SoCal Dutchess

Stay Calm, Move Forward

2012-04-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

Staying calm in an otherwise hectic environment seems near impossible to the habitual worrier. Whether you're going through a break-up or your staring bankruptcy between the eyes, I advise you never to test fate and say those 4 little words that seem encouraging at the time: It could be worse.

No, don't go there. Even if you're on the optimistic side of the outlook-spectrum I wouldn't suggest you allow space for the pessimist's outcome to come into play. I understand thinking positively can create different results (depending on the situation) but I don't think the phrasing of "It could be worse" is the best way to depict any situation. All that does is allow those little thoughts into your mind of HOW it could be worse. What would be the next step in this awful situation? Yuck! Don't even go there. Deal with the situation as it is and do your best to brush off and move forward. Easier said than done, no one knows that more than I do (actually, that may be an exaggeration, but you get the jist). One thing I've been learning most lately as life throws me new twists is this: Don't focus on the things you can't control. Figure out what you can do to alleviate the situation as best you can and let the rest play itself out without your concern. Roll with the punches! Why? Because if you resist, it will only hurt worse. If you've ever been punched by someone you'll understand this metaphor... if you haven't, let me try to explain it in girly-layman's terms.

Ok, now imagine you just painted your room and everything looks perfect and as you are walking out you accidentally drop the bucket of remaining paint all over the door frame and carpet. If you're like me, a surge of anger and adrenaline starts flowing through your veins and you instinctively go to punch something (kind of like when I laugh - I hit.. I just can't control my arms in moments of excitement). Would you rather hit the doorframe or the drywall? Why? Yup, you guessed it... The doorframe is harder than the drywall so if you have feminine wrists you would rather hit the drywall (that can always be patched). The doorframe doesn't give, the drywall does.

I've been trying (sometimes unsuccessfully) to apply this metaphor to my life: choose the outlook and responses that give a little so the blow doesn't hurt too badly. Avoid stressing the things that you can't control like other people's behavior. You can control how you react and what you do, but you can't control what other people decide to do and how they do it. I know it's hard (believe me, I know) but sometimes you have to just let things happen and adjust your reactions to them.

If you're going to think further than "the now" then I suggest you replace "It could be worse" with "It's going to be okay". Of course, you're not sure if it actually will be okay but if you go into it with the mindset that it will then your actions will reflect that and you're outcome will be a direct result of your motion to make things okay. So now, I have a favor to ask of you all....

Please remind me that I said this! I'm a natural pessimist and my mind always goes to the worst scenario and I need help staying positive. Just because I've been enlightened by this new information doesn't mean I've been able to ditch my trusty "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst" life motto.

Apparently, that motto hasn't proven too successful in my life. All the good things I have are not a direct result of preparing for the worst... instead, they've come from taking chances and hoping for the best. So here I am, trying to proclaim a new life motto for myself in tragic situations as simply: "Hope for the best; it's going to be okay". I'm sure as life throws me new curveballs, I will continue to update my motto but I will make a point to continually become more and more optimistic and shoot for "great", "amazing", "outstanding" and "unreal".

The road less traveled is always the more exciting one.

"The Wedding Ring" Finger

2011-11-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

It is my hope to educate you fellas out there about the "wedding ring finger". Do us "married" women a favor and STOP hitting on us!

If you see a woman who has a ring on her left hand, near her pinky... ASSUME she is taken! If she's not taken, she should wear her jewelry somewhere else or take it off if she wants to be hit on. This is one of the only times I will not apply the "to assume only makes an ASS of U and ME". I may not be married but I do wear a wedding ring on my wedding finger. It just so happens that it is my grandmother's and she happened to have the same size fingers as I do. It OFFENDS me when I am wearing that ring on "that" finger an you hit on me. But, what's worse? I'll tell you! If you hit on me and I politely inform you that I am taken.... And you decide you want to keep going and say "well, he's not here... Is he?" well.... Cover your junk because I am gonna kick you in your not-so-happy place! Do not speak to me in a manner that makes me feel like I'm every other sleaze-bag slut who cheats on their significant others. I would NEVER cheat and I resent the assumption that I would make an exception for you. Now you ARE making an ass.... Out of YOU!

