Sovann's Blog

Sarcasm and Cynicism

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 19:02:00 +0000

I've changed in the past 15 years.
When Julie and I first got married my most utter phrase was "It'll be okay."
These days, not so much.

I've been made more aware of cynicism and sarcasm in my every conversation recently.

Some good reads on how that may be adversely affecting me.

Skye Jethani: Generation of Sarcasm
Is the church fixing or fueling the toxic cynicism of our culture?

Counseling Solutions blog: Cynicism

The blog on cynicism touches on how the Gospel should make a difference and the connection with hopelessness.

A good reminder for me to renew my hope in the truth of God and the good news of His character and ongoing work in this world regularly especially when my speech betrays my heart's attitude.

Transparency or TMI?

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:18:00 +0000

I've been weighing maximizing my time (vs time management) with the school year coming up and with counseling getting busy and also re-evaluating the time I spend on the web and social media.
Had a conference call with Eric and Kerry Bural of Ministry Marketing Coach blog and Resonate Group yesterday which had me thinking about how to leverage those tools for Gresham Bible.

Also read The 12 Most Annoying types of Facebookers on CNN. (the comments posted are great too) which added to my reflections. Each point was food for thought and I enjoyed reading the list and wondering just how annoying I am on FB.

It's a fine line between transparency and TMI and I'm sure I often cross it.

Thing is I would risk continuing to share and leave it up to the reader to filter, ignore or reject what I'm saying - to decide for themselves if it's too much TMI - than to close up, hold back my heart and life and not share something that might be of interest or help someone. Whether that's here on this blog or on Twitter or Facebook. I will have to think some more if what I am writing is TMI but that's my initial reaction to the article today.

At dinner Julie and I had a good conversation about our age and stage of life, we both moments yesterday that it sunk it how little time we may have left in life and we are wanting to make the most of it.

We talked as a family a bit about regrets - I'd rather regret trying to give too much than not enough of myself to her and the kids or to others.

Invitation vs Intervention

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:36:00 +0000

"Sovann, we need to talk to you."

As I've been cutting out Facebook and being online in the evenings (sooo hard) I've imagined my family and friends pulling me aside and staging an intervention on my behalf about it especially when I hear from folks who basically say "Dude, you're on Facebook, like, A LOT!"

When I think of interventions and hear the stories of bags being packed and cars and planes awaiting to whisk that person away to a recovery center it's always an intense, traumatic, difficult experience, a last ditch effort.

And it got me thinking it doesn't have to be that way.

Invitations can prevent Interventions.

Inviting Julie and the kids and friends to say hard things regularly to me.

Inviting the guys I meet with on Mondays to point out blind spots.

Inviting mentors, supervisors, co-workers, counseling peers to give me constructive feedback about not only my work but my attitude and my character.

Inviting course corrections along the way so I don't slide in a free-fall towards moral failure or a self-centered life or failure as a father and husband.

Inviting Jesus and the Holy Spirit in to deal with the emptiness and deadness that may creep in

Inviting truth and reality to shape my life not wishful thinking, denial or minimization.
The more we invite others into our lives through transparency and humility the less likely that we will need something so drastic as an "intervention"

A confession

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:18:00 +0000

Something I've been meaning to get off my chest for awhile.

I actually didn't like Braveheart all that much.

There I said it.

I really wasn't all that impressed.

Liked Gladiator a lot better.

But both of those movies pale in comparison to Rocky and Cinderella Man for me.
(I even like Monty Python's Holy Grail more than Braveheart)

Another confession ... Scripture memory is soooo not my thing.

I committed to memorizing Ephesians earlier this summer after listening to a podcast by Andy Davis and reading about his article: An Approach to the Extended Memorization of Scripture and it is tough.

I wonder if it's similar to how a non-runner might feel about signing up for a marathon.

I'm listening to the passage from the Bible Experience Audio CD in the car and reading it in the morning but with the recent camping and road trips what I found is that I can't retain it when I take a few days off and I have to start over. I'm only halfway through chapter one. Reading for comprehension, meditation and edification and reading for memorization are completely different animals.

