Soddie's Place

Do You Want Me To Go Back To Work?

2015-09-22T20:46:00.005-07:00

I'll be up front. I knew when I asked this question that it likely wasn't fair and it felt kind of icky coming out of my mouth, but sometimes you have to give your kids a good dose of reality.

Mornings are hard. Getting two kids ready for school 5 days a week is hard. Making sure weather appropriate clothing is on their bodies, healthy lunches are in lunch boxes, hair is brushed, socks and shoes are on feet (bonus points if the socks match), backpacks are packed with snacks, lunches, homework, library books, etc... I'm exhausted just writing this. And heaven forbid if there are any adverse attitudes, overtired kids or the dog is running circles around the house - literally. I teeter on the edge some mornings.

Today was actually going along nicely. The kids got up on time. No one woke up with the 'grumps' and we were plugging through our morning to do's quite nicely.

Then I made a mistake...

I asked Abby if a turkey, cheese and lettuce wrap was okay for lunch.

A volcano erupted. Eyes were rolled, a body threw itself on the couch and let out a wail.. "I dooonnnn'tttt wwwwaannntttt tttuuurrrrrrkkkkeeeeyyyyy TTTTOOOODDDAAAAYYY!!!!!"

I asked her if another option was okay (I don't even recall what it was).. More volcanic activity, more eye rolling and "you don't understand me, I don't want any of that for lunch".

Feeling a tad under appreciated I suggested she reply with "thanks mom for making healthy lunches for me and making sure I have clean clothes. Thanks also for helping me with my homework and driving me all over the place for my activities and also coaching my soccer team. THANKS MOM".

Another eye roll...

I then asked, and here it comes.. "Abby, do you want me to go back to work and have someone else do all of this for you? If it's such a problem, then I'm happy to go back to work. I'd like to be around people who appreciate me and say thank you once in a while". Without skipping a beat, she asked if we could get our old nanny back - OUCH. I told her she could think about it while she was at school today and we would talk about it later.

Emily piped in with "mom, I love spending time with you". Emily has really high EQ and knows the right things to say at the right time.

Fast forward to after school.. Abby was in her room tackling the mess. I poked my head in and asked if she had time to think about whether I should go back to work or not. She looked at me with the sweetest smile and said "mom, I want to be with you, I enjoying spending time with you". Ahh, there we have it. Outside of the heat of the moment and after giving her time to think, it's what I think we both needed to hear.

**Note - Due to the guilt I was feeling, while the kids were at school I confirmed with a mental health professional friend of mine that it was a perfectly okay question for me to ask. She told me it was perfectly okay.

Coming next - a sneak peek of some things I'm making for Soddie's Place.

I Thought I Had More Time

2015-09-16T13:04:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago both of my daughters went back to school. Abby started 3rd grade and Emily started Kindergarten (having left her beloved preschool of 3 years).

Abby and I would hold hands while walking to her class. This happened through 2nd and I was expecting to do this with Emily as well.

Today, I dropped them off at school and waited to walk Emily to her classroom. Abby is a 3rd grader now and walking to class isn't allowed for me. She's 8, I get it. I still get a hug and a kiss so I'm happy with that.

Emily is in Kindergarten and I was looking forward to holding her hand and walking her to class. The rest of the week she starts school later (9:35am, since the Kindergarteners has staggered starts). On Wednesdays she lines up with everyone else.

This is how it went down today. I'm still recovering.

The kids line up on the playground and parents aren't allowed to be out there with them. Abby walked Emily to her line to make sure she found it okay.

Emily's teacher walks the students to the classroom and passes by where I stand. I saw Emily, smiled and reached out my hand. She looked at me above her glasses, slightly embarrassed. I asked her if I could walk her to class. She shook her head no. WHAT??? I asked again, still no. I asked her again, asking her if she was really super duper sure. Still NO!

Her teacher high-fived her for being such a big girl. I was proud for her, but sad for me. I love the feel of her little hand in mine and sending her on her day at the door of her classroom.

I'm going to go mourn the loss of this experience and celebrate her independence.

Why the Debate - Working Moms vs Stay at Home Moms?

2015-03-09T20:50:00.003-07:00

It's been nine weeks. Nine weeks of being a stay at home mom after being in the workforce, working in finance for over 20 years. In my job, I did a lot of analysis, understanding how things are similar or different and the impact. I'm going to use those skills to assess the difference between working and stay at home moms, because quite honestly - I'm tired of the debate!

Based solely on my experience, there are not a lot of differences between working and stay at home moms. The skills needed to excel at both roles are similar. Here are my findings:

Politics: You have to deal with politics in the workplace, as well as dealings with people involved in school activities. Someone almost always has more power or influence. How you navigate these situations can determine your success whether you work or not. Having good EQ helps too!

