That last post I wrote on March 19th titled “Going Way Back” and you know how I promised you that I would write all sorts of fun things and follow up?  And, I had a goal in mind of things/topics that I wanted to accomplish within that next month?  Yeah… obviously not so much.

I have a reason… or, maybe… a story as to why it didn’t get done.

It’s been a whirlwind of the last month… it’s been chaotic and I’ve had more changes happen this past month than I have in years… YEARS.  I’ll start with the basics…

Chris and I are getting a divorce.

I had a melt down on Wednesday March 27th… I’m not going to get into the why’s and how’s and who’s fault and yada yada yada… because it’s just as much my fault as it was his fault.  I’m not perfect… he’s not perfect… we’re human, we make mistakes… it is what it is, and we made the bed… now we get to lay in it.

It wasn’t as mutual between Chris and I; I was more-so the one that wanted the divorce… he was sad, very sad… I had my sad, very sad days too.  We are working through it.  We filed for divorce on Thursday, April 19th… now we just wait for the judge to review it and sign off.

It’s been a crazy past month… he moved out on the 15th of April; I’m staying at our place and refinancing it into my name.  He is living with his parents in the interim and then plans to buy a house in 6 months.  I get to keep Duke, but that is a very sensitive subject for me… it breaks my heart to see Chris sad and upset about losing Duke… and Duke is always wondering where his daddy is and he gets excited when he hears a loud truck, cause he thinks it’s Chris.  I know it’s just a dog, but regardless, Duke has been a part of us for almost 5 years… and he and Chris have been through a lot together, and I know Chris has relied on Duke to get him through many difficult times.  It’s almost as though he (Chris) has to mourn a loss… and I hate that.  That tugs at my heart strings more-so than anything.

Chris still comes to see Duke on occasion before work, and he plans to take him for some weekends.  He works 2 minutes from our (my) house, and so when he gets off work on Friday morning at 4am, he’ll just stop by and pick Duke up and then take him home for the weekend and then bring him back Monday afternoon before work at 4pm.  It makes me happy that Chris and I can still have a relationship like that… we can still talk, maybe not as much as we used to, but still talk and deal with stuff like this civilly.

I don’t hate him… I don’t blame him for everything… I don’t want to go there, and do that… I do love him, will always love him… but we’re just not compatible in a husband/wife sort of way.  I do feel like I’m losing my best friend… because we did everything together.  But I also know that we got to this point for a reason, and I have to remember that.

Our lives are just getting started, and I think we’re going to learn a lot about ourselves in the process.

More to come…

I started blogging back in April 2006.  It was right in the middle of a hellish storm between my then boyfriend, now husband… we were in an icky spot, and I needed a place to write my feelings out.

I used to blog nearly every single day, when I first started… sometimes more than one time a day.  I had a whole slew of blogs that I had to read and comment on daily. 

Eventually, I went to BlogHer in 2009 {pictures here}… and 2010 {pictures here}… but then decided against going in 2011.  Had I kept blogging frequently like I was in 2009, I probably would have gone, but quite frankly, I lost touch with a lot of bloggers, and those that I used to read daily, have also quit blogging and I just felt… oh, I don’t know… out of sorts, or something.

I miss the connection that I had with all of the bloggers that I used to read daily; it’s like you get invested in their life and you don’t see them as just “someone online”, you see them as a real, true, friend… just as though you’ve known them for years.  I’ve made some incredible friendships online, and I miss that tremendously.

So, because I miss it {the connection} so much… I’m going to list a few goals here that I’d like to accomplish in the next month.  I’m going to break them down into four weeks… and I’d like to tackle maybe 3 to 4 things per week. 

