Sometimes It's Cloudy, Sometimes It's Clear

Spinach, Spinach Everywhere

2012-01-27T12:21:00.000-05:00

As 2011 came to a close, I had to admit that the boys and I were eating too many frozen pizzas, microwave dinners, and processed soy foods. In my defense, I teach piano lessons straight through dinner time Monday through Thursday. But this is a problem that can be solved through advance preparation. So one of the habits I have been working on this new year is meal planning.

One of the best weapons in my arsenal is my crock pot. I have made this bean soup recipe (click HERE) twice. Sunday I had chili waiting for my family after our 5K run. A little bit of mushroom soup and some chicken breasts cooked on low all day come out juicy and tender and are great served on top of some steamed rice with a side of mixed veggies. I bet you have your favorite crock pot recipes, too.

I don't know if my iron count is low or what, but this week I have been craving spinach. So Monday morning I baked a spinach quiche, cooled it, sliced it, and stuck it in the refrigerator. After I finished teaching, all I had to do put together a tossed salad and zap each slice of quiche in the microwave for a couple of minutes. We had a meal in minutes, and it was delicious.

Spinach Quiche

SPINACH QUICHE

2 tablespoons butter
1 package frozen chopped spinach, cooked and drained
1/3 cup onion, chopped
1 cup half and half
3 eggs, slightly beaten
1/2 teaspoon salt
Dash pepper
9-inch pie shell (I use Pillsbury)
1 cup shredded swiss cheese

Melt butter; add cooked spinach and onion; saute until tender and very dry, 3-5 minutes; set aside and cool. Add cream and the next four ingredients to spinach mixture; stir until well mixed. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 425 degrees. Line pie plate with foil and fill with uncooked rice or beans. Bake 8-10 minutes; remove foil and bake 3-5 minutes more. Remove from oven. Sprinkle cheese on crust. Carefully pour in spinach filling. Return to oven and bake for 30 minutes or until set.

On Thursday I say goodbye to my last student at 6:30, early enough to do put together a meal if I have assembled my ingredients ahead of time. So last night I tried a recipe for a simple pasta, spinach and bean dish that has been sitting in my box for almost ten years. It was a big hit with all of us.

Pasta with Spinach and Beans

PASTA WITH SPINACH AND BEANS

8 cups fresh spinach leaves, coarsely chopped
10 ounces spiral shaped pasta, cooked, drained and hot
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 can white beans, drained and warmed
1/2 cup shredded Romano cheese
2 cloves garlic, crushed
Salt and pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and toss well. The spinach will wilt and the cheese will melt slightly from the heat. Top with extra cheese and fresh ground pepper if desired.

How do you manage to get fresh, hot meals on the table every day? Any tricks or recipes you would like to share?

Put one foot in front of the other.

2012-01-25T00:26:00.002-05:00

Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.
~Charles Schulz, Peanuts

I have wanted to be a runner for a long time, although my background consists primarily of walking. The first event I ever attended was a Crop Walk in my hometown of Mt. Carmel, IL way back in October of 1974. I don't remember much about the day; I don't even remember how far we walked - just that it was far enough that I was in a world of pain the next morning. Overweight and out of shape, I could barely navigate the flight of stairs down to the basement of my church, where Sunday School was held.

Has it really been almost FORTY years?

Four Octobers later I was in college, thinner and leaner, running occasionally with my friend Pat, who convinced my roommate Robbin and me to do a 5,000 meter run (5K) with her. Although both my friends left me in their dust, I believe I ran more than I walked and don't remember suffering as much the next day.

Pat and Robbin
October 22, 1978

Then just before I graduated from college, my service fraternity organized an event for the March of Dimes called WalkAmerica. Again, I don't recall many of the particulars, but I know I finished the course and had a great time doing it.

I'm the third from the left.
April 25, 1981

Since my divorce, my exercise regimen has consisted primarily of walking a three-mile route in my neighborhood, although the past couple of years I have also gone to a nearby Fitness 19 and run on the elliptical machine there. I enjoy it, but I not as much as I enjoy being outside, especially on the many beautiful, sunny days we have here in metro Atlanta. Inspired in part by my friend Denise, who calls
running "my prayer, my moving meditation, my saving grace, and now an opportunity to love myself,"(click HERE to read her delightful blog post on the subject), I have decided to mix running with my walking. Eventually, I hope to be strong enough to run an entire event.

Aw, who am I kidding? I would be impressed if I could run an entire MILE without stopping.

On New Year's Eve, my brother, his wife, and my fifteen year old discussed our fitness goals for 2012, and we agreed to do a 5K together every month. We started on Sunday with Lakeview Academy's New Years Resolution 5K up in Gainesville, GA.

Nathan and me.