Communication Skills - Setting Expectations: It's important in roles at work and at home that communication is clear, concise and people (adults and children) understand what is expected of them. Without this, chaos ensues. When I managed a team, I would create calendars for known deliverables. At home, I have daily discussions with my kids about their schedule for the day. When you have these conversations, there are less surprises and people tend to be more calm.

Choosing Your Battles: You have to chose your battles at home and at work. Do I let my daughter go to school with her hair in disarray because she did it herself or wear clothes that don't exactly match? Of course I do. Do I push back on my manager when I don't agree with something? Sometimes, but other times I need to nod and smile and execute the way I'm expected to. It's okay to battle for something you believe in (no shorts in 30 degree weather or dealing with a poor performer), but at other times, you just have to let it slide.

Knowledge Sharing: There are teachable moments both at work and at home. I recently had a discussion with my older daughter about a class mate that was being made fun of. We talked about how it made the girl feel and if my daughter wanted to stand up for her the next time it happened, then she would make her friend feel supported. At work I would share my experiences with others on how to communicate with executives, deal with difficult people or how to approach a complicated request. There really is no difference...

Mediate Conflict: At work I would sometimes get caught in the middle of a disagreement (or perhaps kick one off). I'd have to do my best to make both sides see the point the other was trying to make then help come up with a solution that everyone could live with. It's no different at home. My kids are 2 -1/2 years a part. They fight. I try to objectively understand what happened if I wasn't right there with them and then make sure they understand both sides. Honestly, mediating conflict at home is so much easier.

Dealing with Sub Par Performance: I've dealt with sub par performers at work, having tough conversations with them and spelling out performance improvement plans, etc.. It's no different at home. I have to talk to my kids when they are not keeping their rooms clean, have trouble staying focused while getting ready in the morning or most any other task I request of them. The emotions I encounter and the challenges are the same.

Time Management: At work, there was always 80 hours of work to do each week. At home it's no different. I have taken over a lot of tasks that others were doing and added some new ones that were being neglected (purging closets, cleaning out the garage, doing more cooking, sending more time on homework, spend time in the classroom with my older daughter, etc). Regardless of whether you work or not, there is never enough time in the day.

I have NEVER heard any working dad belittle or make snide remarks to a stay at home dad. Perhaps I've been lucky enough to not be involved in those conversations, but I have known a considerable number of stay at home dads, or dads who take on a bigger role in child rearing in their families.

I would like to ask moms, regardless of their role/occupation/choices to stop being mean girls on this topic. It defeats what really needs to happen (longer maternity leaves, more family friendly companies, better benefits - medical and sick leave, higher quality and more affordable childcare options, more flexible work schedules to accommodate people who want to be more involved in their children's lives, etc). Let's redirect all of this energy and do something positive. Stifle that judgmental/rude comment about the 'other' class of moms, appreciate people for their contributions whether at work or at home, be supportive and find ways to get involved in pushing the cause for all women forward.

How We Met Anna and Elsa at Disneyland

2014-05-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

We went to Disneyland last week. There were two top attractions that we considered investing time in to see. One of them was the Anna and Elsa meet and greet in Disneyland. The other was the Radiator Springs ride in California Adventure. We didn't have the option of doing both because of timing.

Like any good strategy planning session, we evaluated our audience. 2 girls, ages 4 and 6. We can't get them to watch the Cars movie, but we've seen Frozen at least 15 times. The meet and greet it was going to be.

The second strategy was to determine how we minimize time away from the ride time (tea cups, Dumbo, carousel, big thunder railroad, you get the idea). This meant we had to get there early by investing wait time before the park opened..

This is what worked for us:

The park opened at 9am that day. There was not a Magic Morning for anyone. This is important. If you are up against people who get to the park an hour before you, by the time you get to the Anna and Elsa line, the wait will be over 4 hours.

Steve took a cab from the hotel to the park at 7am. He was one of the first in line at the park entrance.

When he was let into the park, he quickly went to the next line. This is the rope line at the end of main street. He was one of the first in line there too.

Around 8:45am, my mom and I arrived at the park with the kids. We were about 30 feet behind where my husband was standing. Let me tell you, that 30 feet makes a big difference.

When the park officially opened at 9am, Steve very quickly went to the Anna and Elsa line. He was 10 people back from the front of the line, which translated to a 20 minute wait for the meet and greet.

By the time my mom and I met up with him, about 5 minutes after 9am, the Anna and Elsa line wait time was over 4 hours. Yes, in the matter of 5 minutes the wait went from 0 to 4 hours.

Steve wins dad of the year. The girls were absolutely thrilled to meet Anna and Elsa. Did those two play their charters perfectly. Anna was spunky and quirky and Elsa was classy and proper.

A couple hours later we had lunch at Ariel's Grotto and they met even more princesses. Abby told me is was the best day ever.

