SPEAKING PICTURES

The Kashmir Files: Provocative, Chilling and Underdog’s Perseverance

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Mon, 4 Apr 2022 03:58:00 +0530

काई दिनो बाद हमने कुछ लिखा है
काई दिनो बाद कुछ देखा है

Lost in time, just like this review blog is the story of Kashmiri pandits in "The Kashmir Files". I guess movies which can provide a reel & real video-taped connection like Neerja (Neerja Bhanot A.C. posthumous) or web series Rangbaaz (shot on real life gangsters Shri Prakash Shukla and Anandpal Singh), where audience can go back and google what they saw in movie, has a certain higher retentivity and an appreciation value because they tell you something of this nature happened. And this is why, coming here for The Kashmir Files.

The Kashmir Files _ House Full

I picked up the typewriter as a token of gratitude – this movie has raw courage, content that needs to be told and story of underdog.

SPEAKing PICtures verdict - 4/5

What you see?

Set in the dark era of late 80s-early 90s of Kashmir, story is about genocide of Kashmiri pandits. Instead of a documentary type narration, story oscillates between a current dialogue of liberation (legalized under freedon of speech) and flashbacks of 90s terrorism. While today's son (current student of JNU and running for its prestigious post of President like Kanhaiya Kumar) is feeding on liberal thoughts under Aazadi naarebaazi , his alter ego is discovered in Kashmir when he goes back to perform last rights of his granddad to know what happened to his family in Kashmir via Kashmir Files. In flashbacks, you will see point blank gunshots , barbaric slaughtering , helplessness and genocide/exodus. In current set up, you will see JNU (and masala it feeds on)!

Whom to see?

There is a laundry list of actors who will give you safe likable viewing experiences. Special mention to catch attention:

1. Anupam Kher – his old age persona is moving to watch as Pushkar Nath Pandit. Effort put in by him is wow and screen shouts at you when he is on it. You will be in awe while watching some of his screen time.

2. Chinmay Mandlekar –
Bro killed it as JKLF terrorist Farooq Malik Bitta. Every single time he is on screen, he gives you that i-don’t-like-this guy feel. Recall old days of Bollywood when characters (only aided by facial aura) could create the terror. He is able to do that. Brillant!

3. F.R.I.E.N.D.S of Anupam Kher – the bunch already had enough talent to pull a consuming watch time and this was always expected with the likes of Mithun Chakraborty, Prakash Belawadi, Puneet Issar

4. Darshan Kumar as Krishna Pandit– somehow his dialogue delivery wasn’t moving

5. Atul Srivastava – journalist. Just compare voice (trailer) vs (real interview below) . Apes it really well! Reminded me of Matt Damon interview skills in Inside Job

6. Bhasha Sumbli as Sharda Pandit enacts some most disturbing scenes.

Why you will like "The Kashmir Files"?

1. Director has very smartly clubbed videotapes of various anti national voices and stitched them together into characters & sequences. And he did this very seamlessly. Like character of Farooq Malik Bitta is a combo of JKLF terrorists Yasin Malik and Bitta Karate.

2. Kashmir – bas naam hi kaafi hai

3. Performances by actors

4. You will stay with the movie (yes it is provocative and polarizing) and will move you out of theatre with numbness

What will you not like "The Kashmir Files"?

1. There is no mention of Pakistan which was supporting them (weaponary, etc)

2. Comment on security infrastructure like intelligence , security agencies

3. What happened when immediately after 19^th Jan when Governor Jagmohan was appointed? You will have to Google this…

4. Songs – some native Kashmiri or Dogri songs which could be remembered like Mission Kashmir’s rind posh maal , etc (especially when makers have lifted a lot of flashbacks from past video tapes)

5. Storywriting isn’t gripping but only felt in parts due power of content and topic of subject. Also, creative liberty is taken too far to solidify content (but it is then NOT based on reality and which is not called out either and general public won't google to verify)

If Kashmiri Pandits are victims, Who are the underdogs?

Underdogs here are makers of the movie : Vivek Agnihotri , Pallavi Joshi (now offered Y category security cover). It takes guts to make something like this, make it raw, open with just 200 allocated screens on Day 0, fight blanket ban in countries with high denomination of Indian diaspora like UAE, Singapore and Qatar , labeled by posh critics as non-reviewable material (I am still not able to digest why will Film Companion not review this - either good or bad but when a movie crosses 100 Cr mark, boycotting isn't professional).

Made on a budget of Rs 60 Cr, collective premium is now Rs 300 Cr + and nations which banned the movie are compelled to release with no cuts. Power can suppress your worldly boundaries but not your perseverance. More power to you…

PS: When Jamia Millia Islamia was a central university (passed by an act of Parliament) , I can seldom recall pandits via Kashmiri quota in engineering being a passout/ranker from computer engg, F/O Engg & Tech (JMI)

I end "The Kashmir Files" review with a fact that my real brother went to Kashmir for his honeymoon…such is the beauty! Admirable (sorry but my laziness is preventing you to view gorgeous landscape pics here 😴, go visit in person )

The Annual Bureaucrats Roundtable before 2019 Indian Elections

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Mon, 15 Apr 2019 09:00:00 +0530

Looking for work creates opportunity. And this is how I became a chowkidar with additional charge of chai supply. Proud to tell you that I was recently appointed as head chowkidar at a discussion between different padhe-likhe (highly educated) secretaries just before election summer of 2019.Visual setting was directly copied from 12 Angry Men, Ek Ruka Hua Faisla or The Tashkent Files set up

[Chair]: So gentlemen, how is the josh?

[Chorus mein sab]: High boss…

[Chair]: So what have we achieved?

[Indian history secretary]: sir, India saw a non-congress majority NDA government which is a key milestone in the glorious journey of our nation. History will remember this chowkidari BJP government headed by aM (self-personified-glorified-fantasied acronym) as someone who took monumental decisions, made huge media spending and made this century’s best marketing slogans…

Pause in the room

[Time-pass babu]: is baat pe chai naashta lagwao sir… samose garam garam patanjali wale

[Chair]: ok…berozgar chowkidar … bring whatever is the their wish!

ME: chai kaun si sir?

[Chair]: Progressive brand

So guys, are we meeting 2014 targets as committed in BJP manifesto except Ram Mandir (as matter is sub-judice)?

[Employment secretary]: YES sir. Security sector is booming with self-employed over-confident Cs (chowkidars). Not just bottom of pyramid, security sector has also created billionaires thanks to purchase of Rafale. And virtual world is also employing in high numbers. All media talks about its growth under the aM leadership. And what I know, even they are short of security experts due to un-con-trollable security buzz.

[Chair]: Par data kya bolta hai?

[Employment secretary]: Data is WIP sir. Since there are so many of these chowkidars in the market now, vlookup is taking time.

[Chair]: Ok. What about manufacturing?

[Trade secretary]: Under the leadership of aM , our lath (hard long stick which gives pain when received with a force) industry is growing out of bounds. Lath units under (self-empowerment > elected govt power yojna) of BJP govt are flourishing everywhere. And these are being exported as well.

[Chair]: How come?

[Travel secretary]: Sir aM has travelled extensively across globe. Originally that was done to find solution to travelling salesman problem but as a by-product has established the lath as must have product in arsenal category, not just in western world but also in remote parts of CIS region. From US to Mongolia, Indians are in demand for their unmatched chowkidari skills. And wherever we have these Cs, laths are in demand. aM is a growth hacker sir.

[Scientist babu]: I think after Steve Jobs, aM is the guy to look out for in innovation and go to market strategies. A true entrepreneur. He is a magician ; I think he can turn corn into unicorn sir.

ME: should I bring chai sir?

[Chair]: Meeting is going good. Replace chai with coffee.

ME: coffee kaun si brand ki sir?

[Chair]: True leader brand

But, are our neighbours happy?

[Foreign secretary]: Yes sir, except P. That was excepted after our surgical strikes which only aM could have highlighted and advertised.

[Chair]: What about China?

[Foreign secretary]: Oh they are very happy sir. More than 50% of smartphone market is occupied by Chinese. As we speak, Indian content is watched more and more on Chinese made TVs. They have even allowed Indians to visit Arunachal Pradesh peacefully while drowning money in P (with CPEC highway) and in Sri Lanka (port infra). Foolishly they are now also contemplating to invest in second genx of JF Thunder fighter jet… I don’t understand who gives them these bad ideas…

[Chair]: And western world?

[Foreign secretary]: They love India especially its low cost labour. Walmart and Amazon are heavily invested in India and are super aggressive to disrupt retail and leftist trade unions.

[Chair]: But what should we assess about equation of power in Indian subcontinent after dogfight?

[Defence secretary]: We have yet again shown the world that Mig21-Bis can drown F16. Whole world assess us as strong powerful military nation. All because of chowkidar sir. Indians finally move from snake charmer perception & slumdog millionaire genre to be famous for its chowkidari efficiency.

[Chair]: But how do we defend Rafale especially after all hype in procurement?

[Procurement secretary]: That’s a tactical thing – we need them especially after IAF lost 6 planes in 2019. Illiterate opposition does even know Shreemad Bhagwat Geeta learnings that any phal (fruit) takes time. And Raphal is also a fruit of karm (hardwork done by French group and smart dedicated expert team of Ambanis).

ME: should I bring coffee sir?

[Chair]: Meeting is going good. Replace coffee with French wine.

ME: wine kaun si brand ki sir?

[Chair]: Foolish you are to my amazement. Obviously Dassault, Rafale manufacturers before Ambanis. We must have a free lot of wine samples, just like, Tony Stark gave away complimentary bar of bottles after weapons deal (before he became Ironman)!

Let us come to hard numbers. Money! I want to know impact of Aadhar, GST and Demonetization.

[Finance secretary]: Lots of work has happened sir.

(a) People have become more fit after standing in Sun during demonetization thus increasing long term demographic dividend of India and raising India’s credit rating in the eyes of IMF. We now can get easy loans for longer durations for our basic needs like bullet trains & hyperloops.

(b) For the first time in Independdent India, creativity and currency have been merged in a cohesive unit to bring colour in lives of masses. Happiness is believed to have arrive in everyone’s life, even colour blind.

(c) GST has increased vision of small scale traders and now everyone wants to be Ambani. Only aM could have pulled the dreams and up the ante from miniscule daily goals to long term fancy desires. aM is a borne-leader after borne-ultimatum.

(d) Aadhar has provided KYC to fasten up (voluntarily) and we have seen a surge in new bank accounts openings in which we can put as high as 15 lakhs once we get back from Nirav Modi and Vijay Mallaya

[Chair]: I can sense that all humanity is happy. All credits to aM , the superhuman. I hope he must have extended wellness to animals as well?

[Animal planet secretary]: Totally mooh sir. Cows are treated at par with foreign ambassadors and just like we have dedicated inter-ministry committee to address them, we have a dedicated ministry to cows.

[Chair]: Chowkidar replace wine with chachh or lassi. I think India is on its way to become a superpower…

Me: But sssrrr

We don’t have clean water to prepare these?

[Chair]: Why? Why these small things can’t be taken off? Where is the waterman?

[Paani paani secretary]: Sir, actually namami gange project is producing too pure water to consume. Coupled with pure air in Delhi, water is not fit of human consumption. Delhi police under home ministry has also issued advisory. And only consent of Lieutenant Governor can give deviation.

[Chair]: Who will monitor this now?

Silence…..

