somethingprofoundgoeshere

The One that started about organic nailcare, then some products got in the way

2012-01-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

Organic Nail Care is no easy feet. Not many companies cater to at home nail care taking into consideration the ingredients put into their products. I love my beauty products, and I'd love to be more eco-friendly with them, but not at the expense of losing the fun of it, or if it makes it harder.

For Christmas I was given a bunch of nail polishes.Two were organic seeing as I am trying to move into a natural world of beauty this seemed like a good time to test them against what I already use . The first was Karma Organic Nail Polish - Curtain Call (Venom).

It is a delectable color in dark, sultry maroon/almost purple.

Its the kind of color that makes me happy its winter and I can indulge in all the colors I would have worn if I was a vampire, which is exactly how this color makes me feel.

It also happens to be all natural, non-toxic, and free of Formaldehyde, Toluene, Phthalates (DBP)

Not only is the line toxic free its also cruelty free, uses recyclable packaging, and has a great mission statement.

As for the color itself, the organic lines tend to have a more watery consistency, so it takes a few coats to get the shade you desire, but it dries very fast, and the smell is very mild. All in all, I would trade this line in for any of my old stand buys. They seem to only have a small number of colors in basics, muted on both sides of light and dark. Lights perfect for business meetings and darks perfect for going out on the town or to dinner and a movie.

I bought it online with amazon at a cost of $9.99, with many colors to come, this might be my standby for my dark colors replacing my OPI and ESSIE box of nail polishes spilling over. These colors are not as complex or thick as their synthetic counterparts at OPI and the big name brands but they lack the chemicals, and I actually like that the consistency lets my nails try quicker without needing a ton of other topcoat, base coat, unnecessary other bottles on top of them too.

The Second organic bottle I received was from a organic salon and the line is called No-Miss Cosmetics "healthy alternative products you can afford" toots their sponsors.

Now this company, which I had previously never heard of goes one step beyond not including all the bad stuff like Kharma, but actually includes a UV inhibitor in the polish to save your nails from the heat.

The company itself has its own mission statement: "No-Miss has taken a New, Innovative, Young and Fresh way to market & manufacture cosmetics for the New Generation, using natural resources to develop non-chemical, non-cancerous products without harming the environment"

I Think that's pretty cool they are working so hard in their industry to make beauty that matters all around. I also like that they seem to be a smaller scale independent beauty retailer on the market, and who doesn't love supporting small businesses. Now, about the nail polish itself:

BIKINI PINK

The nail color is in Bikini Pink. The color itself is very fun. Light pink with strips of cream and brighter hues as you shake the bottle. It glides on thicker than the Kharma polish, and more like other store brand polishes, but takes only 1-2 coats to get the color right. Its a muted pink-mauve and I like it. Not too beachy, but enough color without being too boring. It takes a lot of time for it to dry, much longer than I am used to, but all in all this is another one that will be replacing my ESSIE old colors.

So the consensus is as far as organic nail polish goes, it is no different than regular nail polish. The prices seem about the same, the quality the same, although the colors are a bit more muted and day glo and seem to lack deeper color complexity in shimmery tones or glitter, but I would say just as good and because of the great mission statements and lack of baddy additives I would say they come out on top of the nail polish trend. So if you're going to do your own nails, I say go organic, and I would definitely recommend these companies. Especially Kharma's Venom. I'm wearing it right now and I feel empowered to go out an dance or at least try and sit sultry at a bar ordering red and listening to jazz. That's what this color makes me want to do.

What do your nail colors make you feel like? Do they take you to another world? Do you match them with the event you are going, or on the weekends do you decide the color you choose will choose what you feel like doing that weekend. A sunny yellow might mean you feel like doing a beach weekend, a dark black might mean a late night concert, and glitter means you are pretty much ready for wherever the party will be!

Its 2012, and wow I need to start writing again

2012-01-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

Hello again! It has been ages since I have gone back to writing. A lot has happened so here's a recap, and since apparently I only catch up on stuff when its the New Year, here are the major differences since last I wrote:
- I am now a full-fledged professional. I have an office, a stapler, business cards that I do not make on my own computer, and people actually listen to the things I say and actively participate in my advice (well, usually anyway).
- I'm a real lawyer. This should fall into the same category as number one, but the surprising thing is I actually love (almost) every minute of it.
- I moved back in with my parents...sad, backwards transition period
- My BF lives far, far away and we have been struggling with ups and downs of long distance
- We will either make or break in 6-8 months from now
- I am actively paying my loans back
- My BFF had a baby, and he's the cutest thing I've ever seen, and everytime I listen to him it makes me realize my biological clock is getting close to the time I should want to have my own soon

And now for the Resolutions...its really just one big one I need to incorporate into all aspects of my life...I need to be more selfish and act on my first responses!
Now, this might seem like a terrible resolution, but I've hit that point in my life that I know very soon I will have to make some big changes, like moving out, buying a house/renting an apartment, seriously devoting all my money to investments/stocks/retirement/getting completely out of debt, and need to think about getting into a serious relationship involving marriage and kids. Obviously this all takes time, and planning, and whatnot, but I feel like I spent a significant period of time worrying about all this stuff last year.

Now, I have a great job I like, I have some extra cash, I am single (as in not married, I of course am completely in love and devoted to HWSNBNITB), and this first year of getting a new job and working so hard for everything should lead one to have at least a little bit of selfish time.

So from now on, I am going to spend more time, money, and energy on working on myself and whatever makes me happy. Obviously, going overboard is out of the question because I do still need to be realistic about all my previous goals, but I am going to give myself this year to just enjoy being a single professional. If I want to go to a fancy dinner once in awhile I will. If I want to blow off snobby work functions and go to yoga instead I will. And if I want to spend an obscene amount of money on a gorgeous pair of shoes, or a massage, or a to die-for lipstick, then I will. I have very few years ahead of me lacking all serious responsibilities, so instead of rushing towards them, I am going to spend one year just indulging. 2012 is going to be my year of me to have the healthy, happy indulgent carefree lifestyle having the time and the means to do so allows me. So here's to a glass of champagne on a Saturday afternoon, and taking an afternoon off to get a massage.

I feel like too many people dive right into real world responsibilities upon entering the real world. That's not why I worked so hard in school. I worked hard so I can find a job I like to go to, have the money to allow me some indulgences, and the time to keep healthy. I now have the ability to do all that. So rather than bemoan living at home, and paying off my loans, and being sad I'm not yet engaged and planning a wedding or having a baby or house hunting, I am going to spend this year relishing the things I could never allow myself before.

