tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89081272026-05-23T03:05:31.298-04:00Inhale wonder, exhale love. Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16469997012394334517noreply@blogger.comBlogger907125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-88786140406915220722026-05-15T20:03:40.487-04:002026-05-15T20:09:35.578-04:00

Last May, at approximately 5:15 in the morning, I experienced what I can only describe as a profound rupture in my relationship with reality.I was half asleep and felt something on my pillow near my (excessively) curly hair. I assumed it was a leaf or a piece of grass because apparently my brain’s first instinct is always whimsical forest maiden instead of “venomous desert creature.” I

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-75512456532731641622026-04-29T09:43:00.002-04:002026-05-02T14:44:20.381-04:00

 Social Anxiety is Usually a LiarSocial anxiety has a sneaky second act: what happens after people go home.There they are, back in their own space, shoes off, bra off, soft pants on, and the brain says, Wonderful. Now let us review everything you did wrong.I’m at a professional training with a small group of therapists. The material is incredibly inspirational and will have an enormous

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-42373609880338651762026-02-14T12:42:00.003-05:002026-02-14T14:08:25.392-05:00

I've been doing some writing on Substack as Therabarb, but this one seemed like a good one for a crosspost. https://open.substack.com/pub/therabarb/p/i-believe-love-will-save-us-all-also?r=1pavyn&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=trueI Believe Love Will Save Us All. Also? I Hate Valentine’s Day.Love Isn’t Loud, It’s a Porch LightI want to be very clear up front:

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-25790779312256665652026-01-31T17:29:00.011-05:002026-01-31T18:08:05.038-05:00

October of 2025My body didn’t fall apart all at once. It happened quietly. Gradually. And for a long time, without a name. I talked about it in this blog post from 2020. About six years ago, I started experiencing pain that didn’t make sense. Deep, grinding joint pain. The kind that makes you wonder if you’re aging at an accelerated rate, or if something fundamental has gone wrong.

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-67186779359900370352025-07-05T13:13:00.002-04:002025-07-05T13:13:54.302-04:00

 See this?THAT, my lovelies, is a brand spanking new fawn whose mother gave birth to it on my front doorstep, or at least very nearby and stashed it on my front doorstep, because clearly she is trying to kill me.I spent a fairly miserable couple of hours checking on the baby and worrying and asking The Google what to do and reaching out to the Wildlife Rescue Center (closed for the day), and

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-71038050477078741412025-03-09T17:06:00.000-04:002025-03-09T17:06:01.829-04:00

For a little treat, Kris and I took a few days off and drove to Richardson to spend some time with my folks. Kris had seen an advertisement for a Titanic Exhibit and bought tickets, which gave us an excuse (not that we needed one. It's just hard to leave our pets right now (more about that another time).  Anyway, I was a bit skeptical, but it turned out to be super interesting.I didn't take

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-75269273945443412932025-02-19T22:35:00.001-05:002025-02-19T22:35:32.305-05:00

Hello, my bloggy friends! Today is my birthday and I haven't written in a bajillion years. But my yoga guru Dharma Mittra says that how something is begun is of great importance and so I wanted to start this new decade with a little writing.Also, my incredible Photoshop skills. What?I have another really good story about healing to tell you, and I'd love to share some of the lessons I am

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-91010358074159494972022-02-11T16:05:00.003-05:002022-02-11T16:05:34.986-05:00

 Some time ago (2013), I wrote this about not drinking. I'm tempted to say, "Ditto." and go on about my life.Because here I am again. After my divorce, when I started dating again, I started drinking alcohol again. Moderately. It was pretty fun.Until it wasn't.In 2020, when my pain from osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia got super loud, I drank a LOT. Every day, for months.Then I started to

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-33285939313536903402022-01-28T11:06:00.004-05:002022-02-03T15:27:01.631-05:00

 I'm having a Morning, if you know what I mean. I used to call them Sieve Days --the days when I can feel all of the holes in my psyche. All the places where my confidence in my goodness runs through, all the places where I'm not solid --not fully baked. When I doubt the path I've chosen and the life I've made and I have a fleeting desire to just...leave it. Run away and start again and

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-16641386487627742362022-01-26T11:48:00.000-05:002022-01-26T11:48:27.448-05:00

 (I'm laughing that it's been a while since I've published a post and now the subject of this blog post is ADHD. Well played, Universe. Very funny.)I was diagnosed with ADHD last year at the age of 56.I'd probably had it for most of my life but it presents differently in girls/women and I'd always compensated for it even when I didn't know it. Even when I was in grad school, I had this

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-59364011685029997052022-01-13T21:06:00.001-05:002022-01-14T08:17:19.610-05:00

 I think that a shared laugh is the shortest distance between people. Recently, I came across a video my daughter shot of my guy and me playing Cards Against Humanity with some friends on New Year's Eve a few years ago. We are all laughing so hard that it's impossible to watch without laughing again. I was so struck by the complete abandon with which we're laughing. As I was

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-8638708392729001342022-01-10T22:08:00.003-05:002022-01-12T09:03:10.375-05:00

 I am so grateful to those of you still reading my blog and commenting on it. THANK YOU. I had no idea if anyone was still following me at all, and it's just lovely to see your names again. I am not even sure how my blog is getting out there since Feedburner used to manage my subscriptions but apparently sent an email in 2021 saying they weren't going to do that anymore and I not only missed

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-38840459228804565422022-01-06T22:26:00.007-05:002022-01-06T22:26:58.731-05:00

