Tales From The Dark Side

This is AWESOME

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 13:10:25 PDT

I know I am a little late on this - but I can't get videos at work and the original format sucked so I couldn't see it at home. But, finally, on The Tales is my boy Quinton Rampage Jackson doing the bump and grind with Heather Nichols...

EMBED-Rampage Dry Humps Cagepotato Reporter - Watch more free videos
"I feel like there's still bitches that owe me sex..."

Awesome, right? Ok, fine, Ms. Nichols was completely uncomfortable, and only smiled to maintain some semblance of a professional demeanor. Listen, the guy's name is Rampage, a man who not only beats guys to a pulp for money and fame, but goes on actual rampages in his Rampage truck in his free time. If you are a hot girl and you want him to stop rubbing his semi against you, you might need a couple shrill screams and some pepper spray to the eyes to get his attention.

That said, I grinned from ear to ear watching this. Reminds me of every fraternity party I've ever attended.

Happy Birthday Alex Gidewon! Thanks Door44!

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:38:54 PDT

I don't do many birthday shout outs (outside my own) on here - so let me elaborate.

King Midas, blessed with the golden touch, learned he was cursed after his touch starved him of food, water, and physical affection.

When looking for a key place in the nightlife scene - a man wants good relatively cheap drinks, good music, and hot women.

What Door44 provided was an open bar, more hot girls in a higher concentration than I have never seen outside a sorority house, and top flight hip hop and R&B (including MJ tunes) from midnight on. The only problem was that there wasn't much room to move, much less dance - although we all made the attempt. Plus without any clear walkways, brush-ups were constant, especially with women well endowed. By the end of the night my scapula had an erection.

Unfortunately, it was Thursday, so I had to get to bed before closing any deals. So much the better, the cops were out in force.

Still, it was the best party in Atlanta last night, by a country mile.

Drunk Facebooking? Good Idea?

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:37:28 PDT

This is probably a really bad idea. And I'm gonna stop.

The first time was over New Year's Eve 2008. I was out at Twisted Taco after my married friends have gone home, and I was chatting up the hot and sexy bartender who always remembers my captain and coke. A cute girl home on break from Imperial College in London decided to chat me up to, and while one should always go for the gold (the bartender is a solid 9, SmartyPants was a solid 7), a bartender is never a bird in the hand unless you are already dating her. Anyway, after lots of flirting - she convinced me to add her to my Facebook, right there in the bar. Nevermind my address, phone number, email and other assorted info was there.

Being that it was New Years Eve, I got pulled into another conversation, which led to fun and raunchy talk, pictures, and finally 1st base. Then 2nd - as I was still standing at the bar. Needless to say, SmartyPants removed me as a friend as soon as she got to a computer.

Then there was the brunette cougar MILF I met at Twisted Taco in April - base hit, then she's added to my Facebook and has a picture with me! A few weeks after that the girl from the Hennessy Black party adds me on her Blackberry right at the bar. Then another double hit landing me on second base, next to the bar, and Frank Ski.

Adding the HennessyGirl was a win because then I got to see how she blamed her behaviour that night on the cognac. Adding BCMilf was not necessarily a win because I never saw her again, she untagged her name from our shared picture, and rather than forgetting about her like a normal guy - her info in my newsfeed is a constant reminder of her existence. On top of all that she is now dating someone else. Not that I'm jealous, I just don't want Facebook to make me decide if I should care.

Not that I add every girl I date to my Facebook, else I would be in trouble... But now I am in the situation where I am trying to decide if it is worth deleting them all together.

Ebert Can Suck it - Transformers Rocked

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:32:12 PDT

Soundwave. Rumble. Jetfire. Devastator. Primus. Ironhide. All new arrivals to live action from cartoons, all ruled.

Shia LeBeouf did a great job carrying the story. Megan Fox is fucking hot as hell, and she was fantastic as a lead actress. The supporting actors' performances ranged from acceptibly mediocre to fantastic.

The story was admittedly hard to follow, sorta like Transformers meets Angels and Demons, but Michael Bay managed to bring it all together towards the end. Fans of the canon were able to better follow along once old names and icons (like the Matrix of Leadership) were introduced.

A lot of these supernatural movies have a civilian government (sometimes military) guy who is a pompous ass that turns out to fuck everything up. Transformers:ROTF has one too. Ever notice the movies that make federal officials into bad guys always get bad reviews in the mainstream press?

