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10 Worst Band Names

2013-05-13T21:04:00.001-04:00

I’ve been a big fan of music since childhood and, therefore, have become accustomed to the oddness of band names. I remember looking at album covers of Jefferson Airplane and Abba and thinking their names were so strange and, yet, mysterious. I liked them and still do. However, today, I imagine at least one of them has made it onto a list of worst band names.

This evening, as I was attempting to compile a list of 10 Worst Band Names for Monday Listicles, I found there are a ton of such lists out there. Looking through some of them I realized, yes, some band names are bad. But really, what are the options for naming a band?

I mean, The Band already exists. The most logical name for a band is taken.

It’s popular to name bands after their founders and/or lead singers, and, why not? Even though it does come across as ego-maniacal, what are the options?

Hole? Rush? Styx?

Kansas, Boston, Chicago?

So before I give you my own list of worst band names, let me say, I appreciate the attempts, the creative vigor, and the bravery of musicians who give themselves a collective “name” and put themselves out there. I’m grateful for the music. (Although I could do without Butthole Surfers).

10 Worst Band Names

Swans – Are they like feathered creatures from the Swan Lake ballet? Do they sound like Tchaikovsky? Maybe they should have taken a cue from E. B. White and gone with The Trumpet of the Swan. At least that would evoke something musical. What does a swan sound like? Well, I found out. You can listen here: Swan Sounds

Yellow Ostrich – Another of the ornithological variety. I actually love this band. However, do yellow ostriches exist and if so, what do they sound like? You can find out here (make sure to listen to the screaming ostrich selection): Ostrich Sounds

Flogging Molly – I actually love this band, too. And this name actually works. It’s memorable and catchy. But who’s Molly? Why is she being flogged? Wiki explains:

the band's name comes from the bar (Molly Malone's) thatfaithfully supported the band from the very beginning, "We used to playthere every Monday night and we felt like we were flogging it to death, so wecalled the band Flogging Molly.

I like that story. I am now uncertain Flogging Molly even belongs on the list. But it stays. Onward we go….

Fun. – Whenever they come on the radio I always say to my girls, “Hey! It’s fun period!” Yeah.

Toad the Wet Sprocket – Creatively derived from a Monty Python sketch, the band meant it to be nonsensical. Whew.

Bubble Puppy – The images this name conjures...I see my tiny Chihuahua dogs floating above me...each imprisoned in his own...bubble.

Pussy Riot – Great story, inspiring really. Very brave young women. But, you have to admit, their name is well chosen for a prison-stay. And I just wish they could be vocal about feminist issues without naming themselves after female genitalia.

The The – You would think this name would be impossible to Google. It's not. Pops right up there followed by Mr. Mister.

Days of the New – I find this name highly annoying. Why? I have no clue. Does it bug you, too? Is it perpetually Easter in some parts of the world?

Dave Matthews Band – I’ve seen this on other lists. And I love this band. But even Tom Petty added “and the Heartbreakers” to his identity. DMB simply lacks the creative spirit I expect from someone who has beguiled me for 25 shows and counting.

photo credit: opethpainter via photopin cc
photo credit: ldbaker via photopin cc

Save It for Later: Mother's Day

2013-05-12T18:42:00.000-04:00

In Save It for Later you’re getting a brief run-down of each week's stand-outs from things I've bookmarked to "read later" either from Diigo "Read Later" list, Pulse News, Twitter, and/or Pinterest.

Read Reel Girl

Reel Girl Screen Capture

I took my 12-year-old daughter out to get her nails done on Wednesday for our monthly “date night.” It was a pleasant experience, she’s a fun kid and I love her so, so much. However, the salon had their giant flat-screen tuned to CNN’s Wolf Blitzer who was going on and on about the women in Cleveland who were found and brought to safety after a decade of being held captive, raped and tortured. The coverage was annoying, to say the least, and failed to articulate the real problems we have with violence against women in the US.

In lieu of CNN, please check out these two articles from Reel Girl who does a great job articulating the complexities of violence against women in this country:

Ex-wife of Ariel Castro charged him with domestic violence, case dropped
Rep. Jackie Speier takes the lead to stop sexual assault in the USA

Stories about Moms

On a lighter note, I have been curating “Stories about Moms” for a little over a year on Pinterest. It’s a group board, so if you’re on it, start adding and a BIG "thank you" to those who have. If you would like to add some stories let me know. If you are looking for a lot of wonderful stories about moms, you now know where to go!

Stories about Moms

Kid President

Lastly, I was reading some blogs in an attempt to catch up (I still haven't, but will, eventually, by the end of the year) and came across a lovely Mother's Day post from one of my favorite bloggers, Kimberly Rues of Rubber Chicken Madness. In it was this video message from Kid President, of course. Check it out!

Wednesday's Woman
And finally (which always follows "lastly" ...in case you didn't know) don't forget to check out the inspiring Mother's Day Edition of Wednesday's Woman.
Happy Mother's Day!

Off the Cuff

2013-05-08T15:18:00.000-04:00

I am still participating in BlogHer's NaBloPoMo for May. But, I haven't blogged everyday. AND I am going to make-up for it. There will be 31 posts in May.

I haven't been too busy.

I am no longer depressed.

I could blame it on my having ADHD and not being medicated. However, ADHD is a disability that shows itself in one being unable to get started on something they do not like to do. I can use it as an excuse for my house that needs cleaned or the trip to the store I need to take. But, I like blogging. So, what's the deal?

Am I lazy?

I don't think so.

Last Friday I woke up at 4 am to go to my gig as a nanny, picked up my daughter who was returning from camp from school at 3:30, did her laundry and packed her for her dad's pick-up at 5:30, then concluded the day volunteering at the high school for the OMEA state choir adjudication from 7-midnight.

Not all of my days are like that.

And my word for the year is "patience" so I'm trying not to beat myself up for leaving things on my to-do list unchecked.

But, I'm thinking I need an intervention. Like Tabatha-Takes-Over-style.

I think I am simply stuck in the old behavior of depression--choosing to sit idly while watching "interesting" things online or on cable TV--because it's comfortable.

It's 2:41 pm. I need to shower, get to the store for my daughter's allergy medicine and pick up both daughters from school by 3:20. The shower probably won't happen.

My daughter's clarinet lesson is here tonight, in this house, and it desperately needs cleaned.

I've always been last minute.

But I've always worked to change.

I've been patient enough.

So, blogging? I procrastinate maybe because of ADHD, but mostly because I'm afraid.

"Do I sound stupid?"

"Does anyone care?"

Anyway...I'm writing this post totally "off the cuff", right in the Blogger "create new post" window. No Word document and editing.

Fearless?

I'm leaving you with the shows and videos I watched all morning instead of blogging. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and I totally understand if you do not have time to watch two full episodes of NOVA.

Thanks for listening.

Beautiful Day U2

Bert and Ernie on Family Guy Madeline Kahn sings with Grover (I love this so much) Bert gets carried out of his bedroom by dancing sheep Oh, yes, Stravinsky I now understand God The dancing I get, the biology, not so much NOVA - Doctor's Diaries

NOVA - Life and Death in the War Zone

Linking up with:

and:

I will be commenting. Soon. I promise.

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Wednesday's Woman: Mother's Day Edition

2013-05-08T14:10:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the Mother’s Day edition of Wednesday’s Woman!

When I began the Wednesday’s Woman series I thought many I asked to guest post would write about their mothers or women who were like mothers to them. That has not always been the case. The scope of women highlighted here has been greater than I anticipated and for that, I am grateful. Still, every once in a while, I’ll receive a guest post from a writer who wishes to honor her mother and I’m always deeply moved. The mother-child relationship is complex and is not necessarily bound by biology. Adrienne Rich wrote in Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution:

“Probably there is nothing in human nature more resonant with charges than the flow of energy between two biologically alike bodies, one of which has lain in amniotic bliss inside the other, one of which has labored to give birth to the other. The materials are here for the deepest mutuality and the most painful estrangement.”

And Oprah has been quoted as saying:

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

Below are links to past Wednesday’s Woman posts by writers honoring their moms or those who mothered them. I encourage you to read them all.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Wednesday's Woman: Mother's Day Edition

Mothers and Daughters -by Missy Bedell of Literal Mom

Sometimes the time for a story comes and you're afraid to write it. I agreed to write for Sperk* for Wednesday's Woman a long time ago. And when she reminded me that it was today, I had a bit of a panic attack. I can write about moments. I can give you kid vignettes. I can hide behind humor and tongue in cheek posts, like I did last week. What I normally don't give you is information about my past. (read more)

The Door Is Always Open -by M

Susan is the mother of three extraordinary people and although I am not her son, I like to count myself as her fourth. She is married to an awesome man and father Rolf, is active member at her church and holds a master’s degree in counseling. Susan has devoted her life to helping others. She is the founder and director of Brandon’s House Counseling Center in New Albany, Indiana. While working (read more)

How I Met My Mother -by Kerstin Auer

When thinking about women I connected with or who made an impact in my life my mother is certainly the last person I want to think about. Throughout most of my childhood and into my adulthood I considered my mother the enemy. When she got engaged to my father she was the age my daughter is now – 15 years old. She married my father when she was 17 and two years later I was born. (read more)

Fostered By Example -by Tamar at Ladies Holiday

Three Generations -by Anna Mahler

Each week, I look forward to reading all the awesome Wednesday's Woman posts here at Sperk*. I've learned about well known women doing great things and causing needed change, everyday heroes and even women who are no longer with us but through their own courage and drive, was changing lives and the world we live in before I was even born.

