Spice Odyssey: Exploring the Burning Tongues of Saturn.

Calabrian Bastard!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:44:00 +0000

Where the hell has this little fucking beautiful jar of rouge-y love butter been hiding? Not in my pantry that's for damn sure! Lucca, in the Mission and one fine Italian market I might add, seems to have been hoarding this gem. This little paste from Calabria Italy is amazing, stunning really. It's made from that delicious and spicy little number, the aptly named Calabrian chili. Imagine that. it's reminiscent of Harissa sauce. Those crazy Moors! It's bright, fire engine-like all up in your face red color makes it All the more appetizing. Lucca has jars of whole Calabrian peppers in oil. AKA, my next purchase.

Wherever you go, there you are

WTF, Seriously?

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 06:36:00 +0000

Has it really just been just shy of a year since I last told a tale of the spice? Whatever, fuck it, I've been busy yo! Anyway, I have a small update and it's called awesome! Seriously, I found this jar of green peppercorns and I am loving them. Although they are not "hot" in the classic sense of the word they are too much for my lady's delicate taste buds. So that's saying something I suppose. These little green nubbins will add some nice flavor to pretty much whatever you're making. The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Killing you with spice!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 07:08:00 +0000

There is nothing more American than eating on the 4th of July and by that rational there is nothing that screams 4th of July like Chinese food- twice. Steph and I started our day with a little Dim Sum (nothing spicy to report) in lieu of hot dogs and flammable materials. It was only when I was asked to go to the Old Mandarin Islamic restaurant by Steph's dad and his buddy for some dudes only spicy food eating. How could I pass that shit up? The main reason I was brought here was to try a dish whose Chinese name I've just forgotten even though I didn't think I would, which roughly translates to "killing you with spice" which sounds pretty sweet to me. The dish consists of minced chicken and about five kabillion different varieties of chilies sauteed in chili oil. Yeah, it fucking ruled! Anyway, what makes this even more awesome is that this isn't even an authentic Chinese nor Muslim dish. Instead it's a concoction thought up by the gregarious owner. Way to go my friend. You're advancing the spicy cause. Oh and did I mention that the smallish dining room was full so we were led through the kitchen and out the back door through a storage shed and into a room with two tables and a boat load of nautical accouterment. As we are currently working on ideas for the decor of our new house I will have to float this nautical idea past Steph to see if we can make this happen. I'm hoping you caught all the maritime references in those last few lines because I laid them on rather think.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Brick Lane Curry House in NYC can suck it!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 07:59:00 +0000

Ok, admittedly this post is well past due. In fact it's so completely irrelevant at this point that I shouldn't even bother. But I feel compelled to unburden myself about this place. Brick Lane is an unassuming Indian restaurant located on tree lined East Village street that's teeming with Indian Restaurants. The reason their fifteen minutes have been counting down as of late is solely attributable to it's curry which is reputed to be the hottest in the world, or some shit like that. If you've watch shows like Man vs. Food and you've seen the Brick Lane episode, you've no doubt seen cooks wearing respirators and goggles looking like their about to give someone a Silkwood shower. Did I just drop an obscure film reference in your lap? Yes I did and I fucking nailed it. Anyway, the curry is called Phaal and there's even a touch of side show gamesmanship involved in the ordering process. Those ordering Phaal must verbally consent to the fact that it's "hot" and you know it can make your mouth feel mol-tanic. If you can actually eat an order of Phaal you get a beer on the house. I went in expecting to have an epic experience worthy of a small one act play. A play about a man and his curry and the human condition. Instead upon ordering the dish that I had traveled 3000 miles just to try the waiter came very close to crumpling up his apron and walking off the job right then and there. "Ugh, oh no not the Phaal" he said dejectedly. He kept trying to steer me away from the Phaal and when I held firm, resolute in my convictions "no sir, I believe I will have- the Phaal" he simply had had enough. I never was asked to assume any and all responsibilities for making the attempt. Clearly my advanced case of "tourism" had ruined his night. No matter what happened, I would not be receiving my free beer. His assertion was that with the curry being so spicy it's just not possible to really taste the food. To me if that's the case then why have it on the menu in the first place? Once I actually tried the curry I instantly became depressed. Don 't get me wrong it wasn't bad, it's just that it wasn't that hot. The Nan was rad but seriously the Phaal was, wait for it, a fail. I actually wasn;t able to finish the dish but not because of the scoville rating but rather because I don't have the wear with all to eat a ton of food at once. I buckled under the pressure. Oh yeah did I mention that Phaal costs about $18? Yeah, no shit it's way pricy, even by New York standards. I think all the fame has gone to their heads. They can Phaalk off! Oh man, I am killing it with the curry puns.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Lack of Spice in mah life.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 18:44:00 +0000

