Puns

Things That Are Way Newer Than People Think

Eric Lund — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 14:00:00 -0800

Life looks a lot different now than it did even twenty or thirty years ago. As recently as fifty years ago, even scientists had a hugely different idea of how the world worked. And a hundred years ago? Screw that, no one wants to live in a world without functioning toilet paper or high fives. On the flipside, there's also tons of stuff that's way older than people think.

Apple Sunk my battle ship!

matthewmartell — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 06:00:00 -0700

Unlimited Data Not Available in All Areas

FrankieDudeUltimate — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 06:00:00 -0700

I'm Surprised it Wasn't Lupus

matthewmartell — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:00:00 -0800

And it was precisely then that poor little Susie developed her longstanding case of Iatrophobia. - Matty Malaprop *Thanks punmaster **Magician_at_large** for finding the source for this comic!*

Maybe He Should Have Just Kept Silent

matthewmartell — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:00:00 -0700

And this, children, is what happens when you open your big mouthpieces. - Matty Malaprop

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Limburgered

matthewmartell — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 06:00:00 -0800

Barbacoa's: Where confession and concession meet in holy meltrimony. - Matty Malaprop

Man Gets DNA Test For Birthday, Soap Opera Ensues

mattstaff — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 06:00:00 -0800

We're honestly just glad that this particular DNA test surprise turned out for the best, and that everyone seems to have handled the shock with grace and love and understanding. Those DNA tests just have an uncanny knack for exposing all the skeletons hiding out in people's closets. Check out another family's shocking experience with a DNA test over here.

Worker Deploys Petty Revenge on Elevator Rule Stickler

Eric Lund — Sat, 14 Nov 2020 06:00:00 -0800

Most of us would agree that safety rules are important to follow. But when rules are enforced not on their utility but on the satisfactions of the people getting to abuse them, that's where people get petty. For another story of pettiness, here's a coworker who complained too much about free pizza and encouraged a petty feast.

One More Than Firetruck

matthewmartell — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 10:00:00 -0800

Punmaster ichckid098 wins the Internet for today. Everybody else should just go home. - Matty Malaprop

Very Successful Advert #1: Buy/Sell

matthewmartell — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 15:00:00 -0700

What I wanna know is: How long does it take someone to learn to be ambiphonidextrous? - Matty Malaprop

Punposing My Sympuny

matthewmartell — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 08:00:00 -0700

I kind of like how the white space between S and the easel looks like a slap in the panel right before he gets slapped. That probably wasn't intentional... OR WAS IT? - Matty Malaprop

Curse You, Spam Mail!

matthewmartell — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:00:00 -0800

Hawaiians are pragmatic and now how to cook up some delicious memorandums from it, but it's just trash for the rest of us, really. - Matty Malaprop

Fap like an Egyptian

Amemeda — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 02:00:00 -0800

Untitled

matthewmartell — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:30:11 -0800

I'm Done Horsing Around!

matthewmartell — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 12:00:00 -0800

Hay now man, just calm down. We both know no good ever comes from being on the lamb from the law. - Matty Malaprop *(yes yes I know it's lam but BAD JOKES ABOUT BARNS AND STUFF LEAVE ME ALONE)*

Untitled

matthewmartell — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 12:00:34 -0800

Untitled

matthewmartell — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 06:00:40 -0800

Always Consult an Expert

theresaburger — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 06:00:00 -0700

Police Record

matthewmartell — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 08:00:00 -0700

Roxanne, you don't have to pay for your tickets... oh wait, yes you do. - Matty Malaprop

All Humans Are Basically Just Turnip Heads Anyway

matthewmartell — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 18:00:00 -0700

I can't let you do that, Sophie. - Matty Malaprop

I'm a Huge One

matthewmartell — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:00:00 -0700

Except for sludge metal. That stuff never seems to blow over very well with me. - Matty Malaprop

Why Must You Get My Hopes Up?

matthewmartell — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 14:00:00 -0700

Merlot! The Humanity of this tragic scene! - Matty Malaprop

Looks Like a Stalemate to Me

matthewmartell — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Well, when you two deciduous to stop being so selfish, then maybe you'll realize how much you both knead each other in your lives. - Matty Malaprop

The Must-See Movie of the Summer

matthewmartell — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 14:00:00 -0700

His stage name? Why, it's Dunder Mifflin, of course! - Matty Malaprop

Are You Canadian, Eh?

