Someplace Else

Failing the #100HappyDays challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 07 May 2014 10:00:00 +0000

I started the new year with a great online challenge that I was quite hopeful for. Unfortunately like the 71% reported (as of March 2014), I failed the challenge. I continued for 55 days really pushing myself to do it and then I just couldn't bother anymore. I could use excuses like I had no Internet access for 5 weeks since I were moving but the truth is that I just didn't feel like doing it anymore.

Upasna's board 100 day happiness project on Pinterest.

Some of the reasons I think were these:

I was not willing to share all the things that actually were keeping me happy with everyone. I have a sense of a strong private space (irrespective of what the blog may let you believe :)) and thus the things I was sharing weren't really my "most" happy times. It felt like a lie.
There were days I was too tired to share. I was facing sharing fatigue and I didn't think a project like this focusing so strongly on deadline driven 'pic a day' works positively for my happiness. I just share differently as a person I guess.
At certain points, I was collecting memories for pictures and not really enjoying them. I would make fun of people whose sole aim in life was more Facebook pictures. This was making me feel like that. And that doesn't make it happy. I'm not judging anyone doing it, it's just that it doesn't work for me!

I'm quite happy with the results of the project that I was able to see in the days that I did post. Thanks to all those who were encouraging and not bored to death with so many photo shares :)

I'm curious to know how the people who did share and continue for 100 days did on this project. I found it interesting to have a strong academic view on this topic which is quite averse to the idea of the project itself. (Failing it doesn't feel so bad now :P)

"Yes, there is harm in that. It's not healthy. It's not normal. We have different emotions because they all serve a purpose. If your dog dies you should feel sad. If your wife leaves you, you should feel sad, or maybe guilty, depending on what you did." (Professor Gruman, read full report here)

The passive German consumer: Why does Twitter not work?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 01 May 2014 18:06:00 +0000

I'm very glad to report that I finally work in a very German environment. I've always thought if we are in a new city or culture, the best way to learn the new is to understand the local act. I really enjoy spending time with fellow 'expat' groups but I naturally feel very happy to be able to spend time with Germans to understand the variations and their outlook (This also excites the consumer researcher in me very much).

How I see it: Social media audience adoption in Germany, adoption curve via

Most recently I have been quite taken by how media consumption values differ between Germany and the perceived 'west'. Here are some observations I have had which are interesting if you're non-German or a company planning to be in Germany (especially having something to do with marketing or media).

The question of German privacy: Data protection is a big theme in the country, even politically at times. This could be a reason why Xing which has to follow German law is perhaps trusted more than LinkedIn. Also, Whatsapp is ok being a private and controlled stream, Twitter is public sharing with random people. Somehow hardly agreeing with the German mindset about privacy. (I have heard of real people who microwave cards with chips to avoid data leakages. It is common that Germans will cover the webcams of their laptops when connected to the Internet.)
Borrowed from Rank Fishkin's Twitter stream, saw this magazine abundantly at SMX Munich
On tradition, quality and price: I live in South Germany, so this may be biased, but largely I see people who focus a lot on tradition. Smartphones buzzing in biergartens is not norm. Though I see many older people complaining that the young lot are on the phones too much. They need to travel around and see how that's really not true, in comparison. Maybe it will change with changes in demographics (different nationalities, younger people). But Germany's age graphic is getting older (like many other developed markets). Tradition also has a strange bearing on quality. People seem willing to pay up (tons) for traditional firms and objects that are perceived as having 'better quality', however, they are extremely price conscious about other aspects (e.g. smartphone prices). In the EU5 Germany has the typically had the lowest smartphone and tablet penetration and has often been described as a 'laggard'.
The mobile Internet experience: It is ruined by the fact that there really are no 'flat tariffs'. The usual allowed Internet flat allowance is 500MB/ 1 GB which is hardly enough for a true mobile experience. Free Wi-Fi in restaurants is not a German thing. That's hardly a shocker considering even tap water isn't free with meals. And then Whatsapp (which is this MVNO now) doesn't take too much bandwidth also additionally being kostenlose compared to the SMS is a big bonus for Germans across age groups.
The rationale- what should I do with Twitter? : I hear this all the time. People do not know how Twitter can be used (personally or by companies). Few companies interact on Twitter aggressively. Many just use it as a distribution (push) platform. Their excuse is that Germans are not on Twitter. Which is true. The ones that are (about 4 million) are not very engaged. So it's chicken and egg really. From data and conversations, it's not a huge generalization to make that Germans are not early adopters. As a consumer used to Twitter responses from a company, it's a nightmare. Companies openly claim not wanting to invest in social because the returns are negligible. I believe them. Just the whole ecosystem seems decades older. People even question how can 140 characters ever be of value (That may be true considering the length of German words though, but DEnglish is growing :P I hate it, but I have to admit, how my life is easier with it).
Why blog anyway via
The rationale: We have media, why should I blog?: I recently spoke to someone saying how difficult it is to find people who blog in Munich. This when in India almost everyone I knew was a blogger (hobby, work, serious, some even sharing cat pics). The answer I got back was that there are a few hundred newspapers in Germany and many are perceived as 'unbiased'- someone even used the term 'pure journalism' (first I thought it were a joke, but no), unlike the media in countries like the US. This means, the German 'publikum' saw no need to get onto wordpress (or blogger) and flesh out their political opinions on Blog posts. To this, I immediately asked, but how about casual bloggers, and the ones that share cat pictures or talk about fashion and entertainment and home improvement (and I consider all of these serious fields btw.). I had no answer to this, but the implicit feeling was (this in 30 somethings) that writing or opinion sharing is considered a serious business. People are concerned about quality. And they genuinely feel quality in writing (including blogging) comes from several years of work as a media person or a journalist. So a college kid writing a blog is less likely to become a norm. It may become viral and entertaining, but to garner respect, you need to be seen as an 'expert' and a specialist which means many years. This additionally means, Germans don't want to be seen or be associated with low quality products (e.g. blogs) online with their own names. Many Germans I see even have weird names on Facebook (it's near impossible to add anyone unless they really want to add you to a 'private' network and they don't really share tons anyway) to have their identity protected. Sharing is a different animal culturally.

I love this blog post which goes deep into the various reasons of how Germans tend to be 'passive Internet consumers'. I've heard ALL those things one time or the other.

Personally, it seems like such a big departure from the Indians, who share (even unqualified) opinions on anything and everything without caring about it at all (and a lot of it could be trash). Surely, the German media may have the quality, but I am reluctant to buy the argument that user generated content is always poor quality. I feel it lends perspective to the cultural narrative, so personally, I am all for it.

It also means, if I wanted to meet Bloggers here, it may either never happen, or they would all be journalists. And since they're hardly on Twitter, I can see why my hashtags to find anything hardly reach anywhere. That somehow, doesn't bode too well for a brand trying to find advocates or if you were Huffington Post or Thoughtcatalog trying to find bloggers to write for you- quite a tragedy! When people say Germany is 5 years behind the US in terms of marketing, I want to refute and say it's much worse especially if one has to consider the online organic content scene. But, I do believe those cool kids in the shops like Apple- only using 'du'- they are going to change it.

