2011, I welcome you!

Literary.
In order to welcome something new, it would be nice to let go of the old. I did. I let go of the “story” I was telling myself since the age of 10. The story that nobody loves me, I am worthless, ugly, stupid, not important… Enough!!!
Although there was the awareness about how that story caused pain and anguish, there was the attachment to it also. It felt good to have a reason to feel sorry for myself and feel powerless. Oh how wonderful it is to wallow in the bottomless pit! Oh, if someone would just play a violin to it. My, oh my!

I did what every big girl would do – eat a chocolate! Yes. I did. Delicious rich flavor, creamy goodness melted in my mouth and I thought that if I can speak about “that” story of mine in a Delicious way, if I re-flavor the past in my mind and use different words when talking about life, everything would change.

So, I played the story though my mind again (in EFT, this is called “The Movie Technique”), noticed painful moments, tapped on them. Tap Tap Tap… breathe, tap again, breathe, tap, breathe… tap on all the memories, all the feelings, physical sensations and tap on the desire to hold on to the story, the need for self-pity. I did it for about 17 hours. Really. Well, maybe not 17 hours, but it certainly felt like forever.

Then, as if by magic (yes, I do have magic finger tips, ask my clients!), there was a sweet sigh of relief and happy smile. Yes, you are right, I got another piece of chocolate in my hand.  Well, actually, it was a real freedom. Emotional freedom. (Sorry Chocolate, you are amazing, irreplaceable and wonderful… yet, sometimes Tapping works it’s magic too).
At that free, light and peaceful state of mind, I asked myself – What would I radder have? Immediate answer came “Receive!!!” I smiled and next day, on my Brzday, I was out on the streets of Waikiki with a big sign “Today is my Brzday and all I want is a Hug”. In just 1 hour, I received over 220 hugs. What a beautiful experience. Receiving. Gracefully.

The whole experience is filmed by Al & Jayne of World Class Productionz and the video is coming soon. You will love their work. Stay tuned!

From that day on, my painful “Birthday story” became my wonderful “Brzday Fun”. And it will just get better from here.

Now, let me ask YOU something. What is the story you are holding onto? When will you give yourself permission to talk about yourself in a kind, supportive, lovely way? When? In 17 years from now?

Now, let me invite you for a journey. A journey to speak Delicious. This year, I will consciously talk kinder about myself and my childhood, kinder to others, use more smiles and more forgiveness. This year, I am speaking from the heart, with open mind, speaking words of a appreciation, gratitude and love. This year I am speaking Delicious.

…sweet chocoladish words… yum!!!

This is the way we say thank you.

4 strategies that will destroy the beautiful energy of the compliment and make everyone feel uncomfortable.

1. Minimize it
Effective when someone tells you that your hair is pretty or that this dress looks really good on you.
Simply look at them confusingly, roll your eyes and say  ‘oh, I’m so sweaty, can you see it on my hair?’  or ‘oh, I got it in Walmart, it was 5 bucks or sale’
That way you will not be getting many compliments from that person in a while. Why? Because you just killed the whole spark, the connection. Game is over now.

2. Rationalize it
Effective to show your insecurity as an ‘ordinary’ person and lack of self belief. Use it when someone says that you have nice smile or that kindness you showed to that stranger was beautiful. 
Don’t even look at them, just mumble something like ‘Everyone has a nice smile’ or ‘My mom trained me to help strangers, that’s not my skill’
Now you have successfully destroyed another spark. Good. You are getting good at this!

3. Neglect it
Effective if you want your boyfriend to run away or your husband to re-consider his marriage vows.
When you hear that you look great in that shirt or that you cook really well.
Pretend that you received it gracefully and then, with a half smile, say ‘Yes, Yes, but don’t you think that my butt looks too big in those pants?’ or ‘Yes, Yes, the meal was great, but I burned the last batch of brownies.’

4. Freeze it
Best strategy if you want all of your friends to think that you are insecure egoist.
When complimented for anything, with a cold look on your face, very quickly say ‘I know’.  End the conversation there. Make sure silence after your ‘ I know’ lasts at least 5 minutes. The longer the silence, the better you froze it.