Any questions? Here's a photo for the visual learners....

^^^^ This means, "I'm Married"!!!!

I'M IN LOVE!

2011-08-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in love and I don't care who knows it! lol.

He makes my heart grow bigger and fuller every day! It's amazing! I never knew that was possible... His point of view and the way he thinks through rough situations really amazes me. I'm kind of jealous!

Yesterday was a really rough day. I asked him if an In-N-Out shake would make him happy and he said "Yes... but you know what would REALLY make me happy?"

His response to my innocent "What's that, baby?" was the sweetest response I've ever heard in my life! Long story short.... I make him happy! Thank goodness! I knew he made me happy and I know that I make him happy, but even in the worst situations and the most stressful times, he still sees me as a blessing in his life! I could not be more grateful!

He's the sweetest guy and he knows exactly how to put his feelings into words.... I'm so jealous!!! All I can ever say back is "You make me so happy! I love you so much!" but that doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about him and how he makes me feel.

I've never met a better man and a more caring father. He's unbelievable. He misses me every time we're not together and lets me know every time his coworkers try to "hook him up" with a young pretty girl, that he doesn't want or need anyone else because I'm everything he's ever wanted! Wow.... I'm someone's dream girl? SWEET! ;-)

Now about the caring father part.... It breaks my heart when he talks about his boy because he misses him so much. I know he wishes he could be there every day to drop him off at school and pick him up, take him places, and hang out with him at home. Even I miss him when he's not with us, and I'm only his daddy's girlfriend! I wish I knew how I could make my man's situation better (everything going on in his life) but the truth is... I have no control over any of it. When work sucks, all I can say is... "I'm sorry, baby." When he misses his boy, "I'm sorry, baby". When he's stressed out beyond belief about money, "I'm sorry, baby." It's not enough... I feel helpless every time he's unhappy but he always makes sure I know that I make everything bearable for him.

I WISH THERE WERE MORE I COULD DO! :(

Weightloss Update!

2011-08-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

HELLO!!!!!

Well, I am pretty stoked about today. I weighed in at 182 lbs (if you've been following my blog for a while you'll see that I weight 188lbs in January). Even though I look back now and see that I haven't made that much progress, I'm still super happy! I look better, feel better and weigh less! I have only 12 lbs to go to my goal weight and 17 lbs to go until I reach the weight I weighed in HIGH SCHOOL! Whoa. That's nuts :)

So here I am! Almost happy with what I've got to work with ;-)

I still have a lot of work to do but at least I'm seeing progress (and THAT makes it much easier to keep going)! Life is kind of upside down right now (one day is awesome and the next - not so great) so I don't know if it's stress that's helping me out of the plateau I hit.... but at this point, I welcome it with open arms. If this is the only positive I get out of the crap that happens in life, then so be it!

I need to spend more time working on myself, more time fixing "me" and making myself happy.

AND THIS IS HOW I PLAN TO DO IT:
1) Workout at least 3 times a week
2) Minimize bad food intake and minimize portions
3) Start up Bikram Yoga again
4) Spend more time alone (or with my kitty)

Sometimes....

2011-08-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”

Sometimes things work out the way you wanted them to all along.

Sometimes two people have to live two completely different lives before life brings them together and blends them perfectly.

Sometimes you have to be patient to see the beauty in disaster.

Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good, the hard with the easy, the ugly with the beautiful. But never should the previous overshadow the latter.

Sometimes you have to go slower than you want to because others aren't ready.

Sometimes you can't do anything but smile to show how you feel.

Sometimes you don't have control over a situation, but knowing someone will always be there to catch you when you fall makes it bearable.

Sometimes life is so perfect you worry about the inevitable downfall.... Don't let this rule your everyday life.

Sometimes people move in and out of your life to show you how special the ones who stick around really are.

Sometimes you have to stop and appreciate what you have before you set your sights on something else.