The designated path was hilly, the weather was cold and drizzly, and I was not well prepared for either. Still, I managed to finish in just under 42 minutes. But the point is I FINISHED. I may not have a clue what "runner's high" feels like, but I get a little thrill every time I get out there and go for it, pushing my body a little bit harder than I did the day before, running longer and longer stretches. And I'm trying not to complain about my aching muscles; they're just letting me know I'm getting stronger, right?

I have big plans. My sister-in-law I just registered for a half marathon in April, and I may actually try to run (instead of walk) the Peachtree Road Race this July 4th. Yes, I'm hoping I shed a few pounds and lose a few inches in the process. But it's really not about the numbers. It's about gratitude for two strong legs, flabby thighs and all; for the sunshine on my back, the wind in my face, and the natural beauty that surrounds me wherever I go; and for a family that loves and supports me enough to run with me.

How are you going to challenge yourself physically in 2012?

Kitchen Art

2012-01-20T00:01:00.001-05:00

When I stumbled into the kitchen to make my morning coffee a few days ago, I found myself eye-to-eye with a bearded stranger.

His resemblance to an old boyfriend of mine is uncanny.

For past kitchen surprises, click HERE.

Have a great weekend!

Two weeks into it

2012-01-18T01:21:00.002-05:00

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.

~ Stephen Vincent Benet

Here we are, just a little more than two weeks into the New Year. How are you doing with those resolutions?

Don't ask me about mine, since I DIDN'T MAKE ANY. Instead, I have been working on developing better habits and routines for the sake of my health and my sanity. I have gone to the gym or worked out to an exercise video every day; I have cooked dinner for my family at least three or four times a week.

Tuscan Bean Soup with Shrimp, inspired by The Pioneer Woman.
Click HERE for the recipe.

With the encouragement of the FlyLady, I shine my kitchen sink every night; ; I swish and swipe the bathrooms every morning; I spend at least fifteen minutes de-cluttering every day. Now my piano studio looks like this:

The room feels a lot bigger now.

And my beading area (back in my bedroom) looks like this:

All my beads and supplies are sorted and the drawers and bins are labeled. It's great being able to actually find things when I need them!

I am working on a new line of jewelry to add to my Etsy store, revising The Wishing Box for submission to a writing contest with a February 1st deadline, and plotting my next work of fiction. I am taking Bob Mayer's Write-It-Forward online workshop and gaining a much better understanding of my goals and motivations as a writer. I am practicing the first movement of Mozart's Piano Concerto in D minor on the piano, the first movement of Saint-Saens' Clarinet Sonata in F Major on the clarinet, and looking forward to a lesson with a bonafide mandolin teacher on Saturday. And I am helping my piano students get ready for a piano festival on February 11th. It is thrilling to hear their progress from week to week and to help them find solutions to the problems they are having with their pieces.

It's what I do. But it's not who I am.

I am mother and daughter, sister and friend, artist and musician. There are a few pieces missing in this puzzle that is my life, but for the moment I am quite content living with the empty spaces. As a matter of fact, I have too much gratitude to complain about much of anything right now, thanks to a scare I had a couple of weeks ago.

It was every woman's nightmare. My Pap smear came back "abnormal," necessitating a follow-up procedure and a biopsy. Thankfully, those results were negative, but during the long days of waiting there was plenty of time to mull over past decisions, time wasted, and all there was to lose.

A couple of days ago, I read a blog post in which the author shared the sweet experience of making the final payment on a large debt incurred as the result of a previous terrible relationship. I am in a similar situation, owing several thousand dollars in credit card debt accumulated on behalf of my ex-fiance and his children, and wonder if I will ever get to the point of being debt-free. Her now-happily-married conclusion? "You get what you settle for. So why settle for anything less than amazing?" Which is exactly what a follower said in response to this blog post of mine: "Never settle for less than what you know you deserve....You deserve the love you are looking for."

So now that I have a (relatively) clean bill of health, I am more than ready to accept this sage advice. Until Mr. Right comes along, I am doing just fine, thank you very much, with my boyfriend TiVo managing the remotes and my dog Karma sharing my bed with me.

How are you feeling two weeks into 2012? Are you pleased with your progress so far? Wishing you could start over? You can, you know. Every sunrise offers an opportunity for reinvention. I look forward to hearing about your journey!

Mrs. Duck's Lovely Day

2012-01-15T00:20:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Duck's Lovely Day, written and illustrated by Vivienne Blake, is a Rand McNally Junior Elf Book I owned as a child. I have no idea what happened to my original copy, but I stumbled upon another in a used book store at some point in my adult life and snapped it up. I had forgotten all about it until last weekend when I was packing away several boxes of children's books to make room for my growing collection of women's fiction and romance novels - just in time for my first review for the Books That Made Me Love Reading Challenge.

"Yes, it was a very warm summer at Valley Cottage," the story begins. Everyone is pleased about the blue skies and sunshine - everyone, that is, except Mrs. Duck. The hot sun eventually reduces her small pond to a puddle of mud, and Mrs. Duck doesn't know what to do about it. She reaches her breaking point when Mrs. Hen invites her to go for a dust bath, snapping at her friend and huffing home. So that evening she decides to go to the seashore, knowing there will be plenty of water there; she packs her bags and hops on the first train.

