SpaghettiO's and Vicodin

All Growed Up

2013-05-28T04:13:00.000-04:00

We have finally gotten settled into our apartment! We have cable and Internet, and a computer desk. It looks like a real home. Pictures on the wall, shelves, and knick knacks. Or is it nick knacks? They both look wrong...but oh so right on MY shelves.

Remember back in my last post when I said I was in the process of recovering an old bench? Voila! It looks pretty amazing to me, especially since I've had no experience in DIY crafts since I was in 6th grade the first time and sewed a hot pink pillow shaped like a foot.

I don't know what happened, but I've turned into a total homemaker, yet still work full time. More on that later.

Since we've moved in, I've been doing a lot of cooking. Take a second to catch your breath, cause if you know me at all, you know I've never cooked. I've been cooking real meals, like, not from a box. Except mashed potatoes because I don't have a mixer and I'll be damned if I'm mashing potatoes by hand! And macaroni and cheese, cause if Kraft ain't broken there is no reason to buy another kind or something like that. I'm not good with ancient Proverbs.

I've made a homemade pot pie. Like, I made it by myself, with no recipe or instructions, except for some quick Googling ingredients.

This was my third time making it and I totally forgot the carrots. I did NOT forget the little green rabbit turds people refer to as "peas." They are the devil

I also made a homemade pizza, almost completely from scratch. I bought a pouch of dough powder that I had to add water to, but I still had to let it rise and shape it and all that stuff, which sucked and someone obviously lied when they said I was Italian cause it took forever. I even sliced the pepperoni myself. Also sucked. But I did get it to be a perfectly round 12' pizza and it was delicious, so I did something right.

I don't get to cook as much as I'd like to because my work schedule has changed. It's bittersweet really. I've been dying to get off the overnight shift for a long time. Then, one of our genius managers decided to quit and I took her spot on mid shift and 2nd shift. It's just hard to cook a real meal when I have to be at work at 3:30 in the afternoon.

I'm pretty happy with the way work is going, except for being passed up for a promotion. But the way I see it, everything will work itself out. Those who don't deserve a position of power will abuse it and tear themselves down. Until then, I'll be happy working my morning and evening shifts.

One more thing...I turned 25 this month. Which, Jessica Simpson says "Is almost middle age." It feels like it. One of the reasons I didn't want to work 3rd shift anymore is because it was taking such a toll on my body. I admit, I was kinda bummed when I thought about the fact that I'm still not married, have no kids, and my career isn't exactly where I wanted it to be by now, but I'm pretty sure I'ts because I was PMSing, so I forgot about it and raided the Frito Lay racks.

I realized, my life doesn't suck at all. I'm happy, not wanting for anything, and still young enough that I didn't die the day after I went drinking for my birthday. I have made healthier decisions when it comes to eating in, instead of spending $100 a week eating out. I still haven't smoked, and have finally convinced Justin to try to quit. I've realized, I'll never have shit figured out and life will never go as expected. Realized I gotta just go with the flow. Fuck. I'm a grown up.

Apparently 25 is the year I become a grown up. Finally.

To 100, and Beyond! But I totally almost typed "Beyonce"

2013-04-22T18:50:00.001-04:00

Today's post is a special post.

First, it's my first post since January, but for good reason...

It is my 100th blog post!

I have big news too!

This guy and I have gotten an apartment of our own and moved in together.

Our huge living room

Dining room. I'm in the process of re-covering a bench to use as a seat instead of the one un-matching chair

Also, remember all that long, glorious hair I had?

Well, it's all (mostly) gone!

It's taken me a billion years to write this post because my beloved Frankenstein (my laptop) has finally died and there is no fixing him. Although I've had access to the outside world via Internet, I haven't had a reason to blog. I didn't keep up with the weight loss posts because, well, I've gained all the weight back. I guess I've only gained around 10lbs back, but that's all I really lost. I haven't been to the gym in I have NO idea how long.

But...the main reason I gained all the weight back? I quit smoking on January 15th, 2013. We had a meeting at work, and afterwards I smoked the last cigarette in my pack and told a fellow manager "This is it. I'm done smoking." And haven't picked up a cigarette since.

I used an electronic cigarette for the first week, but it sucked so I stopped. I can't say its been easy. I lived in a house of 5 smokers, Justin smokes, his mom smokes, my cousins, coworkers, friends...all smoke. Even typing this I'm getting a huge hankering for a delicious tar stick, but I know it will kill me, and the damage I've done is already irreversible. I keep wanting to smoke, but not bad enough to actually do it.

The reason I blame not smoking on my weight gain? Replacement cravings. My body has to crave something in place of the nicotine...so it craves sugar. Chocolate, cookies, candy, cake...if it contains massive amounts of sugar, my body has to have it. Right now? I'm drinking a large espresso, syrup, ice cream base and chocolate drink. Known as a frozen mocha, or Frappuccino if you go to Starbucks, but whatever it came from Sheetz and why does that even matter? The point is, sugar and caffeine have become my vices.

I'm glad I finally have something to write about, as I know you were all compulsively checking my Facebook and Twitter to make sure you didn't miss anything. I plan to write a new post soon about either my success or utter failure at re-covering an old bench seat.

As soon as we get settled in and I have Internet access, I'll try to be more regular in my posting!

Until next time, drop me a line on Twitter, friend me on Facebook, follow me on Pinterest and re-read all my old posts so you never forget I used to be funny and a semi good blogger!

Bring it On

2013-01-10T10:03:00.003-05:00

OK here's the thing...I am a shitty blogger.

I haven't posted in months. Before that, all my posts were crap. I have nothing to write about. I could write about work, but that's not really gonna interest anyone. So, I've decided that even if no one gives half a shit about what I'm writing because its not interesting, I'm gonna do it anyway.

The year is 2013. Where the hell did 2012 go? I've supposedly been dieting since November of 2011 and it got me nowhere. Now a whole year has gone and what do I have to show for it?

157lbs. When I started this blog in December of 2010, I was around 170lbs. Yeah, its taken a long time, but I'm making progress.

In November my boyfriend and I joined a gym. I was going 3 days a week for the most part. Then my work schedule got changed and I didn't have time to go for an entire week. Once Christmas came around I was working 60 hours a week, 13 days with no day off. The gym was out of the question. Come New Year's day, I got the flu. When I went to the doctor, they weighed me and I weighed 163lbs. It was a pretty crushing blow considering I got down to 158lbs before I missed 3 weeks of working out.

When I had the flu, I didn't eat for 7 days. I didn't do it on purpose, I just couldn't stomach anything. I pretty much ate 1 can of chicken noodle soup and a box of Ritz Bits crackers over the span of 7 days.

Yesterday, I went to the gym for the first time in over 3 weeks. I could only work out for about 30 minutes, but I made myself step on the scale after I was done. I couldn't believe I was back down to 157lbs. I've never had so much motivation to keep going as I did when I stepped on the scale.

If I can lose almost 10 lbs (I was 166 when we joined the gym) by going to the gym for 1 hour 3 times a week, I can lose these last 20 or so to finally be in a healthy weight range.

I even took another after picture.

August 2012

January 10th, 2013

So, it might not be as extreme as Jennifer Hudson or Jessica Simpson, but I'm not getting paid millions of dollars plus personal trainers and personal chefs. I'm a real person who is working on my own to lose weight, and I think I'm doing a good damn job.

2013 will be the year that I get healthy and stay happy.

Mama June is NOT a Bad Mom

2012-10-17T08:34:00.001-04:00

If you haven't heard of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" you need to stop reading now and spend more time on every site on the Internet. But come back when you are done, because there is a totally great message in this post. I promise.

