Sniffer The Maltese

Sniffer The Maltese in Yet Another Movie

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Apr 2017 21:31:00 +0000

Yeah, this is getting monotonous, fans; but such is the incessant call from you guys to see me in movies, I can’t say no. Here I am in Episode 3 of Dill Marz Private Detective. It’s not a bad little flick even if they did only pay in food, massages, and an all expense paid trip to Palm Springs – where I got a sunburn – but hey, it’s all for you my fans, and so I do it.

Hope you like me in it. I’m the best part. For real.

Luv

Sniffer The Maltese

Dogs Are Devine

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Nov 2016 23:12:00 +0000

Hey, fans. If you can get through this guy’s drone, you’ll find that all he says in this video is all so true. Dogs are humankind’s gift from God – after your children, mom, mom-in-law – we’ll you know what I mean.

If after everything good and not so good in your life, you’re still not happy, get a dog, man.

Yours unbiased,

Sniffer The Maltese

Should You Let Your Dog Lick Your Face?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Nov 2016 15:36:00 +0000

According to dog licking human face scientists the answer is a flat out no. Sorry, but I’ve been telling you people this a long time. After all, it’s not for nothing that I’m a dog. Here’s what one of the experts says in a recent New York Times article on this important subject:

Dr. Neilanjan Nandi, an assistant professor of medicine at Drexel University College of Medicine in Philadelphia, says that most animals’ mouths are host to “an enormous oral microbiome of bacteria, viruses and yeast.”

Lick an ice cream cone instead.

Trying to keep you safe and healthy.

Sniffer The Maltese

Dogs Are Not Your Children

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 23:46:00 +0000

Guys, nobody luvs dogs more than I, Sniffer The Maltese. And I in turn am adored by millions of them around the world, millions of people too. That’s why I want to remind you that your dog is not a rational like thinking human person.

Although the following video is touching and cute beyond belief, please, when you bring your next newborn baby home from the hospital, don’t let your dog’s snout, you know, where its TEETH AND CANINES ARE, come right up to the stranger’s teeny tiny face. Stuff happens!

So now, enjoy the movie.

Sniffer

This has been a public service announcement from Sniffer The Maltese.

Sniffer the Maltese in Another Video

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 12 Jun 2016 21:52:00 +0000

It’s not what you think, fans. Once again, the Dill Marz phonies who said I’d be in the next episode of their comic detective series did not put me in; however, my girlfriend Marla mentions my name and talks about me, and I know even that is a thrill for my millions of eager fans.

So, in case you’re interested (and why wouldn’t you be), here’s where you can see the video on YouTube.

They tell me, “wait for episode three.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, it’s not a totally bad movie. Marla is pretty good.

Sniffer The Maltese

Have You Hugged Your Dog Today?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 20 May 2016 00:08:00 +0000

So there’s this doctor who looks at 250 pictures on the internet of dogs being hugged, and he determines that only 7.6% of the pictures show that the dogs were comfortable with being hugged, and that most of the other pictures showed that they were uncomfortable, stressed, or anxious.

Well fans, I could say a lot about this “study” but I won’t—I’m kinda busy trying to shut the dog meat eating industry in China. All I’ll say is, randomly look at 250 pictures on the internet of people being hugged, and I’ll bet you’ll see lots of people looking like they don’t exactly like being hugged. Does that mean we should stop hugging people? Well, our doctor dude says that he’s determined that dogs don’t like being hugged, and so you shouldn’t hug them.

Here’s the article from the doctor, The Data Says “Don’t Hug Your Dog!”

And here’s an article on the article, Let’s Not Hug It Out With Our Dogs.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. . . .

Provided as a public service by me, Sniffer The Maltese.

P.S. As long as you don’t think my back is a walnut, you leave the knife and fork on the table, and your smelly denture glue has had long enough to dry, you can hug me.

STM

Music Dogs Like

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 16 May 2016 10:47:00 +0000

Hi, fans. Just a quick share of a music video somebody asked for. It shows Spunky, a former pal of mine (yeah, former, as in Spunk is now in Dog Heaven). Anyway, funky cool little dude while we had ‘em with us. I think you’ll dig him and all the other guys in this super funkadelic classic by the great Deee-Lite with way cool Lady Miss Kier.

Thanks fan, for the request, and here’s to you Spunk.

Always.

Sniff

Dogs for Trump!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 00:35:00 +0000

As you know fans, I try to stay out of politics, Hollywood for ugly people. This year I can't resist, and am here launching the official Dogs for Trump movement. Why? you ask. Why, for dogs' most compelling reason — hair! Not since George Washington has a candidate for president donned better hair, and George turned out pretty good.

