Sorry I Missed Your Party

Wwwwwwwwwwipeout

2012-01-25T18:12:00.003-05:00

A Classier Time

2012-01-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

The aftermath of a party at my pal Julia's parents' place in the 70s (these are not her parents pictured). God, I wish it was the '70s. Everytime I go over to a nice dinner party and suggest a little swinging, everyone acts all huffy and stuckup. Like a little wife-swapping ever hurt anyone?

Jeez, it's 2012 people. If you're not a diaper-lover or wife-swapper, get over yourself. A little '70s partying might do you good.

Geezer

2012-01-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

If it's not immediately clear how British this guy is, I don't know how to explain British people to you.

Dong Sleeper

2012-01-19T11:39:00.000-05:00

Nice paisley shirt, Prince. Your friends sure have you pegged, "Dong" is right. Speaking of which, while you were passed out, are you sure none of your friends actually pegged you?

Meanwhile at the Luau

2012-01-13T15:41:00.003-05:00

Juggalettes Against Drinking and Driving

2012-01-12T11:18:00.004-05:00

I know what you're thinking. "Gee, Katie, this isn't too interesting. Some girl drinking a bottle of barcadi out of a plastic take-out cup while in the driver's seat? Snoozefest."

Well would it impress you more if I showed you how this was tagged on Flickr?

Yeah, I thought so.

Facebook vs. Flickr

2012-01-09T16:40:00.001-05:00

A lot of the worst photos - worst in the most embarrassing sense - on this blog come to me from people who save the photos from their friends' Facebook accounts, and not ones I find publicly available on Flickr.

I have some qualms about this. Not because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but because I don't know how much of a purist I should be about the stated mission of "Pictures of Other People's Parties on Flickr". This blog is almost 4 years old (egads), and in 2008 Flickr was much something different than it is today. It seemed like the most important photo sharing site out there. It's still widely used, but it seems more and more that it's used by semi-pro photographers and color saturation enthusiasts. Facebook is now where regular people upload their party pics.

A big part of what I aimed at with this blog was a stern privacy warning - if you are dumb enough to post your photos in a totally public site like Flickr, then you have no way of stopping a shithead like me from making fun of you behind your back. What hubris to think that no one will make fun of you! However, I don't actually want to hurt anyone's feelings, and the handful of times people have asked me to take down their photos, I've always done it. Actually, of those handful of people, there's was one or two that gave a blustery talk about copyright violations and permissions tryin' to sound all legalese-y, and those were the people that I sort of jerked around a little before finally taking their photos down. They deserved to be fucked with a little more.

But Facebook is a different thing. You have a certain level of expectation of privacy on there compared to Flickr. If you set your permission for a photo so it's for "Friends" only, you aren't expecting that your so-called-friend is going to screenshot that photo and send it to a blog that makes fun of people. Also, for me I like the process of searching and finding pics myself. It feels like cheating for someone else to send me a cherry-picked photo from Facebook [NOTE: please do not stop sending me photos!!!].

Of course I'm not saying Facebook is good at privacy. It's a miserable hell-hole and I hate it and it's boring because your aunt and boss is on it, so no one ever posts anything funny or edgy anymore. Twitter is way better (do you follow me? Oh, why not) and it's fun and cool stuff happens on there.

Anyway. Look. I don't know what more I can say except I'm sorry for these two people in this photo, because their friend is a dick and sent this to me. And there's no way I couldn't post this. I wouldn't deprive my loyal readers (luv u guys <3 <3). So enjoy:

Best Christmas Card Ever

2012-01-06T11:58:00.002-05:00

I was just sent this stunning image from someone named Brittnay with this description:

My sister received this from her neighbor for Christmas; along with several paparazzi style snap shots of my unaware bro-in-law and niece while walking their dogs. Photographer or not, that’s fucking creepy.

On another note, I’m more of a Cannon girl myself. I found the Jesus to be difficult to operate.

Yes, this isn't a party photo. But I can truly say this scan of a Christmas card may be the most magnificent image I have ever posted on this piece of turd blog. I literally chortled - CHORTLED!- out loud when I saw this.

The mother and unsettlingly attractive teenage son. The fact that he's named "Kalen". The two cats. The "Jesus" brand-name camera. Good grief! Nothing could make this more perfect in every screaming detail.

I want to use this for my own Chistmas cards every year moving forward. I want to use this as my wedding inviations. I want this to be on my resume. I want to just insert this into my first born child's "Name" field on his or her birth certificate. I want this in every aspect of my life forever. Please enjoy:

Snow White and the Two Boston Terriers

2012-01-04T13:41:00.001-05:00

Worst Parties of the last 12 years

2012-01-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

Look, let's face it: life is a horrible drawn out haunted hayride to the grave, and we're lucky if we have a handful of good memories at the end when the teenage headless horseman shovels the dirt onto our grave.

In this spirit, I present to you the 1st result* on Flickr for the search "worst party 20XX" for the years 2000-20011:

If you made it this far, I commend you, friends. Happy 2012.

2000:

2001:

2002:

2003:

2004:

2005:

2006:

2007:

2008:

2009:

2010:

2011:

*With a few exceptions for when the 1st result was a band photo (barf) or something totally nonsensical.

Oversized

2011-12-28T19:33:00.001-05:00

Is this guy drinking beer from a Nalgene? Blue Solo cup not big enough for you, pal? Too busy to stand around refilling at the keg?

