And dates aside have you all noticed that it HAS been a year almost?? Which leads to my quandry – what to get as a gift for someone who has made such a huge difference in my life in a little over a year (since I’m counting to the day we first started speaking and you missed our anniversary dear). Also I can hear her now, “You said you were trying to save money. That means not spending money on an anniversary gift.” “Yes dear. Now shush and let me figure out what to get you!” So I did what I’m good at and hit the internet. Some of the great ideas – recreate the first “date”. Make a collage of your first year together. Great ideas – except we don’t get to see each other on a frequent basis. And I keep forgetting to take pictures of us when we do! And since we just had a visit, that nixes doing anything ON the anniversary.

So – I’m putting it out there. I want something that says just how much she means to me – that she can enjoy there while I am here. Help me come up with a really great anniversary present! Or I will be forced to sing her a song and record it for her. Trust me, that will make it the last anniversary present I have to give her! And I don’t want that!

Love you babe. Whatever the date!

I’m not sure how it faded. I stopped having these “great ideas” that seemed worthy of having a blog post. I lost my inspiration. Maybe I just got comfortable with where I was. I’ve got my baby – and she rocks. But maybe I’m not pushing my own edges because she makes me so happy I don’t need anything. (You do baby.) I stopped going to the local munches because really – they did nothing for me. And seriously – the change in bus schedule (which happened in October so that could be an issue!) making me leave anything on the weeknights by 8 p.m. – that made a huge difference. I’m a member of two different local LGBT groups but have yet to actually DO anything. Because of the bus. And they do fun things! So there goes my kink side and meeting other local women.

And yes, my writing kind of dried up. Not that the characters aren’t there. I’ve got my story to finish, and I’ve got this sexy gypsy witch in a covered wagon who will pair up with a biker babe in an urban fantasy setting. Oh a cop who’s got a bit of an addiction with anonymous sex that has made things a tad hot for her on the job. See! But I’m not writing. Maybe it’s that I’m such a multi-tasker and I need tasks to multi in. It got busy at work so I really had no down-time to anything. Which was a good thing. Until I got laid off. Yep, got laid off December 15th. Merry Christmas. So I’ve got all this free time. And still not writing. Although I hand-wrote out part of a story during a seminar I went to. See, I need to attend more boring things like that. Then I’d write more.

So – nothing exciting. No crazy angst to share – unless you want to hear about my daughter. No, probably best not to go there. She’s 21. She acts 12. She has one 2 year old and a kid on the way. Ugh. That is more than you all wanted to know I’m sure. I’m playing more D&D!! And it was very amusing to try and explain that to my baby over the phone. I could hear her eyes glossing over. But she does listen. And then tells me – you can stop anytime now. God I love her.

I could tell you lots about her. I know I try and remember to tell HER how much she means to me. She makes me smile is just the tip of the iceberg. Really, this is the first time I’ve had someone truly want good things for me. Someone who wants to support me and help me. Who worries about me. And that is counting friends in too. And family. I’m not that close to the family I have left. I mean, I am to my dad. But he’s one of those non-verbal kind of guys. We don’t talk much. My daughter I’ve already explained, although when she was younger we were close. I don’t have girlfriends that I call up and chat with. Not that I don’t have girlfriends – I’ve discovered some really great friends through twitter. People that do care. But we still don’t do that chatting on the phone, how are things, you make me smile kind of stuff. Even the fact that I have friends is awesome. Not to sound pathetic – but I don’t have that locally. Oh I have people I like, that when I spend time with I have a great time. But people that go out of their way to spend time with me or text and call me? Not so much. Could be the not having transportation thing. Hard to be impulsive. I’m kind of used to it though.

But my baby makes up for all that. I smile when I think about her at odd times of the day. (No dear, I didn’t say when I was odd at times in the day.) She finds me quirky and a LOT outside of her comfort zone. And she is soooo anal sometimes it takes me outside of my comfort zone. But somehow it works. And I love her very much because of it. And now I’m rambling. But hey, I caught you up on my life! But she obviously deserves her own post so I’ll have to think about that.