But I'm sticking to it.

For our family worship and devotion time we're going to do some Scripture memory together.
Julie went to a Charlotte Mason workshop this week and started putting a 3 x 5 card file together for us.

"Dad! We've got to see that at IMAX"

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 18:36:00 +0000

"Dad! We've got to see that at IMAX" - Katherine

Music to a Dad's ears

After watching this video from Facebook

I had to explain "Tron" to the kids which I saw on my cousin's laser disk player when I was maybe 11 years old, which was like a DVD player on steroids.

Always stunk at the TRON video game.

Anyways.

Katherine said that after we watched the original TRON trailer and then the TRON: Legacy trailers back to back. (We also watched the Light Cycle scene.)

An experiment and a brief breather

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:53:00 +0000

Relaxing this morning after hoop at Barlow HS.
I've been trying to go once a week for the past month.
Julie's at an all-day Charlotte Mason home school workshop.
Taking a breather before counseling supervision with Norm at Western and a busy week of counseling.

In the last month I went down to Grants Pass to meet the family between weeks of Camp.
We also camped with our friend Colin at his annual campout just south of Cottage Grove.
We've outgrown our tent so the girls slept in the tent and JJ and I slept in the van.
Fun time canoeing on the river, swimming, watching JJ fish and sitting around the campfire for a few days.
We also went to a Butterfly pavilion in Elkton and got to see a monach butterfly emerge from its chrysalis, which was very cool.

I love road trips with Julie, reminds me of the trips we'd take to Grants Pass before the kids, just hours to talk. She read Purpose-Driven Church to me and we talked a bit about the upcoming school year and CYT season. We were weighing JJ going back to public school briefly. Julie is going to be extremely busy teaching biology at HeartLife and at Friday School too.

We've realized I really need to put the kids individually on my schedule or other things crowd out my time with them. An experiment I've been trying is that if the kids ask me something and the only reason I have for saying "NO" is "I'm tired" I'm going to just go ahead and say "YES" and trust that the joy of spending the time with them will energize me.

I've been doing this more and more the past few weeks especially with Grace and it has already made a difference. Instead of them constantly being disappointed at me saying no to reading a book or playing or watching them do something I am connecting with them more. Spending more time with Grace in the morning before everyone else wakes up has been great too.

Another thing I'm doing is no computer and iPod in the evenings to spend more time with kids. I have fudged a few times when Julie's been working on PowerPoints for biology but this also has been a good time to re-connect as they have been gone for about 7 weeks this summer.

Katherine has been taking junior life guarding classes at Mt Hood and she swims better than me now. She has been practicing her audition song for Pocahontas tryouts; I wish I could post the vid now, but she wants it to be a surprise. It's really beautiful, a challenge to her range but she's practicing hard and I think she'll do fine.

This weekend we are doing HeartLife parents retreat and the school year really will be upon us soon.

Looking forward to this year's football season, SC is ranked #4 pre-season.

Violence and grace

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:50:00 +0000

Sometimes when I tell folks I am a counselor or think my spiritual gift is mercy and exhortation I get the impression they think I'm a New Age softie and a very permissive parent. Sometimes I want to tell the world sometimes I really relate to the idea that "Those who don't think violence solves anything never punched anyone in the face."

Seeking to live grace-based is not easy and not for wimps.

I've been reflecting a lot the past few months on sin and pastoral care as I've been slowly reading Sin and Grace in Christian Counseling by Mark McMinn.

One idea he fleshes out is that our common ground of being sinners should be a basis for empathy with our clients.

On sin and grace, "...the concepts are so deeply and thoroughly interconnected that one cannot possibly be understood without the other; grace cannot be understood without understanding the extent of our sin, and we must have the hope of grace in order to look honestly at the depth of our sin. When Christian counselors attempt to emphasize sin without grace, or grace without sin, they distort both."

Later he puts it even more succinctly; "In the presence of grace we can afford to open our eyes to our sin." I love that.

Lately, I've been trying to be very careful about my own emotions and cynicism during the week as my counseling load has increased.

