Grace of Soul Love

Our Reaction...

2015-02-11T22:43:00.001-08:00

Our reaction to a situation literally gives us the power to change the situation itself… Have you ever heard that one?

I do believe in Ho'oponopono. The situation may not change, we change.

Which means we may experience people behaving in bizarre ways. Doing things that don't make sense or seem sane. People's insecurities, hatreds, unhealed parts can be downright evil. We have all experienced the bullies who act like they are completely innocent when they know they have agendas that make you wonder if they are mentally ill. Truth is some people are so spiritually ill they cannot behave better than they do. You don't have to keep those people in your life, sometimes they are attached to people you love.

Sometimes they never were in your life, you experienced them through another, and it left you with that unfortunate energetic residue as a result of them prying themselves into your atmosphere uninvited.

And it's okay, probably important even, to recognize that those people that you love have made a choice to follow what makes them ill instead of what makes them whole.

Accept what your are being offered. And allow it to be. When you allow the bizarre behavior and circumstances to just be what they are eventually the tree bears it's fruit. No one can hide the true fruit of that which they are.

It takes the power out of the hands of those who pretend to offer peace and goodwill with ulterior motives. It doesn't matter if people weren't sincere as long as you are. It hurts when people are not who they show them self to be, but isn't that sort of a "thank you for the warning"?

I think it is. People want to be better then they feel inside they are....and they're not often times spiritually aligned to be able to achieve that goal.

And I wonder sometimes if it is even a goal of theirs to really offer something truly good or if their agendas are so steeped with personal motives that they lose perspective on what can be the highest good for all involved. Some people's need to be loved runs so deep that they'll sacrifice the things they hold the dear in order to obtain security and guarantees, common ground, recognition, shared shattered selves.

This can be hurtful to observe. It can be painful to be on the other end of this kind of behavior. It can be confusing to be on the other end of this kind of interaction.

But what can you do?

There is nothing that you can do.

And I don't say that to sound hopeless.

I write it because there is so much more for you than hanging on to someones inconsistent and irrational behavior.

There is acceptance. Plain and Simple. Not very glittery, but true.

Often times to escape responsibility for their actions, people like this find a way to exit involvement with you because they cannot face themselves.

They fused themselves to other broken people who have matched their past hurt.

In some kind of wild abandon attempt to dig deep into their history they long for the very kind of hurt and connection they recognize from their unhappy past.

They cannot recognize the goodness that you offer because they're seeking approval for their brokenness from the broken.

And that is all that is real for them.

There is no way to mend this for them.

They have to learn these lessons through their own mirrors.

Unfortunately the endings of their attempts to revisit unhealthy relationships doesn't end in anything good.

The only way to participate in a healthy way with their decision is to step away when you no longer can bring anything they recognize as good.

Unfortunately this unstable behavior creates future karma.

It may show up in your future, but you will not be fused to them as they may be to you. They will be snagged, not you, seeking from you what they were not able to mend. Cross that bridge when it comes and pray for Grace.

Be in peace with the fact that they are unwilling and unable to create a healing vibration between you. The only way to set yourself free, is to accept that some people do not behave in a very nice ways sometimes. And that is just that. No part of the goodness in your soul wants to be in partnership with this kind of behavior. And yet so often times in soul connections we hold space for people when it's long overdue to let go. It's important to know you deserve so much more.

I think we need to find a way to say thank you (and goodbye) inside ourselves to the people who truly can't be of benefit to you/us on our deepest levels. You deserve that. Everyone deserves to have experiences that reflect respect and honorable exchange of energy.

Some are never going to be able to offer you that and it's okay to accept it and it's necessary to move on.

They weren't ever going to be able to do that for you. And life is going to bring the perfect situations to show you what you are inside and when people can't mirror that to you in the highest… the truth is, they have to leave.

Your soul doesn't want what they have to offer if it doesn't come in the way from them that seeks to align to the best part of you.

Sometimes when people behave and bizarre ways, it sends us a message to look inside and own your right to Just Say NO!

How much do you want things to be deeply right within your relationships.

What does that mean?

It means you never settle for dishonest interactions. You never settle for energetic connection simply because you thought you believed in the power of your connection to another person. It doesn't matter what form the relationship takes. It may not be love, it may be friendship. What matters, the integrity of the interaction. We need to be deeply honest with ourselves, what kind of qualities are we seeking? Hopefully the answer to this is not a heap of negative karma.

Let go of the Eddie Haskels, the Bullies, the Tricksters, and Dragon ladies, the Egomaniacs and the Self Absorbed, the Finger Pointers and the Self Righteous meanies...

There is a lot of bad juju in the polarized world. Learn the art of taking your ball and going home when people refuse to be nice.

It's ok.

Juicy Succulent Spring and Me

2014-03-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

BIRTHing CHANGE
Vernal Goddess Ali
Pregnant with Grace
Bursting Juiciness
Me

I can't help it..
Change is in the Air.
I feel it in my body.
I feel pregnant with New Life.
There is not child in my womb.
This is a Spiritual embryo in which I speak.
I have always all ways felt pregnant with New Life.
I never knew how to allow this sweetness to consume me.
I just rejected this feeling of fullness in the Past.
It overwhelmed me.
I pushed it out
instead
of
inhaling it In...
I found the intense draw toward Embodiment
frightening.

When you live outside yourSelf.
You live a Half Life.
It's no one's fault.
It just is.
It has been a life of just living right outside that feeling of
fully connecting.
I had this issue with being pregnant because I associate pregnancy with harm and loss.
I remember loosing my children in childbirth.
I remember my children losing Me.
I remember so much pain and death associated
with this sacred union of Motherhood.
Presently, I am at Peace.
I will live many Moons again
Pregnant with Life.

My past so full of persecution.
I choose to experience the light and shadow fully.
How can you know this plane and not experience its extremes?
I feel no regret in this bold acceptance of the mission I feel I agreed to know experience that creates a sense of separation from Self and Source.
I am rich for courage of this chosen path.
And I am climbing up out of the abyss of all its implications.
My great wheel has turned.
The wheel of destiny where one decides love is the answer.
Love is the SOULution.

So I ask Divine Alignment to reorder Me.
I surrender to its molding.
I gladly embrace being shaped.
I know nothing I am or am becoming is anything less than what only divine order can gift me.

So I say
Source Shape Me
Mold Me
Wrap your life giving arms around me.
Lift me
Breath Me
Inbreath
Outbreath
Place Me
Surround Me
Ground Me
Design Me
Give Me Life
My body is bursting
I am ready.
I drink you.
Eons of thirst quenched..
I gulp your Essence
unLady Like
Unafraid to be Desperate

A Mother protects her young fiercely
without abandon.
This Life you impregnate within Me
holds no bounds.
Unfettered
Twitter pattered
Freedom

I lay my head at your feet.
This spiritual life I bear..
is Yours.
For your purpose.
Fertile
Wanting
Simple.
I birth what you bring Me to offer this planet.
Only in your Love
Your Grace.
The honor is mine to witness your Omnipresence within Me.
I await the precious
labor pains of the Birth of My Vernal Goddess.
Thank you for annointing me ready.
May I live in your constant purpose, order, alignment.
Oceans of Love.

The feeling was foreign.
I pushed it outside of mySelf because it has only been recently,
I feel Safe brimming over,
Juicy and Succulent, a little awkward in my new Skin.
or A lot awkward in my new Skin..
but not for awkwardness sakes..
for the Chance at Exploring
what it feels like to be fully Real.
And what that means to me...
Embodying Me.

FREE TO BE ME. Soul Answers Within

2014-03-16T16:38:00.001-07:00

ASK YOURSELF FIRST...
You know best..
You really really Do.

If you know me, you know what kind of work I do... I bear witness to the Soul.

I am so blessed to do this work because it brings up the mirrors to all my life issues awaiting my tender touch.

As I gently sort through the dross of what keeps us from ourSelf..

I see we are all this kind of treasure trove...of magik.

When looking for answers, the first step is always Radical Self Honesty.

My favorite step.

There is no getting anywhere without it.

I sense this is where having a good guide comes in handy.

I see so often we doubt our Soul Voice
Yet a good guide only gets you to the answers which were already there.
Always there.
A good guide brings you closer to this Voice.
Your Soul Speaks.

So when we think about what we most wish to know...

Inquire within...
Guidance is a wonderful tool...
The best Guidance,
brings us closer to ourSelves..

You matter.
Your Voice.
Your Answer.

Your Voice matters.

YouR Wisdom Speaks.
It speaks just like a Voice within.
You might Hear it.
You might Feel it.
You might Know it.

We all Experience it different Ways...

Every time you get tempted to say "but!"..

Rewind.
You are worthy to receive this part of yourSelf.
No one will Advocate your Best Interests as You..
Once you find this Voice.

You are enough. Yes, you can have Help to Listen.
But Ultimately, only you know Best.

Your Soul dialogues with you Constantly.

Give it a listen.

What does it say?

Do you Trust what you Hear?

Gut instinct is our oldest friend.

It lies beyond, what we want, wish for, dread.

It simply IS.

When I ask people certain questions...
..about their body, their troubles, their pain, their issues, their thoughts, their almost anything.

Do you know what answer more than any other is the answer I receive back?

I DON'T KNOW.

yup.

I DON'T KNOW.

You most surely do know.

And after a few " I don't knows"

I usually hear...

"Well, what I am getting-- it-- it-- it sounds crazy!"

And I say... "We have arrived!"

Then of course the wild ride begins.

It is always fabulous.

Incredibly intense.

Worth every bump, swerve, hill and valley we experience.

It is the..

Story of You.

You hold a story.

No story will ever be as interesting, gripping and freeing as your Unique Journey.

Find your Voice.

Ask yourSelf about Every Thing.

Be Honest.

Completely Honest.

As soon as you start skirting around the Truth, Enhancing Details, Conveniently Deleting Details,

Trouble Begins.

If you keep it Simple.

You will find yours Answers have always been...

Beautifully.

Wonderfully

Mysteriously

Undeniably

inside...
You.

Loving Wombmen...

2013-07-10T08:43:00.002-07:00

I love this month... I love what is happening in the Cosmos to support our growth... I love LOVE. I love the community of wombmen the little tribe that surrounds me is collectively evolving into... I love the Essence of HER and HIM.. within Me.

I know we all get tired sometimes... Lost, afraid... Afraid of admitting our process... Afraid of sharing our vulnerability in fear of being exposed for our human-ness... Thing is- We didn't come here to be perfect. We came here to unravel. Unraveling is a most sacred event.. It is a gift to experience our own unraveling. We sort of miss the point when we assess another's process, trying to carefully place ourSelves above them simply because they have opened up their vulnerability to share with us their unique way of dealing with their path and process.

The way of the bliss God-dess is not through judgement... of ourSelf or Others... By pointing out what must be done or not done by what another is experiencing... Thing is, we know what is right within us... If our internal compass is calibrated, it tells exactly what we came here to See within... It is so easy to go outside ourSelf for validation-- whether we are looking for someone to tell us we are okay or to measure our own process against another's experience.

A wombman's vulnerability is sacred. When she reveals it, you are experiencing a blessed moment in time where something really fantastic happens. We bear witness to embracing the return of Lilith to the Garden. Not because she wishes to lie under Adam and comply. But because in her leaving, she has created a polarity to unearth all that is not equal in the whirrrled. She gives us contrast. She left. She didn't get cast out like Eve. She simply Left. And there in lies Genesis as the Christian world knows it. Eve, she got cast out for disobeying God. But Lilith before had freewill--the freewill I believe we are all given in this plane and dimension.. She Left. She openly realized she was not invited to sit alongside her King. She was ordered to lie beneath Adam. And so we have our Creation story mirroring the schism of the man and wombman. A perfectly imperfect vibration, as part of the 26,ooo yr cycle of patriarchal and matriarchal. We just experienced the turn of the great wheel towards matriarchy last Winter Solstice. So many people saw it as a potential end, when truly it was a beginning for the Wombman to hold space within herSelf to own her beautiful seat alongside her King as Queen in a Cosmos which is lusciously both in all other realms I see..except here in the polarized 3rd dimension.

