Soulshaper

Tools I Use In Ministry: Social Media

2011-11-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

Staying connected to other people has always been a priority for humans. Hand signals, written symbols, smoke signals, cups & strings, morse code, the telephone, internet and cell phones are all used to help us feel connected to other people. Cell phones provide internet access to even the remote places in the world. Social Media has grabbed the world over and many of us are addicted to it.

We use social media to keep track of family, friends, co-workers, people we went to hight school with but never talked to, strangers that saw us on the street and big time creepers. I used to play MUD's back at the start of the internet, then AOL brought on instant messenger, then MySpace and now Facebook rules the internet. Facebook has over 800 million active users with 50% of them logging in on any given day. While Facebook is king there are many other sites that give us that social feel. Twitter helps us spy on other people and let the world know when we use the bathroom. Google+ is the newcomer to the scene and seems to be making waves by filling in where Facebook is failing.

No one knows what the next thing in Social Media will be but most everyone agrees it will be where students are. Teenagers and college students have always been on the forefront of social media and use it to its fullest. The world is becoming more mobile and students are more connected because of it. Youth pastors need to be at the top of their game when it comes to staying connected to students.

Facebook is the king when it comes to social media. There is almost a guarantee that your students are on it. You need to be also. Facebook has many great features that a youth pastor can use. Personally, you need to be friends with your students and learning as much as you can about them. Students like to share information with their friends and you get a look. Facebook allows you to have a Group Page for your ministry or church. This allows others to stay connected with your ministry and up to date on the news. You can post pictures, events, status updates and more.

Twitter is like Facebook but without all the fluff. Twitter allows you to update your status and share it with anyone you want. Your status is limited to 140 characters, so you have to be created. I use Twitter for our youth ministry to provide updates to parents, adult leaders and whoever else wants to know what is going on. We have embedded Twitter in our website for easy access. You can update your Twitter status via text messaging, so updating on a trip is super easy and helps parents stay in the know.

Google+ is Google's newest attempt at entering the social media landscape. They seemed to take everything people hated about Facebook and make it very easy to use. The big difference with Google+ and Facebook is that Plus allows you to update your status and only those within your Circles are able to see it. you can send out a private or public message or just to a specific group of people. Plus also includes a feature called Hangout which allows you to start a video conversation with up to 8 people at once. This feature has a lot of potential in the youth ministry world for small groups, informal meetings and training. Plus is evolving at a great pace. Google is working really hard to make this push into the social media scene and take away from Facebook.

Text Messaging isn't a program like the others but is a great way to stay connected with students, parents and families. Text messaging can be done from any cell phone but group messaging usually requires a separate program. You need to try them and see which work best for you.

Social media is becoming more and more a part of our life. We love being connected to each other. You need to do what you can to keep up with your students and their parents. Social media makes it easier for all of us.

Tools I Use In Ministry: Google

2011-10-31T14:28:00.000-05:00

I remember many years ago, I was frustrated with the emails programs that were out there. I had a Hotmail, Yahoo and even created my own pop email program. I was very annoyed because they were slow, full of Ads and I would get tons of spam. I was talking to friends and found out that Google had created a email program that was way different than everything out there. I got excited and began begging for an invite into their private beta. I ended up buying my invite into Gmail and the $.99 was well worth it. I have never looked back.

Since then, Google has become a main stay in my life. I still use Gmail and have added Calendar, Docs, Tasks, Google+, Blogger, Picasa and varies other products that Google offers. In this post, I am going to explain how I use these in ministry. They have been great in helping keep my life in check and it can do the same for ministry. Google has made it very easy for ministry to have some excellent office resources without actually having an office or spending a lot of supplies.

Before you say it, yes there are other resources out there that do the same thing as Google but I have found all the Google resources to work well together and are very easy to use. They also offer the ability to host our own domain using Google Apps. This is also free to non-profits and allows you to use an @churchname.com email address and can also provide the ability to share tools across staff members.

Here is how I use each tool...

GMail is the basis of the Google products. I know their search is great but to me their email program changed email. Gmail has a great interface that is easy to use and nice to look at. You are not bombarded by add or other sections with more information. Gmail has one of the best spam filters in the business (this helps with productivity). One of the features I love is the embedded email history. This means that an email conversation is contained in one thread so that you can easily look back and see how the message developed. Gmail contacts is also a great information manger for people in your life. Gmail also allows you to label an email. This means you c an tag each email with multiple labels for easier searching when you need them in the future.

Docs is a great online document editor. Google gives you Documents, Spreadsheets, Presentation and forms. Everything is online, so you can access it from everywhere and on any computer. This gives you the ability to create and store docs that can be shared with others. Two or more people can even edit the same document and Google keeps track. I have used Docs to work with my assistant to make sure we were using the same version of a document. One of the great pieces is the Forms piece. You can easily create a document that can be shared or embedded on a website. This is good for collecting information from students, parents or whoever.

Calendar & Tasks is your online space for keeping track of your life. Calendar allows you have to have multiple calendars (I have one for each ministry area) and you are able to share them with other ministry people. You can also embed the calendar in your website, so that everyone can see it. This makes for very easy updating. Tasks are just that, tasks that are connected to your calendar to keep track of those little annoying things you need to do :).

Voice is Google' attempt at entering the cell phone arena without actually putting up any towers. Google Voice gives you your own phone number to use for making calls and text messaging. The great thing about Voice is that allows you to send the calls to whatever phone you designate. I used to have it forward to my cell and office because my office never got a cell signal. The other great benefit is that everything is web based. You can initiate calls via the online dashboard and send/receive text messaging also. The best use in ministry is having a number that parents can call and get information without the cost of purchasing another phone line.

Google+ is Google's new piece of the social media pie. Plus is very cool in that it gives you the ability to limit who sees what you put out there. You have Circles of friends and can determine which group sees which post you want. The biggest piece for ministry is the Hangouts. Hangouts give you the ability to have a conference type call with up to 8 people at once. Google is also working on the business piece of Plus, so for now it is only open to real people.

Search/Images/Youtube are great places to look up information for games, graphics, videos and more. Youth pastors are always looking for great ideas and Google helps to make it easier. Of course, you need to be careful of copyright use. Google Image search makes it very easy to see images that others have done or to find royalty free images. Youtube is an excellent place to find videos, countdowns and more.

Picasa & PicasaWeb.com are free tools that you can use for editing and displaying photos of your ministry. Picasa is the problem that you install on your computer that is a great resource for editing your digital images. Google has built a great program and given it away. You can apply different various filters, crop the image and even send it to a printer. Picasaweb.com is the online space that Google gives you to upload and share your images. This is also free and allows you to have public and private space.

There are other Google services that you can use like Reader, Maps, Sites and much more. Each ministry has different needs and thus different uses. The best part is, it is all free, so trying it out doesn't hurt anything. Google gives you a ton of space when you a create your account and you are able to purchase more for a very reasonable price.