I will have tons of time to work my ass of for my career, find the right guy and settle down, and stress about babies and houses. For right now, I just want to enjoy some time at yoga, playing with my puppy, splurge on a great meal, good bottle of wine, and some fancy beauty products. And take a moment to talk to my relatives, my best friends, and send surprise presents to my loved ones. My loans will still be there to pay off next year, my job will always let me work harder, and investments will come in time. But for now, I want to plant trees, volunteer, talk to my friends, have great hair, buy great fruits and veggies, and sleep in whenever I can.

So here's to me for 2012. My year of selfishness to act like I'm 17 with a professional's salary and just be me. To spend the time to not be in shape but be healthy and happy. To buy presents for no reason. To take days off to do nothing but read in my rocking chair. To play with my dog, and to just relax and splurge for me and my loved ones. To not worry about my eggs, or my ringless finger, and just let things come. To have a year to reap the benefits to hard work and sacrifice.

In fact, I am going to sign off and buy that fancy yoga mat I've had my eye on. Ta ta for now!

New Years Resolutions Revised

2011-01-13T13:39:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Carly and I am a product junkie. It's true. And to some, this may not seem like a profound or even surprising revelation because its not. However, every January I somehow convince myself (much like the rest of the world) that I am going to become a completely different person this year and going to simplify my life. So after Christmas I haul hug trash bags of unworn and unseen clothes to donation drop offs, I unload my books on my friends and the library, and I vow this will be the year I stop buying so much stuff, namely products. I do so in the name of good Ol' Mother Earth as half the stuff on my vanity probably contains dyes, chemicals, and any amount of unknown cancer-secreting compounds it is no good for me or my planet, and since I spend the rest of the year planting trees, donating money, recycling, composting and working for the environment I should do the same inside my bedroom.

Yet, there is this deep, dark, loud voice that sounds a lot like Gollum from Lord of the Rings creeping up over the next few months after reading a magazine or going through the mall that says, "hmm...pretty eyeliner" "OMG! Look at her skin!" and "My hair could do that too if only I had...", which makes me immediately drop unheard of amounts of cash on items I would have never before considered essential to my existence. And this process happens over and over again until finally I look over in the shower and at my vanity and see hundreds of half-used products I will probably never get rid of and then am faced with the quandary: throwing it out would be wasteful, however using harmful products on my skin simply because I have them doesn't seem like the best idea either...ahhh! And then I sit down and cry and go outside away from the mocking products before me. And this happens every year.

So far, after looking at my list of resolutions from last year I think I did pretty well. I stayed active, I eat pretty well, my clothes all fit in my closet (snuggly, but hey, I am a girl after all), and I haven't dyed my hair. However, the looming products list is still vast and wide. In fact I'm pretty sure I still see some makeup I had while I made my resolution list last year! So this year I am making a different vow, one that I actually came up with a few months before 2011 and so far am sticking with successfully. This year I am going to embrace my product junkiness! I am going to revel in it. I am going to throw out the things I don't use but I am not going to feel bad when yet another attractive sales girl wins me over with her lipstain. Yet, I am setting some guidelines for my purchasing frenzy.

1. The product must be as eco-friendly as possible. No parabens, no sulfates, as little amount of chemicals or fragrance as possible and hopefully organic. Thankfully being eco-conscious is now en vogue so this makes this set even better and I don't have to feel badly about using it or not.

2. I must research the brand and make sure they are cruelty-free before even considering looking at anything in their line. If not, then I am out. There are so many brands out there now making a huge stride towards helping the animals and there are so many brands out there that it is just silly to buy something that tests on animals when I can find an equal product which doesn't.

3. If faced with the option, buy from an independent. My mother used to be a painter and now makes gorgeous crystal necklaces, and I've seen similar things around the mall, however I always like hers better and I wonder, "why would someone buy something inferior when there is a superior product available?", yet I do the same thing. With the advent of online marketing, catalogs, and online stores like Etsy, it is so easy to find an affordable gift or product that is handmade, satisfies options 1 & 2 and helps out independent business owners. So why wouldn't I do that?! I admit its harder when it comes to makeup, but soaps, candles, and lotions are made my local farmers all over the place, especially in the Northeast, so I am going to make an effort to support the local businessmen and women.

4. Before buying, check it out online. I have found making the effort to check for something online instead impulse purchasing stops me from buying 50% of the items I could have sworn I wouldn't live without. Not only that, but it also ensures that things I do buy I truly want, and saves me some money becuase oftentimes I can find the same product or something similar for less if I hunt around online. Downside is that hunting around online often means I end up with something else I might like to have, its a vicious circle, but it makes me happier.

With these tips in mind, I can now proudly say I have rid myself of the extra drawer under my sink of doubled up products and I now have my makeup bag at a manageable size. Additionally, I have bought a few books on Eco-beauty so I now make my own eye makeup remover, and might even venturing into doing the same with lotions. All in all, I am happy with my products and my high maintenance lifestyle and embracing it with some ground rules is way easier than lying to myself for 11 months then getting depressed every January.

Just for reference here are some brands and products I absolutely love!

Brands that are eco-friendly and cruelty-free: Tarte, Josie Maran, The Body Shop, Ouidad, Carol's Daughters.

And so, for those of you with my affliction won't have to go on wondering, here's what I am using as my products:

Shampoo: LUSH Cynthia Sylvia Stout or if I'm traveling, the Kharma bar. It smells like beer in a good way, and makes your hair oh so shiny.
Conditioner: Kheil's Argan Smoothing Conditioner. It is the best ever! Makes my curly, fried hair calm and serene.
Body Wash: Sicilian Blood Orange Mafia Soap by Mount Harmony. My mom and I used to work for the company, as such I will probably be cutting off soap from these logs until I die, however all the soaps are homemade and smell magnificent. Here's the link, but if you really want to try one, I'm sure I can get you a sample from our hall closet! http://www.mountharmony.com/
Body Scrub: Fresh's Brown Sugar Scrub. This was a Christmas gift because even on my most binging days I wouldn't spend this much, but it is lovely and makes me oh so soft.
Face Wash: Philosophy Purity Cleanser. I fell in love with Philosophy and their multi-tasking line of shampoo, body washes, however this face wash doesn't make my oh so sensitive skin freak out.

Moisturizer: Josie Maran Argan Oil. I cannot describe how weirdly fabulous this stuff is. I also love the bronzing oil, but when I am feeling lazy this is all I need that I went all out and bought the big bottle.
Makeup Remover: I make my own! Mixing 1 Tablespoon of castor oil and 1/8 cup of grapeseed oil (both can be found at most local grocery stores) and dump into my old makeup removing bottle. Make sure to shake before using.
Body Lotion: Pure coconut oil. Can buy it at any health food store. It comes either in liquid or solid, but I like it in solid form because it melts in your hand and on your skin when you rub it in and it smells divine!

