Social Inebriation

Facebook Etiquette

2010-03-09T14:39:00.000-08:00

With this infantile world of social media, there is very little to determine proper etiquette when using such sites as Twitter, Facebook, MySpace (are people still on this?), LinkedIn etc. I think the most difficult aspect of determining proper etiquette for such sites is that each site carries it's own rules of proper behavior in it's digital space. Today, I would like to focus on one particular aspect of Facebook etiquette--- status updates.

When status updates first came about on Facebook, I think people were a little weary of it's practical uses and it's invasion of privacy. However, since that time, micro-blogging (Twitter etc.) has become the new way for people to express themselves, share ideas, share content and so forth. Letting people know your status has become as common as Ben Roethlisberger being charged for sexual assault. But let's talk about one particular "type" of status update. The Pity Status.

The pity status is the worst status someone can put in the social media space. Why? Because this person is deliberately trying to evoke certain sympathies from their online friends with vague language and trying to encourage certain questions to be asked. Take for instance this status: "Some days are just the worst days aren't they? I hope tomorrow will be better than this shitty day." Ok, vagueness? Check. Self pity? Check. Encouraging questions to be asked? Check. This person is seeking validation from his or her (face it, most of these pity statuses seem to be from the female sex) friends to ask them what happened, is everything ok, and how can I help you get through this difficult time. What has happened is this person probably has a bunch of shit going on in their lives, but they do not need to share that with the rest of the world. If they are so concerned with their situation, please, just call a good friend. No need to publicize your problems to the rest of the world, because like you, we all have problems and things to deal with on a daily basis.

Responses. Please, don't respond. It's as simple as this. If this person wants advice, they can go to a shrink. If they need help, I'm sure they can find help on Google. If they need your sympathies, they can call/text/email/private message you for that. We don't need to be indulged with your issues every time your professor gives you a bad grade (probably deserved it!) or your boss is an asshole (he probably is an asshole, but I'm sure you deserved it) So people of the world, buck up, quit looking for sympathy, and instead concentrate your output on solving your problems in the real-world, not just bitching about them online.

Bar-side Eti-Kit

2010-02-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

In honor of Valentine's Day (the actual day, not the movie), I have decided to take a little bit of a personal foray into my own romantic life. No, my life isn't all that romantic, but rather the attempts for romance I make. Romance seems to be one of those words like "love" or "tampon" that men just want to shy away from and not think about at all. However, there are certain times when the mood can strike a man to become lost in the prowess of a beautiful woman and carry on to such romantic endeavors as buying her something classy, like an Irish car bomb.

There have been two such occasions the past two weekends in my life. Occasions where I had been taking part in the consumption of friendly libations and happened upon a nice looking lady with some good opinions, great eyes, and a better sense of humor than previously thought possible. On each of these occasions I engaged in some rivetingly poignant bar-side conversation, and by the end of our parting, I had gotten the magic 10-digits from her. I had gotten their numbers with full-on intentions of maybe taking these girls to dinner the following week or even perhaps taking them to a concert (where I tend to do my best work). However, these encounters would turn out to be just that--- encounters, with no followup gathering in sight. Simply put, I was blown off by both of these girls.

I know some of you out there who read this blog might be wondering what the big deal is regarding two random girls wanting nothing to do with me. In normal circumstances, sure, that's completely reasonable. I am certainly no Don Juan, but I'm also not Hanson from Scary Movie 2 (my germs!). I, like most guys, have been told every excuse in the book for a girl not to talk to me at a bar or to not give me her number. I have no issues with that. If I walk up to you in a bar and you want nothing to do with me, please, let it all out. Tell me to go fuck myself, get out of your face, and sunbathe in Tiger Woods' lawn dressed as a naked cocktail waitress. That's fine. I'd rather get it all out there and stop wasting my time. However, this is usually not the case. Usually, if a girl is not interested in me, there is the endless toying and pussy-footing (definitely no puns intended) around the issue at hand. It can usually carry on for weeks, and sometimes more. The oddity which lies with these last two girls is the break from the norm which I was used to.

As I said before, I had some good conversation with these girls and at the end of the night, got their numbers. And here is how the post-bar conversations went down:

Side note: I know my "game" skills are not anywhere near perfect, so bear with me....

Girl 1

I wait 3 days after getting her number. Call her. No answer. Leave message inquiring about remainder of weekend and beginning of week. No response. Wait 2 more days. Call again. No answer. Text message received 20 minutes later, "I'm at the library, what's up?" Tell her just seeing what she's up to that night, would love to hang out with her. She responds, "I would love to hang out with everyone (side note: she did not italicize "everyone" but rather I did to emphasize my knowledge that this is the point I knew I was fucked) again tonight. And just to be clear, I just want to be friends. (and this is where I really knew I was fucked)" And the conversation dribbled on from there, but have not really spoken to her since.

Here is my issue with the way this went down. Why talk to me for two hours at a bar if you just want to be friends? Why leave your friends and only hang out with me? Why give me your number and tell me you'd love to go to dinner with me the following week? No one goes out at night thinking "gee whizz, I'd love to make some really neato friends tonight!"

Girl 2

I wait 3 days after getting her number. Call her and leave a message, asking how rest of her weekend was etc. (see a theme growing here?) Next day, call again, no message this time. Two days later send a text asking her if she'd like to come to a concert with some friends and me. No response. Next day, desperation sinks in, I text her saying, "I don't even get a call/text back, that's kind of weak." I finally get a response telling me I have the wrong number. Whoops! But do I? I asked who it was. She tells me it was not Erin. I was fine with that, as I was not looking for Erin. I said I'm looking for "Jessica." She says, "wait, who is this?" I respond with, "This is Kace, I met you last Friday night." And then I don't hear another word back from her. Obviously, she was blowing me off, and that's cool.

Here is my issue with the way this one went down. Once again, I had spoken to her for a good hour and a half to two hours at the bar. We were laughing, having a good time, and she was the one who told me to get her number. Then, at the end of the night, she hugs me and tells me "don't be shy." Ok, I was not shy. I am still not shy. What in the shit is this all about? Why would you give me your number if you never wanted to talk to me again? It makes no sense. If you're going to disregard my existence to you, please do so in front of my face. Is that really too much to ask?

