Southern Life at The Marvinator's Place

Southern Math

2012-01-30T03:57:00.000-08:00

Sort of a "DUH" moment here. We were sitting in the bus station downtown and this bus drove by. For those who can't quite make out the writing on the ad, it says "Saving $600 feels like saving $100 like 6 times." Well, those of us who didn't flunk 3rd Grade Math are all going "DUH".

I asked a couple of the other people on the bus to take a look at the ad and tell me what they thought. Two of the three said (I kid you not) "Well, DUH!" The third just laughed.

The reason I include this here is that a) it seems like some sort of slight toward the Suthun Mentality and b) it happened here in the South, so why not? The problem is that this is a national company so I can only surmise that this ad may not have been regional. The fact that the man in the ad is wearing what we might construe as a protective suit worn by a professional race car driver is only compounded by the fact that I know nothing about Nascar, its drivers or their costumes.

Over to google I went and did some searching. Nascar shows only one driver for any sponsored vehicle for the company in the ad and that's not the guy in the ad. A search of race cars and drivers and the company yielded zero results. Who is this guy? Why is his math so strangely compelling? Why do I care?

Just another side effect of life here in the South.

Southun Idioms and such

2012-01-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of Suthun idioms and phrases that make life in the South colorful if nothing else. One of my personal favorites is 'getting yer picher made.' This is what folks say when they stand in front of a camera and have someone trip the shutter. Where the rest of the country says "I'm going to have a photo taken." the suthunah says "Ahm gonna git muh picher made." The photo above attests to this, (like you may be thinking I make these things up) and this photo I took myself just a couple of weeks ago.

Idioms and phrases which identify an area of a group of people fascinate me. (Hey, I'm easily entertained.) Some even are restricted to a such a small group that it may only be two or three people. Sometime ago I heard a story about a couple who could bring about the end to arguments when one of them said simply "I can see the mailbox." (I hear you..."Huh?") It seems that this couple had a story in their past in which one of them drove into a mailbox while the other one gave directions with the phrase "I can see the mailbox." They use this now to tell the other "I can see something which you cannot." and this gives them a handle on such things which fuel arguments. Point of view. I think a lot of families and couples have similar things.

My wife and I have our own. "Sharp Metal!" (yeah, "Huh?") Allow me to explain. Not too long ago we got rid of our above ground swimming pool. The liner had stopped holding water and we made the executive decision to take it down. The WE turned into just me and there I was carefully pulling all the parts out of the pool, disconnecting hundreds of connectors, screws, bolts and what not. Soon it was just a 75 foot piece of metal pool wall and me.

Metal Pool Wall after many hours of hard work.

I carefully put on my heavy leather gloves and told my wife to stand back while I attempted to roll the wall up. I also pointed out to her the spot where the pool filter had been taken out. "Careful," I pointed out, "Sharp Metal there." I went about working on laying out the wall so that I could roll it up. It took me more than an hour or two to pull, jerk and yank this thing into a long line so that it would be workable. (That S*&^t is HEAVY!) At one point I took off my gloves and took a drink. Forgetting to put on the glove, I reached out and - yeah - cut myself on that very same small section of 'Sharp metal.'

Now, we use it to identify those things which are obviously going to come back to haunt us. Watching TV we will see some clue that the director wants us to see. The clue on which the cops will catch the bad guy. That's when one of us will say "Sharp Metal." That says "I caught that reference and I bet it's going to come up later." My scar from where I cut myself throbs ever so lightly.

I'd love to hear some of your own phrases and idioms. Especially if they are Suthun in nature.

I Didn't See You There! (#1)

2012-01-09T04:00:00.000-08:00

Along with the usual posts of "Can Marv ever become a Good Ol' Boy" and "Invention Interventions" I've decided to add a new irregular post. "I Didn't See You There!" which will highlight those things you cannot see. Camouflage. That's right, things so well disguised that they blend in to their surroundings. Items like this.

My first impression of this display is of course "Oh I didn't see those there!" They are too well camouflaged to see them. Then I begin to wonder at the need for such things.

Let's see, you're out in the forest hunting a deer. You're wearing camo jeans, camo boots and a camo jacket, you've got your deer stand camouflaged and you've completed the entire thing with camo equipment. You've even got a camo hat to go with that bright orange vest. Suddenly the deer you are waiting on steps into view. But then without warning, he bolts into the underbrush! "Gracious!" you scream (actually, you probably scream a few obscenities but let's go with "Gracious!") "What has caused this?" Looking around you find it: a plain drinking cup filled with non-light beer. In your ignorance, you purchased plain cups instead of camouflage! You shake your fist at the sky and vow never to make that mistake again.

Of course, the idea that you put down the camo cup in order to pick up your rifle may mean that you won't be able to find your cup later. Can't find it among the brush and grass - why? cuz it's CAMOUFLAGED. Years from now someone will come across it and wonder why a full cup of non-light beer is sitting there on that log.

Or. Just. Maybe...

You can more easily throw your cups into the underbrush without fear of of them being seen. Unfortunately, we'll probably see these scattered about on the roadways where they are quite visible.

Yeah. Makes more sense.

New Year's Resolutions in the South

2012-01-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

No matter where you live, the first day of the new year it is considered tradition to set new goals, make changes in your life and set yourself on a better path with the "New Year's Resolutions." Here in the south, I can only imagine the typical new years resolutions a Suthunah might make..."Get tickets to NASCAR"...."Drink less/more non-light beer"... or even "Clean up around the yard". That last one got me to thinking. No, it's not that I have a lot of rusting appliances, cars on blocks or pieces of projects yet unstarted laying about, it's about the biggest thing in my yard. The Tool Shed.

My Tool Shed. The ubiquitous out-building found on most Southern Plantations the size of my homestead. Plantation may be a bit of a stretch, but let's not get too wrapped up in that. Let's concentrate on that Shed. I use my tool shed for storage of all my WGD (Weapons of Grass Destruction - aka: Lawn Mower) and storage for some of the stuff which I plan on working with on down the road, but mostly, I store my tools in the shed. (Hence the clever moniker "TOOL" Shed. I am nothing if not obvious in my naming of outbuildings.)

Not too long ago, I wrote about my problem in finding and organizing my tools. And so, it becomes my New Years Resolution (cue fanfare) to finally and once and for all, organize my tools in such a way as to be able to find them easily and quickly.

Yep, that's really MY tool shed.