And finally, things that don't leave my purse without me being very, very sad:

Ultrabalm by LUSH, which is good for dry hands, knees, elbows, lips, and occasionally used to make a cream eyeshadow. It also smells like honey to me, which is always a bonus in a moisturizer.
Hi! That's me! Josie Maran's finger paints. As you can see I mix them around a bit, but they make a good on the go eyeshadow cream, blush, lip color, and highlighter. It is also made with Argan oil which I will explain makes me oh so happy below.
The Big Kahuna in my opinion. Josie Maran's Argan Oil. Obviously this isn't the one that goes in my purse, but I keep the sample in my purse and refill with the big one. I use it as a moisturizer, defrizzer, cuticle fixer, and all around everything fixer to my body. If it weren't so gosh darn expensive I'd probably bathe in it.
The bees knees in lip care! Sorry, I had to. Burt's Bees lip balm in pomegranate because HWSNBNITB has an aversion to all things mint (weird, I know), so this makes me still kissable in his eyes.
Tarte lipstain in Moody. I liked the name and the fact its not really pink and stays on fairly well. It claims to give you 6000% moisture back on your lips which is quite a statement, but it doesn't dry mine out and that's all I have to say about that.
Victoria's Secret Sexy Little Things NOIR Body Mist. I know, I know, I try not to be a VS fan, however this smells amazing, is relatively inexpensive and comes in a plastic bottle I can't break, so it is Carly-proof.

Finally, some non-related beauty products I find essential (and yes, I do have a very large purse):

The Body Shop Satsuma Hand Sanitizer. Now, I generally don't buy into the hand sanitizing craze and do believe it causes super bugs, but that's a story for another time, and seeing as I occasionally work with children and take flights, I find something necessary. This kind has no chemicals and only has alcohol as its acting agent. Not to mention it smells pretty good.
This is a small, pocket sized reusuable bag that clips inside your purse or your wallet which I find fantastic since I often go to places only needing one thing and come out with a dozen. What I find extra amazing is that I am able to get it back into its little package here without the help of NASA!
Finally, I know you will think this is weird, but its a glass straw! Now hear me out: I love drinking things out of sippy cups. The best things are in one: Blizzards, Slurpees, movie theater soda, however I have recently learned so much waste and production go into each plastic straw, not to mention the paper packaging, the shipping and of course the actual one-use straw. However, I didn't want to give up the fun of sipping, so my beloved bf gave me this as a gift and I have to tell you its the best! It comes with its own squeegee cleaning pipe and case to carry around with and comes with a lifetime warranty! LIFETIME! Now that's something I can get behind. So I do not have to go without anymore and I can sip my slurpee guilt-free (well, sort of, if you don't count the plastic cup or the sugar content or the calories, but I'm only human, and I don't...baby steps).

So that's my resolution. To embrace me and I think you should all do the same (especially you fair-weather gym goers becuase you are taking up bench space lifting those 5 lbs. weights I know you are going to give up on come February, so accept your fate now and let us gym rats do our work!) Phew! Had to get that one off my chest. Be you this 2011. Just a better version and I will try to do the same.

Who's Got Style, Or Why I Hate My BF's Plates

2011-01-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

WHO'S GOT STYLE?

I have a very distinct interior style. Much like my way of life, its a little quirky, a little eclectic and there's a lot of colors involved. Generally, this isn't an issue because I tend to give gifts and helpful suggestions to match my friends and family's taste with a little bit of me as a flourish. But then I met HWSNBNITB, and now we are trying to merge our styles together. Now normally girls across the world rejoice at this thought because it means the male eventually wears down to a nub and relents to whatever taste she wants as long as it doesn't have an enormous price tag attached and he gets to keep his big screen. Yet, I seem to have found the one man left in the universe who has style, a very specific style, a style that can only be described as Euro-Mod. Where I like flowers, and mason jars, and tons of colors in many different hues, He likes glass, black and the only color hue allowed is a dark blood red.

Originally we moved into his apartment which meant all of his stuff stayed including the red leather couch I've never actually witnessed in real life outside of an 80s bachelor pad and the matching rug, bed frame, and all black furniture. In addition to the lack of secondary colors in his apartment, he also prefers things that only seem to have a purpose and may belong in a German museum somewhere in the future. I'm not saying its a bad style, in fact if his apartment were actually the setting in a New York City borough or hotel in Downtown DC he could charge enormous prices for staying in it a la the W, which I love. However, I'm a homebody. I like my apartment to feel homey and warm, and filled with knick-knacks that have no purpose whatsoever then to make you feel good. I like flowers and tie-dye, and am a hippie at heart. So what happens when these two people join together and try to make a home? I end up with a bachelor red leather couch and hating my plates and he ends up knocking over teapots and finding places for a million pillows of different shapes, sizes, and colors every time he cleans the living room.

Pictured here are the mocking pieces of chinaware I spend all day despising. They seem unassuming. They actually match the rest of the red-black decor of the rest of the house, however this is the kitchen. This is my zone and I hear them mocking me whenever I cook. The kitchen is supposed to be filled with flowers, and pretty chinaware and plates that hug the food, however these square pieces of smugness do no such thing. They are incredibly heavy, giving the impression they are fit for oven-to-table use, yet as I have unfortunately learned do not go from oven-to-table without being shattered to bits (sorry Randolph Street oven, please forgive me!). They also chip moving from one part of the kitchen to another, going in the dishwasher, or when you look at them funny. Also due to their inordinate weight they make a loud crashing sound when food is placed on them or even when placed near one another, proving these plates are too good for even each other. I hate these plates. I hate that they have no pretty, girly design on them, I hate they make my arms sore when I put them away when they are clean and I hate that they simply do not match the lifestyle I want. "But they were so cheap!" HWMNBNITB exclaims. "They match," he says as I sneer for the umpteenth time about the plates.

Now we have moved and I have hope for this new apartment. We still have the mod style, however I have found ways of sneaking small pictures, photos, and decorations undetected into the home-sphere. Here is a lovely picture of me hanging up the new shower curtain (eco-friendly, washable, and very pretty). I have my comfy throw on the couch, and any time something new appears on a corner of the counter HWSNBNITB just cocks his head and smiles about it now. I even have come to love the red couch ("Big Red" as I have originally named it in my head). I can sleep on it comfortably while watching TV and spent many nights studying on it. Big Red also seems to have livened up with some multi-colored pillows and we became friends after I discovered my cup of coffee can balance on it without incident. However, the plates are still here. There are fewer of them than we started with, but every time I go into the kitchen I can feel them lying in wait.