Sometimes you have to look at other people's lives to realize what you've done with yours isn't so bad (sorry, but it's true).

Sometimes words just aren't enough.

Sometimes I'm so happy I get a rush of energy and want to scream at the top of my lungs!

Sometimes love rules all.

Birthday Love Letter

2011-08-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

My dream for us 

is that we'll always wake up

just a pillow's whisper

away from each other - 

that we'll keep snuggling

on the couch

when we're watching TV

and reaching out to hold hands

when we're walking side by side...

My dream for us

is that we'll always

have ideas and plans

for the what-ifs and somedays

stretching out ahead of us

and that we'll keep growing closer

and discovering new things

to love about each other

Another Year Older

2011-08-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I must admit that even though I am another year older, I never felt "younger" to begin with! I've always been the "responsible type". I've been completely independent for a while now and I won't lie... I feel like I've been on my own for years and years on end!

Why is it that birthdays seem to mean less, or leave less impact, than the birthdays when you were a child? Is it because you grew up so much more between 7yrs old-11yrs old than you will between 21yrs old -25yrs old?

I was lucky enough to get away for the weekend with my man and it was amazing! I swear the more time I spend with him the more I love him! He is so sweet (yeah, he's still very sweet), has such an amazing work ethic (which is nearly impossible to find these days), is an absolutely wonderful dad (which makes me happy for our future together), and he has this subtle way to remind me just how special I am and how lucky he feels to have me. I LOVE THAT! I love that he's not afraid to tell me exactly how he feels and that he makes sure I know I'm the love of his life. I look forward to every minute I can spend with him!

Our future has some great things in store and I'm super excited!

I love you, Handsome!

My boyfriend is the best!!

2011-03-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

FACT: Happiness makes you more attractive. Sadness may be poetic but happiness shines through your eyes and smile; thus making it poetic.

I went through a pretty heavy slump for a little while but amazingly I was pulled out of that slump to this life that is near perfection! Of course, I don't want to jinx myself by claiming my life is near perfection but I have to tell you.... I have NEVER been this happy! Everything is falling perfectly into place. I love my family dearly and they have always and will always be there for me. What has really made a drastic turn for the better is my relationship with Ryan and my friends.

I'm lucky enough to get to see my friends as often as possible and for that I am SO grateful! I know it's so hard to coordinate schedules but they work with me so we can see each other whenever possible.

Anyway, on to Ryan and how he makes me so incredibly happy. I am not the type of person who needs another to be happy (Although, apparently it really helps). Our relationship has evolved into the one that I've always dreamed of. We absolutely love spending every minute with each other and we're also perfectly fine spending some time apart. We talk constantly and haven't fought or argued in weeks. I know some people out there are thinking "you're not supposed to fight all the time" and I completely agree with you... but I am the bickering type. I bicker when I disagree or get irritated, and when I'm hungry or tired. I'm not angry and the conversation doesn't get heated, we just tend to bicker about little things here and there. Well, the past few weeks/months we haven't even done that. It's purely happiness in our relationship!! I LOVE IT! He makes me so happy and he's so sweet it's unbelievable! He's always been sweet/nice to me (I think we're going on knowing each other for 15 years!!!!!! ) but he's really sweeping me off my feet!

We are rounding off 1 year of dating and I could not be happier! This is the first relationship that I remember every detail of anything we've ever done! I remember when we first crossed the line from friends to "dating", I remember our first date and when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I remember every place we've ever been and every meal we've ever had. None of that has ever mattered to me before but for some reason with him I remember, and I love to remember, every detail of our time together.

Ryan is such a good person it amazes me! He's patient and sweet, caring and tender, strong and determined, and just plain unbelievable. He has so much love to give! If you could only see his eyes light up when he talks about that certain someone who really makes his heart melt, you would see how much love he has just waiting to be distributed! He really has spoiled me with his love and I absolutely love him 100% back. I never thought I would find a person who can love me so much and not make me feel negative about it. I always worry about feeling smothered and I always worried that I would be the person who hurts the other in the end. I really don't worry about that anymore. I don't see an end to our relationship..... I don't feel smothered.... I love when he calls or texts me just to let me know he misses me and is thinking about me.

