Panda Update Hate Blog

Panda Sucks

2011-12-25T18:29:00.001-08:00

Dear Panda,
I've now deleted it all. Hope this makes you happy.

Sincerly,
Little Miss Priss.

How to Change information on something before you print.

2011-11-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

Came across Phil Benwell's blog and found a snippet of javascript which is really handy. At first glance you say "What would I do with that", but let me tell you.

So here's the trick:
1) Head over to the web page you want to edit.

2) In the browser’s address bar, paste this code:
javascript:document.body.contentEditable='true'; document.designMode='on'; void 0

3) Now click on the part of the page you want to edit and start changing, deleting and adding text. [/quote]

Okay cool beans. My first thought as to where this would come in handy was my pay stubs. At work we use a completely paperless paycheck system. When someone requires proof of income, I merely pull up our company's HR intranet site, and print off the latest paycheck. But say I want to change something on the printout. Rather then downloading the HTML page, modifying it, and reloading it in the browser locally, this little piece of code might be really useful.... and I figured it was worth passing it on.

McHammer = SE Jesus , and Google is the Devil?

2011-10-23T07:44:00.001-07:00

Mc Hammer gets his own search engine?

Save me Hammer!!!!!!!!!! From the Panda.....

Beat the Panda with a Hammer!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, why aren't they calling the search engine: Hammer.com?

New Adsense Interface

2011-10-18T13:07:00.001-07:00

I will switch to the new interface Google when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and not a moment sooner.

Site Speed Performance

2011-10-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Google,
Why is my site speed performance statistic stuck at 9/26? Does this date mean something? Does this date have some deeper inherit meaning? Should I build a time machine and go back to this date?

Please advise,
Me.

New Google tag line

2011-09-25T17:19:00.001-07:00

There's no place like Chrome.

It could have been Gmail but Microsoft got there first.

2011-09-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

My campus is going to Microsoft's LIVE email system. What's the point of Gmail, now for me? 6000 bright new minds, now owned by Microsoft.

Where's those billions of dollars going to Google?

Google's Panda wanted dead or alive.

2011-09-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

WANTED

Wanted dead or alive, one Panda.

Responsible for destroying the web, and confusing good websites for bad.

Considered dangerous.

Wanted dead or alive, would prefer dead.

Blogger 301 Redirects

2011-09-01T12:14:00.001-07:00

You know what would super awesome? If Blogger, had a page to set up 301 redirects. Yes that would be awesome.

How to beat Panda | Google's deathly update.

2011-08-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

Websites from people should be about those people.

Had a thought in the shower, I'd like to share.

Google's Panda was designed to eliminate "farms", correct? Farms were successful, and similar websites which weren't farms because they resembled news organizations. So if you're Google, how do you differentiate farms from legitimate news organizations. Well newspapers are generally businesses, while MFA, and farms are typically just people.

I believe Panda's intent is to separate legitimate news organizations from personal websites. If you're running a site that looks like a newspaper or news organization, yet your who.is shows it's a single person, or no other sources cite you as a legitimate newspaper, or magazine. (Such as a joint trade organization.) Then that's probably why you're being hit by Google's Panda.

Websites from "people" should be about those people. If you happen to have many interests, then you should have many websites. That's the reason these big websites like Hubpages, etc, whom are now employing subdomains are seeing improvement. They are no longer a single website trying to imitate a news organization, they are becoming what they should have been, a collection of many websites from many different people.

So the only way to beat Panda and keep your "old-style" multi-genre website seems to be to become a legitimate news organization with accreditation, a business address, and dare I say "a reputation". In that light, if you haven't capitulated to Panda yet, then I assume you're only wanting more pain. The only way to beat Google's panda update seems to be through ruin. Tear it down, build it back up again. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, "Ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation."

Google Reader and Stumble Upon.

2011-07-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

When the Stumble Upon tool bar is visible in the Chrome Browser I can't see any of my Google Reader content. I take it Google engineers don't stumble while testing?

Links in New Window for PHPBB 3 Mod : HOW TO

2011-06-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

How to Open Links in New Window for PHPBB3 Mod
Okay, here it is. The super simple way to get links to open in a new window in PHPBB 3.0 (or higher). This mod is designed to be super simple to install, and if your server is configured appropriately all you need to do is copy and paste. upload & go!

This "new window mod" has several features based on the latest SEO tactic and recommended guidelines from major search engines.
-It will open all external links in a new window, but local links will open in the same.
-Nofollow is added to all links past the first post like a blog though an option is given to disable it and make all non-local links nofollow.
-An optional white list for links you want to be followed all the time can be filled
-Restricts all links to nofollow until the user gains at least 3 posts
- Optional Black list for NOFOLLOW on first posts if first post DOFOLLOW is enabled.

1) To Install, download and open viewtopic.php

2) Search for the lines:

$message = bbcode_nl2br($message);
$message = smiley_text($message);

3) Directly Below that, copy and paste the following code:

// BEGIN - OPEN LINKS IN NEW WINDOW MOD
// August 8th, 2010 By TheSocialRift.co.uk
//

// *Custom Variables:

// If your server variable isn't set you may need to replace
// this line with an example such as:
// $home_url=socialrift.co.uk;

$home_url=$_SERVER['HTTP_HOST'];

// *Option Custom Variables:

// This is a White List of URLs
// other than yours you'd like to link to

$short_list=array(
'socialrift.co.uk',
'bbc.com',
);

// This is a Black List of URLs
// Links such as affiliate links, etc. to NOFOLLOW
// For First Posts.

