The trend began a decade ago, sex offenders clustering in poor neighborhoods. Because of the difficulty offenders have in finding housing as well as jobs, many end up homeless, others don’t register at all and many find landlords who understand their dilemma because they too are registered offenders.

While many fear that sex offenders living with other offenders will lead to more incidents of rape, murder and molestation, something different happened. Offenders began to organize and stand up for what they claim are their constitutional rights.

For decades the only escape and peace sex offenders could find was in one place — the grave. Every year hundreds of sex offenders commit suicide or are murdered. Some die in jail, some by their own hand, but many at the hands of other inmates or prison guards. Others commit suicide or are killed by vigilantes once they get out. Some are killed in fights, others, particularly the homeless die on the streets. Some sexual offenders don’t go to their deaths alone, they kill others just before they commit suicide. If you want details, there’s a web page for that — but the organizers of the page say the incidents come in faster than they can screen them and post them, so they’ve pretty much given up posting. However they go, it is rarely quietly.

So a group of registered sex offenders are now doing what any frustrated, angered and badgered minority group does — they’re organizing and fighting back.

The group, who calls themselves RSODL, which stands for Rehabilitated Sex Offenders Defense League, is tired of being attacked by vigilante groups like NPFP (No Peace for Predators). They’ve started a blog, a YouTube channel, and chapters in various areas of the country. They, or those sympathetic to their cause, will soon be running for public office (where it’s allowed), and petitioning for major changes in sex offender laws.

Will they succeed? Should they succeed? Are they right? Should sexual offenders be allowed to live where they want? Will they re-offend if not monitored closely? The United States Department of Justice says that the recidivism rate among sex offenders is 5.3%, lower than any other crime except murder. Considering the average recidivism of sex offenders committing new sex crimes since 1983 is approximately 9%, compared to the 42% average recidivism rate for all felony offenders committing any new felony offense, the odds are pretty good that many offenders have turned their lives around.

However, unlike a crime of theft, or robbery, the sex offender doesn’t just steal an item or money. They steal souls and lives. The sexual offender who reoffends ruins a life. It’s not like they’re just boosting a car, or grabbing a wallet or breaking and entering a home. They’re preying on children. Like 20-year old Ryan Brunn, a convicted child rapist and murderer, they may get scared and murder their victims in the moment as Brunn did. Brunn didn’t plan to kill the 7-year old child he molested. But he got scared. Convicted and sentenced to life in prison, Brunn joined the ranks of predators who kill themselves in prison when he hanged himself in his cell in January 2012, two days after beginning his life-sentence for his crime. While recidivism rates are low, remember, recidivism rates only reflect the offenders who got caught.

• Approximately 4,300 child molesters were released from prisons in 15 States in 1994. An estimated 3.3% of these 4,300 were rearrested for another sex crime against a child within 3 years of release from prison.
• Within 3 years of release, 2.5% of released rapists were rearrested for another rape, and 1.2% of those who had served time for homicide were arrested for a new homicide.
• Sex offenders were about four times more likely than non-sex offenders to be arrested for another sex crime after their discharge from prison –– 5.3% of sex offenders versus 1.3% of non-sex offenders.
• On a given day in 1994 there were approximately 234,000 offenders convicted of rape or sexual assault under the care, custody, or control of corrections agencies; nearly 60% of these sex offenders are under conditional supervision in the community.
• The median age of the victims of imprisoned sexual assaulters was less than 13 years old; the median age of rape victims was about 22 years.
• An estimated 24% of those serving time for rape and 19% of those serving time for sexual assault had been on probation or parole at the time of the offense for which they were in State prison in 1991.
• Of the 9,691 male sex offenders released from prisons in 15 States in 1994, 5.3% were rearrested for a new sex crime within 3 years of release.
• Of released sex offenders who allegedly committed another sex crime, 40% perpetrated the new offense within a year or less from their prison discharge.
• Among child molesters released from prison in 1994, 60% had been in prison for molesting a child 13 years old or younger.
• Offenders who had victimized a child were on average 5 years older than the violent offenders who had committed their crimes against adults. Nearly 25% of child victimizers were age 40 or older, but about 10% of the inmates with adult victims fell in that age range.

Considering the impact one offender can have on the life of a child and a family if they do offend, what do you think? Are the current rules too strict? Or not strict enough? For the very, very, very small percentage of rehabilitated and innocent offenders will ROSDL make a difference? Or will their efforts backfire on them and create even more laws, retaliation and vigilantism in neighborhoods?

I had a good friend and co-worker years and years go who I admired for one thing — his ability to end something quickly. Rodger was 20 years older than me and he had a knack for knowing when something or someone was just going to waste his time, resources or energy, or if they were worth hanging in there with because ultimately they’d come through. To my knowledge, he was never wrong.