We've been here for a few days and are just starting to get situated. Here's HWSNBNITB putting together yet another piece of black furniture, his desk chair. Yet plates did not make the list of items we needed to purchase for the new home. And just when I felt defeated and that the apartment with HWSNBNITB will never really feel like home, he announced we are going to buy new plates. Lighter ones and we can agree on a pattern together. And that's what a home says about the people who live there: a compromise between two people who wouldn't seem to fit, but in the end it all comes together. I don't know what plates we will end up with, but I do know I will love them because we got them together.

FYI, here's a pic of our almost finished living room, featuring Big Red. More to come.

**************UPDATE!!!!!********************

We did it! After many hours together we finally succeeded in finding the perfect plates for the perfect table. HWSNBNITB says it reminds him of Dr. Seuss and I think he is completely right. So, if Dr. Suess or any small children decide to come to dinner we are ready! So here is our beautiful table with our new dinnerware. For those so interested the colors are fiestaware in Lemongrass, Scarlet, Peacock, Turquoise, Cobalt, and Tangerine.

Ms. JD Writer in Residence 2011

2010-12-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

Well, its official: after years of mocking the blogging trend, I have now sought out new ways to enter it. The internet really is a trap sometimes. So I've been selected to have my own blog on the Ms. JD website about the balance between life and law. If I had to pick one I must say I probably dabble more in life than in law, but I also have more fun than the average VBS cardmember. So...here's the website, which I will be cross posting from here from now on. Please leave comments or just say how fabulous I am because it really will make my day.

As for the life portion - I will be taking vacation to Pensacola, Florida from New Years until mid-January, setting up HWSNBNITB in his new pad. So Happy Holidays, Happy New Year and make sure to get a good smootch! Ta-Ta!

Here it is: http://ms-jd.org/topic/features/writers-residence

http://ms-jd.org/law-or-not-law-part-i-generation-%E2%80%93-what-you-really-need-make-it-through-law-and-life

The True Joy of Cooking is to Try and Try Again

2010-10-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

I have owned "The Joy of Cooking" three separate times in my short lifespan, and currently own not one. This has to say something about the way I cook. Some might not find this an interesting statistic, especially if one assumes I am an avid cook who gives this book away because it is used so often and I must have the newest revised addition each time it comes out, but one would be wrong. First off, no one can actually go out and buy "The Joy of Cooking." It is one of those books that must be given to you upon moving into a new apartment, engagement, marriage, or otherwise important phase in your life in which people (aka your mother) believes it is necessary you begin learning how to use things in your kitchen. This is exactly how I have acquired this massive anthology of food so many times.

I went to college and got a copy from my mother when I moved 5 states away to begin a new chapter of my life, however that chapter was overshadowed by 7 narcissistic female roommates, one of whom stole it. It didn't matter much to me since dorm room living leaves a lot to be desired as far as a kitchen goes and my mini fridge held all I wanted anyway.

My last year of college I proclaimed I met the man of my dreams and we moved into my first apartment together where there was actually a kitchen to use and my mother gave me the anniversary edition of "The Joy of Cooking." I think I read the introduction and a chapter on how to mince garlic before letting it sit in the corner as the recipes required equipment I did not have out of my Target Kitchen-in-a-Box, and any way my new love pretty much only ate vegetables, cheese, and bread. As predicted, new love fades, we packed up our stuff in separate boxes and went on our separate ways. I do not wish to say he stole the book, it was probably lost in the shuffle (however, if this were a very honest and true memoir and I really have o shame as far as making things seem tactful in print, he totally stole it).

So I moved back home with an English degree, a Social Science degree, and a broken heart with no idea what to do next, my mother (being the Queen of finding any part time job available) went with me to apply to a job at a bookstore, and to make me feel better about my broken heart and sad new job prospects, bought me the newest anniversary edition, sitting prettily on the edge of the shelf in all its glory, and we took it home and baked pie.

Months went by, but my mother's kitchen is still my mother's kitchen and after an inordinately long period of living in her house, not being allowed to use the good pots or pans, and sick and tired of shelving books 10 hours a day, I did what all lost college graduates do and I moved to Europe, Ireland to be exact.

In Ireland, not only did I find a great room in a house near the river with a kitchen, but I also found roommates who knew how to cook. The first was a culinary chef who went to culinary school during the day and worked at a restaurant at night. He knew how to make the most fascinating dishes I had ever seen out of what appeared to be flour and corn mash from the cupboard. Another roommate was studying to be a herbologist which meant he could tell you the properties of every kind of herb, where it grew, and what it was best used in. He brought me to the hydroponic farm and botanical gardens and explained how lavender cross-pollinated, when the best time to cut basil was, and he juggled. My third roommate was getting her Masters in International Affairs and grew up on a farm in Cork. When I was low on money her and her family took me in, let me work for food and rent, and owned chickens! I learned how to plow, that most of what you throw away can be composted either to feed the animals or to put in the garden, and I learned chicken eggs stay warm long after their lain. My last roommate was French. With her came crusty, flaky, beautiful breads and creamy, smelly cheese sauces, which I imagine flowing outside the gates of Heaven. I'm not sure what she was doing in Ireland other than being a lost expatriate like me, but goodness was I glad she was there.

We had a happy home and most every night all of use gathered in a separate corridor to help with the cooking. Shawn brought home leftover meats from the restaurant. Bryan brought with him fresh cut herbs from school (and usually some pretty flowers from the gardens to put around the house). Gail brought home fresh eggs from the farm as well as the most juicy fruits and veggies (the tomatoes in particular were divine, and who knew tomatoes came in so many colors), and Lucy and I waited patiently for our orders. We would go to the shops for the other necessities and I learned the differences between Roquefort and blue cheese (and also learned not to forget it in your backpack for more than a few hours or you will have the memory of that dinner for a lot longer than you want). I watched how to flip pancakes, the proper way to muddle basil, and about a thousand other things. But most of all, I was allowed in the kitchen with the pots and pans. I was allowed near the chopping, cutting, baking, and I learned I loved to cook. I learned the recipe is not a manual but a guidance towards things yet to come. However, I also learned The Republic of Ireland thinks work visas are really important, and after 6 months mine was up. I spent a few more months traveling, then bid adieu to my new friends, however my new found love of the kitchen stayed with me on the long, sad flight back to the States.

And as life does tend to repeat itself, I went back to school, not seeing another option, for another 3 years. It has now been 8 years since my first cookbook endeavor and I have been given a few ever since, but no one forgets their first and my first was "The Joy of Cooking," so as I went to reclaim my time in the kitchen, it turns out the last "Joy of Cooking" did not make the shuffle back and forth from Ireland through grad school. Sigh. But as I stare at my bookshelf I can see all the things standing in the place of where the once behemoth book used to live: My travel journal from Ireland, my tassel from both graduations, the copy of Dr. Suess' Cat and the Hat I read at story time in the bookstore, a picture of my best friend's new baby boy, A vegan cupcake book, the history of wine, my recipe binder filled with the recipes I have collected from friends and magazines over the years, and a map of the East Coast. Looking at it now, all I can think is that my bookshelf doesn't seem to be missing anything important at all. Its filled with memories, love, and good times in kitchen from the very beginning. And I'm sure when I buy house or get married or participate in any other of the milestones of life to come I might get another copy of "The Joy of Cooking," but as for now, the joy of cooking looks to me like I already have it.