Being a Finisher

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 20:52:00 +0000

In 2004, in my first job, we began with an internal training programme which also introduced a soft-skills based training and more specifically, productivity personas. I've seen these multiple times since. At that time, I tried finding sense in the art of writing code (my sister can vouch for the art). I tried to fall in love with logic. While my heart leaned towards irrational chaos (I am still talking about work here). Finally, I remember telling a fellow coder, who proudly announced how he was a 'finisher', that I was anything but. I let myself believe that I was not a finisher and that it was a bad thing. It still haunts me at times.

back to school rush

As a grown up (I like to believe this now), I feel more aligned towards the thinker (I'm usually an idea person) and a starter (I do the new) and a marketer (now professionally). But, after initiating my third degree, I'm also the first one in my graduating class to *finish* it well before the official 'allowed' time. It was also my favourite study programme (thus far). I learnt many new things (culturally, personally and academically) and my performance made me feel largely good about things.

It took me a while to rationalize why. I have concluded that the cliche is true. We tend to be happy with things that we choose to do and those that align with our interests. I should have never been coding- just not my thing. Given the multiple ideas that I often suffer from, I may even change my area of current interest in another 3 years, but the last two were exactly what I liked working on. I had the flexibility and the time to take up projects that interested me, to try and fail. It wasn't smooth but a lot of hard work. It was a risk to begin with, but I'm thinking I'd like to celebrate this ending. I see that I am not a loser at finishing after all. Besides, I often find myself questioning the merit of finishing too. It even feels anti-evolutionary.

People can make fun of MBAs. I think it's just perspective. You can make anything into a disaster if you choose to or question if it is really needed. But at the same time things can be great when you work towards them. I have to admit, today I liked updating my social profiles and I like being one. :)

Drawing boundaries: Between work and life

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 21:27:00 +0000

I'm glad to post today that my work obsession is over. I mean I love working. I feel I'm ambitious and excited to get working every day. However, I have stopped carrying work over to evenings, weekends and holidays. I feel no real urge to do so (unless there is a rare catastrophe).

The reason I find it particularly remarkable to write about is because, it took me 3 years (beginning 2011 March in fact) and hard work to get to this state of health. I hadn't seen it coming at all at the time that my obsession had begun (in 2007/8). At that time, I almost felt a bit snooty for doing such 'great work' and being at the helm of things. I even remember talking (almost with pride) about how I had to take myself out to Bombay and actually felt bad to apply for 'leave' for a long weekend with a national holiday. Maybe it was the lack of other fun things in life or a sense of immense ghissu-ness (Tiara syndrome) with which I actually thought working so hard was a good thing. Of course, it was, severely short sighted.

I felt burnt out. My relationships at all levels- family and friends included- suffered. I was constantly angry, upset and my only friends were people from office with whom I also spoke enthusiastically about work (and occasionally Sex and the City). It didn't help that I was travelling 5 hours (as a best case scenario) everyday to and fro office for 6 years. I was living the lie that no one else would understand. Which wasn't really far off. What was there for anyone to understand anyway - I was working till 3am and still getting out of home at 5:30 am the same morning for a power point presentation frequently for no visible rewards (at that time or afterwards). I was pushing myself almost as a habit. This, in my 20s, and making myself a big bore in the process.

When will I get a change times (Photo credit: tim caynes)

Thankfully, I didn't need to have a baby to start talking about the lack of balance. However, once in the hospital with family, my boss called and without being human (or mildly kind), he asked me where a certain 'excel sheet' was (and not how I was doing). At that time I realised for the first time,

In rage: my boss is a jerk. I am a resource. I am a resource working for a jerk. No one cares because it was put up as my choice.
In reflection: more importantly, it was unsustainable and indeed my own doing
In further depth: the moot point, nothing or no one would come crumbling down if i drew boundaries

Overworking my way to the creativity-dead zone (Photo credit: HikingArtist.com)

It has been helpful that I came to Germany in the meantime to recover. Indian companies and work culture makes it far worse and easy to fall pray to such behaviour and I am not the only person who suffered so. However, also, living in Europe makes me feel a lot more human and beyond a replaceable number. Not to say that everything in India is like that. But the numbers and the inherent replaceability does make a difference.

Now, I take time to walk back from work and make that my daily meditation time. I have friends beyond my workplace and I do not suffer from work mail guilt pangs once out of office. I am finally making lists of things I want to learn and feel alive with. This is immensely helpful even at work because:

I prioritize tasks better which means the impact is greater
I'm trying to be fully present at work or home. Qualitatively it makes me feel good, and I do not suffer from unnecessary work guilt. I feel refreshed at 9am at the start of work.
Better boundaries translates to me not getting a feeling of being taken for granted by anyone

Many people ask me why I decided to get back to a degree, even after a Master's already. This was the story. The truth is I was too chicken to take a sabbatical year off in Bali to regain my work spirit. I chose to get a break through academics instead. This has been a risk too, but something that I could live with. I worry for people unable to take breaks from work. It takes much effort to get out.

Does everyone have a story?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 10:00:00 +0000

Marienplatz (Photo credit: edwin.11)

I've not been on the blog a bit because I finally got Internet at home after 5 weeks that flew. I didn't read as I expected. I just walked around the Alt-stadt a fair bit, moved into an Alt-bau beyond that tower in the picture and tip toed on candle light unearthing love and new found glittering treasures. I also jumped on Marienplatz because baby Ri came to our world 4 whole days ago. I want to take him hiking soon. He is speedily learning how to drink milk.

In the meantime, while being in a new city and meeting new people, I had an interesting discussion with an entrepreneur. We talked about creating stories. He said storytelling was a buzzword. I wanted to argue but listened. Storytellers in reality were few, he continued, the good ones he meant. I thought this through a lot. Doesn't everyone have a story? I started this blog post with 5 of them in the first paragraph.

Previously, kind friends sometimes even liked my stories. I didn't do much except talk about things. Going back to old stories now only makes me feel nice about growing up. Instead of sheer annoyance (~~what was I thinking)~~, I now find solace in the fact that hopefully I have nicer things to share. Or even the same things to share in nicer ways. And that's when I realized what he meant. Everyone has stories, indeed. But not many share them in ways that charm others. That requires skill. A build up that has a theme, a sense of wonder and a deeper personal connect. That's what I enjoy reading (and it can vary).

Love Story ♡ (Photo credit: Flocke™)

It's not an unreachable skill. I'm readily beginning to believe we can learn things irrespective of difficulties and preset notions. Stories don't need writers, eloquent speakers or celebrities with a sad past. Stories need seekers- with empathy and ears.

Why do you blog ?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 20:00:00 +0000

A friend of mine recently commented on my re-newed Pinterest activity and said, oh this can help your blog. I thought momentarily and snapped saying, I do not blog for money. At Someplace Else, that is true. This is a personal blog. I talk about people and services that make me happy and all of it is earned not paid.

A postcard arrived in 2013

At this point I can perhaps talk about my utter disappointment of Whatsapp being sold out to Facebook. My first reaction was of disappointment, and somehow that's not changed. The fan in me died several times with the news. Maybe it is the fact that I live in Germany and am getting sensitive about my data by and by. Although, in the most non-German way, I do share a lot of me and a lot of personal data on this blog without much push.

The reason I am willing to be authentic here and share-without monetary incentives- is not to say that there isn't an incentive at all. I blog to connect. In the past many years, and especially in the past week, I've connected with so many kind souls who respond, help and share their views in most humbling ways. That makes me want to write here. Even in the midst of no internet (~~frustrating is not just a word~~) while again being the babe in a new old city.

It spoke to Someplace Else

Oh that, and postcards. I write to earn more of these from people who watch other people for four hours and make lists.

Why do you blog?