Rodger never fretted, worried, weighed pros and cons or tried to rescue anything or anyone. Once he uttered the words “End it already,” we knew he was done with whatever it was he was working with. It didn’t mean the person; place or thing couldn’t be salvaged, only that he had decided it wasn’t worth investing his time, energy or resources on it or them anymore. Rodger did not pursue lost causes, or high demands on his time and energy. He knew what he was willing to invest and what he wasn’t and he wasn’t afraid to say “No.” He knew what he was worth, what his time was worth, and what kind of investment he needed to get on any work he did. He had, as they say, excellent boundaries.

Last week I put in a bid on a job with a new client. He read my proposal, checked my 30 plus testimonials from clients and sent me an email. All my former clients, except one, had rated me a perfect 5.0 score on 25 points of service. The one client in question had given me 24 out of 25 for a 4.9 score on time. I had delivered the job two days early, so it was an error they made when registering the score, but the job service won’t allow you make changes, so it stuck. It was the one imperfection, although not a true imperfection on my perfect record. He said, “Boy, that must have cranked you off.”

In my head I could hear Rodger saying, “End it already,” and telling me to walk away. But I didn’t. For the next 3 hours we exchanged 2-3 emails an hour while I answered questions, offered advice, tried to reassure and help him find solutions while I encouraged him to make a decision on his project. “We’re 90% sure it’s going to be you,” he said. “But we’re still looking at other proposals.” Eventually I looked at the clock and at the dozens of non-committal emails and the man’s demands and complaining and I ended it. It was decent money, but I was over it already. I kicked myself for not stopping sooner.

Looking back, I recognized a lot of signs, things Rodger would have noticed immediately — things that he would have said, “End it already” to. If you tend to be someone who has trouble “falling in holes,” (http://www.inspirationline.com/rss/10OCT2005.htm ) here’s a checklist for spotting trouble before it gets its hooks in you:

Pay attention to the first remarks, the first conversation and first impressions. If you’re in a job interview, at a party, on a first date, meeting a client for the first time how you’re treated is as good as it gets. My first clue was this client’s first, and unusual comment about how something very tiny “must have cranked me off.” He focused immediately on what he saw as a fault. Considering that dozens of other people had given me perfect scores and everyone had high praise, he came across as supercritical and focused on the negative. He said nothing about the positive remarks and rave reviews. Clue one.

Notice if your boundaries and value are respected. I established a time frame and said, “If you can make a decision on this and hire me by this time, I can do this job by your deadline.” The client blew off my concerns with time, but kept insisting on quality on a rush job, while expecting a lower price. Clue two.

Listen carefully and trust your gut. Does the other person hear your questions and concerns, or are they focused only on their needs? Does it FEEL good to you when you think of proceeding, or do you feel a bigger rush if you imagine yourself saying “No.”? I definitely felt relief when I imagined withdrawing my bid and I was right. I felt immediate peace the instant I hit “Send” on the withdraw button. Clue three.

Notice if the price changes. This doesn’t mean the financial price — but the time, energy and resource price. Is the person changing the rules and terms of the agreement without checking with you first? When the client doubled the scope of the project without asking if that was doable first. He was focused only on getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. Once he extended the scope to something beyond what I was willing to commit to, I withdrew. Clue four.

Cut your losses. Studies show that the more we invest in a project or person, the more likely we are to keep investing in them rather than cut our losses and run. Determine ahead of time when you will pull the plug and “end it already.” For me it was a set amount of emails and time invested without a firm commitment. I am willing to be helpful, but beyond a certain point my help becomes billable. Without a commitment to a contract I cut my losses. Clue five

Define your deal breaker. Deal breakers are the things we’re not willing to compromise on when we buy something, agree to something or get involved in something. A deal breaker for many of us is abuse of any kind. Others will tolerate occasional verbal abuse, but not physical abuse. Any abuse is a deal breaker for me. That includes over the top comments, sneers and responses to a civil email. Clue six.

More than the peace of withdrawing a bid (the first time I’ve ever done that ever) was the relief I felt at realizing that I could end it already, and will do so again should the need arise. You don’t have to please everyone and just because you start down a dead-end road doesn’t mean you have to hit the cul-de-sac before you turn around. Learn to “end it already.” There’s a difference between changing your mind and giving up. You don’t win gold stars for finishing if all you succeed in doing is beating yourself up, violating your boundaries and feeling bad about finishing when you wanted to walk away. To every thing is a season, and when it’s time to end it, it’s time to end it. Walk away. There are some things that can’t be salvaged and some things that shouldn’t be salvaged. Either way, the solution is the same. Cut your losses and leave.

“All the mistakes I ever made were when I wanted to say ‘No’ and said ‘Yes’.”
— Moss Hart

Of all the voices in our heads, which ones should we really listen to? Call them what you want, “a gut feeling, an intuition, feeling uneasy, a hunch, a red flag,” but we have a built in alarm system more sophisticated than any computer, and yet most of us fail to heed its voice or voices, even when it could make life so much easier.

Walter Freeman, a neurobiologist said, “Consciousness is about bringing your entire history to bear on your next step, your next breath, your next moment.”  We literally are, our history, at least when it comes to how we feel and react to what’s happening in the here and now.”