Right now I'd have to say I'm in a bit of a spice slump. I haven't had an epic spicy experience of note lately. I mean the kind of experience like in "Spies Like Us" where they test their resilience to extremes of temperature by taking on a flame thrower. Yeah, like that. I've lacked that in my life lately and it's utterly depressing me. some nights I can't sleep, some days I won't eat. I've resorted to huffing jars of expired salsa in the back of grocery stores to get my fix. I have no shame. But, things are looking up. Ever since an episode of Man vs. Food visited a humble curry shop in NYC called the Brick Lane Curry House I've been dying to give it a go. Brick lane serves a curry they claim is the hottest anywhere on the Earth and possibly Jupiter. They call this concoction Phaal, which they list on their menu as "An excruciatingly hot curry, more pain and sweat than flavor, for our customers who do this on a dare, we will require you to state a verbal disclaimer not holding us liable for any physical or emotional damage after eating this curry. If you do manage to finish your serving of curry, a bottle of beer is on us." Did you catch that last part? Free Beer! Anyway, the story goes that the chefs who prepare Phaal have to wear filtered masks over their faces which makes them look like they're about to go out and bomb a buffed out subway train. Now that's multitasking.

So as luck would have it Twinkie Chan and I are off to NYC in a couple of weeks. So I guess my luck is beginning to change. It's like a veritable change of seasons inside my head. I have a purpose once again. It is my destiny to meet and destroy the Phaal at Brick Lane Curry House. My only issue with this challenge is that bowl of curry looks like it was built for two. I am not normally considered "he of the big appetite," so finding room for it in my hamster sized stomach may be an issue. But, I shall endeavor to try. Free beer is on the line.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Curry for Sure-y? OMG that's a bad pun.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 05:58:00 +0000

Ok, I said in my last post how I don't necessarily dig on reposting other peeps stuff. Nut, I'm making an exception yet again. Last Saturday we went to a Japanese curry spot in Los Altos and it is ridiculously delicious. The curry is divine and very much scratch made. Anyway, Steph just dropped a pretty sweet post about our experience and she sums it up beautifully. She doesn't say "fuck" as much as I would, but hey that's just me. I didn't feel that I needed to essentially duplicate her post, using the same pictures etc. so I just copied it instead. Besides I'm busy making Kale chips (not spicy) and watching Dr. Who right now. Enjoy her post-y post.

http://www.twinkiechan.com/blog/2010/04/01/curry-time-avert-your-eyes-vegetarians/

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Oh, Repost!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:00:00 +0000

Ok, I'll start this by saying that re-posting other peoples entries, especially when they are from a weekly entertainment and arts rag, The SF Weekly to be more specific, is not my usual M.O. but I thought this article was pretty cool so I'll just go ahead and re-post it.

"Free Food!
Finish the Korean Suicide Burrito at John's and You Don't Have to Pay

To celebrate the one-year anniversary of the creation of the Korean burrito, John Park, owner of John's Snack and Deli in the Financial District, is calling for Scoville junkies to take his Suicide Kimchi Burrito Challenge, starting tomorrow (March 16).

He's taking his regular burritos (kimchi fried rice, kimchi, marinated meats, salsa, cheese, and cilantro) and adding what he described to me last week as an "atomic" blend of Chinese, Mexican, and Korean peppers. If you can finish the burrito in the store, you won't have to pay for it, and he'll post a photo of your sweaty, scorched-lip smile. (If you punk out, it'll only cost you $6.84.)

Working in your favor, there appear to be no rules against drinking milk or beer while you eat, and Park noted on his Web site that he's currently serving veggie rice porridge for $2.50, the culinary equivalent of running out of a sauna to jump in the cold plunge.

John's Snack & Deli 40 Battery (at Pine), 434-4634"

Ok, so the article may not have been written by me, because if it was it would have been much more entertaining and probably a little more biased and opinionated and very much less objective and finally I would have said, fuck somewhere in the article. But, I do have something that the writer does not and that is - proximity to John's Deli. It's right outside my office window. Thus I just took a lo-fi pic to share with you the splendor that is Battery St.

Also, I will totally take John up on his challenge. He's only working with Jalapenos and Sriracha down there.