Just sayin'.

I Need New Friends

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:23:09 PDT

First, an apology for my regular readers. Sorry for slacking off for the last 11 months or so. Life has been ridiculously depressing over that period of time. Much of it was work related (hey, still have a job), but the biggest part was struggling with the time/money balance, while not losing my mind. I think I am finally off the Grand Funk Railroad, so I hopefully will update more often with stories of exploits and thoughts on the news of the day.

Speaking of exploits - I am no longer allowed to make fun of the perverts on here who have a love jones for Hellen Mirren. Let's just say I can't run all that fast and that they call them cougars for a reason.

The biggest deal is that I need new friends. Not that my old ones suck, although they kinda do, but here in Atlanta there are few folks who have both the time, means, and desire to truly explore what this city has to offer. I feel like every time I hang with someone - I am introducing them to a well established part of the city. That's fine and dandy for my friends from out of town, or a first date, or someone fresh from college. But until I get paid as a nightlife tour guide, I would like to hang with folks who know the scene and the deal. At least once a quarter.

Len Bias and the Party Culture

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 11:17:55 PDT

It took long enough, but I finally saw The Wrestler on TiVo/Amazon Video on Demand. FYI, Video on Demand takes laziness to a whole new level - why get off your ass to get the mail from Netflix when you can just press a few buttons and get any movie you want without leaving the couch? It's beautiful!

Mickey Rourke kicked all kinds of ass, Marissa Tomei is getting old, but the scene that stuck with me was the one at the bar when Rourke's "Ram" is doing shots of tequila with the sexy yet slightly chub blonde. And then in absolute amazement, I watched as Ram relives an exchange I had almost three years ago.

Girl: So, you want to party?
Ram: What do you mean, "party?"
Girl: (While grinding herself into him) Party like a fireman party!

Only in the movie, the two proceed to snort a little coke and bang like rockstars in the bathroom. In my real life, I had no fucking clue how to answer my sexy yet slightly chub blonde's question, and after five minutes of Q&A to discern how much of a nerd I am in her personal partying power rankings we decided to go to Halo where I ditched her, came home, and wrote this post.

So of course, watching Mickey Rourke and his AARP ass bang that 20something blonde just pissed me off, not because I am a playahata but because I began to feel like I really did fuck up with my blonde cokefiend. (To her credit, she did make at least two attempts to reconcile and hang out again. I really am a dick.) And there as the actress is bent over moaning on my TV, all I could think is what possessed me to not even consider trying a little nosecandy, especially when I was assured of a similar experience? (The bar where we met was around the corner from my house.) Then it came to me, Len Bias.

Len Bias, the anti-drug poster child of the mid 1980s. He is the reason millions of kids growing up in my generation stayed away from drugs. Bill Simmons expounds on Bias' impact on sports, but the key is that Bias was drafted by the Boston Celtics for millions, decided to celebrate, and two days and five grams of coke later he was dead. The way the media and my parents told it, it was his first time, his friends pushed it on him, and I don't wanna end up like him. Essentially, the idea that cocaine was more poisonous than hydrochloric acid and peer pressure will get you killed is the legacy Len Bias left to America - fueling the D.A.R.E, "Just Say No", and M.A.D.D./S.A.D.D. campaigns in the 80s and 90s.

Twenty years after the fact, sitting at the Fox and Hound on Wednesday night, I won't mess with this girl because I don't want to end up like Len Bias. Then I hear that Len Bias may have been quite the cokefiend himself, and his last time was certainly not his first. Then Lew Rockwell publishes a story and study that refutes the cocaine as absolute poison mythology. So messing with drugs didn't kill him. Going overboard like Tony Montana killed him. This fact turns the narrative from a successful young man who broke bad into a case of your garden variety overdose. A Len Bias story is unbelievable and has implications and ripple effects for decades. An overdose story isn't much of a story anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not in the market for a dealer. I've lived 29 years without touching hard drugs, there is no real incentive for me to break that streak now. I just hate the fact that many of those years were not due to the realities of drugs, but because some bureaucrats in Washington just wanted to make a point. Cockblockers.

Heading to Texas in Two Weeks

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:34:01 PDT

Hey folks, I will be in Austin the week of July 4th, ahead of a fencing competition in Dallas. I've never been to Austin on a weekend, so hopefully Patton Oswald hasn't steered me wrong!