The TLC show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" has stirred a lot of controversy all over the southern United States. People are very upset that a real life family is shown on TV without being made up and super glitzy a la Kardashian. In fact, the glitzy on the show was their male pet pig...who Alana claimed was gonna be gay cause they were gonna make him a girl pageant pig. When 12 year old Lauren AKA Pumpkin told her he was gonna be gay, Alana proudly stood up for him saying “HE CAN IF HE WANTS TO! YOU CAN’T TELL THAT PIG WHAT TO DO!" Right off the bat, the show is standing up for equal rights...so don't they deserve the same respect?

The dad, Mike "Sugar Bear" works seven days a week in a chalk mine to take care of his family of six. Also, only Alana is his blood daughter. He has absolutely no obligation to the other girls, but calls them his girls and was eagerly awaiting the birth of his first grandchild. Suck it deadbeat dads.

I am sick of seeing all the negative things said about June Shannon. She is not a bad mother.

This woman has not had an easy life. She was a single mother to a toddler AND a newborn at 17 god damn years old. She had 3 kids by the time she was 20. I don't think I could handle one kid now, at 24, much less having three, four years ago. She dropped out of school, got her GED and got her shit together. For the most part.

Recently it has been released that June Shannon was jailed for four days due to unpaid child support she owed for her daughter Anna. FOUR days. She paid the money she owed and all was forgiven. Like your family is perfect? Get over yourselves Internet.

Mama June is often criticized about her looks and weight. She isn't a super model. Get over it. This woman stood on the scale, on National TV and told everyone the number on the scale. When is the last time a celebrity did that? She knows she has "vajiggle jaggle" and multiple chins, yet she is one of the most confident women on TV. She's addressed her appearance in one of the best ways I've ever heard: “Granted, I ain’t the most beautimous out the box, but a little paint on this barn, shine it back to its original condition. Cause it shines up like it’s brand new.”

She has projected her confidence onto her children as well. At six years old, Alana has been quoted as saying, "Pretty comes in all sizes."

How can anyone argue with that?

She spends hours and hours a week cleaning, clipping coupons, shopping and preparing Alana for pageants. She was with Anna every step of her pregnancy. Yes, she made mistakes when her children were younger, but I think she's done pretty damn good since then.

She taught her kids to love themselves regardless of what other people, especially the Internet, think. She cooks for her family almost every day. The money the family makes from the show? It has been put into trust funds for the children.

The next time you stand on your soapbox and call this family white trash, remember that real people come from families like this. Guess what? My family isn't perfect. My parents are divorced and my father committed suicide. I can name 10 of my blood related family members who have been in jail. I've had alcoholics and drug addicts in my family. As a matter of fact...the whole reason my family ended up in Virginia is because my great grandfather was running moonshine and wanted to make sure he had an easy escape if shit got hot.

Does that make me a bad person? Would you ever know any of that if I didn't tell you? Does this mean I'm gonna be a bad mother?

Maybe you should spend less time judging Mama June Shannon and more time reevaluating your own self worth if you need to put others down. Wanna borrow a jacket? I heard it's pretty cold up there on your ivory tower.

Are You There God? It's Me, Crystal

2012-10-14T10:17:00.002-04:00

I've mentioned multiple times that I am in my mid twenties. Twenty-Four to be exact.

When you think of a 24 year old, do you think of a post college party goer, a just starting their career and drowning in student loans, or a settled down mom/father to be?

I am none of those. I like to sit at home and watch "Pawn Stars" and "Top 20 Most Shocking whatever the hell these idiots are doing in this countdown". I like to focus on my work. My job may be stressful and drive me up the wall, but it's most likely gonna be my career so I might as well work my ass off to rise the ranks as fast as possible. I'm not the kind of person to blow off work to party. The last time I called off work was when my father died, in February.

Every weekend I see girls in their early to mid twenties come in arguing with each other over who is gonna buy the food because they aren't worried about paying rent this month becaue their parents will lend them money, but Oh My God they are like, having so much fun! Woooooo!

I'm an uptight homebody. Not a Woo Girl. Big deal. The one problem this does cause is making friends. Friends don't just show up on my couch. But, they do show up on my computer.

I'm one of those people. One of those who refers to girls as "My friend Ana, the one that lives in Washington." or "My friend Amanda in Florida." I have friends online that I share everything with...from my first kiss with my boyfriend to my period being so heavy I think my uterus is melting. Yet, I have never met these people in person...and who knows if I ever will. I think of people that barely know me as friends. I know the ones I meet online are the ones who will do anything they can to help me through whatever it is I'm going through. When I had my first surgery, gallbladder removal, the one person who stayed up all night with me on the phone was a friend who lived on the complete opposite side of the country. I've never met her and I highly doubt I ever will.

My problem is meeting friends in real life. Where do I pick up chicks? At the library? The gym? The grocery store?

Sure, I work with plenty of women, but I just don't bond with any of them. They are either all about partying, or all about their kids. Then there is me.

I don't have kids, so I can't even force myself to be friends with my kids' friends' moms. I can't go to a mommy and me group without looking like a real weirdo, which lets face it, is already a reason I have trouble finding friends. I'm really weird. No one I know likes to speak in "Family Guy" quotes and memes.

I'm not the party type. I don't like crowded clubs or bars. If I go, I go to the bar on Sunday when they are dead. I like to sit back with a drink or 3 and relax. I don't want to get sloppy cry and embarrass myself drunk, but people my age don't get that. I'd rather "Stumble" than stumble around drunk.

So what the hell do I do? Where do I find friends? Am I stuck with my boyfriend and sister being my only friends for the rest of my life? Who the hell do I make my bridesmaids when I get married?

I feel like Margaret. I feel like I'm going through puberty all over again. Awkward sorta friendships with people I never talk to outside of work are the same as awkward sorta friendships with people I never spoke to outside of middle school.

How do you make friends? Where do you meet them? How do you find common ground?

Actually, if you are reading my blog, you are just as much of a homebody Internet dork like me. In which case, you probably don't have friends but should totally add me to Myspace*, cause that's where I meet all my friends.

*I don't have Myspace. But you can follow my Twitter here.

The One About Everything

2012-10-02T02:02:00.001-04:00

It's been forever since I wrote a new post. I guess it's because I've been working on me. I've been taking time to focus on me, my relationship with my boyfriend, and my relationship with my family, without letting the negativity of others bring me down.

I've been trying to eat better than normally...because I've totally not stuck with the whole weight loss thing...which is why there have been no recent pictures. Although, I did walk on my boyfriend's back yesterday and he said I'm way lighter than I was before, so that's good I guess. I bought a sports bra with the intention of working out, but so far the most I've done is walk to the fridge to see if the Popsicles are frozen yet.

After about 20 years of being a nasty nail biter, I've stopped. One day I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, and it's been close to two months since I've done it. I've never seen my hands look so pretty. Of course I always manage to scratch myself somehow whether its a thumb while tying a trash bag or somehow making my nose bleed.

Since I'm growing my nails and they are looking good, I've taken up hand painting nail designs. I can't decide if it's easier than it looks, or totally not as easy.

Expertly painted toenails

Beautifully (not cleaned up) flowers. Also, look how awesomely long my nails are

I've also taken up making candy flavored liquor. I Googled it to death, and then decided to do it my own way. I bought some high class Aristocrat vodka and poured that shit right on over top of some candy. Actually, I made three different kinds; Cherry Jolly Rancher, Blue Raspberry/Grape Jolly Rancher, and Werther's Original. Yeah, believe it or not, the butterscotch tasted the best...but it was certainly ugly. I even gave some of the cherry flavored vodka away as a gift. I got a cute little bottle from Goodwill and painted it. Yeah, I don't know why I am so artistic all of the sudden, but I'm not fighting it. It keeps me busy.