Here are a few pictures from our meet and greet:

Emily showing Elsa the braid in her hair. We did a special Elsa braid that morning for her.

Abby talking to Anna, she was so happy.

The official picture from the meet and greet. Look at those smiles.

Mommy Guilt - A Way to Ease the Guilt

2014-03-11T22:24:00.000-07:00

"My name is Susan and I experience mommy guilt on a daily basis."

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to diminish the importance of 12 steps programs (my dad when through one when I was in my late teens). Mommy guilt is my daily struggle.

I've been struggling with the mommy guilt a lot recently. Both of my kids have been sick and on some days I had to put my grown up panties on and go to work. I left the care and nurturing of my children to someone else, someone who was not their mommy. Ouch, it really hurts on those days when I get in the car and drive away.

This is the first time in a long time that I have felt my employer values what I do. Being appreciated for what I do at work brings me joy and satisfaction. Being away from my kids when they are sick brings me sadness and a heavy heart. How can I have my cake and eat it too?

I came across this post on the Working Mom's Against Guilt blog earlier today. It talks about A Simple Solution for Mommy Guilt. It was perfect timing! The post encouraged me to ask my kids "what do you like to do with Mommy?". Here are their answers from tonight:

Emily (4 years old):
Cuddle with you
Play with my toys with you
Spend time with you

Abby (6 years old):
Cuddling
Spend time with you
(then went into a silly giggle fit)

Seriously, they don't put my handcrafted valentine's for they classmates at the top of the list? They don't like the fact the kitchen counters are free of clutter (well, they are never really free of clutter) or the fact I tracked 950 boxes of girl scout cookies for their troop? They don't value the fact I keep their clothes organized in their closets or get creative with what they eat? Hmmm, I need to rethink my priorities!

Talk to your kids, ask them what they like best about being with you. The answers are simple and humbling. Time to cuddle more and worry less about a stack of mail on the counter.

Best Guacamole Recipe Ever!

2014-01-31T23:15:00.000-08:00

I was looking for a guacamole recipe recently. I wanted something a little different, but that also still had some of the regular guacamole ingredients (red onion, tomatoes, cilantro, etc).

The Grilled Corn Guacamole from The Pioneer Woman is the recipe I wanted to try.

It was super yummy! I loved the sweetness the corn added.

Enjoy!

Rounding Up Healthy Recipes and Snacks

2014-01-31T23:09:00.000-08:00

I'm currently participating in a 60 day Body, Mind, Soul challenge with numerous other people. It's a fun, competitive points based program that lasts 8 weeks. On the last round I lost 11 pounds. This time around my goal is lose more, 15-20 pounds.

I'm rounding up some of my favorite recipes to share with other challengers and anyone else interested in easy, healthy recipes.

Even my husband loves this one! Thai Coconut Curry Shrimp from skinnytsate.com. We serve this one with brown rice and add red bell peppers for a little more veggie punch.

Pad Tai using brown rice pad thai noodles from Annie Chun's. I love Pad Thai and I almost think I'm cheating eating this.

I've been looking high and low for an overnight oatmeal recipe that does not use greek yogurt. No matter what I try, I can't eat greek yogurt. This recipe for Overnight Oats in a Jar from skinnytaste.com calls for almond milk and is super tasty. I feel great and energized after eating it! I've been using walnuts for the topping and a small dose of vanilla extract instead of sweetener.

This past weekend I made a big pot of Split Pea Soup in our slow cooker. I've used this recipe from Whole Foods several times and it never disappoints.

I just stumbled across these today and I think I'll give it a try. A cookie with positive or neutral ingredients, who knew this existed? Scroll down to the Interception Cookie.

We are subscribed to Nature Box monthly snack delivery service. They have a lot of healthy options and allow you to pick what you want delivered. I highly recommend them if you are tempted to try a subscription service (they are a very popular trend right now). I also made their Quinoa, Kale and Chickpea Salad recently. It's so light and fresh tasting! They have great recipes on their blog.

I'm not a fan of mayo, so finding a tuna recipe without mayo can be difficult. I came across this Tuna Salad Recipe from Framed Cooks that I love! No mayo, has lot fresh herbs, capers, tuna, etc..

A lot of the recipes I come across call for panko bread crumbs. I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for whole grain panko bread crumbs when I can actually find them in stores, so I make my own. I find the healthiest, tastiest whole grain bread and use this recipe from How Sweet It Is and make my own whole grain panko bread crumbs.

These aren't recipes, but some of my other favorite foods that help me adhere to the challenge positive foods list and healthier eating.

--Low Sodium V8 juice when I need those extra veggie points at the end of the day
--Kind Almond Walnut Macadamia with Peanuts + Protein Snack Bar
--Roasted unsalted almonds and cashews from Trader Joe's
--Crunchmaster crackers (thanks April for the lead on this from the last challenge) with peanut or almond butter
--Lesley Stowe Gluten Free Crackers - super yummy with some burrata cheese (a neutral) drizzled with olive oil!
--And of course any fresh fruits and veggies I can get my hands on at our local year round farmers markets.