Now, of course, I have no idea how to do this, so I'm giving this a lot of thought (read: sitting here typing about it) before I go out with a new handful of designer bins and buckets. I have two problems when it comes to this organization: The first: Moisture. Even though the Shed is fairly dry (no leaks in its roof) the moisture in the air is enough to rust items sitting in the shed for any particular time. To combat this, I have collected together an impressive array of plastic jars, bins and containers to package some of my more important tools. (This means that even though I've gone to great trouble installing a heavy pegboard, I don't use it because anything hanging on the pegboard would just rust in its place. Go figure.)

The second problem may, in fact, be the most difficult: I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. Yes, I have the plastic bins, and plastic jars and I have the determination to get this done, I still really have a long way to go. My mind fairly boggles at the simple idea of where to keep that special $15 tool which is only for putting wall mud in the corner joints of a room. By itself? With the wall mud? In a designer bin labeled "Why did I buy this instead of borrowing one from my neighbor the Professional Handyman." Sorry, getting a little off track there, but you get the idea.

So, that brings us to you...my regular reader (even the first time reader). I'm enlisting your aid. What I'm going to do is create an organizational set and hope to get your input on this endeavor.

So, here is my New Years Resolution Tool Organizational Plan (opus 1) I'm going to put the tools in groups. Ok, this is nothing new, but I"m adding a new level to this group, the "Main Tools" or even the "Emergency Tool Kit." This is that bag of tools which you grab when you need to do something rather fast, or even rather simple, and you know you keep all the standard tools - (and supplies such as Duck/Duct Tape) in it. I can imagine it holding a Hammer, Pliers, Screwdriver (both slot and phillips) and the aforementioned Duck/Duct Tape but there the mind freezes. What else? What do you put in to the "Emergency Tool Bag" that is important to keep handy? And while we're at it, what other bins do you create over and above the first? You can post here, or on Facebook, or even email me if you prefer to remain anonymous but your input is most assuredly needed and appreciated.

In a while, I will edit this post and give you the official list. (Even then if you see something left out, let me know!)

First addition from Brother Bubba: I recommend adding to the emergency box: box cutter or all purpose scissors, a level (fer pitcher hangin'), and a jar of small nails fer said hangin'. (I don't know why he talks like that, he's not from the south and he lives in Colorado. Must be too much snow on his brain...)

Second addition: Neighbor Bubba suggests a large box of band aids. Neighbor Bubbs would like to be a stand up comic some day. Don't quit the day job.

Southern Advent Calendar

2011-12-24T04:00:00.000-08:00

I would love to say that I found this under my neighbor Bubba's Holiday tree or hanging on his wall, but in truth, someone sent the photo to me. The Suthun Advent Calendar is much like most advent Calendars but instead of chocolate, you get...that's right...beer. I showed this to Neighbor Bubba and his remark was that the designer (designer?) must have been a Nawthunah cuz a true Suthunah would have one case per day and not want to stop at one can per day. "I mean, let's get real here," he said. "You start drinking beer during Christmas, you do NOT want to stop at one can!" (Bubba is a true Suthunah.)

One might wonder at the person who originally designed the 'case' of beer to include 24 cans (or bottles) which is precisely the number of days in Advent. "Also the number of hours in a day." says Neighbor Bubba. This must have been a Southerner to be so forward thinking.

I'd like to take this time to thank you all for another year of readership, and wish you a true Suthun Christmas with BeerVent Calendars and a Non-Psycho Peguin Holiday.

It's a Psycho Penguin Christmas!

2011-12-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

It's a week before Christmas and there's no snow on the ground. I love living in the South. We headed out grocery shopping yesterday and near our house we spotted this. This house usually has about a half dozen blow up decorations on the lawn. You know the type, 8 foot tall blow up decorations that are kept filled by a big fan in the botton and some are even lighted from within.

At night, the homeowner usually shuts them down to conserve energy but in the early light of morning, you get a whole new look. The penguin, front and center is not inflated, and thus gives this whole scene a somewhat CSI meets Stephen King sort of look. (You can almost hear those violins from the shower scene in Psycho going EEEE EEEE EEEE !)

My wife and I looked at this and we both got the same impression. The penguin went all Norman Bates on the rest of the lawn gang. Even the little Christmas tree at the right is leaning over as if smashed by the Psycho Penguin.

I got back in the car to find my wife singing "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. EEEE EEEE EEEE EEE" - yeah, I''m gonna sleep good now...

All this one is missing is a chalk outline...

Hope you have a good and Very Non Psycho-Penguin Christmas!

Suthunaz are Smarter Than You Think!

2011-12-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

I am sick and tired of hearing from my Nawthun Friends about how dumb people are in the South, and I hereby challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Non-Light beers will be consumed before all the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough cut pine. If'n the porch collapses, how many dogs will be injured?

6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances and non-working automobiles to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road in rural Georgia at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. If the temperature is 100 degrees with an average humidity of 85% on a straight 5 mile long road made of aggregate and asphalt, how many empty beer cans will be added to the roadsides in an 8 hour period?

If you got any of these questions right, then you must be a true Suthunuh - cuz I surely didn't.
This weeks post all in fun. Keep laughing. See you next week.

Southern Fried Turkey - An Addendum of Sorts

2011-11-26T07:56:00.001-08:00

It's been a bit longer than I had expected between postings, and for those of my regular readers, I apologize. My life has been divided between work and the remodeling of the bathroom, finalizing it just the day before the Mother-In-Law arrived for a visit. Then there was the holiday and family and then a visit from my neighbor, Bubba.

Bubba is a well known figure in my blog. He is Lord of All Things Barbeque and is a Southern Gentleman of the highest order. We speak many hours about how to become a Southerner and the fact that I may never actually become one. This visit was rather unusual as it concerned a previous post and his inclusion in it - namely, the post about Southern Fried Turkey.

Bubba said he was looking over it and came to a rather startling position, that I have neglected to include one important fact. (Typical of a Suthun Wannabee like me, he says...) Rather than debate the issue, I'll include it here as an after thought, and I will update my other post.