She is thrilled when she first arrives; she sends Mrs. Hen a box of salt water taffy by way of apology and writes postcards to her other friends. But her days at the beach prove to be very disappointing; the waves are too much for her and she misses everybody back home. To her delight, she wakes up the next morning to the sound of raindrops on her roof; she hustles back home and finds her pond filled to the brim and topped with a rainbow.

This book brought back many happy memories. I love the cheerful retro artwork and the book's gentle messages about the the value of friendship and the virtues of home, even when the situation is less than ideal. Thanks, Emlyn Chand, for giving me a reason to revisit this little gem!

Dreaming of Books Giveaway Blog Hop

2012-01-12T21:48:00.002-05:00

I am participating in the Dreaming of Books Giveaway Blog Hop, hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer and Martha's Bookshelf. This hop is scheduled to run January 13th through 18th. To enter, all you have to do is follow my blog and leave a comment at the end of this post. For additional entries, you can follow me on Twitter (click HERE), and "like" my Facebook fan page (click HERE). Leave an additional comment for each additional entry. At the end of the week, one lucky winner will be chosen by a random number generator to receive a $10 Amazon gift card. Be sure to leave your email address with your comment so that I will know how to contact you should your name be selected. Click HERE for the links to 200 or so other blogs that are also doing book-related giveaways. All contests begin at midnight Eastern time tonight; any entries received prior to that time will not be included in the drawing.

Good luck and happy blog hopping!

Books That Made Me Love Reading

2012-01-10T01:01:00.005-05:00

Blogger Emlyn Chand has come up with a wonderful challenge for this New Year. In her introductory post, she encourages participants to discuss why we love reading, list some of our favorite books of all time, and to re-read one of those old favorites every month and write a review sharing why we loved it then and how we feel about it now. I am delighted to have an excuse to lose myself once again in the pages of such classics as Bambi, Little Women and The Hobbit. Read on!

I was one of those kids who read under the covers by flashlight long after I was supposed to be asleep. My elementary school librarian introduced some of her favorite authors, like Carolyn Haywood, E. B. White, and Lloyd Alexander; Betsy and Billy, Wilber the Pig (from Charlotte's Web), and Taran, Wanderer became as real to me as my classmates. I wept when Sikes murdered Nancy; I couldn't for the life of my understand what Scarlett saw in Ashley Wilkes. I was one of the few kids in my class allowed the privilege of checking out books from the adult section of the bookmobile - after I devoured all the children's books on the shelves - and I thoroughly enjoyed my stint as a volunteer in the middle school library. I taught my dolls how to read, shared all my favorite picture books with my baby brother, and had a hard time choosing which three books to order each time the Scholastic Book Club brochures came home from school.

The truth of the matter is that, in my experience, the reading and the writing were inseparable. I have vague memories of shaping letters with big, fat pencils on Indian Chief tablets, stringing the letters together to create words and eventually arranging the words into sentences. Oh, the power! I wrote poetry, short stories, and essays; I kept a diary and composed long letters and sent them to my pen pal in Japan. Is it any wonder that I'm writing novels these days?

The longer I think about it, the more books come to mind, and the more excited I become about revisiting them. If you think you might like to join the fun, simply click the badge at the top of this post and you will be directed to Emlyn's introductory post containing guidelines. Otherwise, just keep following this blog for my reviews.

What were some of your childhood favorites?

You can go your own way

2012-01-05T11:41:00.003-05:00

Today I want to reply to some of the comments I have had in response to my last blog post, to those of you who claim you wouldn't be able to function without goals or to-do lists. You know what? Neither would I.

I have no choice when it comes to list making. There was a time in my life when I could keep track of everything in my head. But that ability left me along with my youth. And like everybody else, I have schedules and deadlines that I must adhere to - most related to pursuing my passions, but some simply the consequence of being a human being living in a complex society. So I use the calendar on my iPhone to keep track of appointments and meetings; I have a teaching schedule posted in my piano studio; and I refer to a short list of morning and evening routines around housekeeping and exercise every day. But I don't think this is contradictory to living freely.

Because at this point my big-picture goals are so much a part of who I am that I can't NOT pursue them, whether or not they are itemized on piece of paper. No matter what else is going on in my life, no matter how busy I am, I somehow find time to create every single day, whether it's making music with my students, writing in my journal, or designing a new piece of jewelry. It's what makes me feel alive. But I want to remain open to adventure and possibility. And I can't do that when my every waking moment is accounted for before I get out of bed every day. After functioning that way for many years, I reached the point that I almost didn't WANT to get out of bed. I was so burned out NOTHING brought me joy. And that is no way to live.