Best of luck to everyone on the challenge this round! I'm on team In It to Thin It with a group of 3 other amazing women!

Bad Mom V 2.0

2013-07-17T14:01:00.001-07:00

For the most part, I'm pretty tuned into my kids. I can look at them and tell they have a fever. When they are acting out, I can usually figure out what the underlying issue is. When they are hungry, I can tell by the way they are acting. Most mom's have these skills.

I recently realized that I lacked the ability to push my kids away from gender stereotypes. Swift and quick intervention is required.

The process behind deciding which camps to put Abby in this summer was drawn out, laborious and likely over thought. This is my approach to most things (ranging from birthday party themes to searching for recipes, you name it).

Abby is attending the following camps, she has already attended 1-3:

1.) Gymnastics Camp

2.) Nueva Camp (very cool and progressive camp at a local private school, her two sessions were Art and Circus )

3.) Galileo Camp (the theme was Amusement Park and the day is broken into art, science and outdoor activities)

4.) Girl Scout Camp

Her favorite camp so far has been Galileo. When I asked her why she told me "because we get to do science and I love learning".

My heart sank. It sank far.

I focused her camp sessions on girly things. Art, Circus performance and gymnastics. I assumed the Galileo camp was going to be fun for her, but thought she might not like the science part. It NEVER occurred to me that she would like the science twist to Camp Galileo. Shame on me!!

I am a Director of Finance and I work in an organization that builds the eCommerce websites. In many instances I'm one of the few, or sometimes the only woman in the room during meetings.

Why the hell would I perpetuate this trend/stereotype and not encourage my daughters to learn something other than gymnastics, art and performances? Why would I not want them to be the only female in the room during meetings?

Abby has a week off from camp this week. This past weekend I scoured the web to find science related projects she might enjoy.

It's going to take me a while to get over this.

Oh Boy, Was She Mad!

2013-07-16T20:00:00.002-07:00

My youngest daughter, age 3 1/2, has developed a very unpleasant night time routine. She won't stay in bed.

No matter what we do, what we say, how we react or don't react, she won't stay in bed at bedtime. It's like a mildly unruly boomerang that occasionally has tantrums. And this all started as I'm entering my busy period at work.

After about a month of spending 1-2 hours each night to get her to stay in her bed, it was time for some intervention. I thought about how she's motivated and one thing came to mind: chocolate.

I spent some time this past weekend coming up with a chart that she can use nightly. The chart consists of 7 things she does every night at bedtime. I used a cute font and lots of colors. As she finishes one task, she gets to put a check in the check box. These are the items on her checklist:

1.) Take bath or shower
2.) Get into PJ's
3.) Brush teeth
4.) Read stories
5.) Turn on nightlight
6.) Turn off bedside lamp
7.) Stay in bed

We leave the last one un-checked until morning. She has to stay in bed all night. If she does, she gets chocolate before breakfast (and by chocolate, she gets one M&M). It's enough to motivate her.

The first night in, no fights at bedtime. She was so happy to put checks in her check boxes. She didn't go to sleep right away, but she did stay in bed. Whoo hoo, but perhaps a bit too early to declare victory.

We also installed a child safety door knob cover on the inside of her bedroom door. This is where it goes sideways.

She got up out of bed at 11pm for whatever reason (perhaps to go to the bathroom as she recently stopped wearing diapers at night). I woke to crying, loud crying.

I went into her room and found her sitting next to her bedroom door and boy was she MAD. I won't go into the gory details, but it took an hour to get her calmed down and back into bed (took me another hour after that to get calmed down and back to sleep). She was not the least bit happy we installed the door knob cover on her door knob. We took away some of her independence, the independence she is displaying so proudly these days.

Let's see how we do tonight..

A Little Meal Planning - Courtesy of The Pioneer Woman

2013-07-14T12:04:00.002-07:00

This past Saturday, The Pioneer Woman's new episode was about quick meals. I can certainly benefit from quick meals.

Lately in our house, meal planning has consisted of finding something in the freezer or sitting down with a laptop to see where we can order dinner from. This isn't the healthiest form of eating and Steve and I both know we need some help in the healthy eating department. Our girth can attest to it.

As my kids are getting older, I'm allowed a little time to get things done while they play quietly together. Well, at least until they start fighting or the little one hits the older one. Today, they are working on a straw project and I am working on meal planning.