Tools I Use In Ministry: iPad, iPhone & iOS Apps

2011-10-26T14:00:00.000-05:00

This tool is probably one that gets me a lot of grief from my other youth pastor friends. I have had an iPhone since version 3G and I got an iPad a couple months after they came out. I know that most youth pastors cannot necessarily afford either of these tools but this is what I use. I use many programs that have PC/Mac versions, so you can take those ideas and apply them how you see.

The iPhone was a revolutionary advancement for Apple that has grown to be a cultural icon. While it wasn't the first smartphone on the market, it did change the game. The iPhone was an evolutionary step from the iPod and took everything that was great about it and put it in a phone. Apple has always had a knack for making things very easy to use and helping users discover new ways to use a device. In ministry, the iPhone is an assistant in your pocket. You have access to all your music, hundred's of thousands of application, texting and more. The iPhone made it easy to look up data when needed, get from one place to another with the map program or look up information on the web. I have used many different smart devices, dating all the way back to the Casio Cassiopeia and the iPhone is better than them all. I even used an Android phone for a while and found myself still wanting the iPhone. The iPhone camera is great for taking pictures (4S is an 8mb camera and 1080p video camera) for those on the go events.

The iPad is less than two years old and has created a new market rather than changed one. The iPad is a 10" device that runs on the same operating system the iPhone does. Many people labeled it just a giant iPhone but it is so much more than that. I use my iPad more than any other computer I have (PC, Macbook and iPhone). I, sadly, only have the first generation iPad so I have no camera and a slower processor speed. The iPad comes in two different formats, Wifi only & Wife + 3g. The 3g part is through Verizon or AT&T and there is no 2-year contract like the iPhone. My goal was to get a 3G version (which I didn't) and turn the 3G on during the summer while I was traveling with the youth ministry. The iPad is much better than the iPhone for typing longer messages or blogging. The screen is a perfect size for watching movies on the go and reading books. I use my iPad when I deliver my messages also. I just pull up the document and read it from there. I don't have to print anything out or make sure I have the latest changes to a document.

I use both my iPad & iPhone to store music, movies, TV shows and much more. They are a multimedia machine. Apple continues to advance the operating system to make it easier and easier. The latest iOS version 5 brings with it some great features like Wifi Syncing, better notifications, iMessage, Photo Stream and more. I also have several programs that I use on both of these devices that help me in ministry. Some of them are productive and others are just to waste time.

The iWork Suite contains Pages, Numbers and Keynote (word processor, spreadsheets and presentations). This has been a Mac only product for a while but was ported to iOS with the invention of the iPad. This suite gives you incredible ability to create documents and more on the go. iOS5 brought with it iCloud and the ability to sync documents across all your devices and Mac computer. I use the suite to create Fliers, Brochures, Service Presentations and more. I have access to everyone on any of my devices.
[Pages iTunes Link] [Numbers iTunes Link] [Keynote iTunes Link]

Evernote is the ultimate note taking application out there (across any device or computer). Evernote allows you to create notes with tags and put them in a notebook. Michael Hyatt has done a great job of promoting Evernote to many different users. You can click here to view his blog about it. Evernote makes taking notes easier and faster. It syncs automatically to all your devices and online. I use Evernote to clip articles I need to read, blog ideas, sermon notes and more.
[iTunes Link]

The Kindle App is a great tool for reading books on the go. Amazon has taken their own device and put it on the iPad. The Kindle app syncs across all devices, PCs and online. I believe that digital will eventually take over printed and the Kindle App helps with that. I love reading books on my iPad because they are always with me. You can also write notes, highlight and share parts of the book you are reading. You are also able to loan certain books out to friends.
[iTunes Link]

Pandora Radio is an online music store at your fingerprints. I use Pandora when I don't have the specific music I need on me. Pandora allows you to type in an Artist or Song and it will create a virtual playlist of songs just like that. This is great when you have some time and you want some music in the background or you are on a long road trip and don't want to carry a lot of music with you. The best part is that it is free...
[iTunes Link]

YouVersion is an amazing online Bible program. Actually, it is more than a online Bible. YouVersion is a tool to help any youth pastor stay in contact with the one we are working for. YouVersion was created by Lifechurch.tv and is free to everyone on almost any device or computer. YouVersion has tons of Bible versions, notes from different users, reading plans, the ability to read the Bible to you and much more. I use YouVersion for my daily reading and message prep.
[iTunes Link]

I also plays games on these devices to kill time and hang out with students. There are other apps I use for personal use like GoTasks (which ties into my Google Tasks), ESV+, Web Albums, Facebook and more.

Tools I Use In Ministry: MinistryTracker.com

2011-10-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

I remember back in mid 90's doing youth ministry at a small church in Hollywood, Fl. I was working there that summer and loving it. I created fliers using an old clip art book and black&white copier. I thought I was cool stuff using "hip" clip art. When I wanted to talk to students, I called them or they called me. Thinking back to then and comparing it to now, is amazing to think about. I don't have books of clip art, I just use Google Images. I don't use an old copier but a very nice color laser printer. I contact students using Social Media and texting. The tools of the youth pastor have changed a lot in the last decade or so. We use tools that make our work easier and more productive. This week I will be highlighting some of the tools that I use in ministry.

Keeping track of students used to be done on a piece of paper, then excel and now we have database software. I have used different program to keep track of student information but in the last 5 years I have been using MinistryTracker.com (used to be YouthTracker.net). Ministry Tracker is an online database program that was originally designed for youth ministry but has evolved into a whole church Customer Relationship Management (CRM). They make it very easy to keep track of your students information, parent information and more.

My Homepage Screen

Mark Alway (Owner, Lead Developer) has created, what I believe, is one of the best tools for youth ministry. The program is easy to use, very useful, reasonably price and much more. MinistryTracker.com is always making improvements and Mark is fast to respond to emails about improvements. The browser version is available to anyone with web access and he has created a great mobile browser version as well. I have talked to Mark many times via email and he has always been gracious and understanding and always helpful with whatever I needed. I know there are other programs out there, but for me the following are my top 5 reasons to user MinistryTracker.com