Yes, I dream of being a published author, and I realize that dreaming about it isn't going to make it happen. But since I have abandoned daily word count goals, I am actually writing more - and better. Monday, for example, I got stuck on a paragraph and wound up laboring over it for a long time; as a result, my total for that day was less than 200 words. Tuesday, though, the words were flowing, so I kept working until my first piano student arrived, at the exclusion of everything else, and I added over 3000 words to my manuscript. Previously, I would have stopped the moment I hit my randomly selected number for the day, whether it was 500 or 1000. Then yesterday I had brunch with a friend and spent the rest of the morning running errands and I didn't get around to writing at all but I was okay with it, whereas before I would have beaten myself up for missing a day.

I understand that every writer's process is different and I'm not suggesting that anyone else should follow my lead. And that applies to everything else, too. What practices bring YOU closer to fulfilling your purpose on this planet? For me, it used to be New Year's resolutions, short and long term goals, and a rigorous daily schedule. Now, it is simply waking up every morning, listening to my heart, and following its path.

I wish you joy on YOUR journey!

Living without goals

2012-01-03T09:44:00.001-05:00

RELEASE

On New Year's Eve, I tried to explain my decision to forego making resolutions this year, choosing instead to trust myself as a creative individual, to follow the leadings of my heart on a daily basis, and work on developing better daily routines.

Then my brother sent me a link to a wonderful post by Leo Babauta (click HERE) in which this inspiring individual explains why goals as a system usually result in failure. It resonated with me so deeply that I am absolutely convinced I am on the right track. It's a little scary for a compulsive list maker who has gotten through many difficult periods by looking ahead to a planned vacation or a major holiday to contemplate a life without goals. On the other hand, I love surprises, especially the good kind. And please understand that this decision isn't the result of an inability to focus or the lack of a work ethic. On the contrary: I know what I want and I am willing to work hard to get it. I am simply give myself permission to pursue my passions as a lifestyle as opposed to relegating them to items on a to-do list. And, like Mr. Babauta, I have found myself "achieving more than if I had goals, because I'm always doing something I'm excited about. But whether I achieve or not isn't the point at all: all that matters is that I'm doing what I love, always."

After just a few short weeks of this new way of thinking, my spirit is in a much better place. Much of my negative thought-buzz has disappeared; I feel balanced, motivated, and (dare I say it?) happy. So, inspired by Eydie of What We Create (click HERE), I have chosen a "little word" for myself for 2012, a word for contemplation and meditation, a word to help guide me as I move through my days . That word is RELEASE. Finally, I am ready to let go: of relationships that take much and give little in return; of goals and expectations that impose limits rather than lead to success; of a daily grind that steals my precious time and robs me of my joy.

Of everything that has kept me small.

If this sounds threatening to you - and a year ago, it would have sounded downright ominous to me - then it might be something you need to examine. Check out the tips for living without goals on the Zen Habits website, and try spending just a few hours exploring your passions without a predetermined agenda. You might be amazed at what you will discover.

Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve

2011-12-31T01:23:00.002-05:00

Christmas Day, 2011

I am going to try something different this year. I am not making any New Year's resolutions.

I can't even bear to look at the lists - yes, that's PLURAL - I made last year. Because my three-cornered stool - music, writing, and jewelry making - is holding up reasonably well in spite of everything I didn't accomplish.

WRITING: I achieved PRO status in Romance Writers of America, attended two professional writing conferences, completed The Wishing Box, and entered the Maggies.

MUSIC: I taught my students well, gave a presentation at the state music teacher's conference, performed in four piano recitals, and I'm playing the clarinet (again) and the mandolin (sort of).

JEWELRY MAKING: I made 31 sales in my Etsy store, learned new beading and jewelry-making techniques that are taking my work in new directions, and raised $929 for Beading To Beat Autism.

Looking back, though, I believe this was in spite of and not because of the detailed to-do lists I wrote for myself every morning. Because during the month of December, when I tossed the lists aside and went where life led me every day, I was arguably more productive and definitely less stressed than I had been all year. Let me explain.

One of the reasons I home schooled my children for so many years was so that we could immerse ourselves in learning. Rather than adhere to an arbitrary schedule - reading from 9-10, math from 10-11, science from 11-12, etc. - we followed our own path. We might spend the entire morning on a nature walk, journaling our discoveries, then cuddle up on the sofa after lunch with a read-aloud and classical music. The next day, we might hit the art museum for a field trip, go out to lunch with friends, and then do a whole weeks' worth of math problems after we got home. That kind of lifestyle might drive some people crazy but it worked well for us, and by the conclusion of each academic year, we always ended up where we needed to be.

I think that's why this month ran so smoothly for me. Yes, I have to show up for my piano students at a specific time every day, and I need to put the hours in if I am ever going to find the success I crave as a writer. But everything else is gravy. And if the daily schedule says it's time to work on French and I am in the middle of a difficult passage of my Mozart piano concerto - well, the truth is I am likely to stop practicing, pull out my laptop, and check out what's going on with my friends on Facebook. That's Resistance, and I've got to find better ways of combatting it. I'm not a lazy bum, so I need to stop treating myself like I am, with the time clock and battering ram. Instead, I must trust myself as a creative individual and learn to follow the leadings of my heart on a daily basis.

