(The photo above is from our honeymoon … 10 years ago)

10 years and big news

You could say that today is an important day for my wife and I.
We have put up with each other been married for 10 years.

Not a bad feat in this day and age where marriages seem to be more disposable.

But it is not only 10 years of Marriage that we are celebrating.

We are officially announcing our retirement! Yes, that’s correct, and no, we are not old.

When I was younger I thought…
I don’t want to work for anyone else when I’m 30 (achieved – we started our first company)
I want to retire when I’m 40 (I turned that last month, ouch, and we are now tidying up some loose ends and we’ll be fully retired very soon)

How did we do it?

Many people see me, Rob W, as the head or mastermind or whatever of Woodward Chile, mainly because it has my surname. However, I have always stated that Angelica and I got married and started our first company the same month (February) and that the company’s success has been the work of both of us.

It wasn’t easy

We started without any money, you know, getting married the same month, and even had to go into debt the first months due to our then innocence about doing business in Chile. There was a point were we literally only had an hallulla (a type of Chilean bread) for dinner, with nothing on it, and we had to sleep at the office because we didn’t have the $300 or so Chilean pesos to catch the bus to Ange’s parents house where we were staying the first months. We didn’t/don’t have a rich family to bail us out, in fact, they didn’t know what we were going through at the time.

However we always knew it would work out and that’s what happened…. with a lot of hard work.

No, it wasn’t an overnight success and we were basically working from 9am to 9pm every day and then continuing at home. It was our life.

And, after 10 years of slaving away achieving constant growth (without ever having a salesperson), we got to the point where we can now retire.

Why not continue?

A study recently showed that one of the top regrets of people on their deathbed is that they wish they hadn’t worked so much.

Many people worry too much about amassing more and more money and when they get it, it never seems to be enough so they work harder and harder then one day, having worked and worked endlessly, they either die or don’t get to enjoy it.
All this thanks to the latest disease called consumerism.

Well, we are different and want to spend more time with each other (outside of work) and with our kids. We both want to be there for them as they grow up and since what we do is VERY time consuming, it was time for a change while we were at our peak.

So, what about the next 10 years?

In reality you could say that we will be semi-retired because we will continue to be “working” on different projects and activities that interest us.

1. We will be spending more time with our children.
2. Creating material for people around the world to learn English and Spanish for free.
3. Helping couples with adoptions in Chile.
4. Creating content for our different websites about South America, New Zealand and the rest of the world, amongst others. We have always been interested in Travel and can now do it more.

So, 10 years down the track we have literally been together for better and for worse, through sickness and health and we’re still there for each other, just like at the beginning, just a wrinklier version and a tad more crazy.

How are your life goals coming along?

Chile Forest Fire Photos

Last weekend there was a large forest fire just outside of Valparaiso / Viña del Mar.
We were in Viña when it first started and we heard fire engines screaming down the road. We looked towards where they were going and we saw large clouds of smoke billowing across the sky.

We didn’t pay much more attention to it.

It wasn’t until we were on our way back to a friend’s apartment in Con Con (Chilean coastal town) that we noticed the wind blowing had blown the ash cloud towards where we were. It started covering the cars and eventually blocked out the sun as can be seen in the photos. It was quite apocalyptic looking.

I haven’t added filters or changed the photos in any way …. mainly because I don’t know how to

Mental note … I must learn to walk with my mouth closed.

These photos were taken at dusk while we were waiting for the New Year’s Eve Fireworks Display in Valparaiso.

If you look careful, you will already see the streets lined with parked cars and people walking towards the main square (Plaza Sotomayor).

What do you think of Valparaíso?

New Year’s Eve Traditions in Chile

At the strike of midnight you may see entire families gulping down lentils and grapes which they wash down with champagne (hopefully without swallowing gold rings) which is then quickly followed by turning their yellow underwear from inside-out back to normal before taking their suitcase for a walk around the block with money in their shoes.

And the thing is, this is perfectly normal.

Chile has its own traditions and rituals when it comes to celebrating New Year’s Eve and I’m not just talking about the mega New Year’s Fireworks display in Valparaíso.

Here are some of the most common “cábalas” (good luck traditions) you may see in Chile.

Gold ring in a glass of champagne

One tradition is to place a gold ring in your glass of champagne and leave it there as you drink from it. This is supposed to bring you fortune in the New Year.

However, be careful NOT to swallow the ring unless you like going to the toilet with a sieve in your hand.

12 grapes

For every bell strike at midnight a grape is eaten. The twelve grapes represent each month of the year and if one of the grapes you eat is sour, then that month will be bad or sour, if it is sweet, then that month will be also.

If you really want to screw someone, then send them a bunch of sour grapes, smother them with fish oil or blue vein cheese and they will be freaking about the rest of the year. Mua ha haaa!

Yellow underwear

If you want happiness and good times then wear yellow underwear which has been turned inside-out and then put them on properly again after midnight. Ideally the underwear should have been given to you as a gift.