Online - MinistryTracker is completely online and accessible to anyone with web access. This is a huge benefit for you and your adult leaders. Each user can have access to the whole program or just a piece. The admin has the ability to set permissions depending on role and need. You information is also safe being stored online. There is very little downtime and the product is always up to date. Ministry Tracker also just shows in a browser which means almost any PC (even older ones) can access it.
Online Event Registration - This is probably the single best feature of Ministry Tracker. Online event registration is an amazing piece of the program that helps make your job much easier. There are not accounts to setup or credit card readers to purchase. All you do is supply your parents with the registration link to the event, they log-in, choose their payment method and complete the purchase. The cost of the processing is put in above and beyond the event price and range from $.50 for a check to 3-5% for credit card purchases. When we implemented this in my last church, parents loved it because it made it easier for them. I was also released of the chore of collecting checks and cash for my events, so I was out of the loop with handling money. Ministry Tracker just sends you a single check after the event is over (or you can request one sooner).
Attendance Sign-in - The days of taking paper attendance are over. The Sign-in piece of Ministry Tracker is incredible and simple. All you have to do is create an event and set-up the sign-in and you are done. Students just type in their name, use their finger print or the bar code you have setup. This is very fast and easy. You can also manually input attendance if you have small group leaders that need to do it. ** You must have internet access to use the sign-in. This is a downfall for smaller churches or if you don't have internet access throughout your church.
Reporting & Stats - I know that youth pastors hate to think about keeping track of numbers but I have found the Ministry Tracker is invaluable in doing this. When you use the Attendance Sign-in, then keeping track of students is easy. They have done all the work for you, you just have to run the report. There are many pre-built reports or you can create your own. I personally like look at unique weekly attendance and unique monthly attendance. I have also use the Last Contacted report to find out who hasn't been to our ministry for a while.
Price - Ministry Tracker is one of the most reasonably priced database programs out there. (Check prices here). There is pricing for each area, texting plans and more. You can pick and choose what you need access to and how much it is going to cost you. This is even cheaper if you plan to use it for the entire church but even if you are using it for youth ministry, most budgets can handle the cost. Especially when you consider everything you get.

Honorary mentions: Group emailing & texting directly from the program, using groups to keep track of students (small groups, ministry teams), great front page, Financial tracking and automatic grade advancement.

I am currently using Ministry Tracker at our church and it has made collecting information easier. I continue to send Mark request for changes and they are continually making them. Mark and his team have done a great job of creating a very useful ministry tool. You need to check it out. If you sign-up to use it, let them know that I told you about it. :)

*** I do need to mention another tool that is being created but is still missing some features. Simply Youth Ministry Tools is a new software that is being created by my friend at Group and Simply Youth Ministry. I am anxiously watching it and seeing how it turns out but right now is not what I need.

Tools I Use In Ministry: MediaShout

2011-10-25T22:52:00.004-05:00

I love using media in our ministry. I have used it for the last few years with a program called Mediashout. Mediashout is like Powerpoint on steroids and specifically designed for churches. I have been using Mediashout for the last 10 years or so and have seen it evolve into a great program for churches. I know there are other programs out there but I feel that Mediashout is user friendly and fully capable of doing what most churches need.

I know that people will argue that MediaShout isn't the best presentation software out there but for me it has been the best for my ministry. I have used quite a few different programs and found MediaShout (MS) to be above them for the following reasons:

Easy to Use: MS has a great interface and layout. I have been able to sit a 6th grader down, told them a few things and they had no problems running the software. The screen design makes it easy to see all the available tools, have different monitors to see what is on the screen and what is coming up and more. You have easy access to lyrics. There is a add-on called Boxer that lets you store items you have added to your show for us later without having to copy and paste.

Multiple Versions: MS is available on the Windows and Mac platform. This is great for a lot of churches who have both operating systems within their building.

Price: I know this is going to be weird for some since MS is fairly expensive but I believe the value in the price is great. The individual cost of MS is $429 for a single license or you can purchase a site license for around $800 which allows you to install MS on as many computers as you want inside your church. This is an incredible value for any church, especially if you are running MS in multiple locations.

Connection with CCLI: CLLI is the church licensing contractor for most churches. MS allows you to connect to CCLI from within MS to download lyrics. This is a great way to build your lyric library without having to type in a bunch of songs. Once you have installed a song, you can manipulate it however you feel the need within your show. This makes it easier than having multiple versions of the same song.

Video & DVD: The strongest part of MS is how it utilizes videos. Most youth ministries love to have the dazzle of video backgrounds and MS makes it really easy. All you do it point it to your file and bammo, it is there. You can also easily access the content on a DVD from within MS. You no longer have to try to rip the video but you can just tell MS where to start and stop and it will do it.

There are other pieces of MS that I love. You can setup timed slides (start your countdown to start at a specific time), you can have multiple video background in one song and MS has some great add-on devices that allow you to take Mediashout further. There is so much to this product that I can't list it all. One of the best things about Mediashout is thatt they will allow you to download a fully-functioning trial version for 30 days. This will give you plenty of time to try it out and see if you like it.

2011-10-23T12:30:00.000-05:00

My friend Neely McQueen over at MorethanGoship.com always has some great advice on girl ministries and more. I really liked this post because it always hurts when a students leaves, especially a student we have invested in.

"It’s bound to happen the longer you are in youth ministry…a student that you have invested in will stop showing up. They might slowly disengage from you and the ministry or maybe it happens suddenly. It can be heartbreaking, right?

What can you do?

I am strong believer in a follow up plan. Facebook, email, text, snail mail…a phone call. It’s important to make contact. The point is to follow up on the student – to provide care for them…but it’s easy to make it about their absence from our programs. I believe students can tell if we care about them or if we just care about the attendance."

Read the rest of the blog here

Giving Away Ownership

2011-10-22T12:30:00.000-05:00

I read a ton of blogs from other youth pastors. Many of them I have met face-to-face, some I have never talked to. All of them have great advice. I think on the weekends, I will repost blog posts from my friends.

My friend Jay Highman has a blog at jayhighman.com where he talks about giving your adult leaders ownership of the ministry as a way to build the ministry to be more sustainable. He writes...

"Tip: Let Them Own It; Leaders.
I am trying something new. This past summer, we made a number of significant changes to our programming. One of the major changes was introducing a redesigned small group ministry. In the redesign, we have handed over the leadership of the small group to the adult leader and the group. What that means is, I am allowing the adult leader to take ownership of what I hope becomes their ministry. As a group, we plan, lead, and love on students together. But in small groups, this becomes the role and responsibility of the leader..."

Read the rest here

Settling Into Your New Youth Ministry Position

2011-10-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

Leaving a youth ministry position is hard. No one will ever disagree with that. Starting a new position, is just as hard. No matter how the interview goes. No matter how much time is spent between the applicant and hiring committee. There will always be some pain to the transition. This isn't a bad thing. Actually it can be a good thing. New starts allow you to take a fresh look at what has been going on. Depending on the size of your church/group, you might be able to make change right way or you may need to take some time.

Now, first off, this is all based on a normal transition. If there has been any major negative issues with the group, things will be completely different.

When you start a new position, there are many things to consider. You have to look at number of students, number of adult leaders, prior history of the group, budget and much more. All of these will play a factor into what type of start you will have. You need to figure out the best way to start strong. Some of the ideas below will help you do that.