I fall in love with the little things over and over again. I treasure the cards he gives me because his letters are so, so, so very sweet! I love every picture I have with him because I can see his personality. He's shy but confident, funny and cute, sweet and caring, and he's so incredibly trustworthy. I never, ever worry about him cheating (which is crazy because a year ago I was convinced every young adult has cheated, does cheat, will cheat or has been cheated on). I mean really.... where do people come off acting like they can have it all at their "loved ones" expense???

Anyway, I'm going to share this little detail with you because I was REALLY excited about it! Okay, so to paint the picture for you... I am a 5'11" "voluptuous and curvy" woman. I'm pretty much a giant amazon woman! This past weekend, my boyfriend was in the kitchen making me breakfast when I was standing in the living room talkin smack like I normally do and he came at me with his "attitude" (wide eyed, taking long strides and saying: "What did you say? What did you say to me??"). Then he lifted me up, tossed me over his shoulder and carried me into his room. He chucked me on the bed and started tickling me!! Classic movie scene that makes you want to vomit and change the channel but I swear it was the cutest thing ever!!! PLUS! I've never been carried around like that before! Do you know how rare it is for a girl my size to be tossed around??? AMAZING! lol. He really impressed me! All that working out is really paying off ;-)

Okay, I swear I'm done obsessing over how amazing my boyfriend is! But as a last note, he has the longest arms EVER and I absolutely love how they wrap perfectly around me and make me feel so comfortable and safe.

Body Sculpting? Maybe Not That Much...

2011-01-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here we go. I'm going to show you pics of my body so I can hopefully motivate myself to keep going! Now... I'm going to tell you this because I think it's important for you to understand how far I've come and why I'm so excited about it.

Several months ago, I hit a record (not the good kind) weight of 210 lbs. I was SHOCKED that I hit that high. Launching myself into self-consciousness and depressed feelings about how I looked and felt, I decided I needed to attack it once and for all. That's when I started my weight loss plan and thus, my first blog about "Feeling Lighter Everyday".

So here we go! Today, January 23, 2011, I weighed in at 188 lbs. Not much progress after the holiday season but at least I am still back to the weight I reached before the holidays! I'm working on losing more so here are my picture updates... I would like to start taking a couple pics to show my progress every now and then.

Health Update

2011-01-14T15:03:00.000-08:00

So here we are, weeks after the holiday season and I'm here to tell you... I survived it! Yes, I still packed on a few pounds because of all those delicious desserts and carb delights. However, I weighed myself this morning and am happy to report that my weight is back to the number I achieved prior to thanksgiving and Christmas! :)

I haven't worked out much at all lately because unforunately my mind and body are not feeling up to par at this time... Went to the doctor to see what it might be and let me tell you... There are a number of possibilities! I'd like to share with you a bit because I feel the need to talk about it but am too insecure to say it out loud. There are quite a few options out on the table so I am currently going through testing to see what it is NOT and hopefully we can stumble upon what it IS that is making me so miserable and exhausted.

I went to the doctor today and told him (as much as I could)about my current symptoms. They include but are not limited to:
>fatigue
>muscle pain (all over)
>lower back and gluteus pain
>restless sleep
>lack of concentration
>headaches/migraines
>neck pain
>throat pain
>random buzzing in my head/ear (occasionally)
>increased sensitivity to heat and cold
>etc

Well, he had a couple guesses as to what it was and he requested that I get my thyroid examined. I went downstairs and had them take an ultrasound of my throat.... I felt like a pregnancy gone wrong! LOL it seriously felt like they were searching for a baby in my neck! Science is weird. Lol

Missing Pieces

2011-01-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been so happy you don’t know how to describe it? Well, that’s where I am right now. For you, the exclusive hundreds that are now able to see my blog, I will try to explain my feelings…

My friends are amazing – reconnecting with those I lost touch with so long ago, the few that have managed to stick around through my transformation between college kid to working adult, the ones who are always there when you need them even when you haven’t spoken in quite some time, and those who you can talk to on a daily basis and not care about whether you have something new to say. I want you all to know that I have a space reserved for you in my mind and heart, even if we don’t see each other as often as we’d like!