This is what makes America great*. Take a look a this group of cool guys and tell me you wouldn't laugh in my face if I said these guys were from Belgium or Moscow. There's no doubt if you could cut through the layer subcutaneous fat squeezing their heart valves dangerously tight, they'd bleed red, white, and blue.

*great: Giant Regal Enormous Androgynous Tubbies

Gross Food

2011-12-23T11:45:00.001-05:00

Last night I made "grasshopper pie", my favorite Christmas treat since childhood that my mother makes. As I was making it, I realized how totally 70s this recipe is - it calls for margarine, liquor, packaged cookies, and Fluff*

Old timey food is gross and weird. It's all like weird meat gellatins and stuff.

*Grasshopper pie is a delightful mint/oreo flavored no-bake pie. The green color is festive for Christmas, and it's great to tell little kids it's made with real grasshoppers (I believed that).

Photo from SavingDessert.com I make it with way more oreo crumbs on top because that's the best part.

Here's my mom's recipe:

Crust:
35 crushed Oreos
1/4 cup melted margarine
Melt the margarine in a pan (or microwave). Add the crushed Oreos and press into the bottom of the pan and up the sides, saving some to put on the top.

Filling:
1-7 ounce jar of Marshmallow Fluff
2 cups of heavy cream
1/4 cup green Creme de Menthe (if you get the clear version of the liquor, add green food coloring to the filling)
1/8 cup of Creme de Cacao

Whip cream. Fold into Fluff. Gradually add creme de menthe and creme de cacao.

Add remaining crumbs to the top.

Cover tightly and freeze. Can be kept frozen for 1 month. You can double the recipe and make it in a springform pan for a giant deep slice.

Party World Tour: Scottsdale, AZ

2011-12-22T12:55:00.003-05:00

Is it something that's discussed that Scottsdale, Arizona secretly has the trashiest people? I don't think it is. So I'll go ahead and explain: it's like some weird amalgam of Los Angeles and Tampa, Florida, but yet without the charm of either. It's also the locale of the best TV show ever, Sex Decoy: Love Stings on the Fox Reality channel. The premise of the show is a private detective agency run by a former stripper MILF and her 3 stripper daughters where set up sting seduction operations on suspected cheaters. I can't believe this kind off quality programming was canceled.

Anyway, I've never been to Scottsdale, but I'm mostly ok with making hasty judgements based off of photos I've found on Flickr. It seems whenever I come across a photo of some really wasted blonds in club clothes, it turns out to be Scottsdale.

They look they're from Florida, but with more expensive haircuts and highlights, and yet aren't as stylish or thin as people from California.

Here's what I mean:

Maid To Order

2011-12-20T13:37:00.001-05:00

This reminds me of that Ally Sheedy 80s movie Maid to Order where she's a rich girl who wakes up in jail in a ball gown and her fairy godmother has cast a spell on her to make her poor to teach her a lesson.

I remember seeing this on TV when I was a kid and liking it, but it's probably one of those movies from your childhood that don't really hold up. Kind of like this girl started out her night feeling fresh and looking great, and then seeing pics later realized it all ended up all hot mess texting the ex from the ground.

Trailer for Maid to Order:

Pudding Face

2011-12-16T16:37:00.001-05:00

I think the most disturbing thing about this photo is that the guy who sent it to me just wrote "I think she wanted it" in the body of his email.

Shiver

Prom Mom

2011-12-14T12:25:00.000-05:00

"Come here you have a little schmutz on there. Let me get that off for you. Ugh, what is this, peanut butter? Why can't you use a napkin?!"

Bro Pile

2011-12-12T16:36:00.001-05:00

You've heard of a beeramid, but this is specific frat refinement: a bro-amid. A pyramid of bros.
BTW, why you can always tell Boston guys even without their Red Sox hats? I can tell so immediately if someone is from Boston. I guess maybe LA is like that? I don't think you can spot other cities so easily. Maybe I'm just biased because I'm so familiar with the Boston Bro.

Santa Baby

2011-12-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

Beer Pong Surprise

2011-12-06T11:35:00.001-05:00

I was just looking through my gmail Drafts folder and saw a message from months ago with the subject: "balls", and only a link to this photo in the body of the email. No idea who I was planning on sending this to, but I'm glad I rediscovered it.

Kiss the Ring

2011-12-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

Knave, doth thou not know to kneel before thy party queen? Thine foul lips are not worthy to kiss the ring on her highness's finger. To even be in the presence of Her Majesty's crown of "Drunk" trucker hat should make thy heart quiver.

Browsing the CD Book

2011-12-04T22:19:00.001-05:00

A serious music fan selects the perfect party playlist.

Soaked

2011-12-02T15:15:00.001-05:00

This pic grosses me out bigtime.

I've Found Love

2011-12-01T11:23:00.001-05:00

Oh hi! I have some exciting updates about my personal life. I've been so lonely, just sitting here at my computer.

But just recently, I met this awesome new guy through cougarlife.com. We have so much in common! I'm so happy, he really "gets" me! Here he is:

Steampunk Wedding Cake

2011-11-30T17:29:00.001-05:00

The only thing that could make this more hilarious would be if it was vegan cake.

Cyber Monday Party!

2011-11-28T13:23:00.001-05:00

Get your a/s/l on and grab a case of Mt Dew Code Red, because it's Cyber Monday, y'all!