matthewmartell — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 10:00:00 -0700

Aboat time you learned to swim, right? Because I'm about to throw you overboard for naming your boat Aboat Time. - Matty Malaprop

A Coupd of Very Punny Cops

kacerosky — Fri, 18 Oct 2013 10:00:00 -0700

Rein it in, Deer.

matthewmartell — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 14:00:00 -0800

Man, that joke really came out bell-y up... - Matty Malaprop

His One Weakness

theresaburger — Wed, 29 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Dude on Tinder Deserves This Girl's Number For His A+ Cheesy Game

mattstaff — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 02:00:00 -0700

Seriously tho, this girl's going to need some wine to wash down all that cheese. Honestly curious how this one ended up working out.

Untitled

MildlyAmused — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:20:17 -0700

Untitled

matthewmartell — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 10:00:39 -0700

This Sunblock Might Do More Harm Than Good

theresaburger — Tue, 30 Jul 2013 10:00:00 -0700

The Commercial Featuring Bill Murray Really Sells it!

matthewmartell — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:00:00 -0800

Bring it on, Stay Puft! - Matty Malaprop

You Might Even Call it Peckercraft

matthewmartell — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Or maybe it's closer to Origamember? - Matty Malaprop

Untitled

matthewmartell — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 06:00:06 -0800

Now That's a Good Towing Company

JoeO — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 06:00:00 -0700

Sorry, I'm More Partial to (a)Cute Angles

matthewmartell — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 12:00:00 -0700

I mean, I'm not trying to be too terribly judgmental here, but those hot angles are always just so obtuse. - Matty Malaprop

Staff Makes Student Patiently Wait to Report Fire

Eric Lund — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 06:00:00 -0700

The hierarchy of school can be strange, especially when there's some miscommunication going on between staff and students. In this case, the staff didn't understand the full scope of what was going on, and had themselves an absurd situation on their hands. Here's a tumblr story of a teacher who underestimated their students in a social experiment, and here are some "that's amazing, but please stop" school stories.

Karen Threatens Employee With Write-Up, Gets Lesson In Management

mattstaff — Wed, 11 Nov 2020 14:00:00 -0800

Sometimes the manager needs to receive a harsh lesson on proper management. In this case, Karen was way out of line when it came to the reasoning behind writing an employee up. Literally, the employee did exactly what any helpful human being would do when faced with a scenario where the office runs out of paper--they got more paper! But no, Karen insisted on staging a whole meltdown. Fortunately, someone else was around and ready to give Karen the management education she sorely needed.

You're On My Last Nerve!

matthewmartell — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 06:00:00 -0700

I'm not particularly certain why this person's last nerve is a rocket/missile/phallic-shaped-exploding-thing, but it's probably best not to ask... - Matty Malaprop

No Need to Apologize!

matthewmartell — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 10:00:00 -0700

So... the Green Lanturn is the just the shiny version, right? - Matty Malaprop

Untitled

matthewmartell — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 06:00:02 -0800

The Walking Dad

matthewmartell — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:00:00 -0700

Don't worry junior, you're not alone in this. My dad's always zombie-esque before he gets his morning coffee in him too. - Matty Malaprop

Nanananana...

matthewmartell — Sun, 22 Mar 2015 10:00:00 -0700

Well you can't argue with the fact that this is perfectly in keeping with Bruce Wayne's typical crime-fighting M.O.: When in doubt, hit the sumb*tch. - Matty Malaprop

Untitled

matthewmartell — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 13:30:11 -0800

Imma Bee Imma Bee Imma Imma Imma Bee

matthewmartell — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Well one thing's for sure: the Black-Eyed Peas are most definitely bumble-ing their careers with the schlock they call music. - Matty Malaprop

Better Than a Trotting One

matthewmartell — Wed, 25 May 2011 08:00:00 -0700

Because seriously, who trots anymore these days? - Matty Malaprop

Just What You Need for Pumpin' Some Iron Curtain

matthewmartell — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 08:00:00 -0700

I'm so jaded about political humor these days, but I think this one really hits the Marx. - Matty Malaprop

I'd Really Rather Not...

matthewmartell — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:00:00 -0800

Come on now; everyone knows the only funny vegetable is the potato. - Matty Malaprop

SMP CLASSIC: Arch Enemies

matthewmartell — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:00:00 -0800

Have you been bullied by an arch lately? I hear there's a support group that can help. - Matty Malaprop