Soddie's Place

Absolute Genius!

2012-02-09T22:24:00.000-08:00

Our poor sweet Emily had a little bit of a bacterial skin infection recently. That likely explains the screaming she did before bath time. I bet the water stung her little bumps.

She went to the Dr. and received a 10 day cycle of liquid antibiotics. In the past Steve and I have always had trouble with tracking what day she started her meds, if she had the proper doses that day, etc. There is already a lot to keep track of in our days.

Well, with this last dose, I remember reading somewhere on a facebook post and genius way of keeping track of when you gave/took medicine. Thank you Maureen!!

Check this out. It's absolutely genius!

I have always loved sharpies, now I love them even more.

'Pipad' Intervention?

2012-02-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

I think we have a serious need for iPad intervention in our house. During the week, the girls get little to no TV and very little iPhone/iPad use. The weekends can be a different story. If Steve and I are trying to get the house picked up, trying to get dinner on the table, we sometimes need a little help.

This past weekend, I had the girls Saturday morning by myself. Steve was in Vegas. I had to get them fed, dressed and out the door by 8:30am to get to Abby's dance class by 9. At one point, Emily looked at me and said 'I want pipad'. That's her way of saying iPad.

I knew she would keep herself out of harm's way (i.e. climbing and falling off of things) with the iPad. When I asked her to go sit on the couch and told her that I would bring her the iPad, she did the cutest little dance, with the biggest squeal of excitement. She was twirling in circles, yelling 'pipad pipad' with a big grin on her face..

Uh oh. We need a toddler 'pipad' intervention. Some weening of the device, breaking the dependency. Wish us luck!

Neglect

2012-02-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've neglected this blog. Between gearing up then down for the holidays, leaving one job after almost 6 years and starting a new one, I've had my hands full. I've been physically and emotionally exhausted.

Earlier in my career I yearned for change about every two years. This time around I resisted for a long time, but knew it was time for me to move to a new company. I've decided that I hate change. I deal with enough change on a day to day basis (Emily has decided that she hates taking a bath now, it's a struggle every night, Abby is starting to talk back and push her sister more). Why did I throw a career change into the mix too? Well, that answer is for another day, but it is what it is now. I'll figure it out and in 6 months I'll look back and say 'this change thing isn't so bad'.

I've also been working on getting a little business I've been thinking about for a while now (at least 1-2 years) up off the ground. I've been working on inventory and will hopefully get something out there in next few months.

Thanks for reading after my little hiatus.

It's Been a Whirlwind of a Month

2011-11-13T05:12:00.001-08:00

Over the course of the past month we had our annual outing to the Pumpkin Patch, a family vacation in Hawaii, work has been very demanding (emotionally and time wise) and I just got back from a week long business trip to India. Jet lag, argh! I've been up since 1:00am and have been able to get through a lot of shows on our DVR.

I'll post pictures and highlights from each this week, excluding work of course. Unless you want pictures of spreadsheets and powerpoint slides with lots of numbers (snooze).

The highlight of the past month is the support and love I've received from my husband. It started in Hawaii with a very special discussion where I was able to open up (hard for me to do) and tell him where my mind was at. I've been struggling with being truly 'happy', dealing with a tough job, being pulled in too many directions and trying to 'do it all'. We have a solid short term and longer term plan now, which will of course evolve over time. We came up with it together, without arguing, without shutting down. I haven't been this happy about the future in a really long time. Thanks Steve!

Sisters

2011-10-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have an older sister. She is 18 months older than I am.

My youngest child (Emily) has an older sister (Abby). Abby is 27.5 months older than Emily.

(we need to get Emily her first haircut so the poor child can see)

Apparently, the memories of me following my older sister around all the time, wanting to do everything she did, get in her space when she didn't want me there, copying her every action and trying to 'share' toys escape me.

It is beyond exciting and heart warming to watch a bond develop between my two girls. They are different in many ways. Abby is blue eyed, wavy hair and is fair skinned. Emily has hazel eyes, board straight hair and olive skin. Abby is sensitive, emotional and is very aware of everything that goes on around her. Emily is tough, funny as all hell and misses some of the world around her. Abby slept through illness and teething. Emily will cry for hours in the middle of the night with a cold or teething.

Emily wants nothing more than to be just like her big sister.