After watching the Pioneer Woman's episode and browsing through some of her other recipes, I came up with these 4 for the week:

Mini Meatball Sandwiches
(ground turkey for this one and a side salad)

Pasta alla Betsy
(we'll use whole grain penne and add a side salad)

Lazy Chilies Rellenos
(I think I'll add some ground turkey to this one, use egg beaters and use 2% milk)

Beef with Snow Peas
(supplementing with frozen/cooked organic brown rice from Trader Joe's)

I then took the printed recipes to Steve and negotiated for him to make 2 of them. We have 7 days to cook the 4 recipes. I think that is manageable, maybe... The good news, it's likely we'll spend less on lunches this week too since we'll have leftovers.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Summer Art Projects for Kids - Can't Wait for my KiwiCrate order!

2013-07-08T20:14:00.004-07:00

I ran across a mention of Kiwi Crate on a blog I read. I took the name of the website and tucked it away in my brain for a later date.

This past weekend we went to Monterey. The girls had a blast and cried when we left. It's always a good sign when they cry, it means they had a good time. The girls were in bed by 7:30pm or so each night so I was left with two options:

1.) watch TV
2.) shop on my iPad

I chose to do both!

Kiwi Crate came to mind. I spent some time browsing their site and bought a few things. The concept is fantastic. They put together 'crates' of themed projects. They have great options for both boys and girls.

I purchased the following:

My Felt Flowers

Watercolor Pack

They also have great DIY projects. I'm eyeing this one our summer vacation:

Vacation Jars (to store your vacation memories)

Here's why I love this site. For me, time is short. Their project kits (or crates) take the guesswork out of coming up with new ideas and also alleviates the need for me to go to 2-3 stores to get all the supplies for a project.

When I get my order and the kids have some time to try it out, I'll let you know how it goes.

I am in no way affiliated with Kiwi Crate and the pictures are from the KiwiCrate.com site.

Would a Ham Sandwich Make You Cry?

2013-06-29T19:25:00.001-07:00

There are a lot of things that can make a person cry, but a ham sandwich?

Abby has been at gymnastics camp this week. She's there from 8:30am until 3pm. That's a long day for her. She's the type of kid, who everyday after Kindergarten needed quiet time in her room to veg out and re-energize. She's never been at something this intense for this duration. She's also a 'young-five' as they call them, so she's a younger than most of the kids in camp.

I worked from home on Thursday so I was able to pick her up. She hasn't been eating her full lunch so of course that is one of things I asked her about after we got in the car.

Me: "Abby, did you eat your lunch today"
Abby: "No Mommy, it looked like ham"
Abby: then in full on, end of the world screaming, "I don't like hhhhhaaaaaaammmmmmm!!!!"

Then she started crying, uncontrollably.

I mixed up their lunches this morning and packed the wrong one for Abby. The poor thing is so tired after camp she's having trouble keeping her wits about her. I really don't blame her and she's generally very well behaved.

Some days I feel like screaming "I don't like (fill in the blank)" at the top of my lungs while at work. How do you think that would go over?

Art and circus camp is on tap for next week. She is so excited for it.

Ignoring These Resulted in Abundance

2013-06-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

Simply put, we are not good gardeners, not good at all. The things that grow the best are the ones we ignore...

Last year we planted strawberries and had at most 10 ripe strawberries. During fall, winter and spring, we ignored them. Why bother putting time into something that didn't bear fruit.

There's a life lesson in this story somewhere.

The girls and I spent some time in the back yard this evening, to eat dinner, water our herbs and tomatoes and enjoy the nice weather. I've kind of ignored the strawberries, but noticed them tonight.

Aren't they lovely?

Is This Normal in Other Parts of the Country - Bus Brigades?

2013-06-25T21:52:00.002-07:00

Abby is in summer camp this week. Her very first summer camp experience ever! She’s so excited about it and is having fun, spending 6 hours a day doing gymnastics. Well maybe a few breaks, lunch and an art project thrown in.

Her summer camp drop-off changes my commute. Instead of driving up the pristine, beautiful and traffic-less 280, I’m stuck on 101 with what seems like the rest of the bay area, all at the same time. And there was an accident today too.

I did notice something as I was driving along, in much greater volume than my mellow 280 drive. Charter bus after charter bus, with either explicit call outs of the companies these buses were taking people to or semi-cryptic code names or none at all. I must have seen 60+ charter buses ushering people to their jobs, all in a 10 mile stretch. Here are some of the ones I saw:

GBUS: Google buses, there are a gazillion of these

MPK: assuming this is Facebook, using my Inspector Gadget kills

Cisco: pretty straight forward

Genentech: pretty straight forward

LinkedIn: again, pretty straight forward

Y!: Yahoo buses and they are purple too!

There were also a handful of unlabeled buses; I do wonder where they are taking people to!

It’s not unusual for companies to enlist the services of these charter bus companies to get workers to their jobs. A lot of people want to live in San Francisco, but don’t want to travel via car to work 30 miles south into the heart of the Silicon Valley. In the case of where I work, we hire these buses to take people from the South Bay north to our offices for the 30-40 mile drive. These buses are seen as an employee perk.

