Smithy Sports

Holy Milestones Batman!

2012-04-28T18:34:00.000-05:00

With my first year of college quickly coming to an end, as currently it is exam week (speaking of which I should probably be studying instead of blogging), receiving a boatload of wonderful news - both for myself individually but, more importantly for the teams of people I have had the privilege to work with- during such a time is a nice surprise considering I never thought 'good news' and 'finals' could go together in the same sentence.

On April 26th the book I helped content edit, Wrestling with the Past: Life In and Out of the Ring by Paul Vachon Hit #1 on Amazon's Hot New Releases List in "Wrestling Books" after being ranked #3 on April 25th.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Brock Lesnar were being "put over" Mr. Vachon on April 25th.

But on April 26th Mr. Vachon had his entertaining writing "booked" in its rightful place of #1.

And on the e-book side of things, that reached #12 on Amazon's Hot New Releases List in "Wrestling Books".

The e-book was able to crack the Top 15 in the Hot New Releases List.

The milestone here is that Mr. Vachon was able to have two different mediums of his writing be in the Top 15 of Amazon's Hot New Releases List. One of which reached #1. Meanwhile, I was lucky enough and privileged to take a look at it and put in my two cents as a content editor.

Outside of the book, BSU Tonight filmed its season finale last week. Working on 21 episodes with a team as fun as BSU Tonight is a blast. And while we didn't always make the greatest show ever, when you have a crew as young as us, (only one crew member was a senior), as our Executive Producer put best, "It was a long season with a lot of hiccups. Pretty much everyone was new in the positions they were dealt. Next year should run smoother with a more experienced cast and crew. Thank you all for a great year and I cant wait for next year to be 5X as good as this year was."

I'm excited for next year as well. I'm also excited for summer break and finishing up my exams. Speaking of which I should probably stop blogging and start studying.

Wrestling with the Past: Life in & out of the house with a mother that hates wrestling & a dad who kinda liked it.

2012-04-24T14:03:00.000-05:00

Three things I never thought would happen-

1. In the opening sentence to one of my pieces of writing, it included the word ‘things’.[1]
2. Despite having a readership less than the amount of fingers on a single normal functioning hand, I have been asked - thats right ASKED - to conjure up a blog post on this very site.
3. And the content, to which this post will be pertaining to, is none other than on my mother’s [2] least favorite subject – professional wrestling.

While the degree to which my mother utterly despises the medium of professional wrestling isn’t near the level of the Tea Party people hating on Obama or Ted Nugent’s hate towards living creatures, in my opinion it is worse. It is like how liberal hipsters hate big businesses yet they go about buying the latest form of iPhone made by Apple. You see, even though they hate big businesses and are disappointed in them; they love their Apple and can’t bear to give it up. So, basically I’m my mom’s iPhone. You see, when I came out to my parents [3] in the summer just before heading off to Ball State University, admitting my infatuation for the spectacle of professional wrestling, the look in her eye wasn’t of wrath, but worse – disappointment. Her eyes gave off the impression ever child fears – you know the one that says, “I’m not mad at you or even angry I’m just… disappointed.”

My dad on the other hand, a former wrestling fan himself, didn’t really care. He did however care that the wrestling PPV I was pleading to buy, last year’s Money in The Bank where for a wrinkle in time CM Punk made wrestling actually cool again, was 55 dollars.[4] Nonetheless I got the PPV and after it the conversation of professional wrestling in my household, much to my mother’s pleasure, died down for a bit.

Now fast forward to my second semester at Ball State University, just as I am getting ready to head home for spring break I get a call from dad. Throughout the conversation I was giving 50%[5] of my attention to him, the other 25% to packing, and the last 25% to Facebook. But then the conversation turned to this:

Dad: You know my friend Dana?
Me: Kind of. He’s the one that lives in Vermont and loves Carbone’s Pizza.
Dad: Yes that’s him. Anyway he is working on a professional wrestling book.

Like that moment in large lecture when the professor says, “the following will be on the test”, I closed Facebook and my ears perked up.

Dad: I told him you are fan, and he was hoping you take a look at it.
Me: Oh, awesome. Yeah I’ll do it. But what’s it on?
Dad: Paul ‘The Butcher’ Vachon.

The conversation continued, but it strayed away from professional wrestling and instead touched on the topic of Ball State Cardinal Football and how our last year starting outside linebacker got kicked off the team due to poor grades. By the end of the phone call my dad said he would get in contact with his friend saying I agreed to help out and take a look.

When I got home for spring break my time mostly consisted of preparing for the Timberwolves Internship fair, attending Timberwolves games, witnessing Ricky Rubio’s ACL tear in person, then crying like a widowed housewife watching a marathon of Lifetime movies, and waiting for a manuscript on this professional wrestling book written by Paul ‘The Butcher’ Vachon. I finally got the manuscript a little past the halfway mark of my break with instructions how to edit its content from Dana. That said[6], I didn’t take a look at it until I got back on the plane to head back to Indiana. Oh, and did I mention I had a two week deadline, and I already wasted a quarter of it not even looking at the source material![7] It also didn’t help I didn’t know much about the actual source the material was the subject of.

You see, I wasn’t even a fetus when the guy was wrestling. I mean I had heard of the name Vachon – his brother Mad Dog was elected to the WWE Hall of Fame a couple years ago. And he once partnered with him forming one of the most famous tag teams in wrestling history. But what first came to my mind hearing the name ‘Vachon’, and this will show my age (or lack thereof), was his now deceased daughter Luna - who in the late 90’s and early 2000’s portrayed, in my honest opinion, one of the most unique and entertaining wrestling characters, male or female, of all time. Thankfully when I finally got around to opening the manuscript I found out it was a memoir. Meaning the general knowledge I had of the Vachon name was enough for me to understand and enjoy the book. Also meaning: yes newly acquainted wrestling fans, there is nothing to fear when picking up a wrestling book written by the performer who was in the first ever ‘wedding’ wrestling skit.[8] Even fans like me below the age of 20 will enjoy the tale of The Butcher.

I’m also sure current fans who were alive when Butcher was lacing up the boots as well as former fans like my dad who cringe at today’s product, will enjoy the memoir as well. I mean these are the fans that actually grew up and saw him wrestle live on TV or in person.

Even non-wrestling fans will enjoy the book because as I wrote at the end of my content editing report, and this is a word for word copy & paste of what I wrote about the book in its manuscript stage:

"It is a wonderful read that is all the while entertaining and fun as it is moving and touching. Obviously it could use some editing and polishing up but underneath the gravel is a story that will peak both an individual and wrestling fan’s interest and hopefully impact them as a person. The book is far more meaningful than just feeding us dirt on what it was like as a promoter, rather through your life’s stories we learn so many lessons that we not only fans, but also as humans should digest. It was a privilege reading the book and best of luck."

With that gravel now taken out of the manuscript, fans of writing in general should pick it up. As a creative writing minor it was a wake up call and reminder of what the power of writing holds… And what its deeper meaning is. Lord knows it wouldn’t win a Pulitzer for literary achievement[9] or be handed out in an English class as an example of how to write a perfectly crafted sentence[10] but the fact is, it represents everything writing is supposed to be - both in terms of pure expressions and artistic meaning. You see, in his earlier books Vachon was lampooned by critics for his lack of staying on topic with his narrative.[11] While at times I did agree with those critics in regards to his earlier work[12], my belief is that with the help of Dana, countless others and myself - they will see that in the current work created by Mr. Vachon, it is an entirely different story. And the story is one that showcases the power of writing. As I wrote in the content report:

"What his so call ‘critics’ say are his weakness, I think is his greatest strength. In a purely artistic abstract sort of sense, one can easily think of wrestling exactly like his writing- as a fan you never know where it is going to take you. The storylines and the matches leave you “Up, down or sideways” in a sense of awe and entertainment bliss. Because of this, what his critics who lampooned him for his scribe never picked up on, is that his writing style when combined with the world he came from- gives his writing a sense of unique expression and great meaning."

Speaking of jumping around with the narrative, I am going to take a cue form Butcher. Pardon me as I break the author 4th wall: but I’m really having a difficult time straddling the line of writing an entertaining blog post and going full fledged Billy Mays on you asking you to buy this book. So to get that out of the way here is a cheap plug – you can get the book in both a text version or e-book version for kindle here.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming.

Anyway, after turning in the multipage content editor report a lot of other wrestling related stuff occurred in my life. And no I’m not talking about WrestleMania, although that did happen; rather I’m talking about how wrestling pertained to my academic life. You see for my English class I wrote a rhetorical analysis of the now iconic CM Punk shoot promo. Much to my delight and shock during peer editing, my reviewer said the following, “Could you may be dumb it down a bit?”

Stop the presses.

“Wait, you want me to dumb down professional wrestling?!?!” I responded.

When I told my mom this story, she burst out laughing. She honestly thinks pro wrestling is the scum of all entertainment. But I’m ok with that because now it is rather comical in an ironic sort of way since now she tells me over the phone how proud she is of my work on the Vachon book. [13] The fact my mother is proud of something in relation to professional wrestling is downright hysterical. Also like any glowing mother who thinks her child is the greatest thing since sliced bread, she also says I should tell Ball State I got their name mentioned in the book. I don’t plan on doing that, or going up to the English department telling them about the work[14] and that is because of three things-

1. That’s not my style.
2. There are friends of mine at Ball State University who thought a measly seven page English paper on professional wrestling needed to be dumb downed.
3. And if thats the case, what would they say about a 200+ page professional wrestling book as smart and heartfelt as this one.

Lin vs. Pek vs. Anderson - Battle for MIP

2012-04-23T17:28:00.000-05:00

How do you measure improvement in the NBA? Is it the growth of a player’s individual performance comparing his statics of the previous year to the current, and then seeing how he impacts his team? Or is it someone who went from a nobody to a major somebody becoming one of the most dangerous three point shooters around the league? Or is it the guy who goes from being someone who appears to have no idea what he is doing out there, to a guy who knows exactly what he is doing and knows exactly how to run over people? Or, more simple put, is it the sentimental story of hope?

Through those vague rhetorical questions I hope you see what I am setting up here- the most improved player race is between the Orlando Magic’s Ryan Anderson, the New York Knick’s Jeremy Lin, and our very own Nikola Pekovic. There is a strong case for all three players. Obviously I am biased being a Minnesota Timberwolves fan but I am going to throw out that bias by strictly only looking at the numbers. I hope Knick fans do the same with Lin, because the MIP award doesn’t stand for- “Player who comes out of nowhere and is all of a sudden good.” On the other hand, T-Wolves fans should also realize also it doesn’t stand for ‘NBA player most likely to be a former hit man of a European mob.”

Going over the following seven statistics we will determine who deserves to win the most improved player award. This will be found according to the numbers of the player who shows the most improvement in the categories (comparing last year and this year’s performances). At the end, we will determine who holds that distinction the most among the seven total categories, and whoever does so will be crowned the most improved player based on the following stats-

Effective Field Goal Percentage: the formula (FG + 0.5 * 3P) / FGA. and is a statistic adjusted for the fact that a 3-point field goal is worth one more point than a 2-point field goal. So for example, suppose Player A goes 4 for 10 with 2 threes, while Player B goes 5 for 10 with 0 threes. Each player would have 10 points from field goals - the same amount attempted - and thus would have the same effective field goal percentage of 50%.) (I am using this rather than True Shooting% for comparing Anderson, Pek, and Lin because one guy chucks threes -Anderson- another I don't think has taken a shot outside five feet -Pek- and one guy takes a variety of shots -Lin.)

Offensive Rating: per 100 possessions, it is a statistic used to measure a players ability at producing points - meaning it looks at scoring, assists, free throws and much more. Also the higher the better.

Offensive Win Share: The number of wins contributed by the player’s offense.

Total Rebounding Percentage: The percentage number of rebounds a player grabs while on the floor.

Defensive Rating: similar to offensive rating, it looks at the points a player allows per 100 possessions. Meaning the lower the better.

Defensive Win Share: The number of wins contributed by the player’s defense.

Player Efficiency Rating: A detailed formula created by John Hollinger, that rates every players statistical performance to create a single number which says how efficient they are.

Orlando Magic, PF, Ryan Anderson: considering Anderson only played in 64 games last year, and will play in 62 this year, his number’s can be adequately compared.

Non-numbers case: played the most out of the three candidates. Became one of the most prominent three point shooters in the game. On that note, we begin looking at the numbers.

Shooting Numbers: Lets first take a look at his shot everyone seems to be raving about. While he did improve overall fg% from last years campaign to the current season (up from .431% to .440%) his effective field goal percentage (stayed exactly the same at .559%.)

Meaning: he didn’t actually improve his shooting. That said his overall offensive numbers tell a different story, because he in fact did improve. Albeit only slightly. His offensive rating only increased by a margin of +2 going from 122 last year to 124 for the current season.

Meaning: His offensive game did improve. And more importantly this lead to improving his offensive wins shares from 3.9 to 6.7.

Offensively what does this say about Anderson and his improvement: He did improve his game. In my opinion though he should not win the award based on his shooting performance because that frankly, as we showed, did not improve. However his strongest case is the fact he has played the most the games and his offensive improvement leads to more wins than either Pek's or Lin's.

Defensive numbers: He did not improve defensively. His defensive rating showcases that last year he was at 101 and this year he is at 105, meaning he is giving up +4 more points than he did last year. This also contributes to his defensive win share decreasing from 2.5 the previous year to 1.9 for the current year.

Meaning: defensively he is worse than he was a year ago.

Being a Kevin Love fan I recognize how important rebounding is, and how that at times (I repeat at times, meaning not always) can counter act a player’s defensive inefficiency. Unfortunately for Anderson this is not the case for him. His overall total rebound percentage decreased from 14.5% for the 2010-2011 season to 13.8% for the current season.

Meaning: his rebounding game is worse than it was a year ago.

Defensively what does this say about Anderson and his improvement: uh… there wasn’t any improvement. In fact he got worse on the defensive end.

Overall numbers: Last year Ryan Anderson’s PER (player efficiency rating was 19.09) this year it is 21.06.

Meaning: when comparing last year to this year, in a near similar amount of games (64 last year) 62 (this year) Anderson became a more efficient player by +1.97.

Overall Meaning: with an ample amount of evidence, being able to compare last year to this year, Anderson makes a strong case to be most improved player. He greatly improved his offensive game and his ability to use it to get his team wins, makes up for the slight decline on the defensive end of the floor. Also it is good news for Magic fans, considering awards are so heavily based on offensive production - hence this shouldn’t be a real issue for him.

Minnesota Timberwolves, C, Nikola Pekovic: While Pek only playing in 47 games this year and 65 games last year doesn’t make the ability to compare seasons as clear cut as in the case of Ryan Anderson, there is just enough evidence to dissect his numbers.

Shooting numbers: his effective field goal percentage improved from .517% last year to .565% this year. That is a +.048 improvement. Along with his shooting greatly improving, as did his overall offensive game. His offensive rating improved by +16, going from 100 the previous year up to 116 for the current season. This led to his offensive win share to go from .2 the previous season to 3.4 for the current year.

Meaning: his entire offensive game improved and his status, as being considered one of the more prominent offensive interior big man in the game is valid.

Offensive overall meaning: with all facets of his offensive game improving leading to greater wins, and a better effective field goal percentage, he has a strong case for most improved player.

Defensive numbers: His defense did improve. His defensive rating went from 111 the previous year to 107 this year, meaning he gives up four less points than he did a season ago.

This improvement has led to his defensive win share improving from .5 to 1. While a marginal improvement in this category, it is an improvement nonetheless.

Pek’s greatest strength, and biggest improvements happened on the offensive glass where statistically speaking, he is the best center at grabbing offensive rebounds this year, and the 2nd best player in the league with a 15.8 Offensive rebounding percentage. This is a huge improvement from last year where he only had a 11.0 ORP and was ranked ahead of Ryan Anderson (with 10.8) as the 44th best offensive rebounder in the game last year. This year he pulled away from him and solidified himself as a monster on the offensive glass. That said, his defensive rebounding wasn’t hampered either. He also improved in this category going from 13.2 defensive rebounding percentage to a 14.4 DRP. And in total his total rebounding percentage increased from 12.1 to 15.1, a +3 percentage increase.

Defensively what does this say about Pek and his improvement: A whole hell of a lot. He improved defensively as an individual and a teammate. His defensive rating improved, along with his defensive win shares. More importantly PEK improved so much he became one of the best offensive rebounder’s in the game (which by the way is huge, because it takes away an opponents possible possession and gives you an extra one).

Overall numbers: His player efficiency rating last year, as calculated by his playing in 65 games during the 2010-2011 season was 11.29. This year, in playing in 47 games, his PER is 21.21.

Meaning: This year Pek became a more efficient player, as stats show his PER jumped by a +9.92.

Overall: When comparing last year to this year, in every area of his game, Pek improved. Some areas more than others, but in the stats being looked at for this study, he improved in every single one. Which is something Ryan Anderson fans can't say. The issue is, while there is enough evidence for last year, is 47 games enough to compare the two years? I like to think so, but some may say otherwise.