So is it that we bring the planet into the 5th dimension? I think not. I do not sense we collectively become unified in this plane. Does that mean something is wrong with Earth? Well of course not. Does that mean we are not already unified? We are experiencing a hologram of contrast in this plane. Earth is a school like any other realm your beautiful Soul will experience. It is the land of contrast.. shadow and light. A place where Father Sun and Mother Moon dance .. in the overt and the covert.

Our great wheel has turned... It is time to invited Lilith back into the garden of our hearts.. the sanctuary of our womb. Yes, we all have a womb essence for we are all both, masculine and feminine. It is time to invite Her back and apologize that we ever saw her as anything less than equal. We need our Mother Goddess, we need our inner goddess, we need both, God-dess.

I love wombmen for their ability to forgive themSelves for leaving the masculine essence until he is ready. I love the men for their growing awareness of how much the love and have missed their Queen. How they long to melt into Her as she equally has desired to be melted into... what they have been missing in having Her loving essence consume them. .. unravel them... create a safe haven where they can love fully again.

When we love in parts and parcels... pieces of fragments.. we do not see the complete mirror of all that we are Soulfully.

Let us not compare each other's brokenness... Let's look to only the Light within. Inside each of us in a pilot light burning. Why blow out another's to measure how good you are, when your goodness is being the mirror to the light that is reflected upon you. If you see the brokenness around you, it is your echo being returned.

I love connection. I love soul connection. I love immersing myself in the the beauty of the love that is echoed into my Life. Sometimes I get Lost. Yes. But the greatest thing about being LOST is being FOUND... and how can you be FOUND if you don't get LOST? At least I sense that is the Big Secret of the Earth journey. We chose to forget. We chose to split from the Other. We chose to feel imcomplete so we could take the journey that the Tarot speaks of.. Be willing to be the Innocence of the Fool so you can bring yourSelf to Completion in the World card..all the in between is the journey.

I see the Light of God-dess returning the Essence of that which is Me through You...
Mahalo nui a loa...

The GOOD you are Seeking Is Seeking You

2013-02-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

The good I am seeking is seeking ME!

Really. Wow. It's true.

I thought I had to go find it. I just have to be it, and all the love, connection, union.. is seeking me. I don't have to do anything, NOTHING. I can just be.

I was massaging someone today, and I had this ahah moment. All my life, I thought I needed to "root" out what I needed, will it, seek it, find it, show up.. And in a moment of exhale, I realized what if I never searched, never tried to intuit what I needed to do to assess how I could find what it seemed my souls searches? And ..there is was... like ripe juicy fruit.. an answer "ali, what would your life be like if you never sought out what you felt you were looking for?" Ummmm... well, I would probably find it .. right.. right.. right here, right? And the answer bubbled up, "Yes". Oh my, I have been doing it all wrong. Darn! I have -- not knowing, not admitting to mySelf that I think I have staged a lot of things... (what is so great is .. I am listening to DREAM WEAVER as I write, how serendipitous)

So.. hmmm .. what am I discovering here is that I do not need to reach. I will be reached, I will be embraced. The good is looking for me, it is going to fly me to the bright side of the moon and it's going to meet me on the other side. What a frickin' relief! What would my life have been like if I wasn't always looking for messages, interpreting things, all good things in their own right I suppose, except it for its hidden agenda to control getting taken care of! Oh my goodness this is great.

My music is asking me to slow dance with it, Lady in Red, is swooning over me so I must go and marinate in my new realization... I have a date with Beauty. Goodnight, Ali my goddess... "nobody here, just you and me. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I will never forget the way you look tonight".

Dolphin Skin

2013-02-03T07:05:00.000-08:00

Indeed we are in changing times. Today when I read the morning astrology from my favorite astrologist, I could not help but feel understood. This is collective astrology in this quote, but it shows our boats are turning over, we are dumping the outmoded into the collective SEA of consciousness. Right now so much of the planetary influences are ruled by water. We are jumping into a oceanic intuitive unconscious, less than obvious, trusting that we can no longer do things as they have been done. We need the feminine. We need the unknown feeling waters of trusting our primordial womb wisdom, and yes, I do mean men too.. We all have a primordial womb. It is time to enter the gateway of this sacred sanctuary within our Great Heart of Oneness and explore..
(yes, this dolphin was swimming ahead of me, and I was able to capture the beautiful cresting in the water, so blessed-- I love my watery life)
Here is the excerpt~
"Sealskin. Soulskin. Snakeskin.
Deep feelings,almost beyond words as Luna in Scorpio enters her wisdom phase at the Last Quarter.Don't look for clarity or understanding-that will have to wait until the New Moon In Aquarius on the 10th.Instead,enjoy the subtle magic of Venus/Neptune brings conjuring up intimacy in a sort of spiritual knowing:the realisation of your increasing power of co-creation since October 2012 when Saturn entered Scorpio.Amplifying the Piscean depths,Sedna the Inuit Goddess of the Waters stations exactly conjunct the South Node of the Moon at 22 Taurus.As the archetype of being alone, the outsider rejected by her tribe ,forever searching for her sealskin/soulskin to return to dry land (from the unconscious to the conscious),her conjunction with the South Node of self sabotage and paths wrongly chosen on Caput Algol is the clearest sign yet that this is a turning point of huge importance.
As we transition from the soaring heights of the Water Dragon Year to meet the rising kundalini of the Water Snake,we'll learn express the life force instead of repressing it.Snakes live on the margins,possessing great power,able to shed their old skins.The way forward is to live free and unfettered allowing no one to define us."

Inner Wise Self....

2013-02-02T22:13:00.002-08:00

My inner wise Self has a message for me that I must uncover.. I have no idea what it is.. let's see Ali where You can take You tonight... A dialogue with My Essential Self.

So You are getting ready to teach this Ho'oponopono retreat.. basically on radical Self Honesty and Alignment. What does that mean to You?

"Well... I think it means that I have never allowed mySelf to fully show up for Me. I have spent a lot of time not fully being Me because my family rejected me on a core level to simply be MySelf. As it stands, in some major ways this is changing. First, I am seeing a lot more love from a family I have been misunderstood by for not sharing their religious beliefs.. and I am no longer involved with some family that has demonized me by simply not aligning with their set of religious dogma. I thought this would be just terrible after all, I had squished mySelf into a familial box-- the ones I thought would most reject me, actually most affirmed me, the ones I thought would most support me, went in a completely opposite polarized position. What did this do? It taught me..is teaching me how liberating it is to really show up and be me. If someone doesn't wish to love me anymore because I am who I am... I am finding a tremendous amount of freedom in releasing myself from those confines. Also, what is amazing, those who I love so dearly who see the harm in what has been done in such separating behavior are co creating with me a whole new paradigm in how we can thrive and co-exist in our sameness and differences. I am getting more real with Me. It had to do with this initial severance of contact with some people I really love, but it turned into claiming mySelf as never before. So even if I never connect with the part of my family again. I feel peace. I feel clear, I feel liberated. I find I don't really wish to be involved with people who have trouble with people who don't believe as they do. I am finding other people's fear was a mirror reflection of my own lack of self worth. I have had a lot of closure in relationships in the past 3mos. It is amazing how astrology can highlight where we are at emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. I read the other day, that I was coming to a time where I would just be DONE with what is outmoded in my relationships. It caused me great fear at first. I was afraid to let go of these wonderful connected relationships I thought I had...At first, I had met some pretty heavy betrayal, then I realized, these schisms are my gifts. These mirrors these souls brought me are helping me to create the value that I have reached with my Essential Self, the kundalini energy that has run through me since I was a child, but there was a disconnect. My Essential Self and my local self had/have trouble intersecting. I feel it flow through me like a river of passion and purpose, only to find in my everyday life, when I need to integrate the two, I carry it for a bit and then lose it. This loss feels like abandonment, or even rejection. Then I feel like my outer experience aligns to rejection in my outer world, even if the world around me clammered after me as their guru, I would find a way to seek separation and rejection from it. I would get high from the kundalini and then sort of crash, high low, high low, high low. These highs and lows became my normalcy. Up and Down constantly, with a smile on the outside. I was looking to be let down. Amazingly, I am so loved, but I would find that person, experience,..whatever to abandon me. So my family has been a good mirror."

Ok, I have no idea what I just wrote there, but I am not going to reread. Let's go deeper. So in a nutshell, you have some big shifts going on right now. How is that working for you?

"I am trying to dig deeper into my own facade. I am asking myself what is REAL. I am really asking the Universe to show me the people and circumstances that wish to support me and my journey. My chart explained how thinly I stretch myself out to care for the needs of others. I can see, it is a distraction from myself. I have not allowed myself to rely on people save a very few. Seems some of those that I have relied on are dissolving, making it clear that being supported by them is a dead end. And others are appearing. It is really quite lovely actually. I applaud those that can not show up and are straight about it and I am ecstatic how the Universe aligns support within our own structure, also, bringing in new opportunities to ask for help and receive. Tonight was a weary night. I was exhausted. I am not very good at saying YES to offers. My best friend is also my biz partner, I walked home late, dark wet night, as I got into the house, I thanked her for standing by my side through our rather challenging day. Expecting fully to go to bath and bed. She asked me to dinner, every part of me wanted to say NO Thank You. Instead I saw the opportunity for support, that I would have usually turned down and obliged. I had the best dinner with her. An old friend, who is 85 cooked us a meal, I even drank wine which tasted amazing. We were spent, I walked home musing my YES to life, my YES to my needs being met, to someone reaching out for me. I had grown uncomfortable with support. It made me feel vulnerable. A wave of support has come into my life in some huge ways as far as wombmen gifting me in assistance to my upcoming retreat. But tonight was as gentle caressing Yes, let me feed you--just that, a meal, conversation and I didn't even do a dish, which I know sounds naughty but I was not allowed and I let myself receive. So tonight, I felt my higher Self checking in with me on these changes. And I know my ramble is for me alone, no one will probably ever read these words.. but I have hidden from my words.. so much so I lost my ability to let that higher voice speak to me. Although you are not pouring through me as in years past, I can feel your trickle and I want you to know... I am here. I feel you run through my body. I feel you tell me who I am. I remember what you have told me I already am. Somehow I lost the joujou for a little bit. I can feel it, I can feel the sensuality seeping through as it has in the past, but I want to break the damn... ask the beavers to build somewhere else for now.. and just let the river flow to the ocean of ME, my great I AM. So I am going to just come when I am called. Maybe I will write nonsense, maybe I will just sort out old outmoded local self things, maybe I will let my sensuality flow freely... Deeply underneath the mask of Alison is a wombman who became unsafe to be who she really is. So who is She? Well, I know she is kind and creative, I know this. But she let herself become the shape of the container someone told her she needed to fit into.. She believed it! Time to thaw out. In that thawed out state, will I spill out all over the place, will I lose all sense of boundary, will I merge into everything, lose where I end and other's begin, goodness I hope so. I must break free. I must become the watery self that I AM. So here goes....

2013-01-31T09:56:00.001-08:00

What does it mean to just Float. To Be. Effortless.

Inside the realm of your connected Self lies the answer.

"my dearest daughter, I write to you from the heart of Love. This is You in your eternal place of beingness that you reside. When you fear, come to me, feel my Essence blossom within You. Forever I have known you. Forever will You Be. You are a daughter of the Sun and Moon, light and dark, void and created.

