Michael Jackson’s dermatologist, Arnold Klein said recently that he’s not the father of Michael’s three children, Prince Michael, Paris, and Prince Michael II. Actually, he said that he was pretty sure he isn’t the father. He said, “I think to the best of my knowledge I am not the father.”

After that not so shocking statement, he has just revealed today that he has donated his sperm to a local sperm facility. He added that he “once donated sperm” but “it’s no one’s business.”

I hope Michael’s three beautiful children don’t belong to this toad. He was also on the short list for doctors who prescribed tons of medications to Michael. He just seems like a douche.

I aint buying this garbage for one second. Heidi Montag-Pratt wants to further her own celebrity by unleashing some craptastic workout videos on us. It’s not fair, I tell ya.

I would be interested to see if they can get rich off of actual tangible items and not just Taco Bell photo ops, so we’ll have to see on that one.

She already sings (poorly), acts (even worse), and does everything else to annoy you, so why not invade the realm of workout videos? They’ve gotta cover all of their bases, right?

She’s planning to share her lipo workout secrets in her new video, “The Heidi Workout”.

She says, “Staying fit is something I’m really passionate about. I work out with a strength-and-conditioning coach 90 minutes a day, five days a week.”

According to sources, Patricia Arquette is not divorcing her husband, Thomas Jane, anytime soon. She has called off the divorce proceedings and plans to try and work things out with him.

She had filed for divorce from Jane in January, citing irreconcilable differences.

All of this means that our favorite “Hung” actor is officially off the market. Bummer.

Good for her, though, I do like her as an actress, so I’m happy if she’s happy. It’s her crazy brother sister that freaks me out.

I seriously thought this rumor was dead, but it’s resurfacing for some reason. Jennifer Aniston was said to be hooking up with Gerard Butler, but then it was hot stuff actor Bradley Cooper. I’d take Bradley over Gerry any day, but that’s just me. It’s those smoldering eyes and that hot bod. Yum. Besides that, they would have such beautiful children to rival that of Saint Angelina and her rainbow brood.

I shook up my magic eight ball and it said, “All signs point to no” on this one. But just look at the picture above, cute, huh?

She may be dating Bradley, but she’s reportedly keeping her options open. To Gerard, that means that she still may end up dating him. Noooooooooo.

A friend of Jen’s said, “If that doesn’t work out (Bradley), she would certainly be open to dating Gerard. They flirt, but it’s pretty innocent. In the future, love could blossom.”

Maybe she should be the one to hook up with Owen Wilson? What do you think? He just seems like such a lost soul without Kate Hudson, and Jen might be able to fill that gap for him.

According to friends of Rihanna, she may just want to get back together with girlfriend beater Chris Brown. I’m not sure why, but maybe she’s a glutton for punishment? Or maybe she is just as abusive as he is? Who knows? She did hit her own brother with a bottle once.

A source says, “It’s so hard for her. She knows her family would freak out if she told them she wants to get on with Chris, so she has to hide her feelings.”

I can’t blame her family, if my child was beaten black and blue by some douchebag, I would be wanting to rip his heart out, but that’s just me.

The snitch adds, “She’s been a nervous wreck for weeks as she was so terrified that Chris would hate her after she testified. Whenever she starts crying, she has to pretend that she’s been having flashbacks to the attacks. But it isn’t that. It’s because she misses him and can’t believe it came to this after everything they had going. She’s mad with him, but at the same time she blames herself.”

She reportedly couldn’t eat for days before the trial and her stomach was in knots because of it. The source also added that she had been drinking a lot to numb the pain that she’s feeling.

Misery loves company? I dunno, but I think she needs to stay away from this idiot before the next time is much worse.

If you haven’t heard, Lindsay Lohan has been generating quite the buzz for herself lately. She was recently accused (like, yesterday) of stealing the formula for her Sevin Nyne tanning mist. She also just released a statement saying that she turned down Heather Graham’s role in “The Hangover”.

Now, she’s calling BS on the reports that she stole the formula behind Sevin Nyne. We knew this was coming. Lindsay tweeted, “No formula was stolen for Sevin Nyne! It’s a woman looking for a payday. That’s it!”

Later on, apparently non-fans were yelling at Samantha over the locksmith coming out, to which Lindsay tweeted, “THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD THAN A LOCKSMITH @ A HOUSE. TURN ON THE WORLD NEWS OR GOOGLE REAL WORLD ISSUES. XOXOX”

Crap, I didn’t know she was going to get all Kanye West about it.

Carmine Ragusa AKA “The Big Ragoo” actor Eddie Mekka has been arrested for driving under the influence.

He was in Las Vegas last Friday when he was reportedly involved in a drunken car accident. Authorities say that they received a call about a collision with someone who was suspected to be drunk driving.