But some of my favorites have been the personal friends and family some have written about and I have to admit, I often feel twinges of jealousy while reading. I wish I had a great female role model, someone personal involved in my life today. (read more)

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin
cc photo credit: Indy Charlie via photopin cc

10 Things I Love That Cost Nothing

2013-05-06T13:32:00.000-04:00

Today’s theme for Monday Listicles is 10 Things I Love That Cost Nothing. I thought about how much I love watching movies on HBO, playing games on my smartphone, and eating hummus from Trader Joe’s. But when considering the cable, Sprint and grocery bills, those all technically cost something. So, for today’s list, I tried to choose things that bring me joy that are not linked to any sort of recurring payment.

10 Things I Love That Cost Nothing
(In no particular order)

*Listening to music

*Exchanging smiles with a stranger

*Writing

*Taking naps

*Hearing my girls practice their music—Sophia sings, Antonia plays clarinet

*Laughing, dancing, talking, anything with my kids (the video below is old, like at least two years old. Yay! for this post which has reminded me that I need to make more).

*Dancing (this video is also old. It's from last June. I promise more in the future because I know you love them.)

*Feeling the warm sun on my face

*Sitting with my dog, Frodo, on my lap

*Tucking my girls into bed at night

What brings you joy?

photo credit: bigvern via photopin cc

Really?

2013-05-02T23:10:00.000-04:00

“Isn’t this bag cute?” I asked her.

“If you’re a grandma or a 7^th-grader,” she replied.

Really?

The five year old that I watch always says “Really?! Really?!” to her 15-month-old little sister when she snatches her Barbie dolls. She’s a tiny little thief who just can’t wait to get caught.

All smiles.

Sometimes there are hot tears of anger from the five year old who gets fed-up with the toy snatching.

But generally it’s all smiles, all around.

I left the 15-month-old’s diaper bag in my car, so it came home with me. When I showed it to my teen daughter she scrunched her nose and said, “Mom, you’re a bad nanny!”

It was cute.

Then I asked her to confirm the cuteness of the bag.

She’s not mean. She’s just honest. I’m not as cool as I think.

I’m 43.

I do not wish to be a 7^th-grader or a grandma.

I sometimes wish to be somewhere in between, or, maybe, farther along.

I am uncomfortable. Sometimes the thoughts swirl: “I should be more successful. I should have saved. I should have a career.”

The celebration of another year is on the horizon. I feel it in the unseasonable heat of the day. Summers end will bring me to 44.

Perhaps I’ll settle into now.

Really.

What type of bags are the 40-somethings carrying?

I've committed to blogging everyday in May with BlogHer's NaBloPoMo. The theme this month is 'comfort'.

Why would I do such a thing?

To challenge myself.

And because I was inspired by Xiomara who did it three months in a row. Yes, she blogged everyday for three months in a row!

This post is included in her new weekly link up called 'Your Place'. Click the badge above to check it out.

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Wednesday's Woman: Giving Children Hope

2013-05-01T13:19:00.001-04:00

Happy May!

Wednesday's Woman is back with an inspiring story by regular contributor, Anna Mahler, who writes at The Mommy Padawan. What I like most about the woman Anna has chosen to honor is that she has made it easy for us to be of service to children in need. We do not need to leave the comfort of our homes to make a difference in the lives of children who have been the victims of abuse and neglect. So, no excuses!

Wednesday's Woman: Giving Children Hope

by Anna Mahler

Screenshot from One Simple Wish

Opening your home and heart to foster a child can be such a kind and beautiful act. Foster parents who provide safe, loving and stable environments have real impact and can change a child’s life for the better. Often, these children are or have been lacking many of the bare necessities we sometimes take for granted so when other needs arise, like needing a nice outfit or being able to go on a special outing, it can feel hopeless and not even worth asking for.

After recognizing these needs and wanting to do something about them, today children in the foster care system have a new way to ask for things they need and all of us, even those who are not foster parents, have a way to help.

Danielle Gletow and her husband Joe have been foster parents since 2006. After hearing friends and family express that they would like to help children separated from their families as well, Danielle wanted to find a way for people to connect with the needs of these children.

"(They) would say, 'I really wish there was something I could do, but I don't want to be a foster parent,' " Gletow said. "I just felt like, this is my opportunity to create something that makes it possible for all of these children who need something to get connected to all of these wonderful people that are out there, that want to help them."

This was the inspiration for, One Simple Wish. Wishes are submitted and approved for kids by social service agencies and caseworkers all over the country. Some of the wishes I read range from a child aging out of the system in need of bedding for his college dorm room, a new bike for a 4 year old girl who loves to play outside, a photography class for a budding artist, a gift card for clothing for a 12 y/o in the care of her grandma and another was simply asking for new shoes for school.

So many of the wishes are basic things I would not even think twice about providing for my own child but for children who may not have an adult in their life they can even go to and ask, it's the little things that mean so much. For many, they have felt let down so many times, they don't feel their voices will be heard so it's not even worth wishing or asking anymore.

"Anybody -- anywhere, anytime -- can go on our website,and they can look at hundreds of wishes that are posted on behalf of children in foster care and children in vulnerable family environments," Gletow said. "These small things make an enormous difference in the life of a child who has spent their entire life wondering if anybody cares about them."

Along with One Simple Wish, Danielle Gletow's nonprofit office is home to two other projects that also benefit foster youths and families in New Jersey.

The Ohana Project helps foster kids, foster-care workers and families by providing 24/7 access to items that can ease a child's transition into a new placement or home like new baby supplies, bed linens, blankets, pajamas and other items.

The Wish to Work program assists older children get the skills needed in professional careers. They provide job-training seminars, networking events, résumé feedback and other assistance.

It can take so little to make a difference in a child's life, to give them hope, let them know they are being heard and that someone cares about them. With One Simple Wish, Danielle does all this and more along with allowing all of us the opportunity to make a positive impact as well.

Danielle Gletow is nominated as a 2013 CNN Hero. You can learn more about her and wonderful ways to help a child at OneSimpleWish.org.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

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Acronyms: "Mom, Nobody Uses Those Anymore!"

2013-04-29T20:48:00.000-04:00

My writing chops are a little rusty. I can feel it.

Apparently, my knowledge of acronyms is terribly dated as well. I can feel that, too—especially when my daughter, upon reading my text, exclaims, “Mom! LOL? Nobody uses that anymore!”

No worries. I am a Lady in the Know at Ladies Holiday. I am honored to take up a little room at their space, so check it out.

Now what about those acronyms which just happen to be today’s theme at Monday Listicles?

Well, for that, I had to ask my daughters (who are 12 and 14, arguably more in the know than I) for input. The consensus was that really, no one uses them at all anymore. They are a thing of the past.

I didn't believe it.

With a little prodding, I got my girls to help me compile a list. Here’s what we came up with:

10 Acronyms We Still Use

(even though nobody really uses them anymore)

LOL – According to my 14 year old this acronym for laugh out loud is no longer used as a way to express the fact that one is laughing. She said it is used to make a statement less awkward, like, “I saw you at the store, LOL.”

LAWLZ – Apparently this is the new LOL. What each letter stands for is unknown to anyone in this household. I would guess the L’s stand for laugh and loud. The rest is up for interpretation.

HBU – 14yo still uses this one for how ‘bout you, confirming the fact that teenagers exaggerate (see title).

SMH – I have seen this one in my 14yo’s Instagram feed. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it meant and had been dying to ask her. I hesitated for weeks because I was afraid it was something wacky and inappropriate. Nope. It’s harmless: shake my head.

TBT – Another one from Instagram: Throwback Thursday

IDK – Oldie but goodie: I don’t know

BRB – Be right back, respectively submitted by my 12yo.

JK – Just kidding, respectively submitted by my 12yo.

CSA – I usually use it with a hashtag in front of it and the word 'survivor' behind it: child sexual abuse. (Uncomfortable? Statistics point to CSA being an epidemic. Do something).

HALT – I love that this was the first acronym my girls reminded me of upon asking them for help with this list. It’s one I learned in recovery and have taught them to use to discern their moods: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If they seem annoyed or down, I’ll ask “How many letters do you have in HALT? How can you take care of it?”

Here’s to HALT and here’s to you, LOL. (Yes, I’m trying to end this post with as little awkwardness as possible.)

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Save It for Later: 3 Things April

2013-04-27T16:14:00.000-04:00

In Save It for Later you’re getting a brief run-down of each week's stand-outs from things I've bookmarked to "read later" either from my Diigo "Read Later" list, Pulse News, Twitter, and/or Pinterest.

I haven’t blogged for a month, so my read later list is quite extensive. I’ll spare you the lot of it and share with you what I think is most important. All happen to be relating to April.

April is National Poetry Month. This week BlogHer gave us 6 Amazing Last-Minute Ways to Celebrate National Poetry Month. I really like #5 which is an online app called That Can Be My Next Tweet that mashes up your own Twitter stream to create tweets that are somewhat poetic. I tried the app. Here are some of my mashed up tweets:

I Want and comment. I Want and the lights go. Do I pay my friend, Anna Mahler....