So you ask of you task in Knowing Me? And I turn to you and caress gently your face, my lovely beloved blossom, your task is to fill your Essence with the connected of Me. Where there is no without, only within.

Seek to be widdled down to your Great Heart. Why do you fear my sweetness, what are you afraid to see? Do you not know you are Perfect. Forget not my loved seeks out all your channels and eddies. There is no stone unturned. There is no pebbled unpolished by my love.

Let me take you with me again under the Sea. The realm where I am most revealed unto you.

Feel the effortless floating beauty of nothingness. Feel the stillness as you are moved by the currents within. This is you, this is me, this is the wedding of the electricity of Father Sky, Mother Moon. The Great Vast Void spiraling towards the Great Central Sun.. Come float with me unto the stars, moons, planets.. Where there is no breath, just the breathing of All Creation.

You remember the beginning, Yes. You remember the Great Turn of this World, and you have just experienced the Great Turn again. The veils have dropped and you are naked.

You were afraid to be naked before Me so recently. Remember this shift. Grasp it and hold it close to your heart. For soon enough a new forgetting will occur. The forgetting of separation.

Separation had it's purpose and was not without it's gift to You.

So in the forgetting and the separation, now you feel the beginning of a new wave of Kundalini.

This sensual charge is not so lonely as it was, grasp this. Own that you know this, so you can accept what it was you felt was apart from you.

Feel the feeling rise through your core, at your root, at the gateway in your primordial womb, the bloodline from which you have come.. Seek you.

Feel the security of the warmth of the ALL as a blanket of coziness. Now nuzzle into this comfort. You are the womb of the world and yet the WOMB of THE WORLD holds you.. how can this Be? It is one and the same. What is within you is without you. When you rise out of the Sea, feel the warm embracing air dry you off with the same love the wetness of the Sea engulfed you. You need both. You are a goddess of Land and Sea.. You need the shelter of the masculine Earth to support, and uplift you.. and you need the wetness of the oceanic Water to reveal what is yet to be seen, to ignite your intuition and your knowingness. Begin to visit me again, and again. You will see I never left you. You just needed sometime to allow Me to flow through the keyboard to you once more. I will not find you only in your bed, in trance and meditation. I am right here in the ether of your meditative travels offering you vision and wisdom, and right here as I was so many moons ago, offering you my Words, Your Words.. thank you for allowing me to remind you that I am right her to write through your hands in this blessed way.

Infinite Love. "

Taking my goodbyes into tomorrowland....

2013-01-16T20:18:00.004-08:00

That's my Granny! ~ yep, really.

(Metaphorically it's Me)

This new year has had a lot of good-byes. It's funny. Good-byes aren't easy for me. I am the kind of person who often gets hurt by good-byes. I know not everyone does. In fact, lots of very healthy people I know are quite good at it. Some people even are excited about good-byes as their is an element of change and growth around the corner. I suppose I am really good at timely good-byes. (Well I am in the process of integrating this, and to make it true, I am writing it out loud, winks) Ultimately, it's understanding that all good byes are timely. I think even when you don't think you are ready, for whatever reason, it is what life brought you, like it or not.. Life knows what is best, I suppose.

My resistance to good-bye could be a resistance to change. And so for that reason, embracing the lesson of good bye is probably much needed. In some of my recent good byes, I am seeing more of mySelf. Instead of just wandering off into the feeling, I am bringing the feeling a little more forward into beingness. I am allowing what I would dream about to become Me in a way. For that I am grateful. While immersed in the feeling, I was a bit frozen, like a doe in the headlights. Why did deep spiritual feeling "freeze me"? Well, I suppose over a millenia, I got desensitized to going so deep, perhaps it wasn't even physically safe for me to do so in my past?... So I became detached from mySelf in a way, when my Spirit would pull me deep into my own recesses. I got caught here for years. While frozen, it became difficult for me to write. Years ago, before this blog in which for the most part I was frozen. I welcomed the gift of automatic writing to pour through me. Divine Feminine would pour through my fingers in a sort of secret blog in a diary on my computer. I was new to computers back then... I foolishly back then was afraid of the words so foreign to what anyone I knew would understand in me, I deleted my precious writing.

I have spent a lot of this life inside of stuck. I never gave mySelf permission to be me FULLY. I don't know why exactly. I felt like I was inside the gel of a tomato seed that I just could not penetrate. It may seem cliche, but the great turn of the wheel as I call it, the Winter Solstice of this last year seemed to break open this seed for me.

As the dross dropped around my ankles recently, I just was less afraid. No matter how it sounds, I was afraid to be persecuted for being Me. It sounds utterly crazy. However, this energy was so deeply embedded in my cells, it did not have to make sense for me to understand it. It simply was. Some people might think me stuck on the merry go round of past lives. Indeed, I concur. I went through a melt down dark night of the soul as I was taught you call these things, back from my Catholic days describing where St John of the Cross went in his darkest hours to find the Light of his beloved which I sense in his belief system was Christ. In my terminology I would refer to as the Christ Within. This happened over the course of last year, and I appropriately ended this year, with a very uneventful veil drop-- the fearful energy just left. One day it was there, in fact, one morning it was there and by mid morning, it was gone. Interestingly enough, on the Winter Solstice no less. How is it one can be freed from a kind of prison of fear, only to find, it just leave? I dunno. So grand goodbyes like the ones this year is bringing~ Just gone. As this new year begins, situations and people that matched that fear, seem to be exiting... like it or not. Not them like it or not, they just left, me like it or not, accept, embrace, make peace.

It's odd. Suddenly things are easier. My clients are responding to me differently, not so polarized with the essence of wanting to be saved, wanting answers, wanting me to do the work-oh boy, yep, that dastardly mirror! Joyously, they are embracing more than ever, exploring their own path, and I just get to assist. Removing mySelf from knowing into sharing, wowza! I am responding to my clients differently. I am not as guarded. I have more time. I have better boundaries. Creating seems easy. I have this incredible retreat upcoming that I planned on a whim- a wonderful urge that appeared inside driving me to connect deeply with my path and path seekers, with the most amazing women signed up to attend. All these years, I had run from my clients because the emotional intensity of my work was overwhelming, suddenly it is not. Why? Well, my sense is, the She in Me is back. Where did she go? Well, I question, in what I have known, was she ever quite here? She seemed outside, now she feels inside! How could the great turn of the wheel have such a profound effect? Shouldn't this grand cycle take much longer to take affect, perhaps a few hundred years on either side at least? I suppose not. We are changing much faster than I could have every imagined.

I'm glad.

PS~Read the book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I will write about it later, I am not finished yet. It took me starting it a few times to have it catch. I suppose all those times I tried to read it were "before" the great turn of the wheel. ( I wasn't ready?!?) It is a book we all should read, those of us who are interested in shifting our programming to something that would be better for Mama Earth, better for Us.

Ok.. Gma is rearing to go, I got to hop on that motor-cickle as Gpa would call it. I'm taking my good byes with me in my back pocket but I am headed for tomorrow land......

The Great Wheel Has Turned...

2013-01-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

"Labradorite is a power stone, allowing you to see through illusions and determine the actual form of your dreams and goals. It is excellent for strengthening intuitions.

Meditate with this labradorite sphere to stimulate your imagination for creative growth, and develop enthusiasm for new projects and endeavors."

Welcome Back to me.. It has been a whole year since I have last visited you here.... Truth is, it was a rather rough year for me... all is well now, but it took me to the darkest night of my soul. I come to mySelf here born anew. I have shed the veils that kept me perpetually positive. This is my diary here... a place to be free. Freedom seems to be my favorite word recently. It must be my biggest challenge. It is written all over my life. Time to not hold back so here I am. I read today, "life has an expiration date"

So here goes, it will probably not be shocking material I write. Just stuff I don't have anywhere else to share.

Have you ever gone somewhere you didn't think you would ever be able to return from? I never imagined it could be so... to be so disconnected, into madness... really. It is hard for me to admit that.. I have spent my whole life trying to appear so normal. Last year was that kind of year of me. How did this happen? Well, a combination of my body not being able to successfully clear my liver after a surgery. Whatever the combination of anesthetic and morphine in my body left me between whirrrrleds.

It offered some wonderful horrific dark adventures, that dark night. It was as if the sum of my karma would return at around 4am every morning. Looking back it was torture. I would slip between the veils of time. I would relive every death and persecution bestowed on my incarnate soul. I couldn't stop the rewind. It took me deeper and deeper into madness, into a fragility that made my waking hours a trembling.. sleep an impossibility. I went without sleep for 6mos which creates a poor mix with my already taxed adrenals from kundalini since a child and my intuitive gifts that compromise my body chemistry. I felt like the bride of Frankenstein during that period of my life... a poorly stitched together fragile woman, who felt alone and separate from her Creator... I think I felt a damsel in distress. I had always been so strong. Everyone depended on my intuition to carry them through... who carried me? Truth is, I was carried in many ways, but soulfully I was terribly alone. Alone is the best way to wrestle the dark night of the soul. For who can travel that path alongside of you? No one but you.

Thing is, I know it has been my greatest gift. Until this dark night, I thought that Kundalini energy was my greatest gift of this life time. I remember my back arching in the middle of the night, writhing with sexual energy exploding throughout my body at 4 yrs old.. before I even went to kindergarten. Going into shakes and mystic fits growing up became a natural thing for me to try to hide.. crying in the closets for the pain in the world. I knew too much so young. I remembered co-creating this dimension.. There was no one to relay that kind of knowledge too.. so I pushed it down, crammed it down, it would gurgle up. It took me to such an adult knowing place at such an incredibly innocent age. Although at any age, Kundalini is something age does not prepare one for.. it was just early on is all.

Different than Kundalini, my dark night took me to a soulful knowing place too, one where age, time and place, all, is of no consequence, it catapults you right out of time and into no-time... Where there are no rules. Your mind is fair game. Be you adult or child, there is no maturation that prepares one for this realm. And so it was, I took the ride of my life through the fears and darkness encoded in my cellular DNA of time. A gift to take the cellular memory to the zero point of all creation. The NO TIME. The place where if you can release the attachment to the trauma, you can erase it from ALL TIME.

Illusion born of this dimension is a powerful energy to wrestle. Thing is, I have never been comfortable with this dimension, unless I was in water. I would have thought before this last years experience if trying to imagine someone "losing it" that all they had to do was will their Self back. Turns out, it is not that simple. I have so much more compassion for people who struggle emotionally.

I always had a difficult time between worlds. I had a hard time delving into my imagination as child. I was discouraged from thinking anything fantasy was real. Secretly though fantasy world's of Thumbelina were my favorite storybooks. I wonder if I was discouraged from an outside parental source, or just discouraged within? It wasn't until I was doing some consulting work in Kauai where the fairy realm once again open up in my awareness. I was told if I was ever in danger in nature, during that island visit to call upon Lilith-queen of the fairy world. I was walking along a road when a pitbull jumped out in front of me in attack energy. I called on Lilith and immediately the dog became docile as if tranquilized. I was in awe.

When I went through my 4am episodes of past life rewind during the dark night of my soul. My Essential Self encouraged me to call upon Lilith and her legions in the fairy world.. Suddenly I would see fluttering tiny warm white lights filling my room. The horrific episodes of past life rewind would ensue. It did not tranquilize my fears, but there was an air of protection that I was being divinely guided, that I was protected and safe. I knew what I was experiencing needed to be shed, from the totality of my incarnate Self. Yet I had this comfort, there was a legion of small beings who were linked to me in a very special way over-seeing my inner event. I suppose it brought me peace in a strange magical way.