$short_list2=array(
'r.popshops.com',
'www.entertainment.com',
);

// Disable First First Post DoFollow (default: enabled)
// To disable remove the commenting slashes in front of:

// $follow_fp='disable';

// ************ CHANGE NOTHING BELOW HERE ****************

// Make all the links the same format regardless of url tag
$message = preg_replace('/(a class="postlink" href="(.*?)")/','a href="$2" class="postlink"',$message);

// replace all links with nofollow
$message = preg_replace('/(class="postlink")/','class="postlink" rel="nofollow" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;"',$message);

// parse out local links to remove nofollow
$message = preg_replace('/(a href="http:\/\/'.$home_url.'(.*?)" class="postlink" rel="nofollow" onclick="window.open$this.href$\;return false\;")/','a href="http://'.$home_url.'$2" class="postlink-local"',$message);

// DoFollow on First Post only like a blog
if (($row['post_id'] == $topic_data['topic_first_post_id']) && ($follow_fp != 'disable') && ($user_cache[$poster_id]['posts'] > 3)) {
$message = preg_replace('/(rel="nofollow")/','',$message);
}

// Optional WhiteList for dofollowing
// (But still open in new window)

foreach($short_list as $sl) {
$message = preg_replace('/(href="http:\/\/'.$sl.'(.*?)" class="postlink" rel="nofollow")/','href="http://'.$sl.'$2" class="postlink"',$message);
}

//Black List for first posts.

foreach($short_list2 as $sl) {
$message = preg_replace('/(href="http:\/\/'.$sl.'(.*?)" class="postlink")/','href="http://'.$sl.'$2" class="postlink" rel="nofollow"',$message);
}

// Parsing Image Sizes (Optional)
// if ($row['post_id'] == $topic_data['topic_first_post_id']) {
// $message = preg_replace('/(alt="Image")/','alt="Image" style="max-width:400px;"',$message); } else {
// $message = preg_replace('/(alt="Image")/','alt="Image" style="max-width:650px;"',$message); }

// END - OPEN LINKS IN NEW WINDOW MOD

4) Save and upload to your server... Test it and if all is well, you're good! In some situations the server may not pass the host and you may need to change the one line at the top of the mod (indicated in file) to your domain so it can parse out local links. Other information is given if you wish to add links to your white-list or enable nofollow on first posts.

5) Now go to the pub and drink, good luck... or link back to us because that would prove you to be a person of awesome character!

Google's Panda 2.2 - Black, white and redemption.

2011-06-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been quiet for sometime now. Today that ends. Today I respond to this chaos called Panda.

More than money, more than anything I enjoy the sharing of knowledge that the Internet has given us. I've been a fan-girl of Google for longer than I can remember. A company who I've imagined being one that launches each update in a NASA type launch center with the pomp and circumstance of children in their imaginations. After all, they, like me, I believe they are people who see the world a little bit differently, or at least that's what I thought. Google always seemed like a group of very smart people whose goal in life was to do good, a geek missionary group to change the world for the better. I started noticing a change for the worse about a year or so prior to Panda. Little things in their programs that would go on for months broken or obvious quarks in their Chrome OS. Things started to make little sense. Nasa is going bankrupt and Google's shares are several hundred dollars but yet their CR-48 can't post on Facebook? (Mine still struggles to play Youtube videos.) I had faith as it didn't really affect my life all that much. Minor nuisances from a once precise product. After all I was busy, back in college pursuing a degree while raising two children. That's when Panda hit. Immediately I tried to find out what went wrong. My income, my goals of graduating started to look in peril as my life's work online seemed to become less important than a cat behind the piano or information on how to dye your hair pink. While I often don't doubt America itself is at times as "simple" as LOLCATS, the bottom line is it's hard to believe that what Panda did is what engineers and doctors would choose to represent as quality content on the Internet. So I expected change. I expected a company to right its wrong when it made a mistake, but then in the weeks that followed all we heard was "It was working as expected." Surely not? Surely someone spiked the Panda cake with too much pride?

So time goes on. Thirty days becomes sixty, then ninety. Major news outlets question the decision, forums are filled with examples of poor SERPs but the Google remains silent. In a time in which we're suffering the biggest economic depression in 70 years, Google a company that prides itself on good destroyed the livelihood of thousands of people and businesses. Even Doctor Who gives the aliens a chance to redeem themselves before destroying them. Isn't that what goodness is about. The chance to be redeemed?

Of course there are those who see this whole thing as infinite genius, they play their parts as members of the cult of stupid suggesting Google is superlative, without fault. No one is perfect, especially capitalistic American companies whom are heavily under the pressure of investors while being knifed in the lung by Microsoft's Bing. Except that's the point. Is the Panda merely a metaphor for good and evil, of black and white? (Somebody at the Plex watches way too much LOST.) Surely it's this moment in time which will ultimately decide if Google as a company becomes like its rivals or stands by its principles and does whats right and fix whats wrong?

So we await.... Google's Panda 2.2 update. Redemption? A new hope for internetkind?