You see, when lowering the turkey into the oil, or taking the turkey out of the oil, one must always remember to TURN OFF THE FIRE. Bubba points out that this is the main mistake that so many novices make, thinking that the fire has to be on continuous. Heat the oil, says Bubba, then shut off the fire and wait a couple of minutes. This means that the metal around the fire ring has cooled to a point where it won't be hot enough to flame should a bit of oil hit it. Now you can stand close enough to the boiling oil to control the turkey as it goes into the pot (or out.) Once in, you can then safely ignite the fire again, (wipe it off first, if you spilled even a bit) without fear of an oil fire. Bubba is the man. He makes a Southern Fried Turkey every year and has never had an oil fire. I consider him the Master of this type of cooking.

It's little things like this that keep me out of the Good Ol' Boys Club. I'll see you all here next time.

A Postal Post and Suthun Engineering

2011-11-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

A few more mailboxes to show you just how good the Suthun Engineer can be. This first one is a bit rural, but it sure is a goody. Goes to show, you can't show ingenuity without a little duck/duct tape. I also like the way this mailbox has been painted a nice rust color just in case it does rust, no one can tell.

This mailbox is more urban, or perhaps suburban. The owner has the right idea. That stand is a workhorse, with collapsible legs. Now, it can be brought in at night, sort of like the family dog.

This one is sort of a hodgge-podge, with a bit of duck/duct tape, some old posts mixed styles of boxes and yes, some rust.

And of course, I save the best for last. This is one of those ladders that was sold on TV and can be put in a multitude of positions. Here, he's using it for a mailbox stand. That's a pretty expensive stand, but ya gotta admit, it gets the job done. I think I even see some baling wire there to hold it in place.

Suthun Man's Toolbox - Baling Wire

2011-11-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

I know I've mentioned it before, but I grew up in Colorado. We spent a lot of time in the summers on a ranch high up in the Rockies (while my mother traveled and probably took a lot of Valium - there were three of us boys, so it's only natural.)

One of the things that I remember from those years is that the owner of the ranch did a lot of repairs on the property. I remember one summer helping him fix a hole in a barb wire fence and another time he fixed bunch of rotten wood on the front of the barn. I'm pretty sure I did a lot of the work, too, but at age 8...maybe not. The other thing I remember about that place was that this was my first introduction to baling wire. My brothers and I used to take pieces of this miracle product and use it to do everything from make metal toys to tie each other up (What, Bubba? You don't remember wiring my hands together and running off cackling?)

Baling wire (aka Mechanic's wire* or soft wire) is a pliable yet sturdy wire (8-14 gauge average) first used in mechanical hay balers pulled behind a tractor. The Balers used a wire twister that first cut and then twisted the ends of the wire such that the bale kept its shape. Baling wire was replaced by Baling TWINE in the 70's (probably by some tofu eating hippy) but you can still find Baling wire available on the market. Once cu tto feed the stock, the wire found immediate and myriad uses - and here in the South (you knew I was going there, didn't you?) The Suthun man keeps a bundle of baling wire in his tool chest along side his duck tape and cable ties.

There was a time (cue flashback sequence) when I was driving my '64 MGB (yes, it was a beauty, in British Racin Green and I miss her terribly, but as usual, I digress...) and the gas pedal stopped working. It was the middle of the night and I pulled to the side of the road and popped the hood where I found the problem to be a broken cable. The cable between the gas pedal and the carburetor had broken inside the cable sleeve. I was looking at a $250 tow job. A passing city worker (Bless his heart) on his way home asked if I needed any tools, and indicated that he had a truck full which I could borrow. I told him jokingly "No, what I really need is a bit of baling wire." You can imagine my expression when he said he had some.

Like a true Suthun Shade Tree Mechanic, I cut off a piece of his 500' spool, (I am still wondering why a city worker in Denver Colorado carried around a 500 foot spool of baling wire and was out in the middle of the night) rethreaded the cable and was on the road again in a matter of minutes. That cable never did act up again, proof of the power of baling wire. (And a big thank you to that city worker wherever he is!)

Now it would seem that I've taken yet another tangent, away from my life as a Suthunah, or rather my life trying to BE a Suthunah, but my history with baling wire is only the tip of the Suthun Iceberg. Even as clever as I am with a bit of baling wire and a pair of pliers, the Suthunah takes this, as usual, to a whole new level. Baling wire is more than a repair item. It's art. It's a way to pass the time. It's a tool in and of itself. Take a piece of baling wire and sharpen the end against a brick and you can create a mini-screwdriver. Bent just right, it can hold a screw in place while you work with it, a nail while you hammer it or a widget while you glue it in place. Baling wire is the cornerstone of the ingenuity of the Suthun Man - men the world over it would seem.

--------------------------------------------------

*It is also known as "haywire," from which the term "go haywire" arose, referring to crazy or mixed up from the wire's use to fix anything in an ad hoc manner.

Size is Everything, Even In Church

2011-10-26T04:31:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I was headed to a friend's house for an evening of beer and poetry (an interesting combination truth be told) and noticed in the directions that my friend had written "turn left at Saint Hiney's Big A** Church." (ok, for the record, there is no St. Hiney and no St. Hiney's Big A** Church. I'm all about the deniability - but he also didn't use the Asterisks either)

At first I laughed at the idea of a church which worshiped large posteriors, (Please, no letters, either for or against the idea of a church which worships any body part) but then we came to the intersection and there off to the side was what I first thought was a business complex. Several connected buildings and a parking lot the size of the Mall of America, hey, it even had its own traffic signal! Then I saw the main building with its spire and the sign "St. Hiney's" and I knew that the description my friend had given me was not the "TYPE" of church, but a description of its size relative to, well, the universe.

Thanks to Google I found a picture of St. Hiney's (remember, not the real name) and I've posted it above. The size is incredible. You can see how huge it is...the main center building and the buildings off to the left there which all are tied together with more buildings and corridors. But that's not all. Here is a picture panned a bit to the right, and what do you see? MORE CHURCH!
That big plantation style building is connected to the church as is the area in between, and by the paint job, I'm guessing there are more buildings out behind it which are also part of this sprawling complex. It may actually spread into the next county, no one is really sure where it ends.

I'm not opposed to Big A** churches, and I'm most certainly not opposed to Big A**s themselves. The reason I bring them up here, is that here in the south, Big A*** Churches seem to be the norm. The bigger the better. (Churches, not A**s)

Nashville is, of course, referred to as the Buckle of the Bible Belt. Now for you that have never heard the term, the Bible Belt refers to a region of the US which covers most of the south, in which studies have found a higher number of regular church attendance per capita. Why Nashville is the Buckle of this belt is for exactly the reason you might expect. Big A** Churches. More shinier, rambling, Big A** churches than most anywhere else in the bible belt, even Atlanta.

