Leaving October Behind ...

Vision Over Goals

2014-03-18T05:01:00.001+05:30

Two years ago when Pallav and I had sat over a cup of coffee at Kuzart Lane and discussed doing something - I'm not quite sure we knew what it meant or what we wanted out of it. For me it was rather a challenge - something I had to do. The back story in a nutshell is when I was in school I wanted to start a business of my own; I wanted to prove to my family amongst many others that "I can". I hated how people simply assumed, I wasn't capable of it. Now don't assume my family looked at me as a dud guy, I was quite casual with life - I mean to an extent I still am. I like to do things because they interest me, not because they hold any greater value. Anyway, 17 and charged me along with two of my mates decided to go ahead and start a venture of our own - which failed. Needless to say, I wasn't going to stop. I told one of them, that I will get something on and I'll go somewhere with it.

Now understand something - Together For A Cause isn't a business. Not quite yet. We're working out our product. And we're working very hard for it. I have seen the look people give me when I tell them I work with an Youth Led Organization and I intend to make money. I don't get it. I mean - I have always believed in life you have to give back to the people who helped you reach where you are. Sometime it's your family, sometime friends, sometime it's the world. In my case, it was all three.

But this post ins't about the concrete idea of what we intend to become. This is of much more value. It's about where we were, and where we have come to. It's a journey that I know only starts now - but seeing this length I know it's going to be nothing short of thrilling, yet sheer hard work. Two years ago, when I had my first meeting with a team - who much like myself had no idea what to do - were just engaged and engulfed with a reason to do something met me. I the novice self, was lost in the idea of ranks and hierarchy - elsewhere the core idea of work and a vision suffered. That's fine however, I don't quite mind - a young blood, full of ambition - I started backwards - and I know I'm moving forwards which is fine.

It was a tough first meeting - I was scared to death of our Research Head. She was older, smarter, and I knew she knew better. That in my head and the knowledge that I'm to lead in my heart - having never done that before (well at least in this circumstance. And then came meetings and meetings and meetings. As I said young blood - I was also stupid. I was over my head of the initial response (not success) of what I was doing and I assumed this will function. The problem however remained there was no product. It was all intangible.

I became arrogant, wrong, and to sum it up - a butthole. I was managing the whole organization in the worst possible manner. I had no idea of what I was doing (or at least in retrospect it seems) and I was trying to make something of nothing. Till a point in time when the whole thing came to a haul. For a long time. And I thought this is it. One more of my endless part-time adventures. Which ended in nothing but futile efforts. But then it hit me. Together For A Cause isn't "Nirjhar". It's not "I". And it's most definitely not "mine". It's about a team which had worked timelessly and with all their heart and soul which I would let down if I didn't pick up my game. That an organization does not run simply because of one person - who leads. But because of leaders who work twice as hard than you to make sure your work is easier. At that point I realized much had to change. We couldn't be a team with aimless working and just ideas and no product. Withing a scope of 2 months from that deadlock we had a classroom in collaboration with Save The Quest in the National Association for the Blind. Where we met bunch of wonderfully talented kids, who taught us that world is indeed beautiful - and you need not see it to understand that.

Eight - None months from that deadlock - I can assure you - we're to hit many more speed bumps. But these stop overs are the only thing that make the journey more meaningful. We're expanding the three other locations with over 5 classrooms in hand. And we will grow only bigger in size and opportunity. We have lost a lot of people in the organization - who expected better of us and we couldn't stand to that, others who found better venues. And we thank them all. They have indeed made Together For A Cause what it is. They helped us build ideas, network, and most of all - people management. Today, we're stronger as team and I'm stronger as a part of that. We're not one, but we're all.

The world wasn't changed by those who said they'll try. It's not for those who think they can. It's for those who go out and find out. People have called me crazy to dream so big. And I know I haven't done much. But I know one thing in my heart, if I don't dream big - I'll never wake up to big reality. And that I will never compromise on.

"If they wanted money they would have asked for it. They wanted something bigger, more persistent - Success."

I'll Leave The Light On For You

2013-09-21T01:32:00.001+05:30

I think all of us have our fears, shares of it that we share others which we simply keep to ourselves. I'm about complete another major chapter of my life - and fears are unlimited. It's extraordinary how much lives can change overnight. And I mean 'Overnight'. I'm halfway through my 5th semester, and I'm contemplating so many things and I can't even figure out what to do and how to go about it. I have college which I definitely need to finish. My parents would be happy, I'd be shocked, my bucket list would get one more tick. I mean this probably sounds like I'm a gangster and I have no hope - but that's true. I'm a smart motherfucker, I'm just lazy and into too much rushing towards the end of the rainbow types.

But what really does scare me is losing out on people. I'm very scared that two years down the line my girlfriend will shift another city and would move out. Now there's nothing wrong with that and I want her to do that if that's the smartest thing to do. The only problem is, I just don't want her to be gone forever. Now I know there are many people who'd slit a throat at "Long Distance Relationships", but I know there are many who'd say it works. My parents for example - My father is stationed abroad and mother stays back with the family here in India. It's been almost 2 years like that. But even Ma misses Baba. You know how I know? Because everyday all she does is waits for his phone calls and 10.30 p.m. at night when she can Skype with him and we all collectively await when he comes down for couple weeks a year to visit us. And I get it, my parents are in love and they have never had to stay so far away from each other. It's awful. I can't imagine doing it, imagine them actually sacrificing so much for the family. But coming back to Mallika, i.e., my girlfriend - I quite don't know how I'd react if that situation ever arises. I did however give it a thought few times. I know she's really keen on leaving this town and perhaps go down to Bombay to pursue her masters. Then the question is that of a moral dilemma. I would want her to stay because I know somewhere in my heart it'll give the the closure of compassion and the fact that I'd get to see her, literally whenever I want to. Meet her, take her out, love her, bunk in with her, watch a movie with her, kiss her. But when you think of that in perspective to what's best for her - maybe in that case she should leave. And I'm not really in a position to ask her otherwise. I'd probably be scared (I guess I already am), hurt, angry but I'd be always supporting that decision if made. I think it's natural to feel the negativity - who wants to stay away from those they love? But in time that also heals, people make mends and people stick.

At the end of the day I guess we're all just scared that we'd be alone. I'm scare I'd be alone. So I know when I come back home and she isn't there and her clothes are scattered all around the floor, I'd leave the lights on for her. I'd let her follow me back when she's found all that she was looking for. I know she'd come back to me. And I'll do I guess what I can - either follow her to where she is, or wait here patiently with my doors open and lights on - hoping she'd see it and come back. Love is more than petty fights and cute conversations. It's gray feelings, mixed emotions and thoughts you're always so scared off. But it's that also. It's also the rainy day we all want to avoid. But then again, sun does come up.

Mothers!

2013-09-09T02:31:00.000+05:30

My mother believes she's Superwomen.

She thinks she can fix everything

and when things can't be fixed

she thinks she fix that.

She knows that when she tells me that it'll be alright

I'll believe her, because we all know

nothing is better than a mother telling you that.

My mother also believes in things.

Things that only she believes in

and probably are not even believed by my grandmother

but she'd want you to work according to it anyway

she'd tell you

don't leave the house now, wait a bit longer

or get a haircut, your fever will be alright

things only she can make sense of

but it's alright that's what's special about her

My mother doesn't want much,

she wants to be just loved and appreciated

and I think I fail at that at times.
I think there are times I think I'm so grown up

that I really just start behaving like a 13 year old boy

And my mother gets hurt, because she keeps on trying

without fail, and I guess that's what makes her

the mother you need, because she'd love you

even when you're being an asshole.

But my mother knows,

that even though we're fighting

and even though we're at each other's throat

I love her. That's who I am. I've always loved her.

She taught me things that no one else has.

She taught me compassion.

She taught me that love someone. But wholeheartedly.

She taught me to forgive.

She taught me that you can be who you want.

She taught me to be better man.

She taught me, a better man doesn't mean you can't be an asshole.

She taught me, being an asshole doesn't mean you can't a good man.

She's taught me how to be strong when things are falling apart.

She taught me never to lose hope.

She taught me never to lose.

She taught me how to live.

And often times, and mostly always

I forget to tell her how much I love her.

And how much she has taught me.

But I know she knows.

My mother thinks, she's never wrong.

Now I know where I get that from

but you see, she is

She is wrong, and she's not perfect

and she makes mistakes.

and there are times when she wont accept it.

And then my mother and I will fight.
But if I can tell you a secret

that's us, that's who we are

we're two people who fight and love

and work in this dysfunctional way.

My mother has a very different opinion on child discipline

It mostly includes

beating the shit out of with a ruler, or maybe belt or maybe

every once in a while if you think taking shower is bitch, why not try drowning the kid.

But you see, that's most of the Bangali parents.

Hell I think that's all of Indian Parents.

So don't judge, my mother loves me.

But my mother is beyond all of that,

she's sometimes over the edge with her inquisitiveness

but I don't really mind cause I know she only wants to fit in

and bridge the generation gap

I've seen my mother go beyond who she is, to make me comfortable

and maybe I'm not the perfect son, actually I'm not

but I am a kid who does like the little things.

My mom thinks she can cook North Indian Food.

She can't. She sucks with it.

But I honestly don't have the heart to tell her.

She still can't get her chapati right.

Why burst her bubble. I don't want that guilt on me.

So maybe there are times when my mother isn't being all epic.

But there are times when she is.

And there times when she's just being "ma"

So when you come to me one day

to tell me I can't change the world,

think twice because my mother has told me otherwise

she maybe sheltered small dreams

but she never let me sleep with a sky that couldn't fit all the stars I wanted

she told me if I wanted the sky, I could have it

and if I could have it, I could work for it.

She never said road to happiness would be easy

she said it'll be worth it.

She also told me, life will get harder

and sometimes for a long long while

and I'd think that this is all that's there to it

but I should wait because things get better

because I can change the world.

So when you come to me to tell me the world's just too big to be changed

remember you're talking to the son of a Superwoman.

If I were Love.

2013-07-26T02:48:00.001+05:30

If I were love,

I'd be free, I'd be exciting and happy

And be everything from a puppy dog to child with his happy meal toy

Because love is ultimately a feeling of joy and happiness

And a little Labrador and Miniom toys can fix everything.

If I were love,

I'd know of stories of affairs and scandals

And past and history.

Sometimes jealousy and lust,

Because love is an experience, some lessons but mostly mistakes.

Perhaps brighter side is what we crave for,

That's why we look for lessons in our mistakes.

But if I were love,

I'd also be butterflies in the stomach

And the "I'll wait for him" throughout everything

I'll be looking for excuses to pass her by

And maybe even sometimes that blush from him saying hi to me.

Because love is many a thing, adulterated isn't one of them.

If I were love,

I'd be that first time he held my hand

And she bent for a kiss

Sometimes I could be also when he knew what I meant

Others when he wanted me all to himself.

After all, love is a summer rush we all have felt.

What if I were love?

Then I'd be so many future plans and everyday meetings

Unprecedented time spent, and unlimited missing.

I could be some special night phone schemes,

I could maybe even be Facebook display pictures.

I mean, what is love if you're not experiencing it.

If I were love,

I'd be wearing his over grown tshirt and asking for her panties.

And maybe I could also be his aftershave and her favorite perfume.

Because let's face it, we all love some smell of theirs.

If I were love, I'd also be the first third base,

And some porn that I couldn't copy but tried anyway.

If I were love I'd be the first unprotected sex and the first time she almost got pregnant.

But if I were love, we'd probably not be stupid again and again. And again. Till we figured it out.

Because that's what I would be. Stupid, learning and experiencing.

But I know for a fact, that if I were love,

I'd be "I fucking hate your guts"

And "can you please shut up?"

A lot of times "god I need some space".

I occasionally would also become "fuck off"

I mean love has shades you know. I come in varieties. Why discriminate.

And if I actually were love,

Then in the next half an hour I'd be "baby I'm sorry, I didn't mean it"

And she'd be like "No I'm sorry, you were rightly"

Always I'd end up being the make up kiss, and few times the make up sex. Otherwise I'm just sex.

I mean, who likes shades? Black and white. Always.

Funnily, If I were love,

I'd be some favorite couple from some movie

And I'd also be a song that describes the perfect relationship.

I know I'd know of Zara. Even Men section.

Or I could be period cycles, tampons and nailpolish brands.

I could be thing, she needed me to know.

I think if I were love,

I'd also be extra effort, worth it feeling.

A change and betterment too.

Sometimes even crush, build and survive a new person.

After all, it's the progress that counts.

If I were love I'd be all of that.