Me: May I sir,

Besides, this election is not about chai or any consumable drink or roti(food)/kapda(wearable dignity)/makaan(social security)/dukaan ya rozgaar (employment), but chowkidari [MONITORING THE STATUS QUO]

Under aM leadership, only thing is common for us between 2014 and 2019 is C [in capital bold letters]

India voted best country in Universe

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 05:08:00 +0530

In an extended Lok sabha session , a vote was held to determine the best country in universe. In an almost unanimous decision, India was voted as best. Score of 100 percent majority was missed by three in Lok Sabha (323 members voted in support of bill and only three voted against it). Even though India was the only option only the ballot, Delhi chief minister Mr. Kejri-wah asked a review of EVM when votes were counted by classroom dictate of raising hands. He shall be protesting about same outside Jantar Mantar from tomorrow. Center of environmental studies has welcomed this gesture as there will lesser cars on roads and Delhi air will be breathable once again for flying birds at Stratosphere level.

BJP bandwagon congratulated PMModi for this turnaround of rankings for India. BJP spokeperson Mr, Shahnawaz commented “India is now most suited place to do business as indigenous organizations like HAL are going cashless”. To highlight this achievement of government, PMModi has launched a new outreach programme targeting wealthy NRIs, headed by Shri Vijay Mallaya. Mr. Mallaya will carry additional responsibility towards promotion of concept “black-is-the-new-white” from his headquarters at London. Congress chief Mr. Rahul Gandhi is against this outsourcing to Mr. Mallaya .

In the interest of democracy, PMModi has just announced that this assignment will go to Mr. Double A Ambani . Cost of the project is now 4 times. PMModi will carry out a special mann-ki-baat where he will tell his travel plan to spread this message of “black-is-the-new-white” in 194 nations of UN . Jet Airlines sees hope of survival, yet again.

India’s music scene has also helped in getting status of numero uno. Hit single “Modi Modi” sung by BJP spokespersons is number 1 on India’s number 1 news channel(s) number 1 slot debate anchored by best of India number 1 billionaires. Whatsapp has also acknowledged efforts of BJP media cell’s hard work in forwarding to groups through Jio network. To celebrate this, Mr. Anuragg Thakur will rap the song in a hoodie made by Namo merchandise along with trailer of The Gully Boy, continuing the rich legacy of smart political marketing.

Beyond humans, Animal planet has also applauded India for its sensitivity, diversity and secular fabric. In a research done by them in the state of Uttar Pradesh, average traffic jams has reduced by 8 times after cows are eligible to play in school grounds. Seeing this brotherhood, Netflix has announced a Mowgli competition. Research also mentioned that no human was harmed in protecting cows.

India was also declared to be world’s safest country to do sex & follow Lord Kama preaching after passing section 377. BJP bandwagon congratulated PMModi and CMYogi for this turnaround of rankings for India. Mr. Gandhi shared a hug emoji to PMModi along with a rainbow petal Lotus. All the newspapers reported that the whole nation is happy. It is truly happiness unlimited as nobody cares about maintaining minimum balance in bank since amount of INR 15 lakhs is to be credited before getting inked for 2019 elections. Paytm has also declared cashback of 5% for Aadhar card holders. With sheer happiness and prosperity all around, general public has gained tolerance, even towards job losses.

The Economist and BBC analysts believe that India may be voted best due its GDP numbers which were calculated basis a new formulae coming from IIT Bhubaneswar. BJP spokesperson commented that this was only possible after PM Modi inaugurated the new campus and one even went on to say that new Indian GDP formulae can solve Fermat’s Last Theorem along with all unsolved problems in Maths .

The session ended with the government condemning Congress for doing nothing for 60 years, Pakistan for its support to terrorists, Navjot Singh Sidhu for its support to Pakistan, Apple for insane Iphone prices and Trump for his reading habits and his lack of vision to outsource labour to hard working Indian cattle class for his Mexican Wall.

Voting will now proceed to Raj Sabha after dinner is taken by whomsoever is present. Supreme Court comments are awaited as they are the only sane bodies who think before passing judgements in today’s best voted India.

Best day for learning for Indian contingent at Rio Olympics 2016

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Tue, 9 Aug 2016 02:04:00 +0530

It will be 8th August 2016

Last 24 hours in Indian non-cricket sports (people outside call that Olympics) were best if you see scope of learning from them. Technically, we can learn so many things - like faster release in archery, controlling the pace in last 5 mins in Hockey (Indian Hockey Team have lost 10 matches inside last 10 minutes in last editions of Olympics), etc. And professionally, we certainly lack poise, much needed in key pressure moments. So, what happened on 8th August 2016 in Rio.

1 point in last set for Indian archery team could have taken them to S/Fs,

3 seconds less would have put us in comfort for Hockey Q/Fs, and

a few decimal points in shoot-off could have ended a career of only-individual Olympic Gold holder for India, with a worthy farewell

And the learning is not just for athletes but also for viewers like me. Which is too accept defeat and loss even if you have given your best. Watch the awesome grace in accepting fate and lets-move-on moments by Abhinav Bindra. History is being made in this video - as he becomes one of few Indians to come fourth after PT Usha (who missed Bronze by 1/100th of second).

You don't have to justify yourself. You did your attempt, you tried honestly, you fought, you lost. Accept the fate with Chin up. Cheers

ps: In other news, tweeter Shobha De won a Gold in fiercely competitive lets-cash-on-here held in Tweeting Area (@DeShobhaa). It is expected she will wear that medal in all her page three parties and also showcase the medal while performing Produnova . She will be the eight athlete to do so after Dipa Karmakar. Munnabhai has already sent her roses...

Movie Review: Kabali, or say like the God himself says "Kabaaali Hai Ye"

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 16:28:00 +0530

Disclaimer: I have no clue of Tamil cinema but I love Kamal Hasan, AR, Dhanush and Rajini anna. My respect for regional cinema has significantly increased post my stay with Tamilian roommate during my Bangalore stint. And hence I have guts to see FDFS of superstar’s Kabali.

Kabali review follows -

Story –

Cliché right! Don (Rajini anna) is a mercy lord for Tamilians in Malaysia. He goes to jail for a quarter of century. Comes back , finds wife (played by Radhika Apte) is dead and now he pledges revenge. Story here is an adapted chapter from story-writing curriculum of a film school. They should not play the writers. Also, the pace is often broken by disjoint set pieces and songs.

Actors & Gods –

Radhika Apte and rest of the lot acted in a satisfactory manner. Viewers who follow Bollywood or Hollywood will find Southern acting style a bit over-dramatic but that’s fine if it adds to entertainment.

The movie is saved by God – Rajini anna. Actually the bias to see him is so heavy that you just cannot Not Think of him. It is like eyes have a mandate to follow him. Dialogue delivery and style is unmatched. Killer stuff. Ekdum kolaveri di

What works – the hype around the God, the Superstar, the Kabali – his grey beard and black side parting hair styles, everything. And the way he say “Kabaaali”

What not – Hindi dubbing, cliché story, it looks like a revenge drama and not a revenge thriller, pace could have been better

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict – movie is less of meaning, more of style. Less of a movie, more of an occasion. Enjoy it. 3.5/5

ps: I was away for writing for more than 3 years. I am at my personal low. So, I thought to take some inspiration from an ex bus conductor to one of the God of Indian cinema. I saw a line which compelled me to return – he was once a bus conductor selling tickets, now people die for his tickets. Rajini anna, you give me hope and inspiration. Thank You.

"G.I.Joe: Retaliation" – trailer exciting, movie disappointing!

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Mon, 1 Apr 2013 01:43:00 +0530

Disclaimer – writer was an ardent follower of G.I.Joe characters/guns/tanks/missiles at the time of his childhood.

I have personally shared various posters of this movie on my Facebook wall, assessing the risk even after witnessing the first part. When you like something, you start with a default value of acceptable trust. Sad to say this time, this Joe movie has made me regret my sharing and posting. With a heavy heart, I give this one 2/5.

Story –

Amidst all the action, the story isn’t something to remember. G.I.Joe cannot get a worse introduction for its characters as done in the movie. The movie’s first half engage Joes to acquire nukes from Pakistan and post that we see some good blasts in order to eliminate Joes. Cobra infiltrates the White House and orders of elimination directly come from Zartan (who transform himself to the President of United States, thanks to nanobytes). Post the elimination exercise, only three Joes are left alive – Roadblock, Flint and Lady Jaye. The limelight shifts from Joes to Cobra. Storm-shadow and Firefly free the Cobra commander, a delightful prison break se

quence. Post that, the best part of this movie comes – all thanks to silent commando Snake Eyes. Post intermission, we see a brilliantly done mountain fight/stunts and NINJA work by Snake Eyes (the best part in the whole movie).

The three Joes unite and plan to take revenge from the guy who tried to eliminate them – Zartan/Cobra Commander. And enters the General (Bruce Willis) for help. Also the Cobra Commander wants to bomb everything and in an absurd roundtable conference, all big nuke nations (India featured prominently) fire, abort nukes. Climax is about blasts, more blasts and something which is done in a hurried fashion. Disappointing.

Characters –

Roadblock – played by if-you-smell-what-the-Rock-is-cooking – he is one person who saves this movie from a catastrophe. His biceps, weaponry, style of firing guns, aggressive, all impresses you immensely.

Lady Jaye – played by Adrianne Palicki – sexy and the only glamour quotient of the movie.

Snake Eyes – played by Pay Park – the hero of the movie. Ninja man literally sprints on mountain slopes. Nice.

General – played by Bruce Willis – man! What a disappointment. Featured hardly for 5 mins, but impresses in that too.

Firefly – most disappointing (especially his Make-Up)

Cobra Commander – voice worked like a villain. Satisfactory.

Storm Shadow – played by Lee Byung-hun – was just too senti for me. The Cobra’s Ninjaman is generally ruthless, aggressive and stubborn. This movie portrays him in the opposite manner.

Weaponry in The most admiring aspect of Joe’s entertainment. You won’t be disappointed here. From stylish guns, heavy machine guns to light tanks, sniper rifles – man they are really deadly.

But artefacts DO NOT make a good movie. Director, editor and story-writer have done a pathetic work. I wish the G.I.Joe franchise gets a better director. The Joe franchise is potent multi-billion fetching series (like Star Wars, Transformers), sadly no one seems to get it right!

What works – weaponry, Snake Eyes, bombing sequences (especially the UK bombing), ninjawork@mountain slope, action

What not – plot, editing, some characters (like Flint, Firefly), attachment to the Joe franchise, you never feel tense, there are very less WoW mood.

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict – the movie limits itself to a number of action set pieces without any good storyline. Watch it on TV, PCs but remain a fan of G.I.Joe franchise. Hopefully, future ones will be much better.

ps: the trailer offered so much. I sincerely hope Hollywood isn’t going the Bollywood way for making fantastic 2 min trailers and bad 2 hour movies!

Places to eat in Ghaziabad, Uttar Pradesh

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 00:44:00 +0530

So! In the quest to taste the diverse famous delicacies of India, some people will go even in places where there is high adulteration and nothing really special in food. But because of my two-year stay in this zilla (district) called Ghaziabad, I had to find time for one road trip dedicated to its food. Thanks bansal saab for the company and driving Ghaziabad’s local boy Bahu-Balli’s public transport (Activa). Other participants include Emraan #me, Chota Bheem.

In no specific order, some of the ones which can generously put under “known foods of Ghaziabad” are here.

Chemical Burger @ Kavi Nagar –

Man! The name itself ignites that curiosity in you – what on earth are its’ ingredients? These burgers can give quite a stiff competition to branded names. Yours truly once waited 30 min to get a couple of them. The preparation is quite simple (click on the pic for better view) –

Switch on the stove for a metre diameter pan. Melt some butter and fry the red (pink/purple) coloured filling. Keep on mashing the filling, melt some more butter (Do this iteration atleast 2-3 times). Keep aside the filling. For buns, melt bricks of butter and with specialized artistic skills start the assembly line for producing these chemical burgers. Butter should be added as when required. Garnish with a paneer slice, a tomato slice and jaate jaate squeeze some lemon over it and pour some purple coloured liquid! Jai ho! Utterly Butterly delicious...