I tend to be a pretty realistic guy. I can usually tell if a girl is digging me or not and I know when to abort a sinking ship. But there is no need for the nonsense. Save yourself some harassing phone calls and text messages and save the guy some time and brain cells. If you have no intention of ever talking to him again, don't give him your number. Give him a fake number, slap him across the face, tell him he has girly hands, I don't care. Whatever you have to do to make it clear to him that you have no interest. Otherwise, you are simply epitomizing the already popular belief among men that women are more confusing than a Mandarin Chinese class taught in Polish. That is unless of course you are either Chinese or Polish.

I Think They're All Drunk At This Political Party

2010-01-29T10:48:00.000-08:00

I've been very turned off to politics lately. So much of what goes on in Washington is both unknown to me and so confusing for your ordinary citizen of the United States that it almost makes no difference in how much we follow or participate in our political process. I don't want people to think I am promoting apathy, but I am a realist. However, today, something went on in our political sphere by which I was very intrigued. President Obama was taking open questions at the House Republican Retreat. Now, I could go on about what I think is going on at that retreat, but I am not trying to be crude, crass or sassy towards any particular political party in this blog post. What I am trying to do is speak towards the accomplishment I believe this particular event may have within our political realm.

I am not a staunch follower of American politics, but to my knowledge, I have never seen a President answer questions at an event like this for the opposing political party. I certainly never saw W do it, and frankly, I was too young to give a shit about what Clinton was doing (although I knew he got blown by an intern.... great way to shape a 7th grader's mind). I thought this was the most healthy forum for political debate and banter which I have ever seen in this country. The Republicans acted very civil (for the most part) towards President Obama, and I thought he handled himself very well in the face of a very adverse situation.

Side Note: For the record, I am a proud independent and critic of both political parties, although I do support President Obama.

Obama brought up one point in particular which verbalized what I have been trying to say for so long. He talked about politicians "boxing themselves in" and needing to use "tones of civility instead of slash and burn." He brought up the point that in our political system, there has been so much bickering and bantering lately; there are so many attacks towards the other party (Democrat or Republican) that it is making it impossible to get things done. Even if you agree with a particular bill the other party has presented, you've talked so much shit about them in the past that your constituency will see you as weak, or a "flip-flopper" for voting for that particular bill; thus, resulting in you not being re-elected. Even if that bill has ideals and principles within it which are consistent with your beliefs and your party's beliefs, you simply cannot vote for it. Isn't this ridiculous? Is this what Washington DC has become? Are we in a perpetual state of election season?

The answer to all of those questions is "yes," and it saddens me to say so. Politicians, who generally have always been out for their own causes and their own benefit, are constantly worried about reelection. They are so worried about their reelection that it is hurting the American people because literally nothing can get done. This is why politics is all bullshit and it almost makes no difference to care or not to care. It doesn't matter who is President, who controls the Senate, or who controls the House. It seems as though one party actually wants the other party to be in control, that way they can talk so much shit about them, they look like the "good guys", and by the time elections come again, their party will be voted in this time. It's the ebb and flow of American politics. That's why the conglomerate of Republican or Democratic strongholds within the seats of congress never last more than 2 terms or so in modern politics. It's like a tug-o-war battle. The little ribbon in the middle of the rope is going from side to side. An inch or two one way, and then an inch or two the other way. This happens over and over, repeatedly, until the end of time. Nobody ever fucking wins! And the real losers are the American people. Why can't we keep that ribbon in the middle and throw all of the bullshit "politics" out the door and actually work for the American people?

I've been saying this for a long time and I know it will NEVER happen, but imagine a world where political parties did not exist? Wouldn't that be great? A world where people ran based on the merits of their ideals and ideas and couldn't hide behind a party's structure or weren't criticized based upon the group to which they belonged. I'm not sure about other mayoral seats, but I know the Dallas mayoral seat is a non-party affiliated seat, which I think is pretty cool. Candidates can actually run based on who they are as individuals. I know it's idealistic thinking and it will never happen, but I think it would be incredible to see that on a national spectrum. It would be great to be able to see Independents or parties other than Republicans or Democrats win more elections. I have a feeling that my generation (which I have named the Liquid Soap Generation) is becoming more and more irritated with the way things are going and one day these idealistic thoughts may become a realist actuality. Let's hope so at least.

Infomercials: The Great American Late-Night Pastime (if you haven't brought home a lady)

2010-01-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

I would like to delve into the great and vast world of As Seen On TV products. Everyone knows these products and surely with the quick rise and passing of the amazing Billy Mays, the As Seen On TV infomercial community is larger than ever. Products like the Snuggie and the Sham-Wow really took this industry from one of late-night insomniacs to that of the average guy just looking to stay warm and use his fucking remote control at the same time. If he happens to spill his beer, then damnit, now he has something to clean it up with. That's all.

For those of you who don't know me well, I am an avid supporter and long-time fan of the infomercial community and industry. Ever since I first heard the words, "Hi, Billy Mays here for..." I have wanted to have that job. I used to idolize Billy Mays long before he became a mega-millionaire superstar. For a long time I wanted to somehow be an apprentice underneath him. This guy really knew how to sell a product. But, it wasn't the actually "selling" factor that interested me, but rather it was how he was so good at making people care about a product that they otherwise would have had zero interest in. It's very similar to writing a good paper in college. Let's say you're writing a paper on the latest book you read. It doesn't matter what you say in your paper. That isn't what gets you the grade. What gets you the grade, and gets people to buy what you're selling is the way in which you say it. Can you be convincing enough to make them believe in an idea that they otherwise couldn't have cared less about?

Billy Mays always said that he only hawked products that he truly believed in and used himself. Coming from a guy with such an upstanding record, I liked to believe in him as a person. However, it wasn't this guarantee that sold me and the millions of other people on the products. It was how he said it. Take for instance the product "Mighty Mend-It." This is a product, very similar to your standard super-glue, but it was used to mend fabrics such as ripped jeans or your tattered American flag (how patriotic!). Seeing the Mighty Mend-It being used on those materials seemed pretty standard. No one would buy the product based on those examples. But wait, there's more. With every infomercial product there is the big hook. The demonstration where they show you how you may not actually ever use it for this purpose, but hey, if we show you, you're sure as hell going to buy it. In the Mighty Mend-It (MMI) commercial, they show a guy patching his parachute with the MMI and then going up in a plane and jumping out, presumably with the same parachute. Is this guy fucking nuts? Everyone who watches this is thinking the same thing. However, they are also thinking, "hey, if that crazy asshole jumped out of a plane using this shit, I'm gonna buy me 50 of em." Great marketing.