Mecca

2009-12-30T19:17:00.000-08:00

The Mecca

So I went into Sephora the other day, just for a quick browse and to pick up some concealer since I heard wonders about their cooling stick, and I had some leftover Hannukah money in my pocket, and as you can probably guess the punchline, I ended up walking out with $120 worth of purchases, but I must say I am happy with all of them (and that almost never happens). On top of that, I now have the perfect to-go bag for my trips! Here's what my loot was:

Cargo concealer and foundation in one(26): Originally, I walked in to get Sephora's concealer, however I have now read roughly 1,000 articles on Cargo's magic 2-in-1 container, so I had to try it out. And though not the best job at hiding all of my flaws, I must say I was impressed. It glides smoothly, doesn't cake up and while not completely concealing my blemishes it didn't dry them out and make them more noticeable, so I walked away with this little gem. I don't wear foundation so I found this well worth buying a tinted moisturizer and concealer.

Ouidad Tress Effects Gel (15): Ouidad. This is the curly-haired girl's line. I have never seen a more marketed product line that Ouidad for curly haired girls. It is supposedly "understands" and "memorizes" my curls. I'm creeped out and intrigued all at the same time. However, it is wintertine which means my hair will more likely conform to my straightening iron than any other time of year so I am taking full advantage of my pho-straight hair, however I will let you know how it works out.

Smashbox Master Class kit (59): This was definition of impulse buying. It was there with the pretty box and had all the makings of things I loved. Smashbox itself is a great name brand I am religious to loving, but it had everything I needed for my travel makeup kit: lipgloss, mascara, under eye cream, and shadow. The only thing I will complain about is that it does not have a mirror, WHY would they DO that?! It is clearly meant to travel so how do they expect me to use it all?! Anyway, it is now my go-to makeup and haven't used anything since. Big recommendation, though I think its seasonal.

Josie Moran Mini stick ($60): I am skeptical of models turned eco-friendly. I don't believe they look that way without chemicals for one, and for another she doesn't always seem to know what she is talking about. But I will admit her lip glosses are divine and she does give you the list of the ingredients which gives her a big round of applause in my book. This little stick claims it can do anything because of the "argan oil." I have no idea what this is, but it seems to be her main ingredient and claim to fame. It did tame my flyaways and made my hands softer but I cannot say with any validation that it turns back the hand of time for your skin or any of the other too good to be true exploitations on her site. I would like to try more from her line and her earth-friendly style gives her a big thumbs up from me, so if you've tried her stuff let me know!

Freddrick Fekkai Color Mask Treatment ($38): My pride and joy. I have mentioned my hair hates me for all the years of abuse I put it through, but this wonderful conditioner has saved what is left of it. I use it 2-3x a week and as a deep conditioning treatment when I am bored and have an afternoon to kill (put on, shower cap, robe, couple episodes of gossip girl, bottle of wine, and there's your friday night in). Its a miracle. It smooths it out, doesn't stick to hair leaving it greasy, and though is on the waaaaaay pricier side of things is well worth it. I savor every bit and dread the moment I have to go back and get more.

So, that's a month's worth of loan salary right there, but its all in the Xmas spirit so it makes me happy and that's all that matters. Happy shopping everyone!

Christmas Time

2009-12-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

Christmas Time

It's that time of year! You know, the one where people get you stuff you don't really like, but they are sweet and lovely people so you pretend to love it, but then have to make the journey to the mall, which feels like a Mecca on its own just so you can return them for things you do want?! Yea, that time of year!

This time I made a few trips and here are the stores that were hit and why I am returning my so-called gifts:

Victoria's Secret: I received their sleep set which consisted of a long shirt and legging-type pants. Here's the problem. I am 5'0. That means anything that is marketed as a "long sleep shirt" ends up at a very awkward length, mainly I look like a child wandering around in the 18th century for Santa to come along. And I don't care who you are, just because it says Victoria's Secret on the front does not make it attractive. Therefore, anything that is marketed as "long" is just not meant for me. So, in short: RETURNED.
Bath sets: This particular bath set had a lotion and about a million sprays in it, none of which was to my liking. I find this particular part of the store abhorrent from the get-go because the nose was not meant to be attacked by thinks marketed as "passion" or "seduction" all at once (or in my opinion never). So unless you know someone who has a specific want for these, don't ever buy them. Bath and Body Works does the same thing, but cheaper and less nose-assaulting. RETURNED.

The Exchange: I instead opted for some silk sleep shorts, which are just VS's fancy girl boxers and I must say I love them! They are soft, silky, don't ride up and come in so many pretty colors. They are pricier than most any kind of boxer but adorable. So I say yay to these! Additionally, I have been on the hunt for the perfect robe. One that was short, didn't scream housewife, but still remained a bit warm and I was surprised to find it here. VS's satin kimono collection is nicely fitted, makes you look cute, gets you to the bathroom at night still a little warm and doesn't make you look seductive or frumpy. So, way to go. It was also relatively cheap (at $42, not bad for VS style) and has a matching slip in all colors, in case seduction is what you are looking for. Another option I was considering is Gap Body's robe collection. They are soft and comfy, but the pockets are huge, and I don't really need pockets when I sleep.

