Winnie shares her home with two human parents and a two-month-old human baby sister. As can often happen for even the most gentle, laid-back dog companions, living with a baby can create stress for everyone.

I am so glad Winnie’s parents are pro-active in bringing me on board to support them in planning for increased safety, less stress and more harmony for everyone.

I have been licensed by Family Paws since 2021.

What does being a licensed Family Paws parent educator mean?

I graduated from a 13-week intensive class and throughout the year, attend educational opportunities and receive support from my friend and mentor, Jennifer Dawson Shryock, CEO of Family Paws.

We are a global network of professionals helping expecting parents, and parents of infants and toddlers to anticipate, prepare and establish guidelines that lead to increased safety and decreased stress for all family members – including the family dog.

It is work that I really enjoy. When a family includes a dog, it can and often does add stress to the home at a time when there is also a lot to be excited about.

If you know one of these growing families, please encourage them to seek support. They are not in this alone.

I am very appreciative to Family Paws, for spotlighting me in their last newsletter.

Why did I pursue being a licensed parent educator. This is my answer:

Family pets were an important part of my own childhood.  Our dog was my best friend and confidant, so I understand the value in a dog-child and dog-family relationship.

 I get why parents want their dog to be that friend to their young child. I get why their dog is such an important family member. Yet I often see, dogs, adults, and kids stressed when that dynamic is challenged. I want to do what I can to help these families see success.

While I couldn’t have my own children, I enjoy teaching, mentoring and bringing out the best in children (and companion animals) which is why I began kids’ classes on dog friendship.

This has led me to my work as a Family Paws educator. Supporting growing families that include a baby or toddler and a dog is a passion for me. This is a time of so much joy, and change…and, yes, stress. There are a lot of considerations when it comes to creating increased safety and less stress. It begins with education and planning ahead. Family Paws equips me with the knowledge, support and network I need, to be able to pass along to parents.

Are you an expecting parent, or parent of a newborn, toddler or young child? I’d love to be of help to your family too!

Planning ahead is important to modifying your pet’s behavior and the underlying emotions associated with, even causing, the behavior…ALWAYS.

Each time you are putting your dog back into THAT situation to rehearse the problems, your dog is learning, even strengthening, associations and unwanted behaviors. You simply can not change behaviors that are being practiced and reinforced on a regular basis.

Additionally, if your dog is experiencing frequently stressful events, more than likely, your dog is also experiencing stress stacking and chronic stress. This can lower your dog’s resilience, and your dog’s ability to cope.

The first step to changing your dog’s behavior is managing to prevent those rehearsals. Ask yourself what you can do to avoid putting your dog – and you – in positions to practice.

What skills will be helpful for you to teach your dog with positive reinforcement, that will support your dog’s success? Practice them over and over, in different environments with different distractions.

Give your dog lots of moments of success!  You will feel good about success too!

Gradually move closer to being in the environment where the problem behavior occurs, but ONLY as you and your pet can succeed.

This is a very simplified explanation. Every dog is an individual motivated by different things.

There are dogs who may simply not thrive in certain situations.

There are dogs who may have underlying physical issues.

There are dogs who have different interests.

Every dog has its own learning and personal history.

If you would like help better understanding, please reach out!

Pam and I have known each other for many years, since she was managing business director of Beech Acres Parenting Center and I was contracted to help its marketing department. Pam’s more than 40-year career has been focused on supporting vulnerable populations through social work, mental health and education. Throughout, she has been exposed to family pets and seen the importance of those animals to the human lives they share.

She got to know Pets In Need when she was asked to join its Board…and then later to be its director. Under her leadership, the clinic continues to expand, which is wonderful for pet families.

If you want to know why our community needs an organization called Pets In Need of Greater Cincinnati, just look at their patient photos, which speak volumes for what words cannot.

They are people who love their companion perhaps more than they have loved anyone else in their life.

Their pets are cats and dogs who love unconditionally offering a source of strength and compassion to their human being.

Together, they are family. They give each other comfort on dark days, reasons to smile, laugh and play.