My family is irreplaceable – I will always be mommy’s best friend, daddy’s little girl and brother’s shoulder to lean on. We all may disagree, disapprove, and annoy each other… but for you, I am ALWAYS here: emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically! I love all my family in some way but these three exemplify the meaning of unconditional love. No matter how many mistakes, wrong decisions, stubborn hissy-fits I make, my parents have always been there for me and will always continue to be there for me. My brother and I, being brother and sister, argue and bicker all the time, but when it comes down to it I would drop everything in the world to help him and to be where he needs me to be. Whether or not that’s true in his case is a different story. But regardless, I would be there anyway.

My boyfriend is unbelievable – he handles me in a way that no one else could. Although, he’s still getting to know me and my needs when I’m upset or sick, he still shows me that he cares about me. We all know I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but he is patient, kind and understanding. Especially, lately with all this drama we’ve been dealing with, he has been sensitive and respectful to me. He understands my frustrations with the situation but he includes me in his life (no matter how dramatic) and he is learning that I can be more submissive when I feel like I am 1) included, 2) that my opinion matters, 3) being defended when necessary, and 4) not the one who cares the most about the situation. Let me explain what I mean.

1) I want to feel included in whatever is going on in his life. I want to know what is making him upset, what is being said and what he wants to do about it.

2) I don’t want to be brushed off when I make a suggestion. I want my opinion to be awarded its due diligence and to be considered for action.

3) If someone attacks me or my relationship with him, I want to know that he is defending me against whoever the attacker is. This is where I had doubts a few months ago, but it is obvious to me now that he is defending me. He does it in his own way, and sometimes I’m not satisfied with the method, but nevertheless he is doing it. Lately, he’s been more vocal about my position in his life (to me as well as others) and for that I am very grateful.

4) I don’t want to be the one who gets heated about a situation when I shouldn’t be the one who is most affected by it. I’m not saying I won’t get heated either way, because we all know I will… I am, after all, a very passionate person. I don’t want to be affected by something so strongly when the other, whom it was directed towards, acts as if he’s not affected. When this happens, I feel the need to overcompensate and as a result, I overreact. However, if the reactions are spread out throughout both parties, I compose myself a little better and start thinking more clearly. Obviously, this is something I need to work on…

He’s amazing because through all this crap he deals with on a daily basis (the stress, the anger, the sadness) he still manages to make me feel like I am one of the things that makes him happiest. I will never be #1 (and I don’t expect to be, in his case) but I am very happy with where he’s put me over the most recent few months.

Everyone will have their arguments and disagreements with the ones they love, but the important thing is to be reminded of their love for you and to be patient. After all,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now back to how I feel:

I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Not the dark, thin, stretched out clouds but the white, fluffy, puffy clouds; one where you find baby angels with wings and unicorns prancing from one to the other. I feel all twisted up inside. My stomach feels like butterflies are flapping their wings against my insides giving me that weird itchy feeling that you just can’t scratch. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop smiling. The fact that I try to stop smiling actually makes me smile!

I feel so lucky to have such great people in my life. I know now, more than ever, that quality is MUCH more important than quantity. I’ve always known this, but everyone gets caught up from time to time. I’ve shaved it down to the proud selection that makes me happiest and shows me that they need me as much as I need them. Even those who are my “friends” but we haven’t gotten that close, I know that we have what we have and it’s good enough for the both of us. Everyone needs that close knit circle but that doesn’t mean those surrounding few aren’t important.

I have enough love to spread around so if I seem oddly happy or lovey dovey with you, it’s because I appreciate you! I appreciate who you are and the things that you do. I also appreciate that you accept me for who I am and the things that I do. So thanks! Thanks for putting a smile on my face, even if it’s just once. I hope I can return the favor!