I’m not promising I’ll be back to “regular” updates. But I’ll try to get some writing done. I’ve got the time. Maybe I need to get my novel written. But either way – I haven’t forgotten you all. I’m still around. Just quiet. I’m trying to hop on twitter once in a while. And you can find me on facebook. If you REALLY want to find me – send me a message. I’m on my “vanilla” facebook more often than anywhere and I’ll be happy to add you. *hugs to all my lesbian friends* because yesterday was hug a lesbian day! And I really didn’t feel comfortable walking up to all the cute possibles at Border’s and saying “Hi, are you a lesbian? I’m looking for one to hug!” But I had a great time thinking up all the lines that could be used to get hugs from cute lesbians!

There are different kind of labels. Labels we use to define ourselves, and labels we use to define others. But remember, when you label someone, it’s very hard to change that label. We often see ourselves as mutable – a label for us today may not define us tomorrow. Today I am young, tomorrow I will be not young. Wait, let’s look at that one. Okay at 20 I am young. Someone else may label me youthful, or impetuous, or foolish, or childish. And I may in turn label people much older than I as old, pointless, out of step with the times, boring.

But then I suddenly find myself that person who I saw when I was 20 as old. Maybe I’m 40, or 50, or whatever. Now suddenly I am wise, steady, mature. Unless I’m talking to a 20 year old. Funny thing about labels, there are many different perspectives to each one. And sometimes we need to look from the other side before we decide on those labels.

Why am I talking about labels? Because I realized that when I use labels to define myself (maybe that’s just me) – I’m not really telling you what I am, but rather what I’m not. For instance – I am femme, polyamorous, switch. But that does not tell you who I AM – it just tells you who I am NOT. I am not butch. I am not monogamous. I am not vanilla (although vanilla is not a bad thing!), I am not master, I am not slave. But really it doesn’t tell you much about me. And that’s my key point.

We need to think more about labels as defining what we are not. So if I meet someone that says they are butch – it should resonate in my head that they are not femme. I’ve been given a hint as to who they are not. This leaves behind the ability to see butch as a very large encompassing paradigm. Until you tell me, by whittling away the things you are not, I can’t know who you are as a butch. I just accept the fact that you are not femme. And leave it up to you to define your butchness.

I don’t know about you – but this was a wow moment. I tend to take labels as oh, that’s who you are. And make a small circle in my mind for who you are. And you are stuck there. In that label. It floored me to think that’s not what it should be. You are a very large circle – when you give me that label it just chips away a little edge. The edge that could have been femme. There is still a whole lot of you left to discover. You are not in a box labeled butch. You are out of the box labeled femme. The box is – over there, in the corner. With all the other very small boxes that are not you.

This can be applied to everyone and every piece of who they are. Slow learner? Maybe – but then I can take away the small part that says doesn’t learn quickly and work with that without sticking a kid in a box that will hold him for the rest of his school days. Okay so maybe it is just me that is wowed by this, but I leave you with a favorite quote and remember – big circles leave room for everybody.

“He drew a circle that shut me out Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout But love and I had the wit to win; We drew a circle that took him in.” -
— Edwin Markham

Okay so the band is two good old boys working their way through college by playing in a band. Nothing new. However they didn’t stop at covers, they pitched some of their own work at the crowds, with the proviso that it keeps the crowd rocking. And it did. And they did. Soon they added a female singer – a fan who just jumped up on stage and added her harmony because she could tell it was needed. Now they’ve caught the eye of another great – Toby Keith. You can see why they’d fit right in with his style!

I love them for a lot of reasons. Part of it is the humor they imbibe into all their songs. They bring in a little bit of everything from rap to typical country boy style. They pump it up, they slow it down. And I know the lyrics are silly sometimes, but that’s the great part about them! And really – they’ve got a great sound together. Vocally and musically. So go ahead, follow these guys out into the sunshine!

Official Site
Twitter

I’m really not sure what draws me in, it could be her accent, which I love. But I think it’s more than that, she’s a talented girl with a gift for music. It often has a nice hard edge to it, a perfect complement to both her guitar and her voice.

