Smile Jokes

Smile jokes has a Joke of the Day system,you will receive the Joke of the Day in your mailbox each day. Any time you can leave this group.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 02:57:00 +0000

Smile jokes has a Joke of the Day system,you will receive the Joke of the Day in your mailbox each day. Any time you can leave this group.

Group Name : Smile Jokes

Link : https://groups.google.com/d/forum/smilejoke

Daily Smile Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 03:10:00 +0000

Never be Late

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 09:48:00 +0000

Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation were chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelry to buy a gun. I was appalled.

But as the days went on and I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late....

With Love,

Venkatesh Mookkan

Sardar Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 May 2010 05:20:00 +0000

Each Friday night after

work, Sardar would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken

and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics

... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and

meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the

grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that

they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar and

suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much

study, Sardar attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water

over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you

are a Catholic."

Sardar's neighbors were

greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of

tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was

called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar's

backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and

watched in amazement.

There stood Sardar, holding

a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the

grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were

born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb but

now you are a potato and tomato"

" ENGINEERS MAKE THE WORLD "

DURAI RAJ MATHAN

"I know it and God knows it" Must read

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 10:36:00 +0000

A gentleman once visited a temple under construction where he saw a
sculptor making an idol of God.
Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby.

Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?"

"No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the
first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is
the damage?" he asked.

"There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still
busy with his work.

"Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it
would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.

"If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on
the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and
said, "I know it and God knows it!"

The desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone
appreciates it or not.

"Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside.

Excel at a task today - not necessarily for someone else to notice but for
your own satisfaction.

Very good Corporate Lesson

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:04:00 +0000

OUTstralia - Funny CaRTooN

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 08:24:00 +0000

Thanks
Sivan

Understood OR Shall I repeat the lesson

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 08:19:00 +0000

Smile Jokes of the Day For January 21, 2009

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:28:00 +0000

KIDS' JOKES...

Once there was an Irishman, an Englishman and an Australian who
decided to have a competition. While on top of the hill each man had
to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it
before it hit the ground.

So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and
SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill
and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the
hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his
watch.

"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.

The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!"

Thanks
SkVm

Farmers Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:26:00 +0000

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer
day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse.
They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of
commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the
woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a
completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from
themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and
bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon.

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie.
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revelation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys
severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and
took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally
said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that
George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a
cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry
tree when he chopped it down!!!"

Thanks
Nellai "Billa"

How To Become A Dad ?

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:24:00 +0000

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't
know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked
along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering
this new information.

'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have
to be the dad. '

'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face

Thanks
Raman

Few Principles of Life

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 16:53:00 +0000

Woww........ Awesome........

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:22:00 +0000

Most Wonderful Bridges

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:55:00 +0000

Tamil Hero's Forthcoming Movies...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:55:00 +0000

Tamil

Hero’s

Forthcoming

Movies...

SSS

Vijay

Vettaikaran

Kuppaikaran

Pichaikaran

Kurivikaran

Kudukduppakaran

Surya

Ayan

Steel

Metal

Danush

Padikadhavan

Padipu eladavan

Arrear vachavan

Jeeva

Sms

Mms

Missed call

Vijayakanth

Maryadhai

Olukkam

Kadamai

Nermai

Vishal

Satyam

Infosys

Wipro

Microsoft

Simbu

Kalai

Erumamadu

Pasumadu

Kannukutti

Madavan

Guru en aalu

Ramya un aalu

Kavitha yar aalu

Ajith

Billa

Casha

Carda

Receipta

Tokena

Kids - Tamil Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 12:11:00 +0000

சிரிங்க சிரிங்க சிரிச்சிகிட்டே இருங்க........! - Tamil Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 12:06:00 +0000

தண்ணில இருந்து ஏன் மின்சாரம் எடுக்கிறார்கள்?
அப்படி எடுக்கவில்லை என்றால் குளிக்கும்போது ஷாக் அடிக்கும்.

டீச்சர்: மகாகவி பாரதி தெரியுமா?
சார். மகா, கவி, பாரதி மூணு பேருமே செம பிகர்!

இன்பத்திலும் சிரிங்க! துன்பத்திலும் சிரிங்க! எல்லா நேரமும் சிரிங்க! அப்பத்தான் நீங்க
லூசுன்னு எல்லாரும் நம்புவாங்க!!

பஸ் ரூட்ல பஸ் போகும், ட்ரைன் ரூட்ல ட்ரைன் போகும்! பீட் ரூட்ல என்ன போகும்?
தெரிஞ்சா எனக்கு SMS பண்ணுங்க!

அம்மா! எதிர்வீட்ல இருக்குற ஆண்டி பேரு என்னமா?
சரோஜா! ஏன் கேக்குற?
அப்புறம் ஏம்மா அப்பா டார்லிங்குன்னு கூப்பிடறாரு?

பல்ப் - எடிசன்
ரேடியோ - மார்கோனி
பை-சைக்கிள் - மேக் மில்லன்
போன் - க்ராஹாம் பெல்
க்ராவிடி - நியூட்டன்
கரண்ட் - பாரடே
எக்ஸாம் - அவன்தான் சிக்க மாட்றான்! சிக்கினா செத்தான்!!

காதலில் எத்தனை முறை தோற்றாலும் பெரிய விசயமல்ல!
ஒரு முறை ஜெய்த்து பார்த்தால்தான் தெரியும்! தோல்வியே எவ்வளவோ
பரவாயில்லை என்று!!