So if we all know this why do we ignore those voices, those signals? Because the feeling or fear of not pleasing someone, or being acceptable or professional or giving or kind can be so strong that feeling over rides our intuition and we say “Yes,” when some quiet, unheard part wants to say “No.”

We have learned to pay attention to these feelings in the workplace, but often neglect them when it comes to our personal life, to friends and family and casual contacts. But the other day a friend of mine said, “I’m going to buy $50 worth of lottery tickets. I have a feeling I’m going to win.” I didn’t say anything. She’d been complaining about not being able to pay her utility bill the day before, but I’ve learned it is not my place to nag my friends about how they spend their money unless they ask. So I kept my mouth shut. She did win, but only $12. Now she’s really going to worry about paying that bill.

What she felt was NOT intuition. I’m not sure what it was, but intuition, true intuition comes from a history of experience with a situation. My intuition was telling ME that her intuition was wrong. Sure, it MIGHT pay off, but the odds are against it.

So how do you know when something is a hunch, intuition, instincts, being psychic, or the voice of friends or family, or your own fears talking to you?

Intuition:

Intuition is a process based on facts, experience and our past. It is the output of the brain’s microcomputer. The amygdala and the limbic system take every situation we’ve ever been in since birth, catalogs it, files it and play it back to us each time we’re in a similar situation — one that triggers some aspect of prior encounters. Intuition is not being psychic. Intuition bridges the conscious and nonconscious parts of our mind. Our intuition tells us stuff faster than we can think or reason things out.

The example that comes to mind for me is a fire fighter who went into a burning house, but once he and his crew were in the kitchen something didn’t feel right. He didn’t know why, but he made everyone flee the house immediately. Seconds after the last man exited the door the main floor, where they were, collapsed into the basement where the main fire was. They didn’t know the fire was in the basement, but if they had stayed, they all would have died. He didn’t have time to think about what was wrong, but thankfully he listened. Later he thought about the situation and was able to remember that the heat wasn’t as hot as it should have been, that there weren’t as many flames and smoke as there would have been in a similar fire and so on. His brain calculated his past experiences in other fires and told him simply, “This is dangerous. Get out.” Our brains do the same. But many of us don’t listen, or don’t recognize that voice. Intuition takes what we know, our experience, and tells us how to handle something based on that knowledge, but so quickly and subtlety that we often don’t understand its message. Whether you act on the message or not, chances are you’ll remember if you don’t!

Instinct:

Mothers get this. Instinct is our innate tendency to act or react to a given stimulation (as opposed to our learned or intuitive response). Instinct is what drives us to look for food, shelter or safety, or to fight back (or not) when attacked. We’re born with it. It’s hard-wired, like a mentally healthy mother’s instinct when it comes to what to do with their child. Based on various levels of hormones etc., many scientists believe instinct is related to our endocrine system and chemical and hormonal levels. 

Hunches and “Gut feelings”:

Gut feelings or hunches as some of us call them, are sensations that pop up in our mind without our being aware of the reason for them. They’re not based on facts, common sense, reason, experience or anything rational or reasonable. Sometimes we’re right, sometimes we’re wrong. These are our psychic or knowing selves, the part that knows without knowing how or why it knows. If you’re very familiar with its voice you can be very accurate when a true hunch, as opposed to a fear you’re covering up with false hopes hits.

So, does it matter which “voice” is speaking? It can. Like any good relationship, knowing and understanding the other “person” is important. If you aren’t used to listening to those voices or feelings, then chances are you’ll misinterpret them, ignore them or not hear them when it really matters. So how do you learn to listen?

• Listen. Don’t just respond to people’s requests for favors, help, invitations or anything else. Listen, then whenever possible or practical, say, “Let me get back to you on that.” Take time to sit with the request and ask yourself how it feels. Do you feel more energy or less when you visualize yourself doing or going where the person requested. If you feel less than energized, say “No thanks.”

• Journal it. Keep a notebook or memo pad handy and start writing down what your intuition says about different things and what you do or decide based on those intuitions, hunches or feelings. Then write about the outcome of your decision. Over time you’ll see a pattern emerge and you’ll start to get to know what voice or feeling to trust.

• Observe it. Watch yourself. Get to know when you make decisions based on feelings and when you decide based on facts. Learn how you operate and see how much of your decision making comes from your head (facts), and how much is from feelings.

The mind is incredibly talented at finding ways to protect us, from reality and from our fears. Learn to listen and respond to the myriad of messages it’s sending and your life will be the better for it.

Social workers in England recently removed two children from their parent’s home, charging the parents with abuse for “overfeeding” them. It turned out the children had a rare genetic disorder — missing DNA — a gene called SH2B1, which caused them to gain weight even when being fed a healthy diet.

The children were returned to their families, but it raises the question of how much harm was done to them because of the allegations, the moving, and the fight to clear the parent’s names?

