Jessica Simpson was hoping to have a more stable life by the time her thirtieth birthday rolled around, but things aren’t seeming to end up that way.

A family friend said, “Jessica is in the grips of a life crisis right now. She does a great job of publicly hiding the pain, but in private she is an emotional mess. She’s so lonely that she frequently sleeps at her folks’ Encino home. Nights are the worst. Sometimes she calls her mom into the guest bedroom and asks Tine to hold her while she falls asleep. She is beating herself up over poor career choices, and feels as if she didn’t give her best effort to her two-year relationship with Tony Romo or her marriage to Nick Lachey.”

Don’t beat yourself up too much, Jess, Nick was NO catch and Tony Romo is no gentleman for ditching you at an IHOP. Friends report that Jessica is drowning her sorrows in a bottle. The source added, “Her family has been keeping a close eye on her alcohol consumption. Jess sometimes goes overboard and then gets very emotional. They want to be there to nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem.”

The friend added, “Jess hopes she would have a husband, baby and flourishing acting career by the time she turned 30… Instead, she feels like her best days are behind her.”

Stay positive, you’ll find someone better suited to you. He may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but he’ll match your hue…I promise. Maybe she should hook up with Adrian Grenier….I hear he’s not at all particular.

If you haven’t heard, Britney Spears brought the Circus to Perth, Australia, last night. She was already publicly scrutinized for lip-syncing, and now, concertgoers have left the show, disappointed, after only several songs.

The fans at the show called it an appalling performance and began walking out, even though they paid $1,500.00 to see her perform.

One concertgoer said, “It was just really bad. She has not spoken, there is no interaction.” Another said, “We are really big Britney fans, but it was crap. I thought after the music awards she would make up for it with a wicked concert, but she has let us down.”

Another concertgoer said, “She is a little dot on the stage” and others also complained that the big screens didn’t show the performance, but only Circus images. They also complained that she had her back to the fans during the entire show.

Maybe she’s just getting warmed up? They should’ve known about the lip-syncing and you know up-front when you get nosebleed seats. Maybe it’s refund time?

Jennifer Lopez has a sex tape that’s about to hit the internet with ex-husband Ojani Noa. He’d probably peddling the tape as we speak, until she buys him off with some uber-expensive grooming kit.

The last we saw of this guy he was stuck in the eighties with his hair style and chin fuzz.

Rumor has it that this sex tape shows her getting spanked by him, after running around in only a bra and panties. She’s such a bad girl! She was also taped mounting a bike wearing a short dress without undies.

Someone was crotch flashing before it was popular!

This interview is so scary and sad that I feel for Rihanna so much. I hope that she can heal and get through the pain that she’s gone through, continuing to relive the frightening night in which Chris Brown brutally beat her.

She recalls, “I fended him off with my feet from one … side of the car, but … it was not like, it was not like a fight with each other. I just … I really just wanted it to stop…I was bleeding. I was swollen in my face. So there was no way of me getting home, except for, my next option was to get out of the car and walk. Start walking in a gown, in a bloody face. So I really don’t know what my plan was. I didn’t have a plan. That whole night was not part of my plan.”

She said that she was already battered by the time the cops arrived, but she would only tell them that a lie caused the fight. She said, “I caught him in a lie. And he wouldn’t tell the truth … I was being more annoyed at that point in our relationship he had to lie about something so stupid, I couldn’t take that he kept lying to me. And he couldn’t take that I wouldn’t drop it. And … it was ugly.”

After going back to him once, she realized that she couldn’t go on like that anymore. She said, “I just said to him, ‘I can’t do this.’ I resented him. I resented him so much. And I always put the tough face on and try to, I can do anything face, and just try to play it off. But he knew. He knew it. He kept asking me, ‘You hate me, don’t you? You hate me,’” she told Sawyer. “And I would lie and I would say, ‘No, no. And … I did hate him. … Everything about him annoyed me. So finally … I just said, we can’t … we can’t do this. I cannot continue to do this.”

She went on to reveal that this is something that she will never forget, concluding with, “The thing that men don’t realize, when they hit a woman, it’s… the face, the broken arm, the black eye, it’s going to heal. That’s not … the problem. It’s the scar inside. You flashback. You … you remember it all the time. It comes back to you whether you like it or not. And it’s painful. So I don’t think he understood that. They never do.”

