So You Want to be a LESBIAN?

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: A Different Kind of Dyke Relationship

2012-02-23T22:20:00.002-05:00

Yup, you guessed it! Time for another series post, lovelies! This time, we are going to discuss...wait for it.. Open Relationships.

Uncomfortable subject for some, yes I know. However, I have done it before, so I am finding myself wondering...

WHY THE HELL DID IT SUDDENLY BECOME A DEAL BREAKER?

Then.. a light bulb went on.

Yup,lessies, I suddenly realized in a flash...

It doesn't need to be a deal breaker anymore.

There is no reason for it. Back in the day, after trying this, I had OMFG TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM because the relationship did not work out. I figured it was that old green- eyed monster rearing its ugly head.

But then, I realized it wasn't that at all. It was that I, and my primary partner at the time, were not mature enough to follow the rules. That was a long time ago, though, and things are different now. I am all grown up and confident and know what I want and that jazz. So, dykes, I present to you...

Shannon's Rules for the Successful Open Relationship!

1) NO MEN.

There are many valid reasons for this, but, since we are dykes, chances are this would be a non issue anyway.

2)No Kissing On The Mouth

This is an easy way to make sure that the most intimate of expressions of affection is reserved just for the two of us. (after all, we gotta keep something that is just ours, right?)

3) ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!

This one is a no brainer, especially with the potential to fuck around with that many people.

4) No Repeating Tricks

We get to have each one once, but that's it. Too much potential for feelings to develop otherwise.

5) No sharing our toys!

Those remain between us. If you want to use toys with tricks, get some that we don't use together. While we are at it, no friends, relatives, or anyone we know..AWKWARD!!!

Well, that's about it, dykes! We CAN have healthy, loving open relationships if we just set down the guidelines first. In fact some of the most loving relationships I know of are open. Could it be that...wait for it..

MONOGAMY IS NEW.

Yup, you heard me right, dykes. Society tells us now that marriages and relationships are supposed to be monogamous, but it wasn't always that way. Here are just a few definitions of "marriage" that have been true over the years:

So, with all these different definitions over the course of history, why the hell should we stick to one? Sounds to me like the same shit the 'phobes say. I, for one, refuse to follow their rules. I've made my own, and hey, exploration is fun! So, whataya think, lesbos? Open or monogamous? I can go either way, myself, now, and what a freeing realization that is. Opens up a whole other world of dating (pun intended).

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do....

2012-02-18T21:53:00.002-05:00

But sometimes you gotta do it. Yup, you heard me right, lessies. Shannon is single again.

It wasn't easy to do, and originally it was just an *ahem* break, if you will, but the way it turned out, it seemed that there were too many of my aforementioned dealbreakers that this person embodied that were never going to go away.

And, of course, there was also the meddling ex

who had my now ex girl's Facebook login information and used said information to cruise my page, pump me for information, and basically became

as such people usually do in these situations. And I was just supposed to be OMFG TOTALLY OK WITH THIS. I also have reason to believe she had access to financial information as well. I am far from an OMFG SUPER DUPER CONTROLLING AND DEMANDING girlfriend, but I do have standards about respect and what I find to be acceptable in relationships, and too much of that was violated in this situation to really go on. Was it difficult? Of course. Was it for the best? Without a doubt. So, freethinking, childless lesbians, hit me up. Shannon is on the market again.

Closets, Closets, Closets, OH MY!

2012-02-16T01:02:00.003-05:00

Alrighty, 'mosexuals, the title says it all. Y'all know I'm out and proud, have been for sixteen years, and wouldn't have it any other way, no matter what hardships I might have endured, because as we all know

However, something we never really discuss is the fact that there are many different kinds of closets. One can be out in one aspect of her life, and closeted in another. Now, let's discuss the different kinds of closets, shall we?

First, we have the INTERNET CLOSET.

You know what I'm talking about, dykes. It's that person that is supposedly out and proud, but insists that if anything gay makes it into that facebook timeline or twitter feed, their life is simply OMFG FUCKING OVER! She can tell all kinds of folks she's gay, just not those people.

The second closet is a common one,and pretty understandable: The

WORK CLOSET

Now, considering the fact that you can still be fired for being gay in twenty- nine states and in thirty- four for being transgender, this one gets a pass. We are not all fortunate enough to work for LGBT friendly employers, and it is honestly often more trouble than it's worth to come out at work.

This next closet annoys me to no end. The dreaded

FAMILY CLOSET

This one annoys me because it affects so many people. You are hiding a part of yourself from the people who love you the most, and hey, let's face it- they raised you. They probably already know anyway. And, furthermore, like anyone else, if the bitches don't take it well, that is their problem, not yours. You have your Rainbow Family to support you.

After all, where do you think the term "family" for the LGBT community came from? Because we are your family when your blood relatives won't be.

