So Sue Me!

Life sucks a dick but we have to keep going

2021-04-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

I am about to celebrate an unusual anniversary. Tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of my Van leaving me for the mechanic. Through an absolute comedy of errors, which is not really anyone's fault, My van has been in the shop for a month. This comedy included my rental car being towed by the HOA because it had expired tags (FYI the car parked next to it has tags that expired in January and it is still sitting there). This comedy included the manufacturer of my van forgetting which engine was put in it when they made it (and sending the wrong parts not 1 or 2 or 3 times... yes 4). This comedy included an entire machine shop being closed for three days for covid. This comedy now includes me buying flowers for the mechanic and having them delivered tomorrow.

Actual message on the card for the flowers.

On top of all that has been happening I have also had to deal with some physical shit. My body is apparently in complete revolt. Supposedly when you lower your blood sugars then your body is supposed to get better. Instead I now have constant pain in my knee and hip. I sleep like shit. After YEARS of not having a single incident my GERD has gotten so bad that I now have acid burns in my throat. Talking is not fun right now. (please DO NOT offer any advice in your comment. I am not looking for it. I am working with my doctors and hope to resolve everything, your opinion on my situation is not relevant and I will delete your comment).

Have you ever met someone and wanted desperately to become their friend and then they do become your friend then they up and improve their life and move a whole country away.... *SIGH* You know who you are.....

I was put on a new diet to try to help get these damned sugars under control. Its working but it SUUUUUUCKS. today I had a craving for Dino Chicken Nuggets and French fries. Neither of which I can have anymore. The craving was so strong that I cried a little. I, a 41 year old woman, cried for chicken nuggies.

Last night I had an idea that I would revive my gallbladder blog and start reviewing some of the keto recipes and foods that I now eat. That would be fitting since my gallbladder is the reason I am in the fucking situation.

This post started as a facebook post but I realized it would be toooooo long for that. So here I am acting like some lyrics from that English punk/rock band Chumbawumba. Doing what I do best, getting back up.

You know which song right?

I'm a fucked up individual

2018-07-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

So I have learned over the years to compartmentalize a lot of shit. Generally speaking very little gets me upset any more.

At least that's what I tell everyone and what everyone thinks. And since literally no one reads blogs anymore that's all anyone will think. but the reality is that I learned a long time ago to work out my issues away from the public eye. Why? Because I give a shit what people think about me and I never want to be "oh her? She's nice but a little crazy if you know what I mean". I was that once. It cost me friendships. Friendships I valued. so I locked little crazy me away and I let her out when I'm alone.

I once tried to show her to a life partner I had but he dismissed her and made me feel like shit for needing to lean on someone. so away she went.

and I thought every thing was good. We had an arrangement. I go home alone to my bed where I weep all the anger and frustration and confusion of the day out into my pillows.

But the other day I drank most of a bottle of rum while out with a very good friend of mine. And when I got home at 5 am I proceed to say shitty things to said friend (in front of another very good friend of mine) and then I sent another very good friend of mine a text. The text it self wasn't "terrible" but it was crazy. said friendship is now over. POOF.

No more rum for me.

Time to regroup and figure out jut where the fuck I went wrong. Actually I know what it is, and I'm letting it go. Its going to be hard. But I can do it.

2018-03-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

I am one of those creative people who needs to be inspired to create. Most often I am inspired by a muse.

The dictionary defines a muse as "the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like."

Historically in mythology a Muse is one of the 9 daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne who each preside over some form of art: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric poetry), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (religious music), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy).

Roman statue of Erato, 2nd century AD.
The muse is depicted playing
the kithara or lyre.

Erato and I are very good friends.

I know a lot of artists. We tend to be drawn to each other, we find solace in the misery of our fellow artists. Its cliche, the tortured artist, but its a cliche for a reason. Art is a very emotional thing. I have found that the stronger the emotion the stronger the art.

That being said, there is a very fine line between being inspired by emotion and being stymied by it. Look at the dates on my poetry blog archives. Between 2013 and 2017 nothing was posted. I was in a very deep dark depression and trying hard to keep my head above water. I produced NOTHING. I was working hard on finding myself again after having lost my sense of identity. 2017 was transformative. I spent the entire year in a very frustrated place. I hated where I was.

I was determined to get back to being creative because I remember being happy when being creative. So I vowed to do a little something every day in 2018. I started bullet journaling and doing a different creative challenge every day. In January it was a photo a day. In February it was InCoWriMo (Correspondence writing). March has been a list prompt every day.

Each of those worked to help stir my pot of creative juices, but it took a catalyst to make the pot boil over. My catalyst was a muse in the shape of a person. Another artist. Another tortured soul looking for some relief from the pressure that unfulfilled art builds up inside of you. I've known him for about 3 years now but we just recently connected on a more personal level.