And I'm guaranteeing even more.

If I were love.

Question is, are you love too?

Batman and Robin

2012-08-14T12:36:00.003+05:30

Well unusual and an uncanny name indeed eh? Well, I’ll tell you why … Batman, because lately I have been telling my secret to a lot of people, so I figured I’d come outta the closet finally. Yes world, I AM Bruce Bayne, a.k.a. Nirjhar Bhattacharjee, a.k.a. Batman. Robin, because that was her name. NO, I am not here to discuss how accurately my life has been portrayed in The Dark Knight Rises, nor am I here to tell you about the comics. I have however a treat for all my readers here. And of course, when I say treat, I do intend to make a note that I’m taking a risk of comfort in stating the same. So apparently, this reader, and I’m hoping a fan, considering the nice message she had sent, asked me to write about something not from now, or today, or how things are in life. But about how they were, and how it felt. She asked me to write of my ‘first love’. Dear anonymous, firstly thank you for all that review you gave me. I’m obliged you read all that I had written, and well appreciate it. As everyone can see I’m not really a writer, or story teller. My failed attempts at writing are not more than anything but diary entries, so to all the readers kindly read it as that. As for love, well here we go:

Well, I practically believe and I know for a fact because I have seen it happen to me, that love happens to all of us for more than once. And to all those who’d debate that it were only infatuation, well I beg to differ. I mean, if a couple who were happily married for tenure of 20 years, but learnt that they have reached a point in this relationship where they no longer can feel about each other in the same way and wish to continue their kin-some relationship in a different context, and if it acts a prelude to a new relationship which prospers, of which there exist several real life accounts, do we discard it as stating infatuation or we give it a real sight thought of something magical. Something new. Well I’ll stick to my guns; let’s see if I can make you drop yours with that argument.

Irrespective, this really isn’t an argument; it’s more like a relapse to seventh grade. Now the story is rather funny, weird and always of so much of heart. I met her when I was in 5^th grade, and she had joined late in the year. We both were in American International School in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Well now in all honestly, I wasn’t exactly what you call on the top of the social ladder, hell I wasn’t even THERE on the social anything. I was like bad mix of Howard, Leonard and Sheldon – but with a life they’d really expect … you know social seclusion and all that. Such was elementary schooling … oh them days. So since 5^th grade till 7^th early-ish bit of it she didn’t like me. ONE BIT. And not just her, everyone. But well that did change in middle school, but that’s beside the point. By the time I came to seventh grade, life was much easier, I wasn’t the social masterpiece but well, at least there was some social convention and protocols that I could follow. You know how that goes, just go with the flow.

Now this is probably huge for a confession, but I don’t know, I don’t ever have considered this, but I don’t agree to this as a strong hypothesis: It wasn’t cheating. Here’s the story. So I had broken up with this girl, and I don’t know how but I started dating this other girl – VERY sweet, still is. And we’re good friends till date, but like after seeing her for 3 days, I was suppose to go for class trip to Hrishikesh, India – and so we did. The flight to New Delhi was no issue. Robin here on the other hand still doesn’t like me. Not ONE BIT! And neither did at the starting of the train journey. But as we were travelling down to Hrishikesh, she was sitting with Tanveer right behind me. Tan and I use to be damn good friends back then, think of it I do miss him a lot. Anyway, so out of poke and fun, we kinda kicked into a conversation, and I think that was it, it just hit me. That I don’t know what, but I really liked her. And I wanted to go ahead with it and be with her. And as weird as it seems, all the walls came down and there it was the naked truth. We both apparently liked each other. I don’t know what happened to the hatred that existed about like say 15 minutes away. But sure as hell I’m glad it did. So I can’t recall this part properly, but I believe I asked her out just RIGHT before we reached Hrishikesh, she had issues with that. Clearly, I was still seeing Suzanne. But then I promised, I’d go back and “fix it all” and I’d break it off afterwards, which I of course did and for a brief period, Suzanne did think I’m a dick. But since neither of us did anything, and it was I don’t know, just something I knew I had to, I don’t really think it’s cheating it was like four days long trip.

Again so much I rattle on and on about long - arse stories, but this really isn’t about how we met, and how we were, I mean they might find certain mentions in this entry but that’s not the point. The point is Robin, and things I remember of her, and things that was precisely asked to me by ‘anonymous’ to write about: First Love.

So well it’s a lot things that kinda build up to it you know? I mean I had dated before (^clearly!) but the funny thing is, the only reason I really consider it to be you know the first time I ever felt that feeling is because I think it was for the first time that it was you know, genuine. I mean I was in seventh grade, dating was really just about a tag, a social competition, or getting some action. But then again, it wasn’t like that with Robin. It was different. In my entire life, and kid you not, there has been till date only twice that I’ve changed to and for better, and she was the first, the latter of course, the credentials of which belongs to Arushi! But in the first go, for the first time I realized relationships were more than a status symbol. It was actually about how you felt about someone. Well so there it was. She changed me, I realized it’s about that gutted feeling you get when you see someone, when it makes you almost wanna throw up, and surprisingly that’s not even the best part of the day. Where when they’d walk past you, it’d do wonders! When they’d hold your hands, you’d get happy and nervous, like happy nervous. You know? It wasn’t like summer love, but they’re the nicest you know? It was back then, real – For me at least. You know? I mean we lasted the summer only, because after that she shifted to Trinidad and Tobago, if I am not wrong, and I shifted to India (which was the last I heard from her – yep haven’t heard from her in almost 7 years now. Tried small talking, no replies – eh, don’t wanna come off as creepy now do I? Chances are this blog entry won’t help in that manner).

Things I remember of her – Hmmm, almost like nostalgia – you know? So many of them … Blonde hair, short, freckles, skin like porcelain, that distinctive smell of hers that I somehow remember, but I’m assuming that’s perhaps because olfactory senses are the strongest a human being possesses and the maximum memory relapse is due to a strong attachment or recollection of a smell. Her wet hair tied in a pony (I think that’s what it’s called) in the morning, they way it’d soak itself on my t-shirt in the morning when she’d clasp me so hard to hug her. The light blue jeans she had, and the very light umm, baby purple if any exists, like colored t-shirt. They way she’d laugh at odd things that I’d say. For the first time, someone was really proud of me. Never happened before that, you know? I felt very secure, protected, wanted and happy. I still remember the first time she kissed me on my cheeks, she and her girlies were swimming and she was heading off to the shower room and I was sitting at the bleachers talking to her afterschool, she called me close and kissed me on the cheeks. Cheesy, but I don’t know still recollect that. The way I felt when broke up and weren't getting back post the Hrisheskh trip, and they way I so wanted to ask her for out. How I did do so during the school dance. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a black skirt. That slow dance, the song I can’t recollect, but the first time she kept her head on my shoulder and I knew it then … this is just what I needed. She was my tiny dancer (yes, it’s a reference to the song that I’m listening to right now). The way I’d stay back in school, because I’d want to walk her home everyday, and there wouldn’t be another bus till like 4.30 p.m. so I’d get stuck for hours in school. How it didn’t matter. Her fancy curtains made out of sea shells that I broke and she got so pissed off. Her dog. How her father hated me. So did her brother. I loved her mom, feeling seemed mutual. Her room. How she scolded me when I had a 2.8 GPA. How she actually now that I look back took care of me. Watching ‘Apollo 13’ with her in Mr.Gayer or Ms.Luby’s class? A month before we knew we’d have to leave. And this wasn’t exactly the last-forever type of a thing! The insane bitter feeling. The last day when I was at Prateek’s place and we drove to hers. And I knew this would be the last bit of it. How she was laying on my lap. When I was leaving for home, and I just didn’t want to sit in the car. How I wanted to hug her one last time. That kiss I never did. The fights we had. The first ever e-mail she ever sent me. I still have a printed copy of it. That’s freaking 7 year old mail, look at that! Her middle name was ‘Felicity’. Her surname was a mix of Mr. Kerr and Mrs. Jones – Her parents (or the other way around). That last dance on her farewell party – ‘Here without you’. The truth or dare game that night. The just talking. Coming back to India and listening to this ‘Alter Bridge’ song that I don’t know what’s called anymore. That weird gift I got her, because I didn’t have money on me, and I was too scared to ask Ma about cash, because we Indians don’t really date when you know we’re 13-14 years old! Sorry about that, but I meant anything that I must’ve meant what I had said while giving it … if it counts!

Well, most of you reading, especially if (the margin of which is probably 0.0006 percent) Robin reading it, I don’t want you to think it’s creepy. I mean, even to all the readers … it’s just my first time of an experience of anything of that sort. It was candid, emotional, I mean you know? It was not the mom-and dad sort of love, heck it wasn’t the one that was like with you guys’ relationships with your respective partners, or mine and Arushi’s. Very juvenile. But very real, and heart melting. So I hope I don’t come off as creepy and now that think back, so many things run in my head of those days … things I can remember, oh boy! No wonder I’m majoring in History!

Anyway, that’s a good synopsis of her, what all I remember, and why these memories are special, and why it is you know the ‘first love’ sort of a thing. She taught me how to love someone. And I think it made me a better person, not materialistic sly, nor and over emotional freak. Just the right one. The one which made me meet the ones I never thought I would. This is not in ill taste of anyone I’ve seen afterwards, so kindly take it as that, it’s simply a requested recollection, and as I can say a fun activity to do so! Post which, I only feel battered, and deprived of an attachment. I really wish I was someone’s first love, I mean I might not be accurate, but someone would feel something close by, you know within the close proximity of how I have had felt … I’d be more than happy! Well, anyway … don’t worry about the punctuation, most of it was intentional, and thank you for reading (if you’ve reached this far – or at least wanted to!), and do like, share and feedbacks are the best!

Also, I’m attaching a list of songs that I’ve played throughout the write up of this article stretched over two nights (got late, had college in the morning had to sleep by four in the morning. And in order of course):

1. What makes you beautiful - Boyce Avenue Cover

2. Blurry - Puddle of Mud

3. Hysteria - Muse

4. Teenage Dream - Some beautiful voice, very manly look girl's cover.

5. Jet Lag - Simple Plan Feat. Natasha Bedinfield

6. Lazy Song - Bruno Mars

7. Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Lavine

8. Close to my fire - Slack Wax (BMW Ads)

9. Suddenly I see - KT Tunstall

10.Yaarian - Mohan Kanan and Shilpa Roa

11.Payphone - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa

12.Hedwig's Theme - Harry Potter OST

13.Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton

14.Best of You - Boyce Avenue Cover

15.Tiny Dancer - Elton John

16.Rough Landing Holly (Acoustic) - Yellowcard

17.Still your song - Goo Goo Dolls

18.Flightless Bird, American Mouth (Wedding Version)- Iron and Wine

19.Thunder - Boys like Girls

20.9 Crimes – Damien Rice

21.Our Song – Goodnight Nurse

22.Hanging by A Moment – Lifehouse

23.The Reason - Hoobastank

A Candid Conversation: Brain and Heart

2012-06-23T04:27:00.002+05:30

Lazy night, not boring in particular, but extremely slow. It's 3.38 a.m. as I type and usually by the lull that I'm currently observing with no one on facebook chatting up, hardly 30-40 people online, the air conditioner cold enough to give me "chillys", pretty relaxed about the work (Currently making the Background guide for a Security Council I'm Vice Chairing, discussing Cuban Missile Crisis) and pretty much not sleepy, I'd safely assume it's 4.30 a.m. or more in the morning, but apparently! Ah well, I can't complain ... so I figured, I'd finish this piece that I had started earlier. Anyway, do read on, comment, like, and share on facebook. :)

Oh Brain! Baby it happened again,

I guess I should've listened to you.

But I promise you it's for the last time,

Hold on to my words for they're true!

Here you come running again,

Burned, bruised and hurting in pain.

What happened to all those last times,

that you had promised again and again?

For I was a fool, I couldn't understand

What you meant was only for my good!

But then I couldn't control myself

That feeling took over my mood.

I told you from the beginning,

you'd only lose your heart!

But of course what do I know of love?

You questioned my knowledge from the start!

Oh forgive me brain,

I was lost in the heat of the moment.

Once bitten twice shy,

It won't happen again and you know it!

Really heart, really?

Because I believe twice has a limited impression!

You've been bitten more and shameless time and again

For you don't learn your lesson!

But this time I really thought,

that I could make it work.

That she was the one I was looking for,

and this could be a brand new start.

But that's how you feel everytime,

How does it change anything?

I told you not to fall for her,

And you went for the fling!

Ah! What do I tell you now,

she had the looks of an angel!
When she spoke my heart would melt,

and no longer could we be strangers!