Week One {March 19 – March 25}
 - Organize my Google Reader {categorize, etc}
 - Delete any blogs that I don’t know/don’t remember subscribing to, or don’t feel invested in.
 - Update my blog design…
 - Comment on at least five other blogs that I read

Week Two {March 26 – April 1}
 - Blog here at least four times per week
 - Start one new weekly segment for a post {5 questions about me, etc}
 - Update all plugins here, delete those that are inactive, etc.
 - Be honest with myself on my blog, no sugar coating

Week Three {April 2 – April 8}
 - Find five new blogs to read {and subscribe to} and comment on one of their posts
 - Write about my day to day life, not about a specific topic {so people can get to know me}
 - Create a 101 in 1001 list and follow it for the next 1001 days
 - Update my sidebar buttons/organize

Week Four {April 9 – April 16}
 - Revisit those five new blogs I read last week, and comment on one of their posts
 - Find five more new blogs to read {and subscribe to} and comment on one of their posts
 - Respond to all comments left on my blog
 - Update my about me page

That’s it, in a nutshell.  If you think of anything else, or want to add in your two cents to my next four weeks, feel free! 

And… we’re off to start with Week One!

Looking forward to getting back into everything here… I’ve missed having this outlet. 

xoxoxo

{via}

I’d have to say I am currently at an 8 or 9.  I am very happy with my life at the moment, but it’s not perfect, nor do I expect it to be.  There are things in life that I want right now that can’t happen as quickly as I want.  I’d love to have had at least one child by now… and I would love to have had less debt right now… and I would love to have more money in savings than I do right now.  But the truth is, I don’t… and I can’t dwell on it.  All of those things will happen in time, I just have to be patient and realize that life doesn’t turn out exactly like we plan sometimes. 

I’ve always been one to just go with the flow; I’m always very laid back and calm (for the most part, until someone pisses me off, then all bets are off).  I try to find the joy in the little things in life, even if a black cloud is hovering overhead.  It doesn’t do me any good whatsoever to let those pesky negative thoughts get to me.  I don’t have a reason to let them.  It’s life… life isn’t easy… it will never be easy, so why set ourselves up for that? 

Truly, I’m a very happy person by nature… and I’m almost always smiling.  I fully believe in the image above, “Happiness is not about what happens to you – but how you respond/interpret what happens – that’s why it’s called happiness and not happen-ness though it could be called hope-ness because you should always leave room for hope that all happens for good cause.”  And, that’s so true… you may not be 100% happy right now; however, if you’re only 80% happy right now… and you allow yourself to have hope for the remaining 20%… that’s almost just as good. 

When I’m having an off day, I try to think about those less fortunate… those who are losing a loved one to cancer, those who are dealing with a terminal illness themselves, anything health related, really.  Sometimes it’s not about money and material things… it’s about the little things like family, things that don’t cost money, things that bring out the best in you without trying.

Life is short… too short to not have happiness.

One positive thing about my day today:  I am thankful for my job and income.

You know, I’d be lying if I said I completely forgot about this place.  Sure, I didn’t know where I wanted to write, heck, I didn’t know what I wanted to write, but I knew I desperately wanted to write.  I sat here for the past 7 months twiddling my thumbs, “Do I go back to Snarky Kisses?”  “Do I start a new blog?”  “Do I just throw in the towel and never blog again?”  I didn’t know the answer, and I’m quite sure I still don’t know the answer.  But, what I do know is that I just needed to write somewhere, and that somewhere ended up being back here.  I don’t know if I’ll continue writing here, and I don’t know what my plans are for this place, but I do know it feels good to come back.  I’ve missed writing; it’s therapeutic for me on so many levels.  It makes me think about things I wouldn’t normally think about.

Nothing much has changed since I’ve last written… I’m a year older, 26 now, I’ve jumped past that hump of 25.  My husband Chris is doing great, busy at work and meeting new people (he started a new job in August 2011), I’m just me… not much has changed, maybe packed on a few L B’s in the process… need to get those off, but whatever, it is what it is.

I decided to come back and write here today after I went to one of my favorite sites, Marc and Angel Hack Life.  That website and all the others that they’re linked to are beyond phenomenal.  I cannot explain the feeling I get when I read their site.  It’s inspiring, motivating, and most of all, you feel human.  So often you feel as though you have to live up to a standard, and why aren’t we thinking this way, or doing something that way, or yada yada yada… and they just make you feel normal.  They ask questions that just… make sense.

And, so I checked their site today as I do a few times a week, and today I noticed on their sidebar, “Ready for a month of POSITIVITY?” The 21 day challenge for March is not open to new sign ups but you’re still able to follow along and post on your blog.  And, I read through it and thought, why not?

