So I Married A Craft Blogger

Mouses

2013-05-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

I got an email today from Mandy as follows:

Subject: Mouses

Hey Hot Manly-Man

Can we trade mouses...mice.... eh?

my scroll wheel is worn out - it's driving me crazy :)

A few thoughts about this email:

I spy with my little eye: 5 punctuation errors.
Who wears out a scroll wheel (Correct answer: a Pinterest addict, that's who)
I added four words. (hint: it is the only line that is correctly capitalized)
What is the correct lingo, mouses or mice?

As to the last bullet, I turned to my trusty friend Google Images search for validation.

Google Images search results for mouse:

Result: Even split. 50% furry mouse, 50% computer mouse

Google Image search results for mice:

Result: 100% furry mouse

Google Image search results for mouses:

Result: One sided. 85% computer mouse. 15% cartoon mouse.

Turns out Mandy was right...it is mouses.

That poor, warped, four-year-old mind...

2013-05-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

The other day the four-year-old came wandering through the house mumbling, "Where's that $3 chair...that $3 chair?" over and over to himself like a possessed zombie. I didn't know what to make of it. Three dollar chair? Should I be worried?

Then he came wandering around the corner in triumph, carting his quarry, bagged my his momma lioness just hours ago.

The sad thing is, he thinks it's normal. I mean, doesn't everyone have a $3 chair.

When's Mother's Day?

2013-05-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week I was browsing Mandy's blog looking for something to mock and came across a post she had done featuring a couple of Mother's Day crafts. It featured a video, which I liked for two reasons:

It featured Emmy, a future craft blogger in the making.
It featured Mandy, a future rapper in the making. Spin that disc, baby. [I really don't know what rappers say, but I'm sure it's something like "spin that disc, baby." That, and I don't know how to type out "fitza, fitza, fitza" or "whycha, whycha, whycha" or whatever it is...]

In the midst of admiring her handwork and skill I had a brief mental panic.

When's Mother's Day? Did I miss it?

Apparently, I didn't do a good job of hiding my concern, because Mandy noticed my look of worry and asked me what was wrong.

Not wanting to give away my conundrum, but also not very quick on my feet, I calmly asked: "When's Mother's Day? Did I miss it?"

For some reason, Mandy found my dilemma quite funny. Fortunately, I had not. At least, not yet. I have two more days to prepare.

But the kids and I need some help.

What does a serious craft blogger want for Mother's Day? I was thinking we could cut out homemade coupons. With her sewing scissors, of course.

Man Up Link Up XIII Features

2013-05-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

I have to admit: my eye was immediately drawn to the link that used the words "blogging" and "pet peeve" in the same picture. All sorts of nuances of the blogging world that cause me gray hairs flashed through my mind. I think I'll start a little list going of some of my personal favorites. For those of you for whom bullet points are a pet peeve, you may not want to tune in next time.

On to the features!

	At first I thought this would be about how blogging IS a pet peeve. Close enough. But not nearly long enough.
	I have $320 worth of "abstract art" hanging on our basement walls right now. That's another way of saying eight $40 canvases painted by four kids under 10.
	Anything Perry related is an almost guaranteed feature. To top it off, I've seen this one in action. It came home with my six year old and you can color me impressed.
	Garage organization is a kind of mental illness with which I am afflicted. I share not only Reannah's quest for order but also her frustration at lack of familial participation in said quest.
	Succulents is a funny word that doesn't mean what I thought it did. On a related note, I'm getting a strange Narnia vibe from this tea cup.

If you were featured, pick the button you deserve. You know which one you are.

Man Up Link Up XIII

2013-05-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

It's a recent record! I've remembered Man Up Link Up for two months in a row! Hopefully you all have remembered as well, and have come here to link up. I'm really hoping for some festive Cinco de Mayo crafts, but I have my doubts. That's one holiday most craft bloggers tend to shun. I don't know why. It's one of my favorites.

Be advised that this is not your typical link party. Rather, I will review your crafts through the clouded, uncouth lens of testosterone. I may not get it, and I may state as much.

So Man Up. Link Up.

If you're brave or just happen to have a lot of white space on your blog, grab the button below.

You Might Be Married to a Craft Blogger...

2013-05-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy spring. Between photo shoots, blogger conferences, painting frames, and making pants out of T-shirts, Mandy's been pretty busy. That mean's I've been pretty busy as well. Maybe I can talk Mandy into getting me a virtual assistant. I've been thinking I need one ever since I read about it in the 4-Hour Work Week.