Quotes From The Weekend

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:04:43 PDT

MissDaisy came down to the ATL for a visit - and a mild amount of hilarity ensued.

(At the airport)
Coletrain: You have one carry-sized bag, why did you check it? Too many beauty products?
Miss Daisy: It wouldn't fit in the overhead.
Coletrain: You gotta force it in, like a rapist.
Miss Daisy: (also on phone with girl) Yeah, you heard that right.

(At Mr. C's, watching a hot blonde in a Georgia Tech lowcut blouse expose herself, one breast at a time)

Miss Daisy: Yeah, that's right in my wheelhouse.
(Coletrain sends her a shot, she drinks it with friends, leaves)
Coletrain: I sent her the shot of Jager so she'd show MORE boob, not less!

Coletrain: So, what advice do you have for this new bartender here?
Bartender #1: Show lots of boob. Lots.
Coletrain: I love you.

(At Dam Bar and Grill)

Coletrain: (Looks around to all the 50 plus folks dancing to Nelly) So, ummm, what's the deal with tonight? I've never been here before.
Cute Bartender: Please come back! It's just swinger night.
Coletrain: Really?
CB: Yeah. Saturday nights usually aren't this sexual... well, they are, but not gross.

(A la hacienda)
B-Ru: So why do the Irish hate the English so much.
Miss Daisy: Well, they did call us the n-ggers of Europe.
Coletrain: Well, you kinda are...
Miss Daisy: (pregnant silence)
B-Ru: What the hell?!?!

Blame It On The Rain, Not the A-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Mon, 25 May 2009 10:51:29 PDT

For god's sake, it ain't kool aid. It ain't even frat house kool aid. There are signs everywhere that say "Hennessy" in silver letters. Even the glass you are drinking out of says "Hennessy Black" in silver letters. And like any cognac, Hennessy Black is strong. I even remarked to my boy as we entered Door 44 that the place smelt like Jiffy Lube (because many cognacs go down like motor oil, you see). Now, while the Hennessy Black Ice cocktail served up is absolutely delicious - I never forgot that if I have too many of these, I will get f'd completely up.

Then I met these two women in their forties and we started hanging out because most folks inside were dressed all in black. The two girls had colorful dresses on, and I was sporting a pink herringbone Hugo Boss shirt. We kinda stood out. Drink one I was talking to one of them, drink two we were dancing. I stopped at drink three, but an hour later we were making out and I was doing things that have gotten me slapped on dates before. But the whole time she was worried about the fact she knew half the people in the room, and Frank Ski (from the morning show) was watching me feel her up. All I could think was that I don't care, I listen to Steve Harvey in the mornings. Then comes the "I'm a bad guy" talk as she can't stop touching me.

After about ten years of drinkin', one of the biggest lessons I learned is that alcohol doesn't change who you are, it only reveals your most inner self. I don't care what Mel Gibson said. Now yes, alcohol can impair motor functions so you shouldn't drive; and alcohol has the mean affect of improving sexual desire but fucking with sexual performance, but full speed ahead. But if you call a guy in a bar a motherfucker and take a swing at him, you probably didn't like him sober. And if you are a girl shoving your tongue down a guy's throat, you either liked him sober or you just needed some attention. As for me, she may have not been my type, but I wanted to touch that decolletage sober and after a few drinks I forgot about the consequences and went for it.

In short, don't blaspheme the Booze Fairy and blame "the dark liqour" you didn't have to drink (or pay for) for getting buck wild at a limited guest list party you didn't have to attend. At best it makes you a hypocrite, and at worst it makes you no fun at all.

Few Additives Taste Better Than Free

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:38:08 PDT

Pineapple infused vodka? Skyy Vodka? No thanks, I'm a Stoli man. Free exclusive party? Free, you say... why not.

Actually, vodka for me is only useful as an antiseptic and the main ingredient in bloody mary's and non lethal punches. However, I love a good party, and as noted before - free vodka parties tend to bring the females out to play.

This time was a little different, however. The friendliest women I met (who I didn't already know) were married, sauced, and pushing 40, and the only women younger than me were working as hostesses and had already been sexually harassed before I had my chance. And, strangely enough, there was a VIP section outside. This made zero sense because the venue was small, the party had a strict guestlist, there was only about 200 people there the whole night, and the VIP area was basically the patio where people came in. In other words, non VIPs were condemned to sweat and dance to the music with no outside breeze for relief.