So, the next time you're out driving and happen to find yourself in the Buckle of the Bible Belt, be sure to take notice of the Big A** Churches. You can take note of the Big A**s you see, but don't tell anyone I told you to. I have to keep up my reputation, y'know...

Invention Intervention - The Tailgater

2011-10-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

When it comes to odd Suthun inventions, I get some of the strangest photos sent to me. Most are just photos of duck tape and its odd and myriad uses. I also have found that most of them have to do with cars. This invention above is also a car add on, but it would appear that this one has a dual purpose: Grill and Air Foil. (And by Grill I mean the cooking kind not the decorative kind that goes on the front of an automobile or rapper's teeth.)

This is a beautiful addition to an otherwise great car, too (appears to be a Porsche, but I could be wrong...) My feeling is that it is integral, with a generator built in (I wouldn't think that the car power supply is enough to run this electric monster being only 12 volts, so a generator is required) and is not using the heat from the engine to cook that fine meal. (I also hope there's some sort of cover to keep the bird poop and bugs out of it while driving to your tailgating rendezvous.)

It's about Football Season (with the requisite Capital Letters because, to a Suthunuh, Football is Important!) so tailgating comes to mind. Though I never got into football, I sure enjoy the idea of a movable feast such as this. You could take this to work, the kid's band recital or even down to Walmart where you can get the fresh ingredients to cook and then take a break and cook them! And let's face it, cooking in a Walmart parking lot is a dream which we all have to some degree.

I take my hat off to this inventor. I see no duck tape, foam sealant, rope or hot glue which is usually evident to this type of Suthun Invention. (Well, it would be more evident if I had been the builder, I 'spose...) By such, I can't tell if the grill is merely sitting on the air foil, or if it is truly integral - that is, built in (or fixed in place with a tube or two of the aforementioned heat resistant glue, sealant or duck tape). Either way, this is a great invention!

Tailgating without the tailgate! Now that's a suthun invention worthy of note!

Li'l Abner - The Original Suthunah

2011-10-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I don't have to tell you who Li'l Abner is. Or do I? The bulk of those who read blogs and internet stories are usually young enough to have been born after the death of cartoonist Andy Capp and may not be familiar with this iconic comic.

So, a bit of history first. Li'l Abner was a comic strip which ran in the daily papers from 1933 until 1977. It concerned the small Appalachian town of Dogpatch and its wacky inhabitants: most importantly, Li'l Abner, a hulking Man-Boy in torn overalls with movie star looks and Daisy Mae, the woman who is forever trying to get him married (to her) along with a veritable pantheon of other wacky and enjoyable characters.

The reason that Li'l Abner shows up here in my li'l suthun blog is that most people think of Li'l Abner when they think of a Suthunah (and vice-versa!) and in fact, Li'l Abner is responsible for creating most of the Suthun Stereotypes we all know and love. (Love? Well, I don' know about that...)

From Abner's use of such words as 'druthers' and such events as Sadie Hawkins Day (which is celebrated in many towns to this very day) and even his horribly fitting, worn and loved overalls, people grew to believe that suthunaz - ALL Suthunas - are all slow witted, poorly dressed and terribly educated. (Or should that be "edumuhcated"?)

Though I love a good suthun accent, most suthunaz I know have great vocabularies even though they may pronounce 'right' as "rat" and 'fire' as "fur" they usually use words properly. Think more Rhett Butler than Li'l Abner. Other than a few misplaced rhinestones, most suthunas I know also dress properly and I've not seen a pair of worn overalls in years. (I used to have a pair, but I think they got thrown out when they got too worn.)

Regardless of its lasting impression, Li'l Abner has long been part of the fabric of the US. So much so that this little comic strip spawned two movies and even an award winning musical on Broadway. Yeah, good movie. Let me just say this about the movie (the first one)..."Julie Newmar" as Stupifyin' Jones. Nuff said. Now, go rent the movie and enjoy.

Ok. More fun about the South next week.

The Suthun Tool Box

2011-09-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

As I've already pointed out, I've been hard at work on my front bath doing some major remodeling. I don't really mind doing the work until it comes to that point where I need to use a different tool. Not some special different tool, just a different one than I'm currently using. Then it seems I have to spend an inordinate amount of time looking for that new tool. Is it in the basement? No. In the Car? No. Oh how about out in the Shed? No... or maybe it's with the abandoned tools I used to work on the living room last time I was doing work of this nature. Again, no. Back and forth I go, looking, digging and muttering to myself like that smelly crazy guy that lives down on Broadway.

It usually takes me about 30 minutes to find the $#@* thing. Now most guys, after a few minutes, they'd just go out and buy another one. In my case that's probably why I have about a dozen hammers. These days I really can't afford a new tool especially when I keep thinking that there is a really good one sitting around this house somewhere. (Maybe under the bed? No...)

There are times when I need a specific tool I know I don't have AND certainly can't afford. At times like this, I go over to my neighbor the Professional Handyman (gotta use italics cuz he is a pro...as he keeps telling me) and borrow what I need. He will stare up at the trees while I tell him what I'm in need of, and then go right to the spot where the odd little tool resides. He really pisses me off. Now, don't get me wrong, he's got tools spread out much like mine. His are spread across two big vans, a shed and a garage and and probably under his bed yet he always knows RIGHT where some special tool is hiding.

"Oh, that?" he will say and then reach under the front seat of the van and BINGO. The tool emerges. And I curse him. Each. And. Every. Time.

When I look at the layout of his tools and mine, they seem to be about the same. I have them all in buckets, and plastic designer bins. I have a peg board (empty) and several tool carry cases. The problem is that I never know which plastic designer bin or carry case is where the particular tool that I'm looking for THIS time is supposed to be. I keep trying to organize, but once I do, and I end up needing a tool, I think; "Yes, that is a WOOD WORKING Tool and it will be with the other Wood Working Tools in the Wood Working Tools designer bin!"

No. It's not. (Maybe I put it in the carport?)

It may be a suthun thing to be able to arrange tools in such a way that they can be found quickly. In which case it's my DNA which may be lacking, not my organizational abilities.

Ok, so let's try this again...A few more designer bins and cardboard boxes and I'm out to the shed. Wish me luck. Send a search party if I'm not back next week.

Vacation? What is that?

