Sofa King Sports

Movin' On Up!

2010-09-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

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NFL Picks: Lock 'em up!

2010-07-01T12:09:00.000-07:00

Dave brought up a good point...when ranking NFL teams 1-32, it's pretty easy to list the top tier teams. It's probably easier to list the worst teams in the league...but how can anyone predict the middle guys? How can the 'experts' argue that the 22th ranked Seahawks are one team better than the 23th ranked Jaguars? What criteria do they use to make their decisions about, say, teams 12-24? With the Seahawks / Jags example, these two teams aren't even in the same conference...they don't even play each other. They don't even play the same opponents! There's absolutely no way to compare the two. The Seahawks have harder-to-pronounce names so they get the nod.

I've decided to go about this in a different way. Instead of one 32-team list, I'll give you 8 4-team lists: a breakdown of every division in football. 1-4, best to worst. Then Dave will tell me why I'm wrong about the Jets.

AFC EAST
1.) New York Jets: If you've read this blog since its inception, you know my true feelings about Dirty Sanchez. But ultimately, Rex Ryan has given him a great chance to succeed because of the excellent team he's built around him. With 1 more year of experience, Sanchez will have a great offensive line which will translate into plenty of time in the pocket which will translate into less interceptions this year. They have a solid running game...yes, I am an LT supporter...and they upgraded their receiving corp starting week 5. And you can't not mention their defense. In 1 word: smothering. I really don't know how anybody is going to score on them. Except for the Dolphins, of course.

2.) Miami Dolphins: I've gone back and forth putting the Dolphins at 2 or 3 in the East. I'm honestly trying to be objective here! But I'm putting them at 2. Final answer! Let's assume Ronnie Brown stays healthy for the season, the Dolphins will have a beast of a running game. And with the Wildcat, a very unpredictable one at that. Add to the mix a quarterback with a bazooka for a right arm entering his 2nd year as a starter (technically), the acquisition of Brandon Marshall to stretch the field and back those safeties out of the box, and the new class of pass rushers led by Jarad Odrick, the Dolphins are smelling playoffs again.

3.) New England Patriots: Since I settled on putting the Dolphins at 2, the Patriots fall to 3. Call me crazy, but I just don't see the spark in this team anymore. Remember last season when the Ravens were up on them in the playoffs 24-0 in the first quarter? That's what I'm talking about. Belichick's 'addition by subtraction' mantra seems to have been working for the better part of a decade. But consider this: maybe his method isn't working...Maybe the Patriots were just ridiculously stacked in '07 and have been getting progressively worse every year since. No run game, a banged up Wes Welker, an aging Randy Moss, and a defense that's an ever-growing liability. Tom Brady better get some confidence in his plant foot, he'll be throwing every down (shocker!). But if he goes down, think about it...how could anyone call the Patriots a powerhouse? Answer: they can't, because they're not anymore.

4.) Buffalo Bills: No line, no quarterback, 2 descent running backs...so what do the Bills do? Draft C.J. Spiller! I LOLed when that happened. "...the Buffalo Bills select: C.J. Spiller!" He was the only draftee to cringe when he heard his name called. When he was handed his Bills hat, I seriously thought he was going to stand up from his seat, yell out "no thanks, I'm good!" and sit back down. Anyway, the Bills have more holes that need to be filled than a D.C. hooker. Personally, I think they should go back to the no-huddle. Cut their playbook in half, or even a quarter, and catch the opposing defense napping. This is probably the easiest, most efficient way to get the best product out of mediocre talent. But who am I kidding...this team is in disarray. My gut tells me the Bills win 4 games this year.

AFC SOUTH
1.) Indianapolis Colts: Needs no explanation. High-powered offense will lead to plenty of scores which will translate into plenty of wins.

2.) Houston Texans: I feel like this is the Texans' year. How have they never made the playoffs before? Let's think about this for a second...They have the league's best receiver and multiple good options after him, a 4000 yard quarterback, and a beast pass rush. All they really need is for one of their running backs to emerge from the committee and claim his spot as the team's stud and they're set. Look for a Steve Slaton spotting this year. I'm calling it now: the Texans make the playoffs in 2010.

3.) Tennessee Titans: Like I've said before, these guys should start right where they left off last season. The only problem I see for the Titans (besides the 11 guys that play defense for them) is they are in the Colts division. They will max out as a wild card team until Peyton Manning retires. A great running game can't get you but so far.

4.) Jacksonville Jaguars: I hate putting the Jags last in their division, Keep in mind, this is a really good division by the way! But I see issues at receiver, quarterback, running back depth, secondary, pass rush...the list goes on and on. God forbid Jones-Drew goes down. And don't look for any help from their rookie class, either.

NFC EAST
1.) Dallas Cowboys: I'm going with the popular pick in the East. On paper, the 'boys have it all. Unfortunately, paper is all we have to go on at this point. But think about this: Barber/Jones/Choice on the ground, Austin/Williams/Bryant through the air, Romo at QB, Witten at Tight End...wow. Now that's a team! They had a great offensive line last year, if they can replace Flozell Adams at left tackle their prowess should translate to a successful season this year. On the other side of the ball, did you know Dallas gave up the second fewest points per game in the league last year at 15.6? This team is impressive. Period. Plus, they're hosting the Superbowl this year which should be added motivation to anyone in that locker room with a pulse.

2.) Washington Redskins: Not to beat a dead horse, but I believe the Skins turn things around this year with all their newly-acquired senior citizens. They start the season at home against Dallas. That game will be the measuring stick Washington uses against the rest of the league. No getting around it, they have a tough schedule this year: they get Dallas, Houston, Philadelphia, Green Bay, Indianapolis, and Chicago to start the season, (I'm giving them wins against St. Louis and Detroit). The Redskins will find a way to win half of these games, I'm calling for an 8-8 / 9-7 season. An upgrade at receiver could buy them a couple more wins. Vincent Jackson rumors are swirling...T.O. still unsigned...something's brewing in Washington, I can taste it!

3.) New York Giants: Despite the Superbowl win, it seems like the Giants are the team people forget about in the East. They will be solid, but when you give up nearly 27 points per game, it's hard to win in any division. Their pass rush will be better/healthier/younger, their secondary gets upgraded with the addition of Antrel Rolle, but their offense remains the same. Giants fans, don't be mad, your team will win some games, just not as many as Cowboys' fans' team.

4.) Philadelphia Eagles: Worst case/insanely funny scenario: Vick gets suspended for the year, Kolb gets knocked out in game 1, they send in Mike Kafka to be a human punching bag for the rest of the season. Still glad McNabb's gone guys? With a situation like this, there's no way for anyone to know how Kevin Kolb will perform. Accurately predicting the Eagles' season is pretty much impossible at this point. I'm simply looking at their divisional competition which is pretty stiff this season. Phili comes into this season extremely inexperienced on offense...I see a 6 win season in their future.

NFC NORTH
1.) Minnesota Brett Favres: Just like the Eagles, this is a tough one to call until all the facts are in. But regardless of whether or not Favre comes back, the Vikes are still the best team in the North. The offense is loaded, the defense is loaded...but Favre will be the key to winning multiple playoff games. They get there without him, they go farther with him. No offense Tarvaris!

2.) Green Bay Packers: I foresee this year to be a repeat of last year, Aaron Rodgers better buy stock in clorox because his jersey's going to be dirty all season long. Bryan Bulaga will get used like a turnstile...the Packers' saving grace is the massive amount of dreadlocks in the secondary. That alone should win them some games.

3.) Chicago Bears: The Bears will improve, but with the Vikings and the Packers in the same division, these guys are destined to be a .500 team. There's no way Cutler throws as many interceptions as he did last year. There's no way Forte no-shows 2 years in a row. They have potential, but with an aged, injury-prone defense and questionable talent at receiver, Chicago tops out at 8 wins this season.

4.) Detroit Lions: I feel so sorry for Calvin Johnson. Can he be part of the NBA summit currently in progress? Because I'm pretty sure he's not happy winning 2 games total during the past 2 seasons. I have to give Detroit credit, they're making strides. But they're still several years away from establishing a solid running game/offensive line. Also, I'm pretty sure they only play 10 guys on defense. They might want to look into that. The Lions play the Rams, Bills and Bucs so I'm giving them 3 wins on the season. 1 more, by the way, than their last 2 seasons combined.

From Dave:

Chuck gave me the pleasure of breaking down the NFC West and South, AFC North and AFC West. Since all my favorite teams and Super Bowl picks are involved here, this works out well. Thanks Chuck! Unfortunately, your reward is going to be me blasting your opinions. Hey, I'm in Chestertown, Maryland, I feel the need to be a little frisky for once.

I'm not certain on your playoff picks Chuck, but If you have the Jets, Dolphins, Colts and Texans in the playoffs already, then that leaves the Patriots out. I could be wrong(not likely), but the Pats have won 107 games(thanks profootball-reference.com!) since 2001, with the same QB, coach, running game and special teams every year. Sure the defense has gotten worse, but teams that provide consistency will always produce wins. In my opinion, I'd have the Patriots winning the division again, and I'm willing to bet a dinner on it.

The Jets remind me a little too much of the 2001 Ravens, a team that relied on the running attack and defense to win the previous Super Bowl in 2000. That particular team brought in Elvis Grbac to give them a complementary passing attack, and the team got away from what it did best, rush the football. The Jets ran the ball better than anyone else last year and played better defense, so why bring in receivers when the Dirty Sanchise is capable of throwing 5 picks vs the Bills(this really happened) and give away your best lineman(Alan Faneca) and best running back(Thomas Jones)? I do not like this recipe for the Jets. It's also not helping that Revis Island wants more money. Sure he's the best, but contract stuff should be kept behind closed doors.

As for the Dolphins, just this once I'll let your Dolphin bias get in the way because I like them for 9-7 - 10-6 type season as well, and they will battle the Jets for a Wild Card spot, assuming Ronnie Brown stays healthy(no more than 14 games in a season since '05). One thing we can agree on in the AFC East, the Bills stink. Badly.

AFC NORTH
1.) Baltimore Ravens: This team is officially in the Elite of the AFC now, joining the Colts, Chargers and Patriots and replacing the Steelers(sorry, I had to.) Everything looks up, as I've covered before. The one flaw? The secondary. It didn't look good last year, and Ed Reed's health isn't making any one feel any better. The Colts will still beat them, but unfortunately, the Colts will probably choke before then.

2.) Cincinnati Bengals: Big drop off in this division starting here. The Bengals were a momentum team last year. What does this mean? They snuck up on better teams early on(Packers and Ravens), got their confidence up, won a few games vs inferior competition, peaked too early, got trounced in the last few weeks of the season. I have a tough time believing the same team can go 10-6 again. I'm thinking more like 6-10 this year. Cedric Benson's troubles coupled with the passing game woes multiplied by an overrated defense equals disaster. Great news for them, the Steelers are on the sked twice, as well as the schedule-friendly Browns.

3.) Pittsburgh Steelers: I will not subject you to my bashing of the Steelers. I do not like them. They will stink this year. There ya go, tell your friends.

4.) Cleveland Browns: Not as an easy cop out, but I'll make this real quick for you.
Good things: Josh Cribbs, Jerome Harrison, Mike Holmgren's mustache
Bad things(edited for space) - Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, wide receiving corp, the defense, the coach, the offensive line, their schedule(should be UFL competition for fairness), their town(as of July 1st, about to lose Lebron, probably not a confidence helper), their fans(loyal yet fed up).

AFC WEST
1.) San Diego Chargers: I'd say I like everything about this team except for Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding. Honestly that's it(excluding the fact that they get to beat the Raiders at home by 40 again.) I like the rookie Ryan Matthews over LT as a huge upgrade and the defense should be friskier than ever. Their season still all depends on the Vincent Jackson brewing that's going on currently. I'd call him a difference maker for a win or two. The passing game will thrive either way, just wouldn't be as explosive. I guess we know who's better between Phillip Rivers and Jay Cutler now after last year.

2.) Oakland Raiders: Bad news Raiders fans. Not only am I one of the last remaining fans, but I think they're going to win 8-9 games. Seeing how I'm never right, this might lead to the first negative win season, bad times. In a related story, Jamarcus Leaf, er, Russell is gone and that's worth a few wins right there. Jason Campbell may not be great at times, but at least he'll be a much needed spark and a breath of fresh air. If their line can protect, they might make the playoffs with running backs like Michael Bush and Darren McFadden. The defense should be middle of the road again and hopefully not a liability. I have to stop typing about them now since I just said the words "Raiders" and "playoffs" in the same sentence.

3.) Denver Broncos: I feel so bad for Brady Quinn, like extremely bad. The NFL season of 2006 was considered the Brady Quinn Sweepstakes at times. He had the perfect size, an NFL style coach and a cannon for an arm, but apparently since Jamarcus outplayed him in the Sugar Bowl, he went 23rd. Then he got stuck on the Browns, who just resigned Derek Anderson. He shined for a few games there, then got dumped to the Broncos where he should have gotten his opportunity. Now they draft Tim Tebow, and have Kyle Orton, to compete with Brady Quinn for the job. One word of advice Denver, start this man or forever hold your peace. I'd talk about the rest of the team but no one knows anyone else on the roster besides soon-to-be fantasy stud Knowshon Moreno. Good luck getting to 6 wins, Josh McDaniels.