Hearing his story and bouncing ideas around together was the very thing I needed to get back on the bandwagon. My muse doesn't directly inspire everything I do (though certainly you can find a piece of him in everything). For me its more like his presence inspires me to want to write more. I write for me (and honestly for him too because he is super talented and I look up to him as an artist and I want to impress him). I am sure there are some budding astrophysicists out there publishing papers in the hopes that Neil Degrasse Tyson reads it and makes a comment on it. He's my NDT.

In essence my muse gives me the gentle nudge I need to get my work out. Sometimes its a thing he says, sometimes its a thing he does. SOMETIMES I don't even realize he inspired it until I have it written down and I'm all like... "oh yeah.. he's all over this". Sometimes its not even about him at all.

I don't know how other people get their ideas for their art. Mine all come from my life. I have millions of ideas but they never make it to paper. With a little help from my muse some of it makes out into the world.

all works posted here are copyrighted

References: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/muse; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erato;

How to NOT be a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitch

2017-05-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

Holy shit... its been a year since I posted anything. I was inspired by a friend to write an article. so here it is:

In this course, I will teach you how to release your inner crazy and become the cool laid back person that most other people want to date. I am going to be as gender neutral as possible because I have met just as many male Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitches as I have female. We will address each issue in order.

STUPID

I normally dislike the word “stupid” quite a bit. I think it is more derogatory than the word “cunt”. Trust me, you would rather have me call you a cunt than call you stupid. This first obstacle is the easiest to overcome. The next time someone says something that you disagree with you should not immediately start an argument. Instead find out why that person believes that way. Lets role play a bit.

Me: I really like Star Trek
You: Star Trek is for nerds!!!

This is wrong. Instead you should find out why I like it. Perhaps you have missed something in your interpretation of my belief.

Me: I really like Star Trek.
You: Really? I could never get into it. Why do you like it so much?
Me: I love the ideals that it sets forth for humanity….. [insert long conversation about the lessons of Gene Roddenberry]

Now you have gained some insight in to the personality of the person you are talking to. You can literally apply this to any topic of conversation. Politics, Religion, TV shows, Gun rights…. Any of them.

Stupid people would rather wallow in their ignorance of another person’s point of view. I am not saying that you must agree, only that you should educate yourself.

RATCHET

Just because a person wants to have sex with you DOES NOT mean they want to have a relationship with you. Sex and Emotions are very very very rarely tied together. SEX is the result of a physical attraction. That physical attraction can lead to an emotional relationship but not always; and not even often. A lasting relationship is built on the emotional attraction you have for another person. You should NEVER enter into a relationship simply because the other person is hot and is a good fuck. You can find a million hot good fucks anywhere you go, but that one person who makes your soul sing… that is an entirely different ball game.

NOW hold your horses.. I know that you can develop a nice physical relationship with a person that is strictly sex and platonic enjoyment of one another. Those are easy peasy and are a good way to keep the edge off of your sexual tension while you are on those 50 first dates trying to find the one frog who turns into a prince(ss). These are pretty good relationships. I like them. There is no pressure to be the perfect mate, just an accommodating lay. NOTE: this should be an even 50/50 relationship. You go to their place, they come to yours; you buy dinner one time, they buy it the next. If one of you is putting out more than the other this relationship is bound to end bitterly.

It is OK to be in a strictly physical relationship that has no emotional ties. It is ok to be in an emotional relationship with no physical ties. In both instances, you must be open and honest with each other about the kind of relationship you have and want. If at any point either of you is not satisfied then you need to end the relationship. Do not try to CHANGE it. If it is meant to evolve, it will. If it isn’t, it won’t! Nothing you can do will change that. NOTHING.

If you go on a first date with a person, and then have sex with them, NEITHER of you is obligated to a second date, or getting married. HOLY HAY-SEUSS it just a date… and its just sex. You are not even obligated to be exclusive or monogamous! You are obligated to say, “Thank you, I had a good time”. Even if the sex was bad, be courteous.

Along this same note. If you do not want a second date or a second sexual interaction then say so. Maybe not right then, wait a day. Give them a call or a text (the only time a text is allowable) and say something like “I had a great time, but I just don’t think a second time is going to happen. Good luck in your search!”. If you get one of these calls or texts you need to respond like a sane and rational human being… which leads us to….

CRAZY

No one, NO ONE, wants to deal with a psycho. And if they do then they are a crazy fuck as well and you should stay away. If you get the gentle brush off (or even a not gentle one), you are allowed to be sad/mad/confused. But those emotions are yours and are NOT the fault of the other person. The other person has been kind enough to let you know not to put your hopes into them. SAY THANK YOU. That’s it. Say thank you and move on. You can totes tell your friends what a douche that person was, but leave them alone. They don’t want anything to do with you and you should respect that, because one day you are going to be in a reverse situation and you will want the other person to respect your wishes. Pay it forward people….