If I did have my own virtual assistant, I'd have them write one of those bullet-point laden posts about nothing in particular...

You might be married to a craft blogger if...

You've been to busy to write a post for over a week.
You covertly snuck items out to the curb on big trash day (pallets, anyone?) that might have been future projects.
You catch your wife using your power tools "inappropriately" last week and disallow her from using them without your supervision. Jennifer
You have to dig out empty food containers out of the trash for a decor project. Colleen
You dread garage sale season because you know you will loose more garage and basement space to things normal people didn't want.
You secretly dream about the day when a random stranger will stop you and say "I love your wife's blog."
Your to-do list while your wife is out of town includes publishing a sponsored post.
You don't own a power hand mixer, and you don't need one.
You have to take your kid to Lowe's wearing these pants. At least I don't have a pair. Yet.

Do you or your man have any good ones? Let's hear 'em.

SNAP! Insights

2013-04-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Mandy learned a lot at SNAP!. She learned about about Pinterest. She learned about making Google love her blog. She learned about making more money from blogging so she can buy me a Harley.

She also learned about succulents, which I had never heard of. Turns out it's not some sort of homemade lingerie, but crafting with live plants. I'm glad she got that life skill down.

While she was gone, I learned a few things as well:

90% of laundry is caused by pajamas and unnecessary outfit changes.
90% of washing dishes is caused by cups used once for a single drink of water.
The easiest way to settle an argument between the kids about which night to eat out is to eat out every night.
Ice cream is part of the diet when your wife's out of town.
Our 4-year old can turn on my phone, hack it's passcode, and beat the hardest level on Angry Birds, but he can't make his own oatmeal. I'm not sure if that's a parenting success or failure.
Your 6-year old daughter thinks it's great to be the last one picked up at soccer practice since the field has a jungle gym. Her coach doesn't think it's great.
If you show up at the airport to pick your wife up with a pint-sized security detail, she will inevitably be the last one off the plane.

SNAP! Recap

2013-04-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Mandy's been at SNAP! this week and left me running the show here at home base.

As I know she'll be providing a detailed play-by-play of her experience at the conference, I thought I'd share my SNAP! experience.

Thursday

Drop 4-year-old off at friend's house for the day, girls to neighbor's to wait for the bus.
Drop 10-year-old at Student Council in the morning.
Bring home bacon.
Rush home, pick up kids, head to football team pictures.
Dinner: Domino's.
Kids to bed on time.
Blog posts: 0

Friday

Send the bid kids to the neighbor's to wait for the bus.
Drop 4-year-old off at another friend's house for the day.
Fetch pork to abode.
Three older kids go to Family Fun Night at the school.
Youngest kid goes with me to Walmart and Taco Bell.
Kids to bed on time. I catch up on work emails for 3 hours.
Social media interactions: 0

Saturday

Healthy breakfast of strawberry shortcake.
Supervised the cheerful cleaning of the house, including bathrooms.
Took the 6-year-old to soccer practice. Was only 7 minutes late.
Picked up 6-year-old from soccer. Was the last parent there. Classic.
Took the 10-year-old to flag football games.
Coached two flag football games. Last games of the season.
Came home and changed the oil in the van.
Mowed the lawn, until I ran out of gas.
Dinner: Texas Roadhouse, using "kids eat free" coupons that the kids got for reading.
Got gas.
Finished mowing the lawn.
Laundry loads: 3.
Diswasher loads: 3.
Crafts: 0.

SNAP!

2013-04-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Mandy's off to SNAP! this week and has been busily preparing. Last night she got frustrated with her embroidery machine while trying to add her custom logo to a canvas bag. It just wouldn't work for her. She vowed that she needed a new machine, which I knew would cost more than all three of my motorcycles put together (don't judge me because I spend differently than you).

Email from Mandy today: "did you pray for my sanity? I tried to sew that bag again this morning and it worked. awesome."

My reply: "I pray for your sanity several times daily."

Fortunately, she's heading to a place where sanity is not questioned for things like embroidered bags, frame walls, spray painted lawns, pallet furniture, or dumpster diving.