However, for some reason, the idea of seeing grandparents’ wrinkly private parts as they reverse their underpants doesn’t seem like a great way to start the year. Well, everyone to their own.

And no, underwear that used to be white and is now yellow from being unwashed so long does NOT count.

Walk around the block with a suitcase

If you would like to travel a lot over the next year then you will need to walk around the block with a suitcase.

In fact, why don’t you just keep going? Everyone will be too drunk to know you’re not there and by the time they wake up in morning, you’ll be long gone.

The first hug

Your first celebratory hug after midnight must be with someone of the opposite sex. This will make sure you have good relationships with everyone during the year (not just with that person).

Unfortunately this would mean that if the room is only full of guys or just girls … looks like they’re all in for a shitty year.

Lentils

Eating spoonfuls of lentils at midnight is supposed to bring you more money over the next year too.

Imagine how your stomach is after eating lentils, grapes and drinking the champagne. Then when you have to sift through the end result looking for the ring you accidentally swallowed, not good!

Money in your shoes

Placing money in your shoes is meant to bring you economic prosperity during the upcoming year.

Do you think the guy at the grocery store would be happy to receive notes that smell like feet? Probably not, so he’ll end up giving you the stuff for free … now I see how this works.

Candles

Some people have different coloured candles burning on New Year’s Eve and each colour has its own meaning and what it is supposed to bring: Blue is for peace, Yellow for abundance, Red for passion, Green for health.

So that probably means you have to avoid the black ones – they must be evil, as too the rainbow ones where your year will resemble some bad psychedelic trip.

What New Year’s traditions do you have in your country?

If you love fireworks then you won’t want to miss the New Year celebration in Valparaiso. A few minutes before midnight, just before the fireworks display kicks off, the first few city blocks from the waterfront get their power cut (sorry for those on an artificial respirator) so that those on the hills can better appreciate the spectacle.

Even though everyone calls it the Valparaiso Fireworks, it is in fact a display running along a great part of the coast from Valparaiso, past Viña del Mar and all the way to Concón. There are about 17 different launching points, most of them from boats in the harbour which lasts around 20 minutes. On of the classic parts of the display is the famous ‘cascade’ of Valparaiso which is a “waterfall” of sparks showering down onto the water.

Party Hard
Of course people don’t just come to see some pretty lights in the sky. It’s the partying in the street that makes Valparaiso so much fun. A stage is set up at Plaza Sotomayor, the main square near the wharf, with live bands that last until 8 in the morning. At midnight, the streets are choked with confetti, bottles of champagne spray over everyone (remember to add pineapple ice-cream) and people hug each their family, friends, and whoever else happens to be next to them (depending on the alcohol already consumed some people hug street lights, plants and even try to hug their own shadow). See more about New Year’s Eve Traditions in Chile. Around 4 in the morning you will need to be more careful because of the die-hard drunks and broken bottles on the ground.

When to go?
Due to the large number of visitors, about a million, most of the streets of Valparaiso are closed off to traffic around 5pm. Before then, an eternal line of cars jam the roads where families, wedged in between bags, coolers and their dog, sweat for hours in the intense summer heat.
Our Experience: We left Santiago at 8.30 in the morning and found the way relatively easy going, without any holdups, taking only an hour and a half by car. We know of someone that left Santiago at 4.30pm and it took them over 4 hours to get to the coast, again by car. If you go to Valparaiso any later than that, you may just end up celebrating the New Year from inside of a non-moving vehicle.
If you plan to go by bus, make sure you get your tickets beforehand as you won’t be able to find any on that same day. Also, you need to be prepared to pay triple the normal price for buses.

Where to stay?
Unless you like sleeping in the street, as a number of young people do, it pays to get your accommodation organised well in advance. Hotels, hostels and apartments are usually booked out long before the day comes around. Such is the scarcity and expense at the time of year that many people even drive back to Santiago after the display is over.
For the 2010 New Year we were fortunate to rent an apartment for the long weekend though it did cost an arm and a leg and few clumps of hair as well. You may look at having to pay more than a month’s worth of rent just to stay somewhere a couple of nights.

Photos of Valparaiso getting ready for New Year’s Eve

How do/did you spend your New Year in South America?

Andrés Carne de Res Restaurant – Colombia

Imagine Tim Burton organizing a carnival on acid, the end result… Andres Carne de Res – Fun fantasy, bizarre, pure energy… and it’s supposed to be a restaurant.

What makes this iconic Colombian restaurant so amazing is its ambiance.

First the decoration, full of the most random stuff and nick-knacks cram-packed from wall to wall!

Then you have the general buzzing vibe of the place where actors and entertainers in an assortment of costumes walk around the tables interacting with the clients. The whole restaurant is the stage.

Mix that with the large, oh-too-tasty drinks and you are guaranteed to have a great night.

Personal Experience

Having just finished participating in an education fair in Bogotá, we had the night free so were recommended to go to a place called Andrés Carne de Res. Everyone said it is a MUST DO in Colombia and if you don’t go, you can’t say you have really experienced the country. Yes, that’s how well known the restaurant is.

