So... I had a baby.

I've moved!

2012-12-12T14:42:00.002-06:00

Visit me at my new home!

http://nickknockedmeup.com/

Now the link works. Figures I wouldn't know my OWN web address!

halloween.

2012-11-07T14:06:00.001-06:00

For Halloween Nick and I decided that Owen would be Admiral Dewey, for whom Nick's ship was named, and who said "Fire when ready Gridley." I'm pretty sure he also destroyed an armada of Spanish ships single handedly with his mustache, or something like that.

Owen was not into this costume. Mostly because I finished it two minutes before Halloween, he hadn't had any naps, and he did not appreciate the furry old man mustache attached to his pacifier. Or his hat.

Put that mustache on Pop pop. I dare you.

I'm not super proud of this outfit. Though I made it without a pattern, I totally went ghetto on the Admiral stripes. So instead of trick or treating we gave him a bath and a treat size candy bar, then put him to bed.

patriot.

2012-10-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

Nick's home for football season. Which means Owen is being indoctrinated into the Patriot's nation. It's fine with me. Every time Tom Brady takes his helmet off I hear bells chime. It doesn't hurt that the Patriot's colors match my couch pillows either.

Touch Down!!!!!

confessions of a stay at home mom.

2012-10-05T22:09:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I actually get ready (about once a week) I take a picture of myself because it's so shocking. I want to remember that I did my hair, showered, AND brushed my teeth! Oh, and that I looked hot.

You done wrong boy.

Now smile for Mommy!

Sometimes I forget to shut the bathroom door. Then something like this happens and I think to myself "Hopefully this TP is gentle on his digestive system."

He took his own pants off thank you very much.

Sometimes I take pictures of Owen in precarious situations when really I should be A. removing him from harm or B. taking advantage of a teachable moment. I do neither.

excuse me?

2012-09-25T14:09:00.004-05:00

Do you see my first e-mail? It's entitled "Is it time to move up to a size 4?"
I was like "Excuse me G-mail?!" Leave my pant size out of it! Jerk!

Then I realized it was from Huggies and it was referring to Owen's diaper size. I guess I'm just a little too sensitive about my waist size...

owen in pictures.

2012-09-23T12:08:00.003-05:00

lunchmeat for lunch is popular with everyone in our family.

It's not like we encourage begging...

Here's a blurry picture of Owen begging for my apple. We shared.

I sewed him his own floor cushion which he could care less about.

lounging with twinky in the morning times.

Navy Baby!

advice.

2012-09-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Mom. Isn't about time you took a shower? Seriously. You are funky.

control.

2012-09-16T21:04:00.001-05:00

This picture was made possible by control top panties!

that & the elastic band holding the jeans together...

"Kaley!" you exclaim, "Why would a vivacious 26 year old like yourself need to purchase ghetto spanx from the sale pile in Nordstrom Rack?" That's easy. My skin shelf. I made a handy illustration to help make my point.

Okay. You got me. I went a little crazy in picmonkey and added a festive sombrero and ethnic mustache. Ignore that. Check out my skin shelf, I'm not even in my last two months of pregnancy here! That skin stretched a lot further. It didn't go back y'all. It didn't go back. Now it just sits on my not so taut abs and threatens to eat the tops of my underwear all day. Control top panties solved all that.

Oh, to all my readers out there who have not been impregnated, I'm glad to have this skin shelf for Owen, and I would EVEN get pregnant again... believe it or not!

Adios!

we're back!

2012-09-13T23:38:00.002-05:00

What Up Y'all?! We're back! Aren't you relieved? A break was needed from blogging. I'm back in the south. It's still summer here, as it is 6 months out of the year. Stay tuned for blogs about Owen's first birthday party, Jessica Simpson on Weight Watchers, and our shenanigans down south.

teeny baby update.

2012-08-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

I still have a baby. He's one now. I'll blog it up soon. Promise.

baby weight.

2012-07-31T10:22:00.001-05:00

The term "baby weight."
According to modern medicine a person who is a healthy weight before getting pregnant should gain 25-30 lbs. Only 7 of which consist of maternal fat stores. So, gaining 50 lbs was... ungainly? Yet, ironically, it's those last 7 lbs that I struggle to shed. However, this is not baby weight. No. This is "You're lazy, you eat french fries, did you really just consume that much cookie dough?!" weight.
This is my apology to Owen. I'll stop blaming you for the extra weight. Let's be honest, I was looking for any excuse to stop dieting, and you were a really good one. It's not your fault.
Now I'm off to try and lose my "food baby" weight.

things i've done learnt.

2012-07-30T23:05:00.000-05:00

Owen is almost one. Twelve months. He can do a lot, like throw things with herculean strength. He can eat lint and even Cheerios. Owen is very adept at crawling and high five-ing and slapping the cat in the face (only when she deserves it). Some things he can't do. For instance, he can't do algebra. He doesn't have many words and he rarely dances. I can't get him to hold his sippy cup even though I know he can. Oh, and I can't convince him that his toys are infinitely more fun than the bookshelf. With Owen reaching his one year milestone I too am reaching one. Before Owen I was a naive albeit skinnier parenting novice. Now I say "Parenting? Old hat!" I thought I'd do something original and make a list of things I've learned and things that have changed about me as I became a mom in my first year of parenting.