Dear lord! She was nice, I never denied that,

but so was you guys' temper.

On and on you guys would fight,

And then that feeling became fainter!

I couldn't see, I couldn't tell

I just wanted to make it work out.

I thought we had one last shot,

And I traveled far too long in that route!

Oh I know darling, I know you tried,

to make it work and be happy!
But if happiness is not what you breathe,

Relationships can be a little tricky!

She made me smile, she made happy,

And I caused her so much pain!
But in the end it wasn't for us,

It was her as a friend, or all in vain!

For a change, you thought with "me",

and look where it took you!

You both might be hurt and in agony,

But I know it's not short of a Thank You!

Probably you're right, I should've listened

But I guess I just wasn't in the position.

But I know now what it is like,

Next time I'll have better reasons!

Oh like you mean those words,

Of the ones that you say!
I wish you truly knew what it meant,

So listen to me, If I may?

Oh dear brain, forgive me,

I chose to be curious,

I can travel unseen roads with my sight

but think only with your sights of obvious!

Oh we'll remember her,

for she's such a fond title!

But don't ache like that because it's over,

Being strong right now is vital!

You're right, I'll make my peace,

I'll start a brand new chapter!
Never again shall I fall in love,

And foretell my happily ever after!

I know I will hear it again,

your stories of blushes and freed dove!

But come here let me clean you till then,

And stop you from bleeding love!

A Street With No Name

2012-06-12T02:24:00.002+05:30

Life has been kind of crazy lately, anyone who has read my last post would know that! But even beyond that, everything has been kind of crazy lately, with my father leaving the country for a while, my mom's health, work pressure, etc. And I honestly have been looking for certain activities, ah hell! any activity to keep myself wholesomely occupied with work. I love workload, it helps me be distracted and keep me and my mind off of the wrong things.

But, this post isn't about aforementioned (^) that content. I mean, that's important to be mentioned (and you'll find out why soon, so keep reading) and thus I did. It's about Kuzart Lane, a beautiful entrepreneurial venture started off by few fellas'. It's a prefect set up, and I have been to this part of Hauz Khas Village, New Delhi before ... but it never seemed quite so beautiful! I don't know if it's the ambiance, or the love.

Anyway, with everything being at their devastating best, I came across this cafe called the Kuzart Lane. What happened was I had gone to attend an invitation at my friend, Pallav's house and then another of my friend Shivang who knew of this place took us there. And I think, it was just the right moment to know of that place you know? Cause we sat there for hours and just played music (Shivang is a phenomenal singer - must listen to him sometimes, and Arpit is excellent himself - have to listen to him too!), and the time just passed by so quickly. It was, is ... my sweet escape. That one part of the town, where I go to relax. Get some space for myself ... feel happy, elated. :)

But I can't really tell what clicks there you know? Is it the ambiance? Can be, a brilliant showcase for young talent who are showing off their art work, which is out of the world. As you walk through the lane towards the main shop, you see a scenery of magnificent hard-work and emotions ... my friend Shantam Goyal has put up some of his work there - and I insist whosoever has a chance, do go ahead and give it a glimpse. :) . Might also be the cafe, which has been solely done up by the owners themselves (or so am I told), the whole opportunity for sitting there, catching up, playing some songs, reminiscing the good times. It's perfect. Or is it, the food ... that also can be the case you see, they have phenomenal food. Have to try this off-the-record coffee. Ice American if I'm not wrong about the name ... it's the best heat beater you can have. And I have heard a lot about the "Hulk Burger". Haven't tried it yet, but I'm assuming that day aint to far away either. A little low on money now, but as soon as the MUN season start, I'm having that burger. :)

OR, is it the love. Which I sincerely believe might be the cause for it. Rukhsana Aunty, or as I call her - AUNTY! Who is currently managing the cafe, is woman, who at once makes you feel so close, so kin, so candid that you want to sit there, interact, enjoy. For me she was someone who seemed so nice and gentle, who let me and my friend sit there and literally customize the shop to the extent where we felt it was our shop almost. There were other customers who had come, but she didn't care ... she let us be. And there we were making music, enjoying ourselves. And pretty much jeopardizing the date of that couple who sat behind us, or in front of us ... I don't know ... we were all over the place, but I can tell, they had a hellovatime themselves. Not that bad for a date if you ask me. Or it can also be the fact, that aunty allows you to be close enough to her to have conversations that I personally don't think too many people have with strangers. The way she allowed me to walk into her life, and tell me about her father and how he had been diagnosed with cancer, and her invariably the most raw feeling of pain, the way she spelt it out to me ... it was touching, it was like she was willing to take a leap of faith and give me, and everyone who comes there to not just be part of this moment on that day, but be a part of a journey everyday.

So maybe it's the ambience, the name, the food, the fact that you can sit out and smoke in peace, the quietness of the place, simply Rukhsana Aunty, or just the fact that you can relax and unwind, forget and forgive. You, yes you my readers HAVE to go to Kuzart Lane - Do visit.

Remember Me

2012-06-09T03:35:00.000+05:30

A lot has happened since I last wrote. But apparently nothing that really moved me enough to write happened, so I guess I just let things be. But today, as I sit in front of this black box of electronic equipment and I write my heart out again, I have so many things that run through my head - Good, Bad, horrible, and the nicest. How do I write it all down in 3 paragraphs? I have never quite been able to do that anyway. So I guess here goes an attempt.

Anyone who has ever read my blogs before is well aware of the inspirations in various of them, the muse. So as today I write again, it's her. But things have changed over time so much, that today I feel the whole conclusion to this post will be different. But I also have faith in the fact that it will be good.

We had started fighting a long time back about a year and a half or so ago. But things were different then, reasons were not so strong, we were juvenile in our demands. But that always worked for us you know? A damage that small was always easier to fix. It was a small cut, and the band aid would just do fine. But somehow ego, wants, demands, bedlam, everything came into it's own play, and one fine day she left. It hurt us both, not just me ... I knew for a fact it tore her apart. And I wanted to wait, it hurt too much to let her go. But after a lot of scorns and persuasion and I decided and realized that I had to move on, so I did. Or so I thought. See the problem with moving on is, either you do it entirely, or you don't do it at all. Every time you do something half - baked, it is bound to backfire on you down the line. Irrespective of our decisions made, we kept in touch. It all seemed good back then. If I look back now, I guess I'd still keep it that way. But then, we fought a lot. On a lot of matters. But that was us - One more fight - One more night - One more band aid.

But that's how the story unfolds! So this one fine night, I was out of town, and we were speaking over the telephone, and she asked if I'd want to get back. I honestly knew I did, but I also knew there were so many things to fix that we just would have to or else, this broken house would never be our home. So I said, we have to work things out and see. See, there is the second problem there - thinking emotions will NOT take the better of you. We were at it honestly, trying to mend things. See things through each others eyes ... but habits are hard to lose and impossible to mend. We both came back to our old ways - taking each other for granted, demanding, having exceptions, complaining, etc. And then as I would like to see it, and I firmly believe too, I ran away form the relationship as a coward person would. There were troubles, I figured I made a miscalculation and had jumped to conclusions, and then decided to leave and not live up to my own decision.

I guess, even that is fine. I thought, I messed up one decision, I'll make sure I don't mess up this one. But that's not true, is it now? You can truly never know how hard it is going to be, till it is. The withdraw syndrome is always the worst you know? I knew I needed her, and only her and I knew I couldn't have her right now either. So one fine day, after hurting her all over again, I decide it's about time I tell her I'm gonna stick around and not let her get over me. So I do that very conveniently, in a hope that she'd understand what I did, and why I did it. And we go back to our old arrangement, we work things out before we get back.

But for a change, I thought I'll figure this out. And I made a right decision. I didn't want anything to get too serious, before we got back, because we were good with messing things up. Both of us. We were in love, and we were idiots. But there were technically two mistakes we made. 1. We became too emotionally involved, I guess neither of us could help that; and 2. We just kept on saying "we'll fix this", when honestly that was never happening, or even if was, at such a rate that it was impossible to foresee the outcome. And there followed the fights, the cries, the issues, the scars and the band aids. And one fine day, I said - this isn't right, because band aids aren't fixing anything.

But see, that's not the entire story. I have my own reasoning behind it. Feelings, understandings, conclusions, I strongly believe in. See there is no 'big picture' that you can look at. There is no cover of the book that you can judge by, you have to read all the chapters to understand what happened and why. Why did I do, what I believe I had to. To start with, I don't know if the decision I made was ever right or not. Seeing my history of wrong and weak decision making, this probably is to. But unlike other times, I've actually learnt something from the past, the niche has changed, and I have decided to be strong.

There were few things that started to bother me. This whole phase was about fixing things. And I was sure about the fact that I will only give into this if everything is fixed, and I swear to god, I swear on all that I've ever known, I tried, really hard to hold on for the longest that I could've. But the fights, the arguments, they were just getting too overwhelming. Too much for me to handle. There came a time, when I was just fighting couldn't really recall the cause. Didn't know what was I bleeding for, what was that effort all about. But then I thought, it must be just my indecisiveness, my cowardliness, and I tried playing it off. But then the unfathomable happens, you realize you can't. There was just so much blood, so much tension, so much negativity, and I was getting tired of this. I didn't feel the same, and everything else seemed to be a sweet escape. It's almost as if I had worn out, and I didn't have it in me to handle other people's problem about me, us, others, and nothing. I had so much for myself that everyone else's seemed secondary. There was just too much broken to go old ways. It felt as if I am standing on the corner, and I have only these two options left - something or nothing.

In that moment, it wasn't very hard to choose. There were issues, angst, hurt, pain, discontent. We both wanted things our way. We both wanted each other to change to cater to the others demands. But then it hit me, I can't and shouldn't ask someone to be the way I want them to be and then accept them. Because then I'm not really accepting 'them' am I? They want to change because it suits their needs, it's a different thing, but not to please me specifically. And the same applied on her. I couldn't change myself to that extent. And this is human nature, i felt that why should I understand so much when she can't. And I'm assuming, she felt the same. I might be wrong, I probably am, but I always felt that I'm giving more up for this then she is. Might not be true, probably isn't. But that's how I felt. I tried reasoning with all the defenses that were given to me. And I honestly agree with all of it. She did all of that. But then again, it was all a try, never quite the end conclusion. And I guess, after a year and a half ... a try just isn't enough. I feel guilty for feeling that way, but I know it's alright. But I'd rather be honest about it then lie ... I believe if you're trying everyday and still nothing is coming out of it then either you're not trying at all, or not trying hard enough. it's true for me too, I kept on saying I'm trying. But I guess I wasn't ... or else she wouldn't have any issues either. But we bled and bled and bled, till I figured we can't bleed anymore, and I'm the reason she's bleeding for.

It didn't seem right to be ignorant to the truth. I knew she was hurting because of me. Her health was taking a toll, she wasn't happy. She'd complain I don't understand her, that her I always crib when she's with her friends. And that did it, I believed her. And I never imagined that I'd be that guy. I thought I'll make the girl happy, whosoever I'm with. And I choose to quit and let her feel the hurt for now, and be happy in the long run. Rather then let her hurt everyday, and not smile ever. It is wonderful to have a wonderful friend by losing a broken thread, rather then to hold on to that rope till it completely breaks. I knew if I hadn't done this, it would've rotten to the extent, that we'd not ever want to meet each other.

I know it's hard on her. I can't possibly imagine how upset she might be. But I know, she'd heal. She needs to happy, and I'd rather hurt her in one go then everyday. She deserves better. Maybe that'd be someone else, maybe that'd be me. I don't know, and I'm fine either way. Maybe I'll find someone else, maybe I won't find anyone. But if we EVER do end up together again, a year from now, two years, or five ... we'd be different us. And honestly, I wouldn't want the old us. And that was our problem, we wanted the 'us we were' and not the 'us we should be'. We lost it in translation. I wish, I can mend all things, and ease away the pain. But I know I can't. If I do again, we'd fall onto the same old vicious cycle ... and we can't afford that. I wish, I could heal her. Me.

This is the last chapter of this book 'seasons'. But I learnt something a long while ago, time moves on always, good bad and bad both happen alike ... in life you have to leave the pages at the end empty for you may not like what happens, but you ought to write it.

I hope that when we'd look back now, it won't be the remembrance of the fights, arguments and cries ... but the memories of the good times we had.

Epilogue

2012-04-27T04:48:00.000+05:30

Here I sit, No stranger to this hour

With a mind so unrestful,
With provocative thoughts in my head,

Many of which, deals with reality of life.