New York Knicks, PG, Jeremy Lin (& his non-numbers case): One of the most 100 influential people in the world according to TIME magazine, this heartfelt Rudy-like story captivated a nation and broke boundaries for a race of individuals. That said, what do the numbers have to say about all this? Due to his injury which has forced Lin to only be able to play in 35 regular season games this year, the 29 games he played in last year with the Warriors, racking up 284 minutes, gives a small window to use as evidence to compare and contrast. That said, is the 284 minutes not enough to use as evidence? Maybe not, but it took Lin only 940 minutes this year on the court to became a media main stay, so I’d say the 284 is just enough.

Shooting Numbers: His effective field goal percentage last year was .396%, this year it is .478%, that is a + .082 improvement.

Meaning: He did improve his shooting. In fact his shooting improvement of +.082 is a greater margin of improvement than Pek or Anderson. Along with his shooting improving, his offensive rating improved as well, by +4 going from 100 to 104. As such his offensive win share went from 0 to 1.3, for a +1.3 OWS increase.

Meaning: Along with improving as an individual, as he became a key member of a team his individual prowess allowed him to have a greater effect on the outcome of the game. All in all his offensive game improved as a whole.

Before we get down to the defensive numbers I need to remind you of the following – Jeremy Lin’s ability to create for teammates off of the assist is a component of his offensive rating. Obviously Lin is not a factor on the glass when compared to Anderson or Pek, but I did not leave out his ability to pass the ball, it was included in Offensive rating.

Defensive Numbers: Lin’s Defensive rating did improve, he gives up two points less than he did last year where his overall defensive rating was 103, and this year it is 101. This saw his defensive win share increase from .4 last year to 1.4 this year. Marking an improvement of +1. As far as rebounding goes, he stayed the same. His total rebounding percentage both last year and this year is 6.8%.

Meaning: Even though he is a guard, facts are facts. His rebounding game did not improve. Take that for what you will. Most importantly though his defensive game did improve as a whole.

Overall numbers: last year Lin’s PER was 14.8. This year it is 19.9

Meaning: Lin’s efficiency as a player improved by +5.1.

Overall meaning: only staying the same in one category, rebounding, Lin improved in every other facet of his game. And considering he is a guard, I don’t think we should be to hard on him for his lack of rebounds.

Now that we have compared all the players to their past season and current one, finding their areas of improvement, lets now compare their margins of improvement to one another in order to determine who is the most improved.

Shooting numbers improvement: for this category if you recall we looked at effective field goal percentage. The graph shows that Anderson did not improve in this category, and rather he stayed the same. Pek meanwhile improved by +. 048 and lastly, as mentioned earlier Lin improved the most at +. 082. Thus the winner for being the most improved in this category is Lin. Winner: Lin.

Offensive rating improvement: blowing it out the water, Pek wins this. Winner: Pek.

Offensive win share improvement: Pek by only by a smidge over Anderson. Winner: Pek.

Defensive rating improvement: Pek over Lin, meanwhile as mentioned earlier, Anderson got worse in this aspect of his game. Winner: Pek.

Defensive Wins Share: Lin was the most improved in this category. Winner: Lin.

Total Rebounding improvement: Now considering Anderson is a PF and Pek is a center, there is no reason why comparing there improvement in the rebounding category shouldn’t be considered. And both players also have two teammates known for their rebounding skills, in Anderson’s case Dwight Howard and in Pek’s case Kevin Love. As for Lin, as mentioned earlier his rebounding game did not improve; take that for what you will. Winner: Pek.

Player Efficiency Rating improvement: It is clear that out all of the three, Pek improved the most in regards to becoming a more efficient player. Winner: Pek.

Conclusion: Even though it appears Anderson maybe out of the running due to his lack of being the most improved in any of the seven categories, personally speaking, when taking out all the stats - it should be considered that compared to Lin or Pek he has played the most. He should also be commended for his ability to play this well throughout the whole Dwight Howard drama in Orlando. Despite what the numbers say, he does make a strong case. As for Lin, what can be said that already hasn't? He is a walking Hollywood movie with a script so fairy tale-esque if I turned in a story like his for my screenwriting class I'd probably get an 'F' for being too cliche. And his numbers do, somewhat, back it up. I am now gonna throw out the rebounding category for him - just because he is a guard. Meaning he improved the most in two of the four categories he was actually competing in. That said, if we are to go back to the basis of this post, and how the MIP award would be determined, that only leaves one man most deserving. And that man is Nikola Pekovic who was the most improved in 5 out the seven categories as shown above. Thus it is it is my belief - PEK DESERVES TO BE MIP!!!!!!!!!!

Winner: Pek

All stats were found at basketballreference.com - Graphs were created on my own.

Living on a mid-major countryside

2011-12-04T23:21:00.001-06:00

Growing up in a Big Ten household, I always looked down upon the mid-major schools who felt they deserved a shot at a bowl game or a ticket to the dance in March over us Gophers or any team in one of the big time conferences. My mindset was that the schools in the smaller conferences were like the students who did well in a basic math class. Bring them up to an honors class and they’ll sink faster than a guy with two cement blocks attached to their feet being thrown in a lake by some guy named Fat Tony. So whenever I heard some mid-major complain and moan about not being chosen over one of the bigger schools I’d shake my head. Don’t they realize it is for their own good? Sure the mid-majors will bring up one of the scandals by one of the bigger schools, but that is irrelevant because major Division I sport institutions are like the buildings in Sodom and Gomorrah. All the mid major want to go there, and hang with the big boys, but after one messed up night in the bibles version of Vegas, they’d realize it was too big for them, and it’d be for their own good if they went back to their little countryside’s called the MAC, Sunbelt, C-USA, WAC and Mountain West.

As I ventured off to Ball State University, I left the big 10 and entered the mac. So in a metaphorical sense I left Sodom and Gomorrah, and went to the countryside, but in a realistic sense – and in an odd twist of events – college is much more like Sodom and Gomorrah than sweet little St. Paul will ever be. Nonetheless, I was about to experience for the first time what it was like on the outside looking in. I was about to learn what it was like being a fan of a mid –major.

And basically it sucks. Finding a way to watch the game can be just as much of a struggle as actually watching the game. And by struggle I don’t mean the competition is bad, I mean – half the time you are watching the game on your computer and it is more pixelated than a Missing No (And nobody gets that reference.)

Despite that, it was a unique experience watching a majority of the games of a team I’m rooting for and I couldn’t even read the numbers or names on the back of the jerseys. An even more unique experience was finding out that just about everything fans of mid-major schools have been saying for years is true. The system is rigged and the only reason there are 35 (and way too many) Bowls is to make money. But that isn’t the true revelation, I knew this, just about everyone does- the real revelation was that the NCCA doesn’t just want any money, but big money, and it is willing to squander the meaning of competitiveness and morals just so it can get a hefty pay check.

I realize being a mid-major and going 6-6 doesn’t mean an automatic birth. (Remember the Glen Mason years, wonderful weren’t they?) What I didn’t realize was that a team with a loosing record and an institution that has raped the bodies of little boys, can get in over a bowl eligible team.

Yes, I am talking about UCLA and Penn State. And if anyone says UCLA should be in a bowl, they are simply is delusional. By awarding the Bruins a birth the NCCA has stated, “ We don’t care about competitive integrity. We only care about money.” They have seven losses, and six wins. How can you have more loses than wins and be invited to a bowl game! And I don’t care about bowl agendas and other crap, the fact is: A team with a loosing read cannot be invited to participate in the bowl season. Unless they win in, which UCLA did not, they should not be allowed to participate. It goes against the ethics of competition. But according to the NCCA it doesn’t go against the ethics of Business. Which is ironic because, I didn’t know the NCCA had any.

Then there is the Penn State situation. Before we go into to details let me relay this scenario to you –

1.A man working for an institution you as a parent trusts, rapes and defiles your child.

2.The institution, which this man was employed by, besides loosing an old fart that was their leader and was on his deathbed anyway, remains completely intact (Stop being in denial Ninety Lion fans)

3.This institution then just so happens to be rewarded at the end of the year, for what a marvelous job they have done, and get paid a boatload of money.

Basically that is Penn State. Now I have heard opposition to this – the players didn’t do it and they have a right to play. THAT IS TRUE! However, it is not the players gaining the benefit by playing in a bowl game - it is the institution that allowed this nightmare to happen. The players aren’t getting the money, the school that let little boys get raped is. By letting Penn State go to a bowl game, the NCCA is allowing reverse child prostitution. That said there are couple things Penn State could do to help there cause, and would at least, in my opinion, build there case to let them play.

1.All of the money they receive for going to a bowl is given to a charity.

2.All of the money the football program made this year, the year in which the revelations came out, goes to a charity.

3.For the next 10 years, 50% of all of their football income goes to a charity.

However, not a single word of that has been heard. Instead through these two instances with UCLA and Penn State, have stopped the Ball State Cardinals - who I wouldn’t mind causing a scandal for once, just show there administration is trying – and the end result is that the Cardinals find themselves sitting out of the bowl season because they are deemed inferior by the NCCA. As I, a Big 10 boy, have learned through my first full season of watching Ball State Cardinal football is that what the mid-majors have been saying all along is true – the system is rigged. And even my original thought that the mid-majors would be overwhelmed is irrelevant. You don’t know until you try, right? They don’t even let mid-majors try to swim. But I guess that is just how it is leaving on the countryside.

How the "Chirp" does Ball State make a bowl game?

2011-11-18T10:25:00.001-06:00

After coming off a heartbreaking loss to Northern Illinois, where a win would have solidified the Cardinals place in a bid for a bowl game - and made the week leading into the game against Toledo a lot less nerve wrecking for Cardinal fans who are looking at it as a "If we win there is a chance we make it to bowl game, loose and kiss our dreams good bye" game. But what if I told there was a way the Cardinals could loose the Toledo game and still make it into a bowl? What if I told you there was a scenario out there, where a mid - major school with a 6-6 record trumps the odds, laughs in the face of the NCAA who obviously made this idiotic rule to have it be 6 wins and your eligible for big football schools like Florida who every once and awhile have a down year (5-5 at this point) just so they can make a quick mill because they know the school is as green as their Gator mascot? What if I stopped writing in rhetorical questions and told you about this possibility? You'd like that right? Well, it is all written below!

The Run Down

120 teams in all of Division 1 Football

35 bowl games.

70 Teams are invited

Stats to Date (As of 11/17/2011)

There are 54 bowl eligible teams (Including Ball State)

30 teams are ineligible to receive a bowl bid. (Meaning they have more than 6 loses, or got in trouble like USC)

36 Teams still vying for a bowl bid.

Of those 36, 11 of them have 6 loses, while the other 25 only have 5 or less.

For statistical purposes, those 36 teams will be split up into two groups – Fringe Teams (Don’t have 6 loses or don’t have enough wins against D1 schools) and ‘Nearly on your death Bed Teams’ (have 6 losses). Below is a table of those teams. The teams in italics means they are going head to head with a team in the box before the regular season is completed.

Nearly on death Bed Teams ( 6 losses)	Fringe Teams (Less than 6 Losses or not enough wins against D1 schools)
Independent Navy (4-6) Conference USA Marshall (4-6) Eastern Carolina (4-6) UCF (4-6) MAC Conference Kent State (4-6) Mountain West Colorado State (3-6) Pac 12 Conference Washington State (4-6) SEC Tennessee (4-6) Kentucky (4-6) Sun Belt Conference North Texas (4-6) WAC New Mexico State (4-6)	ACC Conference Wake Forest (5-5) North Carolina State (5-5) The U aka Miami (5-5) Big 12 Conference Missouri (5-5) Texas A&M (5-5) Iowa State (5-4) Texas Tech (5-5) Big East Conference Louisville (5-5) Pittsburgh (5-5) Connecticut (4-5) South Florida (5-4) Syracuse (5-5) Big Ten Conference Purdue (5-5) Northwestern (5-5) Conference USA UTEP (5-5)	Pac 12 Conference UCLA (5-5) SEC Florida (5-5) Vanderbilt (5-5) Mississippi State (5-5) Sun Belt Conference Western Kentucky (5-5) WAC Hawaii (5-5) Utah State (4-5) Mountain West Wyoming (6-3) Air Force (5-5) MAC Conference Eastern Michigan (6-4)

Below is a table telling you which of these italicized teams are playing who.Teams in Gray, have 6 losses. Non gray is Fringe Teams.

By the basis of this and using logical reasoning (if a gray plays a gray team, automatically one team will be eliminated from bowl eligibility) by seasons end 3 teams will be eliminated (as there are three games where a highlighted gray team is playing another highlighted team, and they are Marshal vs. East Carolina, East Carolina vs. UCF and Tennessee vs. Kentucky)So now the field of teams vying for a bowl bid is automatically down to 34 at the least, but UCF beats East Carolina who beat Marshall, than it gets brought down to 33.

That said there are other games where a non-gray highlighted team is playing a highlighted team. In those situations Ball State will obviously be rooting for the non- gray highlighted team to win, and those games are the following: Kent State vs. Eastern Michigan, Colorado State vs. Air Force, Colorado State vs. Wyoming, Vanderbilt vs. Tennessee, North Texas vs. Western Kentucky, and New Mexico State vs. Utah State.

With these set of games, it brings us some interesting possibilities when combined with highlighted vs. unhighlighted games. For example Tennessee is in both of these sets, and the best case scenario would be that it loses to Vandy and beats Kentucky, eliminating a foe as well as their selves (this has a 25% chance of working). 33 teams now drops to 32. Now then let’s says all goes our way and every highlighted team loses to an unlighted, (in that scenario, who’s each individual game’s outcome happening in our favor has a 50% chance of happening) 32 now drops to 28, (count only Colorado State once.) But there is also the strange placement for Louisville, who before seasons end plays two games against fellow Fringe Teams, (Connecticut and Pittsburgh.). So let’s say they lose both those games, a different Cardinal football team will be eliminated dropping the count from 28 to 27. This has a 25% chance of happening.

But what if I told there was a scenario in which every single one of the gray teams, as well on their death bed teams are eliminated, including those big major SEC teams Tennessee and Kentucky? That’d be awesome for BSU right? Well there is one out there and it is this:

Marshal plays East Carolina; East Carolina wins and eliminates Marshal. East Carolina later goes onto to play UCF, and in UCF winning, East Carolina is eliminated. Meanwhile if East Carolina beats UCF when they place, UCF is gone. Meanwhile Kent State plays Eastern Michigan before season’s ends, and if Eastern Michigan wins, Kent State is eliminated. Colorado State meanwhile is playing against Wyoming and Air Force, and in both games they are predicted to loose, so CSU is now eliminated. Meanwhile with Tennessee, in the scenario written above, loose to Vanderbilt, they are eliminated, beat Kentucky and Kentucky is eliminated. North Texas loses to Western Kentucky and they are eliminated. And last but not least, New Mexico State loses to Utah State, and they are eliminated. However there are still two on their death bed teams left, Navy and Washington State. Meanwhile Navy plays San Jose State at San Jose State. While SJS is 3-7, they have been highly competitive, and except in four games, all of their losses have been by three points or less (meaning they could just as easily be 7-3), so SJS could pull it off at home. Navy is now gone. But let’s say Navy wins, Navy still has to play the always heated Army Navy game, where Army would like nothing more than to spoil their season.(And while I know we destroyed Army, I’m pretty that teams is bi-polar, I mean they beat Northwestern a Big 10 school, and coming from a Big 10 household – I am from Minnesota and my dad’s a gopher’s fan - that means a lot because in today’s age, the Gophers have taken the place of Northwestern in being the other rag doll in the Big 10 alongside Indiana.)Meanwhile Washington State is now the only six loss team left, and their next two games are against bowl eligible teams, so they have a reasonably high chance of losing at least one of them.

With 11 teams now eliminated out of the original 36 in this scenario, only 25 teams are left vying for bowl eligibility, and the magic number is 16, because currently there are 54 bowl eligible teams.Of the 25 remaining teams, all of which are fringe teams (less than 6 losses or not enough wins against D1 schools) these are left.

Wake Forest (5-5)

North Carolina State (5-5)

The U aka Miami (5-5)

Missouri (5-5)

Texas A&M (5-5)

Iowa State (5-4)

Texas Tech (5-5

Louisville (5-5)

Pittsburgh (5-5)

Connecticut (4-5)

South Florida (5-4)

Syracuse (5-5)

Purdue (5-5)

Northwestern (5-5)

UTEP (5-5)

UCLA (5-5)

Florida (5-5)

Vanderbilt (5-5)

Mississippi State (5-5)

Western Kentucky (5-5)

Hawaii (5-5)

Utah State (4-5)

Wyoming (6-3)

Air Force (5-5)

Eastern Michigan (6-4)

Now it comes down to predictions and guessing. Below are some predications I made which I think make somewhat logical sense. In this, it eliminates 6 out of the 25 remaining, bringing it down to 19 teams.

Iowa State: of their next three games they play highly ranked schools (#2Oklahoma State, #5 Oklahoma and #13 Kansas State, with all of the games except for the OSU one, on the road.) So the likelihood of the Cyclones pulling off an upset is slim, so I am predicting they lose their next three games eliminating them from Bowl Eligibility (Side note: if they win one of these, they are in over us, easily. Sorry but if you beat one the Big 12 powers and have 6 wins, bowl people are putting you in a game)

Louisville: Final two games are away and against fellow fringe teams in the big east Connecticut and USF.