Also, thanks to Brittany I have become completely obsessed with making monster pictures! I've made like two for myself, one for three of my cousins, my mom, my brother and my sister. Also, if you want one, let me know and I will hook you the fuck up. I can't get enough of making these damn things! Tell me I'm not a sexy ass zombie? I know! It's like, "Oh my God. Is there anything this bitch can't do?"

I also finally gave in to the fad and read the "Fifty Shades" trilogy. Yes I enjoyed it. Yes it was a page turner. And yes, I want another book! There were definitely things I could have done without reading, but E.L. James is a brave, brave woman and I zombie salute her (see above photo).

As you can see, I've been pretty busy sitting in my house, but I've enjoyed getting back in touch with my artistic side. It's been awesome letting my creativity flow through other mediums besides my blog.

Also, I have to blog from *gasp* Internet Explorer because Blogger changed their interface and it won't load on Google Chrome. Yes, Blogger, powered by Google, does not work with Google's web browser. If I wasn't so distraught, I'd laugh at the irony.

What do you do to occupy your time? How do you let your creativity flow? Do you want a monster picture? Let me know down below. (That's what she said)

One last thing: Happy 23rd birthday to my little sister Lucifer LuLu

The Day I Didn't Get Engaged

2012-08-25T22:30:00.000-04:00

This week, I'm on vacation from work, and it has been lovely! Monday, my boyfriend and I set off to Virginia Beach for a two night and 3 day vacation. The whole ride down there it rained. The whole first night it rained. It was about 75 degrees, which meant way too cold to swim in the ocean or the hotel pool. I got in the pool for about 15 minutes and didn't even leave the steps. We went to a seafood buffet and had a nice dinner in an oceanfront restaurant. The first night we walked up and down "Beach Street USA" and went into every shop about three times. There was an awesome fireworks display shot from a boat over the water. It really lit up the water and was just beautiful. We walked down by the frigid water and settled in for the night watching SVU.

This is my "Beach Street USA" look

The next day it was still too cold to go to the beach, so we tried to take a dip in the pool again. Still too cold. We were in for about ten minutes, and had to go back inside. It just gave us more time to spend together watching Storage Wars and shopping and taking our adorable Old Time photo as Bonnie and Clyde.

Tell me, how cute are we?

We planned to go barhopping that night since it was Justin's birthday, but we are so not party people, so we had a couple drinks and walked down by the ocean again. We sat up on a lifeguard tower and just listened to the water and watched the waves. It was so peaceful, beautiful and romantic. After we had our fill, we headed back to the room, and that's where things got intense. No, I don't mean that. Get your mind out of the gutter.

While walking down the street, hand in hand, Justin suddenly stopped, pulled me to the side of the street and faced me towards him. Then he started digging in his pocket. I know, beautiful, romantic night on the beach, on his birthday when he's feeling all sentimental...OMG he's looking for a ring!

Negative. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. And that's when I started breathing again. For the rest of the night I felt like a giant douche. No woman in their right mind should expect a proposal after only 9 months of dating, but as I've discussed multiple times, I am nowhere near my right mind.

The next day was hot and sunny. A perfect day to go to the beach! We checked out of the motel and sleepily moseyed on down the the boardwalk and hit up a breakfast buffet before heading to the beach. It was a very lovely day but the water was really rough so it was way too much work trying to stand up in the waves. So, I just settled for dozing on the beach. After a couple hours we packed it all up and headed home...and it was the best vacation I've ever had...even if I didn't leave engaged.

Perfect beach weather...the day we left

Do you have a funny non-engagement story? Beach story? Vacation story at all? Tell me in the comments!

Moroccan Moisture Argan Oil Review

2012-08-02T18:20:00.000-04:00

I know I don't review beauty products but I just recently bought a bottle of Moroccan Moisture Argan Oil and my hair looks amazing because of it. Today, at least five people told me how beautiful my hair is. I straightened it, and 12 hours later it was still perfect...even after drizzly rain and 150% humidity because hello, I live in Virginia and if the humidity is below 9000 the Earth will implode.

My hair is a big frizzy mess 90% of the time.

But, this stuff is amazing...it made my normally dry hair soo soft and SHINY! It doesn't feel greasy in the least, and my ponytail is so sleek and shiny it looks like a fall. I dont even know the last time I could run my fingers completely through my hair. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Crystal, I cant take the suspense...please show me your glorious hair!"

Fret no longer:

Seriously dude...these pictures were taken after RAIN, HUMIDITY and 12 HOURS! Seriously...I didn't re-touch it up with the flat iron or anything...I did run a brush through it once or twice. Its just as soft and smooth as it was at 5:30 this morning.

I know Moroccan Oil can be expensive, but I got this at Wal Mart for $4.47 for a 4fl oz bottle. Depending on how much hair you have, you only have to use a few drops. As you can see I have a LOT of hair and I only use 3-4 drops. My mom only needed two. Me, my sister, my mom and even my brother have used it and there is barely any gone. I feel like this bottle could last for like, 6 months.

The bottle says to add to damp hair and work evenly from roots to end. I didn't do it like that. My roots are WAY too oily to put actual oil on, so I put it from the base of my neck to the ends. I also did it while it was dry, right before I flat ironed it. Just remember, it is OIL, so if you use it before you flat iron, don't hold the heat on it too long so you don't fry it like bacon, cause I totally burnt my bangs.

As usual, I was in no way compensated for this post by FX, Wal Mart or Morocco. I just bought it, loved it and had to share the ~~beauty of my hair~~ sheer badassery of this stuff.

Do you use any kind of moroccan oil? How do you keep your hair tame in the humidity?

Men are a pain

2012-07-25T21:05:00.000-04:00

My dog is a hellion. Don't let this sweet little face fool you.

Not Pictured: Devil horns

We've had him for 3 months and he's torn up all our shit. He has pulled all the stuffing out of our couch cushions and eviscerated a stuffed Mickey Mouse, which was hanging on a wall...he jumped to get it. He is also a complete escape artist. He's gotten out at least 3 times...the first time was about 12 hours after we got him.

RIP Mickey

He has a new obsession with flip flops. My mom bought a pair, tried them on, took them off, left the room and when she came back a minute later he chewed it beyond recognition. She got another pair, and a pair for my sister. Guess what? He chewed up my sister's. He ate both my black and white Old Navy flip flops, and left my sister a non-matching pair. One star spangled left foot, and one heart patterned right foot.

His favorite place to shred things is my sister's room. He will find any trash possible and tear it to shreds. I mean completely unrecognizable. He also likes to pee in her room...even though he is fully house trained.

All that shit? Hurricane Cheef

One night he peed on her comforter and sheet. When she put it in the washer, she threw a dust ruffle on her bed until her sheets were dry...when she came back, there was a puddle of pee on the dust ruffle.

This dog has two speeds. Bounce and run as fast as you can because oh my God there MUST be a man with a knife chasing you. He runs so fast his butt literally bounces off the ground. He jumps to the top of the door frame if someone leaves. He has the sharpest toenails in the history of the world. Everyone has bleed at the hands, er paws, of him.

But...he is the sweetest dog I've ever seen. He loves to cuddle in the bed with anyone, as long as they have a blanket. He likes to look out the window and is very protective. One night, I came in at about 1:30am, not my usual time to arrive home, and he went crazy thinking it was an intruder. He has never bitten anyone maliciously, but he has some sharp little play teeth.

Its so hard to be mad at this dog...until he pees in my floor...or I have to clean up a full couch cushion worth of stuffing.

I love that dog, but he drives me absolutely insane! Anyone else have any pet horror stories?