As I sit through this ever so friendly hour,

I ponder, what could've been. Do I wish to know?
Every part of me knows it can't be figured,

Nor do I wish to know. But what if?

As I move past the reluctances of yesterday,

I stumble upon tomorrow.

How it eagerly awaits my entrance.
How I wish I could delay it.
And yet I know, all I want is, is her.

In her rawest form, with all her prerogatives

I want her, I want tomorrow.

It tells me of the confusion, the hardship that lays

It tells me of the fruit that it'll bore if it pays

And here I sit, procrastinating,

And judging, as I choose my steps carefully.

Moments pass, when I realize that what I miss

Is the thrill of serendipity, the nature of stupidity.

As I sit here, waiting for the dawning of tomorrow

I eagerly await the path of self discovery

That stands at my door, striving towards me

To which I run in these barren land.

I have nothing to hold me back

But my own fear of failure.

But today even that won't suffice,

For I have made up my mind.

I have chosen to be different.

I have chosen to be me.

I choose to be strong, and thus I am.

I choose to be naive, and thus I am.

I choose to be weak, and thus I am.

You choose to befool me, and here I am.

Gullible, and masochistic in my taste.

In that state of conscience, that I know who I am

And yet, surrender to your wrongdoings, I stand.

I can't learn from the insanity that you provide

Because in you is all the warmth that I find.

I wish to stop my slipping tongue,

But in the inebriation of your touch, I melt.

The thoughts that shoot through my mind

Speak of the only times that I remember.

I have been there a lot of times before,

Some worth a mention

Others choose not to mention themselves.

I have been there before, I will again

And yet the only wine to my thirst is your reminiscence.

The only hope to my box, is your smile

And the only guilt to my pleasure is your touch.

In that delight of mine, where you're perfect

Nothing can touch you. Nothing can harm.

You perish with time, but your memories shall stay

For the immortality my senses wish to know.

I have hurt you in times of need, crushed you,

Hurt you, and broken into many a piece.

But you retaliated with equal eager,

And this relationship of ours is what makes us sweeter.

In good health or bad taste, we stand together.

If you choose to be alone to day,

Then we're together in our solitude.

I bid you my farewell, with the sensuous touch

May you wake up tomorrow, in that picture that I have of you in my head.

May you wake up, with that smile that outshines tomorrows sun over head.

May you shine.

Paradise of the lost (A happy story)

2012-04-22T03:29:00.000+05:30

Okay so this particular entry is special in a lot of ways. Firstly, it's called 'Paradise of the lost'. The reason for that being a special occasion is because, I was actually writing another entry named the same about a year or so ago, but that never saw the light of the day. It's still in my draft box, but I honestly couldn't have chosen another name that fit my entry so perfectly! Secondly, I had 'Summer Paradise' by Simple Plan on my media player, which was on loop and currently is playing in LOUD level : Insane in my head (because, my brother is sleeping in the bed next to my desktop, possibly can't have him wake up and kill me), that song gets me all, happy and chirpy and bubbly you know? Thirdly, because couple of readers amongst you, I wouldn't call them fans, but just humble readers of mine who contacted me on two occasions, one of them who felt it to be close to her hearts because she could relate to my writing, and the other who was rather 'disappointed' in me for not writing enough - to both of you madames I'm greatly and forever thankful for letting me know that someone actually does bother reading what I write, and appreciates the same. Not to mean that others reading is less effective and valuable to me, but it's just they told me so, hence the mention. In that regards, thank you to the both of you, and everyone who reads all that jargon that I paste every once in a while. :) . Fourthly, that picture up there, if you notice is different then the pictures I always use. For one it is in color. With of course a darker shade, but that was accidental. And furthermore, its a picture that I myself had taken with my phone when it was still in its functioning mode. And I loved the color and the imagery that came about, and now that I'm writing about the following incidence, I can't think of any picture to use other than this because this shares the same emotion from my side as my story. And lastly, but definitely not the least, the fifth reason which is essentially the topic of today's entry - That one rainy morning that I woke up. :)

It's a very constructive incidence. I don't really know why it is so important to me, but it is THE most important memory, one of the most special feelings I have. It makes me ecstatic every time I think of it. It get me giddy-o-jolly! Its like that no other feeling I have ever felt before. And to be honest, I don't really even like the rain. I like the pre-rain moment when it's all dark and cloudy and there's wind and you know that moment of thunder and storm, that I love. But the rain, argh! I just never quite liked the mud that much. But it changed a lot that day. I perhaps will never like rain after that again, or maybe this will change all and everything I think of rain, I guess I'll find out in the monsoon, but that very first summer shower, blew me right off of my feet.

So how is the rain so important? I don't really know. It's funny, because it's the blimmy hot summer of Delhi, and this one night when I was talking to Arushi on the phone, it was really really hot and I was like you know I wish it rains, it's really hot and Arushi was like, well you gotta wait another few months for it not happening now. And after our talk was over, I went off to sleep.

The next morning, as I remember it I was on my bed, and I'm assuming it to be around 7.30 A.M. in the morning, I kinda false-awake and I'm just laying in my bed, stuck in my own bedlam, feeling cold from the left over the air conditioner, and and woken from this dream that I can't quite recollect, and in a very distant place, I could hear of what I could tell from the noise a distorted noise. But funny as it was, that distortion sounded like a serenade to my ears. I heard it and wanted to fall back asleep to it, that sound made me feel relaxed, humble, benevolent. I closed my eyes again, still on the borders of my bedlam and wishful-thinking, almost as if I was fixated in this trans. And then it hit me, like a meteorite. No, not a meteorite, that feeling neither have I felt nor you, so won't be able to tell, it hit me like that emotion you feel when you want something very badly, but then you forget about it and it doesn't matter anymore ... till it actually happens. Yes! exactly that feeling, the feeling was exactly the same, without any error.I realized then what I heard, that epiphany of distortion was nothing but the sweet sound of rain that was being the guest to my ears. To that melancholy cry of gloom rose my ears that smiled from one end to another. And I ran, I ran toward my back porch/garden. To which I witnessed one of the most phenomenal weather, moment, emotion, memory ever. Everything changed then, I mean it everything. I always though rain was meant for deeper understanding of life, but always in a negative context. The gloom glorified it, but at that moment it was nothing but pure, rawest form of joy that was bursting from my heart. Everything I ever felt about rain had changed. I could almost see the beauty of sorry in it. No, I saw it. It was there, glimpsing at me, staring bravely at me asking me to embrace it. And I did. There was no way around it. I had to for it had such a presence.

Now all of you reading this must be thinking, why's a rain so important. Happens every year. A lot of times. True that, it does! It's not that it was the first summer shower. It's not really the wishful thinking either. I don't know what it is, and honestly I don't want to find out either. Because, the naivety of the situation will be lost if I try too hard to find out. That special tag that has been bestowed to it by the gods and goddesses themselves will lose it's touch. I don't want to upset Zeus for the sounds that woke me that one fine morning. When you have Aeolus drawing his masterpiece, it's best to sit in the corner and observe and lend yourself to the free treat.

I'm sure all of us can relate to this on some level or the other. It's like that one memory, if not as strong as this (or as weak as this for the ones who have a stronger one) which they wouldn't exchange for even the longed wishes they've had for years. For things that matter far beyond the nuisance of this completely absurd, pointless yet much priced incidence. It's like my own Petronus Charm, so whenever I feel gloomy. I feel agitate, or lost or upset ... I close my eyes and think of that very moment when I woke up. That feeling I felt and there it is, my own stag ... my own 'Expecto Petronum'.

Maybe this isn't one my best writing piece, maybe this isn't good at all. But it's special, because it's a day, a moment, a very personal memory from my life that I've shared with you. Maybe it doesn't hold any value for you, perhaps it wont move you. But I hope you remember it. And look for this feeling deep in you, or look for it outside, if you haven't found it yet. It's all in there. That positivity is waiting to be lit by you, do that ... and it'll radiate on it's own.

Regards,
Nirjhar :)

If I lay here

2012-03-02T21:05:00.002+05:30

One of my favorite most TV drama shows had one of my favorite most episode, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree to the same.The show in itself, being a legend in the medium of silver screen, and has rendered itself to various sorts of critical acclaims post the premiering of this episode.

Which show am I talking about? Grey's Anatomy. And episode? The Season 2: Finale. The whole show seemed to be so complete with this particular episode. It just seemed like it all came together. The feeling of betrayal, anger, hurt, pain, hatred, love, lust, and above them all ... forgiveness. The true constituents of drama, in one show, in one tightly packed one-hour long run, and it all came down to ONE song, ONE end. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol).

I firmly believe that, Chasing Cars owes its following and popularity to this particular feature, but the theory isn't one way, it works the other way around also. The finale could've been just one long episode with tears and longing and theatrical end, but would miss out on the most important part, an impact. So loud, so vibrant, that it would set the benchmark for the following seasons to come (which to a large extent, Grey's Anatomy failed to deliver) and for other shows to follow. Nonetheless, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 delivered and it shall remain pristine in that paramount structure of its own!

But this article, is not necessarily just about the show. It's a very personal entry. I mean of course, the song triggered the whole episode I had watched back in I believe 2005 or '06, but also how this song came about as a factor for so many things in life. My life. I have grown up listening to this song, and have somehow always managed to find myself lost in this particular limbo, which fascinates me beyond imagination. It reminds me of so many things, lessons, and most importantly of my life. So further on in this particular article, I shall touch upon both the serial and the personal impact of this particular episode.

So how does this function, well season two was full of insane drama, that honestly was quite grasping. It had various storyline running in the same plot, and the beauty of the finale (and technically the purpose also) was that it all came together in the end, the connected all the dots, and finished on that high volatile, emotionally charged note. You had the whole Addison-Derek-Meredith triangle going on, and it kept on getting more and more complex till the last episode where all the decisions are made, and then you had Izzie and Alex's relationship which would've turned out in this particular way (particularly positive) but then the whole Danny plot came in, and I think that was the catalyst of the whole season finale. And the Preston-Christina relationship also took quite turns. But as noted earlier, the last 3 minutes of the episode, when the ball is taking place, it all comes down. That my friends, is the time when the whole "Chasing Cars" starts playing. The remote background music of the strumming of the guitar, along with the drama packed ending is at it's best, and finishes at a very emotionally charged note of Danny's death, and which leaves Izzie scarred, and any fan could feel her pain, because all of us have been through that, that moment, when you're not okay with how it happened, when it's not fair, but it happens anyway.

How I connect to this episode, and especially this song specifically is as follows. For one, Grey's Anatomy has always been one of my favorite most drama shows to be telecasted. Not just because of it's drama, but the storyline, and the format, and character development, etc. I have sang this song to many people, I really like this song, but mostly because, of all the people I have sang this to, it includes one very special person, for reasons that can never end. This song also works into a very intricate storyline in my life, as it almost depicts this particular situation I have seen up close.

I always found this sort of a meaning in this song to be honest, something that I could relate to at different times in my own life, some cryptic message that I always read through. This decrypting might not be up the best of it's standards, and to be honest is very personalized, and probably will be biased, for I tried to look for the meaning that fitted me best and the dynamics of the old meanings that I had always figured from this. It's rather a mixture of time and space. I believe, I chose to decipher this in this particular context because it suited my needs and reasons the best, hence anyone who begs to differ can do so, it's just the way I saw it.

To me, this song talks about this, painful, rather strong relationship between two people who try very hard to make it work, and they know they belong with each other, but just now now. The couple concerned here are trying so hard to figure out what to do, both of them giving each other direction towards that perfection, but being exhausted by the strength it takes ("I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own"). It's about that couple who know what they have, but still can't get it. It's not there yet, that failure which doesn't amount to a loss, yet in itself is a reason to count for pain of longing, it's about not having what you need ("Those three words, are said too much, but not enough"). The lack of comprehension of though is also clearly defined in this song. It talks of that stage in that relationship, where want is there, but lack of will is also evident. When nothing can quite justify or clear out rhyme and reason behind the plan of action. Even though it's quite vivid in it's nature in the singers head, but the singer knows that despite it being so clear, the articulation of the though lacks comprehension and structuring, that it is not to be understood by the others, to which the singer accepts the singers fault, and goes on to state the inner-most best way to explain his feelings ("I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel").

The chorus in it's dynamic most structure, in regards to the tune, the melody, the lyrics, never fails to amuse me. I always refer that the person who's singing this song is begging the other person to stay, to not leave, to state that it's not over. It's dysfunctional, but it's how it is. Where everyone will tell the other person otherwise, about what is to be done, what is the norm, but the person singing the song just is begging for that understanding the share to be evoked. For the other person to understand, that they're not the only one in pain, they are too! That plead can be clearly understood from these lines ("If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?). The second chorus sees the addition of these lines which support the earlier and pleads for that comfort before all is lost, that dysfunctionality to work, before all that can be done is broken ("Forget what we're told, before we get too old, and show me a garden that's bursting into life").