Now a lot of people including yours truly are quite sceptical about the red/pink/purple coloured filling. Some even honour it by chanting ‘The Dirty Burger’ (still in their hearts they love its taste). The maker says it’s the natural colour of beetroot but dil hai ki manta nahi. The end product is quite popular and tastes awesome.

The name ‘chemical burger’ is a courtesy a child who quite cutely ordered “bhaiya ek chemical burger”.

Place to be found – Kavi Nagar market, opposite one of India’s best MBA schools. Rate Card – Rs 20 per burger.

Lalman Lassi Wale @ Old Ghaziabad Bus Stand –

Just behind the Old Ghaziabad bus stand, you will find this shop. Surprisingly, it IS a full-fledged cement shop and NOT a lassi stand (Ghaziabad is not famous of milk products; rather it is quite notorious when it comes to availability of pure milk here). The sweet lassi @ Rs 20 is very standard and I can’t find any motivation with me to have it again. No comparison with lassi available at Kota/Amristar/Banaras. Better than ones sold in Chandani Chowk (Old Delhi) just because of a thicker malai layer! Shop is opened till late night.

Pastry @ Madhurima Bakery –

Madhurima Bakery, Ghaziabad

One of best located eateries I have came across till date. It is damn famous (everybody we asked was able to tell the place). It is situated near Ghantaghar on the side of Vijaynagar. You will need to show some special effort to find this place. It is located inside a motor service station with blacksmith, carpenters using their tools with full Decibel impact. Even then, people will encourage you by saying ‘wahin hai, aage’ (its there, ahead). And all you see is a door – welcome to Madhurima bakery. Bakery is actually a wholesaler and manufacturers bakery products in bulk. Consequently, many line up for their bulk daily purchase.

Courageously ask the guys behind the counters for pastry and they will ask you numbers – 6,8,10 (A.P. series with a = 6 and d = 2). I bought a trial pack of standard Pineapple ones @ Rs 35 (6 piece). Pastries are standard and the taste shows the economies of scale motive in it. Keeping the taste! By its shear popularity among locals and business volume, it can be visited. I like the way he tells you his popularity being a wholesaler in the Ghaziabad district.

Pahalwan Dhaba, Ghaziabad

Parathas @ Dhabas –

Throughout North India, they are everywhere. Even in South Delhi, they emerge in an ad-hoc fashion at nights (Yusuf Sarai, Moolchand, IIT D Gate). Paranthas in North India are staple. For their makers, its preparation is easy, fast and requires very less working capital. Ghaziabad has few famous ones (Pahalwan Dhaba, Shubham Dhaba).

I suggest you go to Shubhams. Parantha are pretty much the same but the real USP and the taste lies in Dahi Fry. Dahi Fry – it is a mixture of curd with tomatoes, onions boiled with adequate quantity oil. Paranthas are served with eraser-sized butter bricks and are a delight to eat, especially in winters. God bless the man/woman who invented the circular disks.

Location – 2-3 kms from Old Bus Stand

Madan Sweets, Ghaziabad

Madan Halwai –

Nice neat AC place located quite far from Old Bus Stand. No extraordinary dish I can think of. Pyaas Khachori will be my only recommendation. Among its peers with similar ambiance (Gulab@Kavi Nagar, etc), Madan is the cheapest.

More in the Zila - Don’t know much about non-veg items. One of them is Zaika rolls @ Kavi Nagar (right opposite Chemical Burger stall) - decent enough (hearsay). Then, stalls selling Chole Kulche outside Kachari are also popular (I recommend to avoid them). Nearby RDC too has many QSRs (nothing exceptional though, every city/town/zila have those AC chambers).

Places suggested by gamer n coder Vineet, native of Ghaziabad who went on to become a Gold medallist in his & mine graduation.

Please note: Ghaziabad in the article is ‘Old Ghaziabad’ only!

Alwar - a perfect weekend destination

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 02:33:00 +0530

The Indian traveller is back and this time he went to Alwar. Now! even in the wildest dreams, Alwar (a small city in Rajasthan) cannot be judged as a tourist destination. But then, how can (dare) you predict that. India is diverse and you can’t predict what diversity would look like. Before I start Alwar’s description, I must thank my college peers – Bansal sahab, Emraan #me, Analyst Ganga, Sadolia, Chamak Challo, Sankat, Shubohit, Chota Bheem and a-Viral. Thanks to them and Alwar’s beauty, this short trip was indeed a unique adventure (read here for more trips - Goa, Manali, Roorkee, Lucknow, etc).

Alwar is a small town in Rajasthan which has buildings having a maximum of two floors. Big houses and ample parking sample, Alwar is adjusted on the sides of a 4-5 km stretch with Aravalis as backdrop. The flat city is very peaceful and the commuter avg speed is around 30 kmph. A light (pronounced as ‘lyyyteee’) city.

Yawwwwnnnnm…..

So, the college trip was a regular one - full of twists and unplanned nuisance with a lot of happy and not-so-happy surprises. Courtesy of that, you are reading this blog. Here it goes –

We 9 (yours truly, Emraan #me, Analyst Ganga, Sadolia, Chamak Challo, Sankat, Shubohit, Chota Bheem and a-Viral) loaded ourselves in two cars. Car 1 ran on Diesel (powered by Chota Bheem, Navigator – Analyst Ganga, backbenchers – Sankat, Sadolia, Emraan #me). Car 1 candidates were chosen with utmost care as all of them are freshers and haven’t seen much life. Car 2 ran on much expensive fuel ‘Petrol’ and the man who rolled the steering was a-Viral with navigator Shubohit and backbenchers - I and Chamak Challo, who also insisted to take his pet Black Dog. We started obviously NOT on time and then thanks to Analyst Ganga, Car 1 missed all crucial turns and deviated like a mad buffalo on Delhi roads. He was so0O much excited about Rajasthan that when he was instructed ‘don’t turn left’, he turned left. Experts say this is an acute symptom of Loveria. His disease also affected Chota Bheem and Sankat. Bheem lost his mental balance, missed U turns, took roads of high traffic density as if he was literally Bheem. Meanwhile, Sankat became an ATV machine (ATV – any time vomit). Car 2 driver was smart to divert his car towards DPS RK Puram to buy medicines for puke and C-doms to avert the ‘aane-wale Sankat(s)’. Obviously, the DPS DNA in him knew a lot about such scenarios.

All was fine untill we got a phone call somewhere near the Gurgaon border. Call was from Analyst Ganga. He unapologetically told me that they have left Sadolia on National Highway for us and instructed to upload him into Car 2. So what was the reason for downloading Sadolia from Car 1? Initial statements from the Analyst were quite absurd. For eg – he got down in front of a MNC, which is due to come for jobs, to piss in front of their office. Obviously, his superficial NULL hypothesis## was rejected and the real reason came from Emraan #me. Our insane Sadolia got down @ Gurgoan to eat roadside Puri(s). I know it sounds like an unbelievable thing, but ya its true. Legendary men have strange interests (the least I can say). A-Viral picked him up into his car. Later post Manesar, Sadolia was handed over to Car 1 in the custody of Chota Bheem. Sankat too took a break from his puking iterations. Engines zoomed again.

Indian highways are sometimes not a spectacular place. Especially when small cars kiss trucks, bike are thrown in farms by overtaking trucks, tree-banging incidents, divider cutting tin boxes, etc. We too were a part of this but managed to overcome the hurdles (thanks to our fantastic MBA education). Crisis management and effective business communication were never put to test with such effectiveness and practicality before this.

“Bas phir kya tha, main chal pada

Un rasto par, jo jaate the unke ghar

Vo rastey tere aur mere humsafar”

Darugheda, Bhiwadi, Galipur, Tartarpur – all went by and we moved across. Slowly half-constructed skeletons turned to yellow-flowered farms. The green became greener as city pollution decreased and mountains (Aravallies) started to emerge. Speed rose, air became chilly and the desert Sun started to fade. Car 2 and Car 1 were heading together with a-Viral and Chota Bheem showcasing an awesome chemistry while driving each other to pleasure.

Post a hectic ride, we entered Alwar. Analyst Ganga was guiding us through some technology (through his aath hazaar ka Samsung). Not surprising our first, second and third attempt all went to dead ends. A-Viral was smart enough to pull off a brilliant comeback and we were again on right track. Finally we landed at the right place, just before our host friend - Bansal sahab dance performance.

Dinner was shaadi-wala types and students like us love it (for more – please watch 3-idiots). Rain did try its luck to stop food from going into our bellies but then we have survived MBA life. And if you have survived that, you can do just anything…anything. However, life is NOT justified for some, especially if they are drivers of cars who drive all day to know that they will be returning in another 3-4 hours. Chota Bheem had to depart due to some unavoidable circumstances. Another couple meanwhile were coping with the task of essay writing (topic – “how do you spend your night?”). I tell you these are legendary recruiting questions. Two people involved were also legendary: a-Viral and Sankat. A-Viral was as usual confused what to do and Sankat was assisting him by asking him what to do. But then these are smart managers. They outsourced their problems back to our campus friends who pain-fully took Zephyr’s help in documenting this late night question. Besides these small-small issues, post dinner was another ecosystem. Ek alag hi mahaul tha. Chamak Challo with his Black Dog generated some black magic which brought out the unconscious behaviour of some souls. Analyst Ganga reached that cult state of trance. In short, love was not just love, it was sex.

This Night was a bakar full night which also saw Bansal sahab coming all the way at 4 AM to greet us. A special mention needs to be given to Bansal sahab’s bakar cousin, who created the hostel-like environment in a shaadi-wala ghar. “ Yahi hai Rasjasthani maizbaani – in Sadolia words”. Lastly, all good things come to an end. Aane wala ko jaana hi padhta hai (People who come, have to depart someday). Some depart just too early. With hand on heart, we all said adieu to Chota Bheem and wished him lady-luck for his return voyage to Delhi ALONE is his Car 1. Bheem even with this awesome late-night alone adventure sounding roadtrip was as usual emotionless. Car 1 was dearly missed.

Next morning we had to encounter the common Indian problem. High population and low count of restrooms. But then, we are MBAs. We handled this too. I congratulate all except Chamak Challo who took 30 minutes to entertain himself in the geyser-wala restroom doing some strange shit. I guess his cross-border trunk calls were just to0O long.

The real entertainment starts now. Morning morning, pleasant morning. All through the night, we discussed what to do-doing all sort of analysis, etc. Sariska, the famous tiger sanctuary which reported a tiger count of zero was the plan initially, but safari timings were all odd.

Sariska is around 40 km from main Alwar city and will take around 40 mins to reach. Sariska safari timing – 6:30 AM to 10 AM and 2:30 PM to 5 PM.

So, we headed to Bala Quilla (which is a fort on top of overseeing Aravallis which circumscribe Alwar). Then to baat hi lag thi. With one Car and 1 Bike, we adjusted ourselves. Car 2 (driver – a-Viral, navigator – Shuboit, backbenchers – me, Chamak Challo, Emran #me). And our stud bikers were Analyst Ganga and Sankat (pillion). Insane and meany Sadolia too left us for the day as he went to Café Chocolade (his taste-buds belong to a different civilization). The way to Bala Quilla starts from just outside the population of Alwar. Keeping in mind our past travelling experiences untill now, the car and bike had to maintain a lot of coordination which Analyst Ganga obviously did not follow. Consequently, he and Sankat went ahead into the jungle like a valentine Ranbhir-Deepika couple with no disturbance from telecom sector. Meanwhile, Car walo ki phatti padi thi. India does NOT allow gay marriages and a-Viral (who incidentally was Analyst Ganga’s ex-sleeping partner) was quite rightly contemplating about the bike couple intensions. Chamak Challo, who comes after a 2 yr stint in telecom sector, guided us to give the biker couple a missed call. That reminded them to have a look behind. Analyst Ganga did his spot analysis and quite rightly drew the managerial implication of being lost in the Rajasthani jungle. Jaane wala bhi ek din aata hai, to ye kiss khet ki mooli hai (One who goes come back, then whose farms does these radishes’ belong to!). Jo Ganga ki maari hai uske baad Shubohit ne [Oho class]. Ganga got his due treatment. Sankat specified that no harm was caused to him and that he was still untouched (pure virgin). Then we entered the right route to Bala Quilla with a No Entry message. Road in India are really bad but they seldom stop you to move ahead in life. This wasn’t the case here. The forest rangers informed us that the road to fort is really bad and that we cannot move ahead. But he also gave us the short cut. That was a 2 km trek through a museum and the city court (see picture). Car & Bike show moved ahead.