Last, but certainly not least, my lovelies, we have what I like to refer to as the

BACK HOME CLOSET

This is an all too familiar story for many queer identified people. You know the drill, lessies. You go off to college or move to a big city and are totally out in your life there, but, the problem is, nobody from where you came from knows a thing about your new gay life. You continue to hide it, when you go back for say, the dreaded

All of a sudden, you go back in time, to being that scared little girl you always were, who hid the deepest, truest part of herself. But why? Why do you care what these people think? You have a new life now. The fact that you still hide who you are from them means you most certainly do care, and that's a damn shame.

The point is, lovely lesbos, a closet is a closet is a closet, no matter to what degree, or it comes in. You cannot claim the title of OUT when you aren't. End of story. So, in short,

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Equality Rocks, But Haters Gon' Hate

2012-02-09T23:56:00.005-05:00

Hey Hey! Well it's been almost two weeks since the last post. That is because gasp! for OMFG THE FIRST TIME EVER I was asked to collaborate with another queer blogger. dykeroadbaby, the proprietor of Dyke Road: The Online Lesbian Journal, asked me to collaborate with her on a coming out post. So, in essence, I wanted to give that a chance to get some hits before we moved on to another post.

At any rate, 'mos, OH MY! What a lot we have to post about this week. It has been one awesome week for Queer Equality!

The Huffington Post's Gay Voices Section posted some most wonderful news this week! Firstly, the haters from California who got the gay marriage bill repealed in 2008 finally learned that gasp! No matter how hard they try, they cannot legislate their hate by breaking the law and holding illegal votes on the basic civil rights of a minority. Alas, the 9th Circuit Court ruled that gay marriage ban Prop 8 aka Prop H8 is Unconstitutional.

Then, as if that weren't the best news ever with regards to what we have been waiting for with bigots using church money to vote on our rights, we got another treat!

With a 55-43 winning vote, Washington State becomes the seventh to legalize Marriage Equality.

Perhaps the best part of this was the recording of one of the most moving Marriage Equality Senate Floor speeches from gasp! a GOP lawmaker who has a queer daughter. Get out your tissues for this one, 'mos. You'll need them.

So, it's been a great time to be queer this week, even beyond our usual radness. However, as always, haters gonna hate.

The first order of hatred comes from an asinine group of irrational mothers calling themselves ONE MILLION MOMS(though in actuality there are only about 40,000 of them) that decided to hate on JCPenney's decision to hire the adorable Ellen Degeneres

because she is gay. Now, this group is a fringe arm of the anti gay terrorist hate group American Family Association, which is, of course, nothing but a bunch of hateful religious zealots. They demanded that JCPenney gasp! fire Ellen. I refuse to link to such a hateful website on this blog, but I DO give you the video of Ellen's awesome response.

As always, she is simply brilliant! And the icing on the cake is that JCPenney stood behind her, showing that even large corporations no longer cave to blatant bigotry in the name of a few extra dollars. Show JCPenney they made the right decision, and that we are on the right side, and that we support them, and Ellen, by joining One Million Ellen Degeneres Fans Supporting JCPenney if you have a facebook account. Perhaps the most shocking defense of all comes from none other than the Fox News Opinion pundit, Mr. Bill O'Reilly.

Most shocking, but I guess everyone has their days, so a kudos to him for this one. Thanks, Bill-O.

And ahh, last but not least, we have the tale of one Roland Martin

sending homophobic tweets during the Super Bowl. However, he too, got his comeuppance, as CNN suspended him indefinitely, citing the tweets as "regrettable."

So, all in all dykes, it's been quite a week in Queer Land! Looks like its Queers 4, 'phobes nil! Special congratulations to the folks in the states with advancements in Marriage Equality progress, and may we all join you soon!

WHEW! What a post! We might be getting a little political from now on out dykes, because, as you all well know, I am all about the cause. Promise we will still have massive amounts of fun, though! Till next time...

VIVA EQUALITY!

Post News and Link Credits: Straight.com, Huffington Post

Series:Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: Coming Out

2012-01-30T16:45:00.001-05:00

Yo Lesbos! Yup, you guessed it, time for another series post. Now, there have been many things we have discussed here, from homophobia to sex. However, it seems I have left out one of the most basic triumphs any LGBT person can achieve:

Now, anyone who is here probably knows how hard coming out is, and we all have our stories. Here is mine, and I'd like you to share yours as well, right in the comments!

I consider October 1,1996 to be my out date. But the thing is dykes, I didn't come out. I had the dreaded Involuntary Outing happen to me. It all started with a crush on a cheerleader.

Typical, I know. But my mistake was telling the wrong person, and have her tell the whole school. Needless to say, in a southern high school in the 90's, this meant that the rest of my high school life was a living hell. It even got so bad that kids threw eggs at me and screamed homophobic slurs.

But, little did she know, that backstabbing ex- friend did me a favor. She outed me so that I wouldn't have to out myself. I've always been "clockable" as gay. And, while it has certainly not been smooth sailing, it is a whole lot easier to just tell people rather than having them whisper behind my back. I've been out and proud for 16 years now, and, despite the hardships, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Queer By Choice? I Don't Think So.