And with this, I bid adieu on this entry, hope you all read it, and liked it, and if you please, do leave your valuable comments in regards to the writing, or content, or your own take on this. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Regards,

Nirjhar Bhattacharya

Anecdoted footnote

2012-03-01T22:21:00.001+05:30

In that space of honesty, the hurt and pain that presume its identity is impeccable. You can't quite escape it. What do you do? What do you say? There is the loss of loved ones, the ones who matter the most, the ones who always will. On the other hand, you have the promise that you had once made, that promise to be true to your best. Or do you pay heed to your history, which you don't want to repeat, because you know that the later you speak, the harder it gets. The worse it makes you feel. Do you choose to be different, or do you choose to be honest?

It doesn't mean, it's an end to a bond that had it's own warmth. But rather a new of defining and living up to it. Sometimes, it takes time, other times, it takes a reason. Either way, what you need is that moment to live in, that moment that says it all, that moment that defines it. That moment, which looks beyond the pain, which looks beyond the hurt, that looks beyond the fragility of the situation.

And that moment, is ours.

Mr. Nice Guy

2011-12-31T02:40:00.000+05:30

Hello, my name is Nobody. Nobody Cares. And this is my story. I'm insecure, I'm confused. I don't really usually know what I want, and I'm sometimes very sure of what I want. I don't know what to do when I don't want to do something, I don't know how to be a better person. But I try to make the most of me anyway!

Everyday is like this new chapter to this huge book that I'm writing known as life. Where everyone wants me to know about something or the other, where I'm suppose to make cautious decisions, where I'm suppose to know what I'm doing. But I don't. I don't think anyone does. I can try to be strong, and smart and sharp. But we all know that we're lying from someone or the other. We can't be what we are, because we're always so fixated on the fact that we want to be something, someone else. Sometimes to please others, sometimes to please ourselves. I do it too. I'm no different. I preach for things I fall short of. And I'm not perfect. But I try.

I'm weak. Sometimes strong on the surface, sometimes hollow till the end. I'm jealous, I'm scared of losing the ones I love. I fight for the wrong causes, and insane reasons. I understand things, that can be sometimes not so important, and not understand certain things which require me to do so. I try loving, I fail at it. I try being the best that I can, sometimes it's a good day, other are under the weather. But I never give up. I keep on going at it.

I make decisions, knowing the consequences. Consequences, of which I'm not very sure of. Hell I'm not even sure if my decisions are right or not. But I make it anyway, mostly because I have always believed in two things Hope and Faith. I guess if anyone has that, anyone can go anywhere. I guess I'll keep hoping I won't lose faith in that.

I like to runaway all the times, mostly because I don't know what to do. But I do it anyway. Because running away isn't the answer. Being a coward to reality is being fake through out. Sometimes I sacrifice things I want because losing what is on the other end of the line is much more important and I can't bear that. Sometimes I don't sacrifice, because I always wonder does the other person feel the same way too? I guess someday I'll find out, and if not, I was never suppose to and move on.

I'm not wise enough to make strong decisions. I need someone to guide me always. I always have someone or the other for that. For that I'm thankful. But is it ever enough? I guess not. The decisions I make are based on emotion and not rationale. Then again, I was always about the earlier, latter is just faux pas. But without decisions being made, there won't ever be any conclusions. And I always like to see the end of things.

I'm scared I'm gonna lose everything I stand for. Everything I have worked for. Everything I care about, and everything I have done to protect and grow. And maybe I will. It has happened before. It hurts, it breaks you down, and it shatters you. I shut down for a while. But it's never enough to stop me. Because if I am not afraid of losing somethings in life, I'll never have them.

I'm the not rightest person to be judged, mostly because you'll judge me wrong. Maybe you'll think I'm a nice guy - I guess I'm not. Maybe otherwise. But all in all, I'm sure, someday, somehow I'll know what I want, and I'll be a better me.

I'll be Somebody. Somebody Cares.

Farewell Ballad

2011-12-29T01:10:00.000+05:30

If you ever actually sit down and think about it, time ACTUALLY flies by before you even know it. As now I look back, 2011 had just started like just the other day, and here we are standing at the brink of this year, somewhat excited, somewhat anxious, but nonetheless waiting for the "New Year" to harbinger happiness and peace and love into our lives. For some it's about the so-long-much-awaited "open MUN-ing season" (yes I'm referring to me here), for some it's just about going back to college, or just getting on with our life with the hope that it'll be less of a sh*t as compared to last year.

But as I sit back here, on this really fuc*ed up revolving chair, which by the way I love (just for the record), and glance upon what all has happened this year, I think I should do a dedicatory "timeline" for my blogsite. It's necessary. The reason why it's not exactly 'just' a note to the people who made a hell lot of sense this year but also a timeline, because these are actually the bits and pieces of my 2011. Anywho, I hope everyone is on the list, and if I DO miss out on someone, I'm sorry. :(

Well I don't think there is ANYWAY that I can possibly skip the 30th March, 2011. That's my first anniversary. You know, it was big! I have had never gone this far ahead in a relationship. I guess I had finally found the one, that one purpose that actually mattered a lot. My baby. Also, because 30th March was actually her birthday, all the more reason to celebrate it. I made the huge-as*est card ever. And I hope she liked it. It was fun.

Some days later, and that because I don't really remember the "date", my matriculation results came out. And boy was that a disaster. It was insane. You know I got a 82.5 exactly, if I'm not wrong and I really thought I'd end up nowhere. And life was all scattered after that for a while. I tried it all you know? I went for those ECA trials, I was out there scavenging in the North Campus till like 10 at night giving auditions only to fail. It was like all those "my life isn't perfect" songs? Yeah they just became like the story of my life.

And you know what they say, when one thing goes wrong, it ALL goes wrong. And so it did. It was the perfect life then. I'd like to call it the 'Opera of Catastrophe'. I think it was around May or like June, something like that that my then-girlfriend she left me. Some reasons, justified ... some not. Overall, I was confused and messed up. And it took a hell lotta stuff to figure myself out post that.

But thank god for college, it was amazing. I mean I think I couldn't have gone though it all without college, and my new found friends there. What an amazing bunch of fellows. So thank you to all of you, and I hope you remember me too!

Arushi: I know things went wrong between the two of us, and we fu*ked up a lot of things, including the bond that we shared, but thank you so much, for always being such a great friend. And I really hope, we can work it all out. Because, it's always so amazing to have you around. ^_^

Jhancar: Somehow, I really like the ring to Jhankar with a 'c' you know? But mostly, thank you for being there when I needed you the most. It's like we fight, we debate, and we console, and we do it best. I don't think this entire 2011 journey would've been as simple as it was without your heroics your your mom's dramatics, what a sweetheart she is. :) . I'm glad you've found someone for yourself finally. Let him know he's your shining star, and I'm sure he'll shine just for you. ^_^.

Pragya: You know you're my favorite most in the Wasan family ever? I mean, quite the start we had there. ;) . And I'm extremely sorry if you feel that I keep Arushi busy and away from you, you know I don't mean to do that right? Because, love matter of fact is, I love you. ^_^. And it's so nice to know that minus all that weirdness of yours, and yes you're WEIRD, you actually do like me. :) . I promise, I'll always take care of you. :)

Kitty Aunty (Maasi): The name says it all. Period.

Gautam: Dude, you're the man. Thanks for ALWAYS being there. It's been ages since we've been friends, and I can tell you one thing man, I can never get tired of you. :). You always looked after me and picked me up. So thanks so very much for that. However, word of advice - Don't make your life-changing decisions without my consent, you royally fu*k it up bro. :p

Bhuvan: LOL, you probably know it all, cause I told you that day. :p . So yeah, it's pretty much that. Once a bro, always a bro. XD

Sonal: Yes, you have earned yourself the title of "Dramaqueen" in my life. :) . I have never seen someone as dramatic and hungry for gossip in my entire life. You have no idea how cool that makes you. I love you so very much, and I miss you every day. It's not even funny how true that is.

Ridhima: I know you think I'm an arse, for losing touch with you once you left post graduation, but hey, I was trying to be nice by you know making it easier for you. :p . Well that's atleast the best that I could come up with. You know you're the shawty in my life? So keep shining there. (: . And I promise I'll meet you before you leave. Pakka Pakka promise. :)

Veer: Yeah man, I know we don't chill out a lot and all, but I don't think History Honors would've been any easier without you to chill out with. I hope, for both of our sake that we don't get any E.R.s ;)

Yogini: Oh god what would I EVER do without some tiny-midity thing running around in my life at the speed of light? Thank you so much for befriending me, I still can't forget our first day at college, whatta stud we were. ;) . Thank you for making MUNs so much and pretty much EVERYTHING else so much fun. ^_^ .

Sukriti: Yes it has to be you. Our barriers, as I would like to call it, I'm glad we surpassed those. Because I really now think back and can say, I'm glad it happened, I wouldn't want to lose out on a friend like you. You're irritating, and weird and cranky, but I guess that's what makes you so much like yourself. ;)

Arpit: Dude, that lighter of yours - life savior bro, life savior. Haha, let the college re-open we shall chill out together. And I guess, amongst the lots, I really gelled pretty well with you so that works for me totally. Now, you and ^ , get over your fight and fix things up. :)

Okelo: Please correct me if I got your name's spelling wrong. But, mate you're one of the most nicest and humblest person I have ever met. Thank you so much for teaching me so many things about being "humble". Keep that guitar rocking mate. :)

Karan: I don't know how, but you're somehow suppose to be from DPS, RKP. Yeah well, best of luck with that. :p . Thank you for being the amazing-self that you always are, which also includes momentary-into-infinity rounds of your confusion, but I think that works for you doesn't it?

Akanksha: Ha, you're the "ECO HONS MAKES LIFE MISERABLE" types. Haha, but it's always so nice to hang out with you and you know our occasional QD trips. Yeah they're the shiz. :)

Nishesh: Ah, you my friend are THE coolest person ever. I have learned so much from you as a senior, and your advices in regards to you know the little problem I had when I got into college, thank you so much for that. And it's been a sheer pleasure to do MUNs with you. Which is I'm sorry - but very important. :)

Manaav: I don't think I can EVER forget our talks at freezing temperature at Nishesh's roof, cause it was just cool like that. Thank you for opening up to me, and helping me out and settle me in the college. That was really nice on your part. Merci. :)

Parth: I think they best way to put it, you're the funny guy. Well after Soni. You know, how you handle things, it's just hilarious. It's always so nice to hang out with you. And just for the record, you never actually gave me the Hindi - 10 years. So yeah. If I fail, it's your fault. :p

Surabhi: I remember the first time I met you at the MUNitions, you were off the hook scary. I was like, that's one senior you don't wanna get to know. But dang, was I wrong? You're the stupidest person ever. And I mean it as a compliment you know, like in the nice way. Of course you're not stupid, you're doing Eco Hons. and you get good grades. Cheers to you!

Soni: Ah, Dr.G. ;) If you know what I mean. Thank you for making my college life so much "entertaining". :) And even more for sharing your secrets and thinking I'm worth sharing with. I wish you luck for your future ventures in the lines of MUNs and hopefully we'll get to work together soon. ^_^

Das: I know we got off to not-so-nice start, but thank you so much for being such a great friend, and an amazing mentor. I have learnt so much from you. About so many things, not even just MUNs, and well okay a lot about point of orders. But no seriously, I don't think I would've been where I am today, if I didn't do it because I wanted to prove myself to you. I hope someday you're very proud for the fact that I was part of MUNitions and actually consider me part of it (yes I'll attend the training sessions - I promise).

Chaitanya GS: Haha, I love that "GS" in your name. You are one of those amazing guys to work with, and even more than that the most amazing friend ever. I mean we didn't even know each other and we jelled so well. Thanks mate. :) Hope to work with you soon.

Sasha: My singing friend, thank you for believing in me, and letting me on board at AIMUN. It's so nice to have a special friend like you. It's insane, meet me soon. Or else I'm coming to C.R.Park. ;)

Richa: Oh you're my lucky charm now! But more than that, you're a great friend. Thank you for making MUNs so much more interesting. It's not even funny how funny you can actually be, and especially your resemblance to Olive, just like a better version of course. I really really hope we get to work together sometime. :)

Sankritik: It was so easy to gel with you man, we totally gotta chill out sometimes. I mean AIMUN was literally all chill because of you. And I did finally learn the "Waterfall" trick all thanks to you. ^_^ . Stay EPIC bro. :)

Purvasha: Tum kitni chiller ho. Thank you for letting me crash at your place without even knowing me. And even more having your mom make "Chicken" when you guys' have been veterinarians for so long, it was insane. And I have met your several times afterwards, it just doesn't get any better. You'd always be my "dal makhni"!