These are clients who walk through the doors of Pets In Need where they receive affordable, high quality veterinary care that otherwise would be cost prohibitive. They are people who, due to life circumstances, are living below 200% of the federal poverty level. They are seniors, veterans, adults with disabilities, those who have experienced a life setback including homelessness.

Every year, more than 3000 pet parents (a statistic that continues to grow) are able to keep their pets because of the care they receive from this organization. The clinic is the only permanent resource for comprehensive veterinary care for low-income pet families in the Greater Cincinnati area.

Through a partnership with the SPCA Cincinnati , Pets In Need shares its space for the SPCA’s Chow Now Pantry – a free pet food program that helps keep local pets fed and families together.

I visited Pam and her team recently. I felt their hearts. I met some of the lives who are are touched. It warms my heart.

To Pam, and everyone at Pets In Need, I want to say a big THANK YOU for all that you do!

My dog often licks my legs because I wear body lotion but that is another topic for another day.

What is a Kiss to Dismiss?

Jen Shryock, founder and CEO of Family Paws (for whom I am a licensed parent educator), coined this phrase after receiving many calls through the FP support line from a parent saying something like this:
We don’t understand why our dog bit our toddler out of the blue. He always gives her kisses. He loves our daughter!

As a FP parent educator, I too get calls like this. I wrote more about this as it relates to babies and toddlers in this blog post.

However, dogs use this form of communication between dogs and grown people too. It is an attempt to create space and end interaction. Licking in these instances can also be a way of communicating, I mean no bad intent (appeasing); it can be a stress coping strategy; and it can break tension of front eye contact or body pressure.

Often this can happen when someone encroaches on a dog’s personal space. In these moments, if you observe carefully, you will see your dog displaying other signs of stress too.

Below are some of the common dog stress signals

Leaning away
Pushing paws into the ground or against the space invader
Blinking
Yawning
Stiff body muscles
Breathing change
Change in ear position
Closed mouth or panting
Whale eyes (showing the whites of the eyes)

Following the licks, your dog may turn or move away as a visible sign of relief.

Why should you learn to recognize your dog’s body language?

It is important to recognize a dog’s Kiss to Dismiss (and other stress signals) and; when you see these communication cues, to give your dog (or a dog not your own) space.  If you do not, and your dog is not able to get the relief he is seeking, there is a high likelihood that he will find it necessary to escalate his communication.  He may either shut down or feel the need to growl, snarl, lunge or even bite.

Watch this video below to help you learn.

ONLY your pet gets to decide what IS reinforcing in THAT moment. 

It is easy to assume that whatever it is you are using as a consequence to your pet’s behavior is a reinforcer…but the truth is, assumptions are just that.

I can’t tell you how many times clients prepare treats for our lesson, only to have their dog disinterested when their dog smells what I have in my bag.

Even with my own dog, while there are plenty of times when Dawson’s kibble is value enough, when he CHOOSES to leave what he was barking at and sprint toward my back door after I call, THAT is NOT one of those times. Experience has taught him that bolting toward me even when there are other valued options, results in a fun game of ‘find it’ with what HE considers high value. (Typically, that is either my homemade treats, pieces of brick cheese, or Happy Howie treats.)

These high value treats, then, are positive reinforcement because his running to the door has increased in frequency and strength. That is the ONLY way I know if what I am using, is actually reinforcing for him.

He may come once or twice if I go back to offering him kibble when he comes in, but I bet his recall will weaken as a result. I want his recall in this situation to be strong so I am consistent in giving him a consequence that HE thinks is totally incredible.

Experience has also taught me that Dawson will do just about anything for a burst of one or several of those treats, so I also bring those along on walks in case we need to walk past geese or another dog.

In these cases, Dawson’s turning back to engage with me is reinforcing my behavior of bringing homemade treats, brick cheese and/or Happy Howie pieces on our walks.

There are lots of angles to look at that.

Here is another example of where assumptions about positive reinforcement in dog training can be wrong.

I see many people praise their dog for coming to them by leaning and bending over to rub their dog on the head, but many dogs will lean or move away when this happens.