There you have it. Not much Artsy stuff to say about it anyway. It just is.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Planetary Soul Fud

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:34:00 +0000

For my 35th birthday (Venus Years, so I am actually much younger.) I was taken to the Tenderloins finest, Farmer Browns. Steeped in Southern tradition and knee deep in bum urine it is one of the most delightful Soul Food eateries this side of Remulak. There was food. We ate it. It was delicious. Not the point! What I was concerned with was the sauce, the sauce d'barbeque. The single most burning issue (pun) concerning any barbeque sauce is the "hot n'spicy." Some people think that the most awesome bbq sauces are those that are uber sweet. Heavy doses of ingredients such as brown sugar, molasses, honey and probably even Splenda for fucks sake are what some people consider to be a delicious bbq sauce. I say Blech! Fuck you! Every spicy peep knows that its the capsaicin that wins the day. Normally this is a battle that I would initiate a huge Gangs of New York-esque street rumble in order to prove the point. But in an attempt to split the difference, an effort to try and bring people together, in the midst of San Francisco's own Skid Row Farmer Browns delivers a curve ball. Their sauce is a honey jalapeno sauce served in an old beer bottle (washed out I hope?)and it just looks awesome! I didn't know what to expect, what with all that super syrupy sweet stuff involved but holy fuck was it yummy. As far as getting too descriptive goes (read: rambling), I think you pretty much know what a jalapeno and what honey tastes like so there's no need for me to prattle on about it. Besides you don't have a sophisticated enough palate to know what it is you're eating anyway. I do and I say it was yummy. Also people don't just turn 35 on their own. I takes a lot of hard work to get to there.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Shangri La. In my own house

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:54:00 +0000

Oh blessed bliss. Oh holy fuck I have found it! The most stunningly magnificent and dreamy chili laden machination Thailand has seen fit to jam into a jar. Yes, the entirety of Thailand, North to South. Be they Buddhist, Muslim or Ladyboy they are all equally responsible for this spicy beast, and I love them for it. Surely, you must know by now. Yes, it's totally Dragonfly Fried Chili Paste that I speak of. It's my hot n' spicy love potion number 9. I bought this little gut churning jar of evil at a small run down little Chinese dry goods shop in the "other" Chinatown, aka the Sunset, and more specifically on Irving Ave. This paste is so awesome! I use it for practically everything now. It's such a lovely shade of crimson and afloat in decadent exotic oil. Wow, I may have just confused my chili paste with copy from a flier for one of those smarmy massage parlors that seem to be all the rage with the middle aged portly man demographic. I may have just found a writing job that pays. Imagine me a massage parlor copy editor. Rad! Oh yeah the paste really is super red, super oily, which heightens the spicy, and it's a whole lotta delicious! But, it's way to powerful for you, for you have the spice tolerance of a Victorian era lady of some temperance.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Makin' Curry Ain't Nuthin' Ta Fuck With!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:10:00 +0000

I cook curry like a mad alchemist. Turmeric dust turning coconut milk to gold. Yeah I like making curry. I don't fuck with store bought paste, although there are some decent ones available for people like you who are terrible at making curry. I feel like sharing, sharing the wisdom of curry and that is where I begin my story.

Tonight I declared it the second day of a 'Curry Night.' Yesterday was just all wrong and we ate ramen instead, but tonight was perfect. A perfect night for some super pumpkin curry. Here's how I do it.

Firstly, I make my own paste. I use a slightly Cambodian version which tends to not rely on chilies for flavor. What? I left out the chilies you say? Yeah, because my lady as you know by now doesn't fuck with the spicy so what I do is make the paste non spicy and then I doctor mine up later. This system works out well for everyone. Anyway, the paste.

Paste:
Turmeric
Shallot
Garlic
Kaffir Lime Leaves
Galangal
Lemongrass
Paprika
Fermented Fish paste (Prahok)

All of these fun things go in the food processor and whirled into a thick paste.

Next you'll drop a small amount of oil in a pan and then you'll proceed to roast the paste until the color darkens. Hey, don't be stupid and burn it either.

P.S. You don't have to roast all of your paste. You can certainly keep some in the freezer for future curry nights.

Once you've come this far you're in good shape. Put your paste, fav meats and veggies, and coconut milk into a stock pot or slow cooker and simmer it until it's awesome. Oh yeah tonight I had left over pumpkin so added it as well. I also scored a Thai eggplant which is a small greenish variety. I threw a parsnip in just show the curry I meant business.

As it begins to simmer and reduce a bit I'll start to add some fish sauce to boost the flavor. I like fish sauce a great deal so I go to town with this, but then again I know what's up. You, not so much.

Finally I get ready to serve. Always with jasmine rice, which you'd probably somehow fuck up even in a rice cooker.

But before I serve let me take a couple of minutes to explain a little sauce I always make on the side. It's a Thai sauce called Prik Nam Pla. It's made using fish sauce, sugar, garlic, lime juice, chilies. Yeah it's rad. It has all of the flavors associated with yumminess. It has sweet, salty, sour, spicy. It's only missing bacon. Anyway I usually will dress a salad with this or I'll serve it with fresh carrots and cucumbers like I did tonight. Also I put a few spoonfuls onto my curry along with a metric ton of fucking cilantro and some roasted peanuts don't hurt either. Sweet!