I sense I am starting fresh this year. Last year was a Divine Cleansing, a letting go, a transmuting of energy that was outmoded and needed to be shifted into something more useable than being stuck in pain. Looking back, I know I have experienced a gift of transmutation few have yet to realize on that kind of level. A more honest Self has risen from the ashes. I am in the midst of a lot of change. One thing the dark night of the soul seemed to rob me of my ability to be overcome by Kundalini. I suppose some would say that is the gift. Perhaps there is not the resistance in my body that give Kundalini the physical markers it has sexually. Perhaps that is good. I feel a gentle stirring of Kundalini all the time now. It is like a stream of constant energy communicating with Me to allow the feminine in me to find a new more constant expression of her empowerment than I have been had the privilege of embodying up to this life. The world was not ready for us to hold HerOurMy light and eternal grace until the great turn of the wheel.

The wheel has turned.

When the wheel turned, I was sitting on a catamaran in Il Foush off St Barth's.. a funny little island that looks like a land before time.. Looking out into the dark water, and the reddish violet rocky land before me, it was as if my Soul had begun a new cycle here on Earth. It felt as if there was once again no time. I thought to mySelf. There have been so many astrological alignments that mean important things and you never feel them, you think you are feeling something now? Do you just really want to so this is so? Because, yes, there was no denying it, I was feeling something. Something had dropped away. I thought.. now all that past life regression rewind for so many moons last year, and now, right now you feel something falling away?? True I had let go of the pains and traumas, but with all that letting go, I really didn't feel lighter or better- I felt more accepting of how I came into this world, with the uncertainties and entanglements I carried, but different, Nope. And now, as I could hear people stir in the morning hours around the boat, it felt like a strange mix of otherwhirrledly and totally normal with others saying we made it through, the world did not end, in joking terms. Silently, I sat knowing the world was never meant to end... just My world began. The Goddess within me knew suddenly, secretly my world was finally here, I was being birthed right here, right now. Because it was the Solstice of 12/21/12, I am not sure.. I sure didn't feel attached to the date to try to connect it to anything... After all, it is a 26,000 year cycle. In all my sessions with my clients seeking to feel contentment over the BIG DATE, I would encourage, "don't expect much, after all you could be feeling this shift for a couple hundred years on either side of this"... The truth for me in that moment was that, that morning, I was different. I was lighter. A pain had dropped away that didn't have all the fire works and excitement of my dark night of the soul. It just simply was. I was ready. I am ready, for Her, For Me, for the Goddess within to Be the Light of the World as I know it. So here I am. I am back. To talk story as it unfolds.

Aloha. The breath of Light in Me, Recognized the Breath of Light in You. Namaste.

It's Never Too Late...Communicate (with LOVE)

2012-01-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

Your VOICE matters!
How do we create situations that produce spiritually aligned outcomes?

Your voice matters, your intention matters, your alignment with the focus to the highest possible outcome in any given situation matters. With focus on these three things, you can heal your life, you can heal your partnerships, your family, and bring peace to your life beyond your wildest imaginings. I would say, not necessarily in that order, but with all those ingredients... the outcomes that have created resistance or failure for you will begin to turn tail and shift in a way that makes you smile.

Suffer not feeling your voice is inadequate. When you change your focus and place it upon the highest possible good in any situation.. you begin to shift out of an ego-ic place of who is right or wrong... into a powerful aligned place of seeking understanding for each other's perspective.

You are a powerful creator of your reality.

If you truly understand that nothing comes to you without you first creating it for yourSelf. You begin from a place of self-honesty. You can not begin a path to peace without first aligning yourself as truly accountable for the situations that are mirroring back to you some sort of feeling or belief system within you that created it in the first place.

This perspective may not rest peacefully with people who are convinced they are victims. People who are invested their "victimhood" may feel resentful at the notion suggesting we somehow create our reality. From that place often ignites a story of how the world has done us wrong. Unfortunately, from that stance, it is impossible to shift. For those of you reading from that perspective of hurt, I invite you to bear with me... as I take your hand and invite you to perhaps see your circumstances from a fresh perspective...you have nothing to loose but your pain. (smiles)

Energy is neutral until we "charge" it with an emotion.

Knowing this.. any situation can be turned around simply because we take personal responsibility for the direction it will take.

One of the first questions I get as soon as this strong statement is made is.... "What about children dying of starvation, what did they do to mirror such atrocity? Or people in countries riddled with war? What about people who are victims simply because of their station in life? Is it fair to hold them accountable ?"

We can not ask questions for why other people are accountable for the mirrors or reflections that create their reality. We know not what they feel or why they have attracted their circumstances. Which indeed may have been powerful co-creations they have attracted because of their greatness, and sheer power to hold themselves in light despite dire circumstances. There are those who would suffer in abundance and those that would thrive in poverty. No one can speak for another's energy creation but they themself and Creator. So we focus then on our part. What we are personally creating in our own personal reality? Your life's reality... what shows up in your life.. is your responsibility. If you perceive or realize other people's hardships, it is within your realm of possibility to imagine why their discontent is showing up as a mirror in your life.... Do what you can in a self responsible way to help assuage their circumstances. By placing your focus on the mirrors that are creating experiences in your life, you will begin a process of unraveling why certain patterns have cycled throughout your life. You will begin to step back from reaction into a place of action, for if you can not change another, you can certainly change yourself! (and your responses to the triggers that keep your communication from giving you the results which bring you peace)

Going deeper into helping to change the world's circumstances will be addressed in a future writing. Which at it's root has the very same premise, which is focusing on your personal accountability.

When you are truly self-honest. You position yourself to realize that like energy attracts like energy. So indeed, perhaps one plays the role of perpetrator and one victim, or it may be a blend of reactive personality traits, or one passive, one dominator... all manner of combinations occur. None of which matter because if you take your focus off "what happened to you".. and instead, place your focus on what energy you are holding as a perfect match for your unrest. You take the first step in owning what part your energy is reflecting into the situation. In order to receive the results you aspire to, you must first remove all the blocks within yourself which keep the very outcome you desire from manifesting.

Using the art of Ho'oponopono, the art of self forgiveness comes to us from the Hawaiian culture, is an excellent way of practicing the art of self-honesty and self-forgiveness. Using this basic prayer/mantra, you are asking the Creator to remove from you what you may or may not even know that is residing in your energy field to create the schism you are receiving from the other person. If there is no perceived schism, by using this mantra, you align the communication to the highest possible communication to take place even before it begins.

Ho'0ponopono Prayer~ Self Forgiveness Ritual

Giver Of Life (breath in and out)

I'm Sorry (breath in and out)

Please forgive me (breath in and out) You are apologizing to Creator, not to the person who your are interacting with for that person could be anyone who carries a contrast or similar vibration.

I love you (breath in and out) Of course you can say it to the other person, but you are proclaiming your Love for Creator, being the healer of ALL

Thank you (breath in and out)

Using this ritual is a powerful aligning process to that sets into motion a commitment of intention that you are first aligned to Creator in your communication.

Once you have aligned in this way, your focus becomes more personal on the part you have played, even if it was simply a belief. And some of our beliefs are tricky for it is easy to feel victimhood if we don't realize that maybe our belief is that we are victims so we attract people or situations that make us look or feel victimized. In recognizing these types of patterns cycling through our life we can see why we may have a certain re-occurring pattern with an individual that perhaps someone else dealing with that exact same person never has... We take the emphasis off right or wrong and place it on... What in me is creating this pattern to keep receiving this sort of response from this person, or these types of situations? In this way, we can begin to unravel our own tangled yarn, not looking so much at why we are angry or upset... but rather how we wish to feel.

When you can set a tone for how you wish to feel.... You begin a process of using that honesty to create your voice because you are no longer coming from a perspective of pointing the finger at the other. You begin to take personal inventory on what you both need to achieve understanding which changes the energy to a more collaborative place. It shifts the energy away from blame and into partnership. When blame is removed, speaking your truth is more easily facilitated. Your stance changes from one of defense to an intention of healing. It is always easier to speak from love than from hurt.

Become as self honest as you can. If you are blocked from aligning yourself in this way, using the ho'oponopono prayer is quite miraculous in asking Creator to remove from you that which you know not how to remove. Align to the highest intention for communication by making this your top priority. When this is settled within you, your voice will flow from you with more confidence because you have first aligned yourSelf to peace....

"Make me a Channel of Your Peace" ` St Francis of Assisi

Peace Be With You...
Oceans of Love~ Ali

Kelp Goddess~ Sea of Grace

2011-09-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

A goddess from the sea am I.....

Today the water was rough and sharky looking. The sea called me home, dusk was upon me but I had to jump in... but then I saw my fins looking anxiously up at me, and my mask and snorkel yearning for a salt water dip as much as I so I grabbed them thinking, I will jump in ...and quickly out.

But the water is my home..and as the waves crashed upon the rocks, she lifted me into her waters and my feet quickly became fins.

At first I was apprehensive, it looked dangerous to swim alone. But as soon as I donned my mask, the underwater aquarium, my inner truth suddenly matched my outer reality. I was HOME.

The kelp forests swish in sync with my swaying body as I glided through the smokey dusky waters... the fish surrendered the the rushing tide. I had to give in and let it take me or I would helplessly struggle against a thrashing sea. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. The Kelp Goddess does not fight the flow.. She gives into the pull. She feels her inner tides merge with the outer tides and becomes ONE.

How can we be At-One-ment with ourSelves if we fight the tides?

I love the play on words that atonement and 'at-one-ment' suggest. In a way atonement for me means, atune-ment, align-ment, becoming One with Everything. A Kelp Goddess is not separate from herSelf, she is not separate from anything. When we give into the forces of nature, our atoms dance wildly in ecstatic fusion desiring to make more of themSelves. There is an excitement for the cosmic intelligent energy to run through our veins, and run rampant with creativity.

There is a place in nature where you feel this way... So what is your Kelp sanctuary? What part of nature makes your cells ignite and burn like molten lava so there is nothing your mind can hold on to-- but to just let go-- give in -- and be taken?

Have you no idea what I speak of? If nature has lost its luster, you have gotten caught up in a life that has lost it's Divinity. The very essence of Divinity is overflowing in the alive-ness of the nature the abounds around you. If nature has become a stale back drop, you have gotten stuck in the mud of the mind.

Breath will set you free. Your breath of Life is electricity waiting to make love to you in your body. When your breath becomes sacred, the air around you feels alive. It can't wait to enter into your body's cosmos and procreate a new YOU. It sounds sexual, yes? Nature, breath, my cells in some kind of promiscuous activity-- a seemingly bland mixology. There is nothing bland about pure life force. It is bursting out your seams when it is fed with your inhalations of the intention to invite the Divine into your Body, and exhale that perfect Glow out into the world around you. Use your breath magnetized with intentionalized love to ignite the co-creative fires of your Essential Self that seeks to know you through the physical realms. Allow nature to do its part as the air around you becomes alive, as soft as velvet as you drink in its sweet nectar into the cells of your body. Know the sustenance of Self comes from your Breath, enlivened by nature and driven into each cell of your essence. The three become one.

In this, you are electrically charged to create yourSelf anew. Any which way you choose.

Create Love!

Namaste Beloveds

(image created by the loving hands of Me and my Mama)

Grace.. in Death Shock

2011-09-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkfLms4KQ_s&feature=related

How do we say good~bye when we keep expecting the one who has left us to walk through the door?

Loss is empty... your skin crawls... you want to change time... go back... say something different... say anything at all... You want to not be frozen, in this new time, Without what you feel you are looking for.. this emptiness.. What to do?

My friend died... I couldn't help him... I always helped him... but this time... he didn't let me...he killed himself.

At first I was beyond devastated... now... I realize it was his time... Like any other death, even suicide is perfectly timed.

We don't want to accept what seems avoidable as perfect do we? It seems un-natural to accept. It feels like betrayal to accept.

But if we let go... embrace what has happened as part of a bigger picture of what is meant to be--something changes. Peace enters in.