BASIC BITCH

Urban Dictionary defines a Basic Bitch as “Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it.” DO NOT DO THIS. Instead be you, the weird you that you never show anyone. The you that binge watches Start Trek and reads Phillip Pullman. The you that sings in the car and dances when no one is watching. Be that person all the time. If you do that then I can guarantee that you will attract someone who likes to do all those same things and you can then do them together. Maybe you will get lucky and they will want to do naked things with you as well.

In conclusion it is possible to have a satisfying physical and emotional relationship with another person and be happy. You just have to be willing to drop the societal norm of being a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitch.

Honest Review: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher (5X)

2016-06-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Product: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
3 star review

*sigh* I wish there had been just ONE size larger... I started out with a szie 3 but had to send that back as it was waaay to small.. so I ordered the largest size they have. I figured it would have been fine considering its 3 sizes larger than I would usually order. well... it fit. barely. I could never put myself into this I had to have my boyfriend put all the hooks on.

the good part though is that I am losing weight and a few months ago I wouldn't have even fit into this. I expect that in a few more months I'll be able to put it on myself. I must say that I do really really love the shape it gives. Especially under my fave dress. My suggestion is that you measure yourself carefully and order up two sizes. It goes have a strong rubber smell right out of the package. Since its the same stuff as diving wet suits you need to go to a dive shop and buy the specialty wet suit shampoo if you want to wash it and not ruin the material.

Pics are of me in the same dress with and without the waist cincher on.

The parts I didn't say:
HOLY BALLS IT MAKES ME TITS LOOK HUGE. I mean I already have big tatas but hot damn. I am looking forward to being able to wear this more often. ONe of the only downsides is that it rolls up on the bottom... and that is absolutely because of my big mummy tummy. If it was about one inch shorter it wouldn't be a big deal...

Cincher activated... tits are huge...

underneath it all

Cincher deactivated boobs are still big

Honest Review: Bedding Edition 2

2016-05-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Product: Beckham Hotel Collection® Luxury Soft Brushed Microfiber 4 Piece Bed Sheet Set

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review

OMG. So I bought these because I have a seriously deep mattress and its hard to find sheets that don't cost an arm and a leg. These are very reasonably priced for being Deep Pocket sheets. They completely fit my 18" mattress and I think You could get them onto a 19" one too. and they are soooooooo soft. Every time I slide into bed with these things I fell like I'm in some luxury hotel. Seriously so soft. I got Queen sized in Grey but at the time of this post gray wasn't available in that size. Its a lovely color and is very close to the product pic.

The parts I didn't say:
These sheets were so damned soft that I demanded that we have sex on them right away! and we did... and it was GLORIOUS. seriously I think these things are waaaay better that silk sheets. And for being Microfiber they breathed really well. I didn't get hot and sweaty when I slept on them. (I DID get hot and sweaty when we did the horizontal mambo on them)

Honest Review: Pure Sandalwood Essential Oil from Majestic Pure

2016-05-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Product: Pure Sandalwood Essential Oil from Majestic Pure

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review

I have ordered oils from Majestic Pure before and let me tell you they all hit the mark! the sandalwood oil is just a beautiful simple clean smell. I use it mostly in my oil burner but have used it to make a room spray as well. I have even mixed it with the Lemon Balm oil I have from majestic pure to make my own poo spray... its just wonderful. I can't say enough good things about Majestic Pure oils!

Honest Review: Lemongrass Essential Oil From Majestic Pure

2016-05-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Product: Lemongrass Essential Oil From Majestic Pure

Ordered from: Amazon (Amazon Prime)

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review

there are not enough words in the world to tell you how much I love this oil. It smells simply divine! like a clean candy store. I have rubbed it into my hands to give me an easy whiff whenever I needed a pick me up, I also burned this in my oik burned and it makes my whole house smelly like a Lemonhead! so yummy. It definitely brings the mood up in my home and everyone who has walked into my house has commented on how lovely it smells! GET IT you won't be disappointed!

Honest Review: Bedding Edition 1

2016-05-27T13:35:00.003-07:00

Product: Sleep Guardian® Queen Mattress Protector

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review

Well well well... that was a nice surprise. Too often when I buy a mattress pad that is "Waterproof" its usually made of some noisy wrinkly plastic material. This one is not! When I first pulled it out of the package I was very doubtful about it waterproofness because it was so thin. so I tested it. I stretched a bit over a bowl and poured some water on to it. at first the water beaded up so it would be easy to soak up pretty quick with a towel. but as I let it sit the top layer of material absorbed the water. the bottom layer however did not let the water seep through. so I deem this Waterproof!

The best part is that I have an almost 18" mattress and this fit over it perfectly, and its thin enough that it doesn't add any additional bulk to my bed. (which is great because sheets are not easy to find!)

I would recommend this to anyone who needs to keep they super expensive mattress clean.