Get to Know Your Adults: I had a very short time between when I accepted my new position and when we moved, so I didn't do as much as this as I wanted. If you have the opportunity, try to contact your adult leaders or whoever has been leading the group before you actually get there. This will give you some time to begin thinking about what you want to do and allow you time to process through some of that. This will also let them get to know you a little before you come. This pre-knowledge makes the first meetings go a little bit smoother.

Get to Know the History: Unless you are starting from scratch, your new ministry will have some history. I would bet that some is good and some is bad. There are probably some trips that have been done every year. There are probably adults who need some special attention that you need to know of. Learning the history of the ministry will help you begin to merge your vision with what has been done in the past and expectations of the future. You can learn this history by talking to your adult leaders, church staff, students, parents and various congregation members. You will hear a lot of stories. People love to talk. You goal is just to listen and learn.

Evaluate Everything: This one is something to do in any ministry. Once you have learned what has happened in the past, begin to evaluate it. You need to find out what events have taken place in the past, who has been in charge of various areas, what type of space do the youth have & how is it used and what has worked and not worked. When I came to my new church, there were a couple events that the group has always done. They are not bad events but we will be evaluating them for value and purpose. You need to evaluate WITH your team, this is key. You can do some evaluation on your own but make sure they are involved before you start killing programs.

Make some changes: This one is the tricky part. You will begin to see the need for changes as you learned about the ministry. Resist the urge to make any majors changes within the first 6 months. If there are giant holes in the program, then work with your adult leaders to start filling them, otherwise look for little changes that will make a big impact. If you go in changing everything, you risk alienating your adult leaders and the students. Remember, you are the new person.

When you being a new ministry, a great start is important. Remember, that this is someone else's ministry that you are working in. No matter the circumstances of their departure, the students will still have feelings for them. Each church is different and each ministry is different. I believe that most good sustainable ministries will take you between 3-5 years to build, so don't be in a rush.

Landing in Newburgh, IN

2011-10-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

As I start this new blog with a new identity. I figured I would take some time to let all the readers know where I am at in this youth ministry process. I am sure that some people will land here having never met me or even heard of me. I am not famous nor do I have any books written. I am just a youth pastor trying to reach students for Christ.

I have been doing ministry full-time for 5 years, part-time for 2 years, volunteer 4 years and as an adult leader for over 5 years. All in all I have been doing ministry for the last 16 years. I have held many positions within a ministry. I understand what it means to be unpaid, to provide for your family via another job. I have taken classes in youth ministry and I have been to many conferences. I love doing youth ministry. I have been the only adult with a group and I have led a team of 45 adult leaders with paid staff.

So what does all this mean, not a whole lot. Just that I have been doing ministry long enough to know that I don't know everything. I just finished my second move for a full time position and I am realizing how much I am still learning. I moved to Kansas City having never been a full time youth pastor. What I knew was for being a volunteer, so I started off open to anything and building slowly. My move to Newburgh has been a little different.

I started this position looking to build sustainability from the beginning. I never want a ministry to be about me or my ideas. The adult leaders at Newburgh were incredible. They have been with this ministry for many years and at least two youth pastors. They were hungry and ready to be taken to the next level. I was excited. I knew this was going to be a great start to our ministry. My big focus was figuring out what had been done in the past and how to use the adults to their best ability. The gathering of information took a while because it seemed to come in small pieces from many different places. The former youth pastor even left me a nice letter to help me along.

My adult leaders have pushed me. They have wanted more from me than I expected. This isn't a bad thing. We had different expectations but I believe we are past them. They wanted to help work and I didn't want to push them to hard. Each of us coming from opposite sides but heading the same direction.

We, as a team, were able to get things going. We have two big Sunday night events with families. Youth Group on Sunday nights will resume this weekend. We have our first "official" outing (we are actually staying in) this Friday. Our first lock-in is planned for November. The first youth service in two years will take place on Nov. 13th. And We have planned out the next 12 months including the major summer activities.

I am excited about what God will be doing in our ministry. We have some great students, parents and adult leaders. The church is supportive and wanting to see us succeed. I will continue to recruit and build a sustainable youth ministry because this is the only way to be successful.

Making Changes...

2011-10-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

I have struggled for years on what to do with my blog. I started it as a personal space to write my thoughts and it morphed into a place to talk about ministry with some parenting stuck in but it never really had a unique identity. I want to write more and write on topics that others will want to read but a lot of times I think that so much is already being written by youth pastors all over the world. I asked God to show me what to do. Should I worry about it or let it go and focus on other things. I feel God is calling me to write more and bigger. I have it on my heart to write a book or two (at some point), articles for magazines but all that starts with this blog. This requires me to be more consistent in my writing and more purposeful.

I have said all that to say that I have purchased a unique domain for my blog , www.iamsoulshaper.com. This name reflects the username I have been using for a while that has meant something deep to me. I have actually stolen the name from my brother-in-law, Mark. Mark used to design and shape his own surfboards. I loved to surf and tried to whenever I went to Florida. In talking with Mark about the name, he explained the spiritual nature of surfing and how you connect with nature while you are sitting waiting for the next wave. He felt that by shaping the boards, he was helping others to find that spiritualness.

I took the name a step further and applied it to what I was called to do. God has called to minister to students and to help them develop a faith in Him. This is reflected in the name Soulshaper. I am a shaper of souls, helping those to discover who God is and how to have a relationship with Him. I came to a full realization of this while at Group Publishing with 100 other youth pastors. We get together each year and Rick Lawrence leads us in experiential exercises. This year he talked about our names. We paired up with another person and they were to name us, then later on, we were to ask God what He would call us. God confirmed the name Soulshaper to me. I was amazed and blessed.

So with my new found confirmation. I am excited about this change and the new domain. The look and feel of the blog won't change, just what I write about. This blog will be dedicated to helping youth pastors and parents to reach teenagers. I will also include some personal and church specific topics but it will all be within the context of helping others. I know I am one person among many writing about youth ministry but I believe God has gifted me with a heart to help others.

I am already in the process of queueing up articles for the next couple weeks. So please, follow me on Facebook, twitter @soulshaper and via the blog reader. If you have a specific topic you would like me to talk about, leave a comment and let me know.

Divided the Movie - A Review

2011-07-15T13:56:00.001-05:00

Over the last few weeks I kept seeing links to this movie coming from my youth pastor friends. I blew it off for a while and then decided to watch it. I think the movie was well done for what it was but I believe the message is off.

Here is the overview from the website: DIVIDED follows young Christian filmmaker Philip Leclerc on a revealing journey as he seeks answers to what has led his generation away from the church. Traveling across the country conducting research and interviewing church kids, youth ministry experts, evangelists, statisticians, social commentators, and pastors, Philip discovers the shockingly sinister roots of modern, age-segregated church programs, and the equally shocking evidence that the pattern in the Bible for training future generations is at odds with modern church practices. He also discovers a growing number of churches that are abandoning age-segregated Sunday school and youth ministry to embrace the discipleship model that God prescribes in His Word.