Utsav: It's really nice to come across people like you because, you're really nice and humble and I especially really enjoy your company because you're so much fun to chill out with. We should totally hang out together. Someone has to make a "Hauz Khas Fort" plan soon. ;) . Get puru along. Thank you for being a friend.

Mohita: Whatta start we had. We didn't even remember each other. haha. But DUMUN was quite the turning point in our lives, and LEAD of course. I hope to work with your soon. When you're Russia and I'm USA, and we're NOT in ECOSOC. :p . But thank you for sharing your life with me, it's been a splendid journey. ^_^

Asia: Dimsum. :) . I have always had so much of respect for you because you're just so cool that way. And you know they way you have inspired me to be such a better person and a better MUNer thank you. And I still remember your words from MACMUN, and thank you for saying all of those to me. I'm glad we got a chance to work together, and hopefully we'll do again in the future.

Aditi: Dudeeeeeee, Don't stupid. OF COURSE you're my good friend, and NOTHING about business. You're my epic-most friend. Or else humisha mein tere saath MUNs kyun karta? And I swear I thought of you and then slipped on it. And few more people, I'm sure few are offended already. Anywho, Aditi Agrawal, thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for being such an EPIC friend. You have accepted me as I am, even without knowing me. And I have shared so many of my secrets with you. I'm just so glad I know someone like you. I mean it, and I'm sorry for missing.

Sameer: Oh bro, I missed you out on this. Damn, sorry. Well I still remember meeting you at Khalsa, we were both sitting there pretty much clueless, especially me. Ha, I think this was the only good thing that came out of that tiring, relentless exhaustion of the ECA trials. And we met few times afterwards, was quite the chiller. I shall keep on trying to hitch you up with my friends, I'm sure someday it'll work. :) . Till then make sure you shave. Haha, thanks for being such a stud mate. :)

Taruni: And last but not the least, and I have saving your for the last. (I'm so scared to 'write' anything also, you scare me). But you have no idea how much I love you, and I know you do to, that's why I let you push me around. :p . Again, thank you so much for taking care of me during Brainwiz, it was really special, and of course, hanging out and all. Like Asia, I have learnt so much from your and it's just great that I have people like you in my life. Stay in touch. :) . Always.

And a very Happy new years to you all. ;)
Okay, If I have missed you, and YOU KNOW I GIVE A DAMN, don't take offense, I just must've slipped. Of course you know I care, so tell me, I'd edit the note. Thank you Aditi, don't you DARE feel hurt. Cause you know I care. :)

Demons

2011-10-12T21:56:00.000+05:30

Shiny and bright, sharp and pointed

Play at the vicinity of my hand.

They tell me to play with them

And I tell them I'm so scared, I can't.

They tell me don't be stupid

What do I know of pain?

I tell them I know of hurt

I tell 'em I have been through the same!

Sharp edges ask me

So tell us mister what is your story?

I tell them of what I've done

They tell me, rest assured we're sorry!

Then they ask why is it that I suffer

of agony and treachery?

Let us lift your spirit in these bad times

And free you of all these misery!

They offer me their help

and tell me how they can fix me.

They tell me they'd take all my pain away

and give me a dose of their expertise.

I in return give them my highest regards

And bid them farewell.

But my temptations have a better hold of me

And I just have to see what they had to tell!

So I go, just for a tiny round

To see what they can offer.

And was I wrong in my perception?

They freed me of all my woes and even better.

It's not so much of the mental hurt anymore

that makes me curl and forget the pain.

I have something else to now look forward to

A wound just of my own, that makes me feel sane.

Persuit of Happiness

2011-09-30T22:03:00.000+05:30

Before I even begin, I'd like to make sure that everyone who reads this fully understands, it's not one of those post-break up blogs, or even I-hate-my-life blogs ... it's just a blog, with a central topic of break-ups, coping with it and well to large extent life and moving on. It's a happy entry, more or less ... so enjoy!

One major advice to all, for the love of god, DO NOT listen to music. ANY EFFIN MUSIC. I mean, it sounds like they're pin-pointing it out that your life just went down the drain and you should be ashamed of it. It's like god's funny way of telling you "I-told-you-so-...-Bithch-!". Especially, if people are listening to songs like Back to me (The All American Rejects),Come back to me (David Cook)or even No Surprise (Daughtry) ... oh boy, better hold on tight then. 

Secondly, books and movies ... you know they're temporary relief ... you'd feel great while watching it, especially those chick-flicks and they're great alright ... but see here is the problem - by the end of the movie, you'd be wondering to yourself, why the hell couldn't it be me with that happy ending. Well two parts to that now, ONE - Sucks to be you! and TWO - Who says it can't be you? And where does it state that your book is over? My friends, happy endings exist. Yes, even in real life. It's just you're on your chapter 5 and you're already trying to reach chapter 8. That won't help.

That brings us to point number three. One day at a time. Because see you can't avoid it you know. You might be bitter, you might be sorry, you might be alone, or you might've already moved on, but all in all, if you're gonna rush through the process you might actually miss out on a lot. A lot of chances, a lot of answers, a lot of people, a lot of opportunities. So chill, enjoy the pain, understand that it is not here to stay. What happened in the past, do whatever you can, but you'll never change it, what's in the future, you don't know so no point in bothering. That leaves the present, try it out. Give it a shot. Give it chance and a try, you'd be shocked how much more precise you are while dealing with it then future, or past. How much more it is in your control. Take it one step at a time. One day at a time.

So you loved someone? Good! I'm proud of you, that feeling my friend must be experienced. Now you're saying, you can't love anyone ever again? Now that's just a very Nicholas Spark moment, which if I may mention, only looks good in "A walk to remember" and I'd also like to add, A great novel, and a better movie for a change. But coming back to the point, how can you ditch love? It's there, you know it. You want it. She was was your first, she isn't your last. I know it's scary, to start over again. It's exhausting, painful, and many other adjectives. But of it all, it's worth it. She hurt you, treated you in many ways she shouldn't have, broken you down ... don't you want something better? If someone tells you that you're not the one, and that you love 'em too much and they can't feel the same way about you, then my friend you've already lost the battle, how long before the war ends? Might as well learn from it. It's never worth it. I have learnt it the hard way, trying to make it easy for you!

Remember, there is someone out there, who'd love her more than you have. Treat her better, and maybe none of what I have mentioned. But that's for her to know, and her fate to tell. But there DEFINITELY is someone out there, who deserves you more, will make you happy, treat you better. And of it all, LOVE you. Not fake it, not try to, but actually do. She won't care if you love her more, she won't care if you love her at all, she won't care if the world ends tonight, because she'd want to be with you. And yes, I strongly believe such love exist. Maybe it's just a lotta chick-flicks fucking me up, but tell me one love story that didn't end that way. And no! your break up and Angelina and Brad aren't the ones I mean. I mean the ones like you mom and dads. Look at them. So yes, LOVE ACTUALLY is all around, you'll find it.

In the meanwhile till you find it, and you look for your special person, why miss out on anyone? Why block yourself up. Maybe he'll pass you through, and you'd never know. Open yourself up love. Never let anyone, and yes ANYONE, tell you that you're not worth it. Because you are, you're the most beautiful person that there ever was, and you deserve nothing but the best, and don't let anyone tell otherwise. Moments will come like this, when it will break you up, the person who you'd take a bullet for is the one who's pointing the gun at you. Don't walk away. Take the bullet, and let 'em know, I hope you're happy now that I'm hurt. Also, let 'em know. I hope you also know how it felt. But give everyone a try. Love is there my friend, look for it, don't worry if you don't find, because love likes being occupied, it's looking for you too. :)

Coming to the topic of Revenge! Sigh, stop behaving like a 15 year old kid. Shit happens, move on. But pray to god that they also feel exactly how you felt. So that they know how it feels when you give someone everything you are, everything you ever were, everything you EVER will be, and it isn't good enough for them. Because, more then the pain, hurt, embarrassment,it's the feeling of not being enough that kills you. I think that can only be done away with when the other person feels it too. So don't personally get involved, but hey a lil' divine intervention helps!

Lastly, fellas' accept it ... it hurts. There is no running away from it. The pain doesn't ease down. There is no looking away. No matter what you do, HOWEVER you do it, it'll be there. It's like a constant reminder. So yeah, break-down, cry, hate-life for a bit, works actually. All of the above mentioned so called "techniques" don't help shit! If you think about it, it's more like orgasm with females: You can never be too sure if it'll work or not. But what matters is you never know when someone will come and rescue you out of your misery. So wait for it, one fine day, you'd be back to square one, and you'd be so happy to be there. :)

Just wait for it.

Quoting from One day at a time

"She wondered how many times you could start again, meting people, singling one out, giving fate a chance, moving forward, and then ultimately being disappointed and ending it again."

"You looked so happy in the photographs with him" (Leslie)
"I was. But sometimes even good things come to an end. Fate"
(Coco)

I'm Coming Home.

2011-09-16T22:51:00.000+05:30

Hurt, I'm so glad your back.

I remember you vaguely!

Amidst chaos and the gratifying peace,

here you lay before me.

Naked, in silence,

In abundance and absurd amount.

You hide in the open,

I look for you, and you're all around.

It's not so much of a pain,

that you cause.

But the numbness of it all,

that leaves me like a carcass.

I remember how your smile tasted,

sweet, bitter, all alike.

Some fun, some sad.

But of 'em all, mostly alive!

Memories, how do you not come to my mind?

How do you not remind me of what I was?

How do you pretend that you don't need to be here?

Why don't you understand it's over?

I can be here, and over you.

But then again, would you?

I can be there, somewhere somehow.

But then again, wouldn't you too?

If you know what loss is,

Then please compansate me.

Fill me up with your longings,

For I cannot wait anymore.

Hurt, I don't want you to leave.

Because I know, you want the best for me.

Promise me, you'd laugh, cry and smile with me.

For without you, I'm incomplete.

They say we all have our places in life.
A place which defines us.
A place which holds the moment forever.
A place which is ours to keep.

I'm home.

Untitled

2011-09-15T01:08:00.000+05:30

Sitting
in a dream,

In a
world of their own;

Seventeen
lonely warriors,

And two out
casted souls.

For some
it’s sound,

For some
it’s not.

For some
it’s sense,

Another song
untold.

Talking
about silence,

In a
crowded norm.

Some
stand away,

With thoughts
of their own.

Amidst
the smoke we sit,

With a
story each of his own.

To some
it’s sound, to some it’s not,

But no
more a story untold.

The eye
of the sky, rises and falls;

Shuddering
gray onto oblivion’s home.

The
warriors, as they sit alone,

Still sit
there think the world to be their own.

-         
Nirjhar
Bhattacharya & Tanzeelur Rahman

Miles Away

2011-09-01T14:37:00.000+05:30

If it's not forever, than what? 

What do you do, when the only thing you knew, that was yours, isn't to be yours anymore? Do you give up? Wait for it? or perhaps give it that one last go? What do you do when the only thing you ever wanted, is the only thing  you can't have?

They say that all that happens ... happens for the best. Who said I wanted best in the first place? Best isn't always better. You come across times in life when you choose to make a difference, but it's so hard to make it when you don't even matter at all.

I guess the worst kind of pain is to lose what wasn't yours in the first place. To lose something that you believed was yours to keep. 

When I look back however, it's so hard to trace to the point, where it wasn't alright. Where it wasn't mutual. It is. I always thought that I'm on a two way road ... but we never were on the same road anyway!

Where I stand now, it's rather very odd. It's like all of a sudden everything I ever stood for, all my actions, all my decisions, all my choices, they're all invalid. It's like I don't have a purpose anymore. Purpose or sense! 

And all I'd ever want is to have everything to be back as to how it was, back to how it made all so much sense. Back when reciprocation wasn't something that had to be asked for. 

When I wasn't miles away.

Raining Now

2011-08-15T16:36:00.000+05:30

This was suppose to be a song that I wrote for my band, Also this is an unfinished song. I don't really think I'll complete it. Can't think of anything. But this is what I had written, so this is what I published. :) 

It's raining now,

On this very gloomy Sunday

It's raining now,

Somewhere out here in the open

It's raining now

With the sound of the silence

It's raining now!