Linking up with a great info you've been posting here and doing nothing.

Couldn't be happier to one's courage. - I am now a difference in the great women making history?

Number 7 on the BlogHer list, spine poetry, is also fun. Stack up a few books, take a photo of their spines, and voila, their titles make poetry. Here’s one that I attempted:

You can share yours on Twitter with the hashtag #spinepoetry.

For more ideas on last minute National Poetry Month celebrations check out the BlogHer article or Poets.org

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. As a survivor of child sexual abuse this is an awareness campaign close to my heart. Like most of these month-long campaigns, I feel it is one that should be at the forefront of our awareness all year.

In the pursuit to eradicate child abuse the most important tool is prevention. Prevention can only happen through education, answering the question of “how do we stop this from happening?” The Child Welfare Information Gateway has a wealth of information on prevention geared towards parents, professionals and educators. I also have been curating information on prevention on Pinterest for over a year. There are several organizations working towards the prevention of child abuse. The video below is from one such organization, Darkness to Light.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. In light of the Steubenville rape case getting so much media attention, this campaign couldn’t be more timely. I have been gathering information on preventing sexual assault at Pinterest and you can check out some very informative links by clicking here. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center is always my first stop for solid, accessible information. Their current campaign is "Talk early, talk often. Prevent sexual violence"

Also, check out the newly launched NO MORE, “The first unifying symbol to express support for ending domestic violence and sexual assault,” which provides tools for individuals to get involved locally and on social media in order to shed light on the invisible problems of sexual assault and domestic violence. I downloaded their free toolkit containing sample social media posts, email templates, and more. I think it's great and you should download and use it, too: Activate NO MORE

April is just about to turn into May but don't expect this to be the last you read here about the prevention of child abuse and the awareness/prevention of sexual assault. Beware, I just may subject you to the torture of my own poetry, too!

Wednesday's Woman: Girls Can Do Math

2013-03-27T09:38:00.000-04:00

Beth

Today’s guest blogger has a passion for running and is a refreshing voice for gender equality. Beth at run +travel writes:

We're all runners (boys and girls alike). We speak a common language. We share inside jokes. We have the same urge to run. I look forward to sharing the road (and trails) with you.

Join Beth on her journey at run + travel, like her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter.

Thank you, Beth!

Girls Can Do Math

by Beth

Let's rewind about 20 years. I'm sitting in a high school algebra classroom, and a teacher is walking up and down the rows of desks, handing back midterm exams. I am anxious. I know I didn't do well. Still, the big red 2 and 7 on the top of my paper is a rude awakening. Nearly three quarters of my answers are WRONG. (Random guessing would have been more efficient and more successful.)

A knot forms in the pit of my stomach, and I wonder whether or not it matters that I don't understand algebra. Maybe I'll become a famous painter, and algebra won't make a lick of difference in my life. Still, artistic career plan or not, this failure feels abysmal.

At this point, many (most) teachers would throw in the towel, write me off as a loss, and drop me down to a lower track math class the following year. (Some would not wait the year. I’d be demoted mid-stream.) After all, 27% is a completely, incomprehensibly low grade that implied I was not doing the homework, didn't it?

My math teacher, however, did not write me off as a loss.

In fact, Mrs. V., as she was known to her students, became my exceptionally talented and dedicated mentor. After the train wreck of a midterm exam, Mrs. V pulled me aside to let me know that one bad midterm would not ruin my math career (famous foreshadowing words), and that, with hard work and concentration, I would have opportunities to improve my grade.

Mrs. V. understood that students have different learning styles, so she taught every lesson three ways: the theoretical approach, the visual one (bringing charts, graphs, and what we now know of as "visualization tools," into her 1990s classroom), and what we jokingly referred to as the "brute force" approach. (Read: If you can't solve the equation using theory or a graph, plug in numbers until you find a solution that fits!)

Mrs. V. also understood that many heads are often better than one. She encouraged students to work in teams and help one another understand the concepts. She was wise enough to explain concepts clearly, but humble enough to know that sometimes a second or third teacher – even if it was another student – might illuminate subjects in a way that one alone could not.

With her ceaseless efforts, algebra (finally) started to make sense. Once the visual cues clicked for me, the theoretical underpinnings of the math problems fell into place. I passed algebra and progressed to Algebra II, and then on to advanced Calculus.

At a time when the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus was at the top of bestseller lists, suggesting with "science" (*cough*) that women were "good" communicators, and men were "good" in the sciences, Mrs. V. saw promise in her students - boys and girls alike. At a time when Mattel pandered to every horrible gender stereotype by releasing a talking Barbie doll who said "Math is tough!" my teacher proved that girls could do calculus, do it well, and make it look easy.

I am now a demographer and statistician, thanks in no small part to the effort of a woman who didn't believe "math is tough," and who wouldn't let her students accept that defeatism either.

This is not Mrs V., however Beth supplied this photo of Mary Blade to accompany her story. It is fitting and very timely for Women's History Month.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

photo credit: Bindaas Madhavi via photopin cc

Steubenville Can Be Prevented

2013-03-24T23:33:00.000-04:00

It was mid-December when I first heard about the horrific gang rape of an unconscious high school female. She was repeatedly sexually assaulted by drunken, egomaniacal, high school football players that she knew in Steubenville, Ohio. In her lifeless state, she was dragged from party to party where many witnesses, including adults, did nothing to stop the assaults. Some involved posted their crimes on social media and thankfully someone saw it. Even though the female prosecutor in Steubenville told the victim not to press charges because it would cause her more trouble than she needed, the organization Anonymous ran with the story. Recently, two of the perpetrators were brought to justice but not without retaliation on Facebook towards the victim.

When I first heard about Steubenville, I could not bring myself to write about it. It was too close to home for me. I grew up very close to Steubenville, in a small, Rust Belt, Ohio town that put football players on a pedestal. When I was in high school I got drunk one night and was taken advantage of by a football player while another football player stood by and did nothing. The entire school found out about it. My reputation from then on was diminished. I felt shame. I felt I was at fault.

Several years later in my adult life, that football player admitted his wrong-doing and apologized to me. Yet, to this day, I struggle with the though of how I could have prevented it.

Even though my situation was different than that of the victim in Steubenville, I feel for her. I know a bit of that pain, alienation, and shame.

I know the anger and I am angry for her. Angry at the Steubenville community. Angry at the kids who stood by and allowed it to happen. Angry at the adults who supplied alcohol and/or did nothing to stop the partying.

I am also afraid. Afraid for a society that continues to blame the victim, claiming she was a “slut” and deserved to be raped. I’m afraid of the sympathy offered to the perpetrators, a sign of the entitled male code that is tightly woven within our culture.

Mostly, I am afraid for my daughter who is a freshman in high school.

There are many aspects and layers to the tragedy in Steubenville that need to be addressed: the culture of football, violence towards women, shaming women who have sex, etc. It’s overwhelming.

What can I do?

As a mother of a daughter who is a freshman in high school, I can begin at home.

So, I have been been discussing Steubenville with my daughter a lot.

She doesn’t like the subject matter. When I bring it up, she usually says something like, “Oh no, not this again.”

Topics surrounding Steubenville that we have discussed have been drinking, sex, social media and what constitutes labeling someone as a “slut.”

These are all heavy topics, topics which lend themselves to me sometimes lecturing rather than listening, so I understand her unwillingness to discuss the situation. But I won’t back down. One of the main problems or causes of Steubenville was lack of parenting.

These topics aren’t easy to address with our children. Some, maybe most, parents simply don’t address these issues out of fear. And yes, I can tell you from experience that these matters are scary to bring up. But we can’t guide our children safely to the doorstep of adolescence and simply stop parenting because we are afraid. When we stop parenting we fail them. Small incidents turn into crimes because our children have not had the opportunity to discuss these issues. They’ve been denied the opportunity develop skills to handle difficult situations.

The Label of Slut

One of the most interesting things I have found out by discussing Steubenville with my daughter is the conundrum of the “slut.” Before I go any further, I need to state that I detest the term and am only using it because it is relevant to the circumstances.

When Steubenville first came up in December and I brought it to the attention of my daughter she seemed unmoved. I’m not certain, but it seemed she had heard the victim was a “slut.” So, I asked, “If the victim was one of your friends, how would you feel?”

She said, “I would be really very upset.”

Therefore, we had to discuss this whole “slut” business.

As I said, I don’t like the word. And within my daughter’s high school community, I don’t understand the use of the word at all.

One definition of “slut” is an offensive term for a woman thought to be sexually promiscuous.

OK. I get the definition. What I don’t get is how the kids in high school--in Steubenville and in my daughter’s high school--determine which promiscuous female is awarded the label “slut.”

My daughter has confirmed and has even been upset by the fact that the popular girls at her school are sexually promiscuous. But are they “sluts” or are they “popular?” In her school, they are not one in the same. Does a female’s popularity keep her from being labeled “slut,” and if so, why?

About a year ago her school community labeled a student a “slut” for being involved in giving her boyfriend oral sex. It got so bad that the girl changed schools because her reputation became too much for her to handle. To my knowledge, the boyfriend was not labeled anything and is still a student at the school—an example of that destructive, mysterious and acceptable male code.

However, remember, my daughter has confirmed that the popular girls in her school do have sex, but do not deal with an undesirable reputation. What makes them different?