Are You Creating Value For Others?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 18:20:00 +0000

Last summer I attended an interesting leadership workshop which in the end led us to creating the top 3 things we'd like to 'work-on' to improve ourselves. It didn't necessarily have to be just work. My top initiatives were all related to interpersonal skills including:

appreciating people
creating value for others
spending time with people (not via tech toys)

via

In the past six months I have tried doing all these. However, a lot of these ideas are hard to measure and keep track of. I fail myself often. But I like to try.

Creating value is the most abstract one and to my mind often misunderstood. Because I really wasn't thinking about business or work. But about reality and relationships (including the ones I have with my parents who are supposed to be more unconditional than anyone else). It's been important because anything to do with people is work. And relationships require effort. I get to choose who I must prioritize but if I do, I like to follow up. And many are draining. Like shedding snake skin I like to subtract to make life more manageable (it's appalling how harsh that can sound, but it's true).

While Facebook is not a benchmark of friendships (and I believe that still), taking people off can also mean something. I didn't have the courage to say this to a girl who asked me this once. It means, my life is so full I can no longer just keep people for the sake of keeping people. I minimize. People that I minimize often create no value in my life. Most people only listen at a 25% efficiency. So if I am not a compassionate listener, I am indeed getting scraped off someone's list too. And that's only fair. In any case following the Dunbar's number we can't seem to handle more than 100-230 people.

As a part of the leadership exercise I used a tool to learn how to create value. I like to think of relationships more intuitively, however I do admit sometimes tools lend perspective. It's from Bracey/ Sanford's 'managing from the heart' and 'creative value' from Havens/Paul. Basically, in a nutshell about creating more empathy. I liked this framework a lot. Even if it's cheesy.

Sorry for the cheesy fonts but you get the picture!

And if you reached this far, I'd love to describe why I chose to write about this today. We were in a 'stress' situation in a workshop recently. A friend of mine whose belief system is far more fact driven than mine (I am driven by intuition a lot more) decided to challenge my theory in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable about working with her (I love keeping friends and work separate in many cases). Later, she refused to show up to a meeting saying directly (and she could) that she doesn't think it's priority. I like her for her directness and also the no nonsense approach. But in my heart, I hoped she knew this was exactly what was bumping her off many mental lists. Of course it makes no difference to people who really like her for what she is, but I like the idea of having that awareness. At least got me thinking about why I was so discomforted. I'm no longer 25 to not be put off by the coolness of apathy. Not what I usually like to aim for.

"Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you too far"

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 14:54:00 +0000

Sometimes these days, I feel guilty of writing on my own blog. Because, the moment I start writing, I recall the 400,000 things on the to-do list, unfinished. And they haunt me. And I can't focus on one thing then. (It is perfectly true that I took on far too much work from October and no matter how much I justify it, at times it was unsustainable). And I'm tired of giving in to to-dos every day. And I've struggled with unnecessary anxiety for as long as I can remember. Thankfully I was able to self-control, but it has been good enough for nightmares, sleepless nights, email checks at 2 a.m., anger and irritation (often). My blog is my shrink.

At the airport last year, with 5 hours to go before the flight and with Shantaram not holding my interest, I thought through the past year to reflect on what I had understood differently. And my notes included these.

Plan B: From the Chinese girl, I like: As a child (I do think I was a child in 2007 :P) I had this notion against backup planning. I maintain that as a grown up too, for relationships. I feel there's nothing worse than thinking of backups while you're in a relationship. That's just gross and the indicator that you're making life miserable for yourself and the other person. However, I've learnt that having a plan B (like a mind mapping exercise) for professional, domestic, travel or other matters is quite another thing (like when you're renting a house in Munich and going through torture). It really reduces anxiety. Because once you have a plan B you're willing to really push yourself to find the real plan A without feeling the need to compromise. You're also allowing yourself to be more experimental and pushing yourself to know what really makes you happy.

Preparation: From Susie, the third culture kid, I like: One day I was sitting next to Susie (in the most boring seminar of all time) and I saw her making notes. She had to have a phone conversation with someone later in the day and she was making notes on what she needed to say and preparing herself. This winter while with friends, for the first time, I opened up to say the reason I have some of the worst travel experiences is not because I'm unlucky, but because I often leave things to the last minute. I'm working on it now. It's improving things. In fact I kept telling people I worked with last year how I was totally not last minute (it's true: at work largely I'm not). And I tried forcing it on me personally too. Most people don't believe it, but since I'm naturally last minute, sometimes that also leads to great, unique stories.

Prioritizing the present: From the German girl, I like: Keeping away from this blog last year and especially the summer taught me a few things on living in the present. However, I had a very stressful time end of last year with far too many things to get grips on. Then before Christmas I met my German friend who was beginning to cover stuff that I had finished doing. And (she was not making light of it) she said, well I thought, I should first spend time with the family (Christmas) and then think about all else. I wish one day I have this skill. I want to practice, focus, do anything to be able to not stress out and feel anxious about the next 100 years. Maybe for some people it's a natural thing to behave so. I want to be able to attain it someday.

Of course now these may be naive to someone else reading, but it has been absolutely critical for me to learn and understand how to potentially be less anxious as a person. Some people work towards the pursuit of happiness. I feel I work towards sufficiently long hours of sleep :-).

Title quote: Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home

Devrai: movie review

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 10:00:00 +0000

Devrai- image via

Earlier in this *new* year, all of us - the kids in the family were sitting blanket clad and discussing a new topic that somehow got intriguing - about mental illness. And more specifically, Schizophrenia. My cousin had a story to share from her office about a boy who had recently got married to a girl suffering from the illness. It was an arranged marriage and the girls' side had not clearly told him all the details. In fact apparently, the doctor that the girl had visited had said that a 'life changing event' could reverse the illness and the parents readily thought 'marriage' could solve it.

This story deeply impacted me for different reasons. Firstly, (and it's not limited to India) on how we are not still openly talking about mental illnesses and think of them as something to hide. Secondly, just when will we (especially in India) change the attitude of marriage being the 'end all' of all problems we have. There is research to say married people are happier, but it's naive to believe that they have no problems.

And, without digressing, many of us understand Schizophrenia by Raat aur Din- the movie that I faintly remember. While it clearly showed an extreme case of the illness, it also did make it mainstream & melodramatic for effects. I don't have a war against melodrama, but having known illnesses in the family, now, as an adult, I also feel strongly cautious and sensitive about how people choose to portray these things on screen-which is why Devrai just won me over. I've been outside of Maharashtra for a long time now (though I was still in Pune in the year of its release), so my conversation about Devrai isn't really on time. I often feel like I have so many movies to catch up to. And I'm so glad I landed onto it finally. Did I say before why Sonali Kulkarni needs to stop showing up in Hindi movies? (Doghi was made by the same directorial pair). She picks up really weird roles there compared to her body of Marathi work. And Atul Kulkarni has spoilt my expectations as a viewer. I just only expect him to be nuanced and show up in these deeply sensitive roles.

It shows the graph of someone going through an illness in a believable way. Secondly (and more importantly for me) the ordeal of someone who is an observer (and family) of the patient is shown with a lot of care. There's no cloying sacrifice and the movie does not stop shy from showing how it does get 'too much' for even the sister to bear with an ill person at home. Some reviewers felt it were 'non-feminist' and 'inconsistent' in the end that the cousin drops her whole life in the city to finally take care of her cousin in the village- knowing that he is mentally ill. I didn't really understand the inconsistency. I felt it were just deep feeling. If you don't step up for a person you care about and are not ready to drop down everything for someone you love in all states, then what does your love amount to? Though she would also remain equally sensitive if she had chosen to not do it. It's not easy and I am not being melodramatic. That's just how I understood it.