I will be starting tomorrow with day one.  I will be a few days behind from everyone else, but that’s okay.  So check back then!  And update your RSS/feeds to get notified when I’ve published a new post.

Click here to update your feeds…

In unrelated news…kind of… as you may or may not know, I started a photography business late last summer.  It’s been an amazing adventure, full of ups and downs, trials and struggles, happiness and growth.  Here are a few pictures from last summer/fall…

Hope you all are well!

I guess I’ve been busy.  That’s an understatement.

It seems as though my days are winding down before I even get up in the morning.

I get up at 5:15… leave the house by 6… arrive to work by about 7:05… work work work until 3:15… arrive home by about 4:30… change clothes… and work on my computer for the rest of the evening until I go to bed at 10:30.

I am no longer going to school like I had originally planned.  I found a new love for photography and have started {krystle rae photography}.  It’s been a blast to do and I’m using every bit of my time from 4:30 when I get home until 10:30 when I go to bed either working on my website, researching, or editing photos… it is consuming my ever waking moment outside of working my fulltime job. I’ve got one or two sessions this weekend, three next weekend on the 20th, and two sessions on the 27th… it’s going to be busy, but I’m loving every solitary single moment of it. 

So, that’s where I’ve been… I don’t know what will become of this place… but I do know I’m working on my photography blog and that’s where I’ll probably be writing more often than not.  This place has had it’s time… since oh 2007 or so… and I think it’s finally come to it’s resting place.  Snarky Kisses will probably retire sometime soon. 

So feel free to join me at my photography blog… it’s still under construction, but add it to your readers and it will be up soon. 

Hugs to you and yours… and you’re welcome to follow me around elsewhere on the web… just click the link below and you’ll be linked to wherever I am!

Pinterest - my new found love… of all things inspiration.

Facebook – Personal Profile Page - i don’t update here EXTREMELY often, but i do at least a few times a week.

Facebook – {krystle rae photography} Page  - coming soon… still working on it.

Photography Website - my new photography business website… still under construction, but you can see go see what it’s all about.  take a look around and check back often for updates.

Photography Blog - this is where you’ll be able to find me more often than not… come join me!  it’s still under construction though, so keep checking back.

Email Me! - have any questions? live in minnesota or wisconsin and want your pictures taken?

I started taking Adderall in April 2009 after I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy.  I always had a problem feeling tired, fatigued, drained, never ever having that hop in my step like I needed.  My grades struggled at school, I couldn’t focus on one thing for more than a few minutes and I struggled with paying attention to anything that didn’t keep me involved and invested for longer than five minutes, if that. 

I was reading through a post over at the Curvy Girl Guide and it inspired me to write about why I take Adderall and the insecurities I have when I take it.  After reading that post, I found the story Allison was talking about on the NBC Today titled, “College students get hooked on ‘smart drugs’.  

“At colleges across America, students are becoming addicted to a popular prescription drug – not because they’re trying to get high, but because they hope to get smarter.  The drug, Adderall, is normally prescribed for kids with attention deficit disorder.  But some college kids are taking the medication because it helps them focus and pull all-nighters.”

“When I’m on Adderall and I’m looking at the textbook I can forget about everything else around me,” she told NBC News’ Amy Robach, in a report aired on TODAY.  ”I figured if everyone else is doing it, why should I get the advantage?”

 ”It’s a highly addicted substance and when you play with addictive substances, you ultimately get burned,” Stephen Odom, a drug abuse counselor at Sober Living by the Sea, told Robach. “For all intents and purposes, Adderall is speed.  You’re putting something in your body that’s gonna make you think you’re OK when you’re not.  And the next thing you know, you’re gonna be spinning out of control.”