Officers arrived on the scene and gave Mekka several field sobriety tests, all of which he failed. He was then placed under arrest for misdemeanor DUI.

No one was injured as a result of this drunk driving incident.

What’s up with all these older stars from the television days of yore getting arrested? First it was Janet from “Three’s Company” and now it’s Carmine Ragusa? Who’s next? Florence Henderson?

Mariah Carey performed an emotional tribute to the King of Pop yesterday, by singing the Jackson 5 hit, “I’ll Be There”. She was obviously struggling as she looked down upon Michael’s casket, trying to get through the lyrics.

She took to her Twitter yesterday to say, “Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me. I could barely keep myself from crying. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me.”

She adds, “One thing I know is, we will never really have to say goodbye to MJ. His legacy lives on through his music and the millions of people he inspired with his timeless music. He will br forever in our hearts.”

Check out her performance with Trey Lorenz:

Michael Okwu was anchoring for the Today Show, when he was talking about Michael Jackson’s burial plans. He said that if Michael Jackson is buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery, he would be in serious Hollywood company. He said that Liberace is buried there, Betty White, and David Carradine, as well.

Thank God for Meredith Veira’s correction, saying that Betty White would appreciate it, and that she’s alive and well.

We’ve already lost a great deal of really talented people last month, let’s not continue the trend.

I love Betty White, every time I see her on Golden Girls or doing an interview, I just crack up. I can’t wait to see The Proposal, just for her part in it.

Some reporters have to take into consideration the responsibility they have in reporting the news. Can you imagine all of the rumors that would’ve started as a result of Okwu’s slip of the tongue? Betty White is a very loved and funny actress, and I almost freaked out when he said her name. Thankfully, she’s just fine.

Really nice. Lindsay Lohan is all about class.

Lindsay and Sam called USafe Locksmith out to Sam’s house when the couple along with a friend were locked out. The guy went to town on the lock, trying to get the girls in. That wasn’t before Sam found an open window and crawled through it and opened the doors.

The guy was still expecting to get paid his fee of $39.00, but Lindsay claimed, “You didn’t get me in, she did.” Lindsay then offered the guy a $20, when Sam told him to remove his car from her property. He did and when he came back for payment, the girls locked the door and didn’t pay him at all.

I guess they’ll keep that in mind the next time Lindsay or Sam lock themselves out of their cars or houses. Couldn’t they afford to pony up the cash? Or are the rumors true about Lindsay being broke?

I’m sure you’ve heard the jokes about Michael Jackson already, right? God melted him down into legos so that children could finally play with him for a change, etc. Well, comedienne Joan Rivers feels the need to take a stab at it, too. And she doesn’t care what you think.

She said, “Look at the jokes on the internet. The only person who’s celebrating is Cher because she can let her boyfriend go out alone again. God said to Farrah Fawcett, ‘What’s your wish?’ and she said, ‘I wish all the little children of the world would be safe - so He killed Michael Jackson.”

She also chimed in that the Michael Jackson tragedy is giving us Americans exactly what we’re so desperate for, a hero.

She added,”This country is so desperate for a hero or a heroine. I don’t care. I do what I think is right. I say exactly what I’m thinking at the moment. If it’s right for me, I go right at it.”

What do you think? Too soon?

Ever since Megan Fox opened her trap about how “Transformers” was not a movie about acting, Michael Bay has been dissing her left and right.

First he said that she was really nobody until he found her and put her in one of his movies. Now, he’s degrading her by releasing his next statement about her audition. And it was kind of his way of saying, “Don’t forget where you came from.”

He said that he had her wash his Ferrari while he taped it, for her audition for the Transformers movies. He just seems like a total creepy old man by that statement.

I don’t mind it so much that he’s trying to tell her to keep her mouth shut and don’t forget who helped you on your rise to the top, but to say that she was like the help, was just wrong.

What do you think?

We’ll be streaming live coverage of Michael Jackson’s funeral today. He was a legend and will always be remembered with the musical legacy and the children that he left behind.

RIP Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

We’ve just learned that Diana Ross nor Nelson Mandela will be in attendance at today’s celebration.

Lindsay Lohan has slapped her name all over some tanning spray and calls it her own invention. But that may not exactly be the case.

A chemist from St. Petersburg, Florida, Jennifer Sunday, says that she was working with Lindsay’s partner Lorit Simon. She said the two of them were negotiating prices for the spray tanning mix, but Lorit took off with the invention and then Lindsay’s name was slapped all over it.

Sunday has filed a lawsuit in Tampa Federal Court and she’s seeking proceeds from the tanning mist. Her attorney, Marcia Cohen, said, “We are certainly looking for the profits that are being generated right now from that product. If Ms. Lohan and Ms. Simon and their companies and their shareholders are profiting from the theft of my client’s formula and are profiting from that product, my client is entitled to those proceeds.”