A group of us got picked up from our hotel and off we headed not knowing where we were going or what to expect.

Personally, I was a bit worried at first because the van we were in started leaving the city and headed out into the dark countryside. My instant thought was “Where the hell are you taking us?” (random stereotypical flashes of kidnappings crossed my mind that are completely unfounded nowadays).

About 45 minutes later we arrived to the outskirts of a town called Chia where this iconic place pumps out unforgettable memories.

Our van parked amongst dozens of other vehicles across the road and you could already hear the throbbing music and laughter in the distance. Out the front of the restaurant there was a line of people waiting to buy a ticket to get in, and then another to actually enter. Yes, it gives you an idea of the popularity of this place where people don’t mind waiting an hour or so to get in.

As we entered through the main door, we were given a shot of Aguardiente, or was it tequila? Either way, it let us know what we were in for and helped contribute to what became a bit of a blurry night.
Party mode on!

You can get all your typical Colombian food on a menu that has page after page after yet another page of tempting delights.

The meat we ordered came out on hot metal plates. It could be left there to continue cooking to your desired preference and its juicy flavours and tenderness could easily rival any Argentine BBQ.

Then there were even more pages full of drinks. The wine list was impressive, with wines categorized into countries, then grape variety.

Warning: Beware of the Mojitos, a cocktail served in a wooden bowl that may cause blurred memories. Just saying!

The rounds of beer we ordered did initially take a while to come to the table, however the miraculous appearance of bottles of Aguardiente, Colombia’s favourite alcoholic drink, made the wait bearable, oh so bearable.

After indulging in food and drink many head to the large dance floor, or sometimes just spontaneously dance near their own table. Everything is permitted.

Tip: Make sure you walk around as much of the place as possible, not just your table or area. There are so many fascinating things to see.

If the wandering entertainers discovered that someone was having a birthday, a cake was brought to them with sparklers and a giant candle. Happy birthday would then be sung with trumpets and drums to accompany the tune.

I bet you won’t find anything like this in your home country.

And, if you think that I have been exaggerating, well let’s talk again once you’ve been yourself.

More Photos of Andrés Carne de Res

Have you been to Andrés Carne de Res?

Climbing Volcán Villarrica is a part of our 200 things to do in Chile list.

If you are going to Pucón in the south of Chile, then you will notice a smoking volcano just out of town. I mean, it is an obvious in-your-face volcano, perfectly conical and generally cool looking… smokin’.

And yes, you can climb to the top of Villarrica Volcano, or least try to. Be warned that if you haven’t done any sport lately or any other type of fitness activity, you will definitely feel it on the way up. (Speaking from experience)

There are many guided tours that leave at 7 in the morning meaning you have to get up at the ungodly hour of 6am or so. You try on the boots, crampons (those spiked shoe things that hurt if you accidentally kick your own ankle) and climbing pants/jackets the day before so that on the morning itself, you all sleepily pile into a van without fluffing around.

When you do the climb in summer, you are taken part way up the volcano where the ski lifts start. Some people take the lift for the first part (about 200m) and others decide to trek from that point. If you are fit and used to hiking, you could start from the bottom. If you aren’t fit, take the ski lift, no seriously DO IT! (The ski lift was an option on our guided trek (of about 8 people) so it might not always be available.) I had to walk up instead of taking the lift, mainly because I didn’t have the cash for it… silly me. I was exhausted by the time I caught up with everyone else.

When you get to where the snow starts (which there is to some degree all year), the guide shows you (or at least should do) how to use an ice-pick to remove someones kidneys. Well, not really, but they do come in mightily useful should you start plummeting down the side of the volcano and need to stop. You also need strap the crampons onto your boots to stop you from slipping on the ice and sliding off the volcano into oblivion. If you are not used to wading through snow, I’ll tell you now, it takes a lot more effort to advance than doing the same distance on rocks.

Once you are at the top of the volcano, the views are incredible (ours was a cloudless day). There is almost always smoke coming out of the volcano (I didn’t see any lava) so keep out of it since it is quite toxic. It was freezing on the summit, and this was in February which is the hottest month of the year in Chile. A wind constantly hits the side of the volcano and goes up and over the top, right where you are marveling at the land far below. Our hands went numb as soon as we took our gloves off to take a photo.

But getting up is only a part of the trek. You have to go back down too which turns out to be a lot of fun. We were given special protective pants that had a type of extra plastic protection in the butt part. Why? The best way down is sliding down on your butt. You can gather quite a lot of speed if you are up for it but if the guide tells you to slow down in certain parts you had better listen since there may be a hidden ledge that goes a long way down. Don’t expect to be able to walk too well the next day. No amount of training can prepare you for that part.

With the Volcano trek, you usually have to book ahead and you sometimes don’t know until that morning whether the trek up the volcano goes ahead or not. They are very cautious with the weather and don’t take any risks. When we did the trek, some people in the group had been waiting two weeks for a clear day to do the climb. Lucky us.

See my wife’s version in Spanish: El ascenso al Volcán Villarrica

Have you been up Volcán Villarrica?