We parked our vehicles in the city court parking and went on with the intention to trek to Bala Quilla. The city court resides in a traditional Rajasthani yellow-coloured building which itself look like a tourist destination. Some clicks, we moved on the building higher floors which accommodated museum (see pic). With an entry ticket of Rs 10, we went on to see what you can easily call bullshit. Seriously, how will you react when there is an ancient soap tag written besides a lifebuoy soap. What a waste of time, space and money [MBA skills everywhere]. Over this museum experience, the police guard informed us that the trek is Not allowed and all you need is a DCP (Deputy Commandant of Police) approval to take that previous road. So we headed towards the police control room. But wait, why hurry. While the Car moved, the bike stalled. Initial investigation hinted that Analyst Ganga and Sankat went just to0O far in the morning run and might be low on fuel. Chamak Challo tried. I tried but Shubohit was the man who finally identified the missing part. Someone took away the power plug. The famous Indian juggad was applied and somehow Analyst Ganga managed to set the ignition apparatus right [Later he shared an interesting fact which could have led to this state of bike. He parked his bike in city court’s car parking; the parking guy also complained later about his space loss for approx. 2 cars. Phew! Analyst Ganga just increased the fiscal deficit. Kuch nahi kar sakte uska]. We then moved into Alwar Police control room to take permission for Bala Quilla and were later told by oldie policemen that the ASI people are redoing the monument and kuch nahi ho sakta (is desh ka aur ghade-ki-pooch-se-likhi-gayi kismet ka).

We then decided to test our luck on any random bet. There was a lake whose name popped up a couple of times, but we never considered it seriously. Obviously, bright MBA minds are less likely to visit a lake in a state of deserts. But still, we went on and on and on and missed the cut to lake and moved on and on. It was then Analyst Ganga overtook us and told us that he saw the board to the lake but deliberately chose to ignore it. The biker couple knows best. Readers can speculate.

We finally were on right track. A-Viral, our driver was becoming too irritated with Alwar and honestly, expectations from lake were close to 0. Everybody imagined some water in their heads as lake and had zero happiness for it. We were all driving our curiosity [“we should see atleast something in this stupid city to justify our ROI”].
Slowly the route became greener and structures (Aquaduct) started appearing [see Aquaduct in pic]. Our mentally exhausted driver, a-Viral went mad over these structures. Our navigator Shubohit was briefly in a fix what to do with him! Everytime 5 mins, a-Viral use to shout “Aquaduct! Oye hue awesome”. Terms which could have saved for a female were used on lifeless British era dead structures (sexy). God! Save him and his car.

Life was becoming irritating when we saw this awesome place called “Silised lake” [pronounce as “Silly Said”].

It’s gigantic and one of the biggest lake I have seen till date. The best part – it’s still pristine nature. Turquoise blue water (soo much water) with mountains as backdrop. It’s actually unbelievable types feel when you consider comments saying “in Rasjasthan??”. With tourist count of less than 10, it’s a clean place. It’s a place you can’t stop watching into. It like a naked lady, you just can’t take eyes away from her. Nature at its best. There are provisions for boating but due to very less tourist traffic operating cost may not be feasible. There is a passage on the other side from you can sneak inside the mountain and then go down to lake (that side host the bigger version of lake which is a bit less visually appealing than the other side). Yaar aur kitna likhu! Some places demand your presence. Go try and you won’t be disappointed. While coming back, we found another viewpoint of the lake. From every side, she is worth it. Return journey was from a different path. How that was identified, dunno! A-Viral asked a biker couple while on the go for the directions. Male and Female are opposite gender and similar were their directions (later, when we started laughing at this, the poor Male soul was seen being scolded n all…). Anyways, we followed the route suggested by the Male and guess what! we entered through the famous Alwar hill from which Hollywood got inspired (or visa versa).

Big guns went to sleep as soon as they saw bed. Evening time and still shamelessly sleeping. Sadolia who joined us post lunch took the unwanted task to wake us up. Bansal sahab tried a lot over phone but MBA students are really sleepy bastards. We somehow are good at crisis management, consequently we reached the party zone with our old pet Black Dog and….enjoyed, danced, bakar, bakar, bakar…Analyst Ganga with Sadolia tried had to impress girls but ghade chahe kitne bhi achi tarha se saj le, ghode nahi ban sakte (no matter how well dresses asses are, they won’t be horses) Still they tried. Party came to end and we returned to our cold dens. Man! Rajasthan is cold at night, really cold, shivering cold, and when winds are blowing, then to alag hi level pe feel aati hai.

Inside the room, Sairska plan was dropped. Inspite of my motivating them, the gang needed sleep (sad/disappointment). Bakar sessions went on and slowly people started to fade. I was the first one with Sankat falling next. Morning, three left via train (Analyst Ganga, Sadolia and Sankat). Another fact, Alwar petrol pumps are notorious when it comes to air-refilling facilities. We found this roadside labourer who had this juggadu machine and first tyre he attempted was a puncture. Good it happened! Else somehow it would have been difficult for me to finish.

Awesome journey. Thanks especially to Bansal sahab.

One Two ka Four, Keh ke Lenge ye 'Special 26'

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 01:32:00 +0530

Promo said it and indeed it said it well. The heist story of 1980s is beautifully crafted especially in these times of overacting Dabangs, Rathores, Sardar’s son, Khiladis, etc. Heist Score – 4/5

Plan –

4 clever guys double up as fake raidSTARs in the wardrobes of CBI, Income Tax, ED and carry out safe ‘facepalm’ types of robberies. Their targets corrupt politicians, businessmen evading tax, etc. Their modus operandi is to go with confidence, posing like men from an enforcement agency and carry out raids & then to take away the confiscated stuff. They work with precision and are delight to watch.

Movie’s first half is slow paced and at one point, the first robbery is re-shown (literally). The movie picks up once Manoj Bajpai (the good cop) enters and then it’s an interesting ‘Catch me if you Can’. Manoj Bajpai adds that ‘fear-of-police’ angle and with his facial expressions, sets up a nice climax. Story ends revealing about the Special 26, which is truly the ‘Keh Ke Leli’ moment.

Star Cast –

Akshay Kumar (plays the planner-con, Ajay Singh) - He is slowly coming back to form. OMG was a booster which rationalized him. He looks cosy and better than his last ‘Khiladi’ flick. Nice to see him back. #TeesMaarKhan_returns

Kajal Agarwal – looks good in traditional clothing. Limited presence but effective.

Anupam Kher (plays the congaing-lead, PK Sharma) – Awesome. Acted from dil (without any fear). #Shaandaar

Jimmy Shergill – plays the chaman cop, Ranveer Singh. The ‘sahab’ from sahib biwi aur gangster throws a usual performance by his standard which is ‘worth it’. His moustache also supports his personality. Nice!

Manoj Bajpai (Waseem Khan)– he looks malnourished. His dialogue speaks abuses but the screenplay was written to get a U certificate from censor board. I could sense so0O many instances where he could have easily added core Hindi abuses (keh ke lenge style)

Neetu Singh (plays Waseem Khan’s wife) – two glimpses. And she manages to impress you. What a find! Consider recent debutants, the new order for these newcomers are

Diana Penty > Yammy Gautam > NehaSharma = Neetu Singh > Kajal Agarwal (in terms of looks)

Neeraj Pandey’s direction is good. Music is on the soft side; consider it ‘soothing’ stuff. An admiring thing about the movie is the setup of 80s. Man! Being a Delhite, I was amazed to see how the shots of Connaught Place were taken. The cars, autorickshaws, everything was mapped to 1980s which really enhanced my experience.

What works – story, acting, 1980s setting, it sails through 2.5 hours, enough twists in the plot to engage you

What not – thrill is limited (though it had the scope but wasn’t stretched), visual effects (really poor)

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict: Bollywood thrillers are rarely good. This one is. Go for it.

“aasli kaam to ye log kar rahe hai” ~ police in praise of fake raidSTARs

It’s OK to touch defeat

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 04:57:00 +0530

Only if you have tried. The principle of fighting for 10 failures inorder to gain one success point is so0O very powerful but on a true note, a harsh experience too. You will never want to lose whenever you try. So the question is to decide and form a tradeoff matrix. For you, what is important – the final success or a learning experience. Finance & statistians will say wins (or bottomline) whereas HR & Service-operations will say experience. Marketers will say depends on the degree of value augmentation. The mind will enjoy with success while the heart will be contented with a satisfactory experience.

Now how to decide on parameters of that matrix. Well there is no shortage for that. Factors will vary - Hard Work, Smart Work or controllable factors whereas some will be dependent like competitions. Specially on a macro-level, the trade-off is between confidence in SWOT analysis and confidence in analysis of external forces (5 forces model, etc).

Now analysis too is a damn subjective thing. Here and then, a factor missed out and flip your analysis from positive to negative. That’s where the team comes in. And team can be strong in skills but moreover, team has to be strong in diversity. Think more, Talk more, Teach more, Trade more – all will fetch a comprehensive answer or atleast points. Well the focus is not on analysis but on the matrix.

So, confidence is set and now lets us put that into quadrants. The fourth quadrant is the place where it gives you that shock. Rock bottom is general rule of failure in this while success is accepted with a pre-competing start to it. It’s like a wave which knows it will culminate in a big way as soon as it starts. The diagonally opposite end is where you learn maximum. You start with a try and end with a superior state. You then move to quadrant above where failure hurts moral and ego. You again are thrown back. The experience in this case is a bit more painful. But the most pain lies in quadrant 3, wherein chance of being lost is high in failure. Because it’s difficult to go back and look into internal faults.

The idea of the matrix is to figure out why are you disappointed. Is losing a primary condition for it? Or something else can result in same. Is there a role of expectations? Or is it expectations are directly proportional to rewards? Is Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta updesh “to work without expectations” only way to cut out disappointment (incase of a failure)? Is this practical? Even a bit!!

Search! Bing! Google. Answer is within me. Getting a YES/NO feel (wow). Actually the writer is reaching that level with every experience now, where answer can be figured out. It’s again a trade-off between too much thinking on a non-value product (i.e. loss) and a personality SWOT. The instincts are working brilliantly. Nothing seems to be stop. The subjectivity is untangled into a straight line (without directional arrows). Don’t know where it will lead but surely it’s useful.

Something has to conclude (I can fake for the benefit of the reader, if he survives till here) - Participation, Expectations, Fall, Rise, Think, Reward, Awesome are just moments to grow experience i.e. one’s diversity. These will NEVER reflect in your cv, nobody will appreciate EXCEPT you. The idea to hibernate into a blanket and type ferociously within a blackout is to make the world a nice place to live (lose).

Failure is mandatory else you won’t appreciate it

Hope is obviously a good thing (added for the sake of rhyming)

(writer is a management student. Dangerous breed!)