Being that I love infomercials so much, I too had bought into some of the ideas of a better life that I was being sold. Did I really think these products were going to change the way I lived and make me a better person? No, but nothing is going to do that. It's more of the thrill of the purchase and the anticipation to see if "hey, I wonder if this piece of shit will actually work." Over the years I've purchased the Pasta Express (piece of shit), Listen Up (piece of shit, but kind of fun), Focus Factor (definitely shit. This commercial really sells the "better life pill" well, but it contains the same things, and less of them, as your standard men's one-a-day multivitamin), Vidalia Chop Wizard (pretty good product), and as of today the HD-Vision Wrap Arounds. These HD vision glasses are not actually high definition. After all, what is more high definition than real life? However, their "Sleek Euro-Style" design is hilarious, and the lense color does brighten things up quite a bit.

Another product I would like to discuss is the Kymaro Body Shaper. This was an infomercial which came on right after my Saturday morning SBTB fix (Saved By The Bell for all you youngsters out there). This product was in essence a spandex suit for women to wear underneath their clothes to make them look skinnier. They main lady who was the model for the gear couldn't have needed this product any less. You put her in a lineup with Heidi Klum, Molly Sims and Minka Kelly and she's somewhere in the middle. This chick was sexy. Once again, great marketing. However, when they showed the testimonials, this is when the hilarity ensued. They would have these women on, with 44" waists and larger, throw on these girdle-esque devices. According to the infomercial, it would cut their waists down 4" or so and these women would talk about how great they looked, how great they felt etc. This was all fine and dandy except for one thing. They were still fat. And unhealthy. And didn't look good at all. Furthermore, the commercial went on to say, "This product is the ONLY way to get your figure back." Really? I guess diet and exercise was just a fad.

It's products like the Kymaro Body Shaper that give the infomercial world a bad name. That and Vince from the Sham-Wow and Slap Chop commercials. But it really is the Body Shaper. Not that it is promising anything unreal. I'm sure it does make a women look a little slimmer. However, it is failing us as an American society because what it promotes is laziness, quick-fixes, and a substitute for hard-work and dedication. Sadly, people out there believe commercials like this and think there is no other way to get back whatever figure they once had. Diet and exercise is not just a fad. In fact, that's my new commercial idea. I'm going to sell the idea of diet and exercise. Let's see how that one sells.

Shorely This Can't Be Serious

2010-01-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

Since I started this blog, I think this is the longest I have gone between posts, so I hope I will have a good amount to write about today.

First, I'd like to discuss the epic television programming that has hit nearly every TV from here to Timbuktu for people in the 18-30 year old demographic. Of course, I am talking about the #1 new hit show, Jersey Shore. Yes, this show has been on for a few months now, and yes, I am helplessly addicted. This is coming from the guy who generally denounces reality television because it's like 2 month old trash--- it stinks like shit, but by the time it gets to you, it's generally watered down and there is no substance at all. Jersey Shore is no different, but I can't stop watching this show. The characters are exactly that--- characters. I don't think Scorsese or James Cameron could have written characters this out of control and this unfortunate because no one would believe them. However, when it's "real," it's real.

There are two specific issues that I just love about this show which I would like to discuss. The first is the age-old process of GTL. For you non-guidos out there, this stands for Gym, Tan, Laundry. This is the process before a big night on the town. Ok, I have no problem with these guys being meat-heads, or the fact that they were shirts with more sparkles on them than the finest Colombian bam-bam. However, I do not understand why they go to the "tannin' salon" when the premise of the show requires them to live at the beach, at a beach house nonetheless. Anyone else confused by this "situation?" Indoor ski facilities may be a big hit on the main island of Honshu in Japan, but you'd have to be out of your fucking mind to think that would work in Aspen, Colorado..... Next.

Snookie. Snookie may be my favorite character on the show. Why? Because she is so inherently stupid. She isn't "can't do calculus" stupid or "I think that Boston is right next to Massachusetts" stupid. She's "I don't eat lobster because it was alive at one point but I'll gladly chomp down on a big-ass steak" stupid. You have to give someone credit for that. The whole gang of guidos and guidettes were celebrating something (not sure what, maybe Italian independence day, or maybe the opening of a new hair gel store) and The Situation was cooking up a fine Surf N Turf dinner comprised of steak and lobster. Well, Snookie, the aspiring veterinarian, was absolutely disgusted by the boiling of the lobster because she doesn't eat things which were at one point alive. Well, flash forward to the lovely MTV-inspired montage of them eating their dinner and she is chomping down steak the entire time, getting enough saturated fat to make her breathers breathe even more. Dumbing herself down? No. She's just that dumb. Yes.

Agent Zero Intelligence

2010-01-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

First, I'd like to wish everyone a happy new year! Hopefully this one will be better than the last. On to the topic for today--- Gilbert Arenas.

Alright, so Gilbert Arenas is in trouble. If you haven't heard, you clearly are not a fan of sport and don't pay attention to any media outlet whatsoever. That includes the NRA. The first reports which came out described Arenas threatening his teammate Javaris Crittenton by pointing two handguns in his face. The report also stated that this dispute was over a game of cards. Now, the official statement from Arenas is that he was only storing his guns at the Verizon Center and just left the guns in Crittenton's locker as a joke. I'm pissing my pants as we speak from the utter hilarity of that joke. Ok, Gilbert, that's perfectly fine.

Actually, let's backup for a second.

Storing guns in Verizon Center...... He claimed he moved them to the Verizon Center (it would be so much better for puns if it were called the Verizon Arenas) to keep them away from his young children. Well then, let's give Agent Zero a big round of applause. What is he doing with guns in the first place? Why do so many of today's athletes feel the need to be "strapped" all the time? Gilbert, if you are that worried about your security, take some of the dollar bills you use to make it rain at the strip club, and hire a professional security team. This is a guy who threw a "Million Dollar" birthday party for his 25th birthday, yet can't hire someone to do his dirty work for him? Hire someone that is trained to handle certain situations, and someone that is smart enough not to "play jokes with guns."