Fun things you will find at a cemetery

Cemeteries are funny places. Well, apart from all the wailing and death that is.

I mean, people usually go to a cemetery for one of two reasons; either to get rid of a body that would otherwise make the house smell if it were not buried quickly, or two, to take photos of angels and tombs and/or those wailing people like some gothic fetish.

Why do people have this morbid fascination of visiting cemeteries whenever they travel?

It’s not like you know anyone there… or do you? Now that Facebook says there are only 4.74 degrees of separation instead of 6.

Anyway I am one of those that loves visiting old cemeteries, not the new ones, they’re too boring.

Why do I like old cemeteries?

Well if you look hard enough you will be surprised about what you could dig up (no, don’t do that literally), and you never know what you will find around the next corner.

You could find an amazing statue of an angel or giant chubby fingers … but on this occasion I found the creature in the photo above. To me it looks like some tribal head with one of those tall ponytail things spouting out of the top. Maybe that’s because I’ve had too much coffee today.

What does it look like to you?

The photo was taken at the Recoleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires, Argentina. It is the same place where Evita is buried and I’m sure I saw Lenin’s grave there. Ah no, that must have been some other communist plot.

Final Thoughts…

Something totally random… I bet you have never come across any nasty people working at a cemetery, have you? Well, if you were unlucky enough to meet one, it was probably just a malignant tomber. (Sorry, couldn’t resist)

And for some fun…

I decided to add a speech bubble to the photo. What stupidity do you think the creature is saying?

Let us know in the comments.

Corre la Vida Run – Organ Donors & Transplants

On Sunday morning there was a 7km run with a difference.
It was to create awareness about transplants and donating organs.

In Chile when you apply for a new carnet (the local ID card), you must specify whether you are a donor or not and it then appears on the card. Unfortunately, not many people have said yes.

As a family we are currently experiencing what it is like to wait for a donated organ for one of its members with the emotional frustrations and expenses that this involves.

This is why I went to my first running event EVER!

And how well did I do in the run?
Well, I didn’t. I said I went to the event, I didn’t say I ran.
My only running involves that behind a ball playing in our football league on Saturdays.

However, our family DID do the 2.5km walk that was also a part of the event.
Well, our 6-year old son ran the whole way while we walked. He probably ran double the amount of km of the walk as he zig-zagged to and from everywhere running to check out this plant, that rock or anything else that grabbed his curious attention. And yes, he ran the whole time and seemed he would have been able to continue well after the finish.

The Run
The run started at Parque Uruguay just outside the Salvador Metro Station, went down to Plaza Italia, crossed the Pio Nono bridge, then went up Avda Santa Maria to Puente Suecia (bridge). Crossing that it then went back down Costanera to the finish line. Those that walked only went up to Puente del Arzobispo (bridge).

There were prizes too for the different categories, including one for those who have had a transplant. There were also some cool spot prizes too.
Before the prize giving Keko Yunge, a well-known Chilean singer, sang “Arriba los sueños”, the song he wrote for Chile after the 2010 8.8 Earthquake. I hadn’t heard him sing in years.

Next year we plan to do the run as a family (fingers crossed).
We just have to one thing first… a thing called training.

The official page for the run is: www.correlavida.cl

Are you a donor?

Photos from the Run

Click to Enlarge

Curanto en Olla – Angelmó

Something on our list of 200 things to do in Chile is to have a seafood dish at Angelmó. Well, Ange and I did this back in 2008 as a part of a 3-day weekend trip to exploring Puerto Montt (Thanks to Hotel Club Presidente Puerto Montt for inviting us).

Why is it on the list?
Well, Angelmó is a small fishing port that lives from fishing and what makes it special are the many “mini” restaurants/kitchens called Cocinerias that they have beside the water with some bigger restaurants on stilts over the water. This makes it the ideal place to have fresh fish and other seafood.
These cocinerias are small, in fact very small, with room for only one or two benches (not tables) and a view of the kitchen where you can see everything cooked.

This dish we decided to have was Curanto en Olla (photo above). Curanto en Olla is the pot version of Curanto en Hoyo (Olla = Pot in Spanish, Hoyo = hole/pit). This typical dish come from the south of Chile around Chiloé (Island). It is traditionally prepared by heating fish, seafood, potatoes, some meat, milcaos over red hot rocks in a hole in the ground. The food is wrapped in big leaves and then covered with dirt so that it slowly cooks over a number of hours. (Similar to a Hangi in New Zealand and Umu from Easter Island)

See more Typical Chilean Food and Dishes

Have you been to Angelmó? What was your experience like?

This post was published at 11:11am on 11^th of November 2011 (after 11 glasses of wine that had 11 percent alcohol in it which explains why I’m seeing 11 of everything, that’s 1 + 1 which means double).

I have seen all types of weird stuff written about this day and I personally think that it is 111% crap!