4.) Kansas City Chiefs I really want to move them ahead of the Broncos, but I don't know what to expect from all their young talent. They got a one year wonder at QB, a decent running back(Jamal Charles) and two above average receivers(Chambers and Bowe.) All of their success depends on how well the defense comes around. You have to give them a little faith this year, because this is exactly how the Patriots built their teams before their dynasty run. Let this thing breathe, Chief fans. Good things may be coming soon.

NFC SOUTH
1.) Atlanta Falcons: I'm picking them to win the Super Bowl this year, but I'm leaving a window of three years for them to win one. I covered them earlier, but it warrants mentioning, their underrated coach will be worth a few wins at least this year. Trust me now, so I won't say "I told you so" later.

2.) New Orleans Saints: Expect a hot start from them, then a quicker fade. Expect 10 wins from them. Expect a playoff appearance from them. Expect a better year from Reggie Bush this year. Expect 4500 yards from Drew Brees this year. DO NOT however expect them to win any playoff games this year. Year-after syndrome normally hits home in December.

3.) Carolina Panthers: Consider the following at your own risk:
2003 - Super Bowl appearance
2004 - started 1-7
2005 - Lost NFC Championship game
2006 - 8-8
2007- 7-9
2008 - 13-3
2009 - 8-8
Now, consider this. they drafted 3 quarterbacks. They have the best running game in the league. Their defense will be much improved after losing key DL from a year ago. Their biggest problem? Playing the Saints and Falcons twice with a rookie QB. They will look better on the field for 2010, but unfortunately, their W-L will not show the same. 9-7, book it now.

4.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: See Kansas City Chiefs. Then add a tougher division. Then take away their high quality receivers, add an incompetent coach, sprinkle in an already declining defense and guess what? (I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...) LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, YOUR 2010 TAMPA BAY BUCS! For further evidence on this upcoming season, see the 2008 Detroit Lions, who is the only team to go 0-16 in one year.

NFC WEST
1.) San Fransisco 49ers: They will win 11 games this year. Alex Smith will remove the bust label. Vernon Davis will keep working hard. Michael Crabtree will flap his gums like Chad Ochocinco Johnson did in 2003. The defense will be great with the Singletary/Pat Willis combo. NFC West fans, you finally have an above average team.

2.) Arizona Cardinals: I used to enjoy watching this team play. They made me many dollars during the 2008 Super Bowl run. They now have Matt Leinart and Joey Porter as their leaders. One good question will be answered after this year, just how good is Larry Fitzgerald? We shall see, I'm thinking 6-10.

3.) Seattle Seahawks: I don't have any facts, this team bores me. Hasselbeck is old, running game unproven, defense is shaky, yada yada yada, 6-10.

4.) St. Louis Rams: 6 wins in 3 years, Sam Bradford, an aging Steven Jackson and a matador disguised as the Rams defense. One positive: Lots of building blocks to put them in contention in 2013. Follow-up to the One Positive: This is the 2010 season. I told you this division bored me.

Everyone's Favorite - More Lists!

2010-06-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

I'm going to go ahead and agree with Dave: football has taken over as America's game. Baseball may still be known as the Great American Past Time, and Soccer is without a doubt the most popular game in the world, but Football has transcended all other sports to become America's game today.

Don't believe me? Name one other sport where the off season is so tantalizingly long that TV and radio make a national event of the sport's draft's pregame. Baseball's draft is literally over 10x longer than football's and it isn't even televised. Aside from the obvious talks of John Wall going to Washington, I've only seen one piece on ESPN in recent memory focusing on the NBA draft and it's happening tomorrow. I did watch a 2 hour special on the NBA draft on the NBA network yesterday but what else are they supposed to show? It's the NBA network.

And let's not forget the day the NFL schedule came out...essentially another night of prime time television dedicated to football - in April. Football has consumed the minds of American sports fans in recent years...myself included. Football is like a not-so-secret love affair...I have to schedule around work and my girlfriend to make time for it a few days a week. Actually, it's probably more like a second penis...because I definitely catch a little mahogany every time my Dolphins score! All kidding aside, I'm psyched up about football...obviously. Less than 2 months to go and I can't wait! So lets continue the psychosis and talk more football lists:

Best Running Back Corp:

1.) Baltimore Ravens: Baltimore's just nasty this year. Ray Rice established himself as one of the elite running backs in the league last year. Seriously, if you think Adrian Peterson's #1, Chris Johnson's #2 (or visa versa), Ray Rice could/should be #3 on that list. Willis McGahee's still got gas left in the tank, too. He proved that last year when he racked up 14 total touchdowns. Tack on the 2-time Pro Bowl fullback, Le'Ron McLain, and it's hard to see anyone stopping this running attack. And since they upgraded their passing attack, this team may be the most well-balanced offensive squad in the league.

2.) Dallas Cowboys: With a terrific balance of power and speed, Marion Barber and Felix Jones show Dallas their impression of Thunder and Lightning. Paired with Tashard Choice, these 3 guys ran up 2000 yards last season alone. The NFL's 7th best team on the ground, the Cowboys are always fun to watch and this year will be no different. Look for Felix Jones to see more carries this year. I feel like he's poised for a breakout. Who would have thought his numbers would be better than Darren McFadden's so far?

3.) Carolina Panthers: Where my top 2 teams are 3-headed at running back, the Panthers are more of a 1-2 punch kind of team on the ground. Make no mistake though...DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are powerful punches. Not many teams can say they have 2 1000-yard rushers...Carolina had 2 1100-yard rushers last season. Not bad considering Williams got his 1100 in 13 games. Correct me if I'm wrong, but dual 1000 yard rushers hasn't happened in 25 years and has only happened 4 times total. Very impressive. With quarterback issues and Steve Smith breaking his arm playing checkers, expect to see even more from this tandem this season.

Honorable mentions: NY Giants, Washington Redskins, Miami Dolphins

Running Back with Best Resurgence

1.) Matt Forte: From here on out, I'm making it my duty to convince as many people as I can that Matt Forte is for real. I honestly believe he is. Remember when he was going 4/5/6 in your fantasy leagues last year? He's still the same running back you drafted then! His problem in 2009 was his quarterback. Jay Cutler turned the ball over more times than an Allen Iverson crossover. It's kind of hard to accumulate stats when the other team has the ball. Hopefully this year Cutler will tame his ego, realize he is head of a run-first offense, and let Forte do his thing. My prediction: Cutler settles down in his second season in this offense, the Bears run 75% of their offense through Forte, Brian Westbrook style, and Forte has a huge season.

2.) Ladainian Tomlinson: If this pick doesn't work out, Dave will never let me live it down! I'm still an LT supporter...and in my opinion it's hard to say he'll have a bad year when he'll be running behind the best offensive line in the AFC. And consider this: he gets to play the 30th ranked (Buffalo) and the 18th ranked (Miami) rushing defenses twice. I would not be surprised with a 900 yard 10 touchdown performance in 2010.

3.) Frank Gore: Ok, I guess if he has a good year it wouldn't be considered a resurgence, but I'm just hoping one of my favorite backs in the league can stay healthy for an entire season. With more focus being put on the passing game with Michael Crabtree stretching the field and the emergence of Vernon Davis as a pass-catching tight end, I can only assume Frank stands a good chance of doing just that this year. Also, I look for Glen Coffee to give him some much needed rest on third down.

Honorable mentions: Larry Johnson, Marshawn Lynch

Most Improved Team (Win Column)

1.) Washington Redskins: If you haven't realized this yet, you're either oblivious to the game of football, or you're a Cowboys fan...which quite possibly means both would apply to you.

2.) Tennessee Titans: In case you forgot, the Titans finished 2009 winning 8 of their last 10. Unfortunately for them, they started 0-6. Provided Chris Johnson gives comparable effort to what he accomplished last year and Vince Young doesn't try to kill himself again, the Titans should pick up right where they left off. They get the Raiders, the quarterback-less Steelers, and the Broncos at home for their first 3 home games.

3.) Baltimore Ravens: Can 2 teams from the AFC play in the Superbowl? Because I want to put The Ravens and the Jets in there together. It's hard to improve that much on a 9-7 season, but honestly I expect nothing short of 12 wins from Baltimore this season. That should give them a bye and at least 1 home field playoff game. Disagree? How can you? I just finished explaining how they have the best running attack in football! They have an ever-maturing quarterback with a sweet receiving corp, and lets not forget an aging, but still scarily good defense. All the elements are there...just wait and see. Plus, it doesn't hurt they get to play the Browns and the Steelers twice, (yes, I'm implying what you think I'm implying!).

Honorable mentions: St. Louis Rams, Detroit Lions (these because of simple math), Miami Dolphins: too much talent there to win only 7 games, and NY Jets: they play a tough division...but since they won 9 games last year I'm saying they win 11 this year.

I would give you more, but I'm nearing the end of my summer session of Organic Chemistry...more to come when I'm done!

World Cup Preview 2010

2010-06-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest, I'm not a soccer fan. At all. However, the World Cup is a different animal. The atmosphere is absolutely and unbelievably electric. It can't be topped. You get one solid month of it, with the same buzz circling through every game. The NFL playoffs can't say that, and the MLB/NBA/NHL playoffs sure as hell don't even come close. There was an exhibition with free tickets, and a stampede broke out. Yes, a stampede. Only at the World Cup.

So as I was saying before I interrupted myself hyping up the World Cup, I don't know much about soccer, so I won't pretend to. If only for your sake. I'm asking a local expert some questions. He goes by Tim Reyes and he's a genius. He should help me and my friends make plenty of money this time of year. For the record, I'm picking the Netherlands to win it all. We'll see how well that works out. (Note: it's unedited and I didn't feel like editing it. Sue me. Enjoy!)

Dave: Since South Africa is ranked 87th in the World Cup, do you think that they can continue the trend of making it through to the knockout round?

Tim: Don't think they can make it to the knockout stage, they only have one really good player, Steven Pienaar. They left one of their best forwards Benni McCarthy off the team. Not sure they would have qualified for the tournament if they weren't the host nation. They played alright in the confederations cup and their coach has won the World Cup before with Brazil when the USA hosted the tournament. I would say the best part about South Africa is saying "BOOOOOOOOOOTH" when their CB Matthew Booth touches the ball.

Dave: What type of impact do you suspect the USA will have on this World Cup?

Tim: It's expected of the USA to make it to at least the second round, they have the easiest draw they've ever had in any major tournament according to most people. Donovan, the US's best player proved that he can play in Europe (at Everton) and should be able to play well this tournament. He's also played against most of the players on England, he pretty much dominated England's starting left back Ashley Cole when Everton played Arsenal. Dempsey has also shown that he can play in big games, just look up his goal against Juventus in the Europa Cup (This goal knocked out Juventus). Just have to hope there are no stupid red cards and that the defense holds up. They've shown that on their day they can beat anyone, see Spain and First half of Brazil at the confederations cup.

Dave: Who are the favorites going into this World Cup?

Tim: Brazil and Spain have to be the favorites. As you can read in any article about Brazil they have changed their style with Dunga as their coach. They defend well now and probably have one of the most in form goalies in Julio Cesar. Fabiano has a pretty solid strike rate up front (25 gls in 35 games) for them and as long as Kaka is fully fit they have a strong midfield too. Even though they left Ronaldinho at home they still have a team of stars.

Spain is a favorite after actually winning a major tournament (Euro 2008), they have probably the strongest midfield in the tournament and can hold possesion of the ball for a crazy amount of time. Just look at this goal to see how well they can play.

Argentina could also be considered a favorite with Tevez, Messi, Aguero and Biguian to choose from. They probably have the best group of attackers in the tournament.

Dave: I'm personally picking the Netherlands to win the whole thing, am I a complete moron? Or still just a partial one? Don't be bashful.

Tim: Moron, Holland is probably grouped in there with Portugal and England (Spain would also be in this group if they didn't win Euro 2008) as a team that will choke in the later stages. In Euro 2008 they were dominating until they got beat by Arshavin and Russia. Their best player Arjen Robben is known as the Glassman and has already picked up an injury before the tournament started (He should play though). It is winter in South Africa about now but I don't think Robben will be able to wear his supertights. They will probably play well enough for you to think that they are going to win and then end up pulling a TMac and choking. Their defense is also not that strong with Gio Van Bronckhorst (35 years old) still starting for them, he can be exposed by players with pace.

Their strikers are not in form, Robin Van Persie has been injured a majority of this past season, Huntelaar i think won the golden bin for one of the worst players in the Italian Serie A. Dirk Kuyt isn't much of a goal scorer.

So there you go, enough information to keep you tuned into to the next month of World Cup action. The U.S. is worth watching this year, and you can expect me to make a bunch of crappy predictions. Just expect Spain and/or Brazil to be playing well into the knockout rounds. Everyone enjoy the tournament and don't blame me when this tournament is 10 times more exciting than you thought it would be!