2011-09-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I didn't publish a blog post last week because I was busy. The lovely Mrs and I decided one day that we wanted to get rid of the PINK tile in our bath, leftover from the 60's. (No, we didnt put it in, it's original from when the house was first built.)

We started in one day pulling the little plastic tiles off the wall and discovered (cue music) BLACK MOLD! (cue voiceover: Scream) Now anyone with a little knowledge of this stuff knows that this is not good. Black Mold is known to cause ill effects in people without allergies. Exposure can lead to a sort of poisoning that has numerous symptoms and effects which I will not go into here, but suffice to say we had to get rid of it and in a hurry.

Which references nicely the above picture. That's a 20 Yard Dumpster pulled up in our driveway. My job gave me a week vacation (Vacation? Really?) and we had the big dumpster delivered on Monday. I created a nice ramp to allow us to toss wall parts out the window and for the next few days we attacked the room with gusto. (No, Gusto is not a new bleach, try to keep up, ok?)

It was really a comedy of errors that week, but oddly only a few of them were mine. Most came from past construction or construction standards. Example: We pulled off the tile behind the tub only to find 2 layers: CERAMIC tile over Wallboard over PLASTIC TILE over more WALLBOARD! Strange? According to experts, this is how things were done back in the day. Sheesh.

We pulled out the tub and discovered the floor had all but rotted away. So of course we now had to replace the floor! Oh but before we can do that, we had to chop out the old lead drain and replace with a nice PVC drain. Let's see, we also had to remove aluminum wiring (not to code) pull out the old fan/heater combo (no vent, had to put in a vent!) and basically gut the entire room to the studs.

The only thing that saved me from my own ineptitude is that I have a neighbor (No not Neighbor Bubba) who is a professional at this. He has also been out of work for a few weeks due to the economy and graciously offered to help (after 15 minutes of my begging on my knees) with the drain and floor (and he has some really neat tools!) What he can do with a Saws All is pure poetry. (Side note: My sister says that she knows someone who calls this nifty tool a Sawz Awe. Go figure.)

I ran out of vacation (vacation? really?) before I ran out of things to do. I am now working on getting the wallboard (yes, the green stuff, mold and moisture resistant) installed along with new fixtures but I have to work on the weekends. Such is my life.

Stay tuned for more fun from the south.

A SUTHUN-NESS Test...How Southern Are you?

2011-08-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

I found this test on the net, and was astounded that I could actually answer better than half of the questions. Most Non-Suthunaz can only get one or two, maybe 3. How well can you do? I've placed the answers below each question, hidden in the colors. Take the whole test before checking your answers. (To see the whole answer, click three (3) times on the word 'Answer' below each question.) Post your score in the comments.

1) How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
Answer: 7
2) What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars?
Answer: 43 Red and blue.
3) Bill Dance is good at what?
Answer: Fishin', He has a TV show: Bill Dance Outdoors.
4) What university does Bill Dance root for?
Answer: Univ. of Tennessee (The Volunteers)
5) Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football?
Answer: Univ. of Georgia
6) After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?
Answer: Hard Peanuts
7) In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8?
Answer: 283 cu. in.
8) A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin' language?
Answer: French
9) What is a chigger?
Answer: a Redbug (A parasite)
10) What is scrapple?
Answer: A sausage like loaf made from pig parts.
11) Where is "The Redneck Riviera"?
Answer: Panama City Beach, FL
12) What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees?
Answer: Spanish Moss
13) What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury, ___.
Answer: Evinrude
14) What's the common name for a bowfin?
Answer: Mudfish
15) If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?
Answer: Nothing, a steer usually has been castrated.
16) Who sang "Your Cheatin' Heart"?
Answer: Hank Williams Sr.
17) What are grits made out of?
Answer: corn
18) Who was nicknamed "The Bear"?
Answer: Paul Bryant, sorry, COACH Paul Bryant.
19) Why is the Blue Ridge blue?
Answer: Pollen in the air.
20) What did The Baldwin Sisters make?
Answer: "The Recipe", an elixir
21) Who was Andy Taylor's love interest?
Answer: Miss Helen Crump
22) What are the radio station call letters that carries "The Grand Ol' Opry"?
Answer: WSM (Nashville)
23) Where would you find Vidalia County?
Answer: Georgia
24) What sport requires 3 legs and a rope?
Answer: Calf ropin'
25) What instrument did Bill Monroe play? (typically)
Answer: Mandolin
26) What are scuppernongs?
Answer: Wild grapes
27) Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu?
Answer: Yes, the keep the kudzu (a weed) from getting out of control.
28) What color is General Lee?
Answer: Orange
29) What do you call the offspring of a mule?
Answer: Nothing, Mules are usually sterile.
30) What will you harvest when you plant "shade"?
Answer: Tobacco

So, how did you do?
up to 4, you's a yankee.
5-10 Suthuna Wannabe
11-16 Suthun Undergrad.
16+ Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit, you beat my score and are probably either a true suthuna or you cheated. Either way, hope you had fun with the test.

Invention Intervention - The Flower Vase

2011-08-25T04:47:00.001-07:00

When I'm looking for things to include in this blog, I am always surprised at both the simplicity of the inventions and the additions.

Take this one for example. First, our Suthun Inventor has taken a simple plastic jug and turned it into a flower vase. In so doing, he has left the label on the jug for either decorative purposes or perhaps because... ok, I got to admit, I don't' know any other reason to leave the label on. In most houses, flower vases seem to multiply faster than wire hangers get tangled, but maybe that's just I was raised in the Wayust. (West....sorry, my accent seems to get stronger when I type.)

Now, to the credit of this particular Suthun Inventor, we also note the fact that he has taken a sticky note and labeled the 'flower' itself. Perhaps this is why the label has been left on the jug, to complete the theme: Labeled Flower, labeled Jug.

Simple. Brilliant.

Welcome to the South. Put them flares in a jug and get yerself a beer from the fridge.

The Lawn Ranger's Toolbox

2011-08-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

Along with a good Lawn Mower, the suburban Lawn Ranger needs a good string trimmer. One needs a good string trimmer to edge the lawn, get into the corners and attract cicadas.

A few years back, I purchased a good string trimmer at a local garage sale for $15. Every year I would adjust, pull the rope, clean, pull the rope, adjust, and pull that rope (lather rinse, repeat...) literally hundreds of times to get it working. Many times it did not. (Let me state now for the record, that if I ever find myself in a dark alley and meet the inventor of the Rope Pull for string trimmers, well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty...)