Barfi supersedes Rasgolla, Gulab-Jamun, Sandesh, Chum-Chum

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 03:31:00 +0530

Incase you are a collegiate; you must have heard Barfi in conversations (more in recent times). “Chalo Barfi, aaj mess mein khaana acha nahi bana”, etc. So when you hear movies in talks with such day to day attachments, you know how popular it is. Barfi stands out as an entertainer and deserves a rating of 4/5. Barfi is unique – it plays with sounds more than words; it is therefore apt to write about silence more than the story. Here it goes -

Silence –

The movie started in a ‘past before-past recall’ inspired fashion with narratives from many characters. Barfi, the protagonist is a deaf dumb guy who lives in Darjeeling. He falls in love with a rich guy’s daughter – Shruti. (goonge-raja ko rani se pyaar). But then, villains bhi to hain. They have an autistic daughter, Jhilmil, who falls in love with Barfi. The rich girl goes for a richer option and Jhilmil finds an apt match in Barfi. Sab settled. But hey, what if I tell you Jhilmil is kidnapped and Darjeeling’s police are mad about catching Barfi and the thrills just goes on. You have to watch from here.

It’s class. It plays less with words but more with emotions. The pace fluctuates. At one point, I thought, it will be a thriller (a really cult one But…). Sadly the ending was just too fast. It had the potential to become a cult thriller. And for that it would have to shed some of its silence and emotions, still iLike Barfi. First half is simple & sweet, second half is shorter and you are given an impression – it summed up too soon (as if there was a time limit given to the director).

Star cast –

Ranbir Kapoor- this movie brings him in the comfortable zone of stars. He has delivered a hit with yet other unconventional role. Awesome man, awesome.

Priyanka Chopra (Jhilmil)– if one person was inspired from SRK’s ‘my naam is khan’, she was Priyanka. And she is better than Khan (as expected)

Illeana Dcruz (Shruti) – acting is satisfactory. Looks spectacular in some scenes, reasonable is some. In the series to rate fresh bollywood faces, she lies in - Diana Penty > Yammy Gautam > Illeana Dcruz > NehaSharma

Sangeet -

The music is scintillating. Background score is full of piano and violins. It puts you in the comfortable zone, which is devoid of tension. Songs are apt and works tremendously well in tandem with screenplay. Post the watching experience, you will love the songs even more.

Pritam kaise karte ho bhai?

Barfi is a movie which distinguishes itself from other ones, which attract sympathies due to involvement of handicap characters. The comic timing of the dumb-deaf character seems genuine and impresses you. Here you don’t feel sorry for them, you enjoy them.

What works: the acoustic sounds, acting, Darjeeling, Barfi and his sweetness

What not: the confusion of making a thriller or a romantic, work of MakeUp artist (really bad)

SPEAKing PICTures’s verdict: Not many movies speak so much silence. Barfi calms you. It’s poetic. It gives you a soothing feeling. You feel litee after watching movie (litee means tension free). Go for it, even if you are a Diabetic – Must watch.

Will it win Oscar?

NO (Anurag Basu’s logic of inspiration does not work for me). Similar comparisons were drawn with Taare Zameen Par and Children of Heaven. The latter did not even qualified for the finals, even though it is easily one of the most emotive movies of recent times. And atleast one needs to pay homage for the inspiration taken. Sad that was not done. Enough said - Barfi is still must watch.

ps: some appreciation for a song from Barfi (Phir Le Aya Dil-Reprise version) -

"dil jo keh raha hai sunte hi jao

abhi to raat baaki hai

dil se apne aakhoin ko jagao

wo jo ruki si chaah baaki hai"

(dedicated to this night)

Hoping, more movies come out with names of sweets, Gulab-Jamun, Rosgulla :) (cheers)

Kya Super Chichoore Ho Bhai Tum

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 01:20:00 +0530

“isko tum supercoolkehte ho…kya super chichoore ho bhai tum” My accomplice’s honest words.This movie is purely for college chichooras who like to exact fun from double meaning dictionary. Rest will watch only if theyhave spare time and no other movies to go for. The reviewer was in the second lot. Rating – 1.5/5

Story –

Full of Double Meaning bakar. BraOne. Dildo la re. Ma-ch*-doon-ga. Baba 3G, word ‘suit’ is made to sound ch*t, disk into di*ks, stuff on dog &gays...you must have figured it out by now

Casting Couch –

Chunky Pandey –Baba 3G. The dude is a niche in himself.

Pussi-aahaarCup-poor – you can realize Tusshaar Kapoor’s potential in this (strugglingactor). This man will soon be an illustrative example for TV channels. TimesNow will run Total Recall specials saying“Tusshaar – man who discovered reality’ through movies like Gayab and these ones. And the most impressivevalue in him – his Ekta (admiringloyalty to his most frequent employer)

Riteish Deshmukh– above average

Miss India SarahJane Dias – barbaad

Anupam Kher – thisparticipation here is part of his debranding exercise

Neha Sharma – Diana Penty > Yammy Gautam > NehaSharma (both in terms of acting & looks)

Music is good especially a couple of songs. Movie’s target group is adults but if you are an established adult (by parameter of age), the humour effect will decrease as the movie pass on.

What works:some double meaning stuff, you can expect time pass

What not: the overdose of double meaning stuff

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict:go if only the chichoora in you say ‘Yes’(and if you have problems in that, introspect yourselves by watching a couple of American Pie movies)…

ps: in school, my vice principal had the surname Brar. Somebody removed the latter R. It generated some serous laughs, but it was in school…without spending 200 bucks

Independent Cinema

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Fri, 1 Jun 2012 01:38:00 +0530

Independent cinema is actually widely present. Life is nothing but a cinema from one angle but nobody bothers to capture (sach ka saamna karo mere bhai). But, the happy scene today is that people are pissed off with 40+ overactors and those K…k…r (kabaadi!) types stars. So, with the advent of ‘within-range-SLR/DSLR’ (am still out), people are gaining confidence to experiment with something meaningful and not just stardom.

The company with which I am currently associated is promoting this angle. Their brand Tzinga, a sensible energy drink is energizing independent cinema through its facebook platform. So! Thanks to them I have a better perceptive towards that angle. A couple of their movie associations.

Will not review The Forest and Love Wrinkle Free, rather will review somewhat more independent. Someone recommended this short movie, goes by the Pyaar Vyaar aur Cigar (referred as PVC from here).

Review –

The name is catchy as it has been well adapted from the genre of movie-names like ‘Love, Sex aur Dhoka’ and ‘Pyar, Ishq aur Mohobbat’. Though start is clichéd and nothing exciting (the first impression was too amateurish and one did thought investment of his 11 mins; would that be worth it, afterall it looked day-to-day software work). But time investment for me wasn’t an issue (vaise bhi am a vella these days…yawn). The whole movie was 11 mins long.

My rating for this movie is 2.5/5.

Story –

Raja ko rani se piyar ho gaya hai par picture abhi baaki hai mere dost (kyuki isme sutta bhi hai). Raja cannot leave his sutta (because sutta has this recall equity in it, best illustrated by the legendary song - “ek baar se dil nahi bharta mudd ke dekh mujhe dobara…tan tana tan tan tantana..”). That’s it. Nothing spectacular except the twist!

Star Cast –

Actor – good, Actress – good, Harami Dost – like you have in your daily life

Analysis –

Short movies or for that matter independent cinema need to have a strong story. Only that can attract the initial traction. Story in PVC lacks that. The start is standard and there is a high probability that you may not see the whole movie (though critics will, they have to, it’s their job, they did it for RGV’s Department TOO).

So if your eyes are governed by law of inertia, you will somehow complete the move and eventually see the best part. The climax is the best part – nice late twist (should be a bit longer though) but awesomely shot. Better than many bollywood ones. But cinematography is not all good especially in the first few scenes. The backdrop is too bright for girl while the boy gets the darker side (MCP huh!). It seems that the sequence for boy and girl are disjoint shots and then emerged in that phase. The remarkable ones are college scenes like taking-it-out-on-your-roomie, the daaru-hooka-sutta-focus-group-discussion.

PVC moves on an awesome background score (movie won’t be half good without it) and there is some smart camera work in parts but the screenplay is weak. One advice which I got from an experienced cinema-maker can be used here. The start of any short movie should be with a poster of the movie, depicting the ‘attitude’ of the movie. That is the best way to convey your movie since trailer for short movies are not possible. Obviously, if you can make a movie, poster will be a child’s play. So, PVC could have a poster in the starting depicting Pyaar, Vyaar aur Cigar (would have been impactful). Another interesting activity which is practiced by many is to test-screen the movie and then ask for feedback and adjust to them (whatever is within range) - the makers of PVC should have done that too!

Short films don't have marketing budgets, you don't hear that buzz from them. But the makers of PVC have done commendable work to release it around 'World No Tobacco Day'. Kudos!

Should I see PVC - yes

What works – background score and camera work (in parts)

What not – story, dubbing (in parts)

SPEAKing PICtures Verdict – Watch it for its climax and college settings

ps: PVC features ‘cat’ in special appearance towards the end (the shots are I think borrowed from Discovery channel but don’t know why?)

'मेहनत की कमाई'

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Wed, 30 May 2012 01:03:00 +0530

Socha ki aaj bhout dino baad kuch karenge naya

Jaane anjaane mein kisi ka karenge bhala,

Is dhoop mein paani ko amrit kar denge

Aur nahi mila agar koi, to us amrit se naha hi lenge

Chalte hue, jalti hui dharti humari saathi bani

Joote ki dhul se dosti bhari

Na jaane un kawao ko kya thi dushmani

Humare upar bikher di gandigi

Par pairo se jindagi tab bhi chalti rahi

Mana chinta se nahi badalega kal

Santosh tabhi milega jab milega vo pal

Karm karo, fal ki chinta nahi

Nirdeshye ye tha Shri Krishna ka

Par kalyug me Mahabharat ki koi aukaat nahi

Kal petrol bada hai, Aaj saadak par hai bheed

Kal gussa tez tha, Aaj shayad dhoop

Ab kuch aur nahi kehne ko…

Bas yahi ki

Ghoomte hue humare muk pe hassi khilli

Jab har raha ke maud pe hume zindagi milli

Koi samaan bech raha, to koi pasina

Mehnat ki kamai mujhe aaj garmi mein dekhi

One for the pilot…who was once at @Siachen Glacier

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 24 May 2012 03:29:00 +0530

Going to sleep after a long traffic jam and watching some not so good news - highest rise in petrol prices. And like me every aam aadmi is in a bit of awe, how come Rs 7.5 rupee hike! (aise kaise). But the story isn’t about that.

Just read yesterday’s newspaper – one of the headlines mentioned "25th anniversary of the Siachen operations passed in silence" (read full article here). Awesome article, a bit senti though. But how many of us are bothered about it.

I read the story, I liked it. Thought why not share it. Googled ‘Siachen’ and bang! appeared a new article saying ‘Army pilot killed in Siachen glacier crash’ (story appeared May 23, read here). A bit shocked.

No mainstream 24*7 news channel highlighted the fact about 25^th anniversary or the pilot’s death. Everybody was interested in the petrol price hike. Which brings me to the point, can’t we take even 5 sec to share the news (even in our day to day life, we share the news when anybody passes away). I feel sad about the pilot’s well-wishers and relatives for the loss of his life. It is a loss for all of us! But sadly it seems, petrol is a bit more important.

R.I.P pilot

Do Meet Vicky: Donor of Positive Energy

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:09:00 +0530

“Chi! Kitne leechad ho aap” is the kind of initial feeling when somebody goes after sperms to make a movie. But then! The idea will now make millions – Vicky Donor is Bollywood’s best offering in 2012. The movie with the unconventional theme thus has a sperm rating of 4/5. Go for it.

Story –

Vicky (sadda Dilli vhich munda) is a lazy clumsy Talented fellow who is underemployed as a beautician in his mother’s clinic. Talented because his factory production defies the normal operative laws (factory being the body and the output being sperms, both of high quality and density). We get all this information from Dr. Chaddha (infertility specialist), who is doing a social business of increasing population. The first half is brilliant – it generates a lot of laughter from all the sperm-talk b/t Doctor and Vicky. Another source of laughter is the conversations between Vicky’s mother and Vicky’s grandmother. First half is light, enjoyable filled with great superb acting – ultimate. Story takes a U-turn in second half and becomes fultu senti. Vicky marries his pyaar Ashima but then she can’t conceive. Laughs turn into tears but the transition is quite unpractical for audience. Thankfully this pack of energy helped me during this transition and kept me away for getting bored till The End.