Anyway that's curry as I see it. The Pics below are semi instructional but they are also not very well composed, nor are they of a very high quality. They were a total afterthought as my iPhone was just sitting there. I suppose I could have edited them a little and made them a little prettier, but fuck it. You don't deserve it. Enjoy!

Oh yeah BTW. Yours truly just bought a jar of fried Thai chili paste and I loaded up on that shit and it was fucking brilliant!

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

I approve this message

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:56:00 +0000

On Saturday Steph and I ended up at the most oxymoron-ic of eateries. We went to Souley Vegan in Oakland. Our vegan peeps wanted to introduce us to some vegan soul food and we thou............................... Ok, I'm skipping ahead to the relevant part of this post and that is the Lemonade with Cayenne pepper. Hot damn that shit was good! I like lemonade. I like it a lot. I also like it with extra shit in it like mint or tea and sometimes booze. But I really like it when it's trying to fry my sinus cavities and this concoction made a bold attempt at that. Steph informed me that cayenne lemonade is like 2/3 of some miracle elixr that Beyonce drinks to either make her booty pop a little something extra or it might be to lose weight so that you don't get as tired when booty popin'. I'm not sure.

As you can see from my picture I and Ella Fitzgerald approve of this bev.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Old School Spice - Bowler hat and waxed moustache style.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:05:00 +0000

As I sat and consumed a most awesome and ridiculous spectacle of refined pink carnivorousness, AKA a perfect slab of prime rib, I used generous amounts of a most traditional and spicy condiment that sadly these days has been relegated to Victorian era dress up affairs. I'll even be the first to admit it's missing from my usual repertoire and perhaps even more ashamedly I'll admit it's completely missing from my spice laden stockpiles altogether. The back alley bare knuckle brawler I'm referring to is of course horseradish. Yes, regular ass horseradish. The simple concoction of shredded horseradish root, vinegar and sometimes cream is genius in it's simplicity and let me be the first to tell you that if you decide to treat this English condiment as though it were some impish 19th century blue blooded fop to be shoved aside, be warned that you've made a huge mistake and wandered into the grimy, coal stained underbelly of Dickensian London and you're about to get a mouthful of Cockney upside your gob! Horseradish gets spicy and it does it in it's own way. A jalapeno gives a very front of the mouth burning sensation (of course for me it doesn't! I laugh at Jalapenos.). Horseradish on the other hand doesn't do it's damage up front, rather it seems to enjoy fucking up the old wind pipe. Don't believe me? Take a a taste of horseradish and then just breathe in the fumes and you'll see what I'm talking about. It will feel like your lungs have just went on strike. With that being said. I'm getting back to horseradish.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Thai Lays are Hot n Spicy

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:31:00 +0000

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our O-rings.

L.A. does Thai because Not everyone can be a star.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 07:04:00 +0000

Not but last weekend we flew our spaceship on down to Los Angeles. As the crow flies that trip takes us 6 minutes. We landed in an area of Hollywood known as Thai Town. I love me some Thai food and I also love little noodle shops and when I can find a Thai noodle shop well you can just forget it because that's rad! Thai Town did not disappoint because they had both of these things. We ended up going to a little shop called Ord Noodles and I was loving that shit! First of all I am a big stickler for going to places that are staffed ex-pats of the same country as the food. Nothing but Thai peeps in Ord Noodles. That's a good sign. It tells me that the food is going to taste like the old country. I like the old country. Secondly, the soup bowls came in a small size for $3.50. I like food that is cheap. That is also a good sign because it reminds me that I'll have more money for more food later. So what did I get for $3.50? Only a bowl of Hoy Kha. It had ground pork, sliced pork and some pork blood slices. That's an assload of pork isn't it? If you're a pig in Thailand, you're pretty much fucked. Anyway, The girl taking our order asked me how spicy and I said "make that shit spicy yo! I have a reputation to uphold." My soup arrived and it looked delicious. One the first things I look for in a bowl of soup are those lovely little lily pads of slick silk that float on the surface of the broth and climb the walls of the bowl. I just love they way they glisten so. Next I am hugely concerned with the noodles. I prefer them a little on the al dente side, and these didn't disappoint. The ground pork had a slight taste of iron which leads me to believe their might have been some liver or kidney in the mix, which is more than fine with me. Lastly they gave me a bushel of verdant cilantro and I was good to go. A major factor of Thai food enjoyment for me is the Prik Nam Pla. If you're not aware, to put it simply Prik Nam Pla is a dipping sauce. It's just yum-derful! It has all the hallmarks of the Thai flavor profile, it has fish sauce (salty), lime juice (sour), palm sugar (sweet), and the best part, Thai chilis (hot, duh). I dropped quite a payload of Prik Nam Pla ordnance all over my noodles and did it ever do the trick. My nose got a little runny and an extra napkin was required. Fucking brilliant! When next I'm in L.A. which will be soon actually I shall be returning to Ord Noodles for another bowl and a Thai iced tea. Holy shit I love Thai iced tea. Ok, it's a completely different subject but when I visited Thailand I had no idea how to order Thai iced tea. Seriously to them every tea they serve is "Thai" isn't it? So yeah, long story short I only ever got it the way I'm used to it once. If you know how to say it in Thai let me know because I'll remember it for next time. Oh yeah here's a pic of my soup.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