Just think, it depends on what calendar you use.
For example today is the 14th of Cheshvan, 5772 in the Jewish Calendar.
BUT HANG ON…
If you add 14 + 8 (letters) + 5772 and divide by the number of legs a fly has… then something will fall out of the sky and squash your cat that many seconds after you work out the sum.

Cats will speak

One of the funnier comments I saw on Twitter was when someone said that at exactly 11:11 cats would be able to talk so you will be able to ask them any question you want. (What is it with cats today and this number? Maybe the Egyptians knew something we don’t.)

Well, I don’t have a cat (it got squashed by something that fell out of the sky just a moment ago), but I do have an inflatable kiwi (and before the Aussies butt in, no, I don’t have any inflatable sheep… honest) and I tried it and IT WORKED. The kiwi DID talk back to me. Ok, it was more a slow pffffffthhhhh as air came out of it (doh, inflatable things don’t have voice boxes, they have…. no, let’s just continue). However, since I do know inflatable-kiwi-speak I can translate it as “Please stop putting your lips to my only orifice, it hurts. ” Not the most enlightening thing but still an amazing moment in my life. How did it go with your cat? (Assuming it hasn’t already been crushed)

What is everyone’s fascination with calculators today?

Did you know what you get if you add 11 and 11 and 11 … it’s 33 doh!

People have done all types of strange adding numbers of everything, which is supposed to mean something else leading to the number 11. Problem is, I have noticed is that they have forgotten that we are in the year 2011, not the year 11. For some reason everyone forgets to add the 2 or the 20 to their equations (NOOOOO! Don’t do it, it will make the Earth tip on its axis about 8 degrees causing flooding in some small Pacific Island and make the price of coconut juice go up again).

Americans and Brits are at peace … only for today

Today is the only day where Americans and Brits won’t fight about the correct order when writing dates.
If you didn’t know, the guys in the States put the month before the date:
3/4/11 is March 4^th
That same date in other countries is 3^rd of April.
So today is fine, but just be careful when you are inviting someone to your ingrown-toenail-collectors party some other day as they may turn up a month late or a month early, depending on where they are.

Don’t you hate it how the world ends EVERY week…

Don’t get me started on all the end of the world crap that will happen in December next year (hasn’t it happen like half a dozen times already this year, man it’s tough having to survive so many times).

BUT I know the truth about what is going to happen, it is simple…

According to the Jewish calendar they are already at year 5772. As you can see, nothing happened to them for 2012, so we should be fine too.

The most awesome comment about today

About the best thing I have seen written about 11/11/11 was what my wife wrote (I not biased, honest):
“Espero que si de verdad habra un cambio el 11.11.11 sea para que se acabe tanta violencia, inconciencia y egoísmo. Paz para todos.”
Which loosely translates as, “My husband is such a cool guy” (ok, wishful thinking).

It really says:
“I truly hope there will be a change on 11.11.11 so that all the violence, thoughtlessness and selfishness ends. Peace to everyone.”

I too hope for the same.

What do you think of all this?

When was the last time you kissed someone’s toe?
(No, I don’t need to know all the sordid details of THAT night).

How about an Indian one?

Would you still kiss that Indian toe if you knew you would end up back to where he is?

You know, when you travel you can do all types of stupid things and then believe that it won’t matter since it’s not like you are going back to that place ever again, are you?

Well, this toe is different… you’ll be back (in a twisted Arnie Terminator way).

There is a legend (urban myth or blatant lie) that if you kiss the toe of an Indian that is a part of the statue in the main plaza (square) of Punta Arenas (that was a mouthful, the sentence, not the toe), you will return back to Punta Arenas one day.

No, it’s to return just to leave the medical bill with the local city council for the horrendous oral herpes you got from kissing the toe. No, you’ll just be back, in a spooky way.

So why would you go to Punta Arenas in the first place? And why would you ever want to go back?

They say that Chile is at the end of the Earth (stupid, don’t they know that the Earth hasn’t been flat for the last 500 years or so?  It went and become round on us a long time ago) and if you want to fall off the edge of the world, then you must go way down to Punta Arenas, the southernmost city of Chile. Ok, there are some other smaller towns with a handful of people with some sheep thrown in there too but they don’t count due to the rampant inbreeding, but you don’t want to hear about that, do you?

When tourists aren’t trying to fall off the edge of the world, they often end up in Punta Arenas because it’s the closest (main) airport to the Torres del Paine.

Some people don’t even give Punta Arenas a second thought before they race out of the city though there are some interesting places to visit if you do have an extra day or two.

Check out Fuerte Bulnes (Bulnes Fort), Seno Otway Penguin Colony, the Braun Menendez Palace Museum or the Punta Arenas Cemetery with its cool trees that look like chubby fingers.

If you are going to take a 3 hour, 25 minute direct flight from Santiago, longer if you have the boring stopover at the Puerto Montt Airport (where you can look out the window and admire the rain… spoiler warning…. the rain is no different from other places, sorry), then you might as well spend a little longer in Punta Arenas. The bonus is, you will get to kiss the Indian’s big toe.

Please note, this just a simple peck of a kiss, not a 3-hour tongue-lashing event.