Star Cast -

Anu Kapoor (plays Sperm Doctor) – The famous anchor of Sa Re Ga Ma plays the role of Doctor Baldav Chaddha. You kind of just admire the sheer talent and energy the genuine actor has to pull off just anything - A Punjabi sperm selling doctor. Awesome performance.

Ayushmann Khurana (plays Sperm Donor) - “Thank You Shaktiman”. The rejected Roadie gave a good performance. His dialogue delivery when speaking colloquially is superb but is not impressive in senti scenes. He may give good competition to Ranveer Singh.

Yami Gautam (plays Sperm Receptor) – Must say an impressive debut. “Ankhon mein teri ajab si ajab si adaain hain” – comments from my companion (Liked)

A part from these, movie would be incomplete without the Sperm-talkers (actors who played Vicky’s mother, Vicky’s grandmother, Vicky’s neighbour, Vicky’s girl-next-door) - All of them generated quality kich-kich.

Music is a big plus in the movie. And also the stereotyping of Punjabi and Bong cultures. I was quite impressed that both were made to gel quite nicely amidst a lot of fun generation, considering I too almost have the same case with me. This trick always works in India. Haina!

Vicky Donor is a movie supported by strong tenets – unique story, great actors and good music. It follows the old school approach to entertain you, where in the main stress is on the story & characterization and not the technology, item numbers. It ends abruptly but sends out the message - “Babumoshai, Zindagi Badi honi chahiye, Lambi nahin” (a cult dialogue from the cult movie Anand).

Answers to the most important questions -

Should I go? Yes! obviously

Why? Quality Story, Good Actors, Nice Music (iske alawa kuch aur chahiye!!)

Then who will see this! – Wannabe sperm donors, guys seeking MBA students who participate in every B-plan competition.

Kiske naam pe bikega – Sperms and Sperms (ye bhout hai vaise! Aap bhi jaante ho aur hum bhi)

Words of wisdom – Go with an energetic body and a cheerful mind, it will surely enhance your production. Am I sounding like x guru!

“Ek round mein 15 min jaata hai. Watchman hoon superman nahi.” ~ watchman to Vicky (hope you too were on the same lines)

ps: Never thought a movie can find its subject matter out of a paragraph in a ninth class biology book. P.S. Verma page no. 98 - you deserved it.

Movie Review: Hate Story

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:34:00 +0530

Two boys just after the movie
A: Pata nahi why par main incomplete sa mehsoos kar raha hoon
B: matlab!
A: I guess I have missed something in the movie
B: Dude! They weren’t there

Period. Actually if you are really dying to catch this movie, then you get the message. But still, the ritual rating has to be given -2/5. It is watchable with exotic-ness justifying the (A) rating but not the hype generated.

Story –

A journo, Kavya (Paoli Dam) exposes a cement business. Its owner, Siddharth Dhanrajgir (Gulshan Deviah) decides to f*ck her (quite literally). Somebody in the audience whistled on the appearance of the name, Siddharth Dhanrajgir (he must have remembered 1970s). The f*cking gets her pregnant, the shrewd businessman gets her reproductive organs removed and then the pros rises - “main iss shehar ki top ki r**di bannna chahti hoon” (I want to become the top pros of this city). Rest of story is how she used her body to get herself the justice.

Casting –

Paoli Dam – as a pros gives her professional best. Acting was decent, much better than Aisha (actress who acted in it). The publicity has brought her to mainstream limelight; verdict will be clear perhaps later but she deserves some more quality chances.
Gulshan Deviah – one of those actors who are defined by the phrase ‘isko kahin dekha hai’. Nice attempt. He was best with his stammering lines and one-liners (engineers may be recall the cult movie, Gunda by the style of his dialogue delivery).
Nikhil Dwivedi – He debuted in a movie called ‘My Name is Anthony Gonsalves’. Many viewers reported of not recalling their name after watching it. But here he was simply realistic – enacted the character of a loser like his real life.
Saurabh Dubey – plays Kumar Dhanrajgir, father of Gulshan Deviah. Awesome performance.
Joy Sengupta – enjoyed the maximum with the protagonist (isne sabse zyada maaze liye). Never actually thought that he could do B-grade stuff so0O very well.
Mohan Kapoor – he was no match to Joy.

Cinematography is seriously B-grade. Music, even if it was there I can’t recall. Screenplay is satisfactory. Hate Story’s biggest asset is some of its one-liners which are few and limited.
A couple of them –

"I f*ck the people who f*ck with me"

“chuhiya ke daant to sher se paine hote hai, but panja sher ke pass hi hota hai”

Answers to the most important questions -
Should I go? NO. Incase you insist for this, you will have to play the ‘ab-aayega-scene’ game for nearly 3 hours. Ensure your energy levels to survive by carrying Tzinga with you (survival tip).
Why? Catch a better quality B-grade in your old cinema hall. Am sure you will find one.
Then who will see this! – fans of Mallika Sapera (surname nahi yaad aa raha, but photo dimaag mein hai), SherLion Chopra (another hypo) and wannabe actresses like Poo-Naam-Pan-Doo (quite a length covered!). In addition to famed list, any audience who is shy to see a B-grade movie in an old rickety cinema hall but are fine with multiplexes.
Kiske naam pe bikega? – one-liners and the erotic poster!!
Words of wisdom - Watch on DVD (if you are curious). Instead go for a better quality B-grade movie.

ps: Once I saw this awesome Bhojpuri movie “Current mare goriya” while travelling in a video coach somewhere nearby Dhanbad. I treat that as a benchmark when it comes to a B-grade. By God! Aaj uski phir yaad aa gayi (remember it today)

Indian Cartoonists to adhere to Mamata guidelines

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 04:34:00 +0530

And before I go on, it is indeed important to know ‘Mamata who?’

Mamata (or Mamta) is a Hindi word which means ‘Mother’s Care, Love & Affection’. In Indian context, it becomes important. But a lady in West Bengal is doing something extraordinary confusing (quite opposite to it).
And I too shall confuse you and…ok! No…but! Ya….let me Speak about ‘Mamta’ whichever you can relate too. [this dilemma is important for my blog’s existence]

A cartoon by a Chemistry professor came out. When I heard about that while travelling in Delhi Metro, I thought ‘wow’. A cartoon by a chemistry prof, must be interesting. He must have taken a quick comic stand on the structures of testosterone’s OH group (in chemistry, it’s called alcoholic group) and estrogen’s COOH group (acid group! Though I have to admit, I have very limited knowledge about the structure of the female hormone) and then he must have compared to the Lefts/Rights of West Bengal. But like always, expectations lead to disappointments. Cruel news channel broadcasted the story and to my shear disappointment, the chemistry professor did not adhered to his area of expertise. It wasn’t about the testosterone/estrogen’s structure, infact it wasn’t about chemistry, infact it wasn’t a cartoon. All it was about was Mamata and her definition to define cartoon and what are the sections under which you can be tried if you don’t draw her ‘good’ cartoons. Fearful I am [ab mera kya hoga!]

This blog (SPEAKing PICtures) was first started to store my cartoons (namely earlier as FUNTOONs). At that time, I had limited space on my disks. Some brilliant optimizers convinced me to store my useless caricatures here (on web) and instead insisted to store those movies on the disk and make the collection. Collection, I am obviously not going to talk about. Thanks to that! I can call myself a movie jockey today and a sorry cartoonist.

So being a self-acclaimed cartoonist, I could technically testify that it wasn’t a cartoon. It was just a graphic (with very-very bad finish to it). But in the end, it highlighted the issue better than a cartoon. But the whole episode gave me quite a few insights about cartoons. And the reasons for not making cartoons of my opposite gender (F). I earlier thought, because they wear fake-up on their face most of the time, caricatures of them won’t be a good proposition (a manger should say 'an asset building exercise') all together and might harm the cartoonist’s somewhat acceptability. But thanks to Mamata, I now know the IPC sections under which I can be tried (like the graphic designer Prof. Ambikesh Mahapatra, the chemistry professor of Jadavpur University). Therefore, I be rather preventive (a pre-crisis strategy taught to me to avert Crisis in most relevant subject of MBA - Interpersonal Communication’s lecture of Crisis Management). Otherwise the trials can happen under –
- IPC section 500 (punishment of defamation). Cartoonists are already poor and not identified under BPL families even if they are. This section can really take of their existence. Risk type - Fatal
- IPC section 509 (make obscene gesture to a woman). Risk type – Fatal again especially if you are single and unmarried
- IPC section 114 (abettor present when offence is committed). Sorry! Can’t understand. Haven’t studied this in my legal aspects of business paper.
- sections 66 A and B of the IT Act (sending offensive communication). OMG! A simple cartoon under this. Savita Bhabhi might now feel a bit less important.

Essentially the sections above produce enough threat/risk/whatever for a cartoonist to have a take on females. But then, how will the guru from whom I copied my cartooning skills, Sudhir Tailang survive. For today’s India which is full of American fatty-acids, the cartoons of Behenji, Amma, Didi, Honourable? President, Madam, Devi can provide enough laughs to keep the heart fit. Imagine the consequences of a healthy laughing India - the planning commission will have to brainstorm less over the poverty line and can more time in planning IPL boundary lines. A reduction in poverty line will result an affordable consumption of Colas in the booming company. Bollywood ke starsons will then advertise BPL pack only for this much (marketers will call it ‘change the game’ strategy – an upliftment for the deprived…target bottom of the pyramid…wow)…I can’t stop, it’s like ‘Alice In Wonderland’.

But sadly, Mamata has no mamta for cartoonists. She feels offensive, threatened and what not. I can now see myself as a terrorist with a pen in hand and a smile (always). Obviously! The character sketch seems to be of an assassin (thanks to another Bengali – Bob Biswas in Kahaani). So, West Bengal if things remain same, it will be really difficult to speak/express/love/mamta.

A strong part of me has Bengal in it (thanks to my Mamta’s roots). The best thing about Calcutta is its charm and that everyone is kind of ‘livable-respectfully’ satisfied, if not rich. Oh! It is becoming nostalgic now, the charm of West Bengal (contact any of your Bong friend for a detailed account of this). My mother always says that Bengalis are a kind of oxymorons. They look loud & aggressive but are not (comparative to guys/dudes/jats of North). Bengalis are more expressive and creative. Creativity is the food for soul. May be thatswhy I perceive West Bengal to be satisfied. But if the current Mamata is supporting the arrest of chemistry prof…then I think
Think…
Think…
It’s right. Twist!. How dare he (the prof) infiltrate in the territory of cartoonists. All he made was a graphic yet he wanted to have all the fame. Cartoonists of India will not agree to this. And for TMC’s Mamata Di, they will drink Bournvita (on recommendation of quiz master Brien, who is silent after drinking it and not heard). They are also ready to go through the easy readable sections of IPC and make more cartoons of Mamata.

Now I regret my right palm fracture. I have lost the Golden opportunity to impress Didi. Somehow I have added a caricature, adopted from my publication at IIT Kanpur. However! I hope my fraternity of cartoonists (if they accept that I am a part) will remind of our love for your acts always.

(disclaimer – the reader should not assume that the author is a leftist sympathizer. And obviously this write-up is not intended to (cannot) cause any harm/offense/hurting. If it did, apologies in advance).

Titanic Scenes in 3D now (revisit it)

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Fri, 6 Apr 2012 01:56:00 +0530

Titanic is a cult movie. Survey results tells us that almost all girls have it onboard on their hard disks and a third of boys like to watch its glimpses on a regular basis. Don’t you dare ask the source. Some things can be safely assumed.