Being able to not make illness a taboo and being open to acknowledging that it is an illness is a part of showing love too. As a society we need a million such movies. And these fine people who are creative enough to tell stories, like this.

100 Happy Days: A new year list

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 03 Jan 2014 07:17:00 +0000

I've realised while I keep saying I do not like lists, the last year has proved in fact I do not 'dislike' them. I am just lazy to make them. But after getting a diary as a gift last year (it's pretty and Chinese), I've actually been very excited to write my projects in it. I've been thinking of an inspiration for the new year and came across one that @meerasapra just shared.

Happiness Project via

It's absolutely wonderful as a project. I do believe, happiness is a habit. I mean, from the opposite way, that if we keep thinking of unhappy things, we're very likely to be unhappy. And on the other hand if we list down small things that make us happy everyday, we are likely to see more of it in our lives.

The idea itself is so appealing that I'm ready. To start now. I will pin and tweet my happiness generating moments using the hashtag #100happydays which everyone can of course see if you were interested.

I love these small projects. I feel there's a lot in our lives that we're grateful for, and just listing these aspects can enable a great perspective. Let's see if I can get to the 100 though :-) Also, maybe in the process, I'll try and figure out what really makes me happy- that's a true life project, no?

Let me know if you guys want to start this project too, I'd be happy to follow and see what makes you happy :-)

Air India's customer service: love for white and inherent racism against their own

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 26 Dec 2013 07:10:00 +0000

As I sat over my Air India experience on my travel home (yay!) I wonder now, if they do in fact embody the 'spirit' of the country more than I do?

There's an 'uncomfortable' Air about Air India pic via

I was sitting in the economy class with a couple of Punjabi gentlemen who were enjoying their conversations while I sat in the middle. I offered to sit on the aisle seat to have them continue their conversations at ease. But then I discovered the TV screen wasn't working at this new seat. I asked the air hostess for help who didn't really seem forthcoming but then I live in Germany, so all I did expect was her to solve it and just that. She reset the screen and it didn't work. I called her back again, but she scolded me (almost) saying these things are done by 'maintenance guys'. Of course I seemed to be asking her to help me on something that was beneath her work status level. I asked if there were another seat empty. There were a couple, she said she would transfer me, and when I asked (everyone was seated by that time) she said the boarding was still on. I know it wasn't. Later, I requested the guys to let me get back to my original seat because I can sit through a 7 hour flight with no movies. They did and I almost felt guilty for one of them having to look at the black screen and the air hostess ignored his situation throughout.

In the morning at 6, we had water dripping from the air conditioning that woke up the other passenger sitting next to me. He told the air hostess who proceeded to get a tissue and of course couldn't do much else. He couldn't sleep with this massive water pouring and started talking to me about how he felt the planes needed maintenance since we had first experienced a faulty screen and now the water dripping. At this point, the air hostess heard us. We were close to landing, and she had been already seated on her crew chair. She instantly got up and in an animated fashion, started off, 'if you would have known some science and used your brain (pointing at her head here and rolling her eyes), you could see this is a normal process of condensation and wouldn't blame air India'. It took me a few seconds to realise this was happening for real. I immediately responded saying 'perhaps she could learn to quit being rude to customers'. I spoke for that guy next to me that she had talked down to. He didn't speak much English and I felt she almost used that against him. She kept looking at him and pointing and basically telling him that he was dumb. Two Germans in front of us also felt the water and joked about a 'water shower' to which she proceeded to join the joke with them and gossiping with them on why they were in India and spirituality in India and everything else you expect to talk to white, blond and good looking foreigners who are talking in accented European English.

Rewards of good customer care Air India doesn't realise Stats & pic via

It hit me at many levels. I mean poor customer care was just the basic. But I also felt it was deeply rooted in an attitudinal problem which said non-English Indian speakers are much worse off than anyone else. It didn't matter if we had perhaps all paid more or less the same amount for the same service and had the same things to complain about. It was racist!

The guy next to me, who was spoken to so badly, didn't like it, but also didn't react saying 'ab kya kar sakte hain' (what can we do now- resigning to the fact that it was ok). I didn't think it was ok. Before getting off I spoke to the head of the crew and wrote down a written complaint against this girl mentioning her behaviour. The Air India (older) air hostesses heard me talk and whispered how 'girls these days could not control their temper referring to the girl I was complaining against'. How were they training, I wondered. I told them that for a national airline it was a disgrace to talk like this with people from their own country (even if they were at fault, which wasn't the case here, but still).

Today I woke up thinking maybe she really did define the Fair and Lovely India, I refuse to accept. And like I'd never buy Fair and Lovely, I'm quite convinced Air India is well off my radar too.

[Asia] How is social media enabling self-expression for women?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 07:00:00 +0000

When we Skype every evening, my mother readily updates me on Whatsapp pictures she's received and sometimes gets distracted by Facebook status updates. She lives by the belief that everything is improving as we embrace modernity and technology. Even with so many disturbing reports of multiple incidents and having to restart life in a new city- that not at will, she has this optimism. It's the reason why we both did not grow up bitter. Even when she casually mentioned how at 19, she didn't take up that job in the accounting office because her elder brother expressed surprise at how they could possibly work in the same office. Mother did not pass on the element of how perhaps she got treated unfairly.

Fairness is a subjective term. Terms get defined usually by people in power positions who are 'respected more'. This power in real life gets enhanced on social viral networks, questioning the basis of whether they really are as democratic as they promise to be. I started with: Are women represented 'equally and fairly' in media?

This got filtered to home grounds (women in the subcontinent tend to have set social norms even more rigorously ingrained compared to the western counterparts): Are women in the Indian sub-continent represented 'fairly' in media? I decided to narrow it down even further to just 'social media and self-expression'. For multiple reasons: primary being what was making these social media networks so special for women, and why were so many women outpacing men in their social media usage? Did it answer a need that was not addressed in their otherwise veiled existence?

16 year old Malala's persistence was a social media event pic, more via

That's when I got in touch with the author of a blog I currently love, and Farahnaz Zahidi, on her personal experiences. She works in the Express Tribune, Pakistan- and is a media person.

How did the online space enable and enhance?

FZ: Social media came into my life as a journalist some 5 years ago. The motivation was that while I am a puritan and love the feel of the hard-copy of the newspaper, I know it’s a flickering candle. So the transition was necessary. I believe in human connections to the core. I believe in one-on-one and this helped me get connected with my readers. Feedback helped me improve. Also, I found an international readership and journalistic connections globally. Social media right now is the platform or showcase on which I can display and exhibit my work. Initially it was my blog and Facebook, but now it is Twitter and Flickr to share my work.

The motivation to blog and share?

FZ: On my blog I do not have a 650 word limit. My own blog, in particular, allows me a lot of creative licence. There are challenges a journo faces in today’s world. My photo-journalism and portrait photography supports my work and helps me tell stories more effectively.

As a Pakistani on an open social media network?

FZ: As a conflict zone, Pakistan suffers from stereo-typical depiction in global media. We, the Pakistani journalists reporting from on-ground, want to tell the world what our country and people are actually like, the good success stories of a resilient nation. We also need catharsis, Twitter helps. It helps me connect with wonderful people. But also to people I would not have access to otherwise- scholars, writers, activists, politicians and people who need their stories be told.

As a Pakistani woman on an open social network?

FZ: Women of Pakistan, contrary to what is believed, have always been at the forefront of activism and spear-headed change, specially as journalists. Social media has given them yet another tool, they are braver and say it like it is :-). Awareness is empowerment so this makes us stronger in that sense too.