A blurb about a blurb.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:17:00 +0000

As a galactic spicy foods enforcer I tend to like sharing my own experiences in relation to my place in the Spicy-verse. (I just made that term up this instant. I hope it sticks even if it's a little silly) But, since as of late I have not had an intrinsically spicy experience epic enough, or even worthy enough to note I had to think of some other way to bore people. I mean I bought a jar of pickled chili peppers, and they're great but are they really that great? Maybe not. Are they worthy of a post? Definitely not. Besides they're not all that spicy. Steph and I recently traveled to France and Italy and I can tell you that among all of the culinary flash and pomp we experienced not a bit of it was in anyway hot enough to even slightly brown some toast. In fact if spicy foods powered your toaster you'd be very frustrated and complain that it is in fact broken and needs to be replaced because now you'll be late for work because you're hungry and you'll simply have to stop at Starbucks on the way in to the office even though you hadn't budgeted the time for it because you'd figured you'd just eat some toast on the way out the door. It is also may be no small coincidence that you don't see many French made toasters on the market.

In fact the most recent spicy food experience I had was watching Stephs dad liberally apply Sriracha sauce to some homemade Guacamole that he deemed "not very spicy." He seemed satisfied with the results and I take the mans word for it.

So with my current slump in effect I have decided to pilfer from others experiences. A video portion of a blog post from Zazzle.com has been brought to my attention. In the video there appears to be much co-worker bonding in an attempt to foster a more productive work force. The only real way to do this is with a great deal of shenanigans. It is a widely held fact that a hot sauce eating contest is very high up on the shenanigans scale. It's actually only bested by incidents in which the tastee is unaware that he or she is about to consume liquid death by being burnt at the stake. One might say a true "roast" if you will. (OMG that was fucking horrible. I apologize.) Anyway, it seems my hot sauce test from last year posted on this very blog has finally caught viral fire so to speak. I am now famous. Zazzle.com is now coping my antics.

But seriously, why Zazzle.com? Well the answer is simple. Steph's brother and a noted Spice Camper himself works for Zazzle. They make T-shirts. Of note in the video is their preparedness for such an undertaking. Please note the ice cream on the table. As any person of some minor intelligence knows it is dairy that makes the burn subside and not water. In fact with water you are adding fuel to to fire (Apt metaphor usage). Anyway enjoy and even though I am not given to pimping products, unless I am handsomely paid, go buy a t-shirt or a mug of some kind and help keep her brother in the lifestyle to which he is accustomed.

Zazzle's Friday Caliente! from Zazzle on Vimeo.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Open Letter to Fuzio because they're bush league

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:23:00 +0000

Fuzio,

It seems you've delivered some food to my job where I work. Let me just say that the food was free in that people from my job took care of the bill and I didn't have to pay for it myself but I think that still leaves you open to critique. And boy, do I have some fucking criticism for you. I like being critical of people and things. I do it callously and without regard to others feelings and thoughts. I also do it without looking in the mirror. When I point at peeps, I use my whole hand. There are no fingers pointing back at me. Absolved.

Firstly, let me just say you're little "fusion" theme is just silly, real fucking silly. The idea behind fusion cuisine, although tired and dated and totally played out is to combine flavors of diametrically opposed cuisines and let them sort of play off each other. This is hard. People that pull it off successfully are really good. Fusion doesn't mean you just get to come up with two random unrelated food items and just mash them up and call it a dish. That's not hard. People who do this are bush league. Fuzio is bush league.

This brings me to the gist of my post. So, you've decided that there isn't enough BBQ related pasta dishes out there in the world did you? By the gods, what right do you have? Pulled pork mixed with Fusilli. Why? Why would anybody do that? Then you tell me I should pile on a liberal glob of sour cream with a smile and mix away? Ugh! Now I'm pretending it's Strganov? But then you decide "that flavor's not bold enough! Needs a kick!" so you deign to come up barbaric plan to meld a habenero with a classic pesto. Oh you tricky bastards! My taste buds are atwitter with this carousel of flavor you've got me on. Nonsense!

Well bitches of Fuzio. Now that I've put baby in a corner I doubt you've much to say for yourselves although there is much to account for. However, your little habenero debacle did grant you access to the Spice Odyssey. However, I wasn't fooled. I didn't go fumbling for my water glass to the amusement of my friends because you've pulled a fusion-y fast one. Rather I sat unfazed and saddened a little bit as to why my pesto tasted so overly sweet and retarded.