I hope the healing process has already started for her and that it helped her to get it out. Never forget! I’ll never respect Chris as an artist or as a person, ever again. What a douche.

Seriously, Suri Cruise is walking around at three-years-old still sucking on a bottle! What is going on here?

Now I realize that some parents like their children to give up the bottle when the time is right for them, but come on, she’s three!

On Wednesday, Katie Holmes was spotted bottle feeding Suri on the set of her new movie. Pediatricians who aren’t treating Suri say that she should’ve been weaned from the bottle just over one-year-old.

They also say that maybe it’s out of comfort that Suri seeks the bottle, but that Tom and Katie should transition her to something else, such as a teddy bear.

I think it’s lazy parenting, but being celebrities, I’m going to say that they’re just giving her whatever she wants. She’s probably used to that anyways.

Carrie Prejean was suing the Miss California USA Pageant for “religious discrimination, defamation, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.”

They, inturn, returned the favor by suing her over her breast implants, which they paid for.

Now, the suit has seen an untimely ending. After pageant officials got ahold of an amateur sex tape that Carrie made, she dropped the charges against them. Isn’t that blackmail?

According to TMZ, it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to hear the sex tape news before she called off the dogs against the pageant. They have agreed to fork over $100,000 for her attorney’s fees and publicist, but she’ll see nada from the suit.

Wow that didn’t take long at all!

According to sources, Eddie Cibrian is already cheating on homewrecker LeAnn Rimes. I guess leopards really don’t change their spots, do they?

He cheated on his wife, Brandi Glanville with Scheana Marie Jancan, and he’s apparently already went back to her, even though he’s dating LeAnn.

An insider said, “Eddie has recently started seeing Scheana again. He told her he’s only with LeAnn for the publicity and that he plans to end things with her soon. He has a friend drop him off at Scheana’s apartment, where he’ll usually spend about two hours. Then a friend picks him up. He never spends the night at Scheana’s because he’s afraid LeAnn will catch on. But he’s made it clear to Scheana that he wants to continue seeing her.”

Are we really surprised by this??? What a dog. But, hey, what goes around comes around, right?

I can’t believe that someone else has gotten themselves tangled into the Kevin Federline web. First it was Shar Jackson, then he left her while pregnant to hook up with meal ticket Britney Spears, and now his current girlfriend, Victoria Prince, is said to be pregnant.

Gross, gross, and more gross.

He’s on his way to racking up more kids than Mel Gibson if he keeps this up.

A source said, “The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn’t seem happy to hear the news.”

Kevin should know better than to knock up someone who’s net worth doesn’t match Britney’s. And why is it the tool keeps procreating? Four kids weren’t enough that you had to spread your seed even further???

Chris Brown is desperately trying to one-up Rihanna, and guess what pal, it’s just not going to happen. Rihanna is basically giving her tell-all to 20/20 this Friday, and coincidentally, Chris is also scheduled to sit down with MTV, the same day.

Talk about trying to steal someone’s thunder!

In a snippet from his interview, he says, “(My fans) love me and support me. (But the public) don’t want to see me do anything… they wanna see me kind of, basically in jail.”

He totally has us figured out. This fool deserves to be in jail. Him not serving any time over this incident just says that celebrities can get away with just about anything. If your star is brightly lit, then you can beat up your girlfriend almost to the point where she’s unrecognizable. Such a douche. He fails at life.

Even though I think that they would make the cutest couple ever, Demi Lovato has officially denied rumors that she’s dating Joe Jonas.

And why would she deny it if it weren’t true? The boy is hot, seemingly nice, and rich, what’s not to love?

Apparently a celebrity gossip site put out the rumors that the two Disney stars were dating. The source claimed that he got the information straight from Demi’s mother.

Demi denied the rumors and tweeted this:

There’s been a lot of rumors lately that I’m dating one of my best friends Joe. I can promise my entire career that I am not.

We’ve NEVER dated. He’s incredible, but we don’t have feelings for eachother in that way. I love you guys, and I wouldn’t lie about that.

It’s ufortunate that some people out there are so desperate for attention that they have to make up gossip to keep their site alive.

But that’s how this whole city works I guess. It just makes me sad that people are that mean in this world.