LUSH: Lush and I go waaaaay back. I love their company for so many reasons I cannot imagine not buying something from them purely for the sake of doing so, but they make good stuff. They are eco-friendly in that they do not test on animals, use minimal packaging, and will always tell you exactly what is in all their products. They also really do care about their customers. Example: Since they have such a minimalist attitude when it comes to product production, they do not keep everything bottled in warehouses for years waiting to be sold, therefore things that aren't selling, sell out and cannot always be on hand. Yet, if you voice your opinion it is heard. They developed Retro-LUSH which allows them to make small batches of products we all adore! How fantastic is that?! So here's what's in my basket and do's and don'ts:
Bath Bombs: They are akin to cool parlor tricks. Nice for baths, give off a nice scent, but just plain too pricey for one bath. Also the ones with flowers and salt in it like Fox in the Flowers and Geo-fizz seem like a neat idea until your drain gets clogged and you need to wash your tub. A little less relaxing, when cleaning is the end result of any bath. Same goes for the bath melts.
Bubble Bars: Again, pricey for the bath, but well worth the luxury. The trick is do not use the whole thing per bath. Break it in pieces and hold over the tubwater to get tons of bubbles. Blue Skies and Fluffy clouds is my special favorite turning the water ocean blue and smells lovely. Another is French Kiss, which gives the true scent of lavender in the whole room.
Soap: Now my mother and I were soapmakers for a small stint, of which I still own logs and logs of soap in the basement so it takes a lot for me to buy a bar of any other kind of soap, but with LUSH I made the exception: Queen of Hearts (which is now Retro) is lovely. It smells like a rose garden, and not in the stinky Elizabeth Arden version of a rose garden, but an actual rose, not too frilly not too overpowering. It makes my skin feel nice and soft and I even use on my face as well. Also liked mudflats, but it leaves mud all over the bathtub and doesn't necessarily give you a clean feeling at the end, but did clear up the bumps on my back, however read above to hear my feelings on cleaning the bathtub after such an adventure - not a fan.
Shower Gel: Narcotik is the best invention ever! The smell takes some getting used to, but now I love it. It made my sensitive skin put back into shape. I liked that it was liquid and I even liked the pretty blue color it made my washcloth. Again, this has also gone Retro, but I demand it back and still order it online every chance I get
Hair Stuff: I am distrusting of shampoos and conditioners in bars, so I was nervous to try these. So far, Jungle, while smells lovely is a lot of work and not worth it. I need some TLC for my curly dry locks and this just couldn't do the job. Also trying to work it into my hair was a process and when you are a girl, the less process, the better. I am however, pleasantly surprised with the shampoo bars. I got the soak and float since I have awful dandruff issues, so TBD on how that works out but I tried Karma and it smells lovely, lathered quickly, and left my hair softer than I expected. Considering I didn't expect much from this little guy, I was pleasantly surprised. Still needed a deep conditioning treatment afterward, but I recommend you go try one out. It also helps they are currently on sale and are some of the cheapest things in the store.
Coolin is awful. It didn't help my hair at all. Though it smelled nice, I still needed someone to help yank the knots out of it after using it, which is never the desired result. The Hennas are AWESOME though. Since I believe myself to be a redhead at heart, I love using their henna. I will warn: It is a big mess and takes hours upon hours in the sun to work, but does the trick perfectly. My opinion is: take a sick day, pour the boiling water over the mess. Sit outside in a dirty t-shirt, old towel, and throw it in, put on a cap and sleep the day away. The more time in the sun the redder or richer the color. It takes forever to wash out (at least 3x), but I couldn't be happier with the results.
Face Stuff and the rest: I used to only use baby face, but in the summertime it melts significantly so not a good bang for your buck. Angels is a great exfoliater and smells nice, but all in all their deodorants, shin care and moisturizers are not worth the money and take a lot of prepping, so in my opinion, not really worth it.

I got a sample of the ever expensive Rehab shampoo which I am dying to try out and seeing as it is the most expensive thing on the LUSH menu I will have to check back with that, but all in all, still one of my favorites.

Newest New Resolution

2009-12-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

Newest New Resolution

Every year I make the same resolution on new year's, "This year I will give up being a product junkie and not buy anything new unless I run out of it. I will use everything I have and I will only buy something I absolutely need," and every year I break this resolution. Some years I justify by saying, "well, I will only buy them as gifts,"which inevitably leads to me buying one product for someone else, and three for myself. Or some years I say, "well I will only buy products that are eco-friendly," but every year some fancy company comes out with something I feel I must try and cannot give up. So this year, I have decided to embrace my product junkie-ness, and go all out and buy what I want (within reason of course, I am still on student loans), but review them so I can see which products I like, which ones don't work and can help other poor souls who get sucked into clever advertising. So here it is! My newest resolution. I can't promise I'll be adamant, but I can at least promise to be honest. I am a sucker for most any good advertisement ploy especially those that target eco-friendly activities.

Let me first tell you a bit about, well, me. The reasoning for this is simple: products work differently depending on what your type is. I'm not going to get all hippy dippy and say I am an ocean or an earth, but curly-haired and straight haired people are different. Its the separate but equal philosophy, only put to good and proper use.

I am short, 5'0 to be exact, not skinny, but not quite athletically built either. For all intents and purposes I am small, don't really have a butt, but was given very wide hips, and that's all I care to say about that.

Now down to the important stuff: I am fair, irish fair, which means I pretty much burst into flames when sunlight hits me. A few freckles and a few specks of reddish highlights, but for the most part light brown hair. My hair is a bit of a mystery to all. I cannot tell you its true color or shape because of all the years of blow-drying, coloring, and who knows what else I have done to it, but in good times it tends to be wavy/curly, dry, damaged, and frizzy.

And that's me in a product nutshell.

Under the Boardwalk...

2009-08-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Tuesday:
basic breakfast, sat on porch-reading, went to the beach, made chicken parm at night

Wed.:
Donut Day at fractured prune, inside day, porch time, slept

Thursday:
Boardwalk -
Pizza Challenge: Tony's claims the best, Dough Roller def won
Dough Roller: sweet staff, got Pepperoni and mushroom. Mushrooms were kinda bland, but pepperoni was good, good grease and awesome crust
Tonys: too greasy, bad pepperoni, but staff was nice enough to give an extra slide because we would ahve to wait for the cheese

Fried Oreos: Highlight of the trip! Awesomeness. Gooey, comes with 5, covered in powdered sugar, and totally worth every signle of the ten thousand calories...must try the fried cheesecake bites next time

Carmel popcorm controversy: There are about 4-5 places to get popcorn, but I selected Fisher's mainly because it takes up an ENTIRE block on the Boardwalk, but also because when you glance by you realize there are about 30 workers, all busy, a line around the corner, AND they open at 9:30 in the morning. The next point is that this must be a good place if there is a necessity to have this place open and ready to go at 9:30 in the freaking morning!
Result: It was aweomse, gooey, well done caramel and still a little soft. Perfect. And it kept for the whole day.