The genetic disorder is rare, but not so rare as to be one-in-a-million. The cases of two more children on the at-risk register are now on review for the same defect.  Officials agree, the genetic disorder may be more common among children who are extremely obese and who attract the attention of social services.

While few people expect social workers to be doctors or scientists, the growing cases of obesity in children are forcing more and more social workers to consider removing children from the home because they are obese! What bothers me most about this is that we often overlook child physical or sexual abuse, sometimes until the child is carried out in a body bag. The claim is that obesity is obvious, and physical and sexual abuse is “harder to prove” in order to remove a child from the home. I agree. I think social workers do have to work harder to “prove” there’s a concern for sexual or physical abuse and when they’re time poor to begin with, that’s not likely to happen. Plus, to work with a family with an obese child takes a lot more time and effort and follow-up than simply removing the child from the home. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, so what do you do?

In November 2011 an 8-year old Cleveland, Ohio boy was taken out of school and away from his parents for being obese. He was, according to media reports, healthy and happy in all other areas, on the honor roll and a good kid — just overweight. The mother said she was confused because her other child is tall and thin. Is it genetic? No one knows at this point. But social workers removed the boy after repeated attempts to get the mother to work with him to lose weight.

It’s not an easy problem to address, but it’s one that should at least be talked about. Removing a child from his or her home for “being too fat,” sends the child a message that they’re “broken and bad.” If a child was an emotional or stress eater before they were taken out of the home, can you tell me how putting them with strangers and expecting them to cope with a new family will make them less of an emotional eater and more likely to develop the emotional stability and confidence they need to lose weight? Seriously. If you’ve struggled with your weight, tell me how you’d feel if your boss came in one day, told you that you were “too fat” and moved you to an office where your eating habits would be monitored? How would you feel?

If the Center for Disease Control (CDC) is right, and 34% of adults over the age of 20 are obese, and 18.1% of children age 12-19 are obese, and 20% of children age 6-11 years old are obese where is the state going to find foster parents able to care for them? There are children now that need foster homes for other, more compelling reasons. Do we really want to become the fat police?

That said, I have to ask, is anyone talking to these children about sexual abuse? How many of these children are eating and overeating to stuff down the pain of emotional or sexual abuse? I know many, many, many women who ate and became unattractive to ward off unwelcome advances from a parent — both boys and girls.

If you have a client with an obese child, start with the obvious:

Counseling. Determine what issues are going on in the home that could contribute to the obesity. Are the parents obese too? If the child is the only one in the family with a weight issue, there’s something else going on — sexual abuse or bullying from a parent, sibling, family member or family friend is a distinct possibility.

Programs and doctor’s observation and follow-up. Children can become obese as a result of a growth spurt as well as an endocrine issue. I have friends whose son was wiry and thin and active until he hit puberty. He gained 150 pounds in one year and was pushing 350 pounds at 5 foot 5 inches tall. He and his family were horrified. Nothing they did seemed to help. The family was thin and active, wealthy, and was able to hire trainers, and feed him healthy food, but their son couldn’t slim down until his third year of college — and not from lack of trying. Once his growth spurt eased, so did the weight. Two semesters of weight training and running and he became a healthy weight, with solid muscle and no hint of his former weight issues.

Genetic testing — a last resort before removing an obese child from a home. A simple physical exam and blood tests can quickly determine if weight is medically related.

Like alcohol and drug abuse and codependency, weight is a family issue and the entire family must get well if the obese child is to get better. A child forced to eat carrots while his heavy siblings or parents munch on potato chips is not going to get the message across that healthy is good. It takes a lifestyle change for everyone.

Do you have obese child clients? What are your solutions and insights?

People often ask me why it took me so long to “get off of the street,” when I was homeless.

“With all those agencies and resources you could have been somewhere in a week or no more than a month,” they say, except they don’t understand how homeless agencies work. The goal, as any mayor, church group or volunteer will tell you, is to “only help the truly needy.” This translates into those who are mentally ill, addicted, hopeless and chronically homeless. The goal of most agencies is not to actually help get people off of the street, it’s to stay in business providing food, clothing, services and shelter to the chronically homeless — the visible 15% of America’s homeless population.

The 85% of the invisible homeless, those of us who live in cars, couch surf, camp in the yards of friends and somehow eek by day-to-day, don’t need any help, or so the system reasons. The truth is, with counseling, classes, someone to help us learn to set goals and to run interference with landlords and employers because we’re part of the stigmatized “poor, addicted and criminal” image that most homeless people have, most of us could be off of the streets in 30 days or less. And for those who do manage to do that, I’d wager they found a friend, family member, employer or resource that helped them do just that.

So who are the truly needy? I propose the homeless be referred to by the names of the two camps they’re already in — functional and nonfunctional. Functional homeless may have a part-time or full-time job, no addiction issues, a strong desire and motivation to get off of the street after losing their job, their home or their resources due to a crisis of some kind —think Katrina, hurricanes, tornadoes, fire or flood as well as the economy, being injured, medical issues.