I think if I were dating Joe, I surely wouldn’t be denying it. That is, unless the Disney machine prefers it that way.

Even though there were claims that Kate Bosworth and Chris Martin were seen smooching it up at a U2 concert, Chris says that it never happened. Of course he would say that, he’s got a cush life with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Besides that, why would Kate lower herself to kissing a schmucky looking guy like Chris Martin anyways? She could do so much better.

Maybe they should appear together for photographs so that they can quiet all the chatter?

Nahhhh, that’s just wishful thinking, isn’t it?

According to a lawyer for the stripper, Nicole Forrester, who banged Josh Duhamel, she passed a lie-detector test stating that she’s telling the truth about the affair. He even says that she has kept the saucy text messages that she received from the actor.

Her attorney, Romin Alavi said that she wasn’t trying to sell the story of the affair and that the “National Enquirer” came to her.

He said, “Josh bragged about what happened on the set of his movie, and someone called the Enquirer with the tip. The Enquirer then came to Nicole.”

It turns out that Josh is a bit of a horndog, too. Now that the stripper’s claims are out in the open, others are coming forward saying that he’s sleazin’ it up all over the place.

And, of course, they’re denying it. As usual. But hey, if I banged Josh Duhamel, I think I would skywrite it.

Russell Brand must be following the Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom book of relationship rules, because we’re hearing that he’s already ready to propose to Katy Perry.

A source close to Russell said, “We’ve never seen him like this. He always has a woman on his arm, or in his bed, and hasn’t been interested in monogamy. But this is different - we all think it won’t be long before he marries Katy. I’m waiting for a call to say they are in that Little Chapel in Vegas and have run off to get married.”

I still don’t know how I feel about these two. They’re both messes, so I guess they just deserve each other.

Think they’ll get hitched anytime soon?

Amidst all of the denials that these two have made about any so-called relationship, it has been reported that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were seen kissing outside of a screening for “New Moon”.

Sources revealed that the on-screen couple spent the night together at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont Hotel last week, before stepping out for some breakfast. Afterward, they attending the screening for “New Moon”, where things started to get hot and heavy.

A source said, “Rob wanted a cigarette so he went outside with Kristen for about 15 minutes. They were hugging, as Rob was smoking his cigarette, and then he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. He had his arm around her almost the whole time.”

Pics or it didn’t happen!

On a long rant posted on Twerbose, Hailey Glassman took some digs at celebrity blogger Perez Hilton.

She posted this:

A GREAT EXAMPLE is right now I hate to say his name but Perez just sent me a message/tweet at me (haileyglassman1) calling me a “SKANK” and constantly a “HOME WRECKER” and making up up-surd lies about me and spreading lies that “HOMEWRECKER HAILEY HAD FAKE TEARES THAT SLUT SKANK”, (he’s said worse) but this was all said of him today.
LOOK PEREZ YOU MAKE A LIVING OFF TELLING LIES AND TRYING TO ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE WHO IS IN THE MEDIA FOR PRESS. WE SHOULD ALL JUST CALL YOU MICHAEL LOHAN. YOU’RE THE GAY VERSION OF MICHAEL LOHAN. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU AND WHEN YOU LOOK BACK ON YOUR LIFE WHEN YOUR OLD FAT WITH YOUR BLUE OR YELLOW GREEN WHATEVER HAIR COLOR U MAY HAVE THEN YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF, YOU HAVE MADE A LIVING OFF OF BLOOD MONEY. YOU ARE TRULY ONE OF THE WORSE PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND THE SAD THING IS EVERYONE KNOWS IT INCLUDING YOU BUT IT OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T PHASE YOU. WHICH I MEAN PROPS TO BEING STRONG, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU’RE A PIECE OF SH*T. AND ANOTHER THING PEREZ KARMA, NOT SURE IF YOU HAVE EVER HEARD ABOUT IT BUT IT’S A B*TCH AND IT WILL COME AFTER YOU ONE DAY. I HAVE LOOKED INTO SUEING YOU AND DECIDED, “EH WHATEVER I’LL LET IT GO YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT BUT WHAT YOU ARE WORTH IS ME TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL. ANOTHER ONE OF MY BRUTALLY HONEST MOMMENTS.

Read the entire entry here.