"We are all a little weird and life is a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss

The Boyfriend Prayer

2010-12-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

Sent this to my boyfriend and he thought it was pretty cute. And since he actually liked it.... I figure I can share it with you guys too so you can give it to your boyfriends!!! hehe!

THE BOYFRIEND PRAYER

Heavenly God, full of grace,

Bless my boyfriend's sexy face

Bless his hair the way it curls

Keep him away from other girls.

Bless his little nose and toes

And keep him safe wherever he goes.

Bless his arms so big and strong

Help him keep them where they belong.

Bless his eyes that shine like stars

And keep his mind on me and cars.

Bless his body the way it smells

If my dad finds out he'll give me hell

I tell you Lord, he isn't shy,

He's got his faults but so do I
Bless him, Lord, because he's my guy.

A Little Lighter Everyday

2010-11-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

I’ve finally been shown the light! Can you believe it? I never thought I’d be the one who could lose weight since I love food so much… well, let me tell you… I may never be “skinny” again, but I also know I don’t want to be “fat”.

Among all these horrible things I’ve been thinking and feeling these past months, I’ve been able to do something that makes me happy. Of all the things in the world that I stress about, especially those I can’t control, I’ve managed to come out of it with at least one positive outlook and result.

I have learned (finally) that I can still eat what I want to eat as long as I do it in moderation. I’ve been focusing on only eating when I’m hungry and to chop my portion sizes to the minimum. When making dinner, instead of using the large plate to serve myself, I use the smaller plate. I eat less red meat and more salad; more vegetables and less junk food. I drink as many liquids as I possibly can (no matter what it is). If I really want fast food, which I haven’t eaten in weeks, I order whatever I want minus fries and eat only half.

I started this diet because I was so fed up with myself. I’ve tried for the past two years to “diet” and “exercise” but let’s get serious… Dieting is not my “thing”. I finally got over the mentality of all that you “can’t eat”, which always makes me want them more, and decided to go the route of minimizing my intake as much as I can. Surprisingly, I eat a fraction of what I used to and I don’t feel hungry at all. I’ve minimized my soda intake, but not eliminated it, added more vegetables and salads to my diet but HAVE to spruce it up with deliciousness like cranberries, a bit of cheese, delicious dressings and random flavors. After cutting my soda intake and my food intake, I’ve realized I can’t drink alcohol like I used to and even soda sits heavy in me now. I limit my “unhealthy beverage intake” because my body rejects it, not because I don’t want it. My body and mind are not necessarily on the same page all the time… but they’re working towards the same goal.

I’ve tried to do this in the past (over a year ago and again several months ago) but I always fall off the wagon. Something happens and boom! I’m right back where I started. I’ve promised myself I won’t do that this time. So far, I’ve done really well and it’s my thinking and habits that have changed, not the foods I eat.

Two months later, I’ve lost 20 pounds! On average, that’s 2.5 pounds a week!!! As a present to myself, I bought a really cute, black, faux leather jacket that didn’t fit me before. Even my shoulders shrank! Lol. In one week, I lost about an inch off the fattest part of my stomach and a quarter to half an inch off my thighs and arms. Even people at work notice something different about me (although they don’t really know what it is yet, haha).

I do a bit of cardio as often as I can, am trying to strengthen my core, and whenever I get the chance I park a little farther away from the front entrance and take the stairs whenever possible. I believe it’s the little things that make a difference. Now, of course, the only times I make the exception to park right in front of the door is when it’s night time and the parking lot is not well-lit! *cough* LA FITNESS *cough*

I’m definitely a pessimist so I need to “see results” in order to maintain my current path and believe that it’s actually possible. I’m my own inspiration at this point and that makes me happiest because the only one who can disappoint me is I! I won’t let that happen. For years I’ve been unhappy with the way I looked and felt and now I’ve jump started my new lifestyle for a happy, healthier body and mind.

I may still be a pessimist but I’m no longer ashamed to get on the scale, wear those trendier outfits and maybe even do myself up a little more so my exterior matches how I feel inside. What a major difference I feel already…. And I still have twenty pounds to go until I reach my target weight!