Then there are the chronic and repeated homeless — those suffering from addiction issues, mental illness, physical disability, age, medical conditions (cancer, HIV), with criminal records, sex offender status and other issues that make them least likely to get off of the streets without intensive help and long-term resources.

Distribute aid and resources to both groups based on their abilities. For those homeless like me, classes in goal setting, money management, help with legal and tactical or other resources can make a huge difference. Most homeless people who are on the streets due to a natural disaster or health issue etc. don’t even know there is a system, let alone how to “work” it. They are embarrassed and ashamed to accept help, let alone think about asking for it. When help is couched in terms of “education,” however, they’re open. They want to pull their weight, to do the heavy lifting and tasks they need to do to get back into an apartment or home. They’re willing and ready and mostly able. They just need direction, grounding, support and encouragement.

The amount of resources (food, clothing, shelter) may be the same, but chances are those sincere about getting off the streets will do so in less time, with less supervision. So, you help more people and your resources go farther.

None of us is an island. We all need someone, friend, family, pastor, social worker, spouse or even short-term caring stranger, to care about us, to give us a hand up (not a hand out) from time-to-time. The homeless are no different. They’ve been thrust into a world they don’t understand. They’re scared, humiliated, and ashamed and their confidence is at an all time low. Most of what they need is emotional support and guidance. I did. Without that most of the temporary homeless will quickly become the chronic homeless.

The slope is slippery, but if you can catch someone before they start down the path to chronic homelessness, you can save them, and help them save themselves.

Next time someone says, “We only help those truly in need,” think about what they’re saying and remember the other 85%.

photo compliments of iheartfishtown

If you thought you had to jump through hoops to help clients with Medicare concerns and questions, you haven’t seen anything yet. Sure, the health reform issues and other major health debates will take center stage, but the one that matters to social workers most should be the debate over what kind of program Medicare might become. Whatever is decided will affect nearly 50 million seniors and disabled who need, but can’t afford health care.

Expect journalists to use the term “Medicare is going broke,” for the fear and attention it will get from readers. But before you freak out, find out what is really happening and start following the debate now, before it becomes even more complex and complicated.

If you like FaceBook, then ROH is a great place to find relevant stories, links and reporter’s conversations about stories. It’s a good place to go to suggest story ideas you’d like to see covered as well.

Medicare Made Clear has some excellent, well written and easily understood materials, articles, videos and brochures on Medicare.

Kaiser Health News is another source of information. Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a nonprofit news organization committed to in-depth coverage of health care policy and politics.

Make a Difference

If you really want to make a difference, contact your local newspaper and talk to a reporter or editor. Let them know what your concerns, problems and issues are around the Medicare story. Medicare is such a huge, sprawling topic that many newsroom have no idea what their readers are interested in other than the “Will it be funded?” or “What’s it going to cost?” question. As a result they tend to write stories about the aspects of Medicare they know or understand best. This doesn’t really help. If you can help editors personalize the issue by talking about generic cases or issues where real people will be affected, then tell them so! Let editors know what areas will impact your clients hardest and ask them to look into those areas for you. They’ll welcome the input I guarantee! And, chances are they’ll be able to find people willing to be interviewed as well.

What is Medicare?

Medicare, like Social Security, is a guaranteed government-sponsored benefit available to retired persons, the disabled, and their dependents. You pay money into these programs when you earn an income from employment. For a simple and easy explanation, watch the following YouTube video on “What is Medicare?”

Who Will Changes Affect?

Who will be the ones most affected by any changes and the proposed cutbacks in Medicare spending? Baby boomers. It won’t matter who is in the White House, changes are coming to the program and they all involve spending levels.

To make it simple, there are five things you need to be aware of. There are more details in the attached brochure, but in short:

1. There is a new annual enrollment period (AEP) in 2012. In the fall of 2011, the AEP began Oct. 15 and ended Dec. 7 for coverage beginning January 1, 2012. If you’ve tried to enroll anyone, you may already know that, since the period was shortened from the previous Dec. 31, 2011 deadline.
2. Special Election Period (SEP) for Five-Star Plans. SEPs give seniors the opportunity to enroll in or switch plans outside of Medicare’s annual enrollment periods. Starting December 8, 2011, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) will allow Medicare beneficiaries to enroll in MA plans or PDPs with an overall quality rating of five stars at any time during the year—not just during the AEP. Plans will be rated prior to the AEP (Oct. 15–Dec. 7, 2011) and effective for the following contract year (Jan.–Dec. 2012). This change is intended to promote quality between MA and PDP providers.
3. New Incentives and Requirements for Medicare Advantage Plans. Starting in 2012, as part of the Affordable Care Act (health care reform), CMS (Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services) will introduce quality bonus payments to Medicare Advantage plans that earn three or more stars. Star ratings are based on a plan’s performance in the areas of preventive care, management of chronic conditions, plan responsiveness and care, member complaints and appeals, and customer service. In short, the star rating system allows you to gain a better understanding of the value of your health care dollar. Buyer beware of plans with low star ratings!
4. Increased coverage for Prescription Drugs
5. Changes to Part D Standard Benefits

25266_Medicare-Changes-2012

When my father was dying with a brain tumor/cancer in 2005 I had lunch with him a few times, and we called and emailed periodically. I asked him if he had any great regrets. He had just one, that he had traveled and played more and worked less. Like most of us, at the end of our lives we rarely regret not spending more time in the office.