Fat Girls, Skinny Girls, Tall Girls, Small Girls

2012-07-11T08:26:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't been keeping up with my weight loss posts, but I am doing it today!

This week, I went to the beach with my boyfriend, and of course that meant I had to take bathing suit pictures. Once I looked at them and compared them with the ones from almost exactly a year ago, I couldn't believe the difference! I'm still not skinny, but I've totally lost weight!

May 2011

July 2012

I know it doesn't seem like much, but dudes, I'm totally getting skinny. I'm at my lowest weight I've been since I was like...12...no joke. And as you can see, I always make stupid faces when facing the sun.

Seriously though, I've not been exercising or really dieting. At first I was only drinking diet drinks, cut out all candy and fried foods and saw absolutely no results. Then I decided to stop starving and eat like a normal person. At work, instead of getting king size Twizzlers every single day, I'd get them maybe once a week and eat fruit or vegetables as a snack instead. I stopped eating only salads and for almost a month ate nothing but meatball subs for lunch, and you know what? That's when I started seeing results. Once I changed up my diet and actually incorporated all foods, I lost weight.

As of July 9th, 2012 (two days before my period, so I was totes bloated) I weigh 162lbs even. I know the numbers really don't matter, but I take pride in knowing that number has gotten so low. My work pants from a month ago are too big...my shorts are all too big...lord knows how baggy my jeans are now...But I'm super ok with it.

I do owe a lot of it to my boyfriend. He wanted to lose weight and asked me to support him...that meant no candy around him and no "Hey baby, can you run to McDonald's for me?" cause he'd totally say no and we'd fight. To keep us happy, I decided what the hell...might as well try too. I've gotten to the point where I feel guilty if I eat something bad. I got a slice of Oreo pie at work the other night, and it tasted like shit...cause all I tasted was guilt. To me, that's awesome. I picked up something bad at work the other day and was like, "oh wait, I ate that honey bun today...better get sliced apples instead."

Y'all, I'm making good food choices. I've NEVER done that. There was a time where I would eat and entire bag of chips and an entire tub of dip, just because. I already mentioned the king size Twizzlers, EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I would eat an entire 12' sub and chips. I'd never leave leftovers because I felt I was wasting it. I've learned I don't have to eat until I'm stuffed, but until I'm not hungry anymore. If that means I have to eat more than two times a day, that's perfectly ok.

According to the BMI calculator, my BMI is 30.6...I'm still "obese" but god dammit I'm the thinnest I've ever been and proud!

Y'all Gon Make Me Lose My Mind

2012-06-19T11:27:00.000-04:00

People act a fool in public. At work, we have to call the police more often than we would like. I honestly think people believe they can do whatever they want in a gas station. I have the perfect example of such person.

At our stores, our gas pumps automatically turn off after gas has been sitting for 10 minutes. If you don't pump your gas, you have to come back inside so we can reset it. There is no way around it and something that is done company wide. It's fucked up but we can't do anything about it. When our customers order food, we tell them to pump their gas before they wait for their food. On the weekends, our wait times for food could be up to 20 minutes. We don't do it on purpose, and we try to keep the times down, but it does happen.

We have a system. One person "starts" the food at one end of the counter, brings it to the other end where the other person puts the vegetables on, wraps it and hands it out. The person starting usually goes a lot faster because they have less to do, so they line food up on the counter until it can be finished. Since the only thing on this particular person's sandwich was honey mustard and vegetables, it had to wait until the orders in front were finished before her veggies were put on. During that wait, the lady's gas had timed out. No problem, we can just reset it and its all good. Except...she paid with a credit card. When we refund it to the card, she has to swipe it again and re-charge the card. Unfortunately, her particular bank makes customers wait three days for all refunds, so she didn't have money to re-charge the card. Which was our fault because "we took too long" to make her food.

She insisted that we did it on purpose. We knew she was in a hurry and specifically took a long time to inconvenience her. She screamed at the manager, "I watched the girl make my sandwich, bring it to this end and go back with nothing in her hand! She didn't give me my food on purpose!" After apologizing profusely, we offered to re-make her food and give her a cash refund. She insisted we give her $30 because she needed gas and couldn't get it because we took too long. After telling her that we are unable to do it, it was obvious the manager wasn't getting anywhere trying to get her to calm down.

The lady stood at the front of the store, screaming "I WANT MY MONEY! I WANT THIRTY DOLLARS! THREE ZERO! THIRTY DOLLARS! GIVE ME MY MONEY!"

Not the actual lady, but the general idea of how she was acting. Google Images.

Another coworker decided to try. She politely told the lady, "I'm not yelling at you, so I expect you to stop yelling at me. I'm sorry if you're having a bad day-" and the lady lost her god damn mind. She screamed that she was *NOT* having a bad day before she was "robbed" by us. Also, that we had no right to assume she had a bad day. She was verbally attacking all the employees. She didn't want to talk to "that white bitch" (the manager) or "that black bitch" (my coworker) she only wanted to talk to someone who would give her thirty dollars. We had had enough since there was literally nothing else we could do for her after re-making her food and giving her a refund. She was told she needed to stop yelling and calm down or the police would be called. Finally something made her happy.

She insisted we call the police so she "didn't have to" and they would make us give her thirty dollars. You know, because that's how police work. They change our company, and her bank's policy. She continued to scream "Call the mother fucking police!" while banging on the counter. She continued to scream about how we wouldn't give her the money because she was black and we were all racist and she couldn't wait until the police arrested us because of theft for stealing her $30 that we told her she needed to pump before she waited for her food.

After the police arrived, they told her she wasn't entitled to a refund and that she had to wait for her bank to clear the refund. She was told she had to leave the property and not to return. She refused to leave so the officer told her she was going to be arrested for disorderly conduct. Eventually she left with her free sandwich, her refund, our company's customer complaint number and a warning from the police that if she returned she would be arrested and charged with trespassing.

Moral of the story: Pump your gas before you wait for your food or you could be arrested and written about on the internet.

Birthday and National Swimsuit Confidence Week Rolled into One

2012-05-21T17:56:00.000-04:00

This month has been hectic. After chipping my tooth and spraining my wrist, shit never slowed down.

In May alone, there is mother's day, my birthday, my brother's birthday and my mom's birthday.

May 15th my boyfriend and I celebrated my birthday in a big way. He bought me jewelry. Beautiful jewelry that I couldn't love more, even if he made it himself. I'm a sucker for pearls and he finally made me an adult by getting me a necklace, bracelet and earring set.

Best present ever

After he gave me my gorgeous pearls, we got all gussied up and went out to a fancy Japanese restaurant for dinner.

When did I become an adult? May 15th, 2012

The next day we went and saw the Avengers, which was absofuckinglutely amazing. We even sprung for the extra money to see it in 3D, which only added to the awesomeness.

On May 17th, my actual birthday, my bestie and I went to the park, a playground, lunch, another park and a bar to get shitfaced. We succeeded in being passed out drunk by 8pm. Winning.

I pretty much had the best birthday ever.

This past week, I also found out that I finally got a promotion. Starting May 25th I will be management. It's a long time coming, but holy crap I've been busy at work with training.

Another amazing thing that kicks off this week is National Swimsuit Confidence Week! Land's End, Self Magazine and Curvy Girl Guide have partnered together for the second annual Swimsuit Confidence Week where women of all shapes and sizes all over the country pose online in their bathing suits. It's a great campaign really. I did it last year, and guess what? I'm putting my cellulite and fat rolls online this year too!

Thanks to the crappy light, you can't tell my bottoms are navy and my top is black

I encourage everyone to participate in National Swimsuit Confidence week! Post pictures on your Facebook, blog, Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr or even Myspace and leave your link here and over at Curvy Girl Guide to show your confidence!

