I have been enjoying the latest book by David Brooks, The Social Animal (2011). He approaches the subject of our social equation is as naturally as it can be told. We witness characters play out their lives while Brooks brings in the research to support the human story. He lays over an emotion, and instinct, with a logic research study that proves the power we have to the most rational among us. I am left with the joy of how complex we are, and how much potential we have to evolve to being even better than we are, if we allow ourselves to.

Combine Brooks’ micro thinking with Thomas Friedman’s new book, That Used to Be Us (2011), macro approach and we have a road map out of the political divisive rational mess we find ourselves in as a country, a boss, employee and citizen. Reading both these books at the same time screams the answer loud and clear. We are capable of doing great things when we start working together, which requires us to overcome the minor arguments and just use our common sense. We need to pull together, and be human together. I leave these books feeling optimistic because we have an amazing history, and amazing capabilities, and all we need is the collective will.

I recommend both these books to anyone running for office, leading an organization…oh, and I also recommended them to my 17 year old as he begins to navigate college and his own future.

Brooks, D. (2011). The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement. Random House.

Friedman, T. & Mandelbaum, M. (2011). That Used to Be Us: How America Fell Behind in the World It Invented and How We Can Come Back. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

I read the paper for a while, and my 9:30 breakfast appointment was delightful. As I was leaving, I backed up and hit a car behind me. It was a gentle kind of auto accident, but I still got out to check on things. The two men in the car jumped out and started making a big thing out of it, and demanded that we call the cops. Okay, not really worth it, but I understand their concern. When I started to exchange papers, they refused, and also informed me that they had no insurance. To make matters even more annoying, their car was already all smashed in, and the little dimple I put in their already destroyed bumper was a joke, at best. Okay, I began to see what game they were playing, and decided that I’ll wait for the police to explain to them how these accidents work. While standing there waiting, a street down we herd the screech of tires, and a bang of a real accident. Within minutes two police care arrived at the other scene. It was clear that they would not get to us until after they clean things up there. 2 hours later, standing in the sun, the police officer shows up. He explains to my two new friends that there is hardly a claim, and if they make one to the state, it is likely they will have to pay car insurance in the future. They didn’t want that, so their potential lottery ticket evaporated. I don’t think they felt bad for wasting a good part of our day, and was just part of how they do business, how they roll. Oh well, time to move on.

I make my last appointment just in time, but as this day wraps up, I’m feeling tired. As I drive home I stop for gas. While pumping the gas, a young man shows up behind me, and explains to me he has run out of gas, and needs one dollar to make it home. He points to his car, which is a newer BMW, and his girl friend is in the passenger seat. She looks a little annoyed with the whole thing, and I was not the only person having a bad day. I slip the kid a five dollar bill, and he is on his way. I make it home, pour a beer, and kickback on the porch.

My Wife asks me how my day went. I explain all the events, and end it on feeling really good because I helped this kid out. I felt like a Samaritan, a good citizen, a fellow human helping another. My wife looks over at me and starts to laugh, explaining that she read in the paper that the latest drugs money scam is to ask suckers at the gas station for gas money.

Okay, it was a bad day, but I still felt good. Nothing really tragic happened. Nobody was hurt. It was certainly a comedy of errors, but I can still sit on my porch and have a beer with my wife. Regardless of if it was a scam or not, I’m glad I gave that kid a five, and I think he really needed gas. I looked at my wife and said, “That’s how I roll”.

Now that I have some time to reflect on just how President Obama has done, I can honestly say I am terribly disappointed. In July 2007 I was not suggesting that the candidate fake leadership. Rather, I wanted him to demonstrate the leadership he possessed. Looking back, I’m afraid, he might not have really held good leadership talent. This is hard for me to write, but it is honest. I spend my life studying leadership, and I was fooled too. At every turn he has been out maneuvered by a caustic system, dishonest opponents, and a selfish electorate. While we are all to blame for this mess, there is no excuse. We crave a leader, someone to take us out of this. Yet, on the horizon we only see postured leadership, fake politicians, and selfish and divisive parties.

Other Presidents have had a second wind after being knocked down their first few years in office, but they recovered quickly. John Kennedy changed his approach after the Cuban missile crisis, Clinton changed his cabinet after his first few years almost went off the rails. They learnt from their mistakes. President Obama negotiated a bad healthcare bill, and was held hostage by fringe conservatives who have admitted that their role is to rid the country of him. The challenges were clear where leadership should be applied, but it was not. At this point in this post I should be writing that there is still time and hope that our President will begin to lead. However, I don’t feel that is true. Instead, I call on the many leaders we have in this country to run for office. I mean qualified people who are running our companies, universities, military… the proven leaders who we can count on to lead our country back. The career politician model does not work and we need a better test to select our leaders.

So why don’t we all argue that way? Because we are all too sensitive and our stage is filled with trap doors that will make us fall through. If we argue with our boss, our job feels in jeopardy. If we argue the wrong position, we may be labeled something we don’t want to wear. So the question becomes, how do we set the stage.

Recently, my friend John Robinson from OurAbility had an argument. We love to argue. But it never felt like an argument. It felt like a free-flow collaboration. We just both went on, talking over each other, building our ideas upon each others. Rejecting ideas that we did not like, and repositioning them in different ways, until we land on something we both love. This then became the model for a new way of staging collaborative arguments, which we called Hyper-Collaboration.