In this case then, what was intended to be a reinforcer may be punishing the behavior of coming when called instead. A negative consequence was added to their dog’s environment, which is positive punishment and can result in their dog coming less to avoid being rubbed on the head. I have seen that happen a lot.

The only way you will know if what you are using is actually a reinforcer is by observing the impact of that consequence on the rate of the behavior. If you see more of the behavior, it is being reinforced. Otherwise, it is not. And sometimes, what you intend to be a reinforcer can be a punisher if you see less of the behavior because of the consequence.

Remember that the value of any reinforcer can and often does change depending on a lot of factors – the environment, the animal’s health, the animal’s activity level, genetics, as examples.

Practice being observant of your dog. Your dog will tell you what he does or does not value, what is or is not within his abilities at the time, how he feels.

And practice using that knowledge to help you be a better, more inspiring kind of teacher.

Oh…and of course, have fun!

This is when the potential for danger, and the potential for your dog to escape, can occur. 

I am sure I don’t need to tell you, a home with kids and a family dog has its challenges!  

As a parent, this is A LOT to manage. I get it. You are probably juggling so many things at any given time. Supervising all these encounters can seem like a daunting task on top of everything else for which you are responsible.

I was talking to one of my clients the other day about this very subject. She has a young daughter and son, and a very energetic, life-of-the-party adolescent family dog.

Lindsay was sharing with me how overwhelming it can be at times. They (she and her husband) want to encourage neighbor kids to feel comfortable coming to them; and, so, it is a daily occurrence for a pack of kids to play inside and outside, going from one home to another.

She may be busy in the kitchen or getting other work done when the door suddenly opens and young bodies come running through.  With warm weather upon us, they are likely to go straight for the family’s fenced in back yard to do what kids will do outside (which means coming through the front door, into the kitchen and family room area, and out the patio door).  As you can imagine, it can get a little noisy.

For their collie, Lucky, this is an exciting interruption to her day! If she has access, she will greet her young friends by jumping on them or running in circles. She is more than happy to follow them too!

Once outside, more chasing, jumping, grabbing, and barking is what can come next.

Meanwhile, Lindsay has housework to do, dinner to prepare, phone calls to make. She doesn’t always have time to be with the kids, actively supervising. “It can be overwhelming,” she told me.

Why is pro-active management planning is so important for parents?

Here are my top reasons:

There is a real liability issue if anything were to happen to children on your property because of your dog. Dog bite prevention is an important consideration.

You may be thinking that isn’t so much of a concern as these kids  are all neighbor kids, but I am sure you would feel awful if anyone was injured because of playing at your home.

You AND your kids would not like it if your dog got labeled ‘aggressive’ or a ‘biter’ by the neighborhood.

You would also not like it if your dog is injured or frightened and develops fear of children as a result.

You AND your kids would be hurt if your dog ran away through an open door.

Really, active adult supervision when active kids and dogs are playing together should ALWAYS be the plan.

Let’s take Lucky as an example. 

While she is a dog who thoroughly enjoys adding energy to any get together, like any dog, her enthusiasm and arousal can increase fast. Being an adolescent, she is still developing her fine motor skills and her decision making isn’t always the best, especially in situations like this.

Accidents can happen. Her teeth may grab at skin. Her body may knock a child over. Kids may react by yelling at her, grabbing her collar or pushing her. They may also want to give Lucky a bear hug, and many dogs do not like that.

Even the most tolerant dog is going to have a breaking point. Good stress or bad stress, it can stack and lower a dog’s ability to cope. Dog bites do not happen out of the blue.

There are other breeds whose arousal can spike even quicker than Lucky, in different ways, and unfortunately, sometimes spiked arousal can lead to aggressive dog behaviors.

Meanwhile learning is happening all the time. Associations (referred to as conditioned emotional responses) are formed based upon past experiences. Lucky and other family dogs are learning to associate kids with high emotion, high energy, jumping, chasing, nipping, and barking. The expectation then for her and others, is that the presence of kids means excitement.

