Space to Think – Time to Talk – Room to Grow

New Blog

2012-01-23T08:30:00.003Z

http://brokenlineofbeing.blogspot.com/

i will never forgive myself

2011-10-17T19:23:00.000+01:00

i didnt hlp the horses. i made them worse. i wanted to ride them didnt i. i wanted to sit on to of them. when they were so tired. so tired and so sore. but i wanted to ride. i wanted to use them. i didnt see how hurt they were. oh the look in their eyes. so hurt. so tired.
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Psychoanalysis and Breastfeeding.

2011-10-15T15:19:00.002+01:00

The other day i watched a program about breast feeding. Mothers who were breastfeeding their babies, infants, toddlers and children
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The White Baby.

2011-10-12T18:31:00.000+01:00

Today was the first session after "the break" I cant say much about it because most times I couldnt speak and when I did speak it made no sense. Somehow ot came about that I replied to her "yes I do think you have done this because are sadistic and cruel."
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The schizoid state is born out of soul destroying disappointment.

2011-10-09T14:42:00.001+01:00

There is an interesting book I am reading right now called "The Analytic Experience" Two chapters really interested me so far. About psychosis and the other is about Ronald Fairbrain.
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The Child That Never Existed.

2011-10-07T15:58:00.001+01:00

My Birth-day. The day I was born as a Nothing.
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9 more days.

2011-10-04T22:45:00.000+01:00

A dream I had last night

my friend had a baby. it was tiny, it as as tiny as a nut.she came to show me her baby. i had totally forgotten that she had a baby.
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10 more days to go.

2011-10-03T06:55:00.002+01:00

Therapist is leaving today. I phoned her last night to .... not sure why... I wanted to phone to say good bye, consciously I thought that is what I wanted to do.
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The therapist drew pictures.

2011-09-30T18:31:00.001+01:00

Today was the last session before the week break. Now the therapist will be gone from Monday until next Monday. Some time at the beginning of the session when
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You are not just a Mind, You also have a Body. No! I am a No-Body!

2011-09-29T14:24:00.002+01:00

I have been in physical pain for most of my life but never really noticed it. Sometimes the pain gets more painful or maybe I am just more aware of it.
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The truth that only exists in the space between the therapist and me.

2011-09-28T18:35:00.001+01:00

my hands are black from the crayons in todays therapy session. I think it started off OK, i cant remember but then I remember drawing like crazy and the therapist sitting next to me.
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Not only do you give us away, but you give us away to a man.

2011-09-26T17:31:00.001+01:00

Todays session was just like any other session. Hardly any words but lots of drawing. The therapist asked about last night. Asked if I sometimes wonder why she doesnt talk to my friend
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You speak to me of Attachment but I reply that it is a matter of life and death

2011-09-26T12:25:00.002+01:00

I am a bad person. An attention seeker. I am still alive. Im sitting here on the sofa, in my dressing gown wondering what to write and whether to send it to the therapist or not.
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to my husband

2011-09-25T19:38:00.002+01:00

N... you are the most important person in my life... WERE the most important person... please... i i loved noone as much as i love you. i know you will be heart broken when you find me dead.
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Ridiculous when I lose control - Bona fide problem child

2011-09-25T15:48:00.005+01:00

Something's burning over there - a fragment of my soul.

Did her touch stop my internal bleeding?

2011-09-23T16:22:00.001+01:00

About an hour before therapy started today I started to bleed " really heavy down there" The bleeding was so heavy that everything soaked after 10 minutes. My hands were full of blood and it just kept gushing out like a tap.
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Dream: where is the baby?

2011-09-19T05:24:00.000+01:00

everyone was so upset. everyone was searching for a 2 week old baby that had been thrown into the bushes by her young teenage mum. i went downstairs to look for the baby. everyone was so upset.
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Inside vs Outside World.

2011-09-15T05:43:00.000+01:00

This is a strange thing. Today in therapy the therapist said that most people, not all, but most people are more used to the outside world. Are more used to the outside world. We talked about this because I recently
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Dream: Envy

2011-09-14T08:46:00.001+01:00

Before I start writing about the dream.... when i was a teenager I really badly wanted some Converse shoes. Obviously I didnt get any. All money was spend on dad for his alcohol or court cases or fines.
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Lady you bereft me of all words, only my blood speaks to you in my veins, and there is such confusion in my powers

2011-09-04T13:35:00.014+01:00

Where is this therapy going? And what exactly is therapy anyway. And who exactly is this woman I go and see three times a week? And why exactly do we sit in a room together and talk and listen and why
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Induction - I make you want to annihilate me.

2011-08-31T18:30:00.011+01:00

So, I have spend the last couple of weeks on a psychoanalysis forum. From day one I have been honest about “who” I was, still being anonymous but letting people know that I was a trainee counsellor and a client/patient. I posted a few questions, one of them “Can interpretations destroy feelings?”
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Don’t worry therapist, I will kill her for you.

2011-08-26T20:02:00.000+01:00

you are no child anymore and the sooner you realise that the better. you are no child anymore. i know. im no child. i dont want to be a child. you are no child you are a grown up. you will never be a child.
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Idolising as healthy development

2011-08-24T18:52:00.000+01:00

I think idolising has something to do with the other person being important to me. It is like I cannot allow myself to let the other person be important. I dont devalue them because I know
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Humiliation + Powerlessness = Therapy

2011-08-23T16:23:00.001+01:00

This has got to be the worst phenomena in the world. Therapy. I feel such humiliation. And powerlessness. Every word the therapist writes to me seems like she is mocking me. Is she really mocking me?
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Dissociation protects the abused child from crying out for help and finding out that she is alone

2011-08-23T11:47:00.006+01:00

My reply to the therapist:

An abused child has learned to expect no help from mother because she already had emotionally abandoned the child on a regular basis. Dissociation protects the abused child from crying out for help and finding out that she is alone.