2012-01-24T21:15:00.001-05:00

Alrighty, mighty 'mosexuals, here's something that is sure to make your hair blow back, no matter how much product you have in it today.
Floating all over the internet the last couple of days have been posts regarding a most controversial statement made by one fading star of an actress, Cynthia Nixon.

In a recent speech, which she called quote, "an empowerment speech to a gay audience," Ms. Nixon said the following:

"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice.
I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.
As you can tell, I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."

Now, my fellow muff munchers, far be it from me to define anyone's sexual orientation for them, for, at the end of the day, that is up to the individual, and, more importantly, we should celebrate our queerness and our LGBT pride, no matter what form it might come in. But...needless to say, the steam is coming out of my ears on this one. Empowerment speech, she says?

As far as I am concerned, this was anything but empowering. Quite the opposite, in fact.

There is so much wrong with this bullshit, dykes, that I don't even know where to begin.

Firstly, she just, from a platform for millions to listen to her spew the myth we have all worked so hard to get rid of, completely trivialized the struggles of those of us where were tortured, made to hate ourselves, made to think there was something wrong with us, and validated the viewpoints of people who wish to deny us our rights. We were BORN THIS WAY.

And we have worked very hard to make sure the heteros understand this, and here comes this bitch destroying all that by opening her fat trap and spewing this false bullshit.

This is just OMFG COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

Secondly, if she can trot out this dangerous, antiquated load of crap and actually believe it, there is absolutely no fucking way this woman is a bonafide homosexual.

End of story. Because the very notion of *choosing* to be attracted to, date, have sex with, and marry someone of the same or opposite sex would sound, frankly crazy to anyone who is either straight or gay. This chic needs to wise up, realize her statements are dangerous and offensive to those of us who are actually gay, and stop speaking for a community to which she does not belong and stop co opting labels that are hardly hers to take.

Wise up Cynthia. You're bisexual. That's totally cool. Embrace it and accept that you aren't gay.

And hey, look at it this way, you still get to be queer.

Yup, You Guys Guessed It. I'm Crazy.

2012-01-19T18:38:00.001-05:00

And I don't mean in that OMFG THAT CHICK IS SOOO OUT THERE! way. I mean, like totes certifiable with the paperwork to prove it. You see, dykes, something I conveniently left out is that I have Type 1 Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder.

And yes, it is more than just mood swings. I have the most severe kind, too, which means one moment I could be in the throes of almost delusional mania, and in a soul- crushing depression the next.

And I have been this way for as long as I can remember.I have been in and out of hospitals for ten years, and I only fear it will get worse. Sometimes I wonder what kind of life this is dykes, because sometimes

Which is probably why I have attempted suicide 6 times in the last 15 years.

So I know I have the capacity for that kind of behavior, which is why I am telling you guys this, something I never thought I'd write on this blog.

This week, some things happened that made my moods spin completely out of control. I actually thought of ending it all, then remembered that I purged all weapons from my possession.

I didn't trust myself after my last episode, so I got rid of them. I also have no drugs with any sort of lethal capacity.

As I am sure you can all imagine, I was OMFG WROUGHT WITH FRUSTRATION! at my inability to terminate my existence at once. No wonder they don't let crazy people have weapons and pills and shit. No telling what we might do. But, alas, this, too, passed.

So, for now, I put up with this and live to see another day. Hopefully, I continue to make it through an already difficult world with more burdens than many have to bear. Until then... Keep reading, 'mos. If anyone understands, I know it's my rainbow family.

Homos, Homos, EVERYWHERE!

2012-01-11T22:12:00.002-05:00

Well dykes, now that I have graduated, and have definite plans to move away from this homophobic southern hellhole, I am in limbo. I spend my days working back in the old school bookstore

while I wait to leave.

Now, 'mos, as you can well guess, this environment, while far from a terrible job, is often a bastion of heteronormativity, which can be quite overwhelming for a dyke like me.

But, little did I know, yesterday, there was gasp! relief on the horizon. As I was busily stocking shelves and assisting customers, in walk these two adorable gay guys.

It seemed that their gaydar went off with me immediately (as it almost always does when I encounter family), and they made an OMFG BEELINE FOR ME before another associate could approach them. They were soooo cute and sweet,and promised to ask for me when they returned. I looked happily after them as they left, with warm rainbow hearts in my eyes and a great warm fuzzy feeling that only other queers can give me.

Annndd....

As if that weren't enough of a treat, the cute little butch dyke that always asks to be waited on by me came in like an hour after my new gay boy pals!

SQUEEAALLLL!!!!

She's been coming in every semester asking me to collect her books for her since I've been working there. Of course, she, too, immediately felt that BLUE STREAK OF RECOGNITION that all queers feel when we encounter one of our own. She has the cutest green shamrock tattoo on her neck, and always has a kind word and a smile for me, and lets me know she knows with her smile and her wink(not to mention the double venus necklace).

Of course, she's a baby dyke, and even if I were single(happily, I am not!) I wouldn't date her. But, once again, it's refreshing to find a little gay even in the straightest of environments.