 ”In some instances these types of drugs can hurt you,” said Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.  “For example, when people want to do imaginative things.”  The same drugs that can improve focus can inhibit flights of imagination, which may make it more difficult to write creatively, Volkow explained to Robach.  So, just how big of a problem is this?  As part of a hidden camera investigation, a TODAY intern visited the library at one of the nation’s top colleges, and it didn’t take long to score some pills.  Just 30 seconds of walking into the library, the intern hit pay dirt with one of the students.  “Do you know anyone here that I could get Adderall from?” the intern asked.  “Yeah, me,” the student replied.  “How much for a pill?” the intern asked.  “Like five bucks for a 25 milligram pill,” the student answered taking the TODAY show intern back to one of the library carols where she pulled out some pills.  The intern said she didn’t have that much cash on hand and the student suggested an alternative method for scoring Adderall:  feign symptoms and get a legitimate – and legal – prescription.  “I guarantee you have half the symptoms,” the student said.  “Google ADD specialists.  It’s in t heir interest to prescribe it to you because you have to go back to them once a month and check in and give them some money.”  That’s exactly what “Mike” did.  “I went to a doctor and told them I couldn’t focus,” he told Robach. “And by the end, I walked out with a prescription.  It was incredibly easy.”  Robach wondered how his parents felt about his getting a prescription to boost his grades.  “It’s like a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of thing,” he said.  “They don’t wanna know.  They’re paying for that report card.”

I’ll tell you straight out… I don’t know what I’d do without Adderall.  I’m not addicted, or at least I don’t think so… but I will say this… I don’t know what I’m going to do without it some day. 

As I said at the beginning of this post, I was prescribed Adderall for my Narcolepsy and I remember the first day I took it.  A part of me was incredibly anxious and excited about getting this new prescription because I’ve heard of the stories about the drug and how it can affect you.  I was originally prescribed 20mg two times a day, and that was usually right away when I got up, and then again around lunch time, early afternoon but no later than 3pm if I wanted to be able to sleep at night.  After a month or two of that, I was getting very fatigued again and could not stay awake enough at night to get a good night of sleep.  I was essentially going to bed too early, not sleeping well, and without sleeping well, you’re going to be tired the next day.  I went back to my doctor and he explained why I was having those symptoms and suggested that I try taking 20mg three times per day… and I could take either one in the morning when I got up, one at lunch and one before I leave work for the day.  Or, he said I could take two in the morning and one in the afternoon.  I’ve taken two in the morning and one in the afternoon now for the past year or so and it’s helped significantly.

The clarity and focus has been amazing… feeling ALERT and ALIVE is something I can’t even explain… I have that hop in my step, that energy, desire to do big things, my thinking process is at 150% and I can for once forget about everyone and everything else and pay attention solely to what I am doing.  I know all along in school growing up that I had ADD but it was never tested nor diagnosed… and that’s one huge incredible added benefit that I noticed when I started taking this.  I know without a doubt had I started Adderall while in school, my grades would have been much much different and better. 

As I said, it’s been a miracle drug, it truly has… but it’s also been my worst nightmare.  Within about 20 minutes of taking it I get that high feeling, that extra hop in my step, thinking about everyone and everything, focused and dedicated, new ideas popping in my head all the time, and talking like there is no tomorrow.  The initial feeling wears off and I come back down to a normal, focused state and within about 5-6 hours, I feel it wearing off, I get figity, start biting my nails, picking at various things, getting ADD and I’m not able to focus on whatever it is I’m working on… and in general, I’m all over the place.  Then I take the 3rd pill for the day and I’m good for the rest of the afternoon and evening until I go to bed. 

I’m writing about this because, yes… I truly do need Adderall, but I cannot help but feel like I have a label stamped on my forehead.  I take it three times a day, that is what is prescribed, and I have to fill my prescription once a month, with a new prescription each month because of the drug being a narcotic.  It’s a hastle in the least, and I feel frustrated that I worry about what others are thinking if they know I’m taking Adderall.  I feel insecure that people won’t believe me when I say I really need it, and I feel upset at the simple fact that people ARE abusing it and making it so difficult for those that truly do need it. 

I get it though… I understand how easy it is to get addicted… how much you truly think you need the drug… how much it’s helped you with your grades… how much it’s helped you with everything in general… just please, please be careful…

**edited to add:  I just re-read the end of the post at CGG that says: 

So, this is not me saying it should be pulled off the market – I know that every drug has the potential for abuse. I just think people should be more careful about it. It’s not something to play around with. It’s a serious drug and misusing it can have serious consequences.