I’m not sure of the answer. It could be socioeconomics. It could be determined by which group the females associate with and how much social status the group has within the school.

Let's be real. Teens have sex regardless of social or socioeconomic status. And regardless of social or socioeconomic status, having sex does not mean one is a “slut”.

The labeling, name-calling, and bullying of teens who have sex is a destructive micro-cultural phenomenon that has been used as a device to create social hierarchy in high schools and it perpetuated by parents, teachers and administrators who do not address the issue.

The negative connotation of being labeled a “slut” is so bad that during the Steubenville case it was posted on social media by several people--students and adults--that the victim deserved to be raped because she was a “slut.”

Labeling one as a “slut” is a power move has nothing to do with sex. Such is rape. It’s about power, not sex.

This power-play usage of the word "slut" (and words like it, as in whore) is incredibly damaging. Those labeled as "sluts" feel shame and feel trapped into behavior they may not even like or be comfortable with. Those doing the labeling are not only hypocrites, but are also getting their need for power fed that can can never be satisfied.

When I have talked to my daughter about it it's tricky. She struggles with wanting to fit in with the popular crowd. She struggles with wanting to be noticed by boys. In anger, in a way to gain her own power, I could see her labeling someone as a “slut.” Meaning, I understand from where it derives, but that doesn't make it OK.

I’m not sure I’ve persuaded her that labeling promiscuous females as “sluts” is very wrong. But I’m getting there. And I urge every parent of a teen to have such conversations with their children.

Alcohol

The victim and the perpetrators in the Steubenville tragedy were drinking to the point of intoxication. In my own high school experience wherein I was taken advantage of by a football player, I was drunk. I know for certain that the absence of alcohol would have prevented my situation. It seems the absence of alcohol could have prevented Steubenville, too.

Where did the alcohol come from and who knew they were drinking?

In my situation the alcohol was provided by a parent, my mother. I don’t know who provided the alcohol to the students of Steubenville, but there are reports that adults knew they were drinking and it was commonplace for the football team to party. In fact, in one account, the first party the victim was taken to was allegedly the home of the assistant football coach—an adult and a mentor to these kids. Why didn’t he stop the party?

I talk to my daughter about drinking. I tell her the things that can happen. And I know stuff has happened in our community.

Many parents in our community allow kids in their homes when they are not in the home to chaperone. This is a point of contention between my daughter and me. I won’t allow her in homes where parents are not present. It’s difficult because it seems she is the only one of her friends with the rule.

But as I said, I know things have transpired between high school students in our community wherein alcohol is involved. Just last year, a group of male and female students were drinking in someone’s home and it evolved into a rainbow party. If you aren’t familiar with a rainbow party, it involves oral sex and lipstick.

A rainbow party with consenting participants (even if they were drunk) is far from a female being passed out, drug from party to party and raped. However, my point is, if the rainbow parties are not addressed, if the drinking is not addressed, Steubenville can happen here.

Talking to Your Kids

When stories like Steubenville come up in the media, talk to your kids. Ask them if they have heard about it. Ask them what they think about it. Ask them if they know how it could have been prevented. Let them talk. Of course, let them know what you think. Let them know what you feel is appropriate for your family in regards to sexual behavior, drinking, social media behavior, and bullying. See if you can come to a place of commonality.

Help your child to develop tools to deal with situations that may arise. Does your child know what to do if she finds herself at a party where there is alcohol? Would he know what to do if he saw someone being bullied or sexually assaulted?

Ultimately our kids will make their own decisions. However, if we send them out without knowledge, without a developed conscious of what is right and wrong, we can’t expect them to do the right thing when placed in a position of difficulty.

Lastly, let your kids know that you know it isn’t easy. Let your kids know you love them and will be there for them to pick them up from the party where there is alcohol. Let them know you forgive them when they make mistakes.

Talk to your kids. The last thing you want is for your daughter to be raped, for your son to be a rapist, or to find yourself in a courtroom apologizing to the world for your child’s catastrophic mistake.

Steubenville can be prevented.

More on preventing Steubenville:
V-Day and The Nation will be holding an open discussion with male leaders in the field moderated by Eve Ensler to be held in New York City on Tuesday. You can email questions for the panel. MORE INFO Sign a petition at Change.org for CNN to apologize on air for sympathizing with the rapists. Sign the petition to educate coaches about sexual assault

Linking up with Honest Voices

photo credit: MEL810 via photopin cc
photo credit: marsmet523 via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: Finding Ordinary Courage

2013-03-20T07:30:00.000-04:00

It's funny how if I am aware, the right things enter my life at just the right time.

That's what happened to me when I discovered this week's Wednesday's Woman, just a few weeks ago. Imagine my surprise when this week's guest blogger, Kimberly Rues, sent her submission for Wednesday's Woman and IT WAS THAT SAME PERSON.

Who is it?

Well you'll have to read on to find out. And it's definitely worth your time.

I'd like to give tons of gratitude to Kimberly, this week's guest blogger for submitting this post. Please, please, please check out her blog Rubber Chicken Madness. She's an inspiring single mom who can write. Meaning it's interesting, compelling, good stuff.

Follow Rubber Chicken Madness on Facebook

Wednesday's Woman:

Finding Ordinary Courage

by Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness

I don’t recall the date or time when I first stumbled upon Brené Brown’s work. But I do remember that immediately following my viewing of one of her Ted talks, the substance of my new view of reality was so weighted with wisdom that I recall feeling grounded and rooted and like I could reach for the sky all at the same time.

Take twenty minutes to sit back and let her touch your life.

I had a notebook nearby and furiously scribbled down nuggets of brilliance that seemed to come one after the other as she spoke. Time and again I have re-read those notes. I have re-watched the Ted Talk. I have read her book - The Gifts of Imperfection and am currently listening to the audio version of Daring Greatly as I toodle about town running my errands. And I follow her blog – Ordinary Courage.

Her words and her ideas have a way of wiggling into the cracks and staying there ready to whisper wisdom to you when you begin to lose your way.

I blog all the time about how I don’t expect perfection from my kids – and I don’t. But when I heard Brené’s call to action to courageously accept myself as I am – imperfect -- in order to live a wholehearted life, it was a serious wake up call for me.

I look around at our world, both in my suburban microcosm and in the broader society, and see so much stress, sadness and even depression that stems from deep seeded perfectionism.

Take this statement for example and fill in your own blank:

I am not ________________ enough.

My blank could be filled with: slim, wealthy, patient, organized, thoughtful, blah blah blah….

None of us is perfect, yet many of us strive for it anyway. And in the face of inevitable failure because perfection is elusive, we see ourselves as lacking. Over and over again.

And when I think about Brené as my Wednesday’s Woman, I reflect mostly on this nugget of wisdom from her Ted Talk:

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect – make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.” That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That’s our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems.

Brené Brown’s work leads us to love with our whole hearts, to practice gratitude even when life feels out of control, and to believe that we are enough. And isn’t that what we want for our children? And for ourselves?

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

Wednesday's Woman: Three Generations

2013-03-13T22:35:00.000-04:00

"Family is complicated, relationships are not easy."

Today’s guest blogger, Anna Mahler, is a regular contributor to Wednesday’s Woman. You can find her at The Mommy Padawan sharing her observations and life lessons as a wife and mother. Today, just a few days after her birthday, she explores the complexity of the family relationships that shape our lives from one birthday to the next, as daughters and granddaughters.

Happy Belated Birthday, Anna.

Wednesday's Woman: Three Generations

by Anna Mahler

These were some of my feelings as I sat, thinking about who to spotlight for my own Wednesday's Woman this month.

As my thoughts drifted to the women I have known, the women in my family, I started to see that maybe there is more positive there, more influence and insight than I am sometimes ready to see.

There was Marion.

I remember being very little and thinking my mother was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Long, dark hair, pale skin against red lipstick, a tall and slender body always impeccably and stylishly dressed. She was everything I felt I was not with my brown skin, frizzy hair and short legs.

She was always busy, super focused on the business she and my father owned and ran. It seemed like there was nothing she couldn't do, nothing she hadn't experienced or didn't know how to handle until lung disease raged a battle none of us were ready for. One that even her super powers were unable to defeat.

From her, I learned about strength, drive, and independence. I know the work ethic I was constantly praised for back in my corporate america days came from her, something that kept me afloat over many, difficult years.

There was Elizabeth.

My grandmother lived next door and was my babysitter and after school care for many years growing up. I loved spending time at her house and still have wonderful memories of it today. She smelled like a light perfume and fresh talcum powder and always wore lipstick as well. No matter the day or time, PBS was on the t.v., the house was warm and smelled like good food cooking and she herself was full of softness, patience and care. She taught me how to tie my shoes and tell time on her clock on the mantel. She'd let me light her incense cone in the little Buddha holder and ring the tiny bells she kept on the shelf next to it. We watched people dance around bubbles on Laurence Welk and Bob Ross paint happy little trees.

From her, I learned warmth and softness and love.

Both of these women are no longer a part of this physical world but parts of them both are forever with me, mingled in my blood, deep in the soul, invisible tattoos burning deep within.

So often I only think of what I wish had happened, things I would have changed or the bad and difficult times.

Women are magical and complex creatures. Family is complicated, relationships are not easy. Why would it be different for the three generations of women that we were?