Other dogs may not enjoy children the way that Lucky does. Kids’ unpredictability and loud noises can be scary for many, who may feel unsafe without certainty. These dogs may try to get away but may not be able to. Tight spaces can cause them to feel more uneasy. Kids who are unable to interpret and act upon dog body language, can intrude on personal space, and give dogs more reason to be defensive.

Something else may also occur on these afternoons.

Doors that are flung open, maybe not even fully closed, can be a quick exit for family dogs – whether a dog wants to be off to explore or wants to escape.

What does pro-active management planning for kids and dogs look like?

Here are some tips to consider:

Lock all of your doors and ask kids to ring your doorbell or text your cell phone to come in.

If you would like to allow easier access, only have ONE door open for neighbor kids so that you can manage around that single entry.

Use a double gated barrier around the entrance way to lower the risk of your dog escaping and having direct access to little bodies as they come through the door.  You can also install a gate at the entrance to hallways leading to that door.

Have the kids play in a separate area from your dog. Lindsay will have boys either play in their basement or outside. She has gates separating the sliding glass door leading to outside and the kitchen area.

Keep your family dog with you while the neighborhood kids are playing elsewhere. You can give your dog an activity to do within your space.

Take a few minutes to oversee structured enrichment time that includes the kids. With your supervision, they can create food scatters, food paths, hide food and then ask them to sit in an area while your dog does the activity. Kids can also prepare food stuffed toys. 

If your dog knows behaviors fluently, you can practice having the kids, one child at a time, ask your dog to do a behavior, telling your dog GOOD, and then tossing a treat.

Encourage kids to do a calm activity while your dog is settle on a bed or mat, with you in the same room.

I love Lindsay’s perspective as a parent. “I must set my dog up for success because it is so unfair if I set up my dog to be labeled the bad or dangerous dog.”

What is my 10 Second Rule?

It is spending AT LEAST 10 seconds delivering treats (to your dog’s mouth, or by using fun ways to use treats) or doing another activity your dog values. It could be that you call your dog to come, and then cue your dog to do another awesome behavior (your dog gets to decide what is awesome).

By giving your dog at least 10 seconds of fun, your reinforcement for coming when called and engaging with you has become A LOT more valuable to your dog, thus, increasing the likelihood and strength of your dog doing that more in the future. Your dog needs to be able to predict that something really amazing is going to happen when he engages with you.

Applying this in a dog training lesson.

I recently taught my client my 10 Second Rule for teaching her miniature dachshund puppy, Luna, to come when called. Initially, Kate gave her puppy a single treat, and when she did, I could see her little girl saying to herself,

“That is all you got?”

Luna spoke by taking the treat and leaving to explore.

But next time, Kate used the ‘10 SECOND RULE’, and Luna came running as fast as her little legs could go.

And guess what Luna did this time?

She stayed focused on her human mom!

Guess what happened the next time Kate called Luna, and the time after that?

You better believe Luna was all about running and staying with her mom – EVEN THOUGH a leaf blew by!

It had been a while since we finished our training package and when I saw this sweet, energetic standard poodle again she was struggling with calm greetings. We are starting some additional lessons.  

For her, being near her mom (or another person) with a treat pouch, kept this dog in high alert mode. She was focused on working, doing behaviors and looking for her treat.

A better approach?

I tethered her about 6 ft away from us. This removed that teaching obstacle, and she was able to relax. That is what I wanted to see – for her to be able to calm herself on her own.

What is not filmed is what happened after she had settled for five minutes.

I then walked over to greet her. It was a much different dog greeting. She stood up and leaned into me as I pet her. Then I moved away again before the possibility of a raised arousal.

This will need to be practiced a lot first with familiar people and in different environments with different distractions.

I’ve heard it said often that to crate train, feed your puppy there. Here is the thing, if your puppy does not feel safe being closed in, feeding your puppy in there and then closing the door, has the potential to cause your little one to fear that food (and fear the crate).

And also, this is a very important time to help your puppy just settle in and know her new surroundings are a safe, happy place.

This precious little girl, a miniature dachshund puppy new to her home, spent time playing in her pen and then learning through playing with us before this video. We knew she was tired. We could see it in the shift of her behavior.

