfill those tasks.i need to work all my life or those bugs will bite me off.

I'm still waiting to go for my upcoming vacation which I suppose it won't be anytime this year. Funny when I have the time I can't go on vacation but when tight schedule is here, plans for vacation come like a gush of wind. Aah guess I just don't have the fate.

So Im finally in my final year however I feel it is way too slow than what I expected. People around me one by one are in the working industry, some are married and some even got a kid already. Okay maybe thats too extreme for my age to happen but what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be one step slower.

I kept on thinking about how my future is about to be like but I pray that God will show me the right path as he walks with me along this tough road.

Baiz

My Philosophy

2012-10-03T00:05:00.001+08:00

So here comes the sudden urge to blog though there's really nothing much actually.

Things have been tremendously changing lately into a whole new dimension I don't even know how I managed to make it this far. Compared to the previous posts, my life is filled with a little colors.

I have to remind myself that I nearly failed my Financial Accounting paper last semester and I give God all the glory because it was Him that I know I could pass that paper. Please let me pass my final year with flying colors.

2012, a year of travelling. Managed to enter Singapore twice and a splendid Hong Kong trip. Well, now I wish I could get to Melbourne this October if only everything is as smooth as I want it to be. Problems come after another but I believe when God works his miracles, a stop can be put there.

As I grow up, I realize the certain decisions you make can change your life entirely. And then you'll tell yourself 'wow lucky I made that call' when things turn out the way you want them to. Oh well I didnt regret mine. Knowing I am a little more mature now, I have to keep rationalizing every step I move.

Learn from the people around us, do not repeat their same mistakes and able to take advices even if they do not sound so realistic. One day, they'll just help you when the right time approaches. Be humble at all times.

If you find the right person in your life, you have to learn ways to keep and release them or you will lose your loved ones easily. Reality.

Goodnight bloggers!

Wishes

2012-07-26T12:01:00.001+08:00

Hi,

It was some time till I get to know that I can access to it today. Everything was meant to be and it has. I deserve no hope. That is the furthest I could do. To make a stop. Sorry that this hurt but there will no beginnings without endings.

So right now, despite all of these, everything before this day was true. Don't doubt. So I cross my heart and I hope to die.

Busybee

2012-07-17T01:39:00.001+08:00

Here I am blogging in the middle of the night after sometime. Been really busy lately however I don't even know what am I busy about. Probably time just isn't enough to do everything perfectly well. Things havent been too good to me for these two months, I mean generally. However I'm still moving on with the bad lucks thinking good will come some day.

Got back from Singapore not long. Funny I actually went to Singapore twice this year. And Yeh I gotta wear my bikini after like ages hoping I can fit into it and the day arrived haha oh well
Just to console myself but whatever.

Finals is around the corner. Honestly not prepared at all. All the outings and work are just draining me upside down but I know these are the little blessings that mould me into who I am now. Tough and strong babeh!

Its been almost a month now. Ready to march forward? :)

Dream

2012-07-14T11:46:00.001+08:00

I dreamt about you. Wonder if I am still remembered.

Durians

2012-06-17T02:17:00.001+08:00

Hello world!

So have you guys thought how it felt like to talk to someone you haven't talked for awhile already? I actually did it. Funny that we could find conversation which once related to the past. Its the good old moments we won't forget. However, you know that those things will just remain better to be left in the past because its one of the best moment. Its not necessary to repeat them because the feelings just wouldn't be the same anymore. Aah high school moments were the best.

Then it comes to me realizing that I can put those worries behind already. I have definitely moved on to a better stage now whether if im alone or with my friends, despite still having the fear to dine by myself lol

I guess the people I know will be able to endure the pain they once had and venture into the happier part of life they deserve to have. I hope and wish they will.

Things will be slightly different. Hmm..

Speaking of which I need a getaway, is there any work and travel programmes available so I could explore the world at least a little bit of it?

My midterms are approaching in two days time and I am definitely not prepared. As usual the lazy worms kick in at this very season but at the same time the panicky urges you to study for awhile. Craps just hope I can write something during midterm.

Oh and last but not least I love durians. I wanna have them everyday teehee

Mind boggle

2012-06-08T00:19:00.001+08:00

When its dugged out, here comes all the flashbacks again. I do not play mind games anymore. When fate comes, you just can't avoid it. Haha
Goodnight.

Growth

2012-06-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

WASSSUP!