I regret to say that the $15 Yard Sale Special string trimmer finally bit the big one. I'd had enough. My arm is permanently disfigured from pulling that rope and it was just time. Off to the Big Hardware Store where I found me a new one. (Oh Joy, tra la, tra lay!)

And yeah, it has a rope.

I was excited to get it home and get the lawn trimmed. Open the box and read the instructions...Pull the Rope. Sigh. Isn't there some inventor out there who can invent a...wait! WHAT is THIS??

My new string trimmer has a hole in one end made for an ELECTRIC STARTER. Oh I basically am a-quiver with excitement! Push a button and the trimmer starts? Be still my beating heart! I swoon with..ok ok enough of that. Neighbor Bubba would look askance at me....

I can't afford it just yet, but mark my words, there will come a day soon that the electric starter is mine, working hand in hand (or whatever passes for hand in hand to a string trimmer) with magical results.

Until then, thank god, the trimmer is starting nicely. My arm still hurts, but it is starting nicely.

Lawn looks good, too.

A Moment in Nashville Time

2011-08-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

It is perhaps amazing to note that even during the heat of the last couple of weeks, I still walked to the bus almost every morning. It's something I'm proud to say I do 3-5 times a week, 52 weeks a year; a distance of a mile and a quarter. (Ok, I exaggerate, it's actually a mile and an eighth, but a mile and a quarter sounds so much better. So sue me.)

Usually, when I arrive at the bus shelter (our bus stop has one of only a few 'shelters' on our route. It's a typical 3 sided glass box with a nice roof that actually doesn't leak during the rain) I am the first of anywhere from 2-5 people who ride from this location. You can imagine my surprise to arrive and find someone seated in the shelter. However, it was not one of my fellow bus patrons.

One time in the past, the bus shelter became the 'home-away-from-home' for a homeless woman who lives in the area. She has her own issues and is a bit of a staple to those who live in our semi-rural area. This new person was not her. (Was not she? Bubba? Grammar?) No, it was some older long haired grubby guy whose shirt was open and showing off his hairy abdomen, and let me tell you, this guy really puts the 'dome' in 'abdomen.' His fly was open, he had a rope for a belt and he wasn't wearing shoes. To top this entire visage, he was drunk as a skunk.

Now, part of me is amazed at the ability of someone to remain totally drunk throughout the evening and even into the early morning. This takes dedication. The rest of me just wants to stay upwind and not 'engage' in any conversations. Since there was no rain, I could stand up wind about 30 feet and watch for the bus. I had about 15 minutes to wait (damn my walking speed!)

During the entire 15 minute wait, every minute or so, this guy would make a noise somewhat akin to the sound a wounded buffalo makes while lifting a heavy sack of potatoes. This tactic, in case you didn't know, is used to get me to react. "Oh Gee," thinks the mark (me), "this poor guy must be hurt, mayhaps run through with a sword by a passing ninja. Being the good person I am, I shall endeavor to check on his personal state!" Checking on him only gets you information in the "Got a dollar?" concepts of conversation. I stayed upwind.

Soon, two more of my Bus Riding Compatriots showed and we all stayed upwind. The thing in the bus shelter (whom I had come to refer to as "Stinky the Drunk" or Drunky for short for obvious reasons) came out once and we simply told him to be off. "Off with you, vile vagabond! Henceforth I shall call a constable with my wireless telephonic contraption!" (Yes, I'm afraid I do talk that way. Sometimes it works, other times people stare with their mouths agape.) This time however, it was one of the other guys who chased him off. Using less Victorian words. Stinky the Drunk got the idea and stumbled back into the bus shelter. We went back to waiting for the bus.

Now. Along comes the bus and the real reason for this wonderful story. As we assemble our cases, lunches and assorted umbrellas in anticipation of boarding the ride to work, we glance over to the bus shelter only to see a sight that shocks us to our core. Stinky the Drunk has stumbled out to wait for and (supposedly) board the bus. I'm pretty sure that the bus driver will have none of his antics, but before we get to that, one of the aforementioned Bus Riding Compatriots looks over my shoulder and gives forth a hearty "OH, HAYL NO!"

Turning back, I see that not only has Drunky gathered together a bag of 'personal belongings' (god knows what's in that plastic bag...) but in so doing, he has also apparently allowed more of his physical person to hang in the morning breeze than was visible before. Before I can do anything more than laugh at the sight of this poor schlub* with his 'bizznezz' hanging out, one of the other guys goes over to read him the riot act and explain that he will not be riding the bus this morning. Again, mentions of official constabulary get him to not only NOT ride the bus but to vacate the premises entirely. I've not seen him since.

I have total empathy for homeless people in a sort of a 'There but for the grace of God.." sort of thought processes. If things had turned out differently, I might find myself in a similar position. When it comes to people who, for one reason or another are overcome by the forces of alcohol, I don't understand, but I do have some compassion. Drunks like Stinky? I can also have a bit of compassion for them, but geez, at least zip up a bit before you head to the bus shelter!

Life in the South is always new and adventurous.

-----------------------------------------------

*Schlub: Yiddish (thanks mom) Unkempt in appearance, either due to lack of effort or lack of awareness.

Hillbilly Chrome

2011-07-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of terms that Suthunaz use that tend to confuse me. Even though I have lived here a long time, I just have trouble using these phrases and making them sound honest. Words like:

"eskover" (es-KOV-er)... as in "Hey, eskover tuh thuh Quicky Mart and get us a beer."

"ohvawls" (OH-valz) ... as in "I'm gonna get dressed for dinner. I'm gonna put on my good clean ohvawls and some shoes. "

There are phrases which only the Suthunah can come up with, too. Phrases such as "She's a comin up a cloud" which is an indication that the weather may turn bad soon.

Perhaps the one that makes the most sense and one which sees more use, is "Hillbilly Chrome." Used to indicate the use of Duct Tape in repairing an automobile. But more than that, this indicates the use of Duct Tape to cover or maybe REcover an area of the bumper, fender or the like. At the top of the page you can see an excellent use of Hillbilly Chrome. I am especially enamored of the use of the clear plastic drinking glass as a light cover.

Conversely, even though the use of Duck Tape in this photo is well done, nice large strips, evenly applied. It does not qualify as Hillbilly Chrome.