Here's to making life more bearable in hetero land.

*SIGH OF CONTENTMENT*

Gay vs Black: Which Side Will Win?

2012-01-08T17:22:00.002-05:00

And no, my fellow munchers, I am not talking about the two groups themselves. I am talking about the two parts of my own identity. You see, 'mosexuals, there isn't a whole lot about me that most members of the mainstream African American community generally approve of. For one thing, I am an Atheist.

That never goes over well with my Black church loving counterparts, so, unless my hand is forced, I keep it to myself in said environments. So, you can all imagine how totally rad I thought it was when I discovered that there was OMFG A BLACK ATHEISTS GROUP ON FACEBOOK!

But alas, my joy wound up being rather short- lived. You see, dykes, it turns out that everything that always made me feel like an outcast in mainstream African- American culture- my gayness, my disdain of rigid gender roles and the general acceptance of misogyny- made me just as much of an outcast there. It was exactly the same, minus the heavy emphasis on Christianity. And the worst part,dykes, was that there were even people suggesting that being a homosexual is...wait for it... gasp! a choice! As you can imagine, I saw absolute red at this particular piece of ignorance.

So, in the end, I wound up getting into the same heated debate with this bunch of ignorant heterosexuals that I always do with their religious counterparts, ultimately resulting in my exiting the group.

You see dykes, I am a quintuple minority.I am gay, black, atheist,female- bodied, and genderqueer. Oftentimes, I wind up shying away from one of my minority groups due the fact that there is general prejudice from that group against one or more of the other groups I belong to. To that end, I sometimes wind up forsaking one group for another, based upon which one gives me the least grief. Let me tell ya, I absolutely have never faced real racism from the gay community, but I sure as hell face plenty of homophobia, transphobia(I'm genderqueer), and misogyny from the African American community. So for now.. Queers 1, Blacks nil. I know how ugly and un- PC this sounds...but it's where I am at right now. Sometimes making choices means foregoing usual tact and doing what is best for us at the moment.

Happy New Year,Munchers!

2011-12-31T19:19:00.002-05:00

And a good one I expect it to be,as well. I am leaving with my awesome new girlfriend to the glorious gay mecca of San Francisco.

I have graduated from college, am looking for a job, and can soon leave this southern hellhole with the woman I love.

All I can say, ladygays, is that it has been quite the ride these last few years, and I am soooo happy to be getting out of school, out of my mother's torture chamber, and on with my life.

Happy New Year, muff lovers!

I hope this one is as good for you guys as I expect it to be for me!

Fab Lesbian Hair!

2011-12-21T00:02:00.002-05:00

So, lovelies, we all know the importance of the Lesbian Haircut.

(Photo Courtesy of Queer Cuts of Our Lives)

It helps us scream "I'm QUEER!" to the world, and helps us identify each other. These cuts come in a million shapes and sizes, so sometimes it's hard to pick one. However, Shannon desperately needed a great queer cut, so, today, I took the plunge, and went to the salon.

After much agonizing over photos on Queer Cuts of Our Lives, I had found the perfect queer cut for me.

(Photo courtesy of Queer Cuts of Out Lives)

A little modification, a great stylist, and several hours later....

VOILA!

(Yes this is really me!!)

Shannon has a great queer cut! How you like them apples, hmmm???

I like it a lot! So link us all to your great queer hair cut photos, lesbos!

Shannon is GRADUATING!

2011-12-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

Yup, you heard me right, dykes! After all the blood, sweat and tears(read: hours and hours in front of a computer) Shannon has earned her Associate's in Applied Sciences Specializing in Computer Networking.

It was quite a feat, let me tell ya! So, today, I had a little celebration. Went to the

with my awesome buddy Brian to celebrate. Had some awesome food, a great server, and a high old time! Happy Graduation, to all who will be finishing, and to me!

My School Endorses Chik Fil A Hate!

2011-11-28T18:32:00.001-05:00

Well, that might be a little unfair. After all, the school itself has never endorsed blatantly discriminatory practices. However, they sure as hell ignored me when I went straight to the top and voiced my concerns about Chik Fil A's track record with anti-gay organizations.

Oh, didn't know about that? Well then, let me inform you. Chik Fil A is VERY homophobic. In fact, they donated more than $2 Million Dollars to anti- gay groups, and even explicitly admitted to not liking same sex couples.

How about that, hmmm???

So you guys can only imagine how OMFG ABSOLUTELY LIVID my out and proud ass was to find these fuckers at my school today with bells on. Let me tell ya, 'mosexuals, the steam is STILL coming out of my ears.

And it is not likely to stop any time soon. You see, my dykelicious ladies, I emailed the President of York Technical College here in Rock Hill, to voice my concerns after they elected to close the school dining hall in June of this year.

He initially brushed me off with some bullshit about how political positions did not play a part in choosing school vendors. Ok, fine. But I think we all know that if this were a company that endorsed racist rhetoric, they'd be allowed nowhere near here. Why is homophobia any different? It shouldn't be, but it is, and here is the proof.