Bespin Carbon Freezer Review

2013-04-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

One of the best things about being married to a famous craft blogger is getting to do product reviews. Companies vying for a web presence send Mandy random things in the hopes that she'll write them a good review and drive traffic their way. Mandy's done some reviews of some cool products and some pretty weird ones. When I asked her what the weirdest product she had reviewed, she said, "I haven't reviewed any weird products. All of stuff I review is cool."

You can imagine my surprise when she was selected to be one of the first craft bloggers to review the new Bespin In-Home Carbon Freezer. Made famous in George Lucas's Star Wars series, carbon-freezing is an industrial process used to store tibanna gas for transportation. Several crafters have been eyeing it for years due to it's crafting potential. Recently, researchers perfected the Bespin In-Home Carbon Freezer and are releasing it this summer.

Mandy received one of the first units this week and was anxious to put it to the test. Since all of the kids were at school and the cat was smart enough to make herself scare, Mandy had to look around for a test subject. Fortunately, she had just picked up a new garden gnome from a garage sale that was prime for a re-purpose. Check out the before and after:

Don't worry about the gnome. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.

Man Up Link Up XII Features

2013-04-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

It was kind of a smaller Man Up Link Up. I'm blaming it on tax season; all you crazy bloggers with your home based businesses, deducting GNO as "business meals" and your craft rooms as "home offices." It takes time to dream up all those "business expenses."

So kudos to those of you who did link up. Let's look at a couple of them. But first, hat's off to Shruti's new logo. I'm a big fan of clean looking blogs with simple themes that load fast. Just don't tell Mandy.

	It's a little known fact that pirates were also great mathematicians who used statistics and the law of averages to decided which vessels to attack. It's also a little known fact that most pirates were not big fans of freezer paper, preferring freezer bags instead.
	This is not a bad idea. Only at our house, it would have to be the lost and found wall to hold all of our loner socks.
	I'm a sucker for a good wreath project. Especially ones with lemons. Real lemons.
	Good title. You'd better cure her while she's young. It only gets worse with age.
	Suzy, Suzy, Suzy. Trying to pick a fight with Hershey. Don't worry, I've got your back.

If you were featured, pick the button you deserve. You know which one you are.

Man Up Link Up XII

2013-04-03T22:00:00.000-05:00

It's been two months since the last Man Up Link Up. That should have given you plenty of time to come up with a project or post worthy of linking up. Nothing says "Spring is here!" like a good link party.

Be advised that this is not your typical link party. Rather, I will review your crafts through the clouded, uncouth lens of testosterone. I may not get it, and I may state as much.

So man up. Link up.

If you're brave or just happen to have a lot of white space on your blog, grab the button below.

It's Coming...

2013-04-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

I forgot Man Up Link Up in February. So it was a week late. I then forgot it in March. Completely. Then April came around, and no Man Up Link Up. You might have thought it was a clever April Fools joke, but really I'm just forgetful. I'm supposed to do it the first Tuesday of each month, and I'm 0 for 4 this year. Well, I"m getting back on track, just a few days late.

Man Up Link Up XII starts tonight at 10:00 PM.

Come back then. Man up. Link up.

Not April Fools

2013-04-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was going to post this picture yesterday, but I didn't want it to be considered an April Fool's post.

It's times like this that I can hear what you're thinking:

"I'll bet you got a lot of compliments on your tie."
"Who's idea was this, anyways?"
"Why is Mandy so tall - wait - I have those shoes!"
"I've seen that wall before."
"That's one great pose!"
"I don't think you can wear brown shoes with a charcoal suit."

More Ways to Annoy Your Craft Blogging Wife

2013-03-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

Springs here. It's a time for fresh starts and new beginnings. It's also time suggest more ways to annoy your craft blogging wife.

Change the link in her email signature so that it redirects to your blog.
Peel the "NO" off the "NO SOLICITING" vinyl sign that she cut out with her cameo.
Bring your wife to Target and show her how she could just buy all the things she wants to make, saving valuable money and time away from the TV. Hubby Jack
Hack into her blog and change all of the homophones to their counterparts (they're to their, too to two, etc).
Every time she stops the current project she is working on, move it to a new spot. Then swear you have no idea where it is. Demented Seamstress
Sign up and attend SNAP without her knowing it. Act surprised when you see her there. [Speaking of SNAP, what does it stand for? Usually when a word is written in all caps it is an acronym. What do you think it stands for?]
Move her glue gun to a location in your garage such that it would only be seen by her when she's returning the cordless drill to it's proper location. She'll never find it.
Sprinkle her cinnamon roll glaze with sawdust from your drill.
Watch her while she's typing an important email and say, "humph", then go on about your business.
Comment on still-present New Years decor on your blog in a March post (and see the decor disappear the next day).