The intent in this review is not to review the cult movie, but to review the experience offered.
Rating for the experience – 4.5/5

Story –
Are you kidding? Obviously YES! IF you are a kid. And may be Titanic may just be the reason for it (ask your parents, if you dare). The story is same, that of original Titanic. Incase, you have missed it…head towards the movie theatre (for 3d) or open your torrents (for 2D). 3D recommended for sure.

The 3D experience –
Titanic 3D offers you the best 3D experience. Haven’t seen any movie better in this format. The awesome feeling, when people run on the deck and the fall from the ship’s mast into water is breadth-taking. The romantic feel even comes to non-romantics when DiCaprio and Kate stand in that famous T-pose. The water gushing into compartments, etc – Titanic 3D is an experience worth visiting.

People to review –
DiCaprio – He is a stud anyway.
Kate Winslet – You will like her. Some will love her. Nobody will ignore her.
James Cameron – fantastic business opportunity created. This will definitely create a trend now.

What works – brand Titanic
What not – may be the timeline (incase you have problems with 3D flicks)
SPEAKing PICtures verdict - Please gear up the 3D specs and revisit the cult.

ps: A kind of personal trivia. Dad has seen only 3 movies on 70mm till date – Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Devdas and Titanic. Speaks the importance. Glad to catch it again on 70mm. Memories come back sometimes and you kind of love it!

Noticeable trivia – The seductive "drawing" scene is the first scene that Kate and DiCaprio did together. (source)

Disclaimer- the writer is a non-romantic person, who stays away from re-watches of romantic movies.

Delhi Auto Expo 2012 (Pics and Awards)

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 1 Mar 2012 00:55:00 +0530

Once again, the mela was set and being a student now, I obviously had the luxury to pay the fair a visit. This time I was with many; the auto expo visit was the first trip with my classmates.

The article also carries some awards as last time. Hope, they are funny (like others)

Special mention: The ticketing seemed better especially with the scanning process in practise (the first time @ Pragati Maidan). It was smooth to get in unlike last time (read here Delhi Auto Expo 2010) where I got in, thanks to the efforts of my brother.

We entered the expo around 1 PM (the start time for general public to witness the sexy beauties inside).
The first pavilion was my all time favourite.

Mercedes-Benz –
They will never disappoint you. Glittering beauties with the three pointed circle (symbol) all around you. Luxury from them is always unadulterated (even though they are behind BMW in competition). Mercedes showcased its ‘wing car’ outside their standalone pavilion (crowd puller; it was the most attractive car in last edition of expo, the AMG SLS). The entry to the pavilion had 2 M-class (standing in quite some pose).
The best car from Merc was their concept ‘Flow’. Majestic…speechless. She looked like a lady wrapped with the sliver silk (seductive). The feel after watching it was ‘nothing can beat a good luxurious Merc’. It therefore gets the ‘style-statement-award’. You will love it.

“Racing is a state of mind” – liked the quote outside Merc pavilion...awesome

BMW –
Didn’t like their display last time around. This time around BMW had a larger pavilion with an elevated view for visitors (quite unique). Mini Cooper was ok (definitely not better than Volkswagen’s Beetle). Can’t say much on it.
BMW in between showed one of their concept visions here in CP, Delhi. It was used in MI4. Really missed that one here. It is a wonder car, the one you drive in fantasy. Pics of that car are here (must watch).
However, they came up with another one. Awesome and speechless. How can you come up with this kind of stuff again? Brilliant. Sadly, I was very far to appreciate it to the full-heart level (mere pass business pass kyu nahi tha - regret).

BMW gets the ‘GAWK-award’ for producing yet another fantasy model after BMW Batmobile.

Volkswagen Das Auto –
Simple, Spacious and display concept similar to that of Expo 2010. Background included their recent blue campaign (likable). Expo 2010 (here) saw very heavy advertising of Polo. This time, it was subtle. Full product line was on display. VW concept car XL1 was also displayed (but didn’t have that pull when compared to offerings from BMW or Merc).Amidst white, the new Beetle in red was their best display. VW gets the ‘naam-bade-darshan-chote-award’ for their showroom like display pavilion.

Audi –
Audi was one of the best pavilions in the last edition (expo 2010). Audi went with a similar way of display (the white Audi sedans and a R8 in front). The only difference this time around was the colour of R8. Shiny Red (in last edition here, it was shiny orange).

Audi wins ‘best-body-colour-award’ for their sense of colour combinations. Crowd loved it, making it one of the most congested and crowdy halls at the Delhi Auto Expo 2012.

Tata Motors –
One of the biggest pavilions at the 2012 expo. Tatas showcased their product line width with the display of trucks, buses (normal as well as elongated), sedans (normal as well as hybrid) and their famous minis (Nano, Iris, Ace and PIXEL). Pixel was the show stealer this time around. Small & Cute (same adjectives used for Nano previously). However, the informative eyes would have appreciated the Indian car giant had the concept Pixel being developed with a right hand drive (the one on display was left hand drive raising speculation whether it was developed indigenously or elsewhere). But still the crowd loved it like they did at the time of Nano. Being a witness of expo 2008 when Nano was launched, it was a similar feel seeing Pixel. But Pixel is a concept car, far from production.
Tatas for their love of producing cute babies is henceforth given the ‘small-innovator-award’ for Pixel.

The other end of their pavilion had J&L series. The white Land Rovers were kept the same way as displayed in last edition. But the highlight was the two Red defender concept cars (open-roof & jeep look). The Jaguar display looked a bit off-coloured when compared to display of other luxurious car makers. The last edition display was better and definitely more luxurious.

Toyota –
Quite a larger pavilion for them, but it was justified after witnessing their intentions. Bestsellers Innova is reworked (looks more high-end, less like a cab). Fortuner is reworked but looked quite similar to me. The centre of attraction at the Toyota pavilion was the twin ladies at the centre along the racing versions of Etios Liva. Racing cars in red and white are quite standard, nothing exceptional in terms of looks. Toyota gets the ‘most-well-behaved-award’ for best crowd management.

Ford –
After Figo, Ford has geared up to fight in the SUV segment. Ford revealed a new SUV to India – Ford EcoSport. The car had the catchy looks with bright orange and mammoth front grill (trend these days). Liked their blue ambience; distinguished them from others. They are given the ‘big-grill-award’ for EcoSport.

Skoda –
Green and white are there hallmark colours. Very standard pavilion especially when you have the luxury gaint Audi right opposite you. Poor choice of pavilion. The cars were known except RS 2000. Strange looking car; though must admit it was stylish. The front look seems like somebody is stretching the car ears (the idea can be used in the next franchise of animation movie CARS).

Award for Skoda, Not this time. Guys, you need to improve your display (layout).

Chevrolet –
Chevy is all time favourite. Only reason being Bumblebee (Camaro). Expo 2010 (here) had a yellow one, coming right from the Transformers movie. This year, it was in dark orange (yellow was better). It unfortunately will not come to India, because right hand drive is not developed nor the company seems interested in developing one soon. Chevy has some handsome brands with them – Volt , Cruze (racer version in display). Captiva, SUV will be soon launched in a new avatar (earlier version was boring). The flying Beat was a fluke to many eyes (Guys! It was a gas balloon). Chevy pavilion is always impressive but has some standard stuff (this time around - Sail and Tavera).
Chevy gets the ‘Eyeballs’ award. Why? Read on…

DC –
(Disclaimer) I personally don’t like his stuff; it looks over-worked, pricy and lacks the royal classiness in terms of luxury.
Dilip Chhabria franchise is known name (his client list includes many famous stars of Bollywood). He also designed the car for the movie Taarzan (flop). He is introduced Avanti (reminded me of his car in Taarzan) and a modified Jeep (fantastic looks in yellow). Can’t say much on DC.

Aukaat se Bahar (Outside Monetary Reach) – Not surprisingly, the super duper multi Crore cars saw the longest queues. In display were the Porsche 911, Porsche Cayenne S, Ferrari California, Maserati Gran Cabrio, Maserati Quattroporte South Delhi gives you a chance to see these on its roads quite regularly Except Maserati. Maserati Q was best among them.

Bajaj –
Extraordinary pavilion. They came out with a new 4-wheeler (don’t you dare call it a car). RE60. Aisa naam, why RE, why 60? Re is borrowed from REVA (closest competitor in terms of size). 60 because it claims to half CO2 emission to 60gm/km. It is basically a solution to combat pollution (tagline). So, buy only iff you care for environment. Bajaj is the largest manufacturer for 3 wheelers in India. This is a desperate attempt to upgrade them to 4-wheelers. That is the only rational positioning I can understand. Else, it is very small especially with a price of around 2 L (Nano is cheaper than RE60).
The 3 wheeler on the Indian road is quite spacious and can accommodate 6-8 adults (some may call it over-crowding, but it saves you a hell lot of money). Replacing them with this is unlikely. Re60 usage on mass scale is some topic to research upon. Hence, Bajaj gets the curious ‘Y’ award.

Renault –
It has been in India through Logan but has never grown. Once my cab driver complimented Logan with words “lambi deir tak chalti hai, isliye taxi hai”. Logan went the taxi way, which too was limited because of its price and service. Renault here displayed Duster, another SUV attempt. But prices are said to start from 6, which are attractive for high volumes.
Another offering for Indian roads is Pulse. Catchy name but priced on the higher end at above 5 Lakh (above Maruti Swift, Hyundai i20).
Renault has been awarded the ‘fighter-award’.

Mahindra & Mahindra –
Compliments to them for showing Ssangyong to India. XUV 500, Mahindra’s latest offering was displayed in pale yellow and pale purple colours (fantastic). XUV 500 has stellar looks (both front as well as back). Nice to see Indians producing such stuff. Mahindra acquired Reva and thank God! They changed its look (looks are more sensible now, less kiddish). It deservingly gets the ‘Car-of-the-year’ award for XUV 500.

Nissan –
Nissan revealed Evalia, another SUV attempt for the Indian market. Others on display were GT R and 370 Z.

Missed Maruti –
“jo dil mein ho, usye aakhein kya dekhengi”

Two-Wheelers –
Quite a strangler to these at Auto Expos. Still I visited them (thanks to Saurabh Bakshi, Abhishek Garg). The top brand in superbike segment was Ducati. Dream machines to say the least. Haven’t seen much of them on Delhi roads, but all I can observe is that they are damn classy.
Next chapter of awesome-bikes belongs to Harley Davidson. The length of bikes is an admiration in itself. Awesome. Love the style they carry; unique and speaks loads of attitude (respect to their designers).
Others include Yamaha glittery pinky scooty, Vespa white scooter, sand coloured Royal Enfield, Triumph’s Bonneville, Hero Impulse, Honda’s patient answer to Hero’s Impulse, etc (Somehow can’t generate much interest in bikes).

Trends & Analysis –
1) SUVs are the next big thing
2) Red is the hot colour
3) Sexy girls besides cars does not guarantee a good pull. Eg - Mercedes
4) Increase in presence of local brands and manufacturers (signs of confidence)
5) India is opening to superbikes (and not just splendours)
6) Car manufactures still want to show less of their R&D here, in the form of concept cars & more sellable cars
7) Lucky draw is only for prospective buyers

‘Chicks’ n ‘Girls’
Must thank Bakshi for the drag race and his vision and mission towards identifying the sexier talent. Auto Expo 2012 showcased a much better performance compared to its preceding exhibitions. The Chevy pavilion had the best models if not the cars, it wins the male-magnet award for the having the highest attraction load factor.