But, I have no idea how else the negatives can be regulated or remedied. And, thankfully, it’s not up to me. Because here I sit, with my thoughts still scattered, my projects half finished, and as unfocused as ever. I’m still searching for a something to help me through all this. I’m just much more careful about what I put in my body this time around.

Maybe one of those non-stimulant medications is the answer.

Or, perhaps, I should just concede to the fact that my closet will forever be a disaster and that I will never get all those thank-you cards written.

Because that’s exactly how it is… she couldn’t have summed it up any better… especially the bold areas, she is spot on.

Age: 25… a pretty decent age, so far.
Bed Size: King… we used to have a Queen and now when we sleep in a bed smaller than ours, I feel like we’re too close… I like to spread out when I sleep, ha!
Chore you hate: Ugh, I’m going to agree with Krysten on this one… bathroom… especially the toilet. It just grosses me out like you wouldn’t believe. That’s why I make Chris clean his bathroom himself.
Dogs: Absolutely Love… especially Duke, Rex and Jack.
Essential start of your day: Mountain Dew. I know, I know… I have to kick that one to the curb, but I don’t like coffee!
Favorite Color: Deep, dark, yet bright right. Make sense? Ha!
Gold or silver: Silver for sure… not sure why, just like the look of that better for some reason.
Height: 5 ft. 9 in.
Instruments I play (or have played): I played Clarinet and Alto Saxophone in high school until 10^th grade.
Job Title: Group Underwriter for life insurance
Kids: Someday, hopefully sooner than later. We haven’t started TTC’ing yet though.
Live: Monticello, MN.
Mom’s Name: Cathy
Nickname: Krys, Krickle, Krunkie, Baby, Krystle Rae, Krystle baby.
Pet Peeve: PEOPLE WHO DON’T USE THEIR BLINKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **I’m shaking my fist at you!!!!**
Quote from a movie:


Holly Kennedy on PS I love you: All I know is, if you don’t figure out this something, you’ll just stay ordinary, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a work of art or a taco, or a pair of socks! Just create something… new, and there it is, and it’s you, out in the world, outside of you and you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it… and you know a little more about… you. A little bit more than anyone else does… Does that make any sense at all?
Gerry Kennedy: Yeah… you’re saying you want to paint socks.
Holly Kennedy: Maybe!
—
Holly: That’s a real honest to goodness couple right there. They’ve probably been together since the flood.
Daniel: We’re so arrogant, aren’t we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don’t realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn’t drive you to commit murder or doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair.
Right or left handed: Righty!
Siblings: None… zero… zippo!
Time you wake up: Usually 5:15am
Underwear: Yes… every day… new ones every day? Is that what you wanted to know?
Vegetables you dislike: Ugh, I don’t much care for veggies at all… I love corn though, and I love carrots but only with dill dip, but sometimes plain… I hate all raw veggies except carrots.
What makes you run late: Everything. I’m a chronic late person, seriously. Hate that!
X-rays you’ve had done: Chest, Teeth/Jaw, Wrist, Knee… I think that’s it.
Yummy food you make: Uh, yeah… let’s come back to this some day when I conquer cooking.
Zoo animal: Monkey’s!

1.  What I love most about my home is everything about it in general… for a town home.  When we started looking for a house to buy, we initially said no to a town home because we have a German Shepherd and we wanted a place for him to run.    However, things change and we decided for our first place that a town home would be just fine, provided we find the right one.  We looked originally at several houses but most of the houses we looked at were either short sales or foreclosures and trashed and we didn’t have the money to put into the ones that were trashed.  The ones that were short sales, we had our offer accepted by one home that we loved and then we pulled our offer on this one because we found the one we’re in now.  Looking back, I’m so glad we did what we did… we found a place with three bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (GASP!  I get my own bathroom, no dealing with Chris!), attached 2 car garage, a patio, and open floor plan, it wasn’t a short sale or foreclosure and it was only on the market for a few days and our offer was accepted the same day, only two hours later!  AND, it only needed paint, oh and we have some awesome neighbors right next to us!  For now it’s perfect and I’m fortunate to have something to call my own.