As soon as Abby declares she's done with dinner, Emily will stop mid chew and declare 'I'm done' without regard to how much food she has left or how hungry she still is.

Heaven for bid, we try to get Emily into her car seat, without Abby in the car first. Emily will kick and scream and kick and scream some more, unless she knows for certain Abby is coming along with us.

We recently tried having the girls sleep in the same room at night together. The first night was a total failure. They wouldn't stop chatting and Emily got to the point of being over tired and really cranky, we had to separate them. They ask every night if they can sleep in the same room.

They are beginning to play together a bit more. It's amazing to watch Abby pretend to be school teacher and Emily be the unruly student (she's 21 months and is not open to taking much direction from anyone).

I sure hope they continue developing this bond because it is a lot of fun to watch!

Ponies and Ponies and Ponies - Oh My!

2011-09-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

Where have I been for the past few weeks? I’m not even sure I can recount it all but here are the highlights:

1.) Busy at work with comp plans and quarter end activities. Had a few 1am nights/mornings.

2.) Planned a very special little girl’s birthday party.

3.) This very special little girl wanted a ballerina pony party. Where does she come up with these ideas?

4.) I started taking a class one night a week at the local community college to exercise the creative side of my brain.

5.) I’m almost done getting things up and running to get a home based business started.

6.) Made 20+ stick ponies (aka hobby horses) for the above mentioned little girl’s birthday party.

7.) Acquired the biggest and darkest set of under eye bags I’ve ever seen on myself.

8.) Also acquired some very special memories with my girls! Priceless!

Here is the progression of the ponies (and a couple other extras thrown in). The past few weeks have really been all about the ponies. I enlisted the help of my husband to cut some fabric and sand the end of the pony sticks. I’m sure he’s waiting anxiously for my next endeavor (as he mumbles under his breath “why do you do this to yourself?”).

And some extras:

If You Like New Recipes - You Have to Buy This! (helps people too!)

2011-08-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

I collect online recipes, cookbooks and handwritten recipe cards from friends. This book is my latest purchase and I will certainly be taking my next few recipes from it! I think tonight I'll make the Taco Salad, or maybe the Ham and Swiss Rolls, followed by some Indoor S'mores or Oatmeal Carmelitas. Making the grocery list now!

It's available in a printed and PDF version (PDF available now, that is what I bought)

http://recipestohelp.bigcartel.com/

It's $10 and 100% of the proceeds go to the

American Red Cross.

A lot of people gave time, supplies and heart to put this together and for such a great cause. Buy one today, for you, for friends, etc..

Click HERE to purchase, purchase, purchase away:

For more background on what went into this book, you can read Skip to My Lou's post about it HERE.

I Almost Didn't Do It

2011-08-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

I received the email that I was next on the wait list to be enrolled. I had 72 hours to act. I found my log in and password, proceeded to enter all fields and hit ‘next’/’submit’ where prompted, up until the last final ‘click here to confirm payment’. I paused.

What if Steve has to work late that night

What if the kids need me

What if it’s busy at work

How can I manage all this right now

What if I fail

I’m not sure what is so difficult about me committing to 4 hours, one night a week, for 4 months to exercise the creative part of my brain. To do something that I have wanted to do for 5 years.

If I don’t do this now, I never will. I entered my credit card information, placed my mouse over that final button and clicked the darn thing. I’m committed, I hope I get in.

What? You ask? I am hopefully soon to be enrolled at the local community college to take a graphic design course. It’s been over 17.5 years since I last attended college. Most of the other students are sure to be half my age or younger, gulp!

Bringing in the Big Guns

2011-07-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

I needed help and bad... So I brought in the big guns...

The last couple nights, Emily has been fighting getting ready for bed at night. When we go to put her in her PJ's, she kicks, she screams, she wiggles, she does her best to get as far away from me as possible. Last night was no exception.

Sunday evening Emily did the same thing and we were able to wrestle her into her PJ's, while we both broke a sweat. Last night, Steve was working late so I was on my own. I scooped my littlest angel up to head to her room for bedtime. She started screaming, kicking, crying, and downright protesting going to bed.

I did my best. I was patient with her, telling her that I would hold her until she was ready to calm down and get dressed. While I sat there, getting kicked and on the verge of losing my hearing from the screaming, I was able to think through a reasonable plan. I came up with the idea to call in the big guns.

