Some broken heart

Waking up to love

2016-05-24T03:53:00.002-07:00

Kind of dah dah,,,, n i can almost feel some one saying yeh yeh been thhere done that....but everytime it happens, when the love rainbow is all out in the sky and you know you have been looking at your phone like a newborn kid, admirring the grass , sheepingly wishing that someone would call, and the way you smile at e nothing when talking on the phone, twist your hair, laugh out like angels in heaven.....
then you know walawala..... thats the only way you know,,,,,you are in love!!!!

New day has come

2015-06-26T03:56:00.003-07:00

Mmmmmhhhh

Been in love again is almost like a far fetched dream when everything was just broken yesterday , but its not impossible
It always feel like getting hooked up will never be that sweet again and it gets easier to close your heart and brain run your life, but the heart has a funny way of speaking, talking to strangers when you don't want , and finally picking one from the crowd who finally comes in with some soother, some pain killers, that drowns out the small pieces of a broken heart

A breather...a break... a new beginning

2015-06-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

Angels are some where out here, watching over us

Do i need to preach it, time heals, time tells, and you always know someone out there is smiling and thinking of you, do broken hearts mends, how, do they leave some scar, some stitching, some unknown mark that tells a new stranger that it was once stolen, broken and returned to sender with a broken label on it, time ells and time has a sure way of healing and mending things.....

Am right here looking up in the sky and smiling myself down on this keyboard, and telling my self, you knew didn't you, that after been soaked up with pain, there will be a morning where a big smile will rise, and with it the zeal for a better today, broken is eventually what makes you!

The mist has almost cleared,

2014-08-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Now I can smile, when thoughts of you cross my mind......because I know you are smiling right back at us

Him and I

2010-02-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

Maybe its him and I that i cant seem to get over,

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

In the face of a lost loved one, the tears never seem to end, the love is beyond the grave, and am left holding memories, and a future i will never get to know how it would have been, sometimes my thoughts are filled with what if's that never were, and the pain cuts across my heart, i feel like the devil is looking straight in my eyes and asking " Where is this God of yours"

Is it a broken spirit, or a spirited fight that will get me to heaven, because I know that God's grace is sufficient for me, its not my fight but His,

someone to hold

2010-01-21T06:57:00.000-08:00

Life is sometimes so funny, you got something today, you dont take care of it tomorrow you lose it, and you cry all the crocodiles tears in the world, that is how easy we forget, so that even when the next thing come along we still forget

I heard- love like you have never been hurt,

only then can your hand be free enough to hold, to cherish, and your mind free, you eyes open, then you can see what you got,

every moment should count not because you are going to loose it, that should indeed be a motivation, at any one time we will all move on, to leave room for those behind us, if it is a good thing hold it love it, and never regret,
i look at myself and i know that my mending heart is the only piece of evidence that someone was once here, its a lesson and am taking it, now am on my path, looking not at the moments that have made me cry, but moments that have made me say aloud, "i loved you, i did love you, and those were some damn good days", and i would like to pay it forward now, am ready, i will fall, maybe meet someone who wont'want to be here, but am ready, have a great day guys, love is a wonderful thing, no doubt

Phil 1.3 I thank my God every time I remember you.

Isaiah 55:9-11

2010-01-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

even when the promises of mankind fail us,

Gods promises dont, I fail, but am human, and failing can happen, but by his Grace we are made sucseessful, His promises are true, just like His words goes forth, not in vain, but to accomplish which it is to do, so are His promises to us

I stand on that word today, so much has happened, and it is hard trying a relationship and thinking maybe this time I got something here, and then things dont work out... am like i must be doomed or something, but i dont want to talk about it now, am getting off my desk and taking one long walk, enjoy yourselves guys

Headache

2010-01-03T06:24:00.000-08:00

wont say much today, I got the 2010 headache, its getting me down like nothing, will lay down a bit and see if am gone get some changes,

the Sunday sermon today was very nice Psalms 103, that is what the preacher dwelt on, we know but if you dont, seeing 2010 has been by Grace, Extravangance Grace, .....you did nothing to deserve it

Happy New Year 2010

2010-01-02T02:08:00.000-08:00

I wanted to be in so many places by new year, and a friend called me right before I went to church at 8pm New Years Eve,

"I had an accident"

I got down on my knees when he was finished, and I told Jesus "Lord you know when I met this guy, I reallly felt like I like him lots, please take care of him, because I trust you to do that" I called Alf back and told him, "am going to church as I had planned, just know the devil is a liar!

So on New
Year's Eve at the turn of the clock at midnight I was in my Father's house, thanking Him for 2009, for keeping His promises, for my loved ones, for the nights have cried myself to sleep, for the nights I thought I could never love again, for the nights have been scared, for the nights have stayed up so late working, and for the day I met Alf too. I never told a soul about it, but I talked to Jesus , I went down on my knees, and I told sweet Jesus, Lord I dont want to jump my gun here, I dont even want to talk about it because am scared that it will jinx everything, I just want you to know that my heart feels something for him, and the good Lord showed me that His promises are here to stay, when He promises he delivers.