What about Hill? you ask. Sorry, fake, doesn't pass the sniff test. Bernie? Love the color, love the Bern, needs a ponytail. Ted Cruz? Sewed in, transplant. Besides, doesn’t he look like he eats dog? Sorry Ted, can’t back anybody who eats dog.

The choice is clear. Look at this picture and tell me The Donald wasn’t sent by God to lead us to T-bone steaks and lick-clean Nutella jars. The hair never lies. Go Don go, go Don go, all the way to the groomer — I see a hair outta place! Hmmm. . . I wonder if he bleaches, or peroxides?

Yours sincerely.

Sniffer The Maltese

Sniffer The Maltese in a Movie

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 17:15:00 +0000

Hi fans. Sniffer The Maltese here. I don’t want you to miss my appearance in a movie that just came out. Actually, I don’t really appear in it, my name is said. But I know that just hearing it on the silver screen is enough to excite you, and so I mention it.

It’s a cool and funny little movie. It’s called Dill Marz Private Detective and the Granny Oakley Mystery – Episode 1. You’re going to like it. Click the link to see it on Youtube. Listen for my name; it’ll bring you a thrill.

Oh, and let me know what you think.

Click to enjoy.

All the best.

Sniffer The Maltese

Penelope Cruz Loves Sniffer

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:00:00 +0000

Okay, so as you know, I, Sniffer The Maltese have lots of famous fans, and lots of them send me pictures, tickets, requests for autographed pictures, all the usual admiration and tributes a world famous animal personality and dog-hero deserves.

Penelope Cruz, you know, the world famous actress, sends me this picture with the following inscription written in purple ink:

“Dear Sniffer, I just want to thank you for all the happiness you bring to the people of the world and to me too. You are my favorite animal personality and dog hero. I also want to tell you I want to sign up for your Campaign Against Eating Dog. Is there a chapter in Los Angeles or Madrid?

Kisses.

Penny

I, Sniffer The Maltese, wrote back:

Dear Penny, thanks for the pix, and you’re not getting older you’re getting sweeter.

Sorry, there are no chapters of my campaign in those cities, only Sniffer The Maltese Fan Clubs. However, Penelope, I think that you would be the perfect spokesperson for the campaign against eating dogs. Please have your people get in touch with my people.

In the meantime, attached please find an autopawed picture of me holding a bowl of all natural strawberry ice cream with sprinkles and whipped cream. No dog went into the making of this delicious dish. And believe me, it beats dog any day!

Take care, and thanks again for everything.

Sniffer

Dancing Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 09:23:00 +0000

Okay, she’s pretty good, the lady I mean. He’s got to take a few more lessons.

Sniffer

Maltese Best Dog for First-Time and Any-Time Dog Owners

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 23:09:00 +0000

Hi, guys. Sniffer the Maltese here again, and again straightening out for people another erroneous dog article. In Best Small Dogs for First-Time Owners the writer gets the order wrong.

She’s got the Maltese as number three instead of number one where we belong. That’s all I want to say. And that Maltese are the best dog for anybody who wants the best dog ever. You want second best, get some other dog. There’s tons of other dogs that’ll do perfectly well for you, but not if you want the top best number one dog. You want that, then get yourself a Maltese. It’s scientific.

Warm regards.

Sniffer The Maltese

World’s Luckiest Dogs

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 23:24:00 +0000

Yeah, I think that’s what you can consider this lady’s two dogs. She’s spent $47,000 on meeting their minimal needs. My own caretaker has spent maybe 47 cents!

Anyway, I wouldn’t mind trading places with one of her pooches for at least awhile. Although, I’m not sure about living in Bulgaria. That’s Bulgarian she’s speaking, right?

Definitely, this lady knows how to treat a dog. We deserve at least what she gives for all we give you people.

With luv.

Sniffer The Maltese

Dog Rides Horse . . . Big Deal . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 12:12:00 +0000

Okay, so you got this Jack Russell riding a horse (a pony, actually), and there’s this big thing made of it. People, I can do that! And I can probably do it while sipping a pina colada (non-alcoholic), but do I go around making videos of myself to post on YouTube? Of course not. I’m too modest.

Anyway, if you want to see what all the fuss is about, below is the video. Enjoy it if you have nothing else to do.

Your Number One Dog Hero (and Horse Riding Acrobat – if he wanted)

Sniffer The Maltese

Coming Soon: An STM Hollywood Fan Club?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 10:00:00 +0000

Wow what nice girls Pam and Tam are to make this sunny fan letter video and send it to me, their favorite dog hero. I think you can tell they’re from California, and that clearly I’m their favorite famous dog personality.

