I emanated from the same Source from which everything comes into being. I am One with all that is. The Love I feel comes from the same Source of being from which I  was born. I am Love. How can I not be? The Love I feel from others is this Love reflected back at me. How can I not feel loved? Only in denying this Love, in disregarding the fullness of who I am, I feel unloved. Feeling completely loved is born in consciousness, in the full acceptance of self.

Nothing grand has happened to me over the last days, just some minor things that made me tip. Tuesday, I felt something I can only describe as realignment, fitting together seamlessly again, not fragmented anymore. Sitting on the couch, looking up from the book as I do sometimes to watch my garden, the green leaves of the ivy looked brighter, the dead leaves of the beech-hedge seemed alive and even my rather dull shed had its own beauty. I felt like myself again, just like that. The same and yet different, a new and improved me, version 17.1. Less judgemental, more compassionate, stronger, wiser, humbled and grateful. For no special reason, all of a sudden, I was aware of the happiness in between, the happiness that is, no matter what. After a long period of struggling, I came home to myself.

I don’t know what made me tip. Was it the wonderful conversation with a client, the renewed decision to try to be more open and aware, listening to an interview with Jon Kabat-Zinn, going for a walk in the park, or accepting an invitation by a dear colleague?  I know that all by themselves these things would not have had a spectacular effect, merely a small boost, but together, at the right time in a slowly inclining trend, they added up to a revolution.  My revolution. It is a great lesson not to wait for that big thing to happen, but to just try to make little changes for the better.  And before you know it, big change will come your way.

I know the pain and fear I’m feeling are a figment of my ego, but that doesn’t make it less real. I feel as if I am Nothing. It is the worst feeling I can imagine. The pain is so dark, I have no words to describe it. I have felt this pain before. Ten years ago, I would have done anything to make it go away.

Although difficultly, these dark creatures can be fended off. Of the fictional heroes that succeed in doing so, Harry Potter and Lyra Silvertongue are my favorite. Love is their primary motive. Humaneness and courage are their main assets. To me, their struggle with the dark side holds valuable lessons. To protect himself, Harry creates in his mind a picture of his happiest memory to produce a Patronus, a shield of positivity on which Dementors can feed. And in her despair, the not always truthful Lyra learns that Harpies, who seemingly feed on our misery, will actually feed on any story, if true.

The pain is as intense as it was ten years ago, but I am not the same. I am stronger, wiser. I now know the Light that is my essence, that is Consciousness, that is Love. Where this Light shines there can be no darkness. However difficult, I need to hold in my heart and mind feelings and thoughts that nurture my soul. Most of all I need to be bold enough to tell my ego the true story of me, which mainly is a story of love, courage and creativity.

Now is my time to really step up for myself, to feel the Love that I am and to let my Light shine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

May you experience the unspeakable sense of awe when you discover the presence of beauty in places where you have never seen her before. - Norea

Being 9 again, bullied by who I think are my friends. Not able to understand how their friendship can turn into anger and vice versa, just like that. Always trying to be a better friend, always trying to gain their approval, their love. Almost 30 years later that trap still works. I still crave love and approval. I still fear rejection. And I still meet the same challenge.

My wise self tells me everything is allright. She tells me this is exactly what I need in order to heal.  She tells me that everything that doesn’t root in love is part of the illusion. She tells me that I am loved, that I am whole, that I am part of God’s perfection. She tells me she’s always there to guide me and protect me. And, what I need to hear most, she tells she will rise from this illusion, stronger and wiser, more beautiful than ever, like a fenix from the ashes.

Light.
Shining brightly.
Simply being
brilliant.

Last week, while listening to Ask And It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, I felt a tingling sensation in my spine, getting stronger with every passing second. It was not an unfamiliar feeling as I recognized it from a long gone past. All of a sudden, I was about 5 years old again, feeling exited about something that was about to happen. I had not felt this exited in a long time. Always expecting the worse, there was nothing to be exited about. And living from moment to moment, renouncing the future, being exited about a future event did not seem to fit the scope. 

Feeling that tingling sensation, feeling more alive than I had in a very long time, I understood that this was what had been missing from my life. In that moment, I grasped the concept of expecting without expectations. Being here in this moment, creating in my mind a strong image of something wonderful, believing this is possible for me, feeling the exitement of what is about to happen and allowing it to unfold at its own pace, not resisting the flow of Go(o)d to me. Being careful what I wish for, as I’m starting to manifest at light speed.

I’d like to invite you to open up to the possibility that things are different than you think they are. You have learned to filter all that comes in through your senses with your mind, your preconceived mind that is. You perceive the world as you perceive yourself, it’s the projection of your own mind. The voice in your head is full of critique, telling you you’re not good enough, beautiful, successful, or rich enough. It judges you as you judge others. I know that voice all to well. Some time ago, not liking the negative interpretations my mind provided, I decided not to listen to it anymore.  I forewent my mind, reinventing my world as I went along. Asking myself with anything that happened how I truly felt about it, what I knew to be true. Shutting out my mind, I learned to listen through my heart, seeing life from a completely different angle.

You may not be used to the loving and wise voice of your heart, but with some practice it is easy to get used to. You know it, when you feel it. She will tell you everything is all right. That you are perfect as you are. Your heart is Love, pure unconditional Love.  It’s in a mother’s love for her child, in the connection you feel with people around you, in the awe for a whirling butterfly. It can be found in praise and gratitude, in truth and acceptance, in joy and deep belly laughter. But most of all, you will find it in the silence in this moment. Just be quiet for a few minutes a day, breath in, breath out, don’t mind your thoughts and feel the presence of Love within you.

To help you grasp the idea of being silent, here’s a class with Jon Kabat-Zinn Ph.D. This Professor of Medicine emeritus is internationally known for his work as a scientist, writer, and as meditation teacher engaged in bringing mindfulness into the mainstream of medicine and society.