2.  I’m excited because tomorrow is the Sugarland concert and also Little Big Town and Matt Nathanson with Nikki, who lives right next door.  Love her!  So excited to go, especially considering I haven’t been to a concert in a few years!  :)

3.  My preferred method for blowing  off steam when I’m frustrated is down right yelling… or something, I don’t know.  Honestly it really depends on the situation; usually I’m one to just try to look at the positive or try to understand the reason behind my frustration.  Although in times when I get really irritated, I tend to either a) be quiet and not say much of anything b) get online and write/read blogs c) play stupid game on iPhone or d) get up and go somewhere, walk somewhere, or cuddle with my puppy.  :)

4.  Currently I am craving nothing right now, actually.  Well, maybe some warmer May weather instead of these 40-50 degree days.  It did hit the mid 60′s yesterday so that was nice and today it’s supposed to hit 70s!

5.  The thing I love most about my mom is that she gets me and understands why I do what I do… she supports whatever I choose and she is always encouraging no matter what the problem is.  She is cute, stylish and always smiling… and I couldn’t ask for a better person to call my mom.  I love her, big as the sky!

6.  If I was going to write a book about my life, the title would be “Looking at the positive in order to understand the negative.”

7.  If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be probably something to the effect of something sweet like macadamia nut cookies from Subway.  Haha, love those… and let’s pretend that rest of eternity thing doesn’t have to be healthy.  K?

I was searching on Google for something about questions to answer, questions to ask, etc, and I ended up on a blog with a TON of inspirational, awesome topics. I happened to see a post titled 25 Beautifully Illustrated Thought-Provoking Questions and I knew I had to post about it. I started looking around on the blog itself and realized on the sidebar all the many awesome posts I have yet to read. These were listed in a category, “Hot Posts” so I assume I’m not the only one that loves these!

• 50 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do
• 18 Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me
• 28 Dignified Ways to Impress Everyone Around You
• 40 Extraordinary Things Happening Right Now
• 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind
• 30 Books Everyone Should Read Before Their 30^th Birthday
• 7 Clever Google Tricks Worth Knowing
• 70 Things To Do Before Having Children
• The Unwritten Love Poem
• 60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again
• 25 Beautifully Illustrated Thought-Provoking Questions
• 10 Simple Truths Smart People Forget
• The 30 Most Satisfying Simple Pleasures Life Has to Offer
• Why We Are Weird
• 40 Modern Nonfiction Books Everyone Should Read
• 75 Ways to Stay Unhappy Forever
• 29 Semi-Productive Things I Do Online When I’m Trying to Avoid Real Work
• 101 Short Stories that Will Leave You Smiling, Crying and Thinking
• 10 Reasons You Are Rich
• 12 Dozen Places To Educate Yourself Online For Free
• 26 Life Lessons Learned by Age 26
• 18 Means for Living Below Your Means

This blog also links to a site called Makes Me think and What Money Cannot Buy.

Makes Me Think (MMT)
is a blog where people can sign up and submit whatever they want, usually thoughtful short stories of something significant happening in their life. Here are a few written yesterday and today by various people.

“Today, as I sat alone in the barracks just before sunrise in Afghanistan, I realized it isn’t death that I fear most. It’s the thought of my two little girls struggling to grow up without a father the same way I did that makes me cry and MMT.”

“Today, in my father’s final moments just before he became too weak to speak, he said, “I know it’s silly to say, but I wish I could kiss your mother just one last time.” My mother died from cancer 10 years ago when both my parents were in their late 60′s.”

“Today, about a month after our townhouse burned to the ground with all of our stuff in it, I realized the thing that has affected me most is the fact that my husband and I owned far too many useless, wasteful objects that we never used. We miss very few of them.”

“Today, whoever robbed our apartment last week returned the DV video tape that was in our camcorder by leaving it in our mailbox. The tape contains the birth of our son and the final moments I spent with my dad in the hospital before he passed away last month. MMT”

What Money Cannot Buy (WMCB)
is also a blog where people can sign up and submit whatever they want, and it’s often something quick, powerful, priceless and simple. Here are a few written by various people.

“Immediately finding the start to a roll of tape.”