(Chik Fil A Set Up at School Today)

I warned you guys that I'd be grouchy as hell this time of year. Well, we're getting off to a fantastic start with this bigoted fuckery. Color me grinched the fuck out, today, dykes.

The Season is Upon Us, Lovelies!

2011-11-27T13:36:00.000-05:00

I missed the opportunity to make a Thanksgiving post, because it was just so damned busy. I will not bore you all with the details of my busy but uneventful extended holiday weekend, I'll just say I hope you all had a

if you celebrate. Well, with the end of Thanksgiving, we all know what that means- the onslaught of the December Holiday Season.

In America, that largely translates to Christmas.

Which is fine- after all, I do celebrate the holiday in a secular sense. There's never anything wrong with giving gifts and being nice and charitable acts and all that. But, it never stops there. Never. Instead, the devoutly religious among us use this season to proselytize and attempt to force the rest of the world to celebrate in a religious sense. Hence this ridiculous, imagined War on Christmas that the GOP and their ilk are bandying on about these days.

The sad thing is, most of these people are just too ignorant to realize two things: for one, they stole the holiday from the Pagans in the first place. It was originally the Festival of Yule.

They don't even know the history of their own damn holiday, and yes, this includes treasured traditions of things like gifts and Christmas trees.

The second thing the fiercely defensive and blindly religious do not realize is that, yes, there are other systems of belief out there. Really. Not everyone is a Christian. To recognize that is not to OMFG ATTACK CHRISTIANITY, but to recognize that there are seven billion people on this planet, and not all of them have the same beliefs that you do. There are several holidays of several systems of belief during this time of year. So, to that end, does it really kill you that much to say

and respect these basic facts? I know I am probably preaching to the choir here, dykes, but, if I seem to become increasingly grouchy as the season rolls by, there ya have it. I'm thinking by the end, I'll have turned this into an entire series post: The Things That Piss Me Off About the Holiday Season or some such. Stay tuned- gonna be a loooonnnngggg month of December.

Why Lady GaGa is My Shero and Should Be Yours Too.

2011-11-22T20:32:00.001-05:00

Yo, dykes! What's shakin'? I'll tell ya what's shakin. Lady Gaga. And not just shakin' her ass whilst dancing on stage, either.

You see, lesbos, Lady Gaga is one of our biggest allies, in case you didn't know. This Lady(pun intended) is making waves and changing our world right before our eyes.

She has even turned down a deal worth milions with Target due to their donating to anti- gay politicians, and she has also, in her most recent, bold, endeavor among her countless other supportive projects,has started the Born This Way Foundation to empower LGBT youth and educate people on LGBT issues. How you like them apples? Gaga is the shit, and we're lucky to have her. I salute you, Mother Monster. You are my Shero.

Series: Dykin' It Up:Episode 5: Playa Playa!

2011-11-18T18:07:00.001-05:00

Yup, it's that time, lesbos! Another series post. This one is an ongoing issue for us *ahem* Single dykes.

(Photo courtesy of floridagirlswholikegirls.tumblr.com)

We all know what it's like. We're cruisin,' hittin' the bars, the gay dating sites, and just having a good time while looking for, you know, her. The proverbial, ever- illusive

But hey, finding *ahem* her is often a lot harder than one might think. So, instead of fixating on the first girl we meet, sometimes we just wanna play the field.

(Famous Playa from the L Word)

But when does playing the field become OMFG I CHEATED ON MY NEW GIRL???

Hard to tell, really. Sometimes you start spending time with someone, and she, or you, or both of you might start considering it a relationship without actually saying that. So, in this instance, what happens to the other girls you were seeing? Do you tell them face to face, or do you simply change your Facebook Relationship Status?

After all, if you don't set this straight, dykes, in a timely, tactful fashion, you might wake up one morning to a horror like THIS:

And honestly wonder which chic did it, and who it is referring to. So, m' ladygays, how do you handle the transition from dating around to being exclusive? Or do you avoid this drama altogether by only dating one girl at a time? Somehow, I think, while the former might be more fun, the latter is certainly a lot less drama.

The Awesomeness That is a Straight Bride Supporting Gay Marriage

2011-11-04T08:08:00.005-04:00

Alrighty, 'mosexuals, it is time to honor a lady I had never heard of until I signed up on Seeded Buzz. Ladies, meet Morgan,also known as Cape Code Bride. She lives in Massachusetts, the first state to allow same- sex marriage, and she is a supporter.

She runs a blog called A Cape Cod Bride, and I came across her while looking for "seeds" to plant that fit the interest of this blog,and I ran across a fabulous post of hers from January 24, 2010 entitled A Word (or Many) About Gay Marriage.

While looking for something to post, I got a whole lot more here, lovelies. I got a lesson, an important, valuable lesson: Some straight people do get it.