The metaphor that came to mind for what I've been experiencing lately is Wolverine from the X-Men. He's got an indestructible adamantium skeleton and has mutant ability to heal quickly but if he gets shot or mangled he still feels all the pain any normal person would experience.
I relate to that a bit; I know I am know overcome or destroyed by sin, evil, darkness or hopelessness but it still really hurts. Maybe that's being a little too sympathetic and relating too much with my clients. Maybe it's just a normal adjustment to several full days of counseling.

What does this have to do with violence? Grace is messy, the short-term appeal of violence is that in moment it can be black-and-white, there is a winner and a loser. I think this is one of the appeals of the "clarity" of MMA fights or even a jarring hit from a safety on a receiver going up the middle on 3 and long - for a brief moment there is no doubt about what has just occurred.

I realize this blog may seem incongruent or as Katherine might describe it "random"
I think I am waffling a bit between my desire for justice and grace as I interact with people and observe the world and wrestle with my own need for justice and grace in my life.

Worship at GBC

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 14:39:00 +0000

One of the things we discuss on Wed elder meeting is how the Sunday service went and sometimes we talk about worship, specifically the singing and music aspects. Stuff like volume and style, etc.
But even more importantly are people engaged?
Are they entering fully into worship and encountering God.
Are we allowing God to speak and move in our worship times?

One of the things that came to mind recently for me is that in the same way that challenges and difficulties both grow and reveal our character, our corporate worship both grows and reveals our passion for God.

We don't want a performance, it should be an outward expression of an inward reality. At the same time, one of the best things about worshipping with others is that as I see and feel others worshipping with all their hearts it inspires me and encourages me to join in if I may be holding back. I may come to church Sunday morning a bit sleepy or distracted but choosing to let go and sing thanks to God often is helpful, my behavior helps my heart get in line with my will, as the hymn says "Tune my heart to sing Thy praise."

God wants authentic worship and authentic worshippers.

Vergil asked something to the effect of what marks good worship.

If I remember correctly I mentioned joy, praise, passion, life, thankfulness, reverence in response of meeting with a holy God.

One thing I forgot to mention was brokenness and surrender.
Do we come away from worship loving Jesus more and with a stronger desire to follow and obey Him?
Do we become more free and empowered to live for Him?

For me, music and corporate worship time is very important to encouraging me in the faith.
But this is not so important or even unimportant to others.
It's been a fun challenge to discuss this regularly with the elders as we seek to best honor God with our time together on Sunday mornings.

Notes from elder meeting: on faith and growth

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 14:48:00 +0000

I really enjoyed our elder meeting last night; we discussed discipleship and equipping our church.
We are thinking of developing a core curriculum of classes to teach and what to included, how long, what setting, etc.
Our conversation highlighted how difficult it is to measure spiritual growth and maturity, what indicators are we looking for?

John Ortberg is blogging and I read this yesterday: "One-size-fits-all discipleship programs are killing the church...God never grows two people the same way. God is a hand-crafter, not a mass-producer." I went into this meeting with this in mind :)

One of the key questions that kept me up last night and that was on my mind this morning is how do people come to faith in Christ, take next steps, change and grow deeper...

Being challenged? was mentioned a few times. Is that what is needed at GBC?
Preaching?
Being taught?
Being coached?
Modelling?
Spiritual disciplines?
Guilt?
Shame?
Invitation?
Being forced?
Habit?
Family of origin?
Culture?
Peer pressure and conformity?
Boredom and passivity?
Being convinced?
Curiosity?
Investigation?
Adventure?
Fear of Hell?
Hope?
Promise of a good life?
Promise of a good family?
Promise of peace and God's help?
Heaven?
Congruency of world-view?
Participation in small groups?
Accountability?
Men's or Women's group?
Sunday school?
Worship experiences?
Singing?
Prayer? individual or with others?
Freedom from struggling with sin?