Kuch bhi (just anything) – heard people/new reports saying the venue is expected to be shifted. Don’t really agree if any venue can replace Pragati Maidan with the kind of location it has (central Delhi amidst the most affluent newsmakers). However, with whatever operations management I have understood, layout of the expo has the scope to improve.

ps: plan to revive the category ‘college life’ initiated. Cheers

YOU can find all pics at Facebook (here) and on Lafango (here)
Drive safely…incase you need any full pic, leave your email id in comments

"Solace is an achievement sometimes"

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 17:31:00 +0530

Yesterday, I achieved my CGPA for yet another exam (which was surprisingly high). I say achievement because it knocked off my balls while studying for it. Everytime I scored low, the only thing I reminded myself was “dude! 12 lakhs investment, 20 lakhs opportunity cost, still casual…”. But the point is not that to struggle at something which you just don’t like. Why is it there? If it is there, why are we doing it? If we are doing it, why are we expecting a justified result?

I have no answer (still). Compulsion is the only word. At the end of the day, you have to tell your rank/score/cgpa to your fees-bearer. The struggle to dissociate you from that compulsion and be merry in what you like, is pata-nahi to me (I don’t know). How do I strike a balance? Amazing problem statement!

So, where was I, ya…balance. I took a chance this time (MBA is generally the last stage of a long educational career in India) and devoted quite a hell of my time in something else (club activities). Consequently it did me no good in studies/college but at that time, it was giving me a very fascinating gyaan (intangible learning). Friends are assets (no finance lecture will tell you this), but I discovered this asset in just the right time. I recovered my bad scores quite tremendously thanks to garg-kalani-bansal classes (:P). However, my struggle made me take a fallacy conclusion, that to be inactive in my club activities. Later, due to low score, I missed a collaborative Kellogg internship. Now, here am I, nowhere and idle but definitely happy and more contented.

So, what’s the idea to enjoy and chill amidst the state of what I call, directionless wandering. First reason – Sleep, really happy to have rediscovered it. 14/16 hours sleep during MBA inside a garam razai is a natural source of happiness. Movies, seeing them before they actually release is another great source of entertainment. Basically, the failure (the appropriate term considering tangible benefits fetched from my workings) has given me the opportunity to be calm and free. What was not available to you is now in abundance – time. You have bought time by failing yourself; so what it is a loser statement, but it damn works. So you start to score tremendously well without putting much real effort (touchwood) and are more dedicated towards what you like the most. That’s why the conclusion, “Solace is an achievement sometimes”.

ps: liteee…

Love You To Death - isme Ladki bhi hai Kutta bhi hai Supari bhi hai, PHIR BHI BEKAAR

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 22:33:00 +0530

Love You To Death is not that lovely like its title. It is promoted as an outrageous comedy in ‘Hinglish’. I am a simple writer but wanted to make sure before penning my thoughts why they used ‘outrageous’. My local dictionary gives me two meanings of ‘outrageous’. First one: Grossly offensive to decency or morality (causing horror). Second: Greatly exceeding bounds of reason or moderation.

I will go with the first option. Rating – 2/5

Story –
Sonia, a rich zero-size married woman loves her Baby, her doggie and can spend any loads of money for her chronic depression (logic: dogs are no less than men – a pure female perception). Sonia is married to Atul, a clumsy fellow trying to make it a big through collaboration with a Russian arms dealer. He fantasizes war but suffers from lack of male shakti. Moving ahead to finalize the collaboration, Atul needs money of Sonia. But she is intimated by muscular eco-friendly stud, John. John lives in self-made biosystem doing R&D for generating green energy (but still can’t term him as scientist). Sonia falls for her and wants to invest in his ambitious energy project. Conflict arises between Atul and Sonia and the love moved in their life towards death.
There are other plots also (cinema gang, doctor’s song, etc) but the story lacks conviction in coupling the different modules.

Simple Cast –
Chandan Roy Sanyal – plays Atul. He played the role of Mikhail in Kaminey. He has shades of good set pieces (one can even find a bit of Vijay Raaz in his performance). However, the role here did not match upto his potential.
Yuki Ellias – plays Sonia. Movie belongs to her. She enjoys the maximum screen possession. She also contributed in directing and script. She looks a bit too thin on screen (and thus, sometimes you don’t take her seriously even when it is needed). Acting is satisfactory, sometimes over.
Suhasini Mulay – regular. Nice to see a bit of vamp in her here. Refreshing.
Sheeba Chadha & Sohrab Ardeshir – talent appreciated.
Dogs – They too have a considerable presence. Some were cute (Baby, owned by Sonia) and some were huge (Tiny, owned by John).

As a marketer, I can clearly define the problem for LYUD. A confused positioning. The movie is not hilarious, forget outrageous. The movie though does highlight some environment issues and if you are a science guy who used to see NASA videos ‘how they use algae to produce energy’, then you might just appreciate the story. Otherwise, the script is not excitedly. The script should have paced itself faster and brought in it some thrill (something like the movie Shor In The City!).

What works – a different ‘Hinglish’ feel, environment & energy awareness
What not – script, pace, entertainment awareness

SPEAKing PICtures verdict – in the Oscar month, you will surely get better options. Stay alert and keeping watching this section for more.

Smart Trivia – Who do you think is Svetlana in the movie? Guess!

Arthur Christmas - festival, family and fantasy

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 19:52:00 +0530

Family, festival & fantasy are the three things to see in Arthur Christmas. Henceforth, the review will assess the movie on these pillars of its build.

Story –
The technology has reached Santa, the countdown is set and Christmas’s dawn is the deadline. Steve (Santa’s elder son) leads his troupe of elves to the surface of earth for gift distribution to all homes. Operations have become fast, smooth and professional. The Christmas-gift distribution functions like high-end airports luggage handling at back end and a paratrooper exercise at front end. The whole sequence is performed with military precision, with the central command base located above in the sky (a spaceship). A delight to watch this part.
After all the distribution exercise is done, the spaceship comes back to North Pole. Among celebrations, the family discovers a gift is missed. Arthur, Santa’s younger son voices his concern about the missing gift. However, Steve thinks missing one gift out of millions as an acceptable error rate. Santa meanwhile does not seem interested.
Arthur with family’s eldest member GrandSanta decides to courier it personally. GrandSanta, Arthur and Bryony (packing hero; fun to watch) board the sleigh powered by ancient reindeers. The journey to earth is tough, on earth its even tougher (amidst African lions), on ocean its awkward and final run to the actual destination is chased by a missile. Back home, ashamed of keeping up the Christmas spirit, Santa with Steve too leave for the missed destination.
Finally they manage to place the gift before the sunrise, but who placed it? Watch and answer.

Analysis –
The structuring of family into multiple generations (GrandSanta, Santa, his two sons – Steve, Arthur) is definitely a clever plot. It one way facilitates differences in though based on generation gap. The fantasy pillar is the best in the movie especially spaceship sequence, reindeer runs, etc. Hollywood seldom disappoints you in animation (fantasy).
However, this movie never really grows on emotions like other superb animations have done in past (Ratatouille, Wall-e, KungFu Panda). It had the potential being associated with both family and festival, however it does not really strikes on senti-emotional front. A bit of disappointment considering it had all the ingredients.

Rating – 1 for each F (family, festival, fantasy) = 3/5

What works – classy animation
What not – thrill quotient is ok, lacks the senti feel

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict – enjoy whenever you see it. And share it with Cheers

Don_Dutiya

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:12:00 +0530

Really cold winters! Lots of fog in Delhi! Loads of sleep in eyes. Gosh! Missed MI4. To socha Don2 dekhenge. Bollywood zindabad (trailer dono ke same feel wale dikh rahe hai). Here it comes, the review –

Don2, the sequel to the remake of Don is rated 3/5.

Story -
DON surrenders to get Vardhan (Boman Irani) to get him out of jail. He is successful with some smart moves and then narrates him the plan to steal the note-plates from which Euros are printed (wow). In the way, there are some local goons, blackmailing, etc and Don gets the better of its competitors. Don eventually starts off the mission and ends his voyage by riding a bike with the number plate showcasing DON 3. He obviously triumphed and survived DON 2’s plot.

Star Cast –
Shahrukh Khan – Firstly some good words on looks. SRK untidy looks did worked on scene and his long hairlocks, did give him quite a DONly look (khatarnaak). However! Acting is again ok. If G.One was ok! This serves no better. SRK should now rework his strategy. His action movies are not working for him (same can be said for his acting).
Priyanka Chopra (PC) – plays is good. But she should hurry up else Vidya Balan will soon be at top.
OM Puri – good (as always)
Kunal K – oK, looks too much sophisticated
Boman Irani – good (as always)
Lara Bhupati – gold glare is only thing I can recall of her

The music by Shankar Ehsaan Loy disappoints. Not even one song is rememberable. Was expecting something on Paan & Banaras especially in the light to improve the previous attempt (recall the previous version of Farhan Akhtar’s Don), but is not there.

Timing?
Don2 is unfortunately coming right after MI4. The comparison hence terms it even weaker. Even though Don2 by all means is well shot (almost all abroad), it is far away from standards set up by last week’s MI 4. But it brings us to the same debate – Do Indian movies want to bring technology as its USP or sheer creativity will do, as in past? Later.

What works: SRK look, nice locations for shooting
What not: story, non-thriller feel

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict – Wait for the reborn of Don in next version (number of bike said DON 3). Till then, try to avoid meeting DON_DUTIYA in cinema halls.

ps: SRK has realized where his real potential is. He will be starting a romantic flick from Jan first week. Good SRK. Remember!

“Haar ke jeetne wale ko baazigar kehte hai”

Ladies! Happy now?

Pappu Can’t Dance Saala...then why watch him

noreply@blogger.com (AG) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 01:38:00 +0530

Because Pappu here is Vinay Pathak.

He is back with same kind of role, same genre with same performance (again). This movie offers him the same ‘innocent-man-in-shit’ role (remember Chalo Dilli! read here). Moreover, this movie will be cited as an illustration when it comes to desperate naming of movies. Needless to say, the movie-owners named the movie on a famous Hindi song “Pappu Can’t Dance Saala” from “Jaaaaaane Tu....Ya Jaane Na”. Why? Desperate initial attraction (the side by release is Ranbir’s Rockstar).
Desperation unfortunately didn’t work. Pappu Can’t Dominate Saala – 2.25/5

Story –
UP sends bhola bhala Vidya (Vinay Pathak) to the fast forward Mumbai. He works as the marketing representative of a Pharmaceutical company (I can smell that). Apart from him, you are also introduced to Mehek (Neha Dupia). She too comes from a small town but has an opposite style of living life. Mehek and Vidya are neighbours and bingo! The chemistry of cations and anions begins. The first half is enjoyable and thought-provoking in some scenes. Watch out for Vinay Pathak’s acting skills, his acting totally transfers the frustration of this survival in some scenes (you will surely remember Rajat from Pyaar Ka Punchnama! A bit more mature Rajat that is).
The second half is boring and very monotonous. In it, Vidya and Mehek now start living peacefully. Mehek is offered a ‘bold’ music video and Vidya starts to help her and then eventually fall for her is the rest. Nothing new and very very standard.

Star Cast –
Vinay Pathak – loved his performance, but before the words of appreciation can I caution him for again doing the stereotype ‘goody-innocent’ roles. Consequently, I only liked him when he was acting his frustration part.
Neha Dhupia – not impressive in most of the movie. Good in some senti scenes. You can find better than her in Bollywood for sure.
Rajat Kapoor – looks like a Rockstar in the movie. Quite similar to Milind Soman in Bheja Fry. Awesome actor, awesome performance as usual.
Brijendra Kala – an effortless performance. Bollywood is anyday incomplete without these small performances.

The music is also standard. With the likes of Kailash Kher and Mohit Chauhan, the music ought to be better. But it isn’t. Lastly, to say the least the team of artists like Saurabh Shukla, Rajat Kapoor, Vinay Pathak, Sanjay Mishra are expected to produce better films. Peace.

What works : Vinay Pathak’s acting (especially in parts where he shows his frustration)
What not: concept is repeated many times before, nothing new

SPEAKing PICtures’s verdict: why pay again to see the same.

"Jo banta hai! Wahi chalta hai"*

*Not applicable for this movie