Are these bus brigades typical in other parts of the country or only here?

A Complex Coffee Problem

2013-04-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

We have a complex problem in our house and I'm looking for a better solution. Here are the facts:

I only drink decaf coffee.

My husband only drinks caffeine laden coffee.

I like lattes, cappuccinos and drip coffee.

My husband only likes drip coffee.

Still with me?

We used to have a double carafe drip coffee pot, where we could each make our own drip coffee. It didn't satisfy my need for lattes and cappuccinos. We got rid of the double, replaced it with a single drip maker and a Nespresso machine with milk frother. I now had lattes and cappuccinos, but no drip coffee when my husband made leaded coffee for himself practically every day.

I came across a great deal on a small Keurig machine ($99, then 30% off and a $20 rebate, for a $50 total price). The Keurig could be the solution for me when I want drip coffee the same time my husband wants his leaded coffee.

This is what we currently have sitting on our kitchen counter. Count 'em, 4 coffee making items. There has to be a better solution?

Yes, those are 1980's gray formica countertops, jealous?

I Was Late for Work - I Had to Dress a Chicken

2013-02-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

It didn't help that I hit the snooze bar more than I should have, but there was an important task that needed to be attended to. I was late for work, because I had to dress a chicken. Does your dressed chicken look this good?

We still can't find one of the chicken feet.

No Words

2013-02-11T10:05:00.001-08:00

I'm at a loss for words. This makes my heart swell. I can't believe how grown up she looks. This was her first Daddy/Daughter dance and she had a blast.

I was sad I wasn't allowed to go, but we had fun shopping for her dress.

I'm going to sit back and look at this picture for the next few hours.

I Miss the Things That Annoyed Me the Most

2013-02-08T23:18:00.000-08:00

Murphy has been gone for 2 months. There are days where I think of him and smile and there are days when I come across a picture of him and shed a few tears. He was our dog and became such an everyday part of our lives.

Murphy had a few habits that would test my patience. Here are some of my favorites:

1.) Whenever I would get ice from the freezer, Murphy would come running. Sometimes as I was rushing to get out of the house, grabbing a handful of ice for him and tossing it on the floor would annoy me. I didn't have the time for it and he was always under my feet, jockeying for the quickest route to the ice when I'd put it down. Lately, when I get ice and I don't hear him running my way, trying to trip me, I feel a twinge of sadness.

2.) Some might say I am the lightest sleeper in the whole entire world. Even on the nights when I wear ear plugs, I can hear a faint whimper from one of my kids. Super sonic mom ears. I digress... Murphy slept in our room on a dog bed in the corner. A handful of times throughout the night he would wake me as he moved around on his bed, moving from his bed to the floor, etc. Some nights, when I knew I wouldn't get that much sleep, I would get terribly annoyed by being woken up by him. Now our room is eerily quiet, a very uneasy quiet. Sometimes when I wake during the night for no reason, I have trouble falling back to sleep because it's way too quiet.

3.) Murphy had a habit of eating the smallest of toys the kids would leave on the ground. I would tell them continuously that if there was a small toy they treasured, they needed to make sure it wasn't left on the ground. There would be days where I would pry his mouth open and fish toys out of his slimy saliva filled mouth at least 10 times. Now, when I see small toys on the ground, my instinct is to tell the kids to pick them up because Murphy will eat them. I no longer need to give them that reminder.

The memories associated with the habits of that darn dog that used to annoy me, now make me smile. I sure miss that dog!

My Working Mom Accomplishments

2013-01-29T22:27:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks, I have been discussing what it's like to juggle all aspects of my working mom life. It's definitely a humorous conversation at times. I now reflect back on some of my major accomplishments as a working mom over the past couple of years...

1.) Getting to my desk, relatively on time. Some days, this is my biggest accomplishment.

2.) Getting through the day with the snot on my pants going unnoticed as my darling little one decided to rub her runny nose on my pants as I was walking out the door.

3.) Disguising the fact, that during a meeting with a C-level executive, I only slept 4 hours the night before. Not because I spent all night working on the presentation, but because my daughter had pneumonia and I slept in her room. I woke up every time she moved/coughed/rolled over.

4.) Getting my daughters to school dressed in pajamas on Pajama Day.

5.) Rushing out of the office to pick up my kids, after the last meeting of the day runs late and arriving at the very last minute before having to pay more. And not getting a speeding ticket in the process.

6.) Having enough food in the house to scrape together a packed lunch for them. The mere act of packing lunches day after day is quite an accomplishment.

7.) Hoping the fact that I forgot to turn in the sign up sheet for the school play somehow remains under the radar screen.

8.) Getting both kids to school, on time, without having to talk about Mommy's behavior and that I could have handled myself better that morning. I run out of patience after asking them to put their shoes on after the 10th or 11th or 40th time.