Some topics we touched on (and stuff I thought up as we talked) were:

Content and Process
Needing a formal, strategic plan. (I add Clarity)
Urgency
Essentials
Defining maturity
Commitment
Desire
Membership
Holiness
Repentance
Healing
Emotional, relational needs
Ethical/moral growth
Reproducing and multiplication vs addition
Bible study
Self-feeding
Adding to and improving small group ministry
Mentorship and spiritual direction
Goals of equipping the saints, developing leaders
Growing in Christ-likeness (absolutely loved Vergil's quote "We want every man to be elder qualified."
Living missionally
Dave talked about developing Knowledge, Habits, Skills and Practice
Vergil "We don't just want really smart Christians"
I mentioned the need of assessment of barriers, where people are. Vergil added "Where are we on the map?"
Socratic format vs Didactic preaching
Sunday school vs small groups?
What plays into decision on length, time-frame for classes?
Strategy
Men and Women
Leadership
Addiction
Sexual purity and porn
Competition for time, commitment
Building a team
Excitement and buy-in
Momentum
Other church models
Vision and mission statement
Rising to a challenge
Being under-challenged and over-challenged
Men feeling isolated
Sharing in mixed groups
Opportunity for growth and sharing
Resources and Tools

Obviously a lot of food for thought.

Excited for this next year at Gresham Bible Church.

You can follow GBC on Twitter.

More Father - Son bonding

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:28:00 +0000

I've written about one way JJ and I like to greet each other before, it involves sucker punching each other in a vulnerable area. In fact, one of the first things JJ did after returning home from three weeks at camp was to throw an elbow at me; we had advised him that he should not do this at camp as this is probably not the most socially acceptable practice.

Sometimes JJ and I watch stuff together, last night we watched some clips of the JabbaWockeez dance crew on YouTube.

So you can imagine our glee at watching the Science of the Groin Shot

This vid has some CRAZY dude giving it up for science.

I wonder how much he was paid for this.
Either a lot or they have some serious dirt on him.

Just some more extreme slapstick silliness that I'm sure Mama would not approve of.

I'm hoping Mama will let me take him to see GI JOE this month.

Sunnyside Counseling Offices

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 19:05:00 +0000

Sunnyside Counseling Offices
503-257-7572

Sunnyside Counseling Offices, LLC
150 SE 80th Avenue
Portland OR, 97215

I just deleted an old blog that may have been confusing for those looking for SCO in Google.

You can find out more information about the therapists and counselors there at the link above.

You can become a fan of Sunnyside Counseling Offices on Facebook.

(FYI, I don't accept counseling clients as friends on Facebook because of ethical guideline to avoid dual relationships)

Tears and Smiles

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:50:00 +0000

Tears and smiles.

Both very powerful and I often look for them.

However, I don't make too much of them either.

Because, as cynical as it may sound, deadness can hide behind smiles and joy can reside under tears. Anger and manipulation also are often served up with a smile or a tear.

I like something I read recently in a novel, "His smile didn't quite reach up to his eyes."

I've seen that, lifeless eyes and painted on smiles.

I'd rather understand what's going on underneath, are the tears or smiles congruent with what's under the surface.

Are they really expressing your heart?

Today's Soundtrack

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:53:00 +0000

Courtesy Multnomah County Public Library (as usual)

Tony Bennet Duets
American Idol: Season 5 Encores
Billboard Top Hits: 1993 & 1994

Fir Point Bible Camp

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 05:08:00 +0000

Katherine and Julie went down to Fir Point Bible Camp last Monday. (Grandma, JJ and Grace joined them Fri)

I would hear very briefly from Julie every few days because she's working like 10-12 hours a day in the kitchen and the poor cell reception too.

Early in the week Julie said Katherine was on the verge of tears when she would see her during the day and that she heard there was a lot of relational drama with some girls in her cabin.

This weekend I was able to talk to Katherine and she said that she and her friend Rebecca, who has gone down with her the past few years, had an awesome, amazing time - best camp ever!

I was more than a bit surprised, even though I had been praying that everything would turn out okay. It went from being rough to the best camp ever?!? Julie said that Katherine told her that sometimes you have to go through those tough times.

Katherine told me their chapel times and times with camp counselors were amazing.

And she learned a lot about God's love and forgiveness; she was able to talk and work things out the girls she wasn't getting along with. (I'll ask her to tell the story of how and when that happened, it's awesome.).