Connecticut: Even though they help us by beating Louisville, there final two games are against some the best teams in the big east, Rutgers and Cincinnati.

Texas Tech: They are playing at Missouri and playing against #22 ranked Baylor at a neutral site. Makes it a relatively high chance they will be eliminated.

Syracuse: loose to Pitt because Pitt beat South Florida 44-17, Cuse lost 37-17 to USF, and play Cincinnati who beat Pittsburgh.

Eastern Michigan: Even though they have 6 wins, two of their wins came against DII schools Howard and Alabama State, and only one of those wins count towards your record. So really for our purposes, their record is 5-4. Now then, we hope they beat Kent State and kick them out, and even though that brings them to 6 wins, as long as they lose to Northern Illinois the next week, it doesn’t matter because we beat them in the head to head matchup, so they won’t make it over us.

After those six teams, I could not fine anymore reasoning to eliminate three out of the remaining 19 teams. That said, with only three needed to be eliminated, obviously that has a chance of happening.(And I am aware of the possibility that another don't get eliminated, and that boots Ball State out of the bowl picture, which would suck.)

However the chances of all this stuff that has been written happening, is slim to none. It was just for kicks. But in all honesty, the best way to ensue BSU makes a bowl game is if they beat Toledo. That said if the unspeakable happens and they lose, at least we know there is a possibility out here in which they make it. Even if it is next to impossible that all goes accordingly in our favor.

College...

2011-08-23T20:03:00.000-05:00

So now that I am college I highly doubt I will we writing as much as I use to, (which was basically every other day except for weekends). With that said I won't say I won't stop writing, just expect not as much. Actually who knows. this could be the end as far as I know. but it was a fun thing to do through out the summer before college. And yeah, if this is the end...

Smithy Signing out!

Twins GM Bill Smith Sucks

2011-08-17T19:25:00.002-05:00

For the past couple blog posts I have been extremely harsh on Twins GM Bill Smith without once ever fully explaining why I have such a negative outlook on the Jabba the Hut of baseball General Managers (He slightly resembles the fat lard). However that will change now as I go every major transaction Smith has done since taking over for Terry Ryan in October of 2007.

2007

November 28th – Twins trade starting pitcher Matt Garza , starting shortstop Jason Bartlett and some no name minor league pitcher who has yet to make it to the Big Leagues for Outfielder Delmon Young and in-fielder Brendan Harris. Not a bad move. We had to get rid of Garza for similar reasons why the Ray had to get rid of Young – a history of attitude problems and maybe a change of scenery would do them both good. And the trade did exactly just that. Garza became an ace that helped lead them to the World Series and Young, as evident by last year, was just starting to scratch the surface of his potential. Unfortunately the Bartlett for Harris swap turned out horribly for the Twins as Bartlett would spend the next two seasons with outstanding years, his first two years out of the three with the Rays he was outstanding in. In 2008 he batted .286, and 2009 he had a career year where he batted .320. and over the three years he was in Tampa he batted a combined total of .286. Meanwhile in Harris’ three years in a Twins uniform he stunk up the joint and batted a combined total of .227. And now that the Twins traded Young for a name nothing that will become nothing, Jobba the Hut, Bill Smith absolutely blew it with this trade. In the end it was ‘not a bad move’ that turned into a horrible move.

2008

January 29th – Trade starting pitcher and Cy Young award winning to the Mets for Center Fielder Carlos Gomez and a bunch of no name prospects that are closer to making the Big leagues than Paris Hilton is to practicing abstinence. This is one of the worst trades ever, especially when you consider the Twins could have traded Johan to the Red Sox for Jacoby Ellsburry and some prospects. Bill Smith should be getting more flak for this move than Kahn has for any of his moves!

February 12th – Signed Livan Hernandez to a one year deal… the first of many ‘yawn; moves by Smith. And once again with this move the Twins found themselves still being a team that gets knocked out of the first round. Yawn.

December 11th – agreed to terms with Nick Punto on a two-year club option. Yawn.

2009

February 22nd – singed third baseman Joe Creede to a one-year deal. Well that turned out great, didn’t it? Yawn.

July 31st – Get Orlando Cabrera for less than half season to make the playoffs and then quickly get ousted in the first round again. We then let him go. Yawn.

August 28th – traded pitcher Phil Humber for Jon Rauch. As cool as Rauch’s entrance video was – it honestly looked like a vignette for a professional wrestler with his height and all his tattoos - the move was anything but cool, and inactuallity was down right lukewarm. With this ‘yawn’ move the Twins stayed mediocre enough to get knocked out of the first round of the playoffs again.

November 6th – traded CF Carlos Gomez to Brewers for SS JJ Hardy, who due to injuries in his first season with the Twins, understandably, played poorly. So what do we do? Get rid and let him go to Orioles where he now has 23 Home runs and batting average of .270. Really Bill Smith? You just give up on a player in one year because of an injury? As evident by the most recent Young trade (which we will get too later on) this seems to be an idiotic pattern of yours.

2010

July 29th – We trade catcher Wilson Ramos for closer Matt Capps. So at the time the trade was ‘ok’, but with Capps current performance, and after having Mauer basically gone for the majority of the season, and therefore having Drew Butera at catcher for the majority of the season, I am pretty sure we would have been in better shape with Ramos at catcher instead of Butera. And when you look at some important stats like WAR, you will see that Ramos by himself is more valuable than Capps and a helluva a lot more valuable than Butera. Ramos’ 2011 WAR is 1.3. Capps’ 2011 WAR is 1.1. And Butera’s 2011 WAR is a hysterical -0.9. Which means by playing him, your team has a greater chance of loosing. So in the end it turned out to be an awful trade.

December 17th – Signed Japanese baseball player Tsuyoshi Nishioka to a three-year contract worth 10 million dollars. But when you consider the Twins paid Nishioka 5 million dollars just to negotiate with they are ending up paying this guy 15 million dollars. And so far this season, it became very apparent very quickly that this import from Japan isn’t worth 15 million dollars. Horrible signing Billy Boy.

2011

August 15th – Twins trade Delmon Young to the Tigers for two no name, no good minor league pitchers. You know my thoughts on this from this past Weekend Roundup. HORRIBLE TRADE!

As you can tell from above, Bill Smith has done nothing to improve the team. He has either made ‘yawn’ moves to keep them at that mediocre level of getting the club knocked out of the first round every year or hampered the team and made them worse. And by the team’s current underperforming and disappointing season it looks like all of Billy Boy’s idiotic moves have finally caught up to him as he can no longer hide behind the smart moves of Terry Ryan. This season Billy Boy has finally shown us how bad he really is. So to all of you who think David Kahn is the worst professional sports executive in the state of Minnesota – think again. It is really Twins General Manager Bill Smith.

Weekend Roundup August 12th – August 14th

2011-08-15T19:46:00.007-05:00

- I am at college as I ~~speak~~, err I mean, as I type. Actually I am doing this in my dorm room. Anyway I am at Ball State… speaking of which…

- Lets start talkin’ and chirpin’ about some Cardinal Football! I don’t know that much about’em, I have never ever seen them play game in my entire life, but after reading up about the team here is what I found out: they have new coach, and thus they are rebuilding. That said, I am not too worried about it- after watching Golden Gopher football for the past 18 years, I am positive nothing can be any worse. Thanks to the Gophers I am numb to loosing college football games at this point – so BSU football, you have plenty of time rebuild and go threw some growing pains, because Gopher Football is like the negative effects of vicodin – after taking it for 18 years I don’t feel a thing and find myself to be constipated. So how bout it Cardinal football? You help me feel what it is like to be cheering for an exciting college football team and loosen me up enough so I can stand in the student section without being in pain!

- Well that was gross… but kind of funny… but still kind of gross…

- The Twins traded Delmon Young to the Tigers for Minor League left handed pitcher Nelson Cole, who besides growing up in Minnesota I have absolutely nothing in common with. Listen I am no a general manager but isn’t there some unwritten rule you don’t trade within the division? Also, Twins you don’t mean to tell me you couldn’t find a different left handed minor league pitcher who is just as ~~good~~, um, well, I don’t know. (Normally I would say ‘good’ but Cole is not! In class A he is 5-11 with a 4.87 era! The guy has more height; he is 6’7’’ - than he has wins!)

- I realize just about every Twins fans heart will burst of sadness and hatred when I say this but the Twins really should of traded Cuddyer! Cuddy is older, at 32, and is in a contract year, and when you consider he is putting up career numbers and is peaking, it means one of two things will happen: 1. We sign him to a crazy deal worth way too much as we see Cuddy’s skills regress, due to age, over the last seasons he is stuck in a Twins uniform. 2. We don’t sign him. There was another option, which was trade him and get something for him, but it looks like the Twins decided to opt out of that one and instead trade a player, in Delmon Young, who was young, with a boatload of room to grew (as evident by last season where basically hit .300 – he was at .298 - had 20+ HR and 110+ RBI’s). And the reason why Young wasn’t performing as well this year is because he has been injured! Horrible trade Twins. Bill Smith you are idiot. An absolute idiot.

- And if Smith’s reasoning behind this is too give Ben Revere more playing time in LF I will blow a fuse. There is nothing preventing them from letting Young DH against Left Handed Pitchers or when Jason Kubel is injured. With Jim Thome up in age and possible retiring, we need a 2nd DH, and Young was it. And when Kubel is in right field, let Young DH. Also what is preventing Young from playing RF. That is the position he entered the league in.

-And one more time… Bill Smith is an idiot.

Quit the Joe Mauer hatin’

2011-08-12T15:22:00.002-05:00

As I read Jim Souhan’s column on August 10th I was mightily impressed he included evidence and stats. Everyone needs to start sometime, even a syndicated columnist, right? That said, as usual, I still had my issues with it and the piece’s anti Joe Mauer message - calling the reasoning behind the excessive signing of Joe Mauer to be the cause of ‘fan pressure’ and a front office that crawled into the fetal position when it came towards negotiating with Minnesota’s hometown hero. While that may all be in fact true, what people like Souhan fail to realize is that the Twin’s had to sign Joe Mauer. They had no other option. That is, unless you consider stabbing your fan base in the heart an option, the Twins had to sign Mauer. And to ridicule the franchise for signing Mauer is downright idiotic when you measure the consequences that would have turned up had the Twins not signed him.

I laugh when Twins fans say we shouldn’t of signed Mauer because I don’t think hardcore Twins fans understand the importance of Joe. To the casual fan, Joe Mauer is the first person that pops into their head when someone says, ‘Minnesota Twins.’ During the months when we didn’t know if Mauer was going to sign or not, my mom and grandma would ask me how close they were to getting a deal done. I vividly remember my grandma saying, “ if the Twins don’t sign him I don’t think I will ever support them again.” My mom would ask me, “What happens if the Twins don’t sign him?” like the world was gonna end. Casual fans like my mom and grandma don’t care as much as the Twin fanatic does about how good the team is doing. Today my mom asks, “Oh, it is too bad they aren’t doing well. How much longer till Mauer comes back from injury?” Had the Twins fans not signed Mauer, financial speaking they would have lost a boatload of money. And when you consider they were moving into a new park, the last thing they needed was for casual fans like Grandma to say, “ I am done supporting the Twins.” You see it is with the casual fans the Twins look to make the real money, because they know the hardcore fans that look up Denard Span’s on base percentage at baseballreference.com and other sabermetric stats, will always be there - be that in the stadium or watching at home. It is the casual fans the Twins try to gain the attention of, and had they not signed Mauer, that attention would have disappeared faster than a line of cocaine near a living Amy Winehouse.

Also don’t think for a second you hardcore Twins fan wouldn’t have been in an outrage either. I can see it now – thousands of angry blog post sounding like a scorned girlfriend who just came back from a date which they had to pay for that call the Twins as cheap and dead beet as the boyfriend they are currently seeing. Also, for as far as I know, some idiot may have rioted or vandalized Target Field. The consequences of the Twins not signing Mauer are so extreme that I don’t blame the Twins for crawling up into a fetal position and falling under fan pressure to sign a man whom had they not signed, the entire fan base very well could have imploded.

As most evident by Souhan, the only negative effect of signing Mauer is stupid Twins Fan saying we shouldn’t have signed him. All you get is complaint after complaint after complaint. Just look at what Souhan wrote in this paragraph below:

The Twins front office discussed the high risk of signing Joe Mauer to a gargantuan deal without any assurances that he would remain at catcher long term, and yet felt compelled, more because of public relations than sabermetrics, to get the deal done before the first game in Target Field.

My reaction to this paragraph: And is that a problem? As I talked about above, the negative effects of not signing Mauer far out way the current negative effects of signing Mauer – an idiotic middle columnist making bogus statements. What Twins who think like Souhan don’t understand is, THE TWINS HAD TO F^CK%N$ SIGN MAUER BEFORE THE FIRST GAME AT TARGET FIELD!!!! Also so what if he can’t play catcher? Sure it would be nice if he could, but I don’t see what is so bad about having a former MVP and 3 time batting champ in your lineup? Also I don’t think anyone expected him to play a catcher his entire career when you consider how tough it is on your legs and his past history with leg injury’s. And when Souhan implied the Twins through Sabermetrics out the window he must have forgotten the stat ‘wins above replacement’ (WAR- which basically tells you how many wins a players contributes to) which Joe Mauer has a compiled total of 40.2 according baseballreference.com, and that ranks him as the 32nd best active player when it comes towards WAR. Within that, he is the only active player under the age of 30 to be ranked inside the top 35. Also, according to fangraphs.com between the years 2005 and 2010, he is the second best WAR player in the American league, falling only behind Alex Rodriguez. So hey, Souhan and other Twins fans that think the Twins completely threw sabermetrics out the window, it turns out they didn’t. just sayin’.

However, the stupidity doesn’t end there. Check out this paragraph below:

He is performing like a banged-up $10 million-a-year player but is costing the Twins $23 million a year. Mauer's contract kept the Twins from bolstering their bullpen this winter, and it might keep them from re-signing Michael Cuddyer, who has vastly outperformed Mauer over the past two years.

Really? Being the second best player (and if we are saying winning is what matters most, WAR is arguably the most important state in sabermetrics) in the American league over the span of 5 years doesn’t deserve 23 million dollars, when the only player ahead of you is making 32 million this year and also scored the highest contract in sports history? I would think otherwise. Also, Souhan’s proclamation that Cuddyer has vastly outperformed Mauer over the past two years is wrong. It is really only one year, and that is this year, and when you consider Mauer has been injured the entire year, the comparison is inappropriate. However last year is not, so let’s compare Souhan. Last year Mauer had a greater WAR, on base percentage, and slugging percentage. Meanwhile Cuddy grounded into more double plays, and when came towards total runs attributed too (RBI +R) Cuddy only holds a 11 point advantage at 174, with Mauer at 163. But when you consider Mauer only had 510 at bats and Cuddy had 609, if you give Mauer those 99 at bats, Mauer more than likely is beating Cuddy in total runs. So hey, Souhan I guess Mauer actually vastly outperformed Cuddy last year, and thus to make the statement Cuddy has outperformed Mauer over the past two is extremely inaccurate and incorrect.

I don’t understand how people and Twins Fans can make statements like Souhan saying the Twins decision to sign Joe Mauer was the wrong choice and that Mauer himself has been deeply underachieving and not making up for his large contract. If you look at the stats, when he plays Mauer is one of the best players in the MLB, be that at Cather or any position. His WAR doesn’t lie, neither does his On base percentage or his slugging. And while it is disappointing when he gets hurts and he sits for a period of time, to make brash comments about him saying he stinks is idiotic. Even more idiotic is when during those times fans make statements like Souhan and say the Twins shouldn’t have signed in the first place. Remember if the Twins hadn’t signed him, you’d more than likely be a lot more disappointed with the Twins than you already are.

Weekend Roundup: August 5th – August 7th

2011-08-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

- Over the weekend Michael Beasley put his hand in the face of a heckler and then smeared it in the person’s face while he was playing some street ball in NYC. And then people became outraged saying it was a horrible act. Give me break. It is not like he went all Ron Artest and knocked a fan out. Yes he was immature about it, but it is not like he did anything that bad. I am not saying he shouldn’t be punished, but people are overacting. Besides out of all the wrong things Beasley has done, this doesn’t even make the top 10, so everyone take a chill pill. I’d rather have him be doing this then getting arrested.

- Randy Moss retired. Everyone can argue about his legacy and his impact on the game but the fact is, if you forget what he did off the field, forget that he took plays off (Which I don’t blame him for. If the team is doing a running play on the opposite side of the field, what is the point of blocking the cornerback pressing you?) and just remember him playing you will realize he was the most electrifying wide receiver to ever play the game. When it came to making big plays and running that nine route, no one has and no one will be any better than The Freak, Randy Moss.

- Am I the only one who thinks the Cowboys vs. Aliens script was just three pages long? First page said Cowboys. Second page said Vs. Third page said Aliens. And that was all it read.

- Reportedly the Timberwolves interviewed Sam Mitchell on Friday. I’d be down with that hire. It might actually bring some good press to an organization that is allergic to getting good press.