But when I see the the lessons both offered and the way their lives have molded mine at times; independence, strength and drive - softness, love and warmth, what an amazing combination, these gifts they left behind.

Because they have inspired, empowered me and deeply affected who I am today, I'm honoring my mother and grandmother for today's Wednesday's Woman.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

10 That Smell Good

2013-03-12T05:44:00.001-04:00

I started a new gig as a nanny yesterday. Hence, Monday Listicles is coming to you on Tuesday. My being late isn't unusual, but at least I have a semi-good excuse this time.

The theme for Listicles this week is favorite smells. As I composed my top ten, I became very grateful--grateful to have smelled each and every one of these things at some point in my life, and some still to this day. Here's to good memories, the good smells that take us back, and the ones that provide us happiness in the present.

10 Best Scents

1. New shoes

2. Interior of a new car

3. Lavender in the garden, in candles, soap, shampoo . . . anywhere

4. Fresh cut grass

5. Freshly laundered sweaters and blankets

6. Jasmine in the garden

7. Each member of my family just after they have showered

8. The ocean

9. Eucalyptus trees
10. Any product from Aveda

What's your favorite scent?

photo credit: marcovdz via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: Be Brilliant

2013-03-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

Finding Felicity

Today’s guest blogger is Marcia from Finding Felicity who first contributed to Wednesday’s Woman with a motivating story in January: You Can Be Transformed. I can’t believe it’s already March! Here again is Marcia creating awareness of yet another woman who helps in inspiring others to be their best and live a full, accomplished life.

I am grateful Marcia took the time to share the following story. I am learning to not wait until she next contributes to Wednesday’s Woman to be inspired. She is a constant, supportive source found at Finding Felicity.

Thank you Marcia!

Wednesday's Woman: Be Brilliant

by Marcia

Screenshot, Tara Sophia Mohr, Wise Living

Fancying myself as an aspiring brilliant woman it seemed worthwhile to read a piece called "10 Rules for Brilliant Women". I read the rules and was hooked. A couple of my favorites were: Don’t wait for your Oscar, where the writer asks that you not sit silent and wait for people to invite you to use your voice and Filter advice, where the author guides you to test and evaluate feedback based on the fact that you won’t be everyone's cup of tea, some people will be threatened, and some may not fully understand your mission.

Our Wednesday's Woman, and the author of "10 Rules for Brilliant Women", is Tara Mohr. Tara empowers women. She helps women figure out what their true calling is. She then encourages them to not question their perceived limitations and abilities in regards to their calling.

She knows that by freeing women from their mental shackles she is directly increasing the goodness in the world. That is her calling and she is fulfilling it with a palpable passion.

There isn't a post I have read that didn't leave me feeling encouraged, confident, and powerful. One of Tara's recent writings was on experts and how that title can do more harm than good. Me, a high school graduate, reading a post by Tara, an undergraduate at Yale and an MBA degree holder from Stanford Business School stating "trust that it is enough – not because it enables you to know everything, but because it enables you to make the contribution you are uniquely qualified to make." gave me permission to take myself seriously.

One thing that sets Tara aside from other leading women is that she has the ability to empower women strictly by talking about women. While some feminists attempt to build women up by tearing men down, Tara has a way of getting the point across without even mentioning men. That speaks so much to her character as a kind and gentle person with a strong and powerful message.

Tara Mohr shows us firsthand that when women can pinpoint their life's path, or given talent, and learn to give it unabashedly to others, it makes the world a better place.

If what you have read inspires you and you want more information, you can register to receive Tara's workbook with the Ten Rules for Brilliant Women at the link above. You can also view information on Tara's Playing Big global program that begins in April. Please view the link to see many testimonials of women's lives who Tara has directly improved with this program.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

Monday Listicles Make Me Proud

2013-03-04T13:23:00.000-05:00

I made it through January and February. I'm proud.

Here's a list of 10 other things for which I feel pride and have nothing to do with winter in Ohio:

1. and 2. My daughters, Sophia and Antonia (in no particular order)

3. Graduating, Magna Cum Laude, from college

4. Working to end the cycle of abuse within my family

5. Being recognized by the Columbus Museum of Art for two Instagram photos

Sperk* on Instagram

6. Mad SongPop skills

7. My ability to dance

8. Somewhat neglected as of late, Sperk* (especially Wednesday’sWoman)

9. My ability to apply full make-up in five minutes

10. You

Wednesday's Woman: Sister From a Different Mister

2013-02-27T07:15:00.000-05:00

Today’s guest blogger is herself a Wednesday’s Woman celebrated back in October of 2012: Inspiring Joyful Lives. Since then, Angela Shelton (author, actor, orator) has started two more blogs—City to Country Life and Write Mommy Write. Both are great and you’ll surely be impressed by all of her projects linked at AngelaShelton.com. She inspires me. She inspires many. And I’m grateful she took some time to tell us about a woman who inspires all that inspiration.

Wednesday's Woman:

Sister From a Different Mister

by Angela Shelton

Have you ever met someone who instantly fit into your life as if they were meant to be there all along? I have that with my adopted sister Lindsay Eberts.

When I first met her she sprang from her seat and her hands flew in the air as she announced in a loud theatrical voice, “ Where have you been?!!”

I felt the same way!

How had we missed each other all these years? Why were we not in grade school together? How did we miss those tree house days? Where was she when I lost my virginity? Where was I when she had her first kiss? I mean – we had A LOT of catching up to do!

There on a cold day in January in Park City, Utah years ago now, we met for the first time – in this lifetime anyway!

We’ve been sisters ever since. Calling her my sister is not a big deal at all seeing that we look alike too. People actually think we’re related which makes me giddy.

It wasn’t just Lindsay who brought me into the sister fold. I was adopted into her family with her mother whom I adore so much I could cry and sing about it and her father, the great Jake, who warms my heart just to say his name.

Lindsay had no problem with me photoshoping myself into her life – literally – and she loved how her dad loved me too. Jake helped me cure so many old neuro pathways in my mind from my not-so-great bio-dad when he called me his daughter. When he passed away last year I cried for a week and I still have tears well up as I write this sentence. Tissue break.

Lindsay also has two brothers David and Zand who I love so much I want to squish their faces off. She won the family lottery for sure, but take her way from her genes of perfection for a moment and out of the limelight of her ridiculously talented family (and the tight unit they are) – and Lindsay stands like a Goddess in her own right – and super bright light.

Lindsay is one of the most caring people I have ever met in my life.

She’s the one who will drive six hours to give you a hug.

She is the one who will make a homemade broth for you – the most delicious you’ve ever tasted – when you’re sick.

She cares so passionately about health, she even has a business and a blog (Lindsay’s Kitchen Workshop aka The Poop Professor!) where she teaches people about the healing power of food.

She’s the first on my list of mentors for my kids. In fact, Lindsay is now giving me tips on how to eat in order to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy so she can get her hands on her little niece of nephew.

You can tell how much she loves the world by how much she loves animals, especially her dog Timmy.

Okay, I have to also throw in a totally curl each other’s hair sister comment: Lindsay is a great human and kind and generous and all that BUT she also has totally perfect hair, perfect wanna-paint-them lips and the most gorgeous eyes you’ve ever seen. Jerk.

For her love of humanity, her kindness, and her huge heart, today’s Wednesday’s Woman is my sister, Lindsay Eberts.

http://www.lindsayskitchenworkshop.com/

Wednesday's Woman: Conquering Family / Life Balance

2013-02-20T01:48:00.000-05:00

Today's guest blogger is an inspiration in her own right and I'm so grateful she agreed to share a bit of herself here today for Wednesday's Woman.

Alexa B (who blogs under the name Kat Biggie) writes at No Holding Back. She started the blog in June 2012 as an outlet for her grief after losing one of her twin daughters two days after birth to complications from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). Since she has always had a passion for writing, it did not take long for her to begin to write not only about living after loss and TTTS, but all things to do with being a stay-at-home mother raising three children five and under. Prior to making the decision to stay home with her children, Alexa worked in Homeland Security and Counter Terrorism, and served over six years in the United States Air Force.

Wednesday’s Woman:
Conquering Family / Life Balance

by Alexa B

When Kimberly asked me if I would contribute to the Wednesday’s Woman series, not only was I completely honored by the request, I knew right away who I would write about.

Prior to leaving my career to be a stay at home mother, I was a Captain in the U.S. Air Force. During my last assignment I met the most amazing and inspirational woman who had a lifelong impact on me and my views of leadership and career women. We had heard whispers of Colonel “Zap” long before she arrived as our Commanding Officer. As the third ranking officer in the unit, I was anxiously awaiting her arrival, to ease some of the burden off of me and the acting Commander and so that we could move ahead on some projects.

I couldn't wait for her to arrive! As a female officer I looked forward to having a female mentor in my chain of command. Especially one that was also a mother. Part of me was very nervous about the type of boss she would be. Some commanding officers expected the other officers to arrive before everyone else and not leave until late in the evening. However, at five months pregnant, my bump was just beginning to show and I was coming to the realization that 14 hour days were not in my best interest for much longer.