"Abby, Abby, can you come here please and help Mommy?". Abby was in the living room watching her wind down TV for the evening. If there is one person in the house who can get Emily to do what we want her to, it's Abby. Abby, my very helpful, sweet, compassionate child. She will do whatever she can (most times) to help her sister stop crying.

Abby walked into the room and I asked her if she could help me get Emily's PJ's on her. As soon as Abby started helping, Emily immediately went from crying and screaming, to holding her foot out for Abby to put her PJ bottom's on and laughing. It was a very sweet moment. A very special sister moment. 'Mommy' could not satisfy Emily, but Abby could, her big sister, the one she wants to be with at all times. The one she admires and loves dancing with.

Abby is a very special big sister, and on days like yesterday, both Emily and I are very lucky to have her in our lives. We are actually very lucky to have her in our lives every day, Thank you big guns!

A Lady Who Lunches

2011-07-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

Surgery, smurgery, I am a lady who lunches...

Today was a very leisurely day; a nap, lunch with a friend and dinner with my husband (in a restaurant, no kids). While at lunch today (Sushi Ran in Sausalito, amazing food, great quality fish and a bit trendy, I like it!) I thought that I could get used to being a lady who lunches. That thought lasted about 5 seconds.

I cannot be that person, my mind is always going, I am always thinking about what I should be doing next and trying to come up with ideas for a home based business (in addition to my already more than full time job). When I do more, I'm happiest, especially when it's the things I want to do.

I typically eat lunch while at my desk or on the run, moving from one thing to another. I don't have time for leisurely lunches very often. When accompanied by a good friend, they are even better! I'll leave those lunches as a special treat for now, but I'm glad I have them every once in a while!

Surgery Canceled - A Blessing in Disguise

2011-07-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

My surgery today was canceled for a variety of reasons. I won't bore you with the details.

When I found out it wasn't going to happen I called UCSF Sports medicine to see if they were back on track to do a new cartilage growth/transplant procedure. They go in, take cartilage cells out of your knee, grow it in a controlled environment for 6-8 weeks (if you know cartilage, it's very difficult to do), then they sew it back in. I received a promising email from the research coordinator. My fingers are crossed.

In the mean time, I'm still going to take a week off work. I'm capped out on my vacation accrual anyway, so might as well.

Today, I applied for and received my California Resellers license. More on this in the coming weeks.

I also went to Ikea to get my home office for my new business a little better outfitted. Why I think I can tackle furniture at Ikea solo is beyond me. I have this misconception; since the furniture is on the cheap, it shouldn't be heavy. Well, I wrestled that 80 lb box and it's sitting in the back of my car right now. I'll let Steve unload it later today.

Tomorrow, I'm hopefully spending the day with a friend. Then Friday I'm off to a local bead show, to partake in wholesale pricing with my fancy new resellers license in hand and also take a few classes. I am very excited about this! I'm also going to spend some precious one on one time with my precious girls! Maybe I'll take Abby to see Cars and Emily to the park.

I'm giddy with excitement about my time off.

Third Time is a Charm - I Hope

2011-07-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

March 2002 - I tore my ACL while skiing at Homewood in the Tahoe area. I had ACL reconstruction surgery in May of that year. The recovery was painful and long and horrible.

August 2006 - While playing tennis, I heard a pop in the same knee referenced above, could barely walk, it swelled up like a balloon. I had surgery to clean up scar tissue that dislodged itself and also had something called a lateral release (whatever that is). This recovery wasn't anything like the ACL recovery. It was much easier and I only had a few days of unbearable pain.

Next Wednesday - Third times a charm, right? Microfracture surgery to replace missing cartilage on the same knee. I'm not excited at all. And it wasn't until this past week that I finally got my arms around what was going to happen, even though this has been scheduled for a couple months.

I did not have kids during the first two surgeries above. This time I have an 18 month old and an almost 4 year old. I'll be on crutches for 8 weeks. 8 WEEKS!!!!

During the last visit to my Dr., he also told me there were only going to be a few things I couldn't do ever again. Basketball (fine, I'm short anyway), soccer (fine again, I gave that up when I was 12 and running (WHAT THE HELL!). Running is the only thing I really like to do for exercise. I have always held out hope that I could run again one day after my ACL surgery. I tried a few times, but it was painful. To be told, once and for all, no more running EVER, sucks!