- Hey Denard Span came back and kicked Ben Revere out of center field. I think Ben Revere should play for Delmon Young every other season. Young seems like one of those players who will have up and down seasons. One season he is good, the next he stinks. Then he is good again, but then he stinks again. During the seasons in which he stinks, let Revere play left field.

- I am really surprised Twin’s General Manager Bill Smith isn’t getting blackballed the same way David Kahn does. If it weren’t for the moves Terry Ryan made before he stepped down, the Twins would stink. The only move Bill Smith has made that was good was the trade for Delmon Young, and even that wasn’t that good. Also if it weren’t for Gardy’s ability to work with an island of misfit toys, the Twins would be horrible. Smith should be thanking Gardy and Ryan with all his life.

- The Lynx keep rolling along, still room on the bandwagon everyone!

- This is my last week in Minnesota before I head off to Ball State for college.

The State of The Vikings

2011-08-03T23:35:00.007-05:00

The Vikings won't be as good as their Cheer Leaders are good looking. Yes, I used this photo to increase traffic.

The Vikings are in an interesting state because they have young talent in a handful of skill positions on offense, like in running back, quarterback and Tight end. However they need desperate help when it comes towards the offensive line. And with the loss of Sydney Rice, they are missing a number 1 wide receiver to help Percy Harvin run rapid in the slot. Meanwhile the defense is a complete mess, especially when it comes towards pass coverage, which is their Achilles heel. All in all, the Vikings are in an interesting situation because they have players that are good in the present and players that are young and talented meant to benefit the franchise in the future. So where do they go from here? Lets take a look position by position.

Quarterback: The Present, The Future and The Wildcard

With Donovan McNabb handling the snaps this season, it looks like Christian Ponder will be learning from the sideline in his rookie year. The real question is what do the Vikings do with Joe Webb. Personally I would like to see the Vikings keep him and use him in some Wildcat formations. That said, it looks like the Vikings are set at QB for now. As fans, all we can do is hope everything turns out well.

Running Back: The combo of Toby and APAD could be a powerful tag team.

Adrian Peterson just turned 26 in March, so that means he should have 4 more solid years left in the tank before he hits the dreaded 30 years old mark. Which for those that don’t know is when Running backs start to decline. Meanwhile, we have Toby Gerhart to manage the short yardage situations and help derail the punishment that running backs take in the NFL. The Vikings should be set at this position and if they sign APAD to a long-term contract they will be fine for the next four years.

Fullback: we lost Tahi, so what?

Tahi might have been a fan favorite, but the full back position doesn’t really matter in the NF. I have never understood why teams just don’t let a guard be the fullback. The fullback is just an extra blocker, so why not let someone who is really good at blocking and the most mobile positions on the offensive line be the full back and be a bonus blocker.

Tight end: A veteran and rookie one two punch

Visanthe Shiancoe is a fine veteran tight end. Meanwhile rookie Kyle Rudolph is promising prospect who was considered a late first round talent the Viking snatched up in the second round. Expect to see the Vikings in a lot of two tight end sets this year. And when Shiancoe does leave the Vikings, the Vikings will be ok with Rudolph to replace him.

Wide Receiver: So who’s number one?

We all know Percy Harvin is awesome in the slot and is an outstanding number 2 receiver, but with the loss of Sydney Rice the Vikings also lost their number 1 wide receiver and are now in trouble when it comes towards the passing game. The Vikings seriously need to look at Free Agency and if they think signing Devin Aromashodu will cut it, the Vikings are crap out of luck. I personally would like to see the Vikings go after Malcolm Floyd of the Chargers. At 6-5 he is the big target Sydney Rice use to be and after playing second fiddle to Vincent Jackson all these years out in San Diego, I think if given the opportunity he would have a breakout year. So if we sign Floyd, have Harvin be number 2 the Vikings should have an adequate receiving duo. And as much as Bernard Berrian gives Vikings Fans headaches, having him at your number three isn’t too shabby. That said B-Twice’s salary is a whole other story, but we will ignore that for the time being. Also as far as the whole signing of Michael Jenkins goes, the guy stinks. The Falcons obviously thought Jenkins wasn’t any good so they drafted Julio Jones to replace him and then let him go. So way to go Vikings you picked up a lousy semi-veteran who has never caught for more than 800 yards. Great signing not!

Offensive line: A semi-aging mess on the left and a big fat mess on the right.

While at one time outstanding, Left Guard Steve Hutchinson is old at 33, and all of last season there were signs of his age catching up to him. Meanwhile at Left Tackle we recently released ~~Abdullah the Butcher~~, er I mean Bryant McKinnie, who apparently weighed in at 400 pounds before we let him go to sign former Colts Left Tackle Charlie Johnson. My take – any man considered good enough to protect the blind side of Peyton Manning, is good enough for me. Meanwhile at Center John Sullivan will be going through a new quarterback, so expect more growing pains from the youngster. That said, at just 25 Sullivan is a bright spot in the Vikings O-Line. Meanwhile at right guard we are, once again, stuck with Anthony Herrera who isn’t good or bad but is rather ‘just there’ leaving fans to think, “ Will we ever see an upgrade at this position or will we be stuck with him?” And at Right Tackle we have the lovable Phil Loadholt. Who at 6-8 343 should be an absolute monster. Unfortunately so far in his Vikings career we have just seen inconsistency.

Defensive line: We can fill the loss of Pat Williams, so don’t worry about it. As for the loss of Ray Edwards, do worry about it!

Even though we lost Pat Williams, we still have Kevin Williams and have two young defensive tackles with the talent to replace him in Letroy Guion and rookie Christian Ballard who’s scouting report should have you drooling in excitement as he has an outstanding amount of talent. Meanwhile Guion is a young guy who has been with organization for 4 years now and is just 24 years old. He should get his due this year, and he was widely considered the most athletic defensive linemen on the squad last year next to Ray Edwards. Speaking of Ray Edwards, his departure also hurts, but it is a ripe opportunity for the talented, yet at the same time awfully troubled, Everson Griffen. However if he still can’t get his act together look for the Brian Robinson to fill in. That said, at least we still have the always reliable Jarred Allen.

Linebackers: A solid duo, yet, unknown trio.

Now that Middle Linebacker EJ Henderson is presumable healthy, the Vikings have two solid linebackers in both Henderson and Left Outside Linebacker Chad Greenway. Obviously the departure of Ben Leber hurts a little a bit, but not a lot when you consider Leber was always considered the weakest in the trio of Henderson, Greenway and himself. It will be interesting to see who gets the nod to start at Right Outside Linebacker, but the Vikings have themselves two solid linebackers, one who is former pro-bowler (Henderson) and one who most likely will be one this year (Greenway).

Cornerbacks: Pressing against the deep ball.

Winfield is old, really old and it showed last season when he was beat for some long routes against Green Bay. That said Winfield still is a top notch press Cornerback and is still one of the best tackling CB’s in the game. Cedric Griffin is coming back , but he is a lot like Winfield in the way he relies on the press coverage and isn’t fast enough to compete with receiver on the long routes. Past those two we have a bunch of no names in Chris Cook and Asher Allen, who are just blah. Expect the Vikings to be suspect to a lot big plays this year as their two top corners are subject to them and our safeties suck. Speaking of that position…

Safeties: The Team’s Weakest Link

You know it wouldn’t as big of deal that Winfield and Griffin can’t defend the long ball if we had adequate safeties, but since we don’t they will continue to unfairly be blamed. Free Safety, Strong Safety, whatever safety, the Vikings stink at this position. It is the team’s weakest spot on the Roster. Tyrell Johnson has the athletic ability to be good, but as we have seen over the past couple years he doesn’t have the intangibles to succeed. As charitable of donator Madiue Williams was off the field, on the field the guy has donated more opponent touch down than APAD’s fumbles – thus the reason why we finally released him! So we don’t even have a bad starting safety! The whole safety position stinks! It is the team’s weakest link.

And for the moment you all have been waiting for, now lets go ahead and predict the Vikings season. Drum Roll Please: This Year… The Vikings… will go… 9-7. *Sound effect noise of disappointment*

Weekend Roundup: July 28th – July 31st

2011-08-01T17:35:00.000-05:00

-On Friday I went to the Lynx game with my friend David. At the game I saw Maya Moore throw the greatest pass not to be caught by teammate. She was driving to the line and she a Seattle player on her front shoulder and another Storm player on her back shoulder. However with the tint bit of piece the two left open, Moore went behind her back to hit an open Lynx player for a layup, and had the other Lynx player caught it, it like the player probably should have it would have been one of the sickest passes I had ever seen in person. But if it is any consolation for Moore and the Lynx it does get the honor to be called the greatest pass not caught by a teammate I have ever seen.

-Yes I went to a Lynx game, (laugh if you want) and yes some of the players were god-awful and missed wide-open layups and had you thinking you were watching a boys high school basketball game. That said, Simone Augustus, Maya Moore and Lindsey Whalen made you think you were watching professional basketball. The aggression on Augustus face, ruthlessness on Moore’s and the court savvy awareness of Lindsey Whalen and her floor general abilities actually made you start respecting the women’s game.

-Remember, the ability to shoot and the art of shooting is genderless. Think about it.

-Watch out NFC West, the powerful duo of T-Jack and Sydney Rice are bringing their talents and outstanding chemistry with one another to Seattle. (Sarcasm)

-Writing a big thing on the Vikings and it will be up this week. Basically it will be me looking at the team at every position and giving you my thoughts.

-After the Philadelphia Eagles’ performance over the weekend during NFL Free Agency, I think the award for best General Manager should just be shipped to the guy running the organization. And we still don’t even know what they are gonna do with Asante. Trade him or keep him, it is a win-win for the Eagles either way. It can’t go wrong. If they trade him, they can get a high draft pick or a talented player at a position of need. If they keep him they have one of the best assembled trio’s of corner ever, and in a league that lines up with three wide receivers nearly 50% of the time, having three outstanding corners can be very helpful. Just ship the GM the award, it is over.

-Over the weekend, the mayor of a small town in Wisconsin was asked to step down after he got into a bar fight. In a statement to defend him the mayor said, “ All I did was knockout guy. At least I wasn’t like your governor who knocked out the entire union system.”

MLB Trade Deadline vs. NFL Free Agency: Football Knocks The Excitement Out Of The Park Whereas Baseball Pops Up Foul

2011-07-29T00:59:00.000-05:00

Never before has the MLB Trade Deadline been this bland. For as long as I can remember, the dilemma - of will Team X trade their top rising prospect for the really good player on Team Y - has always enticed my sports fandom leaving me glued to the TV and taking in Buster Olney’s word like it was the gospel. Except this year I have converted to the church of football. Normally at this time I am extremely annoyed by players holding out and rookies demanding an insane amount of money when we have no idea how good they will be. But not this year, thanks to the new agreement between the NFL and NFLPA the rookies were completely thrown under the bus, and the current free agencies cycle is in warp speed. And in doing so the current NFL Free Agency period is making the once oh so enthralling MLB Trade deadline period, look as monotonous and boring as the game it is used for.

As far as I am aware of, the only big trade that has happened in the MLB is that the Giants acquired Carlos Beltran from the Mets for a pitching prospect whose once promising career vanished as soon as he joined the Mets organization. And that is it on the baseball side of things when it comes towards acquisitions. Sure there are rumblings that the Yankees and Red Sox are going to make a big splash, but tell me something new. Like last year when Cliff lee was sent to the Rangers instead of the Yankees. Now that was exciting. But this year we haven’t had any of that, and all of the excitement that was once associated with the MLB Trade Deadline is now linked with the current NFL Free Agency Cycle.

My dad had a great analogy of how the NFL Free Agency is like going to the park with your friends and a large amount of baseball cards and randomly picking 25 players to see who can create the best team. Ken Griffey J.R. was the card you always wanted and in 2011 NFL Free Agency Nnamdi Asomugha was Griffey J.R. of his class. Everyone wanted him, and but then out of the blue the Eagles swipe in and snatch him from everyone. The pain Cowboy and Jets fans felt at that moment was identical to the time when the random kid who doesn’t even watch baseball magically picks up Griffey J.R. instead of me. Side note: I was huge Griffey J.R fan back in the day, I mean how effing cool was he when at Fenway during the homerun derby he wore his hats backwards?!?! Griffey J.R. drooled of awesomeness.

But there is always poetic justice. Just about every team in the NFL during this year’s free agency cycle has felt excitement and heartache. Eagles are ecstatic about Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and landing Asomugha, but in the back of their head they are worried about Desean Jackson holding out. Vikings fans are happy about obtaining McNabb but saddened by the loss of Sydney Rice and Ray Edwards. Meanwhile Seahawk fans are excited about the addition of Rice. At the same time they have mixed emotions over the departure of Matt Hasselbeck, their franchise quarter back. Do you see what I am showing you here? Thanks to this current free agency cycle every fan of every team is having a reaction through all these acquisitions and personnel moves. And because these reactions are coming in by the second of everyday, just as these transactions are, basically NFL Fans are going through more mood swings than a pregnant woman. One minute they are happy, the next minute they are sad. One minute they are calm, the next minute they are angry.

On the contrary, the MLB Trade deadline has done nothing of that. For some odd reason or another, it doesn’t feel like every team is involved and therefor fans of certain feel left out in the excitement. Do I care the Philly’s obtained Hunter Pence? NO! Major League Baseball has a problem when the only big trades are occurring in the NL, because most fans, like myself, only pay close attention to one league. And by having important trades only transpire in one league, you cut your fan base in half.

Meanwhile in the NFL it feels like everyone is getting involved. Team’s from both leagues and from all division are getting in on the pie. The NFL Free Agency Cycle certainly feels like a bunch of 5-7 year old boys grabbing away at a pile of baseball cards. Ironically the sport Baseball Cards are used for, has managed to defuse all of the excitement once associated with the MLB Trade Deadline.

Punched and Aged Sports Columnists

2011-07-28T14:01:00.000-05:00

“If I ever saw Jim Souhan I’d punch him,” my friend David said, “ actually no. I wouldn’t. The guy isn’t even worth it,” he chuckled.

Keep in mind my friend is a highly educated, well mannered kid who during high school was a member of the cum laude society, a first honor roll student, and got a SAT Score above 2200. And for college he is attending one of those prestigious east coast schools in Boston - Tufts University, where he is majoring in engineering and making Americans proud by being one of the many young engineers to tell all those agencies in India, “ya’ll can keep the call centers, but the US be takin’ back engineering and be gunnin’ for that #1 spot.”

So for him to even jokingly threaten, arguably, the best and most prominent sports columnist in Minnesota is saying something, because the last time I heard him jokingly threaten someone, was, well, never.

I forgot to mention in that last sentence that being the best sports columnist in Minnesota isn’t saying much. It is the equivalent of being the skinniest contestant on The Biggest Looser. When your competition is Sid Hartman and Patrick Reusse, if people don’t like your writing more than an old guy who should be put in hospice and the blob from the land of 10,000 lakes, you should cut your hands off and give up ever typing a single word again. I would point out the Strib’s competition but they don’t even deserve the mention. (I will however say I have respect for Charlie Walters, who has been showing Sid how he should be actually doing his job.) Also Tom Powers makes Jim Souhan look like a Pulitzer prizewinner.

I realize I just overacted a bit and spouted off a round of outrageous opinions without any facts or in depth analysis, which is a lot like what Souhan does with the T-Wolves, but unlike Souhan- who on the rare occasions when he analyzes, he doesn’t even know what he is saying or know the meaning of his examples- I will analyze and bring up examples to show you why the Sports Columnists at the Strib have attributed to putting the newspaper business in the crap it is.

There is reason why young people don’t read newspapers. While it is because of the Internet, it is also because of the old farting sports columnist like the ones at the Strib. The style of writing written by Hartman, Reusse and Hartman do not appeal 18-34 year old sports fans. And their references to culture bore the crap out of the kids today. And also they don’t even make it any sense! Lets take a look at Mr. Souhan’s column on July 22nd. Souhan’s opening is the following:

Greek and Shakespearean dramas are divided into five elements, and so, too, was the pitch that proved tragic for so many American League hitters.

Ok everyone under the age 30 just stopped reading. Kids read Shakespeare in school. I take that back, kids are suppose to read Shakespeare in school but because they don’t understand a single word he is saying, they read the Sparksnote version instead. On top of that people my age 18-21, hate Shakespeare, and the people who do like Shakespeare most likely don’t even like sports! Really Souhan, a reference to Shakespeare? Am I reading the Arts and Entertainment section or the sports section? And don’t even get me started with the fact Souhan’s paragraph is that one measly sentence. (I know you can do that in journalism, but it makes no sense. A sentence is not a paragraph. It was my biggest pet peeve when I was the sports editor on my high school paper.) However the best is still yet to come, lets take a look at the beginning of his next paragraph.

Bert Blyleven's curveball and career followed the structure of the world's most famous plays: introduction, rising action, climax, falling action and resolution.