I'm about to go off on another tangent, so get ready. While we're on the subject of athletes using their money in more constructive ways, let's talk about any athlete EVER getting a DUI. The fact that these guys ever drive when drunk is completely outlandish. They have all of this money, so why don't they hire a driver? Why don't they hire a personal helicopter service to take them from their house to the club? Can't you imagine how many "bitches" a guy would get if he showed up to valet in a Bell 206 JetRanger? Unh, that's that new hotness. At least take a cab---- at the very least! I'm barely getting by on my "salary" but I'll be damned if I'm not in a cab whenever I'm shitfaced.

Alright, back to Arenas.

"... I now realize there is no such thing as joking around when it comes to guns...."

-Gilbert Arenas, in his voluntary statement to federal prosecutors via NBA.com

This has to be a joke... right? He can't be serious. Next thing you know, Roger Clemens is going to come out and say, "I now realize there is no such thing as joking around when it comes to steroids and lying to grand juries." Arenas should take a page out of Clemens book and "misremember" ever bringing the guns into the Verizon Center in the first place. Some athletes these days like to play the ignorance card but that can't work anymore. Didn't Arenas see plenty of gun violence when he was younger? This is just speculation, but I would think a kid who was raised by a single father, with a crack-addict mother, has seen plenty of violence in his life. Doesn't he know, guns are NOT a joke? Wow.

I'm calling upon you, David Stern, to suspend this idiot for the rest of the season, if not the rest of his career. Not that this action deserves a career-long suspension, but just to prove a point to some of the players to not be such fucking morons. Teach them to use that brain of theirs. You cannot let this facet of the NBA bring you down, because after all, the league will come tumbling down sooner or later. Whenever this Donaghy scandal fully breaks, the league will cease as we know it. It will be like steroids in baseball--- a forever unwinding ball of barbed-wire that has depths previously thought to be unreachable, which are now unforeseeable. However, we'll have to save that discussion for another day.

The Tortoise and the Flare

2009-12-28T08:03:00.001-08:00

After venturing into the sporting world for the last few posts, I come back to you with another dire social issue. This issue is so urgent, so crucial, that I could not let it go on any longer. I know some people feel as though it is a necessary evil, but I am here to tell the world, and to start the movement against practicing this sort of malignity everywhere. I sit here and tell you I am officially denouncing "Flare Bartenders." If you aren't familiar with this particular clan of people, let me explain.

You're at the bar, any bar, and you finally get up to the front to order your drinks. You are having a Jack on the rocks, you're ordering a vodka soda for your buddy, and 2 grape bombs to wash it all down. Instead of simply pouring your drinks, like a normal, functioning human being, this Mongoloid of a bartender is busy twirlin' and swirlin' bottles over his head, behind his back, between his legs, and under his sack. Now, there are only a few things that can come of such behavior from a bartender.

1. He does his flare, thinks he's the incarnation of Tom Cruise in Cocktail, serves your drinks, and 8 minutes later, you're on your way.

2. This guy makes himself look like a total asshole, drops a bottle, someone else serves your drinks, and 10 minutes later, you're on your way.

3. The guy does his routine. He thinks since he is so super-awesome, that you are going to tip him out the wazoo. Wrong. In fact, you tip him less, if anything at all, for wasting your valuable time at the bar.

Not only is he wasting your time, but every other patron of this bar who has to deal with his bullshit antics. It's a minute here, a minute there, and sooner rather than later, he is 45 minutes behind where he would have been. Now, I'm not an economist or anything, but I think that's just bad for business.

So here's the plan. From now on, when you see this type of activity going on at your local watering hole, order a beer. Let him swirl that and twirl that and open it right in front of his face. And maybe, like a dog wearing a shock-collar, this cock-jockey might get the point after a few times over his boundaries.

Who Dat?? We Dat!

2009-12-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, the Cowboys continued their Jekyll and Hyde ways by going into New Orleans and shutting down one of the league's hottest teams. The offense looked great, and the defense held New Orleans under 20 points. This was the first time in 23 games the Saints had been held under 20 points, which is quite an accomplishment by the Cowboys D. Furthermore, DeMarcus Ware, who was listed as questionable, was an unstoppable force in the game, recording 2 sacks and a forced fumble (which iced the game), while playing mostly only on 3rd downs. Great win for the Cowboys!

This game was a different experience for me as a Cowboy fan. Why? Because I was lucky enough to be in the great city of New Orleans for this extravaganza. Unfortunately, tickets to the game were a little bit out of my price range, but just being in the city, feeling the energy, and taking in the sights was enough for me. Everywhere you looked on Bourbon Street was either a Cowboys or Saints fan. Everyone was fully decked out in their team's garb. The Cowboys faithful came in force, but "Who Dat" nation surely represented their city well. Most of their fans were classy, competitive, and high-spirited. However, there was certainly a high-contingency of cocky Saints fans who thought 13-0 meant they already had the Lombardi Trophy safely stashed away in the SuperDome trophy case--- which is currently empty. I respect the fact that the city of New Orleans has fully backed this team after the wake of the Katrina tragedy, but they need to learn a thing or two about the history of the game. They need to respect the Cowboys franchise for having 5 Super Bowl wins, 8 appearances, and numerous NFC East division championships. They have no NFC championships, no Super Bowl appearances, and thus no Super Bowl wins. Even more so, they need to respect the 2007 NFL season. They need to respect the Patriots (whose offense was even more ridiculous that year than this year's Saints) of 2007 who infamously went 18-0, only to lose in the Super Bowl to the extremely underdogged Giants. 13-0 is not a Super Bowl. Plus, the karma gods have certainly been on their side this year as they have come from behind against teams they should have been blowing out. Their only impressive victory this year was the Monday nighter against the Pats, who have proven to be a 2nd-tier team this year.

Football aside, the town of New Orleans is great. It was my first visit there, and already, I cannot wait to get back. With all of the cockiness I didn't like, it definitely made for an interesting trip. I've never seen that kind of passion surrounding an NFL team which was very cool to see. Also, to quote Rich Eisen via Twitter, "I've never been in a building that was as loud as the SuperDome." Rich Eisen has clearly been around hundreds of NFL games and it is definitely a powerful statement coming from him.