9.) Remembering to sign permission slips and turn them in no later than 5 days past the due date.

10.) Getting myself in bed and asleep before 10:30pm (a rarity these days).

11.) Occasionally getting dinner on the table for Steve and I during the week. Even if dinner consists of cereal and M&M's.

What are some of your biggest accomplishments as a working Mom?

Top 10 Traits of a Great Boss

2012-11-07T22:19:00.004-08:00

A while ago I posted Top 10 Traits of a Bad Boss. This is the second installment, covering the 10 Traits of a Great Boss. This list is complied from all the things that make a great boss based on my nearly 20 years of working in Corporate America.

1.) Being clear about expectations. Let people know what you expect of them and when. Leave nothing open to interpretation or to the imagination.

2.) Being honest. Being honest in performance reviews and at all coaching opportunities is very important, even when the discussion is hard. Talk to your staff they way you would want someone to talk to you in those situations. Think back to times when you wished someone would have been honest with you.

3.) Providing clear and relevant communication. When you ask someone on your team to do something, explain the context. When an employee feels like the work they do is contributing to a bigger effort, they feel more vested in the outcome.

4.) Rewarding a job well done. Even if it's a simple thank you, reward people for a job well done. If your company permits, take your team to lunch or let them leave early on a Friday, especially if you've just worked them to the bone to meet a deadline.

5.) Understanding what motivates people. For some people it's money or title, for some people it's recognition for a job well done. Play to what motivates your employees.

6.) Listening to your employees. I am sometimes quick to jump to conclusions on how things should be done, but I always listen if my team thinks there is a better way. Be open to changing course and accepting feedback from your employees.

7.) Allowing your employees flexibility when needed. This cannot apply to all jobs, but when family emergencies or other situations arise, give your employees the flexibility to deal with it. I've worked for people who cut me some slack to deal with issues outside of work and in return I was actually a better employee in the long run for it.

8.) Be willing to pitch in. On occasion the work load for your team may be overwhelming. Roll up your sleeves and offer to help with some of the things you'd rather not have to do. It shows them it's a team effort and everyone is there to help.

9.) Give feedback more frequently than an annual review. There are opportunities on a regular basis where you can give feedback. Give honest feedback in a very respectful manner. Performance discussions should never be a surprise to an employee.

10.) Operate with integrity. Play by the rules, drink the company kool-aid, stand up for your people and do the right thing. Lead by example and not empty words, adhere to company policies and guidelines. Be the type of boss people want to work for.

Great Fall Dessert Recipe - Caramel White Chocolate Apple Bars

2012-11-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

I work full time so it's difficult to volunteer as much as I would in my daughter's classroom. At the beginning of the school year I signed up for a couple of the volunteer efforts that play to my strengths. I get to help the school in some way, a way that is fun for me.

A few weeks ago it was teacher appreciation. My awesome neighbor and another mom head up that effort. This time around I made a fall inspired dessert that the teachers/staff could eat easily. I scoured for a recipe that I thought would be good and then I doctored it up.

I decided to make Betty Crocker's Caramel Apple Bars. I wanted something without nuts and something seasonal. Rumor has it, they were liked.

(picture from Betty Crocker)

Here are the changes I made, easy ones:

1.) Added 1/2 - 3/4 cup of Ghirardelli white chocolate chips to the 2 cups of reserved oat mixture before adding that as the top layer of the bars before cooking.

2.) Increased the amount of caramels from 1 14 oz bag to 1-1/2 bags, 21 oz total. You can never have too much caramel.

It's an easy recipe with the most difficult part being peeling and chopping the apples. If you try the recipe, let me know what you think.

A Little Friday Evening Fun

2012-10-12T21:35:00.002-07:00

It's Friday and I am glad this week is over. Steve travelled for work this week and got back tonight after the girls went to sleep. Getting everyone ready in the mornings when flying solo, is a challenge. I need to get up at 6am to get my day off to a good start. Since I was tending to a chest cold and not getting to sleep until almost midnight, 6am wasn't my reality. Mornings were a bit chaotic.

But, it's Friday. We made it through the week and the girls were great. They are usually a little off when Steve travels (which is rare). Tonight I decided we could skip baths and play dress up.

This is what they come up with (Abby is taking an important call from Tinkerbell):

The aftermath in the hallway:

Top 10 Traits of a Bad Boss

2012-09-27T21:02:00.004-07:00

Up and downs describes my professional experience over the course of the past couple of years. As a result, I've had time to reflect on the type of people I am happy working for as well as those I find challenging. I'm jotting these things down, so I can hold myself accountable and try to be the best boss I can be, most days.