That said, I do want to develop better daily routines so that my house will stay cleaner and more orderly and I will be healthier and more fit. Toward those ends, I am officially a FlyBaby - you should see my shiny sink! - and I am renewing my commitment to daily exercise - first thing every morning - and starting the year with a 21-day cleanse. I am convinced that if I can be faithful in these small things, big results will follow.

Also, I plan to follow Hollis Gillespie's advice. In her recent newsletter, she listed Fall In Love as one of the top five most common - and stupidest - New Year's Resolutions. "Really?" she asked. "With another abusive, sex-addicted heartless narcissist?" (Hey, has she been reading my blog?) "How about you take a year off from falling in love this year and spend that time writing your book."

How about it, indeed?

How are you planning herald the arrival of 2012?

Happy Day After Christmas

2011-12-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to KATHY MERKEL for being selected as the winner of Joseph Akins' CD A Piano Christmas. And thanks to everyone who participated in the Thankful for the Holidays Blog Hop.

I am having a wonderful holiday, throughly enjoying all the bounty of the season - gifts, food, family and friends. And I have a belated Christmas gift for you, my readers: a sample of my fiction writing! Click HERE to read Chapter 6 of The Undercover Librarian, this year's Petit Fours and Hot Tamales group novel. Leave a comment at the end of my post there for a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card. Leave a comment at the end of this post for another chance to win. And if you want to start at the very beginning of the story, click HERE.

I hope you will have as much fun reading and we did writing. I am looking forward to your feedback!

Merry Christmas To All

2011-12-23T23:45:00.003-05:00

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

~ Joseph Campbell

In some ways, I have enjoyed this holiday season more than any other.

I have beaded and baked. I have wire wrapped and stamped and dapped. I have written cards and gone to the mall and wrapped gifts and spent time with my boys. I have listened to my students play "Jingle Bells" and tickled the ivories myself and watched all of my favorite Christmas movies. I am looking forward to driving to southern Illinois on Christmas Day and spending the holidays with my parents and my brother and his wife and two of my three children.

A person shouldn't ask for more. So I'm not going to. I am going to revel in what I have - today, right this minute. Naturally, I'm looking ahead the New Year - to resolve or not to resolve? - and what I hope it brings to me. But there is one thing know for sure. In the past few weeks, I have let go of my to-do lists and expectations, and I have been happier - and more productive - than I have ever been before. I can't help but believe that a better life than I could have ever imagined for myself is just a heartbeat away.

I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas.

Do What (Only) You Can

2011-12-22T00:13:00.002-05:00

Today did not go as expected.

My house is out of control; in my effort to reclaim it, I started deep cleaning the kitchen this morning. But then my 15yo decided he wanted pancakes for breakfast, so I made pancakes and caught up with him while he ate; he has been very scarce since school ended last Friday. I kept trying to return to my chores, but he didn't want me to leave.

So I stayed.

Also, my journaling has been very spotty this month. I was well on my way to catching up when my 24yo stopped by for a visit. I kept trying to return to my writing, but my son had a lot to talk about, from camera equipment to what to buy Grandpa for Christmas.

So we talked.

After he left, I decided I would spend the rest of the day organizing my craft supplies. But then I got a call from a local person needing some jewelry for a last-minute Christmas gift, necessitating a trip to my local bead shop, which happens to be going out of business on Friday. It took some time to say good-bye.

Long story short? I am on my way to getting my beading supplies organized - the sewing, knitting and scrapbooking supplies will have to wait - and I will pick up my journal where I left off tomorrow. But today I took care of the most important things. Like Danielle LaPorte says:

You can only do what ONLY YOU can do.
Do that.
The universe will configure around your very best efforts.
Willingly.

Besides, it's my Christmas vacation.

What is it that only you can do? Can you show up in the moment and let everything else go?

Ghosts Of Christmas Past

2011-12-20T00:22:00.000-05:00

Josh and Casey

There have been times I have wished that I had spent less money on toys and put more money into college accounts. But right this minute I am happy about every penny I blew to make my children's Christmas wishes come true. Because now they are young adults with grown-up problems and there isn't a darn thing I can do to make any of them go away. At least we have our memories.

Nathan

Nope. I don't regret a single moment I spent with my boys reading holiday stories, baking Christmas cookies, or doing holiday crafts. As a matter of fact, I would give a million bucks to have just one of those days back.

Josh, Casey and Nathan, you will not understand the depth of my love for each of you until you have children of your own. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and every good thing in 2012.

And always.

The Magic of Christmas

2011-12-16T21:50:00.001-05:00

A storefront on Grand Cayman Island.