Random NFL lists for 2010, Part One

2010-06-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

If you don't think I'm a nice guy, consider this: I'm about to give you top notch information in the form of random lists. In the wake of a possible lockout, this season might be worth savoring, even though the season is always worth watching and too fast no matter what.

The one thing that cracks me up more than anything is that the football season not only goes by the fastest because its the most entertaining sport, but it also takes up less calendar than any other. Consider this, more people watch NFL and NCAA Basketball over anything else, but both only lasts 4-5 months. Baseball, on the other hand, lasts from April thru October(7 months) with games daily. NBA Basketball is another 8 month adventure that most people can't stand, excluding myself of course and Bill Simmons, well and Kobe Bryant. My guess is that people gravitate towards the NFL and March Madness due to the setups the respective organizations have come up with. Every week is more important than the previous, all season long. You can't afford to lose a few in a row, in most cases, and still be taken seriously.

Okay, now you're in football mode. Here's some random rankings and the reason I put them there. If you disagree, well you're probably wrong. All in Top 3 form. Here goes nothing!

Teams most likely to shock you in January, in a positive way:

1) Atlanta Falcons - I Love this team this year, yes Love them. Like Love them so much that if you had to bet a team to win the Super Bowl this year(30-1), this is the team. I can't explain it, but I'll try. Matt Ryan entering his 3rd year, and on his way to Payton Manning type success in the EXTREME near-future, probably this year. Other good things here: Michael Turner still tearing up in his prime, Roddy White becoming as consistent as they come, and a defensive head coach who finally got some help for his secondary. I love this team, and don't laugh at me.

2) Baltimore Ravens - I could just copy and paste the previous paragraph, but I'd rather put you to sleep quicker by writing more. I think Joe Flacco has a huge year. In fact, I think the whole offense has a huge year. Look at these weapons: Flacco, Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Anquan Boldin, Derrick Mason, "The Killer Not Named Ray Lewis" Donte Stallworth, and the "Most Games Missed Leader" Todd Heap. Look at that list, holy S***! Throw in the most underrated coach in football, John Harbaugh, and watch out for these guys, Farva-Style. (Also worth nothing: this is also the first year the defense will be questioned, like 24 points against per game-style. Then Ray Lewis will hang it up.)

3) Washington Redskins - Chuck and I have covered this once each, but Donovan (Eff) McNabb is going to have this team competing right away. They should call him Chicken Salad, because he can always make some out of chicken s***. I'll point out one negative for them, the WR corps, where the hell did these guys come from?? Thats a real question, where the hell did they come from? Look at this list of scrubs, err, guys! But then again, I guess McNabb has done more with less(See Freddie Mitchell, James Thrash, Todd Pinkston.) The defense was great, considering the circumstances, last year, even without The Fatass(Haynesworth, as Skins fans now know him.) The running back corps has gotten much better as well, as artfully explained by Everyone's Favorite Bartender Chuck here. I'd put them with Dallas as the best team in the NFC East with the NY Giants a half or quarter step behind. Best division in football once again.

Teams to Shock you in January, in a negative way:

1) Pittsburgh Steelers - Actually, this doesn't shock me! I hate the Steelers! Pencil them in for 5-11! Ben Berger is going to be out for the first six games(maybe four, still pending) Byron Leftwich should have them out to a 2-4 start at best with a start of: vs Atlanta, at Tennessee, at Tampa Bay, vs Baltimore, vs Cleveland and at Miami. Lets not forget about that defense, which should improve, but should be on the field an awful lot to start the season. If you're a Steelers fan reading this, just know that I'm a loyal Raiders fan and my team has sucked for almost 30 straight years, so we're even.

2) New Orleans Saints - And this is coming from a man who picked them to win the Super Bowl a few months ago. I hate myself. I think the offense will still be potent, somewhere in the 25-28 point range, whereas the defense can't possibly be as lucky as they were last year. It's impossible, I checked. Too many lucky tips, bounces of the ball, turnovers, and the other team choking up. Check out New Orleans at Miami from last year(sorry Chuck) for more evidence. Favre's interception in the NFC Championship game is another classic example. They will fall off, I'd guess in the 9 win range.

3) Denver Broncos - I already regret putting this here for some reason, but I just can't see this team winning any more than 5 games, I also can't see how they score points, unless one of the Tebow/Quinn/Orton combo catches fire NBA Jam style. Knowshon Moreno should be great in Year Two, but could be limited with carries due to being behind in fourth quarters. The defense overachieved last year in the first half of the season and looks to get thrown on a lot with an aging secondary. Champ Bailey isn't remotely close to a shutdown corner anymore. But like I said, this is when I'm most wrong, when it's just a little too obvious.

Best Three Rookies:

1) Ryan Matthews - I really like this guy, to say the least. He will be on my fantasy team this year, somehow or another, as I bring home another championship. I saw him play against Boise State last year on a Friday night game, and he ripped them to shreds(19 carries, 234 yards, 3 tds, holy cow!.) It was highly impressive. Plus the facts are simple. Even Concrete Legs(Tomlinson) posted decent yards and TD's with this Chargers offense that's in place. Barring injury, i'd put him in for 1100 yards and 12 TD's.

2) Jermaine Gresham - He is exactly what Cincinnati was missing from last year's low octane offense that was clearly run oriented. You can't produce a true winner with that type without an over the middle playmaker to keep the defense honest down the field. This guy can do it, just a fantastic playmaker with Sam Bradford at Oklahoma in 2008 and a huge target for Carson Palmer.

3) Demaryius Thomas - I enjoyed his work in college for a team who ran the football 95 percent of the time. It was unforgettable watching Josh Nesbit throw rainbows 25 yards down the field and having Thomas run under them and get extra yards. I'd seriously compare him to Calvin Johnson for his pro career. Unfortunately, he'll be trapped with crappy QB's until further notice.

Honarable Mention: Jimmy Clausen(if he plays), and Brandon Graham(10 sacks this year, mark it down)

Rookies That You'll Have Jokes For During the Season:

1) Bryan Bulaga - From what I saw on film on ESPN and NFL network, this guys sucks. I can't even sugar coat it. Brandon Graham basically turned him into a pinata on national television. They say he can't handle blitzes, yet he plays Tackle, and every team will know he can't and attack it. This can't end well for the Packers. In related news, Aaron Rodgers got sacked a lot last year too.

2) Sam Bradford - But at least this won't be his fault, his line stinks and he has no one to throw to. You could count Donnie Avery, but that doesn't count. Someone has to catch the balls right? I thought they should have traded down and drafted a lineman, so we didn't have to cringe everytime a rookie dropped back to pass. I'm scared for Sam Bradford's life, no lie. Of course, now he'll lead them to 12-4 and make me quit predicting things for life.

3) Joe Haden - This is just a "feeling". I always see guys from Florida going high in the draft, and not producing. It just happens way too often. They have so much talent that everyone looks a little better than they are. If you want examples, I'll say Derrick Harvey's name. Then I'll finish with Reggie Nelson. Now you'll say, "that's because the Jaguars suck." Also true. I have no rebuttal. Like I said, "just a feeling."

Part Two coming soon.....

An e-mail thread between Chuck and Dave

2010-05-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Chuck:
Hey Dave, I've got a question for you: do great players make a great coach, or does a great coach make players great? Simply put, which piece of the puzzle is ultimately more important, players or coaches? This has been an ongoing debate between Drunk Guy X and me for quite some time now. He's referred to as 'Drunk Guy X' because I honestly don't know his name. He knows my name, but after talking to him for 3 years it would probably be awkward for me to come out and say "hey man, what's your name again?" Social politics prohibit such a move...I guess next time I see him I'll ask a friend to introduce himself to Drunk Guy X and then relay his response back to me. So next time I reference him I'll be able to say "so I was talking to Rusty (he looks like a Rusty) yesterday and he says Limp Bizkit is the greatest band of all time."

Your thoughts.

Dave:
Dear Can of Worms, do you mind if I open a few of you? Okay thanks Chuck and great question for starters. The aspect of coaching in sports, no matter how you look at it has been misconstrued in my opinion. Every sport is obviously different but I'll start with the NBA. We talked about the Phil Jackson era the other day and my stance is clear, Phil Jackson is not a great coach. A good one? Sure, but great, not even close. Looking at the facts of his career(assuming you think Scottie Pippen/Pau Gasol great players/Hall of Famers), he's always had TWO future hall of famers for EACH of his championships. What does this mean exactly? It means his only job has been to put the other pieces of the puzzle in the right place and make sure the future HOF's keep their confidence as high as possible. There were a total of 5 years from 1991-current where he had 1 great player(1994, 1995, 2005-2007) and in zero of those years did he win a championship or even get out of the second round. On a related note, Gragg Popovich has won 4 championships in the last 11 years with ONE great player(Tim Duncan, in case you've been sleeping for 10 years) and two above average players(Tony Parker and Manu) and a list of average at best talent. I don't think either one of these guys is the best coach of the last 20 years, but out of those two, i'm taking Popovich. Also, this would mean that I would say that players matter more than coaches do, in the NBA anyways. So Chuck tell "Rusty" that today's games hinge on players and don't let him use stats, they're useless.

To save you some reading Chuck, I'll use a speed round for the other two major American sports. In football, coaching matters over everything. Coaches use schemes and find players to fit it. You can put any player in a scheme but you can't put any scheme on a player, if that makes sense. There's a reason the Steelers have great linebackers every year, or the Broncos had a different 1000 yard rusher for 5 years straight in the early 00's. For baseball, the manager is used as a motivator and to make lineup cards and pitching changes. Baseball purists may argue this point, but I'll never listen. That's all the baseball manager will ever mean to me because players matter over everything. There's a reason teams play different after a manager gets fired, its because its a wake up call for the players that their lull of a season should be paid attention to. I don't know how much of a baseball fan you are Mr. Henry, but I'm gonna guess that you'll agree.

Quick tip Chuckie, if you don't know someone's name but it's too late to ask, try this one "how do you spell your name anyways?" This works two ways, if the name has multiple spellings, you'll figure out the name. If its a simple name like "Tom", you can say something like "okay, I was just makin sure you weren't drunk." And as far as Limp Bizkit goes, I think they don't get enough credit for help leading Rock music to where it is now. They turned the music mainstream, with the help of Korn and Kid Rock, and later Linkin Park. So you couldn't just make a joke that Limp Bizkit didn't at least have a great run that was cut way too short. I know I went to a concert of theirs and was thoroughly impressed in 1999. An additional note for you: don't comment on my Limp Bizkit thoughts, I know you'll hammer me like Rashard Lewis takes a 3 pointer.

I want you to tell me this, who/what is to blame for a possible NFL lockout that may be coming up very soon? I think I know, but this is an open discussion and I'm sure it's not just one thing. Give me some thoughts on this one and what did you think of my team answer? A little detailed maybe?

Chuck:
While I'm not exactly sold on your opinion that Limp Bizkit helped mold the modern rock music format, I'll agree they had a good run. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure Rap-Metal has been done for the better part of a decade...But then again, what do I know? I listen to bands whose names include random body parts described by grotesque adjectives like Dying Fetus and Cannibal Corpse. I know as much about modern pop culture as Lindsay Lohan knows about staying sober. For example, Nickeback was voted 'Band of the Decade' by Billboard - this makes no sense to me at all. Maybe they forgot the word 'Worst' somewhere in that title...obviously that's what happened, right? I mean, am I that out of touch with society? Maybe I'm not the best person to be speaking about this subject. Let's move on.

I'll give you Phil not being the best coach ever, but I have to disagree about Pop being better because of championships won with inferior talent. I know we were yappin about this last night...you compared David Robinson at the end of his career to Luc Longley. But if you remember, Robinson averaged 16 and 10 as one of the twin towers when they won a title in '99 with Tim Duncan. I'm pretty sure Luc Longley only dreamed of such prowess. And in more recent years, you can't discount Manu and Tony Parker. If you're comparing Duncan to Michael Jordan in terms of leaders of their teams, then you have to compare Manu or Tony to Pippen - Robins to their respective Batmans, if you will. Tony Parker is one of the top 5 point guards in the league and remember, he won the Finals MVP in '07. Pippen never outshined Jordan for that award.

Anyway who cares...players are more important than coaches. I would venture to say that holds true across the board, in any sport. You can't tell me that if you replace Rod Marinelli with Mike Shanahan in 2008 Detroit the Lions would have been winners. Coach K was at the helm of the past 2 Olympic Basketball teams - both teams featured the same players, essentially. The US failed to win in '04 but won gold in '08. Did the coaches change their schemes from year to year? In a word, no. The players simply had better performances. They took the games more seriously in '08 after losing the first go-around, (Manu Ginobili was part of the Gold medal team in '04, by the way). And as far as baseball goes...there's only 2 prerequisites to being a head coach: the ability to grab your crotch while spitting and the wherwithal to touch your left or right arm while talking to your pitcher. On a degree of difficulty scale, I would give playing baseball a 10 and coaching baseball a negative threeve; The latter being a negative imaginary number for emphasis.

