Puns

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matthewmartell — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 14:00:42 -0800

TSARDINES!

matthewmartell — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 12:00:00 -0700

Quite conveniently, you can find them at nearly every grocery store in their adorable and easy-to-spot Raspu-tin. - Matty Malaprop

Misha Has Taken Control

JoeO — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 06:00:00 -0700

WELCOME TO MY LIFE (CREY)

matthewmartell — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:30:00 -0800

Matty Malaprop's Valentine's Day 2012 Agenda: Work. Go home. Cry. Listen to The Smiths. Cry. Eat ice cream. Cry. Listen to the Smiths. Cry. Fap. Cry. Eat ice cream, listen to The Smiths, cry and fap simultaneously. Repeat until it's Feb. 15.

It's Valentine's Day, and Cheezburger has a very special present for you!

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matthewmartell — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 13:00:21 -0800

Harry Potter and the Salamander of Azkaban

kacerosky — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 06:00:00 -0800

He Shines Brightest On His Own

matthewmartell — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 08:00:00 -0800

His cold misanthropy is just a property of his brain chemistry, I suppose. - Matty Malaprop

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matthewmartell — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:00:23 -0700

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matthewmartell — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:15:12 -0800

Story of My Life

matthewmartell — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 06:00:00 -0700

Seriously, the entire history of my social life could be summarized as one. From that one time I drunkenly threw up all over everything and everyone I ever loved to that other time I dressed up my neighbor's rooster as a transgendered caricature of Lady Gaga... let's just say my existence has long been one big pile of shame. - Matty Malaprop

Martin Luther King, Jr. Was Always in Good Hands

matthewmartell — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 08:00:00 -0800

His entourage pitied the fools who thought segregation was an acceptable belief! - Matty Malaprop

Friend and Dafoe

matthewmartell — Sun, 06 May 2012 10:00:00 -0700

And in certain movies, he's even Willem Dableagent! - Matty Malaprop

Philosoraptor Should Really Go Into Marketing

matthewmartell — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 08:00:00 -0800

And if those magazines ads are all from "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Editions," then I have NO IDEA what you'd even call the garment at that point. - Matty Malaprop

I Call Him DH-Man But Only In The American League

itsbutton — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 04:00:00 -0800

Like a SIRus!

matthewmartell — Wed, 09 May 2012 12:00:00 -0700

He saw that asteroid coming down from the sky, and he looked at his prehistoric pals and told them, solemnly: "Cheerio, chaps." - Matty Malaprop

This Panic Button Would Sell Faster Than Their New Album

kacerosky — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 02:00:00 -0800

No Ear Left Out Here

kacerosky — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 06:00:00 -0800

Ai gotz an Ocelot a Flaver!

kacerosky — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Big Difference Between the C and the D

JoeO — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:00:00 -0700

Nooo!!

kristyb — Fri, 02 Sep 2016 07:00:00 -0700

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matthewmartell — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 16:00:45 -0700

Too Soon

theresaburger — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 08:00:00 -0700

You Can Say That Again

matthewmartell — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 06:00:00 -0800

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this joke is just a teensy bit *forced.* - Matty Malaprop Set humor to ludicrous speed!

He Can Be My David Landlord Any Day

theresaburger — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Funny Times People and Things Got Singled Out Unfairly

Eric Lund — Sat, 27 Feb 2021 12:00:00 -0800

Sometimes certain people and things get the ire of everyone around them, or just the universe in general. It could be a Burger King sign that tells everyone a certain employee sucks. It could be a burst pipe that only covers one person's car. It might not even have an inkling of merit, sometimes people and things just get humorously singled out unfairly.

9 Useless Tips That Can Save Your life If a Bear Ever Attacks You

elinorsalo — Fri, 30 Aug 2019 06:00:00 -0700

Brought to you By Bearmagadon

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matthewmartell — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 06:00:48 -0800

It's a Fitting Parody, Really

matthewmartell — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:00:00 -0800

... because much like a desert, the Bloodhound Gang's discovery is mostly devoid of life and appeal. HEYO! - Matty Malaprop

This Man Has Mastered the Art of Dicing

matthewmartell — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 16:00:00 -0700

Just be careful: D6 become more and more prone to mysterious vanishment the smaller they get. - Matty Malaprop

Ham Solo

kacerosky — Sun, 17 Nov 2013 06:00:00 -0800

Adorably Mathmatic

JoeO — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:00:00 -0700

R.I.P. IN PEACE PLUTO!!!!

matthewmartell — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:00:00 -0800

Yes, R.I.P. in peace. Deliberate redundancy. Pluto deserves it. You got a problem with that???? - Matty Malaprop

When Life Gives You Lemons

matthewmartell — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 18:00:00 -0700

Um... well... I mean... OH COME ON THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR YOU CAN'T MAKE LEMONADE WITH MILK! - Matty Malaprop

My Furniture is so Ferncy!

matthewmartell — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 06:00:00 -0800

Still, it could be better. My stupid remote keeps getting lost underneath the chair's in*fern*al cushion! - Matty Malaprop

Bangarang? Is That What You Get for Beating Boomer Kuwanger

matthewmartell — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 06:00:00 -0800

**Punmaster LuichoX says:** "Mega Man? Nope, Bass." All the music in *Mega Man & Bass* >>>>>>> Anything by Skrillex 3BH. - Matty Malaprop **Get over here and play a video game!**

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matthewmartell — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:00:38 -0700

Don't You Mean "Kaiju"?

FrankieDudeUltimate — Sun, 22 Sep 2013 06:00:00 -0700

One Positive Attitude

JoeO — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 06:00:00 -0800

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MildlyAmused — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:00:17 -0700

You Put Me in the Avatar State, Valentine

matthewmartell — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:30:00 -0800

Baby, are you bloodbending? Because I'm immobilized by your presence. #sociallyawkwardavatarpickuplines - Matty Malaprop **Find the Katara to your Aang this Valentine's Day over at Dating Fails!**

But At Least Your Jokes Are Solid

matthewmartell — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Don't get me wrong, I love every anecdote you tell... but sometimes it takes me a little while to absorb them. - Matty Malaprop

It Might Be Important Someday!

matthewmartell — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 06:00:00 -0700

A Bob Marley impersonator with good taste in typeface will probably appreciate this pun. Now all I need to do is find myself a Bob Marley impersonator with good taste in typeface... - Matty Malaprop

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FrankieDudeUltimate — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:00:16 -0700

Orange - 1, Red - 0

matthewmartell — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 14:00:00 -0700

Eat your heart out, Neil Young! You may be a rocker, but you ain't no rock! - Matty Malaprop

The End is Thigh High

grapelexicon — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 04:00:00 -0700

The Non-Vanilla Ices

matthewmartell — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Further proof that they are both waaaaaaaaaay cooler than their caucasian counterpart. - Matty Malaprop

MAYBE AT LEAST SPELL DEUX CORRECTLY NEXT TIME???

matthewmartell — Mon, 21 May 2012 06:00:00 -0700

I mean, come on! Doo-ex means about as much as Kim Jong-Un promising freedom to his people! - Matty Malaprop

So Bored

JoeO — Mon, 06 May 2013 10:00:00 -0700

He Couldn't Have Picked a Better House Comic

matthewmartell — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 08:00:00 -0800

The man has a doctorate in making people laugh, you know. - Matty Malaprop

Progress Through Regression

matthewmartell — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 08:00:00 -0700

And here we have one more reason why I absolutely HATE the English language sometimes. #JKEnglishYouKnowILoveYou - Matty Malaprop