Fuzio: FAIL!

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Tahi House Express can Suck it!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 11 May 2009 07:43:00 +0000

Ok. I haven't been eating the crazy spicy in a while. I've been eating the mundane lately. Tonight was just supposed to be another notch in the belt of mundane eating. After a nine course, four hour fancy dinner last night and a long day of driving from the lovely temperate weather in the Bay to the broiler oven that is the Sacramento Valley today we had decided on a simple yet flavorful evening of non spicy Thai food. Yes, I did say non spicy. Contrary to popular belief you can get non spicy Thai eats and this was the night for them. So i wandered around in search of something different, a Thai spot with that certain je ne ce quoi. I drove around aimlessly for like a half an hour. The on 19th and Castro I stumbled upon this joint called Thaihouse Express. It seemed to have the standard fare. Larb was our quest this evening. I made sure to tell the dude "Not Spicy." I feel like I was emphatic in saying so. To my shock and surprise when Steph took her first bite I could see that she was about to die a little bit. Sure enough it was spicy. Totally not what I ordered. I guess by default it gets a posting simply for the fact that it was spicy but in reality, Thaihouse Express, FAIL!!!!

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Gettin' down with Sichuan in Hong Kong

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 05:33:00 +0000

What's up peeps? We're back from Hong Kong, land of Milk Tea and John Woo. Let's get down to business here. Steph's Auntie took us to an awesome Sichuan restaurant. If you're not in the know, Sichuan is a provence in China and a purveyor of fine, fine spicy eats. If you're not into spicy eats you can certainly stick to the Cantonese menu as it will serve you well. As I've only just recently been exposed to seriously authentic Sichuan I'm still really excited about it. Basically if you get served a plate that is entirely covered in dried red chilies then that's pretty much a Sichuan dish. But it doesn't stop there. That would be way too pedestrian. Remember, these are the peeps that invented noodles. They are not fucking around people! I'm telling you. There also grows in this region a very special peppercorn. It's very much like the black peppercorn that we use without even a thought. The Sichuan peppercorn has a very distinct flavor and smell. You can actually eat them whole. Here's the thing though. It goes way beyond spicy. These things actually numb your mouth. Again, I'm not fucking around. These little bastards are epic! We ordered a bowl of Sichuan noodles, a big plate of dry fried frog and huge menacing 4 lb. crab which was brought over for us to inspect. OMG he was a fucking beast! It was an honor to eat him. Steph was able to order a couple of non spicy vegetable and egg plates to round out the uber spicy. All the spicy dishes were steeped in Sichuan Peppercorns. It was amazing. I couldn't feel my fucking mouth. It wasn't even a hot n' spciy issue at this point. I was oblivious to any heat. Rather my mouth, tongue, and lips felt as if I had been sleeping on them awkwardly. Pins and needles, pins and needles I tell you! You could have performed oral surgery on my mouth and I'd still be smiling. It was that wild. Along with this most interesting of sensations came a jubilant rush of adrenaline that urged, no forced me to keep eating. In fact I ate so much frog that Stephs dad said in Cantonese, "Hey the white boy is eating all the frog." It was very endearing to me. Also, I don't speak Cantonese. Well, I take that back, I can count to three and say white boy. Anyway, Steph can understand the language so kept me up on the gossip. Do you know what the heaping mound of lovely red chilies reminds me of? It reminds me of the ball crawl at Chucky Cheese's when I was a kid. I want to jump into a giant vat of these chilies. One day when I make my first million I will drain a pool and fill it with chilies and have a swim. Of course I'll fill up a non spicy pool as well. I think I'll fill that one with applesauce. I don't 100% know yet though. Carts and horses, carts and horses. Anyway enjoy some photos from Stephs phone cam.

That was delicious!

Live Long and Prosper in my stomach!

The Spicy/ Non Spicy standoff.

This is Steph when not eating Spicy food.

Me while eating spicy food.

Nerds Away!

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Off to a land of spicy and stinky foods abounds

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 07:02:00 +0000

So we're off to Hong Kong the day after tomorrow. Off to consume all foods igneous. Wish me and my stomach luck. Reports to come. Ta for now.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.......

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 06:23:00 +0000

I haven't posted in a short while. This is because I've been eating decidedly non spice-i-fied foods lately or else a redux of foods already mentioned. Just because my lust for the little red death pods carries me forward, ever forward in search of new things spicy it doesn't mean that I don't like to eat a few non spicy yum-yums from time to time. Last week there was an instance where I made a non spicy Cambodian curry for Steph's benefit and lacking the requisite Prik peppers to make it all scorch-y, it was a benign but flavorful little curry. Real nice. I think I'll eventually post the recipe for that.