Now...on to the potential NFL hold out. As I've said earlier...there's only one real reason this would happen: money. The desire for more and/or the lack of enough. NFL teams make loads of money from ticket sales, endorsement deals, TV contracts, etc. But the vast majority of that income goes directly to paying player salaries. As player contracts get bigger and more expensive, teams net smaller and smaller gains until they start going into the red. I'm pretty sure this has happened with the majority of NFL teams already. Throw on the fire the fact that this year will be uncapped, teams are facing an even more drastic financial loss. This is where the two sides (players and team owners) will butt heads. Teams will be pushing for smaller player contracts to keep their heads above water, and players will still be demanding 'fair market value'. CBSsports.com reports that the 32 NFL teams will split 5 billion dollars in TV deals in 2011, regardless of whether or not games are played. This means simply that the players WILL lose if they strike.

So...simply put: the reason for a potential NFL hold out in 2011 - players get paid too much money. 'Fair Market Value' needs to be reduced to a more reasonable number. I mean, if you look at the big picture logically, does a third string quarterback who never sees playing time other than a few snaps in victory formation deserve to be paid $600,000 per year? Again, I guess I just don't understand the society we live in today.

Dave:
Very, very interesting sir. Every sport has overpaid stars, but who is at fault for the salaries? Easy answer, its the agents of course. But lets look deeper, there's always one guy who ruins the "saving money" party. The rookie scale is so far out of whack that its incomprehensible. Jamarcus Russell made 39 million in 3 years for the Raiders. Jake Long, before taking a snap, was awarded the most money ever for a offensive tackle. Before wearing a uniform. Before showing off his skills. Apparently everyone has been okay with this. Sorry to bash a Dolphin Chuck, but he was the number one pick. Plus I nailed one of my guts just before that. Albert Haynesworth signed a 100 million dollar contract to become the highest injury/dollar player ever. Even better, in Year 2 he doesnt want to play for the Redskins after receiving 32 million dollars in Year 1. The problem is, no one thinks its that big of a deal. After all, this is exactly what these guys were worth. Please. I can only imagine what Sam Bradford's agent think he's worth after barely playing his senior year in college. The system is just flawed, just like every other sport.

Read this for me, Chuck. This gives you a major part of the problem. Bill Simmons appropriately addresses the problem with the NBA's revenue system and overpaid players. The major question of the whole column is, and this goes for all the sports, "who cares if owners save money with a garbage team?" The NFL might need to take a peak at their own system, overpriced seats, overpaid stars, too many teams with no way out for a few years and too many GM's outsmarting everyone else. If Sam Bradford doesn't work for the Rams, his high cap number is going to set that franchise back for at least five years. I'd call that a problem. For a 45 man roster, one guy shouldn't set your team that far back. I do not like hockey, only because I can't relate to it, but they seem to have the best understanding for players' worth. In an unrelated note, Ryan Howard just signed a five year extension for 125 million dollars(all guaranteed) and he might be the 3rd best player in the National League, behind Manny Ramilrez and Albert Pujols. Pujols currently makes 14 million a year, almost half of what Howard will make when the extension kicks in. To put that number in perspective, click here. If Pujols is better and the same age, then how much is he worth when he becomes a free agent? Just imagine that number you're seeing doubling in speed. It could almost make someone faint.

So yes Chuck, the issues are everywhere. From Mike Ditka's dumping of the Saints 1999 draft to obtain Ricky Williams to Daniel Snyder's paying 100 million to Albert Haynesworth, it seems like most players' sizzle doesnt match the steak. Williams' sizzle just happened to be his dreadlocks and drug use, great combo. He might be a pioneer of fun hairstyles. I'll let you fill in on that note. Once I start talking about a players hairstyle, I need to find something else to do. Plus this subject single handedly got me all riled up. As an added bonus, I won't comment on your "Magic in six" pick for the Eastern Conference Finals.

Chuck:
Everyone's been misreading my posts lately so let me clarify: 'Magic in 6' meant 'in 6 years'...obviously the Celtics are going to crush the Magic this year. How can they lose?? I didn't realize Kendrick Perkins was such the defensive Juggernaut. How an obvious answer to Dwight Howard went overlooked all this time, I'll never know...quoting Mark Jackson: 'Momma...there go dat man!'

In all seriousness, let's get serious here. Who ever saw this coming? (I'm pretty sure every citizen of Boston just flipped me the bird. Funny thing: even a middle finger from a Bostonian has an accent.) I remember we were talking one day about sports betting. Like poker, when you make the decision to bet, you want your money in good, so you bet using the information available to you. If you bet accordingly and lose, it wasn't necessarily a bad bet - you just lost, that's all. That's why they call it gambling. With that being said, everything points to Orlando winning this series. Last week I would have bet you my car the Magic beat Boston. I'm a stubborn guy so I'm sticking with the Magic for pride's sake - they just have to get it done in 7 now. I'll save you time looking up how many teams have come back from 0-3 to win a 7 game series in the past...it's 0. We're making history baby! Red Sox fans, you should remember that feeling, right?

Good points on the lock out, I totally agree. We're saying the same thing just using different words. Now...assuming the lock out happens, and assuming the teams decide to play their games using replacement players, where do I sign up? I'll play for free...plus I've been staying in shape by playing two-hand touch rec league for the past 5 years. Put me in coach! Someone will call...just gotta give it time.

Now about Ricky Williams' hair, I remember growing up thinking Ricky Williams had something really unique going on...he had that hair. Nobody in the NFL rocked it like Ricky. He was a beast on the field, sure, but something about that hair always caught my eye. To my knowledge, Ricky was the only guy in the early '00s to sport dreads out the back of his helmet. Ok, I'll throw in Edge, too. Nowadays, teams have a dreadlocks quota they must meet before suiting up on Sundays. In 10 years, the number of NFL players with dreads has gone from 1 to >50. Can Ricky get some royalties, please? He needs some weed money.

In 2010, it's a much closer race for best hair in the league honors. My top ten goes like this:

10. Marion Barber - There were several guys I could have given 10th place to, I guess it's his face mask that accentuates his hair more than anything. Could have been higher up, but length is an issue here.

9. Laurence Maroney - Unlike the rest of the league, I haven't forgotten about you, buddy. Your game may be sub-par, but your hair is world class.
8. Donte' Stallworth - Sporting a new jersey, still got those shoulder length locks.
7. Bob Sanders - When healthy, these dreads knock snot out of slot receivers.
6. Chris Johnson - I'm convinced that dreadlocks give you more speed...no way he breaks 2000 yards without them.
5. Larry Fitgerald - Probably the most popular player on this list, therefore, Larry's the proud owner of the NFL's the most notorious dreads.

4. Atari Bigby - Some of the wildest shit I've ever seen on somebody's head. Props to you my man. With a name like Atari, you need hair with personality - mission accomplished.

3. Dexter McCluster - Considering his age, it might be too soon to have him so far up the list, but then again, he had to commit himself to this hairstyle very early in life and for that, he gets the nod.
2. Steven Jackson - The Predator. Very nice work on the overall appearance of a mane. Nice length, dark in color, nicely done.

1. Al Harris - Fantastic all the way around. The length is impressive by itself, but somehow it just seems like he has more hair than anyone else on the planet. Smaller dreads, I guess. And the slight hint of color sets him way ahead of the pack.

It's been a fun weekend talking with you, man...we'll have to do it again soon. If nothing else, can the Magic please win tonight so I can watch more basketball this week? And if that happens, you should come over and watch game 5 at my place...

Chuck's Eastern Conference Preview:

2010-05-15T12:44:00.000-07:00

If you asked me in November who was going to take down the NBA championship this season I would have thought for about a millisecond before answering "Bron Bron annem!" My roommate Seth had me completely sold on all the hype that was Cleveland basketball. And honestly, I'm pretty sure 90% of Americans who don't live in Orlando, LA, or Boston thought the Cavs had it in the bag, too. I remember growing up idolizing Michael Jordan (sound familiar?). After the Bulls won 72 games in 95-96, I remember thinking: do they even have to play anymore? Can Dave Stern just give them the trophy now? That year, having the Bulls in the same league as everybody else just wasn't even fair. It may have been a diluted NBA, or vastly superior talent in Chicago, or a combination of both, either way you just knew the Bulls were winning that year.

That was supposed to be the Cavs this year.

But since they didn't...believe it or not, life goes on America! Yes, they actually let them keep playing until someone else wins! I swear, since they lost game 6 in Boston I've heard the words "LeBron James" at least 500 times and it drives me nuts. So since the Cavs aren't even in the equation at this point, how about everyone stop talking about them. Including me...

Back on track now...let's talk about the Boston-Orlando series.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: the Magic are winning this series. At gun point I would say they're winning at home in game 5, but if not, I wouldn't be surprised if they take it in 6 at Boston due to the C's home court disadvantage. Bottom line - Dwight Howard is unstoppable. Yes, he has the range of Stevie Wonder at a shooting range but his size and strength are what makes him so valuable. There are only a handful of guys in the world that can stop him around the basket and none of them play for the Celtics. Glen Davis? I'm pretty sure Big Baby will show the world he is appropriately named after Superman stuffs a basketball down his throat. No metaphors here, just picture that, because it very well could happen. Double team him? Triple team him? That's not a good idea either because of the sharp shooters on the perimeter. Nelson, Lewis, and Pietrus have all been playing outstanding ball lately. It seems like when they're called on, they make their shots. Period. 40%, 46%, and 51% respectively from behind the arc in the postseason...that's called putting on a clinic. Not bad considering they're all secondary scoring options to Howard. Throw in Vince Carter and all of a sudden you have the recipe for a championship.

All that being said, I'm actually rooting for the Celtics. How can you not like Ray Allen? I'm a big fan of Rondo, too...could have done without Rasheed Wallace hopping on board but what the hell, I guess he figured if he can't beat 'em, join 'em. The C's are a good shooting team too. So in that regard, they match up well with the Magic's G/F skill set. And I love Rondo's spark he gives to the rest of his team. But with all that being said, I truly feel like the Magic are singing "anything you can do I can do better" in front of the Celtics at lunchtime on the playground while jumping rope and playing hopscotch. You got Rondo we got Jameer Nelson...Nah nah na nah nahh! The one thing the Celtics have is experience winning a championship. Unfortunately, you can't put a jersey on something like that. And even if you could, Dwight Howard would still posterize his ass!

Magic for all the dough baby. Lock it up.

Dave's Western Conference Preview:

2010-05-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

If I were you, I'd stock up on canned goods. Reason: Chuck and I are previewing the NBA Conference Finals. I've been assigned the Western Conference since I love Pau Gasol. But I love the Suns more and I hate Kobe more, so hopefully my biases won't get in the way. Without further ado.... the preview begins.

Just for fun, I'll start by showing you the starting lineups of this year's teams and the 2007 teams(last time these two met in the playoffs, when Los Suns prevailed in five): 2007 Lakers - Jordan Farmar, Kobe, Luke Walton, Lamar Odom and Kwame Brown. 2007 Suns - Steve Nash, Raja Bell, Amare, Shawn Marion and James Jones. First off, when did LA Sparks(WNBA) get to merge with the Lakers for a year? Second, how'd the Lakers make the playoffs? And third, where did those Laker starters end up in life? This year's teams look like this: Lakers - Derek Fisher, Kobe, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum and Ron Artest...Suns - Nash, Amare, Jason Richardson, Channing Frye and the Immortal Grant Hill. The fun part of all this is that people think Kobe is better now than he was between 2005-2007. I hate to back Kobe(really, it pains me) but when you look at that anti-All Star cast from 2007 for the Lakers, Kobe is the only player in the league that could carry them to the playoffs. One more point, none of those players from that team sees significant playing time except for Lamar Odom. Wow, Kobe, wow. As for the Suns, how does Nash stay so consistent for his 6th year in a row running amuck for the Suns? From what I read he doesn't eat sugar, which is crazy in itself, but he leads everyone else to do the same. It's all very impressive. He won 2 MVP's back to back in 2005-2006, which is ridiculous, not because he's not good, but because he's been better in the years that followed. The failed Shaq experiment from 2008-2009 was a waste of a year and a half. Now that you know where these teams were the last time they played, let's figure out where they could be going.

No pun intended, but the Suns are on fire. Seriously, on fuego. They ran the Spurs back to the Alamo, and broke through unchartered territory. I'm not talking about the Western Conference finals because thats happened a few times in the last decade, but the mentallity of complete focus on all assets of the game. When on defense, they play intense. When on offense, they still run and gun. They dive for loose balls and love playing with each other(no jokes please.) They spread the floor well and shoot tremendously. HOWEVER, they get to play Kobe and his Twin Towers for this round, which means, you don't play your game, you play their game. If I know what I think I know, the Lakers should win this series in 6 games. This has to do with two things, size and Kobe. Kobe is not the same player he once was, but if he knows his role in this series and takes around 15-18 shots per game and scores about 20 a night, the Lakers might not lose. The size factor is overwhelming, Gasol and Bynum can pretty much dominate as long as the offense is going through them. Amare plays as well on defense as a matador plays on a bull. Pau Gasol is the most athletically gifted offensive post player in the league, even if the numbers don't show it. Watching him play is a treat, if only for the sheer fact that he could score 30 a night if he wanted to but doesn't and does not complain one bit about it. I won't talk about his defense because I love the guy.

