That tree had done nothing but be a Sequoia, its whole life. It started out as the tiniest of seeds, it sprouted and grew toward the light. Time, its nature to always seek the light, and the ingenious evolution of its 12″ thick bark had made that tree one of the largest trees on earth. I realized that I am like that tree. Sure, I will not live to be a 2200 years, but then again I don’t need to either, it is not my nature.  All I need to do is be who I was born to be. By chosing light over darkness anytime, no matter what, I will become all I was meant to be. Just like that Giant Sequoia. 

The need to connect or belong seems to be growing.  Who are you, if not connected to another? To a degree, it is true that a person is a person through their relationship to others. But how many relationships does one need to feel connected? Need being the pivotal word  in that sentence, for it expresses lack of something, a relationship in this case. Need is a state of disconnectedness. A place of scarcity, where one is focused on what one does not want, like feeling alone. Could it be true that we are so desparately trying to connect because we have lost the main Connection? To Self?

What I know for  sure.  When I am Connected, I feel love, joy and appreciation for all that is. I feel whole. Being Connected, my connectedness comes from a place of wanting. I connect with you because I deeply enjoy sharing this experience with you.  Any medium will do.

Imagine you’re in an elevator without buttons, and to go up you have to think the best feeling thought possible at that moment. When you’re feeling down, feelings of bliss are not readily available, but by reaching for a thought that gives relief, and focusing on it, you introduce into your mind thoughts that hold a similar frequency and before you know it you’re up one level. Litterally being uplifted, you can then tap into an even better feeling thought and focus on that for a while, feeling yourself get more lighthearted every time you go up a level.

So yesterday, while chopping veggies, feeling somewhat stressed due to a perceived lack of time, I chose not to mind the time and instead enjoy chopping. I was only going up one thought a time, but before I knew it, I was delighted about cutting vegetables. The more I loved it, the easier it got. I loved how heavy the huge knife weighed in my hand. I loved how it sliced effortless through a thick orange carrot, how the slices were even and the slicing was fast. I loved the deep red color of the bell pepper and how its juice spread this fresh smell unique to peppers . I loved the gorgeous shiny, purple skin of the egg plant and how I cut it into perfect 1cm cubes. I even loved the unevenness of the sweet potato, providing some wonderful contrast.

Especially when you’re somewhere below ground level, it may take some time before you get the elevator to go up and stay up. But with practice, you’re bound to get better at it, riding the elevator with ease, riding it for the pure fun of riding it. May your elevator rides be as exhilarating as chopping veggies.

I emanated from the same Source from which everything comes into being. I am One with all that is. The Love I feel comes from the same Source of being from which I  was born. I am Love. How can I not be? The Love I feel from others is this Love reflected back at me. How can I not feel loved? Only in denying this Love, in disregarding the fullness of who I am, I feel unloved. Feeling completely loved is born in consciousness, in the full acceptance of self.

Nothing grand has happened to me over the last days, just some minor things that made me tip. Tuesday, I felt something I can only describe as realignment, fitting together seamlessly again, not fragmented anymore. Sitting on the couch, looking up from the book as I do sometimes to watch my garden, the green leaves of the ivy looked brighter, the dead leaves of the beech-hedge seemed alive and even my rather dull shed had its own beauty. I felt like myself again, just like that. The same and yet different, a new and improved me, version 17.1. Less judgemental, more compassionate, stronger, wiser, humbled and grateful. For no special reason, all of a sudden, I was aware of the happiness in between, the happiness that is, no matter what. After a long period of struggling, I came home to myself.

I don’t know what made me tip. Was it the wonderful conversation with a client, the renewed decision to try to be more open and aware, listening to an interview with Jon Kabat-Zinn, going for a walk in the park, or accepting an invitation by a dear colleague?  I know that all by themselves these things would not have had a spectacular effect, merely a small boost, but together, at the right time in a slowly inclining trend, they added up to a revolution.  My revolution. It is a great lesson not to wait for that big thing to happen, but to just try to make little changes for the better.  And before you know it, big change will come your way.

I know the pain and fear I’m feeling are a figment of my ego, but that doesn’t make it less real. I feel as if I am Nothing. It is the worst feeling I can imagine. The pain is so dark, I have no words to describe it. I have felt this pain before. Ten years ago, I would have done anything to make it go away.

Although difficultly, these dark creatures can be fended off. Of the fictional heroes that succeed in doing so, Harry Potter and Lyra Silvertongue are my favorite. Love is their primary motive. Humaneness and courage are their main assets. To me, their struggle with the dark side holds valuable lessons. To protect himself, Harry creates in his mind a picture of his happiest memory to produce a Patronus, a shield of positivity on which Dementors can feed. And in her despair, the not always truthful Lyra learns that Harpies, who seemingly feed on our misery, will actually feed on any story, if true.

The pain is as intense as it was ten years ago, but I am not the same. I am stronger, wiser. I now know the Light that is my essence, that is Consciousness, that is Love. Where this Light shines there can be no darkness. However difficult, I need to hold in my heart and mind feelings and thoughts that nurture my soul. Most of all I need to be bold enough to tell my ego the true story of me, which mainly is a story of love, courage and creativity.

Now is my time to really step up for myself, to feel the Love that I am and to let my Light shine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

May you experience the unspeakable sense of awe when you discover the presence of beauty in places where you have never seen her before. - Norea