A Chip off the Ol Tooth

2012-05-08T22:22:00.000-04:00

I had a hell of a weekend. Not the "I got super drunk and partied like a fucking rockstar" weekend, but the kind of weekend that left me with a sprained wrist, a chipped tooth and the nerves of a wild rabbit.

We have a new manager at work who is just a sweet as can be but good lord he can't focus or multitask and calls my name EVERY THREE SECONDS to ask me a question about something which he gets paid to know the answer. It drives me insane. Plus, the new schedules were put up and I'm working the next three Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. That will make 13 weekends in a row that I have to work straight through. Obviously I was in a wonderful mood. Saturday was full of just as many "Have you done this yet? I have a lot to do. Is this done yet? Blah blah question question question" which drives me insane because the only thing he has to do is stand at the register while I do literally everything else. My nerves were completely shot by Sunday morning. Leading up to the last hour at work, every time I heard anything that resembled my name, I got a pang of anger and irritation. I finally told my coworkers I was going to smoke, and if the manager was looking for me to tell him I was pooping.

When I finally got off work and got home, I had a whole bunch of stuff to carry because I was starving since I didn't get to eat at work. Since I was holding my keys, my purse, two bags and a cup I decided to hold the cup in my teeth for like, .03 seconds so I could open the door. As soon as I clamped my teeth I heard "click" and felt a chunk of my tooth fall into my mouth. At 6:30 on a Sunday morning.

I felt like Lloyd Christmas. Also, pay no attention to the chipped top tooth that actually looks like Lloyd's.

Sunday night my boyfriend and I were play arguing and I told him to get out of my bed by pushing him until he almost fell. When he pulled himself back up, I didn't move my hand in time and his whole 250lb body landed on my wrist, which twisted and sprained. While play wrestling he somehow jabbed his ankle into the small of my back and I'm pretty sure he cracked a rib, which he didn't do but it felt like it and I have the right to be dramatic after my horrific dental catastrophe and sprained wrist.

As I read back over that paragraph, it seems that my boyfriend beats me but he totally doesn't because he knows he'd die.

Monday morning my dentist squeezed me in so he could fix my chipped tooth. It went down without a hitch until I had to talk to the dental hygienist afterwards. She was all, "Ok you have the most disgusting mouth I've ever seen. You have to get that cavity filled or you will have a root canal and dude, if you don't start flossing all your teeth are gonna fall out and you'll never be able to eat butterfingers again, but you probably shouldn't since you're fat anyway." Ok she wasn't quite that dramatic but I'm sure that's the kinda shit she was thinking because she was looking at my mouth like it was full of a colony of hobos.

Perfectly fixed tooth...no hobos

I guess my weekend doesn't seem so bad to someone on the outside looking in, but I am terrified to eat anything because I know I'll have to brush and floss after every bite so my teeth don't fall out, so that sucks...but I might lose weight.

Which is another thing I forgot...to continue dieting. The only photo I have of myself that was taken this month is the horrendous photo that my super photographer of a boyfriend took of me and a giraffe. That was sarcasm..he has no clue how to take pictures. He didn't even use Instagram.

Pay no attention to my ill fitting clothes and look at that bad ass giraffe

So yeah...I can feel that my body is changing, but the number on the scale is still being a bitch. This picture certainly disputes the fact that I'm losing weight, but I assure you I am.

How was your weekend?

Giveaway Has Ended

2012-04-28T20:33:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone who entered my sweet ass giveaway! Of course not everyone could win, but my lucky winner was Christine!

I used random.org to choose the number, but did not include the first three comments of those who didn't want to win so here is the screenshot:

Congratulations Christine!

Diva Cup Review and Giveaway!

2012-04-24T19:54:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my Diva Cup review and Giveaway!

How much do you spend a month on tampons? Usually I spend at least $8 for the box of 36...18 super and 18 regular. Like everyone, I've had leakage problems when I can't get to the bathroom when I'm at work, or even asleep. I'm ready for a change.

The good folks over at Diva Cup so generously provided me with a menstrual cup to try! What is a menstrual cup? It is literally a cup you put inside your vagina to collect your menstrual blood. I'm gonna stop here for a second. Everyone get your "OMG gross!" comments out of the way while I laugh at your ignorance. Ha Ha Ha.

This is a Diva Cup next to a super absorbency tampon expanded in water

As you can see, the size is no different than an expanded tampon.

Its a really cool product. You fold it, insert it and don't have to worry about it for about 8 hours when you have to empty it.

Set it and forget it.

When you empty it, you just dump it in the toilet, rinse it out, pat try and shove it back in. Once you get home, wash it out with the special Diva Wash cleanser to kill any bacteria.

I'm gonna give you a day to day play by play on how my first experience with the Diva Cup went.

Day 1: My first day with the Diva Cup. I had little problem inserting it. I had to try twice cause the first time just felt wrong. After 5 hours I suddenly became very aware of it. I'm guessing its because it got heavier as it collected the blood, so it shifted its position. It still wasn't uncomfortable, I just knew it was there. Honestly, no different than a tampon when I can feel it expanding.

Day 2: Things started out fine...then sometime at work things got dislodged and became uncomfortable. There was still no leakage and it didnt hurt, but it wasn't comfortable. I actually had to remove it while at work because I didn't have time to mess with it.

Day 3: Opps. I forgot to use it today so my results for the day are inconclusive.

Day 4: Had no real comfort problems and no leakage. I did have a bit of an issue at work because I had to empty it and it took a couple tries for me to get it back in.

Day 5: No leakage, no comfort problems until my boyfriend sat on my uterus and shifted things around.

As you can see, I really didn't have any problems. There is no mess whatsoever. I never once got blood on my hands, on my clothes or my underwear. The only issue I had was having to empty it at work. I found it most comfortable to insert it while squatted, however that's not really an option in a public bathroom, so I had to try to find a comfortable position while seated on the toilet, which took a few minutes. It was a bit too time consuming at work, but now that I know how often I need to empty it, I know I can go a full 8 hour shift without having to take it out. Oh one of the best parts? You can use it for up to 12 hours at a time! The second best part? You can use it for a full year before it needs to be replaced!

I am super happy with it, and don't plan on going back to tampons.

The Diva Cup comes in two different sizes. Model 1 is for women under 30 who have never had children. Model 2 is for women over 30 or have had children, regardless of age.

Now you are curious aren't you? Wanna try it yourself? Guess what? Diva Cup has agreed to give away a Diva Cup to one of my lucky readers!

How do you enter? Simply leave a comment on this post! The contest is open until Friday at 11:59pm. Saturday morning I will choose a winner at random using random.org and notify you via email. If the winner does not have an email address provided I will have to choose another.

For those of you who don't win, you can find a store that sells the Diva Cup here or buy one online here.

Need more information before you decide to buy one? "Like" their page on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Have you ever tried a Diva Cup or any other menstrual cup? What kind of experience did you have? Leave a comment for a chance to win!

***The wonderful men and women at Diva Cup no way compensated me to review their product other than providing me with one to try***

HUMANity

2012-04-19T09:06:00.000-04:00

This week, my faith in humanity has been restored. I witnessed completely unselfish acts of kindness on multiple occasions.

Early in the week I was on the cash register and after ringing her items, I handed a young girl, around 23, her change of $2.76. She then turns around and hands it to the lady in line behind her. The lady behind her looked to be in pretty rough condition. She was wearing dirty clothes, her hair unwashed and her nails dirty. She comes to the register, hands me the $2 and starts counting change for gas. The previous young girl sees that she is counting change and asks her if shes getting gas. When the older lady says yes, the girl hands her a 10 dollar bill and says, "Here just take this" and walks out the door. The older lady looked like she was about to cry, which was totally gonna make me cry. The lady didn't use the $10 for the gas, but I'm guessing she needed more than gas.