As we awaited her arrival, rumors swirled about the type of boss she would be. Some had worked for her, with her, or knew of her and provided the details they knew. She would be promoted to O-6, full bird Colonel upon her arrival. I only knew of one other female O-6 on the airbase. We knew she was smart, witty, apparently very beautiful, but could be mean as a snake if crossed. We also knew that she had recently lost her 21 year old son in an accident; she had three living teenagers, and at some point had lost a baby.

Until Zap became my boss, all of my previous female Commanders in the Air Force were either single or married with no children. The time commitment required to rise to the top of the ranks in the service often seems to force a choice between career and family. But Zap managed to find the balance. And she did her best to ensure all those working for her made the time for family as well.

Once she arrived, it took no time at all for me to adore her. Turns out, she was not mean as a snake. However, her expectations for productivity were high, and if you disappointed her she had no qualms about letting you know. She was strict, yet kind. Driven, yet understanding. She lost two of her children, but you would never know she was a grieving mother except by the way she knows how to balance life and love. Even with all the responsibilities of a Group Commander (think of a CEO of a large company) she still made time for her three children’s parent teacher conferences, sporting events, and family trips. We got a lot of work done under her leadership and guidance. We worked very hard when deadlines required it, but if Friday afternoon was slow, it was not unusual for her to send us home early.

After my son was born, she and her husband delivered dinner to us, and brought him three of the cutest stuffed monkeys. She treated us well. Her actions toward us as “people” not just employees made all of us strive to do our absolute best for her.

In my recent journey of life and loss I have met so many incredible women and my new understanding of losing a child has made me appreciate “Zap” even more. Somehow, despite what must have been an overwhelming urge to hide under a rock, she was able to dig deep and find the strength to keep going. She never let her living children, her husband, or her career suffer. She was able to balance life, love, and work. And only after losing a child of my own have I come to understand what an incredible challenge that must have been and how special Zap truly is.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

photo credit: Brave Heart via photopin cc

What Brings You Joy?

2013-02-19T13:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was President’s Day. Did you celebrate? I did by taking the day off from blogging—not that I've been that great at providing daily posts. But, hey, I need an excuse to do a Monday Listicle on a Tuesday.

This week’s theme is a good one: 10 Tiny (or secret) Things That Bring You Joy. Because I seem to dwell on the ho-humness of depression, this is definitely a topic I cannot pass up. Joy is good. And there should be more of it.

9 Tiny Things That Bring Me Joy

1. My nightly talks with Sophia and Antonia as I tuck them into bed.

2. Listening to Antonia practice her clarinet.

3. Helping Sophia learn tap dancing for her upcoming school musical.

4. Helping the girls with their hair.

5. Hearing and sharing laughter in this house.

6. When M does the dishes or paints the kitchen

7. This video of Prince live circa 1985

Prince Lets Go Crazy / Purple Rain tour 1985 by Recoda321

8. This video of my family at Christmastime circa 2010

9. My dogs, Frodo, Scruffy and Tina

One Secret Thing That Brings Me Joy

Screenshot BravoTV

What brings you joy?

Wednesday's Woman: Works of Mommy Padawan

2013-02-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

Last week I mentioned that Wednesday’s Woman keeps me going. This is true. I am grateful for all of the bloggers who willingly take time out of their schedules to share with us stories of the women who inspire them.

There is one woman, a regular contributor to Wednesday’s Woman, who is instrumental in the endurance of this series. She is flexible and forgiving of my lack of scheduling skills. She is always willing to read my rambling emails and regularly responds with compassion and empathy. Her name is Anna Mahler.

Anna's first submission was last March honoring Lisa Shannon. For her intro I wrote:

This week’s Wednesday's Woman was written and submitted by Anna Mahler, of The Mommy Padawan. I am certain you get the “Mommy” part. But are you familiar with the term “Padawan”?

A "padawan" is a term for “student” taken from the film Star Wars. I think the title of Anna’s blog is fitting. She is a careful observer of life and looks to her experiences for opportunities to grow as a woman, wife, and mother. She sees her three year old son as her greatest teacher.

Students learn most through their experiences teaching others. Anna is no exception. She shares the wisdom she has gained as a wife and mother in her ebook You are Loved - Caring for Our Children, Families, and Ourselves with Loving Kindness.

Her philosophy of self-care allows her to create a harmonious home. Self-care also allows her to recognize the importance of sharing her uplifting attitudes with the readers of her blog. I encourage you to spend time at The Mommy Padawan where you will find a voice of authenticity, grace, warmth and courage.

I’d like to honor Anna today by revisiting all of her contributions to Wednesday's Woman. They are linked below. Be sure to thank her. And be sure to let her know she is quite deserving of being honored as this week’s Wednesday’s Woman.

Wednesday's Woman:
Works of Mommy Padawan

Wednesday's Woman: A Call to Action

Honoring Lisa Shannon, author and founder of Run for Congo Women, which is a volunteer effort to raise funds and awareness for women in the Democratic Republic of Congo. She also spent months in eastern Congo exploring the link between mining and the world's worst sexual violence.

Wednesday's Woman: Impacting Families
Honoring Dr. Jane Aronson, founder of Worldwide Orphans Foundation.

Wednesday's Woman: A New Generation of Widows
Honoring Taryn Davis, founder of American Widow Project.

Wednesday's Woman: This is a Safe Place
Honoring Diane Latiker, founder of Kids Off the Block

Wednesday's Woman: Zainab Salbi
Honoring Zainab Salbi, an Iraqi American writer, activist and social entrepreneur who is co-founder and president of Washington-based Women for Women International.

Wednesday's Woman: Christy Turlington Burns
Honoring Christy Turlington Burns, American model and founder of Every Mother Counts, a campaign to end preventable deaths caused by pregnancy and childbirth around the world.

Wednesday's Woman: Being of Service
Honoring Seane Corn, founder of Off the Mat and Into The World

Wednesday's Woman: Mildred Loving
Honoring Mildred Loving, civil rights activist. She and her husband successfully defeated Virginia's ban on interracial marriage.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

Valentine's Day: What I Want and Do Not Want

2013-02-11T13:51:00.001-05:00

It is rare that Valentine’s Day is remembered in this house. My kids no longer exchange cards at school and last week when I asked my significant other if he knew my favorite flower he choked. He didn't realize I was actually hinting that Valentine’s Day was forthcoming. So, I imagine the holiday of love will once again pass without acknowledgement.

However, if for some reason someone remembers Valentine’s Day, here’s what I would want and what I would not want.

8 Things I Want for Valentine’s Day

1. A winning lotto ticket – Can you say, “Bills paid, yay!”

2. Vases full of tulips in every room – Yes, they are my favorite flower. Significant Other, please take note.

3. My car tuned up – It rattles and hums, which is much better coming from U2.

4. My house completely cleaned – Like walls washed down, baseboards and floors from which food could be eaten.

5. Dogs groomed - They stink. Do you hear me? They smell.

6. Laundry put away – I have failed to put away my laundry for two years. I need help. Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity for someone to say, “See, I noticed such a dreary task is beneath you. You are now off the hook.”

7. Handmade Cards – They are the best. Especially the ones with lovely prose extolling my greatness.

8. Someone to join me at the dance mob for One Billion Rising at Otterbein University.

2 Things I Do Not Want for Valentine’s Day

1. K-Y Yours+Mine – No, no, no. Not until the things I want, listed above, have been given.

2. Chocolate – Right. Creativity turns me on. Chocolate is not creative.

photo credit: Rinoninha via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: A Creative Life

2013-02-06T08:23:00.000-05:00

Kendall and Kristin

A little over a year ago Wednesday’s Woman began when I found out my friend was helping her neighbor, a hoarder, clean out her house. The story astonished me, not because I was surprised by my friend's willingness to help, I knew her to be that way. I was amazed because I could not imagine saying more than a brief “hello” to my neighbors. Actually lending a helping hand seemed huge. I thought it was a story that needed to be told to honor my friend and to help mobilize kindness in our world, in my world.

As the year passed, Wednesday’s Woman grew from the stories shared by guest bloggers. Some women honored were not well-known, some were celebrities. All deserved the light that was shed on their work. All inspired me to keep going, to keep writing. During times when I did not feel I had the emotional energy to write, knowing Wednesday’s Woman was due kept me mobilized.

Today, Kristin, a great writer who blogs at Kristin Has Two Eyes, brings Wednesday’s Woman full circle, back to its beginnings, by honoring her friend. I am grateful for this reminder to stay awake and aware, for a Wednesday’s Woman is always close by. We just have to be willing to acknowledge her presence and her impact on our lives.

Find Kristin at her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Wednesday's Woman: A Creative Life

by Kristin

Growing up, whenever I was asked the traditional essay or interview question, “Who inspires you?” I always had trouble formulating an answer. Perhaps I was too self-centered or overly realistic to spend time idolizing someone in my youth. However, now that I am a parent, I can easily list people and figures I hope my daughters will emulate. My realism remains, though, and so while historic figures and certain celebrities may make the cut, more than anything I long for real life role models for my girls.

As Tamar shared in her post last Wednesday, our parent’s friends can have a huge impact on us. In some cases, they can act as surrogate parents, filling in where our own fall short (or where we refuse to listen). They are also windows to who our mothers and fathers are as women and men in the world and not just in our home. I feel lucky to be surrounded by friends who I know would do anything for my children; including walking with me and my husband as we raise them.