The parts I didn't say:Sex can get a bit.... juicy in my household. As such, I have many expensive water proof things to keep my furniture from getting ruined. The struggle is real , yo. especially with my uber expensive bamboo fully wrapped edge mattress... For the last few years I have had the same waterproof mattress pad on my mattress that has worked great. Only problem is that it is thick and its a fucking BITCH to wash. I have been looking for a thinner easier to maintain mattress cover that wouldn't be noisy and would fit over my almost 18 inch mattress. My current pad adds an entire inch to the height of my mattress... making it next to impossibly to find sheets that fit that don't cost $100.00 O.O seriously I have had the same sheets on my mattress for a year now... My bed must lay completely unprotected as I wash my linens... it stresses me out.

Now! though I have a lovely thin perfectly waterproof mattress cover that will allow me the freedom to buy cheaper sheets... LOL

Protected!

Honest Review: #1 Ayurvedic Herb for Sexual Health

2016-05-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

Product: #1 Ayurvedic Herb for Sexual Health

Ordered from: Amazon (Amazon Prime)

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
4 Star Review

It works I suppose. I have been taking it I have noticed that my appetite has increased a bit. I've always had plenty of sexual stamina so I haven't really noticed anything more in that department. it doesn't taste terrible like most of these types of things do so it has that going for it. I would recommend this to my lady friends who want to increase their desire. There really are not many other products out there that woman can take safely but this fits the bill.

Honest Review: GrowGreen® Garden Hose, 50 Feet

2016-05-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Product: GrowGreen® Garden Hose, 50 Feet
Ordered from: Amazon.com (amazon prime)
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted rate in exchange for my HONEST unbiased review.
Promise:This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review
This hose is super lightweight! I loved all of the extras came with it. The hanger is a big plus! My favorite feature of this hose is that the fact that it is really hard to get it to kink up. We tried everything we could think of to get it to kink and it just didn't happen! The hose was very easy to attach and to detach. The handle that came with it was easy to use and didn’t hurt my hand after prolonged use.

I had a blonde moment when I was releasing the pressure out of the hose to make it shrink back up. I left the nozzle on and tried to release the pressure using that… but it is far faster to take the nozzle off and let the water just rush out of the hose. My boyfriend loved this so much when he saw mine that he went and ordered one for his house!

The parts I didn't say:
In Summary I would buy another one of these if I needed it. And this might end up as one of my default housewarming gifts.

Pics:

Everything that came with my order
(not pictured two extra rubber gaskets)

LOVE that hanger

Honest Review: First Aid Kit, "Smallest & Lightest" with 106 Essential Items

2016-05-19T10:11:00.001-07:00

Product: First Aid Kit, "Smallest & Lightest" with 106 Essential Items
Ordered from: Amazon.com (amazon prime)
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star review
WOW! to say I am impressed is putting it lightly. This little bag is PACKED full of useful items. the only thing its missing is a suture kit!. and even though it comes fully loaded there is still room to add a few more things. My favorite part of this is the little carabiner that it comes with. Why you ask? Because that little bugger will save your life one day. Its too small to use for climbing but perfect for creating a quick release tourniquet or for creating an easily adjustable sling. so many uses....
The parts I didn't say:
That just about sums it up. this little bag is just packed with goodies. and it fits perfectly in my glove box, or in my center console. But I absolutely plan on homing it in my emergency car kit, which is one of those big metal first aid boxes like you would see at work. I totes scored that for free when we changed first aid supply companies at my last job and its great! one day I'll write up a little diddy about that.

Pictures!

The outside. for size ref it is sitting on my knee

The inside

my fave part! Its about 1.5 inches long and perfect.

Honest Review: Mobility Universal Waterproof Phone Case

2016-05-18T21:40:00.001-07:00

Product: Mobility Universal Waterproof Phone Case
Ordered from: Amazon.com (used Amazon Prime)
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discount in exchange for my HONEST review.
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
Totally surprised! Disclaimer: I received this at a discount as part of a trial. I wasn't expecting much but was pleasantly surprised. I have a huge phone and with the case its even bigger. But my phone and its case both fit inside. It seems as watertight as advertised. I am very happy with this! Its totally going to come in handy this summer at the pool.the pic of the painting was taken with my phone while it was in the case.

The parts I didn't say:
I own one of the largest phones on the market (My Phone). And I have what I call a "commuter case" on it. I drop my phone a lot so I always get a case that will protect it. This one is no different. Basically my phone is a two handed Phablet.

When I first opened the package I was 100% sure I was going to need to take my phone out of the case to put it into the waterproof case. But I tried it anyway. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that there was more than enough room for my phone, case and all.

Next I tested the usability. Sometimes these waterproof cases make it next to impossible to use your phone once it is inside, however that was not the case here. (See what I did there? I'm kinda punny). I was able to use the screen with no problems. Buuut, I could not easily use the external power/lock button or the external volume control. This isn't a big deal for me since my phone is equipped with "double tap" which means I can lock and unlock my phone by double tapping the screen. You iPhone users though are going to have a hard time manually locking your phone.