Every morning for the past month we've had a bus of about 30 railroad workers from out of state come into our store. When they come in there is a lot of chaos with them added on top of our regular customers, and very long lines. The railroad workers usually let other customers go ahead of them since none of them can leave until everyone is ready anyway.

Well this morning one of the guys nearly got left behind. He was the last of the group in line to buy a Monster energy drink, and looked up to see the bus pulling away. He sat his drink on top of a cooler and ran outside with his arms up. The driver stopped and let him on, but I'm sure the guy was disappointed. The nearly 70 year old man in line in front of the almost left worker told me to ring up the drink, threw me a $10 bill and ran across the parking lot to catch the bus. Luckily they were stopped for traffic before leaving the parking lot, but the man couldn't get their attention. Then another man ran all the way across the parking lot yelling and waving his arms at the driver to stop. After catching the driver's attention the old man runs to the driver's window and hands him the drink. Then he comes back inside, gets his change and leaves.

Last night, a man came to the register with two girls he had never met. He paid for their meals and their drinks. He told them he wanted nothing in return, they didn't even have to sit down to eat with him, he just wanted to do something nice.

This morning, on my way home from work, as I turned onto one of the side streets, I see a woman standing beside a car that is blocking 90% of the road. On the other side of the car, there are 6 men squatting, standing and bending down to put her car up on a jack. All of these men had just gotten to work and were late leaving to go to their first job because they stopped to help a lady change her tire.

There are still good people in the world. This week, I am going to do something nice for someone. Maybe I'll pay for someone's meal in the drive thru...maybe I'll buy a man in line behind me at 7-11 his coffee.

Pay it forward. Don't let the rush of the world make you forget that there are good people who do nice things just because.

Easiest. Recipe. EVER. Chicken tacos

2012-04-14T21:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've never done a recipe post before, cause I don't cook. I can make hamburger helper, spaghetti, and other forms of spaghetti. I make a mean spicy Italian sausage fettuccine alfredo though.

Tonight, I was starving, and didn't really have anything to eat. I had some frozen ground chicken and some fettuccine chicken helper. I didn't feel like pasta, and I really wanted tacos. Instead of going to Taco Bell and spending $100 I had a genius idea. Chicken tacos! Dude, this meal cost me like $10 can can easily feed 4 people...2 if you eat like my boyfriend and I.

Note: I'm pretty sure you cannot call this a "recipe" cause you literally do nothing expect follow directs on a box. I'm just calling it that cause I totally used my awesome culinary skills to substitute chicken for beef, so that makes it special.

Ingredients:

1lb ground chicken. I used Perdue fresh ground chicken $2.98 at Wal Mart.
1 Taco Dinner kit. I used the Food Lion brand, which includes 10 soft tortillas, a packet of taco sauce and a packet of taco seasoning. $1.75 at Food Lion.
Shredded lettuce. I just broke up some lettuce I had in the fridge. I think it was $1.25 at Wal Mart?
Shredded cheese. $2.23 at Food Lion.

Directions:

"Brown" chicken in a frying pan until no longer pink. It'll clump up and make ideal taco sized meat chunks. The chicken I used was so lean I didn't even have any grease to drain. That means no strainer to wash yo!
Add 1 cup water and taco seasoning...bring to a boil, turn down heat and let simmer until most of the liquid boils out. Takes about 15 mins to finish cooking.

That's it. Dinner is fucking ready.

Dirty up ONE pan. Minimal dishes

Add some fancy ass plating and there you go

The good thing about this? If you want your kids to eat healthier, lean chicken is so much better than beef, and they literally will not be able to tell the difference. Who doesn't like tacos?

Also, barely any clean up dude.

Also, also, if you want me to post my spicy italian fettuccine alfredo "recipe" let me know.

24 things in 24 years

2012-04-03T11:09:00.000-04:00

Next month I will turn 24 years old. I can't believe that time has flown by so fast. I remember turning 7, when my mom was literally about to drop my little brother. He was born 3 days later. My 13th birthday seems like it happened last week...as does my 16th, 18th and 21st.

I know 24 is not a milestone birthday, but it made me think of how much I've learned throughout my life, which I'm going to share with you.

Here, in no order, is a list of 24 things I've learned in 24 years:

1. Love hurts, but it's worth the fall.
2. No one is exempt from getting sick and dying, no matter how important they are to you.
3. Everyone is good at something, even if its just letting you vent to them.
4. Everyone needs to vent. No one can hold everything in and never let it out.
5. Its ok to not be a size 4 as long as you are healthy and happy.
6. College isn't for everyone and its ok if its not for you.
7. Never let anyone make you feel like they are better than you. They have their own issues you don't know about.
8. Money isn't everything. Really. As long as you have basic necessities, that's all that matters.
9. Not shaving your legs in the winter really doesn't make you any warmer.
10. No matter how hard you work, you can never please everyone. Work hard and be proud of yourself.
11. No matter how bad your best friend gets on your nerves, you'll get over it and stay best friends.
12. Being a blogger is NOT easy.
13. Don't hold grudges. Especially towards family.
14. Its ok not to brag about your intelligence, but don't play dumb. Its not cute.
15. You can find humor in almost everything. Even if its dark humor.
16. You may not be making millions, but you are working and that's what matters.
17. Actions really do speak louder than words.

18. Being nice to someone you don't like isn't being two faced or fake, its being an adult and keeping the peace.

19. Tattoos and piercings do not make someone a bad person
20. Keeping your room clean once you get it clean is not as easy as it sounds.
21. Gas is really fucking expensive no matter what kind of car you drive
22. Don't ever try to change yourself unless you are unhappy. If someone doesn't like you for you, fuck them.
23. Its pointless to wash your car. It will rain overnight.
24. No matter how much you love someone, you can't make them love you. Life is not a movie. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn.

Bonus Lesson:
Losing weight sucks...and its hard! I'm a few days late posting my weight loss picture, but that's because I'm not feeling like I did well this month. This is the only picture I have of me from this month, but I feel its misleading because my shirt is too tight and sucks and kinda fits like a girdle.

What lessons have you learned throughout all your years? Are you still sticking to your weight loss goals? What is the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn?

Old Navy Dropped the Ball

2012-03-20T23:29:00.000-04:00

I've been wearing Old Navy clothes for almost 12 years now. I've always been pretty happy with the sizing, even if it was vanity sizing. Of course I've had some hit and misses with things not fitting the way they were supposed to, but that happens. Today that happened in a big, well small, way. This post is going to be jam packed with pictures so it may be longer than usual, but get over it.

First up, I have a picture of the different sizing of Old Navy clothes from one year to the next.

On the bottom you see a shirt from Fall 2010, size XL. Next from Spring 2011 size L. The dark stripes is from Spring of 2012, size XL. The very top is Spring 2012 size L.

This is a picture of a yellow tank top from Spring of 2011 and on top of that is Spring of 2012. There is at least 3 inches less of fabric on this year's shirt.

Some people might be thinking that I just stretched the shirts out and that's why they don't fit. To those nay sayers I say I have photographic evidence!

Me wearing Spring 2012 Old Navy size Large. Slimming, yes...Large? No

Spring 2012

Me wearing Spring 2011 Old Navy size Large. Basketball shorts are a nice touch right?

Spring 2011

All of these pictures were taken today, with the same camera phone. You can tell they were all today from the pile of clothes on my bed (for comparison reasons) and the bag of delicious combos (which I am eating as we speak). There has been no manipulation, no photoshop, no deleting of fat rolls, nothing. Pure, unaltered proof that Old Navy's sizing has shrunk.