“Significance is found in giving your life away, not in selfishly trying to find personal happiness.” -Betsy Ricucci

CurlyRed

This Wednesday’s Woman is someone who embodies this approach to life, my dear friend M. Kendall Ludwig. The first thing you need to know about Kendall is that she is a rock star in my book; an inspiration to me and definitely a real life role model for my daughters (and her own.) Yes, she taught herself to slap the electric bass and was actually in a band for a few years, but she shines for many more reasons than these.

Like any successful rock star, Kendall has a strong sense of self and style. Since high school, she has never been afraid to wear what she likes, showcase her voluminous copper tresses, or articulate her beliefs. I admired this about her then and even more so now. Despite being mostly home with her two young girls, Kendall still looks and acts like Kendall. She has not lost her identity through motherhood or maturity. While I know she only spends a little time and even less money on her appearance, she makes herself a priority at times, and the result is a confidence that benefits everyone around her. She understands the link between looking good, feeling good and doing good things.

This philosophy overflows into her work as the president and principal designer of her own graphic design firm. Rock star that she is, she followed her dreams and began working for herself, on her own terms, as soon as she could. She took a risk to pursue her passion; that everyone deserves to look good, especially small businesses and nonprofits with great vision, but limited resources. With her artistic, creative strengths, Kendall had to step out of her comfort zone to learn the fundamentals of running a successful firm. Her brave ambition did not overtake her common sense. Kendall always asks for the expertise of others when she knows she needs it.

Confident, but far from proud, Kendall does what any music teacher would advise a blossoming musician to do: make mistakes loudly. Whether in reference to her family, friends, future or finances, Kendall never hesitates to ask for prayer and support. In fact, on numerous occasions, her inclination to just stop and listen for direction humbles me. What impresses me most is that her first concern is always for someone else. In rock star terms, she is loyal to her fans and never forgets the people who got her where she is or knew her when. I can’t count how many times I have heard her request thoughts and prayers for her husband, her children, her parents, her siblings, for relationships to be healed, for hearts to be changed, for minds to be opened. Her scope of concern is appropriately focused and yet selflessly large. Just a few months ago she stepped forward and organized a bipartisan night of prayer at our small community church to simply sing and pray over our country and the election.

This is only a snapshot of who Kendall is. I barely touched on all the other ways she demonstrates leadership in her field and in her faith. I hardly mentioned all that she does for her two sweet girls and her devoted husband. I hope that from what you have learned about her you see that she is outstanding (not to mention rocking) in every way. She certainly plays music she likes, but she first and foremost plays it for those that she loves. I feel blessed that my daughters and I are some of those people and I feel inspired to tune up my talents for those in my life. Kendall is proof positive that we can all be real life role models and perhaps even next Wednesday’s Woman.

Find today's Wednesday's Woman, Kendall, at CurlyRed a design blog, follow her on Twitter.

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A huge thank you to Kristin, who, with this post, reminds me to honor my creative-self. I hope she has done the same for you:

Kristin blogs because she loves to write. In addition to dabbling in fiction and sharing stories, she articulates anecdotes she observes in her boring, yet busy, happy little life as a stay-at-home mom. Kristin is still figuring out what else she wants to be when she grows up and hopes, in some ways, she never finds it.

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Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to spotlighting women who are role models for our daughters. . . and the world.

Wednesday's Woman: Fostered by Example

2013-01-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

Ladies Holiday

It was an obvious choice to approach the blogging team at Ladies Holiday and ask if they would contribute to Wednesday’s Woman. Ladies Holiday champions women’s health and provides noteworthy commentary on women’s lifestyle. Although I did not know who from the team would be contributing, I had faith that a story of quality would be submitted.

I was right. Today, Tamar, of Ladies Holiday, tells a story of not only quality, but also of heart.

Find Ladies Holiday blog here, follow them on Twitter and like them on Facebook. You’ll be inspired.

Wednesday's Woman: Fostered by Example

By Tamar, Ladies Holiday

When Ladies Holiday was invited by Sperk* to have one of our bloggers write a Wednesday's Woman guest post, I jumped at the chance. What a wonderful opportunity to highlight one of the plethora of amazing women who have influenced my life. There are so many women to choose from: famous authors, wellness coaches and the like as well as everyday women such as my fellow Ladies Holiday team bloggers--who are among my very best friends, counted as sisters even--family members and more. I admire them all and they've each truly impacted my life in the most positive ways. Needless to say, even though I felt in my bones that I absolutely had to write this post, I was stumped as far as who to give the honor to in this way. They all deserved it. Then today (with two days to deadline) it came to me like a whisper. Aunt Linda. I cry as I even type her name.

My Aunt Linda, wasn't really my aunt at all. She was my mother's best friend since the age of 7, and as many best-friends-of-moms, she received the honorary title of Aunt as a way of recognizing that close connection not only to my mother but to my mother's children as well. When I was about 5-yrs-old, Aunt Linda had her first daughter (adding to her small family of two nearly grown sons), Jenny, became instantly my "cousin" or almost like my own little sister.

As you might have already guessed by my use of the past tense, Aunt Linda is no longer with us. A few months after seeing her at my wedding when I was 21-years-old, Aunt Linda was diagnosed with Leukemia, which she battled with heart and strength for 9 years before passing away. Although she's been gone for going on four years now...is that right? It seems so long and so recent all at once. Although she's gone, her memory and even more so her influence holds strong for me. Looking back, I didn't necessarily "know" her that well...I knew many of the stories from my mother's friendship with her through childhood, young adulthood, marriages and becoming mothers, not to mention a comical trip across the country in a broke down VW Bug with kids in tow. I knew her as well as any child can know an adult though through a child's eyes and a child's heart. Even that limited view of her could never discount what she did for me.

My childhood was tumultuous, but frequent visits with my mother and brothers to Aunt Linda's quaint, artsy, New England home were times of peace, creativity, comfort, and the knowing that one could express oneself fully without judgement. Educated and working in the field of Child Development, Aunt Linda had a wonderful way of knowing and understanding children. More than that, she seemed to have an intuitive knowing, separate from her training, that allowed her to get to the center of it all in a much more meaningful way. I have fond memories of being introduced to creativity and creative play through her generous offering of mixed media art supplies in her home, puppet shows using really cool puppets from her own childhood, and so much time exploring nature in her backyard.

Aunt Linda loved birds and she would often stop in the middle of a conversation as she'd notice a bird outside her window. She was amazed by their beauty and their funny little habits, she had a knack for noticing the little details in life that others wouldn't even look for, the greatest part was that she noticed them without even trying. She'd stop and say, "Oh look at that bird, that's a cardinal. Look how he hops along on that branch. Oh! He's spotted some food, there he goes..." Aunt Linda also loved her gardens (flowers and vegetables alike.) She had the most beautiful forsythia bushes along her front fence, as well as an array of many varieties of perennials. Nearly every time we visited, which was often for many years, she would take us out to walk in her vegetable garden. She'd bring us carefully through the little walk ways and point out what was what, often letting us try a cherry tomato or a green bean. She was never rushed, always moving slowly and mindfully through each moment, taking it in for what it was. I rarely saw her really upset or stressed...she was human, so those moments existed, but I would never define her by those moments, they weren't the crux of who she was to me. I also remember that although she lived by humble means, she was always generous with what she had. Every time we walked in her door there was the delicious smell of something cooking on the stove and she would always feed us as much as we wanted. Chicken, rice, veggies, bananas, toast with REAL butter (mmm) and yogurt...these are a few of the tasty things she always seemed to have on hand. It was healthy and delicious and probably not cheap, but she shared nonetheless.

When I was 3 or 4-years-old, I recall playing random notes on her piano while she babysat me. I started gently enough, but soon I was slamming on the keys loudly. Most people would have been upset, they would have made me stop and given me a lecture about respect for musical instruments. Instead, Aunt Linda joined me on the piano bench and said "That sounds like angry music. Sometimes it feels good to make angry music when we feel angry or scared inside, doesn't it?" I didn't respond, but even at that young age I was glad she didn't reprimand me, I was glad that instead she understood me. I was a really well-behaved kid and in many ways I didn't feel free to express any of my negative emotions at home, but she knew that I had a lot of reasons to feel angry or scared and she knew that she was giving me a gift by letting me express it in that small moment.

When I was 23 I had my first child. I was living farther away by then, but I tried to stay in contact as much as I could, especially since Aunt Linda's illness made it difficult for her to go very far. She was amazed by my daughter in the most seemingly insignificant ways. I brought my daughter to see her at about the age of 18-months or so. Aunt Linda brought out a paper and crayons and my little girl proceeded to do what I would have just called scribbles, but to my surprise Aunt Linda stopped our conversation, just as she would if she'd seen a bird out the window and said "Look at how determined she is! She is so focused on putting that crayon to paper and making something appear. She's so diligent She's amazing, look at her go!" She was in awe of little things about my daughter that I wouldn't have thought to revel in. She taught me to look deeper, to notice more, and to enjoy the little moments.