Guess we now know what a degree from Missouri teaches you. I burst out laughing at that line. I will give credit towards Souhan for his romantic idea of comparing Byleven’s killer curveball to powerful and deep Shakespearian Theater, but all he had was a really good idea with horrible execution. Mr. Souhan, while you are correct that really good plays include those five elements, what you failed to realize is that that structure pertains to more than just the theater. “Introduction, rising action, climax, falling action and resolution,” is what makes up a STORY in any form of production- be that film, books or Broadway. I was taught that in 7th grade. When you are bringing up references to ideas people learned in 7th grade and also forgetting that the idea defines more than just theater, you yourself should probably go back to the 7th grade. I would continue on looking at his column but then it turns into a long series of quotes. Which is all fine and dandy, I mean a columnist can use quotes, but when your entire article is a long deck of quotes, can you even call it a column? And my favorite part is that he ended the so called column with a quote, which for those who don’t know, ever journalist is taught, “when in doubt and you don’t know how to an a piece, end with a quote.” I love that, here is a national columnists ending with the oldest trick in the book. He couldn’t bring it full circle and end with his analogy that Bert’s career is like a play? Guess not with a Missouri journalism degree – which is odd because I thought they were one of the best in the nation. For even more information as to why Souhan stinks go here.

Now onto the blob from the land of 10,000 lakes with a voice that sounds like a dying frog suffocating from the smoke in a forest fire – Patrick Reusse. Now listen, Reusse is a good little writer that has a nice little wit and humorous side. His Turkey of The Year ceremony is always memorable. Unfortunately I am probably the only 18 year old that has heard of it. For an example of Reusse’s wit, I’ll take you back to the 2010 TOY (Turkey of The Year) ceremony where he ended it with this jab:

Turkey of the Year:
@BrettFavreNews. Never has one legend done so much, on and off field, to destroy a promising team as has the Grey Ego.
The committee wasn't 100 percent certain this Twitter site had easy access to Favre, so we sent along notification to a person with whom the old QB has been known to have contact:
@jennifersterger. Next time u hear from Brett, please notify he's Turkey of Year. Thanks -- The Committee.

Funny right? Yeah, even funnier is that he used Twitter. The whole article was based around Twitter, which is what Reusse (and the entire Strib) should be doing, and I applaud him for using it, because this is the only way newspapers are going to be able to appeal to the younger demographic they completely neglected until recently when they realized, “we are fucked! Everyone who used to read us is either dead or is so old they don’t know which day of the week it is.” So yes, I am fan of Reusse’s TOY article and think he can be pretty witty. It is also good how he tries to appeal with the youngin’s through social media and all that jazz. Unfortunately he doesn’t do that enough and most of the time he ends up sounding like an old goof who disagrees with the younger generation without every once seeing their point of view or hearing their side of the argument. Take a look at this gem of an example.

In the article, Reusse attempts to sway the reader into thinking stats and numbers in baseball are a fluke and are unnecessary needed in order to look at a player’s value or potential. Ok interesting argument. I am intrigued Reusse. Being as I am under the age 30 - I have grown up in the Sabermetrics era of baseball and find stats to be rather important, but lets what you can do to change my beliefs.

After reading this article I came to the conclusion that Reusse is not a journalist. While he might be a good little writer with a witty sense of humor, the article about baseball stats convinced me Reusse knows absolutely nothing about journalism. Why? Because in the article Reusse talks to one single source, one, just ONE SOURSE!! As a staff writer on my high school newspaper, if I had turned in an argumentative piece with just one source, I would have been told to leave the room and come back later. On top of that, Reusse’s one and only source had the same opinion as himself. Whatever happened to being subjective and hearing the other side of the argument in journalism? Obviously Reusse just didn’t want to hear it when you consider he didn’t even attempt to search for a source to vouch for the importance of Sabermetrics. To sum up this piece in a nutshell I am going to comments section and pulling out the following two statements, one, which is intelligent and enlightening, and another, which is just funny. The following insightful comment was made by samu0034:

Welcome to irrelevance Patrick. You never really hear anything about guys who appreciate statistical analysis saying that scouts are irrelevant, and that their contribution to baseball is worthless. But you hear the reverse argument from scouts who don't appreciate statistical analysis all of the time. Does that tell you anything? When one side thinks that both scouting and stats are useful in evaluating player talent, and the other side thinks stats are utterly worthless? If you don't think the two forms of player evaluation can live in perfect harmony and create young, talent-laden, and competitive teams, I'd like to introduce you to the Tampa Bay Rays.

And the following funny comment was made by georownd:

old sports writer hates stats – yawn…

Speaking of old sports writers, how bout that Sid Hartman. How bad of a writer is Sid Hartman? According to Steve Rushin and formerly of Sports Illustrated, Sid might be the only writer to ever hire a writer to write his autobiography. Rushin also proclaimed, “ English sometimes appear to be his second language.” In a nutshell, Hartman is a joke of writer. Basically what Sid does, Charley Walters’s does 10000000X better. Whereas Charley has sources and information, Sid has friends, and um, well more friends. I would bring up examples of his work, but I don’t think there is a need. Everyone has read him at least once and if you are under the age of 30 after the first sentence, you put the down the newspaper and go on the Internet to actually find out something useful and relevant. Worst of all, Sid’s writing isn’t so bad it becomes unintentionally funny like he does in real life or on the radio. Sid is a man who during an interview he conducted with Spudd Webb, he continually called him Spider Web. Sid is a man who once confused Monica “I give Bill Head” Lewinsky for figure skater Tara Lipinski. I was trying my best to sum up the crappiness that is Sid’s writing, but the following words by Deadspin describe him best:

“In the world of sportswriting, Sid Hartman is the crazy uncle who lives in the back bedroom and has been known to show up for dinner sans pants…Reading Sid is like listening to one of your Grandpa's crazy stories; it can only end in one of three ways: 1. You get up and leave, 2. He falls asleep, 3. Death.”

When a sports section has three columnist that are less than average at what they do, it is no wonder the newspaper is in the horrible condition it is in. I am extremely biased here, and I am willing to admit that, but when it comes to getting the average American male to read the newspaper, the most important section is Sports. And the most important writers are the columnists. When I wrote for my high school newspaper the first section the male students read was Sports. The rest of the paper they turned into paper airplanes. The sports section is the driving force behind men purchasing the newspaper. (One could argue business, I know, but for the interest of this piece let’s ignore that).

The problem is the Strib has three old sports columnist that have lost their touch and fail to appeal to the 18-34 year old demo. Of course they appeal to the 50-80 year old demo, but unfortunately for the Strib all those people are dying or forgetting how to read. Souhan, Reusse and Hartman built up a once large audience, but now that audience is exiting the arena. Thus it is no wonder why the newspaper business is in the horrible condition it is. Why should I read sports columnist in the sports section of the Star Tribune when there best and most appealing writers are on the Strib’s website. The Strib has two outstanding young writers in Michael Rand and Tim Rohan, yet they keep them on the back pages of the Internet and let the three musketeers of old men sports columnists in the newspaper. All three, Hartman, Souhan and Reusse had to of been good at one time or another. If they weren’t how in the hell did they build up a now dying audience. And while ever once in a blue moon one of three write something good, it is because of them the newspaper business is in the crap it is. If you ask a man over the age of 50, he will say their work is good. But that is the problem the business is currently undergoing with sports columnists. You have unappealing old men writing columns no one under the age of 40 has any desire to read. So where do they go? ESPN. Almost all of their good writers are under the age of 50. Nearly the entire staff of Grantland is under the age of 50. J.A. Adande is under the age of 50. Bill Simmons, under the age of 50. That said even there so called old writers are good and are still seen as appealing to the youth – just look at Michael Wilbon. I brought that example up because I don’t want to sound like I am saying all old writers suck. Because that in itself is not at all true.

What I am trying to say is the following: old unappealing writers such as Souhan, Reusse and Hartman, have attributed to the downfall of the newspaper business because they failed to create a younger audience to follow them along, and since their current audience is dying off, it is time for the Star Tribune to let some younger, fresher faces like Rand and Rohan create a new audience for the Strib and increase newspaper sales. Simply enough, for the sports columnist and the sports section not to die, the newspaper business needs a shot of new blood and needs to begin creating the new generation of sports columnists. Either that or kids are going to start dreaming about becoming a staff writer for Grantland instead of their city’s sports columnist.

Epilogue

After David’s statement, I asked him why he wanted to punch Jim Souhan in the face so badly.

“I hate his writing. He is just a negative grumpy old man with nothing positive to say.”

“ Yeah. But hey, instead of punching him in the face do something to his hands so you won't have to read his writing ever again.”

We both laughed as we went onto to watch the Twins play. Afterwards when I got home I wrote everything above. And in doing so I basically destroyed any future internships opportunities with the Star Tribune.

Weekend Roundup: July 22nd - July 24th

2011-07-25T15:32:00.000-05:00

-Congrats to Bert Blyleven on being inducted into the hall of fame. He certainly deserves it. While there are many that points towards Bert being the first hall of fame inductee to benefit significantly from Sabermetrics, and while that is in fact true, I also wonder how much he benefited from the steroids era. When you consider that the recently retired players who are eligible for the hall, all of them come from the steroids era. And because of that baseball writers might be reluctant to vote them in, so they then vote in guys who previously were fringe hall of fame players, from the past. Just a thought to ponder over, is all.

-The rumor that Bret Favre might come back and play for the Eagles as a backup certainty turned into a storm. Listen I don’t really care if he wants to come back or not, all I know is that this guy retires and unretires like MJ.

-When word came out that the T-Wolves interviewed Larry Brown as possible coaching candidate, Darko curled up into the fetal position and cried on Pek’s shoulders as he asked Pek to comfort him.

-While I do think Larry Brown would have a positive effect on Beasley (considering what we saw him do with Allen Iverson), and Brown obviously would adore Kevin Love and his work ethic, I don’t think it would benefit Rubio. A guy notoriously hard on rookies, with all the transition challenges Rubio will deal with by coming here, I don’t think having Larry Brown physiological scar him is a good thing. We saw what he did to Darko. We don’t need him to do it to Ricky. That said if Ricky does have some major mental toughness, bringing in Brown would be perfect. (Side note: I think D-Williams has the mental toughness to deal with Brown.)

-Also I think having a traditional minded and experienced head basketball coach would do David Kahn some good. Listen, Kahn has a very un-traditionalist basketball mind and that both helps him and hurts him. His idea that Flynn and Rubio could possibly play together was extremely appealing and being a non-traditionalist basketball minded person as well, I thought it could work. Well we all know how that went, don’t we. That said he was able to use his un-traditionalist mind to pull off some outstanding deals to acquire and assemble a team with a plethora of young talent. However what he does sometimes need is a basketball traditionalist to remind him what works, what could possibly work and what will never work. It is like how Vince Russo needed Vince McMahon to real him in and tell him, “you are onto something here, but that idea needs to go. It won’t ever work.”(If you are not a nerdy wrestling fan, congratulations, you don’t get that reference- you have a life!)

-Whatever happened to Denard Span? Is his span of being the starting CF over now that Ben Revere is holding it down? (See what I did there with his name and stuff, yeah clever, right? No? Well I at least thought so.)

Pondering Gardenhire’s fruit basket heading

2011-07-21T21:55:00.000-05:00

With news that the Minnesota State Budget situation has been solved, the heading at the top of the site needs to be changed. So with that said, I will be changing the current heading:

Struggling to get page views like a modern day Blacksmith trying to get clients or like the State of Minnesota trying to set a budget.

To the following heading:

Struggling to get page views like a modern day Blacksmith trying to get clients or like the NBA trying to settle its lockout.

So until the NBA labor situation gets figured out, that will be the heading. Unfortunately it looks like that won’t be happening anytime soon.

Anyway, the Twin’s are now five games back of the Tigers and open a key four game with them tonight. Obviously it is highly unlikely they will sweep the Tigers (if they do, I will send Ron Gardenhire a fruit basket and a thank you card), but it is extremely important for the Twin’s to win the series and at the very least split the series. If they end up loosing the series, Gardy will receive a half eaten fruit basket and a torn apart thank you card.

Also, how bout them Vikings? I mean what are they suppose to do with Sydney Rice? Should we sign him? Yes. With the young up and coming offensive group of Ponder (23 years old) Adrian Peterson (26 years old) Sydney Rice (24 years old) and Kyle Rudolph (21 years old), they have talent at all of the offensive skill positions. Now all they need to do is improve their offensive line and figure out what to do with their aging defense, and then they will be contending again. In the meantime they will be rebuilding. But hey, there is nothing more exciting than watching a young QB develop, so I am pretty excited for the season. Side note: something tells the Vikings really regret not just hiring Mike Tomlin after his one year as d-coordinator with the Vikings. It is evident by how much the Players despised Chilldress, the team would have just loved it if the Vikes just got rid of Chilly even after his first year.

Good God is this post awful. It has absokutley no point, story structure, narrative, theme, meaning or message. And worst of all it has not even been that entertaining or funny! (I think the title is funny, but that is about it. And Gardy recieving a fruit basket from me, which will happen if they sweep/lose the series to the Tigers.) All that this post is, is a bunch of ramblings, and stuff. But that is why I like it, after putting out 4 straight really good, themed focused and message driven articles (I am not counting Weekend Roundup), it is rather refreshing to just write and ramble and stuff.

Well I have probably bored you enough, because, as a matter of fact I have bored myself. Anyway I am going to ponder what Gardenhire's fruit basket heading should be.

USA Women’s Soccer Team’s Silver lining

2011-07-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

After having a couple days to digest the heart wrenching loss to Japan in the Women’s World Cup Final, I have come to the realization that as bad as I felt following the loss - every time ESPN starts talking about it or showing the high lights, I have to change the channel. I am like an abused victim trying to hide from the painful memories brought upon their abuser. I know I might of offended some people with that line, but seriously; for the amount of scoring opportunities Team USA did not capitalize on, as a viewer my eyes were brutally abused – a handful of positives came about from the game, and underneath all the sorrow I still feel, there is a silver lining which deserves celebrating and pointing out.

As I said in my Weekend Roundup, when you consider everything Japan has gone through in the past 6 months, with an earthquake and radiation emergencies, it was probably much more meaningful for Japan to win the Women’s World Cup than the USA. However, I’d be lying to you if I said that heals all of my wounds. Even so, it did turn some into scabs.

One of the many achievements by the USA Women’s Soccer Team that deserves recognizing is the following: it put many casual fans like myself on the bandwagon. If you are like me, I took a seat on the bandwagon during the Brazil game in the quarterfinals. Yes, during, keyword, during, because I watched the entire game start to finish when I booked a seat on bandwagon. Honestly before I got on the bandwagon I couldn’t even name you single player on the team. Heck I couldn’t even name a single female soccer player besides Mia Hamm. And now Hope Solo, Alex Morgan, Abby Wambach and Meagan Rapinoe are all household names.

Unfortunately an idiot by the name of Bill Plaschke failed to realize this, who on Monday’s Around the Horn basically trashed the media and casual fans like myself for not being harder on the US Women’s soccer team and berating them like so many would criticize the Men’s team. According to Plaschke it is wrong of us to be so soft on the women and not be hard on them like we are on the men’s team.

Now I am sure there are some out there like Plaschke, even possible reading this, who need to understand something: a fat bald sports columnist should never play a feminist card and two, what the heck are we suppose to do? It is very simple: WE LOST THE GAME BECAUSE WE DID NOT SCORE ON THE MANY OPPORTUNITIES WE SHOULD HAVE!!! It is that simple to Bill, and that is not a reason to berate players who played 110%. Sure our defense was sloppy, but our offense should have easily bailed us out. That simple. And the reason why so many casual fans roll their eyes and berate the men’s teams is because when it comes towards them contending for a world cup final in the men’s game, they are nowhere near the skill level to compete with the likes of Spain, Brazil, England, Germany and France. And until they are at that level, the casual fan will continue to berate waiting for them to reach that point. We berate them because we care. We want them to be great in the men’s game, but they are not. However being as the US Women’s team is great in the Women’s game they have captured our attention and our hearts.

And that last line in the above paragraph is the silver lining. Americans will always root for those representing our country. We are a country of nationalists and when we see a team representing our nation in a spirited fashion we will watch and cheer them on. As long as they are doing a good job, giving it there all and making us proud, they will have our support. And that is exactly what the USA Women’s Soccer Team was doing and that is why - unlike the men’s soccer team who in the casual fans eye is not doing good job, especially after there loss to Mexico and the U17 Men’s squad lost to Uzbekistan – their game against Japan demolished the men’s team in TV ratings. Compared to the last game the USA Men’s team played in the World Cup (the last game people actually watched. What channel was the Mexico game even on? I had to watch it online) the one against Algeria, the Women’s game on Sunday doubled it in TV Viewers. That said, women’s US soccer has always dominated the men in ratings. The most watched and highest rated soccer game in the United States is the 1999 women’s world cup final. And it always will be that way until the men are able dominating the game like the women are.