So far I spoke with many women, and I've come to realise, there doesn't seem to be a great difference in how women 'use' social media in the West versus the East. Familiar themes- connections, sharing work, catharsis, awareness- show up. However, just given the base in terms of the ingrained social norms in the East, perhaps social media may be able to fulfill its 'democratic' promise more truly through these women from the sub-continent.

And, then my eyes brightened up as I read what Farahnaz had to share, her idealism and optimism made me think of my mother's spirit on everything is improving. Perhaps, it really is.

The Tutu Project: Deutsche Telekom

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 09:15:00 +0000

Der Mann im rosa Tutu: The man in the Pink Tutu.

I'm not a TV person at all. And yet in between the reality shows that I'm finding myself leaning towards (allowed by the little German that I can understand), I found the Tutu Project by Bob Carey. Bob's wife Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer and that's when he decided to don the Pink Tutu and click photographs of himself. Later they self-published a book called "Ballerina"- the sales of which go to the Carey Foundation (for women with breast cancer), a non-profit, to help women who are not covered by medical insurance.

This sounds like just another "social-media" project, but what's amazing is that Telekom decided to pick this story up for a TV-spot. Comes a long way from telecom companies who didn't want to be seen as a 'dumb-pipe', but instead Telekom here has gone ahead and reversed it, but focusing on stories instead of themselves. Talking about sharing as a culture, and real people's reactions and emotions instead of tools, devices or whether their network works, making themselves more relevant in the process.

"Wir stellen das Teilen von besonderen Momenten in den Mittelpunkt unserer Kommunikation, um die Relevanz der heutigen Telekommunikationstechnologien zu verdeutlichen"- Hans-Christian Schwingen, Head of Branding, Telekom

We're making sharing of special moments is the mainstay of our communication to clarify the relevance of today's telecommunication technologies- Telekom, Head of Branding

It's absolutely refreshing to see where they place value and what a great way to extend support for fund raising for the Tutu Project- the Carey Foundation and women suffering from breast cancer. So cool Telekom- may not make me buy your service but definitely makes me feel better about your brand!

Sharing my favourite frame from the video here-

The Tutu Project- picture via YouTube linked above

"Whatsapp last seen" & other tech design attributes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 13:06:00 +0000

I wrote about Whatsapp first when I heard Jan Koum in the MWC in Barcelona (the post that is unfortunately lost) and I remembered tweeting that I wanted to hug him for making my life so much more de-stressed (if there was such a word).

In a design seminar recently there were a couple of things we talked about. Design experience can be seen at various levels: a) User level: Functionality is prime b) Observer level: Aesthetics are important c) Ownership level: Social attributes/extensions are valued. There's also a technology interaction layer, that I didn't detail out. The start is the user 'need' and it is often important to assess if there is in fact a 'need'. And then, what is the value add of a service like Whatsapp, which obviously has a million competitors apart from traditional carriers. I used Whatsapp as an example to assess these. I did not consider Whatsapp on PC or Whatsapp for iPad, just the regular mobile app.

Whether the Alpha Romeo is a 'need' is debatable, but human communication probably is a very basic one. The functional need itself was established well by a German quite obviously in love with Whatsapp ;-).

Quote via Pinterest

Whatsapp for Nokia works just as well as Whatsapp for bada or Whatsapp for iPhone. There's no such thing as a Whatsapp login and there's even no need to add friends, make profiles or make additional effort. And while my location often bothers my Grandmother, now there's no such thing as London and Lahore. It feels like I can reach anyone without much effort. There's hardly any noticeable downtime experienced from Whatsapp. I have very rarely seen 'whatsapp not working' messages. But I do see funny whatsapp status messages, digs on "Whatsapp last seen" (see Double click is God, for which hillarious video alert :-))

In terms of aesthetics, Dieter Rams' 10th principle fit most adequately: good design is as little design as
possible. Weniger aber besser (less is more). The design for Whatsapp is simple and devoid of advertisements which serve as distractions. I found it interesting also (from quotes of the founders) that Whatsapp holds the view of 'communication as a utility' meaning we don't see ads when we drink water from a tap, so why should we have to see them while sending a message. Also a design experience allowing for a 'conscious, private experience' of 'simply being in touch' (the real need). This lends itself to the social layer.

Thanks to so many of my friends who helped me with a small quiz on Twitter to find some 'social aspects' in their responses. There were multiple replies and I chose a few here, most talked about the social need to 'connect'. Praval even wrote me an email about his dad who used Whatsapp while in a hospital (to send documents needed) and thanked him most endearingly via a Whatsapp message.

Thinking through my family stories, my dad's always been big on messages as opposed to awkward calls (sometime I fall into that trap) but my mother has always been about talking. She never ever sent me a text, except one occasion- where she couldn't reach me- where all she could manage (on a very disturbing occasion) was 'need to talk' and just that. Somehow SMS messages from her filled me with angst after that. Why was it so difficult to manage and why did I need to answer Diwali SMS messages for her? Since the Whatsapp download on her Android mobile this summer, she messages, sends pictures and even tells me how my brother-in-law sent her photos of my sister. My aunt also has been learning Whatsapp rapidly. And in over 6 years of being at home, I could get her to send me 1 SMS message which compares to multiple I get on Whatsapp every week. I feel connected- even if the week is stressful and leaves no room for talking much. Even if home happens to be 4000 Kms away now.

Clearly I am not the only one, considering Whatsapp with its 350 million active inhabitants is bigger than the US now. In the design seminar, one professor told me, how it's like going back to 'pure email' and another person commented on how they use 'Whatsapp as a verb' now. And it's really amazing that (in these times) they don't need to pay me (or others) to express how wonderfully simple and useful the service feels!

An alternative view by a smart guy I met recently was that Whatsapp is going to die, because consumers are not loyal. He alluded to Nokia's example. But it is also true that Whatsapp has network effects that Nokia was bereft of. Though, I do believe their next level of innovation would need to create something even more sticky, maybe towards groups or even B2B. I'd love to keep watching :-)

the stories behind fancy pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 29 Nov 2013 08:22:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel slightly uncomfortable sharing pictures with many people. They jump to these fancy conclusions that things are perfect, because the pictures are so (thanks to Tonk, of course).

And while a strange sort of peace and a strong emotion fills me when I see this picture. I do also remember that at the time when it was clicked, it was a half hour before I had cried telling my father that I was stressed with so many people. I had also lost my temper a multi-million times in stress. I had said strange emotionally charged things to people. My sister's make-up ladies couldn't understand why I was so angry that she weren't ready. I didn't want anyone to enter her room or see her. Mainly because, I wanted to protect her from outside comments.

And after the rain had drenched the Jaimaala and the ceremony area, and before the mango wood was lost and found, and just after our caterer had replaced everything, I was thinking, let's just get it done now, since the rain has stopped. I couldn't understand why everyone was slow. I felt the weight on my head. At some point while running, my fancy high heeled shoes broke. My sister of course noticed at 6 am when she was leaving that I was wearing some weird shoes with my fancy saree that I had got no time to change out of.

In the picture now, and there as she was walking the aisle, we played the Shiva chants from Uma Mohan that Ash had shared with us. We're both not necessarily too religious, and yet we ended up selecting this, after going through all the romantic songs from the 90s and 2000s we loved as kids. It felt like the external stimulus to feel less ruffled. As I play the Shiva Panchakshara Strotam again while writing this, my heart beats at the pace of that day again, I can't believe it's been a year, since I saw her walk so.