The most intriguing matchup is clearly the Lakers offense vs Los Suns defense because that's where the Suns may get their easiest points if they play it well. My prediction of Lakers in six will also come with a guarantee that both teams will score in the 100s more often than not and the games will be worth staying up to see. Phoenix is the same type of pick the Saints were in the Super Bowl, but shouldn't have similar results. I will be rooting for them, and you should too if only because of Nash's hair.

My rant on the hysteria that is the 2010 NFL off-season

2010-04-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed the sheer volume of NFL off-season moves this year? It really is mind blowing when you think about everything that's happened in the past few months. We're talking blockbuster trades all over the place! Donovan McNabb, Brandon Marshall, Santonio Holmes, Anquan Boldin, Brady Quinn, Ted Ginn...just to name a few. Throw in all the free agents who found new homes: Julius Peppers, Larry Johnson, Willie Parker, Antonio Bryant, Jake Delhomme, Karlos Dansby. Oh and let's not forget that L.T. and Thomas Jones were released and signed with the Jets and Chiefs respectively. And now I'm hearing that Pittsburgh is entertaining the idea of dealing Roethlisberger? I am stunned! Seriously, this amount of moves involving players of this caliber changes the league dramatically. And why is all of this happening now, this year? Seriously, I can think of 3 other trades this decade: the Clinton Portis/Champ Bailey swap, the rebirth of Randy Moss in New England, and the Roy Williams practical joke in Dallas. So what makes this year so different? I have a theory...

The NFL's collective uncertainty of what will happen during the uncapped 2010 season coupled with the potential of 2011 being locked out has sent the entire league into mass hysteria.

Hysteria is such a broad term. Let's think about it as it applies to a riot. There are a few different types of rioters, let's review:

The Looter: This person takes advantage of the chaos by stealing things when no one's looking. This would be the Redskins when they "acquired" McNabb from Phili. The rest of the league is now jealous of Washington's new boom box and microwave. On a related note, Phili could also be described as the helpless kid on the street corner who just had his lunch money stolen from him.

The Save-Yourselves: Those who realize the situation, acknowledge the threat level, and dip out. Pittsburgh and Cleveland are prime examples. "Santonio Holmes looked at me funny so he's gotta go. He may have been the MVP of XLIII but I can't take his Troy Aikman face anymore...abandon ship!" "We moved up to draft Brady Quinn, gave him ample time to develop by letting him play X Box on the sidelines for 3 years...it's just not working out, we've gotta bail. Shoulda went with Seneca Wallace all along."

The fighters: These guys simply want to join the party! The "also's" of the group - no key roles but involved nonetheless. The likes of Jason Taylor, Ted Ginn, and Jake Delhomme fit this group. You know, the guys who were fighting for a job, trying to convince at least one team they can still play.

Obviously every situation is unique, but ultimately these moves are happening here and now because of money - a desire for more, or a lack of enough, depending on what side of the coin you're talking about: trader or tradee. Well, except for the last group. They'd probably play for free room and board at this point.

A player's agent is put in place to maximize his client's worth (and bank account). They're not stupid. They already know their unrestricted free agents can make more money by entertaining different offers...so this year when there is no cap on spending, they can potentially ask for and entertain bigger offers from richer squads. Brandon Marshall and Anquan Boldin are prime examples. Throw in the fact the draft begins tonight...oh my God, more hysteria! We've probably only seen half of the off-season's trades so far.

Fact: uncapped season to players and their agents = $$$. Realizing this...uncapped season to owners = holy shit! The inevitable standoff begins...

C:\> end rant

Washington Redskins football: A Look Ahead

2010-04-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

It looks like Redskins fans finally have something to cheer about. They've collectively been holding their breath for the better part of 20 years waiting on a winner...not sure if this is their year, but at least they can start to exhale. Maybe this is truly the light at the end of a long, Jason Campbell-filled tunnel. Maybe these off-season acquisitions will take the "dog scratching it's ass on a sidewalk" look off the face of Redskin Nation. It's coming, Washington - a winning season, and Skins fans can taste it! Not sure how it happened...if it's Shanahan, or Bruce Allen, but it's hard to argue against Washington's recent string of off-season moves. For God's sake, they picked up half of the 2006 pro bowl!

For starters: lets take a look at the Redskins running back situation:
Which would you prefer:
A: Willie Parker, Larry Johnson
B: Ladell Betts, Rock Cartwright

If you answered B, clearly you're stoned and should revisit this question later. The correct answer is A! With Clinton Portis to round out this group, you get a Celtics "big 3" feel at running back. All 3 are slightly aged, but very experienced and proven producers. The Skins run game just jumped to number 2 in the East behind Dallas. Think about this: the Redskins only had 8 rushing touchdowns last year...so give Shanahan credit for addressing one of their biggest needs right off the bat. I know injuries are an issue with these guys, but isn't that the case with every other running back in the league? It's the nature of the position...if you're a running back in the NFL, you're going to get hurt. Just ask Willis McGahee's knee. Lately, it's been spotted hanging out with Frank Gore's ACL and Ladanian Tomlinson's ego.

If you're a Redskins fan, how can you possibly be upset with your upgraded quarterback situation? Granted, the majority of my Skins friends are excited about Donovan's arrival...but from those who aren't, I haven't heard this many 'bum' comments since the '06 Rex Grossman experiment in Chicago. Statistically, McNabb's coming off the best 2 years of his career since the '04 Super Bowl: 7500 yards, 45 touchdowns, and a 90 passer rating. Seriously Philadelphia, what are you thinking?? Last year he had a passer rating of 92.9, threw for 22 TD's, not to mention the fact he's only 33 years old! And he's the guy on the trading block?? Marty Schottenheimer offers his condolences. Do you realize that Donovan McNabb's worst season was his sophomore campaign in 2000 when he threw 13 interceptions? I think Delhomme threw 13 against the Cowboys last year. And Phili moved McNabb why? So they could voluntarily go into a rebuilding era? Honestly I thought I understood the game of football and I was just proven wrong. Either that or Andy Reid's been reading Al Davis' "How to ruin an organization" memo. Hope you use that 2nd round pick wisely guys...oh, and good call on keeping him in the division, too! The Skins quarterback position just got upgraded to a 1a, 1b, 1c tie in the East with Dallas and New York.

Defensively, Washington is fairly sound. They always are. 10th in total defense last year, 15th in points allowed. Not much needed there.

Coaching? I can sum up the '09 Redskins' coaching mentality in 1 play: week 15 against the Giants...Luckily, this issue has already been addressed and dealt with.

Clearly Danny Smith found some good reefer before the game. And I love Tirico's comment: "what in the wide world was that?!?" To quote Dave, this clip is an LOL factory!

So where does Washington go from here? This is the true genius of Mike Shanahan: now the Skins can focus on their one major need at the draft...offensive linemen. They don't have a lot of draft picks this season (having traded away 2nd and 3rd round picks) but don't be surprised to see them use all their picks on the O-line. If he's still available...100% guarantee they take Okung with the 4th overall pick.

Also, I look for a post-draft move on a WR. Call me crazy, but I can see Brandon Marshall rejoining Shanahan in the months to come. How sick would that be? I'm giving them 8-8, possibly 9-7 already, but if Brandon Marshall climbs onboard...championship!! And by championship I mean 10-6 possibly making the playoffs. Not to be mean, but that would feel like a championship to the Skins, right? Baby steps Washington, baby steps.

Donovan "Eff" McNabb

2010-04-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

There isn't a whole lot to say on the McNabb, but I'll make a short story long. First off, when did a Pro Bowl quarterback only become worth a 2nd Round pick and a future BS pick. McNabb has led the Eagles to the playoffs in 8 out of the last 10 years, which is tops in the NFL for the decade. What's a winner worth? Being a Raider fan, I know what its like NOT to have a winner at QB(Jamarcus Russell anyone?), as should many other teams with duds at QB(Bills, Chiefs, Browns, Rams, Lions.)

This is just an early prediction, but I think McNabb's season with Shanahan is going to rival Steve McNair's 2006 season with Brian Billick(13-3 record, 3000 yards 16 tds.) He was an upgrade of 7 wins over Kyle "How Did I Steal This Much Money From the NFL?" Boller. This pains me, but with offensive line help and maybe a WR to stretch the field, you could be looking at a top 4 team in the NFC. Shanahan has 3 running backs who might use wheelchairs on opening day, but then again he's made 1,000 yard rushers out of the likes of Olandis Gary, Reuben Droughns and Mike Anderson. For once Redskins fans, the local game of the week doesn't mean "Go Do Yard Work."

Hey waitress, do those legs come over easy?

2010-04-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today is one of my favorite days...pretty much the only day of the year you get to devise an outlandishly horrid lie about a friend, practice your play-by-play until you're confident you've maximized potential embarrassment, package it up with a little bow on top and drop your insult bomb (I-bomb for short) on said friend, preferably when he's around a group of co-workers. "Hey Bob, Ted says last night while he was having sex with your wife, she told him she was originally attracted to women. That's why she married you in the first place...your soft, delicate features. She said it would be a simple sort of transition...is there any truth to that?!?" The best part comes next when you get to absorb their reaction, laugh uncontrollably at their expense, and then proclaim to the entire group "April fools!" - the required rhetoric that makes anything you said prior to that socially acceptable. "Your son was arrested...", "I borrowed your car and accidentally paid a lady for sexual favors in the back seat." April fools makes everything copacetic. It's like a get out of beat down free card valid for one day.

The real pros can get away with the implied "April fools" punch line. Sometimes leaving your victims with no explanation merits the best responses later. Simply let them figure out for themselves that you weren't serious when you said "Guys, to show my appreciation for your hard work and diligence I'm going to pay for lunch...so order anything you want, it's on me." No April fools, no punch line, just say it and walk away. They'll get it later. Trust me, they'll be laughing on the inside.

Ah...April 1st, what a marvelous day. Spring is in the air and everyone's in a good mood. The last week of March madness is upon us, the NFL draft is right around the corner, ditto for baseball opening day, NBA teams are vying for the last remaining playoff spots...just an all-around good time of year to be a fan of sports. So sit back, relax, and enjoy my take on today's sports news:

The WTF Four Preview 2010

2010-03-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

If you had gone into a coma 2 weeks ago and saw who was playing in the Final Four before the 2010 NCAA Tournament started, I'd be forced to wait for you to come out of another coma. Quick recap: Kansas didn't make the Sweet 16, Butler dominated the top 2 teams in the Midwest Region, the Terps-Spartans clash had the most exciting 20 seconds to finish off a tournament game since Arizona and Gonzaga played a classic in 2002, we saw a world record number of "upsets", ESPN used the word "parody" an inornate number of times and did I mention that Northern Iowa defeated Kansas in Round 2? Northern Iowa beat Kansas in Round 2, I repeat, Northern Iowa defeated Kansas in Round 2, and now I will use my couch as a hat and go to the mall. Lets face it, this is the biggest upset since Villanova over G'town in the 1985 NCAA championship game. I know that a 15 seed has beaten a 2 seed, but this is way wilder. Kansas was a complete juggernaut and a team from the Missouri Valley Conference knocked them out. If you haven't guessed yet, I .bet heavy on Kansas to win it all and I still can't believe they lost. I need to move on before I try my potent poison that's in my fridge for this occasion.

Our Final Four for this year consists of 2 number 5 seeds in one matchup, and a more conventional number 1 vs a number 2 in the other game. Game one features Butler vs Michigan State. This is where the coma comes into play, Butler is actually playing for a chance to go to the Championship game. I'm not kidding! Look it up if you don't believe me! Game two is a more conventional ACC Champion Duke vs Big East Tournament Champion West Virginia. For the record, I hate Duke, I'm not alone here, I wish my buddy Rich Corcoran were here to ram this point home for me.

Let's break down this first matchup: Butler vs Michigan State, Butler's road was much more difficult than anyone else's by far in the WTF Four. They defeated UTEP(my first round pick), Murray State, Syracuse and Kansas State. This may shock you, but Murray State gave Butler the hardest game of the four, that might be the most shocking of all the stats so far. Michigan State had to run through New Mexico State, Maryland, Northern Iowa and Tennessee. None of those teams are too impressive, but Michigan State manhandled all of these teams(a great trait for any Final Four team.) Butler is a favorite in this game to advance to the National Championship game. Does anyone else find this insane? Could you imagine if Boise State was a favorite against Alabama in this past year's championship game? That seems ridiculous yes? Also, Butler seems to thrive in larger staged games and they are playing at home. I think the facts point to Michigan State to win this game though, better coaching and last year's team made the championship game. I'd take Tom to the Izzo if I had to pick a winner, not that I'll be betting on anyone.

Thirty minutes after our first Final Four game, we get to watch Duke play West Virginia. What a treat it is to watch Duke's mascot fire up the crowd AND coach the Blue Devils. I do not like Coach K, I'm sorry for the bias(that's not true, I really don't like Duke). I like Bob Huggins, he's all business all the time. He always makes sideline reporters uncomfortable and has Jimmy Johnson quality hair. Plus he loves the state of West Virginia(the media is shocked by this for some reason.) Duke is the favorite here and the favorite to win it all. I have a feeling if the Devils win the championship, it would be the first time there would be rioting out of hatred for a team, instead of a celebration, just a hunch there. I personally like West Virginia(shocking!) because of the fact that they always play better in the second half of games. Ask Kentucky, they saw it first hand, although they might shoot a 3 pointer that obviously wouldnt go in and hit you in the face. Scratch that thought.