Whereas only 6.2 million people watched the men’s game against Algeria, 13.5 million people watched the women’s game on Sunday. The World Cup Final game drew a 7.4 household rating, making it the most watched and highest rated soccer game on ESPN ever. It also shares the honor of being the Second Most-Watched Daytime Program in Cable History, falling behind only this year’s Rose Bowl. And for those wondering what a daytime program is, it any program aired after 6am and before 6pm. It also holds the distinction of being the 6th most watched soccer event ever broadcasted in the United States, and when you consider it was broadcasted on cable and not network TV, it easily would be in the top 5 when one looks at statistics because the 5th most watched soccer event was the Brazil vs. USA round of 16 match in the 1994 World Cup and that was watched by 13.7 millions people, but was broadcasted on Network TV. Thus, had the USA vs. Japan game been broadcasted on network TV it easily would have shattered that and possibly others, because all of the games ranked ahead of it were broadcast on ABC (network). And the following statistic, which I don’t even understand or know what it means, is pretty cool: the game had an overnight rating of 8.6. Which is higher than this year’s MLB All-Star Game (which was broadcast on Network), Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals and every game the Bull’s and Heat played in the eastern conference finals.

And while the popularity the US Women’s team currently has, as evident by the TV ratings, should be celebrated, how do they capitalize on it? What does US Women’s soccer do to make sure they don’t fade into obscurity? Make an ad. Begin hyping for the Olympics with ads surrounding Abby Wombach, Hope Solo and Alex Morgan. Make an ad where all that is seen is the penalty kicks where the USA lost to Japan with voice-overs set to dramatic music. When they show Wombach making her pk, in a voice over Wombach says, “It doesn’t mean anything that I made mine.” When they show Solo missing a save, Solo says in a voice over, “You have no idea how much it eats up inside of me.” When the video cuts to Morgan standing on the sidelines following the pks and loosing, in a voiceover Morgan says, “ Everyone tells me I am future. They point towards my goal here (video cuts to her goal against Japan to take a 1-0 lead) as evidence. And while I am happy they think I will be great in the future, I want to be good now and help my team win in the present.” The video then fades to black where we see Wombach standing in the middle with her arms folded. Morgan to her right with one foot on a soccer ball and Solo to her left holding a soccer ball. And then in unison, all three say, “watch us on road to the Olympics.” Video ends with a Nike swoosh sign.

You make that ad as soon as possible to show to people, the loss isn’t keeping the team down. They are looking foreword to their next challenge. On the Internet you have Alex Morgan open up a youtube channel where she vlogs about what she is doing, at least once a month. You have this go viral; people are most interested in Morgan. When the next world cup happens you center it on Morgan and how she wants to win it for Wombach, Solo and all the veterans. Even though it has been four years, it feels like yesterday we were this close to winning the world cup Wombach says (Hopefully she is still playing.) in a hype video.

A lot individuals in the media are saying that we will forget about the US Womens soccer team and get back to our all ways of focusing on the big three, NFL, MLB and NBA. But when you consider the NBA is going to have a lock out that only really leaves us sports fans with the big two. And when one could argue that the US Women’s Soccer team is more popular than the entire NHL (Ratings don’t lie Garry Bettman), the silver lining for the US Women’s team and soccer in general is that through their run in the world cup, soccer has achieved mainstream success. Now the team just has to capitalize on it.

Weekend Roundup: July 15th – July 17th

2011-07-18T13:07:00.000-05:00

I was very angry that the US Women lost the in the World Cup Finals to Japan in the worst way possible - PKs. That said, I was not angry with players. I mean how could you be angry at a face like Alex Morgan's?

-I was genuinely angry that the US Women’s soccer team lost. So irate in fact, I wanted to throw a remote through my TV. Now I wasn’t upset with the players - (I mean, how could you be mad at a face like Alex Morgan’s?) – rather I was angry with the outcome because late Saturday night I wrote a piece talking about the impact the USA winning the 2011 Women’s World Cup would have on the players and society. Well being as they didn’t win that article will never see the light of day. So essentially I wasted all my time writing a piece no one will ever read. And that right there is why I hate sports writing.

-I went to the Twins game on Friday. It was great to see the ceremony the Twins organization gave for Bert Blyleven, who is just as god at entertaining a crowd as he was at pitching.

-The Twins won the game also, so that was nice to see. Anyway was Justin Morneau departed to Canada? Also Justin, just a word of advice: Drinking all that pop from McDonalds isn’t healthy for you. You should cut back and probably change your work out partner from a bear to a HUMAN!!

- Ok but seriously, will Justin ever play baseball again? And for that matter, in a Twins uniform? Also will he even be good? Morneau you have more questions to answer.

-How much longer till we trade Kevin Slowey?

-When news came about that Don Nelson might be the new T-Wolves coach, the scoreboard at Target Center exploded.

-Personally speaking, I would like it best if Rick Adelman became the new T-Wolves coach. That said, if Nelson did become the coach, the team would be very entertaining to watch.

-Things to do to piss off WNBA Fans: When you see someone wearing a Sue Bird jersey, ask them where they got that Larry Bird Jersey.

-As much as it would have been nice to see the US Women win the World Cup, it is probably much more meaningful for Japan to win it when you consider everything the country has been through in the past 6 months. Hopefully it helps uplift their spirits and all that good stuff. Congrats Japan.

-Word is the NFL lockout is almost done. Yippee!!!!

-Word is the NBA lockout is nowhere near making progress towards a solution. F#$k!!!!!

- Everything about the WWE Pay Per View “Money in the Bank” is what makes wrestling awesome. When done correctly there is nothing better or more entertaining. When you combine the out of this world athleticism of real sports and the drama and storytelling of good TV and Movies, wrestling is an entertainment art form that can truly captivate an audience. And “Money in the Bank” did exactly just that. It suspended disbelief and intrigued the masses. So much in fact, leading up to the show CM Punk was interviewed by GQ magazine! When was the last time GQ interviewed a professional wrestler? How about, um, NEVER! And on top of that the show didn’t disappoint. One of the best WWE PPV ever!!

-And if you still don’t believe me wrestling is beginning to garner national attention and mass appeal, after winning the WWE Championship, CM Punk is currently the front-page story on TMZ.com.

-And I think I will end this weeks Weekend Round on that nerdtastic and geeky note.

When did up-tempo basketball become a bad thing?

2011-07-15T14:53:00.000-05:00

The Memphis Grizzlies are a up-tempo team thanks to the pressure defense led by players like Mike Conley & Shane Battier. The Grizz aren't that bad with their up-tempo basketball, so when did up-tempo become a bad thing?

Underneath Jim Souhan’s venomous remarks towards Minnesota Timberwolves President of Operation David Kahn in his column two days ago, is this general theme that “up tempo” basketball is a bad thing. In between the lines of Souhan’s work is this general idea that winning basketball = boring basketball - that a permissive half court offense will always beat an abrasive “up tempo” offense. And while that is in fact true, what Mr. Souhan forgot to mention is that a fine-tuned “up tempo” offense can be just as lethal as your ‘dinosaur-aged-great-grandfathers’ half court set.

The biggest misconception about “up tempo” basketball is that a team which plays this style of game therefor neglects the defensive end of the court. For all the good the Phoenix Suns and Golden State Warriors, at one time or another, gave to the name of “up temp” basketball on the offensive end, the hindrance they scorned on the defensive end almost completely nullifies any of the positives they once brought to the name. With that said, many in the media, like Souhan, point to those teams towards evidence that “up tempo” basketball does not work, what those in the media disregard is the accomplishments those said teams achieved by saying those teams are failure because they never won a championship. While a team’s ultimate success is to win a championship - if one only considers a team’s success and failure on the basis of winning a championship, then fans would be more depressed than Kurt Cobain in his final days of living.

If you look at the Phoenix Suns during their “up temp” heyday, they were in the Western Conference Finals and if it weren’t for a couple suspension, they more than likely would have beaten the team basketball purists have wet dreams over, the San Antonio Spurs. Thus if one basis success on winning, the Phoenix Sun were successful in there “up tempo” style of play.

Now onto the 2007 Golden State Warriors, which during their playoff run were single handedly the most popular team in the NBA at that time. Don’t believe me, the arena was continually sold out and celebrities like Jessica Alba – who in 2007 was one the most popular young starlets in the world at the time – were attending Warrior games over LA Lakers games. And in doing this translated nationally as the Warriors became the most popular team in the NBA during their playoff run in which they knocked off the top seeded Mavericks. Thus, if one basis success on popularity and positive media exposure, the Warriors were therefor successful in using “up tempo” basketball.

However, as I stated before, both these teams brought negativity towards the style of “up tempo” basketball because all of sudden the play of the “up tempo” style became defined by lack of defense and the reliance of the fast break and quick-forced scoring opportunities. And worse yet, the “up tempo” style was deemed a failure because these two teams never won a championship.

While I could look back at the history of basketball and point towards teams in the past, in both the College and NBA game, which used the “up tempo” style of play and won championships, like the show time Lakers and UNLV, it would be a mute point those opposed to the idea of “up tempo” basketball believe that it cannot work in the modern day game. Thus I will be only pointing out good recent examples of “up tempo” in the present to prove that “up tempo” basketball isn’t a bad thing.

However before I begin I need to state the following: “up tempo” basketball does not mean you don’t play defense. If anything it means you play a lot because, in essence the key tool in your arsenal revolves around the fast break, and you create fast break offensive opportunities through high-pressure defense. Want proof? Look at the Memphis Grizzlies.

I know you are probably thinking, “Memphis is up tempo? How can they be with Marc “talents from Spain, inside I bring the pain” Gasol and Zach “ is that dude actually in shape?” Randolph.” Simple really, with up-tempo defense! Yes people, up-tempo basketball includes defense! At least good up-tempo basketball that is! Now what is up-tempo defense you ask? As the Grizzlies will show you, it is high-pressurized defense that succeeds off of turnovers and forcing bad shots.

Thanks to outstanding quick-footed perimeter defenders in players like Mike Conley and Tony Allen, along with the savvy defensive mind of Shane Battier, the Grizz led the league in steals per game, with a total of 9.2. That said if one of you uber nerds goes to look up that the Warriors fell in second in league with a total of 9 steals per game, and thus the Grizz only lead the league in steals by a .2 amount which isn’t that much, I will now point towards the stat of steals percentage which, basically means the following: percentage of opponent possessions that end with a steal. And in this category the Grizz lead the league with a 8.6 steals% and the closet team to them was the Warriors, but they were still behind by .6%, more than half of 1, which in this case is a lot. So using there up tempo, high pressure defense, the Grizz mathematically speaking, if we round the 8.6 steals percentage up to 9, the Grizz therefor would force 9 of a team’s possession in a single game to end in a steal and therefor could result in an easy fast break basket. In doing so, only counting 2’s, the Grizz would have put 18 points on the score board without ever once doing one of your grandfather’s set pieces.

And when looking at the stats, the Grizz did just that. The Grizz were 6th in the league in fast break points, with a total of 15.7. However even more impressive was the points off turnover they accumulated - a whopping 19.4 points! Which means through their up-tempo style of play on both the defensive (as shown by the past paragraph and last few sentences) and offensive (as shown by the fact they were ranked 6th in NBA in fast break points) end, the Grizzlies used up-tempo basketball to be a successful team that found themselves on quite the playoff run and now find themselves to be one the premier teams out west.

As the Grizzlies have proved, up-tempo basketball is in actuality a good thing and can succeed in the modern day age of basketball. It is unfortunate that many assume by playing up-tempo basketball a team therefore does not play defense. What those who believe that need to realize is the following: only bad up-tempo basketball is where you don’t play defense. Good up-tempo basketball includes high-pressured defense that correlates towards success and easy buckets on the offensive end.

If you are a up-tempo basketball fan like myself, remember that when people like Mr. Souhan say up-tempo basketball is a bad thing and that it doesn’t work, all that they are really doing is showing their true age and saying they think taking an open 22 foot shot in the NBA is a good idea... but that is a whole other rant for another time.

CM Punk: The Voice of The Voiceless Fan

2011-07-12T18:02:00.000-05:00

Preface: I have a confession to make my 20 or so readers – I am a professional wrestling fan. Laugh all you want, I know that it isn’t something socially accepted in todays society. But the recent feud involving CM Punk and the WWE Championship has made it socially relevant again – don’t believe me? ESPN wanted to interview CM Punk! (that is correct, the top sports media outlet in the world, wanted to interview an athlete in a fake sport!) However, more importantly this feud has made me genuinely excited to watch wrestling again. And with this uncontrollable amount of excitement, I found the urge to write about it and analytically look at how CM Punk, in just 3 promos, became a household name and made professional wrestling once again socially relevant - at least for the time being.

‘The Voice of the Voiceless’ was the most powerful statement CM Punk made last night in his segment with Vince McMahon. While it didn’t get chants in the stadium or trend on twitter like WWE Ice Cream Bars, it was mighty powerful and put into prospective Punk’s frustration with the company, as well as ours – the fan.

Prior to that line, all we knew, as the viewer was that Punk was irritated by WWE management because of how they have wrongfully handled ‘The Best Wrestler in The World.’

And while we were enthralled by his worked shoot (for those wondering what a worked shoot is click here ) two weeks ago and his promos last night on RAW, all that we as fans were doing was cheering for a guy who was pissed off at his employer and how they handled his talents. (Sounds familiar? Cough cough Stone Cold vs. McMahon. Side note: the fact that Punk was wearing an Austin shirt when he was doing his worked shoot two weeks ago is now rather symbolic. If you look at it for what it is- Punk was simply referencing his twitter war of words with Austin. If you look at deeper, he was very much channeling his inner Austin. If you remember when Austin was in WCW, management there didn’t know how to handle his talent. He soon left and went to ECW where he went onto produce a bunch entertaining promos releasing his frustration with WCW management. Today, CM Punk’s actions are extremely similar. In his promos Punk is releasing his frustration with WWE management. The only difference is he isn’t doing it in a different promotion.)

While hearing someone as talented as Punk be given a mic and voice his opinions makes awesome TV, what makes us cheer for Punk? What makes an entire stadium of fans chant his name in unison so loud you could of thought this RAW was from 1998? You could say it is because he entertains the fans. And while that is true, there is a factor much deeper and that factor is the following: CM Punk has connected with the fans.

CM Punk has bounded with the fans because in many ways, Punk’s frustrations are the same as ours. His frustration that Vince McMahon doesn’t know what people want in 2011, and that he is out of touch with the fans, connected with us. His other statement, to paraphrase, “ I’d like to think it will be better when Vince is dead. But it won’t. This company will be run by his idiotic daughter and doofus son in law,” also connected with our beliefs.

His bound with the fans is what makes us cheer for him. It is also this connection that has made him the most popular, polarizing and talked about figure in professional wrestling since Austin. Sure The Rock entertains us. As does Cena, as well as countless other greats have in the past. But what always separated Austin was that, unlike those said greats, fans genuinely bounded with him. Fans related to his anti-establishment anti-corporate anti-boss theme. And today fans are relating to CM Punk’s frustration because they have the same frustrations.

In the contract negotiation segment Punk said he was the Voice of the Voiceless, for talented individuals who were unceremoniously fired, like his friends Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows. He continued on saying that he was standing up for them because they couldn’t. And while in his eye being the Voice of the Voiceless means standing up for your friends, he should also know it means something much, much more. You see, when Punk said, “I am the Voice of the Voiceless.” He was really saying, “I am the voice of the fan.”

Weekend Roundup: July 8th – July 10th

2011-07-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

For the first time ever I watched more minutes of sports played by the female gender than the male gender. And no, I am not counting the Lingerie Football league.

Weekend Roundup is a new installment to Smithy Sports. Basically it is rapid bullet points giving you my thoughts on the sports world and what I watched. Lets begin!

•I am utterly convinced soccer, no matter what kind or what level, has the worst refs imaginable. I swear, soccer refs make Jim Joyce look like a saint when it comes to officiating.

•If someone asked me what sports I watched over the weekend I’d say: The Twins game on Sunday. The Lynx game on Saturday and the USA Women’s world cup game on Sunday. That is correct – for the first time EVER in my life I viewed more minutes of female sports than I did male sports. And no I didn’t want to blow my brain outs in case you wondering – God forbid someone enjoys a sports played by women! And I am not counting the Lingerie Football League, which, might I add is more pleasurable than enjoyable, if you catch my drift.

•Ok but seriously, dang that Maya Moore is good. I know she statistically isn’t the best player on the Lynx team, but when she is the game the team is must watch. They are faster and more intense. She is the sole reason why I watch the Lynx. Also I think the rumors she beat Kemba Walker 1 on 1 in college at UCon might be true, just saying.

•It also nice to see hometown hero Lindsay Whalen dish it up and make some sick reverse layups. Side note: couldn’t they do a layup contest for the WNBA All – Star game?

•Male or female, no matter the sport- yesterdays world cup game with Brazil vs. USA was some the most dramatic and intense filled minutes in sports ever!

•Even professional wrestling referees were shaking their heads in disgust at the women calling the USA-Brazil match.

•Congrats to Michael Cuddyer for making the All-Star Game. To the casual mainstream fan you’ll be this year’s “who the eff is that player?” You’ll become some kids Randy Wynn (He was my first ‘”who the eff is that player”). Not but seriously, congrats on making it, you deserve it.

•Is Ben Revere eligible for ROY? If so he could be a likely candidate. And while I hope he wins, lets hope he doesn’t turn out to be like the last Twins OF to win ROY- Marty ‘ I am always Injured’ Cordova.

•Wake me up when the NFL or NBA lockouts are over!!!!!!