Down-side: it was expensive, and you couldn't get a tin unless you got the enormous amount.
Next time try the white cheddar

Wockenfuss: Ryan's german chocolate shop
It was pretty good of a chocolate shop seeing as my standards are extremely high for chocolate considering my mom.
What we got:
Swedish jellies were awesome, but its hard to go wrong with those, but the swedish fish are as they should be
Chocolate pieces: average and pretty good considering the candy stores in the area. Chocolate cherry cordials were nothing to write home about, but the chocolate covered honey comb was pretty special and really good: sweet and melted but not too sweet. Another surprise was the chocolate coconut which was awesome and clearly made with real coconut. Also dark chocolate almond bark was really good. Ry said the PB cups were good, but again, must just trust him opinion.
Ryan digs the licorice pieces and the twists, but I'm not an anise fan so I have to just take his word on it.
Bonus: Had a great selection of sugar-free truffles and chocolate for my mom, which was very exciting. TBD how they actually are

Crab shacking: We were actually looking for Coins because all the online reviews stated it was the best of the OC, but it turns out it no longer exists. We think it was turned into Bootys, but couldn't be sure. After 3-4 times driving down the street and 8pm, we gave up and just went to Higgins. I had the softshell crab sandwich, which was a a little disappointing. The sandwich was on plain white bread, the tartar sauce was average and the crab was small. Not worth the price. Ryan got tuna steak which was excellent, a bit spicy and well done. We looked around the crabs which seemed decent in size and the all you can eat seemed like a good idea, but the atmosphere was a little lacking. It could be the hour of the night or the fact we weren't really in the mood to be out, but either way, not the best it could ahve been, but it had the benefit f existing, so it beat Coins, and they had my Bud Light Lime, so couldn't complain.
Next time: Would really like to try Phillips because it has the coolest building and though probably the most expensive choice, seems like it might be worth it. Also, want to try Crabcake Factory USA, on the upper side of town.

Friday:
Went to the pool, had an awesome pina colada and kick-ass cheese fries, and Ryan loved his Goombay smash (though he believes it was watered down)

Made sauteed veggies and hot chicken fingers for dinner. It was perfect.

***********UPDATE!!!**************

Sometimes Life Just Needs a Soundtrack

2009-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

While reading in bed and basking in the loveliness of not-law, I was gripped with an overwhelming sensation to listen to old Pixies songs and then horror struck: I had absolutely no idea where my ipod was. This may seem like a bit of an over dramatic reaction, however if anyone has ever felt the need to hear a specific song at a specific time, then you know what I am talking about. Now, I claim to be-and very snarkily, I will admit-to be a music snob so it would seem a bit ironic the fact that I have no idea where my ipod was located at this particular instance. The truth is, I have two ipods...ok, the truth is I have three. I know, I know! But the nano is for running, and therefore does not feature soulful or artsy music, thus will not contain my coveted Pixies album, and my mini I may have dropped one or two occassion too many, and it therefore lost its winding-ball, which doesn't matter much since you cannot see through the faceplate anyway. This leaves my last video ipod which contains 29GB of music or roughly enough to last me a song for every moment the characters on LOST have been on the island (this was an accurate reference until that whole time travel scenario warped time and my interest in JJ Abrams' endings). In searching for my ipod I first checked the stereo, but it was not plugged in, so the next logical place I could think to look would be the car. I opened the glove compartment, but instead of finding my ipod I did find 4 very lonely looking, dishelveled cds. I looked at them a bit trying to remember when I decided to keep them in there. I always keep one or two on hand in case I cannot get the blasted ipod converter system to work (if you haven't figured it out already, I'm not a technicalogical person). So I took out the cds and here is what I had on-hand for my emergency music: (1) homemade country mix cd given by an ex-(very ex) boyfriend, (2) Liz Phair's least selling album, but has my favorite cover on the front, (3) Cyndi Lauper's newest attempt at her comeback from last summer which I have listened to a grand total of twice and that was only to be polite, (4) the only listenable cd in the collection which was DeathCab's summer release Narrow Stairs, which I picked up the day it was released because I knew I was going to the concert in a few weeks and I was all jazzed up.

It was a symbol of the summer actually because I ran into one of those old posh cd stores off the main drag in Santa Barbara where the two teenage boys behind the desk look at you like you are ancient and you know nothing of emotions or music unless you can relate the depths of Hoobastank to MCR. I was too jazzed to care about these esoteric youths until I got to the DeathCab section and found it extremely lacking. Normally, in any of these stores they always stock the DeathCab a few rows worth because this is a band both hipsters and normal people who like music with good lyrics can appreciate. On this particular day, in this particular store, of the 12 albums DeathCab has created only a scant 3 were in view and barely a copy of each. However, this was a release day. I looked at the wall and the display that clearly indicated each should be holding the wealth of Narrow Stairs, but all empty. I therefore had to make my way back to the youths and ask, 'what gives?" We then had a detailed 10 min chat about the name, the spelling of DeathCab for Cutie, and the name of the album. Suddenly, in a moment of clarity, I heard it! "Cath..." rang through the speakers of the store bearly audible over the chatterings of the store. "That!" I yelled at the youths, "turn it up!" We all listened for the moment and the Yellow-haired youth understood. "Oh, is this what you are talking about?" he asked as he held up the beautifully colored jewel case. "This is the store's copy. It's not for sale and all our inventory is empty. You'll have to try back again. We get our next shipment in 3 weeks." This was unacceptable. "What will you give me for the store's copy?" I asked, a bit out of line. "Umm...we don't really sell them. They get given away to the employees when they aren't used in the stores anymore." "Well, why don't you let me buy it off the next person who is supposed to get it off the employee list," I asked. A perky haired girl from way under the desk said she was next in line and offerred me the used ticket price of 9.99. I told her sold! The jewel case has a crack in it from its wear around the record store but I took it back, put it in my cd player and rode all the way to the beach with it. I listened to it probably a hundred and one times in the car, on a walk, on the beach, and when the concert came we all knew all the words to every song. It was a phenomenal experience and far outbeats the cds curling up at home in my car.

This trip down memory lane left me with this final revelation: I love cds. I love their look, I understand their process, and I'm sad our culture has such little use for them any longer. Everyone used to be able to hand them over and trade and when you were really edgy put up the front art on your walls, have cd walls arranged by artist or genre. Cds were a major part of growing up and listening to music. This experience is almost completely obliterated in our current culture. For all the good things ipods and itunes and youtube has brought with it, it has killed the romance out of our lives. I remember sitting up all night with my girlfriends coming up with songs about which boys we liked and which we hated and which ones described us today and where we will be further in our lives and it took time and energy to do so. Cds have become so completely outdated, but it is by this labeling that makes me think that this even enhances its romantic appeal. To make a mix cd you had to have the music yourself, you must have to flesh out the meaning of each song and convert it into something newer and purer for another to understand your motives for this stream of movement of music.

I have friends who still do this. Occassionally we give each other life playlists and it is nice, but nothing can beat getting that one special cd with the cover art and labeled songs just for you. They were giving you a part of them and creating a part of you, at least this was the hope. These days are getting fewer and further between. Why don't we do this anymore? Did you know my boyfriend doesn't own cds?! Even if he ends up being the one I want to spend every day with and we create our story, the one piece missing from our story is a soundtrack because we will never have one. I will never get my mix cd signifying love, passion, romance, and intelligence about our relationship. I will never want to give one for fear of giving away too much and so our love will never have a voice or a song. Playlists really can make and break the relationship and people don't realize it. The move away from cds has been a move away from an experience.