Showers are unimportant. Don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Wash your face. Brush your hair. You've showered!
A clean shirt is a shirt that has no visible stains. Sure you may smell bad, but the pee has already dried and it's sterile anyway. Why change?
Dressing up consists of wearing pants that button. I'm only going to Walmart. Who needs real pants? Real pants are for Target.
Use a hair band for when you can not button your pants. I still can't button mine. Use the hair band. You'll thank me later. (Or maybe I'm just enabling myself)
You're not as diametrically opposed to pajama jeans as you should be.
Feeding yourself is hard. Feeding yourself, the baby, the cat, and the dog is REALLY hard. Don't feel guilty if you can't make your own baby food when the husband is under way.
I knew breast feeding was important to me. I didn't realize it was hospital stay, giant boob, 12 + months important to me. I'll let you know the date and time of my boob job.
Each month I become less worried about something terrible happening to Owen. I'm trying to live in the moment. It's heavy to be in charge of a human. Your own little human baby.
You'll most likely compare yourself to and resent moms that have managed to lose their baby weight. Unless you are that mom who lost her baby weight, and in that case... I hate you.
Last thing. Being a mom will make you cry during Hallmark commercials, even if you have no soul like me.

i hate you.

2012-07-29T22:41:00.001-05:00

I hate my giant boob. I really do. It's ruining my life.

Just thought everyone should know.

If I had known that my giant boob would pull my entire rib cage out of alignment, along with my hips, constricting my diaphragm and causing shoulder pain... I would have continued to breast feed anyway.

Sorry, "It's my party I can cry if I want to" and all that.

another mom confession.

2012-07-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

Whenever I feed Owen bananas I sing to him...

"This shhh is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

seriously mom?

cool baby.

2012-07-21T10:02:00.000-05:00

Owen deserved a present for being the cutest baby ever. So I bought him this hip outfit from Target.

Yes, yes, that is my baby laying in the dog's bed with the tv remote as a toy.

mom confessions.

2012-07-20T09:49:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm getting ready, I put Owen in the bath tub.

antsy.

2012-07-19T09:46:00.001-05:00

Well, Owen and I have been fighting an epic battle against the multitude of ants in Southern Mississippi. Trust me, there are a lot of ants. Our troubles first started when Owen dumped an entire box of Honey Sunshine on his nursery carpet.

Then got worse when Molly licked the crumbs, sealing them into the carpet. When I killed those ants with a combination of Terro ant traps and home defense spray they relocated to the garage. I feared they would get into the Cheerio infested car, so then they were treated to a similar doomsday celebration. I hate bugs.

owen and nick.

2012-07-09T21:17:00.001-05:00

Owen and I are missing Nick today, so we're posting an old school picture from back in the newborn days.

the witching hour.

2012-07-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

There is a time of day, usually around 4:30 or 5, that Owen becomes restless. Two months ago he would have been taking a cat nap, but now he's a two nap kind of baby. Much to my chagrin. We're often stuck inside because of the oppressive humidity (or because I'm a wimp) so I look for things to distract him. Most of them don't work. Like this one.

Hey Owen, let's take your picture on Photobooth.

Mom, let me gum the keyboard. Now!

standing.

2012-06-30T08:15:00.000-05:00

Owen is the cutest, most lovable baby I've ever known. I'm pretty much his biggest fan, with the exception of his bedtime screaming routine. That aside I think everything he does is super cute.

seriously. so cute.

fuss.

2012-06-25T16:51:00.001-05:00

Oh, Owen, you're going to fuss all day? That's cool. You can play with this glue stick while I get my Facebook on.

bed head.

2012-06-22T13:54:00.001-05:00

Owen was screaming in his crib so I went to go stuff his pacifier back in and turn on his sleepy giraffe. Then I looked at him, and though I had vowed to not pick him up when he won't sleep I just had to bring him out to show Nick.

I don't know how he did this. Maybe he was drooling on his hand then pulling his hair? Regardless, it was pretty funny.

Then being the big softie I am I rocked his crazy bed head self to sleep.

Ain't he cute?

laundry sherpa.

2012-06-19T22:34:00.000-05:00

Owen is climbing. Much to my chagrin. Now the side table and top levels of the book shelves are in trouble.

I sat folding laundry and over came a curious Owen. Up into the basket he went.

Then onto the coffee table with empty tylenol dispenser and sans one sock.

Curious he peeked over the side.

Then he sat up and I was forced to intervene.

magical me.

2012-06-18T22:26:00.001-05:00

Owen found my Harry Potter wand. It was lurking somewhere on the bottom bookshelf in my bedroom, and it is one of Owen's favorite pastimes to loot the bottoms of bookshelves. So the wand has ended up in his toy box. Or under a couch. Or in a pair of shoes. It will turn up. Before we lost the wand I snapped a few good pictures with it. Mostly he throws it. Sometimes he beats things with it. Occasionally he thrusts it forward and shouts "Dah!" which I'm pretty sure means "Alohamora."

Locomotor!

wingardium leviosa!

Expecto Patronum!

Incendio!

These spells aren't working! Maybe I should just whack the cat...

bath baby.

2012-06-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

Owen has been taking forever to go down and then waking up at 4 in the morning. Nick and I decided to start a bedtime routine (as we had none) that included a bath. This could be mostly because I saw a commercial for Lavender Baby shampoo and lotion that is clinically proven to help babies sleep better. Grasping at straws people!!

Nick gave him his bath tonight and I'm guessing was wanting to stack the odds in Lavender bath scent's favor by putting it in as bubble bath.

For once, Johnson and Johnson, you may be onto something. This has had good results two nights out of three.

He went right to sleep. Now to see if he wakes up at 4 am....