I left after a couple cocktails and women arriving late were eying my sweet Hawaiian beads. Eh, it was free.

Follow Me on Twitter!!!

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Thu, 14 May 2009 09:58:30 PDT

So I finally broke down and did it, check me out yall!
http://twitter.com/ThaColetrain

Also Miss Daisy is here...
http://twitter.com/Fullynvested

I will be tweeting about happenings in ATL, as well as random stuff if I get to it.

This Bar Will Make Money Whether You're Happy or Not

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Sun, 03 May 2009 13:36:12 PDT

Nothing annoys me more on a weekend night than some asshole who is pissed he doesn't get his drink within 30 seconds of walking in the door. If you wanted super fast service, don't pick the place that has a line out the door and charged you $20 cover to get inside.

A crowded bar or club is selling an experience, and the alcohol is only part of it. If you want faster service, here are some tips.

Be nice.
Know what you want when you get the bartender's attention. No "what do you recommend" crap.
Order a beer or a 1-2 part cocktail or shot. Especially if the place is crowded.
Talk to the bartender, be friendly. That relationship building will go a long way if you ever go back.
Don't complain about the speed if the place is crowded.
If you are ordering food at a table, and there are a billion people just standing around, your drinks and sushi bullshit are gonna take a while to arrive. Deal with it.
If the service is just too slow, fucking leave. Your bad attitude does no one any service.

If you are trying to order dinner at a club/lounge at midnight on a Saturday night, clearly getting vital nutrients wasn't high on your priority list that day. There is absolutely no reason to fucking complain that your California roll wasn't at your table within 15 minutes of making your order. Go to the bar, get a Cosmo, get fucked up and do something with a guy you will regret, and then go to Waffle House afterward like a normal person.

Ugh.

Diggin' Cape North

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:53:00 PDT

The latest spirit from the free booze fairy in Atlanta is Cape North vodka. The liquor is distilled using French grains and Swedish water, and is actually pretty good. It has a nice lemony vanilla nose and a smooth clear finish, which ranks it among the few vodkas I describe as "good." Vodka is derived from the Russian word for "water," so a clean finish is mandatory (I'm looking at you Absolut!).

Last night Cape North was at Halo Lounge in Midtown, and the Georgia Tech folks were out in force... along with some very hot ladies. I had almost forgotten how awkward engineering students can be until I saw them en masse. It almost changed the mood of the place. After there I met some friends at Beleza bar and I just fuckin' ran into this.

You see, there is a reason why Brazil will never develop their own nukes. With top shelf women just layin around, why even bother. Honestly, I had to get to bed and go to work, but it was great dream fuel.

H/T Six Degrees Magazine

BREAKING: UGA Marketing Professor Pulls an OJ

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 09:09:01 PDT

Authorities are now on the look out for Dr. George Zinkhan, a Marketing professor at the University of Georgia in Athens. He is suspected of the triple homicide of his ex-wife and two of her fellow actors at a local theatre. The UGA campus is also a ghost town, prudently avoiding running into the guy if he is still around town.

After reading the latest AP report, it seems this guy might be long gone - especially if he doesn't mind abandoning his children. The money quote supporting this assertion is from the Athens-Clarke County police chief, no relation to Abraham Simpson.

"We're doing everything we can to shut him down," said Athens-Clarke County Police Capt. Clarence Holeman. "I believe he will turn up somewhere, somehow."

Investigators haven't been able to zero in on a particular area, Holeman said.

"Not when you've got 50 states to cover," he said. "He could be anywhere."

Well, I suppose if Alaska and Hawaii are necessary places to cover - maybe we do have too many states...

Thanks Ira!

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:05:38 PDT

It's not often a sexy and sassy brunette asks you to accompany her to a live theatre performance of a Public Radio show. It's even less often that the host of said radio show suggests you should get sex for showing up.

If you missed the live screening, check out the encore performance of This American Life on May 7th.

Oh, and so far I just got the mischievous smile. There's still time.

Well, Maybe You Pervs Have a Point

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:03:30 PDT

So I got in trouble with the internet nudie pic-hounds for besmerching the inherent and immortal sexuality of Helen Mirren. The ~~bitch~~ dame is friggin 62 - you can't possibly want that... right?

And then I saw this...