Okay since I have been posting emo shits for the past I don't know how many posts already so I'll make it different this time.
Lets start with my shopping mood these few days. I went to the Machine's Warehouse sale that day and I bought myself a music dock. Those speakers are awesome much for my ears and whenever I feel like I don't want to hear other noises, I can blast all my favourite songs now. Oh yeah! Then overall, I still need to purchase a couple more things to satisfy my shopping desire. Tee-hee sorry bout that but girls are practically GIRLS. Only shopping turns us on. Not even the hottest guy can do that.

Then here comes the 'potong stim' moment whereby my midterm is nearing and my piled up assignments are piling into a mountain. Not forgetting the due dates are all pretty nearby to each other. So screwed up suddenly because I've been skipping tremendously efficient for the past one month. Now repentance and guilt is eating me up day by day, thus, I promise myself to stop skipping...........................................so often. LOL

It feels good to be at this stage of my life now that I'm left with only a year plus till I am done with my studies. I feel so happy for my friends who finished their degree not long ago, some from ACCA graduate some from law schools. Hopefully I can fully complete it with this pace and start working so I don't trouble my parents too much anymore. Though I know working life will not be as good as now. No clubs or drinking nights SIGHHH oh well time to grow up peeps heee. All the best ya'al.

Goodnight!

Thanks

2012-05-23T01:48:00.001+08:00

To make it easier and better for myself, to please me and make me happy. Thank you. I will do whatever it is to make this happen.

I have been very tired and aimless until there is no more urge to study or going to classes. I sleep very late at night and wakes up very late in the afternoon. Sounds like the laziest worm on earth. Must stop all these nonsense, okay I'll try.

I am a lucky girl. Lucky to have all the good buddies around when I need them weee. I wish the best for them in the troubles they are facing currently.

Delete em

2012-05-20T20:40:00.001+08:00

Don't think that when you leave the person you love for good is for their eternal happiness. I just learnt it from the show called Gloves Come Off lately. People think they are very sacrificial but in the end it was a harm.

I came to know everything had to come to its full stop after all the dramas again. Life shouldn't be as sad and miserable because its the way you handle and cope with the barriers. The more you fret, the more shit starts to pile up in your journey of life. Thus, please be very positive towards the problems faced because if you think this shit is bad, the worse might be coming. I don't usually take this so seriously but its a certain emotion that I cannot control. I dislike when I wake up in the morning knowing that my day will just be another usual day where I eat shit and sleep. Eventually after that, people start posting tweets like 'we should wake up feeling its lucky and blessed because we can still live another day'. Then, its true you start living another day of life aimlessly.

Face it. Hope may still be there, I think I am opening another chapter of my life that will erase all these sorrows I feel every night. Then the phrase its easy to be said than done comes out of nowhere in my brain. Now I pray God will take good care of everyone I hurt, bless all the people, forgive me for my sins and take me out from these sorrows.

No more stalking I assume. Thanks for the signal.
Goodnight fellows.

Fetish

2012-05-13T20:49:00.001+08:00

Funny how I really don't wanna care but indirectly I care so much. Its true whatever said this is why I know I should backoff stop this torture before this pain gets more severe.

Back to reality, I went shopping for Mother's day present the other day but ended up buying myself stuffs instead haha oh well I tried on a long dress for the first time and I think I have a fetish for it now. Its like being in royalty in that dress. Goodnight.

Face it

2012-05-09T01:56:00.001+08:00

Bad times may occur but good times are not easily forgotten. Whatever happened stays deep inside you as long as you still have the heart for it. Honestly, I do feel really stress about the upcoming things I will be facing.
Today my eyes were pretty much swollen and the world seem to notice. I said it felt good because they were happy and touching tears. Just by thinking about that can make me tear in a second after. My emotion was WOW.
One day I hope there can be a change in this current state because its already part of my life. Nothing is going right at this stage but I hope for the best. I will start to be annoying and thick skinned at the mean time because the urge is just there. I dont really care.

Goodnight.

Hope is there

2012-05-09T01:10:00.001+08:00

Here goes. The urge to click the 'send' button. I really did it and there was a moment of excitement, hoping that it says 'online'.
After tonight, I realize I wasn't forgotten. Wow. However. life may still remain the same because I cannot change the fact that shit happened. Truly amazed with that diary.
I started a new habit, tweeting. Well, all I could say is its a medium to tell the world how you really feel where people will read your tweet no matter what. Good way for attention but at the end of that day people will still forget bout your story or maybe it starts to get annoying.
Uni starts and this semester I have great senses it is gonna suck so bad. I have no motivation nor do I even have an aim to go university anymore. Hate breaks in between, hate seeing people and feel so lonely at the end of the day.
Goodnight.