In the true spirit of the Social Inebriation blog, I now need to take this time to go ahead and call out one particular Saints fan. Sure, I could take the time to talk about the Cowboys reinvented play-action passing game, which I was calling for weeks ago. I could talk about Romo's immaculate December so far. I could talk about Nick Folk (please do not let me talk about Nick Folk. I am working up a sweat just writing this one sentence!). However, I want to talk about this one unfortunate Saints fan. My friends and I were sitting at Tropical Isle, sipping on some Hand-Grenades, watching the Texas-UNC basketball game. We were dressed in our Cowboys gear and obviously generating a lot of conversation from the Saints fans, when one obese ginger-lady came over and started talking to us. Of course, she didn't know a damn thing about football and I could tolerate that. I could tolerate her stinky breath and the overall grotesque feel she had. What I could not tolerate was her trying to "make fun" of me for wearing my DeMarcus Ware jersey. At the time, Ware was listed as questionable, and most reports had said he was 50/50 to play. She tried to tell me she had read he wasn't going to play and that I should not have been wearing his jersey. I asked her what she wanted me to do. Did she want me to go buy another jersey just because the guy who had set the record for most consecutive games played to start a career by a linebacker might not play?? The odds certainly did not seem to be in her favor. I then asked her what she thought about the hundreds of Saints fans wearing Archie Manning jerseys, who hadn't played in 30 years. She did not know who Archie Manning was. The kicker of the whole situation, the part which made this exchange so completely ridiculous was that she was wearing a Jeremy Shockey jersey, who did not play in the game, and was shown on camera numerous times throughout the game with a giant chew in his mouth, holding his spittoon. Ha ha ha ha. Who Dat?? WE DAT!

On a side note, anyone else notice the NFL Network graphics? They were very proud of the fact they were showing a "Thursday Night Football: Special Edition" game on a Saturday night. How did they not pick this up? How was this not changed? How did it even get broadcasted in the first place? Just another reason why the NFL Network is an inferior network put out by a superior league. Just doesn't make sense.

Physical Ineptitude: Why Mangino Lost Control of His Team

2009-12-21T12:02:00.000-08:00

I know this is sort of an older topic, but I want to go back and talk about the firing/resignation of Mark Mangino. At the beginning of his tenure with Kansas, he took them from obscurity as a Division 1 program, to a legitimate top-25 stalwart. However, his reign as the grand puba of Kansas football will forever live in infamy due to the nature of his final few months as head coach. There were many rumblings about his treatment of players etc, but I would like to discuss players' treatment of him. They lost all respect for him. According to an article by Jason Whitlock from the Kansas City Star (http://www.kansascity.com/sports/columnists/jason_whitlock/story/1577294-p2.html), Mangino's weight problems finally caught up to him. Simply put, he was let go because he does not have the self-discipline he requires so harshly from his players.

Being a former high-school football player, I can completely relate to the players at KU. My first HS football coach, Jay McCauley, was an overweight guy, however, the players loved him. He was the ultimate players coach. He was friendly, funny, serious, knowledgeable, and an overall great guy. This contrasts Mangino, who has numerous complaints levied against him being somewhat of a dictatorial coach who consistently besmirched his players. My second high school football coach was a man by the name of Hayward Lee. Coach Lee came in between my junior and senior year, and I knew he would have a tough time winning over the senior players. While Coach Lee and I may have disagreed on a few things, butted heads a few times, and generally didn't get along, I still respected the hell out of him. Why? Because he was an in-shape man. He didn't just tell us to run sprints and ladders and do conditioning at the end of practice, but rather, he ran them with us. I thought this was the ultimate way for a coach to show he cares about his players and that everyone on the field is equal, working towards a common goal. It was the ultimate way for him to earn our respect. It was for this reason alone that I would never disrespect Coach Lee.

So let's get back to Mangino. His players did not respect him because they saw him as someone who was telling them to complete tasks that he himself could not complete. These are young kids, mostly 18-22 years old, and they need someone to lead by example. What kind of example is Mangino setting? He is setting an example of laziness, unhealthy lifestyle, poor nutrition, and lack of physical activity--- a recipe for disaster if you are a college football player. How could you respect a guy like this? You HAVE to lead by example. I'm not saying a coach has to run with his players, as Coach Lee did, but you have to at least set an example for your players to lead the kind of lifestyle you want them to live. It's like a counselor at a drug rehab facility showing up high on crack, telling his patients to not smoke crack. That just doesn't work.

Furthermore, I have done a little bit of minimal research. Since 1998, when the BCS was instituted, here is the list of BCS National Championship winning coaches.

1998- Philip Fulmer, Tennessee

1999- Bobby Bowden, Florida State

2000- Bob Stoops, OU

2001- Larry Coker, Miami

2002- Jim Tressel, Ohio State

2003- Nick Saban, LSU

2004- Pete Carroll, USC

2005- Mack Brown, Texas

2006- Urban Meyer, Florida

2007- Les Miles, LSU

2008- Urban Meyer, Florida

2009- Either Nick Saban, Alabama or Mack Brown, Texas

If you look at these coaches, the only two who are slightly out-of-shape guys are Bobby Bowden and Philip Fulmer, who were institutions where they were coaching. They had been around the block for a while and earned the respect of their players. And, they are not estimated to weigh around 500 lbs. Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with weight issues my entire life, and I know how tough it can be, but in order to instill discipline in your players, you have to have discipline yourself. Simply put. So, in the future, I think this is the way college football programs needs to go. They need to hire guys who can lead by example. KU did this by hiring a guy like Turner Gill, who looks like he might be able out-run half of his team. Well see how he fares in his new job, but if history can tell us anything about the future, I think Gill has a bright one ahead of him at Kansas.

The Dame of College Football

2009-12-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

In the sporting world, a splash was made late yesterday when Notre Dame announced the hiring of the current Cincinnati coach, Brian Kelly. This is obviously a big deal to the sports world because Notre Dame is a storied program and a program with a large following, which means more and more cash. I am not a fan of Notre Dame, and in fact, detest them quite a bit, however, that is not my purpose for this particular blog post. I am not going to get into why I don't like Notre Dame--- we'd be here all weekend.

What I am going to talk about is that Brian Kelly is NOT coaching the Cincinnati Bearcats in the Sugar Bowl this year. On ESPN today, there have been interviews with his players and they are absolutely enraged, and have every right to be. I feel like this is the first time players have actually spoken out against a coach who has left them during their campaign. It should not be the first time, and in fact, I think there should be some sort of penalty levied against coaches who do this.