Anyway, tonight, was different. Tonight battle was joined. I waged war on the Chinese cuisines of Hunan and Szechuan and probably a few others who were unfortunate casualties of war. We ventured forth down to the humble burg of Redwood City to meet up with Steph's Pops at Crouching Tiger. The thing about Crouching Tiger is that unlike most restaurants where a few items on the menu happen to be spicy, this place features and even flaunts the spicy. It's a little sad watching non-spicy peeps and their ilk scrambling to cobble together a few dishes that won't singe their delicate palates. For Steph's dad and myself, this was our time. Up there it's their time, but down here, this is our time........... Oh my. Ok, maybe it's not so much like the Goonies. No, it's more like Gossip Girl and we were for once a part of her uber luxurious world of teenage high fashion living.

The menu was choc full of some amazing sounding dishes, so many with little red chili icons next to them so as to indicate to us that "stay away this dish is hot, hot, hot!" It was bliss. Let's jump right into a round of appetizers:

Steamed Chinese Bacons in spicy garlic sauce

Sliced Pork Knuckle in minced garlic sauce

Sichuan Smoked Pork

Spicy Beef Stomach

Beijing Cold Rice Jello in house sesame sauce

Can I just say that these were ridiculously good. I couldn't tell you which I liked best because they were all that fucking good. Holy fuck! The bacon was very tender, and although if you handed me some soggy white pieces of bacon with my eggs I'd call you a bastard. But if you mix it with garlic and chili sauce then fucking serve it to me raw for all I care. It's that good. Speaking of eggs, the smoked pork would be awesome with eggs for breakfast. The stomach, if ya like tripe-ish foods, and I do, then this is the pinnacle of offal eating. As for the pork knuckle, fuck it! that shit was good yo! It was marbled with chewy and tasty fat.

A little soup perhaps? Sure how about:

Fish head with soft tofu in a hot pot

A very savory broth with a giant fish carcass to flavor it up. What else are going to do with it? Throw it away? That's fish stock son. That's fish stock.

On to dejeuner.

Steph's pops and I were partners in crime on this night. We knew right away what dishes would totally provide that knockout punch. and they were?

Spicy Boiled Beef

Dry Cooked Eel

The cow was in this saucy, garlicy, peppery, soup with huge chunks of onions and cabbage. It was almost Korean-esque.

The highlight of the meal was the dry cooked eel. Holy fuck! This was awesome! It was little deep fried slices of eel, which tasted like rad salty pieces of jerky. That was good enough on it's own, but they really took it to the next level. They tossed this "eel" in wok with chunks of garlic and ungodly amounts of verdant green jalapenos and dried red chilies, not to mention the red chili flakes liberally sprinkled throughout. It was like christmas.

Needless to say. I will be going back. Steph's dad and I need to have a Star Trek marathon and spicy lunch day.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Hic-c-ups of burning.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 09:32:00 +0000

I dropped by one of my go to late night Thai spots and ordered a steamy to-go box of Pad Kee Mao which is basically flat rice noodles stir fried with ground meat, garlic, green beans and thai basil. Yeah, it's way tasty! The girl who took my order asked and I said "spicy." When you say spicy here, they don't play! I took a large bite and "kapow!" I'd just been leveled by a case of debilitating spice induced hiccups. It happens sometimes when I eat the super spicy stuffs. They come fast and loud and makes talking a little bit difficult. Needless to say I'd rather I didn't have to share this odd little trait of mine with anybody. However, if there is someone I'm completely comfortable with sharing this quirk it's Steph and there she was sitting there minding her own business when I started going to town. The look on her face was more in the vein of scientific curiosity than pity. You have to appreciate her candor. The hiccups soon subsided but not to be out done, my nose started running like a bastard. On this night ye spice gods were offended. It was still a tasty heap of noodles though.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Great Balls of Fire in "The" Portland.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 09:42:00 +0000

Mmmmmmmmm!!!! Fiery Balls of Greatness!

On whatever night it's on the television I was watching one of my fav new programs, Man vs. Food, a true tribute to that least terrible of deadly sins, gluttony, in it's purest uncut form. Said show follows one man on his foodie hobbit quest to tackle that utterly iconic swatch of innocent babe Americana, the giant food item served up in a quirky hole in the wall eatery the likes of which your town has never seen. You always wish your town had something like that. You know the place, the place where by ordering you enter into a pact, a pact to finish some form of gigantic, sickeningly bloated over sized food item all the while being cheered on by the rabble (Yes this counts against your 15 minutes). Yeah that's the show.