•I was saddened by the news of Yao Ming retiring. The greatest thing his career taught me was the power and sheer mass of the Chinese population. Economic people point towards there growing economy and stuff – idiotic sports fans like myself, point towards a dude who made 8 all-star games when he barley played in any regular season games!

•No but seriously, his global dominance on the game was huge and when he was healthy he was a forced to be reckoned with. That being said the best way I can describe his career is through a statement comedian and TV writer Andrew Goldtein made: “Yao Ming's 9 year career was like an order of Chinese Food: F*cking amazing at first followed by a series of crippling side effects.”

Anyway that is all for this week’s weekend round up.

Creatively Diagnosing Every NBA Team

2011-07-10T00:03:00.000-05:00

In a creative writing class I took during high school the biggest thing I learned from it, is that it is better to have a poorly drawn out horrible story that is so bad the editor wants to pull their eyes out and force the pieces of paper down your throat than a boring mediocre story that is semi-interesting and the editor doesn’t even know what to do with it because while it doesn’t suck, the story is complacent and isn’t very good. And the editors hate this because it means they have to go in and find the very few interesting things, and for the amount of time it takes them to do this they could have just told the writer to create a new story that is good and interesting. Meanwhile when the story is just plain bad, that is what they do, the editor tells the writer to create a new story. It takes less than 2 seconds and half the time the writer knows when the handed in a piece of crap so it won’t hurt their feelings.

If we are to continue on with this analogy/metaphor - assembling an NBA is like writing a story in my creative writing class I took in high school during my senior year - then we are going to need to set some guidelines. In my creative writing class, heading the class and managing it was the teacher. In the NBA World, this is the Owner. Making sure the class and the story’s are up to par by overlooking the writers is the Editor. In the NBA world this is the President of Operations. The literally masterminds who assemble and create the stories is the writer. In the NBA world this is the General Manager, who assembles and creates the team. So to put it clearly: Teacher = Owner. Editor = President of Operations and Writer= General Manger. Got it?

The editor oversees your story making sure it is good enough and presentable to the teacher. In the NBA, the president of operation oversees the GM making sure the team is presentable to the owner. And while you hope every story you write is good, unfortunately that is not always the case. That being said, there are three stages the stories in my creative writing class wanted to be in: 1. Starting from scratch. 2. Putting on the final touches of the plotline and 3. Editing, looking for grammatical mistakes so it is ready to be published and read for the class. Meanwhile there are three stages every story wanted to avoid: 1. Being a crappy drawn out aging sequel. 2. Filling in a multiple of plot holes. 3. Being mediocre and uninteresting.

Essentially there are three stages every franchise wants to be in: 1. Bottoming out and rebuilding. 2. On the rise/looking for the final piece of the puzzle. 3. Pursuing an NBA championship. Meanwhile there are three stages every NBA team wants to avoid 1. Being on life support with aging veterans. 2. Trying to fill a multiple of team holes. 3. Being mediocre.

So, in essence, writing a story in my creative writing class is like assembling an NBA team. You see, in the NBA you’d rather be bad than mediocre, because by being bad you get high draft picks, whereas by being mediocre you just stay mediocre unless a miracle happens in the NBA Draft or you obtain a Superstar through free agency or a trade. In the NBA it is better to be YTB (Young, Talented and Bad) than MPM (Middle of the Pack mediocre). Even so it is better if you are just RFG (Really Freakin’ Good.)

Before I go and diagnose every team in the NBA, let’s set up the following diagnostic language: RFG= Really Freakin’ Good YTB= Young Talented and Bad MPM= Middle of the Pack Mediocre 1A= Bottoming out and rebuilding 2A= on the rise or looking for the final piece of the puzzle 3A= Pursuing an NBA Championships. Bad signs will be marked by the following: 1B= Being on life support with aging veterans. 2B= Trying to fill multiple Team Holes. 3B= Being mediocre.

Teams are listed in alphabetical order by state or city.

Atlanta Hawks: 2 or 3 years ago this team was in that rare place of being YTG (Young talented and good) and suffering from 2A. Since that time, it feels like nothing has changed except there diagnosis the team is now MPM and is suffering from 3B and 2B.

Boston Celtics: is this last go around for the Celtic Trio of Peirce, Allen and KG? While money people think as soon as those three leave the team will go from RFG to a complete toilet, I firmly believe the team won’t be in that bad of a situation. While the team will be bad, they will at least be extremely talented. With the potential of the highly talented Avery Bradley being the 2 guard and Jeff Green at 3 (especially if he gets back to playing like he did with OKC) and Rondo leading the pack at the 1, the Celtics perimeter has a mighty good future. So don’t think it will be all that bad even though they are suffering from veterans on life support. When they do pull the plug, they have talented players to step in.

Charlotte Bobcats: In pulling trigger to trade Stephen Jackson Michael Jordan has entered the 1A zone is now YTB. The good news is that Bobcats stopped being mediocre like they were with Jackson and have now dived head first into this rebuilding stage by drafting the young duo of Kemba Walker Bismack Byambo.

Chicago Bulls: Say hello to a team that is RFG. Not much to complain about when you have the best player in the world, D-Rose on your team. Now there is a bit of question mark with this team. While they most definitely are pursuing an NBA championship, some believe Rose needs a scoring sidekick and therefor they are still missing the final piece to the puzzle. Honestly, I don’t really know if they are suffering from 2A. But what I do know is that as long as D-Rose is on the team they will be pursuing a ring.

Cleveland Cavaliers: They are YTB diagnosed with 1A. Thankfully with the duo of Kyrie Irving and Tristan Thompson, the team could eventually develop a bit of 2A.

Dallas Mavericks: Until father time catches up with the Mavs this team will be RFG and will be pursuing a championship. However when time does catch up, the Mavs will begin putting their veterans on life support.

Denver Nuggets: while the Melo trade was a good trade because they got a boatload of talent good players, ever since Melo left the Nuggets have been missing that great player every championship caliber team has. Until they get someone like that the Nuggets will be MPM and will suffer from 3B.

Detroit Pistons: They are MPM and are suffering from 1B, and 3B. Still stuck with Tyshaun Prince, and Richard Hamilton, the Pistons don’t have an identity. After drafting Brandon Knight, it also looks like they are thinking about getting rid of Rodney Stuckey. The good news there is, they might be picking up a subscription of 1A, and if Knight and Greg Monroe work out, this team could soon also pick up a subscription of 2A.

Golden State Warriors: with hiring of Mark Jackson and the news they are looking to rid themselves of Monta Ellis the Warriors are entering the rebuilding period. That being, thanks to plays like Steph Curry the team, while bad, is still talented. So they are YTB.

Houston Rockets: Honestly, the rockets are just plain bad. Nobody on their roster I think is even that talented and young. Sure they talent, but in Kevin Martin who is old. Thankfully for rocket fans they have a new coach. Unfortunately it is in Kevin McHale. And as a T-Wolf fan all I can do is laugh. Anyway, at least you guys are starting rebuild. Right?

Indiana Pacers: With the young talented trio of Darren Collision, Roy Hibert Paul George the Pacers find themselves in the rare place of being YTM (Young talented and mediocre).

LA Clippers: Like the Pacers they find themselves in the rare place of being YTM (Young Talented and Mediocre) thanks to the nucleus of Blake Griffin, Eric Gordon and Eric Bledsoe. This team is on the rise and will make the playoffs this year. In the future look for the team to contend for a championship very shortly, or at the very least battle out in the Western Conference.

LA Lakers: Simple enough: Kobe is aging. Are these upcoming years his last hoorah? What about for Odom and Gasol also? With so many questions the Lakers are in that fringe area of pursuing a championship while also being on semi life support as well as being semi RFG. That being said, if they get Dwight Howard the Lakers become full fledge RFG and begin suffering from the wonderful diagnosis of 3A.

Memphis Grizzlies: This team is YTG (Young talented and good) and as long as they keep the nucleus of Randolph, Marc Gasol, Mike Conley and the defensive intensity of Shane Battier and Darrel Arthur, this team will go far in the NBA Playoffs. The question is are they missing that final piece to get them to the finals?

Miami Heat: They are RFG and suffering from 2A, looking for the final piece of the puzzle. Is the nucleus of Lebron, Wade and Bosh the answer? Should trade one for someone or something else? Or are the missing someone, and if so who?

Milwaukie Bucks: While they will make the playoffs, even with the addition of Stephen Jackson they will continue to suffer from MPM and 3B. Unless Bogut stays healthy and Michael Redd returns to his old form the Bucks will make the playoffs in the 5^th or 6^th spot and then loose in the first round.

Minnesota Timberwolves: My wolves are YTB and are suffering from 1A. That being said with the nucleus of Rubio, Love and Williams, there is much to be excited about in Minnesota.

New Jersey Nets: they are suffering from a severe case of MPM and 3B. That being said a miracle could happen, and another superstar could join D-Will in New Jersey. That being said, if D-Will leaves or gets traded there is also the possibility they start to suffer from YTB and 1A

New Orleans Hornets: they are MPM and 3B unless they bring another really good player to tag along with CP3. That being said with the rumors of CP3 leaving the Hornets will have to enter the rebuilding stage and enter the realm of YTB.

New York Knicks: With the duo of Amare and Melo the Knicks have the potential to RFG. That being said with beasts out in the East like the Bulls, Celtics and Heat they are arguably a notch below RFG. Even so, they better than just MPM. At with only suffering from 2A, the Knicks very shortly could be suffering from 3A and begin pursuing an NBA championship.

Oklahoma City Thunder: This team is RFG and is extremely young. Future world champions. You know it is scary when you saying a team that made it to the Western Conference still has a ton growth to undergo.

Orlando Magic: Currently MPM and suffering from 2B, the Magic also have to be worried about Dwight Howard because at the moment the center spot is the only spot solidified. That being said if Howard leaves the Magic must get in return some young talent or first round picks so they can enter the YTB stage and begin suffering from 1A.

Philadelphia 76ers: even though they are YTB, unfortunately they are suffering from 2B. Thankfully with the rumors of them wanting to trade Iggy, they will undergo the diagnostic of 1A with the chance of it turning into 2A thanks to Jrue Holliday and possible Evan Turner if he winds up not being a bust.

Phoenix Suns: MPM and are on Steve Nash’s life support. They need to decide to trade him so they can start to rebuild. Nash you deserve to be on a contending team, and the suns you need to enter the building stage so you can become YTB.

Portland Trailblazers: They are stuck in the path of being MPM and extremely mediocre. It really is sad about Brandon Roy and such, but hey knees aren’t made out of elastic. The Blazers need to decide when they want to rebuild again. They have one piece in Lamarcus Aldridge to build around.

Sacramento Kings: Still in the rebuilding process, if Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins ever get there act together, the duo of them could potentially, in my opinion, take the NBA by storm. There NBA draft trade was horrible and while, Jimmer in my opinion will have a future in the NBA, he won’t be a star like so many white people hope he will be and taking him as high the Kings is a little odd. But when you consider this year’s draft, I guess in reality it wasn’t, but still.

San Antonio Spurs: After their first round exit at the hands of the Grizzlies has father time finally caught up with the aging Spurs? If so, look for this team to be MPM this season and be on aging life support throughout. (However the trade for Kawiah Lenord was good)

Toronto Raptors: With Demar DeRozen at the two and the potential of Ed Davis at 4 and the European center they just drafted (whenever he comes over) the raptors are YTB and are suffering from 1A. Not much to be happy about, not much to be angry about, but at the time the talent of Demar and Davis should have fans excited.

Utah Jazz: suffering from major rebuilding and bottoming out, while they will YTB next year, the potential of Derrick Favors, Alec Burks and Enes Kanter should keep the fans in Salt Lake City excited. Now the questions remains what are they to with Al “if you look at my stats I am good but if you see in real life I am bad’ Jefferson and Paul Millsap. And while Devin Harris is dandy little point guard, wouldn’t jazz like someone younger to grow with Favors, Burks and Kanter?

Washington Wizards: They are YTB. And are currently diagnosed with the following stages: 1A. Fortunately for them a diagnostic of 2A could be in the near future thanks to the potential nucleus of John Wall, Jan Vesely and Javale McGee (who, if he ever learns the game of basketball, will be a force to be reckoned with.)

Men’s soccer league is nothing like beer league

2011-07-08T12:03:00.000-05:00

The men's soccer league game I saw yesterday was nothing like the softball seen in beer League.

When I was asked by friend Nick to tag along with him to his men’s league soccer game, I envisioned it would be the soccer version of what men’s league softball is to baseball. Large beer drinking men who smoked more cigarettes than Patty and Selma from The Simpsons, and made their leashed housewives cheer them on just so they could relive their once promising youthful athletic careers. But, when I got there I saw the complete opposite. I was in for a rude awakening when I assumed there would be over weight fat dudes drinking out of the kegger next to the bench, and I witnessed fit athletes warming up, stretching and drinking the healthiest of all liquids - water.

I should have expected this coming in. Me and my stupid self. What was I thinking! There is no such thing as an out of shape soccer player. At least while they are playing that is. Even the most out of shape still active soccer player is in shape compared to the average sloth like American.

The first half was a nice little game. Both teams scored one goal apiece. Also the game was pretty exciting because both teams had multiple scoring opportunities they failed to fully capitalize on. Also near the end of the first half it looked like one player decapitated another when a ball was floated into the middle right side of the box. Even though it looked like one of those OMG moments, luckily no one was seriously injured.

During halftime I realized this wasn’t like a pickup game of basketball where nobody played defense and everyone acted like a shoot first point guard. There were set pieces and all that other soccer lingo I don’t understand. I don’t know if the team’s practiced or not. If they didn’t practice it just shows that soccer truly is a universal game where every one plays a crucial role, be that on offense or defense, and if one individual slips up the entire team pays for it. Meanwhile, if the team’s did indeed practice it just shows men’s league soccer is anything at all like men’s league softball and taken a heck of a lot more seriously.

Still tied, during the middle of the second half my friend drew a penalty kick. But just as he was about to take it, some old dude easily in his 50’s, walked in, took it for him and scored. Now keep in mind my friend Nick is a multiple time all-state soccer player, carried the majority of the offense on the 4th best Class A team in the state of Minnesota, should have won Mr. Soccer in the state of Minnesota but didn’t due to political BS, and is going off to the University of Vermont to play Division I soccer – and some bloody old wanker decides to step in ahead of him! To quote SNL and Keenan Thompson, “What’s up with that!” While the good news is that my friend’s team scored and took lead thanks to him, the bad news is that he doesn’t get any of the credit- the 50 year old guy does; because even though he drew the penalty kick through his out of this world skillful dribbling, if the old guy doesn’t make the shot it means absolutely diddly squat. But because the old guy did make the penalty shot, it does mean something. Unfortunately for my friend the old guy gets all the credit. I equate the ordeal to being the screenplay writer for the movie that wins the Academy Award for best film. Even though you came up with the film and the beginning catalyst for the movie – the director gets all the credit.

Late in the second half my friends team would score once more to pull ahead 3-1, but then literally seconds later the other team would score to draw the game back within one goal. With the score now standing 3-2, minutes later my friends team would score once more off of a free kick that deflected off of the goalie and was headed in. it was the quite the exciting closing minutes of the game.

When the game finished up my friend’s team was victorious winning 4-2. As caught up with him from the bleachers I asked what the old guy taking his penalty kick was all about. He said the guy was his former youth soccer coach. Oh, well then in that case it makes sense why he took it. You can’t really ever say no to a former coach, especially one you respect like he did.

As we were leaving I couldn’t help but be dumbfounded by my assumption as to what the men’s soccer league would be like. There was no keg next to the bench. There was no one smoking a cigarette on the field like some do in the outfield in men’s league softball. That being said my expectations weren’t completely nullified. At least a couple of leashed housewives showed up to cheer on their man as he was trying to relive his once promising glory days.

Ball State Orientation

2011-07-05T15:35:00.000-05:00

Being as I have not posted a blog in a week you might wondering what the heck happened to me. Well you see i was away at College Orientation and celebrating the 4th of July. Nonetheless, I think I have made up for last week, because this up coming piece is the longest post to date. Anyway, enjoy!

This past week I spent 22 hours in the car with my parents driving to and from Muncie Indiana, as well as an additional 6 hours on the Ball State University campus for orientation. Of the total 28 hours spent with them, the f-bomb was dropped a total of 67 times. This means 2.4 f-bombs were said in a single hour. Additionally, a majority of those f-bombs came from my mother, and were directed towards my father. While some people might consider that language unhealthy, I simply call it love- because if it weren’t for their f-bombing I wouldn’t be here today and going to Ball State’s Orientation!

D-day: Day before the first day of orientation

Being as just about every student for orientation came from Indiana, coming from Minnesota, I was looked at as an exotic creature. However, I wasn’t just seen that way by the students. Checking into the dorm, one of the administrators asked me, “How’d a kid like you from Minnesota find out about Ball State?”

Just as I was about to respond, the guy got up and said, “Just hold on a second.” He must have talked to someone or something because he came back with a clipboard and a pen.

“I am pretty sure I was accepted, right?” I joked.

The guy awkwardly laughed before saying, “ Yeah just sign in here, we forgot to plug in the out of state kids in our orientation database.”

I looked down and saw only 12 other kids had come out of state. And not a single one from Minnesota.