What now? Now you have the best way to NOT speak Delicious.  Of course, I hope you see that I was kidding and not really sharing a useful strategy. If you want a quality strategy, leave the comment bellow.

Remember this: Speaking Delicious is a choice. Not speaking Delicious is a choice also. Just remember, once you make a choice, the choice is made. We create this life one word at the time.

]]> http://speakdelicious.com/receive-complimen/feed/ 3 http://speakdelicious.com/woman-nagging/ http://speakdelicious.com/woman-nagging/#comments Fri, 10 Sep 2010 17:09:59 +0000 http://tect.vacau.com/?p=25

HELP! She is nagging again!

No need to call 911, this one can be simple. Yes, even with women, there are easy ways to communicate to avoid arguments or grumpy cloud in the room.

When women talks, complains and “nags”, she actually believes that she is indeed connecting. She actually believes that she is sharing. (Trust me on that, I am a woman, I know!) Although her “distress” might awaken the savior in you, she probably doesn’t need one. As long as she is talking (nagging or b….ing) she is fine. She is doing her own talk therapy.  That is perfect opportunity for a man to practice patience and strength.

Here are 6 easy steps

1. Don’t try to stop her, shush her or solve her problem. Just be.

2. If you are watching TV or working, just say ‘Honey, let me turn the TV off so that I can hear you properly. You talk, I’ll listen”

3. Listen. Just be. Nod your head, connect from your heart to hers.

4. Do not offer any advice or solution. The only two things you can say are ‘I understand’ and ‘Thank you’. Say them with compassion and love. Say it like you mean it. And mean it. This is your chance to build inner-macho man, the one who is stronger than her inner pain, the one who stays and loves her even when she is not all sexy and perfect.

5.  When she is done with her pain, she will simply get quiet. Yes. She will. Give her a chance to empty that scary bucket of things in front of you and do not get fazed with it. Be stronger than her “stuff”.

6. When she is quiet, give her a warm hug, simple kiss on the cheek and tell her what you love about her. Tell her that you like how much she trusts you. Tell her she is beautiful even when she is upset. Tell her you are there for her. Tell her everything will be all right.

You don’t need to be a savior or psychologist. Just her boyfriend. Just her husband. Just be hers.

She will probably brag to her grilfriends about how lucky she is to have such a great guy. And you will get lucky too.

Remember this: Intimacy leads to more intimacy.

How to Liv Delicious?
How to Speak Delicious?

Those are the questions I get asked so much – by friends, clients, and even strangers when they see my “LivDelicious” logo on a Tee-Shirt or necklace. If I don’t have time to talk to them, (the Delicious thing to do) I’ll give them a LivDelicious smile, a LivDelicous hug, and tell them to go to LivDelicous.com.

When I have time to talk about LivDelicious, I explain that it’s very simple, yet extremely powerful. There are three steps to LivDelicious, and three steps to SpeakDelicious.

Step One:                 Stop

Stop, Stop, Stop playing small; stop judging others; stop judging yourself; stop doing things that don’t work for you. Just stop.
Stop talking what you don’t mean, stop with words that don’t work for you. Just stop.

Step Two:                Take A Breath

Take a breath doesn’t only mean to breath, it means notice what’s going on around you, observe life while at the same time participating fully in it.  Be present inside your own skin, feel yourself, know that you are fully alert and aware and living now, right now.  Stay out of the past, create the future, don’t sit and wait for it to happen. There are many techniques you can use to calm your mind.  I use EFT, tapping, yoga, one minute mediation, and breathing exercises. Do what works for you, it can be a shower, singing, working out, cycling, whatever it is, do it and calm your mind, this is what Take A Breath means.
In speaking, take a breath means to think before we say something, to listen more and talk less, to observe and respond instead of react.

Step Three:                Move (or Start)

This is the most important step. Move, do something, big or small, or even tiny, the idea is to change the status quo. BUT – it has to feel right to you. Not to me, not to him – to you! When you do what feels right to you, you are changing status quo, you are making progress, it doesn’t matter how small, what matters is to do something, move.  Chose the words that feel right for you. Open your heart. Speak your truth. Speak Delicious. Start saying words that are kind, supportive, loving, Delicious.
The beginning is ALWAYS the hardest, after that it feels like flow. It’s Delicious.