A perfect time to work on crate training.

You can see, they made it super soft and cozy.

I gently coaxed her in, softened my voice, sat beside her, and gave her tiny flavors of treats as she began to relax. There were a few times when she got up and came out. That is ok. It is important to give her that choice. There is no force here.

Then she came back to her comfy spot and we began again. Crate training should look very boring. It can take some time for you to be sitting beside it, so plan on reading a book, watching tv or talking with family.

You can see how, over time, her sweet eyes were beginning to close. Eventually, she laid her head down.

In this phase, don’t worry about closing the door. Stay nearby even when she is sleeping. However, if your puppy is ok with you closing the door, go ahead and do that but watch to make sure your little one is still comfortable. You can open and close the door too, it just depends.

Over time, you can begin closing the door more while you stay close. Then you can begin closing it and moving around.

It is important that you not just put a puppy in the crate, shut the door and walk away.

That can backfire and create a lot of distress. This is a systematic process. Ironically, the slower you go, the faster this will go.

Since this video was taken the first time this training began, this little girl was not asleep when it came time for me to leave so I had my client pick her up and bring her with us, then go back to resting in the crate when I was gone. I bet she was asleep on that comfy cushion in no time.

How you move forward will depend on the puppy in front of you.

It is also a good idea to have a webcam camera for when you do begin moving around, and even walk out of the room…and eventually out of the house. You want to make sure you do not see distress. Come back in prior to your puppy beginning to bark.

I am so glad I finally got a video of working through this to share!

Can I be of more help to you and your puppy? Please reach out!

But wait. Remember, you just brought home a little baby. You have basically taken him from the only home and only family he knew, brought him into a foreign land, with creatures who do not speak his language. Everything will be different, possibly scary for your puppy. Even if you brought home the social butterfly, it can be stressful. For you too.

The First Week

Woaza, that can be overwhelming!  I am here to tell you…take a deep breath, relax, and don’t pressure yourself or little buddy. This is all new for all of you.

Instead of focusing on puppy training milestones, that first week, focus on helping your puppy to feel safe and secure, understood. Help your puppy to meet his basic needs.

THIS week is your puppy’s orientation to your home, your family, your environment.

Among your first lessons to teach should be learning that you are the source of good things. That you are trustworthy and predictable. That fun happens here.

Don’t rush. Low key is better.

Your extended family and neighbors may want to meet your little bundle of joy. You may want your puppy to meet everyone. All of that is awesome…just hold off for those first days, and then do introductions in small numbers without pressure.  Instead of holding your puppy and passing him on to greeters, allow him the choice of whether to interact.

Your puppy is going to need sleep for most of his day (upwards of about 20 hours). Give him quiet space to take naps. I like to begin early teaching the crate is a comfy, safe space for resting, without pressure…gently him to cuddle on the soft material while sitting beside it, with the door open.  

Manage and supervise your puppy to prevent rehearsals of unwanted behaviors. Gates and playpens are important, and so is keeping him in sight and easily reachable whenever he is awake.  You may need to take your puppy outside quickly to go potty.

Speaking of pottying, taking your little one out often is key because he does not have bladder control or knowledge yet of where to go.  You are teaching your puppy to go on a certain substrate – grass – so lots of practice is the way to go. What goes into a small body must come out of that small body, and it does not take long. At least once an hour, more frequently for tiny and active puppies.

Give him toys to play with and things to chew.

Try to be home with your puppy as much as you can as this is a crucial time for assuring his need for safety is met. With my own dog, when I first brought him home, I needed to leave for a couple hour commitment that first weekend, I had a sitter stay with Dawson.

At bedtime, have your puppy’s crate beside your bed and plan on getting up in the middle of the night to quietly and calmly take him out to go potty. Then right back to sleep.

Be kind to yourself too.

It is tiring and can be stressful for you too. Puppy naps are great times for your personal time to get what you need to get done.

Know you will make mistakes and it will be okay.

Cherish the moments that make you laugh, that give you joy. And your little buddy will too!