This isn’t about being skinny and this isn’t about pleasing anyone else. This is about loving who I am, what I look like and what I can wear. This is about being healthier and feeling better in my own skin. THIS is about ME.

Not for the Faint of Heart

2010-11-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

Dear “Jerks Who Continue To Ruin Me”,

I hate you. I hate what you do, I hate how you live, I hate who you are, and I hate that you get away with it. What I hate more is that you make me think about doing it too so maybe I could benefit off those who work for a living and not have to do it myself (just like you do). Alas, I would get caught because I’m not a jackass who masters the art of being a leech.

Yes, I hate you. Don’t know how else I can describe the way I feel once I’ve been violated like this (not just once but time and time again) but to put off my immense, deep hatred onto you and your “friends” who live as parasites off those who work hard to get what they want/need and try everything they can to keep it.

If that’s how society works- “work hard so others don’t have to…” then I quit.

Put me on Medi-Cal because I don't want to get a job. Give me un-employment so I can use the excuse that the economy is so tough right now so I’m just gonna sit on my ass for over a year, collecting those lovely checks. Put me in a Section 8 house that’s nicer than all my neighbors’ houses because I can’t afford to pay rent.

The thing that bothers me more than you taking what I had and selling it at a profit, what bothers me more than changing my mentality because I see you get away with it, that bothers me more than looking at everyone who does nothing and gets more than those who are actually working for it….

The thing that bothers me the most out of everything I’m going through is that I pay almost $1,000 a month to live in a place where I don’t feel safe. Every morning I walk downstairs, phone in hand, ready to call the cops because my car is missing. Every day at lunch, I go home so I can at least know if someone breaks into my apartment I have a smaller window of time that I can tell the cops it happened. Every day when I get home from work, I half run to my door so I can quickly slide in my key and immediately lock the door behind me in fear that someone was following me. Every night, I tie up the bag of garbage and leave it by my front door because I can’t go outside after dark. I can’t sleep through the night without aid. Every weekend I pray that either my mom comes down the hill or she wants me to come up because I don’t want to sit there by myself… vulnerable to you douchebags who prey off the “haves”. I hate when it rains. Every sound I hear, every rustling tree, every barking dog and every thump on the roof or on my patio reminds me that someone might try to break in. God forbid I’m there when it happens.

I hate that I can't sit in silence, even for 5 seconds, because I'm afraid of where my mind will go. I hate that I sometimes pray you will just get it over with so I won’t have to wait for the day that it will happen, because as history has proven…. It WILL happen. I hate who I have become because of who you are.

So here’s a big THANKS and F*** YOU!

Fulton's Crab Boursin

2010-10-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

I had this delicious Boursin at a restaurant. You should definitely make it and try it! Promise your guests will love it and think you're super fancy shmancy and skilled! ;-)

Yields 3 cups

Ingredients:
1 1/2 lb     Cream Cheese
1/4 cup      Roasted Garlic
1/2 tbl    Green Onions, chopped
1/8 cup      Fresh Basil
1/8 cup      Lemon Juice
1/2 tbl        Horseradish
1 tbl           Crabmeat or Crab Base
1/8 cup      Roasted Red Peppers
1/2 tbl        Hickory Smoked Mustard

Method:
Mix all ingredients except cream cheese in a large mixing bowl. Cut cream cheese into small cubes and place them in the mixer. Mix until smooth. Stop, scrape sides and mix again. When the cream cheese is smooth, add the rest of the ingredients to mixer. Be careful not to over mix. Store in a covered container until ready to serve. Serve with an assortment of crackers.

And TADA! Delicious....

Orlando Fiasco

2010-10-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a couple short stories about my trip to Orlando......