And then someone from work tells me to be careful of blood clots after knee surgery, many people die because of it. Yikes, really. Next time don't tell me these things!

Hopefully by Wednesday I can improve my attitude about all of this. I need to go in with a positive mind set and look at the bright side.

Some Days Just Suck!

2011-06-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

Today was the culmination of a handful of not so pleasant things coming to a head all at once. A missed opportunity, conflict, exhaustion confusion, accusations, disrespect, etc...

I was sitting there at work and decided I needed to be apart of something positive. I packed up my bags and finished my day from home, so I could catch a glimpse of my beautiful sweet daughters before they went for their naps. They warmed my heart, brought tears to my eyes and reached their arms out to me to give me great big hugs.

Yes, today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time, but those precious smiles are what life is all about. Thank you for being there for me today Abby and Emily!

I Forgot About This Phase

2011-06-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

Emily, my sweet Emily. She gives lots of kisses and gives the best 18 month old hugs. She is fearless and wants nothing more than to be joined at the hip with her older sister at all times. Emily has a great sense of humor, is very happy and an awesome sleeper. She is easy going and recovers quickly from the bumps and bruises a toddler incurs. She knows what she wants when she wants it and is freakishly strong for her age.

(imagine a cute picture of Emily here, with a scrunched up smile on her face, I'm having trouble loading pictures at this time)

Emily is now throwing tantrums, OH NO! She does this when we take something she shouldn't be playing with or when we tell her to stop slamming the TV cabinet doors repeatedly. You get the picture.

When Abby was the same age, she went though a similar phase and it was brutal. She was very emotional and would throw herself against a wall, the floor, where ever. To the point where she would hurt herself and get even more upset. 30-40 minutes later we would have her calmed down until the next outburst.

Emily's tantrums are a little less severe and much shorter in duration. But, can't we just bypass this phase?

Made Some Stuff Just for Fun - Necklaces

2011-06-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Work has slowed a bit. I'm through the thick of it for at least a few months. As a result, I have a few spare minutes each day to do some things I enjoy. My latest creations are these 100% sterling silver necklaces. I like how they turned out, but have some work to do on the technical side of assembling.

All the parts of the necklaces came in raw form. I twisted wire, put jump rings on, attached clasps and circles and stones. It was a lot of fun and nice to have a creative outlet.

The 3 largest blue stones are real turquoise, the small blue stone on the left is a pretty Blue Chalcedony and the small yellow stone is a cheery yellow Chalcedony. Sorry for the bad picture, it was with my cell phone in a hotel room. I have some green amethyst and quartz to work with next.

Next up: a few more necklaces and then some more fabric zippered accessories bags.

Commissioned Project - Complete

2011-06-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

I did it, despite one minor schedule disruption.

I'm a planner. I hate the mad dash at the end of a deadline. I like peaceful and proactive progress, at work as well as at home. I like to finish projects ahead of time with a little bit a breathing room just in case.

This project was well planned. I cut the fabric and started sewing over the weekend. I was scheduled to finish Tuesday evening. 'Was', being the key word here.

During the day at work on Tuesday, there was an awful lot of pounding going on in an office not far from mine. Some repair work. That, coupled with an extra sunny day and no sunglasses to be found, spelled disaster for me. That evening, my head was pounding and I mean noise and light sensitivity pounding.

When Steve got home at 6pm, I went to lay down, for 30 minutes, for the advil to kick in and to ease the pounding in my head. Next thing I know, it's 11:45pm, I must have been tired. Oops.

I had 6 more little wallets to finish, but each one of them was already about 60% done. Well, I did it, delivered the projects. I also added a little necklace inside for a little extra something special. I hope the women liked them (I should know later today)!

Here are some pictures of the finished projects. The party colors were purple, yellow and gray. This fabric was just perfect! Special thanks to Buddha for the assistance.

My First Big Commissioned Project

2011-06-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get a little idea of mine off the ground, for over a year. Any spare time I've had is taken up with kids or work. I decided that I needed to commit myself to something small and go for it. I needed something with a deadline that wasn't flexible and I needed a firm commitment so I would be forced into it.