The movie starts off by giving us stats of how many students are leaving the church from high school through their college years and then from there goes to blame all of this leaving on age-segregated programming within the church (i.e. youth ministry, children's ministry, Sunday school). The filmmaker goes on to find experts to back up his theory while using sound bytes from top youth ministry professionals to add value to it. The filmmaker ends by saying age-segregated ministry is unBiblical and that father should be doing the discipling of their own children.

As I watched this movie, I didn't know whether to cringe or applaud. I wholeheartedly agree that the students are leaving our churches but I do not believe that youth ministry or Sunday school is the soul cause. I felt almost that the filmmaker and the main guest, Scott Brown, were on a crusade to destroy current youth ministries. I believe like any documentary, it had an agenda from the beginning and twisted everything to fit that agenda.

My personal response is that yes, our children are leaving the church in droves but I believe the fall of the family to be the biggest cause. The film says that fathers need to be the one teaching their children the Bible and not youth ministry, to that I say Amen but how many fathers are actually doing that and how many churches are pushing fathers to make that stand. I am a youth pastor who whole heartedly believe the parents are the pastors to their kids and my goal is not to take their place. I wouldn't want that for my own kids. I believe the film should have taken a more wholistic approach to changing the church rather than attacking one specific segment of it. Where is the outrage of church leaders who aren't speaking the truth from the pulpit or pushing adults to live the life that God has called them to.

The point of the film is true, we are losing a generation of students but their reason way is completely off. We need to look at all the causes not just a single piece of it.

Change is needed...

2011-07-01T10:00:00.001-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about the current state of youth ministry and youth pastors within the church. It seems like almost every week I hear from a friend or two who are leaving their church for any number of different reasons. Since I resigned my own position in March, I have been thinking about youth ministry in the local church and whether it is really working or not.

The other day I got into a conversation with some friends of mine on Twitter and then eventually Facebook about this exact topic. I really enjoyed talking and thinking about this and getting confirmation of my own thoughts. Over the next couple weeks I will be blogging more about it but for now, here are 3 articles written by friends with a couple different view points.

Tony Myles - Putting Your Senior Pastor in his Place - Part 1

Tim Schmoyer - Youth Ministry is Crippled

Mark Riddle - Change in the Church

Faith in God, more than words

2011-04-25T15:40:00.001-05:00

I sat in the Sunday morning service of Tiffany Fellowship, knowing the we were predestined to be there. You see, the pastor was speaking about worrying and using the reference from Luke 12:22-31 plus a few other verses. The pastor's point was that if we worry about what is going to happen, then our faith isn't faith at all. As I sat there, I couldn't believe it. This was exactly what I needed to hear. You see, just that week we had been devastated at hearing from a few churches that we thought we were good candidates for. We were excited that our search process would be quick and painless. We had interviewed with some great churches and we thought we were in the running. Unfortunately, they didn't pan out. We had become frustrated and disappointed.

As I sat there in that service, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot say I have faith in God but then question how He does things in my life. We had given this search to God. We knew He would put us in a great place, He had done it before. I was ashamed, especially after the pastor used the term "Practical Athiest" for me. I was someone who believed in God but didn't have faith in Him or I was good as saying but not as good as doing. I was ashamed. I knew better. I knew that God would take care of us. I became like most people and thought it would happen in my time.

Since that Sunday morning, I have thought a lot about what the pastor talked about. I have thought and prayed about how I was and how I was feeling. In the two weeks that have followed, we have talked to a few more churches. We have been turned down by a couple and we have a couple who seem really excited about us. Each day we have remembered that sermon and this verse, Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about to or row, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". I cannot say I have faith and not trust God to do His will. I have to continued to trust Him with my entire life, not just what I have control over.

I have to keep reminding myself that worrying isn't going to help me get a position. I must continue to put my faith in God. How about you?

My Wife, I love you...

2011-04-20T13:28:00.000-05:00

In the writing of a youth pastor there is usually one person who gets left out. We talk about our adult leaders, our students, the church we work at and parents but most of the time we forget to talk about our families and specifically the spouses. This post is a tribute to my wife, Elizabeth.

17 years ago (around this time), I made the biggest decision of my life. I asked Beth to marry me. We were just 19 years old and in college. We had dated off and on during the fall but got serious when we returned from Christmas break. My original plan was to propose on the beach during Easter break but I got anxious and asked her at her parents house. We got married in December of 1994 and have never looked back.

We have been through a lot in the 16+ years we have been married. We have 3 great kids. We have moved about 10 times. We have endured a house fire, multiple jobs and a halfway cross country move. We have both suffered the loss of big parts of our families. We have both have various jobs inside and outside the church. We have both worked the midnight shift. We have both completed our college careers (even though our parents worried). We have been a part of many church families as members and employers. In all of this, we are still in love with each other and waiting for the rest of our lives.

Beth has been there for me when I needed an adult leader. She has been there when I needed an adult to step up and cook food for 900 people. Beth has taken care of our kids while I have traveled in and out of the country for weeks at a time. She has supported us when I have been looking for a job (like now) and she has had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. She supported my decision to leave the corporate world and enter full-time ministry.
God blessed me greatly when He brought Beth into my life. Sadly, I didn't see it at first but thankfully I was able to listen to His voice and make her a permanent part of my life. I am excited to spend the rest of my life with her. God has done some amazing things in our life so far and I can't imagine what the rest of it looks like.

I LOVE YOU, ELIZABETH DAWN

Going Retro: He's still working on me...

2011-04-15T13:00:00.001-05:00

This was posted on 08/08/06

Over the last few months, God has really been working on me. I have struggled with where my place is in my life. Now, that might seem strange to some of you, but in Roy's world it makes perfect sense. You see, I know that God has called me to be a Youth Pastor. I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. The question comes when I ask myself if I am doing what He has called me to do. Most of you know I am a Youth Pastor. I have about 30 teens that I am responsible for. I love doing this. I mean, I truly do Love doing this. My students are great. I have a great time talking to them. BUT, am I doing what God has called me to do.

Let me try to clarify. As a youth pastor, it is easy to get into a groove of doing things like activities. They are fun and usually easy to do. BUT as a youth pastor, I am called to do more than activities but to LEAD these students to a deeper relationship with God. That isn't as easy to do. It is not as "sexy" as having activities. The kids usually aren't as excited about it.
God has been working on me. He has helped me realize that I must put more of an effort into teaching my students about God. This doesn't mean more time, but a more concentrated effort. Do what I plan rather than skimming the surface.