Mr. Rock and Roll

I suppose it doesn’t hurt that she’s gorgeous. But I love the look of an almost sneer on her face she gets with some songs. That little twist as she tells it like it is. Whatever it is, her music is a definite favorite and I have multiple songs on my phone for my listening pleasure. Now I’m sharing with you.

Myspace
Facebook
Official Page

Take a look at him early on (this song was released when he was 16).

He’s definitely got a toe tappin’ style that will get you rocking out to his music. And his voice doesn’t sound like it could belong to someone as young as he is. He’s released 6 albums, most recently a live album. The first album was with members of the band he started with: the Bad Medicine Blues Band, and was released independently.

Good Morning Little School Girl

One last song because he’s just awesome. This one is a bit slower, but still just as wonderful.

Official Website
Myspace
Facebook
Twitter

Have a great Friday!

She said that maybe their gender identity was one thing – but their sexual preference didn’t match. Of course that’s me thinking in the binary again – that they must match. And of course they could both be bi. Or just two people who met each other and really liked each other despite their normal sexual preferences (see pansexual in the dictionary). But as she said it this little light bulb went on. Gender is not necessarily part of sexual orientation.

I guess it just made me think about how I (I won’t say we, because you might be all enlightened where I am not.) tend to think – you look like a dyke/boi/butch then you must like girls. Because your bio gender is female. And I make it all nice and neatly packaged yet again. And if you’re bio gender is male – and you look like you flame (I need to come up with a better word that doesn’t sound – derogatory – but of course I mean it in a very good way!) then you like boys. I mean this is the way the world works right? Right? Ugh. I just stepped into that neat trap we always complain about. You know, the one where people look at the outside and stereotype us (by this us I mean to include anyone who falls outside the norm and feels like they are a part of the LGBT community).

But then I think – well if we don’t take some of that for granted – we won’t know who else is “like” us. I mean if I walk into a room full of women and I want to find one who will maybe go out on a date with me, I have no choice but to judge by the outward appearance. Of course then I would try to move in and get to know this target. That I am totally not stalking! But still, it’s the outward signs that lead me her. We rely on gaydar to lead us to people we could be interested in. I know I do it all the time – especially since I’m on the bus. I use clothes, stance, hairstyle, anything outward – to tell me if they’re gay or straight. Not because it really matters but if I see someone I might be interested in – I subconsciously play the game.

Now being pansexual it is a little different. I might even look at someone who sparks an interest. In fact I work at it, as a way of testing my “orientation” if you will. I’ve actually found an individual interesting and made a study of them. But at no time could I figure out if they were male or female. They were dressed in such an androgynous fashion, with a short hair cut and no outward signs. It could have gone either way. And I still would have gotten to know them.

But I still fall in that trap. Hey, wow, she looks like a dyke. What, you mean she’s married – to a bio male? How the heck does that happen? I act like it matters. I assume that someone’s gender (bio or choice) guides their sexual orientation. This goes back to the recent conversation of a transman being allowed to be “butch”. (First off no one has to be allowed to be anything – a group telling someone they can’t is the same as that group telling us WE can’t.)

There are so many pieces to the puzzle that make us up – and I still often get caught in the binary trap. A person is male or female. They are gay or straight. They are butch or femme. They are top or bottom. Even when we accept that someone is bio male but inside female – we still close the trap and say well bio male – feeling female, that means she likes guys right? It is just so complicated. And I am going to keep fighting to see things and not be so cut and dried. I have a friend (bio male) who has now found HERSELF – but orientation wise? She always has liked girls. Okay then.

So watch out for the traps that our minds, our cultures, lay for us. I know I’m going to be watching out for them. And it’s okay to be a bio female and feel like a guy, but also like guys. Or girls. It’s okay to be a bio girl and a butch – and still wear lip gloss or eyeliner. It’s okay to question everything. And change. Just BE yourself and fuck everyone else. Okay stepping off that soapbox but really. YOU determine who you are by listening to what’s inside you, by being part of a community that talks about these things without defining YOU against your will. Be you. Be the best you you can be!