Homemade Moonsand: How Much is Your Sanity Worth

2013-03-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

Spring Break was last week. The kids love it. A whole week at home with no school.

I'm sure Mandy loved it just as much. A whole week with four kids in the house...

On a related note, has anyone else tried homemade moonsand? Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't recommend it. However, you'll have to judge for yourself how much 30 minutes of uninterrupted time during Spring Break is worth.

P.S. Come back next week for a Man Up Link Up. I missed this month because, well, frankly I forgot.

Next Monday, 10 PM.

The Right Tool for the Job

2013-03-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

This evening Mandy asked me if I'd hand whip her glaze. I gave it about three whips and knew there had to be a better way. Unfortunately, we don't have a hand mixer.

It's important to note that I'm a big proponent of having the right tool for the job. In many cases, I'll agree to do a project for Mandy simply because it involves the purchase of a new tool. That said, it looks like I may have to expand my next power tool purchase to Bed Bath and Beyond.

The real question you should be asking is why do we have a bunch of mixer attachments in our misc kitchen drawer if we don't have a hand mixer?

P.S. I probably shouldn't mention that some sawdust fell off my drill and into the glaze half way through the job. Not wanting to cause a fuss, I just kept on mixing. A little extra fiber never hurt anyone.

Anti-Functional Decorating: Is there any other type?

2013-03-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Mandy's been involved in a year-long redecorating of our master bedroom. I'm all about redecorating, but only if there's some sort of functional benefit to be had in the process. New candles, mirrors, etc would all be functional additions welcome in our bedroom decor.

In the picture below, there's a couple of functional items. The dresser. The candles. The frame around our picture. I'll even give the large printed yellow sign a functional head nod as it certainly succeeds in its intended purpose of being legible.

There was, however, a functional casualty in the latest round of decor. Next to the dresser you'll notice a large jar that previously performed grandly in it's very functional purpose of holding spare change. Unfortunately, this jar caught the eye of a crafty lady who I happen to be married to, and it became a holder for some dried sticks and a couple of peacock feathers. While I don't dispute the usefulness of the sticks and feathers, I do have a problem with their interference of the purpose of the penny jar. They're jammed in there so tightly that there's no room for even a single coin to slip past. So much for saving for our kids' tuition.

I can't help but think that this is Mandy's inner self admitting that decorating prevents saving.

Candy is NOT for Eating

2013-03-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago a shared with you that I had been forced into craftiness out of self preservation, pressing my wooden hardware boxes into duty for one of Mandy's posts (left).

Fortunately, they have been relieved from duty and have been replaced by more appropriate counterparts (right). I was relieved and humanely returned my shop boxes to their rightful place place, getting dusty housing large nails and old electrical components that I save just in case "This Old House" calls and needs my help restoring a 1904 circa bungalow.

Unfortunately, these replacement boxes now contain skewered peeps (inhumane, to say the least) resting in jars of non-JellyBelly jelly beans (also inhumane). This is one way Mandy celebrates Easter three weeks in advance (also inhumane, and slightly crazy). As you know, all of Mandy's crafts are functional: I believe the function of this craft is to dry out the peeps to the point where they petrify in place and become so hard that they can be used to grind the 20-year old wheat that we have in our basement when "it all goes down."

While this excuse is enough to satisfy me (and lend credence to my need to stockpile ammunition), it is of little comfort to the 15 kids who wandered through our house today and invariably asked if they could have one. Don't they understand? Mandy was a broken record:

"This candy is not for eating!"

"It's for decoration."

"Come back after Easter!"

One Man's Junk

2013-03-07T06:00:00.000-06:00

You know what they say: "One man's junk ends up in another man's garage."

I've mentioned on here previously that the garage is my domain. And here. And here. And here. It seems to be a running theme, and I still hope that one day it will sink in with Mandy. But today is not that day. A lovely used crib mysteriously showed up on our garage. Upon questioning, Mandy confessed that she had acquired it from a friend. For free. Probably because our friend's husband did not want it in his garage.