Next I wanted to see what a pic would look like if taken from with in the case. It did ok, but you can't use the flash. it totally bounces off of the plastic of the case. See Below:

No flash

With Flash

Summary: its worth the money. If you need something to protect your phone while boating or at the pool this is definitely the product!

Back again with a brand new mission

2016-05-11T15:52:00.001-07:00

Just so you know... I haven't actually died. I've been in a very nice relationship for the last 5.5 years and am embarking on a bunch of new adventures. I've become a reviewer for amazon (stay tuned for sponsored review posts). I became an ordained minister and have begun the process of getting licensed in the great state of Nevada to perform weddings. as such I am starting a great little side business of being a wedding officiant. My hope is not to make it my living but to make it a fun hobby where I meet new and interesting people and make a little money too. I'll do a whole blog post about it once I am ready to start advertising it. ... ... ... I think that's about it.

My son is 10 now and is entering the "I don't really care, but I still reallly care" part of tweenhood (UGH). Maybe more on that... who knows.

Love and shit to all of you who read this.

Finding inspiration

2011-03-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

In December of 2009 I stopped having sex with my dates... As you can imagine it didn't lead to very many repeat offenses.. oops I mean Dates.

I decided to take a sexual sabbatical. For ONE YEAR! I didn't have sex with anyone (except myself). It was awful.... but I suggest anyone who is stuck in a rut to do the same thing. I was able to get my head screwed back on straight.

I hadn't realized just how fucked up I was until I took that year off. I was able to see how I was sabotaging myself.

It was truly enlightening.

Anyhoot. Any guy I have ever blogged about in the past is LOOOONG gone. None of them could find it in themselves to care about me for me. They couldn't appreciate my responsibilities or my time constraints. They wanted to be the center of my world and would get upset if they weren't.

ugh... I was just completely fed up with men.

Then in July of 2010 I met someone... and at that point in my life... well....

During that time I was extremely wary of any guy who showed any sort of interest in me. If they said anything along the lines of "Hey I think you're really interesting" I would be completely turned off by them. Because so far any guy interested in me has been seriously fucked up in the head.

Back to the guy from July 2010.... We met at an event that I was hosting and I interviewed him for a radio show I've been doing. After the interview he said he would like the chance to get to know me. Alarms started going off and bells were ringing. I freaked out but gave him my business email addy....

I never heard from him again. I ran into him briefly a few days later, but no communication. And the clencher... He lives in a different state.

I wrote him off....

A few months later I was coming up on the end of my self imposed year of celibacy. I was hosting another event (same event, different day) and who should walk right past me while I am taking a break... Yeah Mister July. I recognized him immediately and I literally snatched him by the arm and said "HEY! I know you!". Creepy I know. But you see the weird thing is for weeks before this event This guy had been haunting my thoughts. He had a very memorable personality and these Blue Eyes that were fall down beautiful.

We spent most of the rest of the night talking during my breaks from hosting. At the end of the night we exchanged emails... this time I gave him my personal email.... I didn't think I would hear from him again.....

Stay tuned for the rest of the story......

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

A New Road

2011-03-11T18:01:00.000-08:00

After years of wandering aimlessly without a muse I have come into the presence of one who has awakened a sleeping heart. I have been shown that there is still hope and still goodness in the world. I was handed a mirror and forced to see the beautiful person that I am and to learn to love her all over again. I will be forever grateful to the Muse who inspired this poem.

A New Road
Alone I was left to wander
broken and mismatched
What I saw made me ponder
Had the gate been latched?

Would there, could there ever be
in all the world 'round
Someone to view the real me,
To find what could be found?

Was it in them to enjoy
that which I most love
There is no deceit to employ
I am the same below and above

I thought hope was close to lost
and the towel was ready to throw
My heart was growing a frost
my light was losing its glow

A light

not mine

steady bright

beautiful shine

Walked right into my way
And with a smile so sweet
Blew the dust away
gave me a tender treat

Showed me that the inside counts
and to be strange was good
Gave my step a bold new bounce
and led me through the wood

on the journey I came to learn
That I was just as bright
That What could heal had a burn
And was losing its own light

together we found a way
to learn it over again
That its best to enjoy today
And seize now, not when

The first few steps are taken
the road before unseen
the loose bits have been shaken
and the new slate is clean

Where we go from here
is still to be sought
But I travel without fear
For I am brighter than I thought

all works posted here are copyrighted

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Blogging again! Kinda

2010-04-29T11:24:00.001-07:00

So... I haven't been blogging like I should be. But now with my new super fucking super cool phone I can start doing some more blogging... I hope.

So a bit of an update... I got laid off in April of 2009. I rode the unemployment highway for almost a year before I came back to the land of the gainfully employed. I went back to my roots in animal husbandry, I work at a local animal shelter. It's rewarding to work with the animals but sometimes it's trying.

If we had more funds and more resources we could do more for the animals but it seems like everything is at a premium these days. And who thinks of donating to an animal shelter when there is so much focus on other things?