The only thing leftover to say is that this is the best tournament I can remember watching in years. Although I'm pretty sure that, just like in 2006, when George Mason unbelievably went to the FInal Four, and 2002 when talentless Maryland defeated the Indiana Non-Bob Knights. I think the quality of the games has been off the charts but the quality of the teams is a 2 on a 1-10 scale. Either way, I'm rooting for more underdogs, although I'm not so sure that anyone is considered one anymore.

Casually Late to the dance

2010-03-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a few days late to the NCAA party but I've been on vacation for the past week...so suck it! And I mean that in the nicest, most proverbial way possible, I love everyone. I just feel like dropping some bracketology knowledge on someone so I might as well drop it on the world. And by 'the world' I mean the 14 people that actually read this thing. I think big, what can I say?

I didn't have the best opening round ever, but 22-10 ain't bad. More importantly, I have 14 sweet 16 teams still alive. And, since Georgetown forgot how to play basketball for the most inconvenient 40 minutes of their season, I'm pretty sure everyone would potentially max out at 15 of 16.

Everyone picks differently, but me...I use my brain.

I picked Murry St. over Vandy in the opening round. Actually, I was 1 of only 4 people in a pool of 23 friends to pick Murry St. so the Racers made me look like a genius for a day. Let me start by saying: 'WOW! What a finish!' More or less, I got lucky on this one. Murry St. simultaneously hit a game winner and a bracket saver for me as time ran off the clock. But why did I pick the 13th-seeded Racers over an experienced, 4th-seeded Vanderbilt team who, by the way, comes from the much more prestigious SEC? Probably for the same reason I picked Houston and Montana...come to think of it, I should probably never mention those picks again...

Moving on, if you do some research, you'll see that Murry St. has one of the most balanced offenses in the entire country. Albeit somewhat small, they have 6 guys averaging 10 ppg...So mathematically, the starters alone will give them 50 ppg with a strong option coming off the bench...that's huge in college basketball. The have a respectable RPI at 59 and they've only lost 4 times all year for God's sake! So if you have to pick some upsets, why not start with Murry St?

Another solid upset pick: Cornell. On a personal note, I was the only 1 out of 23 to pick both Murry St. and Cornell in the first round so obviously I'm way smarter than all my peers.

I picked Cornell because they are one of the best shooting teams in the nation. If you go to Cornell and play basketball, I'm pretty sure the only thing you can do with a basketball is shoot it. I don't see many upper-middle class white boys practicing dunks on their garage basketball hoops while driving through my neighborhood. That being said, these Big Red guys must have spent hours in their driveways practicing shooting form because they shot the hell out of the ball on opening day! Add in the fact they have a 7-footer to gobble up any missed shots under the rim and you have the recipe for an upset or 2, or 3. Call me crazy, but I have Cornell in the sweet 16.

In general, my strategy is to look for mismatches in experience and/or shooting vs defense. I also like to pick teams with a stud to win against most any other team because on a big stage such as the NCAA tournament, I want to give them a chance to shine. Aubrey Coleman and Anthony Johnson are the reasons I picked Houston and Montana. They must not have gotten my memo to step up their games...I guess I was having trouble with my TPS reports this week.

On a side note, I just want to point out the obvious...so far this has been a great tournament. One of the best opening rounds of recent memory. I can only hope the upcoming games are half as entertaining.

By the way...I'm writing this as I'm watching the Gaels make Villanova look like a JV squad. My bracket says: "this is embarrassing!" 10 points for anyone who can tell me what a Gael is without looking it up.

CAA Tournament Preview

2010-03-04T23:32:00.000-08:00

As you may know already, we're from Richmond, Virginia and our town gets to host the CAA Tournament. We all pull for VCU since they're the local team, and for some reason, they always come through. They didn't do as strong as predicted so they get to play an extra cupcake, er, game this year in the tourney. Unfortunately, there are a couple of other good teams in the conference that may ruin the same celebration that we attended last year at the Richmond Coliseum. I'm here to offer a preview of this tournament, and during the next few days, other conference tournaments that will enhance the sports world before the Masters puts us to sleep without Tiger Woods.

Enough rambling... on to the predictions:

Friday 12:00: (7)UNC-Wilmington vs (10)Towson - For starters, the attendance at this game might not reach 1000 fans at tip-off, as the VCU game starts at 2:30-2:45, and fans should be showing up midway thru the second half. Hecklers: you've been warned, you will be heard by coaches and players. On to the game, where, according to my CAA Basketball guru/genius Tevin points out that "Wilmington will shoot lights out if Towson plays the same crappy D they've played all year." Well then, maybe basketball is that simple, if you can't stop the team that shoots really well, you will probably have a long night and a short tournament. If they do hope to stay in the game, they will need to rely on the play of Robert Nwankwo, who almost averages a double-double and also doesn't possess the name of my next child. Chad Tomko will make sure this one stays out of reach with his shooting and overall point guard play.

Prediction: Wilmington wins and if you watch, you will be asleep by the 15 minute mark of the second half.

Friday 2:30: (12)Delaware vs (5)VCU - The Coliseum will be a little more full for this one, as the hometown team makes an appearance for the first time. VCU is led by Larry Sanders and Joey Rodriguez, whose inside/outside combo should completely take Delaware out of this one. Deleware is led into this fire, er, game by Jawan Carter who is a one man band who might need to score40 points to keep this one competitive.

Prediction: VCU should roll at home, and on to a rematch from last year's championship game with George Mason.

Friday 6:00: Georgia St. vs Hofstra - Our CAA guru Tevin thinks that this will be a defensive struggle with both teams having lots of senior leadership to keep this game close either way. I'll agree, but then again I would have agreed with anything he had to say in reference to a CAA game. These teams should be familiar with each other, since they played this past Saturday with Hofstra winning by 13 in a faster paced game. Also, the guru wants you to watch out for Charles Jenkins(ppg - 20.4), who could have a coming out party during this year's tournament. Joe Dukes is the stud for Georgia State, leading the Panthers in points, assists and is second in rebounding.

Prediction: Hofstra for three reasons, Charles Jenkins, lack of non-home wins by Georgia State, and Tevin told me to. Seems logical.

Friday 8:30: James Madison vs Drexel - Right off the top, the guru thinks that this is the best game of the day and I couldn't agree more(since he's the genius and I'm an ACC fan.) James Madison has a dominant post player in Denzel Bowles, who made Larry Sanders look like Garry Shandling in their last meeting. However, Drexel swept James Madison during the regular season winning by 21 at Drexel and by 3 at home vs the Dragons. James Madison doesn't close games well, as indicated by their lowly 4 conference wins, and they have a tough time spelling the word defense.

Prediction: Call me crazy, or irrational, or an idiot, but I'm taking the Dukes in a major upset. I have no good reason except for the fact that they will have the dominant player on the floor, which is always enough for me.

No football...no problem!

2010-02-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

So...what do we do now? Now that football is over I feel like there's a huge void in my life. A giant storm cloud hovering over me, following me wherever I go but instead of rain coming out of it, no-football comes out of it. What am I supposed to do now that I can't go to the bar and spend 50 bucks on booze every Sunday? Save 50 bucks every Sunday? I just don't think it's in the cards for me. I enjoy yelling at a tv for 8 hours...I need it! Actually that sounds a lot like what I did yesterday...

I know, there wasn't any football on yesterday. That's ok, I found the next best thing: Olympic Curling. I engulf myself...nay...I lose myself in curling. I will literally watch every minute of every match televised. And get this...I even learned the rules. That's when you know someone is into curling...I can actually explain how the scoring system works; I'm that hardcore. Confused? Waiting for the punchline? ...me too, but there isn't one, I'm actually serious!

With all that being said, there are some issues I have with curling...

Every week I have the same debate with this guy I'll call Joe I Neverplayedasportinmylife: what's the difference between a game and a sport? I don't want to elaborate because his whole argument is egregious...but just for example: he believes golf is a game rather than a sport because 'no athletic ability is involved.' Conversely, he believes baseball is a sport rather than a game...he must have forgotten that John Kruk played baseball. What an athletic specimen he was...virtually chiseled out of stone! David Wells was my favorite athlete with Cecil Fielder a close second. Anyway, I do find merit in Joe's argument as it pertains to the Olympics. I love curling but does it really have a place in the Olympic Games?? How is a country's greatness measured? By how well it's citizens can slide a rock down some ice, of course. You know what...I can shotgun a beer in 2.5 seconds. Can I get a medal? Maybe I should campaign for beer-chugging to be included in 2014.

I actually heard an announcer say "you think curling is easy...some of these guys broke a sweat during their match today!" I have an idea...to the Olympic Committee: in the future, if you catch yourselves so much as thinking that about any sport...please don't include it in the Olympics. Curling is a life-sized drinking game at best. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go watch Debbie McCormick drop the hammer on some fools. Go USA!

Payton over Peyton for Destiny's Sake

2010-02-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

(The following comments are used for entertainment purposes only. SofaKing Sports is not responsible for failure to pay rent, bills, car payments or having a bookie beat the crap out of you. Enjoy at your own risk!)

I never thought you could predict Destiny but I'm making an exception for this one season. This just feels like the year for the Saints. In the past, if I ever said the phrase "feels" for a reason to put hard earned money on that team, it means I'll never see that money again. As far as the destiny angle goes, this is one time you should be able to spot it before the game starts. If you don't believe in that crap then think about this: the Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001(terrorist attacks), John Elway beat the Falcons in 1998(Elway vs his original coach that he hated), Bucs over Raiders in 2002 (proving coaching matters over everything), Giants over Patriots in 07(Giants bringing down the Evil NFL Empire). So that should prove at least it exists and Hurricane Katrina will show its other side in Miami on Super Bowl Sunday(with New Orleans based Mannings on the losing end).

I remember clearly saying after the Ravens-Colts game "don't bet against Peyton Manning under any circumstance." Well guess which doctor took the Jets in the AFC championship game? I'm blaming Chuck and his "'stache power" comments. It was really convincing! He mauled thru the Jets defense like they were the Raiders(can I switch favorite teams now?). If you think that's unbelievable, I'm again not taking the Indianapolis Garcons. Look I have my reasons to be worried, even if they don't make complete sense now to anyone else.

Dwight Freeney not playing would be the best thing to happen for the Colts, a speed pass rusher who has never been much against the run as a Defensive End. They call him the best defensive player on the Colts, but I would argue that that's only because of the leads that Peyton builds for them keeps opposing teams passing late in games. Most teams with a running game keep it close vs the Colts(see Jax, Ravens(reg season), the Chris Johnsons(at Indy), and Dolphins), and oddly enough, the Saints were number 6 in the NFL in rushing the football. They have a 3 headed running back tandem that rivals the 07 NYG Super Bowl winning team(Jacobs, Ward, Bradshaw) in Pierre, Reggie and Mike Bell. Sean Payton will probably realize that slowing the game down will help win this game, like he did vs the Vikings in the NFC championship game. If you play the "Saints give up the 26th most yards in the league" card, then an easy counter would be have you seen the Saints offense score in 3 minutes before? They score fast which keeps a lot of possessions open for their defense to defend. Weak argument, but it is the truth.

A quick opiniated breakdown of who has the edge between the two teams:

Coaching: Sean Payton(medium edge)
Quarterback: Peyton Manning(slight edge)
Running Game: Saints(huge edge)
Line Play: Even(both excellent)
Defenses: Even(no details, just trust me)
Special Teams: Colts(neither has really done anything great)
Intensity: Saints(Landslide)
Team Possessing Peyton Manning: Colts

That last one had to be included since he might be the best Quarterback of all time(not leader, but Quarterback).

Both teams were 13-0 at one point, both teams possess the best QB's in their respective conferences, and both teams have a knack for winning close games. Throw in the fact that they are the two most likable teams in the league, and you have a chance for greatness here. It's the best on-paper matchup since Denver-Green Bay in 1997, and I think you have to take the points no matter who is getting them. Take the five and enjoy the game. Root for both teams, they deserve it and so do the fans. We've been treated to a bunch of crappy playoff games and hopefully the reward will be worth it.

New Orleans 27
Indianapolis 23

Superbowl Predictions

2010-02-05T11:23:00.000-08:00

What's everybody doing this weekend? I know what I'm doing...there's a football game I want to watch Sunday. You guys should check it out.

For those of you who don't know, Dave and I live in the Richmond Virginia area and we are getting pummeled with snow and have been for the past couple weeks...I guess global warming is on vacation. So actually I don't really have a choice...I will be snowed in for the next 3-4 days, essentially forced to drink beer, eat snacks and watch the super bowl. Woe is me!