As I got my key and stuff to stay over in the dorm the day before the first day of orientation, I couldn’t help but mumble under my breath, “If the school’s education is anything like it’s administration, to quote my mom, I am f#@$%$.”

“What’s that?” the administrative guy at the front desk asked

“Oh nothing,” I said as I walked up to my dorm room.

Day 1: Chirpin’ my way to College

Being as day 1 of orientation started at 8 am, I woke up at 6 to make sure I got to a shower. Also, since I hate feeling rushed as much as ‘out of touch old school journalists’ hate the internet, after hearing horror stories about how it can be impossible to get a shower, I made sure to wake up before everyone else. So after taking a shower, I got dressed, freshened up and did all that hygiene stuff we were taught as children.

As I walked with my parents to the building where we would be put into groups and receive name tags, it hit me that I was in bizaroworld. Whenever I over heard an opening conversation between two kids that had never met, it always started with, “Oh, where are you from in Indiana.” I soon found out nearly 90% of the kids were from in state. After receiving my name tag, I got into my student orientation group and met my orientation leader. His name was Chris. Right away I could tell he was really hyper active, out going, and loud, but in a good way.

Anyway following some icebreaker games and stuff, Chris brought us to this auditorium where we saw a presentation by the president or some other big head honcho, and found out the history of Ball State. Basically, early on the school went in and out of business like local coffee shops, but following World War 2 it got its act together, thanks to some donations by the Ball Brothers (really famous jar creators - seriously). Thanks to hem the school has been in business ever since and now finds itself in lists ranking them as one the top 10 rising schools in the nation. Some of their famous alum that matter to me our the following: David Letterman, the dude who created Garfield and Jason Whitlock, a sports columnist. And an example of one of their famous alums that do not matter me: the CEO of Burberry. (If you are like me, and hadn’t heard of Burberry, just ask a girl and they will start gushing like about)

After an interesting history lesson, we got a bunch of other presentations that were pretty boring, like one on financial aid, why their core curriculum is important, there food (which is awesome I might add) and other stuff. On a side note, a really cool presentation came from a dude from the technology department. I just loved it because it didn’t feel scripted. He basically broke every rule I was ever taught at SPA about how to give a presentation. Don’t mumble. He mumbled. Don’t laugh at your own jokes. He did. Don’t come without note cards. He came without note cards. It was just refreshing after sitting through 4 straight presentations where I could swear the people speaking were robots. On top of that it was a great presentation. It was humorous, entertaining and enlightening. Flat out - it was just a breath of fresh air to hear a presentation that didn’t sound formulaic and came from someone under the age of 40.

After that it was time for lunch. We were forced to eat in our orientation groups and I ended up sitting with a kid name Tyler, who like just about everyone else was from Indiana. I could tell he was a nice kid, even though he wasn’t very talkative. Nonetheless I was able to find out he wants to major in interior design, and yes he is straight (I know surprising, whenever you hear a dude say he is an interior designer you think he is Gay. But hey whatever. And now let the angry comments begin saying I am a horrible person for stereotyping male interior designers). He also wants to minor in historical Spanish art. So I guess that means, if you ever have Tyler decorate your house, it is going to have a ton of old paintings from Spain in it.

After lunch we headed back to the auditorium where we learned about athletics and school spirit. Ball State’s football team stunk last year, but they have new coach now, and are going through a rebuilding phase. Thankfully, in men’s basketball, the other sport I care about, campus is buzzing about BSU taking on Butler, because the Bull Dogs, are playing on Ball State campus. So, when you consider the Bull Dogs have lost all there key players and BSU didn’t and had a really successful year last year, and have home court advantage, I am expecting my Cardinals to beat up on the Bull Dogs so bad, PETA is gonna come protest on the Ball State campus. Anyway back to the blog. So basically at this assemble we found out students get in free to every home game, in every sport, just so long as they show their student ID (Awesome!). Also at the athletic/school spirit assembly we went over the school’s song and cheer. The school’s song is pretty simple and catchy. In between the tune of the band we yell, “GO BALLSTATE!!”Meanwhile, the team’s cheer, while sensible, is a little silly. Since we are the Cardinals, we put our thumb and index together to form a bird’s beak and then we say “chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp…” repeatedly picking up in volume and speed until we reach a chirping climax. Intimidating I know. While I could make fun of it I am not, because I am probably going to end up being one of those Cardinal fans chirping away in The Nest (the student section) alongside Charlie Cardinal.

Once we were done chirping to our hearts content, we were taken to a different building to take test, which would tell us what kind of student we are, and our study habits. I am not gonna post word for word what I found out – that is personal private information, but I will tell you this: I basically found out what I already knew: I only have a good attitude towards classes I like and find interesting, that being said I am extremely motivated and diligent towards doing daily assignments in all my classes well and correctly, I do an above average job managing my time, and I worry about my classes in the math’s and sciences, I have highly developed skills in paying attention ( I am pretty sure all thanks to Adderall), even so, just because I do a good job listening I don’t always understand what I am hearing and occasionally have a difficult time retaining information- specifically in the natural sciences and math, I do a pretty job selecting main ideas and recognizing important information, I do an excellent job using support techniques and materials, that being said I need assistant in self testing, reviewing and preparing for classes, that being, despite for faults in that area, I have adequately developed skills in test strategies and preparing for tests. So there now you know what kind of student I am.

Once you finished taking a test that told you what kind of student you are, it was time to take a language placement test. Or if you are like me, you got a break. In the brochure it said you are suppose to take a language placement test if you have studied Spanish, Chinese, German or French in high school. And while I had studied German up until my junior year, I wasn’t gonna take that stinkin’ test. I hadn’t studied language in TWO YEARS! The only thing I know how to say is the following: ich spiele basketball und ich bin nicht sehr gut. Which translates to: I play basketball and I am not very good. So instead of wasting my time taking an hour-long test I would surely fail and find out I had the German language skills of a fetus in lederhosen, I got an hour-long break.

I am going to fast foreword through my break and dinner, because nothing really interesting happened. Anyway after dinner we got back into our orientation groups and got a tour of the campus. Half way through the tour we sat in circle and talked as a group about what were nervous about and what we most excited about. It was mandatory we answer the question, but one the high lights came from this kid who said, “ I am excited about the parties, but I am nervous about getting kicked out.” Anyway when I came around I said, “ I am excited about using the top notch facilities in the David Letterman Building. (Then not to look like a total nerd) oh and the parties. But I am nervous about that two-week period where I don’t know anyone and when I am introduced to people, unless they say Indianapolis, I won’t know what city they are talking about.”

And then nobody laughed. And it wasn’t because they didn’t laugh because the joke wasn’t funny, they didn’t laugh because they were offended. To them, a no good northern Yankee just insulted all the little small towns in Indiana. And they were obviously pissed. To defend myself I wanted to say, “The only town in Indiana I have heard of besides Indianapolis, is thanks to Larry Bird, and I can’t even say it without laughing a little bit inside: Frenchlick!” But I decided it would be in my best interest not to say anything, especially that. Anyway, as the circle continued, I overheard a kid say I am gonna drop out of college and join the army. And then my brain exploded because of that comment. DOESN’T IT GO THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!! DON’T YOU JOING THE ARMY, AND THEN GO TO COLLEGE!!! But hey, who am I to judge a kid from Muncie Indiana. If he wants to join the Army, be my guest. I just think his way about doing it, is a bit odd.

After the talking circle, we finished the tour at the student center where we had a pizza party and bowling. Soon after I left and went back to my dorm to go to bed where the Ball State administration made up for all their gaffs, when I found out for orientation I didn’t have a roommate. How f-bombing awesome is that?!?!

Day 2: Flash mobs aren’t refreshing like Gays and polite people

After freshening up, we had take our luggage down and check out of the dorms. As I was exiting my room, I saw Tyler, the kid I ate lunch with the day before.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Good morning,” he said, “hey, check this out, I found this secret staircase during my nightly wandering that gets you down to the desk really quick.”

“Oh, um cool.” I replied.

“ Yeah, I am really into the paranormal and stuff. And I heard that some of the dorms here are haunted so I wanted to investigate for myself.”

“And are they?” I asked.

“Not this one.” He said. And then out of the blue he picked up my suitcase and carried it down the stair case for me. Why? I don’t know. I mean he is an interior designer, but he is a straight. But even if he was Gay, what kind of Gay guy would hit on me? One that is attracted to the Pillsbury Dough Boy, or Louie Anderson celebrity look a likes. Anyway it was really nice of Tyler to do what he did. After I checked out I caught up with my group, where we were taken to another builder take another test, about what we thought of Ball State. The test was easy and stuff, and it was for their administrative purposes. Anyway after that were split up into groups, and took a tour in the Job center and Wellness center. The job center was pretty boring, but the Wellness center was pretty refreshing simply because I saw my first gay person in forever. When we entered the center we met this guy in his office and then he talked to us and asked us questions. If we answered you got a cup in the color of your choice, either, blue, yellow, red or green. Or to quote him, “sapphire, canary, ruby or emerald!!!” I didn’t a get cup, but nonetheless, it was very entertaining to hear a person call a red plastic cup a ruby.

Soon later, I met with my freshman academic advisor where I set up my class schedule. Many people dislike my schedule, but I like it because it is like high school. I hate change, so I wanted something similar to it. So everyday I have a class at 8 am and everyday I am done with classes between 2 and 3 pm. Some people think I am crazy for doing that, but I like it. And hey it is my schedule not yours. After setting up my schedule it was time for lunch. During lunch I found out my parents used my graduation money to buy me a Mac Book Pro. Which was really cool. Also, after eating lunch my mom and I went to the BSU Book Store where we bought some Cardinal Gear.

Once we finished up at the book store it was time for the orientation closing assembly. During this assembly we saw a cool little video of the two day of orientation and got our student cards as well as the book we have to read for school (yes I have a summer reading book, and no I am not starting elementary school. But whatever I don’t really mind it.) And then worst thing happened, the orientation leaders thought it would be cute to perform a flash mob. It was the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of my life. I hate flash mobs. There is nothing good about them. All they do is make the people aren’t them feel bad and left out. And all that it does for the people performing in them is tell the viewers that they are unemployed. They are so stupid. Call me party pooper and a negative Nancy, but I hate flash mobs. They are just stupid.

Anyway, orientation was now over. We soon left and started driving back to Minnesota. I can’t wait for college and I am really excited about Ball State… except for that two-week period where I don’t know anyone and when I am introduced to people, unless they say Indianapolis, I won’t know what city they are talking about.

Drew Butera reminds us why baseball is awesome

2011-06-20T16:16:00.000-05:00

Drew Butera's walk off yesterday reminded us baseball is an awesome game because anyone can be a hero.

You know everyone in Target Field and at home yesterday was thinking the following when Drew Butera was at bat in the bottom 9th with the game winning run in scoring position: “Why can’t Joe Mauer be up right now?” Nonetheless, with his 70’s porn mustache and circumvented bat, Butera avoided embarrassment and defeat when he pulled a hard grounder that had so much velocity and force it deflected off the diving third baseman’s glove into shallow left field.

In retrospect, the balls deflection was the key to Butera’s ‘money shot walk off.’ At this moment in the game, the player on second base is Delmon Young, and had the ball not taken a strange bounce there is no way in hell Young scampers across home because like many in his family (see older brother Dmitri) he has a tough time running, and more specifically running fast. So I can pretty much guarantee you Young doesn’t get waved home by the third base coach if the ball doesn’t deflect off the third baseman.

Anyway back to the man of the hour, Drew Butera, who yesterday picked up his first major league hit that actually mattered. Like many sports fans, when a game ends in dramatic fashion I watch the post game show. At the beginning of the post game show Mike Pomeranz, one of the FSN Commentators, said, “No one expects much from Drew offensively.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at my TV over what was being said. “Expect much offensively”? That’s an understatement. No one expects anything from Butera offensively! Him getting a hit is like the Timberwolves getting a win: scarce and unexpected. And the chances of him getting a game winning walk off is like the chances of the Timberwolves winning the draft lottery: impossible. But that’s the beauty of sports when they aren’t rigged (cough cough NBA Lottery). Anyone, and I mean anyone, can go from being the laughing stock of the fan base or of his/her teammates in a matter of seconds all because of one single play. While Butera reminded us, I know from firsthand experience.

When I played little league in 7th grade I was the crappy kid who batted last and played right field. (I occasionally also got time at the infield version of right field, second base.) And this wasn’t because I was more interested in playing with the grass in the outfield than the actual game of baseball, rather this was the case because I just so happened to fl at out suck. I remember one of teammates jokingly call me Jose Canseco minus the steroids and batting ability. A different teammate more complimentarily called me our team’s Mark Madsen.

Despite my suckiness and the team’s – we were tied for dead last in the league during the regular season – we found ourselves in a ‘play in game’ to get into the playoffs. You see, we were so bad, along with this other team, the two us needed to play a game to determine who would go up against the league’s best team in the opening round of the post season. I don’t remember much from the game until the bottom of the 6th, where the game is tied at 4. The batters one deck our 5, 6, and 7. I am hoping they can win us the game. Batter number of 5 gets a single. Batter 6 grounds out to first, but moves the runner over to second. Batter number 7 hits a grounder to second and is out at first, but is able to move the runner to third. Two outs, in the bottom of the 6th a player on third and I am up next to bat. As I walk towards home base, I hear an imaginary PA announcer say the following, “up next to bat, with the game on the line is the Mark Madsen of baseball, Alex ‘Jose Canseco minus the steroids and hitting ability’ Smith.”

I am petrified. I am praying for a walk. The first is a ball. Second pitch is a ball. I am jumping for joy. Third pitch is a strike right down the middle I am too timid to swing at. Fourth pitch is the same as the third, and I am still too timid to swing. The count is two and two and the coach yells the following encouragement, “Don’t be afraid to hit the ball. Alex you have to swing.”

And so with the count two and two, and the game on the line, I make the decision no matter what is thrown I am swinging at the next pitch. The pitcher winds up. The pitcher throws the ball. I feel a sting on my hands as the force waves spiral down the metal bat. I start running towards first. The ump yells fouls. I am disappointed. I am emotionally drained at this point. As walk back to home plate for the next round of this pitcher and batter duel, I tell myself a 7th grader’s psyche isn’t built for this. As I enter the batter’s box, I see the same look of disorientation on the pitcher.

On the very next pitch, I feel same exact sting as before when I hit the ball on the previous pitch. The only difference is this time it goes fair. It is a sharp grounder to the third baseman. As I am running to first, I realize something weird needs to happen like the ball deflect off the third baseman. Unfortunately for me I see the third baseman defend the grounder perfectly, exactly how we were taught: knees bent, glove down, hand over. I see him begin his throwing motion. I know I am screwed if he makes a good throw, because like Delmon Young, I also have my struggles running, and more specifically running fast.

However I know this kid doesn’t have a very strong arm. He has an accurate one, but has needed to get the ball over to first on one hoppers all day. As I draw closer to first, I see the first baseman adjust for the one hop. I am hoping some error happens because if not, my slow ass will be out. I see the third baseman throw the ball perfectly. Just as I am within 2 feet away from first, the ball takes its hop. I see the first baseman prepare for it. I am a few inches away from first as I see the ball deflect off the first baseman’s inner thigh, and land near his foot. I step on first and as I run through it I yell safe and cross my arms at the first base ump, hoping for approval. The ump yells, “SAFE!” I jump for joy and have a rush of delight I don’t know how to describe in words, as my teammates topple on top of me in celebration.

It is for moments like mine in little league and Drew Butera’s yesterday that makes baseball such a wonderful sport. Thanks to sports, players like Drew Butera and my little league self can be heroes. Because of what I did, in the opening round of the playoffs I batted 6th against the best team in the league, in a game we miraculously won. And when we went onto the championship game, we lost, and our team’s sensational run was over. The worst team in the league almost won the playoffs. We were the little engine that could. But in the end we ran out of gas. When the game was over a couple of the players were crying, including myself. The kid who jokingly called me Jose Canseco minus the steroids and hitting ability shook my hand and gave me a hug. As did the kid who called me Mark Madsen. I loved those guys. But we never stayed in touch. We forgot each other names and probably wouldn’t even recognize what we look like now that we all have aged and gone through puberty. And I think that is why were crying at the end of the championship game. Not because we lost, but because this would be the last time us group of kids would ever be on the same team.

Drew Butera will experience a similar situation with the Twins in the near future. For a couple games now when Drew is playing in place of Mauer, fans won’t complain. Like when I hit 6th, the fans will be like teammates and be happy for him and think he deserves it. But pretty soon, just like how I went back to hitting 8th, over the course of the season, they will forget and want Joe Mauer. And then a couple years from now the Twins will find a catcher that is just as good defensively as Drew, but can also hit. And when that time comes Drew will be let go. And Drew will realize this is the last time he is around the teammates he loves. And Drew will be very sad and could very well cry just like I did. But when that time comes he will always look back on his game yesterday in way that is different from analysts and certain Twins fans. He won ‘t look back on it as a key win in the Twins surge during the month of May, winning 14 of their last 16 games, bringing them back into the AL Central Picture. Rather he will look back on his game yesterday in the same fashion I look back on mine in little league – as a reminder that baseball is one awesome game.