Oh snap. She said what everyone else was thinking. Kudos to her for that one. I’m sure he’ll respond with coke and pee dripping from her orifices.

According to sources, Chris Martin has been cheating on her GOOPiness Gwyneth Paltrow, with Kate Bosworth.

The twosome who are not married (Chris & Kate) were supposedly at a U2 concert in Las Vegas recently, where they were smooching up a storm, in plain view.

Each of the witnesses at the concert were said to have sold their stories to different tabloids. I’ve heard gossip of Chris straying before, but this story might have a bit of truth to it.

Besides, would Gwyneth leave Chris if the rumors proved to be true? Or would she fancy remaining the wife of a rock star just for the image?

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt reportedly had a bit of a tiff on Halloween. After leaving Heidi Klum and Seal’s party, he was said to have thrown her cell phone out of the window of their car.

She’s now saying that the whole incident was blown out of proportion.
Her rep said that the incident was “grossly misrepresented”, saying that he threw the phone, but never intended for it to end up outside of the car.

The rep said, “The incident was blown out of proportion by the paparazzi. Doug had thrown Paris’ phone to a friend inside the car and it went out of the window by accident. Paris was annoyed with Doug because she was afraid that the paparazzi would get her phone. There was never a choking incident.”

There wasn’t? Because this photo makes it look otherwise.

Michael Lohan has been in the press constantly lately talking about his daughter’s addiction to painkillers and how her life has turned into utter chaos.

Now, he says that he’ll promise to finally shut up about it if she goes to rehab.

All of this, in spite of the fact that she doesn’t want him to continue bad mouthing her to tabloids and has threatened to file a restraining order against him.

Michael said, “As far as Lindsay is concerned, if she goes into a rehab, I will stop. But if the lies continue and the prescription drug use doesn’t stop, neither will I.”

Mike goes on to say that he’s tried to help Lindsay privately for a year, but it just wasn’t helping. He added, “I have been trying for a year to help Lindsay with her problems privately, through Lindsay, her mom, and the courts. I have the records to prove it. But when that didn’t work, and the calls I was getting from Dina, and Lindsay needed immediate attention, it was recommended to me to go public. like Martin Sheen and others did, in order to put pressure on Lindsay…I am sorry I had to take this route, but I have tried and tried to help Linds and I have been lied about long enough.”

He went on to reveal that he is planning on going to court to get a conservatorship over Lindsay to get her into a rehab program and get her off of the prescription medications. He said that she’s taking Adderall, Xanax, and Paxil. He concluded by saying, “She’s a beautiful girl, but she looks 100 years old.”

After her attack by Chris Brown, Rihanna confessed that she was hunted by photographers so badly that she started to feel like Britney Spears.

She says that she wasn’t expecting to become the subject of all of the press attention, so she went into hiding after the attack. Obviously, she did not want her bruised face to be photographed, and who could blame her?

She said, “It has taught me so much. I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the next day. It was like, ‘What, there are helicopters circling my house? There are 100 people in my cul-de-sac? What do you mean, I can’t go back home?’”

After finding that her battered photo had been leaked, she found it difficult to keep quiet about the incident.

She added, “It was humiliating. That is not a photo you would show to anybody. I felt completely taken advantage of. I felt like people were making it into a fun topic on the internet, and it’s my life. I was disappointed, especially when I found out the photo was (supposedly leaked by) two women.”

The two female officers were suspended in September for their actions. Good! It’s bad enough that this happened in the first place, but law enforcement officials are supposed to be there to protect victims, not profit from them.

Boy these guys are so calculating!

Apparently, when Hailey Glassman went on “The Insider” to say that Jon Gosselin was being emotionally abusive, it was just an act! And it was concocted by Jon himself. What a douche!

A source close to Jon said, “Jon actually made the decision to have Hailey go on air and bad mouth him. Jon and Hailey get paid for their appearances on these shows and they need the money. It was easy for Hailey to conjure tears, their lives are less than stellar right now, but Jon hasn’t abused [her].”

So they concocted this little plan to make money…. The snitch said, “They agreed to have her go on and make the abuse allegations! Jon doesn’t have much money left and he is not currently searching for a real job. Jon still seeks money through his fame and notoriety. He really wants a reality show of his own, and he is stretching out every moment of the drama for a dollar.”

What tools!