Meri Kahani Meri Zubaani: My story in my words

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 10:25:00 +0000

I wrote about FAT in an earlier post. They just released a Radio show made by the girls in their own words - on domestic violence. The show is in Hindi for about 30 minutes, but I translated a few things that spoke to me. I couldn't stop myself from sharing it. How deep rooted is this? It's not even male led necessarily, mothers seem to be leading this mental and physical torture- on their own kids.

Story 1: The violence with us has increased so much, that we can't even see it, or feel it. My story is still ongoing. As I grew older my relationships with my mother became weird. I used to get beaten up for every small thing. Recently, I had to stay back in office for a day and my brother threatened that if I didn't come back, I should never come back home. I thought to myself that I would say something when I reach home. But even before I could say anything, I was beaten up so bad that I was unconscious for about two/ two and a half hours. When I gained consciousness, my little sister was not allowed to give me water even. We could never think, how we could scare these people off, tell them not to hit us. I'd cry alone-in the bathroom, under the bed- this was a usual part of my life. At some level, when I spoke to my mother and asked her why does she hit me so much, why does she have so much anger in her, her answer was, she's also sustained a lot. She's also been beaten up a lot- in her in-laws place. All after I was born. I've gone to the hospital 3 or 4 times. No one came to the hospital with me. I went alone. Now I live away from home. I don't even get a phone call from home.

Story 2: This is from a long time ago. Papa was angry, he just kept hitting me. I do not know what happened. He stopped momentarily and I ran away. I came back at 12 in the night. My mother asked me why I was back. She kept me out for one and an half hours. The next day she didn't allow me to go to school. She said work at home now. A few days later Papa was upset perhaps with some work or something in the village and he picked up a stick and started hitting me. I was hit so bad that I couldn't walk. They would wake me up in the night, even if I was unwell, to do some left over house work. He (Papa) never told me why he hit me. He just told me, it was my fault. All he wants is that the anger from outside needs to be relieved by hitting someone at home. I have never complained to police, I don't think we will.

Story 3: I have joined an NGO and at 5 pm I go home. Once my mother was told by someone that I was with a boy or that I speak with boys and hang out with them. When I reached home, my mother's reaction was, that she tore off my clothes and hit me. My mother hit me and I sustained it. Later I realised how much it was hurting me. I kept moving around in the dark and at 10pm I reached home when my parents were out looking for me. I went up and sat on the roof when my uncle saw me and informed my parents that I was home. They asked me where I was. I told papa I was in the Park, sitting. Papa just asked me to eat food and go to sleep quietly. I did just that, but in the morning again my mother started. She started saying weird things to me, like who had I spent the night with, and all. I didn't say anything, just wore my school uniform and went to school. I felt so bad that night. My mother doesn't like a few of my friends and asks me to not spend time with them. But does anything happen by spending time? At least I don't think so! My mother doesn't allow me to talk with any boys. Even if I am talking with a complete stranger, she thinks that I have a relationship with him, or he is my boyfriend. She is highly suspicious of me. If I have a phone in my hand, she thinks I am talking with someone. My brother is also like my mother. If he sees me talking to a boy, he tortures me by saying he will tell my mother. In return he makes me wash clothes, sometimes even takes money from me.

Increasingly as we discuss 'if girls can code', 'if we need pink toys', what do we need to do to change this?

PS: The translations are in pieces and definitely lose impact but I wanted it to be more shareable so decided to do it anyway.

What is my culture?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Recently while eating spicy Thai (and not even a coconut base) chicken and a bowlful of sticky, shinning rice, in a half Deutsch-half Vietnamese (?) restaurant named Panda ( there's enough Chinese as well), I had one of those culture moments. What is my culture?

Growing up, my idea of home has increasingly got clearer in fact. I recently decided home is: sector 50. Home is where Gudiya and I have massive fights on which TV programmes to watch. Home is where on terrible nights, I get out of bed and sleep on the couch in the living room. Home exists within the kitchen and dinning table boundaries of my daily stories shared with my mother in the backdrop of my father's radio tunes. Home is where we compete in Hindi antakshari competitions. Home is the backdrop of all my dreams, irrespective of which people show up in those dreams. I do not have debates on that any longer, and yet it is my mother's.

In Orkut times (at this point, I allow myself to feel old) I had joined an Orkut community of Kashmiris (I can't recall why) perhaps because I do not have Kashmiri friends (in fact a photographer and his fancy wife are amongst the few I have genuinely enjoy interacting with). Kashmiris in general (I'm not sure if that's true now) used to be very vocal about culture protection and home. Growing up with the belief (or reality) of lost homes, it wasn't surprising. As a 21 year old, I remember commenting very vaguely and in most cliched ways that, the more tightly we hold on, the faster it slips by, like sand. I regretted it much later once another (perhaps, wiser) person commented saying, for whom had I dished out that grandmotherly advice. At that time, I thought it were rude. I even complained to mother. And maybe today I should say it. The advice was for me.

From India, looking at my Indian friends abroad involving themselves in Indian cultural activities would make me feel cynical. Why would they not just be in Indian then, I'd ask. I would strongly feel my future existed (eventually) at home. My logic was that my culture existed at home.

And then one day, my definition was being challenged. I tried using language as a connector.

Definitions: What is my culture?

I understand Marathi songs better than Kashmiri ones, and yet my stress moments and curses exist in Kashmiri. When writing or at work, I can only imagine English. I find it weird that people wouldn't think that I am a 'native' English speaker. At times these days I have German dreams. Gudiya and I speak in Delhi Hindi. Pradnya and I speak in Pune Hindi. On whatsapp I generally ask mother to translate Urdu words for me. If culture really is a thing, which one was I preserving for me at home?

I find the German obsession with "language leads to kultur" overbearing (like their rules), of course there's merit in it, but real connect rarely depends on spoken language. I like the culture of making chai in the evening and finishing it while talking in the kitchen. Maybe that's all that it is.

(Bharat was a senior and had the best sense on language in all the people I remember from school)

Is a brand alienating women by focusing on 'fast' ?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 07:49:00 +0000

We heard a speaker from Puma recently and the association of the Puma brand with 'speed' and 'fast' came up quickly. Someone from the audience ( a girl) asked the Puma speaker just how many women were on the board of Puma. Like many companies (tech or otherwise) there weren't many (expectedly). It's a fashionable question these days. And the reason she had really inquired this was even more interesting. She felt the association of Puma brand with 'fast' and 'speed' (notably from F1 and Usain Bolt associations amongst others) meant that they were alienating women. Because women weren't attracted to 'fast' as a brand persona, but to 'lifestyle' oriented brands. And the absence of women on the board meant that, they were ignoring this perspective.

I've been digesting this over tea for a few weeks. And I do not adhere to this point of view. I mean my sister played Shot put at the state level in Varanasi (or somewhere in UP) during school. I did my first hike of 3888 meters as a baby and then just watched TV (~Oscar Wilde, but you get the point, right?). A lot of my girl friends run, hike and one is addicted to the gym. I even watched the Moto GP this weekend (~only Spanish boys race Hondas). So, I do not think women think of 'speed' as something that is alienating them as a consumer group.

Video via YouTube: Why do women's sports get less attention?

But there is enough truth in the fact that women have traditionally (and even now) not been seen as speedsters. There's also a strong issue with lack of comparative incentives: I do not know if it has now changed- but from what I do recall, major sporting events like Wimbledon would pay women champions less than men. If I think of India, many girls are married off early, have kids early and sports are not seen as a mainstream career. Look at the importance our Men's cricket team gets versus the women. We even make movies on these sporty dramas.