Around that same time in my life, my mother got into a terrible car accident and nearly died. While she lay in the hospital and I was busy visiting her, helping her wash her hair and advocating for her with the doctors and staff, not to mention running home to nurse my daughter and make dinner, and driving to the junk yard to clean my mother's belongings out of the totalled car amongst broken glass and bent metal--while I did all of this on my own, I had no support at home. My husband at the time couldn't deal with the stress and didn't know how to be there for me, he seemed almost annoyed by how this was all messing up his days. My step-father was no help either. It was all up to me. Aunt Linda was the only person who was truly there for me through the whole thing. She gave me daily phone support, often multiple times per day. Even as I complained about my frustration at all the people who weren't supporting me, she came through with advice to forgive, to understand their side of it, and to be strong. Being angry was allowable, but it wasn't serving me well, she helped me to let it go so that I could focus on more important matters. She was a godsend...again.

Some people have joked over the years that she was a bit too flakey, too touchy-feely, too sensitive, too over-protective of children and animals. These are unfair words. They are words used by those who either didn't understand, or couldn't appreciate, or perhaps were even jealous of who she was. These were words used to try and dampen who in my view she really was: she was compassion, and goodness, and light personified.

When Aunt Linda passed away I hadn't seen her in some time. My own family life and physical distance had gotten in the way. I'll always be sad about that. When I attended her memorial service in the summer after her passing, I walked into a chapel absolutely filled with so many people whose lives she had touched. Many, many people took turns standing to share their memories of her, from old friends to mere acquaintances. It was amazing and beautiful to see. While she'd battled her illness she had poured herself into her artwork, using it as creative therapy. All around the room at her service were paintings that she had made. I'd always known how much she'd meant to me, but it wasn't until I stood to share some simple memories, that I realized that she had shaped me. So much of who I am is connected to who she was. My creativity, my compassion, my way with my children, my sensitivity...sure I was probably born with a bit or maybe all of it for all I know, but it was fostered by her example. Those parts of me were made bigger and more complete through the time I spent with her.

It was hard for my mother to hear me speak of her lifelong friend in this way, not because she didn't love her, but because in those moments she too realized how much I had been shaped by Aunt Linda. She felt sad that she herself hadn't been the main influence on who I was, she remarked later through tears that she felt I was more Linda than I was her. That I was Linda's child and not her own. "I always thought you were like me...but you're not, you're so much like her." I thought she should've been happy that I had been influenced by such an extraordinary woman, someone whom even she admired and loved so much, but this was also a symbol for her of the cracks in our mother-daughter relationship. I love my mother, but there are huge cracks, ravines even...treacherous, broken-planked rope bridges that cannot be crossed. I love her...but all I can say is: Thank God for my Aunt Linda. Thank God.

I've been through a lot in my life and many people have commented over the years "I can't believe you're so normal [whatever that means], I can't believe you're such a happy person." I've even had my therapist tell me that it is incredible that I am able to have such close relationships with people (I am very fortunate to have an intimate network of family-like friends, a support system I cherish) because many people who have gone through what I have aren't able to do that. This is not a pity party, nor is it a big pat on my own back about how fabulously resilient I am...it's been a process. However, Aunt Linda helped to create that mindset that has gotten me through. Her home was always a safe place for me, literally and figuratively. I learned their that I was loved, that I was worthwhile, and that the world is too beautiful and amazing for one to waste their energy on feeling bad about things that can't be changed. It is because of that foundation that I am so resilient, that I can look at the bright side, and that I can laugh through tears.

Last year I attended my sister-in-law Laura's ordination as a Reverend in the Unitarian Universalist church, she is another woman whom I could write a lengthy post about, outlining all the ways she moves me to be better. In her closing remarks at the ordination, Laura said "Remember, no matter how broken you feel, there is always a piece of you that is whole." I heard those words like a healing balm to the very core of who I was and what I'd recently been through, I broke down in tears of relief. Relief that I was still whole, that I was not fully broken. Aunt Linda taught me how to keep from breaking, and her love, even now that she's gone, keeps me whole.

* This post is dedicated not only to my Aunt Linda's memory, but to her beautiful daughter Jenny who was her pride and joy. Jenny embodies all of the goodness and light of her mother along with her own truly magical sparkle. I love you.

Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to spotlighting women who are role models for our daughters. . . and the world.

photo credit: jjjj56cp via photopin cc photo credit: Theen ... via photopin cc

Time for Patience

2013-01-29T09:51:00.002-05:00

Remember when you were little and the school year seemed to drag on for an eternity? Forget the school year. Each class seemed to last longer than summer break.

I remember staring at the giant, industrial, white-faced clock hanging on the classroom wall, watching the second hand slowly tick around its sphere. Each time the second hand met the big hand, I felt relieved. One minute down, 40 to go before the bell rang, signaling it was acceptable to move my body out of boredom, discomfort and anxiety.

As an adult, it's different. Time flies. Does anyone know why this phenomenon occurs? One day seems to last a second, a year is like a day. And now, January is almost at its end and I have yet to set any definitive goals for the year.

I know you are saying, “Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s OK. You can start, or change, any time.”

This is true. However, as one who struggles with depression, when I give myself permission to stall, or get to it tomorrow, it means three days on the couch.

Three days on the couch means the depression is fed with a powerful fuel that helps it continue for three more days. Then I am left with nothing but a fried brain full of terrible self-talk and a sweaty bottom stuck to my jammie pants, jammie pants stuck to, you guessed it, the couch.

I do not remember the word I chose to focus on last year in order to focus on having a good year. I think it was “fearlessness” or “courage”. I think I exhibited some of both. Each time I let bravery simmer to the top it was met by the outside world with enthusiasm, empathy and encouragement. I was and am grateful for that. But my inside-world, my self-talk, quickly drove any success into a massive car wreck.

Although the destruction did not go noticed by anyone, I saw it. I saw it in the things I did not do. Instead of taking advantage of the momentum of success, my focus fastened itself on the things yet to be accomplished.

I have experienced success. I know I can do it. That’s not the issue.

The issue is that I have no patience. If it’s not done now I tell myself "I can’t" or "It’s not for me" or "It's something I do not deserve."

That’s all pretty harsh.

No one deserves that kind of talk, so why inflict it upon myself?

Lately I have noticed my daughters who are 12 and 14 have very little kindness for themselves. If their hair is not just right, they are ugly. If their shirt hangs slightly different than they imaged, they are fat. It’s frightening. Although I never verbalize my negative self-talk, they must be picking up this technique of beating oneself up from me through motherhood osmosis.

Enough.

The awesome team at Just.Be.Enough has chosen three words to focus upon for 2013: “. . . words to help us in setting goals, dreaming big, and being intentional about our journey to being enough.”

I am choosing one.

Patience.

Just.Be.Enough

I unofficially put my focus word into practice starting two days ago. On that morning I had dishes done, the floors swept and mopped, and the living room dusted by 8:30 am. I finished all of the girls’ laundry. I got help moving the treadmill from the basement to the first floor so that we use it. I showered, put on make-up and took the girls out shopping. I even said “hello” to a friend I saw at the store, which is unusual. Typically I hide.

At 8:00 pm I was contemplating scrubbing down the treadmill and hanging blinds in the room wherein we will be using it. But I stopped. I had done enough. I didn't want to overdo it, waking up the next day with exhaustion which would be permission to go back to the couch.

Patience.

Everything takes time. Everything has a process. Change does not happen overnight. Success isn't awarded in an instant.

I will be holding myself accountable for being patient by linking up monthly with Just.Be.Enough.

You just read month number one.

Time flew, didn't it?

photo credit: BramstonePhotography via photopin cc

Scruffy, First Kiss of 2013 - Photo Friday

2013-01-25T22:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just want to sit with my dogs.

I have three.

I grew up wishing for a German Shepherd.

However, during childhood, I had two small dogs who were mysteriously transported to a great big farm where they had "plenty of room to run" instead of biting the neighbor lady during her walk.

When I was married and my girls were toddlers I had a Cocker Spaniel who died from eating an entire bin of diapers. It was tragic.

I still wanted a dog.

After much research discovering the best breed for families, I acquired a Greyhound from the local rescue. We named him "Relay" which I thought was clever. He cleverly bit my younger daughter on the forehead and went back to the rescue. Too bad. He made me very popular at the dog park.

A few years passed. Well, maybe only half of one. I still wanted a dog.

I wanted the girls to not be afraid of dogs and took them to the shelter to pick one out.

We looked at a German Sherpherd, my childhood dream. He was too big and reminded my girls of the harrowing event of forehead biting.

We looked at a Cocker Spaniel, but he reminded me of the mournful event of diaper eating.

We spied an older Chihuahua mix cowered in a corner. When we got near to her she slowly approached and sat calmly as the girls took turns to pet her. Her name was "Tina".

She became ours. All was well.

A few years passed, I got a divorce and moved my girls and Tina across the country. As we were settling in, I was sad. I didn't know if it was due to the end of my marriage or knowing I would probably never have another baby, but I was full of it. Grief.

We were at our new local pet store getting food for Tina and we saw him. A tiny Chihuahua. He came home with the food and we named him Frodo. The grief began to diminish.

Two months later, while getting food for Tina AND Frodo, I heard my girls say, "Oh Mommy, isn't he so cute?"

He was a cute ball of fluff and he was half off. Another Chihuahua, one with long hair, entered our lives. We named him Scruffy. The grief continued to fade.

This is Scruffy pictured yesterday at six years of age:

I may never have a German Shepherd, but that's OK. Scruffy gives the best kisses. In fact, he was my first kiss of 2013, followed by Tina and then Frodo.

Why?

Because sometimes I just want to sit with my dogs.