Smizze

Short Jokes

2011-11-08T10:31:00.001-08:00

Short Dirty Jokes

Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Q. What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
A. It's arse!

Q. What does a guy and a car have in common?
A. They both have the ability to misfire.

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A. Because their plugged into a genius!

Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Mega-saur-ass

Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
A. 3 Stone !

Dead

2011-11-08T10:29:00.001-08:00

A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.
He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had.
The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was
far too expensive.
The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was
also too expensive.
Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happened
to have her legs open ready.
The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom.
So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and had
the time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back the
next day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a black
condom.
Again the prostitute had her legs open ready.
When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must wear
a black condom?
The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead."

Today's Joke

2011-11-08T10:26:00.001-08:00

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me
father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?
Tommy says "Yes father, it's me."
The Priest says "Who was the woman you were with?"
Tommy says "I cannot tell you, father, because I don't want
to ruin her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
Tommy replies "No."
The priest asks, "Was it Ann Brown?"
Tommy replies "No."
The priest asks, "Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it Amy Thomas?"
Tommy replies "No, father."
The priest asks, "Was it little Cathy Morgan?"
Tommy replies "NO father! I cannot tell you."

The priest finally says, "Tommy, I admire your perseverance,
but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be four
'Our Fathers' and five 'Hail Mary's'. Now go back to your
seat."

Tommy walks back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over
and whispers, "What happened?!"
"Well, I got four Our Fathers, five Hail Marys, and six
good leads."

Today's Joke

2011-11-07T11:01:00.001-08:00

A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.

"Where is God?"

The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.

"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"

"He is everywhere,"

"Very good that�s right."

But still there were two children that didn�t put their hands down,
so the teacher continued.

"Okay, Michael, Where is God?"

"God is inside me."

"Very good that�s right."

Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand.
He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.

"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"

"He�s in our bathroom."

Well the teacher just had to ask, "How do you know he�s in the bathroom?"

The answer came, "Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says,
�My God are you still in there?� "