Now, I still maintain that any man under the age of 40 who is interested in Helen Mirren is both borderline oedipal and dillusional about his childhood, but wow. She has really taken care of herself and her large and not pummeting to earth at terminal velocity breasts. So fine, I will concede that there is a long list of age appropriate women both famous and obscure who cannot compete with the Dame. Still not doing it for free.

H/T WWTDD

Working Away in Georgia

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 07:33:18 PDT

Somehow this songs get stuck in my head. I need to learn the banjo. Thanks to Adult Swim.

Somehow I got spinal meningitis.
Injecting all that hairspray in my spine.
Its a super cheap way to party.
If you aim to kill some braincells and some time.
Good luck getting that child support check from me now.

My oldest son was born an albino.
My youngest covered in hair.
The middle one says he's a homosexual.
The other seven's gone, I don't where and I don't care.
I just don't care.

Get your Yankee ass of my property.
Don't care if the bank gave you a deed.
This farm's been Cuyler land for generations.
Since we beat back those sneaky Japanese.
In the war of 1812, bring our boys home.

My dreams are all dead and buried.
Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode.
When God comes and calls me to his kingdom, I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go!
Aaa ddeee leeeyy aaaaeee ooooo.

I gave all my best years to that woman.
All she gave me was mouths to feed.
Three miracles, straight from the loins of Jesus.
Since Charlie blew off both my testes.
1969 Cam Ranh Bay.It was a massacre.

She run off and took our only chicken.
When I broke jail the house was burnt bare.
The Japs moved plant back to Osaka.
Some day life just don't seem that fair.
I don't even care, I'm tellin ya I just don't give a damn.

Stick to Robbing Empty Cars

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:32:32 PDT

I know the economy is even tough for criminals, but seriously - this is fuckin' Georgia. You stick up someone here, you are gonna get yourself shot. Whether it is at Taco Mac in the Highlands, or East Atlanta (ooh, it's weeeeird), sticking up randoms is just going to end badly down here.

"F*** You Chelios!"

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:51:12 PDT

Movies are passive events, and really shouldn't be roller coasters. How-EVA, it looks like Jason Statham and company made an effort to do just that.

Holy shit it was fucking awesome... huge fight scenes, lots of electricity, and lots of boobage for good measure. We even see Amy Smart get pounded stupid again!

It just seems like at some point the director is like - this premise just ain't fucking plausible, why even try... And thank God they didn't - this movie would be awful if they made a serious effort to carry the plot along. Crank 2 is like Jason Bourne on, well, crank!

My TiVo Teaches Fraternity Values

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 08:31:05 PDT

Because of fencing I miss all the cool Monday night shows, so it wasn't until work on Tuesday that I hear Kal Penn's character on House was killed off the show. I never liked Kal Penn's character, or the fact that he advocates universal conscription (for girls too!) - but I was still pissed when my TiVo missed the recording. Turns out ABC Family's GREEK is on at the same time, and House is ranked below the college drama.

Anyway, last night I finally got around to grabbing a Yuengling and watching the recording, and I tell you, I'm glad I did for two reasons.

Reason #1 - Dilshad Vadsaria

This girl just makes me melt. Beautiful, buxom, brown, and the bomb. Whether she is straight up nude, in a formal dress, or sharing Cheetos, she is by far the hottest girl on the show. Every other girl on that show is just struggling for the far away second spot. Besides, I can see Lisa Edelstein's awesome ass in syndication anytime.

Reason #2 - The plot of this episode was rush, and both the fraternities and sororities were getting caught up in rushing the famous rich kid with powerful parents and a resume. The Zeta girls were fooled into rushing the supposed daughter of Martha Stewart, and ended up ignoring a ton of prospects in the process. Rusty was rushing the cool and rich football freshman that every fraternity wanted, only to have the KTs declare that "those who want KT, will find KT."

After three years of fraternity life as an undergrad (and many more as an alum) I kissed a rushee's ass exactly once. This guy too was a football star, and was famous for banging senior girls his first month on campus. He was a stud, that couldn't be denied. Our own in house former All American football player wanted him, so he, I, and a generous alum took him to Pasta House for dinner. FYI, Pasta House is the one place you DO NOT GO for St. Louis Italian food... the Hill restaurants are the only destination. Basically it was two hours of kissing this guy's ass, and the whole thing gave me a bad taste in my mouth. He went to another house (the one that bought him a fridge), and we gained nothing.