While I know many loving, gay affirming straight people both online and off, they seem to simply sympathize for a moment, then go on with their lives of heterosexual privilege, never really looking to see what we go through just to live our lives in a society that says that we aren't good enough, and that it is ok to discriminate. For this reason, I had drawn a very clear line in the sand between straight folks and me as a method of self preservation. Morgan's post inspired another Ally,Tabitha, to write a heart- felt post of frustration on the subject as well. I was wrong to assume no straight person gets it at all though, as some people really are

I hope you will all read her blog as well, and, if you had the same gay vs straight hang ups that I did, learn something from it. Also, it's a GREAT place for ideas to plan your out of this world, "budget beautiful"(her words!) Big Gay Wedding!

Going Down- A Few Tips From the Lesbians!

2011-11-02T23:25:00.001-04:00

Alrighty, my lovely lessies! Time for a post on a subject I just know we all love: SEX. More importantly, the best part of lesbian sex. Yup, you guessed it- we're gonna discuss the art of ORAL SEX.

(Yes it's cartoon porn sue me)

Now, listen up, dykes. I don't know about you, but the dreaded Lesbian Bed Death is easily the quickest way to end a relationship for me. If the sex is bad, it's only a matter of time.

Remember how those sparks flew when you first met?

Well, that should continue throughout the relationship, and, especially into the bedroom.

Now, ladies, I am sure you expected this post to be a step by step guide. I could do that, but honestly? It has been my experience that gasp! EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT.

My advice is simple: Communicate. Yep, you heard me. TALK TO HER.

Ask her what she wants. Hey, you can't read her mind, and how else will you find out? I repeat: EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT.

However, since we all love talking about sex(or at least I think we all love talking about sex), we can, just for fun, share a few tips. But hey, if I share, you better, too!

1. TAKE YOUR TIME. It's not a marathon. No need to rush to the finish line. Also, the longer you linger, the more she knows you are enjoying it.

2. Pay attention to her body movements. If she flinches away, you're doing something she doesn't like. If she arches toward you, keep doing what you're doing.

3.Don't be too rough! You might hurt her without meaning to.

Alrighty, I have several more, but I'll stop there for now! Your turn! C'mon, we're all family here, share and share alike, so we can all be happier lesbians!

After all, being women, we have skills straight guys only wish they had! Happy Sharing!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 4: Closeted VS. Out

2011-10-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

Alrighty, Lesbos, here's another Great Divide post, since, by now, y'all know how I feel about all the crazy division within our own community. But this is a little different; ie, this is a divide I understand. The constant battle between queers who are

Closeted

Those who have the balls to be OUT.

Now, fags, I do realize that people have their reasons for being in the closet. There is, of course, the usual reason: RELIGION.

By now, you all know my story, and you know how much complete disdain I have for organized religion of any kind. I do realize, however, that it can be difficult to stop trying to pray your gay away, and even more difficult to prove to your ignorant religious relatives that it cannot be done. So, instead, you keep trying.

The next usual reason is of course fear of losing family and friends.

(See reason #1 for the usual origin of such fears)

So yes, my fellow muff lovers, I do get that various people have their reasons for being closeted. But I also disagree with 99% of them. Furthermore, where there's a will there's a way. If you want to be out and proud, you will.

(Just one wave of a pride flag in public- that's all you need!)

Now, before you all start yelling and decide I am a horrible, judgmental person, hear me out, mmmk?

I get that it is OMFG NOT MY DECISION as to when someone comes out. But it is, however, my decision as to how I react to it. I absolutely, positively will not date a closeted woman. Ever. For any reason.

But on the flip side, they would more than likely not bend to my demands to come out, and I certainly would not bend to their wills to become closeted again. This is usually the consensus when I have this conversation with other openly gay people. However, admittedly, I do not know many closeted people. So, those of you not yet Out, this is your turn to shine. Why are you closeted? Do you plan to come out? If not, why not?

Happy National Coming Out Day!

2011-10-11T18:03:00.001-04:00

I hope you all had an enjoyable one. If you were in the closet, I hope you found the courage to use today to come out to at least one person, or, even better, come all the way out and wave that Pride Flag

high, loud, and proud. If you were already out, I hope you found a few random people to come out to today, like I did, and have every year since I have been aware that we had a day just for Coming out. My people this year? Random people in a convenience store.

Before I asked for my cigarettes and flashed my ID, I simply said to the clerk, "Happy National Coming Out Day!"

He gave me that blank, but obligatory smile we have all seen on the faces of store clerks

and said in a confused tone, "Excuse me?"

So, I patiently explained to him that I am gay and that it is National Coming Out day and that

to him. He looked confused, and so did the woman in line behind me, so I grinned at him, asked for my cigs while flashing my ID, happily took my change, flashed him my most winning smile, and left. I am sure he, and the women in line, thought I was insane, but so be it, win some, lose some, and, at the end of the day, I honored National Coming Out Day 2011 by coming out to someone new, and that is what is important. This day should be important to ALL LGBT people and allies. I will leave you with the most beautiful video I have seen advocating LGBT rights in a long time. Hope your National Coming Out Day was a good one, Dykes.