We did this in front a two seventeen year old boys, who sat there in awe watching us. My son said to me that was the coolest thing he ever saw. It was totally foreign to what he is being taught. It’s not that polite conversation is not pleasant and good, it’s just too slow. You have to find someone you trust, decide you’re going to argue, and then go for it.

There are rules to Hyper-Collaboration, but we have not argued about them yet.

The reason this debate is happening is because we have a system and society  build on argument. Argument is good, when we have something to argue about. What has happened over the last, say 40 years, we have lost sight of what is important, on purpose. The people spinning all this: the political parties (both of them) and the media who make profits from this discussion, really don’t care about what is right or good for society.

As I research, write and speak about the future of organizational dynamic, I seek the productive collaboration, the synergy of ideas, and the solution to problems. Good companies do this well. Good leaders build alignment with their objectors. But in our public world we are neanderthals, arguing to the death about an issue because our party tells us so. Arguing about points that only damage the “competitor”. We just fight what we are told to fight about.

My suggestion is that all of us, professionals, public figures, media and citizens find some common ground and work from there. If we can, the future of everything will be much better. . . what do you think?

By the way, the credit, and the blame belong to all of us.

It is a fact that the most rewarding assignments I have had in my career first came with rejection. In many cases I did not have the right background, skills or education. I missed on some unknown trivial attribute, was misunderstood, or just did not perform at my best on the day of the interview. But I’m stubborn, so if I really wanted it, I would just try again, show up again, and people appreciated it. On the second look, I could build a better relationship, be more authentic, direct and sincere. On the second try I had less to lose, and much more to gain, and people noticed this slight increase in confidence.

Tenacity also means being brave about what you want. Interviewers detect when someone’s heart is not in something, and when there is passion it is contagious. So if your heart is set on a particular field, role or job, you will illuminate with enthusiasm and excitement. If you are half hearted, the interviewer will know. While it is easy for me to suggest that people should only do what they want in life, that is not practical. But what is practical is that every job we have adds value to the larger arch of our career. Each professional accomplishment related or not to what we “really” want to do, adds to our repertoire of skills and competencies. Each role we play takes us closer to our future. Therefore, regardless of the role for which you are interviewing you can be excited because you are moving towards what you should be doing in life.

Tenacity also communicates something that is extremely powerful to hiring managers. When my daughter was trying out for her softball team last year, the coach was not looking for skills. He was looking for coachability. Coachability means being able to get past an error, get up when you fall down, push when you have nothing else with which to push. Tenacity fueled my daughter’s ability to attentiveness and commitment. She made the team on her willingness to learn, even when there was a lot to learn.

Our hiring systems of resumes and screening, recruiters and interviews, is fraught with errors. I’m not convinced that any of these systems truly find the best jobs for people, or the best candidates for companies. However, I am convinced that our behavior once in front of people has a powerful impact and makes a difference. I have been in many post interview meetings, and the first response to the question, what do you think of the candidate is “I liked her”. And that had nothing to do with the resume.

Entrepreneurial businesses, and people, invest money, take risk, create jobs (for others) and provides for progress and growth. A lifestyle business, or person, is not necessarily in it for any other reason than safety, security, passion, the fun of doing.

This is not to say pursuing a lifestyle career is bad. On the contrary. But I think most of us confuse the two, especially if we own a business. Recently I was with a web designer, small firm, 2 people, and he told me his business was an “entrepreneurial life-style business”. He has no intention on growing his company, expanding his client base, hiring anyone else, or creating change in his industry. He is using his industry, delivering a valuable service, but has no desire or capacity to grow.

I am writing this because I have realized that my firm is entrepreneurial. It began as a life style firm, boutique I called it, kept me busy and happy. I even went through two leadership programs and finished my Doctorate while running it. Seems I had a nice life-style. That has all changed. Revenues are up (and expenses), capacity is up, research being conducted, lots of speaking engagements, and many more moving parts, busy, sometimes tiered….life-style is definitely different.

I have made my lifestyle entrepreneurial. And I love it even more. But I am tired.

It’s no one fault really. Someone takes us on and expects us to learn, encourages it, but even when we have perfected our job and realize great results, our sponsor stills has a seed planted in his head that we are students. Making that perspective shift from student to peer, in the eyes of the boss, is critical to breaking the ceiling of your career.

This is where bosses can really have an impact. By letting go, challenge and re-event the role, or provide a chance to take on the big project will provide both the boss and the worker an opportunity of value. What happened for me:  My boss at the time, a CFO, sent me on a major acquisition. Sure I learned something, but the real purpose was to expose me to others, and other possible assignments. Six months later I was transferred to a new exciting role and we all learned. Even my CFO knew I needed to grow in a new direction, and had the foresight to send me on an extended mission. I returned to that boss 2 years later, and I was his peer.

To reach your potential, we have to learn and grow, and then deliver at another level. Recognize when you stop learning, and talk to your boss, take a risky assignment, and continue the journey. Take what you have learned and re-apply it, and recognize a new appreciation for what you have became. Then keep learning, and do it all over again.