 We talk a lot in my profession about widening the window of tolerance for discomfort. In the trauma work I do, I find that people are often so uneasy with uncomfortable emotions, that they run pretty fast to avoid them, whether it's using drugs and or alcohol to self-medicate, or endlessly doom-scrolling on social media, or creating drama in their relationships... The ability to sit with

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-20871448222574821592022-01-05T23:00:00.001-05:002022-01-05T23:02:05.654-05:00

 We were supposed to take a trip today to see my parents for the first time since last April when we met at the beach --seeing each other for the first time since August of 2019.The Pandemic has really changed things. We're in Austin, and my parents are in Dallas, which is only about three-and-a-half hours away. (I saw a meme the other day that said you might be a Texan if you think of

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-4405681519834608382022-01-04T11:54:00.006-05:002022-01-04T21:04:41.877-05:00

Like everyone at the start of the new year, I have some intentions about moving more in 2022. My job is sedentary and the osteoarthritis/Fibromyalgia mix I have been dealing with has shut down a lot of my options. Right now, I'm just trying to add some steps to my day and to figure out if some form of gentle yoga is even possible. What I'm noticing is that just having the intention to add steps

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-416477830491033462022-01-02T21:38:00.003-05:002022-01-03T09:21:52.937-05:00

I'm a trauma therapist, so I like to offer one weekend day just in case the work needs some recovery time —trauma work can be pretty dysregulating. For the past six months or so (well, since I stopped working six days a week, which was after 2020 which I spent working seven days a week), I've been working Sunday through Thursday. Today was my first day of work this year.I was reminded of two

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-44681548466822414342022-01-01T20:49:00.005-05:002022-01-01T22:50:14.802-05:00

I haven't blogged in more than a year, but part of my intention for 2022 is to reclaim the things that give me joy and to distance myself from the things that suck the joy right out of me. So here I am.  I was going to write this long catch-up post but I'm just going to begin where I am and give backstory where needed. I love the first day of the New Year.I'm a ridiculous optimist, even

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-55064423968977779572020-10-28T11:23:00.005-04:002020-10-29T18:08:01.956-04:00

I am at the ocean.  It’s been more than a year. Two-and-a-half years ago, I go to the ocean with my new love. Already something seems to be wrong within my body –but I pass it off to a year of hard knocks. Breast cancer surgeries and radiation treatments, grad school study marathons, and my first sessions with clients as a brand-new therapist in practicum. Eighteen months

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-84914498459704879012019-04-24T11:11:00.000-04:002019-04-24T19:08:33.473-04:00

So, about two weeks ago, I found a lump on the side of my recovered-from-cancer breast that was very painful. I waited a few days for it to go away, and then called the doctor when it didn't, went in on Thursday, she referred me to my cancer surgeon (which was a little concerning since that implies, well, surgery) and called him to get me in for an appointment yesterday. He didn't feel anything

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-55792976608062021912018-08-26T18:18:00.001-04:002018-08-26T18:18:46.053-04:00

So, the fall semester starts tomorrow. For those of you keeping score at home, I have two semesters left and in the spring I will graduate with my Masters in Counseling, take the National Counseling Exam, and begin the 3,000 hours of supervised internship that I need in order to be fully licensed. It will have taken about three years of graduate school to get to graduation, and I'm not sure how

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-48476244416385802122018-04-18T19:24:00.004-04:002018-04-19T16:27:24.510-04:00

There is a psychological construct the holds that all growth/healing happens through cycles of rupture and repair. I don't know that I believe ALL growth happens this way, but I do know that the times when I've had the biggest growth/healing spurts, whether it's psychologically or spiritually or even physically, came after I was completely flattened. It was a year ago today that I found out I

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-89983132266164969372018-03-11T18:12:00.000-04:002018-03-11T18:12:08.465-04:00

Dear Ramona, Today, you are twenty years old. I've been looking back through pictures of the past two decades and thinking about how much you've taught me about life and music and especially, about the limitless nature of love. The world is so much better with you in it --your fierce, gigantic heart, your kindness, that ferocious intelligence, the sense of humor, that ability

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-24067898924925866942017-11-26T16:23:00.000-05:002017-11-26T16:37:13.552-05:00

I woke up on this beautiful Saturday in November and was happy. Just that. Just this realization of an expansive kind of contentment sitting somewhere around my solar plexus. Not some kind of frantic euphoria, not the bubbly whatever that is when you have a crush on someone -- nothing laced with anxiety. Just a solid kind of the contentment that comes with some hard-won balance. It's been a

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-61609033481037947032017-08-26T13:31:00.000-04:002017-08-27T13:32:12.061-04:00

Pretty sure you could see that smile from space. Forgive me for the long interval between updates. Honestly, I just had my head down, putting one foot in front of the other to the end of this summer. And now, it's like, "Hey, where did the summer go?" (Funny how that happens.) But just like that, I'm done with breast cancer. April through the third week in August, start to finish. I had my

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-31123756351017438562017-07-24T08:52:00.000-04:002017-07-24T08:52:07.646-04:00

So, here we are. So far, I've undergone 12 out of the 30 radiation treatments to prevent a recurrence of breast cancer. I am tired. I am SO tired. But I'm more than one-third done, which is really good because I am tired and I can't imagine how I'm going to function at all if the fatigue gets any worse. I am here to tell you that when your doctor warns you about the fatigue associated

Barb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13448437057638615515noreply@blogger.com5