On the plane to Orlando I was sitting behind this giant lady with bleached blonde hair that covered about half of her butt (the width of two chairs). She sat in the aisle and across the aisle from her sat her post-midlife crisis, biker boyfriend proudly wearing his leather and gold rings. These two were easily in their early to late fifties and going on, what I can only assume is, one of their first travel dates. The entire 4 hour flight from Phoenix to Orlando they were holding hands, writing each other notes on the napkins, whispering to each other and sharing which songs they were listening to on their iPods. Even though I would normally think this were weird and annoying, I actually thought this was pretty cute. Goes to show you "to every pot fits a lid" (sounds way better in Dutch). Even when you're older and weird, after you've re-established yourself post-midlife and bleach your hair beyond repair/ squeeze as many gold rings onto your sausage-like fingers as you possibly can.... someone will love you for you. Someday you might experience that need to hold hands in the aisle and the unstoppable need to tell your partner whatever's on your mind. When saying your thoughts out loud would be inappropriate, you settle for writing it on napkins because you just can't wait to tell them..... how cute.

Now on to a more interesting story.......

Stuck in an elevator. That's right! I got stuck in an elevator!!!!! Granted it was only for twenty minutes or so, but still.....I thought I was going to die! I tried to play it cool since I was with my boss but when the doors closed, the buttons were pushed and nothing happened I had the weirdest, scariest feeling that the elevator was just gonna drop to the ground floor! Luckily for me, that didn't happen.... but STILL! He pushed the Alarm button and called the "help desk". They answered with "What?" haha. Wow, Orlando..... that's how you treat people stuck in your elevators???? I stood in the corner waiting for the guy to come open the door (luckily we weren't in between floors) and swear the only thing I could think of was Fresh Prince of Bel-air! haha. Tell me why- when I started to hyperventilate and thought I was gonna die.... all I could think of was:

Stuck in a basement

Sittin on a tricycle

Girl gettin on my nerves.

I'm goin outta my mind

I thought she was fine

Don't know if her body is hers!

haha! Yup, I guess it's meant to be. When my life flashes before my eyes I see Will Smith. Jayda, move over. It's my turn! ;-)

How Wonderful You Are

2010-10-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

So sweet when I want you to be

Strong when I need you to be

Fun when the time calls for it

You fit in with all my friends and every party

With you I can relax

And you bring me and my friends together.

You open up the stream of conversation

And let me talk about anything without guilt.

You can be cool, classy and light

or warm, strong and dark.....

And for that, I thank you and drink another glass!

A Girl's Words Translated

2010-10-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

(My interpretation) When A Girl Says:

"I don't like flowers" she means "find something better and more personal to give to me."

"I'm not the jealous type" she means "I don't care if you go out and have fun but the truth always comes out so you better not cheat on me."

"Let's do something fun" she means "Let's get out of the house"

"I trust YOU, it's HER I don't trust" she means "I don't trust YOU with HER"

"You don't have to get me anything" she means "I want it to be a surprise!"

"I want to meet your friends" she means "Who the heck have you been hanging out with all this time? And who is Mark?"

"I love you" she means "I would do anything for you"

"I would do anything for you" she means "tell me what you need"

"I need a hug" she means "remind me that you'll never let me go"

"I hate your ex" she means "don't ever bring her up in my presence unless there's something I can do to help you"

"How do I look?" she means "did you notice the three hours of work I put into looking good for you?"

"I feel like I'm sixty years old" she means "let's do something spontaneous and make me feel young again"

"You're the best!" she means "Keep it up!"

"Don't do that to me again" she means "this is your warning and should you choose to ignore it, I'll leave and find someone better"
"This isn't working" she means "you don't care enough"

More to come whenever I think of them.....

Privacy Policy

2010-10-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Please note that all information following this post consists of personal opinions of the author, personal experiences, and hypothetical situations created by the author or passed on from another author and transformed to be her own.
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And finally, just because I write it doesn't mean I believe it. I try to get other ideas out there so people can discuss them freely and counter them if they feel necessary. Although many of these posts will be my thoughts and ideas I will, at times, include some other points of view to expand my brain capacity as well as yours.

Senioritis- Our Time-Share

2009-04-13T22:08:00.001-07:00

Senioritis Part Deux

2009-04-13T22:00:00.000-07:00