At a time when we’re trying to keep our New Year’s Resolutions and promising new beginnings, it’s a good time to reflect on the top 5 regrets most people have when they are dying. From various lists around the Internet, here they are.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live the life I wanted, not the life others expected of me.

Few of us honor our own needs and wants because we believe somehow that it’s selfish to think about ourselves first. But at the end of our lives the most common regret of all is denying our needs! We can blame others, or say we “had” to do this or that, or were “made” to do this or that, but the reality is EVERYTHING is a choice.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and had played/traveled more.

My dad, the type A, driver, the must-succeed-at-all-costs human being who ridiculed me for stopping to smell the roses all along the way, finally admitted I was right. He wished he’d taken some of that money he’d worked so hard to earn and save and spent it on travel, on more ski trips, on jaunts to Africa, or down the rivers of the West. I remember only three days my father took off. He had had surgery to remove a tumor from his back and was hospitalized one day, then had to remain in bed for it to drain. Day three he had to return to the doctor, but that afternoon was back in the office (he was a dentist). He didn’t allow himself to relax, or when he did, he worked at relaxing as hard as he worked at his job. He never slowed down. Cancer was a gift to him. Cancer succeeded in forcing him to sit, to listen, to just be present. He finally learned that there’s more to life than work. The only problem is he learned it almost too late to appreciate it.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings about how I really felt, good and bad, about people.

Most of us stuff our feelings, our anger, our resentment towards others. We ignore all religious, spiritual and worldly wisdom to let go of anger and not go to bed angry. On our death bed, now free from the repercussions and with the perspective that honesty would have done more than silent suffering, we regret not telling people how they offended, hurt or annoyed us. But we also regret not telling people we loved them, that we were/are proud of them, that we need them, that we appreciate them.

I was able to tell my dad I forgave him for the abuse, to tell him I loved him, and to tell him what about him hurt me so much. I won’t regret that when I die. I will only regret not having spoken up sooner. I realize now, at age 56, that my entire life would have been different if I’d learned to create, set and enforce boundaries and express my feelings earlier in life. I may have been late to the game, but I’m taking advantage of what I know now.

4. I wish I had kept up with my friends and family and not let arguments keep us apart.

Thank goodness for FaceBook. More of us go in search for old friends and even distant family there than we ever could have before the Internet. But keeping up with friends means more than looking at photos and swapping recipes and gym routines or what the kids are doing.

The regret around friends and friendships is that we didn’t risk more, care more, share more. People are built for relationships. It is through risking our hearts, risking being ignored, being hurt, being loved, being misunderstood that we are heard, loved and grow. If you have friends, get to really know them, to know what matters to them, what moves them, what makes them who they are. In doing so you’ll learn more about yourself as well. Embrace those you love. I didn’t speak to my father for 15 years. I’ll never get those years back. Will you get back the time you let slip by because you’re angry with a sibling, or were offended by a relative at a family gathering?

5. I wish that I had been happier and realized what really made me happy all along..

Most of us don’t know what makes, or would make us happy, truly happy, until it’s too late. I realized early on in life that chasing the almighty dollar doesn’t matter. I chose to hike, camp, live simply and even in poverty in order to “Be happy.” As I got older and the cares and worries about money crept in I gave up happy for “secure.” But then I realized that security, while nice, didn’t make me happy. I had to find a balance of both to be truly at peace. I’m still looking for the balance, but I can honestly say that working for myself makes me happier than any job I’ve ever held. It’s up to you to find and seize on what makes YOU happy. Don’t let anyone else define happy for you.

There are other regrets, but most can be condensed or slotted into these five regrets. Apart from a life of crime or stupid decisions, ultimately we almost always regret the choices we didn’t make rather than the choices we did. This year it’s up to you. What do you NOT want to regret on your death bed? If you were to die tomorrow, what would you regret not doing? Now, how is that awareness going to change you, or is it?

Call it what you want, but a scientific study published in a peer-reviewed journal, the International Journal of Health Services, and the accompanying criticisms and challenges are part of a controversial claim that an estimated 14,000 deaths were caused by the Fukushima nuclear disaster in the weeks following the plant’s destruction.

Epidemiologist Joseph Mangano, MPH, MBA, and his colleagues say that, based on compiled data, at least 14,000 people, mostly children under the age of one, in the US were killed during the 14 weeks following the catastrophe. According to doctors infants are most at risk because their immune system hasn’t developed, their tissues are multiplying more rapidly than adults and they doses of the radioisotopes are proportionately greater for them than for adults. Research is continuing, with the deaths expected to increase, possibly as much as another 4,000.