“Getting a big FedEx or UPS package that you weren’t expecting.”

“Picking someone up curbside at the airport on the first try without having to loop around the terminal.”

“The huge sense of relief when you find your cell phone after you think you lost it.”

::::::

I’m going to post about these things coming up… all of the topics listed above in the bullet points. I suggest you go read the blog Marc and Angel, it’s encouraging and inspiring and if anything, always gives you a topic to write about if you’re having trouble with thinking up something.

Stay tuned for my next post which will be all about 25 Beautifully Illustrated Thought-Provoking Questions.

Stay well.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a problem… I have lots of problems, mentally and physically.  Hell, we all have problems.

I'm going to write today about two of my absolute worst habits, ever.  These two things probably rank right up on the "top ten worst things about me" list.

Picking. Plucking. Biting.

Those three words define my problem.

I have a pair of tweezers at work, one or two in my desk, one by my bedside and one in a dish in the livingroom.  I also have 3 small handheld magnetic mirrors.

I have PCOS so I'm already hairy, eh.

But…this… THIS IS EXTREME.   It is a problem and it drives Chris CRAZY!

I'm not kidding. 

I was googling the other day about why I do some of the things I do… well whatever, I'll just write them out now.

1.  Constantly tweezing my eyebrows and chin and feeling for more hair… them pesky little buggers can pop up and grow within seconds, I SWEAR.  And, don't even tell me you're thinking, "Oh my Gawd, GROSS, she has chin hair?"  Cause I know you have them too… and you can't tell me otherwise.  I do it at home, sitting on the couch (drives Chris crazy, honestly CRAZY), riding in the car, sitting at my desk, laying in bed, anywhere and everywhere… but rarely in front of a bathroom mirror.  The normal lighting of a bathroom isn't very good… so I opt to only use my little magnifying mirror that suctions to the back of my iPhone and then I turn on my flash light and get to work.  Seriously, try it… best magnifying light you'll ever have. 

2.  Biting my nails and cuticles… hot, huh?  I've always been guilty of nail biting since I was a wee one… I do it when I have anxiety or when I'm nervous… or even boredom.  I hate being somewhere and near someone who is biting their nails and I hear that biting, clippy, snippy, teeth clacking noise… it sends my back to shivers, literally… I want to just yell to them, "STOP!  STOPPPPPPPP!!!!!" and I then I stop and think… "DO I DO THAT?" and chances are I do… unfortunately… still, gross.  Biting Cuticles too… how disgusting is this?  But I can't help it.  I've been trying to put lotion on my hands more now to avoid the feeling of wanting to "just get that little sharp piece of dry skin!"  It's kind of a lost cause and I've had bleeding cuticles and hang nails more than I can count.  Gross.

3.  Picking at My Face…even hotter, right?  I know, awesome, right?  I nearly go into convulsions when Chris has a zit on his back that I can pop.  It's like a victory lap after I just ran a race when I see one and I get to pop it.  I never used to be like this with him and other people's zits because, uh, EW?  You should have seen me the first time he asked me to do it… I looked at him in disgust.  Then though, there was something so fiercly liberating at the thought of squeezing that pimple until it POPS!  BLAHT!  "YESssssssssss! Success!!! GOT IT!!"  You know how they say not to pick at your face pimples or whiteheads and to just let them pop or release or whatever on their own?  NO EFFING WAY am I walking around work with a big whitehead on my cheek.  But then again, I think it's okay to walk around with a big red scabby thing, so I guess, maybe I'm not really doing myself a favor? 

I'm not afraid to admit these three things because I KNOW I'm not the only one out there that does the same thing… right?  RIGHT? 

Back to this internet research thing.

So I was searching a little and came across this forum at TotallyADD.com.  Let me let you in on a little secret…. I TOTALLY get what they're saying.  EVERYTHING.  I've got the SAME PROBLEMS!  THE SAME!!  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!

And I don't know if that makes me feel any worse or any better… other than, uh, I'm glad I'm not the only one.  

What are your worst habits that you really don't want to admit?  Come on, I just told you three disgusting ones that I have… you should share yours too.  Especially if any of them are the same as mine! 

COME ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

Pretty please?