Thanks you two. There’s no better feeling than being loved.

Luv yas back.

Sniffer The Maltese

Become A Royal

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 11:00:00 +0000

Hi guys. Sniffer here. Well, in another one of their never ending devious ways to exploit me for their monetary gain, STM Enterprises, or Funerprises, as they like to call themselves, are again putting me up for more exploitation. This time, big-time.

STM wants to offer me as a spokes-personality to major international corporations. They’ve already had some interest and are pitching me to several.

Fans, I don’t want to be sold this way, or rather should I say, sold to sell some hotel chain, fast food company, or pet products line. My mission in life was decided long ago, and it is to be the liaison between dogs and humans; to act as an anthropologist between the two species and thereby bring greater harmony and understanding between us. I can’t afford to be representing some mere sales effort for the extra daily dog bone STM throws my way.

If you really love me and want me to continue doing what I do for you fans, you can become part of the crusade to keep Sniffer The Maltese from selling his soul to $$$. How do you do this? I’m offering royal titles in the Knights Royal Society of Royal Maltisian Royals. Yes, you too can become a full-fledged Royal Maltisian Knight.

The Knighthood comes with countless perks, not least of which are the initials KRSRMR after your name, and the medal pictured below, The Star Burst of Merna.

That’s my great-great forebear, the first Royal Maltisian of our line, Dane The Great, KRSRMR to The Court of Charlemagne, like a thousand years ago. Anyway, you get the medal with case. Think of how you will feel wearing it on your breast!

So, not only will you be doing a good deed, you will be elevating your status in society. All the other advantages and goodies that come with this honor will be included with the medal mailed to you.

All you have to do is send me $1000 today! That’s all. Email using the contact form linked above, and I’ll give you further instructions on how to proceed.

I know you’re excited, so don’t delay. There are only 100 of these opportunities. Don’t be shut out! Act today! Must be 18 years of age to participate – or get parental permission.

Thanks, guys. I look forward to your excitement.

Sniffer The Maltese, KRSRMR

Governor Chris Christie is a Fan?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 09:30:00 +0000

Hi guys. Sniffer The Maltese here. Last week I shared a video fan letter from a fan with you. I must admit that the gentleman came across a little strange, but it didn’t matter. I respect and love all my fans.

Anyway, the past week his image sort of haunted me. I kept seeing those beady little eyes. Then, reading The Doggie Daily this morning I saw a picture of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, and a thought oh my God I think my fan was the governor in disguise!

I don’t think I’m crazy. Governor Chris Christie:

Preston C. Foster last week:

Think about it. Like “Preston,” governors have lots of money, live in absolute comfort, in a mansion, read comic books, and can write blank checks – and, Governor Christie lives in a manse only ten minutes from me! I think Governor Christie is Preston in disguise! I’m really creeped! I mean, governors can tell dogcatchers what to do!!!

Video Fan Letter from a Big Fan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 09:30:00 +0000

Sniffer here. I receive solicitations and requests regularly. Some are for my pawgraph, some for a picture, others to represent services or test dog products (that deer antler chew toy broke my bicuspid!), but this one from one Preston C. Foster, super fan, represents one of the most touching and endearing messages I have ever received. Here’s his video fan letter to me, with my response following:

Dear Mr. Foster.

While yours is one of the most touching and endearing messages I have ever received, I am sorry I must decline your warm and tender heartfelt offer. At the present time, my human caretaker requires continuing attention from me just to survive from day to day. Without my fellowship and nursing care he would I think simply curl up in a ball and fade away into the far and distant mist of time – along with soulful memories of our times together. I’m sure you understand.

If something should change to alter my present circumstances in order for me to more favorably consider your kind offer, I will immediately contact you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Foster, and oh, if you want me to pawgraph that rare printer's proof and make it even more valuable, mail it to me return postage paid, and I will pawgraph it and mail it back.

You be well, and keep a stiff upper lip.

Yours sincerely,

Sniffer The Maltese

Dangerous Downloading of Ebooks

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 17:32:00 +0000

Dear Friends of Sniffer The Maltese.

We here at STM Funerprises want you to continue enjoying Sniffer’s comics safely, assured that you download only a safe, legal, and authorized copy.

By contractual agreement, in eBook form, Sniffer The Maltese: World Famous, the comic book, is available exclusively for download from Amazon.com and Amazon country websites. It’s NOT even available for download from Sniffer’s own website, www.SnifferTheMaltese.com.

Please be safe and smart, and only download the book directly from the source, that is, Amazon.com or an Amazon Company run country website such as Amazon Canada, Amazon UK, Amazon Germany, Amazon India, Amazon France, Amazon Italy, Amazon Spain, Amazon Japan, Amazon Brazil, Amazon Mexico, or Amazon Australia.