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 3: Butch Bathroom Blues

2011-10-09T21:03:00.003-04:00

My butch sisters, this one is for you! For only we can understand the anxiety that comes along with the dreaded visit to the Public Restroom.

Now,for most female bodied humans, when we've had a few too many beers or our tampons are about to give out This

is a very welcome sign. However, no matter how badly needed, for us less than outwardly effeminate female bodied humans, it is often a panic inducing nightmare.

I cannot tell you how many straight women have positively

screeched at me for being in the ladies room. Once, one even threatened to call security, and, when she did finally realize I was in the right rest room, she didn't bother to apologize, just glared at me and left.

So, my boyish looking lesbians, how do we combat the issue of angry straight women who do not think we belong in public restrooms? Of course, the ideal solution is the gender neutral option

in all public establishments that offer restroom facilities. After all, when you look something like THIS:

it just makes more sense to go ahead and save yourself the hassle and humiliation and possible calls to security by damsels in distress who have branded you a perv before giving you the chance to say, "Hey, I need to change my plug, too." But that is pretty much a pipe dream at the moment.

Which brings me to my personal solution to this problem: TAMPONS.

Yup, you heard me right, butch dykes. We still get periods, and no man would be caught dead going into a ladies' restroom with a visible tampon, no matter what kind of pervert he might be. Not that you really want to go flashing those around, but I swear to you, it works every time. Whether you need it or not, make sure people see it as you are going in there, and all should go much more smoothly than usual.

So, tell me, my beautiful butch sisters, how do you combat this issue? Any stories, ideas, or anything else surrounding gender non- conformity and public restrooms greatly appreciated!

She's Closeted, I'm Out, She's Religious, I'm Not- Dealbreakers!

2011-10-02T12:10:00.002-04:00

Yup, lovely lessies, it's that time. Time to discuss what you WILL NOT put up with in a relationship. That isn't to say one needs to be discriminatory, but one does need to have standards. So, I am gonna share my OMFG SUPER DUPER NO NO'S when it comes to dating, and I want you to do the same!

Here goes! The first one, is, of course, RELIGION.

Now, dykes, anyone who knows me, or has read this blog, knows I have a painful past with organized religion and believe it to be harmful. But that doesn't mean I have not attempted to be open minded on this front. In fact, I once dated..yes...wait for it... a Fundamentalist Baptist.

I loved her enough to allow her to have crosses on our walls at home, and other religious relics, and, once, even use our apartment as a location for a prayer circle.

But that wasn't enough. The beginning of the end was when she came home with a THREE-FOOT PLASTER JESUS

which she erected in pride of position in our living room.I told her to get rid of it. She told me our home would be a House of the LORD. Of course that did it for me, and we broke up soon after. Since that debacle, my religion dealbreaker goes something like this:

Religion: Nothing organized or fundamentalist in nature. It is fine to believe in *something,* but you better be able to tell me why it matters to you. "It's the way I was raised," or "because [insert 'holy' document here] says so" doesn't even begin to cut it. Nor do claims of "second births" or "epiphanies." That will only make me question your sanity.

Dealbreaker #2- Closets.

Should be self explanatory enough. Keep your shame to yourself, I want no part of it. There are very few justifiable reasons for not coming out, and I won't kowtow to your bullshit after nearly 16 years of being Out and Proud.

Now, this next one usually gets me a lot of flack: KIDS.

Don't want 'em, don't wanna raise yours. Now, do not confuse this with my OMFG HATING BABIES!!! I do not hate children. I simply have no desire to be a mother. Simple enough. Parenthood isn't for everyone, and it most certainly is not for me.

Now, dykes, this last one is HUGE.

Absolutely, positively NO MARRIED WOMEN OR OPEN RELATIONSHIPS. Yup, I am one of those OMFG MONOGAMOUS GAYS you hear so much about. I am looking to put a ring on it, shimmy into my white tux, and walk down the aisle. And that means with ONE woman, not a harem. That's no slam on open relationships...but I am smart enough to know what does and does not work for me.

So, lesbos, those are my biggies. What are yours, and why? Tell me!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 2: Masc vs Femme: The Lesbian Version

2011-09-30T18:23:00.002-04:00

Yup, the "Series" posts are back, dykes! And this time, we address something that is a kind of ongoing issue with both gay men and gay women: That good ol' Masculine/Feminine Debate.

This is a complex issue, and one with many sides. We've all seen the profiles on mainstream gay sites where gay men have lines that go something like THIS:

As if there is something wrong with being *ahem* visibly gay.

Also, there is, as evidenced by the shot above, often an element of weight prejudice and racism, but That is a story for another day.

So, how does this apply to us, lesbos? I'll tell you. There is definitely a divide between Butches/Bois and Femmes. Femmes often feel invisible.

I see it all over the internet, femmes constantly looking for ways to OMFG PROVE THEIR QUEERNESS, almost to the point of starting a

Which I think is great for them. I've no idea what it's like to walk into a gay bar and have people think I am straight. I am pretty sure I'd be horrified, and these lovely ladies endure that on the regular. So this leads to the aforementioned

Debate.