So on the furst day of the year I took the longest trip to be with Alf, he was a bit hurt, the car had gotten into a ditch, coz the brakes had failed, and to avoid crushing into people on the sidewalk, he did the best he could. So here I am on my bed its still raining and I decided to share what the Good Lord did for me at the start of 2010.
We are just starting out, and am hoping we got something going, this year I wanted to be at my late boyfriend's home, one last Christmas back there but God works in miraculous ways, it was like a sign, that its time, I looked up in the sky and asked him, are you sure coz am not, I didnt make it coz he had an accident, and a little voice was saying its time to take care of the living, am fine.

Happy New Year friends,

Am home

2009-12-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

And that is where we should all be this Christmas

If home is in the arms of your loved one, if home is near your parents, if home is next to him or her, if home is with your children, then you should find yourself home, this season

I, I will be home, because I will be right where my heart is, at home,

As you go for shopping for thuis season dont forget those who might not be home this Christmas, even the thought counts, in many ways than one, you know that they would be thinking of you, and the many Christmas -es that you have been home, and those memories will rise to feel the void, left by the fact that you cant be in two places at one time, so be rest assured, that the distance is only a physical distance, they will have you in their hearts, all the way through, because the Master of the reason, can be found, when you seek Him you find Him,

Another Christmas

2009-12-14T10:46:00.001-08:00

time waits for no man, and it seems like my heart has refused to close the doors of sweet memories and the moments that made me the woman I am today

Each and everyone of those memories have a special place in a chest draw that has never gotten full, life has given me other reasons to live, but not another you, because there is no replacement for anyone, so I soldier on, in hope and more everyday in faith, that in my Fathers arm you rest, I will find another love, and when everyone else is afraid of time, because with age, only time becomes our greatest enemy, but I fear not, because time has taught me overe and over again that it was never in vain, that it can never be in vain, some love are meant to be lost, to come and go, to rise and fall, to fight and win, and with every steps pf my trials, I know am stronger today than I was yesterday

Another Christmas without you,

I cant acceot it, not yet

2009-09-18T05:20:00.000-07:00

Half a decade is time enough, that is what they have been saying. I just turned 29 and my sweet sister called and said hey happy birthday you are getting old, is old the memories we have had, or is old the small time we have ahead, or is old how long have missed you,
Its fresh, deep and I still hold my breath, when I have sweet memories of you, just enough to give me time to breath again well

Always

Me

Make the most of today

2009-04-22T00:45:00.000-07:00

Am leaving for upcountry over the weekend, always make me feel in touch with the world, that there must be a God out there looking over me, and making sure that i tread on to my destiny if i accept my purpose in this world.

Make the most of it, they only white greyed haired people go, but no one knoweth the hour, you could loose that loved one anytime anywhere, its a blessings to get to old age, lets celebrate the grandparents in our lives, a visit this weekend cant be that bad......

And for those that we count as our loved ones, the crusade has to go on, lets love like we dont have tomorrow, like all we have is now...love is a beautiful thing, cant be borrowed, it just grows within you, fills you up with joy and grace, makes the sun shine brighter than it did yesterday, makes the sunset walk worth every step, love when you can, love like the last thing will do on this eart is just to love....coz when its gone one day you dont want to look back and say, you would have wanted in any other way

Missing you, I am

2009-02-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

In my heart is where I have kept you, missing you is an understatement, I thank God that He gave me the gift of knowing you the way I did, loved you the way I did, laughed with you the way I did, and now am getting over you the only way I know how.............

Happy 2009!

2009-01-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

I pray it stays that way.................... I spent Christmas in the Forest, I needed time out, so I told my family that I have an invite for Christmas and for the first time in years only made it home for new year. It was a great time, New year, Dad, Mum and the rest of the whole Aunts, Uncles, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, name it.......

The trip to the forest made me appreciate home, love, care,............and a renewed strength to go out there and do it all over again. The pains and lost loved ones left behind only in the physique in the past year, did not stop the sweet memories of times spent, laughter shared and moments cherished.
I know someone who lost a mother, a brother, a dad, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, a niece, nephews....and a little love sent in the package of a card, a phone call, an email, to strengthen them in the new year, to let them know that it will be alright, is most welcome from you and me.

Wedding bells! Not ringing yet, Love.! I am keeping my options open, you just never know.........Love is a wonderful thing. cherish it, care for it, hold it, protect it...............and all the other things that you yearn for will fall into place.
I thank God, its not by my Might, but By his Grace, you and I are still here, given another chance to have a go for it, Happy 2009!

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I am

2008-08-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Because God loves me so much,
I feel good today, because I read somebody's story, and they were not whining as I do, they are in pain and not dying by it, and still thanking Jesus for one more blessings. But what makes me feel so good is the story of the widow, the widow who got love, and lived the love for 30more years. Am smiling about that, because there is hope, and hope is a good thing to have, I feel my heart rising like the morning sun, and glowing, and my eyes feels like they have some shine on them, and my blood believes that story. But whats more is the wanting to wake up tomorrow, the want to see the next hour without feeling sad and guilty, and denying people the chance to know me, by building people-proof walls around me!
I was born to be strong, a first born to lead, to be looked up to, and I dont know how else to do it, but be strong even when am in need. I want to let my hair down for a day, cry because I should, but every time i let my guard down am scared, scared that if they know they wont want me, and the only person who knew is gone,.................second chances are hard to come by............am looking forward to tomorrow, praying that this feeling hangs in here....