A download from anywhere else is not only a copy that is in violation of copyright and thus an illegal version, the download may include dangerous malware and the website be a phishing site.

Please be careful out there. Make sure you are on Amazon.com or a real Amazon Company website when you download the eBook.

All the best.

Fans Sing To Their Favorite Dog Hero

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 09:00:00 +0000

Gee, thanks girls. This beautiful tribute from you to your favorite famous dog personality in the world touched me.

I like getting and sharing these video fan letters from my many fans like you. For lots of reasons I can’t post every one of them, so I pick the ones that are a little different or really show the luv.

Thanks again kids for this beautiful fan letter.

Hey, how would it sound as my phone greeting? You know, and then I add “please leave a message." Just a thought.

Yours sincerely.

Sniffer The Maltese

Help Me Sniffer! Brother Driving Us Nuts!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Sep 2014 09:30:00 +0000

We here at STM Enterprises are proud of Sniffer The Maltese's tradition of selfless giving. As one of his many public services, Sniffer answers desperate pleas from pets and others in need of solutions to their thorniest problems. In hopes of helping other fans, we occasionally post selected representative pleas for help to him as a public service under his Help Me Sniffer! feature.

A fan writes Sniffer:

"Help me Sniffer, my brother Jethro ain’t never seed no full growed necked woman. His desperateness is wreckin' the family peace."

Sniffer The Maltese responds:

Sometimes I get the weirdest letters from humans thinking I have the answers to everything. Well I do, but sometimes those answers are scary:

Dearest fan. Concerning your brother’s “problem” about not ever seeing a naked lady, please tell him he isn’t missing anything. Believe me, I’ve seen plenty. But because I know you’re just going to write back insisting that I find a solution to his problem, please tell your brother to imagine these ladies naked:

Jethro’s brother wrote back:

Dear Sniffer. Thanks to your advice, my brother Jethro has been cured of his terrible compulsion. Peace has returned to our humble home. He says that he wants to spend the rest of his natural born days in the natural beauty of the backcountry woods.

Sniffer replied:

That’s good. There are too many people living in the cities already. I’m glad I could bring another family back to health.

Your hero.

Sniffer The Maltese

Help Me Sniffer! My Owner’s Driving Me Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 10:30:00 +0000

Dear Sniffer The Maltese.

My owner plays electronic bagpipe twelve hours a day, and has me strapped to his leg all that painful time. My ears are bleeding. Help me, Sniffer.

Dear Poor Tortured Animal. I have received many pleas for help, and never have I been unable to solve the desperate problem. Unfortunately, this is the first. I’m sorry. I’m unable to offer help.

He wrote back.

Please, Sniffer, you must try. You’re my last hope. I’m dying out here with this lunatic. I mean, look at this picture!

Dear Suffering Dog at the Hands of a Human Lunatic (of which unfortunately there are many), I cannot condone, suggest, or prescribe on my website what you must do. Please private message me.

We exchanged correspondence that I must keep private in order to protect my abused fan. But here’s his last message of appreciation.

Thank you, Sniffer. You saved my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Would you like to buy a slightly used baseball bat?

Good Ol’ Boys 'n Girls Love Sniffer The Maltese!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 09:00:00 +0000

Hey, guys. Sniffer here. Here’s a video fan letter I received from two of my biggest fans, Cindy Lou and Billy Joe. They’re the best.

Oh, and one more thing about C an’ B: they dedicate every cent they can spare to help save stray dogs. Ya gotta luv ‘em. I know I do.

Thanks you two.

Sniffer The Maltese

Pictures From Google Glass

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 10:00:00 +0000

Hi, Fans. Sniffer, here. You remember a little time ago after one of you sent me a Google Glass?

I told you guys I’d post some of the pix I took using my Glass. Well, here are some of the better ones.

To be honest, I thought I’d have some better stuff. It’s not until you document what you do roaming your neighborhood, that you realize maybe your life isn’t as amazing as you thought. Maybe some of you guys who practically live online all day shouldn't get a Glass.

Anyway, in no particular order, here are some of the views with my Google Glass from my dog’s point of view. I didn’t take my Glass on my recent exciting trip to Thailand and Rumania, so again, these’ll have to do. I'm not complaining.

New York Loves Sniffer The Maltese Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 21:35:00 +0000

Wow guys, this is a touching tribute from my many fans in New York City. And fugetaboutit, in New York even the hamsters got talent!

My thanks to all you wonderful and dear New Yorkers who care enough to send me this cool vid for my fans and me to enjoy.

Tanks.

Sniffer The Maltese