I may continue to shop at Old Navy since they sell a lot of stripes, and I love stripes, but I can tell you I won't enjoy it. Old Navy used to be my go to store. I knew I'd find what I need in a size that fit. Even their flip flops have shrunk! If this is their way of telling the general public even their feet are too fat for their stores, then it's time to take my business elsewhere.

To you, Old Navy, I ask, WTF?

This is my WTF face.

How about you? Have you seen a decrease or increase in size at your favorite store? Have you been a victim of Old Navy's mind game? Do you like my mustache?

SPOILER ALERT! 15 years late

2012-03-19T12:00:00.000-04:00

When I was younger I used to watch the show Roseanne all the time. Then once I got older I watched re-runs on Nick at Nite and TV Land. Somehow I missed the series finale. The last thing I remember is Darlene having the baby super early and her being in the hospital.

Last night at work a coworker started telling me about the series finale and I was completely taken aback, so I decided to youtube that shit on up.

The finale is a two part series. The first episode is very touching. Darlene and David bring their daughter, little 2 month old Harris Conner Healy, into the Conner household and move into Darlene and Becky's old bedroom so they can be close to home while Harris grows. Everyone is so doting and excited that the baby is finally home after her two month hospital stay. Turns out her being there has helped Dan tremendously in his recovery from the heart attack he suffered at the end of season 8.

At the end of the first part of the series Roseanne leads a very heartwarming prayer over a dinner of pizza. She talks about how lucky they are to have overcome so much in the past few years, including Dan's infidelity, his heart attack and the premature birth of baby Harris.

The second part of the episode is where all the twists and turns happen so fast you get motion sickness. Within the first ten minutes, Becky and Mark try to decide when to tell everyone that they too are expecting a baby. Leon and Scott also announce that they finally started the adoption paperwork and will have their own baby girl in two months.

Darlene and David discuss how they feel that Roseanne and Dan don't want them hanging around long, so Darlene tells her they are leaving to go back to Chicago within two weeks, but Roseanne begs her to stay and Darlene says she never wants to leave.

12 minutes into the second part of the finale, as everyone is sitting around the dinner table arguing over Chinese food, reminiscent of the opening credits, a voice over of Roseanne Conner breaks through saying that Leon, "Isn't as cool as I made him." Then goes on to say that Scott really is a probate lawyer who met Leon a year earlier so she "didn't get too creative there."

I know. Right now you are saying, "What the what is this bitch talking about?" Chill. You ain't seen nothing yet.

She starts talking about how big of a nerd DJ is and how he is really just creative. After that she says that the reason she made her mom gay is because she was too submissive and wanted her to have a sense of self worth. So, really, Roseanne's mom isn't a lesbian...but guess who is...Jackie! Roseanne "made" her straight because she always pictured her with a man.

She goes on to make a joke about Nancy's terrible ex husband, who was played by Tom Arnold, Roseanne's real life ex husband. (He was written out of the show after they divorced.) She says she never knew what happened to him but in her book she sent him off to outer space. Then, she admits that Becky is actually the one who brought home David, and Darlene Mark, but she didn't like it so she "fixed it" as any good mother would do.

Then, the camera pans over to an empty seat and Roseanne's voice over says, "I lost Dan last year when he had his heart attack."

WHATTT?? I know you are super confused and have no idea what's going on, but keep waiting!

The scene then changes to Roseanne sitting in the basement at a typewriter. In case you don't remember, in the first season Dan and the kids turn the basement into a writing room for her as a birthday present. They also make a reference to it in the finale, to remind everyone of a super minor detail that no one in their right mind would actually remember.

She then reveals that when he died it made her feel like he left her for another woman, hence Dan's infidelity...She says that when Dan died it made her lose her sense of security because of the loss of his income, so, are you ready for this? She began writing about what it would be like to have money. Yeah, the Conner family never won the lottery.

Roseanne then says a phrase that explains the whole fuckery and nonsense of the series finally. "As I wrote my life, I relived it, and what I didn't like, I changed."

The entire series of Roseanne turned out to be a book that the main character, Roseanne Conner wrote about her life. It was all fiction. I feel like everything I ever knew growing up has been completely twisted. Maybe I'm being ~~a little~~ super overdramatic, but oh my God I did not know any of this. How could I have possibly gone FIFTEEN years and never seen this episode?

Are you as mindfucked as me?

Tis the Season

2012-03-14T17:05:00.000-04:00

I'm so over the cold weather. I hate, hate, hate, the cold. I hate having to wear a coat even though I do have an adorable one. I hate having to turn on the suffocating heat in my new truck, which my boyfriend totally paid half for as a Valentine's Day present. I hate customers coming inside and saying "It's cold out!" You think I live here? No I had to leave the house to come to work just like you had to leave to come here dumbass. And I HATE having to stand outside in the cold to smoke while at work. I've begged for us to have our smoking break room back but they refuse cause some people don't know how to go 30 minutes without a cigarette.

Temperatures this week are between 70 and 80 and just as sunny as can be. It's too beautiful for me to be inside blogging, but I'd just assume enjoy the weather by looking out the window because it reduces my chances of sweating and I'm just not ready for the insufferable heat of a southern summer.

Today, to kick off the start of the spring season, my bestie and I donned our gay apparel, which to us is flip flops and tank tops, and headed out to get our first pedicures and toenail designs of the year!

For some reason, every time I get something expensive done, I have an issue. One time the lady refused to listen when I told her I couldn't have color on my nails and did some kind of weird black lines across my middle fingers. Another time the guy who painted my toenails with a french manicure made them look like I did it with my eyes closed.

This time, I had two problems. The first was a burn. After rubbing some kind of clay on my legs, the lady used hot towels to soak it off. She asked if they were too hot, which they were but I figured I could deal with it cause they'd cool off in a minute. After she took them off I noticed that I had a pretty big burn on the side of my calf. I laughed it off cause that's so typical of something that happens to me.

Once it came time to paint my toenails, the color I picked wasn't as bright as I wanted it, but not a big enough reason to complain. I left my design up to the pedicurist to decide what she thinks would look good. I was very happy with the design until she put on the top coat and smudged the whole flower on my left toe. She tried to fix it and did a pretty decent job, but I still know what you did lady. I'll never forget.

All in all it was a great day! My legs are smooth, my feet feel amazing and my toenails look fabulous. I can't wait for new designs every two weeks!

Can you see the smudge? CAN YOU SEE IT? Nah looks good right?

This song always gets me in the spring/summer mood:

What is your favorite part of spring?

New York, New York You Got Me Dancing

2012-02-26T05:26:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I went on vacation. I know, since I have such a busy life I was truly deserving of one. My cousins, my sister and I took a bus trip to New York City. I know right? A big city trip for a bunch of small town girls. We also got to visit Washington, DC...and walk...a LOT.

The first leg of our trip was an 8 hour "layover" in Washington DC where we walked 1.6 miles to the Smithsonian Museum of American History and 1.6 miles back to the bus station. By the time we got back to Union Station I had a gash on my foot from the tongue of my shoe. Had I listened to my boyfriend and packed "way more" socks than I needed, I could have changed and saved me from looking like an ass...but everyone knows I'm always right and never listen. After walking around forever we were more than ready to get on the bus and ride up to NY.

We got to NYC at around 5am Sunday morning. As soon as we stepped off the bus my cousin somehow dropped her earring. As I bent down to look for it the bottom button from my brand new coat I bought specifically for New York popped off and rolled down the streets of New York City on its own adventure. Shortly after, my sister lost an earring down a street grate. First lesson learned in NY: Small objects will disappear because fuck you that's why.