Let's think here. If you're a player at a division 1 school, and you decide to transfer, you have to sit out a year. You have to lose a year of your eligibility, thus hurting your eventual draft status. However, it has become completely normal for coaches to leave to go on to a "bigger and better" school during the middle of their contracts, without penalty nonetheless, unless in the form of a cash buyout, usually paid for by the school. That's point number one.

Point number two is this: If a college football player were to ABANDON his team midseason, for any reason whatsoever (save Mark Herzlich, best of luck!), that particular player would be labeled as a bad guy, or a bad seed. He would be labeled a guy who wasn't a team player. He would be labeled as a selfish guy. This label would most likely follow him all the way to the combine, up to the draft, effect his draft position, and ultimately cost him millions of dollars. What does it do for Brian Kelly? It earns him a 5 year deal, worth somewhere in the $3-4 million/year range. Ridiculous.

I can understand the Notre Dame job is "better" than the Cincinnati job, and I understand that Brian Kelly is trying to do what's best for him and his family. However, you cannot quit on your team that has shed blood and sweat for you all season long. You can't quit on the guys who have been there since 2 a days, buying into every coach's bullshit, winning every game to this point for you, and for what? To have their coach, who I assume they respected, just leave them? They are an undefeated team right now, that if they didn't play in a terrible conference, would probably have been able to jump Texas into the national championship game, and their coach abandons them right before their biggest game of the year against Florida? The fact that the sports media isn't jumping all over this is preposterous!

If this was the NFL, it would be a little bit different. People seem to forget that college football is not a profession. It is a sport played while trying to obtain some sort of education. These are young kids, most of them 18,19,20 years old, who need role models. They need mentors, and they need people to set good examples for them. What kind of example is Brian Kelly setting by just giving up on his squad? He is setting an example that if the money is right, you can do whatever you want, and unfortunately, this attitude does carry over to the NFL where there is very little loyalty anymore. We're building a culture predicated on money and the sexy things in life, and still trying to chastise Tiger Woods for his transgressions? That's hypocrisy at it's finest, folks. It's not about Tiger, but rather the society which we have created for ourselves, and Brian Kelly is only throwing water on a grease fire.

A Little Too Much Hanky Panky

2009-12-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

Another issue arose on my trip to NYC, however, this was on the return flight. I was sitting on the aisle (a must) and an elderly couple was fortunate enough to sit in the two seats next to me. They seemed like a nice couple, very cordial, very southern, and the wife, who sat in the middle, was very small, so I had a copious amount of arm space. Everything was going well until I saw something that to this day I just can't understand. I am speaking of the use of the handkerchief. I have no idea how the handkerchief came to be, how it was invented, or the evolution of its use as a daily product. I would guess that at some point in time, there was no Kleenex, and people got tired of snot rocketing onto the chrome 24's on their Model Ts. Back then, sure, it could have made sense. It could have been more convenient, but I still cannot fathom blowing my nose into a square cut of cloth, folding it up, and putting that cloth right back into my pocket. And what happens when you need to use it again? What if it's flu season and you're blowing your nose more consistently than Tiger Woods text messages his mistresses? Are you blowing your nose into the same mucus and boogers you previously excreted from your body?

In this day and age, when we do have Kleenex and other various nose-blowing products, I find it simply irrelevant to use any sort of non-disposable item for blowing your nose; not to mention, it's just gross. Put an end to the use of handkerchiefs, and let's all try to eradicate them from the Earth faster than Mark Mangino eats a polish sausage.

KaceWrangler

The Receipting Hair Line

2009-12-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

I am currently on a plane to New York City and had a social inebriate-esque occurrence in the airport prior to boarding the plane. I had eaten a lovely and relaxing breakfast at McDonald’s (Egg McMuffin if you must ask. The yolk to white ratio was a little off in the egg, but hey, just like pizza and sex, an Egg McMuffin is always satisfying) and then realized I didn’t have a bottle of water for the plane (I always carry one on, it’s essential). So I went to the yogurt stand, where there was no line, and got my bottle of water. Of course, being inside the airport, it was a $2.19 bottle of shitty tap water (Aquafina... how they get away with bottling and selling this crap is beyond me. Please, Pepsi-Co, let me know your secrets). I gave the man $3 and received my change (which I put in the charity box, which probably goes to this guy’s tip jar, but whatever). What really irked me about this process is I was presented with a receipt, and when I kindly told the man I did not need a receipt, he seemed oddly offended. Why would I want a receipt for a water (which I would imagine is one of the most nonreturnable items) that I paid for with cash? Don’t even ask me if I want the receipt, instead, use the brain which you were justly given and realize that a receipt just doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. To go even further, in a world where we are trying to be more and more “green,” isn’t this just a blatant waste of paper? And isn’t the ink which is printed on said paper toxic in some way to the environment? I’m not an environmentalist, and I don’t pretend to be, but I do like to try to do my part. With all of the useless technology in this world (i.e. a voice operated grocery list maker that categorizes your groceries for you on a printed piece of paper) shouldn’t we focus on updating our cash register systems? I propose a system where a receipt is printed only if asked for, no matter what the item is. Go ahead, make a sign at the register letting people know about this new, revolutionary, and maybe “too smart for America” system. That’s one piece of paper compared to the thousands wasted every day. People know if they want a receipt or not for the item they are purchasing and will ask for it. Instead, we are just blindly wasting paper and common sense when 98% (just a guess) of receipts are thrown away. Stop it.

Don't Make a Whole Lotto Sense

2009-12-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

I hate to be a revisionist, but sometimes it is just utterly necessary. Previously, we discussed lines at bars and how there needs to be some sort of discrepancy between who is ordering what type of drinks and the expediency with which they order them. Well, the same goes for gas stations and convenience stores. Usually, these stores are “convenient” because after all, they are so aptly named. However, there is one facet of the convenience store which makes the people in line want to put their pinky finger in a vice while using a hammer to smash the living shit out of the other fingers who weren’t so lucky to be in that vice. It is that person who is testing their luck, trying to live the “American Dream,” by thoughtlessly throwing away money at the lottery, wondering why they don’t have money for deodorant, let alone gas. If you want to play they lottery, go ahead and play. Waste your money. I don’t care. What I do care about is you standing in line in front of me on your tip-toes trying to see the lotto machine over the counter, thinking that somehow will give you better numbers. It’s changing your mind about those particular numbers right in front of me, for the 7th time. It’s handing in your $1 winning from the scratch-off to buy another ticket, scratching that off, using it to buy another ticket, and doing so repeatedly without any fucking regard to the people behind you. The counter at the gas station is not your home office, where you do your business and make your money. I propose a “lottery only” line at the gas station. Go ahead, take your time, do your thing, and while you’re at it, use that dollar you won to buy some breath mints. I understand you’re waiting to hit those lucky numbers, and god bless you if you do, but please, don’t do so by wasting our time, which is our money.