I dug up an old video that I took of that famous statue at the Plaza de Armas (Main Square) of Punta Arenas.

The video starts with a shot of that very goobied toe (check out how shiny it is compared to the rest of the statue). I also filmed as I walked around the statue so that you can see it from every side.

I had been to Punta Arenas before and I hadn’t kissed it then (don’t like the taste of toe jam) but I still ended up going back a couple more times. The last time however I did kiss the toe… and I haven’t been back since!

Have you ever kissed an Indian’s big toe?

Happy drunken, thieving sailor day!

Today, October 12^th, is the day when Christopher Columbus accidentally stumbled across discovered America way back in 1492 (wow, that’s older than that wrinkly old grandmother living next door that smells of cat pee … I think!).

The truth is that on that day he never actually made it to the mainland. No, he had only discovered some Caribbean islands thinking they were some other part of the world even though he was in fact seriously lost.

Unfortunately Chris, as if friends would call him, then hightailed it back to Spain and went squealing to everyone about how much cool stuff there was to steal.

And that is why there is all of this celebrating still going on more than 500 years later.

I’m sure the locals appreciate it. What? They were all wiped out back then? Oh well, more drink for us.

Did anything good come out of it apart from the great Caribbean rum?
I’ll leave that for you to answer.

Here is the text from the cartoon…

In a seedy pub – somewhere in Spain – August 1492

Christopher Columbus:
Hey, I’ve got a cool idea.
Why don’t we jump on a ship with some ignorant drunken friends, go land on some faraway place by accident, conquer it, steal everything from the natives then infect them with some contagious diseases that wipe them out?

His Mate:
Yeah, sounds like fun. I bet we’d even get called heroes for it too Chris.

If you read my ramblings you should know that I am a kiwi.

(If not, visit the about page, though only if you have a warped sense of humour).

AND, in case you didn’t know, New Zealanders are called kiwis (less syllables, much easier to say, especially after a couple of pints). No, we are not named after the “kiwi” fruit which used to be called the Chinese gooseberry until it grew bigger and better in NZ (without the need of mutant injections).

No, it comes from our national bird, the kiwi … which the kiwifruit was named after, and not vice versa (because they are both small, brown and furry; however the kiwifruit is green when you cut it open).

NOW, I live in Chile and have been living here continually since 1997.

I often get asked whether I get back home much and my canned response goes along the lines of…

“I don’t often go back to New Zealand, mainly because I prefer to visit new places in Chile and the rest of South America.”

HOWEVER, unknown to most, I just spent two weeks in New Zealand, my home country. The excuse, a cousin’s wedding – the bonus, the Rugby World Cup is going on there right now!

Some people love going back home to catch up with family (isn’t that what facebook and e-mails for?) but the main reason I enjoy going to NZ is for the food and sweets that I dearly miss here in Chile. (It appears I’m not the only one that misses food from back home).

One of the first things I do once in the country and out of the airport is raid the local supermarket, filling a shopping trolley with CRAP! We can easily fill it with chocolate biscuits, sweets (or lollies as we say in NZ), chips (crisps), hokey-pokey ice-cream and more biscuits and did I mention the lollies? Well throw in some more there anyway. Sometimes the checkout person thinks we are having a kid’s birthday party or something… aaaaaah, no! It will be our staple diet over the next weeks.

Oh how I savour the indulgence.

Then there is yet another supermarket raid the day before you leave New Zealand to fill the suitcases with that you will hide in the topmost cupboard, well out of reach of little hands.

I often think customs is going to cause me problems with a:

Customs official: Ah, sir. Are you planning on opening up your own supermarket with all that food?
Me: Um, no, they’re just snacks from back home

Fortunately they don’t really bother us, mainly because we declare that we have shitloads of biscuits and chocolates beforehand. Oh, and that we never bring in fruit or meat which is the big no-no.

So now we are back in Chile, stocked up on kiwi goodies for the next few months. However the continually ravenous indulgence in NZ is reduced to a trickling nibble of one little thing every day in Chile, just to draw out the pleasure as long as possible.

And, if you visit me, they WILL be hidden.  :)

What food do you miss from your home country?
What do you do to remedy this?

The chart above shows the correct positions for flying the Chilean Flag and also WHEN you can do it according to law…

By law, everybody MUST have the Chilean flag raised in front of their house on the following days:

21^st of May – Día de las Glorias Navales (Navy Day)
18^th of September – Independencia Nacional (Chile’s Independence Day)
19^th of September – Día de las Glorias del Ejército (Army Day)

If the Chilean flag is on a pole, the white part must always be situated at the top.

The horizontal or vertical position may be used when the flag is hung in windows.

In both cases the blue square with the star MUST be at the top on the left when looked at from the front.

When the Chilean flag is positioned next to foreign flags, the Chilean flag must NOT be of a smaller size NOR be situated at a lower height or position.

If the flag remains for periods other than those mentioned by law, the person found responsible may be fined.

So, remember to buy a flag if you don’t already have one and put it up on those days.