Releasing attachment to sorrow seems/feels like a betrayal to the loss. As if... you accept it, somehow it makes it okay. And yet, accepting it DOES make it okay. Therein lies the healing.. and with that ok-ness, there is an exhale and release that no longer do I have to hold tribute to the pain as a loss... suddenly instead of loss... I began to feel the celebration of a life... I began to feel as if my life mattered more on a second to second basis. That his life was over yes, but in a way, a new facet of my could begin. I could choose different. I can choose to appreciate the tiniest of things again. I can stop rushing. I can stop feeling so addicted to productivity. I can dream of a future that death can not. I can choose to do it differently than my friend. I can live in the moment co-creating future possibilities in the now. I can love him for helping me to look at my life different. I can carry him in my heart in a new way... in a moment to moment way instead of a passing thought kind of way as I did when he was living. I can strive like he did to master something great. I can choose to love and know that I am love and that every moment matters.

The shock of death is like a stun gun. It is easy to hold an alter of grief and pain. It may even be necessary to... but at some point, it can also be a catalyst to LIVE. It can be a spark to love with more expression, and better communication of what is real to you. We can not live in tomorrow and yesterday is gone forever... We can not reclaim what we have lost in the same way... but we can build it anew... We can choose to see our relationship with this person in a new way... Instead of the physical, a pathway in the heart opens and our soul connection to this person pours through. In our allegiance to our grief, sometimes we miss the opportunity to allow the new way forge itself a new expression. We miss the gift of what the loss has offered because it isn't packaged in a way we wish to recognize it. We want what we know. We want what we can touch. We want to hear a voice, touch a hand, we want their body, their mind, their heart to be just they way we know it. Yes, we do. But many things can happen which may never happen until someone has left this world. In death we can create community. We can ignite passions for those who are living by what has been left in their footprints and carry it forward in ours. Look to the footprints of the one who has passed before you... stand in them, and feel as they gently dissolve under your feet ~~soon the footprint will wash away underneath your feet. And what you are left with is your own two feet, yes, but carrying the essence forward of the one who walked before you there. Take up part of their journey into your own path, it is yours now, not theirs.... but it carries their essence-heart-intention, and forge ahead, carrying what they left for you to carry. Good or bad, painful or joyful, what they left for you, is yours to carry forward. It's your canvas now, carrying a part of their heart inside of you. You have been touched in an irrevocable way~ this essence does not leave with the dying body... it becomes a part of the LOVE that you are... and the love that you share as it begins to swim in the oceans of you. You will bring the beautiful essence of whoever you lost, forward into a new world through you.

How lovely.

Grieve but know you carry the Great Heart of your Love through You.
Celebrate the wisdom your loved one has imparted.
Inhale their holy essence into your Body.
Let it fill you, heal you, calm you, love you.
Exhale now this essence back to the world in a way only you can do.
Breath the Breath of Life of Your Love Forever.
You have not lost, you have gained.
Yes it has changed. Change is good. Did I just say that death is good? Yes, I think I did.
Let death, change you. Let death, not separate you-- rather, make you more full in ways you never thought possible.
Beloveds~ I breath life unto you...
Namaste

spiritual fitness

2011-05-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

we just want to be loved.

we all do.

it's been this way for lifetimes really... wanting, needing, yearning... romantic love gets close... but even in the heat, and excitement, and flurry of being the single most important thing in someone's world... underneath all that yummy comfort... if we are really honest with ourselves.. is this aching yearning for something more... and that something more confuses us.. how can we wonder beyond being loved in a way that seems perfect? How can we be that screwed up?

Thing is, we are not screwed up when we touch this emptiness that lies underneath our perfect love.. we are finally touching our perfection when we get honest with ourself that there is something more than what lay outside of ourself....

Most people don't dig deep enough to even get there.. as soon as it is touched we jump away from the feeling as if it were a hot stove and our finger might get burned. We are so afraid to feel what lay beneath the layers of the feeling that goes beyond how the world thinks and feels about us.

When we do, suddenly the chest becomes tight, the solar plexus locks down, our tummy twists in anguish... satisfying love, is something no one teaches us how to attain. That is why Valentine's Day is so cherished, it is the day we assess our value in the world.. our value with another, society says so..Hallmark says so... we get red roses and chocolate, dinner's for two... union. Isn't that what we want, yes, union. And so when we do, why is it fleeting? Why do we need a day to say I LOVE YOU?

I think it is because we forget how to know I love you on the inside first, so we look for it on the outside. And the world tells us, the outside is very very important. For you will be measured in value and assessed in this world by how you present. Look at the magazines, size up the latest look and integrate, assimilate, copy and paste it upon yourself.. and the world will welcome and embrace you.

Get busy enough and you will not notice you don't fit in with your heart and soul for the outward reflection makes sense to the world around you so you fit in and that is all that matters right?

I notice when I teach traditional group exercise classes. If I stick to the regular verbal protocol of "burning fat", "toning muscle", "shaping the body" type of encouragement... my classes "get me" and they get into their workout.. after all that is what exercise is for, right, melt what is unwanted, build more of what you don't have enough of, come exercise yourself into a better looking body. Is this bad? Certainly not. But, in class... I find that personally, I do not care about teaching about empowering the body so much in this way. So yes, there is a little of this concept of bettering the body parts to a degree.. but more often I like excavating what lay beneath our superficial layers of mind and heart. I find that intense cardio like indoor cycling gets one to the core of their emotions quickly.

I find when teaching classes that create almost immediate exhaustion, people can't hold their "image" up and go that deep physically at the same time. As people in class would physically melt in sweat, their faces began to tell me a story about their deep seeded emotions. An empathetic energy rises in the room and as the work out gets more intense, emotions run higher, angers rise to the surface, loss, uncertainty, worth issues, pain body, self worth vulnerability... I can see veils drop that are otherwise in tact unless people are brought to the brink of being able to hold it together which indeed indoor cycling can crumble even the most impenetrable of image holders.

As I taught these classes, I realized, this is a great time to rummage through the layers and get to the deep knowing underneath the layers of our worth and perception of our value in the world. No Hallmark holiday can reach into these stores. If we want to feel our value, we have to dig deep... underneath our image oriented self, is the self that needs no outside validation, it simply is.

So in these seemingly conventional "spin" classes (indoor cycling)... I began to speak to the inner person... a language of empowerment, pushing beyond the obvious where we all meet and allowing the body to allow the inhibitions to fall away, when the frustrations arise from meeting such an intense part of ourself floats up from the push of going deeper into the ride, to allow it to come up. And what I found was that there is a lot of pain body inside us that exercise can get us to when we allow it bubble up. And under this pain body is bliss. And it feels euphoric to reach. Endorphins surge and float through the channels and eddies of your body. Suddenly we touch on a love that is not outside of us at all, but deeply inside of us... needing to be tapped like water running underground. This is only one way to reach the bliss of what lay beneath the obvious layers of your mind and heart... it is one simple way to reach your soul love. But when you reach this soul love, you deeply connect with the essence that this love you wanted on Valentine's Day is not going to come from someone outside of you until you can touch it inside of you.. And the deepest love, is not sitting just in the stores of your heart, although the heart is a catalyst for how the soul love enters into your physical, emotional, psychological and psychic body... your ephemeral body of your Soul is always connected to your Essence... your heart is the gateway way. There are many layers inside the heart center of who you are... and breaking through the layers of self protection is something that takes time. Why I love intense physical exercise as a means, is because it is so incredibly innocent in its approach. You just have to use your body to begin, and push it hard enough to push past your mental control. What I mean by that is the mind has a lot of dialogue in the beginning of exercise until you let go and the body keeps going but the mind can catch up anymore-- so it starts to fall behind, and slowly begins to give up because it can't keep up its chatter while the body is pushing so hard.. that finally the body leaves the mind in the dust.. when this happens, there is a sudden quiet for a little while, and this is the time when the heart gateway opens. At the gate, there can be a lot of suppressed emotions. Anger is a biggie. As I teach, I can see that anger is one of the first emotions to pop up on the faces of my students, fear of failure is another popular vibration that comes into play.

As I see and feel these emotions floating to the surface, I begin a new class dialogue. My indoor cycling instruction changes to a dialogue about fueling breath. Feeling the energy of empowerment to rise up in the body-through feeling the powerful confident, loving perfect self within. Encouraging each of us that this is our birthright, to feel and know this deep love within us, but we must have courage to let the lesser vibrations express themselves so the higher vibrations can fully flow free. Harnessing the trapped emotions and breathing through them instead of letting them defeat the workout, using the workout to allow them to rise up, but also provide an energetic exit so they can leave the body in a healthy and good way instead of getting trapped again underneath in that mysterious hard to reach place they get stored.

As these feelings rise, and have a safe way to process and exit. I see a "glow" shift in my students. I can feel that love I know we all crave, rise up in their body in self confidence. I smile inside that this is a way to reach the soul love inside us. And although it is base and fundamental.. it provides a tool or a way into that realm where the love that we are remains not contingent on whether someone "Sees" us but that we "Feel" us, and when that happens.. the love that comes from us on the outside does not feel so vulnerable because we do not risk being destroyed by it when it changes form, or we are not loved as we wish.. We allow the outside world to change and grow because we have found ways to stay connected to the bliss that lay beyond where we get stuck in the fear, anger, hurt body that lay directly above the bliss body. We can pass through that fear body through our intensity in a safe way, and not be emotionally destroyed by it. Our image on the outside becomes a reflection of that deep inner radiance instead of something contrived off the popular trend of society's idea of style and standard.... to Something that is much more filled with grace.

A beautiful way to feel the love we all wish for is a work to experience what moving through the layers means, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Dive deep into the willingness to swim into the waters of you, and the layers that have made you who are are for all time as you know it...

Namaste, my dearest sisters and brothers...

What lies beneath...