She turned 13 years old the 2nd day of camp and the whole camp sang to her. I am so glad that Katherine and Rebecca both still really looked forward to going to camp and had a great time.

Last Sunday at church Brad shared some stories of God working in lives of kids at a camp he worked at.

I love what God does during the summers and at camps. He doesn't take summers off and neither should we in terms of growing in Him and encouraging others to also. Being without the kids and Julie for a few weeks is totally worth it.

Going to a church camp the summer after my senior year in college was one of the key things that solidified my decision to come up here to Portland to attend Multnomah.

Vergil is an amazing preacher!

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:26:00 +0000

Going to brag on Vergil a bit, as he preached one of my favorite sermons of his (or anybody really) today. I hope the sermon from Luke chapter 2 will be uploaded at our site soon because I will definitely be listening to it again. The last several weeks have been awesome.

I complemented him afterward but he is so humble about his ability. He often talks about how hard a time he may have preparing a sermon that week or morning but he is consistently good to great, week in and week out. Seriously amazing, powerful message today on the Gospel.

Today convinced me even more that on his absolute worst day of preaching Vergil would pwn my absolute best. Dude has more preaching ability in his left pinky than my whole body. I am grateful for the work and heart he puts into his sermons.

Gardening and spiritual formation

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:32:00 +0000

Julie is the gardener in the family. And mowing the lawn is my thing. Lately one thing I've really enjoyed the past few months is solace and solitude provided from weeding the yard. (The act of setting up the spinkler just right has been very soothing the past two weeks as well.)

I've been thinking a lot about spiritual formation and how people grow and change (recently finished reading Spiritual Formation as if the Church Mattered: Growing in Christ through Community).

It's from those times weeding that I've started meditating and reflecting on spiritual formation as gardening, tending the garden of our soul. (This is a fairly common metaphor, the book How People Grow is an example, but something new or more powerful to me these days)

Sometimes I am tempted to try grow myself by trying to add more good stuff into my heart and spirit. Read, study, fill up, work hard, stay productive, stay busy, worship, pray.

The physical act of weeding has reminded me I need to uproot stuff too not just try to cram more into my soul. Weeding makes space for good things to grow in me.

For the past few months, each time I weed has been a great time of prayer and weeding out thoughts of disappointment with others and resentments. Just as necessary, disappointment in myself through prayer and confession to God. Digging into the ground, making sure I'm going deep enough to get out any remaining roots and onto the next, repeatedly for however long it takes to clear the yard.

At first it would take 2 hours or more because there had been so many weeds that had grown. In some ways the biggest weeds were the easiest, most obvious to target to be plucked out of the ground. Subsequent times didn't take nearly as long. Sometimes in counseling a client will express something like "Why can't I just forget about the past, start from scratch/today and just move on?" and we can try that for a bit. Sometimes it works. But sometimes it doesn't or not as effectively because there are some weeds of the soul, choking out the freedom and energy to make a lasting change.

I quickly noticed another thing about pulling weeds. If no grass grew into the bare spot that was left, it seemed more likely and more quickly a weed would grow back again.

We are working on the question of how to best equip and mature the members of Gresham Bible Church.

Light, water, fertilizer need to be pour into the garden. With spiritual growth there is the matter of curriculum, what to learn, and mission, what to do. But there is also what what I must ruthlessly and consistently weed out in my hearts and lives. We receive truth, direction, grace. We also receive forgiveness, healing and release the weeds of shame, bitterness, pride, anger. These two realities allow us to respond more freely to God and others.

Henry Cloud, Priscilla Shirer, Richard Foster, Dallas Willard have a brief discussion about how Grace Fuels our Spiritual Life; I like how Willard explains that at the same time of the reality of Grace and "Self-help is no help" we do act, grace fuels us. We do join with and trust God in this process of the spiritual disciplines.

Counseling = Life on Steroids

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 01:05:00 +0000

Just realized counseling is like life.

Except with the mundane, boring or trivial parts cut out.