The first thing we did was visit the Today Show, where I was on tv for like the entire outside broadcast...which pretty much makes me a celebrity and I should be the new anchor any day now. After standing in the 30 degree weather the female anchor, Jenna Wolfe comes over and takes pictures with everyone. I played photographer and took a picture of my sister and Jenna...afterwards, I said to my sister, "That is an amazing picture of you!" and Jenna Wolfe exclaims, "Wow! I've taken a lot of pictures and have never been told I look amazing!" Uh, I wasn't talking to you bitch, get over yourself.

After the Today Show we walked, and walked and ate and walked and walked. We walked around from 5am until we could check into our motel room at 3pm. It was an exhausting day. By the time we checked into the motel it was nap time. After a quick 3 hour nap it was time for more walking.

We walked like a billion blocks to the Hell's Kitchen restaurant but decided against eating there because we didn't make reservations and it was super packed. We ended up eating at a restaurant we have here at home and walking back to the motel to go to bed.

The next day we walked and walked and walked more. We rode the Staten Island Ferry, visited Chinatown, went to the World Trade Center memorial site and ate, walked, visited the cool little souvenir shops, ate, walked and shopped.

All the eating we did in New York was disastrous for my *GASP* diet, but with it being the end of the month, it's time for me to post my February weight loss progress.

My mom jeans and favorite shirt

A picture of me in my fabulous coat...before the bottom button vanished

A picture of me just because I look super adorable in my coat. Notice the missing button?

All in all I had a great trip until the very end. Unfortunately I received a phone call while on my way to the bus station informing me of my father's sudden death...That's why I'm so late posting. My family is doing well, but please continue to keep us in your thoughts.

Now, on a happier note...I got a new truck this week as a late Valentine's Day present from my amazing boyfriend. Yeah he's pretty great right?

I've had a pretty busy week, and not my normal do absolutely nothing at all except for work and sleep week. Now I am totally getting back on my diet...now that Valentine's Day is over and all the stupid candy is out of the house...I've got to gain some self control before Easter.

Y'all still sticking to your goals? How do you handle stress and candy focused holidays while sticking to your weight loss goals? I'm in need of some help for this one. Candy is my weakness.

How to Become a Swamp Donkey

2012-02-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

Working in a convenience store, I see a LOT of people. Like shit tons. I also see extreme amounts of poor fashion choices. We all know I'm not a fashion blogger and I really don't care about fashion, but I do actually get mad at the ridiculous clothing people wear.

When I say poor fashion choices what do you think? Socks and sandals pretty much comes to everyone's mind right? Clashing colors...clashing patterns...temperature inappropriate attire, clothes where your ass hangs out or where I can actually see your nipples because the neckline is so low.

We at work refer to people who dress like this as "Swamp Donkeys"

Now with more yeast infection

Today, I am gonna help you become a Swamp Donkey. Here are 8 rules you MUST follow in order to become one:

1. Lace leggings are pants.

2. If you wear lace leggings under booty shorts in February, it makes it an appropriate winter outfit.

3. Shoes are not required as long as your asscheeks hang out your dress.

4. NEVER wear a bra

5. Show as much of your love handles/fat rolls/cellulite as possible

6. Make sure you wear shoes that are so tall you fall at least once.

7.Your eye make up MUST cover at least half of your face

8. Honestly, if you've gotten this far, you are already considered a Swamp Donkey and need no more advice.

You may be asking yourself exactly what a Swamp Donkey looks like...lucky for you I've taken the liberty of searching far and wide on the internet to find a few pictures for your viewing pleasure:

The more smudged make up the better

Got Dunlap Disease? Perfect

If you follow these easy rules, you too can be made fun of and judged. If you think you might be a Swamp Donkey, listen for the sure sign...People yelling "HEE HAW HEE HAW" when you walk past.

What are your biggest fashion pet peeves? Are you a Swamp Donkey? Have you encountered them or heard the mating call? Tell me in the comments.

Super Bowl Commercials better than Madonna?

2012-02-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

There was no getting out of watching the Super Bowl last night. My boyfriend would have none of that, so I decided to do two things:

1. Make a list of my 20 10 5 favorite commercials

2. Review the much anticipated Madonna half time show.

I regret deciding to do both. I'm not a huge football fan. The whole time my boyfriend is yelling, "Did you see that shit?!?" and "OHHHH!" I knew who was playing, but it took me until 4 minutes to halftime to even realize which team was which. I knew both teams usual color was blue but I assumed the Giants were the ones wearing blue. Nope.

As far as I'm concerned it was a bunch of men in leggings with jiggly thighs interrupting my commercial reviewing.

First I'm going to talk about Madonna.

Her dancing was seriously lacking. Maybe it was the boots or maybe her old bones are too brittle to move swiftly. I feel like her backup dancers and "guest stars" carried the whole show. It reminded me of cirque de soliel with all the flipping and tumbling. Madonna herself even did a couple cartwheels...and let me say that image disturbed me. I wish she had kept her skirt down. Old lady inner thigh is not some shit I wanna see.

My rating of Madonna's halftime show: 7/10 because it was a bit lackluster. Flashing lights and glitter can only do so much. At least she remembered all the lyrics to her songs.

I was going to do a list of 20 favorite commercials, then decided to cut it to 10...now it's cut to 5 because the commercials sucked too.

5. Coca-Cola polar bear touchdown

4. Volkswagen fat dog

3.Sketchers go run shoes

2. Doritos missing cat

And my number one, top favorite commercial of the Super Bowl this year:

1. M&Ms "Sexy and I know It"

What was your favorite commercial? How did you feel about the halftime show? How about the game? Did you actually stay awake or fall asleep after halftime like I did? Tell me in the comments.

Diet is a 4 letter word

2012-02-02T11:59:00.000-05:00

Warning: This post contains the dreaded 4 letter word that no woman likes to hear.

I have started doing something I said I'd never do. I've always said I'm happy with my weight and if you don't like it you don't have to look at it. If you don't like that my ass jiggles, you can kiss my jiggly ass. But one day, I made a decision. I went on a diet. (GASP! I said the D word!)

*I* went on a diet. On November 30th I made the decision to stop drinking all regular drinks and only drink diet drinks, water and unsweet tea. I cut waaayyy back on my consumption of candy and sugar. I started practicing portion control.

I set a super realistic goal. My goal was to fit into a size 10 at Old Navy (which we all know vanity sizes like a mother fucker, but hey it's a goal).

Last Friday I went to Old Navy and fit into a size 10. Now, I am soo motivated it's crazy! I've been eating cheese and crackers with grapes, carrots, celery, granola bars in lieu of candy bars and drinking water.

The other day I went to Wal Mart and while walking around I picked up some lunch and a few snacks. I picked up a 6 pack of Reese's peanut butter cups and was on my way to pick up a 6 pack of diet Dr. Pepper. Halfway to the drink aisle I put down the candy and picked up fudge covered granola bars instead. Then I decided to get sugar free water flavoring packets instead of diet Dr. Pepper.

I also went for a 45 minute walk.

Yeah I'm totally bragging about my three good decisions. But you know what? I did it. I met my goal and I am super motivated to keep going! Who knows what I can accomplish!

Every month I'm going to chronicle how my weight loss is going with pictures starting with October of 2011.

So I'm gonna post a few before picture of me, and when I decide I'm just too sexy to lose anymore weight I'll post my after.

October 2011 (I'm Little Red Riding Hood)

January 2012

Stay tuned as I continue to struggle with making myself eat less pasta, drink more water, and take my lazy ass outside to actually get some exercise. Also, feel free to tell me I'm losing lots of weight and look amazing.

Have you been dieting? Are you struggling with it? Are you succeeding? Don't I look amazing so far? Let me know in the comments.