I can't tell you how many animals we get everyday who have been abandoned in an eviction. Those poor babies are scared and confused. Sometimes I'm the first gentle hand they've met in days, weeks or some extreme cases months.

In these hard times please don't forget about the most innocent victims. The cats and dogs, the birds and snakes, the ferrets and fish who all get left behind without even a second thought.

Opt to adopt! Donate to your local shelter. One bag of food can make the difference between life and a one way trip to the blue sky ranch.

Sent from my super awesome phone!

Testing testing

2010-04-29T11:21:00.001-07:00

Testing my new mobile blogging capabilities

Sent from my super awesome phone!

2009-12-25T07:59:00.001-08:00

Merry christmas to you and yours, the ones who walk on twos and all fours, may santa grant your dearest wish, may you eat a succulent dish, May your hearts be filled with joy and peace, may your tables fill with a wonderous feast, may you get that special treat, but most of all don't forget to eat!

Happy Anniversary

2009-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago in my calendar I noticed a little reminder that said "Happy Anniversary" on Nov 8th...

WTF

I wracked my brain for days trying to figure out what this was all about... I searched every day planner. I checked every digital calendar. I was at a loss... I couldn't for the life of me figure it out... Then I sturck on the brilliant idea of checking my blog... after all At that time in my life I was recording everything that happened to me... and this is what I found "WOW is all I can say"

Go ahead and read it....

Back yet?

Yeah One year ago today that dumb fucker Bruce* asked me to be his steady Girlfriend...

When I figured it out I sat in the computer chair for a minute waiting for the soul sucking pain to start... it never did

There was some anger and a little bit of heart ache... but none of the debilitating pain I had experienced in the past...

I'm seriously glad that his little incident happened... He's a Dumb Fuck. A Cheater. A Liar. An AssHole. I hope one day he experiences what he put me through. Then I can laugh point my finger and say... THAT"S KARMA BEOTCH!!

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Here is where I must admit

2009-10-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

Well its time to admit a really bad... bad truth...

My last few posts were all written on the same day and then scheduled to post. I spaced the dates out so that it looked like I was more active than I was.

Now the reason for this confession.... its time to start a new adventure.... with a new person. On September 18th, 2009 I met the GreatDane. He is this amazing, extraordinary, fantastic human being. I'll tell you a brief version of how we met:

I posted an ad on craigslist (yes in the personals section). Purposefully I made it long and filled with great little quips. The first (and only) email I got that truly sounded like it was written by someone who had read my ad (he commented on a cupholder quip I had hidden in the middle somewhere) was from GreatDane.

The stars were aligned perfectly that night. We exchanged a few emails and then phone numbers, and then we met... at my favorite little place downtown. I got there early (like I always do) and had a little while till his arrival. I ordered my Guinness, was tapping my foot to Finnegan's Wake; when suddenly I noticed this mountain of a man come strolling in.... HOLY SHIT its him. I recognized him from his pic. I damn near choked on my beer and almost fell off of my stool.

This guy has it going on! wowsa! He's 6'2" and built like a pro football linebacker (not some scraggly college kid) and the dimple on his chin could hold enough water to solve the drought here in Vegas. His eyes! they are this deep liquid brown like that sexy commercial from Dove chocolates a few years ago... yummy yummy....

now all the good looks aside, HE's FUCKING SMART!!! and funny and witty and compassionate. and he remembers the little details... by the end of the first date he had my birthday remembered, my son's birthday remembered and he knew my eye color.

Since then we have seen each other about once a week and we talk every day.. either a phone conversation or a text conversation; sometimes both. I'm completely gaga over this guy... But I am NOT making the same mistakes with him that I made with Kurt... oops I mean Bruce*... (HAHAHAHAHA).

We have both agreed to take things slow and we BOTH mean it. I find myself anticipating his text messages. :) And he has admitted (more than once) that he keeps his phone in his hand just in case I send a random message throughout the day. The best part about us is that we have great conversations. I mean really great, awesome, amazing conversations. We can (and have) talked about everything from politics to sex (intellectual convo... and dirty convo on that last subject)...

We like just enough of the same things that we can enjoy time together. We also have enough different likes that we can happily spend time away from each other. and rather than trashing my array of likes, he simply accepts them and has made no attempt to change them. For instance: This last weekend was our Renfaire... as some of you know I'm a huge Ren Geek. I dress up, I talk in the queen's english and I loathe the stupid fairies that think their cool even though they have nothing to do with the era of the Rennaisance.

The GreatDane cannot stand the Renfaire... but rather than make fun of me or make disparaging remarks he simply kept abreast of what I was doing and even asked me if I was enjoying myself. What a sweetie.

Anyhoot... we're coming up on a month of knowing each other and we're staying on track. No moving too fast, no moving too slow. We have an established daily routine (and are establishing a weekly one). We have even embarked on a writing project together (he's a writer too!).