The Un-side of Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T11:44:00.001-08:00

Hey Gang. Been a week or so since I made my last post and there have certainly been some items worth discussing within that time frame. We have Thanksgiving coming up this week, and there is certainly much in this world that we have to give thanks for. I will always be thankful of my family, friends, a roof over my head, and most basically, thankful for the gift of life. However, in the true spirit of the Social Inebriation Blog, I am going to focus on a few things in this world we need to be unthankful for.

1. Be unthankful for the Cowboys play action passing offense. All week going into this past game against the Redskins, everyone was talking about how this "3-headed monster" of a running attack we have needed to be activated. So what does Jason Garrett do? He comes out of the gate versus a Redskins defense with no Albert Haynesworth, and makes a very solid point of establishing the run. The Cowboys were running the ball well, as they should have been. The Skins D was giving it to us. They were mostly in nickel and dime packages and giving us the run. However, the point of maintaining balance in an offense to to be able to have the upper hand on your opponent in the chess match we call a football game. The point of establishing the run and being successful at it is to draw that 8th defender into the box, run play action, and hit them with a big play over the top. I know our receivers aren't the premier group we'd like to have, but they are good enough and fast enough to beat most cornerbacks one on one and break something deep. Have purpose in your offense, JG.

2. Be unthankful for long lines at bars. It's the holiday season and people are both joyous and agitated. There is a lot to be stressed about during the holidays, whether it's getting your house ready for that big holiday party or dealing with extended family that comes in town. This in mind, people like to go out and get drunk during times of stress, thus making bars more and more crowded. So this is my proposition. Bars need to have 2 separate areas of their 'tending space. One of the areas is for people like me. People who are ordering the simple drinks. The rules for these "simple" drinks is as follows: it has to be a beer, or it has to have 2 ingredients or less in it. If you want a Jack rocks and a beer, welcome to the "Express Line." If you want a vodka soda, step right up to the Express Line. However, ff you're ordering a Pink Panty Sex on the Beach with a twist of lime, sugar on the rim, and a cute little orange slice on the side, 6 kamikaze shots, or anything involving a flavor of Pucker mix, get your ass to the "I watch the Super Bowl only for the commercials" line. I believe this system would make everyone in the bar, including the bartenders, much happier. Hey new guy bartender, because you're new, you're working the "SportsCenter? I get my news from The View" line.

3. Be unthankful for the "Look Away." Everyone knows about it, and probably everyone has pulled it off once or twice. You're sitting there in the middle of traffic in the right lane. The guy to the left next to you badly needs to get into right lane to make the right turn so he can be on his merry way to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Too bad for him he's trying to get into your lane. You can see him out of the corner of your eye trying to motion with his hands to please let him into the lane. He resembles a sign language translator at the Micro Machines commercial auditions. But you "don't" see him. You reach for your cell phone and give the face like you just received the most important email of your life. You play with your radio as if music is going out of style. Suddenly, you're very interested in the way the city has decided to landscape the side of the road. You will do anything not to make eye contact with this guy, because after all, if you do, you have to let him in. There is no escaping it. The reason we're being unthankful for this type of move, is because karma is a bitch. It can and will happen to you. Just when you're supposed to make a left instead of a right for that first date you're about to go on, it will happen to you. So be nice and let the guy over. One car in front of you isn't going to make you miss the light. If it does, that light sucks and direct all of your anger towards the city employee responsible for such a shitty traffic system.

4. Be unthankful for TicketMaster convenience fees. Simply put, there is NOTHING convenient about them. They call them convenience fees in some desperate hope to have the consumer think these are harmless fees that are only benign, however, that is hardly the case. A cheap $20 concert ticket turns into a $37 affair. Ridiculous. I don't care that TicketMaster has to make money. In fact, I support it in a limited way. Whether I like them as a company or not is irrelevant. They need to be in existence for the music industry to survive, but please, change the name of these awful fees. Call them "Survival Fees" or "Our Business Model Fees." If you're going to fuck the consumer, at least be honest about it. Don't call them convenience fees, because in reality, the only thing less convenient would be a high-colonic in Bratislava.

5. Be unthankful for the overzealous person giving you your takeout food. You arrive at the counter, bar, or wherever you are picking up the food, and even though its already been checked, the guy takes out every food item out of the bag, makes sure everything is there, and makes sure you see him doing every bit of this. Simply put, this guy is only trying to garner a tip from you. There's always that question of whether or not you tip while picking up takeout, but this guy is trying to make the decision for you. Don't let him do that. Don't tip him based on spite alone. After all, you're doing the work. You're going into the restaurant, you're carrying the food out, and you're serving it to yourself when you get back home. You are also paying a fair price for a good and service, and receiving those goods and services. Why should you have to pay extra? There is an exception. If you are waiting a few minutes and feel the need to order a drink from the bar while waiting, you obviously tip the guy as you would any other bartender for getting you a drink. Nothing else. It's time these people accepted this simple rule of takeout tipping.

Well, that's all we have for today. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving and focus on all of the amazing things in this world we have to be thankful for. But, don't get too comfortable and cozy thanking the cosmos for your sunny disposition. After all, there is so much to be unthankful for as well.

Have an idea of something to be unthankful for? Send me an email at kace.phillips@gmail.com

KaceWrangler

The New Jersey Epidemic

2009-11-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

It was 1988, and NWA produced a music video changing the sports world forever. No longer were sports jerseys seen as a garment for the insanely hardcore fans, but now they were seen as something more. They were looked at as a fashion statement, not only about the team you represented, but the people and area that franchise stood for.

Now, personally, I own one jersey of all of my favorite professional teams. I feel like when I need to support those teams, I will wear the jersey, but other than those times, I don’t really like to wear them around. However, there are people who wear jerseys on a day to day basis and sport them as previously stated, a fashion statement. I have no problem with those people.