The show took place in the humble burg of Portland or as locals call it "The" Portland. The center of my interest and laser like focus was a place by the name of Salvador Molly's (Get it? So quirky). The menu item which captured my attention is called Great Balls of Fire. A ball of great fire consists of a cheese and habenero fritter served with a side of habenero salsa. If you can finish five in five minutes you get your picture on the wall. Sweet!

Science fact according to the show: A Habenero is 40x hotter than your run of the mill Jalapeno. So smoke that in your pipe and put it.

I totally ate 6 of them. They were

so hot Steph briefly looked like a pervy

45 year old man to me due to capillaries

bursting in my eyes. Cringe.

(Editors note: I've never been outside the

Portland airport)

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Korea by way of Oregon

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:58:00 +0000

I just love our local Korean store, Kukje. It's a vast and wondrous hall of awesome. It's like all of Margaret Cho's jokes about her Mom come to fruition. I seriously love Korean food. The pickles, the garlic, the viscus goo that comprises the chili paste I love so much. Even though Steph isn't so interested in the rouge tint that the chilies in the spicy kimchee casts, she sure does enjoy the ample non spicy side and all of it's pickled offerings. However, Korean food is not a cuisine that one can just whip up on the fly. It takes a good deal of practice and skill to make authentic dishes. Definitely not for the novice cook. But that doesn't stop me from trying. I'm also not afraid to take short cut if I think the end result will benefit all. Let me preface this by saying that Steph and I enjoy finding oddly packaged mystery food items or at least those heavily laden with Engrish and taking them home and trying them. Often we're roiling in an even mix of disgust and laughter. This post is firmly rooted in

that vein. I noticed these boil in the bag soups and fell hard in love with the idea that they could be, good? What's more there was a spicy for me and a non spicy version for Steph. I bought them, and I half expected to hate them. I even purchased back up food just in case it was sub par. I had the pork and cabbage stew and I have to say I was having a total love affair with that shit. Steph enjoyed the lone quail egg in her dish even though quail egg was the feature item in her boiled beef and quail egg in soy sauce. One would think there might be at least three quail eggs with it being part of the name of the dish and all. Needless to say our keen ability to find delicious rando food items is unparalleled. Oh and did I mention that once you get through the outer space language that North Koreans the world over endorse you find out it's made in Oregon. Go figure. Watch out Korea Town L.A. because Oregon's Korea peeps are making moves of their own.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

It's my blog and I'll post what I want!

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 08:19:00 +0000

Question:

Can a girl be spicy? If so does that warrant an appearance on a spicy/ non spicy foods blog?

Um, I've decided it's yes on both accounts and this girl is a total Scotch Bonnet!

Sizzle!

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Egads! Ajads! or My new Line of Pickles coming soon.

noreply@blogger.com (Spice Odyssey) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 11:09:00 +0000

This year for Jesus' birthday I made my Pop's something special. Pickles. Not just any pickles, mind you these are Thai pickles. Steph just asked me what made these pickles Thai. My answer: "With Thailand in your heart any recipe is a Thai recipe." For reals though, I adapted a recipe for a Thai cucumber salad to make these pickles. The basic ingredients are the same but I changed the recipe into a jar of pickles instead because there's just something so dad-tastic about ripping open a jar of pickles and going for it. At least that's how I see my dad anyway. As to the ingredients I used some manner of small fancy cucumber, rice vinegar, shallots, garlic, sliced lime, salt, sugar, coriander powder, red chili flakes and plenty o' mutha fuckin' Birdseye Chilies. Holy fuck do I love these little bastards! A lot! I just hope my dad does too. I'm not sure if I put one too many in or not seeing as how I have nary a functioning taste bud nor have I had the opportunity to taste one because they've been busy getting their pickle on. I'd really hate to see my dads ulcer come home from vacation or the roof of his mouth cave in.

These fuckers are hot yo!

Thai peeps call the salad Ajad. I call Ajad, Pickles. And that's a perfect segue to my rather obvious choices in labeling. For the decorative if not charming label I chose a picture of myself, in Thailand no less. I thought that on one hand my Pop's would sure appreciate a picture of his grown son adorning his food. On the other hand I felt the look of the the photo really says "Thailand!" Especially since I wrote pickles in a fake Thai looking font. If these taste as good as they look you can bet that in the near future you'll be seeing them on store shelves soon enough bearing said label.

UPDATE: I gave these to my Pops, and I mentioned they were Thai pickles, but I failed to mention the fact that these were SPICY pickles (RE: super hot Thai Chilies running rampant within the jar). So my Mom apparently thought these were pickled green beans and took a huge chomp out of one. She said her mouth was ablaze for hours and for added effect she managed to rub her eye and set that on fire as well. My Mom is an off the charts Non Spicy eater of things. As torturous and excruciating as that experience must have been for her and as badly as I felt about it for not providing ample warning I must say that was classic. Not to mention that she found it amusing in retrospect.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.