Keep your fingers crossed for me...

"What about DeveloperD?" you ask... well that's fodder for another blog... I'll keep you posted... LOL

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Exit Stage Left

2009-09-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

Now I have been on A LOT of first dates. Some good, some bad, some confusing. But I can honestly say I have never been on a truly horrible first date... well I there was a time when I could say that... now I can say I have been on a horrible first date.

Henceforth in this blog this particular D-bag shall be referred to as: "Mr. My-way-or-the-highway" [Mr. MWOTH]

So we met after a monday night football game... ok he was watching football and I was watching the two hour season premier of "House" (Hugh Laurie I love you!).

We met at a park and were going to throw the old pigskin around... but when we got there it was two windy. I suggested that we walk along the path that winds around the park. Its level and short I figured we could do a couple of laps and talk.

The following conversation happened at the very beginning of our date... hell I was barely out of the Jeep. I should have known better.

Him: "are all those yours?" (referring to the stickers on my jeep)
Me: "Yeah. Why?"
Him: "Your really into Girl-power"
Me: "Yup I believe in being a strong woman"
Him: "What is a weak woman? What is a strong woman? I don't think there is a difference."
Me: "Well sure there is.. there are different definitions for different points of view, I consider myself a strong woman because I am ok with my sexuality and my femininity and I don't let people walk all over me" (the exception to this is my baby sister and my son but I didn't tell him that)
Him: "Well your wrong there is no such thing a strong woman"

He argued with me about everything! Everything I said was wrong, hell even the stickers on the back of my jeep were wrong!

When we started I turned to walk clockwise around the park... he says "What are you doing?"
Me: "um... walking around the park"
Him: "Yeah but your going the wrong way, everyone always walks counter-clockwise. I never want to walk clockwise along the path because it makes you look different"
Me: "oh... I always walk clockwise. I don't really care how I look to other people"
Him: "Why would you do that?"
Me: "Well because its a natural direction for me to walk. Clockwise is traditionally called sun-wise because its the path the Sun travels, it's believed to be the sacred path by many ancient religions"
Him: "oh, like who"
Me: "well the Ancient Egyptians and the Sumerians"
Him: "Are they really THAT ancient?"
Me: "um yeah, they were the beginnings of civilization"
Him: "Well I think your wrong about that"

Many of our conversations went like this. Every time I made a personal comment and even if I backed it up with solid evidence he told me I was wrong.... Even my personal opinions were wrong.. Since when has a personal opinion ever been wrong? there is a resaon its called a PERSONAL opinion.

After our single lap around the park (he was huffing and puffing) we sat down, and started talking but very simple stuff. I figured it would keep the arguing down... boy howdy was I ever wrong. We started talking about flowers and I mentioned that that I would not be as excited to get a dozen roses as I would be to get a single blossom of my fave flower.

Him: "So you wouldn't appreciate the gesture?"
Me: "Well yeah but not as much as I would if a guy hunted down a single blossom of my fave"
Him: "But it's the thought that counts"
Me: "sure if there is some thought in it, it doesn't take much thought to pick up a dozen red roses"

We argued for almost ten minutes along this vein of conversation...

Him: "it doesn't matter if you like them, it matters if I appreciate the gift I'm giving you"
Me: *stunned silence, jaw hangs open* sputter.... hambearssasa? "Dude that's like getting a girl who doesn't bowl a bowling ball because YOU like to watch bowling on tv"
Him: "You can compare bowling balls to roses, they're not even the same thing"
Me: *stunned silence, jaw hangs open* thinking to myself he doesn't get it, he really has no clue that its not about what the gift is....
Him: "So you wouldn't like it if we were walking along and I saw a pretty flower and picked it for you?"
Me: "that's not what I am saying at all... that would be..."
Him: interrupting me "Yes that is exactly what you are saying"
Me: "You know what I'm done here, I'm going to head home now. Have a nice night"

At this point I got up and walked away without even looking back. I can't tell you what his reaction was because I didn't stick around. Where did this guy come from? Is he for fucking real? Where do people learn these crazy things? Am I wrong?

You know what I don't care what he thinks.. All of his arguments were based on what he thinks... Nothing I said was right because he didn't agree with me, and since he didn't agree with me I must be wrong.

I'm not saying he's wrong, he's just not on the same wavelength as I... and seriously... I can't ever see myself with a guy who would tell me that everything I think is wrong... after all I am a strong woman.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Hindu or Buddhist?

2009-09-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

The alternate title to this is "Here a little, there a little, everywhere a little dig"

There are some people I know who like to think that they are Buddhists... I say like to "think" because modern Americans can never be true Buddhists. There are a plethora of reasons for this. too many to list. I'm not saying that you can't live by the Buddhist ideals, I'm just saying that to become a true Buddhist is out of the reach of most people (we're just WAY to materialistic).

Now the reason for this rant....