There was an increase in deaths across all ages, from influenza and pneumonia (which were up five times the amount usually seen in the US).

Mangano’s study looked at both infant and adult death rates during the time when Fukushima occurred, as well infant and adult death rates prior to the disaster. During the 14 weeks prior to Fukushima, for instance, infant deaths had been declining by 8.37 percent, while in the weeks following the disaster they increased by 1.8 percent. Among adults, a 4.46 percent death rate was observed in the weeks after Fukushima, compared to 2.34 percent, which is about half that rate, a year prior.

But the deaths are just the short-term results of the disaster. In the years to come cancer and other diseases, not as likely to be attributed to Fukushima, are expected.  You don’t have to wait years. If you had pneumonia this year, as I did, you too may be suffering from the effects of the fallout that US officials say are “harmless” or “within normal levels.”

What is the response by the United States Government to this news? They’re preparing to raise the levels of “permissible radioactive releases” in the drinking water, food and soil.

According to Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility the EPA is in the process of telling people that in spite of deaths being reported due to increased levels of strontium-90, and other radioactive levels, that the EPA is considering a “guidance,” which does not require public airing like regulations, before it’s decided on.

The new radiation guidance would also allow the laxest, long-term cleanup standards in history, permitting doses to the public that EPA itself estimates would cause a cancer in as much as every fourth person exposed, the group says.

If levels are bad in the US, they’re 10 to 20 times worse in Japan where social workers are the ones making a difference in the lives of children and families. According to various news sources, Japanese social workers like Seiichi Nakate, a social worker who rallied local parents to found the Fukushima Network for Saving Children from Radiation, are helping organize and encourage parents and citizens to take action to help save their children.

If educating yourself and your clients about radiation poisoning and political or community action wasn’t on your radar before, pay attention. It’s about to be.

For more information:

A blog by a  nurse and a social worker about the situation

Details about the extent of the problem, how to protect yourself, and information in general about radiation poisoning and Fukushima

A NY Times article about what parents and one social worker are doing to educate families in Japan about radiation

Elaine fit in everywhere. There was no place we went, grocery, gas station, school, church or the mall where someone didn’t wave, say hi, give her a hug or seem glad to see her.

“How do you do it?” I asked her one day. “How do you fit into so many groups? I don’t fit in anywhere.”  I was in my 20’s and lonely. Once I was out of college my friends had gone their separate ways and we just never stayed in touch. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. We had walked down to the mall for lunch and she was walking me back to work as we talked.

“Do you fit in with me?” she asked.
“Of course! I feel like we have a lot in common and that I can talk to you about anything!” I said.

“Well, I’m 65 years old, more than twice your age. I never went to college. I don’t know your parents. I was always a stay-at-home mother and have never really held a job. I never played sports. What do we have in common?”

I was taken aback. I had no idea. I scrambled to come up with a reason I felt like we connected and why I fit in and I failed. But Elaine laughed.

“Maybe what you feel is not that you fit in, but that you’re loved and accepted for who you are,” she suggested.

“That’s it!”

“All it takes to fit in anywhere,” she explained, “Is to love, accept and respect everyone you meet.”
“But a lot of the people I meet are jerks.”
“Then you have to find the part of them that is not a jerk and like that part. Have you ever been called a jerk or a bully or had people dislike you?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Do you think the people were justified in thinking that?”
I hesitated.
“Maybe sometimes. But overall I’m a good person!” I argued.
“Many people are, even when they’re jerks and bullies. The problem is we don’t look past that to see that they want to be accepted, liked and respected as much as you do.”
I looked at her kind eyes and felt uncomfortable, afraid and angry.
“It’s easy for you to say. Everyone likes you.”
“Not really,” she said. “Lots of people don’t like me. Lots of people do, but I’m not universally loved.”
That came as a shock. But about the only thing that shocked me more was when she told me that at my age she was much like me—something that attracted her to me.

“I had to learn to love,” she said. “I had a chip on my shoulder, something to prove and a lot of anger inside. Most people do, just in differing degrees. And trust me, learning to love others isn’t easy. You have to love yourself first. That gives you the confidence to feel good even when other people reject you. Then you have to reach out to other people. Even when some reject you, laugh at you, ignore your or become abusive you have to keep reaching out. Eventually you learn to recognize those who are open, willing, and hungry for love and respect too. Then you hear ‘no,’ less and ‘yes’ more. It’s a process,” she said.

We walked along in silence for a while, and then we ran into yet another person who came up and gave her a big hug. When we got to the door of my workplace she gave me a hug and a challenge.

“Just meet one new person a day. Just introduce yourself, say hello and find something you have in common. You don’t have to become their friend for life, but just practice.”

I nodded. “I can do that.” She smiled, waved goodbye and walked down the sidewalk to the bus stop.