2011-05-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

Layers... upon layers. You can feel it inside you when you are very quiet inside. In the stillness of your own inner realm... the reality of the layers of you silently creates of feeling of the many levels of consciousness existing within you all at one time....
Many of us, stay with the surface layer... the easily tillable soil I would call it... the immediate feeling... which presents as the "rational" way.. sound thinking... you know. Operating mostly without our feeling sensors.. but achieving a kind of practicality that helps us get things done.
Beneath that just slightly is the feeling center...layer. The unconscious directive of conscience ruled by the heart, that is influenced by our immediate surroundings, immediate past, or hopes for the future, also laced with our deep past brought into current circumstance.
I suppose I would liken one to the sun, as an image we understand as blatant and blaring, warm and safe, secure rational thinking about our directive. It satisfies productivity. Don't look too hard, you might miss the obvious kind of directive. The layer of making good sound use of your intellect, using your head energy.
And the next layer, something like the image of the moon as it often represents our unconscious directive, something mixed with feeling, unconscious hopes and fears, what we long for, and wish to manifest, and also our fears of not achieving what we most desire, empathetic knowing, extra-sensory and intuitive. Trusting your gut, instinctive. Using your heart sensor energy.
And lying there in the next layers, our awareness of its existence based on the degrees of our own self introspection, is a whole bunch of layers of the mixology of of both head and heart intertwined. I would describe this as Earth we walk upon in our daily reality.. the ground we walk upon, the waters we swim in.. the changing weather patterns of our moods through the patterns of our daily life...the mix of the landscape that creates our everyday living breathing reality. Within this mix of head and heart, is both the intellect and rational of the head mixed with the empathic heart... Each a wild card of sorts, for both the head and the heart are a mix of our higher and lower vibrations. Our higher vibrations attuned to love and our lower vibrations infused with fear. The varying degrees of each that have been shaped by our experiences creates layers within us which for the most part are where our reactive energy comes from when we are sorting out how we instinctively operate in the world. As there are many layers here, some deeply imbedded in our unconscious, the layers begin to communicate a general operating system of a way of navigating the world. Our own unique mix of a combination of layers that creates a survival mode of sorts, a modus operandi.
Underneath all this is a stream of all the unsorted debris, what I would call the fall out and the fire. The image of the inner core of the Earth comes to mind. A place where the yuck muck merges with the undeniable divinity we are within... the great fires, the transformer, all in one, boiling for our ascension, boiling for our demise...we choose, yet when it arrives, no matter how hard one fights against it, it's Eternal power seems impossible to withstand, sweeps us inevitably into its throws and flows. A place of volatile life force... so mighty we have built moats and layers so expertly around it to avoid the possibility of experiencing the reality of its existence until some experiential opportunity thrusts us in flight over its eternal fires. A flight where most feel the heat and find every possible avoidance to inaugurate themselves into the die cast of being consumed in these inner fires or transformed by them. A molten boiling mix, the inner core of that Earth of our daily walk through life, and the sum of our karma we can no sooner conjure up for its fires rise in and of its own accord and timing. We feel its heat within our major life transitions, but its truest eruption comes in the form of our own kundalini awakening.
For most, it lays boiling deep in the psyche, transformation yet to behold, all the fires burn ready to transmute what is unsorted back into usable energy. This river of fears and angers mixed with pure love essence our Essential Self, is the transmutable self, the veil between worlds, where our highest and lowest natures churn awaiting integration, from unsorted influences that have become a part of our physical, psychic and emotional bodies that the other layers could not make sense of, yet remain unworked out, unhealed..only to burst forth with such intensity, when erupted, flows through all our energetic channels filling even the darkest back alleys of psyche with our Eternal power merges with our physical self. These fires burn all that is outmoded within us, seeking to transmute that which does not serve our Eternal Self. Our everyday self often experiences these burning fires as a mix of sheer terror, anxiety mixed with intense feelings of yearning for soul union, connection with a soul counterpart, sexuality, sensuality, often presenting soul connections of shared karma or mirror reflections to us of the very issues being worked out within our own process..often the very thing that drives you toward each other is the very essence you have come to transmute or slough off. So as these fires burn, feelings of deep aloneness, sadness, uncertainty of love, being loved, worthiness of love arise- coupled with intense familiarity toward the other, love unlike you have known before, intense knowingness of the other. These fires, match so many aspects of how we seek to be loved in the world as our sensuality bursts, expands, floods, our being. Often people experiencing these fires mistake the love, for opportunity to make these fires about this new discovered "other" instead of the journey it is meant to be in Self LOVE... unfortunately setting the self up for pain body and loss.. So within these fires of transformation, a focus of surrender is essential... If in surrender, when our lower natures try to latch on to what feels like the promise of love everlasting in another, we are gently redirected to the love, grace essence of our own Divine Self..where we resonate perfectly within our own bliss not based on another, perhaps enhanced by a divine counterpart but not dependent upon it, releasing the urge to lasso it as a guarantee that we are worthy of love, transforming it into the understanding WE ARE THE LOVE.... This love is a transmuting love that has come to burn away that which makes us feel separate from the "other" or that love exists outside of ourSelf. If we try to make it anything other than what it is, we suffer. The secret to surviving this internal volcanic eruption of so much intensity is breath. Knowing these fires are fanned and fueled by our own life force, yet they are integrated by our own life force as well, through our exhale. On the other side of this inner transformative fire is what lies beneath....
What lies beneath, lay BLISS. Our kundalini fires bring us to our bliss, with its rise through our body this fire transports what feels like an intelligent energy that rushes through a mind blowing energy that pays no heed to our rational natures. Sometimes, this journey into bliss can feel painfully short...We must know and take comfort in the understanding that our Essential Self resides here always. It is a glimpse into our Divine Self. Experiencing this bliss, is our true reality. Sometimes people become pained in its transitory nature, but in truth, the more we align to allowing the fires to burn away false belief systems, distortions and schisms, the more the bliss flows as the river of Love that IT into all of our deepest channels and eddies. This bliss... It is what I would call the Night Sky, the Cosmos, the All.. where the planets, moons and suns are not separate, but One.. Duality obsolete. The planes and dimensions unified, all possibilities One. Where the layers meld into acceptance and surrender so profound, there is not a schism mechanism to piece it out part and parcel. Eternal ecstasy, the fires of our kundalini burning up through every cell of the Universe, atoms spinning bursting to create more of ItSelf . The place where we remember all is unified, everything has always been One. Our place of Grace. Forever and infinite, our Divinity. Our awareness of this divine energetic aligned and perfect within us... all ways, always. Kundalini brings this essence through this fire into our bodies and transmutes all that needs healing.
How do we get to this Night Sky within us where our inner cosmos is awakened to the birthright of our outer Cosmic reflection?
WE STOP. Yes, I said, stop. Stop everything. Become silent again. Utterly still on the inside. Let go of micromanaging your path. Exhale, and let go of the reigns. Drop them and everything but what your Essential Self needs to survive. Say no to the doubt that creeps into to tell you this leap of faith will burn you up, the very heat you have covered up with layers of the mix of heart and head, and leap into your Soul. And your Soul will move through your heart and it will expand so wide, you feel the Universe stretch its borders so vastly the only thing you can do to manage such a strength and power in your body is to breathe. And so you do, and you take this great inhale of All that Is into your physical body and this head that rules the first layer, becomes dizzy with release, and the exhale that comes from this breath, begins to soften the tension of the rigidity a body that has been in the exclusive bondage of the mind. And the heart rushes into the places in the body compassionately assuring that everything is going to be just fine, if you just keep breathing... And the heart and the head begin to work through all these layers together sorting things out, what feels good and what feels bad... Until great rivers of molten fire surge from your inner core in waves of kundalini fire gurgling up from the root of your being, fires of transformation, the sum of your karma mixed with your innate eternal essence to experience and know more of itSelf, erupts in a volcano of kundalini fires transmuting the very things you have avoided, hidden, made secret, into your ascended Self.
The energy exhales and the bliss surges through. You feel the unity in your body of the Oneness you are... you feel fertile and expansive. Your breath increases inhalations exhalations, and it makes more of yourSelf. Your sacred sensuality oozes, yearning to produce, procreate, recreate, creation. And you are there, it may last a moment, it may last an eternity.. but it lay beneath you forever, constant, never knowing in and of ItSelf that you ever felt separate from IT. This intelligent force seeks only the go-ahead that your surrender brings, and It's treasure trove is eternal. Namaste.

Divine Kiss, Wake up Sleeping Beauty

2011-03-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

We all want to know our Divinity... It's true... I say it boldly because knowing this is our key to Self Love. We can not hold a state of Grace and not seek our Divinity, our unique and precious union with the All. We may not use those words or say it in this way because quite frankly-- talking about knowing our Divinity is quite often see as a heresy of sorts....

How did we get this so twisted, I wonder?... That our inner quest to know this vast Self that we are became tainted with misunderstanding and fears that is it ungodly to pursue?-- Fears so great, we no longer even allowed our thoughts, hearts and souls to wander into the wonder of our Larger Self.

And how is it that it is so collectively acceptable to ignore taking a curious peek into what it truly means to be part and parcel with this Omnipresent Infinite Force? How is it that we got so far away, from the very thing each of us needs most?

It is not a heresy to seek to know, awaken and remember you are a cell in the body of this Infinite force..and since you are created in IT's image... you are a reflection of IT's perfection... How is it we got so far away from understanding and embracing the LOVE that we are, when this is our birthright?

Sisters and Brothers.. it is time to Know ThySelf. It doesn't matter how long it has taken, or will take to fully remember this... it only requires that you are willing to see your perception different than whatever has kept you away...

You are Infinite. You are a creative force beyond your wildest hopes and imaginings. Throughout the entirety of your body, energy that is the Breath of All Life, runs in channels, meridians, highways of Qi, with the electricity that rules the Cosmos. How can you be fueled with this finery and not be perfect?

It doesn't matter what has happened to convince you thus far of what you are Not. It matters only that you follow this inkling that you are more than you would ever hope for.. that you are treasured beyond value you would hope to place upon yourSelf, you are more, more, more, exquisitely, More....

If you are ready to remember, it is time to learn how to exhale this electricity through your essence in the knowingness of all the Infinite possibilities you partake in every time you take a inhalation... for in this conscious breath, you invite the Divine into your body~through your energy channels~ and charge this body, this heart, and this soul that you are with the soul fire that is your unique vibrational essence, this necessary essential part of the All, which is YOU. It is not that Source is not running through your body until you realize it..but when you awaken to the realization that this electricity is Pure Love, all of a sudden the awareness of the vibration catalyzes an awakening within you of all that you are. You are filled with the light energy which is neutral until it is recognized and magnetized with a direction.. It is your recognition of what it is that co-creates how it will be in your body, in your heart, in your experience. Equally, you have the opportunity to take it in the opposite direction into fear, pain body, anxiety, depression, etc... The Universe is neutral, it resonates with everything from shadow to light, to that which is the void and yet to be formed as well as what has already been created. When you invite the essence of LOVE to show you all that you are... this intelligent energy enters your body and creates more of itSelf.. when you allow your fears to drive the energy, it seeks the same- to create more of itSelf.

Tuning into your innate wisdom, a yearning of sorts to know the LOVE that you are, the LOVE you will create more of, if you give it life, intention and focus, the Divinity of your perfect Self will come forward and manifest itSelf in your Life as an expression of LOVE, happiness, peace and harmony.

There is no time line for this awakening. The Universe is patient. But your soul is hungry.. thirsty.. as you open yourSelf up to truly, authentically committing to fully embrace the very highest vibration of who you are on all levels, planes and dimensions.. the Universe responds by reflecting back to you what that might look like on the grandest of scales...The Kiss of the Divine Awakens, Wake up Sleeping Beauty....

Die not on the Inside, Free to Believe...

2011-03-16T13:26:00.001-07:00

"Be Yourself, Everyone else is already taken" ~ Oscar Wilde

The best... very best thing you have to offer this world is YOU. This post goes out to all the people hiding under the blankets of someone's else belief systems because the world didn't make it safe for you to show us who you are.. From the bottom of my heart, I offer my sincerest apology that somehow you were sent the message that being anything less than your entire Self was what the world asked of you. Some people have no idea what I am writing about, and to you, I say.. YaY for you.. You are blessed, truly.

Unfortunately there are many who have been taught it was not okay to be you.. You who believes as you do.. you who feels as you do.. you who has many faces of time, space, and dimension... Yes, you. Whatever this life has brought you in circumstances that has contributed to this inhibition in living your life, your beliefs or creations to your fullest and highest expression of Love.. I am here to tell you.. You are Free.. Set yourSelf Free.. Right here, right now, I proclaim release of the chains that bind, hold you back, lock you up inside . If the world, your world can not handle the REAL you.. I promise you this, the Universe will provide you with the support you need to create anew.

If you have been under attack because someone is afraid of your differences from them, whatever those fears can be.. It is a very oppressive energy to spiritually combat. I call this spiritual warfare.. It no longer has to be a battle in anger, fights, verbal squabbles, you no longer have to be a master of avoiding your personal truth .. as much as it seems there is no other way.. there is. For you are always free in your heart, even if your body is imprisoned, no one is captive of your Soul, no one can take captive of your heart unless you give it to them. Your body may be bound, your mind may be heavy laden, your heart burdened, but ...your Soul is always free.

So when you are attacked because someone feels they are somehow protecting their beliefs by influencing yours.. know that although war may be waged against you, your Soul is free to soar.... And if you are LOVE, no matter how unloving, insensitive, or mis-aligned someone can be in trying to "help" by influencing your precious beliefs, ... if there is a way, in this life, your Creator will find a way for you to live what you love, even if the only way you are offered is in the confines of your Heart. The key is not to lose Heart, it is all too easy to let go in an attempt to be practical and safe. But if you suppress yourSelf.. you will find as you may have already found, you begin to die on the inside... Finding this your beautiful blossoms may have already suffered wilting.