I have had some pretty fabulous managers as well as some duds. I've also managed teams for a little more than half of my career. My list of the Top 10 Traits of a Bad Boss are based on my experiences and my own mistakes. Here they are:

1.) Having complete disregard for people's lives outside of work. Don't work people 80 hours a week because you are not organized. Invest a little time up front and everyone will save time in the end. You'll get more out of your employees if you extend them some flexibility (where possible) and show consideration for life outside of work. Also make sure to communicate to them when you might need extra hours from them ahead of time, so they can adjust their calendars accordingly.

2.) Starting every sentence with "What you did is wrong, I don't understand it.". This immediately puts people on the defensive and less likely to help you figure out what you don't understand. Perhaps instead one should try "I'm having trouble understanding this, can you help me/provide more context/add some clarification/etc..".

3.) Yelling. Under no terms should you yell at your employees. I do understand the higher up the chain you go, yelling is a bit more prevalent. I'll never get that high up the chain, so from my view in the mid priced seats, yelling is not okay. It's disrespectful, demotivating and humiliating.

4.) Jumping to conclusions without understanding the facts. Don't come out of the gates swinging (verbally that is) unless you understand the facts.

5.) Throwing your people under the bus. Take responsibility for your team. When they fail, you fail. When they succeed, you succeed.

6.) Taking credit for work your team has done. Yes, you are the leader and your guidance and knowledge may have lead to an outstanding product, but if your team did a bulk of the work, let it be known.

7.) Blaming your team for your failures. Ultimately, what makes it up the food chain is your responsibility. If the higher ups aren't happy, accept responsibility then take the issue up with your team in a constructive way.

8.) Establishing rules for the team and then doing the opposite. If you set a rule or policy with your team you need to follow it as well. Be the example.

9.) Forgetting to say 'thank you'. These two simple ways go a long way. Thank your team for late nights, for an effort that was above and beyond, acknowledge a job well done.

10.) Expecting more of your team than you expect of yourself. You are the boss. In most cases you make more than the people on your team. As a result, more is expected of you, deliver it.

Top 10 Traits of a Great Boss coming soon to a blog near you.

Apple Picking - Becoming a Tradition

2012-09-25T20:28:00.001-07:00

What am I going to do with 15 pounds of apples? This is what happens when we do any sort of picking. For the past 3 years we've been berry picking in June and we've started the tradition of going apple picking in September. It's so much fun to watch my kids pick their fruit off the vine/tree and running through the fields.

I am kind of selective when it comes to what my kids eat, so we only go to organic farms.. The berry farm is close (Webb Ranch in Portola Valley) , but the apple farm was 1 1/2 hours away (Clearview Orchards in Watsonville). Typically not a bad distance, but we got a late start and had an afternoon nap we are up against. Abby starting yelling, screaming actually, that she wanted to go home 15 minutes from the farm. Oh boy, that was not enjoyable. I knew as soon as we got there, the girls would have fun. We pulled into the parking lot and they were giddy with excitement.

Steve wasn't able to join us this time around as he was in Chicago participating in an annual 'guys weekend' trip. Next year he'll join us.

Emily picking an apple.

Abby picking an apple.

Now I'm off to find recipes to help me get through some of the 15 pounds of apples I have sitting on my kitchen counter.

Murphy's Good Days and Bad Days...

2012-09-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

Within the same four week period, I quit a job that I was not happy with, I was to get my two little angels started at new schools and was slated to start a new job. When it rains it pours. It's been a month of adjustments for sure. Adjustments to schedules, jobs, expectations, schools, etc...

During this time of what is all good change, we got some bad news.

As I was rushing my kids out the door to get haircuts one afternoon I noticed our dog Murphy was limping pretty badly. I had noticed earlier in the day that we was hobbling a little bit after getting up from laying down. It was pretty mild so I chalked it up to a leg that fell asleep, a cramp, something temporary. It was a lot worse at the end of the day.

After I got the kids in the car, the phone call to Steve went something like this:

"Steve, Murphy can barely walk, you need to come home now and take him to the vet. I've got the girls loaded in the car for their haircuts".

I was thinking the worst case would be a torn ACL, a sprain, something that could be fixed, easily fixed.

Murphy was on anti-inflammatory meds for a week and doing well. After he was done with the meds, he started limping again. Back to the vet we took him. He had x-rays.

I don't remember if my husband called me or texted me with the diagnosis. Bone cancer (aka osteosarcoma). Bone cancer that is not treatable. We could delay the spread, but it would eventually take his life.

There are a couple treatment options available to us. We've decided on a course of treatment that is good for Murphy and good for our family. He has good days and bad days. Today he had a good day and it makes me happy. When he has bad days (lots of visible pain) it's heartbreaking. Murphy is the best dog we could have asked for, both before and after having kids. I'm not sure how much longer he will be with us, but we are going to spoil him as much as we can and treat every day with him as a gift..

A couple years ago in Tahoe