Most of our lives are like that. In our christian walk, we are just skimming the service. We take as much Jesus as we think we can get by on. We come to church as spectators and mouth the words of the songs and halfhazardly listen to the sermon, not really putting it into practice. We are warned in Revelation 3:15-16: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

We have to be careful and not get caught up in the relax mode that this life can be. Yes, it might seem busy, but how much of what you do do you actually think about? How much of your life do you just cruise through? But like me, God has more in store for all of us and wants to do some exciting things in our lives.

The Job Process Update...

2011-04-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to give all my fans out there an update on what is going on in my job search. I know there are a lot of people paying and wondering what is going on, so I figured I would let everyone know.

The process of looking for a new position is never easy or fast. When your are speaking with churches, the process is twice as long. I believe that God is directing us to a great church and we are now just trying to figure out where that is. I have applied to about 25 different churches of various size and denomination. Most of these churches are on the south eastern part of the US.

I am currently talking with 3 different churches now. One, I am just beginning the conversation and have an phone interview next Wednesday. Two of them, I have had a couple interviews with and believe I will be making the next step. Both of these churches are in the Central Florida area.

We are praying that we have found a church home by the end of May and will be moving once school is over, June 2nd. We also know that all three of these jobs might not work out and that another one is out there. We know that God has a church for us and we are doing everything to discern where He wants us to go.

Thank you to all those who are praying for us and care for us. We will keep everyone updated as things progress.

Going Retro: Stick's and Stones may break your bones...

2011-04-14T13:00:00.000-05:00

This was posted on 08/24/06

While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and an x-ray technician.

"Have you ever broken a bone?" he asked.

"Yes," the girl replied.

"Did it hurt?"

"No."

"Really? Which bone did you break?"

"My sister's arm."

I have never broken any bones, not mine anyways... I did break a guys foot one time. It was in the 8th grade. We were playing soccer at PE and we both kicked the ball at the same time, and his foot broke and mine kept going. I felt bad for weeks, especially seeing him come to school on crutches.

I felt bad yesterday. Not completely sure why. Might have been the fact that I haven't slept more than 6 hours a night for about a week. Might have been the fact that I spent so much time on my lesson for last night and thought it would go over really well, but it didn't seem to. But does it ever. As a youth pastor, I sometimes feel like my students just don't get it (and I know some of them read this). I feel like I am standing up there, giving the message that God has given me, and everyone else is thinking, man when will this be over. I know I am not the only one to think that. I can see it in our church.

I like to people watch, mostly at church. I run the sound system right now and get the opputunity to watch everyone in the congregation. Some of them, you would think were at a funeral. They are just sitting and staring at the stage. Moving their mouths when they are sining but showing almost no emotion. Then there are some who seem to want to be there, but are very cautious about how loud they sing, or if they clap or not. Others just don't care. They are at church to praise and learn about God, no matter what those around them think.

Personally, we spend too much of our lives worrying about what other people think. Teenagers are especially good at this. Making sure to hang out with the right people, wear the right clothes, talk the right way and do what others think is cool. But that isn't what God expects from us. Could you imagine if the disciples at Pentecost worried about what others would have thought of them after their experience in the upper room.

What if Jesus himself would have been worried about those darn old pharisees, and what they thought of his healing on the Sabbath day... In fact, Jesus did worry about it. So much so that he told them it was none of their business what he did and to get a job. (my paraphrase). I know in life its hard to stand up for what you believe. People ask the question about whether or not you would die for your faith. I say yes, but I truly believe that dying for your faith is much easier than talking to someone during 2nd lunch about your faith. God is our rock and His Spirit will give us what we need when we need it, we just need to remember to ask for it.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 (NRSV)

Going Retro: You Can Please Some of the People....

2011-04-13T13:00:00.001-05:00

This was posted on 08/21/06

...some of the time, all of the people none of the time. This is something that is painful from some people to grasp. I know lots of people that try to be everything to everyone. I see it at work, in my family and in my friends. In ministry it is equally hard. As a youth pastor, I have to deal with pastors, boards, students, parents and the congregation. You have tons of different opinions of what you should do and how you should do it. For the most part, I haven't had a tons of problems with people and I am usually good at dealing with it.
But in life we all have to deal with people we don't like. The boss that is too bossy, the friend who is too needy, the child who is too bratty, our life is made up of dealing with people. And how we deal with them truly effects the way our lives go. If we don't deal with people correctly, then we will end up having to deal with no one because people won't want to be around us. While you can't please everyone, we need to be able to handle them the way Jesus would. The verbage, WWJD, has been overused more than anything I can imagine. I have seen people use that for almost anything and everything, whether they were Christian or not. Pastor Don talked a couple weeks about the way we handle people. He told a story about finding a roach in his General Tso's chicken and dealing with the restaurant owner in a polite Godly manner, and that as a minister, everything he does is a witness.

This something hard for me becuase I am usually pretty straightforward when it comes to telling people how I feel. I am not a beat around the bush kind of person. I try not to be mean, but I am usually pretty pushy in my opinions. But since Pastor Don talked about that, I have tried my best to deal with people in the way that reflects the God I hold so deal. To make What Would Jesus Do my motto. I am not perfect and I am sure I will mess up, but like that Bible tells us, "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it."

Going Retro: Some days your the dog, some your the hydrant.

2011-04-12T13:00:00.001-05:00

This was posted on 08/15/06

A nursery school teacher was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close: "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
(brought to you by http://www.mikeysFunnies.com)
Don't you wish that all answers were that simple. I love how children kept things in prospective and don't get bogged down with specifics or attitudes or other opinions. They are pretty straight forward. I love sitting and watching my kids play, or read, or surf the web. All of it is so innocent and plain. They aren't worried about the latest fade or what the world has to say.

We as adults need to think about the simple things in life. Some people would look at my life and call me boring. I enjoy sitting at home spending time with my family. I enjoy just relaxing after a hard days work (when I work...). I enjoy snuggling up to my wife and watching one of the few shoes we watch on TV. I enjoy sitting at the computer and having my youngest daughter beg to climb in my lap to watch the screen. But my life is hectic. I have a full-time job, full-time family and full-time youth ministry, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

I love reading the books of the Bible written by Paul. We talked on Sunday night about this in our youth group. Paul is so open and honest about his downfalls and struggles that it should be encouraging to us as Christians. Especially in a world that says we have to be 100% perfect all the time, Paul gives us the reality side of life. In Romans 7:18-20 he lays out his main struggle, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

We need to remember that we are not called to be perfect. We are all going to struggle, we are all going to fail at some point. Our humanity dictates that we will, especially if we try living life on our own. Gods power and grace, something Paul pursued his entire life, is what can make us perfect. We must continue to lean on God, I must continue to lean on God, especially more in times of struggle and fatigue. His Grace is sufficient for me.

Going Retro: Know when to say Sorry...