I sprung this idea onto a co-worker of mine who is throwing a bachelorette party for her sister in San Diego in 8 days. A week ago I asked her if I could make something to be included in the favor buckets they are giving away. She was a little hesitant at first, but I think I finally wore her down. I am doing them at my cost, for a couple reasons:

1.) I really enjoy working with this person, she really is just wonderful.
2.) I can't ask her to pay for something that I've inflicted on her.

I am making little zippered pouches (enough to hold credit cards, money and lipstick) and cute little necklaces to match the color theme of the weekend; purple, yellow and gray. What a great color combination. I found this fabric by Michael Miller that will fit the bill! I may add some accent fabric in solid gray and yellow. I also ordered zippers in the 3 theme colors as well.

I'm likely going to be doing a lot of cutting and sewing and gluing over the weekend. I'll post more pictures on Monday on the progress I've made. I am really looking forward to doing this.

Two things wrong with The Bachelorette...

2011-06-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

The Bachelorette was a complete disaster tonight. Two things were drastically wrong with this episode...

1.) How did the producers let this guy on the show? Really Bentley, you are such a jerk. Because of you, I will teach my daughters to love themselves enough to spot an a$?hole a mile away and not have low self esteem that they think someone like you can be genuine. How dare you use your daughter as your reason to go home, which itself was a lie!!! You disgust me.

2.) Ashley, you were warned. At the point you learned of Bentley's intentions, you should have never let him get out of the limo! Why even give a guy like this a chance, there were many more to choose from. Why do women do this to themselves? Why are they so enamored with the bad boy. You cannot change guys like that. Once a snake, always a snake..

Shows like this make me realize I am married to a wonderful husband and father. He would never even imagine treating anyone this badly, nor would he ever use his precious daughters as a cover to something so awful. Please don't tell him this though. I'm still trying to get him to do more around the house and I don't want to lose traction :)...

Juggling Act

2011-06-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

As a corporate finance professional, fiscal year end is always a blast (please re-read with sarcasm). 12-14 hour days, tracking down revenue entries, daily reporting of where we think we'll land, etc, etc. Sounds utterly fascinating huh? If I talked about my job to most people, their eyes would glaze over, some might even fall asleep, but it does get pretty intense.

During this fiscal year end period, my Memorial Day weekends are always work focused. I do try to carve out some time for family and this weekend was no exception. Saturday and Sunday were pretty crazy... They looked like this:

8:30am - 10:am at the gym with the kids. I only got in a 30 minute workout because Emily decided that screaming at the top of her lungs in the kids center was a good idea. We waited for Abby to be done at 9:30am and socialized with friends for another half hour.

We zoomed home to get Abby a snack and changed for Dance Class from 11-12. At 11:45 Steve shows up to dance class with Emily, after having gone to buy a birthday present and I head off to get my hair colored (skunk stripe of gray loveliness, be gone!). I get home at 2:45, and turn around at 3:00pm to take Abby to a birthday party from 3-4:30 (she had soo much fun). Then we leave the party at 4:30 to take the in-laws their car at the airport, head home, make the girls dinner, give them baths and they are fast asleep. All throughout the day, I'm checking/sending emails, talking with my team, making sure things aren't blowing up on the work front.

Sunday, Steve started BBQ'ing at 9am, and make the most wonderful pulled pork and smoked brisket I think he's ever made. He gets pretty stressed out when he cooks, so I try to give him space. My family shows up at 11:30am, I make some coleslaw and mac and cheese, we visit, I check emails, send emails, we eat, we play in the backyard, visit some more, etc..

During busy times like this, I typically burn the candle at both ends, especially when the busy time falls on a holiday weekend. Somehow we manage, I get in fun time with my girls, I get my work done, I get less sleep than I need, but have the memories of the girls laughing and playing to carry me through.

I know at one point I may look back and think I worked too much and missed too much of Abby and Emily's younger years. I hope I don't, but it is possible. Until I have that epiphany, I'll continue the juggling act to try to squeeze in as much time with them as I can and enjoy the challenges at work as well.

Memorial Day Recipes - Doing it up BIG

2011-05-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

We are going to do it up big this weekend. My half sister and her husband are visiting my mom and they are coming to our house on Sunday. I'm so excited to see them, they are wonderful people!