The sky lit up,

like that smile that you had painted

On your face,

On every inch of that surface.

Save me now,

Let me know of a tomorrow,

With a brighter day!

And I will stay with you.

Don't ever let me go.

And I will wait for you.

Through this thunder and this rain,

somewhere far away from the pain.

Let me go!

It's raining now,

The sky looks like up for a heartbreak

It's raining now,

Sometimes, somewhere out, someday

It's raining now,

The sound of wind cries out for heaven

It's raining now!

Thought You'd Never Ask!

2011-06-20T00:46:00.000+05:30

Alright, I remember one of my friend asking me why is that I can write so much about my views and perspective and not write about my personal life, a reason most of the people make their blogs for ! And you know the funny thing is that I actually do, it's just somehow not exactly direct or like is discreet. So I thought alright, instead of being judgmental about peoples relationship I'd give out details on my life and relationship myself! So I Googled "questionnaire" and ran into this one (and I think it's a mix and match of many cuz I have seen these before) Anyway, so I thought what the hell, I'll go all out anyway! So I thought of filling up this questionnaire, I hope this helps.

What have you learned from life that makes you who you are today?

There is always someone who'd break you and there
is always someone who'd mend you. You just have to know who's who, and try
being the latter for others.

 

If the person you loved had an accident and be left with terrible scars for life, would you still love them?

Beyond a reasonable doubt! I promised her I’d love
her forever, and sure as hell I meant it.

How do you remember your “first love”?

Innocent and new.

How do you visualize the perfect woman? What are her attributes?

She should be funny above all, be someone who’d
stand up for me and take care of me no matter what. Love me till the worst of
us come. Never gives up. Smart and intelligent. Attractive. Someone with a
beautiful smile, one that in its true sense Makes-your-day. Has a voice that
you’d have call your name just to feel good. Have a face that’s your sunshine.
Is not fake. Doesn’t give a damn about what people think as long as it makes
the two of us happy. That should be more or less it! 

If your respective partner had to move far away for many years, would you wait for them?

Yes, but I’m quite sure long distance wouldn’t
have worked out. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to go away somewhere else for
2-3 years. It’s just a reason to grow away from each other. I mean I figured
that’d be a problem, that’s why I’m here now, and I didn’t shift.

If we had a child born with health problems, how would you handle the situation?

Well for obvious I’d be upset and worried. Mostly
about the financial and social implications of this in the future, but then
hey, she’s my daughter and I’d love her no matter what. Plus I want two
beautiful princess like my girlfriend, and she believes she has weird teeth, so
you know if you consider that as a “health problem” that’d be just fine, cause
that’s what makes her so adorable, her supposed “weird teeths”!

Do you believe in God? Why?

I do believe in God. My perspective on religion
however is quite different. And I like to believe because I don’t know, you
need something to believe in. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with
atheist, It’s just I personally would rather have something to believe in.

What has been your most intimate experience?

With my girlfriend, we had this well “intimate
experience” which was ground braking, but we had quite the storm after that
because of it. But it all worked out. I guess all of my memories, just even
holding hands with her kind of makes it so intimate.

Are you a virgin?

No one would leave this question alone for the
personal stuff, dammit! Yes, I am. And I don’t have much of a say in when I get
to loose it. Yes, I know it sucks, but well … I’m trying to be an understanding
boyfriend here and I’m sure my girlfriend will have her shot at being
understanding too. But as of now, she doesn’t need any push. And I don’t wanna
either.

Do you think it’s OK for you or your respective partner to still have feelings for their ex?

Uh, NO! Duh! 

How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

Fun, Mean, Optimistic.

What do you consider most important in life?

Well there are many, depends on what you’re
talking about. My father for his honestly, Mr. Wilhelm for all that he’s ever
taught me. You know like that!

What would be your questions to ask on a first date?

Do you wanna probably go grab some bite or
something? And hang out afterwards?

How would you describe the perfect life?

When it’s worthwhile … You have what you “need”
and you don’t “want” anymore.

What has been your most embarrassing moment?

On probably getting rejected on asking out Arushi
Wasan. That was hurtful, and embarrassing, and so many other variations of the
mixture.

What has been the most important decision in your life?

I’d say staying back in India for college, so that my relationship with my
girlfriend isn’t jeopardized. 

If you could change the past, what would you change?

Nothing. 

What is the lesson in life that you had to learn in the hard way?

Sometimes what you say, how you feel, anything
doesn’t matter. And even the closest to you will think you’re wrong. And the
best you can do then is either stand up for yourself and stick to your guns, or
go with the flow. Either way, the damage has to be fixed. So both options are
alright. What you have to figure is, whether losing whatever you will by
standing up for yourself is more worthwhile by losing what you’d lose if you
went with the flow!

If your friends arrange a party on the day we had planned to have a candle night dinner, what would you choose?

Candle light dinner, because I don’t know … I
always like to put my relationship first. 

What was the most dangerous or most challenging thing that you have ever done?

Honestly? I’d say, believe in myself. Why
dangerous? Because I don’t know I figured if I decided to believe in myself and
things went awry I’d lose everything. I’d be hurt and damaged. A damage that
can’t be undone! Challenging because when you have hit rock bottom, and you
realize it’s only going up now. The toughest and most challenging thing to do
is well “GO UP”!

When you got asked you out, did you for even a moment wanted to say no to me?

Actually, I asked Arushi out. And for the first
time, sure as hell she wanted to say no. And so she did. Well actually she
didn’t. But I figured. 

Who should be the dominating person in a relationship- the guy or the girl? Why?

Depends on the situation really! I don’t frankly
believe one person can OR is suppose to be dominating always. Depends on what
part of the relationship you can use your expertise on.

What is your opinion on open relationships?

I’d rather have a one night stand. I mean
technically it’s really the same thing. You love someone, you commit to them.
Period. Call me conservative, but I guess if I have to eat someone else out
cause I feel like it, I’m sure as hell crossing some boundaries. Some
boundaries I’d rather have intact. 

What was the first thing that attracted you towards your respective partner?

Her hair. And what she was wearing. I loved her
from that very moment and I want this moment to last forever. 

Do you ever feel the need to have total privacy? If yes, when?

Yes – No. Depends. I mean it’s nice to have your
own space. But if there a space that you are not “willing” to share (whatever
the reason be) or you “can’t” share that space and that information that
somehow demoralizes the spirit of the relationship. I might want to keep my
chat logs as a private space and if my girlfriend reads it I sure as hell would
feel weird. Without a doubt! But I wouldn’t mind her reading it either. That’s
the point of relationships: letting ‘em get so close that they know all and
everything about you. So much that they can damage you brutally; all you have
to believe is that they won’t!

To what extent would you go to make your respective partner believe that you love them the most in this world?

Try me!

Would you ever get a tattoo for your respective partner? If yes, on which part of the body?

Yes, my arms. I want everyone to know how I feel.
I’d give her a arm at a blink of an eye!

Who do you hate the most in this world?

Honestly, no one. No one is really worth the
“feeling” of hatred!

Who was your first crush? How old were you?

I’m not too sure, about the age OR the name. But I
believe it was a girl who was in my class and I adored her. I wanted to sit
next to her, speak to her, share her lunch, I adored her. I believe it was more
like fascination, for I was a kid. I think 1st grade or 2nd
or 3rd grade. I don’t frankly remember. But I just loved it when she
smiled at me. 

But perhaps of what I DO remember, I think
Sunaina, she was in my school and use to sit next to me. She hated me, lol! But
I just was blown by her! And that’d be 5th grade. 

What is the funniest name you've ever heard?

I know it’ll come as a shock to many, but Arushi!
Not funny funny, but you know, I had never heard of it, till I started dating
this girl called Arushi. And I was like “Wow! That’s a peculiar name”

Which song irritates you the most?

I don’t know try any Punjabi song. They all sound
the same. Fucking everyone has the same voice.

What is the funniest thing you've ever heard on the news?

Oh I don’t know it changes every time I turn on
INDIA TV!

What is your worst nightmare?

That one day all will go awry and Arushi will
leave me. WOW! That was an honest answer. Didn’t think I’d run into this
question nor it’d be the first thought in my head!

If you had the house to yourselves (you and your partner) for three hours, what would you like to do?

Make funny, cheesy, kinky, and romantic memories. 

If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?

In life I have fallen so many times and gotten
hurt. And with an open heart I’d like you to know that I’m scared of falling
down and getting hurt. But after I met you, I’m not scared of falling any more
because I know you’d catch me before I get hurt. Be here forever. 

Which type of person do you hate the most?

Selfish and Fake.

If you found someone's wallet and there was a $100 bill inside, what would you do with it?

I think I’d be smart enough to take it out, put it
in my wallet and get the hell outta there. That’s got to pay off for stuff man!
XD

What are the qualities that draw you to people that you can base a friendship on?

I don’t know that’s more like an intricate
question. I guess it depends from people to people. But perhaps one quality
that remains the same is how well perhaps I gel with the other person. I mean,
my closest friend, we hardly have known each other for like a year? And it’s so
hard to be away from her. She’s so much like me. She gets me, she figures me
out without too much of hassle. I think that’s what counts. Funny thing, we
hated each other at the beginning. 

How have you coped with break-ups in the past?

I guess I’m not really good with coping with
break-ups. I mean if the relationship was well worth it. For the good ones,
well I have seen and been through the worst. Loads of time alone to myself,
cutting myself out from everyone, toxication, and not that I’m very proud of
the earlier bit or what I’m gonna write but self-abuse. 

But well for the other types you know, the ones
that didn’t matter. Never looked back.

When you encounter a sad moment, what do you usually do?

Wait for Arushi to come and fix me up I guess. Or
just I don’t know wait for everything to be alright somehow! I don’t know there
are so many things. But mostly those two.

What are you afraid to lose the most?

Arushi! I’m afraid I’ll wake up one day and she
won’t be part of my life. That’s horrifying. 

Having said that, I think I answered a question
like this before. Sigh! This is repetitive.

What and who inspires you?

What? Success. Who? Honeslty, Mark Zuckerberg.
They guy went from rags to riches with his own might and brain. And he’s so
worthy of being someone’s inspiration. Linkin Park. I know, an odd choice, but
how they came around from where they started till their stardom it’s such an
inspiring story (and I’m a musician. So I always wanted to be in a band so big,
so OMG!)

What’s your favorite compliment that you have received?

I don’t know it’s a tie, perhaps one’d be that “I
wish I end up with a guy like you who’d make me so happy” or “You have a cute
butt”! I know quite the different types of comments but hey! A comment’s a
comment!

How long was your longest relationship?

Well to be very exact: One year, Two Months, and
Twenty Days! And this relationship (which I’m currently in) has been a life
turner, I met the most beautiful and special person in my life. She changed me,
and changed me for good. She made me realize how easy it is to lose what you
really want and how important is it to hold on to it. She taught me how to be
hopeful, and have faith. She taught me how to not be scared. She taught me how
to love. She taught me how to forgive. She taught me to be me. She taught me
how to be committed. She taught me I can be trusted. And she taught me, I can
trust someone too!

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Waiting. I hate it when I have to do that. I like
being on time. And I sure as hell expect the other person to be so too! If that
means be there an hour early, I couldn’t care less. I hate late comers. And I
hate people who cancel out at the last moment and don’t live up to their
commitments. It’s really sad that when people do that. And it’s disturbingly
irritating too!

What is your worst dating experience?

Uh, I’d have to give to this girl I was with
before Arushi. She just down right used me (in every possible way), lied to me
straight to my face, didn’t care shit about my feelings, threw me away, and
moved on with her life like I was trash. And well she wasn’t my girlfriend so
we technically weren’t dating. So just a fling really! But you get the point. 

What would your most wicked fantasy be (sexual)?

I don’t know, I really like well role play works
!!! Secretaries, Nurse, Cops? Lol! I guess it’s more or less same with every
single guy. What matter is how it’s played. Strip tease is sure as hell a
boner. A lap dance is the top level stuff. So yeah, lol! Never really thought
about it, so can’t answer so definitely! 

What upsets you most in a relationship and what makes you the happiest?

I like this question! What upsets me the most?
Well surely the fact when Arushi and I fight. It really drains me off of my
energy and it’s just such a tiring and gloomy time. I’d rather be doing
anything and EVERYTHING else. I hate it when we fight. And above all as I
learned couple of days back, I hate it the most when we fight BECAUSE of
someone else.

What I like the most? That after saying all those
hurtful things, mean, stupid and irrelevant things, we are willing to make up
to each other and perhaps forgive. That somehow at the end of it … she knows
I’ll love her no matter what and I know she’d too! The feeling of “need to fix”
as soon as something goes wrong or maybe even when the fight is ACTUALLY
happening, that feeling is satisfying. Makes me believe there is so much more
to us!