2011-04-11T13:00:00.001-05:00

I posted this on 08/10/06

I messed up last night. And it took a parent letting me know it to realize my mistake. You see, yesterday was my birthday, so instead of having a normal service with the teens, I figured we would have cake and ice cream and karaoke. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We had done this before and had no problems, but we only had Christmas Karaoke music. This time I went out and bought some Cd's. Thinking that they would be the clean versions of the songs, so I didn't worry or review them before hand.

That was my first mistake. To all the youth pastors/pastors reading this, always review any song before playing it during a youth worship service. This is a mistake that will never happen again.
The second mistake was actually playing the music, and making it seem like it wasn't a big deal. I am not sure where my mind was on this one because I don't allow music with language or sexual thoughts or alcohol or drugs or anything like that played in my car, but someone I didn't think the language was a big deal in church.

Again, a mistake I won't make again.
My calling as a youth pastor is to be a leader to my students. One with integrity. I didn't have that last night. I allowed by thoughts of coolness to somehow take over my mind. But anyways, I messed up. There is no excuse and there is no way around it. The parent was valid in the concerns and I am just sorry that it all happened. I respect this parent a lot, and their opinion means a lot to me.

So what does this mean, it means that even I can be wrong. Yes, I know that is hard to believe, but it is true. Even Christians make mistakes, but it is how we deal with those mistakes that sets us apart. Rather than listening to this parent, I could have gotten mad or shrugged them off as being overly parental. BUT I didn't and I can't. I am a pastor and a leader to these kids. If I don't show them the right way to do things, how then can I yell at them for the music they are listening to.

I Corinthians 10:31-33 tells us, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." We as Christians and especially Pastors, need to make sure that everything we do is above reproach and keeps our integrity intact. I forgot that last night and I am truly sorry for it.

Going Retro, A Look Back

2011-04-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

We have two LCD tv's in our house that when they aren't being used act as giant digital picture frames. The pictures are feed from our Google collection of images that go back to the time when Beth and I were kids. We love to sit and just watch. The kids love hearing the stories and seeing how they have changed over the years and the things we have done.

I love to this same thing with my blog post. I have been blogging off and on for a few years now. I was reading some post from a former blog I had and figured I would post them here. I hope you enjoy this look back...

Suggestions for Parents: Building a Family Ministry

2011-04-08T15:12:00.001-05:00

I am going to finish up this blog series on Suggestion for Parents by talking about how our ministry (or what was ours) is doing family ministry. The original thoughts on this series came when I was still doing youth ministry, so all the thoughts that follow are based on the ministry at Platte Woods UMC

A church that focuses on the family is a church that is doing ministry right. We often forget that the family is the center of God's plan. The church can sometimes be in a hurry to customize the message to reach individuals that we forget about the overall plan. Churches should focus on building the family and making them strong and that will in term strengthen the church and the world. We need to have ministries that work with children, youth, adults and older adults but all these ministries need to work together. This will include studies, take home material, sermons and more. Events should be designed to include the whole family, to integrate the older adults with the younger children.

What do I think the family ministry of a church should look like?

Be Mindful: The church should always be thinking about how what they do can affect the family. This would include schedules, times and places. If you have an event for the parents, make sure there is childcare for those with younger kids.
Equip Them: Recognize that the parents are the ones to reach the family. Do what you can to equip the parents to develop the faith of their own children.
Support Them: Be there for the family. This could mean having resources for various types of tragedies and struggles, doing events that build up the family, teach on things that help the families or have a fund to help families going through financial struggles
Reach Them: I visited a church in Florida that had services for adults, youth and children every weekend. These services rain simultaneous with each other and for most of the year, taught the same topics just adjusted for the audience. When the people left, they were handed informationi to take the topic home. The church needs to reach the whole family and I believe this church was doing it well.

I know there are a ton of family ministry ideas out there and I am currently reading Think Orange by Reggie Joiner. I have talked with some church people who believe that there shouldn't be anything call youth ministry and I have talked to those who believe each ministry should be completely separated. I think there needs to be a mixture of the two. Churches need to be more purposeful about reaching the family and helping them grow stronger in their faith.

I pray that those who are reading this or the other blog posts in this series get an better idea of how I feel about the family and how God is using the church to build them up.

1 of 5: Faith starts at the home
2 of 5: Priorities: Where does your family focus their time?
3 of 5: Expectations: What should the church expect from parents?
4 of 5: Expectation 2: What should the parents expect from the church?
5 of 5: Working together, what does our family ministry look like?

Suggestions for Parents: Parent Expectations of Church

2011-04-07T14:12:00.000-05:00

As a parent I have learned the value of help. I know that my wife and I don't know everything. We know that our kids will probably talk to other adults more than they talk to us. My kids have had the pleasure of being a part of many different church homes. Some of them with great children's ministry and some with ok ministries. Each ministry gave my kids something different and special. I have seen the benefit the church has on our kids.

I have seen it within my own ministry. I have seventh grade daughter who very much loves our youth ministry and the adult who are there to help her. She has a good relationship with many loving adults. Our expectations of what the church should give us is a little different than everyone else's but somewhat the same.

Discipleship: I believe first and foremost a church needs to provide times of discipleship for everyone. As a parent, I want the church to provide opportunities for my children to learn more about God. This shouldn't be in place of what I am teaching them at home but to help.
Patience: I am not going to have it all together, no one does. The church shouldn't expect me to know everything about everybody. My kids aren't perfect and will at times do things they shouldn't. They may not know what you think they should. I might miss a meeting or event time. Patience is a virtue that we all need to know.
Communication: Different people communicate in different ways. There are many different forms of communications, so not communicating information is not an option. I have a cell phone, website, multiple email accounts. I like to text, talk and video chat with others. The church should employ every means possible to get information into my hands. The web makes everything easier and the means that with a little work, the church can create a website, blog, contact management, Facebook, text or phone tree. You can never over communicate with me.
Resources: The church should be the ultimate source of Godly information for parents. I expect that information to be given to me to help me with my child's faith walk. This will include studies, books, sermon series and more. Most parents don't have the knowledge the pastors do, so they should be willing to share it. This information doesn't need to be packaged professionally but just available.

Different parents have different needs and the church needs to help as much as possible. I have always said that one of the benefits of larger churches is that they have more resources. Over the last few years, some of those churches have begun to give away all their resources for the benefit of the church. This has been a huge help to churches and families.

One of the churches I am interviewing at told me that one of my responsibilities would be to meet with new parents and discuss the role of the church in their lives as they raise their child. I am amazed at the forethought of that and will look to adopt it wherever I go. The church must take the lead in equipping families to help them raise their children.

What do you expect from the church?

Suggestions for Parents: Church Expectations of Parents

2011-04-06T13:25:00.001-05:00

They say that hindsight is 20/20. It is easy to look back on what decisions we made and critique them. To look and see what we would have done differently. As a youth pastor, I have the benefit of being able to view many different family dynamics. I spend time researching families and how they should act and then I get to try to help families discover what they should do. I find that most of the times, parents don't know what they should really be doing because growing up they were never shown what to do.