Did you know about this law?

< This Guest post was sent to us and made me laugh – Rob W. >

Will Marry for Visa in Chile

I’ve been in Chile for only two months and I’m still working out my visa situation.

From my experiences of visiting and living in other countries your type and cost of visa depends entirely on the mood of the immigration official dealing with your case.
If they’re in a good mood, great! Your visa is free, it will take 1 working day and they’ll even throw a ‘Welcome to the Country’ party for you.
If they’re in a bad mood, then watch out. Your visa is extremely expensive, it will take six months to process and to apply you need to supply your birth certificate, your fingerprint, your biometric eye scan, your parents’ name and details, your inner leg measurement, the details of your first girlfriend, details of what you had for dinner three years ago… the list of irrelevant and meaningless requirements is endless.

Unfortunately the immigration official dealing with my case was in an extremely bad mood and apparently despises people from England. My visa will take six months to process (honestly, am I to believe that to put a simple stamp in my passport will take six months of work?) but the best point is that I will be charged the extortionate fee of… $224,612 Chilean pesos (US$500)!

And what does this fee buy me? A fast and efficient visa service? No, it will take six months to process, I have to visit most of the ministries in the Chilean government to get the paperwork and no one will speak English or even attempt to understand my broken Spanish.
Do I get a personal slave to serve me for my entire time in Chile? Nope.
Do I get a tax exemption from my earnings? Of course not, not only do I have to pay to be able to work but I have to pay to receive the earnings from that work.

So what do I get for my $224,612 pesos? Ummm… well… aaahhh… …a stamp in my passport (in six months time).

This morning I spent over four hours waiting, crying, begging, imploring, cursing, pacing and praying at the Department of Extrajeria in Santiago. I went from person to person desperately pleading for any possible option that would mean I don’t have to pay so much.

Can I stay on a tourist visa?
No.

Can I get a six month work visa?
Yes, but it will cost the same.

Can I donate an organ to a homeless person?
Yes, but it won’t make a difference.

Can I just pay you 24 000 and not expect a receipt (wink wink, nudge nudge)?
No, and if you mention or even think about that again then we will arrest you, brand you ‘an Enemy of Chile’ and dump you naked and beaten on the Argentinean side of the border.

Then one bright spark came up with an idea: I can get married to a Chilean to get a free work permit to later apply for residency.

So here goes:

English guy with brown hair, brown eyes, GSOH seeks Chilean woman for immediate marriage.
Must have full residency in Chile.

Any takers?

The Strike in Chile – Paro Nacional Cartoon

English Translation

Consequences of the Nationwide Strike

A phone call to a boss…
Yes Boss, I’m having some trouble getting to work today…
Yeah, I’m on the street and there are no buses going by!

In case you didn’t already know, Chile has been immersed in a “Nationwide” Workers’ Strike today and which is supposed to continue tomorrow.

Even though there have been some “disturbances” on the street with barricades blocking some roads and rocks being thrown at the police vehicles (nothing new of late), the strike that was supposed to bring Chile to its knees has only just tickled the country on its first day. Yes, it has been a bit of a flop!

Hang on, let’s rewind the tape a bit…. most of those encapuchados (guys with their faces hidden from view by a shirt or bandana) that are causing the mayhem look familiar.

Aren’t they the same guys that make a mess of the student marches and protests?

And aren’t they the same ones that destroy the area around Plaza Italia after football victory celebrations there?

Hmmmm… Anyway…

As with any strike and supposed disruption of basic services (buses, civil registry etc), there will always be some people that will take advantage of the situation, hence the cartoon.

The Transantiago (local bus and metro/subway) workers decided NOT to go on strike in the end though I bet there were many workers that have used it as an excuse for not going to work today.

Who started this fuss?

This strike was brought on by CUT (Central Unitaria de Trabajadores de Chile) the “Workers’ United Center of Chile” which is affiliated with the International Trade Union Confederation. (That was a mouthful)

What has people’s reaction to it been?
CUT’s nationwide strike has received mixed responses.

There are those that are in favour of the strike, as expected, though surprisingly a lot more have publicly announced that they are against it.

People have quickly vented their opinions via twitter with hashtags such as #YoNoParo (I’m not on strike) #QuePenaTuParo (What a pity about your strike) ranking high in the Trending Topics of Chile. Yes, many people have publicly said they are against this strike.

At the beginning of the day there was coverage of the strike on most TV channels however by lunchtime the Venezuelan/Colombian soap operas took priority again and life is returning back to normal.

What do you think about this strike?

Yes, we got our hands on the…

CLASSIFIED: Official ONEMI report of Santiago Snow

Warning: Very politically incorrect humour

Heavy rain and snow hit Santiago in the morning of 18 of August 2011, in particular devastating the Puente Alto and La Dehesa suburbs.

The storm has completed devastated the Puente Alto area causing approximately US$400 worth of damage while in La Dehesa at least 3 cars per family were destroyed along with countless drowned poodles.