And no, neither of these cars sits in my driveway.

Slimming down the Mail Box

2011-07-13T05:27:00.001-07:00

Along with the constant mowing of my lawn, I have pointed out time and time again how things grow so freakingly fast here in The South. Bushes seem to appear almost overnight and trees reach down branches to snag my nifty 'Turf War Pith Helmet' on each pass with the mower.

This last weekend, I mowed the lawn. Ok, so I actually FINISHED mowing the lawn, having mowed the front yard the week before and felt I had to get the back done this week along with the front. If I left the back go much longer, I'm pretty sure I'd be setting up safari's into the deep back corner, where light rarely shines.

Then I noticed the mail box. Yeah, that's it in the pic above. Cute, huh? Sort of like a free form topiary Cousin Itt. (Yes, I know a lot of people won't catch that reference, so let's just chalk it up to my referencing my age once again and move on, yes?)

12-15 years ago, my lovely daughter planted a little flower at the base of the mailbox. Every year it gets bigger and bigger. turns out it was some sort of vine and with the moisture we get, it grows incredibly fast - what you see above is one year's growth. Yes. One year. The problem is that the thing has flowers on it and they attract bees and wasps. The mailman gets upset; I get upset and then the wife gets upset. And with all that upset, well, Cousin Itt's days are always numbered.

So, once a year I cut back the big fluffy thing with the big string trimmer. It doesn't take much, as it's mostly holding itself up. I use the big string trimmer to cut a big swath down the back and then fold it back, like some sort of botanical autopsy. A few hacks with a big buck knife and it's loose. I then roll the whole mess into the wheelbarrow, and over into the brush pile it goes!
The pictures show it all. My back is screaming in protest and my clothes are soaked in sweat (gotta love the hot humidity of the south...if I keep saying that maybe I'll believe it someday...) And to think that this thing grows this much in just one year!

So, there's my mailbox, all slim and trim and ready for the rest of the hot humid summer.Yes, for those who notice these things (brother Bubba always reads this blog) the numbers are blacked out. I am nothing if not security conscious.

Now, there are two bushes and a tree which have grown up out of seeming nowhere, which I need to add to the brush pile. With all this heat, however, it may have to wait until the fall. Or at least until my back feels a bit better.

Suiting up for the Turf Wars

2011-07-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

I mowed my lawn today...finally. In the South, the rains come this time of year and I am one of those guys who will not mow a wet lawn. So, for the last 14 days we've had rain just about every day, which means basically that my lawn didn't get mowed. Today, temps in the 90s and humidity hovering around 237% I had to get out and mow.

As any regular reader will know, I am not from the South. I grew up in Colorado and as I've told any one who will listen, if there ain't any frost on the window, I ain't happy. Heat and I are not good friends. So, with this in mind, you will not be surprised that it can take me a while to get ready to mow the lawn, even in the cool morning. (Yeah, it was 80 degrees about 7 am this morning.)

My outfit consists of the following: First, to keep the heat off my head, I have a nice wide white pith helmet made of hard plastic. Its original design was to be a hard hat so it sits on my head and allows air to pass up and through keeping my scalp cool. I use a blue bandanna to catch the sweat which runs in little rivers usually down my face and onto my glasses. I also have a terry cloth towel (slightly larger than a hand towel) soaked in cool water which I keep around my neck to also keep me cool. Yes, it is a vision right out of an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel, and I fully expect Tarzan to come out of behind the shed and convulse with laughter, but that's not the point here, at least I don't think it is.

I have a special pair of old jeans I use for doing yard work and a couple of tee-shirts also specially designated for this one activity. I finish this up with either an old smelly pair of sneakers which I have demoted to yard duty (or by the smell is that "doody?"). Additionally, on hot days like this, I have a pair of hard rubber garden clogs which help keep my feet just a bit cooler.

That's right, a pair of clogs. No extra weight in hot socks, and they allow me to slip them off and walk in the soft grass when things get especially uncomfortable. They're hard rubber and I have to admit, when my feet start to sweat, I can be slipping and sliding around in them with every step. Not the safest thing to be working with power tools I have to admit, but I didn't say I was smart. I'll blame it on the humidity, ok?

No one has said anything about my 'Lawn de Ensemble' (other than the wife) but I'm not sure if that's because they haven't actually SEEN me in it, or are just to Suthun Polite to mention it.

Self Produced Methane

2011-06-29T03:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, let's get to it. I fart. A lot. I'm a man, we all fart. AND if most women would admit it, they also fart (though, admittedly, not near as much.) It's part of being a human being. In an ideal society, (or on some unpublished episode of Star Trek) we'd have found ways of capturing this flammable gas and use it to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. (Spock! More Beans! More Beans, Spock! )

In most of the country farting in public is an insult of the highest order. Just hearing the sound of a fart is enough to get people in a tizzy. AND, strangely enough, if they DON'T hear it and later discover the offending odor, that's even worse. I've tried keeping it in, and trust me no one wants to see me squinting and holding my hind end tightly closed with both hands anymore than they want to hear me tear one off. (And I can really sound off, you-know-what-I'm-sayin?)

When I was a kid, farting was not only a pleasure but the stigma of offense was nonexistent. It released stress and pressure on your insides. "There's more room on the outside than there is on the inside!" we'd always say. And let's face it, kids love farts. I mean, come ON! Your own body creates a flammable gas which comes out your butt? What could be more fun? And top that off with the fact that you really couldn't predict when they showed up. When I was a kid, my older brother would fart and then challenge my younger brother and I to do better. And, yeah, we'd accept that challenge. We'd laugh and mom would shake her head. I'd like to see us all return to that time, when offending sounds and odors were more a basis to a good laugh rather than a reason to chastise someone. It would be the perfect society; a place where anything is possible.

I know a few guys here in the South to whom farting is an art. You know those kids who can burp the alphabet? These guys are like that. Each fart they create is like poetry. They name the different ones, practice them, and perform them on demand (with requisite points dependent on degree of difficulty.) Oddly, the people around them don't seem to mind. Yes, these 'fartistic" endeavors are performed outdoors, and I'm sure the consumption of broccoli and beans is part of the tradition. Oh yeah, and beer...not so much because it makes you fart, but because to the Suthun Man beer goes so well with...um...everything. (The use of lighters and matches are for professionals only - remember kids, don't try this without supervision!)