I met Elaine’s challenge. For the past 36 years I’ve made it a point to meet one new person a day. That’s more than 13,140 people. I can easily say the true number is three times that. As a journalist I often met 10 to 20 new people a day. I didn’t become friends with all of them, but I have stayed in touch with or befriended many of them. Over the years I’ve created a network of real people, not just strangers who have “friended” me on some social network. It’s made all the difference in the world to my life, my personal growth and my development as a person.

So this year I’m challenging each and every one of you to the same challenge. Introduce yourself to one new person a day. If one a day is too much, make it one a week, or one a month. You’ll get back what you put into it. Here are the guidelines:

• Introduce yourself to someone new. It can be someone sitting alone at a table in a restaurant, or in line at the grocery store. But find a way to find out their first name (last is good too) and to compliment or engage them in a brief conversation. My favorite is to find someone wearing a coat, dress or blouse I really and truly like and then compliment them on it and ask them where they bought it. I’ve also asked people for help selecting fresh vegetables or fruit, asked for their help in getting an item off of a top shelf, or asked for book recommendations. I’ve asked for the time, directions and more battery jumps on my old car than I care to remember. And I have to say 95% of the time the responses have been positive, uplifting and amazing.

• Leave them with a compliment and a thank you. You can say, “You have such great taste,” or “Your outfit is stunning,” or “It sounds like you really know your vegetables. I bet you’re a great cook too,” or something that is honest, true and heartfelt. No game playing. Your compliment MUST come from the heart. Thank them for their time. This conveys your respect for their time and shows your appreciation for them.

• Write down the encounter in a journal. List who you met, where and a summary of the encounter. It can be simple and short, like “Met Mary Smith in the grocery store. I complimented her on her dress and she told me she made it. She gave me the name of the fabric store where she got the pattern.” I did this once and actually ended up becoming good friends with a woman who I discovered shared my passion for quilting. I attended a quilting club for weeks until I moved. It helped me become part of the local community and I loved it. If you benefit like this from an introduction you’ve just received a bonus!

Any time you’re feeling lonely, or at least a couple of times a year, reread all your entries. So many of us depend on social media, FaceBook or online contacts to broaden our network, but doing this in person in your community pays extra dividends. Once you’ve done it, come back and share your experience. Enjoy!

When Florida, Kentucky and Missouri passed a law requiring welfare applicants to pass a drug test before receiving benefits, objections from those applying for assistance or aid began immediately. As a result, the law was blocked until the courts can decide if the testing is legal.

“It’s unconstitutional,” applicants said. Mary Scriven, a federal judge, has temporarily blocked Florida’s new law saying it may violate the Constitution’s ban on unreasonable searches and seizures. The only reason why drug testing of welfare recipients differs from drug testing of job applicants is one is the Federal Government and one is not. The Bill of Rights protects citizens from the government, not from other citizens. But then again, there’s the issue of privacy. Do people, even those living on taxpayer’s dollars, have a right to use illegal drugs?

At first glance this seems like a simple issue, but it’s not. Set aside the arguments about privacy and search and seizure, about rights and constitutionality and the government’s right to test versus private company’s rights.

Let’s look at what the real issue is here, and why you should care about drug testing of welfare applicants. It’s not about whether applicants on welfare pose a threat to society if they’re using drugs while getting welfare. It’s about the re-enforcement of common stereotypes about the poor being addicts. Eight thousand applicants who applied for “Temporary Assistance for Needy Families” (TANF) were screened (not tested) prior to the new law requiring drug testing of all applicants. Of those applying 6,462 applicants continued to receive assistance. Those 6,462 applicants who met the timeframe of the study, and were considered proper subjects for the study, were screened to determine if they might be using drugs. Only1, 447 were flagged as potential substance abusers and actually tested. Of those 1,447 applicants who were flagged and tested, only 335 tested positive for drug use at the time. Not exactly the numbers you’d think, given the popular misconception that poor people are all drug users and addicts.

The numbers of illegal drug use is actually about the same for people applying for jobs as it is for those applying for assistance. Maybe it’s a matter of not having the money to afford drugs, but maybe, just maybe it’s because being poor doesn’t mean you’re a criminal, an addict or a loser. Maybe being poor just means you’re poor.

On page 7 of the order signed by Judge Mary Scriven, she states:

“First, [the findings] emphasize the difficulty of determining the extent of drug use among welfare beneficiaries. Any test utilized for this purpose is likely to provide, at best, an estimate of these numbers. Such estimates are suitable only for planning purposes and not for sanctioning.

Secondly, the findings suggest that states may not need to test for drug use among welfare beneficiaries. Evidence from the Florida demonstration project showed very little difference between drug users and non-users on a variety of dimensions. Users were employed at about the same rate as were non-users, earned approximately the same amount of money as those who were drug free and did not require substantially different levels of governmental assistance. If there are no behavioral differences between drug users and non-users and if drug users do not require the expenditure of additional public funds, then policymakers are free to concentrate on other elements of welfare policy and to avoid divisive, philosophy-laden debates.”

Well said.

Here is a link to a PDF of the actual court order.

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