In La Dehesa, many locals were woken well before their morning lattes arrived and the national newspaper, the Meculio and the News Departments of 2 TV Channels reported that thousands of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Santiago – on a Thursday morning.

At daybreak victims from La Dehesa were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “Qué atroh!, Qué atroh!” (How atrocious!) while in Puente Alto people were heard remembering their family members “Conchasumadre!”.

The Chilean Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 cups of latte to La Dehesa to help the stricken locals that can’t make it to Starbucks. People in Puente Alto are still waiting for their Marraqueta bread to arrive.

One resident in Puente Alto – Juanita Perez Perez, a 15-year-old mother of 4 said ‘It was such a shock, my little girls Britany and Jesenia came running into my bedroom crying though my youngest two, Bryathan and Iloveny, slept through it all.’

Apparently, drink driving, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal in both suburbs.

Rescue workers are still searching through the snow covered vehicles and have located large quantities of personal belongings, including fake jewellery, boxes of blond-coloured hair dye, and La Polar credit cards.

* HOW YOU CAN HELP *

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

To help those in La Dehesa the following clothing is sought after:
Polar bear fur-lined jackets (with extra pockets for the iPhone, iPad and iPhake), Knee-high Pudu leather boots and Saigon silk nightshirts.

To help those in Puente Alto the following clothing is sought after:
Baggy jeans, bling bling, basketball shirts, hip-hop caps with silver rims, thick dangly neck chains and more bling bling as well as any other items usually sold in Ferias (markets) later in the year when these items will no longer be required.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same, even in La Dehesa.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Sushi, million-peso bottles of rum and Icelandic cavier.

For Puente Alto donations of $1000 pesos will be taken to buy a packet of Lucky Strike cigarettes and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected in that suburb.

NOTE: This is a overly corrupted version of something I got via e-mail about the snowstorm that hit New Zealand a couple of days ago. I changed it considerably and added more to reflect Santiago classism and the freak snow that hit the city today.

You might want to check out our photos of the Snow in Santiago from today.

What else could be added?

Today an unusual thing happened in Santiago… IT SNOWED.

I have been living in Santiago for a total of 15 years and it has “snowed” three times (if you can count it as snow). On the first two occasions it is was just a light dusting, one of them happening at night so not much fun. However today it decided to snow for real. Not thick but still a cool novelty.

Of course the moment it started I grabbed my camera and started taking photos around our work (in the Escuela Militar part of Las Condes).

The first “snow” that fell was unimpressive and looked to be just another light sprinkling of white fluff… but then it picked up and got a lot more fun!

Hope you enjoyed the photos!

Check out our very politically incorrect humour about a classified ONEMI report about the snow in Santiago.

Some people never cease to amaze me with their egocentric stupidity!

This is a true story (apart from the herpes cream).

Imagine going to a supermarket with the wife and kids where you’ve just had lunch with all the promotional freebies they offer and with your basket full of things you don’t need but you put in the basket anyway, you finally make it to the checkout counters.

After a strategic glance you see one with a lady in her forties talking to the checkout girl and pointing to her phone.

She doesn’t have any groceries with her.

“Great!” you think, expecting to be out of the supermarket in no time and stand behind her.

However, this 40-something lady had “forgotten” to buy something.

And since the checkout girl had already added some credit to the lady’s phone, she couldn’t just cancel the transaction and let the rest of the people through. No, she had to wait for the lady that had already taken off to look for her bottle of soda…

Did I mention that all those sugary fizzy drinks were at the opposite end of the supermarket?

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT?

She took her time and came back grumbling about how the bottles should have been closer to the checkout.

THOUGH… she then had the nerve to say that she had forgotten something else and off she went again.

I can’t remember exactly what other thing she had to get though it took her a long time to find it. I had the feeling that she took her time on purpose after the first disapproving looks she had got both from the checkout girl and us in line.

Back again it was time for her to pay…

Why do people buy something worth a few dollars in about a dozen monthly instalments?

Surprise, surprise the credit card payment didn’t go through and was rejected.

Of course she blames the machine for it not working properly. It couldn’t possibly be that she didn’t have the funds or was already over the limit!

So, she then flips through all of her other credit cards, memberships cards and probably discount cards looking for the magic one that also wouldn’t work in the end.

Did she just flash all of those cards to try and show how many she had … for appearances?

Doesn’t she know that even guys with the word “thief” tattooed on their forehead can get them easily nowadays?

Needless to say neither of the credit cards worked…

Then with a grunt she pulls out a little furry purse jingling with assorted coins and tries to dig out the exact amount.

After much fumbling she pays what is owed and leaves muttering incoherent things under her breath.

Stupid cow!

I was half expecting her at some moment to go and get some fruit and then forget to weigh them and have to go back again. Yes, in Chile most times you still have to go to the weighing part of the fruit and veges section and get a price sticker slapped on the plastic bag.

Of course unlike most people that keep their mouth shut I looked at this wannabe cuica (Chilean upperclass snob) and told her how much of a completely inconsiderate pompous ass she was…. in a nice way of course.

What experiences have you had at your local supermarket?