I'm not going to lie, I am expecting great things from this game. Super bowl 44 better be the all-time greatest event ever captured on film because dammit, I can't do anything else except watch it. XLIV better entertain me for 4 hours, take me out for a steak dinner, pay the bill, drive me home and give me a kiss goodnight or I will be pissed and stop returning its phone calls. Realistically, it has the capacity to be the best super bowl in history...the story lines just don't get any better than the ones associated with this game. And as a side note, since when do both #1 seeds make it in? That's just crazy talk...what's it been, 20 years? My concern is XLIV won't live up to XLIII. How could it? Last year's super bowl was the most exciting super bowl I've seen since Scott Norwood was popular in Buffalo. You know what's fun? Walking into a Buffalo sports bar during football season and yelling "Wide Right!" And when the stereotypical angry Bills fan approaches you looking for a fight, punch the guy right beside him.

But it's the super bowl so it'll be exciting no matter what! I guess I just need to be optimistic here...I think the snow is depressing me.

Here's what's going to happen: Before each play, Peyton Manning will do his interpretation of the stanky leg at the line of scrimmage behind Jeff Saturday for about 10 seconds and then proceed to pick apart the Saints defense. Their 26th-ranked passing defense is giving up 235 yards per game and Peyton is passing for 282 per. You do the math. However, I look for the running game to be used more than usual. You might have not noticed, but Peyton isn't quite as effective playing outside. Not to mention, I'm sure the Saints' secondary will be playing prevent the entire game...so why not?

I'm fully aware of how explosive the Saints offense is...but if that's the case, then the Colts created the bomb. What they did to my beloved Dolphins in the 4th quarter of week 2 is a perfect example. I'm pretty sure Peyton Manning had the ball all of 15 minutes that game...but that was all he needed.

Half the Colts roster has been on this stage before, they're going to come in prepared, confident, and unshaken by the hype and pressure of playing in the most-watched sporting event in television history. Add in a great offensive line (ranked #1 in the NFL; allowed 13 sacks) protecting the best decision maker in the game...things get pretty scary for an already-suspect Saints defense. There's no other possible outcome than the Colts topping the Saints by 14. I think the smartest bet to make Sunday is taking the Colts -6.5ish. Well, that and taking the 'heads' bet on the coin toss. Seriously, I'm going to give this one a shot this year.
Colts 35
Saints 21

And now...here's Dave to tell you why I'm wrong:

Dancing with Mannequins

2010-02-03T16:15:00.000-08:00

Today was College Football Signing Day.

Awesome.

I love the idea that this gets so much pub. The media is saying "if you suck next year, you should fire the coach because the players are so good!". Notre Dame had a top 10 recruiting class for 2 straight years, which means a lot since they went 6-6 for 20 straight years. I'm gonna run down the top 10, just so we can learn something.

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. Alabama
4. Auburn
5. Oklahoma
6. Florida State
7. LSU
8. USC
9. Tennessee
10. Penn State

This list has zero shocks on it. I saw this information and said "sweet, looks like the last 10 years lists." My favorite college team is Clemson, and their recruiting class always seems to be in the top 15. Oddly enough, this only seems to show me a bunch of 8-4 seasons. That's great consistency, really it is, but this is no different than the NFL draft.

How often do these players actually pan out the way they're projected? Why do we hear the phrase "came out of nowhere" so often? Isn't that like saying "we were so off on this guy, that we're openly insulting ourselves"?

I remember hearing stories about Dion Lewis from Pittsburgh. "This guy was recruited by no one, now he leads the country in rushing!" Doesn't that mean that the guy who recruited an injury prone running back should be fired? How many question marks can be used in just a few paragraphs?

Quick little tidbit for Va Tech fans out there. They never have a top 20 recruiting class, but always end up in the Top 10 of the College Football polls. As far as I can remember, Ohio State has had one well known recruit in the last few years(Terrelle Pryor), but always remain in the National Championship race.

I'd compare this information to the NFL, where the good teams have been good for a few years now but pick near the bottom all the time. This reigns true in any form of competition, Coaching always makes the difference in team sports.

Just ask Brad "The Stalker" Childress and Norv "The Fortune" Turner.

Are you trying to lose? Go sit in the port-a-potty!

2010-02-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

Show of hands...who watched the Pro Bowl?

Yeah me neither. I did take a peek at one point and I'm pretty sure I saw Seneca Wallace throw a play action screen pass to Mario Manningham for a 3 yard loss. Truly captivating television. I mean, who picks these guys?? If your first picks are injured or don't want to play...grab some darts and a blindfold! Obviously this is the newly accepted par for picking players past first tier. Did you know that only 10 starting AFC quarterbacks were NOT asked to participate? WTF?

If Vince Young decided to re-reevaluate his life (again) instead of playing in his 2nd Pro Bowl who would've taken his place? Ryan Fitzpatrick? Follow-up question: would he have made the game better or worse? Because I honestly don't know at this point. Young finished the regular season with 1800 yards, 10 touchdowns...Fitzpatrick finished up with 1400 yards and 9 touchdowns. The Titans won 7 games and the Bills 6. Believe it or not, this is what the coaches and we, the fans, are deeming as the best the NFL has to offer?? Matt Leinart is jealous. What else does he have to do?!?

We all know Goodell moved the Pro Bowl to the weekend before the Super Bowl to improve ratings and fluff the public...simultaneously removing the 2 week hiatus we are forced to take between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. But just like the old system, there are flaws: The biggest being that Super Bowl participants cannot play. The second biggest, maybe even 1b biggest: players with injuries are given less time to heal. Don't underestimate this injury thing...it drastically decreases a player's will and hunger to play in a game when the only thing of note that can possibly happen is have an already-bum leg fall completely off from a fluke Willis Mcgahee-esque blow to the knee. Don't get me wrong...these guys are competitors, they WANT to win...they just want to win next year. Can you really blame Favre for not wanting to potentially get destroyed 2 weeks in a row? Plus, his bonus for winning the Pro Bowl is smaller than what he makes for taking a crap pre-game.

Summary: Pro Bowl after the Super Bowl...no good, no interest. Before, not much better, second tier players sucking it up. So what's the answer?

Make it a theoretical Pro Bowl. Don't play it at all.

Kind of like the All-ACC team (insert favorite conference here), give the Pro Bowlers all the exposure and due credit they deserve by putting their names in print. Wouldn't this make everybody happy? The players are still awarded by being named the best in the league and there's no controversy over when and where to play the damn thing. I would much rather watch a Pro Bowl selection show than watch David Garrard do anything with a football. Make it reminiscent of the All-Madden selection shows of the early/mid 90's...why stop there? Let Madden host the show, that would be good television! Instead of awkward miscues between unfamiliar center and quarterback pairings, we'd be experiencing Madden stumble through difficult words such as 'summerall' and 'turdunken'. I'd much rather witness funny than awkward any day...Am I alone on this?

Not only would my idea be great for tv, it would give more NFL players time to make sweet SNL skits! I bet twice as many people watched the Sports SNL Special over the Pro Bowl. Show of hands?? Damn right...that sh*t was funny!

P.S. Play with your kids...so Peyton Manning doesn't have to.

Running the Spread Vol. 1

2010-01-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

...was counting the amount of times Alicia said the words "NEWWWWW YOOOOORK!!!", but instead I'll just Run a Spread, a collection of facts and jokes and things that were supposed to be funny.

I'm not so sure that the Saints ever learned the phrase "Respect Your Elders", but that's just based on them making Brett Favre eat Field Turf for a couple of hours.

Can someone tell Kurt Warner that when you call a press conference to decide about retiring, that you will end up retiring. Otherwise, he would just tell the Cardinals "sure I'll take the 12 million bones!"

Dear Vince Wilfork, the Franchise Tag is when you get paid like the average of the TOP 5 at your position, and that would end up in like 15 million bucks. That's enough to feed your family. No, really, it does, I did research. Latrell Sprewell told me everything!

For your information, Eli Manning makes more money annually than Peyton Manning. What do you mean there's a problem with the salary structure in the NFL? That's ridiculous!

Which news is worse: Carson Palmer got injured on the first play of a playoff game vs the Steelers in January 06, or Carson Palmer played the whole game vs the Jets in January 10? Answer: I'm not sure, both were no shows.

Gambling note: I think this phrase should change: When you bet against Peyton Manning, you get the horns. Take it from me, don't do it again this year, you will be terrified for 4 hours and a boring concert.

Speaking of concerts, how did the Who get the Super Bowl gig this year? I bet that they were at least 20th on the list, just in front of Grand Funk Railroad. Seriously, I'll bet you right now!

I wonder if Jamarcus Russell practices throwing the ball out of bounds and out of the back of the end zone so he'll throw less interceptions. And if so, can we get that on tape?

The public enjoyed Lebron rappin so much on YouTube that I think they should have a NBA karaoke night for All Star Weekend. They already judge the dunk contest, just have Dr. J work overtime, I'm sure he's free for the weekend. Maybe Chris Andersen can sing some Eric Clapton, The Birdman is about to fly, and blow thru some COCAINE!!

If Peyton Manning wins the Super Bowl this year, then that'll be 3 out of 4 years a Manning has won the Super Bowl. Doesn't anyone else wonder if Maury Povich should find out if Archie is the father for the American Public's own knowledge?

Zach Randolph is proving once again that there is no more motivation than the Contract Year. He's puttin the 2004 version of Adrian Beltre to shame, and yes, he was on steroids too. You're just gonna have to trust me. Add him with the rest of the National League, except for Albert Pujols(no sources)

Everyone thinks Lebron is so funny, which is partially true. He would be in the Comedy Hall of Fame if he went to the NBA Finals Trophy celebration last year and said Kanye style "its all great that Kobe won and all but the 2009 Cleveland Cavaliers had one of the best seasons of all time."

Somehow the Memphis Grizzlies became the Oakland Raiders of the NFL(until this year). Think about it, Jason Williams(the Randy Moss one) was a stud in Sac-Town then went there to die, then Allen Iverson went there to retire, and it even claimed The Logo, Jerry West. Oddly enough, Patrick Ewing didn't get to make an appearance there. He might have just crumbled to bone and rubbish.

Is anyone else aware that David Garrard and Vince Young are in the Pro Bowl? They should just change the name to the Intermediate Bowl.

So the Nets beat the Clippers last night in Jersey, does anyone believe the reported attendance was over 9,000? Was the Jersey Shore cast involved?

I always thought that Glen "Big Baby" Davis was called that for his body weight and "baby" face. Then he got into an argument with a fan, and now the joke is too obvious.

While watching the Orlando Magic play the Celtics right now, the Magic have 4 white guys playing and the fifth has a white t-shirt on underneath his jersey. My how the mighy have fallen!

I think we need a corporate bar named Revis Island, where everyone gets turned away for a drink, even if you have an ID that says you're 50 years old. Then we could really say he shuts down everyone.

Does Ray Allen age? No, really, I wanna know. The shaved head always throws me off with ages, I guess that's why me and Michael Jordan do it. Yeah, that's it

I heard Favre's brother say that Favre didn't want to talk about his future in the NFL. This would be great if the season didn't take another 7 months to start.

Next up, I'm gonna tell you about Chuck. It'll be fun, I promise....until next time

Read this with extra napkins

2010-01-28T11:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going to drop some knowledge on you...what's the most important attribute for a wide receiver to have? Don't answer that. I don't want Braylon Edwards to get mad at you...I'll take the abuse. The answer is: the ability to catch the football. It baffles me how scouts haven't realized that. I mean, can I be a scout please? Must be pretty easy picking your receivers based on the sweetness of their tattoos. "This guy must be for real, he's got dreads." And if he has a random syllable in front of his first name...championship! "We don't need to work him out, didn't you hear what I just said? He's got gold teeth! We can't lose!"

Similarly, isn't accuracy the most important part of a quarterback's game? Maybe we should whisper just in case Michael Vick or Jason Campbell is listening...This has to be common sense, right? The reason accuracy is overlooked (that just sounds ridiculous every time I read it) is because it's difficult to quantify. GMs and coaches pressure their scouts to track down the best talent in the country...but they need proof. Documented, quantifiable evidence that their recruits won't Ryan Leaf their organization.

In a combine setting, vertical jumps, 40 times, amount of dope smoked...all measurable statistics. Easy to look at, judge as good, bad, or marginal. On the other hand, throwing a 30 yard out route to the outside shoulder on a rope...completely different story. Scouts actually have to work to judge this one. They have to report on what they see, which becomes very subjective. And based on some of the QBs in the league, I think the scouts skipped the entire combine and asked the players to rate themselves.

"Which phrase best describes you?"
a.) Pocket passer
b.) Ham sandwich

With all that being said, let me drop some more knowledge...be careful it might spill on your lap...Jimmy Clausen will be the most productive quarterback to come out of the draft this year. What makes him so special? He can actually throw a football...what a concept! What he lacks in athletic ability, he makes up for it by being able to play the position. Think about how many teams could use a passing quarterback. With the WR position getting taller and longer every year, how dangerous would these guys be if they had a quarterback who could get them the ball? Ever heard the phrase "he just threw the ball up for grabs and let his receiver go up and get it"? I'm pretty sure this would never happen if you had an accurate passer under center. This type of play/mentality is designed to reward mediocre passers by showcasing talent at the receiver position. If you have talent on both ends of the pass, the possibilities are mind boggling. Montana-Rice, Brady-Moss, Bradshaw-Swann...