If I look further into folklore (which I generally know only from the state I belong to), strange thoughts are not uncommon. Grandmother often said how gindun ta drakun (playing) was limited to young girls and after they grew up they should behave more lady-like (which means not playing). I even asked Arshia Malik (she's played Basketball at the National Level and lives in Srinagar). She confirmed that girls are not encouraged to play sport after college. There's this widespread superstition that if girls play during their periods, they will have difficulties in childbirth ( I wish I knew who thought of it, but it doesn't seem far from the cleric recently who thought women drivers from Saudi Arabia would get diseases if they drove cars).

I am not in denial. I know these things exist. But for a German girl to think (in the developed world) of the stereotypical notion of women not relating to speed scared me. If girls with opportunities and the ability to create a difference fall into this image trap, then how can we imagine it to change?

And having said that, there is no issue with women who don't associate themselves with sports. That's a choice. But I'd probably be careful in putting everyone under the same bracket. That just doesn't make it any better than the men who don't have women on boards. I mean, if the purpose of that woman is merely to fuel more stereotypes under the garb of bringing in feminine perspectives, then it doesn't work, no?

The days of losing touch are almost gone

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 10:00:00 +0000

A visit from the goon squad

I don't generally read future fiction. I've generally been bound by historical, mythological stretches or strong Indian books in the last few years.

A visit from the goon squad is totally not the book I'd pick up on my own. And definitely not the one I will keep for a beach or a picnic blanket in the park. It's got the pace befitting the trains and the U-Bahns. Because the nervousness that the last sentence isn't over yet as my stop comes adds to the existing drama.

Jennifer Egan is not imagining a new planet or a galaxy. She is extrapolating current lives and drawing out a powerful (almost real mostly imaginable) future, moving through from the 80s to the 90s to the 2000s and also to the near future seamlessly. The narrative is unique: written in a broad range from sentences to power-point charts with special attention to pauses in seconds in between music tracks that stop before they really do. The book integrates technology matter of factly in the book, like it is in our lives.

When I went away from this blog, I also made Facebook private, getting back was a bit of a struggle. Part of the reason was that I did lose touch with a lot of people (some intentionally and some I missed). But could I ever really hide under the rock?

"..it'll seem strange that you could ever lose someone, or get lost"

Through the summer I also understood the other side- most (if not all) people were parroting niceness about everything because that's what they were paid for. I was quietly suffering. And many old schoolers showcased an 'ethical ambivalence' of sorts. As if, saying that the post is sponsored, was a better way of being less authentic. And then who cared about authentic anyway. And she addresses these both sides.

You want to be challenged and stretched mentally that's why you read these books. A visit from the goon squad is the signal in the noise. And she didn't pay me to say this. Or anything, for that matter :-).

Why my dad is a Superhero: Millennium India Education Foundation

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 07:00:00 +0000

I'm writing this post because my dad is a superhero. My dad is habitually on the phone all the time because there are ten thousand people who keep calling him and he's compulsively helping them. Whether it is relatives who want to see doctors, or just anyone on the street, both my parents are extremely liberal about being kind. It's the sort of kind I think I am still too young to grasp.

Also the secret of my super wavy mop and my drive

It took me a while to realise he is a superhero. We were driving on the DND getting home from Moolchand. I was hugely upset while he was worried. That's when I realised it first. He wasn't the one who would go about being sophisticated on his high horse and demand respect by force. Even while being worried he was trying to be logical.

His ideas sounded simple and yet they were particularly significant. Not only because they created strong impact. But because he was creating when there were no tangible or monetary returns. Many people accused him of being greedy and wanting so much more to justify their own lack of ambitions or ideas. But that's never stopped him from being involved and helping build so many new ideas especially in young minds.
I always thought there were two sets of people, the ones that didn't feel the need to make anyone else happy, the ones that needed to be happy themselves to make others happy. He is the third kind, making others happy because that's what good people do.

My dad started with Millennium India Education Foundation (MIEF) in 2003 and it's been 10 years later that we eventually are getting it online. I've always been proud of him. But this last month since I've been helping to get it online feels like all the pride in his superhero abilities got consolidated. Many people talk about the issues of our vast country, a few do something about it. Many only just make fun on Twitter. It takes even more strength to give- in spite of being rendered homeless at a moment's notice. I feel very privileged to have seen, what my mother often calls- raising the bar of our life. Maybe one day I can do that too.

Read more about MIEF and follow the Facebook/ Twitter pages for regular updates! :-)

Feminist Approach Towards Technology

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Unfortunately I lost the post where I had interviewed my mom’s house maid Meena on her telephone usage (I think I still have notes, perhaps to show it up again). I enjoy being curious about how technology impacts people. Once you take the product glitter out, what do they see? A professor was told me how according to him ‘market share’ was a buzzword. Because people didn’t buy products, they buy something that addresses a need. Sometimes these needs are less obvious. I do not think market share is bullshit. But I largely agree with the rest.

The girls at the FAT centre pic from Shambhavi

There’s been talk of gender stereotypes and biases often in technology (and carrots). So the ‘empowerment’ and ‘democratizing’ effect it may have is often not fully realized- because the narratives are not entirely true, or complete. I realize the validity of this a lot more now than I did before previously arguing how reservations for girls in engineering schools were not going to help. I am not convinced still, but there are far many new data points now to work with. Recently I’ve been working on how technology impacts women in South Asia, and during my research I came across an organization that is focused on taking Internet (and technology) to women. I had worked on this previously with a Pakistani organization (update on that soon) called Uks. And the reason I got attracted to FAT was this (they are based in Lajpat Nagar, Delhi and on my must-visit-list for the home trip). I read about Zamrudpur: again and again. I tired imagining Yasmin. What was ‘the centre’ giving these girls?

At this point, I decided to ask. I wrote to Shambhavi who works with FAT.

What changes have you seen in the girls over a period of time?

S: We work with young girls and women from the marginalized sections of the society who have very little knowledge and experience about the medium. For them, the biggest challenge is to be able to handle the tools properly as they face numerous barriers such as the inability to understand the digital content which is primarily in English, limited economic or social mobility (this restricts their movement outside or being able to go to cyber cafes in this case), social stigma around cyber cafes (these are seen as transgressive spaces where one gets to interact freely with the members of opposite sex). When they come to our center, one is quickly able to see through all these visible challenges. However, with an increased usage and practice the inhibition goes away, and they gain confidence to express themselves freely over the medium. Along with computer classes, we also have intensive workshops and movie screenings to pique their gender consciousness, and to be able to get rid of their own internalized biases and gain that confidence.

What is your organizational impact?

S: We do our impact evaluation with the help of our student feedback forms and a gradual tracking of the lives of girls who leave our center. Some of the positive indicators include the number of girls who manage to negotiate with their families to delay their marriage, an enhancement in their employ-ability and education prospects. We do realize that a quantitative analysis wouldn't do justice to the kind of work we do as therefore we lay a strong emphasis on a qualitative understanding.

I was still thinking about Yasmin. When in school I were first going to an Internet café, my mother was severely annoyed. She felt it was something ‘bad’. I am not entirely sure what gave her that notion. But I do remember a 2000 afternoon on the STD booth in college (during off-peak hours) when I spoke to my sister who was absolutely thrilled that we had a new dial-up connection- at home. Now our wow moments are limited to a random whatsapp image that my mother receives. And that too is becoming far too common. In times as these, I find it absolutely refreshing to hear the Zamrudpur stories. Not just to remind myself of how much I sometimes take for granted (and where the respective S-curves are) but to feel what the girls possibly see- at the centre.