If your house was on fire and you could grab only 5 things before leaving, what would they be?

Okay! Firstly the Phone. Why? Because, it’s new
(one) and two because Arushi would like it. She made me change it, I’d rather
keep it. And plus it’s a life line sort of a thing. I need to talk right?

Two, My black beauty (It’s called Arushi – And I
know it seems like I’m obsessed with her, but the questionnaire is pertaining
to my personal – relationship part of the life, and I’m not obsessed, it’s just
I love my guitar and thought I’d name it after my babe) Dean ML MetalMan! It’s
a beauty!

Three, My wallet. I got cash on it. Pays for a lot
of things. And god knows you need cash!

Four, Clothes. You gotta have certain stuff to
wear you know, you just have to!

Five, My stuff in my locker. It’s private, and No
one gets a hold of it. It has memories, secrets, etc from 15 years. I’d put it
all in my bag, and get the HELL out of there!

What are three good and bad things about you that you think everyone should know?

GOOD:

I’m quite optimistic in life.
I’m hard to tick off.
I am good with my words.

BAD

·       
I can be
ravage-some if I’m upset. Not just for the other person, but myself too!

·       
If I decide to
get down-right dirty. I GET down right dirty.

·       
I’m
impulsive. And well, if I decide to let go (and mind you, I take forever to let
go) I let go entirely. Every bit of it.

Raising Hope

2011-06-01T23:58:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time
in a far far away land lived a beautiful soul,
made of smile, hearts and oh! so grande!
and there is a story that I'll unfold!

She was loved by all
and possessed by some,
but was never away from anyone's reach
just her disguise was common to none.

Some looked for her in their faith
some searched for her in their mind,
some searched for her when in misery
and comfort was all they were able to find!

She made no bias, she had no tilt
a simple soul to lift your heart,
she'd pick you up even if you leave her alone
and decide to give her another chance.

She gave everyone a reason to believe
that all you need to hold is a rope,
sometimes she lied to make you smile
and with love we called her Hope.

She is one, she is all
she is some and sometimes she's tall,
for some she's an amulet for some she's a piece of gold
for she is all that to me and a part of my soul!

When all is gloomy, and the glass is half empty
she tells me that I'm not wrong yet I'm a fool!
I ask her what she means and she tells me
the worst is yet to come, and the glass is half full!

Time has changed, so did tide
the worst will come and break us all in our mind,
for we may wait, or we may walk
what we decide will always be the trail we leave behind!

You keep your hope, and I'll keep mine
some days are Sundays some are fine,
for some its just another phase, for some its divine

but if it's winter can the spring really be far behind?

- Nirjhar Bhattacharya

[p.s. this is probably the 4-5th version of "raising hope". I initially had started off with a normal blog entry ... and well "hope" was the central theme. but it over went quite a few changes and well, I'm quite glad I held it off for about 4 months now and I'm quite satisfied with the result!

lately, things have been quite messed up. my result (board) didn't turn out so well ... and well I decided to give up on all that I had. And among it all, I had my one last hope left. My baby! She stuck around, helped me go through it all, even though she deserved more of the happiness then my misery. So this poem is really a dedication for you honey.

I'm sorry I never ended up posting the other blog I was telling you about. But I hope you thoroughly enjoy this.

forever and always, babe!]

[p.p.s. that photo says "THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE" on the extreme right]

Admission of a Wreck!

2011-05-31T18:13:00.000+05:30

This is probably the first blog I'm writing in the sense it is meant to be written you know. Just a normal account of what has happened. Yes, I'm probably writing this out of guilt. A lot of guilt indeed. And I feel horribly sick. I probably wanna run away from here. Or maybe I just need someone to tell me "It's alright babe, I love you ... don't you ever worry". I guess that isn't happening. So I blogged.

Someone please tell me this, is it really wrong to not want something. Maybe - maybe not. But it sure leaves me feeling very awkward. There has been this problem lately, to which of course I expected rather a different reaction from my girlfriend. Maybe she's right, maybe she's not. I don't know. But I sure feel stupid and more like a dick to have told her what to do. And I know she probably will do it ... even though there was so much of hassle, and she somehow didn't want to ( I could tell from her reaction) so I'm thinking ... wow, she's really sweet ... why couldn't I do the same?

I guess, considering everytime something like this has ever happened before in anyone else' relationship (at least the ones I've noticed) the results pretty expected you know ... they couple comes down to a zero ground without much of a hassle. I don't know maybe they don't wanna fight with each other about anything and anyone else. I wouldn't exactly know however know how it plays out ... mostly because of the fact that this has never really happened before to me. So I guess I was just probably expecting the same. I guess I thought, she'll see it through and you know go like "eh, what the hell ... doesn't matter babe!" But oh well maybe, that's NOT how it works.

Now coming to the point where I feel rather retarded for the entire situation. Well, the problem is I always thought I won't end up in a situation like this. And seeing her reaction, I was like "wow, maybe I'm a dick ... and I shouldn't be having problems ... at least not at the cost of her happiness." And she kept on being so ambiguous about it, and I kept on feeling bad that she had to go through it because of me. See what caught me was the fact that I was confused, that at this particular point do I want to be selfish and bother about the fact that IT'LL BOTHER ME - SO LET'S SEE IF IT BOTHERS HER OR NOT or I had the option of LET'S BE SELFLESS - I SHOULD BE MORE UNDERSTANDING. And I guess I choose the earlier bit. It makes me feel sick. Yes, it does. I feel like this really horrible person. I don't know, maybe it's stupid for me to think that way ... but can I really help it? The answer is No. It will always be there in my mind that I choose this, and she wanted otherwise ... and I decided to be selfish.

If it matters however, I do believe I'm sorry. I just... I don't know ... didn't think it'd turn out that way ... neither did I think the reaction from the otherside will be such, and I'd end up with such feelings because of it.

I just want one more day of happiness. And think about day after: Tomorrow.

I guess my behavior is the perfect catalyst for someone to be ticked at. It's alright, I guess that's alright...it makes sense. I can't complain. I just really hoped she didn't feel that way though. I feel like a prisoner of my own device. If it happened, I would've felt bad ... if it didn't, I still would.

For all of those reading this (and I know I have a small "readers group") if it doesn't make sense ... I'm sorry ... I really don't think it will, or was suppose to. If it does ... I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Heavy goodbyes. Easy hellos.

2011-05-18T17:09:00.000+05:30

If you ever thought everything ends in dismay, or perhaps sorry will bring this world down, or that pain is all around, then I'd suggest that you go the the ARRIVAL section of an Airport. It's quite the exotic place. You know, Mother picking up her child arrives from college, Father being received by his sons because he was out on a official tour, parents being received by their son and daughter-in-law after they arrive from a world tour. Wives picking up their husbands, Husbands picking up their wives, Boyfriend picking up his girlfriend, and so on.

Everyone has their own stories, some sweet, some mad, some angry, some hurtful, some quite variant in their nature to that of everyone else. But of it all, they ALL have one thing in common. That's love. The love that they feel for each other, the love that has made them come to this arrival section, to pick up their dearest ones, the ones they longed for so long.

You know, that son wanted to go to a law school and well there was a lot of fuss about him going there between him and his parents. If one saw them then, they'd think they're a wrecked family! The father is quite so never around because of his business trips, their family always has this huge vague in their circle, and the only fill for it is 200 Miles away! The parents who went on the world tour, well they were about to have a divorce, they filed it, but their son and daughter-in-law suggested they got for a world tour, just another way to give another chance to their relationship. That wife who went to pick up her husband? Yeah, he was away for serving his nation and they hadn't met for 8 months now. The couple, that'd be the boyfriend and the girlfriend, the always fought ... it got quite so gruesome if you ask me at a point.

But at that moment, then and there, it didn't matter. Because everyone's sad story had a happy ending to it. Well maybe not happy ending, but definitely a moment of spark that mattered. But one would be quite surprise to notice that love, actually never quite runs out, or gets wasted. It's there. Always. You just have to find it. In the billionth of fights, only one kiss really matters. That's the one that fixes all of the problem. You can see that when you're standing at the airport. Everyone is just so excited to have their loved ones back in their lives. Maybe they'll go home and fight, maybe wait for another few days and fight, or maybe just fight in the drive back home. But they'd know, they have found those loved ones they can fight with.

And at the end of it all, if you ever feel sedated by sorry, think of the Arrival section of an airport. And make the person you're tired of come through those gates. It works. I tried it. Love never leaves you alone. Even when you're the only feeling it. :)And if you really look at it. It's easier to say hellos, then goodbyes. <3

SO FAR AWAY!

2011-04-08T13:45:00.000+05:30

Relationships are well rather a lot of hard work, believe it or not! Even the finest of relationships can fall into pieces if adequate time, understanding and effort isn't given to it! Well, of course that's the most basic of facts that everyone knows about relationships... so what is this entire blog about? Well read on, you'd find out yourself

You see, there is always this one person who always loves more in a relationship. Try not being that person, it's a bitter feeling. Which of course, doesn't mean you shouldn't put your heart and soul into making this relationship the most special thing, but you know just some downsides to be reckoned with! Well here is the thing, once you do figure out that you're the one who loves more, it'd always remind you that the other person falls short in some way or the other and you'd always want them to try harder. Happens with everyone.

What really does bother pretty much anyone in a relationship is when the other person starts taking them for granted, intentionally or unintentionally... either way, hurts a bitch. See what bothers is the fact that somehow, you are always suppose to understand, and change your plans because supposedly the other persons plans are more grande! Well that's not true, in a relationship there is no "my problem is more serious, or bigger". Both the people need to see what they can do to satisfy the other person, that's why you compromise in a relationship not sacrifice !

Expressing ones views are a major concern! You see, it all starts when you want to communicate but just becomes a dull activity because the reciprocative signals are aghast or even dead! Neither the guy nor the girl are magicians and as you kids like it now a days, Edward Cullen! No one can actually read anyones mind, shocking ... but nonetheless true indeed! Ever wondered why things go awry and you can't do anything about it? Well it's probably because you're not communicating your feelings thoroughly! Look it up on the net, and you'd find tons of thread posts referring to the same! You have to tell us that you'r sorry and mean it and make sure that we understand. Saying sorry isn't enough, I mean if someone hurt you would you be satisfied with just a sorry? No! of course not, so why do the same? Make them feel that you're sorry for what happened and you want to fix it. And it's not only about apologizing. If you can't express your love, even that goes down the drain, majorly! I mean how do we know if you can't tell us you love us. Yes it's not a routine exercise, but everyone needs to reminded (and believe me - a lot of times) that you love them, not just verbally, but physically, emotionally, etc, etc! Don't expect the other person to always take the initiative to hold your hands, to kiss you, to tell you that s/he loves you or pamper you! You're not here for recreational purposes! You're suppose to do all that your other partner is doing as well!

There are so many reasons that things can go wrong, not listening to the other person, not understanding, undermining, etc, etc. Probably one last one that i'll blog about today is how s/he is the last person to be bothered about. See, when that starts happening, it's a m.a.j.o.r. concern! If you're concerned about what your friends and family will think about your action more then how the other person would feel if you acted in a particular way, well then that's a big bad ass no! Few things need to be understood here however:

no one is trying to snatch you away from your friends, and most definitely family.
it's not like your act is something of felony, it's something in regards to the relationship.
it has nothing to do with offending anyone or anything of that sort, because if that be the case, everyone is very smart i'm sure s/he would always understand why you decided to put your friends and families concerns above theirs!

But if it isn't as mentioned in the last point above, that is bound to leave some mark and a lot of scars! All of us should be more empathetic towards each other, and it's your relationship at the end up the day and only you can make your call. If you choose to bother about silly little things and how they'd effect your image over the other persons feelings and concern then it shows something about you and not necessarily positive.

Just because a person works out a solution to problems whenever they arise, doesn't mean they'll do it always. Sometimes you need to do it to show that you actually care about this relationship and about his/her feelings. Don't run or shy away from facing the consequences or the situation. Both of your actions brought it upon you guys, then be sensible enough to figure out a solution to the problem. Don't wait for the other person to do it always! Don't push someone so much that they fall right off the cliff, because once that happens, there is no coming back. Guys must not go mad and crazy about every little tip off, and girls do not have to cry about everything that is not going according to their fairy tale version of "real life"

Breaking up is the easiest of things to do! Making a relationship is what proves that you're meant for it. It's better to fix what matters to you and what you love rather then let it all fall apart!