Take finding purpose, joy, discovery, grief, anger, loss, dreaming, repentance, making meaning, adventure, meeting with God, finding the love of your life, ending your storybook marriage. Throw in some struggles with identity, addiction, career choice, illness, aging.
Amplify and compress into one hour blocks.

I'll touch on most if not all of these things during a week, sometimes in a day.

It's like riding the roller coaster of life but on steroids.

For 8 hrs straight.

No wonder I am intentional about finding the mundane, trivial and fun on Facebook and Twitter.
Or in tonight's case, hitting up the Star Trek & Wolverine double feature at Mt Hood Theater

Should have gone to school to be James Bond or a Ninja

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:00:00 +0000

Just joined the ENTP - Visionary group on Facebook.

It had a description of the ENTP personality and careers for ENTP's.

ENTPs are innovators, explorers, entrepreneurs and visionaries. Always looking over the next horizon, trying to push the edge of the envelope and trying to do what other people say can't be done. What is -- is never good enough. Our vision of what Could Be and a powerful drive turn our visions into reality. Explaining everyone and everything... it could almost be the ENTP mission statement.

It is our goal to understand people and things. We are not bound by our generalizations, nor are we necessarily committed to them. We simply want to comprehend. This group is a forum in which the members can boldly advance any idea, theory, perspective or triviality that suits their fancy. We tend to be tolerant, challenging, entertaining, stimulating, unorthodox and sometimes just plain off the wall. It's our playground.
...

While successful people of all types are found in all occupations, some careers popular with ENTPs include: Politician, Political Manager, Analyst, Strategic Planner, Investment Broker, Litigator, Public Relations Specialist, Restaurateur, Entrepreneur, Actor, Dictator, Real Estate Developer, Computer Consultant, International Spy, TV Producer, Philosopher, Fighter Pilot, Diplomat, Freelance Writer, Creative Director, Strategist, News Anchor, College Professor, Private Detective, Lecturer, Ambassador, Astronomer, Research Scientist, Judge, Web Developer, Scholar, Management Consultant, Special Projects Developer, FBI or CIA Agent, Assassin

I highlighted a few of my favorites.

Counselor is not on there.

Dictator/Spy/CIA Agent/Assassin

How cool is that?

I started Twitter and blogging again

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:45:00 +0000

I've posted more this week/month than in the past 6 months or so.

One reason is joining Facebook. It became most of my computer during the week and has been a great way to connect and re-connect with friends. One of the key things about Facebook is that for me, it has been much more interactive than blogging.

Another reason has been joining the elder team at Gresham Bible Church.
Besides our weekly meeting, my prayer time, study, emotional and spiritual energies have gone into learning and adjusting to this new role and rhythm to our life, personally and as a family.

While I have been used to protecting confidences in counseling I haven't really written much about small group ministry and ministry as an elder and I've come to realize that part of it has been not wanting to share or be open that we haven't arrived yet. I've made the mistake that because we aren't where we want to be yet there's nothing to report, kind of a twist on "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it." I've missed out on sharing the story of the process, the growth and struggles and lessons learned along the way.

Pastor Barry Arnold at Cornerstone Church wrote a blog recently about transparency and described churches that begin "open" and become "closed", moving from transparent to "opaque" I realized that had been hunkering down, becoming isolated and inward with my thoughts, easing up on the discipline of blogging was a sign of being discouraged, wondering about my lack of impact and influence at church or through blogging. It just seemed like a waste of time without any feedback or conversation. I know who I am and am pretty secure in that, but am I making a difference? Since teaching/preaching and writing are not my gifts/skill/strengths is blogging a good investment of limited time and energy?

Well, I've decided to share (and try not to over-share, still trying to figure out how to toe that line) what God is doing, what's going on with me and with the family and hope that it will impact someone positively. Life is short, I need to tell our story and I pray it will bring God glory.
John Piper's Desiring Blog gives 6 Reasons Pastors Should Blog that I read last year but had lost sight of. (Another good list by Church Crunch)

And some of this is remembering that blogging even if no one reads it does help me focus, process experiences, stores some memories for future reflection, refine ideas, communicate more effectively, be more thoughtful about what I'm doing (especially in counseling).