Also, they don't come there for technology and computers, do they? I suspect 'the centre' knows.

Documenting. Love. A project.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 24 Oct 2013 08:29:00 +0000

I run this blog to document memories. Sometimes, just that.

Diary love via

My boyfriend and I wrote a diary together.

What does it mean writing together?

Well, he wrote once and then I did. At first we wrote everyday, and then we became lazy. We started in 2005.

Oh, wow, you must publish it!

Nooo. I couldn't believe I wrote all that stuff. But in 2005, I was 17. (Recently) I read some parts to my boyfriend, and he was like *stop this is not me*. (We) couldn't believe it is us.

I love Kickstarter and often wonder what I'd put money for. I did once for a drawing book gift- which was received well too. And then I got around to this. I think I'm putting money on this project.

Why do we celebrate: Mekhal ?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Step 1: They took his hair away

My baby cousin ( he was born in '92 the year otherwise famous for the Cricket world cup) has been a lovely boy. Obsessed with his hair generally (especially when he was in his precious teens). I'm not heavy into gifts but the one thing I did get him from the time I were in UK was a hair-gel. I used to find his hair vanity endearing, almost. Then his Mekhal happened in 2006. And as the hair was being snatched away, the tear drops (at 14 it takes a lot of guts to show up in class with that hairstyle, especially if you've loved your hair) fell first slowly to avoid embarrassment, and then free-flowingly soon afterwards. Everyone tried to cheer him up, but it wasn't easy.

I decided to talk to mother.

'Che kithkany pyoi Mekhali hund khayal'

Kihin na photo aeses wuchaan

Why did you think of it suddenly? I was flipping through old pictures I said. Why is it celebrated?

'Goda os yi shurany khatra, chhina dapan 'bhikshaam dehi' beyi ti kenh chi dapan. Kihin nay thread ceremony paensa aes jamaa karaan parna khatra. Guru dakshana. Teli aes na Gurukul gacchan. Vany ma chu akoy teacher vany kus chu gurukul gacchan. Vany chi schoolas manz paraan. Yi aes sirf Brahman karaan. Teli ma aes baki paraan.

In earlier times, it was meant for children. Don't they say (during the ceremony) Bhikshaam dehi (give me alms). Nothing, just to be able to collect money as a fee to the Guru before going to commence on studies in the Gurukul. At that time people would go to a Gurukul. Now it's not that there's just one teacher. Who goes to a Gurukul now? Now people study in schools. This ceremony used to be just for Brahmins. At that time no one else was studying, right?

Step 2: He applied for scholarship in his "Bhikshu" attire

Ta vany kya chi karaan?

Vany kya, vunyi ti chi paensa jamaa karaan. Su chu pata gor nivaan. Vany chu yi symbolic, ritual akh. Vany chi badyan shurany ti divaan mekhal.

What do they do now?

Now also they collect money. The priest takes that money now. In these days it's just symbolic, one ritual. Now grown up kids (men) even have a Mekhal.

Mekhal (or thread ceremony) also entitles the boys to wear a 5 string thread around these necks (signifying that they are Brahmins) and once they get married it is converted to a 7 string thread (2 more for the wife). According to a Priest I once met, earlier (in some Treta Yuga) women also used to wear these threads. But in Kalyug, just men do/ can. And only Brahmins. It is still considered a great thing (a punya) if you contribute/ donate during the mekhal ceremony of people. In fact I have often seen parents/ relatives ask each other to contribute in case someone was unable to attend. It's also considered a matter of pride almost to get the ceremony done, being only just short of a wedding (and almost like one). Girls or non Brahmins do not have this ceremony- traditionally being not set for studies.

Step 3: He was dressed up as the Mekhali Maharaja

In the first few weeks itself, Jing asked me if caste was still an issue in India. I told her (and honestly at that) that in my age group, we didn't really even know who was which caste. My exposure to castes really began only when I went to Pune and saw so many reservations. Of course the fact that I've been told that the whole Kashmiri Pandits community only has Brahmins also meant I grew up in special circumstances. The boys wear their threads as a part of their identity as Hindus- Kashmiri Pandits.

I'm a big fan of culture and preserving rituals- I think they bring meaning to our celebrations. I love spending time learning what all the small things mean. But I do wonder: what do we celebrate Mekhal for? Exclusivity for Brahmin boys who are the only ones who get educated, or just the fact that we think the Gods (or all else) would get displeased if we didn't. On the other hand, something similar called Vidyarambham is celebrated in Kerala (highest literacy in the country) amongst all castes, gender and religions and for children who're 4-5 years old to initiate them into education. Wouldn't that be nice to think about-especially when I'm trying to solve India's education problems :-)!

Needless to say, we had the greatest time with the food, songs, and gossip throughout the three days of absolute festivity.

The Headfake: Yin and Yang

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Sister's birthday present via Art Meets Fashion

You have so many Gods. Very good idea.
Yes but primarily there are two energies male and female all others are derivations of those two. This is the female 'energy'
Ok, like Adam and Eve
No but they are not men and women. They are just energies. Female represents environment/ earth
Ok, like yin & yang
Female is that which carries life.Yes perhaps that's closer
Not so similar. For us Yin is female, equals darkness
But does dark mean bad?
Also called Qi. No no no, not bad, just keeps the balance nothing negative. Like the night and the day
What is Yang called?
Yang is the sun. Yin used to be the moon, but no one says it now. We have another word for the moon now now. Not like German. Moon is die. No no moon is der. Sun is die
der Mond. die Sonne
Weird

Since I saw the Last Lecture recently again, I remembered the 'Headfake'. Like learning German is. What you're really learning is some else.

Note on the picture: Meanwhile, I love small enterprises. Sitting in Germany, I could get sister's birthday gift custom made from Aarti who is the designer behind that beautiful clutch. I felt totally involved in the process ( it is hand-painted) and the communication was absolutely personal and timely. Exactly, what makes a small company worth visiting! I love the Internet enabling these entrepreneurs and allowing me to discover their art! It was the selection of the Goddess that led to the Yin/Yang of course.

Sister love: The art of being put together

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 13 Oct 2013 18:30:00 +0000

"I used to live 4 miles from office. I swear I would wake up twenty minutes before I needed to reach office. I'd take a bath in the night and get a dress on and be in office. Then they'd say, you look so well put together. Only because I wore a dress. I'm telling you, the key is: wearing a dress. That's why I wear so many dresses."

My sister and I would often need to go to office at the same time, and were always getting each other late with the bathroom situation. However, no matter how late it were, she'd never be stopped from ironing her clothes to perfection, seemingly unfazed by what was happening around her and just be put together. She's always claimed how she's her dad's daughter. But the older she grows, she seems to be turning into her mother. Immensely personable.

First public outing: Chacha's wedding as a baby

It's not just because it's her birthday today, but I do wish, one day when I grow up, I'm like her: put together.

She did start early though. Our childhood memories of her begin with the black taxi mother got her home in on day zero. They continued often with her dressed up, shoes on socialising with all the neighbours every day while I sat with my pillows. And in that 2000 picture, those jeans may seem nothing (now) but they were laced in my 90s mind exquisitely with that Pond's haircut. In my attempt to pretty up my act, I wore them once secretly (confession) and had my Cinderella moment, while still wishing to be what she was and continues to be, a harbinger of our happiness.

the coveted jeans and Pond's haircut

I love quoting Susie. She has the most wonderful things to say. Especially these dressy euphemisms.