Yesterday I bid a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to the last of my weekly piano students and kicked my holiday preparations into high gear. I ran out and picked up a few supplies, then stayed up into the wee hours baking cookies and making a couple of gifts. Today I baked more snickerdoodles, put together a batch of peanut butter cookie dough, and wrapped and boxed presents for out of town friends and family. Then I hauled everything to the post office and waited patiently in line until it was my turn. Next time, I'm going to wear a sign saying, "There is nothing liquid, fragile, perishable or hazardous in any of these packages." I bet that poor postal service employee wishes he had a nickel for every time he has asked that question.

I also mailed an envelope filled with checks to Beading To Beat Autism - $919 worth, in fact. Thanks to everyone who participated in this project - to my team who helped me create and sell 300 bracelets, and to everyone who supported us by purchasing our finished products. We believed we could, and we did!

I was hoping I would have the energy to write cards tonight - I actually remembered to buy holiday stamps while I was at the post office - but I don't. I made a pot of chili for dinner and wrote a book review that I was supposed to turn in two weeks ago and I am about used up at this point. I haven't slept much the past two nights and I have been fighting a headache all day. So I probably ought to pay attention to the gentle whisperings of my body, pleading with me go to to bed early for a change.

Because once those cards are in the mail and the house is back in some semblance of order - I'm sure it's been this messy before, but I can't remember when - I am looking forward to being visited by that "Christmas feeling." It's hard to describe it with words, but it's a quiet joy that settles over me for a few fleeting moments every December. I never know when it's going to hit; I might be curled up on the living room sofa reading a holiday book, playing Christmas music on the piano, taking a pan of ginger snaps out of the oven, or stirring grated nutmeg into a glass of eggnog with a peppermint stick. It's one of the best feelings there is, but as soon as I try to hold onto it, it vanishes. Maybe that's part of the magic.

Santa Claus, flying reindeer, snowmen that come to life, snow on December 24th. It just wouldn't be Christmas without the magic. What makes it magical for you?

Operation Christmas Tree

2011-12-14T23:19:00.001-05:00

Not a creature was stirring...

Our holiday preparations started last Friday, when I dragged Nathan with me to Home Depot to help purchase a fresh cut Christmas tree. The nice folks there bagged our selection and tied it to the top of my car, leaving us with the simple task of carrying it into the house and securing it into our stand, purchased for 75 per cent off at the after-Christmas sales last year.

I kept the tree watered all weekend, hoping to decorate it on Sunday. But somehow the days slipped away from me and I wasn't able to find a moment to put the lights and the star on until this morning.

Tonight after I finished teaching Nathan and I finally got around to hanging the ornaments. So many memories!

Seattle Space Needle. Thanks, Cindy B!

Josh and Casey. I miss those days.

One of our Christmas Craft Day projects from our homeschooling years.

A tag from a Christmas gift I received from one of my very first piano students back in Peoria, Illinois.

An ornament given to me by a piano student just today. Thank you, Hope!

A souvenir from a cruise vacation. Nathan and I agree that this is one of our favorites.

A gift from my dorm-mate. Thanks you, Robbin!
Nathan pointed out that 1979 was a long time ago. I guess it was, but in some ways it really doesn't seem like it.

A beaded ornament created by one of my oldest and dearest friends. She has given my children and me ornaments for Christmas as long as I have known her. Thanks, Cindy J!

I hope that next year I will be able to see my way clear to spring for a 7-8' tree, because we have so many ornaments there wasn't room to hang them all. Rather than drive ourselves crazy, we stopped even though the second box was only half unpacked. I think you will agree we made the right decision.

Ta-da!

I have purchased a few small gifts and made greeting cards, but that is the extent of my holiday preparations otherwise, and quite a departure from the extravagances of years past. But just because I have always done something is not enough reason to continue; as my circumstances change, so does my concept of what is most important. And as I seek to let go of perfectionism in other areas of my life, I am letting go if it here. This year, I choose to focus, one at a time, simply on those activities that bring me comfort and joy. Today, it was the Christmas tree. It's not going to make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, but it makes me happy every time I walk by and inhale its woodsy scent and see all the treasures hanging from its boughs.

Is there anything you can let go of in order to have more time and energy for the most important things?

Something had to give...

2011-12-13T00:00:00.005-05:00

It's hard to explain, but something inside me has changed since I returned from my cruise vacation. For the first time since I broke my engagement two years ago, I truly feel like myself again.

I have always maintained that it takes a minimum of two years to recover from the end of a serious relationship, and I have experienced nothing but heartbreak every time I break my self-imposed "two-year rule." So as far as I am concerned, everything that has happened since said broken engagement has been rebound relationships.

Onward.

And while I'm at it, I am breaking loose from a couple of other ties that have been binding me: Between Birthdays and Writers Li.P.P. There is little to explain, except when something you have created no longer serves you, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to let it go.