The experience taught me two things - one, I get why the other houses (including the one who got the stud) haze. You build these guys up so high, of course you will feel the need to cut them down to size. Second, the way my house, TKE, typically rushed is that we didn't care about who your family was or your resume. It mattered, but it was secondary. The main thing was your personal worth and character - the connection you make today. It's not that we didn't rush the rich and popular kids, those attributes weren't top of mind. When I talked to a guy, and he was a douche, it didn't matter how much his parents were worth. The result was that we had popular guys, and guys who learned to be popular. We had guys with buttloads of cash, and guys who learned to make and manage money.

After Pasta House, when I had a 1-1 or intimate dinner with a prospective, it was because I liked the guy as a man, and I wanted to see him around. My fraternity saw a lot of success with that reasoning from the beginning until now. So I am glad I watched that episode of GREEK, because it made me proud to be a Teke.

You Will Watch Crank 2

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:22:00 PDT

Jason Statham doesn't make good movies, he makes fucking awesome movies. Watch the trailer, and if you don't want to see Crank 2 in the theatre, let me know in the comments. Also let me know what off brand tampon to send you.

Thought You Might Enjoy A Vid From WU

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:38:59 PDT

There are no words.

On "English" Pubs, Prospective Sunday School Teachers, and a Girl Who Couldn't Buy a One Night Stand

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:59:33 PST

Make yourself comfortable folks, this is a long one.

It's not everyday a random meeting in a bar turns into an evening of unintentionable comedy. One such random meeting about three years ago in Atlanta took place at Bazaar, next door to the Fox Theatre. The venue was hosting a new magazine debut, complete with open bar and crappy appetizers no one wanted. Actually the bar only had free Sweetwater 420 beer and free Three Olives vodka cocktails - which worked out because I love 420. There a buddy of mine and I chatted up two girls; one was a hot strawberry blonde (now married), the other was a cute, and more important open, Korean girl who ended up giving me her email address. We wrote each other for a while - her insisting she had a boyfriend, me insisting that he was irrelevant - until after over a year she finally invited me to her birthday party/pub crawl.

I wasn't sure about going - after all, it has been a year and I couldn't even remember what she looked like - but curiosity and the fact that her first stop was an English style pub in North Atlanta Metro sealed the deal. I love English/Irish style pubs. From Miami, to Indy, to Dallas, to Reykjavik, to Atlanta there are three qualities these places have in common: above average food, excellent beer selection, and great service and clientele. I haven't yet been to Crown and Anchor, so I thought it was worth a shot.

KoreanGirl was late, so I had to suck it up and meet her friends without introduction. Normally, this is awkward under the best of circumstances; only in this case, her friends are fortysomething folks mainly from her workplace and her church. Of course, when they asked how I knew KoreanGirl, I just beamed, "I picked her up in a bar!" Apparently this did some damage to her campaign to become a Sunday School teacher. My bravado did impress a current SS teacher at her church, a cute, tall, thin twentysomething blonde who wasn't afraid to absorb my flirting nature. Eventually KoreanGirl showed up, with another group of folks who I actually recognized from a party years before. After not a few gin and tonics, KoreanGirl assured me we would ditch the stodgy older folks (retaining SundayBlonde) and head to my beloved Twisted Taco.

Once at Twisted Taco, I finally felt like I was in my element, and could safely look into the poon looking glass and see if I had a real shot at KoreanGirl. She was getting lots of attention from the guys in our party, as well as random dudes in the bar, so I figured I would be lost among the noise. Then I took a second look at SundayBlonde. Before I dismissed her as just cute, but after drinking for a few hours, she looked really hot - and very available. I turned on my bar charm (basically coaxing her into hanging on my every unintelligible word), and before long she was sitting on my lap just getting to know what she's getting into.

While I was busy working, we picked up three new folks. The first was a legitimately hot pale girl with raven black hair and a curvy yummy body and a completely incompatible sweet and nice attitude and demeanor. As cool as she was, talking to her was like talking to a mall store Santa Claus - you know you aren't gonna get that BB gun you asked him for. It's like Gisele Bundchen spends her weekends as a candy striper. The other two were ostensibly a couple who were in town for corporate training and decided to hang out with us.