Happy birthdays!

2008-08-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Am not good at remembering birthdays, but I know tomorrow is my sisters' birthday, that is 19th August, but I also know on 22nd August was also his birthday. Am supposed to focus on the good that is what they tell me, get out of this depression, like now I should be focusing on my sisters' birthday, but tonight am so sad, when does it reach a point when family takes the back seat, and the ones we have met,and loved take over?
I don't know when it happens, but I know tonight my heart is achy and breaky, instead of reaching out to the phone and calling her am scared am going to break down and cry, and I don't want them to think, am breaking apart again, that am loosing it again, I want them to know am fine.
Its honest, sometimes I am, but other times am not, other times am lost and needy, falling apart, but other times, the promise I made on the graveside, gives me the strength, and I feel rejuvenated, and the promise of a new tomorrow lights me up. Its hard, really hard, and my greatest fear, is what if this pain becomes the hand that will stop me from entering heaven? Its heavy and hard to carry, and its the burden I want to give to Jesus, its the one thing that is preventing me from seeing what a beautiful world God created, His wonders, His strength, the feeling that makes you go on your knees and just worship........ this pain am afraid could be my downfall, I need to be lifted, high into the mountain, I need to see Jesus, I need to catch the helm of his cloth, and be healed, I need to cry at His feet, because I need to...

Happy Birthday Julyne.

Old flames

2008-08-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

It keeps coming back

2008-08-15T03:03:00.000-07:00

When I have some victories, I wish there was someone here I could say cheers too. True friends are so hard to come by, some are passers by, some are just hanging around till something else comes along, and i still cant believe that the probability of finding, one true friend gets tougher with time, and am aging, and missing out, and my heart is still broken into pieces, yesterday while sleeping I remembered this one night, when he picked me up from the seat, held me in his arms and started slow dancing, my head on his shoulders my hand in his, and the other arm around his neck just dancing, with no music except the heartbeating, I refuse to accept that you are gone, and I refuse to accept that there can be another you
Do we get second chances at love? At friendship? At family? Do we, coz have been waiting a long time now............. There was only one Thomas, and there was only one Maxy, and there could be only one Tomax.

I will still be here loving my family

2008-06-19T10:37:00.001-07:00

If all you have was tonight, if the sleep you will get tonight will be your last breath, if tomorrow you woke up at the banks of River Jordan, would you be fine, with how you lived today?
Will you have loved like you wont get hurt.....................................

One moment in time

2008-06-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Each day I live............

2008-06-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it get so quite I hear the sounds of the leaves talking, very late at night when i walk down the road to the house. I can see every house in the court yard dark everyone asleep. Am never too sure if I really want to warm some food or just rush into the fridge and wash down the sandwich with cold juice.
Yesterday was too hard, life was not supposed to turn out this way. The devil is waging a war on me, and all I have is a job that has kept me away from church for the last four months, and a breaking heart that is keeping me away from friends. I was down and out, lonely and scared, jobless and penniless. Then Jesus decided to give me a gift of a job this year,, now am busy with no time, still lonely and living in a bigger house, and with every excuse for not joining my brethen in fellowship. And everyday, as my bible gathers dust, I remain lonelier and lonelier, and now my greatest fear is the big rift between the one and only friend who has stood by me on the toughtest and most defeated times of my life.
Jesus, I have no excuse for turning my eyes from the mountain of love you have given me, but I want to thank you for not turning your love away from me, when like human mind I have forgotten, like human heart I have become of faint faith, like of human heart I have trusted in my strengths and my weakness, mould me a new vessel, and put a new wine in me, that I might drink of your cup
Because even as my human heart pains, fails, my strength cometh not from me, but from whence I look unto the hills I still see you Jesus.

Have been loved by the best

2008-06-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

Diaries of my life

2008-06-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should have said Days of my life, they are moving too fast too soon. And with every step I progress with, sometimes my heart pumps harder than it should with thoughts of, am doomed to be alone. Loneliness is not my idea of spending the rest of my life, but as days go by I keep meeting old school girlfriends who are married, college friends, and lately it was my childhood neighbour Judy, bumped into her in the bowling hall, I happen to have moved jobs out of town but she is here with her hubby, she got married and they moved into this town.
I had to hold my smile and say" that is so nice, " Am talking about jobs while everyone else seems to be talking about family. I must be in the wrong direction, but I cant help it, spending a life time with anyone is a commitment that I would want to come from my heart. That is the way TM would have loved it, and I promised him on that graveside, that I will do it right just for loves sake, that if somebody else gets to loving me, I got to be loving them back too.
I ask, do I beleive in fairy tales too much! Am gone turn 40 someday and everyone will be asking, how can beautiful people like her turn out like that! This is a secret between God, myself and TM, that even if it lasts me a life time, that I had been loved by the best.
All the best,and nice time

You touched my heart

2008-05-31T22:39:00.001-07:00