The only truth I have ever found to be constant is LOVE. If the energy is not based in love.. differences matter not, in fact are beautiful, if we are focused on that Love...Living that love, why would we ever place our focus on what is different than what is similar? I sense we would be a lot closer to a unified world in peace if we placed our intention towards this end.

So how do I find freedom even though my life circumstances show me I am bound.. or expressing my personal truth causes unrest with the ones I love... How do I act free, live free when as soon as I do, something happens to show me that it is very unsafe to BE MYSELF?

Everyone has different circumstances. Because of this, there is no way to speak into all the possibilities which bind, and how to break free. What I can teach you is some skills which will help support you so you can empower yourself to find the place inside you to begin to feel what truly being free to be you fully feels like....

1. Breathe. Have you ever noticed when you feel shut down either by your own influence or someone else's, there is a pretty good chance you are holding your breath?mmmmmYes, you took the breath in, but did you let it out? Probably not. You most likely held on to it for way too long..and when you finally let it go, you probably let it out in a measly little way. If you want to begin to feel your Essence, feel your personal power and strength, the fastest, most efficient way is to begin breathing deeply, slowly, fully, in and out. You are going to take that in breath, we all do.. but how long does it take you to get around to letting it out, and when you do, how much breath do you actually let go of... This is so key.. Most of us don't come from a cultural background that understood the how vital breath is, not only for opening our energy channels, but for our body's own health. In fact, so true is this for so many of us, even reading the suggestion, most people want to run in the other direction. Breath is your energy fuel. It fuels your life force through your body, it reconnects you, grounds and centers you... Filled with this vitality, you will begin to untangle the webs that bound you in the first place.

2. Move, Shake, Dance. MOVE YOUR BODY. When we feel bound, our energy body creates layers of stagnant energy around our body that inhibit the beautiful essential breath to set you free. When you choose to BE YOURSELF.. that is ultimately the first step toward the intention of truly experiencing the freedom of what it feels like to live Free and BE YourSelf. Fueled with breath, you begin to feel lighter, and often, suddenly look lighter, heaviness leaves your face, bloat leaves your body, one the surest ways to lose weight, is to move your Qi. And you move your Qi with breath, and movement.. I teach a Island Body Harmonics class where our focus is first on breath and second on shaking, moving, ecstatic dancing, letting the body move without feeling inhibition..and you know what? People start to glow! One woman went from a size 20+ to a size 12, in just a few months. Everyone asked her how she lost so much weight.. and she said, "the only thing I have done different is Body Harmonics".. She had so many beliefs from her family she had herSelf all bound up in their expectations, their religious views, their mis-compassionate (misplaced compassion) ideas of how she needed to live her life, she got stuck, and the weight, stuck with her. When she began to breath and added movement, allowing her breath to move through all those "stuck" places, the layers she no longer needed, dropped. Another lady, coming for inner peace, lost 16lbs in the same time frame .. by not setting the goal just to let go of weight but rather to live their truth, loving themSelves... They let their dreams and beliefs become a living breathing energy that took on a life of its own, literally!

Last but not least...

Dream, visualize, meditate, pray. Seemingly different words, intricately linked, as they are rooted in connecting to the highest part of ourSelf in the Divine. Imagine the person you are on the deepest levels, in self love and empowerment, that you have been holding back from the world. No matter afraid you have been over the fall out of allowing your personal perception of what you belief to shine out to the world around you.. Now is the time to bring forward your best Self only you can first imagine yourSelf to be... Dream big and realize the greatness that you are.

Using the healing techniques of breath, movement and visualization, you will find a renewed sense of Self. No longer will anything or anyone that has instilled fear in your unique expression of the all encompassing you, hold you back. Believe in your Divine Right of Freedom.. Thrive on the Inside! The outside will show the miracles of you within...

From my heart to yours~

Ali

New Harvest Moon

2010-10-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

The New Moon's void is upon us once again... A unique cycle which begs forgiveness.... the old hurts, sharper edges...impetuous reactions.. wish to find a new way. Yes, this is what the stars and planets set the stage in our experiences to align to.. Feelings brewing like a cauldron of healing herbs...like a soulful soup that will warm even those hardened places in our hearts where we have forgotten that love's waters dried and we don't even remember why...

But this is your time.. your time... to allow the mishaps, mis-communications, mis-placed compassions, misunderstandings to gently seep up to the surface.. for the time of healing griefs and pains which were not given the freedom to express themselves in the highest vibration are seeping up from their dark cob webbed corners, pouring out from their over stuffed trunks, and seeking to be transmuted into use-able energy again.. Those unhealed parts that are outmoded and no longer useful will begin to stir and churn.. inviting you to find a new way... a better way... a peaceful way....

The thing is.. the most fantastic beautiful thing is.. healing past is not contingent on reliving the hurt, hashing up the old for review so your ego and intellect can decide if there is worth or value in letting it go... See.. the value is in allowing it go regardless if one has earned your forgiveness.. whether or not the hurts are mended, or if you have earned your own forgiveness.. whether or not you understand it... it does not require your analyzing or your ego's imput... but it does require one thing... It requires your Surrender... Yes... We are talking Free Will...

When working with clients on release... I have seen so many miracles over this one small realization. You do not have to be ready.. but you must be willing.

LET IT GO.. give it back to your Creator in a simple, heart felt way.. Be willing to admit that you do not know how to heal these pains/hurts.. that you may not know how to be ready...but are willing to be MADE ready.. which happens through your Surrender. The amazing thing about letting go.. giving this back to the Essence that will heal you, brings in the mirror reflections to give your experiences to match this healing through your joy now into of through pain.. Yes, you will have new experiences that will show you that you do not have to hurt to heal this.. you do not have to have your greatest fears presented to you so you can prove yourself now strong enough to face it better this time.. The lovely part is that it is no longer about conquering it, it is about being presented with better options that reflect a kinder, gentler scenario... with the qualities that are smoother and softer within you and in the people who you will be working through these healing issues with..

Does this mean, I think in the next month all your deepest shadows will be arising for healing awareness to blow them out of your energy field? Smiles, NO.. It does mean that this New Moon reflects a surge of support for the healing to begin.. And just as the moon waxes and wanes, tides rise and fall, so do our own cycles of healing. So tonight marks a beginning on whatever level your mind, body and spirit are ready for to initiate and welcome a new cycle of healing for you..

Remember to Surrender into its possibilities by offering the helm of your life journey back to your Creator.. and you will begin not only a cycle of healing but of many new beginnings.. These new beginnings flourish as you continue to let go the the reigns .. Life will flow, and you will feel the peace of stepping into the support of the Cosmic highway...

So let the unraveling begin..

Namaste~ Aloha~ Oceans of Love

Eyes of Time

2010-10-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

There is nothing you have missed. Everything that is yours comes to you... your great LOVE awakened Soulfire that burns within you knows its counterpart.. Know this as real.. has always been real and remains So.

Wait not for what you think you may have lost, lingering in but a memory... All that is yours is forever yours.. It has left you not.. it remains part of you.. not all of you..a mere building block...pieces layered upon pieces, mirror reflection begging for healing.... aspects of the whole of which you are in your entirety.. shadows and light filters through timeless distortions, laden baggage, in need of understanding, refining, forgiving, a smoothing of layers..light lifts out of shadow like cream separates away from the milk and floats to the top.. so your light aspects seek your own rising, lifting out of the heavy burial clothing of your dimmer realities and into the light gossamer veils readying itself for lifting in sacred chamber of your Heart...

For you are a masterpiece delicately entwined with the Other.. layers of your past, falls away~ that which you have wished to be All could never fulfill, for parts can only remain parts, matched in fracture.. what is like unto the Other is known upon its arrival.. without hopeless desire, it simply is.. .. only an empty dream of loss has such expectations, for missed opportunities and misplaced longing.. what is All of you has always been and always will be...it simply IS... Be not stuck in the shadows of what you have wished for.. time has not alluded you.. you have not missed anything.. Be in your now.. Forever you have longed and wished.. over forgotten dreams, missed opportunities, unrequited love, misunderstood, and unrecognized you have waited to be seen.

Now you see you have been but asleep, under layers of time.

Gently the awakened presence of your Soulfire seeps through the windows of time.. Your eternal flame can not be squelched or smothered by your mis-alignments and fractures.. As a temple fire, it is fanned and fueled by your Oversoul... Patiently, your Essence finds you through the channels of Time... gently reweaving your tapestry, repairing your distorted threads and healing your fractures..

Forget not you are a budding blossom in the winds of time.. Your petals stretch out far beyond where your mind seeks arrival... but into the far reaches of imaginings wild and beyond your every desire..

Know that your roots sink deep into a fertile earth pulling you inward... your trunk stretches outward to the great sky beyond.. your branches reach in yearning hunger for the light that begs pour its liquid nectar sinewing sensually down through channels that thirst to be drenched greedily with its light...

You stand solemn, sturdy and strong through the portals of time. Your Essence, limitless unbounded by time and space, complete, unified, One beloved.. One heart, One Soulfire eternal are you...Embrace passion filled, the kundal heart that burns the forever eternal Flame of Union....

Awakening the Sleeping Giant.. within

2010-10-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Within you lies the most powerful being sleeping under all the layers of experience that makes you, YOU. For centuries, like a sleeping beauty, your true nature's history/her-story gently awaited a precious time when all the layers of the time-continium melt together in an integrated place.. where your hurts, your joys, and all that is you join together in one big burst of energy. Your "spiritual alarm clock" goes of to re-awaken the Divine Self within.

Perhaps not everyone on the planet is exactly in this place that you are, but you ARE. How do I know this? I know because you found this writing. This was written for you to read, for you to find...You know who you are, and those not intended for its discovery will not be drawn to read...This writing is waiting for all the sleeping GIANTS.. yes, giant. You are a spiritual giant...an extra-ordinary loving being who came to anchor love on our planet at a time as the world shifts into a vibration that is so ready and in need to the powerful energy you bring. You hold and anchor in Great LOVE.. so that we can move into these changes collectively..

Many moons ago, you made a contract spiritually to wake up when the world was ready for you to remember the LOVE that you are. The most riddling part of this agreement is that most people who made this agreement forgot they made it.... For many, eons, centuries, decades have passed feeling fractured inside but not knowing how to repair the pieces.. feeling lonely for love, desire to feel empowered but feeling as if an important piece of the solution was just out of grasp.

I realized my life path and reason for sharing my intuitive gifts is recognizing these sleeping compassionate Spiritual giants..and helping them to remember who YOU are, who for so long have anchored a silent peace on our planet... waiting the Great Remembering. These powerful people are usually the ones who have contented in allowing, supporting, strengthening other people's journey instead of focusing on forwarding themSelves...compassionately holding space. And while all this support was perfect for its time.. NOW is your time.. this is your time to find the mighty and magnificent Soul Fire that burns within you... Intuitive are you.. perhaps in a quiet way.. but your inner compass is yearning to have its voice once again returned to itSelf... The time has arrived for your heart to again be your guide. It is your time to say "Thank You" to your mind.. who has thought its way through the ways of the world, analyzed your outcomes, forging pathways, finding solutions built on sound reason. Time is now, to find a proper place for this well organized machine, your Mind, re-arranging priorities so you can place intellect back into its aligned place, which is in your tool box and not at the helm of your ship.

Everything you need to know is not contained within this first message, for this is merely a soft and loving wake up call.. an inner calling of sorts but in written form to say.. "I SEE YOU" .. and the time is now.. take my hand when you are ready.. I am here.. in spirit, in body and in heart.. so much loving heart...