At the same time, though, I find myself approaching the New Year with a curious pessimism. While it has been arguably the best December on record so far, filled with lunches and dinners and parties with girlfriends and writer friends and family, all that is behind me now and I am left with long days of soul searching ahead. About my shortcomings as a parent. About my future as a writer. About whether or not I dare to even dream about a romantic relationship with a guy. About the twelve days of Christmas and whether or not I am going to waste another minute of my life making New Year's resolutions that don't get kept.

Because I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm healthy and I have big dreams. I'm still hopeful that I'll find a man who can appreciate me and keep up with me; maybe I won't. Regardless, I'm not holding my breath. I'm going to keep seeking my path as a writer and enjoy every precious moment spent with friends and family members. I have much to be thankful for, including each of you who stands by my side every day.

Maybe tomorrow I'll find the strength to put the lights on the Christmas tree.

Going with the seasonal flow

2011-12-05T23:35:00.005-05:00

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
~ Jimmy Dean

Recently, I blogged about my intention to treat my writing like a part-time job. But since I've gotten back from my Thanksgiving vacation, my second job has been beading. I have put in countless hours over the past ten days or so and it has been very satisfying.

First, I had two more beading sessions with my Beading To Beat Autism volunteers. I am happy to report that all 300 of our bracelets are completed and most of them are sold. I hope to wrap up that project this week.

Then my hairdresser invited me to set up a table and sell my jewelry in her shop on Saturday, so I spent every spare moment last week creating a few last-minute items to sell.

It was so much fun I am thinking I would like try renting space at a real craft show or two next year. I enjoy maintaining my Etsy site but when I actually get to interact with my customers it's even better.

I also tried my hand at beaded silverware; I was really pleased with my first attempt.

Although I didn't have time to do anything else before Saturday, I plan to buy an assortment of large serving pieces plates and spreaders and put together some coordinating sets to list in my shop in the next few days.

Anyway, by the time Saturday was over, my house looked like a craft shop had exploded inside it. There were beads and supplies scattered upstairs and downstairs; the kitchen and bathrooms had been sorely neglected, too. I worked all yesterday morning and this morning cleaning up after everybody; by now the main living areas of the house are in reasonably good shape, although everything still needs a good scrubbing. Tomorrow I will tackle my bedroom; I haven't even unpacked the suitcase I took on my cruise Thanksgiving week. Sigh.

But that suitcase has waited patiently for me while I seized so many precious moments--to support a charitable organization with my piano students, to try my hand at a new beading technique, to promote my jewelry design business--and to attend a card making workshop Saturday night

and a tree-trimming party with friends on Sunday evening. And if another opportunity presents itself tomorrow, I have no doubt that suitcase will still be there on Wednesday.

Sometimes you just need to throw the daily schedule out the window, let the dishes pile up, and go where life leads you.

So THAT'S what Christmas is all about...

2011-12-03T00:24:00.002-05:00

Go ahead and hate me, but I love that local radio station that plays nothing but holiday music between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Anyway, I was listening a couple of mornings ago, and the deejays were entertaining a burning question from a caller. Apparently, this woman had a neighbor with a yard full of Christmas decorations; she said the bright lights were keeping her from sleeping at night, and she was wondering if it would be okay to ask the neighbors to douse the lights.

Every single caller who responded called this woman a "Scrooge" or a "Grinch" and said something along the lines of "seeing the children's faces light up when they see those shiny lights, well, that's what Christmas is all about." One caller even offered to go to K-Mart and buy MORE lights and inflatables to enhance the offending neighbor's display, just to teach the whiner a lesson.

Aren't most children in bed by, say, ten or ten-thirty at night? And just call me silly, but *I* thought the meaning of Christmas had something to do with a virgin birth and "peace on earth, goodwill towards men." I am all for shiny lights and outlandish displays, but is keeping my neighbor awake at night promoting peace or generating goodwill?

What do you think?

Thankful for the Holidays Blog Hop

2011-12-01T10:01:00.001-05:00

Reviews By Molly and Romancing the Book are hosting the first ever Thankful for the Holidays Blog Hop, and I couldn't resist joining the fun! I am giving away a signed copy of Joseph Akins' wonderful holiday CD, A Piano Christmas. To enter, simply follow my blog and leave your name and email address in a comment at the end of this post. Then click HERE for links to other participating blogs and more chances to win great prizes. This contest will run December 1-25; I will select the winner on Christmas Day using a random number generator. Happy holiday blog hopping, and good luck!

I'm a loser, baby

2011-11-30T22:06:00.001-05:00

At least where NaNoWriMo is concerned. I fell far short of my goal of writing 50,000 words in 30 days; I managed to eke out only 15,006. Which makes me, officially, a loser.

Except 15,006 words averages out to 500 words a day for the month, which is actually fairly respectable, specially if you consider everything else I had on my plate. Presenting at the state music teacher's conference. Beading To Beat Autism. Going on a cruise.