I was pretty sure that the crib is not for another little Trevor coming down the pipeline, as that ~~snip~~ ship has sailed (though I'm always willing to make a valiant attempt). Furthermore, we already have one crib spring hanging crazily on the wall, complementing the equally crazy empty frames and two month old New Year's decor. So I asked Mandy what project she had in mind for this lovely piece of child-safety-recall.

Turns out she wants some sort of bench. That I have to design. And make.

I blame Pinterest.

It's Like Capris, for Your Arms

2013-03-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

Mandy made our boy a cool shirt a few months ago, and I asked her if he'd make one for me. I didn't specify exactly how it should look; I figured she'd make one similar to his.

A few months later, Mandy sent me a flirty text at work, "I have a surprise for you when you come home." I was pretty excited, and figured that my assistance with her blog was finally paying off.

I was surprised that my surprise was a shirt. Not that a new shirt is a bad surprise, it's just not the surprise I had led myself to believe was in store for me that evening.
I was surprised that it had a mathematical symbol on it. I figured it was Mandy's respectful nod at my technical education. Turns out it was made so Mandy could do a 3/14 "Pi Day" post.
I was surprised that the sleeves were a bit short. At first I thought it was defective, but Mandy assured me that it's an actual cut. Something about being a "baseball" shirt. I think it's just capris, for your arms, for men.

Icing Snobs, Don't Mock Me

2013-02-28T06:00:00.001-06:00

Editor's note: Do put icing or frosting on a cupcake? What's the difference between the two?

I thought it would be nice to frost a cupcake that Mandy had baked. Why this sudden urge to put frosting on a cupcake? Because it was Saturday and I was going to eat it, and it's a well known fact that cupcakes taste better with frosting.

Mandy happened to wander through the kitchen in the brief moment after I had frosted the cupcake but before it made it to my mouth. The stunned look on her face stopped me in my tracks, mouth open, cupcake suspended in midair, ready to bite. It also got the attention of the kids.

"What happened to that cupcake, Dad?"

"Yeah, did you drop it?"

"No, I just frosted it. I'm going to eat it."

My kids, and Mandy, cackled with the mirth that only an icing snob can muster.

Mandy was concerned enough with my work that she made me wait (and not eat) for five minutes while she iced two cupcakes and took pictures of her icing job next to my frosting job. I'm guessing its evidence that she'll save for later when Missouri finally gets around to making mis-frosting of a cupcake a misdemeanor. In the mean time, I'm left wondering, "how nice does the frosting have to be if you're going to eat it right away?"

Pending Trouble from an Unwise Remark

2013-02-26T06:00:00.000-06:00

I mentioned a while back that Mandy thinks hemming pants is a lot less fun than making paper chains.

I also mentioned that Mandy's really been into pallets lately.

Well, me and my big mouth managed to combine the two of them together last week. I had a pair of gray slacks from a suit that I picked up on sale for dirt cheap. They were a bit long in the leg and had been resting on the back of Mandy's craft chair for the past month. Not only did they need hemmed, but they also needed taken in at the waist about two inches.

I was in no hurry to get them done, but in a bit of a jest last week I commented to Mandy "I'll do a pallet project for you when you finish those gray pants." Little did I know that the right incentive makes all the difference in the world. My alteration was done in less than two days.

So now I need to do a pallet project for Mandy. She's leaning towards a coffee table for our refreshed living room. Sounds like a lot of work to me.

Can anyone recommend an easy pallet project to get me out of this jam? I'm thinking this one would work, and is surprisingly appropriate for both my logo and what I think of pallets.

Dual Purpose

2013-02-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

Most of the crafts floating around in blog land score very low on the utilitarian scale. I mean, just how useful are things like empty frames, wreaths, pallet signs, and the like?

A few weeks ago I crafted up something for Mandy: a PVC frame that could be used to hold up her photography backgrounds. Useful, right? Imagine my excitement when I came home today and found it being used for another purpose: drying wet snow clothes. Now that's useful.

P.S. The tie-dyed purple long underwear are not mine. I swear. But the pink scarf is.

More Harlem Shake - LEGO Style

2013-02-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

Now that the kids are savvy to the Harlem Shake rage, it was only a matter of time before they combined it with their other YouTube favorite...LEGO stop motion animation. Again, I'm way behind the times as this "original idea" has been done by about a million others, but we did it anyways. I think it's safe to say that mine is the only one with a LEGO midget in a sorting hat. Just say'n.