My love to you, Sleeping Gentle Giants, spiritual masters remembering your gifts, your empowerment, your Self Love, and most importantly, the divine Grace ever-flowing with in your Magnificent Hearts...

Your Soul Fire burns in an Eternal Flame~

Molten Grace

2010-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Shrouded are we in layers of experience... veils upon veils... layer upon layers ever so delicately that they have long become so intricately entwined with our ego-ic Self we know not they exist... only that we have become so accustomed to their presence that the god or goddess Self is but a dim memory.
Today in teaching my indoor cycling class I realized that when we reach deep in physical motion... and I mean really deep, something that pushes us to our very limit.. these layers become molten.. When glass is heated, it transforms into the most lovely liquid light. Only to harden again in its fixed form. When we exert our bodies to an extreme, layers peel within us.
At first, it is simply exhausting, but as the physical self integrates the demands being placed upon it.. a resolve sets in. The body gives into the task at hand, and for a time, spiritually it becomes MOLTEN.
I have felt anger and hurt arise in my body when I reach so deep into myself through physical exercise that I feel as if I am melting. In teaching class, especially indoor cycling, I can feel my hardened Self shift as these layers melt away revealing feelings long stored. I see these same changes happen in my students... Often I say, "you are melting" ..and yes, I mean melting fat or melting toxins through sweat.. but I explain that its so much more than this--as I feel frustration build in their bodies or facial expressions...
You see... anger, hurt, frustration, anxiety, low-self esteem are all very real emotions that seem to surface in a simple indoor cycling class. Sometimes I will smile at a student because intuitively I can feel them cussing at me. And later when I ask them, they will affirm that indeed four letter words were running rampant through their head... I smile as I write, yes, at me.. but how great is this? How wonderful that 15minutes of intense exercise can conjure up layers of emotion not easily reached from such a neutral environment.
It is in this place, I discovered how transformative intense physical exertion is for reaching layers of emotion in us that we may not even consciously know are there.
I call this Molten Grace. Where I heat up my body with intense exercise or breath work so extreme, it pushes me through layers of emotional bondage. What lay beneath? GRACE. The most sensual, self assured feminine essence who knows exactly, intimately the powerful being she is...
I question mySelf.. what else is there to pursue except Grace? For in this grace, our Soul love flows through...

learning to lean into Grace...

2010-04-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

... Sweetly stretching my nose out toward a Rose is much like what Striving for Grace on the Inside feels like to me... and now when I say striving or stretching is when I am experiencing a need for alignment on the inside, divinely so.. a remembering really of what I am in Love... how I am created as Perfect.. which my personality sometimes muddles up momentarily... for when I am aligned, no stretching or striving is needed... It simply Is...

I really didn't have a relationship with the religious definition of Grace I learned early on in my formative years.. It wasn't that I agreed or disagreed.... plain and simple, I couldn't relate.... perhaps how it was presented in word alluded me... I am not sure why that is.. and the "why" of why Grace took some time to resonate in me in a way that I felt passionate about its pursuit could have been as simple as timing. ... or not so much timing as It presenting itSelf in a way that I so deeply connected with, any other traditions definition no longer mattered because it began to speak Its unique language in my Soul in a way I sense I was destined to understand.....I suppose how I interpreted Grace as child was something holy beyond simple me and outside my realm of experience.. later I realized while yes, holy as It is, its holiness is something very much part and parcel of who I am on the deepest of levels.. in fact my limited perception of how to thrive in its constancy being my only interruption from its flow, in me, through me, in a way.. It is indeed, creative life force, a kundal vibration... One thing I know for sure, when it began to come upon me, it did so in such a sweet understated way, with such fullness it filled me, I thought that if I accomplished nothing else in my life.. the pursuit of Grace would suffice. I am a being of Love, but it is with Grace that I awaken to its bounty.

I noticed in my early 20's, the notion of Grace began to dance like a beautiful sinewy fabric blowing gentle in fragrant winds like a muse inviting me to co-create. It felt like waves billowing up through my body of something that felt very feminine, very self assured, grounded, but most of all, Loving. It was not something I was polished enough.. or aware enough to invite... It is something that seemed to visit me all of its own doing, many times I thought of how I wished I could beckon it on request.. which certainly is within my realm of possibility... but could I find a way to help navigate it through my energetic pathways in greater constancy? What I began to realize is that Grace billowing through is as far as I could tell, directly linked to Self Love. As my path to remembering the Love that I am expressed itSelf in more knowing ways.. so did my relationship with the Grace within me grew...

I believe each of us has a calling... no matter how simple or ornate. Sometimes our inner alignment to this passion becomes both, Simply Ornate. For me, my inner calling has been a beckoning to know the Grace within Me. It feels this grace inside me is divinely Feminine. The more I marinate in Its Essence, the more I realize for me, indeed It is Divinely Feminine. In fact, the more I basked in Its sweetness.. the more I had thoughts of the Divine Feminine Essence.. Mother Goddess.

In my meditations, I realized since I was a young child, I silently wondered about the Divinity of God. Why was there only a Father God? Actually, I did not wonder too much because my insides told me that someday, I would figure this out.. odd for such a young person's pondering, my insides spoke volumes to me about union of the Divine, Mother and Father, Beloved Counterparts, wedded in Union.. mirroring nature and balance, Sun and Moon, Light and Dark, Love and Fear.. opposing elements which mirror each other in Balance... I remember being five years old and thinking about Divine Union..Ascension.. not grasping at all what I could possibly be trying to understand.. or why these thoughts would pass through my mental processes.. they seemed so random.. they seem to come with conversation.. thoughts with answers.. that seemed to come from somewhere else... who was answers my thoughts.. and where did these thoughts I didn't even understand come from? I began to realize my brain seemed to work differently than everyone else's. Fear of being different and standing out in this way was something which fanned a fire of insecurity in me. I had to find a way to be normal.. Looking back, I see that Grace was finding Its way to me through my spiritual gifts of knowing, hearing, feeling and seeing in some wonderful ways.. but these attributes made me different in a world where I very much wanted to appear the same as my peers. I began at an early age, to regulate its natural channels through me.. fears began to settle..as I realized in many ways I was very different.. I looked for ways I could appear the same....

So as these thoughts came through, I remember thinking, is it normal for me at five to think about such things.. I am not sure why I knew it was not normal.. but I knew it was not normal.. or maybe I knew it was not normal because something in me knew the difference between grown up thoughts and kid thoughts.. and certainly these were not kid thoughts.... I definitely could not talk about these thoughts with my sister a year younger than I.... it was like I had two conversations going on in my head simultaneously at all times.. Later in life, I would understand this as normal for me, even an attribute I valued, but as a kid, this was really difficult to integrate. I remember thinking why am I wondering if this is odd for me to consider this at my age, thinking it odd even that I wonder, it was as if some kind of Oversoul within me was navigating my thoughts as to be thinking simultaneously about Barbie dolls and deep spiritual matters.. having passing thoughts that would override my playful thoughts about dimensions, life after death, alternate realities, even bio-location, you get the idea.. Suddenly, something would interrupt these mind wanderings taking me back to the thought of playing with my Barbie's, again questioning why I would think such things but never being able to focus on its complexity for long enough to question my outer world about it any further.. like incredibly deep thoughts that would soon dissolve into nothing I could remember after it drifted away.... From this very young age though, I began to realize that I would sometimes have to try very hard to appear normal because I soon realized that my sister who I spent a lot of time with... and other children I played with.. did not question such things.. I began to integrate this behavior as something that might be weird or wrong with me, I tried to focus on not allowing it to interrupt my thoughts.. even though I could not stop it, I could ignore it to a certain extent.. I learned how to master allowing both conversations to exist in my head..also, I was raised Catholic and a lot of what I was thinking about seemed to differ from what I was taught was so.... I actually had awareness around my perception of my limitations being a child, not knowing much about anything, and simultaneously pondering the Universe in ways that I knew were odd for a child my age. I never wanted to share this side of myself with the world because I instinctively knew I had this immaturity in my communication...what seemed like a sudden forgetfulness to continue or develop or process these thoughts on a deeper level.... I realized I had no idea how to convey my thoughts for when I went to communicate them, it was as if a giant eraser wiped them out of my mind. I could think about anything I wanted, but I rarely had cognitive memory directly afterwards of almost anything I thought about when it came to this sudden knowing of things-- I seemed to know, and then forget it as if it was never postured in my mind... In someways this carried over to my everyday thoughts as well.. and I had to work on my developing a better recall in what would travel though my mind cognitively.. I had an uncanny memory in someways, and in others, I think I fell way below normal... When I was a child, I had a difficult time remembering what I just read if I read a book... audio memory was fantastic, sight memory pretty darned good.. but simply remembering what I had just learned, super poor at times--which scared me so I would work extra hard to not fall behind...

Denial of my personal Grace probably started with denial of my spiritual gifts as a child, fear of being different -- probably a karmic fear -- which would hinder my ability to love and accept mySelf .. The Universe was gently revealing itSelf to me in uncanny ways early on.. It took me a long time to answer Its Calling so my journey into Grace had to seep through in waves as it found windows in my Energy body to present itSelf... It would be Many Moons before I could realize that surrendering my will over to the Will of the Divine was going to be my personal invitation to beseech Grace to reside in Me...

What does all this have to do with how one reaches their nose into the scent of a flower.. or comparing the sweetness of a blossom to Grace? For me leaning intoGrace is something I strive for...part of how I lean into it is by embracing the places where it came to greet me, but in essence, in fears, I denied its sweet rewards. When we deny our unique individuality, we deny ourSelves a part of our innate value that Self Love brings. Grace travels to us via the highway of the Love that we embrace that we ARE... it reveals through a feeling I am connected to when It flows through me.. It is the most feminine energy I can describe, much like an unassuming flower that is so indescribably perfect by simply embodying what IT is.. that is it... Yet, enveloped fully in this energy, I tap into All that Is. And although I first felt its waves of femininity in my 20's, I realized the knowingness it brings came to me as a little child who was first beckoned to remember Divinity is Masculine and Feminine Counterparts.

Remembering Soul Love...

2010-04-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

Spring Equinox
Birth..

Easter Within..
Rebirth...
Resurrection of the Soul.

Once you ascend to the place within where you Remember the Love that You are... a constant flow of Grace will be Yours.. It was always there.. all ways.

The key that opens the door to this memory is Surrendering Yourself completely and fully to ever flowing font of Universal Divine Love. I call it God-dess, One word, embodies both God and Goddess- A complete Union of Masculine and Feminine Divine, Mother and Father Divine, as Beloved unto each other, One. Created in this Union, I AM.

Inside Us is a calling.. it doesn't matter how you hear it.. for if you are open and free.. its language will be Universal inside You. I call it Soul Speaks. It speaks to me through my Grace.

There is this Love inside each of us... and it is not a part of us, it is all of us. When you touch this Essence that is You... forever will you know the beauty that you are... This Blog is about exploring this journey... Your Soul Love is calling you Home through Grace... take my hand.. as we uncover the treasures of our Soul Love on our Journey through Grace....

Falling Slowly

2009-12-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

.....Falling Slowly into Change. What a beautiful day to start anew, the first day after the Winter Solstice.

Yes....Yesterday was the Solstice..marks my New Year. I love how it builds now starting from the shortest day in the year progressing toward the Summer Solstice longest.... everything builds from this place... And its perfect really, perfect because so much inside me is in a state of flux. ...The thing is...flux has become a nice word to me these days. See, we are all in change these days..and the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can embrace it as a good thing.. the extraordinarly great opportunity lies within its hopeful offerings.

The very essence of not knowing used to flutter me up inside. Issues of control, are sloughing slowly, falling away. It feels good to shed.