P.S. All the above steps work. BUT, if you really want to Speak Delicious, you got to speak from the open heart and have fun!

Dear Web Designer,

In this modern age and time, we are having business needs that were never known of by our parents; Blog, Twitter, FB, RSS, CSS and other code language that people younger than 25 have mastered fluently.
Not me.

And so what? Why would I learn it? I can still live my life without it; inspiring and motivating people, making a world better place, the way I know how to do. Still, out of curiosity, I checked out oDesk.com. Very interesting site. The energy on oDesk is positive, innovative and very friendly. I loved everything about it. And, I was curious about posting a job post… hm… then what?

“…looking for a designer for a logo make over, rebranding the whole site” was the basics of my ad. In a matter of minutes people started replying; talk about the overflow of creativity. Lots of positive emails, interesting profiles…. Simply amazing.

Few people stood out. A girl from Egypt read my whole website and fell in love with the “Liv Delicious” idea. The superb quality of communication and energy she had got her hired right away.

Then, out of the blue, I received an email from a Designer from Bulgaria.
“Odesk is a wondrful site as long you use it more you will gonna like it.

I use WP a lot and i have experience, but mostly on the CSS code. If there is somthing PHP i ask a friend for help.
Btw you need to fix your permalinks its more SEO friendly….”

He spoke that code language that I don’t speak… AND he spoke it in such a way that I felt I could understand. Based on his past portfolio, he certainly understood the “Liv Delicious” color scheme idea –  Logo Design Gallery

Hm…

When we setup skype conversation, some of his first words were the magic words – code words (SEO and other that I don’t understand). He exuded professionalism, simplicity
and dedication. Every word he said was perfectly shimmering with power and confidence. He asked just right questions that inspired different thinking in me. He was interested in everything about “Speak Delicious” – design, services, audience, competition, results… everything! Talking to him I felt I was growing another brain.

Long story short… 2 days later… my jaw has dropped…

Dimitar, your speed of implementation is superb. Your understanding of the project is exactly what I was looking for. The way you take every task as the most important task tells me about your personality – reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. It is my humble honor to have you on my oDesk team and proudly display the work you are doing. Yes, I know that Bulgaria is one of the countries with the quite sad energy. After all, I grew up in the neighboring Croatia and I know how difficult is to succeed when the whole situation is the way it is there. You, however, are standing out – you took your life in your hands and you are following this “American Dream” that is not attainable even to Americans – but only to those with progressive mind and willingness to focus, learn and stand up after a mistake.

People like you are the future of the planet. New minds. New hearts. New results.

You are the example of someone who chose the thoughts, chose the words… you have hosen Delicious.

May all good Fortune unfold for you. It is my pleasure to work with you.

With gratitude in my heart,
Speaking Delicious about you always,
Helena S. Medena

I read wiki-article that profoundly influenced my mind.

In 1939 Wendell Johnson (University of Iowa) and his team performed the cruelest speaking experiment ever. It was very simple though.

They placed 22 orphan children in control and experimental groups. One group received positive speech therapy; they were encouraged and praised for their speaking ability and fluency. Second group of children was belittled for every smallest mistake. The experiment lasted six months. Many of the normal speaking orphan children who received negative therapy in the study, suffered life long psychological effects. They became self-conscious and reluctant to speak.

Johnson experimented on children just to prove hypothesis. Due to its reputation to connection with Nazis experiments, study kept hidden.

Update: In 2007 state of Iowa awarded over $900.000 to 6 children (already senior citizens) for lifelong emotional and psychological scars.

As an EFT practitioner, I use words every day to create powerful changes. The experiment above clearly shows the enormous force behind words. They are like a knife, able to cut an apple to share with a friend, or to be used destructively.

What now? Ask yourself  ‘How am I using my words?’
Use your speaking ability to uplift people you come in touch with, including the person you see in the mirror.

Remember this:
If you criticize someone, they will not like you.
If you flatter someone, they will not trust you.
If you encourage them, they will both, like you and trust you.

Change your words, change your world.
Speak Delicious!

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