In the first two parts of this series, I look at "Faith Starts at Home" and "Where does your family focus their time?". In this blog, I am going to talk about the expectations of the church for parents. What does the church expect from parents? This might seem like a weird idea but we all have expectations and the church is no different. The church is an instrument that is used by God to reach people. Pastors, youth pastor and children's ministers have different expectations for their specific groups. This could be how they behave or what knowledge they have when they come in. Some churches have a much higher expectation than others.

You might be wondering, how in the world expect anything from parents? What right do they have to expect anything? As a parent, I am good if I just get my kid there. Now you want me to meet some criteria. The answer is yes. I once had a parent tell me that they didn't understand why their child acted up in church because everywhere else (school, band), he was perfect. I didn't know how to answer that question. I know that kids get comfortable in the church and so they believe they can act however they want. I am always on my own kids case because they sometimes forget what the church is.

The expectations of parents by the church are not requirements for any kind of faith development but ideas that we believe should be a part of the lives of kids in order to help facilitate that faith walk. If you child is good in school but a brat at church, do you believe the teacher is going to be able to reach them or others in that situation? Probably not. I know we love to think all our kids are angels but the truth is they are not and we need to deal with that sometimes. Here are a few expectations that I have for parents as a youth pastor.

Discipline: We need to remember that the church is the church. This isn't to say that every student needs to come, sit down with hands folded and quietly sit and listen to the pastor but their should be some level of disciple. I have always told my students and their parents, when you are disruptive, you are keeping someone close to you from hearing God's word.
Concern: Know what is going on in your kids life. I know that we don't always communicate the way that parents wish we would but when we do communicate, please pay attention. I have known parents who could tell you the exact time and date of every practice, game and meeting their child's sport team had but they couldn't remember when our Sunday night programming was. When you show concern for the church and its programming, so will your students.
Be Examples: This is the tough one. If you want your student to love God and live a Godly lifestyle, then do the same. If you spend your time ignoring your student when you come home from work, then expect them to act the same way to you when you want to spend time with them. If you want your child to read their Bible and pray all the time, you better be showing them how to do it. The responsibility on us to raise Godly children is enormous but it is well worth it.
Priority: Is God the first priority in your life? Really? Do you expect the church to make it their priority to be available when you wanted to spend time with God. As weird as that statement is, think about it. Have you ever complained of the time of an event because you had something else planned and then got mad when it wasn't changed. I alway try to look at the big schedule when planning events and sometimes their are conflicts. We must be willing to make church a priority in order to help our kids. I am not saying you need to be at every event in order to be a good Christian but being part of a community involves you showing up and being an active part.

I know that some might be thinking that I have no idea what I am talking about but remember, I am no different than anyone reading this. I struggle with all those. When your kids are at church all the time, it takes on a whole different meaning for them. My kids love to be at church and feel it is their second home. This brings about another set of issues. I am not saying doing these things will make your kids awesome Christians but it will help those who are trying to teach them to actually reach them.

What other expectations do you think we have?
1 of 5: Faith starts at the home
2 of 5: Priorities: Where does your family focus their time?
3 of 5: Expectations: What should the church expect from parents?
4 of 5: Expectation 2: What should the parents expect from the church?
5 of 5: Working together, what does our family ministry look like?

Suggestions for Parents: Where does your family focus their time?

2011-04-05T14:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I wrote the first part of a 5 part series on Suggestions for Parents. You can read the first part called "Faith Starts at Home". I am not here to judge or say that I am better. Most of these suggestions are ideas that I need to implement. I know that we, as parents, have a huge responsibility in developing the faith of our kids. We all need help, me most of all. I get the privilege of working with students being able to take the time to research and learn from others as part of my job. Most other parents do not have that benefit, so I am trying to help them.

Time is a very limited for everyone. We each have 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week and 52 weeks in a year. No matter what we do, we cannot go back in time to change things. When your children are born, you can't imagine them turning 18 years old. When they head off to school, you begin to wonder where the last five years went. They move from elementary to mid-high to high-school and your mind is just blown with how time flies. You think back to all the things you told yourself you were going to do but you never got around to.

If you were to ask most families in America, they would tell you that they never had enough time. They were busy. Most families are wrapped up in school, band, music, sports and much more. Many of my students were involved in more than one activity at a time, sometimes three or more. I remember sitting in a meeting at church once and one of the parents in room began talking about how they didn't have enough time. She began to explain that her 7-8 year old was involved in swimming lessons, baseball, tennis and a few more. I was blown away at how much this child was being pushed to being active, all the time. What happened to just being a kid? What happened to just hanging out in the neighborhood with other kids? I heard this same comment the other day at my son's football game. The parent was complaining because their child went from having four hours a day of activities to only one. They were wondering what their child was going to do. I couldn't believe it.

The bad part about this is not the busyness but the fact that most of our busyness takes away from us spending time with God. I had a student who told me they couldn't come to church on Sunday night because that was their only night at home. She was doing stuff six nights a week. Where does your family focus their time? Some of you might be thinking that it is too late, your kids are already so involved, you can't imagine them not being. Don't fret. Here are some steps to take to determine your time focus.

Do a Time Audit: Put your family schedule on paper (mom's, dad's, kid's) to determine where your time is going. This is similar to preparing a budget. Try to list out everything you do during a given week.
Where Is Your Time Going: Once you have done the audit, check to see where your time is going? Do you spend most of your time at sports or other extra-curricular? Are you involved at church or just attend on Sunday mornings? Go through each activity and determine if it is worth your time.
Determine What the Appropriate Time Is: Your family needs to decide what is the appropriate amount of time you are going to spend on one activity. This might be hard if you are already over involved but if you have younger children, start now. If you determine ahead of time, it will be easier to say no when decision time comes.
Trim the Fat: Once you know where your time is going, figure out what can be eliminated. This might mean cutting back on a specific activity for a time. This might mean just being more efficient with the time you have. I would also encourage you to pray that God will show you where you need to spend more time.
Tithe Your Time: Many of us know what tithing your money is (giving to the church) but do we do the same thing with our time. When you become a member of the United Methodist Church, you say that you will support the church with your time, talents, treasure and witness.
Slow Down: Take some time to do nothing. Go for a walk. Go camping. Do something with just your family. No cell phones, no electronics, nothing.

Our family tries very hard not to overextend ourselves. We have talked to our children about it and they know our rule. We want our kids to be active in community events but we also don't want to be so busy that we don't spend quality time with them. Our biggest time waster is the television. We love to watch movies, so we can get caught watching a few movies in a row and bam, four hours has flown by. You need to control your time with your kids or you will reach the end of their high school days and wonder what happened.

Keeping your kids active is great but at what cost...