I also started Twitter 07/09/09 for some of the same reasons.

In the past I had commented on Tyler Braun's blog last September that I didn't want to Twitter

Right now I’m in Shoot-me-if-Twitter mindset. I’ve noticed 1, 4 and 5 from joining Facebook. I will reserve the right to change my mind and follow my kids on Twitter in the future if necessary though. I’ve been wrestling with the idea that I should spend more time living my life vs. reading about and following other peoples’, and that’s just what I’m thinking from reading books, blogs and Facebook, and I don’t see how Twitter would help with that.

It was kind of ironic coming from someone who loves biographies.
But Twitter has really shifted from tweeting about mundane stuff like what people are eating for breakfast to an amazing tool to share, add value to others' lives; it can be a leadership tool and that's how I want to use it. I am still sorting out how to distinguish and use Twitter vs Facebook, in terms of what content to post given the different levels of security and access.

Michael Hyatt also posted Answers to the top 10 Objections to Twitter and 12 reasons to start Twitter.
Mashable's tips to getting started has been helpful.

Just a few of my favorite people I'm following since starting Twitter are John Maxwell, Shaq, John Piper, Rick Warren, Facebook friends and the various NBA and Blazer info tweeters.

Staying together "for the sake of the kids"

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

I cringe a bit when I hear about couples "staying together for the sake of the kids"

I wish more couples would stay together for the sake of their marriage or for the sake of their spouse, their wife or husband.

What I mean is "staying together because of the kids" is like saying I am committed to other things - peace, tolerance, the kids, their education, their comfort, their schedule, financial security, this living "arrangement" - a myriad of things but NOT YOU!

Why not stay together for the sake of how you used to be or for the sake of how you could be as a couple? If you're going to "give up" your rights and stay together, how about trying to focus your efforts into

Why not stay together to give yourself a chance to repair, heal and grow back in love?

Now I'm not saying it can't be helpful to separate in order to do that but if you're going to "suffer" or "give up your rights" sacrificially in order stay together you might as well give yourself a chance to make some positive changes instead of floating along (surviving) until the kids can be "okay" on their own.

Without that commitment to each other as a bedrock, there is not enough of a foundation to do the hard work of counseling, re-build trust and resolve conflict.

Gresham Bible Church elder meetings

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:17:00 +0000

Eric Wood

Greg Busch

Vergil Brown

These are the men I get to spend my Wednesday evenings with at the elder meetings for Gresham Bible Church.

These men love God, love the Bible and love to serve the church. It is a privilege to serve and even though Wednesday is my longest and toughest day of the week I always leave the meetings with so much on my heart and mind.

We have our different perspectives, personalities, life experiences, approaches, strengths and weaknesses.

And I think we are really starting to complement each other, building teamwork and trust.
We all want to see God move in our community and for everyone who comes to grow in their faith in Christ.

We just finished reading through Biblical Eldership together tonight and that has been a valuable study together.

Acts29 just posted a blog on 10 Qualifications of a Church Planter - at first glance a pretty extensive, intimidating list. I don't know if each of us is a "10" in each of these areas but looking through I would find myself saying, by God's grace, we have the bases covered. One characteristic we discussed a lot tonight was being approachable and listening to concerns or criticism and making it a priority to listen so that everyone might feel valued and heard.

Lots going on right now, we are definitely not taking the summer off as a church, very cool to see how encouraged Vergil is feeling right now about how things are going with the various ministries of the church.

Another highlight is getting a regular preview of the Vergil's upcoming sermon.

We are thinking about what next book to study through together.

Marriage counseling

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

A few things I've noticed in marriage counseling lately

1) You've got to be able to Dude-speak and not lose the wife.
a) Connecting with husband is vital and you've got to do it FAST! First session ideally, by end of 2nd session at the latest or you're toast.
I'm not talking grunts and fist bumps but you've got to at least project that vibe a bit. Even though I've only been counseling the past 5 years working with a wide variety of ages and personalities the past 13 years at Kaiser has equipped me to do this fairly quickly.
b) You've got to give him something to do, set him up for success and it must be clear, logical and practical. Or you're just wasting his time and "There, see! I tried it and it didn't work!"