Sunday is suing Lohan, Simon, and Simon’s company for breach of contract, theft of trade secrets, civil conspiracy, intentional interference with contractual relations and deceptive and unfair trade practices.

Simon signed a confidentiality agreement in January with Sunday’s company, White Wave International Labs. A copy of the agreement was included in the lawsuit. The suit says Simon and Sunday had been negotiating over samples of the tanning mist, but the sides couldn’t agree on a price.

“The next thing we know, Lorit Simon and Lindsay Lohan are partnering and Ms. Lohan is taking credit for developing this formula, which she indeed had no role in,” Cohen said.

Snap. I can’t wait to see how this plays out in court.

Heidi Montag-Pratt has been offered a job dancing stripping at Scores for $25,000.

Apparently the General Manager of Scores in New York City wants Heidi to come out there and shake it for them - nude.

Scores is back after a little bit of a hiatus and they sent Heidi a letter asking for her “services”.

Check it out:

Dear Mrs. Heidi Pratt,

As the nation watched you and your husband brave the jungle on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here and continue to brave the ups and downs of ‘The Hills’ and Lauren Conrad, we would like to take this time to present you with an opportunity that will allow you to be center stage—and have a lot of fun while doing so, the letter reads.

As we took note that you will be posing in Playboy soon, we thought you may be interested in dabbling in yet another adventure that will most definitely expose your softer side. As we recently re-opened after a short hiatus, SCORES would be honored to have you dance at our club on the main stage each night for five days, upon which, we will offer you a fee of $25,000.

Best,
Ed Norwick

Think she’ll do it? Or do you think even this is below these two famewhores?

Kelly Osbourne doesn’t seem to have any room to talk, when she referred to Lady Gaga as a “butterface”.

Kelly and Gaga might just have to duke it out after those fighting words.

Kelly reportedly said, “She’s a butter face. She has everything, but the face. She reminds me of Peaches Geldof. I love Lady Gaga’s tracks but I just wish she’d keep her mouth shut. She talks way too much and has too much attitude. It’s starting to make me go off her.”

Like she’d care. I think Gaga should attack Kelly with her boobs of destruction. Seriously, did you see the video where she had sparks and fire coming from her cones?

Michael Jackson’s ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, doesn’t take any crap!! The paparazzi were swarming all over her when she was trying to exit a restaurant and make her way to her car.

The snappers kept asking if she’s ready to fight for her kids and if she’d be willing to take a cash settlement for her children. So sickening.

They need to just leave this poor woman alone already. I can’t imagine what she’s going through as it is. All of paparazzi attention is just unnecessary and she was bound to snap sometime.

Check out where Debbie threatens the photographer:

Can you blame her? Those idiots are so intrusive. How dare they ask her if she’d be willing to take a cash settlement for her children. I would’ve slapped them.

American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi got married yesterday, July 5, 2009 to former teacher Mike McCuddy in Prospect Harbor, Maine.

It was a small ceremony with only family and friends, and the bride wore a very pretty Vera Wang gown. The wedding comes after a short engagement, after he proposed to her in December.

She said, “I feel great. What was most unbelievable about the experience was when I looked out at the church and saw all these people that were so important to me and Mike, who were there for us. It was pretty powerful. I was very emotional and I’m not somebody who breaks down and cries.”

She added, “It’s been raining in Maine for 60 days. The only day that was nice was yesterday!”

Congratulations to the happy couple! I wonder if they plan on having children and whether or not she plans to continue spewing her nastiness on American Idol. I have to mention that the photo above really looks Photoshopped. What do you think?

Former Three’s Company star (Janet), Joyce DeWitt was busted for driving under the influence on July 4th.

She drove past a DUI checkpoint on the 4th, in El Segundo, California, where she was approached by an officer. Unfortunately for her, she smelled like alcohol, thus prompting the officer to probe further.

She failed a sobriety test and was arrested. She subsequently posted the $5,000 bail and was released. We haven’t heard word as to when her court date is set for, but stay tuned.

Comedian Tom Green is in serious condition today as he was taken to the hospital after a minor car accident and serious attack. Mr. Green was in his Mercedes when he hit a pickup truck. Not so bad so far, but what happened next was what landed him in Golden State Regional Hospital.

We’re not sure as to what caused these three guys to jump out of the truck and beat the bejesus out of Tom, but that’s exactly what happened.

He’s said to be in serious condition after the attack.

Get well Tom, we can’t lose another one!

Update: We’ve learned that Tom is alive and well. He said that his official site was hacked by 4Chan and the stories that he died are just not true.