மாடு போல சின்னதா இருக்கும்! ஆனா அது மாடு இல்ல! அது என்ன?
தெரியலையா?
அது கண்ணுக் குட்டி! கடவுளே ஏன் என்னை இவ்வளவு அறிவாளியாப் படைச்சே?

மூணு பேரு ஒரு பைக்ல போயிட்டு இருக்காங்க! அப்ப ஒரு டிராபிக் போலீஸ் கை
காட்டி நிறுத்தசொல்றாரு!
அப்ப பைக்ல இருந்த ஒருத்தன் ரொம்ப கோவமா "யோவ்! ஏற்கனவே மூணு பேரு
உட்கார்ந்து இருக்குறோம்! இதுல நீ எங்க உட்காருவ?" என்று கேட்டான். இது எப்படி இருக்கு?

கொடூர மொக்கை!
என்னதான் நான் அனுப்புற மெசேஜ் அட்டு பழசா இருந்தாலும், உங்க மொபைல்'ல
வரும் பொது "ஒன் நியூ மெசேஜ் ரிசிவ்டு" என்றுதான் வரும்!! எப்பூடி....

Score Board (18+ Only Joke)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 07:39:00 +0000

Score Board

A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state, when an
unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling.

�

Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a
nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.

�

"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three
of us, and we're all friends here."

�

The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in
the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.

�

After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to
the friend's side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her.

�

Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.

�

"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me."

�

"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll
never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair off of his
butt. He won't even wake up."

�

So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure enough, she's right.

�

Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his butt.

�

So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.

�

After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of the bed,
asking him to do it again.

�

The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's
corn hole, and again they have sex.

�

This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth
time, when the wife goes back to her side.

�

Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind
that you're shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my
butthole as your scoreboard?"

�

Thanks
chandramukhi16

If you are married , you must be familiar with these dialoguesv - Tamil Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:28:00 +0000

அமெரிக்காவை கண்டுபிடிக்கும் முன் கொலம்பஸ்-க்கு திருமணம் ஆகியிருந்தால்..

ஏங்க எங்கே போறீங்க?

யார்கூட போறீங்க?

ஏன் போறீங்க?

எப்படி போறீங்க?

என்ன கண்டுபிடிக்க போறீங்க?

ஏன் நீங்க மட்டும் போறீங்க?

நீங்க இங்க இல்லாம நான் என்ன பண்றது?

நானும் உங்ககூட வரட்டுமா?

எப்ப திரும்ப வருவீங்க?

எங்கே சாப்பிடுவீங்க?

எனக்கு என்ன வாங்கிட்டு வருவீங்க?

இப்படி பண்ணனும்னு எனக்கு தெரியாமல் எத்தனை நாளா பிளான் பண்ணிட்டுருந்தீங்க?

இன்னும் வேற என்னல்லாம் பிளான் இருக்கு?

பதில் சொல்லுங்க ஏன்?

நான் எங்க அம்மா வீட்டுக்கு போகட்டுமா?

நீங்க என்னை அம்மா வீட்டுல கொண்டுவிடுவீங்களா?

நான் இனி திரும்ப வரவே மாட்டேன்.

ஏன் பேசமா இருக்கீங்க?

என்னை தடுத்து நிறுத்த மாட்டீங்களா?

இதுக்கு முன்னாடியும் எனக்கு தெரியாம இந்த மாதிரி பண்ணிருக்கீங்களா?

எத்தனை கேள்வி கேட்குறேன் ஏன் மரமண்டை மாதிரி நிக்கிறீங்க?

இப்ப பதில் சொல்றீங்களா இல்லையா???

இதுக்கு அப்புறமும் அவரு அமெரிக்காவை கண்டுபிடிக்க கிளம்பியிருப்பாருன்னா நினைக்கிறீங்க??

__._,_.___

LARGEST FLOWER IN THE WORLD!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:08:00 +0000

Largest flower in the world!!! - Amorphophallus Titanum

The largest flower in the world was blossoming in Rio Blanco , Veracruz ,

Mexico . Two meters high and weighing 75 kilos, it has the peculiarity of

blooming only during three days every 40 years. You'd only see it once or

twice in a lifetime!

London Visit from Air at night..... Exclusive Sharp Photos !!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:54:00 +0000

Can i borrow Rs 25 /-nice one..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:54:00 +0000

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.

SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'

MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.

SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'If you must know, I make R 50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Mummy, may I please borrow R25?'

The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door..

The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that R25.00 and she really didn't ask for money very often.The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' She asked.

'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the R25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Mummy, I have R50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The mother was crushed. She put his arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that R50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Little Johnny

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:19:00 +0000

A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had any questions.

One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies. Is this sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens. Is that sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?"

"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.

"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it would take more than three guys to screw Sylvester Stallone."

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES

noreply@blogger.com (SkVm.YoUrS) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:16:00 +0000

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married my 'Miss Right'.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% ...
it's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men ...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Lion King - Moral of the strory

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 09:59:00 +0000

In a poor zoo of Africa, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered. When one day a Dubai Zoo manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to Dubai Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. The lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered. The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, 'don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management'? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle ... but... you have been brought here on a monkey's visa'!!!

Moral of the Story.... Better to be a Lion in your own country than be a monkey elsewhere.