I'm pretty sure that these guys can only be found in the South proving once again, that the South is closer to the perfect society than any other. So enjoy your time here, and feel free to enjoy the air. I'll be right back, I have to open a window...again.

A Pet Peeve from a Suthunah Wannabee

2011-06-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

Suthun Men can do just about anything. They can hunt, they can fish and they repair just about anything given a paper clip and a fresh roll of duct tape. The good Suthunah buys Duck tape not by the roll but by the case.

Suthun men also seem to be able to work on an automobile as if it were an extension of their very selves. There are 3 auto parts stores within a mile of my house giving proof to the Do-it-Yourself attitude of the Suthun Male...And to be sure, I know one couple where SHE is the one under the chassis and HE is the one standing by with the lemonade and sandwiches (and they are really good sandwiches.)

We have a nice 10 year old car with which we have tried to take the utmost care. Regular work, oil changes, the constant care is important as cars age. We aren't in the position to get a new one and this one is our only vehicle. In true DIY style, over the past few years I've personally replaced a fuel pump, brake pads, thermostat and even the battery (oh wait, that was an easy one.)

Ok, so this brings me to my Pet Peeve. Story time: (no need for wavy visual effects or harp glissando...let's just get to it.) The car broke. The key wouldn't turn in the ignition and we were left with no alternative than for me to replace the key switch. Had to wait til Saturday, but that's not what peeves me.

Peeve number 1: Instructions. In preparation for the repair, I researched the steps needed to replace the key switch. (I had never done it before and wanted to be a bit more informed.) They seemed simple enough and with a printed copy handy I prepared for the project. I ordered the parts and picked them up at the Auto Parts store right there in the shopping center where I hop off the bus every day. Again, it's only a 1.12 mile walk to home, so it's not that bad.

Saturday morning. Ok, now we're in it. The instructions say "Remove the 10 screws which hold the dashboard in place. " What the instructions DON'T say is that there are only 5 screws AND there are actually 2 different kinds of screws. The first is, of course, Phillips (ok, easy peasy, I always have a screwdriver handy with both standard flat and phillips heads) but the second is a hex bolt. I had to go through all my sockets until I found that it was a 10mm hex head. (Seriously? METRIC? On an AMERICAN CAR? Who designed this?)

Oh, but wait, it gets worse. The instructions ALSO DON'T say that you have to remove the upper part of the dash, and there is no way for the average Suthunah to know that this thing is just popped into place with a couple of spade fittings. I searched around for screws for several minutes. Ok, so I got that removed.

Finally got down to the insides and found AGAIN that the instructions are WOEFULLY inadequate. "Remove the two screws which hold the unit to the steering column" neglects to say that you will need a special SECURITY bit. A mile walk to the auto parts store to buy the dang thing and then a mile back to get the job done. And that's the way it goes, constantly on instructions of this sort. "Disengage the Actuator Rod" What? How does one 'disengage' the actuator rod? No clue. (Let alone the fact that a guy such as me doesn't even know what an Actuator Rod is, or does!) Finally figured out that once you take the screws out of the ignition switch itself (this is not the key part) you have to press in on a couple of plastic flanges and pull off the ignition switch to remove it. THIS is what disengages the Actuator Rod. (I swear sometimes the way these things are written is just to mess with your head!) The Actuator Rod, for those of you who are wondering, is a rod assembly which connects from the Key Cylinder to the Ignition switch.

BUT we're not done. Here's where Pet Peeve Number 2 comes in. In order to get the key switch out, you have to turn the key to the 'accessory setting.' If the switch is broken and you are unable to turn the key (which is, by the way, the reason I have to replace it in the first place!) HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET THIS DONE? I would imagine that this would entail removing the entire steering column, removing the wind-shield and maybe even dropping the engine to get the thing apart. Who's freaking idea was that? (Yeah yeah, I know, is' a 'SECURITY' feature. To me it's a PITA!*) At least I did get it done.

How did I get this done? In true suthun manner. A hammer. In my frustration at not being able to turn the key I smacked the end of the key with a hammer. I heard something sort of 'click' (read: break) inside the unit and suddenly I was able to turn the key. I contemplated simply leaving it ... yeah, for about .01 seconds. All I need is for the lovely wife to be out and about shopping and suddenly the key wouldn't turn while she sat in the Suthun Heat with melting ice cream in the sack next to her. (Oh dear lord, not the ice cream!!)

Once I got the key switch out, the entire process was mostly complete. The new key cylinder slipped in place, all the screws went back in quickly (no problems since I had the 10mm socket AND the Security bit handy) and the car turned over easily. We went out and tested both keys later that day, doing our weekend shopping and I'm happy to report that I have completed yet another repair.

You will also be happy to know that I have NOT put a hit out on any of those people who wrote the instructions.

A true suthun gennelman does not hold a grudge.

-------------------------------------------------------
*PITA: No, it's not a bread pocket, it's an anagram, and stands for
Pain In The A$$.

The Ryman Auditorium

2011-06-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

As my 58' limo (regular readers know I take the bus...) makes its way toward work in downtown Nashville, we pass by many venerable locations recognized within the Nashville Music Community. NONE is more sacred to this scene than the Ryman Auditorium. (See Above.)

It's surprising to the Non Suthunah to learn that this is the absolute Epicenter of Country Music in Nashville. It is also surprising to learn that the Ryman started out as a church, built by one Thomas Ryman for the express purpose of spreading the teachings of one Reverend Samual P. Jones. Originally called the Union Gospel Tabernacle, the building to this day resembles a big church.

Throughout its storied history the stage has been rebuilt, performers have performed and preachers have preached; presidents have used the stage for speeches, lectures by notables such as Helen Keller and Charlie Chaplan Nothing in its history is more important, however, than June 5th, 1943 when the Grand Old Opry moved to the Ryman Stage where it will stay for more than 25 years.

Renovated many times, and now a fantastic venue once again for speeches, lectures and performances by Country Artists and Idol Winners, the Ryman continues to be a storied building in the heart of Nashville's downtown.

Now comes the information that only a local suthunah would know. What you see above? Yeah, that's the Ryman....the original front entrance. however it is not the current entrance. Many years back they got the great idea to renovate and add a new entrance, on the back. Here it is:

It's almost like a totally different building. So, when you come to visit, and want to view the place, go look at the front for it's beautiful 17th Century Architecture. Want to see a concert? Go to the back..or is that now the front? It's just one of those little things that makes the South Fun and interesting.