I really can't recall the last time Steve bbq'd. I don't count the hot dogs and Aidell's sausages he warmed up on the bbq last weekend. We are going all out with smoked brisket and pulled pork. YUM with a capital Y-U-M!!!

For the cooking process, Steve uses the recipes for brisket and pulled pork from the The Cook's Illustrated Guide to Grilling and Barbecue. Really, there isn't another source out there that has allowed us to produced a better quality product.

In addition to brisket and pulled pork I'm going to make Ina Garten's super delicious mac & cheese (we skip the tomatoes and sometimes even the breadcrumbs and it's still just as tasty). If you go this route, be sure to get the real deal Gruyere cheese (Trader Joe's has a great price).

I'm also going to make a vinegar based coleslaw. Neither Steve or I like mayo/sour cream, so the traditional coleslaw is out (yuck to the mayo based coleslaw). I'll likely omit the dill.

I'm also going to make our own rub for the different meats. I'm going to have to dig those recipes out (hmm, where could they be). I sometimes make it in bulk during the holidays and give it as gifts. It's a hit with the in-laws.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone! Please take a moment or two over this long weekend to remember what Memorial Day is all about (see below).

(from Wikipedia):

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May (May 30 in 2011). Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates men and women who died while in military service to the United States.^[1] First enacted to honor Union and Confederate soldiers following the American Civil War,^[2] it was extended after World War I to honor Americans who have died in all wars.

Memorial Day Weekend Deals (Michael's, Coach Shoes, Brooks Brother's, etc...)

2011-05-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Coach Shoes - some up to half off (don't tell Steve, but I might have purchased a pair or two).

Brooks Brothers Dress Shirts - 2 for $109 - May 26-27th only and includes both men's and women's shirts

LOFT is holding a $25 and under event - includes skirts, shorts, tops, T's, etc...

Naturalizer 20% off entire purchase, including sale items

Gap has great deals all around their store (and website). Their memorial day event touts up to 50% off.

Michael's coupon for 20% your entire purchase - valid Sunday may 29th

Happy Memorial Day weekend and happy shopping!!

Best (and safe) Sunscreens

2011-05-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

After having kids, I started looking at all the ingredients that go into the products they come in contact with (mainly soaps, lotions, etc), to make sure I was minimizing any potential long term impact to their health. Cancer runs in both my family and Steve's so we will do anything we can to reduce risks for our kids since they are likely pre-disposed.

The Environmental Working Group puts out a report every year on Safe Sunscreens. I only buy off this list..

Elsewhere in the Environmental Working Group's website is a section called Skin Deep which lists safety of a lot more personal products (make-up, shampoo, lotions, etc). Take a look, it's very informative.

Have a safe and sunburn free summer!

Co-Sleeping: I Understand the Appeal Now!

2011-05-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

(written last Friday)

Last night was a bit rough. I was in the office until 7:30pm, which meant when I got home, I could do a few things around the house and get to bed at a decent hour, finally! Sleep, I longed for sleep and was very excited at the prospect of a solid 8+ hours.

I got into bed around 9:30pm. Put my head on my pillow and heard crying. Her timing is impeccable I tell you! When Emily typically cries while she is sleeping, it's short lived and she's usually asleep within 5 minutes. NOT LAST NIGHT.

I don't think the poor thing slept more than 3 hours total. Throughout the night, we gave her tylenol, motrin, milk, water, we rocked her and patted her tummy/back while she laid in her crib. At one point in the wee hours of the morning, I was laying on her floor trying to comfort her by reaching into her crib and rubbing her leg or arm. Steve went in several times and rocked her back to sleep, but as soon as she went into her crib, she cried and cried and cried.

This is VERY unusual behavior for Emily, so something was wrong, we just didn't know what it was, and still don't.

At 4am, bleary eyed, frustrated for her and for me, I picked her up and brought her into our bed. In our house this is totally taboo. This is the first time we have slept with a child in our bed, can you believe it? To each his own, but co-sleeping is not our thing.

Emily tossed and turned, crawled around a little bit, shoved her hand in Steve's face while he was sleeping, kicked me a handful of times, and continued to cry off and on for the next couple hours. On the rare occasion when she was able to sleep for 20 minutes or so, she was the cutest, most peaceful, adorable, cuddly little human being I have ever seen. I now understand why parents do this.