The issue I have is wearing the jersey when the times are inappropriate. Now, you might be thinking that I’ve seen a person wearing a jersey into a job interview, to a funeral service, or to meet a future father in law for dinner, asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. While these are all very inappropriate times to show everyone that you, sir, are the number one fan of the Pawtucket AAA Red Sox, these are not the times of which I speak. The times when the inappropriate jersey wearing really bothers me, when it really grinds my gears, is at an actual sporting event. Don’t worry, I’m not crazy. Most of the time, sporting events are the absolute perfect place to wear your jersey; however, if you are going to a Dallas Stars game wearing a Joe Montana Chiefs jersey, you should be put on display, right on the Jumbotron, and lambasted in front of the entire stadium. Simply put, just because you are at any sporting event, does not give you the right to wear any jersey you please.

Now, let’s discuss this Joe Montana example. While I am a diehard Dallas Cowboys fan, I have no qualms with Joe Montana and his days as a 49er. In fact, I respect who Montana was both as a player and a person off the field. I don’t particularly like his treatment of my Cowboys, but I certainly respect him. However, I do not respect the fan who wears his Chiefs jersey to a hockey game, in Dallas nonetheless.

Joe Montana played for the Chiefs for 2 years, in what were by most people’s opinions the worst years of his career. Owning such a jersey in general should be a sports faux-paux, but wearing one is a completely different ball game.

So let’s get back to this Stars game. You are there to see an NHL hockey game, to support either team that may be playing that night, and to support the sport of hockey in general. There are certainly (and in Dallas especially) fans who are there for the social aspect of the game. They are in attendance to be seen, to be a part of the socially elite, and to wear their “I’m going clubbing downtown” gear. The women let their surgically enhanced parts take full on deep breaths and breathe the cold arena air. The men put on their pointy shoes, $288 jeans, the shirts with a different pattern inside the cuff than on the outside, and more oils in their hair than on Jessica Simpson’s pre-ProActive face. Once again, I don’t have an issue with these people. By all means, go to a game, try to look sharp, and if this is your idea of looking sharp, go ahead and do it. But please, do not do it at the expense of a Joe Montana jersey.

I know the guy who wears this jersey. No, I don’t know him personally, and frankly, I’m very glad I don’t. A guy like this would never be a friend of mine. He may be the most upstanding guy in the entire American Airlines Center, but he would never be a friend of mine. However, like I said, I know this guy. This is the guy who listens to sports talk radio incessantly. A guy who believes every word he hears, and probably tries to model himself after guys like Mike Mad Dog in New York City, under the auspices that the winner of any sports argument is the guy who yells the loudest. This guy drives a Chrysler Sebring. I’m not a snob, there is nothing wrong with a Sebring. Thinking that your new convertible has a Ferrari symbol on it and driving like an asshole--- that I have a problem with. This guy thinks he is a man’s man. He probably likens himself to the guy on the Dos Equis commercials, but thinks that it is actually him who is the most interesting man in the world. No one actually likes this guy, except for the goons he hangs out with who are probably sitting next to him at that Stars game, wearing the “He Hate Me” jersey from the old XFL days.

So this is my plea to sports aficionados everywhere. Stop it! If you are at a sporting event, wear a jersey supporting one of the teams playing, or at the very least of the sport you are watching. I understand if you are a diehard Cowboys fan and it’s the middle of June, waiting for training camp to start in August, but there is absolutely no need to show everyone just what a hardcore badass Cowboy fan you are by wearing your Mat McBriar jersey in 105 degree Dallas heat. Just stop it.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the guy who looks too overzealous. There is one simple cure. Just go to your local Neiman Marcus, buy a $300 pair of jeans, put enough oil in your hair to make ANWR jealous, and make sure the girl hanging on to your arm is lettin’ em breathe.

First Down

2009-11-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

I think the burning question that lies within any piece of writing found on the internet should be, “why should I be reading this?” The internet is filled with bullshit in every single corner of it’s infinite boundaries, but it is up to the consumer to sift through all of this waste and find the true gems. There is certainly a large amount of content strewn on the internet that is factually accurate and serves a unique purpose. Hopefully this blog will straddle a delicate line somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

I keep asking myself why I am finally writing a blog. Something I used to detest and something I quite frankly swore I would never do. However, as I have grown in the last year or so, I have found that in order to be a successful writer in any capacity these days, it is nearly essential to have a blog. If you’ve been in the game for a while it is not imperative, but I’ve found it to be something which is always asked about for a young, aspiring writer such as myself. Speaking of myself, allow me to say a few things about who I am and where I come from, in hopes of developing some sort of credibility with anyone out there reading this.

My name is Kace Phillips. I was born and raised in Dallas and wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, there are thousands of great cities and towns all over the world, but I like mine the best. I went to an all-boys prep school from first grade until I graduated from high school. I also would not trade that experience for anything. Do I sometimes catch shit for going to an all-boys school? Yes. Do I give a fuck? No. I had a great time there, I can socialize perfectly well (and damn well) with women, and the friends I made there will be my friends in some capacity until the day I die. Even then, they will still be looking out for me. I find myself to be very fortunate for the way I’ve grown up and I guess that’s where my generally sunny disposition about life comes from.

I went on to Arizona State for college, after getting accepted into 7 of the 8 schools I applied for. My dream had always been to go to the University of Texas, but guess what? That was the one I didn’t get into. Oh well, shit happens and you move on with your life and learn to fucking make the best of other situations. I loved every second of going to ASU. Sure, there are a lot of rude, deushbag people in the Phoenix area who live in some alternate reality that for some reason doesn’t cooperate with the social normalcy of the rest of the world, but after a year or so you learn to ignore those people. I graduated from there in May of 2009 with a degree in English, concentrating in creative writing. As I’ve been living out my post-grad life in Dallas, I’ve found that starting a blog is the next logical step for a writer.

They always say to write what you know. I’ve tried writing sappy and serious, and I’ve tried to move people on a level beyond their own capacity; but, it all seems to sound forced and purposefully moving upwards, as if it were before the big fall on the roller coaster, but that climax is never fully reached. Instead, I have focused more of my writing to the humorous side of the page. Sure, you’re probably thinking this introduction isn’t very funny at all. Well, I’m telling you to have some fucking patience, it’s only an introduction. Let me get going a little bit. What you will be reading here, is a collection of my thoughts and opinions regarding everyday people of the world. I will be exploring the quirkiness and social irregularities that lie within these so-called “everyday people.” That’s where the good times should roll.

Take it easy.