2) You've got to "make a safe place" for the wife and not lose the husband.
And yes, of course, I do this with all clients but I try to be especially conscious that with all this dude-speak and acknowledgment-of-my-fellow-man-in-the-room that the heart and hurts of the wife are quickly heard and validated. I try to empathize/listen, model, explain what I'm doing and then hand that off as quickly as I can to husband. Hopefully by session 2 or 3 he's doing this more and more and at home.

Related to this is the presence of tears. Not that I manipulate ladies to cry or think it automatically is a sign of a "successful" counseling session, but it is rare that the wife doesn't cry or tear up in the first session or two. If she doesn't that is a pretty good sign one or more of the Four Horsemen are on the scene and she's Stonewalling and pretty hurt, angry or scared and not willing to be vulnerable in front of her husband. Progress will be slow and/or individual counseling may be best.

3) A sense of humor is vital in couples counseling.
A good sign that things are getting better is when the couple is laughing at themselves or together in session - I love to see that. But at the start I try, when appropriate, to inject some levity into the intensity. Not to minimize problems or shame either of them but sometimes they just need a break from the conflict.
Humor (when not too snarky) can serve to validate and normalize problems, soften negative feedback about unfair fighting, coach other-person perspective or teach empathy.

4) Hope.
You've got to quickly inject hope - big and small - into their system or you lose both of them.
One of my favorite ways to do this is to just help them listen well. Another is taking the shame away of disrespectful, harmful patterns of behavior and speech which gives them a chance to talk about it, own up to it, apologize and re-commit to treating each other better, if only for a little while.
Simple things, but huge difference makers.

What a counselor or pastor does

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:38:00 +0000

When "Real Life" takes our little boxes, throws them on the ground, jumps up and down on them, smashing them to bits.

God sweeps up the mess.

And a good counselor or pastor holds the dust bin.

Burn out = switching those roles.

I hope to be an instrument of peace and grace.

Jesus is the source.

Happy 13th Birthday Katherine!

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:26:00 +0000

The first time I saw her her head was purple and she wasn't breathing.

Her umblical chord was wrapped around her neck and I think her Apgar was 1 or 2.

She came into the world with the words "We've got a bad shoulder!"

I didn't even know if she was a boy or a girl but got quickly pushed aside as people flooded into the room and whisked her across the room to a table to work on her.

I was so scared.

It didn't last long though.

They sucked out her lungs, unwrapped her neck and got her to a normal color.

I peeked through bodies and arms surrounding her and relayed to Julie that SHE'S A GIRL!!!

They bundled her up and, I think, I brought her over to Julie for Julie to see her for the first time.

So, in a way, from the moment she arrived on the scene, Katherine has been surrounded by drama or been the center of attention :)

I'm not nearly that scared anymore even though becoming a Dad-of-Teenager = a new realm of Dadness, uncharted territory and adventure.

Even though, just like the rough start, I may sometimes feel on the fringe of her life as she gets older, it doesn't last very long, we still are very connected and have tons of fun. I wait for her in the wings to give her hugs when she "steps off the stage" of the various parts of her life.

My baby is an amazing girl.

Please pray that she will continue to burn bright with her passion for God and for life.

I cannot adequately convey how much I love my daughter.

I am so blessed and proud of her.

Happy Birthday Katherine Marie!

This Week's Library Haul

noreply@blogger.com (Sovann Pen) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:02:00 +0000

Books:

Words to Live By: A Guide for the Merely Christian - CS Lewis
Absolute Watchmen - Alan Moore
Grace and Divorce - Les Carter
Big Boy Rules: America's Mercenaries Fighting in Iraq - Steve Fainaru
Revolution: George Barna
The Reason for God: Timothy Keller
Building Your Ideal Private Practice: Lynn Grodzki
Jim & Casper Go To Church: Frank Conversations about faith, churches and well-meaning Christians: Jim Henderson & Matt Casper
Twitter Tips, Tricks and Tweets: Paul McFedries

DVDs:
Seinfeld Season 9
Speed
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
The Good Shepherd