Femmes feel invisible, and as if they aren't queer enough, and are therefore intimidated by women who look like THIS:

on a night out with the lesbians. It seems no matter how much rainbow regalia they wear, we butches don't give them the time of day because we assume they are straight. There is also the resentment at the heterosexual privilege that femmes enjoy that we butches, bois, and genderqueers will never know. We feel like we have it harder- and we do- than our femme counterparts, because we simply can't fit as well into mainstream society.I mean you are a whole lot less likely to get gay bashed if you look like THIS

than the hot butch above.

There is all of this to address, and so much more. So let's start a dialogue, Dykes. How do we bridge this divide? You tell me. All I know is that it isn't a good thing.

It's Official: Yes, I Am a Whore

2011-09-17T21:03:00.001-04:00

So, I have been thinking lately (surprising, I know). I am ready to be in a relationship, finally. Yup, that's right, dykes! Shannon is ready to date after three years of the single life.

I spent all that time getting to know myself, but hey, a girl's got needs. We all know how Shannon likes to get it on.

But to that end, three years girlfriendless, but not sexless, means that there simply must have been a lot of random women. A WHOLE lot. But, with so many drunken, passion filled nights, how's a girl to know how many people she's fucked? Well, thank goodness for modern technology! Of course, the logical thing to do in this situation is to break out the old cell phones.

I spent three hours this afternoon going through several phones from the last three years (luckily I keep them rather than throwing them out), and meticulously counting through the address books, happening upon entries like "girl from the beach- closet case" and "Married but hot in the sack." After all of this, I came up with a MONSTROUS number, dykes. I have slept with 287 women in approximately the last three years. At first, I thought "WHOA, PLAYA!" But, then I thought: I am OMFG A TOTAL WHORE! I have always hated that stereotype about gay people. And here I am, living it out. So, dykes, what does this say about me? Would you date someone with that kind of track record? Or is it ok?

When You Encounter the Nasty Where You Least Expect It

2011-09-07T05:30:00.002-04:00

And no, we are not talking about sex here. We are talking about the ultimate nasty: bigotry.
On my new site, The New Gay Social Network, one of the members there blogged what pretty much amounted to a transphobic rant, and I actually cried, because I lost a friend yesterday.

But, after that initial shock and hurt, I got angry, lesbos. I mean like seeing Red. I am going to post what I blogged in response, and I think it should be pretty self explanatory what she said, when you are done reading this. Here goes:

The Worst Kind of Bigotry is...

Published by: Shannon on 6th Sep 2011 | View all blogs by Shannon
Edit Blog | Delete Blog

When you express it against your own kind. Yes, I am going to be childish and bitch in my first blog entry on this brand new, shiny website, and answer a blog entry that I found most disturbing.
A member right here expressed the same bigoted BS that we hear from straight people all the time: essentially, "why do we have to be so gay?!?!?" It was pretty much what amounts to a rant against ultra femme gay men and really butch lesbians. I have a problem with this because well, it is, essentially, a rant bordering on transphobia. It was wrought with disgust, disdain, and shame with people who fall outside that boring ass heteronormative gender binary representing our community. Her argument? People who view us that way will not vote in favor of our rights. Well, newsflash, you StockHolm Syndrome suffering bigot: THE PEOPLE WHO FEEL THAT WAY WERE NEVER ANYTHING BUT RAGING HOMOPHOBES ANYWAY. THEY WERE NOT VOTING IN YOUR FAVOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUTCH, FEMME, IN BETWEEN- DOESN'T MATTER. WE'RE ALL (pardon the language) FAGS AND DYKES TO THEM.

Also, attitudes like that are the reason people think it's ok to attack people for "looking gay" or "acting gay." As someone who has been a victim of such an attack, I take extra special offense to this bigoted bullshit, especially coming from one our own. It is dangerous ignorance at it's worst.

So get off your high horse, quit enjoying your heterosexal privilege (and make no mistake, the less "obviously gay" among us definitely enjoy that privilege) and remember that it was people like those of us, butch lesbians, flamboyant gay men, trans people, drag queens- you know, those people who you spewed such disdain and disgust at in what is supposed to be a safe haven for ANYONE in the queer community, including those you hate so much and wish would go away- who are the reason you have the rights you DO have. You should be thanking them, not condemning them.

Also, get a lesson in LGBT history. It's obvious you know absolutely nothing about your own people. Shameful.

Now, dykes, we all know Shannon has OMFG ANGER ISSUES.

She likes to rant and rave. Putting people on blast is a bit of a hobby. That temper often goes into high gear, and woe betide you if you are the target of her wrath. However, here, I feel totally justified. What do you think? Was I? Or is this just another case of my flying off the handle? Apologies for the lack of pretty pictures and snappy quips, this time, 'mos. Promise to make it up to ya. But this is a serious issue, and I don't want to take away from the content.