Next year, I will sign up for NaNoWriMo again; this year, I'm going to give myself an attagirl for effort. I am certain that I wouldn't have written as many words as I did if not for the challenge. And I'm still writing; I even submitted two queries yesterday, one including a requested partial. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Congratulations to all the 2012 winners! Declare yourselves in a comment so we can celebrate with you!

Wobble, Baby

2011-11-29T21:43:00.001-05:00

Carnival Inspiration

My Thanksgiving cruise started as all great cruises always do, with a sail-away party on the pool deck

complete with a steel drum band

and a bon voyage cocktail crowned by a cheerful paper umbrella.

For the first time ever, we had a window in our cabin. What a treat!

The food was fabulous. We tried some new dishes, like these alligator fritters

and feasted on all our favorites, like this lobster tail during formal night dinner.

The ship docked on Monday in Grand Cayman and on Tuesday Cozumel. I wanted to swim with dolphins and parasail and go shopping but my budget wouldn't allow any of that. Instead, we wasted away in Margaritaville in Grand Cayman

and on the beach in Cozumel.

Playa Mia

And when we couldn't take any more sunshine, we sought shelter at Senor Frog's.

We made some new friends

He stole Nathan's sunglasses!

Mary Beth and Tony, who shared our table at dinner.

but this was the closest I came to holiday romance.

This dude was fine for a day, but he was no Jack Sparrow.

I'm not big on the Las Vegas style shows and comedy acts, but I danced at every available opportunity--at the sail away party, at the midnight Mexican buffet, and in the disco--doing all my favorites: the electric slide, the Cupid shuffle, the cha-cha slide. I even learned something new.

If I ever get married again, we are SO doing the wobble at the reception.

* * *

I have had some amazing cruise experiences over the years. I have gone behind the scenes with staff members, done some thrilling shore excursions, brought home beautiful jewelry, pottery and artwork. Once I even fell in love with and eventually became engaged to a stranger I danced with at a deck party. I wouldn't have missed any of that. But the boring truth is that this was the most restful, relaxing cruise I have ever been on. I whiled away many happy hours simply simply lying by the pool, reading and dozing. Somehow, it was enough to relax deeply and bring nothing home but memories, to simply BE on a cruise. I think there is a powerful lesson there.

And you know what else I learned? I may wobble but I won't fall down.

Low-Cost Christmas Gifts

2011-11-28T00:52:00.003-05:00

No, I haven't decorated my house yet.
This photo is from last year.
Gotcha!

I haven't forgotten my promise to share my cruise travelogue with you. But I have been slammed since I got home, with invoices to send, bills to pay, suitcases to unpack, bracelets to bead, and blog posts to write. Monday, for example, I will be at Writers Li.P.P. (click HERE) with low-cost Christmas gift ideas. Please stop by and share some tips of your own. So check back on Tuesday for the tale of a fateful trip.

Just call me Gilligan.

Thanksgiving, Day 7: Home At Last

2011-11-24T21:53:00.000-05:00

Carnival Inspiration

This was officially the weirdest Thanksgiving of my life. But it would be just plain wrong to complain about a day that started on board a cruise ship. Even if it was the last day of our vacation.

We docked in Tampa before dawn, disembarked the ship and sped through customs, caught our shuttle back to the car, and were on the road headed north by 9AM. My son and I shared the driving; we stopped twice for gas and twice for food but made it home in record time. All in all, it was a delightful cruise; I will share more details later. But right this minute, I cannot tell you how thankful I am to be home, stretched out on my bed with my computer on my lap and my dog curled up beside me.

Whether you enjoyed a traditional holiday or did something out of the ordinary, I hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving with the people you love the most.

Thanksgiving, Day 6: My Past

2011-11-23T01:01:00.018-05:00

Today I am reflecting upon people and events from the past and how they made me who I am today.

My maternal grandmother who gave me my first piano encouraged me to perform in church and sewed pretty dresses for me. My paternal grandmother who taught me how to piece quilts and took me on my first train ride and made every day a holiday. My younger brothers, Jim and Greg, who fought and scrapped with me and kept me humble when I was a kids but became some of my best friends after we reached adulthood. I lost them all much too soon.

There were cherished teachers who encouraged my love of music in general and piano in particular; I remember all their names and how each influenced me in his or her unique way. There were other teachers, too, who taught me how to read and write and do math and appreciate science and history. There were friends who supported me through the angst of high school, the ups and downs of college, the challenges of married life and the heartbreak of divorce. And there were lovers who shared their energy, their essence with me - deeply passionate relationships that, like my marriage, ended in failure and disappointment.

Lessons learned. Better luck next time.

Each person who has crossed my path is a thread of color in the tapestry of my life. There can be no regret because, without any one of them, the entire outcome would be different. And so I give thanks for all of you, past and present, living and dead. And look forward to the jewel tones and metallic fibers that are waiting for me right around the corner.