This is not going to become a habit, but we should make this a special treat from time to time and not rule it out entirely. Of course, only when we have enough sleep reserves to get us through the next day, because those little bodies move around a lot when they sleep and I don't think Steve or I would wake feeling very rested.

I am hoping for a better night tonight for our little Miss Em. We have a big day tomorrow and it will be in all our best interest if she has a good nights rest.

Contemplating Their Future

2011-05-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I attended the Professional Business Women’s Conference in San Francisco. The thing that struck a chord with me most was this VIDEO (you have to watch it especially if you have a daughter, you really do!). It sent chills up and down my spine and made tears well up in my eyes (as I was sitting next to my boss and other co-workers, I tried to keep myself together).

The video is only words, nothing else. I am still thinking about it and wondering what kind of future my girls will have. I wonder if they will deal with the gender struggles that my generation deals with or if it will be easier for them. Will they chase their dreams and feel confident enough to go after them? Women still earn 77% to the dollar of what men earn. We hold far fewer positions of executive management positions than men.

Shortly after this video we heard the stories of 5 wonderful young women who will be heading off to college next year (UC Berkeley, UC Santa Barbara, Loyola Marymount, etc..). They all faced obstacles and had to overcome many hurdles to educate themselves and persevere (poverty, death, tragedy and more). They were an inspiration to all 3000+ conference attendees.

Earlier in the day, we also listened to Jackie Speier, a Congresswoman from California. She was shot 5 times in her late 20’s in Africa and almost died, suffered miscarriages, lost her husband in a car accident when she was pregnant with her second child, and lost several political races before landing where she is today.

My perception of women who have achieved a lot in their careers is that they were born privileged, things came easy to them, they have easy lives, they are naturally smart, etc.. Yesterday was another data point, but one that finally stuck with me, that boy was I wrong. I never felt that I could be one of those powerful women. There is no way in hell I could ever match up. Whenever I am in meetings with high level executives, I never feel like I belong at the table with them.

I have always struggled to fit in. Middle school and high school were especially tough for me. I never felt that I what I did mattered and when I was successful at something, it was based on pure luck. College was a bit of a turning point for me, but it was still a struggle.

I NEVER want my girls to feel as though they did not deserve their accomplishments or feel they don’t measure up to their peers. I want them to be confident, stand up for themselves and most of all, believe in themselves. I know in order to so this, I need to be able to set an example for them. It’s time I make changes about what I feel I am capable of and go after my dreams, so they can feel empowered to achieve theirs.

How do I do this? I’m not sure, but I am going to figure it out! I have two little girls who are dependent on me and I don’t want to let them down.

Here another way to get to the video:

She Broke My Heart

2011-05-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

I guess this is what being a Mom is all about. When something happens to your child that devastates her (all relative of course for a 3 year old), your heart breaks too.

Steve got home from a business trip last night. He typically brings backs little gifts for the girls and it is something Abby always looks forward too. Neither Steve or I travel frequently, so it's a rare treat.

Steve brought Abby back a snowglobe and it lasted all of about an hour and a half in our house. Abby loved that snowglobe in the short time it was with her. She has a very special bond with her Daddy and anything he brings her is just perfect in her eyes.

I told Abby she needed to be really careful with the snowglobe because it was glass. That she needed to keep it on the table or her dresser or it would break (see where we are heading here).

Abby took the snowglobe back to her room and a couple minutes later she starts screaming, blood curdling screaming. I run back and find her standing over the broken snowglobe screaming "I broke it, I broke it".

The first thing I do is pick her up to make sure she doesn't step on any glass.. She's free of any glass fragments, but still screaming and crying. I sit down with her and we both cry. I know how much that snowglobe meant to her. I know she misses her Daddy when he travels and it was the first time she had a snowglobe and she loved that thing for everything it represented (her Daddy, her Daddy thinking about her when she was away and a new experience for her).

I know a bit dramatic perhaps, but she was devastated. Is this what it is going to be like when she gets her heart broken, or if kids make fun of her at school, or when she doesn't get something she really wants in life (into the college of her dreams or the job of a lifetime)? If we are both this upset about a snowglobe, how are we going to handle something bigger?

A recent picture of my princess with another princess.