After a couple hours, we all migrated to Halo. Halo is a sparsely decorated bar that plays lots of house music that bounces off the concrete. It's not a bad place to bring someone, dreadfully hard to meet anyone there. Anyway, I am working on SundayBlonde, while KoreanGirl grinds on some random dude. Now, head to head, SundayBlonde is the winner on the hotness scale; but KoreanGirl is the heavyweight champ when it comes to shameless slutty bumping and grinding. It really is a sight to see. Hell, I've done things on a dance floor most guys would have to buy dinner to achieve, yet I was mesmerized by what this girl was doing - and it showed. There was only one way to keep SundayBlonde's attention after my stargazing, so I took a swing and we started kissing. It was wild, it was fun, it was over when KoreanGirl grabbed SundayBlonde and dragged her to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later I was getting the Sesame Street version of KoreanGirl's devil dance, while SundayBlonde pounded water to sober up. Efforts to make another base hit failed, with both girls. The weird thing was that KoreanGirl made it clear that she wanted me around - so I started observing what was going on with the rest of the group.

RavenGirl for a while could NOT catch a break when it came to talking to dudes, until CorporateDude started hitting her up. CorporateGirl comes over to me, buys me a drink, and we start talking. Apparently, they are not together, but she desperately wants to hook up with him or a reasonable substitute. If she was writing this post, my alias would be ReasonableSubstitute. At this point I am a bit buzzed, but not interested in drinking any more, so I am sober enough to see this girl is not ugly, but clearly at the bottom of the female totem pole in the club. I am about to cut my losses and head out, when KoreanGirl decides to call it a night for everyone.

SundayBlonde by now is sober and ready to go home, and it was like pulling teeth to get her to give me her number. CorporateDude and RavenGirl were on top of each other on a couch, and were left to their own devices. It was somehow decided that I was to take SundayBlonde and CorporateGirl in my car, and drop them off at SundayBlonde's car in the 'burbs. Instead of pleading my case to SundayBlonde on the ride, I got an ear full of how CorporateGirl financed most of the drinking for EVERYONE in our group at Halo, and how over $300 worth of boozing still leaves her with an empty bed for the night. And she cried, hard. I dropped SundayBlonde off at her car, and hugged her goodbye; CorporateGirl gave me this sad "Please-don't-make-me-go-to-bed-alone-I'll-do-ANYTHING" look and whimpered. I asked her to leave, and drove off.

It was just as well... All this happened on a Thursday night and I had work in the morning.

24: Jack Bauer vs. RED!!!

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:56:23 PST

Red. Friggin' Red. Senator Red!

That, more than the crazy Latham abduction, let me know this season of 24 was gonna kick ass. Jack is back, only this time he's not only crazy, but he just doesn't give a shit. Backsass Senator Red (RED!!!!), "I just don't care." Get in a FBI Field Director's face? "I just don't care." Torture a suspect under the watchful eye of a FBI Special Agent while under US Senate investigation? "I just don't care." Kill a guy? "I just don't care!"

Jack just doesn't give a shit, and that's what makes him awesome. When you got a guy who is chasing you just because it's more interesting than counting cobwebs in a cell - you might be in trouble. If it's Jack, surrender now and hope for a quick death.

And does anyone else think it's weird that 45 year old Janeane Garafolo is playing a character that would most likely be in her mid 20s? Don't get me wrong, I like the J - and when she is thin, she is Palin cute. It just doesn't seem like her ideal role...

Conservative, Republican, fawning over power... yeah that fits Janeane.

TOTALLY UNSEXY UPDATE: IMDB tells us that J used to be stacked! She had breast reduction surgery back in the 80s, going from a solid D to a B. Janeane, I know your witty and all - but everyone knows that "the mind is the body's largest sexual organ" is BS right? Hell, Hef NEVER asked Margeret Thatcher to be in Playboy.

Best Pickup Line of 2008

admin@coletrain.org (Coletrain) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 10:42:04 PST

Setting: Twisted Taco in Midtown Atlanta. I was talking with a pretty and bright young girl from Imperial College in town for the holidays (with whom I'd still like to keep in touch). Tall brunette leans over to my left side and says, "Wow, you smell really nice!"

I lean over, sniff her hair, and lie, "So do you!" Actually I couldn't smell a damned thing, and I immediately resumed talking to DatableGirl.

The Line: She waits for a break in the conversation, leans in to me again and says, "Hey, me and my friends are discussing fake boobs. You are more than welcome to join the conversation."

After that, things got wild. I love New Years.