I want my cds back. I climbed down to my basement and dug through boxes and finally found one. It had mismatched cds in different jewel cases and showed of many names forgotten, but I grabbed by headphones and had a music lovefest. I spend a while walking around with the spin doctors and thier forgotten careers. Had a glass of wine with Sheryl Crow and Liz Phair because I think those girls are pretty awesome, if only Shryl could be a little less dippy and Phair to like men a little more. I think they can teach each other. Then I rocked out with Beastie Boys and ACDC who were happy enough to come out and be heard. On cd you can almost tell when your favorite part is coming up in the way the cd player winds up to deliver your favorite song. But as a final finale I brought out the reason for the night: The long forgotten Pixies: I put in the Complete "B" Sides and danced around for a bit, but we all know what I really wanted was the holiday song, so I put on Surfer Rosa and blasted it and it felt good and it felt sad, and it just felt.

The next need I had was to fulfill my longing with the Velvet Underground. I had now switch to hard liqour clincking from my glass hitting the scattered wrekage, but this was what I needed; I needed "Heroin." Its soft, but never simple. Its the way any addiction starts out. Its drugs. Its a rush. Its seduction. Its a crush. Its love. Its the way a guy who doesn't know love tells a love story.

But things can never end this intense for a wednesday night. We must switch mediums. Back to the old record player upstairs that I begged mom not to get rid of. I have hundreds of vinyls I will never listen to, but precisely 5 I will always listen to and the number one is the Belle and Sebastian single I got for a dollar in a record shop you would expect to find it in L.A. So after the drinking and emotions and rage and tears, we end with this. Belle and Sebastian on vinyl: I'm a Cuckoo...
I was high from playing shows... / I'm a little lost sheep
waking up this misery... / wondering how things could have been... /
I'd like to see you, but really I should let you settle down / I've got no claims to your crown... /
I was there when you were sad... / I need to get you by my side
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cukoo.......................

and that is how a night should be ended. If I were writing a playlist for you right now, dear listener, that would be the final song of the album with album art drawn from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

I still don't know where my ipod is, but my soul is settled. Sometimes life just needs a soundtrack for a little while

No More Hippies

2009-04-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be a hippie chick, I really don't. The main reason for this is because this classification truly doesn't exist for 98% of people who get described as such. "Hippie chicks" only have two classifications, (a)flighty, with very little need for thought outside of peace, harmony and happiness, (b) crazed lunatics that try to blow up large corporations because PETA has told them to. I'm actually quite the opposite. I have anxiety about nearly everything and my brain is usually overloaded with thoughts about how the world is a far scarier place than the average person thinks it is, plus I am way too lazy to ever concoct a plan to blow up anything. Therefore, I sit far outside of both of these "Hippie chick" mediums. So I find myself having the spend a significant period of my existence trying to explain to people I just meet that I am in no way inclined to act in either of these vanes mainly because someone has described me to them as a hippie chick. Yes, I like the idea of the world being in harmony. Yes, I believe that watching cherry blossoms on a windy day is a transcendental experience. Yes, I like tie-dye. However, my questions is not what makes these types of things hippie-esque, but why does the average person not like them.

I've heard people describe the way someone else thinks as, "she likes puppy dogs and rainbows," and the person they are speaking to nods his head in recognition. Does this mean the descriptor does NOT like puppy dogs and/or rainbows? Does it mean this person cannot comprehend ideas more complex than that of a puppy dog or a rainbow? If so, this is highly misguided because I actually think rainbows take up a good deal of complex thought.

All I'm saying is that we all tend to be too judgmental with each other, especially with people who tend to have a positive outlook on life, mainly because it is a lot easier to make depression look intellectual than it is to make happiness look as such. I prefer the latter. I would also prefer that on first impression, people would not assume because I want the world to be better I have nothing valuable to add to a conversation. I'm not a hippie chick. If anything, I'm a wannabe.

The Begininng of the End...of Days=My Pho-Blog

2009-03-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

The Writing Part:
It seems inevitable that I would resort to the blogosphere. I love to write, I love to read, I avoid doing work at all costs, and I spend far too much time on the computer reading others' blogs, so why wouldn't I? However, I really hoped this day would not come. First of all, anyone can find this, and in a weak moment I could completely see myself going on a rant about some politician's bad move or boyfriend's insensitive comment, and now will forever have to pay by never being elected into some fictitious office appointment or have to apologize a million and one times to boyfriend for posting his words for all of the universe to read (and depending on how mean said boyfriend's comment was, have to make him dinner every night of the week for naming him specifically and calling him a jerkface). I wouldn't put it past myself. Yet, the time has come that I have decided I must get back on the horse (or trolley if you wish) and face my fear of writing. Ever since the disaster of my honors thesis and withdrawl from the Ph.D program, I have been scared to write for the public eye. I love to read and love to edit other's work, but am terrified of criticism of my own. Yet, I have been frightened and avoiding for far too long. I have spent the last few years avoiding what I love and what I want to do because I was too frightened to find out what it was or if I was any good at it (and it has lead me to this god-forsaken degree, so, many mistakes have resulted from this fear). This is my baby step back into the literary/writing world, and it really is all about the baby steps.

The Internet Part:
Technology is a dangerous, dangerous thing and for all of the time I spend on it, I still hate it. It has degraded our ability to communicate with one another, and caused numerous people to join fictitious worlds in order to escape the reality of life. Now, I am all for escaping the reality of life in certain ways, like books, movies, and chocolate, however this internet world is so easy to get sucked up into that some people do not come out. Not to mention man's steadily decreasing ability to spell or use grammar correctly (who needs to with Word correcting all of our little mistakes?!). Yet, it can do wonderous things to bring people together from across timezones and continents and connect, which is amazing when you really stop to think about it. So I struggle with the concept of using the internet as the medium of choice for my voice.

I have a close friend that truly believes that the End of Days is coming (hopefully, he doesn't think soon because that would be kind of creepy), and the machines will be taking over everything. I want to believe that technology is just a fad and that future generations will realize how far away we have gotten from the written word and communication between each other that we will go back to the days of hand written letters and gold embossed seals. Neither seems likely in the near future, but I cannot help but feeling like I am part of the problem by putting my thoughts and feelings out in the world here, rather than calling a friend or writing in my book. But here lies an obvious convenience and opportunity I can no longer ignore.

Therefore, I kind of see this blog as not an end to my beautifully written-in scrapbooks under my bed, but as an expanse to it. In physical writing, you must carefully choose each word and craft it as you go, but this is my stream-of-conscious, Jack Kerouac, need-to-vent-so-I-don't-lose-sight-of-the-big-picture-while-struggling-through-this-awful-degree-type blog. Here, I seek to be able to lose myself and be honest for tiny bit of the day, while trying to reconnect with myself. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the ride with me.