Let me ask you this, how does Clausen-Crabtree or Clausen-Houshmandzadeh sound? I'm not sayin...I'm just sayin. Bradford is sweet and all, but he takes one hit and he's done for the season? Jimmy was playing 3 vs 11 all year long, the majority of his season was spent peeling himself off the turf, and still he threw for 3700 yards and 28 touchdowns. And the Redskins want Bradford? I invite you to reread this post 3 years from now and remind yourself how right I was way back in 2010.

Yes I do...Wanna piss on you

2010-01-25T22:43:00.000-08:00

Lets get into a pissing contest. Who can walk away from this postseason a winner? Obviously the super bowl winner can, but lets think more along the lines of individual pissers. First, we'll start with the already-eliminated:

Donovan McNabb: 230 yards from 19 completions with 1 TD and 1 pick? Call me crazy...but this is what you get when you put McNabb in a playoff game, right?
Mediocre performances. And lets face it, if Vick hadn't shot his wad on a 76 yard touchdown pass to Maclin this game would go down as one of the Eagles worst losses in their postseason history. Wait...it still will.

Aaron Rodgers: I don't think I've ever felt as sorry for someone who makes so much money as I do for Aaron Rodgers. Not only does he have to follow Brett Farve in Green Bay, he has to do it with little to no help...keep Driver, Jennings, and every now and then Grant, Finley. Notice I didn't mention any defensive players or offensive linesmen. Rodgers gave the most impressive performance of any losing quarterback in recent memory in the Packers loss to Arizona. 400+ yards, 4 touchdowns...unbelievable! It took a questionable no-call in overtime to propel the Cardinals into the endzone and past the Packers. Green Bay residents: Aaron Rodgers is the answer...get it through your heads!! I give him mad props yo. G? Whatever...

Ochocinco: probably one of the more valiant efforts made (and talked) of any receiver who failed to break 30 yards (in 2 games if you include week 17). It wasn't his fault he got sent to Revis Island, but when he came home his forehead was postmarked "loser."

Carson Palmer: lets move on.

Joe Flacco: Here's a guy I was rooting for. I figure someone that ugly needs to be thrown a bone somewhere along the line. And what does he give me? A whopping 34 passing yards against the Pats! Lucky for him, Ray Rice is on his team. Question: if a stranger stopped you on the street before that game and told you the Ravens would be up on the Pats 24-0 at the end of the first quarter you'd probably wash his mouth out with soap, right? Anyway, he slightly redeems himself and passes for 6X as many yards against the Colts the following week. I liked the Ravens in that game but it's hard to win when you turn the ball over 4 times. I like Joe...maybe I'm fixated with tall, lanky dudes. That would explain why Manute Bol is my hero.

Ray Rice: I will never forget listening to the call in my car...the first play from scrimmage against the Pats - "Rice breaks free up the middle and no one is going to catch him...Rice will go all the way for 83 yards are you kidding me!?" You have to respect Ray Rice for his body of work throughout the regular season, but that one run against an opponent like the Pats, on the biggest stage, might have just catapulted him into elite status. He tacked on another TD later just for S&G. Can't wait for fantasy next season...Adrian who?

Tom Brady: I love Tom Brady. He's one of, if not THE face of the NFL and has been the entire decade. He's edgy, he's got attitude, he's pretty, add in Gisele...he's got it all. Plus, he's a winner. But ever since week 1 of the '08 season, he's been a horse of a different color...a mere mortal. You remember the '07 season? Joe Flacco couldn't carry his jock strap that year. Partly because he was playing at Delaware...ok bad example, lets move on...Where's Matt Cassel?

Randy Moss: I'm not going to bite the hand that feeds me. Randy, you served me well as a fantasy WR this season, but damn...where've you been the past few weeks bro? And 48 yards in the playoffs? C'mon man!

Kurt Warner: Why does no one fixate on Warner's age like they do Farve's? He's turning 39 this year and has been playing like a 22 year old. 5 touches against Green Bay's 'not-offense'...that's pretty impressive. I love Kurt, but with his mouthpiece in I have to admit he's the second most akward looking man with a helmet on (behind Mark Sanchez, of course). He, along with the rest of his team, just got out-classed by the Saints the following week. And by out-classed I mean knocked unconscious.

Philip Rivers: I blame the Chargers loss on Nate Kaeding. Rivers threw for 300 yards and a touchdown. I mean, what else do you want from the guy? You just can't leave 9 points on the field like that. Next...

Tony Romo: At gunpoint, the one memory of Tony Romo I will take to my grave is him botching the field goal snap that would have given the Cowboys the win over the Seahawks a few years ago. But if you look at his body of work since then he really has come a long ways. Did you know he is third all time in Passer Rating?? Finally getting the monkey off his back, he gave the Cowboys their first postseason victory in 14 years a few weeks ago against the Eagles. He threw for 244 and 2...Freakin Sweet. Too bad he had to play the Vikings the following week. I'll give him an A for effort, but trying hard doesn't win football games. Well, unless that football game is against the Lions.

Roy Williams: His Tarheels have been struggling as of late.

Dirty Sanchez: If you've been reading our blog since it's inception you already know my feelings regarding Mark Sanchez...not the biggest fan. But to his credit he did find a nut in the woods on Sunday in the form of an 80 yard touchdown bomb to Edwards who caught the ball (any other receiver...that last part would have been implied). Honestly, I thought Mark managed the game well and gave his team a great chance to win. Can you really ask much more from a rookie? At a hostile Lucas Oil Field he managed 257 yards with 2 touchdowns and a pick. I'll take a few days off from badgering Sanchez...he's earned a Dilfer of respect from me.

Adrian Peterson: Impossible to call him a bust. But do you realize 'All Day' only had 3 100+ yard games this year? 4 if you count Sunday's game. Still...I'm just not a fan of AP's postseason. Against the Cowboys he had 63 yards and touched the ball more than a teenager home alone with an internet connection. The Vikes should have run all over Dallas to protect their halftime lead. It couldn't have been bad play calling...AP got the ball 26 times! He was simply rendered ineffective. And honestly, against the Saints all his yardage and all his touchdowns will forever be marred by the 3 fumbles. I definitely see some chinks in his reptilian armor.

Brett Farve: Ok, Brett Farve arguably had the best year of his career. He made it to overtime in the NFC Championship game at age 40, plus, 544 yards and 5 touchdowns this postseason makes it hard to call Farve anything but a winner. Here's some food for thought: why did he come back after the '07 season? His last pass was picked off in the NFC Championship game against the Giants. Why did he come back after the '08 season? His last pass was picked off in week 17 against the Dolphins...think about it. Those are some stale cookies to digest my friends.

Sorry for the rant...if it's any consolation I left out my segments on Sage Rosenfels and John Kitna.

And finally...Peyton/Brees. Have these guys already done what it takes to be labeled a winner? I'll let you infer my answer. I'll give you a hint: I called Peyton by his first name and Brees by his last. That just seems natural, right? I mean, Peyton has earned the right to be on a first name basis with the world...what has Brees ever done? Driven a Mardis Gras float into the ESPN studios? He failed at that, too! Come Superbowl time the pressure will be on Brees and his ungodly birthmark. Nothing short of a world championship will shed the Ain'ts moniker from him and his team. I hope I wasn't too subtle! Peyton, my hat's off to you...even your commercials are better.

Winning the Lottery

2010-01-25T11:13:00.000-08:00

Experiencing financial hardship? What if I told you there were 32 job openings that pay a starting annual salary of $325k and requires roughly 5 minutes of actual work per week? Oh and by the way, no college degree necessary! --- Holy crap, how do I sign up?!?

Answer: walk straight in to your local NFL squad's front office, find a Suit and tell him "I'm your new kicker!"

From the looks of things, and judging your predecessors' abilities, that's all you need. It's like winning the lottery! And as an added bonus, you get the best seats in the house for all your favorite team's games!

The Suit may fire a curve ball back at you: "Sorry son, we already have our resident choke artist signed for the year." Don't sweat it...just take his diet pepsi can off his desk and chug it while walking backwards towards his office door. Once you reach the doorway, place it on the floor in front of you and explain to him how you're going to showcase your skills by pooch kicking his snack into the trashcan beside his desk. All the while licking your finger and holding it in the breeze to gauge wind and trajectory. Now before you kick, you have to realize the mindset of these higher-ups: they are looking for the absolute worst so that's what you have to give them. Not kinda bad...really bad. Not "2-4 and still you're team's only down by 6" kinda bad..."0-3 and your team loses by 3" kinda bad. Not "missing a 47 yarder" kinda bad..."missing a 27 yarder" kinda bad. Pickin up what I'm puttin down?

So take my advice...screw the trashcan, aim that sucker straight at his family portrait hanging on the wall behind him and pelt it! i.e. Pretend you're Neil Rackers actually trying to make a game winning field goal and shank it left. For best results, consider kicking the can as hard as humanly possible. This will inflict as much damage as possible to the portrait, hopefully knocking it off the wall entirely, as well as potentially causing you to slip and fall...which would be an added bonus. If you can pull off both, consider this a successful interview. No doubt we will be seeing you on Sundays next season.

The Replay Rules in the NFL? Pump it or dump it.

2010-01-23T20:07:00.000-08:00

The Scene: Lucas Oil Field, 2:08 left in the game

The Game: New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts

The Situation: Fourth and two, Patriots ball, first down ends the game.

This game has been beaten to the ground with the controversy of Bill Belichick going for it on 4th down, I get it, it wasn't a smart move unless you listen to guys who launch rockets or whatever. Thrashing the Patriots coach was an easy copout for the media and the NFL to pick on. One thing overshadowed here is the ridiculous Challenge Rule the NFL has in place. You heard that correctly, the unbelievably ignorant challenge rules. Lets review this particular play, Tom Brady throws a quick out to Kevin Faulk in what seems to be an easy first down, a yard over the marker, but he bobbles it and it may be a yard short. This is an easy challenge situation right? Well unfortunately, you only get two challenges a game, because apparently you're supposed to plan ahead for incompetence. If this play happens ten seconds later in the game, its

I wonder if Jim Caldwell will let me borrow his challenge flag?

auto-reviewed by the booth by league rules. Was there a bigger play in the game? Answer: No. I remember watching this game live and hearing Al Michaels say "And they can't challenge since they already used their two for the game!!" I'm sorry, what? No challenges left because they were previously used?? This can't be how this game is judged? By all definitions, this is a play that can never be properly judged at first glance, which is all that was given for the biggest play of the biggest regular season game to this point. I'll let you watch the replay for yourself. Go ahead, click on it, I can wait. Okay, great, now we've all seen it 30 times. Any idea of where the ball should be spotted there? Yeah, me neither. So that's it, the Colts get the ball and ride the crowd into the end zone and win the game by one. Pandemonium. The coach gets grilled, he does his "it was the best decision at the time" thing, with no pulse or thought.

I'm aware that I just did a lot of rambling to get a simple point across, but this has gone on for about a decade now. Marvin Lewis even ran out of challenges vs the Jets in a playoff game, in

Are we sure I can't challenge a coin toss?

what seemed to be the Coin Toss. Let me rephrase that, the most important game of the year for him, two borderline plays, and now's he's boned for the rest of the game if a bad call is made. IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME OF THEIR SEASON, OF COURSE HE'S GONNA MAKE SURE THE CALL IS RIGHT!!!!(sorry, this rule angers me) I have one rule for fixing this: Dump the rule or enhance the rule. Assuming we can't dump the rule, since all hell would break loose, lets tweak it. Lucky for you(humor me?), I have a few ideas:

Adopt the college rules, refs challenge anything that looks remotely close(this rule is great, you know a play is about to be reviewed because the refs turn into the Three Stooges in a huddle and point at every landmark on the field, then collectively decide "Since we have no idea what just happened, we will now review the previous play. Nothing amuses me more during a college game. If you need evidence of this fantastic officiating, See Texas vs Nebraska, Big 12 Championship game when Colt McCoy goes into "jackass" mode scrambling for 9 seconds too many for no reason and one second is placed back on the clock so Texas can win in conspiracally(new word?) fashion.)
If you get a challenge right, why lose it? Obviously you've spotted that the zebras have

Can I interest anyone in an adrenaline shot?

no idea what's going on, so why lose the challenge. I'm thinking, unlimited challenges as long as you're right.(I'd like to compare this to a movie scene that after 2 failed takes, the director taking the third one no matter what happens. Imagine the Pulp Fiction scene where Mia Wallace gets injected with adrenaline, and Vincent misses the spot twice. Uffff.)
Are we aware that you can't challenge Roughing the Passer and Pass Interference? On top of that, are we aware that a Pass Interference call can be a 50 yard penalty? "Sure it was questionable, but you can't challenge that call, you will be deducted 50 yards for that possible bump!" On paper, this just looks ridiculous. Let's just stop this now, and call it the Devin Hester Rule. Everything can be challenged somehow or another. Done... and done.

This can't be rocket science, could it? Maybe it is and I'm not qualified to discuss the Challenge Rule, but I know it's not Fight Club and someone important in the NFL should at least be talking about entertaining some changes. Only if someone in the NFLPA were awake right now.