A lot of these wannabe Buddhists will end their conversations with "namaste". Like this makes them authentic or something.... it grates on my very very very last nerve... mostly because they have no idea what it means... they say it because "everyone else does".... grrrrrrrrrrrr

so without further ado:

na.ma.ste [nuhm-uh-stey]
~noun
a conventional Hindu expression on meeting or parting, used by the speaker usually while holding the palms together vertically in front of the bosom.

did you get that? ITS FUCKING HINDU!!!! as a matter of fact its the HINDU equivalent of "aloha" it has absolutely no religious meaning whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!

So not only is it NOT a religious term, its not even a fucking Buddhist term... As a matter of fact the etymology of the word is as such:

"salutatory gesture," 1948, from Hindi, from Skt. namas "bowing" + te, dat. of tuam "you" (sing.). Used as a word of greeting from 1967.

JEEZUS H CHRISTO its not even an "ancient word" its probably something some damn hippie decided to use to make himself look cool.... now its being used by a bunch of new age hippies to make them look cool.... and they don't even know why they are using it....

fucking ass monkeys need to pull your heads out of the proverbial sand and start doing your own research... stop doing what "everyone else is doing" and start being your own person...

oh how I hate hippies

Crap its got a name...

2009-09-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Main Entry:	polyamorous
Part of Speech:	adj
Definition:	pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships

So apparently I am in a polyamorous relationship. Check it out on wikipedia. So weird. I never thought to find myself in one. Its not 100% fulfilling for me. I want that traditional man and woman monogamy thing.

How do I feel about this? I really don't know. On the one hand I very much care for DeveloperD, but on the other... lets just say I'm selfish and want him all to myself. This is never going to happen.

I could possibly be accused of using this relationship to fulfill my needs until I find "the one". So what if I am? is it really a big deal? No one is getting hurt. We all know what we are doing. We're consenting adults.

my normally jealous side is getting quite the workout. I have had to learn to keep the beast under a very strict control. I am very impressed with myself. You should be to! hell if this were a normal relationship and I found out my sigfig was banging some other broad.. well after I got done slicing her into very small pieces and feeding them to my dog, I'd cut his nuts off and make him eat them...

See you should be proud. I have not had any serious homicidal urges lately.

ahem

yeah

so well... I'm still dating other people. if you can call what I do dating... jeez its usually more like I date other people... most guys never call back after the first date.... sigh

I better not be stuck with this poly shit. its not really my cup of tea. It'll do for now, but its not going to be a long term thing. Even if I don't find someone to get serious with anytime soon, I can't say how much longer I'll be doing this. its very emotionally draining, and mentally as well.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Happy Belated Anniversary

2009-09-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

One Year ago (plus a few days) I posted my first blog on here. Lots of seriously crazy shit has been documented on these hallowed pages. Everything from my relationship to Bruce* to the various crazy dates I have been on. I haven't been as diligent as I would have liked in the last few months, but I am going to try and rectify that.

Remember that long ago thing... Charlie? Well we're still friends, but we never went on a that second date... as a matter of fact I've only seen him four times in the last year(if you include our first date) and one of those times was to help him move.

If you've read the previous two posts you would know that I'm in a strange kind of relationship with DeveloperD. I still don't know where its going, but we shall see.

My Son is flourishing in special ed... his speech is so much better now. His gross motor skills need some more improvement, but they are better than before.

I started my own business... Eventually I'll get the website up and then I'll blog about that too.

I have decided that dating is for the birds and I've got wings... no matter how often I say "THAT'S IT! I give up, I'm never dating again" I always end up going back to check my stupid profiles. Hell I've even posted an ad on cragslist....

The crazy thing is.... sometimes its all worth it.

The one and only GeoDude, Super Hot Geologist guy, has finally moved away... not too far just further north in the state, but I doubt I'll be seeing him ever again. Last time I saw him was in a parking lot where he was bringing me back MY PS3 after weeks of me leaving messages on his phone and sending texts wondering where the hell he is and If I was going to be getting it back... needless to say my precious is now at home and hot from all the Oblivion and Legos Batman that have been pumped into in the last few days...

Life is generally good, like everyone else I have my ups and downs.

I've finally officially "gotten over" Bruce. Which basically means that I no longer have a minor heart attack every time he is mentioned in conversation (which disturbingly enough happens a lot lately). I am happy to report though that through some great info I've gotten recently I have found out that all those trips to the GYM for him have worked out... looks like he's put on about 20 more pounds of "lazy fat guy plays video games" weight... HAHAHAHA I am just evil enough to be totally stoked that I m losing weight and getting so much hotter than when he and I dated, meanwhile he is putting on the pounds and looking more and more like the bodacious loser he is.

soo... ok that was totally a jaded ex gf rant.... LOL

Well now that's all over with. The year has been interesting to say the least... I'm looking forward to another year of craziness... not really. I hope that by this time next year I can say that I am in a stable committed relationship and happy. Keep your fingers crossed....

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.